How sex toys for men went mainstream

— And we’re vibing it

Men’s sex coach Cam Fraser is all for this sexual revolution.

By Sarah Noonan and Holly Berckelman

We’re living in the age of normalising sexual wellness, and it looks like the boys are getting on board. Here are the latest innovations in the male sex toy sphere you need to get your hands on.

Sexual wellness is coming for men. In fact, it has been for quite some time now. The proof?

A global market report conducted in the mecca of sex – the US – has revealed the male sex toy industry is set to hit a compound annual growth rate of more than seven per cent over the next decade, expanding the overall market value from $23,000 in 2019 to an eye-watering $59 billion by 2032. And with the current popularity of female pleasure heating up social discourse, it seems sex toys for guys have officially gone mainstream.

“I think society is gradually shifting towards a more open and inclusive dialogue about male sexual wellness, beyond function and hydraulics,” says men’s sex and relationships coach, Cam Fraser.

“[Generally speaking], this trend is indicative of a broader cultural movement toward destigmatising sexual exploration and prioritising mutually pleasurable experiences.”

While long assumed to be only for women, there is, in reality, a huge and varied range of sex toys designed explicitly for men. And all men at that. Whether you’re shopping for yourself or a male partner – there’s a sex toy out there to enhance both solo or partner play.

According to a survey by pleasure-aid brand, Womanizer, men masturbate an average of 155 times per year, which equates to almost three times per week.

“As restrictive stereotypes about being a ‘real man’ have lessened, many men have become more comfortable with exploring different aspects of pleasure,” says Fraser, adding that digital dialogues have also played a major role in this shift.

“Social media, wellness influencers and a more open public conversation about masculinity and sexuality have contributed to normalising discussions around male sexual health and pleasure… [and] a more accepting and curious attitude toward exploring one’s own body and desires.”

These stats alone beg the question: if you’re putting that much time into something, why not spice things up a bit?

Turns out toys can have major health benefits

According to science (yes, actual science), masturbation, prostate massage and using sex toys can be life saving for men.

Firstly, it turns out masturbation can lower your prostate cancer risk, improve heart health, boost immunity and (if you orgasm once or twice a week) help you live longer.

“The man who has 350 orgasms a year, versus the national average of around a third of that, lives about four years longer,” says Michael Roizen, the chair of the Wellness Institute at the Cleveland Clinic who conducted a study on the topic.

Meanwhile, in Wales, researchers determined that men who had two or more orgasms a week halved their rate of mortality to those who had orgasms less than once a month.

“Sexual activity seems to have a protective effect on men’s health,” the researchers concluded, and these numbers are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to longevity.

Experts say that the new breed of male sex tech can actually help with sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, lack of libido and post-surgical problems, like urine flow, for a variety of conditions.

In fact, one study revealed that “72 per cent of men with secondary delayed orgasm [difficulty achieving ejaculation or orgasm] were able to restore orgasm with penile vibratory stimulation” – aka the use of male vibrators.

If that hasn’t put you in the mood for self-love, then we don’t know what will.

Design is more high-tech than ever before

“In addition to improved ergonomic designs and advancing technology, which have made self-pleasure more appealing and enjoyable, I think the way that sex toys are being marketed and packaged has encouraged more men to explore self-pleasure,” says Fraser.

“Instead of sleazy, back-alley shops and lewd imagery, many toys are now being sold by reputable companies in sleek and unassuming packaging.”

Brands are creating a range of vibrators for men that are rooted in enjoyment – both physically and aesthetically – meaning, most of the time, they don’t actually resemble one.

“When we develop our toys, their design is always top-of-mind,” says Sarah Moglia, head of innovation at sexual pleasure brand, Arcwave. “We keep our products discrete-looking so that users don’t feel the need to hide them away when not in use.”

In fact, most new designs can be displayed around the home as a piece of art without impromptu visitors knowing what they actually are.

“Not only should the toys bring users sexual satisfaction, but we also want them to look great in interior spaces so that our customers can feel proud that they are embracing pleasure,” says Moglia.

“These changes have made sex toys more approachable and accessible, perhaps resulting in men feeling less ashamed to purchase [and use] them,” adds Fraser.

“I think this signals a promising future for sexual wellness, where personal pleasure is both prioritised and destigmatised.” It’s something female brands have been adopting for a while now, but an element that has long been neglected in male pleasure.

Earlier this year, Womanizer unveiled the world’s first shower head designed for masturbation.

Created in partnership with luxury German bathware manufacturer, Hansgrohe, the Wave shower head looks discreet in the bathroom, but packs a punch when it comes to enjoyment.

“A chic-looking sex toy on your shelf, bedside table or in your shower is the ultimate tool – both aesthetically and sexually,” says Elisabeth Neumann, sexologist and head of user research at Womanizer.

“Design has played a significant role in changing perceptions around pleasure and sex toys,” adds Fraser. “By focusing on aesthetics, functionality and discretion, [brands] are breaking down stereotypes that sex toys are either taboo or vulgar.”

Not only is this pivotal in normalising sexual wellness as an integral element of overall health and wellbeing, but it also plays a major role in reducing shame around sex and self-care. And we’re all for that.

Complete Article HERE!

Watch what happens when gay tourists ask Spanish people to translate for them

By Melanie Potter

A real test of someones’ character is how they act when they think no one’s watching. This is exactly why hidden camera social experiments are so poignant.

Unfortunately, these experiments usually produce negative results — but every once in a while, strangers will act so compassionately that it may actually surprise you.

The video, created by Spain’s State Federation of Lesbians, Gays, Transsexuals and Bisexuals, calls on the public to “report homophobic, biphobic and transphobic threats, insults or attacks.”

The premise of the hidden camera social experiment is this: A gay couple from the U.S. are in Spain on vacation and don’t know the language. So they stop people on the streets for directions and to translate this letter, given to them by their hotel owner. To the locals’ shock, the note is filled with homophobic remarks and hatred.

You can see the sadness on these strangers’ faces while reading the homophobic note. One girl, who cannot bring herself to translates what the note actually says, tells them “It’s better if you go to another hostel, because this one is not very good.”

Another man tells the couple, “You go with this to the police, they can close his business.” And a woman, visibly upset, calls the note “disgusting.”

The video, part of a larger campaign to stop homophobic harassment in Spain and beyond, urges victims to report all threats to local authorities.

Misconceptions about older adults’ sexuality can cause ageist beliefs.

— Here’s what one study found

Many people assume aging means losing interest in sex. A recent study sheds light on the misconceptions surrounding older adults’ sexual lives.

Society’s beliefs about aging and sex are complex and vary widely, but one common belief is that disinterest in sex is a standard part of aging. A recent study explores how misconceptions like these can complicate the acceptance of older adults’ sexual lives.

The study surveyed 270 young adults, ages 18 to 35, about their perceptions of sexuality in older adulthood, general attitudes towards sex and sex as a leisure activity. It was conducted by Liza Berdychevsky, professor of recreation, sport and tourism at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and Iulia Fratila, an assistant professor of global and community health at George Mason University.

“The entire premise is: How do we combat ageism?” Berdychevsky said.

The study found that young adults have a moderate level of knowledge and are typically open-minded regarding later-life sexuality. But it also revealed the ageist views and misconceptions that can potentially harm older adults’ sexual expression.

More than one in four young adults surveyed incorrectly believed that sex might increase the chance of heart attacks for older folks. About 12% mistakenly thought that sex in later years could be bad for health overall. And roughly one in five were under the wrong impression that older men and women can’t be partners to each other for sex, thinking instead that they need younger partners for any sexual connection.

Older adults can internalize ageism, Fratila said, leading them to limit their willingness and confidence to seek help if issues with their sexual life do arise.

“We see a lot in movies, that older adults become asexual, or that it’s a dirty, creepy phenomenon to have sexual interest still as you get older,” Fratila said. “It might just hurt their psychological well-being and self-esteem, being marginalized or stereotyped in that way.”

It’s a shame, she said, because these false ideas “[don’t] allow people to actually pursue the maximum health that they can, given that sexual health is a part of our overall well-being.”

In an earlier study, Berdychevsky spoke with older adults about ageist beliefs they’ve encountered. Many said that at least some of these ideas came from uninformed health care providers or close family members — like adult children — who did not appreciate the idea of their parents having sexual relations.

The new study also found that some participants would be reluctant to admit a relative to a nursing home that allowed and supported sexual activity among its residents.

“I think they should view it through the lens of: Am I infringing on my relative’s sexual expression rights? And if the answer is yes, then rethink your position,” Berdychevsky said. “It’s up to them. The infrastructure for privacy and intimacy and sexual relationships need to be provided, and then it’s up to older adults whether to take advantage of that.”

Illinois Student Newsroom spoke with young people on the campus of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, to see what they thought about the topic of aging and sex.

UIUC freshman Seher Bhaskar said sex is seen as taboo for older generations.

“It’s that idea that there’s a prime of your age – the idea that a senior citizen is not as capable as someone who’s younger,” Bhaskar said. “So we just feel that they’re just not part of normal life, so they shouldn’t be doing those ‘un-innocent’ activities.”

Numerous research studies show that sexual activity in later life has numerous health benefits, including improved cardiovascular function, relaxation, and decreased pain sensitivity and depressive symptoms. Fratila also noted the psychological and social benefits.

“It doesn’t stop after our reproductive years,” Fratila said. “This is something that can be a glue for relationships, it can be something that’s empowering for individuals when they’re able to practice safe sex, and sex that is adaptable to where they are in their life stage. It doesn’t have to look like how it [did] when you were younger.”

When asked what age they thought adults stopped having sex, Alex Lopez, a UIUC freshman, guessed somewhere in their 30s.

“I have no idea,” they said. “At least for me in middle school, I had no sex ed, and then in high school as well. I got educated by a friend of mine during a free period in a classroom.”

Berdychevsky said the next steps are to focus on developing appropriate sexual health education throughout life.

“It has to be tailored to [a] particular life stage with the focus that there’s no expiration date on sexuality,” Berdychevsky said. “It’s not only older adults. It’s not only younger adults. [Sex] can continue to be enjoyed, perhaps differently at every life stage, but it still comes with all its benefits.”

Better sexual education of young people, the researchers said, could help alleviate fears many young people have about mortality and aging.

Mallory Miller, a junior at UIUC, said she believes more representation would also be beneficial. 

“We only hear about sex with people who have the ‘perfect’ bodies or early 20-year-olds or college students,” Miller said. “You don’t even realize that it happens at all ages. I think it’d be great if we could change that mental imagery to something that’s more inclusive.”

Currently, Berdychevsky is spearheading another project – an app with tailored sexual health education messages for older adults. Her team has already developed 30 modules and is working on an algorithm and screener.

“Every good thing in our life requires some work, and ageist stereotypes tend to inhibit some people’s ability to do that work because it’s not viewed as worthy or as appropriate or whatnot,” Berdychevsky said. “Removing that ageist inhibition is so crucially important, so that people could act upon their change in needs and desires and get that fulfillment that they’re looking for.”

Complete Article HERE!

PrEP: What is the HIV prevention drug and how effective is it?

— PrEP has been hailed by sexual health experts as crucial in bringing the HIV epidemic to an end, but studies show that only 20 per cent of the British public even know it exists.

BY CONOR CLARK

Taking PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) is one of the most effective ways to reduce the risk of getting HIV, but knowledge about it among the British public remains scarce. In fact, just 20 per cent of people in the UK know it exists, according to research conducted by YouGov on behalf of Terrence Higgins Trust, the country’s leading sexual health charity. A staggering 77 per cent were also unaware that England can end new cases of HIV by 2030, which sexual health experts have said PrEP is key to making a reality. So, what is the drug, how effective is it at preventing HIV and where can you get it?

What is PrEP?

PrEP (sometimes known as Truvada) is a medicine that drastically reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex or injection drug use when taken effectively. It typically comes in the form of a tablet containing tenofovir disoproxil and emtricitabine, both of which are used to treat HIV. Once there’s enough of the drug inside you, it works by blocking HIV from getting into the body and replicating itself.

Long-acting injectable PrEP also exists and has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the US, though is not yet available in the UK. It can also exist as a vaginal ring, though this is also not yet available in the UK.

PrEP does not protect you against any other sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

How effective is it at preventing HIV?

When taken effectively, PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by 99 per cent. When taking it daily, PrEP needs to be taken for seven days until it becomes fully effective.

The PrEP Impact Trial, which involved more than 24,000 participants across 157 sexual health services from October 2017 to July 2020, proved the real-world effectiveness of the drug and concluded that it should be used more widely to prevent the spread of HIV. John Stewart, National Director for Specialised Commissioning at NHS England and co-Chair of the PrEP Impact Trial Oversight Board, said: “Not only did the trial directly prevent many cases of HIV, help normalise the use of PrEP, remove stigma and pave the way for a routinely commissioned clinically and cost-effective PrEP service; but it also made a very real contribution towards our goal of ending new cases of HIV by 2030.”

How often should I take it?

Most people take it orally in the form of a tablet, either regularly (one a day) or ‘event-based’ (two tablets two to 24 hours before sex, then one 24 hours after sex and a further one 48 hours after).

Those who were assigned female at birth and trans people using hormone treatment are recommended to take PrEP daily due to the lack of data available in supporting other dosing options. More information about this is available here.

Do I still need to test for HIV if I’m on PrEP?

The short answer is yes. Sam, a doctor at the Dean Street sexual health clinics in London, which are world-famous for their services to LGBTQIA+ people, said: “PrEP is the most effective way of protecting yourself from HIV. However, mistakes can happen with taking your PrEP, so we still advise testing every three to four months for HIV and all the other STIs.”

Kidney tests are done before you begin taking PrEP and continue routinely while you are on it. This is because it can sometimes affect your kidneys, though this is incredibly rare and typically only happens in those aged 50 and older or those who already have kidney problems.

Are there any side effects?

Not everyone gets side effects from PrEP and those who do usually see them go away after the first few weeks of taking it. “This is one of the number one reasons for people not wanting to take PrEP, but actually only about one in 10 people get side effects from PrEP and these tend to be quite mild and not very severe,” Sam told GAY TIMES.

According to the NHS, the most common side effects some people experience are:

  • Headache
  • Nausea and/or vomiting
  • Diarrhoea
  • Feeling dizzy and/or weak
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Bloating and/or indigestion

Clinicians recommend that anyone experiencing side effects seek medical advice if they persist.

Complete Article HERE!

Cannabis Can Help Women Reach Orgasm

— But It’s ‘More Than Pleasure’

By Sarah Sinclair

Over half of women have faked an orgasm. Surprised? Probably not.

But while some women fake it from time-to-time, for others the lack of ability to reach orgasm is a far more debilitating issue.

Female orgasm disorder/difficulty (FOD), sometimes referred to as orgasm dysfunction, occurs when an individual has difficulty reaching orgasm, even when they are sexually aroused.

It affects millions of women worldwide and yet remains drastically under-studied.

“FOD is an under-recognized and under-treated serious public health issue,” says Dr Suzanne Mulvehill, founder of the Female Orgasm Research Institute, in written correspondence.

“The purpose of the Female Orgasm Research Institute is to identify proven pathways to female orgasm, conduct female orgasm research, bring awareness to the persistently high percentage of women affected by female orgasm difficulty, and provide an online female orgasm research library.”

According to Mulvehill’s research, the condition affects up to 41% of the female population, a statistic that has remained unchanged for 50 years.

She puts this down to a number of reasons that include “shame, stigma, lack of research, and lack of treatments”.

A quick search of clinicaltrials.gov and you’ll see that there are currently no clinical trials recruiting or in the early stages of development on FOD and only 13 completed studies.

This is compared to 363 completed studies on erectile dysfunction and 88 in the early stages.

Dr Mulvehill says: “When I was conducting my dissertation research, I was shocked to discover that there is only one empirically validated treatment for FOD and that is only for women who never orgasmed, or rather, have not yet orgasmed, and this is called directed masturbation and was developed in the 1970s.

“There are no empirically validated treatments for the largest group of women affected by FOD which is women who have what is referred to as Situational FOD, meaning women who can orgasm in some situations but not others, such as orgasm from masturbation but not during partnered sex.”

There is one potential treatment which is showing significant promise though.

While previous research has suggested cannabis could have therapeutic potential in a number of female sexual disorders and could enhance pleasure for both men and women, the latest study to be published by the Female Orgasm Research Institute is the first to specifically evaluate the effects of cannabis in treating FOD.

What The Study Found

The observational study conducted among almost 400 women between March-November 2022, evaluated baseline demographics, sexual behavior, mental health, cannabis use, and the orgasm subscale questions of the Female Sexual Function Index (FSFI), evaluating orgasm frequency, orgasm satisfaction, and orgasm ease, with and without cannabis before sex.

The majority of women in the study who reported difficulty reaching orgasm were between the ages of 25–34 (52%), reported their race as white (75%) and were married or in a relationship (82%).

Among those respondents reporting orgasm difficulty, cannabis use before partnered sex was found to increase orgasm frequency (72.8%) improve orgasm satisfaction (67%) or make reaching orgasm easier (71%).

According to the findings, the frequency of cannabis use before partnered sex correlated with increased orgasm frequency for women with FOD, while orgasm response to cannabis depended on the reasons for use.

These findings echo 50 years of research, Dr Mulvehill says.

“I honestly do not know of any other condition that has more of a research history than cannabis and sex, and in particular female orgasm,” she continues.

“What we do know is that 50 years of research shows cannabis helps women orgasm and helps women who have FOD. In the 1970s Dr Eric Goode speculated that it helped women release sexual inhibition.

“Aldrich found that cannabis has been used since ancient times to enhance sexual pleasure, and extensively documented the tantric use of cannabis in India from the seventh century onward to aid sexual pleasure and enlightenment.

“In 2020, Kasman et al. found that for each step up in cannabis use, female sexual dysfunction declined by 21%.”

FOD: The Bigger Picture

It starts to make sense when you look at the bigger picture around FOD.

Dr Mulvehill’s study also examined the mental health difficulties experienced by women with FOD. Those with the condition reported 24% more mental health issues, 52.6% more PTSD, 29% more depressive disorders, 13% more anxiety disorders, and 22% more prescription drug use than women without FOD. Women with FOD were also more likely to report sexual abuse history than women without.

“Rabinak et al found that hypervigilance, anxiety, and PTSD are responses of the amygdala while studies from 2007 and 2015 found that trauma responses commonly impair sexual response,” she explains.

“We also know that orgasm difficulties are the number one sexual complaint of sexual abuse survivors. When we start to put the research puzzle together, we see cannabis medicine helping women overcome FOD.”

Dr Mulvehill and her research partner, Dr Jordan Tishler, have been trying for three years to secure the funding to conduct a randomized controlled trial to examine cannabis as a treatment for FOD in more depth.

Among as yet unanswered questions such as why it works first-time for some and not others, this is an issue about “more than just pleasure” and could have a much wider impact on health.

FOD has a well-documented link to anxiety, childhood sexual abuse, PTSD, and cognitive distractions.

Studies have shown that THC, one of the main cannabinoids found in cannabis, can significantly reduce rates of anxiety and traumatic memories related to trauma and PTSD by reducing activity in the amygdala and reduces cognitive distractions by inhibiting activity in the prefrontal cortex.“

“As it turns out, orgasm is way more than being about pleasure. It is about a human right, a sexual right, and mental and physical health,” says Dr Mulvehill.

FOD has been linked to heart disease and cardiovascular issues, while a 2009 study found that of the sexually active women with type 1 diabetes, 51% of women reporting female sexual dysfunction had problems with orgasm.”

“If we start to actually ask women if they orgasm or not when screening for medical conditions, we may find out that lack of orgasm is linked to other health conditions. We know that during orgasm massive amounts of oxytocin are released.

“And what condition is related to a lack of oxytocin? Alzheimer’s disease. We also know that women in their 60’s are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s. We will not know until we start asking the questions.”

FOD And Public Policy Changes

Dr Mulvehill began researching this area following her own experience of overcoming FOD with the help of cannabis. And she’s not alone.

The study comes as four U.S. states are now considering adding FOD to the list of qualifying conditions for a medical cannabis prescription.

This month, the Illinois Medical Cannabis Board approved adding FOD and endometriosis as conditions of treatment with medical cannabis and is now awaiting final approval from the state’s director of public health.

Dr Mulvehill’s personal testimony has been submitted as part of the Illinois public comments process, alongside that of other women.

Meanwhile, Ohio’s State Medical Board also recently announced that FOD, along with autism spectrum disorder, would move forward for expert review and public comment following petitions submitted online.

New Mexico and Connecticut are also reported to be considering the issue.

Dr Tishler, founder of the Association of Cannabinoid Specialists and president of inhaleMD, already prescribes cannabis for FOD and other sexual disorders, and has also submitted a letter of support to regulators in New Mexico.

He highlights the importance of women having access to legally prescribed cannabis and clinical guidance when using it to manage these conditions.

“Cannabis is a medicine and as such must be treated as a medication,” he comments over email.

“It has risks as well as benefits and best practices that lead to better outcomes. This is certainly true for the treatment of FOD. Using cannabis in a recreational manner is more likely to lead to no benefit and higher risk of misuse. Further, as cannabis overuse can worsen anxiety and depression, it can worsen FOD. Women who have FOD, like any other illness, deserve proper treatment from a knowledgeable and caring cannabinoid specialist.”

Despite the lack of robust scientific evidence through RCTs, Dr Mulvehill highlights how this hasn’t prevented other conditions being approved for medical cannabis treatment. PTSD was approved in New Mexico in 2009, with no published studies and only case reports.

“The 50 years of research, combined with doctors prescribing medical cannabis for FOD, therapists recommending it, and women using cannabis before sex, tells me there is enough evidence for FOD to become a condition of treatment with medical cannabis,” she says.

“Just google cannabis and orgasm and you will see all of the articles on it. It is not new news. What is new is getting a public policy change to add FOD as a condition of treatment with medical cannabis. Just like PTSD has dealt with stigma through awareness and education, the same can be said for FOD.”

Dr Mulvehill adds: “FOD is a medical condition that deserves proper medical treatment. It is not something that women should have to ‘figure out on their own’.”

Complete Article HERE!

What’s Your Kink?

— The nuanced world of BDSM

By Lucy Copp

Carol always knew something was “off” for her during sex.

“At one point I even thought I might have been asexual because I just wasn’t getting what other people would talk about all the time,” she told Larry Mantle on AirTalk, LAist 89.3’s daily news program.

It took Carol a long time to figure out that nothing was wrong with her, she just had a missing kink.

That kink? Spanking.

At 74 years old and 52 years into her marriage, Carol discovered she loves to be spanked.

“It just took a long time to figure this out because my access to computers and things were limited, and I just didn’t know,” she said. “I didn’t have the time to explore me!”

Her husband doesn’t necessarily have the same kink, but that hasn’t stopped him from leaning into his partner’s pleasure.

“He noticed every time we do this, how much happier I am. If I’m cranky or we’re fighting it will change the mood like an instant pill. We have never laughed and joyed and played so much in 52 years than we have this past year,” Carol said.

Kink may not be what you think

Legs in fishnet stocking and tied with knots
The art of Shibari

Kink and BDSM (Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission, Sado-Masochism) conjure up certain images in popular culture. Take the Blockbuster hit 50 Shades of Gray, which delved into fantasies of violent sex in which Christian Grey, a handsome business man, wants his love interest to be submissive. While this is a common kink played out in private spaces, BDSM practitioners were quick to weigh in on all that was missing from the film’s depictions — communication, context, and most importantly, consent.

“We have two dominant paradigms around kink,” said Nora Last, owner of Double Mask Studio, a queer owned and operated Shibari studio located in downtown L.A. Shibari is a type of bondage practice (more on that further down).

A couple paradigms include “a slender guy in a suit and a girl in a dress kneeling in front of him,” or, Last continued, “a conventionally attractive woman in spiked heels and latex.”

“They’re lovely, but we’re really limiting ourselves and not giving ourselves enough credit if we stop imagining there,” said Last.

Finding your kink

A woman hangs from ropes
Nora Last at her studio Devil Mask Studios in DTLA

Kinks come in all styles and flavors. You’ve got your more common asphyxiation kink, also known as “breath play,” to your spitting kink, where two consenting adults enjoy spitting in each others mouths. Suffice to say, kinks run the gamut.

“What if we want to [explore kink] in a cozy onesie? Or outside of the white, hetero roles?” Last said. “If you’ve never seen yourself represented, you might not know how to explore them.”

Like Carol, who discovered her kink for spanking at age 74, many people may have dormant kinks they haven’t yet realized.

“We have never laughed and joyed and played so much in 52 years than we have this past year.”— Carol in Palm Desert

This is something Jean Franzblau experienced. She’s an intimacy coordinator in the entertainment industry who wrote and stars in the one-woman play My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky.

a woman's headshot
Jean Franzblau

“I was shocked to find out I was a kinky woman,” Franzblau said.

After the end of a relationship, Franzblau said her sexuality “shut down.”

A woman in all black rehearsing for a play
Jean Franzblau performs her play “My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky”

“When I got out of it, I became dedicated, committed, to exploring for myself and finding my own sexual sovereignty,” she said.

With newly granted self-permission, Franzblau discovered that both sides of the dominance-submission coin were intriguing to her. Her exploration began with submission. When she found a partner interested in dominance, they had the necessary conversations about consent and negotiation.

“I thought I was going to have maybe a titillating experience, maybe I would learn something new,” she said. “Instead, I would consider it a spiritual experience. I wept. There was something in me that needed to surrender.”

For many folks, finding your kink is just the first step. The next step? Finding a safe space and people with whom to express it.

“What if we want to explore kink in a cozy onesie? Or outside of the white, hetero roles? If you’ve never seen yourself represented, you might not know how to explore them.” — Nora Last

Freeing your kink

Today, there are ample spaces that provide safe and playful settings for adults to explore their sexuality. One of those spaces is Nora Last’s studio in Downtown L.A. where the focus is on Shibari, the Japanese art of erotic bondage.

“We define it most broadly as rope bondage,” Last said, “Whether that is for sensation, whether that is for sexual gratification, and that references specific aesthetics and styles coming from Japanese rope bondage.”

Woman in Shibari on the beach
Nora Last on the beach practicing the erotic bondage art of Shibari

Shibari is one of the many styles of kink or eroticism that people can play with — play being the operative word.

“At its core, kink is about creating a container for intimacy. It can be sexual, emotional,” they said. “Creating a container for a focused, specific experience. It’s part of our core human desire.”

A San Francisco-based kink educator named Midori, whom Last admires, writes “BDSM is childhood joyous play, with adult sexual privilege, and cool toys.”

Last adds, “So much of it comes down to…why not? There’s a harsh dichotomy between kinky and vanilla, queer and hetero. It’s not as harsh of a line as we think it is.”

Therein lies the nuance. To be kinky or not to be kinky was never the question.

Woman swings in a park with a coffee in hand
Nora Last tied up in Shibari in a public park

Talking with partners

When it comes to kink, Franzblau’s hope for everyone in a partnership is that they can candidly talk about the places they connect and the places they don’t.

“Are we here to control each other or to encourage each other’s greatness or well-being?” Franzblau said.

She acknowledges that it can be totally heartbreaking when partners don’t see eye to eye. But, she adds, “What’s wonderful about this moment in time is that there are a lot of resources for navigating these extremely tricky conversations.”

For kink and BDSM communities that have been historically stigmatized, Franzblau and Last are two people among many trying to change that. Arguably, their most powerful and subversive statements? Their kinks.

NEW TO KINK? CHECK OUT THESE RESOURCES!

  • Sex Positive LA
    Sex-Positive Los Angeles is a non-profit organization that creates educational and social experiences around positive sexuality, identity, lifestyle, consent, and body-positivity for adults. We provide a chance to explore, learn, and grow in a safe, welcoming, and consensual environment through consensual touch events, workshops and discussion groups.
  • 910 WeHo
    A Queer and Alt Lifestyle, Friendly Community Space for All. BDSM Los Angeles kink dungeon.
  • Fet Life
    A popular Social Network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky Community.
  • Cuddle Sanctuary
    Social events to learn about and practice consent
  • My Mother Doesn’t Know I’m Kinky
    A one-woman show exploring the early childhood hints that she was wired differently and her bumpy, awkwardly arousing journey towards self-acceptance.
  • Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships
    Therapist Kate Loree—who has practiced non-monogamy since 2003, and who specializes in treating clients who also practice non-monogamy—pulls no punches as she uses vignettes based on her own life, as well as her clients’ experiences, to illustrate the highs, lows, and in-betweens of life as a consensual non-monogamist.
  • Plura App
    Plura is the go-to app for queer, sex+, growth-oriented, and alternative people to find their people.
  • ShibariStudy
    An online resource, rope-focused (as the name implies) but their consent classes are both very good and very broadly applicable.
  • Why Are People Into That?!
    A podcast hosted by sex-ed icon Tina Horn, a podcast dedicated to answering its titular question. Now also a book!
  • Safiya Darling
    a sexuality & consent educator based here in LA, Safiya speaks so effectively to the interplay of queerness, race, and kink
  • Devil Mask Studio
    particularly rope jams, they’re a low stress, semi-structured way to experience the space and connect with other interested folks
  • The Sexual Bucket List Workshop
    A virtual workshop to help you understand your sexual self

Complete Article HERE!

Maintaining an Active Sex Life With Prostate Cancer

— A fulfilling sex life is still possible during and after treatment for prostate cancer.

By Larry Buhl

Every type of prostate cancer treatment has the potential to negatively affect sexual function and may impact fertility. But there is good news: A variety of therapies make it possible to have an active and fulfilling sex life during and after prostate cancer treatment, even if it means slightly reimagining what it means to have good sex. If your sex life has been altered by prostate cancer treatments, some unwanted side effects like erectile dysfunction have been known to improve over time, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine.

How Does Prostate Cancer Affect Sexual Function?

Strictly speaking, prostate cancer itself doesn’t affect sex, and you likely won’t have sexual side effects from prostate cancer, at least in the early stages, according to the American Cancer Society. But you could have some frustrating side effects from the treatments for prostate cancer.

The prostate is surrounded by nerves, muscles, and blood vessels that help produce an erection, but the prostate isn’t required for an erection or orgasm. However, the prostate and seminal vesicles are required for ejaculation and fertility. Some cancer treatments may affect the ability to get an erection and ejaculate.

Sexual Side Effects of Prostate Cancer Treatments

Prostate Surgery

It’s important to understand that orgasm and ejaculation are different physical reactions, although they often happen at the same time. Because the prostate and seminal vesicles are removed in a prostatectomy, no ejaculation can happen, but an erection and orgasm can happen. Sometimes the climax is called a dry orgasm because there is no semen.

Typically, a surgeon will attempt a sparing prostatectomy to save the neurovascular bundles on the side of the prostate that are necessary for erections and orgasms. But sometimes these nerves are damaged in surgery, which could diminish the ability to get erections or keep them.

If there is nerve damage, erectile dysfunction can improve over time even without intervention, according to Raevti Bole, MD, a urologist and specialist in men’s health at the Cleveland Clinic. “In general, patients notice the biggest impact on their erections right after surgery, then start to see improvements for up to two years after surgery,” says Dr. Bole.

There’s also the potential for another frustrating side effect of surgery: climacturia, or orgasmic incontinence. This is when a bit of urine leaks out during arousal. It is treatable through bladder training and exercising the pelvic floor muscles, or Kegel exercises.

Radiation

Although the goal of radiation therapy is to deliver the treatment to only the areas affected by cancer, sometimes it affects nearby nerves as well. When this happens, the nerves may not send a signal to have an erection. Unlike a prostatectomy, for which the biggest impact is right after surgery, the effects from radiation, if they happen, may occur over the course of years.

“Patients who have radiation can still orgasm and ejaculate, but often their ejaculate is diminished because, over time, the seminal vesicles in the prostate don’t produce semen like they used to,” says Scott Shelfo, MD, the medical director of urology at City of Hope in Atlanta.

Chemotherapy

Chemotherapy is unlikely to cause erectile dysfunction, though it does have other side effects, such as fatigue and hair loss. Chemotherapy can, however, lower testosterone levels during the treatment period, per the National Cancer Institute, which leads to decreased libido. Chemo is always given in conjunction with hormonal therapy.

Hormone Therapy

Hormone therapy is used to stop the progression of cancer by significantly reducing testosterone, which can affect libido. With lower testosterone, the desire to have sex decreases. Low testosterone, or low T, can also affect the quality of erections, even though it isn’t physically affecting the sensory nerves. Testosterone is important for maintaining rigidity as well.

But patients with prostate cancer aren’t likely to be on hormone therapy for life. The length of time depends on the aggressiveness of the cancer. If you’ve been on hormone therapy for a while and the cancer is under control, you might have a discussion with your oncologist about taking a “hormone holiday,” according to Bole. “But there will still be intensive monitoring to make sure you’re doing it safely,” Bole says.

Common Questions About Sexual Side Effects of Prostate Cancer

Can You Function Sexually Without a Prostate?

There is life after prostate cancer, and you absolutely can have sex after a prostatectomy, although the quality of the sex depends on how well the nerves that stimulate erections and lead to orgasms survive the surgery.

Regardless of any possible damage to the nerves around the prostate, the sensory nerves, which are different from the ones that control erections, remain untouched by surgery. This means that the process that leads to arousal, but not necessarily erections, shouldn’t change.

Can You Get an Erection if You Have Prostate Cancer or Had Your Prostate Removed?

Yes. The nerves that control erections run along the back of the prostate. As long as the cancer has not invaded those nerves, your surgeon will make every effort to peel the prostate gland from those nerves without doing damage to them.

“If the surgeon does a good prostatectomy, and the patient had good erectile function before it, they have a better chance [of avoiding erectile dysfunction],” says Dr. Shelfo. Of course, if you had erectile dysfunction before prostate removal, chances are that you’re still going to have it after the procedure.

Can You Ejaculate After Prostate Removal?

No. Once the prostate is removed along with seminal vesicles, you can’t ejaculate.

Does Sex Feel Different After Prostate Removal?

Sex after prostate removal might feel different for some people. People with intact prostates often ejaculate and orgasm at the same time, although they are actually different processes. With prostate removal, erections and orgasms should be unchanged, unless the nerves around the prostate are damaged.

But Bole, who surveys patients after surgery, found that some patients find a dry orgasm after prostate surgery less satisfying, adding that same-sex couples may have issues if one partner is lacking a prostate. “For men having receptive anal intercourse, where the prostate is a source of pleasure, having the prostate removed definitely changes the sexual experience,” Bole says.

Can Prostate Cancer Affect Fertility?

Prostate cancer itself won’t necessarily affect fertility, but prostate removal definitely will. When the prostate and seminal vesicles are removed, there can be no ejaculation, which is necessary for fertility.

Sperm is still being produced, however. It’s possible to retrieve sperm surgically though a testicular biopsy for use in assisted reproductive procedures like in vitro fertilization.

Because the average age of prostate cancer diagnosis is 66 years old, according to Cancer.Net, many patients with prostate cancer will be past the age of wanting to conceive.

With other treatments that leave the prostate in place, there may be an impact on erections, depending on whether the nerves that lead to arousal are damaged. However, if you have a prostate, it is possible to ejaculate without a full erection, according to UCLA Health.

Treating Erectile Dysfunction Caused by Prostate Cancer

Nearly all patients will experience some erectile dysfunction after a prostatectomy. How long it lasts depends on age, overall health, and the amount of damage done to the nerves surrounding the prostate, says Johns Hopkins Medicine.

Some erectile dysfunction treatments include the following:

  • Medications Sildenafil (Viagra), vardenafil (Levitra), and tadalafil (Cialis) will help if the issue is getting blood to the penis but won’t be effective if the nerves have been damaged by surgery or radiation. This class of drugs won’t help with low libido.
  • Vacuum Erection Device Also called a penis pump, the device pulls blood into the penis. It can be effective for men who can get an erection but can’t maintain it.
  • Penile Injection Therapy You give yourself a shot at the base of the penis with a mixture of alprostadil, phentolamine, and papaverine (Trimix) to open the blood vessels in the penis and help achieve an erection.
  • Penile Implants These devices placed in the penis to get an erection are sometimes recommended when other treatments for erectile dysfunction fail.

“I always tell my patients, When there’s a will, there’s a way for you to get a firm enough erection for sex,” says Shelfo.

In addition to these interventions, lifestyle changes such as quitting smoking and cutting back on drinking can improve the ability to get an erection, per Cancer Research UK. This is also true for men with erectile dysfunction not related to prostate cancer treatment.

Reimagining Good Sex

Many men believe that good sex involves an erect — and constantly erect — penis, as well as an orgasm and ejaculation. But Bole says that if there are unwanted sexual side effects of prostate cancer treatment, it’s possible to imagine different ways to be sexual.

“Sexual therapy, psychology [experts], and couples counseling can help patients communicate with their partners about what they’re going through and explore other ways to be intimate and express affection,” she says.

Any kind of treatment for cancer can affect not just your anatomy and sexual function but also the way you feel about yourself. Bole says that it’s important to speak with doctors before treatment for prostate cancer about what kinds of sexual changes can be expected. “A lot of times, when the oncologist identifies a problem, they are good at reaching out to get the patient a consultation with someone like myself or one of my partners who specializes in talking about some of the [symptoms] that might not be brought up during an oncology-focused visit,” says Bole.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Lovesickness?

— And How Do You Actually Cure It

The prescription calls for watching “The Notebook.” On repeat.

BY

Picture this: It’s 3 a.m., and instead of blissfully snoozing beneath your sleep mask (…or adding a bunch of viral TikTok finds to your cart), you’re deep in the trenches of your feelings, wrestling with the kind of heartache no amount of beauty sleep or online shopping can heal. Welcome to the not-so-exclusive club of the lovesick, bb, where the main activities include over-analyzing text messages, obsessing about ~the one that got away~, and wondering if your soulmate is really out there. Bleak, right? That’s because, hi, lovesickness is a real thing, and unfortunately for all of us, it hurts like hell.

“Lovesickness describes the intense emotional and physical experiences associated with romantic love,” says Sarah Hill, PhD, a research psychologist and consultant for Cougar Life, specializing in women’s health and sexual psychology. “The symptoms resemble those of a physical illness because of the profound links between the mind and body.” You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you feel depressed, and the thought of doing anything other than crying in bed and watching Love is Blind seems impossible. Sound familiar?

Even though the term isn’t a recognized medical diagnosis, Hill stresses that it’s a very real, very painful mental ailment. To put it bluntly, being lovesick makes it feel like your heart got hit by a semi-truck. Whether you’re trying to get over a breakup, grappling with unrequited love, or coming to terms with a going-nowhere situationship, lovesickness isn’t just for the dramatically inclined—it’s a legit rollercoaster of physical and emotional symptoms that can leave even the strongest among us reeling.

The silver lining? While lovesickness is your body and mind grappling with loss, remember, you’re not spiraling alone—you’ve got us! And with the help of relationship pros, we’re breaking down every damn thing you need to know about lovesickness, from what it is to how to heal. Stick with us, y’all, because happier days are on the horizon, no matter how lovesick you feel rn.

What Actually *Is* Lovesickness?

As the name suggests, lovesickness is the feeling of being “sick” due to the loss or lack of romantic love. Again, it’s not an official medical or clinical condition, but holistic relationship coach Alexandra Roxo stresses just how uncomfortable the experience can be.< “It’s the point where emotional pain turns to physical pain after going through a breakup, heartbreak, or a separation,” she says. While heartbreak—an existential experience—makes you feel sad, Roxo says the difference is that lovesickness is usually described as the physiological response to that heartbreak. Feeling lovesick means you might find it hard to eat, sleep, work, or even have fun. Food might lose its taste, music might sound flat, and you might even experience real symptoms of clinical depression and anxiety. So, no! You’re not being dramatic! Your body *literally* feels sick from lost love, dammit!

The term is sometimes mistaken for limerence—an obsessive form of love—but lovesickness primarily stems from the absence of love, triggering a feeling similar to that experienced from addictive substances. “Being lovesick can feel akin to the withdrawal symptoms from opioid drugs,” Hill explains, “As both scenarios involve a lack of stimulus that usually activates the brain’s reward centers, leading to a dopamine withdrawal.”

While this all sounds, frankly, miserable, it’s important to note that feeling lovesick is actually totally normal. “Both lovesickness and heartbreak can be intense and distressing emotional experiences, but they are also natural responses to the complexities of relationships,” Hill says. Knowing how to heal is key, and curing your lovesickness is possible. Promise.

What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Lovesickness?

Feeling lovesick isn’t just about wallowing in your feelings post-breakup (but, like, that’s totally valid too). According to Hill and Roxo, the symptoms of lovesickness can—and likely will—vary from person to person, ranging from mood swings to sleeplessness to yearning for your former partner. Sometimes, you might feel fine, and other times, you feel like you’re on autopilot or have a hard time functioning in daily life.

So, if you find yourself wanting to call out of work because your heart literally hurts, there’s a chance you’re feeling lovesick. While the signs of lovesickness aren’t always obvious, here’s what the pros say to look out for:

  • Difficulty sleeping: Your love interest’s absence can disrupt your sleep cycle, making it hard to fall or stay asleep.
  • Restlessness and anxiety: A constant state of unease, especially after the breakup or when exposed to triggers? Check.
  • Inability to concentrate: Your thoughts might be consumed by your partner or your breakup, distracting you from any and all tasks at hand.
  • Increased tearfulness: You might find yourself crying over songs, random memories, or simply out of nowhere. Inconvenient, sure, but normal.
  • Pain or tension in the chest: This can be a physical manifestation of your emotional pain (but if it persists, feels uncomfortable, or intensifies, reach out to your doctor ASAP).
  • Mood and appetite changes: Swings in mood and changes in appetite are A Real Response, often leading to eating too little or too much.
  • Obsessive thoughts and idealization: You may find yourself putting the relationship on a pedestal or obsessing over what went wrong.

Understanding these symptoms is the first step toward healing, and can empower you to take steps toward recovery and eventually find balance and happiness again. Because, yes! You will be happy again!

How Do You Heal from Lovesickness?

Dealing with lovesickness can feel like you’re wading through emotional quicksand, but there *are* effective ways to pull yourself out and move forward. Let’s break down some expert-backed strategies to heal from lovesickness and find your footing again.

Be Kind to Yourself.

First and foremost, be gentle with yourself. Lovesickness can take a toll not just emotionally, but physically too. Roxo suggests giving yourself plenty of extra TLC. Eat soothing foods, take bubble baths, get a massage, or cuddle with your pet for some quality physical touch. Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings—so cue up that sad playlist or watch some breakup movies—but Roxo says to schedule something uplifting afterward (like coffee with a pal) to help balance your emotions.

Set Boundaries…and Stick To Them.

As hard as it might be to delete a number or block an account, Hill emphasizes the importance of the whole out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing. Delete the pics, toss the mementos, and try to keep contact to an absolute minimum. Setting healthy boundaries for yourself—whatever that looks like to you—during this time is key, and once you’ve decided that you’re not going to talk to your ex and that you’re going to avoid stalking their socials, stick to it!

Sweat It Out.

I realize working out whilst sad sounds like agony, but physical activity can actually be a crucial component of healing. “Exercise, especially cardio, can significantly improve your brain chemistry, helping to alleviate the fog of lovesickness,” Roxo says. She recommends incorporating upbeat music into your workouts to elevate your mood further.

Have Fun. Seriously.

Since lovesickness is often a dopamine withdrawal, rediscovering joy and pleasure outside of your romantic relationships is crucial to overcoming the ailment. Whether it’s picking up a new hobby, going on a trip, or reading everything trending on BookTok, find fun new activities to look forward to. And if the idea of a rebound relationship sounds alluring (which is okay!), Hill suggests taking things slow and dating people different from your former partner. “Opening yourself up to new experiences can encourage healing,” says Hill.

Ask For Help.

Remember, it’s more than okay to ask for help during this challenging time. Whether it’s a friend or a professional, having someone to act as a sounding board and uplift you when you feel low is paramount. In fact, Roxo encourages reaching out to a therapist or coach who can support you through this transition. “This period of pain could very well be a pivotal moment leading to a breakthrough in your love life,” she says. What’s important is taking proactive steps towards recovery, allowing yourself to grieve, and gradually opening your heart to the possibility of love again.

How Long Does Lovesickness Last?

The truth is, there’s no universal clock for recovering from lovesickness. Some of us might shake it off in a few weeks, while others might be in the trenches for far longer. As Roxo puts it, “The acute symptoms usually start to chill out after a week or two, but really, lovesickness fades in time, depending on how you deal with it.”

While you might wish for a magic potion to speed up the process (don’t we all?), everyone mends at their own pace. It’s a journey, but trust the process. Your heart didn’t come with a fast-forward button, but it’s equipped with resilience and the capacity to heal. You got this.

Complete Article HERE!

Misinformation Is on the Rise.

— Here’s What You Need to Know About Birth Control.

Three Black reproductive experts discuss how to access birth control, navigate the misinformation online, and understand what’s unfolding politically.

By Margo Snipe

It’s been a tricky landscape since Roe v. Wade was overturned almost two years ago, as reproductive health care has become increasingly complicated to navigate — and misinformation is on the rise.

Not only are the attacks on abortion care merging with limits on the availability of infertility treatment, but the same court that reversed the constitutional protection for abortion will hear arguments this week on restricting access to mifepristone, one of two medications commonly used to induce an abortion. And on the state level, new bills are aiming to cut back contraception options.

In Oklahoma, one bill in the state legislature has sparked questions about whether it might ban emergency contraception — like the day-after Plan B pill — and intrauterine devices, or IUDs. Part of it targets contraception that prevents the implantation of a fertilized egg. At the same time, some birth control options are expanding. This month, Opill, the first over-the-counter birth control pill, began sales. And, under a new policy, New York pharmacists can dispense certain hormonal contraceptives without a prescription.

Capital B asked three Black reproductive health care experts some of the big questions about how to access birth control, navigate the misinformation online, and understand what’s unfolding politically. Here’s what you need to know.

What is the difference between abortion care and birth control?

Amid the uptick in misinformation, experts want patients to understand there is a distinct difference between abortion care and birth control. Birth control, like the pill and IUDs, is not abortion inducing, doctors say.

While both are considered a part of reproductive health care, birth control, also called contraception, is intended to prevent pregnancy before it occurs and is often discussed and prescribed by gynecologists, which are doctors who specialize in women’s reproductive health systems. 

“Birth control is acting to fundamentally prevent pregnancy,” said Dr. Alexandra Wells, an OB-GYN in Washington state. It works by stopping sperm from meeting the egg, she said.

Abortion care is separate. It terminates an already existing pregnancy, either out of patient choice up to a certain time period or medical necessity. It takes place after folks know they are pregnant and is typically managed by obstetricians, or doctors that focus on the pregnancy of patients. Many practitioners have their training in both gynecology and obstetrics.

Over the past year, how has the landscape over available birth control changed?

With so many different bills being introduced in states across the country, aiming to both limit and expand access to reproductive health care, the amount of misinformation spreading across social media platforms is surging.

While birth control and abortion care are different, the landscape in terms of access to both is shifting nationwide.

Soon after the 2022 Dobbs decision reversing federal abortion protections, when states began moving to restrict abortion, many physicians were concerned about the implications on birth control, said Dr. Yolanda Lawson, a Texas-based OB-GYN. It was not the first time. Several years prior, in the Burwell v. Hobby Lobby case, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that corporations run by religious families cannot be required to pay for insurance coverage for contraception care.

More recently, changes in abortion care have also trickled into changes in birth control access and infertility treatment for families. When reproductive health care clinics offering abortions close, other  services are impacted, said Wells, who’s also a fellow with Physicians for Reproductive Health. The good news is technology is making online access to birth control options more accessible. Many options can be mailed and are often covered by insurance, she said.

Opill is now available, adding to the many other options, including condoms, spermicide, the ring, IUDs, implants, patches and cycle tracking.

How do I know what’s happening with access to birth control in my state?

There is no comprehensive, central location for all of this information, said Jennifer Driver, senior director of reproductive rights at SiX, an organization that works with elected officials after they win office. The federal Title X family planning websites have a lot of information and resources for patients, said Driver. The best way to find out what is happening with legislation is directly through the state legislator. On each website, you can see what bills are being introduced and which representatives may have brought it forth.

Local news coverage from trusted outlets may also break down what bills are impacting your reproductive health care. Experts caution against relying on social media for health information, given the sheer amount of misinformation and myths.

Do IUDs induce abortions?

No. The devices work by thickening the mucus along the uterine wall, making it difficult for sperm to migrate and meet with the egg, preventing fertilization.

“It’s a simple mechanism, but it really works,” said Lawson, who’s also the president of the National Medical Association. It prevents conception. They are 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy.

What birth control is now available?

Condoms, spermicide, contraceptive sponges, apps to track your menstrual cycle, emergency contraception like Plan B, and most recently Opill, are all birth control options that do not require a prescription from a doctor.

Some hormonal contraceptives require either a prescription or insertion by a medical provider. Those include the ring, IUDs, implants, contraceptive injections, and birth control pills. Sterilization is also an option regardless of the gender of the patient.

“It’s really amazing that women have so many contraception options,” said Lawson. There is some slight variation in how well each works, she said. “There are options that our grandmothers and even mothers did not have. I hope women are empowered by that.”

It’s also important to make sure you feel comfortable with your provider, said Wells. You should feel free to ask questions about how each contraceptive option works and might impact your body.

A lot of birth control options are covered by insurance, and many clinics and health centers may offer free condoms. Some birth control pill companies offer discounts on their websites.

If you’re uninsured, many freestanding health clinics offer sliding scale payment options based on your household income and ability to pay, which could bring the price down.

How do I know what my best birth control option is?

It’s important to understand your medical history, said Wells. In person or online, your provider may ask about your history with high blood pressure, blood clots, and conditions like lupus. Those conditions may preclude the use of certain forms of contraception.

People should also consider their lifestyle and goals, she said. For example, the IUD requires a one-time insertion every handful of years depending on the types, whereas the pill requires patients to take them at the same time each day. Each option offers a different level of independence. The pill can be stopped at any time. The IUD and implant require an appointment with a provider to remove.

Complete Article HERE!

Lack of sex education in GOP states puts students at risk

An assortment of contraceptives such as Plan B and condoms provided by Planned Parenthood Generation Action at the Sex and Relationships photoshoot. Sex-ed is an important part of K-12 education, and the risk of losing the curriculum in schools can lead to an increase in unwanted teen pregnancies and STIs.

By Sunjae Lee

Although it may be a cliche, there is some truth to the trope ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ — whether it be through teachers, pediatricians, athletic coaches or politicians who create laws directly affecting youth. But in some states across the U.S., the adults in charge of youth policies are not doing their part in ensuring quality education for all.

According to an Associated Press article, GOP-led states are at risk of losing sex education curricula in their schools. This idea was amplified after the emergence of the “parents’ rights” movement, whose main concern is dismantling inclusive LGBTQ+ sex education. Republican leaders and parents are trying to ensure that it is the parents’ choice to allow their children to take part in any sex education.

So what can we expect in the absence of sex education at K-12 institutions if these policies are implemented?

Lack of sex education for all youth may lead to an increase in unwanted teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Since GOP state leaders tend to oppose abortion rights, minimizing unwanted pregnancy is crucial in these states to protect teens from potential physical, emotional and financial harms. In fact, teen birth rates are much higher in states that ban abortion and have minimal sex education curricula.

Moreover, the number of contracted sexually transmitted disease (STD) cases has risen again since the COVID-19 pandemic — reaching more than 2.5 million cases of syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia according to the CDC’s 2022 statistics.

GOP-led states are especially at higher risk; out of the top 10 states with the highest rate of STDs, eight are Republican-controlled states.

Many of the Republican voters who oppose mandatory sex education argue that it is the parents’ responsibility to determine what constitutes appropriate sex education for their children. But this begs the question: is sex education really taught at home?

According to OnePoll, one in five parents are not willing to have conversations about sexual matters with their kids at all. Even the parents who discuss sex education with their kids tend to avoid more complex topics, such as birth control and consent.

While sex education in schools is taught by qualified instructors, parents may not have the same level of professional expertise. Not only do they tend to avoid harder topics, but their own lack of education can lead to misinformation. For instance, older generations who are more socially conservative may be more likely to still believe in myths regarding sexual assault, such as victim-blaming for dressing or acting in a “sexually provoking way,” or believing that victims could have prevented it if they wanted to. A study from the International Society for the Study of Individual Differences’ journal proves that individuals with sexually conservative views are more likely to accept these myths.

Furthermore, teenagers are more likely to seek sexual information from peers and teachers than parents. We must keep these resources open, allowing for spaces where minors feel comfortable participating in honest outreach discussions.

The controversy surrounding sex education in public schools has been a longstanding issue, but it significantly escalated recently in GOP-led states due to opposition from parents and politicians who are reluctant to incorporate LGBTQ+ topics. The “Don’t Say Gay Bill” in Florida exemplifies the strong aversion for such discussions in politically conservative states. Given that the inclusion of LGBTQ+ sexual health in the curricula is the biggest concern among Republican-controlled states, should schools offer LGBTQ+ exclusive sex education to satisfy everyone?

The main reason why LGBTQ-inclusive sex education is important is that gender and sexually-marginalized youth are at a higher risk for sexual health issues such as STIs, sexual activity under the influence and dating violence.

LGBTQ+ youth are also far less likely to have open sex discussions with their parents. Even if they do, unless their parents are part of the community themselves, it is often difficult for kids to receive useful and accurate information specifically concerning their sexual health. It is important that schools protect LGBTQ+ youth by providing adequate education to prevent against poor health outcomes and lack of support within their homes.

Sex education is a shared responsibility between schools and parents. While schools need to provide children with quality health education, they also need a welcoming environment at home to seek answers. Instead, youth are struggling to find proper information in a world where open discussions about sex and sexual diversity are considered taboo. In each of our villages, adults and educators are responsible for ensuring safe environments and comprehensive education for all youth, including the LGBTQ+ community.

Since not everyone is privileged enough to receive quality sex education at home, K-12 schools provide necessary education for everyone regardless of socioeconomic status, family background and sexual orientation. When giving equal educational opportunities is the main function of primary and secondary schools, how is it acceptable to exclude one of the most important subjects?

Sex education is directly related to a person’s physical, emotional and social well-being. The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality.” Teaching adolescents about sexual health ensures a better quality of life overall.

According to a study from the Journal of Adolescent Health conducted with adolescent women, better sexual health is associated with better social integration, higher self-esteem, less substance use and lower self-reported depression. Another study from the Frontiers in Reproductive Health Journal suggests that among male adolescents, mental and reproductive health are intertwined; poor sexual health leads to poor mental health and vice versa.

Hence, comprehensive sex education can prevent many health issues and encourage healthy habits in various aspects of life. Minimizing sex education curricula means young people who are not fortunate enough to have sexually accepting and knowledgeable parents will have to learn on their own while risking their sexual health.

Conservatives’ irrational fear of healthy relationships being formed between members of same sex and non-binary gender identities, along with their false beliefs of comprehensive sex education encouraging reckless sex, are putting children at risk — including their own. What may hurt their kids is delaying essential education, as well as restricting exposure to healthy homosexual love or confident transgender people. The exclusion of proper sex education may leave people with irreversible consequences, such as unwanted pregnancy, HIV or sexual trauma.

Children should be set up for success, not put in a position where they have to rely on misinformation or the internet to be taught healthy sexual habits.

Complete Article HERE!

What is ‘sex’? What is ‘gender’?

— How these terms changed and why states now want to define them


Transgender rights advocates rally at the Kansas capitol, Wednesday, Jan. 31, 2024. In 2023, the state enacted a measure that says there are two sexes, male and female, based on a person’s “biological reproductive system” at birth.

By Grace Abels

  • This year, 17 state legislatures sought to narrowly define “sex” or “gender” in state law as based solely on biological characteristics. In Utah, one became law.
  • Although they’re sometimes used synonymously, “sex” and “gender” have different meanings to medical professionals. Sex traditionally refers to one’s biological characteristics, whereas gender is how a person identifies.
  • Laws redefining sex in state law could require driver’s licenses and identifying documents to display a person’s sex assigned at birth, a policy that transgender advocates say would lead to discrimination.

After decades of creating laws that assumed “sex” and “gender” were synonymous, lawmakers across the country are taking another look at how states define those terms.

Scientific and legal interpretations of these words have evolved considerably in the past century. Today, medical experts understand biological sex assigned at birth as more complex and consider it distinct from gender identity.

In 2020, the Supreme Court also broadened its understanding of sex discrimination in employment to include discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Grappling with this cultural, scientific, and legal shift in the meaning of “sex” and “gender,” lawmakers in some states have tried defining the terms narrowly in state law as biological and binary. In 2023, four states passed such laws and, this year, 17 states introduced bills defining “sex.” Some bills in Florida and West Virginia were defeated, but 15 bills are still advancing in states across the country.

This focus on terminology may seem rhetorical, but these legislative changes can restrict access to driver’s licenses and documents that match a person’s gender identity. Transgender rights advocates say that requiring IDs to match the sex a person was assigned at birth can expose transgender Americans to discrimination.

So, how do we understand these terms, and what could these definitions mean for everyday life once codified?

How have the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ evolved?

Until the mid-20th century, Americans’ understanding of “sex” was largely biological and binary.

“For a substantial time period, law in the United States defined identity categories, such as race and sex, in biological terms,” said Darren Hutchinson, an law professor at Emory University law professor.

In the 1950s and ’60s, psychological research emerged that differentiated biological sex from “gender.” Researchers coined terms such as “gender roles” as they studied people born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that didn’t fit the typical definitions of male or female and observed how children sometimes developed identity distinct from their biological sex.

By the early 1960s, the term “gender identity” began appearing in academic literature. By 1980, “gender identity disorder of childhood” was included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’ third edition. This inclusion signaled that the concept of gender identity “was part of the accepted nomenclature being used,” said Dr. Jack Drescher, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University.

Before the 1970s, the word “gender” was rarely used in American English, according to research by Stefan Th. Gries, a linguistics professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He said evidence suggests it was used mostly when discussing grammar to describe the “gender” of a noun in Spanish, for example.

Edward Schiappa, a professor of communication and rhetoric at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, observed in his book “The Transgender Exigency” that the rising use of “gender” in English coincided with the term’s introduction into psychological literature and its adoption by the feminist movement. Feminists saw the term as useful for describing the cultural aspects of being a “woman” as different from the biological aspects, he said.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, who argued sex discrimination cases before the court in the 1970s, said that she intentionally used the term “gender discrimination” because it lacked the salacious overtones “sex” has.

After the 1980s, gender’s term usage rose rapidly, moving beyond academic and activist circles. In common American English, “sex” and “gender” began to be used more interchangeably, including in state law — sometimes even in the same section of the law.

In Florida’s chapter on driver’s licenses, for example, the section on new license applications uses “gender,” but the section on replacement licenses uses “sex.”

Modern legal and scientific views of ‘sex’ and ‘gender’

Today, medical experts and most major medical organizations agree that sex and gender are different.

Sex is a biological category determined by physical features such as genes, hormones and genitalia. People are male, female or sometimes have reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the typical definitions of male or female, often called intersex.

Gender is different, experts say. Gender identity refers to someone’s internal sense of being a man, woman, or a nonbinary gender. For cisgender people, their sex and gender are the same, while transgender people may experience a mismatch between the two — their gender may not correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth.

Our legal understanding of “sex discrimination” has also evolved.

In 2020, the Supreme Court decided Bostock v. Clayton County, a series of cases in which employers were accused of firing employees for being gay or transgender. The court held that this was a form of “sex discrimination” prohibited under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Whether the court will extend this interpretation to other areas of federal law is unclear, legal experts told us.

How have lawmakers responded to this shift?

Recently, lawmakers have tried to codify their understandings of “sex” and “gender” into law.

In some cases, these laws aim to recognize and protect transgender Americans. The Democratic-backed Equality Act, which passed the House, but not the Senate, in 2019 and 2021, would have federally protected against discrimination based on sex, sexual orientation and gender identity. Some states have passed similar equality legislation, creating a patchwork of anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people.

But lawmakers in many Republican-led states have proposed narrow definitions of sex and gender that would apply to large sections of state law. “Women and men are not identical; they possess unique biological differences,” Iowa’s Republican governor, Kim Reynolds said in a press release detailing her support for the state’s version of such a bill. She added, “This bill protects women’s spaces and rights afforded to us by Iowa law and the Constitution.”

Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds speaks July 28, 2023, at the Republican Party of Iowa’s 2023 Lincoln Dinner in Des Moines, Iowa.

Opponents reject the idea that the bills relate to women’s rights and claim the bills are an attempt to “erase” legal recognition of transgender people.

In 2023, four states passed laws defining sex, and two other states did so via executive order.

The Kansas Legislature, for example, passed the “Women’s Bill of Rights” overriding Democratic Gov. Laura Kelly’s veto. The law says that “pursuant to any state law or rules and regulations … An individual’s ‘sex’ means such individual’s biological sex, either male or female, at birth.”

The law defines male and female as based on whether a person’s reproductive system “is developed to produce ova,” or “is developed to fertilize the ova of a female.”

Because of the bill, transgender Kansans may no longer amend the sex listed on their birth certificates or update their driver’s licenses to be different from their sex assigned at birth, although courts are reviewing this policy.

The Kansas law also states that “distinctions between the sexes with respect to athletics, prisons or other detention facilities, domestic violence shelters, rape crisis centers, locker rooms, restrooms and other areas where biology, safety or privacy are implicated” are related to “important governmental objectives” a condition required under the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution’s 14th Amendment.

Rose Saxe, lawyer and deputy project director of the LGBTQ and HIV project at the American Civil Liberties Union, said the Kansas law does not explicitly require those spaces to be segregated by “sex” as the bill defines, but tries to justify policies that would do so.

Current bills defining ‘sex’

This year, 17 more states considered bills that would narrowly define “sex” and/or “gender” in state law according to the ACLU’s anti-LGBTQ legislation tracker. One, Utah, signed a definition into law, and 10 other states are advancing 15 bills combined. In the remaining six states, the bills were carried over to next year or defeated.

The Utah State Capitol is viewed March 1, 2024, in Salt Lake City.

Some bills, such as Arizona’s S.B. 1628 change the terms for the entire statute: “This state shall replace the stand-alone term ‘gender’ with ‘sex’ in all laws, rules, publications, orders, actions, programs, policies, and signage,” it reads. The state Senate passed the bill 16-13 on Feb. 22, along party lines with Republicans in favor.

Other bills, such as Idaho’s H.B. 421, don’t replace the word “gender” but declare it synonymous to “sex.” Gender, when used in state law, “shall be considered a synonym for ‘sex’ and shall not be considered a synonym for gender identity, an internal sense of gender, experienced gender, gender expression, or gender role,” reads the text of the bill, which passed the Idaho House 54-14 on Feb. 7.

Saxe said the bills could have a cascading effect on other laws.

Two bills in Florida, neither of which passed, would have explicitly required driver’s licenses to reflect sex assigned at birth. Advocates, including Saxe, worry that other sex-defining bills would have a similar consequence.

Transgender rights advocates say access to identification that matches an individual’s identity and presentation is important. “If you can’t update the gender marker on your ID, you are essentially outed as transgender at every turn,” said Rodrigo Heng-Lehtinen, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality to PolitiFact for a previous story on drivers licenses in Florida. This can happen during interactions with potential landlords, employers, cashiers, bartenders and restaurant servers.

“Even in the states that have passed these bills,” said Paisley Currah, a political science professor at the City University of New York, “there’s still going to be these contradictions,” because a person’s driver’s license might not match the gender on their passport, for example.

“Unless you’re a prisoner or immigrant or you are in the Army, the government actually doesn’t get to look at your body,” said Currah, who wrote a book on how government agencies address “sex” categories. “It’s always some doctor that signs a letter … and so there’s always a document between your body and the state.”

How these sex-defining laws would affect state agencies remains to be seen. And the laws may face court challenges, likely on the grounds that they violate the Equal Protection Clause or right to privacy, Saxe said.

Complete Article HERE!

What doctors wish patients knew about getting a vasectomy

By Sara Berg, MS

When discussing reproductive health choices, one procedure has been gaining attention—especially since the fall of Roe v. Wade—for its effectiveness: the vasectomy. As individuals and couples explore long-term contraception options, vasectomies have emerged as a popular choice for those seeking a permanent solution—rates have increased by 26% in the past decade. With its relatively low risks and high success rates, this procedure is reshaping conversations about family planning.

The AMA’s What Doctors Wish Patients Knew™ series provides physicians with a platform to share what they want patients to understand about today’s health care headlines.

In this installment, three physicians took time to discuss what patients need to know about getting a vasectomy. These AMA members are:

  • Jason Jameson, MD, a urologist and chief of urology at the Phoenix Veterans Affairs Medical Center, who serves as a delegate for the American Urological Association in the AMA House of Delegates.
  • Amarnath Rambhatla, MD, a urologist at Henry Ford Health and director of men’s health at the Vattikuti Urology Institute in Detroit.
  • Moshe Wald, MD, a urologist at the University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics and an associate professor in the department of urology at Carver College of Medicine in Iowa City.

Henry Ford Health and University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics are members of the AMA Health System Program, which provides enterprise solutions to equip leadership, physicians and care teams with resources to help drive the future of medicine.

There are seasonal spikes in vasectomies

“We sometimes see seasonal spikes in vasectomies. We see it in March and then also in November and December before the end of the year,” Dr. Rambhatla said. “We think it spikes at the end of the year because everyone has met their deductible for the year.

“In March, it’s been loosely associated with March Madness, he added, noting “the running joke is that men get their vasectomy around the NCAA basketball tournament and ask their wives for permission to lay on the couch for four straight days so they can watch the basketball tournament.”

“The other interesting thing we’ve seen is with the Roe v. Wade reversal. There are studies showing an increase in Google trends, searches and consultations for vasectomies after that,” Dr. Rambhatla said. “So, it seems like some men are more inclined to be in control of their fertility status after that ruling.”

It’s a minor surgical procedure

“A vasectomy is a minor surgical procedure, which is aimed at eventually achieving permanent birth control,” said Dr. Wald, noting “the procedure is typically performed in a clinic setting under local anesthesia, which means injection of numbing medication into the area.

“However, in some cases, based on anatomy and on the patient’s preference it could also potentially be done in the operating room under sedation or general anesthesia,” he added. “But the vast majority are being performed  in the clinic under local anesthesia.”

“The procedure involves the surgical interruption of a tube called the vas deferens. The vas deferens is the tube that drains sperm from the testicle outwards and a man typically has two of them, one on each side,” Dr. Wald said. “So, the idea is to interrupt these tubes, and then allow enough time for  the sperm that at the time of the vasectomy was already beyond the vasectomy site to wash out.”

The procedure “usually takes about 20–30 minutes. One or two small cuts are made in the scrotum with a scalpel or no-scalpel instrument,” Dr. Jameson said, noting “the vas deferens are cut and tied or sealed with heat. The skin may or may not be closed with sutures.”

But “if the vas deferens are not easy to feel due to body characteristics—obesity, previous scarring—the procedure may be more challenging to perform,” Dr. Jameson noted.

It’s OK to drive yourself home

“Most of the time patients are OK to drive themselves home after the procedure. Occasionally I’ll have some patients who are a little nervous or anxious about getting a vasectomy,” said Dr. Rambhatla. “So, we can prescribe them medication to help calm down their anxiety for the procedure.

“In those situations, they need to have a driver with them because that medicine can alter their ability to drive,” he added. “Otherwise yes, you could drive yourself home.”

Don’t be nervous, it’s straightforward

Patients “should definitely relax. It’s a straightforward, easy procedure,” said Dr. Rambhatla. “The most common feedback I get from men after the procedure is: Oh, I thought it was going to be a lot worse than that.”

“Sometimes their friends will mess with them before the procedure and say it’s going to be a terrible experience and it is just good old fun,” he said. “But most of the time, people say it wasn’t so bad and they had nothing to worry about.”

Follow up requires a semen test

A vasectomy is “not immediately effective. If you can imagine a tube through which sperm is passing, the vasectomy is basically occluding that tube so sperm isn’t passing through anymore, but there’s still sperm on the other side of that tube we’ve occluded,” said Dr. Rambhatla. “And so, all that old sperm needs to be cleared out for men to become sterile.”

“We check a post-vasectomy semen analysis about three months after the procedure to make sure all that old sperm has been cleared out,” he said. “And sometimes some men may take longer, so it can take up to six months or so to clear out all the old sperm.”

Vasectomy is very effective

It is important to note that a “vasectomy would never provide a 100% guarantee. The only way to reach a 100% guarantee of no pregnancy is simply to avoid sexual intercourse altogether,” said Dr. Wald. “Even after a man gets a vasectomy and later gets a semen test that will show no sperm cells in the semen, there is still a very small risk for an unwanted pregnancy in the future.

“That risk is estimated in many studies at one in 2,000, which is, for example, much better than condoms. But it’s not zero and never will be,” he added. “That risk of roughly one in 2,000 by most series is after a man has a post-vasectomy semen test that showed no sperm. If somebody had unprotected sexual intercourse after a vasectomy before having such semen test at all, his chances for pregnancy could be close to 100%.”

This is meant to be permanent

“The best candidates for a vasectomy are couples who are done having kids or men who may be single and know that for sure they do not want any kids in the future,” said Dr. Rambhatla. That is “because we do consider it a permanent form of sterilization. It can be reversed, but really we want people going into it with the idea of permanent sterilization.”

Dr. Wald agreed, emphasizing that “If there’s any question about that, then I would advise against the vasectomy at that particular time.”

Vasectomies don’t always work

“There is a risk of failure. Even if done by an experienced physician, vasectomies could fail. Not necessarily due to surgical error—which is a possibility,” Dr. Wald said, noting “there have been multiple studies that showed the potential reconnection that can happen.”

“Sometimes there could be microscopic channels that can sprout from one end of the interrupted tube and at least in a transient manner allow for some sperm to sneak into the other side,” he said. “The risk varies a lot depending on if the patient had or did not have a semen test following the vasectomy that was negative for sperm. If he did that, his risk for such failure is very small.”

It may be covered by insurance

“Most private insurers cover some or all of the cost of vasectomies,” Dr. Jameson said. “For men without coverage, various self-pay options may be available in certain local facilities.”

“It’s a lot cheaper for insurance to pay for men to have a vasectomy than pay for them to have another child,” noted Dr. Rambhatla, emphasizing “most insurance companies are happy to cover a vasectomy.”

Vasectomy reversals are complicated

“Vasectomies are theoretically surgically reversible. The problem is that vasectomy reversals are a very different thing,” Dr. Wald said, noting that “vasectomy reversals are true surgery performed in the operating room. It is very expensive if not covered by insurance and it does not always work, even if done by an expert.”

The success of a vasectomy reversal “depends on various factors such as how long it’s been since the vasectomy, what your fertility status was prior to the vasectomy and what your partner’s fertility status is,” said Dr. Rambhatla. “Because sometimes we see men with new partners who may have different fertility potential than their previous partner or now their same partner is older, and her fertility potential has changed.”

“And the closer you are to the vasectomy period, the better success rates with the reversal,” he said. “Generally, if this is done within 10 years, there’s a good chance that we can get sperm back in the ejaculate. But sperm in the ejaculate doesn’t necessarily translate to a pregnancy.”

There is a risk of bleeding

“From the surgical standpoint, this is a fairly small procedure, so the risks are not to the magnitude of anything life threatening, but there are certainly risks that are worth mentioning,” Dr. Wald said. “There are the most obvious risks of bleeding and infection. Bleeding, if it happens, is not even close to being anything life threatening.

“Such bleeding happens not externally, but rather internally into the scrotal sac and it could cause bruising, swelling and patient discomfort, and it can take a few weeks to gradually absorb,” he added. “It typically involves the surgical wound or the skin, but sometimes can be deeper and even involve the testicle. These are almost always managed by antibiotics, but it’s a risk.”

“The risk of bleeding with vasectomy increases with blood pressure,” Dr. Jameson said. That’s why it is important to have blood pressure controlled before getting a vasectomy.

Watch out for abnormal pain

“What is not that obvious is the risk of chronic testicular pain. I’m not referring to the obvious post-procedural pain, but a chronic condition that can last months, years or even be there for life,” Dr. Wald said.

According to the American Urological Association, about 1% to 2% of men may experience ongoing pain or discomfort, explained Dr. Jameson. The pain is often treated with anti-inflammatory medications such as ibuprofen.

“This chronic type of pain is a treatable condition, but in some men such treatment could involve surgery that could be bigger in its magnitude than the original vasectomy,” Dr. Wald said.

Men can develop antibodies to sperm

“Not all, but most men who undergo a vasectomy do develop antibodies to sperm. This is because sperm is typically separated from the immune system,” Dr. Wald said. “However, a vasectomy is one of the most common causes where sperm is exposed to blood  and the immune system, and that could lead to the formation of anti-sperm antibodies.”

“This is not something that is posing a general health concern and patients will not feel it,” he said. “But the problem is that if somebody does seek fertility later in life and undergoes a vasectomy reversal, even if the vasectomy reversal works, these antibodies do not go away and can coat sperm, slow sperm down and impair its function.”

It should not affect sex

“A vasectomy does not change sexual function. It does not protect against sexually transmitted infections,” said Dr. Rambhatla. “It’s simply a way to prevent sperm from coming out in the ejaculate.”

Additionally, Dr. Jameson noted, according to the Urological Care Foundation, that a vasectomy should also not cause any erection problems—ejaculations and orgasms should feel the same. And while there is no sperm, the amount of semen does not decrease more than 5%.

Avoid extensive activity

“Typically, if the procedure is done towards the end of the week, then the patient can simply take a long weekend and then plan to go back to work Monday,” Dr. Wald said. “It’s not something that requires you to be in bed, but definitely avoid extensive physical activity.”

That means “no heavy lifting, running. Any gym type activities should be refrained from,” said Dr. Rambhatla, noting that “walking is OK. Just no strenuous activity.”

Additionally, “men with more activity and heavy lifting at work may need more time off as you should avoid heavy lifting for a week,” Dr. Jameson said.

Address pain control

“In terms of pain control, usually most people do well with alternating between Tylenol and ibuprofen as needed,” said Dr. Rambhatla, adding that icing for the first couple days also helps.

Patients can “resume sexual activity once the pain and swelling have resolved,” he explained.

Wear snug underwear and ice area

After a vasectomy, it is common to have swelling and minor pain in the scrotum for a few days, Dr. Jameson said, noting that “wearing snug underwear or a jockstrap can help ease discomfort and support the area.”

Additionally, “patients are typically asked to wear a jock strap with a pretty bulky dressing for 48 hours, and also to ice the area intermittently for 48 hours,” Dr. Wald said.

There are other forms of contraception

“Other birth control methods include condoms or birth control pills for females,” Dr. Jameson said, noting “both of these methods are effective but must be consistently used, and the one-time cost of a vasectomy may be cheaper over time than the cost of other birth control methods.”

Additionally, “tubal ligation in females is another surgical option for birth control and is performed by gynecologists,” he said.

Complete Article HERE!

When Makeup Sex Isn’t a Good Idea

By Myisha Battle

A client who is new to dating, sex, and relationships recently asked me “Is makeup sex healthy?” The person, in their late 20’s, has been dating someone seriously for the first time. Things were progressing slowly sexually with his girlfriend, so their question about makeup sex struck me as a great one to ask before ever having the experience firsthand.

We discussed the pros and cons of having an argument that ended with sex, and I explained what I’ve seen as a sex coach. On one hand, it can feel really good to reconnect with a partner after a challenging discussion or verbal disagreement. Sex can be the ultimate display that the fight is over, allowing both partners to move on without any lingering ill will towards each other. On the other hand, makeup sex could be masking deeper issues in the relationship if it’s an ongoing strategy used to resolve conflict in the relationship.

Makeup sex feels like somewhat of a cultural phenomenon. We know it happens, and maybe it’s even happened in our own relationships. But, is it a good thing or something that should be avoided at all costs?

A quick scroll on TikTok reveals a wide range of opinions on the subject. Some people strongly advise against it as it could reinforce bad behavior from your partner. Many posts lean more towards the commonly held belief that makeup sex is a great way to bond after an argument. Other posts suggest that there is something qualitatively different about makeup sex, that includes a heightened state of emotions that you just can’t get to without a fight beforehand. And it’s true that people who see makeup sex as more intense feel a carryover effect from their fight in the sexual experience that follows. This is called “excitation transfer,” which is when you are physiologically aroused by one thing and it transfers over to other areas of your life.

But there’s more to makeup sex than this. A 2020 study of 107 newlywed couples shed some light on what the benefits of makeup sex really are and how sexual quality is impacted by conflict. The study showed that when sex occurred after a flight, it had a greater impact on how people felt about the relationship by reducing the negative effects of conflict. This seems to coincide with the view that makeup sex is a way to feel closer to their partner. What’s surprising is that the study also showed that participants reported that the quality of sex after a fight was actually worse than the sex that occurred without a fight. So even though the sex itself wasn’t perceived as great, there were longer term emotional benefits for the relationship. This helps debunk the assumption that makeup sex is somehow just better than other sex. It also shows the real benefits of sexual connection after healthy conflict.

Where makeup sex gets tricky, though, is when it is used as the sole means for conflict resolution. Given that sex is one of the many ways we bond, it can be seen as an easier way to shift from negative emotions that are stirred up in a flight. But those negative emotions may still be there even after you have sex if you don’t take the time to process them yourself and with your partner. I’ve worked with couples where this dynamic is present and it can become very toxic over time. Feelings pile up that only get relieved through sex, which isn’t necessarily all that satisfying or pleasurable for one or both parties. There can be an aversion to sex for this reason and then feelings have nowhere else to go. This can cause ongoing tension at the least or periodic blow up fights at worst. As a result, people usually have to work with a couple’s therapist to develop healthy conflict resolution skills and be better communicators in general.

There is also a risk of having the perception that the relationship is on solid ground when it isn’t. I’ve heard from people that they have sex regularly, but feel stuck when it comes to day-to-day, non-sexual intimacy with their partner. When sex is the de-facto way to express emotions—joy, sadness, anger, or grief—there can be a lack of emotional closeness in the relationship. Makeup sex could be one way to avoid connecting with each other more deeply, resulting in what looks on the surface like a healthy relationship but is actually one without true intimacy.

Intimacy isn’t just the sex you have with your partner. It’s the ability to recognize the need for healthy conflict and repair. If you are in a healthy relationship where conflicts come up and are worked through, makeup sex can make you feel closer to each other. It’s a way to deepen the intimate connection that’s already there because you made it through something hard together. But it can’t— and shouldn’t—be the only way we connect with our partners. It’s just the cherry on top.

Complete Article HERE!

I’m not surprised women prioritise sleep over orgasms

— A survey has found that more than 85 per cent of women would choose a good night’s sleep over having an orgasm. I understand why

By

My friends and I have a game that we like to call “Eight Hours’ Sleep Or…” It’s not a particularly imaginative name and certainly won’t keep the creators of Pictionary or Scrabble up at night, but it’s as good a way as any to while away the spare two and a half minutes we tend to catch between work and parenting.

The idea of the game is to find something you would rather have than eight hours’ sleep a night. It goes something like this:

“Eight hours’ sleep or being best friends with Taylor Swift?”

“Eight hours’ sleep.”

“Eight hours’ sleep or being pursued by Brad Pitt?”

“Eight hours’ sleep.”

“Eight hours’ sleep or an end to mansplaining?’

“Eight hours’ sleep.”

“Eight hours’ sleep or being able to eat all the cheese without any negative impact on your health?”

“Eight hours’ sleep.”

“Eight hours’ sleep or an unlimited supply of confidence and money?”

“Eight hours’ sleep.”

And so on and so forth until you realise that nothing on God’s Earth will ever trump the idea of eight uninterrupted hours of sleep, of waking up feeling rested, recovered and raring to go into the day ahead.

It has been a relief, then, to discover that my group of friends and I are not alone. A major survey of bedroom habits by Good Housekeeping magazine has found that more than 85 per cent of women would choose a good night’s sleep over having an orgasm. Only 52 per cent of men feel the same way, perhaps because of the “gender sleep gap” –  yes, there is such a thing! – with 61 per cent of women saying their sleep quality varied, compared with 53 per cent of men.

Anyway, I think what we can all take from this is that sleep is very, very hard to come by these days. Stress, hormones, the lure of sitting up late at night scrolling through a little screen that sits in the palm of your hand and contains all of the horrors of the world… and then there’s the fact that sleeplessness has become a sort of status symbol, a way of telling people to back the hell off and go easy on you without actually having to tell people to back the hell off and go easy on you.

Saying “I’m tired” over and over and again is the most wonderfully passive-aggressive way of signifying you are busy and pressurised and do not have time for the trifling trivialities everyone seems to be bringing to your doorstep. We say we want eight hours’ sleep, but do we really? If we had eight hours’ sleep a night, then what would our excuse be?

Personally, I’m done with being sleepless in south London. It’s so boring talking about how tired I am all the time, such a waste of energy in itself. And in the past year, I have realised how counter-productive my obsession with sleeplessness is. The more I worry about sleep, the less I actually sleep.

I realised this last spring, when I spent a couple of hundred quid on an Oura ring, which is a sleep tracker that wellbeing experts swear by. Every night, I went to bed in it, and got annoyed by the flashing red and green lights that seemed to emanate from it in the dark. Every morning, I woke up and looked with horror upon the graphs that told me how exhausted I was, and what this might mean for my long-term health (nothing good). Eventually I realised that the presence of the tracker was in itself having a detrimental effect on my sleep. It was fuelling my insomnia, so I took it off, and decided to take radical steps to actually prioritise sleep, as opposed to just talking about the lack of it in my life.

Now, I devote the evening to sleep. I have sacrificed what remained of a social life for it. I don’t go out. I refuse all dinner invitations, choosing instead to eat early with my 10-year-old. I am in bed before her, my phone switched off and on charge, a good book in my hands as I get comfortable in my 200-thread-count Egyptian cotton linen. My friends know that if they text me after 8pm, they are unlikely to get an answer until the next morning. I spend at least 90 minutes reading, and have usually drifted off by 11pm.

I have rules: no more than one coffee a day, and never later than 11am; if I wake in the middle of the night, reading for 15 minutes is a much more effective tool than simply closing my eyes and trying to get back to sleep; my own duvet is essential, as I like to turn it round again and again to find the cool side; and if my husband starts snoring he is immediately out and into the spare room. 

This may seem draconian, but I don’t care. Because nothing – and I mean nothing – is more important than a decent night’s sleep.

Indeed, now I am in my 40s and in menopause, I can see that it is the most important thing of all when it comes to emotional well-being. You can go on anti-depressants, you can sign up for therapy, you can do as much exercise as you want: but if you are not prioritising rest, the chances are you will not start to feel better. It doesn’t have to be eight hours. But in my experience, anything below six and you are going to struggle. You are going to be cranky, short-tempered and extra sensitive. Any resilience you have will be gone by mid-morning. There will likely be tears. This is nothing to be ashamed of: it’s just simple, human biology.

Of course, I suspect many women would sleep much easier if they knew they lived in a world where they were entitled to both eight hours’ kip a night and an orgasm. But that’s another column entirely, and until that moment comes (pardon the pun), you’ll find me of an evening tucked up in bed in my nightie, sipping on a nice mug of Ovaltine.

Complete Article HERE!

The 3 most important steps to achieving orgasm, according to an expert

— Tried and tested

By Adriana Diaz

If there’s one thing the internet is not lacking, it’s unsolicited advice about how to improve your sex life. Not sure how to cut through the noise? Here are three simple tips according to an expert.

Orgasms aren’t just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets – they have physical and mental benefits too. Yet the mystery of the Big O has eluded men and women for centuries.

Many surveys suggest that about half of women are not satisfied with how often they reach climax – and 10% to 15% of women have never had an orgasm in their lives, as reported by the National Library of Medicine.

Men have less trouble – only about 5% to 10%, according to a study published by Sexual Medicine – but that still leaves millions of Americans who can’t reach climax, or feel insecure when their partner can’t get off.

Everybody is different, but research and experts agree these three factors are key to reaching the finish line.

#1. Stimulation

It may seem intuitive, but what does “stimulation” really mean?

“The whole thing about the type of stimulation that you need is a combination of pressure and rhythm,” Dr Laurie Mintz, LELO Sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate, told The Post.

Applying the right amount of pressure to erotic zones, such as the clitoris, the penis or the ears, helps build sexual arousal and eventually activates the muscles to contract, a necessary physical step.

Pressure also needs to be applied with a good rhythm – which some suggest is the key to orgasm claiming.

Experts, including Dr Mintz, agree that a great way to find the sweet spot for the G-spot is to bring a vibrator into the bedroom.

Getting into the flow of a good rhythm can focus attention so intensely that it overtakes any other thoughts and self-awareness nearly putting the person in a trance and allowing for a sufficient intensity of experience to trigger the mechanisms of climax, according to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology.

#2. Mindfulness

To reach a sexual trance, you have to hone in on the sensations of the sexual experience and achieve mindfulness.

“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place at the time,” Dr Mintz, a LELO ambassador, explained. “And most of us don’t do that in our life, let alone our sex life.”

“When we’re having sex we’re in our head, ‘What do I look like? What am I doing? Am I doing okay?’ And you can’t orgasm when you’re not in your body. You have to learn how to be in your body.”

She advises everyone to try meditation or yoga to practice mindfulness in their daily lives or play music during sex.

“A myth about mindfulness is that it takes a lot of practice and that you have to meditate every day. No. You can practice being mindful in your daily life,” Dr. Mintz insisted.

An easy way to begin practising mindfulness is when brushing your teeth, Dr Mintz shared.

“The next time you brush your teeth, really focus on the sensations. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the sensations. You can learn mindfulness in daily activities and then apply it to the bedroom,” she suggested.

#3. Communication

Once you’ve used mindfulness to discover what pressure and rhythm are getting you to the finish line, you have to communicate that to your partner.

“Couples – no matter if it’s a hook-up or a relationship – who, communicate about sex and talk about what they need during sex are much, much more likely to orgasm,” Dr Mintz said.

“A common myth is that your partner should know what you want without asking. Nobody reads minds. That’s where communication comes in.”

While moaning and groaning can help guide your partner, verbally directing them how to help you cum is the best way to get over the finish line.

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