What Is Cuckolding in Kink?

— Your everything-to-know guide to, well, sleeping with another guy in front of your husband. (But, look, there’s more to it than that, okay?)

Do me a favor and picture this: You’re in a cage on your bedroom floor. Your (super sexy) partner is wearing the most kickass thigh-high leather boots. She’s on the bed. With another man. Having the time of her life. You are LOVING it.

Does the idea of watching someone get it on with your partner in front of you get you so horned up you feel like you’re about to explode? Or maybe the roles are reversed—maybe you’re the impossibly hot one in the thigh-highs (although sexy footwear is optional) totally getting off on the power trip of hooking up with someone else in front of your adoring partner. Either way, it’s time to talk about cuckolding, my friends.

Back in the day—we’re talking way back, like, Shakespeare times—cuckold was an old-school term referring to a man whose wife had sex with other men without his knowledge, making him look like a fool. The word gets its name from the cuckoo bird, known for its tricky habit of laying its eggs in the nests of other birds. “The cuckoo’s chicks consume the resources of the other birds and deprive that other birds’ chick of food,” explains psychologist David Ley, PhD, author of Insatiable Wives. “Naturalists believed this was what potentially happened when a wife cheated on her husband—the cuckolded husband would then end up investing his resources in the caring of children not genetically related to him.” Men portrayed as cuckolds are found throughout folklore and literature, particularly in the work of the aforementioned Mr. Shakespeare, the perennial pervy playwright.

While these early depictions have clear negative implications—and while the term “cuck” is still used as a slur in some (rather controversial) circles today—modern “cuckolding” as a consensual sex practice in the kink and ethically non-monogamous communities is all in good kinky fun. Basically, consensual cuckolding is when a man’s wife has sex with another man—usually in front of him—and everyone involved is 100 percent on board with it. (It’s worth noting that while the husband/wife dynamic is traditional to this practice, folks of all genders and relationship styles can partake of this kink—more on that later!) Instead of one partner (traditionally the wife or female one, but not always) engaging in secret, non-consensual infidelity, a modern cuckolding scenario involves the full support and encouragement of an equally excited partner who’s actively into the idea of their person being sexual with others, Ley says. You simply love to see it.

Feeling intrigued? Horny? Confused? Don’t you worry. From the basics of cuckolding scenes, to why it gets people so hot and bothered, to how you can try it for yourself (if you dare!), we’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted to know about cuckolding right here.

Okay, So What Is Cuckolding?

In its most basic form, cuckolding is when a man watches his wife have sex with another man, often in front of him. “One could think of cuckolding as fetishized infidelity or adultery,” says Celina Criss, PhD, a certified sex coach specializing in BDSM. While cuckolding may seem like it would be strictly heteronormative given its roots, it can take place in any relationship dynamic, with people of any gender.

The three main roles in a cuckolding scenario are as follows:

The Wife/Hotwife: The (usually) female partner who has sex with the other man/person. The “wife” is sometimes referred to as the “Hotwife” in certain contexts and scenarios.
The Bull: The outside person (usually a cis-man) who has sex with the wife/hotwife.
The Cuck: The man/person who watches his partner have sex with the bull.

Crucially: Everyone involved in a cuckolding scene is a consenting adult. Scenes are highly negotiated and everyone involved is completely into it. Which brings us to…

Why Are People Into Cuckolding?

Kinksters who are horny for this tres risqué kind of play may be into cuckolding for a whole (very) hot mess of reasons. What can we say? Human sexuality is a complex and wonderful thing. Here are some of the main aspects of cuck play that may be appealing to those who practice it.

1. Power Dynamics

The core of kink play lies in the Dom/sub dynamic and the power play that comes with it. When we’re talking about cuckolding, the cuck is often submitting to the hotwife and/or bull.

2. Humiliation Play

his kind of play often involves an element of intentional humiliation in the form of verbal insults or degradation from the bull and/or wife. “The cuckold, or ‘cuck,’ is verbally belittled by the bull and made to seem inferior and ‘beta,’” explains Cosmo’s ‘Navigating Non-Monogamy’ columnist Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and sex expert for Fun Factory. “A bull may talk about how much bigger his dick is or how much better at sex he is than the ‘pathetic’ husband.” It’s all about creating the fantasy that the bull is a much better lover than the cuck, for the cuck’s enjoyment.

3. Partner Sharing

While these scenes often tap into an element of humiliation or submission, these aspects aren’t always inherent to cuckolding. Sometimes the cuck simply enjoys “sharing his wife’s extraordinary sexuality with other men,” says Ley. “These relationships are sometimes called hotwifing, or stag/vixen relationships.” This is where the ‘wife’ role turns into the ‘hotwife’ role. Rather than getting off on being humiliated by his wife or submitting to another man, the cuck is like: Look how HOT my wife is! You should definitely bang her! Get it?

4. Voyeurism and Exhibitionism

“You’re essentially getting a live show! You get to watch someone having sex, which is just hot,” Zane says. A cuck with a voyeuristic streak may enjoy watching his partner sexually engage with another person, and their exhibitionist partner may enjoy being watched in the act.

5. Bondage and Fetish Play

The cuck may be placed inside of a cage, tied up, or made to wear various fetish gear (such as a cock/chastity cage or latex clothing), depending on the scene. The bull and wife may also wear fetish gear as a part of the scene.

6. Sexual Novelty

For the “wife,” it can be exciting to have sex with someone new. Ley says this can be especially true for women with high libidos, who may enjoy having varied sexual encounters.

Plus, you’re literally the star of the show. “The hotwife [feels] desired by both the bull and the cuck. It’s fun being the center of attention,” Zane adds.

Cuckolding vs. an Open Relationship: What’s the Difference?

Open relationships are simply when all parties are able to have sex with people outside of their primary relationship. Zane says that cuckolding is a specific kink that may (and can only) occur within the context of an open relationship, as it involves getting busy with people outside of a committed partnership. The main difference is that while partners in a consensually non-monogamous relationship may sleep with folks outside of that relationship, for those who practice cuckolding, one partner sleeping with someone else is an act of kink play in and of itself—one that actively involves all three parties. Ley adds that cuckolding often focuses more on the sexual activity of the wife, rather than the cuck. The cuck is often monogamous to the wife—or sometimes bisexual, engaging in sexual activity with the men who sleep with his wife.

Criss says that cuckolding scenes are less like consensual non-monogamy and instead are more in-line with CNC (consensual non-consent), in that the power dynamics of this kind of play are intended to mimic non-consensual infidelity. Essentially, the scene is made to look like the man doesn’t want his wife to have sex with someone else, but in reality, he totally does.

“In this case, the cuckold (husband) is excited about his hotwife (wife) having sexual encounters with another partner outside of the traditional marriage commitment,” Criss says. “Consensual non-consent may be involved in terms of the hotwife’s selection of partner, timing, or place.”

5 Ways to Try Cuckolding (If This Is Something That Gets You Going)

1. Do Your Research

First, learn literally everything you can about cuckolding before trying it. Ley suggests reading his book, Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them, with your partner. This book deeply explores the ins and outs of cuckolding and open relationships. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to dive into this kind of play.

2. Start With Fantasy

Starting slow is a must, must, must! Jumping into a cuckolding scenario without proper planning is a recipe for disaster.

Instead, try manifesting the scene in your head and/or dirty-talking about it with your partner. This will give you a chance to try on the fantasy in a safe and contained way. You can watch some cuckolding-style porn, read erotica, or even role play. Zane suggests trying the following: Have the hotwife talk about past sexual experiences she’s had with a dominant man. The hotwife can humiliate the cuck by talking about how pathetic he is and how she wishes she was having sex with a more dominant and virile man.

3. Set Expectations and Boundaries

Before you try a cuck scene, everything needs to be thoroughly discussed in detail. You need to think about what sexual acts are on the table, how you want the scene to play out, and what kind of language is acceptable. Criss says that when it comes to scenes with humiliation, you have to be really mindful and intentional of boundaries. Awareness is key. When it comes to doing these scenes in real life, Zane says that “there should be no surprises.” Stick to the script, folks.

4. Have a Safe Word

A safe word is your golden ticket in kink scenes. You may think a cuck scene is going to be the hottest thing in the entire world and then once it happens, it might turn out to be not at all what you pictured.

“We can’t predict how sexual experiences are going to make us feel, no matter how hard we may try,” Zane says. “That’s why you can stop the scene at any point using the safe word.”

While it may feel awkward to pull a boundary mid-scene, it is SO important to speak up if you’re not feeling comfortable. “If someone does use the safe word, you don’t need to explain yourself,” Zane tells us. “You can just say that you’re really not enjoying the scene the way you had hoped.”

’Nough said.

5. Be Respectful of Everyone Involved

Just like in any group sex situation, the feelings, boundaries, and needs of every single person in the scene should be taken into consideration.

And this is not just for the primary couple. This respect also needs to be extended to the bull, too. Criss says that even if this is a one-time experience, the third party is still a human being and they need to be treated as such. Everyone deserves to have the scene happen in a way that feels sexy, safe, and authentic for them.

When done with intention and care, a cuckolding scene can be very spicy and enjoyable for one and all. Remember: Don’t yuck anyone else’s yum. Everyone deserves to have the amazing, creative, and wild sexual experiences they desire—without judgment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

March 1, 2023February 28, 2023

What is hotpast?

— Meet the men who get turned on hearing about their partners’ sexual past

“We sometimes use her vibrator and pretend it’s an ex”

By Brit Dawson

When 40-year-old Louis* and his wife have sex, he thinks about her exes. He pictures her with them, in scenarios based on real encounters from her past. He might even imagine himself as them, or ask his wife to recount racy stories when they have sex. While this might be the very last thing many people would want to think about, for Louis, it’s actually a turn on.

The pair have been together for 12 years, but around five years ago Louis started feeling curious about his wife’s past. One day, he asked her about her exes and previous one-night stands. “I couldn’t keep my hands off her while she told me,” he recalls. “I’d never asked any of my partners that question before. My wife was surprised that I wanted to know what other men did to her, how she liked it, and how it felt for her.”

While society has largely moved past the idea women should save themselves for marriage, we are still obsessed with their sexual pasts. This can materialise in TikTok vox pops about women’s ‘body counts’, in so-called ‘virginity auctions’, or in private romantic relationships, where former lovers are often the source of jealousy, competition, and insecurity.

But, while many squirm at the idea of their partner doing anything sexual with someone else (even retroactively), some are wildly turned on by it. They might get off thinking about a spontaneous one-night stand their partner had, role play as an ex during sex and recreate a specific encounter, or simply encourage their partner to indulge them in sultry stories from their past. And, like with all sexual interests, there’s a fetish – and therefore a subreddit – dedicated to it. Welcome to ‘hotpast’.

The subreddit has nearly 86,000 members, and predominantly consists of men. (As a comparison, a counterpart subreddit for women to share hotpast stories of their partners only has 202 members). Hotpast is particularly steadfast in its conversation topics – users can only post about the past sexual exploits of their partners, with talk of cuckolding (being aroused by being cheated on), hot wives (encouraging your spouse to cheat on you), swinging and plain old cheating banned. Posts tend to consist of tantalising anecdotes – “She blew a professional footballer in a car park” – stories of how couples are incorporating the fetish into their sex lives – “Having sex in the same places she had sex with other people” – and advice, sometimes about navigating occasional pangs of jealousy.

Why some men fetishise their partner’s former sexual activities may in fact be tied to those more typical feelings of jealousy and insecurity the stories inspire. “This transformation may represent a process called ‘eroticisation of fear’,” writes psychologist and sex therapist David Ley, “whereby people overcome something they fear by turning it into a sexual experience, transforming the power of their fear into an erotic engine.”

This is a sentiment echoed by many hotpast fetishists, including 33-year-old Martin*. “The fetish felt like the antidote to the insecurity and jealousy I was dealing with early on in my relationship,” he tells British GQ, explaining that these feelings stemmed from the pair’s imbalance in sexual experience. Martin lost his virginity to his current partner of over a decade, but she’d had several sexual encounters before him. To counteract the jealousy, he tried to reframe the encounters as arousing instead. Now, he “masturbates to thoughts of [his partner] doing sexual acts with her exes often.”

That’s not to say the fetish is always about jealousy. For Louis, it’s more about being part of his wife’s past pleasure. “I’m sure she’s had a few great times in bed without me and I wouldn’t want to shame her into thinking she can’t think of those again since we’re married,” he says. “I’d like to enjoy those times with her. We sometimes use her vibrator and pretend it’s an ex; when she [orgasms], she’ll [think about] him and their past, and what they did at [a particular] moment.”

Both Martin and Louis have been with their partners for over 10 years, and have each divulged their fetish. They both say their partners are happy to share details of their sexual past – but that the fetish is very much theirs. “It’s been a slow process. I try to [incorporate it into our sex lives] when possible, but not pry too much,” Martin says. “The technique of this fetish is to not overplay your hand and constantly ask for details during sex.”

Still, where things become complicated is when the question of who this fetish is really serving comes up. Many men I spoke to suggested that their partners sometimes, as one of them said, “grow weary” with what can manifest as a barrage of questions about their sexual history. There might be a risk, then, that men put their own hedonism before their partner’s enjoyment or comfort.

In these instances, fantasy storytelling might be a more suitable alternative to recalling genuine stories. Fifty-year-old Tony* says this worked for him in previous casual relationships. Referencing an affair he once had with a married woman, he recalls: “She even got to the point of either embellishing activities or creating elaborate stories about adventures that were fiction or fantasy. In any case, they were plausible in so many dimensions that it fed my desires.”

For some, like 53-year-old HK, the fetish is just another way of keeping the spark alive in long-term relationships. “It’s definitely kept my interest during rough patches in our 26-year marriage,” he says. “I enjoy thinking of how others must have been excited and aroused seeing her.”

Hotpast, like consensual non-monogamy and ;polyamory, hint at an increase in both open-mindedness and a lack of possessiveness in modern relationships. “I suspect that these men likely tend to be lower on antisocial tendencies, higher on empathy, and lower on characteristics of ‘hostile masculinity’,” wrote Ley, “but this remains to be seen empirically.”

37-year-old Bradley* from Canada – who says he “doesn’t have a jealous bone in his body” – appears to fit this description. “I love thinking about [my wife] in sexy, pleasurable scenarios, and I’m happy she had an active and fulfilling sex life before we met… and since,” is the simple way he explains his fetish.

As to why there doesn’t seem to be many women interested in the hotpast online, it may, in part, speak to a wider trend of niche internet sexual subcultures being dominated by men, rather than a lack of women fantasising about their partners’ pasts. The r/CuckqueanCommunity on Reddit has nearly 100k members – though this pales in comparison to the 1.2 million on r/Cuckold.

However, it could also be down to the fact men have historically had a far great license to be promiscuous than women, and so fetishing their sexual history isn’t as taboo-breaking. As Ley pointed out, this can be linked to Freud’s Madonna-Whore complex; maybe more men are realising that they can both desire and love the same person, which might actually help them “create a new, more holistic view of their wife”.

Whether the men of hotpast actually want their partners to act on these fantasies is another matter. When asked about this, most of the men give the same response. “It’s fun to think and fantasise about, but I’m not 100 per cent sure I’d want to have her do it,” admits HK.

Tony agrees. “We talk about how I’d like to watch her have sex,” he says. “I’d like to watch her in an MFM threesome or in a scene or activity that’s from her wilder adventures. It sounds good, but I’m not sure I’d really want to sit back and watch. There’s concern with jealousy. Will I be upset about things she’s doing? One’s imagination is often better than the reality.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

February 26, 2023February 25, 2023

20 common sexual kinks

— And why it’s totally normal to have a kink

By Gabrielle Kassel

There’s nothing unusual about having a kink — some evidence suggests half the population has one.
A few examples of kinks include bondage, impact play aka spanking, discipline, and role play.
Before exploring kinks with your partners, start with consent, communication, and clear boundaries.

As any pleasure-seeker or social scroller knows, a kink isn’t just a knot in your neck. It also refers to your sexual preferences.

“A kink is a sexual interest that is outside of the ordinary,” says certified sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, founder of The Millennial Sexpert and educator with Lovehoney.
Of course, what qualifies as ordinary sex — or vanilla sex — varies by person, as well as cultural context, and so does what qualifies as kinky.

“It’s entirely subjective,” Frye-Nekrasova says. Some individuals might say they have a doggy style kink because they like to hit it from the back, for instance. Meanwhile, others might say they’re kinky because whips and chains excite them. Still, about half the population reports having interest in at least one non-vanilla sex act.

Note, however, that a kink is different from a fetish. While a kink expresses an interest in a sexual act, “a fetish is a fixation on an object or body part for sexual gratification,” Frye-Nekrasova says.

To put it simply, a kink is something you do to get turned on, while a fetish is a thing you need to get turned on.

Semantics of kink versus fetish aside, there’s no shortage of things people might be into in the bedroom (or, uh, dungeon). Below, kink educators explain 20 of the most common kinks, outlining why someone might think it’s hot and sharing tips for your own sexperiments.

1. Age gap

An age-gap kink is a kink for role play where adult-aged folks act out, and are turned on by, fantasies that involve a difference in ages, says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of Early to Bed, an education-focused sex shop in Chicago.

For instance, one partner might play “baby” and put on a diaper, while the other plays “Mommy” or “Daddy” — this dynamic in particular is known as “daddy dominant–baby girl.” One partner might also pretend to be a college-aged student, while another pretends to be a professor.

“It’s important to note that an age gap kink involves consenting adults (not children) pretending to be younger than they really are,” Deysach says. Any illicit contact or conversations with minors is a felony.

2. Bondage

Bondage is the B in “BDSM.” In full, “the acronym stands for bondage, discipline/dominance, submission/sadism, and masochism,” Deysach says.

At its most distilled, “an individual interested in bondage when they are interested in being restrained or restricted, or restraining or restricting their partner,” says Lisa Finn, a sex educator with sex-toy emporium Babeland.

Bondage can involve anything from ropes and ribbons to zip-ties and saran wrap, and it may appeal to folks for a variety of reasons.

“Some people like the aesthetic of a restrained body, others like the sensation of the bondage material on their skin, and others like the way it reinstates power dynamics,” Finn says.

3. Cock and ball torture

Cock and ball torture, sometimes known simply as CBT (not to be confused with cognitive behavioral therapy), is a fetish marked by the desire to have pain inflicted on your own penis or testicles — or the desire to inflict said pain.

“This pain can be achieved through pulling, stretching, or even stepping on one’s bits,” Deysach says.

CBT may also involve the use of cock cages, urethral sounding, genital flogging, and more, and she says.

4. Cuckolding

Someone has a cuckolding kink when they enjoy watching their partner have sex with other people — either in the same room, or via Facetime or video, Deysach says.

Historically, the term was used specifically to refer to married men who wanted to watch their wives have sex with other men, but according to Deysach, the term can be applied to folks of any gender, sexuality, or marital status.

“The thrill of watching your lover have sex with another person is something that folks across the gender spectrum can find exciting and kinky,” Deysach says.

Typically, when someone uses the term cuckold, it implies that humiliation is involved, she says. For some people, the act of watching a partner have sex with someone else — for instance, someone with a larger penis or more sexual skills — is humiliating, and it’s this emotional sensation that turns them on.

“But for others it can be a more open term just to refer to the thrill of watching your lover partner with another while you sit on the sidelines,” she says.

5. Discipline

According to Finn, discipline is a form of roleplay where certain acts are framed as “corrective” or as “punishment.”

This kink often involves a more dominant partner setting rules or expectations for a more submissive partner— and if the more submissive partner breaks those rules, there are consequences, Finn says.

These consequences can include physical acts like spanking or other impact play or mental and emotional acts like humiliation or testing their partner, according to Finn.

To be super-duper clear: “Disciplinary play is a form of roleplay — it shouldn’t actually be used as a way to resolve conflict with real-world repercussions,” Finn says.

6. Dominance

The D in BDSM can also stand for “dominance.”

Dominance is the act of consensually taking control or holding the power in a scene or sexual dynamic with their partner, Finn says.

While a dominant partner plays the role of “Large and In Charge,” the submissive partner should still always have autonomy over the situation, Finn says. For instance, they may negotiate the scene before play and use safewords and gestures throughout.

7. Erotic asphyxiation

Erotic asphyxiation, AKA breath play, is the act of controlling how much access you have to oxygen for the sake of power, play, and pleasure.

“When someone is choking you, they could seriously hurt you, even kill you,” says sex educator Zachary Zane, author of “Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto” and sex expert for Momentum Intimacy. This involves an element of absolute submission to that partner, he says.

Many people also enjoy the physical sensations often associated with being deprived of air, such as tingling, a spreading warmth, and quickened heart rate.

“There’s a high many people experience from it when they do finally get a gulp of air,” he says.

8. Foot fetish

A foot fetish is marked by a sexual interest in feet, which can be the entirety of the foot or focused specifically on the toes, arch of the foot, or ankle.

Some people are turned on by servicing feet, Frye-Nekrasova says, which can be accomplished with a foot massage or at-home pedicure, for instance. Other people are turned on by the idea of doing something “dirty” — feet, after all, are usually the part of the body that touches the ground and dirt beneath.

“There are so many ways to incorporate feet into your sex life,” Frye-Nekrasova says. Some people like to give a footjob, which is essentially a handjob with your feet, she says. “Meanwhile, other people enjoy the sensation of having their toes sucked, or sucking,” she says.

9. Hentai

“Hentai refers to a specific type of Japanese illustration that often depicts overtly sexual scenes and scenarios,” Deysach says.

A popular porn genre, hentai erotica often features tentacled beings, monsters, and other-worldly creatures.

“There is often an element of force and control associated with hentai porn,” Zane says. For instance, hentai-inspired fantasy could involve an octopus forcing all of its tentacles inside the receiver’s hole(s).

10. Impact play

Impact play is the broad name for sex that involves the use of hands, paddles, whips, flogs, or crops on a partner’s meatiest, or most nerve-dense, parts.

“Impact types of play can involve light playful actions or more serious and painful sensations,” Deysach says. Depending on what the consenting parties have agreed to, the impact can be a form of punishment or just delivered as part of sensational play.

For some people, for instance, a light smack on the bum while riding their partner’s dick or dildo is adequate. Meanwhile, someone else might want to be smacked with a paddle hard enough that it leaves marks.

11. Knismolagnia

The word ‘knismolagnia’ may bring to mind mystery meat, but it’s actually the name for a tickling fetish.

Folks with this fetish are turned on by the sensation of being tickled by anything from human fingers and feathers, to vibrators or electrical stimulation toys.

In some instances, the person being tickled is also tied down, but not always, Finn says.

“A tickling fetish is unique because someone is smiling and laughing while they’re being tickled, even though it is uncomfortable and intense. There really isn’t any other kink where your body responds to discomfort with a reflexive laugh,” Zane says.

So generally, tickling is considered a more “playful” kink, though it can be very intense.

12. Lactation

Being very into a lover’s body fluids is quite common — and for some people, breast milk is one of those fluids.

“Some people find the miraculousness of the human body’s ability to create milk arousing. Other people are turned on by the rarity of the experience, since lactation generally only happens after a baby is born,” Frye-Nekrasova says.

According to Frye-Nekrasova, a lactation kink may also be tied to an age gap or age play kink, where someone feels aroused at the thought of pretending to be a breast-fed baby once again.

13. Masochism

The M in BDSM and the complement to sadism, “masochism is the act of erotic enjoyment in experiencing pain, humiliation, or intense sensation, ” Finn says.

The mental or physical pain associated with masochism can be delivered by yourself or by a partner, they say.

14. Pregnancy

Even though penis-in-vagina intercourse is (usually) required for an individual to become pregnant, there’s still stigma around pregnant people being sexual, Deysach says.

According to Deysach, some people are aroused by that stigma and feel naughty when they’re turned on by pregnant folks.

“Other people might have had a particularly electric sexual experience with someone who was pregnant and now mentally associate pregnancy and hot sex,” she says.

Pregnancy kinks can also include the eroticization of lactation, darkened nipples, swollen ankles, or any other signs and symptoms of pregnancy, she says.

15. Role play

Role play is a common kink that involves pretending to be someone other than who you really are.

“There are lots of reasons why someone might want to try role playing — for some people, it’s as simple as a desire to try something new and infuse a little excitement into their sex life,” Deysach says.

According to Deysach, shedding your day-to-day persona and “becoming” someone else can be a way to let go and enjoy sex more.

“It can be a thrill and it can be a comfort,” Deysach says.

16. Sensation play

Sensation play is the broad name for types of touch that involve stimulating your nerve endings in unique ways.

Sensation play can be done by experimenting with different temperatures — for instance, with candles, wax, or ice cubes, Finn says.

It can also be explored by teasing your nerves with tools like Wartenberg wheels, feather ticklers, or electrical stimulation wands, they say.

17. Tentacles

A tentacle kink refers to someone being turned on by the idea of being penetrated or otherwise sexually engaging with tentacles or creatures that have tentacles, Deysach says.

For some people, the eroticism comes from the slipperiness or the tactile idea of a tentacle, she says.

“For others the tentacle fantasy is connected to fantasies of being restrained by or being ‘forced’ into sexual situations by an otherworldly creature,” she says.

18. Urethral sounding

“Sounding is a sexual practice of inserting metal rods into the urethra,” says sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon with The Sex Toy Collective.

While urethral sounding can be performed on anyone with a urethra, it’s most commonly performed on the penis. The head of the penis is incredibly nerve-dense, and stimulating those nerves through urethral stimulation can be pleasurable for some people.

Plus, if you go deep enough you can touch the prostate, which may, in some cases, lead to a prostate orgasm.

19. Voyeurism

Voyeurism is a fetish where you get sexual gratification by watching other people engage in sex. It’s considered a complement to exhibitionism, where you find it arousing to have sex while other people watch.

Ethically and legally speaking, this kink can get tricky. “Folks spying on others without consent is a crime,” Deysach says.

However, it’s possible to set up consensual scenarios where you observe others having sex, she says. Consensual voyeurism could include attending sex parties, kink festivals, hiring a cam girl, or paying multiple sex workers.

20. Wax play

Sure, you’ve heard of lighting candles to set a mood — but wax play goes beyond creating an ambiance. Wax play is a type of sensation play that involves dripping wax onto your partner, or having it dripped onto you.

Some people are into wax play because it feels like dancing with danger, others are into it because the heat of the wax feels erotic when juxtaposed to the cool air of the bedroom.

Insider’s takeaway

Sex, no matter where it falls on the vanilla to kinky spectrum, is designed to bring pleasure — and that holds true whether sex is solo, partnered, or multi-partnered.

Adding elements of kink can be a wonderful way to infuse even more pleasure, intimacy, and spice into your sexy time.

Just be sure you and any potential partner(s) you’re exploring your kinks with prioritize consent, communication, and education over all else. “Before you try any kink, it’s best to educate yourself on how to explore that kink safely,” Finn says.

In a partnered setting, you also want to communicate about your individual limits and boundaries before getting down and dirty. Then, communicate from start to fireworks, they say. Communication, after all, is a prerequisite for pleasure.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

November 23, 2021November 23, 2021

Why Aftercare Isn’t Just Important In BDSM

The ritual is inculcated into those practicing BDSM, but for anyone else engaging in sexual relationships, it would do well to focus on aftercare, too.

By WH Staff

Many a rom-com has depicted that moment that immediately follows climax during sex. Audiences have laughed at the sight of partners rolling their sweaty body over, only to then reach for their phone and zone out as they begin another endless scroll on the Instagram feed. There are those who embrace for some time, and others who simply get up and stroll directly for the shower. It’s funny to watch because for most of us, we’ve been there: we’ve been with that person who wants nothing to do with us after sex, or alternatively had that partner who enjoys the post-sex cuddle as much as they do the main event. The fact remains, what happens after sex is just as important as it can leave many people feeling embarrassed or a sense of shame should such care be neglected.

It makes ‘aftercare’ a buzzword worth thinking about. In the world of BDSM, the practice of aftercare is something that is non-negotiable. It refers to a post-play ritual in which partners exchange physical or emotional comfort following an intense sexual experience. While it’s grounded in the assumption that such care is essential following kink play, it also is an important factor to consider in more vanilla sexual engagements, too.

Examples of aftercare include offering your partner a snack or something to drink, cuddling, giving them a compliment, having a good conversation, watching a movie, or even tending to any minor injuries that may have been sustained during BDSM play. It also offers a safe space to talk about what you might have enjoyed about the experience, as well as the things you might not have enjoyed. Ultimately, aftercare is dependent on the individuals at hand and varies depending on individual preferences.

As a way of nurturing your partner, it offers the chance to come down from the neurochemical high of BDSM, and avoid the low emotional state known as “drop” in kink circles. Given that BDSM is often more risky – physically and emotionally – and involves a higher level of vulnerability and trust, aftercare is seen as just an important part of it as establishing safe words. It offers protection and care, helping partners to ease back into normal consciousness, with grounded feelings of tenderness and affection.

With this in mind, aftercare is something we all can benefit from in casual sex. Regardless of what kind of sex you’re having, trust is imperative and good sex requires a level of vulnerability as we lower our inhibitions and seek to let go. It’s not uncommon then, for people to experience feelings of anxiety when it’s over, or simply feel a little down. As sexologist Gigi Engle explained in an interview with MindBodyGreen, “While it may seem odd to engage in aftercare with someone you’re not seriously dating, it’s still important.”

Engle added, “It’s not about making someone fall in love with you or trying to make a more serious relationship out of something casual. It’s about making sure everyone is cared for with respect and tenderness so that they can leave a sexual experience feeling good about themselves.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

October 26, 2021October 25, 2021

Kinks and fetishes you need to know about, from A to Z

Because pleasure = self-care.

By Mollie Quirk

An A to Z of kinks and fetishes probably isn’t something you knew you needed, but it’s time to up your sex-ed game because let’s be honest, sex – whether solo or with a partner – and self-care go hand-in-hand. Pleasure is wellness, people. And there could be a whole realm of untapped pleasure here you never knew existed.

So, we’ve compiled a list of 26 kinks from A to Z, from bondage to role play. Please remember that kinks are supposed to be fun, and if at any point they stop being fun – you can stop at ANY time.

A is for Age Play

Many people get turned on when roleplaying, and even more so when they’re acting younger or older than they are. This kink could start off by calling your partner ‘daddy’ in bed, or maybe you’re getting called ‘baby’ – but it doesn’t stop there. The daddy/baby name-calling is just an example of light age play, but if the switch is flipped and all of a sudden one of you is acting like a baby, sucking on a dummy and crawling around in a nappy, then it’s safe to say that you’ve crossed to the extreme side of age play.

B is for Bondage

Some people get off when they’re restrained – whether that be in handcuffs or with ropes. Bondage falls under the BDSM umbrella term that means ‘bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism’. Some people enjoy being dominant (i.e. tying other people up) and some enjoy the more submissive side (i.e. being tied up).

Bondage is the most well-known kink (thanks Fifty Shades of Grey) and uses sex toys like handcuffs, paddles, whips, shackle mounts, candle wax, chains, ropes and suspension bars.

Expensive toys aren’t always needed, and trading handcuffs for a tie can be a good alternative.

C is for Cuckolding

Cuckolding is usually when a heterosexual couple agree for the woman to sleep with another man/men. Her partner doesn’t need to be in the room – he just needs to get turned on by the thought of his partner having sex with somebody else. But, some men do like being in the room while watching their partner sleeping with another man. Although its traditionally considered to be a heterosexual kink, people of all genders and sexual orientations can partake.

D is for Dogging

Dogging is a British slang term for having sex in public, or watching others do so. It’s become an increasingly popular kink, and is similar to voyeurism and exhibitionism.

Usually two sets of people are involved (sometimes more) and they set up a meet or meet randomly, before watching the other couple have sex and vice versa. This kink doesn’t come without risks though, because in Great Britain, dogging comes under laws related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, or public displays of sexual behaviour. Prosecution is possible for a number of offences, and this means that public places in some areas of the UK sit in a grey area, legally speaking.

E is for Electrostimulation

Some people get turned on by getting electrocuted, and this kink is called electrostimulation. This involves using small electric shocks in the bedroom (or wherever you’re having sex with your partner). Getting electrocuted can be dangerous, which is why most people who partake in this kink are into another type called ‘edge play’.

F is for Foot Fetishism

You’ve definitely heard of this one. Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes out there, just take Jake from Love Island 2021 and his very public foot fetish.

A foot fetish is when somebody gets turned on by, yep you guessed it, other people’s feet. They will most likely want to touch them, hold them, lick them, kiss them, and sometimes they might even want to suck that person’s toes. People with foot fetishes also engage in foot worship, which leads into another kink – humiliation. Sometimes the fetishist might want their partner’s feet in their mouth, they might want to be trodden on, kicked or walked on.

G is for Gagging

Some people like be gagged and choked while having sex, and this kink has recently seen a huge surge in popularity. Gagging can refer to lightly choking on an object (like a penis) or being choked slightly by the hand of your partner.

Another form of gagging is using a ball gag to gag somebody so they can no longer speak. This will either seem like your worst nightmare or your hottest sexual fantasy. Remember that if any form of gagging becomes uncomfortable at any stage – stop immediately. Having a safe word or signal is recommended, so that your partner knows if you’re withdrawing consent.

H is for Humiliation

This isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but some people do get a kick out of being humiliated (or doing the humiliation). If you like being called names like ‘bitch’, ‘slut’, or ‘whore’ in bed, then you probably have a kink for being humiliated. But if you like doing the name-calling, then you probably have more a dominant side and enjoy humiliating others.

I is for Impact Play

Considered a form of BDSM, impact play is generally where one person is struck by their sexual partner for the pleasure of one or both parties. Some people enjoy being whipped with a ‘stingy’ whip, while others might prefer a ‘thud’ from a paddle.

J is for JOE / JOI

A popular kink without many even realising it, Jerk Off Encouragement or Jerk Off Instruction, is when you’re instructed to masturbate for your sexual partner. Some people might enjoy instructing another party to masturbate for them, while others might enjoy being told what to do. Either way, it’s an exciting way to spice things up in the bedroom.

K is for Klismaphilia

In Greek, Klismaphilia means “arousal by enemas.” If you’re unsure what an enema is, it’s similar to a colonic irrigation. Basically, an enema is when you get warm water squirted into your bum.

Enemas are most commonly carried out by hospitals prior to medical procedures, but some people get turned on by having an enema (or giving one to somebody else). Most people will use enemas as a way to prepare the anus for anal sex, so it’s handy that you enjoy it if you like anal.

L is for Lactophilia

More common in heterosexual couplings, Lactophilia refers to when a male gets turned on by seeing a woman lactate – commonly known as producing breast milk. Lactophiliacs enjoy seeing women produce breast milk, as well as sucking on breasts and having sex with women who are producing milk.

M is for Medical fetish

Some people get turned on by doctors, nurses, dentists and pretty much anybody else in the medical profession. People with this kind of fetish might enjoy seeing their partner dressed up in a white coat, or they might enjoy medical role play.

N is for Nylons

Also known as pantyhose addiction, those who love ladies (or men) wearing nylons tend to get sexual stimulation, gratification and arousal from their partners wearing tights. They might also love the process of putting them on, or taking them off. It is thought that those with nylon kinks prefer tights over stockings, because tights have direct contact with genitals.

This kink directly related to another very similar fetish – used underwear. Thanks to the internet, it’s now easier than ever to buy used under garments like tights, stockings, socks, knickers and bras. Sellers tend to sell the garment for a price that is decided on by the amount of times it has been worn.

O is for Orgasm Denial

Another kink that lives under the umbrella of BDSM, orgasm denial is where one partner brings the other right to the brink of orgasm and then stops – also known as edging, peaking, or surfing.

This sexual technique is when your orgasm is controlled by your sexual partner or yourself. This kink is both harsh and extremely rewarding because you’re getting built up and brought down, something that can continue for quite some time, before then being allowed to orgasm. Many women (and men) report that this is the ultimate way to reach an orgasm because it becomes more intense than ever before. It’s the perfect blend of being punished before getting given a reward.

P is for Penis Humiliation

This kink involves insulting a man’s penis. Usually the man will enjoy having the size, appearance and performance of his penis mocked and laughed at. This is another kink that falls under the BDSM umbrella term.

Q is for Queening

Queening is when a woman sits on her partner’s face for oral sex involving both your genitals and anus. The woman will position herself in a straddling position, while her partner (either male or female) will pleasure her orally. Some people have extreme queening kinks, meaning they prefer this kind of sex over the traditional kind.

R is for Role-play

Role-play is a very common sexual kink. It basically refers to when when people act out roles or storylines in order to turn each other on. It can crossover into many other kinks like medical fetishes or age-play, and can be a brilliant way of injecting some spice into your sex life. Role-playing can come with costumes and props, or can be as simple as sexting, dirty talk, or thinking out an elaborate story to draw out the sexual act.

S is for Sensory deprivation

Sensory deprivation is when one sexual partner removes stimulation and/or senses from the other. This means that the other sensations become more powerful, intense and extreme. An example of this would be a person wearing blindfold and earplugs, while concentrating on the what they can feel e.g. touch.

T is for Taphephilia

This kink is very obscure and incredibly risky. Some people get aroused by being buried alive. Similar to claustrophilia, arousal from confined spaces, this kink is best undertaken on a fantasy basis and with a sexual partner you trust. The real thing is super dangerous and not recommended.

U is for Urophilia

More commonly known as golden showers, urophilia is when you urinate on somebody. This can be done on their face, on their body, in their mouth, in their vagina or on any other sexual organs. It’s usually done as part of domination or humiliation, so is another kink that falls within the realms of BDSM.

V is for Vincilagnia

This term refers to being sexually aroused by bondage, and more specifically being tied up or tying your sexual partner up. Remember that all parties involved must give ongoing consent, as with any of the kinks listed in this A–Z.

W is for WAM

Wet and messy fetish (WAM), also known sploshing, is a sexual fetish that involves people becoming sexually aroused by wet and messy substances being applied to naked skin – whether it be their own, or their sexual partner’s. Some people like to be covered in wet, messy or sticky substances, while some people enjoy watching others get drenched. WAM can included getting pelted with cream pies (or shaving foam), slime, cakes, food, custard or other liquids.

X is for Wax play

Okay, it doesn’t technically start with an ‘X’ but we had to include it! Some people enjoy hot wax being poured over their bodies as a part of temperature play. Luckily, general candle wax doesn’t need to be used (and isn’t advised either) because purpose-made candles have been created, specifically for wax play. There are candles that exist to burn at a specific temperature to ensure you won’t get burnt (or burn your partner). Not only does the temperature play feel great, but as the candle burns, the wax turns into massage oil.

Y is for Yiffing

Yiffing is when people dress up in furry costumes to grope, fondle and hump each other. Usually no sex act is undertaken, and most of the time yiffing is done in a group setting.

Z is for Zelophilia

Cuckolding often coincides with an element of zelophilia, which is arousal and pleasure from jealousy – whether it be your own jealousy towards a lover, or their jealousy of you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

November 14, 2020November 13, 2020

6 Kinky Dating Apps to Download If BDSM Is Your Thing

Because being sexually adventurous = totally healthy and normal.

By Anni Irish

A kink is broadly defined as an act or desire that falls outside of the widely accepted normative ideas of vanilla sexual practices—everything from choking, to BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominate/submissive, sadomasochism/masochism), to cuckolding, foot fetishes, water sports, bondage, and more.

And as you can see, there are tonnns of elements that fall within its sexual realm.

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But even though nearly 61 percent of Cosmo readers say they’ve dabbled in some form of BDSM play, there still remains some societal stigma and shame for wanting to be adventurous in and out of the bedroom.

This is exactly what we don’t want, fam. Because being sexually adventurous (in whatever way that means to you) is completely healthy and normal. In fact, it’s highly encouraged in an effort to prioritize your pleasure and what feels good to you.

So if you’re looking to expand your sexual taste—or just see what is out there— sometimes turning to a dating app is the best and easiest way to explore. And whether you’re just looking to spice up your online dating game or you’re fully a master in BDSM practices already, here are six kinky apps to help jump-start your experience.

Just remember, in all forms of sexual contact (kink or vanilla), consent it is always mandatory. Like engaging in any new sexual experience, communicating your boundaries and hard limits prior to beginning is a must.

1. FetLife

When it comes to exploring BDSM and kink in general, FetLife is the go-to for these kinds of activities. (The Canadian-based company literally describes itself as being like “Facebook but run by kinksters.”)

Similarly to other social media platforms, users can create profiles, interact and “Friend” other members, post pics, vids, status updates, and join more specific groups based on sexual interests and kinks. Trust me when I say the free website really allows you to cater your kink experience and find exactly what you want—whatever that may be.

Download here

2. Kinkoo

If you’re looking for a dating app more fetish-specific (think: feet, voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc.), Kinkoo may be the best one for you. In your profile, you can indicate what you’re looking for and how you’d describe yourself, like, say, if you are more of a submissive or dominant. Match with people all around the world for free or upgrade to the VIP membership for $16 per month.

Download here

3. Whiplr

Okay, so the app is pretty clever—I mean, its name doesn’t exactly disguise what the app is intended for, lol. But once you sign up, users are free to choose from a list of over 230 kinks (230!) to add to their profile. The free app also features a chat, video, and call component, similarly to what you may experience on a more mainstream dating app. Use it to find a virtual playmate or to chat it up with other kinksters across the globe.

Download here

4. Kink D

Another app geared toward the fetish community, Kink D is a super sex-positive space for those looking to explore. Whether you’re into BDSM, foot fetishes, or whatever else, odds are, you’ll find a willing partner here. It’s free to download, has a super user-friendly interface, and can help you connect with singles all over.

Download here

5. Kinki

Kinki prides themselves on being super inclusive, especially for folks apart of the LGBTQ+ community. The app, which costs $12 per month, gives you a range of options to pick from in terms of both fetishes and what you’re looking for (whether it be long-term, short-term, or just a hookup.) It also authenticates people’s accounts, gives you filters to search by location, and allows you to Like photos of people as well.

Unfortunately it’s not in U.S. markets quite yet, so this one’s for all of you outside the states.

Download here

6. Feeld

This platform offers a tonnnn of options for gender identity and sexual orientation. And while Feeld has gotten some buzz primarily for those interested in threesomes, it’s also super friendly to those in polyamorous relationships or looking to explore a more kink-friendly lifestyle. If you’re into just dipping a toe into the BDSM waters, this free app is a great sex-positive place to get started.

Download here

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

November 9, 2020November 8, 2020

4 Tips For Proudly Introducing Kink Into Your Relationship

By Mary Grace Garis

If during this time in quarantine, you’ve done some sexual exploring about what gets you going—great. Maybe you’ve dedicated some self-care sessions to self-pleasure, had some mind-blowing staycation sex, or taken the BDSM test to explore your NSFW interests. And just maybe, all the sexploration has you wanting to learn how to introduce kink into your relationship as well. If what’s stopping you is a sense of feeling overwhelmed or even embarrassed, stop right there: Sex educators agree that kink is a perfectly healthy and safe form of sexual expression and pleasure, and talking about it with a partner is the first step for removing any level of stigma that may surround it so everyone involved can get to the important part of enjoying it.

Of course, the first step is understanding what kink is. Kink can be construed as a wide variety of consensual sex acts that aren’t vanilla, penetrative, heteronormative sexual intercourse. “Kink is anything that falls outside the bounds of culturally defined expectations, which, because of often wildly puritanical societies, could basically be anything that’s not penile-vaginal intercourse,” sexual-health consultant Francisco Ramirez previously told Well+Good. For some examples, it can include a blindfold, getting tied up, spanking, temperature play, choking, and more. Kink also encompasses BDSM—which stands for “bondage,” “dominance” or “discipline,” “sadism” or “submission,” and “masochism”—which usually involves power play with clear dominant and submissive roles, and sometimes might not even directly involve sex play at all.

Below, Caitlin V, MPH, clinical sexologist with sexual-wellness brand Royal, shares four golden rules for how to introduce kink into a relationship.

4 tips for how to introduce kink into a relationship, according to a sexologist.

1. If you’re afraid to bring it up, say so from the outset

Many of us have to unlearn shame around sexuality, and everyone’s barometer for what constitutes “kink” is different. Before bringing up anything to a partner, know that your interests and preferences are valid. V also recommends coming from a place of vulnerability. “Getting it out that you’re feeling vulnerable usually invites your partner into holding a compassionate space for you,” says V.

“Getting it out that you’re feeling vulnerable usually invites your partner into holding a compassionate space for you.” —Caitlin V, MPH, clinical sexologist

She suggests saying something along the lines of, “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about, but it’s hard for me because I’m afraid that maybe you’ll think I’m weird. Do you have some time to talk?” or “Hey, do you have the bandwidth to talk about something? I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I’m scared, but it’s really important to me.”

2. Be specific about what you’re interested in

Since, as previously mentioned, everyone’s barometer for what constitutes kink is different. That’s why clarity about what you want to you want to introduce into your relationship is so important.

“Once the subject is broached, start small. Give examples, and be willing to explain why you’re interested in something,” says V. “When you use the words ‘kink’ and ‘BDSM,’ many people imagine dungeons and ball gags, which make up a small and very extreme percentage of kinky play.”

3. Use mental imagery as a way of approaching the idea

V suggests prompting specific sex plays with images and speaking in hypotheticals to get the conversation going. An example? “Wouldn’t it be fun for us to play with a little spanking?” The idea of you doing that during sex is so hot! Is that something you’d be open to exploring?” And the conversation can (hopefully) flow from there.

“It helps to have done your research and to come to the conversation with specific examples of what you want and why, as well as what the benefits are to your partner,” V says. “If you can clearly articulate a desire and are able to focus on the potential benefits for both of you and your relationship, you are more likely to be met with enthusiasm.”

4. Be prepared for friction, but don’t get hung up on it

According to V, many great partners will hear out your desires, ask any necessary clarifying questions, and want to make them come true so long as they feel safe doing so. However, not everyone will start with a positive reaction. Be prepared for this, and be willing to forgive your partner if their immediate response comes from a place of shame or judgment.

“Remember that there’s a lot of shame around this subject, and their response will be informed primarily by their culture and their upbringing—not by their best selves—unless they’ve already done some personal work on this,” says V. “If they don’t change their tune, and they continue to judge you for your kinky desires, it might be time to show them the door and find a new partner who can give you an enthusiastic ‘yes’ to exploring.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

Why conservative men may be attracted to cuckolding

By Julia Naftulin

Cuckolding is a sexual fetish where a person like to watch or listen while their partner has sex with someone else.
The term recently cropped up in mainstream media when former Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr. resigned from his role after his business partner told Reuters Falwell had partaken in the fetish.
According to researcher and sex therapist David Ley, conservative men might be sexually drawn to cuckolding because it’s something they were told is forbidden or wrong.

Cuckolding, a sexual fetish where a man enjoys watching or listening his partner have sex with someone else, cropped up in mainstream media after Reuters reported former Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr. had partaken in the act.

Falwell’s former business partner Giancarlo Granda told Reuters that Falwell “enjoyed watching from the corner of the room” while Granda and Falwell’s wife Becki were “intimate.”

Falwell denied this, and said only his wife was involved. But the news gained national attention, as Falwell was heading the ultra-conservative and evangelical Liberty University at the time. Students there are forbidden from having extramarital sex and same-sex relationships, Insider previously reported.

According to researcher and sex therapist David Ley, cuckolding is a common sexual fantasy for old-fashioned types.

Why men are drawn to cuckolding

Ley spent a year researching cuckolding for his book “Insatiable Wives,” because he could only find one study on the kink and wanted to learn more. In interviewing various heterosexual couples about their experiences with cuckolding, Ley learned those who were married and in their 40s were most likely to partake.

Ley, who discussed his findings on sex researcher Justin Lehmiller’s podcast Sex & Psychology, said men typically initiate cuckolding in their relationships, and they tend to do so for two reasons.

First, some men find the personal aspect of cuckolding more erotic than porn. According to Ley, some men think: “I’d rather watch my wife have sex with other people than watch some stranger in pornography,” because it’s more real.

Cuckolding might also appeal to someone who wants to experience “vicarious bisexuality,” as Ley calls it.

“There are men who really would like to engage in sexual activity with other men but they have a lot or moral or social prohibitions against it, and they can use their wife’s body, basically as a vehicle to have sex with other men,” Ley said.

Research suggests politically conservative men have more cuckolding fantasies than liberal men

Lehmiller, who conducted his own sexual-fantasy research for his book “Tell Me What You Want,” found politically conservative men cite cuckolding as a sexual fantasy more often than their liberal counterparts, despite the fact men often use “cuck” as a derogatory term for a weak man or sellout.

According to Ley, conservative men might be drawn to cuckolding due to cognitive dissonance.

“The more taboo something is, the more condemned it is, for some people, the more sexually charged and exciting it becomes,” Ley told Lehmiller.

Ley gave the example of a man who identified as a white Nazi and wrote a letter to him. He told Ley his greatest sexual fantasy would be his wife cheating on him with a Jewish person or person of color, because it was something he was taught to hate and fear.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

August 28, 2020August 27, 2020

Why conservative men are more likely to fantasize about sharing their wives

It may, paradoxically, be precisely because they believe cuckoldry is so bad

By Justin Lehmiller

In the wake of allegations that he spent years watching his wife have sex with another man, Jerry Falwell Jr. resigned this week from his post as president of Liberty University. Falwell has denied the specifics of those allegations, but if they’re true, he would be neither the first nor the last conservative man to take pleasure in sharing his spouse or partner while he looks on, a sexual practice known more commonly as “cuckolding.” In fact, a disproportionate percentage fantasize about just that happening to them.

They’re not alone, of course. Cuckolding routinely ranks among the top searches on the world’s biggest porn sites, as reported by neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in their book “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” for which they analyzed the contents of hundreds of millions of Internet searches. But as my own research has shown, reports of that sexual fantasy exhibit a surprising ideological pattern. For my book “Tell Me What You Want,” I studied the sexual fantasies of 4,175 Americans from all 50 states. I asked my participants to report how often they fantasized about hundreds of different people, places and things — including cuckolding.

A majority of heterosexual men (52 percent) said they had fantasized about watching their partner have sex with someone else. Heterosexual men who identified as Republican were the most likely to report having had a cuckolding fantasy at some point — and they fantasized about it more often than Democrats. Fewer than half of Democratic straight men (49 percent) reported having ever fantasized about cuckolding, and 19 percent said they fantasize about it often. By contrast, nearly two-thirds (64 percent) of heterosexual Republican men reported having had this fantasy, and 30 percent said it is a frequent fantasy. Republican men also reported more fantasies about infidelity, swinging and a wide range of sexually taboo activities, including voyeurism.

One way to understand why these desires are so much more common for conservative men is through what sex therapist Jack Morin termed “the erotic equation,” which he spelled out as follows:

Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement

The basic premise here is intuitive: When we are told we cannot do something that we want to do — even if we do not have a particularly strong desire for it — those restrictions make us want to do it even more. Violating taboos creates risk — and taking on a certain amount of risk can heighten arousal and excitement. This is precisely why public sex (or semipublic sex) was another extraordinarily popular fantasy in my survey: The thrill of potentially being caught in the act amps up the intensity of the situation.

Because those on the right tend to have more restrictions placed on their sexuality in general, it stands to reason that they have access to plenty of potentially appealing taboos. And among those many paradoxically pleasurable roadblocks to sexual gratification, cuckolding is one of the most prominent. They are really, really not supposed to let themselves become cuckolds, let alone to long for it.

According to this logic, a man who shares his wife with another man doesn’t just violate social and moral dictates for monogamy, but he also violates traditional notions of masculinity. In the eyes of many men, cuckolding is the ultimate form of emasculation. This sentiment is precisely why many on the right have taken to using the term “cuck” to denigrate men they see as giving up their own power and control, or humiliating themselves. It is also why many of them use the term “cuckservative” to refer to conservative men they see as caving to the left.

It may, paradoxically, be precisely because of all this that cuckoldry fantasies are so appealing. People on the right tend to place a very high value on their freedom. For example, consider conservative views on wearing masks during the covid-19 pandemic: Surveys find that Republicans are more likely to refuse to wear masks than Democrats, citing it as an attack on their liberty. This tendency is an effect of the psychological concept known as reactance, the idea that when one’s individual freedoms are threatened, one tries to reassert autonomy and independence.

Resistance to restrictions, in this mode, becomes a way to reassert personal freedom, and that’s a big deal for those on the right. As the mask resisters show, conservatives may be willing to put themselves at risk to merely assert the fact of their freedom. Likewise, it seems possible that some are open to violating erotic norms — even those that might expose them to mockery or humiliation — to demonstrate to themselves that they’re not bound by the rules. While such behaviors may seem to contradict the expectations and norms espoused by those who practice them, they actually serve to reaffirm a more fundamental conservative value, the emphasis placed on freedom itself.

With all of that said, it is certainly not the case that all Republicans and conservatives are fantasizing about cuckolding or other taboo sexual activities, nor is it the case that they’re alone in expressing such wishes. As I report in “Tell Me What You Want,” one of the kinks that Democrats report more often than Republicans is BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. In other words, those on the left fantasize about things like power play and rough sex more than those on the right. For Democrats, subverting ideals of equitable and fair power relations is a major taboo. The same could be said for visualizing a scenario in which the lines of sexual consent might not be explicit. After all, people on the left tend to be much stronger supporters of the #MeToo movement and have more vocally advocated for models of enthusiastic sexual consent. Flirting with this taboo may therefore be why BDSM is more tantalizing for them.

In short, while the specific content of our sexual fantasies and the particular activities we pursue in our bedrooms may differ to some degree according to our political affiliations, the factors that feed our erotic desires might not be so different after all.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 23, 2020May 22, 2020

There Is No Bigger Turn-On

Than Watching My Partner Sleep With Another Man

The taboo of bearing the humiliation that comes with being a “cuck” can actually be very pleasurable.

Confessions is a series of essays on personal experiences, many of which have been kept secret for a long time. By sharing these previously confidential accounts, we explore our own mental health without judgment and in the hope that it makes it a little lighter of a burden for us to carry. It’s also a reminder that no matter how odd or unique these experiences can be, there’s always someone who can relate – and none of us are alone.

by Anonymous

I don’t know how and when I developed a cuckold fetish. It’s one of those taboo fetishes that people don’t talk about. In this situation, a man takes pleasure in watching his partner having sex with someone else, where he is only allowed to watch unless asked/commanded to participate by his “superiors”.

Maybe it was in late 2018, when my first threesome with this guy I had just started dating turned into a weird power struggle, when the guy I was “sharing” him with pulled him away from me to devour him all by himself, and for the first time in the longest time, I felt my boner die. It was as if I lost some battle with my sexuality that day. It took a while to get back to feeling normal again and once the guy left, I could proceed with my main squeeze at full mast. That feeling haunted me for a while, but I found myself yearning for that feeling again.

Maybe it was in early 2019, when the guy spoken of above turned into my full-fledged partner and we were experimenting with monogamy. We lay in bed and I wondered if now was the right time to talk to him about not being stuck in a monogamous setting. I also wondered how a third guy with us in bed finishing up the job for me would look like. I asked him if he was willing to open up the relationship. It wasn’t unheard of in the community and if RuPaul could be in one, then why not lowly mortals like us? It took him a while before he could come around to understanding it. Sexual and spiritual entanglements are entirely different. Or perhaps it was a good way to convince ourselves that this was going to be a new normal in a world where ten apps are filled with a hundred guys that are willing to come over if you have “place”.

Maybe it was later in 2019, when after experimenting and finding comfort in our new arrangement, we decided that it was the right time to welcome a guy into our abode for a three-way that could possibly be my redemption from the last time. We picked someone we both knew and had met before on separate occasions. So there was no awkwardness for any parties involved. And without any foreboding, we jumped right into it. It became a beautiful synchronous melody, where nobody felt left out and everyone desired the other. It feels weird writing these things down because I know how the Indian society perceives it, but that’s the reality of it. Sometimes it feels amazing to share your love with someone outside your relationship. The outpour of sensuous energy that afternoon in our apartment was unparalleled.

Maybe it was in early 2020, right before the lockdown put a temporary ban on all sexual fetishes, where we had a newfound respect for each other in our relationship and our wonderful third wheel (or a ‘bull’ as one may call them) was around whenever we beckoned him. By now, we had found a certain ease with our bodies and we didn’t shy away from telling each other about our other sexcapades. But the ones with our bull were the best because they seemed so non-fussy. During one of these encounters, I found myself trying to not be the alpha for a change, and let him have the proverbial reigns if you may. I just took a step back and watched what was unfolding in front of me.

A major part of being the cuck is also being teased. And my partner and the bull jumped right into their roles—tempting me, mocking me, arousing me with every taunt. But I could do nothing. I was just to bear the humiliation that came with being a cuck, and I felt most of my sexual insecurities waft away. If being inadequate is sexy for a change, then so be it. For once, it wasn’t just another ordinary threesome. It was operatic. Hey, Shakespeare did enjoy using the word ‘cuckold’ a lot. In our own script, there was no jealousy, there was no malice—there was just acceptance in all our parts of the roles we had chosen.

Just like God when he created the universe, we knew we were pleased.

May 21, 2020May 20, 2020

Here’s How You Can Talk To Your Partner About Your Fetish

by Neeta Karnik

“Tie me up and tell me your dreams.”

We wish it were that easy to tell our partners about our fetishes. But sometimes, the confidence takes a back seat, and we end up breaking in sweats, dismissing the idea of opening up to our partner. Don’t worry; if you have experienced such a moment, it is completely understandable. This is something that does require courage as you are opening up about something that you are vulnerable about. So to help you, here are a few ways that you can talk to your partner about your fetishes.

1. Communicate Your Trust

It is best to tell your partner that you find this topic sensitive, and it has taken a lot of courage to be open about it. You can also tell your partner that you trust them, but there is a small part of you that fears that you will be judged. This way, you are letting them know about your insecurities of being perceived differently, and you are hoping that they will be more mindful of their words.

2. Start Small

While you may have the kinkiest fantasies, you may also want to go slow when it comes to revealing them and see how your partner is accepting the news. Moreover, try not to joke about it to make the situation light. There was a time when I was so nervous about telling my partner about my sex-adventures that I added, “Just kidding!” at the end. This further confused my partner. So it is best to leave the jokes aside and talk about it in a simple manner by revealing your least kinky fantasies first and then breaking the big ones once your partner is in the zone for it.

3. Try Mutual Disclosure

If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, try asking your partner to talk about his/her fantasies so that you can feel comfortable disclosing yours. This way, you will feel more confident in revealing your fetish to your partner. If you want, you both can try writing it down, and then exchanging notes.

Just like all of us experience emotions in our unique way; similarly, our sexual experiences are also unique to us and having a fetish is completely normal. Don’t worry; your partner will be understanding of your desires in bed. Besides, it never hurt anyone to be creative in the bedroom, with consent!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

February 8, 2020February 8, 2020

The cuckolding fetish

This is what it really is

By Emily Gulla

The type of consensual non-monogamy, explained.

“Cuckolding” is one of those sex terms that you’ve probably seen pop up somewhere on the internet (hello, porn sites), but you might never have known what it actually means. As the world becomes more woke to all kinds of monogamy, polyamory, and everything in between, people are becoming more and more open about enjoying cuckolding in the bedroom. So, here’s everything you need to know.

What is cuckolding?

Cuckolding is essentially a form of consensual non-monogamy, where one partner watches their lover having sex with another person. Often, cuckolding involves the observing partner (known as the cuckold) being present in the room while they watch, but they could also observe by being sent messages or photos of what is happening.

How is cuckolding different from polyamory?

Cuckolding differs from other forms of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) as it’s all focused on watching what’s happening. Other kinds of CNM include polyamory, where someone has multiple romantic partners, but cuckolding is usually purely sexual rather than romantic. Another kind of CNM is swinging, where couples swap sexual partners, but when it comes to cuckolding, the person observing usually doesn’t physically participate in any sexual activity.

What is the history of cuckolding?

The word “cuckold” is derived from the cuckoo bird, which lays its eggs in other birds’ nests, meaning that the birds go on to raise chicks that aren’t their own. “Cuckold” was first used in medieval times to describe the husband of an unfaithful wife who, unaware of his wife’s infidelity, would raise children that clearly weren’t his own, like with cuckoo birds.

The modern-day usage of the word “cuckolding” as a fetish differs from its origins, as the cuckold is aware of and is consenting to their partner sleeping with another person.

While the origins of the term describe cuckolding as a husband watching his wife with another man, cuckolding can be done any way you want, whether it’s a female partner watching their male partner with another woman or another man, or whether everybody involved is male or female or of any other gender.

Why do people enjoy cuckolding?

There are various reasons why people might enjoy cuckolding as a fetish or a form of consensual non-monogamy. Some people introduce cuckolding as a way of combatting boredom or repetition in a relationship, and find that sexual variety actually strengthens their relationship with their partner, especially as they’re able to learn more about what their partner enjoys. For others, the jealousy they feel from watching their partner with another person adds an exciting element to their relationship and can add a new dimension to their sex life.

“Cuckolding may trigger sexual jealousy,” says psychosexual and relationship therapist Aoife Drury. “The thought of their [the cuckold’s] partner being with someone else may be quite arousing.”

Aoife adds that another reason cuckolding can be enjoyable is because “it’s about seeing sexual satisfaction or empowerment from your partner and that being a turn on. This actually has a name and is defined as compersion.”

Cuckolding is a great way of strengthening communication in a relationship, as it requires honesty from both partners about what they enjoy, what they don’t and what their boundaries are if they do feel jealous or uncomfortable. Couples who have tried cuckolding often report that it strengthens the bond between them, as they’re able to trust each other and talk openly about their desires.

Cuckolding can also be considered a subset of BDSM. “An aspect of BDSM can be humiliation, and the thought of [the cuckold] feeling or being humiliated could also be exciting. Our brains have the ability to turn something degrading into something powerfully erotic,” says Aoife. Sexologist Dr. Jill McDevitt adds, “the arousal that comes from relinquishing power and being humiliated (which is a form of masochism)” can be part of what makes cuckolding enjoyable.

As well as the cuckold, the partner who is sleeping with somebody else can enjoy cuckolding because it means they get to experience sexual variety with somebody else, and they can show their partner first-hand what they like.

How can you introduce cuckolding into your relationship?

Start by being open with your partner, letting them know that this is something you want to try, and explaining what it is if they’re unsure. The important thing is to make sure that everyone involved is comfortable and consenting to what is happening. Cuckolding requires “tons of communication, discussion of safer sex methods, and consideration of the physical and emotional safety of all involved, including the third party,” says Dr. Jill.

“Cuckolding can very much be part of healthy relationships as long as you are both open, honest and content with it being part of your sex lives,” adds Aoife. “The most important aspect of all sexual activity is consent. It is important when someone has a kink or fetish that they are communicating openly with all parties involved, and everyone is happy.

“If it is something that you would like to start off with, it is vital to understand what may be brought up. Seeing your partner with someone else may be quite upsetting so taking it slow is of utmost importance. Finally I would encourage partners to draw out parameters and rules so that there are clear boundaries; perhaps that’s not having sex with someone you know or for cuckolding not to occur in your home.

“To start off with trying out cuckolding, maybe ask your partner to describe a fantasy about having sex with a different partner. That can be past partners, people you or they fancy or even a celebrity. Sometimes this may be enough for both parties and they have no interest in taking things further.

“If you are both happy and wanted to take the next step, try going to a bar and watching them flirt with someone else. The next step, if that goes well, is your partner having sex with someone else and then recounting the experience to you.”

So, if you’re interested in giving cuckolding (or anything else) a go, follow these steps to telling your partner exactly what you want.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

August 26, 2019August 26, 2019

What Is Kink-Shaming?

(And Why You Should Avoid Doing It)

By Alex Manley

How Kink-Shaming Can Keep People From Feeling Sexually Liberated

You’re hooking up with someone for the first time — or the second, the tenth or the hundredth — and you think you know what to expect, but then they ask if you can try something new.

Immediately, you’re a little cautious. What if it’s weird? They blush a little bit. “Well, you see, I’ve always wanted to try this thing … but it’s a little kinky…” You gulp as they lean in and whisper the secret desire into your ear. You want to make them happy because you’re not a jerk, but this fetish is way out there, and not at all something you’re used to.

“Gross,” you say. “You’re really into that?” Your hookup buddy looks embarrassed. “Never mind,” they say, grabbing their clothes from the floor. “I should probably get going

What just happened? Well, there’s a name for it: kink-shaming. And even if you don’t think you’re doing it, you probably are.

What Is Kink-Shaming?

“This girl I met on Tinder told me she wanted to try this thing called ‘caking’ — spreading cake batter all over your naked self. I was like, ‘Hmmmm, no.’ Very unsanitary, and I don’t like wasting food.” – Miguel, 28

Kink-shaming is basically exactly that —shaming someone for their sexual desires when they don’t line up with what you think is normal.

“Kink-shaming is when you embarrass someone for their sexual preferences and believe something is wrong with them because of their sexual interests,” says Dr. Janet Brito, a sex therapist based in Hawaii.

This could be about a fetish, a kink, a preference, a history of certain behaviors, or even just an openness or willingness to try something that the other person considers unconventional.

“I would define kink-shaming as the negative judgment and criticism of all sexual contact that isn’t considered vanilla or ‘mainstream,’” says Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness.

Brito notes that some common targets of kink-shaming include “fetishes that are uncommon, such as titillagnia (arousal to tickling other people) or urophilia (arousal to urine or urinating on others), dressing up as a furry or a desire to be choked or spanked.”

However, there are some that are gender-focused — men, for instance, often kink-shame “their girlfriend’s/wife’s interest in group sex, public sex, threesomes, double penetration, having a rape fantasy, masochist or sadist interestsl,” notes Brito. Or when talking to other men, they might be judgmental toward things like “same-sex attraction, same-sex fantasies, autogynephilia, men attracted to transwomen or non-binary folks.”

This kind of thing can play out in all different ways. It could be as simple as making fun of your friend for a hookup story with an unexpected detail in it, or it could be your long-term significant other trying to make you feel dirty for asking for something new in bed.

While it might not be coming from a place of hurtfulness — it’s as often a sense of surprise or shock rather than outright cruelty — it can still be incredibly demeaning.

How Does Kink-Shaming Negatively Impact People?

“I had a man recoil and tell me he ‘doesn’t do that weird sh*t’ when I placed his hand closer to my neck. It made me feel super uncomfortable for the rest of that interaction.” – Maria, 29

“Kink-shaming really only serves to make people live in silence and fear of judgment,” says Caraballo. “It creates negative internal emotional consequences, leaving the receiver to question the validity of their own desires. This could exacerbate any lingering questions of self-worth, depression or anxiety that the receiver already has about their sexuality and identity. It can negatively impact their ability to have and enjoy sex, and might kill desire altogether.”

It can also have a serious impact on a person’s mental and emotional well-being, ultimately causing psychological harm in the end.

“They may feel invalidated, dismissed, misunderstood,” says Brito. “It can negatively impact their relationship with their significant other, cause someone to withhold information or hide their kink from them. [And] at its worst, kink shaming can be used as a weapon against someone, and can cause someone to lose their job or their family.”

That might sound extreme, but instances of people’s sex lives becoming public knowledge are often weaponized against them in some form; the belief that a certain non-conformist sexual interest is unacceptable or somehow indicative of a person’s core moral character lives on in popular thought.

As a result, it’s worth thinking about how kink-shaming functions on a greater societal level, rather than just instances of one person shaming another. When we normalize kink-shaming and general sex-negative attitudes, people grow up feeling ashamed of desires they cannot control.

How Can You Stop Kink-Shaming?

“When I was in my teens (and probably even into my early 20s), I thought it was really funny to make fun of furries. But at some point, I realized that I was belittling people for sexual desire that I didn’t understand, even though it was being practiced by consenting adults. There was no real justification for it other than that it felt good in a shallow, sh*tty way to mock outsiders and people who don’t conform. I never tried to shame anyone directly, but I definitely carried that prejudice for many years.” – Ian, 30

Considering the widespread societal consequences of kink-shaming attitudes, and the seriously negative consequences it can have on a person’s wellbeing, it’s worth considering how we can move away from kink-shaming in general.

To that end, sex education — not just about the physical ins and outs of sex, but how desire works — can be a huge factor.

“I think that education is the biggest way to combat kink-shame,” says Caraballo. “There are a lot of misconceptions about why people enjoy kink (or certain forms of kink) and getting exposure to accurate information helps combat negative, internalized puritanical views about sex and kink.”

Brito agrees that education is important, but notes that there are lots of ways we can help shift our culture away from its current kink-shaming state.

She suggests “being willing to learn more about the diversity of human sexuality by being exposed to more sex-positive messages, by de-stigmatizing sex and knowing how to distinguish the difference between a sexual fantasy and reality, [and] by speaking up when someone is shaming someone’s kink.”

Brito also notes that some of the most common kink-shaming occurs within the self, meaning people shaming themselves for their own desires. If you struggle with that kind of thing, it’s worth putting in the effort to shift gears “by practicing self-acceptance, since working on embracing one’s interests is the first step toward accepting others.”

Finally, she adds, you can make a difference “by embracing the notion that everyone is different, and that having unique or non-traditional sexual interests does not mean something is wrong with you.”

Experiencing sexual desire is normal, and what exactly turns you on is often largely out of your control. Until you recognize that your desires alone don’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it’ll likely be a struggle for you to genuinely accept yourself and your sexuality.

But if you commit yourself to working through these issues — with a partner, perhaps, or in therapy — it’s absolutely possible to arrive at a healthier, more confident place where your own comfort with your sexual desires means you’re not looking to ridicule, diminish or shame others for theirs.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

July 10, 2019July 10, 2019

If You’re Into Kink…

You Need to Join One Of These Dating Apps

By Erika W. Smith

Kink can encompass a lot of things: bondage, yes, but also spanking, choking, feet, cuckolding, and watersports. And it turns out that many of us are at least a little bit kinky. One Canadian study asked over 1,000 adults about their sexual fantasies, and found that about half were interested in some kind of kink. The most popular kinks fell under the categories of voyeurism, fetishism, exhibitionism, masochism, and sadism.

“People want to be tied up,” researcher Christian Joyal told the Montreal Gazette. “As long as it’s with a consenting partner, people will be relieved to know that their desires are not necessarily abnormal.” He added, “One hundred years ago, oral sex was considered gross, 50 years ago it was illegal and now it is the number one fantasy. In 30 years from now, I would be surprised if BDSM wasn’t part of normal sexuality.”

Whatever you’re into, you’re far from alone. And while you can certainly ask your Tinder match if they want to choke you or exchange “kink menus” with your partner, there are also kink-specific dating apps out there to make the search for someone with compatible kinks a little bit easier.

Keep in mind that, as always, consent is mandatory — and if you match with someone who wants you to sign a “consent contract” or refuses to use a safe word, that’s a red flag. If you don’t already know your potential kink partner, sex and intimacy coach Shelby Devlin previously suggested to Refinery29 that it’s a good idea to “[go] on a couple of dates and [get] a feel for someone, giving them an opportunity to demonstrate that they’re good with boundaries, before you do any BDSM.” And that goes for any other kink, too.

On the plus side, many people using kink-specific dating apps may already be kinky pros, rather than someone who just watched Fifty Shades of Grey for the first time. Here are a few kinky apps to get you started

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

June 10, 2019June 10, 2019

Gay men reveal the fetishes they don’t want others to know about

Kinky gay men who are open and honest with partners are more likely to have better mental health

By Joe Morgan

Gay men have revealed the fetishes they don’t want others to know about.

XTube surveyed their users to determine and rank which fetishes they get turned most on by.

The winner was ‘partialism’, also known as a fetish for a particular part of the body. This could be anything from feet to a hairy chest.

Role play was second on the list, while narratophilia (or dirty talk) was third on the list.

The answers was collected from over 3,000 gay or bisexual men over the age of 18.

Fetishes

The full list:

1. Partialism (9.54%)

2. Role play (8.24%)

3. Narratophilia [or dirty talk] (7.55%)

4. Uniforms [firefighters, soldiers etc] (7.41%)

5. Bondage (7.31%)

6. Submission (7. 3%)

7. Exhibitionism [sex in a place you can get caught] (6.28%)

8. Voyeurism [watching others have sex] (4.7%)

9. Maschalagnia [armpits] (3.4%)

10. Macrophilia [someone being bigger than you] (2.79%)

11. Olfactophilia [smells and odors] (2.52%)

12. Clothing fetishism [leather, rubber] (2.14%)

13. Underwear fetishism [jockstraps, etc] (2.01%)

14. Ablutophilia [baths, showers] (1.78%)

15. Technosexuality [robots, toys etc] (1.4%)

16. Medical fetishism [doctors etc] (1.36%)

17. Podophilia [feet] (1.24%)

18. Coulrophilia [clowns] (1.11%)

19. Sitophilia [food] (1%)

20. Pygophilia [bums] (0.79%)

21. Transvestophilia [wearing clothing typically worn by the opposite gender] (0.65%)

22. Toonophilia [cartoons] (0.3%)

Kink and mental health

If you are kinky, psychotherapists advise to share it with your partners if you already have good communication.

Also, some studies say people who do engage in kink are more likely to have positive mental health.

Deborah Fields, a kink-specialist and psychotherapist, told Gay Star News: ‘[There are studies that say] people who are kinky are more likely to be ok with themselves. People who are kinky tend to have better mental health than people who are not.

‘It’s a hard one to judge. I see a lot of mental health issues. However, do I see any more mental health issues than those outside of the kink community. No.

‘I think what kinky people do is talk more. We have to talk about our shit more than someone that doesn’t. You’re negotiating consent. That community, we, are more likely to discuss things and be open about mental health upfront. The idea of being risk-aware is also including mental health.

‘Research says we’re quite ok. However, there’s no widespread research that has yet to look at the kink community.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!