Kink – Page 21 – Dr Dick's Sex Advice

April 14, 2014

A Rose By Any Other Name

We’re all back from spring break. The Dr Dick Review Crew is all rested and relaxed. Sadly, I can’t say the same thing about me. oh well, no rest for the wicked.

Doc:

I enjoy your podcast, the frankness and open vocabulary is exactly what I like. No need in beating around the bush, just get to the point. Wish more people would live by that philosophy.

Ok. I am a 45 YO, gay male, very experienced sexually, some say whore… LOL! I enjoy a lot of fetishes; the unusual has always been very attractive to me. The more bizarre the more I will probably like it.

Until I was about 40 I was a DOM top. I started experimenting with the group party world and enjoyed it greatly. Became an experienced fisting top with some formal training, I guess you could call it an apprentice who graduated, or so I thought. Then a few of the FF bottoms suggested I was missing something. Because I didn’t have any experience as a FF bottom I couldn’t realize the true feelings and emotions involved with fisting. I was encouraged to experience fisting as a bottom.

This was a HUGE ordeal for me. The mental change alone was like, wow. The first time I crawled into a sling and had my whole ass on display, legs spread like a woman at her gynecologist…man was I uncomfortable. This was 5 years ago. Now I can hop into a sling and take a fist-fuck fairly easy. I now understand the advice given to me: I finally understand what fisting is all about.

Now my issues.

I have changed. My whole personality has been altered. Changing from a Dominate Top to fisting bottom has created issues with my head and overall sexuality. These changes are now affecting my sex life. I guess I need some help figuring things out.

Thanks,
Jimmy

Thank you, Jimmy, for your message and your kind words about my podcasts.

We really get boxed in with all our self-identification we do, huh? I mean I know why we categorize ourselves and others as gay or straight, top or bottom, sub or Dom. It helps us understand ourselves and communicate in a kind of shorthand with others. But there is a downside to this, as you suggest.

I believe that human sexual response is a whole lot more fluid than we give it credit for. But this fluidity is often stifled when we overly compartmentalize ourselves or others. Not to mention the fallacy of the binary system — being one thing or the other. It just ain’t so and you are the perfect case in point.

I’m always talking about how the best tops are those who, on occasion, bottom. The best submissives are those who, on occasion, dominate. Besides the wider range of experience this provides us, we also grow in emotional maturity encompassing both our yin and yang.

Also the words we use to describe ourselves have, over time, become heavily laden with unintended cultural connotations. Top/bottom, sub/Dom are classic examples of this. That’s why I believe that we ought, from time to time, reinvent the language we use to talk about ourselves. In this case, I prefer terms like: giver/receiver over top/bottom. A change in vocabulary can certainly cut through a lot of the cultural nonsense and it can open the door to a more fluid sexual expression; as I believe it ought to be.

I hasten to add that at lot of hard-core pervs disagree with me on this. And that’s perfectly fine with me. It’s just that, if our language detracts from our experience, or hems us in, rather than facilitates it, and frees us up, something’s out of whack.

You will pardon the shameless self-promotion, but I’d like to call your attention to my latest book, The Gospel of Kink. It’s a communication and relationship building workshop in workbook form. It centers on the skills us kinksters need to communicate with others, and initiate, build, and maintain the relationships that will serve us well. Learn how to ask for what you want and get what you ask for from the people best situated to fulfill your desires. The book covers a lot of the territory that you raise in your question.

Stay in touch and let me know how this sits with you.

Good luck

March 19, 2014

Spank me, daddy!

Name: Karla
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: Quebec
I think I want to try spanking. I never tried it, but it gets me hot thinking about it. I think my partner might be up for it, but I have yet to ask him. I thought I’d ask you first. What are your thoughts about spanking?

If you’ve been a bad girl, Karla, then I think you definitely need a spanking. Have you been naughty, Karla? Precisely how naughty have you been, Karla? Everyone here at Dr Dick Sex Advice wants to know!

Spanking is a very popular fetish, one that can be enjoyed with or without sex. At the same time, spanking might be a little risky if you entrust the task to someone who doesn’t know what she or he is doing. Of course, it’s not particularly difficult to learn the basics. So just for you, wayward Karla, I’m gonna offer a brief sexual enrichment tutorial on erotic spanking. YEAH!

Usually a hand or a paddle of some sort is used for spanking. This is different from whipping and flogging, which are much more advanced techniques than your garden-variety spanking. We’ll leave these techniques for another time.

There are two musts in this kind of power play:

The spanker must always inquire about the health of the spankee before the play begins.
Both participants must always agree on a safeword before the play begins. A safeword is a code word that the spankee will use as she is reaching a physical, emotional or moral boundary, or for when she wants the spanker to stop the play.

The safeword will be a word that spankee would not ordinarily use during the play, like “pickles.” This extraordinary word allows the spankee to scream “no, stop”, “Please, don’t!” etc. as much as she/he wants without really meaning it, and still have a way to stop the play when necessary.

If you actually get around to enticing your partner to join you for a little spanking entertainment, make sure the first adventure is fun for all. I suggest that the spanking be part of a role-play scenario that you and your BF develop together. Your partner may need lots of positive reinforcement, particularly if he reluctant to join you in your kink. Keep telling him how much fun you’ll both have in the role-play. For example, you could be the naughty schoolgirl and your partner could be the stern headmaster. Really get into your roles; you’ll both need to dress the part, of course. You—sexy short pleated Catholic schoolgirl skirt, anklets and trashy high-heels. Him—the domineering teacher in a drab, no-nonsense grey suit. Get the picture?

The headmaster calls you into his office for a corrective interview. He needs to teach you a lesson. He puts you over his knee. He’ll do lots of bottom rubbing first, as he’s lecturing you on your bad behavior. As he gets into it, he’ll be getting turned on too. “It will be a shame to spank this beautiful bottom of yours,” he’ll coo. “This is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you!”…that sort of thing. He’ll finger your pretty panties, but won’t remove them. He’ll start spanking very gently at first. Light taps on the fleshy part of your ass cheeks. If you want more, start wiggling into the spanking. Remember to stay in character. “No, Mr. Hardwood, that hurts, please don’t touch me there! Grind into his lap. Your body language will communicate your desire for him to continue and possibly intensify the spanking.

To insure the comfort of your partner, set some ground rules for your first play session. Don’t’ do bare-bottom spanking until he readily indicates his willingness to do so. If your partner is a feminist, this whole spanking thing may go against the grain for him. So remind him this is fantasy role playing; not real life.

The more you get into your roles, the more likely he’ll get into his roles — Catholic schoolgirl/Father Flanagan, slutty patient/naughty doctor — you get the idea. The more you please him, the better he’ll please you.

You’ll want to reward your partner for his participation. After the first session take him to dinner. Ask him for his reactions. What could you have done to make the scenario more pleasurable for him? Talk about your reactions. Tell him how much you appreciated his participation. Talk about the scenario and how well he did. Tell him what you liked most about the spanking itself. If you sense that he’s content with events thus far, you could plan for more.

Set aside a couple of role-play evenings in the coming weeks. If he continues to be open and receptive, you can add more and more spanking, different implements, a ruler, a hairbrush, a paddle. If you want spankings on other parts of your body, tits, pussy, and the like introduce those slowly. The intensity of the spanking needs to be adjusted to more sensitive parts of the anatomy. Make sure there’s lots of feedback happening before and after each play session.

Spanking is a full-fledged fetish with loads of spanking associated erotica. It goes from mild to wild. Do some exploring together your BF. Check out some short stories, magazines or videos. You might want to include some of the hot girl-on-girl stuff for his benefit. Always talk about spanking in a positive way as something that is fun and enjoyable for both of you. Remember to also attend to your partner’s fantasies and the things that turn him on too. Who knows, there may be a time when the roles reverse and you could take your turn as the top and he the bottom. How fun would that be?

Like I said at the beginning, spanking is a stand-alone fetish, it may be a part of full-on sex, or it may be just a bonding thing between you and your partner.

In the end, introducing your partner to your kink is one of those — “Give To Get” things. Be attentive to him. Make sure he knows he’s the most special person in your life. The more satisfied he is; the more he’ll be open to pleasing you.

January 8, 2014June 22, 2018

Sex EDGE-U-cation with Cléo Dubois — Podcast #401 — 01/08/14

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Hey everyone, HAPPY NEW YEAR! We’re all back from our winter holiday and we’re rarin’ to go. And I figure, there’s no better way to kick off the New Year than with a chat with a national treasure, especially for those of us on the sexual fringe. Yes siree, this here is the Sex EDGE-U-cation series, which brings you conversations with some of the most renowned talent in the world of fetish sex, kink, and alternative lifestyles.

Today, we travel to San Francisco to meet the incomparable Cléo Dubois.

Cléo describes herself as a BDSM coach, ritualist and personal trainer in the kinky arts. She is a woman of extraordinary wisdom and I am pleased to have this international celebrity on my show to kick off the new year. And wait till you get a load of her very sexy French accent. I guarantee, she will make you swoon.

Cléo and I discuss:

Our mutual friend, Eve Minax;
Her public and private life in the scene;
Dispelling the fear, coming out as kinky;
Depathologizing consensual BDSM;
Finding and embracing your erotic power-play archetype;
BDSM is all about intensity, energy, ritual, and communication;
The challenge of sexual exploration;
Common activity inserted into ritual changes everything;
Healing herself of the sexual and emotional abuse endured as a child;
The recreational, cathartic, and ecstatic aspects of BDSM.

You’ll find lots of information about Cléo on both one of these fantastic websites HERE and HERE. Her blog is HERE! And don’t miss her Twitter feed HERE and her YouTube channel HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

January 6, 2014February 7, 2014

No boundaries, no edge!

Since I published The Gospel of Kink — A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For this past summer, I’ve met dozens and dozens of kinksters from all over the world. Many of these new acquaintances are much younger than I; many have just begun their erotic journey. Their youthful enthusiasm is infectious and they remind me how passionate I was as I began to awaken to my own sexual interests. But that was a very long time ago. So I’m grateful for this infusion of excitement because without it I know that I can easily become callous and jaded. And where’s the fun in that?

Being as old as I am, I am proud to have been part of the sex-positive and kink aware movements for as long as these terms have been around to help us understand and appreciate the panoply of human sexual response. I have been an out and proud member of the sexual fringe and alt culture for all of my adult life. And I remain an ardent advocate and activist for sexual awareness and life-long sex education and enrichment.

At the same time, I also like being a sexual outlaw. Unfortunately, over the years, many sectors of what was once the edge have been co-opted by the mainstream. Despite this, many of us long to push the envelope and remain outsiders. I admire that about us. However, there is a palpable backlash within the dominant culture toward us, as well as among us, here on the fringe, toward one another.

I don’t think that anyone can argue with the fact that there is a disturbing and very noticeable uptick in violence against the LGBTQ community lately. I chalk this up as a reaction to the gains we’ve made in the marriage equality struggle. Our increased visibility and our growing power base threatens many people who are loathe to relinquish or even share their privilege. But there is an equally disturbing trend within our own community. I call it the “kinkier than thou” syndrome. It’s as if some of us, sensing the encroachment of the dominant culture on what has traditionally been our turf, are creating a backlash of our own. This exhibits itself as a cult of extremism and its mantra is “no limits.” Some proclaim that the extreme is the only legitimate edge; everything else is dilettante play.

I don’t know about you, but having someone or some group unilaterally set themselves up as the arbiter of what is and what is not authentic grates against everything I hold sacred. I don’t take kindly to this any more than I abide a cultural moralist trying to dictate how I ought live out my sexuality and my eroticism.

Beside the arrogance of it all, there is the divisiveness. People just beginning to embrace their kinkiness are being put off by the stench of this exclusivity and rightfully so.

Extremism, in all of its forms, sows the seeds of its own destruction. You think you’re extreme? Well, I can assure you that, in the dungeon down the street, there is someone even more extreme than you, or extreme in a different way than you. Truth is, the laws of physics apply to us, and our erotic predilections, just as it does to everything else. Where there is no boundary there is no edge. If your extremism is without boundaries is not edgy, it’s just chaos.

I believe that it’s edgy enough to try and live and sustain our eroticism in the face of an often hostile dominant culture. I believe that none of us need to prove our edginess beyond our pursuit of our authentic selves.

November 25, 2013November 25, 2013

Clueless

Name: Josh
Gender: Male
Age:
Location:
About a month ago I fell in love with a girl in another country and tried the long distance thing. It was not the best relationship. Stupid I know now, but when you’re in love…
I am a very sexual person and well that’s the problem. I enjoy anal, and want to try some BDSM but I have no idea where to look for a girl like this. I want someone who can be wild but knows when to be a good girl. I have no idea where to look for a girl like this. I have tired online sites but I don’t like them. Been having no luck on them and I do better face to face. So any suggestions?

Ahhh, you sound like a real charmer, Josh. I love how you perpetuate the whole madonna/whore dichotomy. You want a bad girl in the bedroom and a good girl in…what the kitchen? Sheesh, it’s no wonder you’ve been striking out.

Before your begin your search for a playmate, learn how to talk to a potential partner about what you want. If you’re gonna continue to be all Neanderthal in your communication you mind as well pull the plug on this endeavor right now. Don’t know the first thing about asking for what you want or getting what you ask for? I have just the resource for you. Pardon the shameless self-promotion, but I think you should check out The Gospel of Kink. I wrote it, in part, for people just like you. It’s a primer on how to start, build, and maintain kinky and alt culture relationships through effective communication.

When you begin your search for this illusive partner you’ll need to let go of your very outmoded way of thinking about women and their sexuality. No self-respecting woman is gonna even consider hookin up with you if they first get a whiff of your sexism. And this is especially true for sexually liberated women, like those in the world of kink and BDSM.

And just in case you don’t think the dichotomous madonna/whore mindset isn’t a put-down, imagine if a woman came on to you like that. I want a big-dicked stud in the bedroom who also makes six figures in the boardroom.

Next I’d want to know what you mean when you say; “I enjoy anal…” Do you mean you like to get butt fucked, or you like fuckin’ chicks in the ass? The answer to this question will determine where and how you look for partners.

Let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that it is you who wants to get fucked. More and more straight guys are gettin off on anal these days, ya know. I guess they’re discovering the joys of prostate stimulation, a thing the gays have known for fuckin’ forever. Anyhow, looking for a woman who knows her way around topping a man is pretty challenging; there aren’t a whole lot of them out there. Besides. it’s certainly not something most women would put in their online profile. You may be slightly more successful in your search if you put it out there. Perhaps you should make it real clear in your profile, that you like gettin’ pegged.

And here’s a tip: when you have special sexual needs, like the ones you have, Josh, you need to offer perspective partners something in return for their indulgence. Here’s where you need to understand the concept of “Give to Get?” You want something extraordinary? You’d better be willing to offer something extraordinary in return.

Start now by learning how to finesse the fuck you want. Like I said, most women are unaccustomed to being a top. And they’d feel pretty self-conscious with a strap-on. So in exchange for the unusual sex you are looking for, most women will want something in return. Most women would probably feel more comfortable exercising a kink in a relationship of some sort or another. Are you relationship material? Because if you are not the women you seek have little to gain from being kinky with you otherwise. You’re also gonna have to offer to buy your perspective partner the strap-on and/or all the other toys you might need to satisfy your pervy side.

Before you look to satisfying your special needs, I suggest that you first find out what turns your partner’s crank and get her warmed up before you spring your kink on her. Be prepared to do whatever it takes to make a lasting impression that you are not only in this for yourself. If it take some hugging, kissing and lots of oral sex…you’d better take care of business first. It’s the least you can do.

Remember, there are all kinds of relationships — from fuck (pegging) buddies to marriage. Know how far you want to go to get the goodies you desire and then be straightforward with your perspective partner. If you lie or prevaricate just to get what you want; you are bigger asshole than I already think you are.

Now hookin up with the BDSM crowd will also be challenging, especially if you’re a novice and don’t know what the fuck you want. Here’s where I think you would do well to work with a professional dominatrix. Even if you ultimately want to be a Dom yourself, I suggest that you learn the ropes, as it were, at the foot of a pro. And don’t expect this education to be inexpensive. Once you’ve found the dominatrix of your dreams, ask her to introduce you to the local BDSM scene. And if you’re not a complete douche, she’ll probably be willing to do so.

Like I said, you will need an entree into the scene, and there’s no one better situated to help you gain entrance than someone well established in the community. If you play your cards right, you may find what you are looking for.

And last but not least, be a gentleman about all of this. You can screw up the whole mess if you don’t have your head in the right space. Power play, and that’s what where talking about when we’re talkin’ BDSM, is more about the mindset than the genitals.

Good luck

November 20, 2013June 22, 2018

More Sex EDGE-U-cation with Eve Minax — Podcast #398 — 11/20/13

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans, welcome back.

She’s back! Author, educator, activist, coach, and pro Domme, Eve Minax, is back with us today for another go-round on this Sex EDGE-U-cation show.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our chat, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #397 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Eve and I discuss:

Sm-arts.com;
D/s, fantasy/role playing and hard sex workshops;
Why the weekend intensives;
Becoming Eve;
The derivation of her chosen name;
Making family;
Sex positive and kink aware healing and helping professionals;
TSHRA — The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance;
KAP — Kink Aware Professionals.

You’ll find lots of information about Eve on each one of these fantastic websites HERE, HERE, and HERE! And don’t miss her Twitter feed HERE!

Click on the book art below to check out Eve’s latest book.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

November 13, 2013June 22, 2018

Sex EDGE-U-cation with Eve Minax — Podcast #397 — 11/13/13

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans, welcome back.

A little over a month ago, the Sex EDGE-U-cation series brought us to the Bay Area. Which, as you probably know, is like ground zero for some of the most renowned talent in the world of fetish sex, kink, and alternative lifestyles. Today, we return to that neck of the woods, but instead of Berkeley, CA we head straight for San Francisco. Ok, so straight might not be the best way of putting it, because we’re gonna be visiting with one of that city’s most notorious kinksters. My guest is author, educator, activist, coach, and pro Domme, the oh so delightful Eve Minax!

I’d say that Eve is as smart as a whip, but that wouldn’t even tell you half the story. That’s because she is also as funny as all get-out. I dare you to stick around and let Eve shake your world.

Eve and I discuss:
Her moniker, The Approachable Pervert;
Being in sin city for the AVN awards;
Becoming Mistress Minax;
I’m a clown/I’m a Domme;
Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips for Lovers;
The essential energetic connections in BDSM;
Transcendence for the sexual outlaw,
The essence of energy exchange;
Psychic-waste management;
Dom/sub archetypes and Dom/sub pheromones.

You’ll find lots of information about Eve on each one of these fantastic websites HERE, HERE, and HERE! And don’t miss her Twitter feed HERE!

Click on the book art below to check out Eve’s latest book.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

October 18, 2013

Oh The Humanity

Name: Ron
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Florida
So to start I am completely straight. So I don’t understand why about two years ago I attempted to give myself fellatio. And after I came out of my horny rage I realized what happened and have felt totally disgusted and mad at myself since then. And now every time I masturbate I relive that horrible day in my head. As I said I’m straight and secure in that fact but is it normal. Do other straight men attempt this?

Here’s a little something I’ve learned over the years, sex fans. Anytime someone starts off his message to me with the words “…I’m completely straight” I can absolutely guarantee that he’s not absolutely straight!

I don’t care what follows the dreaded words, “I’m completely straight” because, regardless of what the person says next; I already know that my correspondent is scared shitless that deep down inside he’s a big fat flamin’ gay homosexual, don’t cha know. And that goes double for you, Ron.

Here’s a tip ya’ll: no completely straight guy would ever let the first thing out of his mouth be “I’m completely straight.” No completely straight guy would ever feel the need to say that, because he would be totally confident that everyone already knew that.

So Ron, just listen to yourself, why don’t ‘cha already. A man who is comfortable in his own skin, regardless of his sexual preferences, is not gonna freak out in disgust and anger when he explores the amazing capacities of his own body, even if that involves tryin’ to blow himself.

However, a dude who has something to hide, a fella who has a little secret, a stud who is afraid of what might be lurking inside; now that guy is gonna freak out…just like you did, Ron. And not only did you start out your question with that ill advised comment, you went out of your way to tell me again how “straight and secure” you are at the end of your message. And now you can’t even pull your pud without being horrified by this one insignificant incident. I can smell your internalized homophobia from here, darling.

Had you spared me the editorial comment about “being completely straight” and just started out by saying that you tried to blow yourself one day and then got confused to its possible meaning, if it had any meaning at all. Then I would have been able to tell you that men of every possible sexual predilection at one time or another either try or fantasize about giving themselves a hummer. It’s the fuckin’ Holy Grail of self-pleasuring, honey.

So you can relax, girlfriend, your secret is safe with me. It’s too bad about the jerkin’ off thing, though. Imagine never being able to grab your piece in peace. Imagine being reminded of your horrible little secret every time you want to hand yourself a little, much needed relief. Can’t honestly say I’d want to live like that. But if you do…

Good luck

Name: Steve
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Philly
This has been a question on my mind for quite some time. I’ve searched all over the internet, but can’t find an answer. A friend of mine directed me to your website, and spoke very highly of you.
So here’s my question: If you drank someone’s urine after they’ve used narcotics (cocaine, marijuana, etc.) would these substances then show up in your own urine analysis drug test?
Recently I met someone and we both played with watersports. And of course, we began to drink it. Afterward he mentioned that he like to ‘dabble with pot’ now and then. He didn’t seem high at the time; of course we had been drinking a lot of beer.
I get tested for narcotics at my place of work. These tests are random tests given by the government. Failing a drug test could lead to losing my job, and now I’m so paranoid about this.
I hope to hear back from you, with any advice you may have. I have a feeling I’ll be taking more caution with this in the future.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this email.

I’ve written and spoken a lot about watersports in the past. If you check out the CATEGORIES pull-down menu in the sidebar, you’ll find all the postings and/or podcasts there. You’ll find watersports under the KINK category.

The short answer to your question is: “Prospective pee drinkers should be aware that there are numerous drugs, both pharmaceutical and recreational, that pass through the body either only partly metabolized or entirely un-metabolized; like those nasty amphetamines and their derivatives. Cocaine also falls under the rubric. So it’s all together possible to get really high from drinking a druggie’s piss.”

Just remember, my friend, you are what you consume…at the dinner table or the urinal.

If you are worried about random drug tests, I suggest that you don’t drink the pee you’re playin’ with. Enjoy the watersports till your heart’s content, just don’t swallow.

Good luck

September 13, 2013September 13, 2013

Now Hear This!

Hey sex fans…

Particularly all you ladies and germs here in the Puget Sound area!

I want to invite you to a very special event taking place at The Foundation For Sex Positive Culture.

A workshop and book signing event with refreshments for The Gospel of Kink by me, Richard “Dr. Dick” Wagner, Ph.D., ACS.

When: 09/21/13 3PM to 4:30PM (formal presentation starts at 3:30pm)
Where: Annex
Who: Anyone 18+ with ID
Cost: $10
(No other CSPC discounts or AYCE cards applicable.)

Purchase Advance Tickets HERE! Enter discount code — E8F3Y — to get $5.00 off admission.

Book signing: 4:30pm – 5pm FREE

I will discuss the topic of my latest book: Building, Maintaining, and Deepening Kink Relationships Through Effective Communication. I will be joined by four of our favorite seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture personalities (they contributed to the book) for a fun, lively, and stimulating panel discussion and Q&A. All we be on hand for a book signing afterward.

About the book:

The Gospel of Kink is a workshop in book form. Its innovative and interactive format presents the reader with numerous situations and dilemmas that arise as people embrace their kinkiness and integrate their eroticism into daily life.
The Gospel of Kink is on the cutting edge of the sex-positive and kink-aware movements. This workbook helps the reader break free from the painful silence the dominant culture imposes on alt culture and those of us on the sexual fringe.
The Gospel of Kink provides an opportunity to learn from people just like you. Its on-the-page workshop features a group of ten fictional characters who are your fellow participants. In addition, it includes a panel of actual seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture practitioners who share their expertise and life experience with you.
The Gospel of Kink engages you with numerous exercises and homework. As a workshop participant, you will complete A Personal Alt Relationship Inventory, discuss the Essentials of Effective Communication, identify Tools and Techniques for Navigating Alt Relationship Conflicts, and learn how to Keep Things Fresh and Interesting.
The Gospel of Kink provides a safe and secure place for you to air your concerns without fear of being judged for how you live your life or with whom you choose to live it. You will learn within a framework of honesty, activity, alliance, support, and humor.
The Gospel of Kink is a workbook designed primarily for the modern kinkster, but not exclusively. Family, friends, healing and helping professionals, teachers, students, indeed anyone who wishes to further understand and better communicate with those they know on the sexual fringe, will benefit from this book.

About The Contributors

Samantha is a bisexual switch who has been a part of the SM and swinger communities for 12 years. Her favorite motto, which she uses for both worlds is, “If it isn’t fun, then why the fuck do it?” Following in a tradition of her own creation, she would never claim to know the One True Way. And would not spend much time (let alone play) with anyone who would say such things. She is an active volunteer and she has several causes (kinky and not) that she supports.

Byrdie is currently a student who is trying to find ways to recover from codependency in every aspect of her life including romantic relationships, friendships, and work. She says she is learning to tell the difference between her instincts and knee-jerk reactions to triggers. She’s also learning not to be so afraid of failure. As she says, she has just as much right to ask for things, speak out, act, and follow her dreams as anyone else. Byrdie now says she is a hedonist. She wants what she wants when she wants it. She prefers primal play (punching, biting, scratching, growling) and deep thud sensations. And she has a fondness for Daddy/Girl play. She identifies as someplace between bisexual, pansexual, and heteroflexible, and is working to improve trust and sensual intimacy with other women. She is one of the earliest members of the Center for Sex Positive Culture. She is an avid attendee at culture-oriented workshops and is easing back into the social scene. Most recently Byrdie initiated the Seattle edition of Mollena Williams’ “Know Your Negro,” a photography project intended to bring attention to the dearth of brown faces in the Kink/Leather world.

Jack Slash, aka Jack the Journeyman, has been a member of the Seattle Leather community since 1982, and a practitioner of S/M since 1974. Before the year 2002, he was known as “Dragon Xcalibur.” He holds two past Leather titles: Seattle Leatherwomon 1988 and Seattle Leather Ambassador 1997. In the eighties and nineties, he was a member of the now disbanded Leather doo-wop singing group, The Sluts from Hell. He teaches workshops, judges local and international contests on the West Coast, participates in local fund-raisers, and leads spirituality circles at Queer Leather events since the 1980′s in Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, B.C. and San Francisco. Workshop presentations include-blood sports, branding, impact play, fear and terror, ritual sacrifice, and honeybees. He is a sought after speaker on the topic of S/M and gender fluidity within the Leather community. As part of a group of community elders he often shares his perspective on the Pacific Northwest Leather history. Jack says that S/M has informed his life and his personal spiritual path for more than thirty years bringing him lifelong friendships, great enlightenment, and much joy and pleasure.

Kristen Knapick, MA, LMHCA, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Seattle. She specializes in working with those for whom kink/poly/sex work/queerness/gender variance are a part of life whether the source of a problem or not. Her nearly 20 years of experience as a member of all of these communities gives her a unique, non-judgmental perspective on mental health within them, and her professional training has sharpened her skills. Kristen has presented material at Babeland, Powersurge, Living in Leather, The Center for Sex Positive Culture, Women In Kink, and Gender Odyssey. She has organized professional trainings for mental health providers on polyamory and BDSM, and created a research project to explore the aging of the transgender community and the ways in which our current system is unprepared for assisting these trailblazers. Currently, Kristen is working to raise awareness and visibility for the needs of trans/gender-nonconformists, sex workers, and kinky and/or polyamorous people within the mental health system.

September 4, 2013June 22, 2018

The Back to School 2013 Q&A Show — Podcast #388 — 09/04/13

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

Alrighty then! As I promised, I have a swell Q&A show in store for you today. I have a whole bunch of very interesting correspondents vying for their moment in the sun, so to speak. Each one is ready to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

But, before we get to that, I want to acknowledge three recent donation to the upkeep of this site. The donations come from: Peter of Knoxville, TN with a contribution of $25, Annie of Chicago, IL, my hometown, with a contribution of $25, and Terrence of Santa Barbara, CA with a contribution of $50. Thank you all!

First, a couple general announcements: website redesign and a word about The Gospel of Kink.
Some guy wants to know if it’s ok to have annual (anal??) sex on a daily basis.
Matt jerks off using women’s panties. He wants to know if I think he’s gay?
Selena is really getting into her boobs and nipples.
Finally, another one of my outstanding sexual enrichment tutorials: Six Reasons Why Women Don’t Enjoy Sex.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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August 21, 2013June 22, 2018

More SEX WISDOM With Katherine Frank — Podcast #387 — 08/21/13

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans! Welcome back.

Kate’s back! That’s Dr Katherine Frank, cultural anthropologist, sex researcher and noted author, to you guys, don’t cha know. And this is the SEX WISDOM show.

So Kate and I got such an amazing response after last week’s episode that I could hardly contain myself for her return today. And I’ll just bet she’ll be bringing us more of her signature candor and insight.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this show, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #386 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Katherine and I discuss:

Gender power dynamics in group sex;
Differences between gay and straight group sex etiquette;
Sexual taboos may still apply;
The mainstream and the fringe;
Disgust, shame and guilt;
Sexual transgressions and transcendence;
Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Desire;
Sex work is labor;
Sex as barter;
Double standards;
Sex worker rights;
Those who inspire her.

Katherine invites you to visit her on her site HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Katherine’s books.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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August 14, 2013June 22, 2018

SEX WISDOM With Katherine Frank — Podcast #386 — 08/14/13

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

I’m delighted to continue the SEX WISDOM series today. After the last two weeks of chat with an up and coming therapist who is just beginning her sexological career, I am proud to welcome a woman of distinction in our field. My guest today is cultural anthropologist, sex researcher and noted author, Katherine Frank.

Katherine has distinguished herself as one who can tackle some of the thorniest issues of human sexual behavior with objectivity and compassion. Her three books as well as her numerous academic papers and popular articles provide us with an intelligent and intimate view of the sexual fringe. And she’s here today to tell us about her research and why she chooses to study what she does.

Katherine and I discuss:

Cultural anthropology and sex research;
Meanings and taboos;
Sex and the boundaries of our bodies;
Dispassionate observations and objectivity;
Participatory research;
Critical thinking, human nature and generalizations;
Fears, desires, and wounds;
Sex research and its repercussions;
Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex;
Breaking the rules;
The myths associated with group sex.

Katherine invites you to visit her on her site HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Katherine’s books.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

August 7, 2013June 22, 2018

More SEX WISDOM With Brittany Steffen — Podcast #385 — 08/07/13

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hello sex fans!

Welcome back. Look out, ya’ll, because my friend, fellow therapist, and all-around amazing person, Brittany Steffen, is back with us today for Part 2 of her appearance on this the SEX WISDOM show. She made quite a stir last week with her premiere performance, so I can hardly wait to chat her again this week.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #384 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Brittany and I discuss:

Sex positions and body image;
Swinging, polyamory and open relationships;
Checking-in, the lifeblood of all relationship models;
Infant circumcision;
Same sex marriage and LGBTQ parenting;
Teen sex and sex ed;
People who inspire her;
Her sexual hero.

Brittany invites you to visit her on her site HERE! You can also find her on Facebook HERE! And she’s on Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

July 19, 2013July 22, 2013

Join Me In Celebrating…

Hey sex fans!

I have some fantastic news. My latest book, The Gospel Of Kink — A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For, has just been published. You’ll find it on Amazon and in all your favorite bookstores. Kindle and Nook version coming soon.

The Gospel Of Kink is a workshop in book form. Its innovative and interactive format presents the reader with numerous situations and dilemmas that arise as people embrace their kinkiness and integrate their eroticism into daily life.

The Gospel Of Kink is on the cutting edge of the sex-positive and kink-aware movements. This workbook helps the reader break free from the painful silence the dominant culture imposes on alt culture and those of us on the sexual fringe.

The Gospel Of Kink provides an opportunity to learn from people just like you. Its on-the-page workshop features a group of ten fictional characters who are your fellow participants. In addition, it includes a panel of actual seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture practitioners who share their expertise and life experience with you.

The Gospel Of Kink engages you with numerous exercises and homework. As a workshop participant, you will complete A Personal Alt Relationship Inventory, discuss the Essentials of Effective Communication, identify Tools and Techniques for Navigating Alt Relationship Conflicts, and learn how to Keep Things Fresh and Interesting.

The Gospel Of Kink provides a safe and secure place for you to air your concerns without fear of being judged for how you live your life or with whom you choose to live it. You will learn within a framework of honesty, activity, alliance, support, and humor.

The Gospel Of Kink is a workbook designed primarily for the modern kinkster, but not exclusively. Family, friends, healing and helping professionals, teachers, students, indeed anyone who wishes to further understand and better communicate with those they know on the sexual fringe, will benefit from this book.

Here’s a tip. There’s a 13 page preview of The Gospel Of Kink HERE!

“I can safely say that this book is fundamentally different in style and scope from everything else I’ve ever read on the topic and I think you’ll agree.”

June 27, 2013June 29, 2013

Worry, Worry, Worry!

Today I present a handful of concerns from the sexually worrisome.

Name: Michael
Gender: Male
Age:
Location:
How does one prepare a solution to be used for a male anal douche?

Warm water is all you need. Never use soap.

Some men add lemon juice or vinegar (1-2 Tbs per quart) of the warm water. Others dissolve (2 Tbs) of baking soda in a quart of warm water.

Stay away from commercially produced douches, most contain harmful and irritating chemicals. And trust me, you don’t want that. Besides, commercial douches are expensive and all that packaging is definitely not eco-friendly. And we all want to be green perverts, don’t we?

Finally I’d like to turn you on to the Ergo Speed Douche. Brad, of the Dr Dick Review Crew, gave it a stunning review. Check it out. You can find it, and all the products we’ve reviewed, on drdicksextoyreviews.com.

Good luck

Name: Angela
Gender: Female
Age: 14
Location:
Hi! Um how do you know whether you should be a sub or a dom? And is there a contract for a sub/dom relationship? Thank you, and bye!

Whoa, hun, there are no “shoulds” when it comes to power exchange play.

With a little more life experience under your belt, the kind that will come over the next few years, you will no doubt discover on your own whether you have tendencies for either one or the other of these roles. I assure you that it will reveal itself to you in time.

Yes, often there is a contract of sorts that organically forms between a sub and his/her Dom. The details of which are always determined by the uniqueness of the relationship. So no need to get too far ahead of yourself in this regard either.

Hey, why don’t ya do yourself a favor and allow yourself the time you need to let your life unfold in a natural sorta way? I mean, where’s the fire? Besides, this is not something you can force or artificially accelerate.

Good luck

Name:
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: New York
Is there any cream out there that really works to promote better blood flow to my penis? I believe from over masturbating I have lost some of my hardness during sex. If not is there any thing I can take over the counter herb, vitamins, whatever that may contain certain things that can help. What is the best solution for me.

Hold on there, fella! You’re only a tender 22 years of age and yet you say you’ve already lost some of your “hardness” to excessive masturbation? How is this possible? How many times a day are you pullin’ your pud, darlin’? Is there something else goin on that you’re not telling me? If not, maybe you could give your peanut a little break. Sheesh!

To start with, penis enlargement pills and patches proliferate on internet, but there is virtually no documented evidence that they work. All such products use herbal ingredients, like ginkgo biloba and yohimbe, which act as stimulants and vasodilators. The best one can say is that some pills may enhance blood flow, which may, in some cases, cause an ever so slight increase in wood. However, once you start a program like this, you need to continue it for as long as you want the effects to last. Imagine how expensive that would be; these products are pretty pricy.

Regarding the “hardness” issue you mention. Perhaps that’s best handled by a simple cockring. Here’s a tip: always look for the low-tech solution to a problem first.

Good luck