Sexual Misinformation – Page 24 – Dr Dick's Sex Advice

June 4, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #16 — 06/04/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a great show for you today. Interesting questions from the sexually worrisome and an equal number of my amusing, entertaining and informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

Tammy takes her love to town.
Cade loses a leg in Iraq. Now a hot devotee wants his stump!
Beth, a confirmed dyke, suddenly discovers she digs cock too.
Perth Guy is about to lose his colon. Is this the end of anal sex?
Anoras still has a problem with is nuts.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the health section under the subheading — Sexuality. Or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Today’s podcast is once again bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

June 1, 2007January 8, 2013

I Have A Pain in My Inbox!

From the sublime to the ridiculous, my inbox is a catch all. Kinda like the grease trap in your kitchen drain. Wading through the detritus can often be injurious to my health. But wade I must. So onward we go.

Name: anonras
Gender:
Age: 47
Location: Northridge CA
I’ve heard a lot about checking your balls for possible problems — but none ever say what lumps you have naturally. At the low point of my testacies I feel a lump (I would explain it as an area that would feel more or less like a cracked egg, you have that part that is globulous and is string-tethered to the yoke. Is that exactly what’s happening? Should you feel any pain if you squeeze it — especially trying to figure out if it is a lump or not?

Honey, I’m clever as all-get out about lots of things, but the lump on your balls ain’t one of those things. I’m not a medical doctor; I don’t even play one here on the internets. And I can assure you, no reputable doctor anywhere would hazard a guess about what you present without first seeing you in person. That’s just good medicine.

That being said, I applaud you taking note of your balls in an inquisitive sort of way. Good for you! But you should also have at least a rudimentary understanding of your testicular anatomy. So that when you do your self-exam, you can have some sense about what it is you are examining. To this purpose, I offer the diagram to the right. Is there anything in the diagram that looks even remotely like what you are feeling in your ballsack?

Finally, if you have a concern about what you think may be an abnormality, isn’t it high time for you to high tail it to a doctor for a look-see?

Good luck

Name: Dorian
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: NYC
Is there any difference in Penis size between races?

Seriously? You need to get out more, darlin!

You becha there a difference in cock size between the races. While, within each racial group there is a natural diversity of size, from tiny to gargantuan. There’s no getting around the fact that there are more gargantuan johnsons in some racial groups then other. At the risk of perpetuating a stereotype, compare some fine black dick to some sweet Chinese cock.

Good luck

Name: Kent I B Pinker
Gender:
Age: 32
Location: New Zealand
I am curious about anal bleaching. In part just for the sheer vanity of it, but also as a surprise and kinky turn on for my partner. I have done some research online but I am scared after reading some of the horror stories. Any advice?

Kent I B Pinker? I love it! You get the award for “Most Clever Pseudonym of the Year! Congratulations!

If you’re curious about anal bleaching — and yes, there is such a thing — you have way too much time on your hands. Anal bleaching is just the latest in a string of truly disturbing cosmetic trends sweeping the “More Money Than Brains” crowd. WTF, folks? If your vanity extends to the hue of your rosebud, you’re just too goddamn vain, in my humble opinion!

This all started in the adult industry, don’t ‘cha know. I guess some folks figured they weren’t quite ready for their close-up. Being part of that industry myself, I know how unforgiving hot lights and hi-def can be. However, I still can’t condone such a dangerous and reckless practice.

You are right to be scared off by the horror stories of bleachings gone bad, Kent. So I suggest, unless your hole is makin’ you money, you forego even contemplating the procedure.

Good luck

Name: William
Gender:
Age: 67
Location: Connecticut
Is there such a thing as a being a homosexual watcher only? Getting an erection but not wanting to perform?

All sexual orientation is on a continuum. See the Kinsey Scale to the right. The dean of American sex research, Alfred Kinsey, his associate, Wardell Pomeroy, and others developed this scale as a way of classifying a person’s sexuality in terms of both behavior and fantasy. These pioneering sexologists also found that an individual may be reassigned a position on this scale, at different periods in his/her life. It’s conceivable that one could go from 0 to 6 in a lifetime, or just a summer on Fire Island. This seven-point scale comes close to showing the many gradations that actually exist in human sexual expression.

To your specific question, William… Yes, some one could be a Kinsey “6” in terms of his fantasy and desire, but be a Kinsey “0” in terms of behaviors.

We’re amazing creatures, huh?

Good Luck

Name: michelle
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: canada
tips to help when the man your sleeping with has a small penis

Tips? …no pun intended, I hope.

Ok, here goes — Tip #1, grin and bear it. Tip #2, find a guy with more pork. Tip #3, get a dildo. Tip #4, find a sexual position, like doggie style, that will make the most of every little bit of pecker the poor guy’s got. Tip #5, remember it ain’t always da meat, but it is always da motion.

Good luck

Name: Drew
Gender:
Age: 43
Location: Philadelphia
I am looking forward to my first man-on-man sex for the first time with a hookup in the near future. Question: What type of “preparation” do I need for my first anal sex? Also, should I use a condom with giving/getting oral sex? Thanks.

You’re in luck, newbee butt-pirate! Dr Dick has written (postings) and spoken (podcasts) extensively about the joys of ass fucking. Check out the CATEGORIES section on the left side of the site. Look for anything with the word “ass” in it. We don’t mince words around here. Or you can simply search for Liberating The B.O.B. Within. That’ll get ya started.

As to your concern about condom-covered dick for blowjobs; I don’t see a pressing reason for such. That’s not to say there’s no reason, just not a pressing one. I am of the mind that we ought to know something about the dick we’re sucking. Does it look healthy? Do you know where it’s been before it was in your mouth? How’s our oral health and hygiene? Will there be an exchange of bodily fluids? If you have questions about any of these things, maybe you need to postpone the cocksucking.

Good luck

Name: william
Gender:
Age: 19
Location: Wisconsin
In cock size, is 4 1/2 to small. Why is it so small and is there a way to fix it.

Jeez, ya mean 4.5” erect? Yeah, that’s kinda on the “How Adorable” end of the size spectrum. It’s not quite, “OMG, How Pathetic”, nor is it “Yikes, You’ll Put an Eye Out With That” either.

Why is it so small? Sheesh, beats me. Maybe when the angles were handing out meat, you thought they said “feet” and asked for petite.

Is there a way to fix it? Are you suggesting it doesn’t work? Or are you just a size queen? While you’re trying to figure that out, why not take a look at: Much Ado About Very Little.

Good luck

May 28, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #15 — 05/28/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a great show for you today. Provocative questions from the sexually worrisome and an equal number of amusing, entertaining and informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

Mike is a mother-fucker…or he he thinks he could be.
Carol’s coozie is finger-lickin’ good!
Anonymous is a world-class wimp.
Mariana got nailed but did not bleed.
Jake’s tied up and his GF is taking liberties with the family jewels.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Today’s podcast is once again bought to you by: DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

May 24, 2007January 8, 2013

A Helping Hand, or Two

Do you ever just need a hand getting a grip on a hard throbbing problem? Well never fear, sex fans, Dr Dick is here to lend a hand…or two to all you sexually worrisome out there.

Name: Jose
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Norwalk, CT
how can i approuch a good stripper to get into sex? even tho they just stripper some make rule but if stripper off work, would some of them willing to do it?

I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that English is not your first language, right Jose? I think I understand what you are asking. Let’s just hope that the women you approach will also understand you meaning.

So OK, you know this fine stripper and you want to have sex with her, right? Alrighty then! First thing you oughta know is that not all strippers are hookers. Some simply strip because they make good money. And don’t sell sex, well because they don’t have to. The ones that do sell sex, don’t do so where they strip. It’s bad for business and, I also hasten to point out, it’s against the law.

There are two good ways to go about this hunt for stripper sex. First, you could ask the vixen out on a real date. I think this is the best way of going about gettin laid by any woman. If this particular woman is available for a sexual liaison, and you’re not a totally creepy dick-head, she might take you up on the offer. Just remember, some stripping establishments prohibit their strippers from fucking with customers. If that’s the policy at the joint you frequent, let it go. Don’t pester the woman for something that will jeopardize her job. If she does accept the date, and all goes well, and you charm the pants off her, you might just get a little bump and tickle. I hope we’re clear on the concept that if any woman, especially a sex worker, accepts a dinner invitation it is not the same thing as saying she’ll fuck you, right? GOOD!

The second option is to ask the stripper if she does escort work on the side. Again, some stripping establishments prohibit their strippers from fraternizing with customers in any way, shape or form, especially fucking them. You ought to know that if the woman in question is indeed an escort as well as a stripper, your “date” with her is gonna cost ya, don’t ‘cha know. These women are professionals; you’d do well to treat them with the respect you’d offer any professional woman.

Never, under any circumstance, offer to pay this woman…or any woman…for sex. That would be inviting prostitution, and that’s against the law — except if you’re in Nevada. If the woman in question is an escort, she will be exchanging her time and expertise for money; not sex for money. Get it? If she’s smart she won’t give you a second chance to get this right if you fuck up asking her the first time.

My advice to you is, figure out ahead of time which way you want to go — date or escort. Then approach her like a gentleman. If she’s not interested, respect her decision to decline your offer with some grace and dignity.

Good luck

Name: john
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: california
my penis when erect is slightly bent to left what should i do? will there be any problem while having sex?

You haven’t seen a lot of stiffies on other guys, have you John? Most straight guys are unaware of how their cock compares to other dude’s. If a guy, like you, doesn’t have a frame of reference, so to speak, he may even think his unit is abnormal. The fact is many men have curved cocks. Some curve to the left, and others to the right. Some curve up, some curve down.

You’re clear on the concept of what creates wood, right? An erection occurs when two tubular structures that run the length of the penis, the corpora cavernosa, become engorged with blood. Imagine your cock is a baloon with two separate inflatable tubes on either side. If you put more air pressure on one side of the balloon than the other, the baloon will curve. Simple as all that! Many guys believe that a bent cock is caused by wearing tight briefs instead of boxers or that it’s caused by circumcision. These are myths. However, excessive, rough or heavy-handed masturbation during one’s youth can promote a curvature later in life. That’s why I always promote handling one’s pecker with care.

Since you say your dick curves only slightly to the left, I’m pretty sure this natural variation won’t be a problem in partnered sex.

Good luck

Name: Bryan
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Melbourne, Australia
I live about 45 mins outside the city and have always had a weight problem. I found that the easiest way for me to get off (or the only option for a long time) was to meet guys at beats or online. These were never really guys that I found attractive, and ones that I felt that I was simply resorting to to fulfil my needs. I also found myself taking a submissive role rather than my preferred top, just in order to get sex. Now that I am older, I am able to meet guys that I actually like, however I find that it takes forever for me to come. I like being active but I can never come just from sex, and even when I get head jobs, I cant come just from head jobs, I end up needing to jerk myself off and it takes a very very long time. I cant help but be cerebral and need to think for a long time to create a scene, something that I needed to do when I didnt find the guys attractive, but I cant stop this now when I actually do like them. Also, I cant come unless I am lying on my back and jerking off. Which is difficult as I like being dominant and active. A part of me thinks that it’s because I jerk off too much, or because I have needed to play the submissive role for so long. I have spoken to friends and the idea that because I dont find feminine guys attractive and the very role of having anal sex psychologically associates the other guy as taking a feminine role within my head and thus a turn off has been suggested. Whereas some friends have said that maybe I just dont feel that I deserve to be able to take that active role because of my attachments to past sexual experiences in my earlier youth. Im studying some psychology at university and am trying to make sense of it all but I just cant, and I am tired of apologising to guys when they cant make me cumm from blow jobs or sex, and that I have to do it myself and they are detached to the role of a lesser important role of oral contact in another manner just so that they are involved in someway in the process. I just want to be able to come while having sex or having a blow job and not lying on my back, and not taking forever and a day. I do like these guys that I am seeing now, and this issue I feel has always put pressure on my sexual relationships.

I caution you to not read too much into your inability to cum through oral sex, or than in any other position than on your back. No need to psychoanalyze yourself or look too deeply into your sexual past to find the root of this problem. While you mindset and your past behaviors may impact on your current performance, you should know that lots of men, with very different sexual histories than yours, have a similar inability to cum in any other way than on their back and with their own hand.

If this is so disturbing for you, you can learn different behaviors that may, in time, allow you to cum in the position and by an activity that you prefer — like standing up for a blow job. But I suggest that you’ll never accomplish this if you think you are defective, or that some deep psychological trauma is the root of your dissatisfaction.

Why not just chalk your concerns up to a natural variation on male sexual response cycle. Expanding one’s sexual repertoire is best accomplished with some patience and a whole lot of practice. Being ashamed of yourself or belittling yourself for what you perceive as an inadequacy will completely sabotage any effort you might make to change your sexual patterns.

Good luck

May 21, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #14 — 05/21/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a great show for you today. Provocative questions from the sexually worrisome and an equal number of amusing, entertaining and informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

Wayne gets off by flying.
Shauna discovers something new about herself. She’s into chicks!
Jim stinks! There’s a ripe one in his drawers.
Karen suffers from a bad case of the dreaded LBD! (Lesbian Bed Death)
Julian asks about CBT. Do you know what he’s talking about?

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Today’s podcast is once again bought to you by: DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

May 17, 2007January 8, 2013

RAPID FIRE DICK

My inbox overflowth! …and that ain’t pretty. Let’s attend to this glut with some snap.

Name: david
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: florida
i like my 6 inches and i work it well but,personaly i want atleast 7,should i worry about it or what should i do doc? thank you

You shouldn’t worry about it, pup. Like you say, 6″ is plenty. Besides, where would you find an extra inch if you absolutely needed to get one? I didn’t see any on e-bay!

Name: shane
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: las vegas
what is a more efficiant way to masterbait?

Beat your meat like it owed you money!

The way you jerk off isn’t efficient? Dare I ask, what inefficient method you are currently employing? How much more efficient do you want this exercise to be? Are you in that much of a hurry?

Name: Jen
Gender:
Age: 33
Location:
Last night, my sex partner came on my face, and his seamen got in my eye. I woke up today, and my eye is blood shot, and a bit swollen. Am I okay?

Bad shot!

I think you mean semen, right? Seamen are sailors! And boy, if you ever get a sailor in your eye, you’d wake up being a lot more than a little bloodshot and swollen.

Gettin’ spooge in your eye is no picnic; it stings like the dickens. You should be ok, though…that is if your sex partner is healthy. If he’s not, or if the redness and swelling continue see your doc right away!

Name: miles
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Location: Rapid city sd
I just started to let girls and guys fist me what is the posibel dangers.

You’re lettin’ folks shove a fist up your ass and you’re just now getting around to asking about the possible dangers? YIKES!

Well you’re in luck. I did a Sexual Enrichment Tutorial on fist fucking in a podcast a couple of weeks ago. Check it out: Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast 04/30/07. Listen to my response to Dena.

Name: holly
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: brisbane
hi… i have been with my partner now for 13 months and the sex we are having is getting boring as both of us are females..i just want to know if there is enything u can suggest for us to do to help spice it up a tad.. yours thankfully hol

Yeah, that girl on girl sex can get mighty boring, huh? All that carpet munching, and for what? Good thing you’ve turned to someone without a pussy or a clit for some helpful suggestions on spicing things up lesbian style. Hmmm, this sounds mighty fishy to me…and I don’t mean “fishy” in that way.

Have you tried strapping one on?

Name: thunder tounge
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: brooklyn, ny
do those penis inlarger pils work and if they do which ones are the best to get?

Nope, they don’t. Don’t waste your money!

Name: Nadine
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Ontario
My boyfriend bugs me to give him a blowjob and I just can’t and he always bugs me which bugs me more that I never want to do it. What can I do?

Why can’t ya smoke some pole, darlin’? It’s all the rage these days.

Maybe you could learn to like it. See my Sexual Enrichment Tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker.

If ya can’t stomach the idea of a cock in your mouth, maybe you need to find yourself a boyfriend with out a dick…I think they’re called lesbians!

Name: joe
Gender:
Age: 39
Location: boston
why do women like sucking dick

They do? That would be news to me…and Nadine, the person right above you. She begs to differ.

Sure, I know some women like to suck cock. There are even those whose skill is renowned. Why, they can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. But I fear, givin’ a man a humble hummer is an odious task for most women. It ranks right up there with having a bad hair day.

Good luck

April 26, 2007January 8, 2013

Time On My Hands

When I was just a little tike, the nuns who taught me in grade school would often say, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” Far be it from me to lend the devil an idle hand. While I was waitin’ on my new computer, the one that allowed me to resume my podcasts, I decided to use some of the down time to respond to a backlog of correspondents in the old fashioned way…by writing.

Name: Adam
Gender:
Age: 34
Location: UK
I have been attracted to male children for years. Having been arrested for viewing child porn I realize that I need to pursue a celibate lifestyle. I realize that celibacy is a demanding lifestyle. What advice would you offer me?

You present a particularly touchy issue for our culture, Adam. But before I respond, I’d like to help you with some of your vocabulary. You say you need to pursue a celibate lifestyle. I think you mean to say you need to pursue an abstinent lifestyle. The two concepts — celibacy and sexual abstinence — mean different things. Unfortunately, way too many people use these terms interchangeably. This is not a good thing and only serves to muddy the waters further.

Celibacy has a very specific meaning. Let me whip out my trusty, handy dandy Funk & Wagnalls dictionary. Celibacy: the state of being unmarried. Some people infer, especially those of a strict religious bent, that celibacy also connotes sexual abstinence. Ya see, religious people are of the mind that there is no legitimate sexual expression outside the confines of heterosexual marriage. Legitimate or not, unmarried people have always been and will always continue to be sexual, so making that unfortunate connection between celibacy and abstinence ill advised.

The only thing we ought to be able to say for sure when someone identifies him/herself as celibate is that he/she is not married. To assume a celibate person, even one who has taken a vow of celibacy, is sexually abstinent is quite a dangerous stretch indeed. Need I point out the very unfortunate sex abuse scandals that continue to plague the Roman Catholic Church?

In the same way, if someone identifies him/herself as sexually abstinent, the only thing we ought to be able to say for sure is that he/she is not engaging in any type of sexual expression. It would be false to assume that a sexually abstinent person is not married, because there are a lot of married people who are indeed sexually abstinent.

In your case, Adam, I believe you are telling me that you are both not married (celibate), and because of your particular sexual predilection — young boys — you must also be sexually abstinent. If I’ve got this right…and it is very important that I not misinterpret your words…then I think there are options you may not have considered.

I firmly believe that we learn our sexuality. All we eroticize, in your case boys, is learned behavior. You once learned to eroticize boys; you can now learn to eroticize a more appropriate group of people. This isn’t a particularly easy thing to accomplish, but it’s not impossible either.

Anytime any one of us discovers that the object of our desires is someone inappropriate, we need to adjust our eroticism immediately. This is the better part of being a sexually responsible person. Pedophilia is just one such inappropriate eroticism. A father for his daughter, a mother for her son, a boss for a subordinate, a man for his neighbor’s wife, a teacher for her student, a counselor for his/her client, a congressman for his page…are you getting the picture? I hope so. And the list goes on and on.

I believe learning to readjust your eroticism to a more appropriate outlet is a much better option than trying to live a sexually abstinent lifestyle. The reason I believe this is that having a more appropriate outlet will at least give you an outlet for your pent up sexuality. If you have no outlet, or limit yourself to masturbation, you will only intensify your longings and further fixate on the inappropriate object of your current desires.

Like anyone trying to wean him/herself off a bad habit, the task ahead of you Adam, will be challenging. It will also be enriching and life-affirming. I hasten to add that you ought not try to do this on your own. Work with a sex-positive therapist.

You’re a relatively young man with many years ahead of you. These years can be filled with happy, healthy and appropriate sexual expression. Make it happen.

Good luck!

Name: Bert
Age: 54
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Dear Sir,
7 years ago I lost my lover who I had lived for 14 years by AIDS. 6 months later I met my present lover. His lover just died of lung cancer. We met each other at a time we needed someone in our life. I am not a person who steps inside easily into a relationship. For the first 3 years we had a review every 3 months and every 3 months we extended our relationship for another 3 months. I needed time to get over my loss. My problem is that I cannot ejaculate when I have sex with my present lover and my appetite for sex has vanished. Before my lover died I had the greatest appetite for sex and I had no inhibitions about sex. I feel shy and uncomfortable when he approaches me and I do have an erected penis. In the first years I thought the reason was my lost of my lover. But after seven years it must be over. Can you give me advice?

Dear Bert,
Grief has a profound effect on our sexual response. In my practice I have found that grief is one of the leading causes of sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction. You, Bert, present the classic symptoms of grief induced sexual dysfunction and dysphoria.

As you probably know, some animals mate for life. When the mate dies, that animal will not mate again. Are you such an animal? Is seven years of grieving enough? I can’t say. Grieving is such an individual thing. What I can tell you is it is time for you to bring this concern to a professional for help. I suggest that you seek the help of a qualified sex-positive therapist, someone who is well versed in both sexuality and grief counseling. It’s imperative that you address this issue as soon as you can. Don’t let this go unattended any longer. It will fester and destroy any sexual relationship you will try to establish in the future.

Good luck!

Name: Lenore
Age: 28
Location: IL
Whenever I have sex with ANYONE (it could be the hottest guy on the planet) I have to ALWAYS imagine I am with someone else from my past. The guy in question was the first guy I ever had sex with. We only did it once and I never saw him again after that. I was 17 in high school and he was 23 in the navy. Now if I don’t imagine this guy I can’t achieve orgasm, no matter how GOOD the partner I have is making me feel. I’m having a good time, I lubricate like crazy, but when it gets right down to it, I HAVE to think of this guy or no orgasm.
Can you give me some advice on this?

Are you suggesting that what you describe here is a problem? Or are you just making a point and asking me for my thoughts on the matter? I hope it’s the later, because I

don’t see that your fantasy life is getting in the way of you enjoying your sexuality. On the contrary, your fantasies are enriching your sexuality. You’re able to fully enjoy sex, even to orgasm…with the help of your recollections of the guy who popped your cherry.

As to what goes on in your head during sex, well that’s no body’s business but yours, unless you want to tell your partner what’s on our mind. Everyone enjoys sexual fantasies as an integral part of their sexual expression. And rarely do those fantasies include the person right there bumpin’ parts with the person doing the fantasizing. There’s nothing wrong with that, don’t ‘cha know! I mean, why would you want to leave your largest sexual organ, your brain, unstimulated when your pussy is having such a good time?

Why not just enjoy what works for you?

Good luck!

Name: Kevin
Age: 30
Location: Delaware
I would like to know why gay men and lesbian woman have fetishes (turned on by a certain body part). I’m turned on by feet and by men wearing all types of boots and all types of sox please reply with answer thanx

Ya know, Kevin, fetishes are not just a gay/lesbian phenomenon. Every kind of person may have fetishes.

Fetishes come in all sizes and shapes; body parts, clothing, hair color, (racial fetishes…as we will see later) particular sex acts, sex toys, to name just a few. There are a few plausible explanations for these behaviors, but the one I prefer is that we learn our sexuality. All the things we eroticize — in your case feet, footwear and sox — are learned behaviors. I suppose that if you had the time and energy to retrace your steps, as it were, you’d find a specific time and place when you began to fetishize these things. The people who study human sexuality say that there is a pleasurable connection of one sort or another with everything we find erotic. Some fetishes develop later in life, some start when we are children or even infants.

Good luck!

Name: Mura
Age: 22
Location: Japan
I am 22 year old. I like and love strong and humor and good-looking male man. When saw the man like those, my cock is becoming hard and want to have sex. Frankly speaking, I like and love black Actors of USA Will Smith and Denzel Washington. When I watch their films, I do my cock by myself. I feel it s very nice. But I also think that it is not good. But I can’t control myself. I don’t know how to do. Please tell me your advice.

Lots of us share your sexual fantasies of black American actors.

— Denzel! Denzel! Denzel! Oh baby, oh baby, you make me so hot! —

And those that don’t share your (our) fantasy have other beloved fantasies of their own, just like Lenore and Kevin above you. There is nothing wrong with that. Masturbating to sexual fantasies is good and healthy. It will help you learn about your

body. Enjoy yourself. Try not to think of yourself as having a problem. This is all very natural.

Good luck!

Name: Jose
Age: 27
Location: Miami
Dear Dr.Dick, I’m been having a problem for a long time I’m a goodlooking guy that works out, healthy, professional but I have a problem I can only have sex with men of color only I fantasy about it everyday till the other day I call an escort service and finally I did it but now I’m worse still having more fantasies everyday and I don’t know if this is an addiction problem or what, I try white guys but they do not turn me on at all and by the way I’m Latin, can you please advise.

Why do you think there’s a problem with your sexual preferences? It sounds like you’re doing fine, you’ve discovered that you’re into men of color.

— Denzel! Denzel! Denzel! Oh baby, oh baby, you make me so hot! …WHOOPS, I THERE I GO AGAIN…

No need to apologize for that. Why not just enjoy yourself…and the luscious black men that we love so much?

Good luck!

April 23, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #10 — 04/23/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I’M BAAACK!

Now that my computer nightmare is finally over, I can resume my weekly podcasts. Thanks for hanging in there! I have a great show for you today with lots of juicy questions —

Mike and his GF are into seamen play…or is it semen play. Hell, we don’t know for sure.
Rebecca wants to see if two dicks are better than one.
Jim & Elaine are considering a swing-set.
Clare’s best friend is in big trouble. What should she do?
Sandy can’t find her G-Spot. I point the way!
Tom is a Brit who will nick his wick to get a Yank.
Nathan gets a happy ending…his first!

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the toll free voicemail number is (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Dr Dick is now on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Or search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.
Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

April 12, 2007January 8, 2013

Who Can I Turn To?

Hello Dr. Dick! I have a serious question for you. I’m relatively new at this, so here goes. In trying to meet and make gay friends, I find that none want a friend. The only interest I find is for sex. Is this typical and is it a waste of time seeking gay friends?
— C

Dear C,

Thanks for your message and question.

I’ve been hearing a lot of similar complaints from guys all over the country lately. Some are just coming out; others are just weary of the constant sexual competitiveness among gay men.

Let me begin by saying, yes, what you report is pretty typical. And, no, you’re not wasting your time looking for gay friends. That being said, you should also know that making friends in the gay community is often very different than making friends in the straight community. For the most part, the “getting-to-know-you” phase among gay men almost always has a sexual component to it. Is this a good thing? I’ll leave that for you to decide.

Personally, this does not put me off, but that’s only because I understand the ground rules. If you’re approaching gay friendships with a heterosexual mindset, you’ll no doubt encounter some frustration. If, on the other hand, you accept the fact that casual sex is, at least for some, a legitimate means of getting to know someone, and is as good a reason as any for making friends, there will be less disappointment.

This can be very challenging for those whose sexual mores are not that open-ended. On the other hand, this can be an opportunity to open oneself up sexually and to learn to appreciate a wider range of sexual expression from the very casual to the deeply committed.

Good luck

Richard,
I really do appreciate your taking the time to respond. Yes, I am finding it difficult to navigate the gay waters. I’m not completely out and the primary reason (one could argue other reasons) has to do with what I see in the gay community. I don’t see the warmth or open friendliness I see in the Black community for example.
I recently moved to a new city in Indiana and joined a local predominately Black church. Even though I didn’t know anyone I was welcomed with open arms. The people there often invite me to events and gatherings. I have done the same in the gay community and it seems so cold and icy. I have attended a predominately gay church, joined a gay support group, etc. In none of these gay environments did I ever feel welcome. Few, if any, made any attempt to say hello let alone invite me to anything.
Without fail, each time I try to make a gay friend it’s unsuccessful because either they aren’t attracted to me or they are attracted to me but I’m not sexually attracted to them. But I have always welcomed the friendship.
Of course the most insulting thing happens when they ask for a face picture of me (those I meet on the Internet), even though I make it clear I’m only interested in friendship. Though they claim they are only interested in the same, in most instances once they see my face PIC they lose interest. Now, please explain to me why what I look like has anything to do with becoming a friend? Now, I may not be attracted to that person physically, but I would never not want to be a friend because of someone’s looks.
So, it seems I have few choices. I can sleep with someone I have absolutely no sexual interest in just in hopes of having a gay friend. Or, I can forget the gay friendship thing all together and accept the fact that having straight friends is the best way to go.
One more thing, it never fails that if there is someone I find very attractive, they are never interested in me. Never fails. I always attract guys that are 5 feet tall or 300 lbs and out of shape or 70 years old. Just once I would like someone around my age, my height and in relatively good shape. LOL! It seems the easiest thing is simply to find a gay male prostitute and pay him. Keep it all clear, business like and to the point. No games or issues. If I were rich that would be a great option.
I won’t even go into racism within the gay community…it’s just a mess. Most white guys won’t give a Black guy the time of day. <G>
Now I know what straight women go through. Gay men are even more superficial, so small wonder that relationships just don’t last and the ones that do are always, “open”
Okay, I’ve vented enough. LOL! Again, thanks for giving me some of your time.
— C

Dear C,

I kinda figured you were still in the closet. And, yes, that does have a lot to do with how other gay men perceive you. I mean, how would you respond to a fellow black man who was trying to pass himself off as white?

I’m glad you brought up the warm reception you are receiving in your black church. You are welcomed there because they recognize you; you are familiar to them. No big stretch for either them or you, huh? I wonder though, would they be as welcoming and inclusive if they knew you were a big ol’ gay homosexual? Probably not! Sexual bigotry can and does trump even the strongest bonds that shared race and ethnicity engender.

Your reception in the gay community is similarly determined. Ambivalence about one’s sexuality, like ambivalence about one’s race, sends a strong message to the community at large. It declares to the group that the individual is not to be trusted, at least not until he proves himself worthy of that trust. Seems to me, you’re expecting more of a stretch from your gay sisters and brothers then you’re asking of your black church. And that double standard adds to your alienation.

Despite your protestations to the contrary, you do discriminate for superficial reasons, just like most of your gay (and non-gay) peers. Check it out, your words betray you. Apparently there is no room in your circle of friends for effeminate men, guys who are much older than you, or, god forbid, anyone who is out of shape.

Ahhh the heartland, beautiful Indiana! There’s another big part of your problem right there. Even I know that Indiana is not a hot bed of big ol’ gay homosexual-ism. Most of the guys you’re trying to relate to, there in the Hoosier State, are probably closeted or semi-closeted just like you. That kind of stultifying atmosphere breeds fear and mistrust. It also militates against intimacy and openness. But don’t underestimate the resilience and adaptability of us gay folk. Even in deepest darkest Indiana there are gay couples successfully living out their lives together with pride and love in very long-term relationships.

You conclude that you now know what straight women go through. How very insightful! Solidarity with women and others who have been sexually oppressed or objectified does us men a world of good. It should help keep us humble.

So bro, high marks for your critique of the gay community. (Although, how difficult is it to point out the obvious?) Lucky for you, I have a sure-fire way to immediately improve the status quo. Get off your pity pot and jettison all those bogus reasons for remaining closeted. Nowadays, coming out is not optional; it’s a fundamental developmental task that each of us must face, even those who live in god’s country. Failure to address this basic responsibility to yourself will stunt your growth as a human being, because you’ll never be able to live an authentic life. You, and most of those around you, will always know you’re living a lie. Coming out will make you a better person, improve your local gay community and make the world a better place to live…because one more person — YOU — are being true to yourself.

And while you’re working on the task at hand, don’t be so hard on yourself or your gay brothers. None of this is easy. Each of us is fighting our own demons, and sometimes that battle is so fierce that we don’t immediately recognize the folks around us who could and would be our natural allies.

Good luck

April 9, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #09 — 04/09/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a great show for you today and it has a very international flair. We have correspondents from all over the globe…and LA! —

Hiroshi, from Japan, is no fan of lace curtains.
Fay, from LA, is a silly twit with zero social skills.
Karol, from Poland, wants to find a nice gal who will bugger him senseless with a strap-on!
Joanne, from Toronto, can’t be naked no how. Even the BF can’t see the goods.
William, from the UK, is a fledgling butt pirate.

And finally, a Sexual Enrichment Moment —

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Dr Dick is now on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Or search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

March 28, 2007January 8, 2013

IM Distress Signals

When I first began writing this advice column, back in the Paleolithic era, most correspondence came via snail mail. Those were the days, huh? Email replaced letters as the dominant means of communication about 8 years ago, and so it remains today. Lately, there’s been yet another innovation — the Instant Messenger. Never fear, Dr Dick stands at the ready to console and advise even at cyber speed.
Instant messenger technology allows me to do something I’ve never been able to do before, save the whole shebang as a single document. This, dear readers, will provide you, as you will see below, an intimate vantage point to a crisis as it is being reveled.
What follows is an abridged version of an exchange I recently had with a good friend. This is someone I deeply respect and admire. However, my friend has been through a terrible lot this past year and the signs of stress are beginning to show. His judgment, generally razor sharp, is now clouded and he is consumed with self-doubt.

William: Hey Dick, I have a question. Do you know the current social standards surrounding marijuana use?

DD: Are there current standards? I didn’t get the memo.

William: Smart ass!
Let me put it a different way, is daily, long-term use of pot a sign of an addiction?

DD: Probably. Certainly designates one as a heavy user.
There is a simple test. Can/will the user go 48hrs without?

William: Here’s the deal, a guy I hang with smokes every time we get together. He says it relaxes him after a hard day. I told him I thought that was a rationalization. I don’t drink daily; so I have to deal with life as it presents itself, rough edges and all.

DD: I guess you told him, huh?

William: I know I can’t drink every day without it becoming a problem for me, but am wondering if pot smokers think daily usage is different than what I think about daily drinking?

DD: See my comments above.

William: My friend’s paternal grandfather was an alcoholic; his dad never drank. My friend admits to doing 200 hits of acid in high school and crystal when first arriving in town 10 years ago. He claims he hasn’t done either for 7 years.
Trouble is my Dad was an angry alcoholic so this guy’s marijuana use triggers feelings of abandonment and flashbacks of abuse in me.

DD: Right about now you should be hearing yourself say out loud: “Whoops, where did I put my car keys? Gotta run! Call me when you get home from Betty Ford”

William: I confronted my friend about his pot consumption and he got all defensive. He countered with, “what am I supposed to do, not smoke while you’re around? He was already high when we had this exchange. He said I should have warned him about not smoking before he rolled the joint he just smoked.

DD: Wait a minute; he’s saying his drug “(ab)use” is now your issue? Why does this stink to high-heaven?
Here’s a tip; don’t be surprised when you confront a pot-head, while he’s ripped, about his habit and he gets, as you say, “all defensive”.
William, I’m pretty confident that was not a teachable moment, don’t you agree?

William: The problem is he’s generally stoned by the time we get together, so there’s no real good time to talk to him.
I even entertained the idea of smoking with him to get in the same mind set. Instead, I drank a half a bottle of wine. I realized later that both options were self-defeating.

DD: At least you’re clear on that. In this instance, sinking to the lowest common denominator is not a good idea.

William: Bottom line is I feel he needs to smoke to be around me.

DD: I suggest that he needs to smoke around everyone and everything, not just you.

William: I am thinking this is an indicator of his low-self esteem.

DD: You betcha! Aren’t all addictions?

William: Maybe I am projecting.

DD: What if you are? It doesn’t diminish the fact you called it right.

William: I also questioned what type of relationship we are forming if all our time together happens while he’s in an altered state.

DD: That’s easy, a codependent one!

William: I’ve been thinking, maybe he needs to smoke to have sex. Maybe that’s the only way he can cope with his guilt or shame. When he smokes he likes to top me. But when I top him, he’s a very passive. I told him what I like sexually, so he knows. But he doesn’t even try to please me. He doesn’t play with my nips when I top, which is the only way I can cum. When I bottom it’s simply out of desire for intimacy, it doesn’t do anything for me sexually.

DD: YIKES! Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Like my momma always used to say, “if it has four wheels or a dick you know you’re gonna have trouble with it.”

William: For example, when I realized I wasn’t going to get what I wanted sexually the other night, I shut down. I got him off and he fell asleep.
He knows me well enough to know when I’m pissed. So the next time we were together, he asked if he had done something wrong. He’s a fuckin’ genius! He asked if he had been too passive as a bottom. Unfortunately, he was pretty stoned at this point, so I thought any further discussion would be fruitless.

DD: Again, YIKES! Any more red flags and this would be a Chinese New Year Parade, for christ sake!

William: If I dump him, am I throwing the baby out with the bath water?

DD: Darlin’, there is no baby in the bath water! There’s just a fucked up stoner dude who is taking you for a ride. He’s welcome to live his life as he so chooses. You, on the other hand, need to find someone a less fucked up.

William: I like him, he is smart, affectionate and we have the same analytical way of thinking.

DD: When he’s not stoned, ya mean.
Here’s a suggestion, why not keep him as a friend. Have dinner together occasionally, enjoy his sparkling conversation and then, quick as you can, get back in your car and go home.

William: He takes care of my physical needs, except sexually. There is, after all, more to a relationship than sex.

DD: EXCEPT SEXUALLY????? That’s like saying he takes care of your nutrition needs, except for the protein and carbohydrates. Sheesh!
You’re right, there is more to a healthy relationship than sex. But given that you are an intensely sexual man, why would you start a relationship with a deficit like this?

William: This is triggering my deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, which I fully accept as my own shit. I want to please him, so I did not ask him to stop smoking around me. But I did tell him how “not present” he is to me when he smokes prior to sex.

DD: I am so amazed that you are bottoming for this dude. What’s up with that? You hate being a bottom. Listen darlin’, you are way too needy at this point to be looking to someone like this to even begin to meet your needs.

William: He said that he did not think his personality changed when he smokes. But yet he thinks people liked him better when he’s got a buzz on.

DD: Where did you find this guy? Does he live under a bridge?

William: Is this a glitch in a new relationship? Do you think I should hang in there during this adjustment period?

DD: This is scariest thing you’ve said up to this point.
GLITCH??? Are you serious? Does a stripped down, burnt out skeleton of a car on the side of the road, suggest to you that the owner is having a problem with his windshield wipers? Good lord, man, what can you be thinking?
What follows comes from the deepest recesses of my heart, William. I put this out there because you are my friend. The fellow you describe would be a handful for you if you were at your peak of your emotional and psychological powers. But even then, I’d suggest you avoid him like the plague.
But now, dear William, you are in crisis. You’ve had a terrible lot happen to you this past year. You are hanging on by a thread. I support and encourage all your efforts to find your balance in your life once again, because you are a good and resilient person.
I empathize with your desire to connect with someone who will love you, stand by you and care for you during this difficult time. This is decidedly not the time to be taking on dead weight.
Look to yourself, care for yourself, nurture yourself, love yourself, heal yourself. Come back to us refreshed and whole. Then, and only then, will you be able to take on a complete wreck of a project like this dude.
Count on me to walk through this with you. Thanks for letting me be part of your life. Remember, I’m only as far away as your Instant Messenger.

Over and Out!

March 26, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #07 — 03/26/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

This week we have an all chick dr dick podcast —

Allie wants to give it up…for the first time.
Jennifer is a radical queer and dyke porn lover…but her boyfriend ain’t!
Tia is cherry, but the BF thinks she’s not. What to do?

And finally A Sexual Enrichment Tutorial —

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Dr Dick is now on iTunes and SexAudia.com. On iTunes, you’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Or search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is brought to you by: SexAudia.com — All Sex Internet Radio

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

March 19, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #06 — 03/19/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

This week we have a slew of written submissions —

Roxy is a cock in a frock and his marriage is on the rock-s!
Young Pete is queer, and his yahoo family hates fags.
Gwen is over the hump, but still wants to hump.

And finally A Sexual Enrichment Tutorial —

Suppressing the Gag Reflex!

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s Podcast is brought to you by: Daddy Oohhh! Productions, Quality Adult Entertainment, Enrichment and Educataion

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

March 14, 2007January 8, 2013

Clearing The Deck

Time to clean out the dr dick sex advice anonymous submission in-box. I wish I could have used some of these questions in my podcast. But I can only do that if you use the toll-free voicemail phone number to call in your submissions, people!

If you want to be in one of my podcasts, use the Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection!

Name: Sofia
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Arizona
You are sick Dr DICK! I believe that porn is a sign of weakness in men and women. They cannot control their need and put their personal relationship in harm. Its degrading towards women and it gives off the wrong message to men about women. Porn is very harmfull in peoples daily lives.Relationships come to an end because of mens porn addiction. Men have lost families, wives, girlfriends etc. because of porn. Men find themselves defending it so much that they end up losing the people in their lives who do not agree with it (wives, GF, BF, ect.) What does porn leave them? Nothing! Lonely nights with no one by their side and a PC full of nasty images. Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic. Men are destroying their lives to make a porn film maker more wealthy. What a great exchange.

So nice of you to drop by, Sofia, and thank you for being so solicitous about my health. Yes, I was sick, I had a little cold there for a couple of days, but now I’m better.

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m sick because I don’t share your repressive opinion about porn. I get it; you’re another moral crusader who needs to denigrate those who don’t share your beliefs. What’s up with that?

Ya know the thing is, darling, I actually believe, as you do — that a lot of porn is harmful and exploitative. It also can be very disruptive to people’s lives and can cause serious damage to otherwise healthy relationships. I mean how difficult was it for you to come up with that critique? Taking pot shots at porn in this sex-negative culture is like shooting fish in a barrel. Get over yourself, girlfriend.

And ya know what else, ma’am, all the things you accuse porn of — being harmful and exploitative, disruptive, damaging to relationships — you could say about organized religion, the fast food industry, our government, the credit card industry, the big oil companies, the pharmaceutical industry, the medical industry, the war machine and it’s horrific profiteers, like Halaburton. And the list goes on and on. Hell, everything humans touch has the potential for becoming harmful and exploitative; it’s human nature. Even your own tirade is harmful to and disruptive to those of us who are trying to make a difference in the adult entertainment industry. Trust me, you would have made a better case if you said you wanted to help change the status quo in porn, not just point out its inherent flaws.

And what’s all this; “Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic”? What, are you saying you’re the alternative? Perhaps, if you weren’t so bitchy and condescending your men wouldn’t need to turn to porn. Your abrasive personality and moral rectitude would even drive the pope to porn.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: suzanne
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Auckland
Should a woman fake an orgasm to keep her partner happy?

Brilliant idea, Susanne! Rather than help your ineffectual lover overcome his inadequacy with the truth and a little tutorial on how to make you cum — lie to the monkey about his sexual prowess.

I see nothing wrong with that! Other than when you’re done fuckin’ him, or he’s done fuckin’ you, the next unlucky woman he happens upon will have twice the work. She’ll not only have to tell him the truth — that he sucks as a lover — but she’ll also have to contend with his ego. Thanks to you and your deception, he’ll be convinced that he’s a fabulous lover when, of course, he’s not.

What could be wrong with that, Susanne? D’oh!

Name: emily
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: Texas
How much should I tell my new partner about my sex life with my exes?

How about just enough to get his dick hard?

Hell, I don’t know! Some guys get off on hearing the gory details of the sexual exploits of their partners, albeit it’s a relatively small number of guys. Just keep in mind that most men would prefer the bliss that is ignorance.

If you’ve been around the block a time or six, maybe you best keep that to yourself till you find out how much the new guy can stomach.

Good Luck

Name: Phillip
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Austin, Texas
Dr. D, I’ve never had a problem with my sex life up until now. My wife and I have been very happy with our physical relationship. But, about 8 months ago, in a very vivid nightmare, I dreamed we were making love and when I came, the ejaculate was blood. I came blood. Everything in the dream stood still as I watched, almost third person, as my life flowed out of me. I woke in a sweat, and we’ve not made love since. We’ve talked about the dream, tried to be intimate, but I’m simply not able to enjoy the contact anymore. This is someone about whom I care deeply and with whom I am deeply in love. Considering professional help but would like your take. Thanks, Phillip in Austin

Interesting! Yet another case of how one’s psyche can override one’s eroticism.

This is nothing to be toyed with, Phillip. Like an earthquake, this vivid dream has jolted you out of your happy, healthy sex life with your wife. And like anyone who has survived an earthquake, or a similar natural disaster, you need to put your life together again as quickly as possible. I encourage you to seek a sex-positive therapist to help you break the spell of this nightmare.

The longer you let this thing hang out there the more perverse it will become.

Good Luck

Name: Mike
Gender:
Age: 33
Location:
I can only get off by squeezing my cock with my thighs. I have done this for as long as I’ve masturbated. I only found out years later that you should use your hand. But this does not work for me. Is this normal or common?

Mike, what you report is neither normal nor common. But do you really care about “normal” and “common” if it works for you? Apparently your masturbation technique isn’t any less effective than those who employ a more common practice — like using one’s hand.

Basically, there aren’t a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to style of masturbation. If squeezing your cock with your thighs works for you — SWELL, pup, knock yourself out!

Since you don’t report that this method of getting off is getting in the way of your partnered sex, I think you should leave well enough alone and enjoy your uniqueness.

Good Luck

Name: Sam
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: London, UK
Dear Dr. Dick, I am a young gay guy, and when I masturbate I am able to achieve orgasm and ejaculate; but when I am with another guy I do not cum. Don’t get me wrong, I have a great time during sex, but my partner doesn’t get me off. This is not a person-specific thing — this has been happening to me since I was 16.
Call it “delayed ejaculation”, if you will; but it’s more like “non-existent ejaculation”! The weird thing is, I don’t mind myself; the foreplay and sex is totally hot and I’m as happy as a clam with that as it is. But my partners have always been frustrated and disappointed, as if ejaculation is the official mark of success to show the culmination of a great fuck. So they keep trying until they get tired, which I guess is inevitable.
Is this something I should be worried about if I’m otherwise okay with sex. Or should my partner be less concerned about the orgasm and just realize that it doesn’t bother me. Many thanks, and kudos for such an informative site.

Hey Sam,

Thanks for your kind words about the site, they’re much appreciated.

As to the issue you present, it’s not particularly uncommon. Many people aren’t able to, or choose not to get off in partnered sex. And there are several common reasons why. Without going into detail about that, let me just ask one thing. Are you able to masturbate yourself to orgasm when you are with a partner, like you can do when you are alone? If so, maybe you could incorporate that into your sex play with a partner.

It’s true what you say about some people thinking a sexual encounter is only “successful” if both partners cum. That’s nonsense, as you well know. There’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and sexual satisfaction. If you cave into that way of thinking you won’t help your misguided partners and you will certainly add a good deal of performance anxiety to your sex encounters. And nobody wants that! Stick to your guns, Sam!

Good Luck

March 5, 2007June 25, 2018

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #04 — 03/05/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

This week we deal with a slew of relationship woes —

Barbara ain’t getting’ laid like she oughta!
Dave’s hubby don’t want his fine booty no more. So he’s takin’ his luv to town!
Jean converted, and everything’s went south from there.
Tim’s keeping a secret from his wife…and it’s right there in the closet.

And finally a refreshing break from all that relationship stuff —

Young Chris wants to lose the anteater!

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