Tag: Sex Toys

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5 Benefits Of Bringing Toys Into Your Sex Life

— Beyond Making You Feel Good

By Amanda Chatel

When it comes to bringing toys into your sex life, there are two schools of thought: There are those who are all for it, firmly believing that the more assets the better for both partners, and there are those who view sex toys as a sign that something isn’t working. To be candid, the only thing not working in those toyless bedrooms is the lack of imagination.

“Let’s think of the pleasure spectrum as an ice cream shop,” sensuality coach and sex educator Eleanor Hadley tells Vice. “There are so many flavors and combinations of pleasure available to us at all times. Sometimes you’ll stick with your go-to classic, but other times you might try something brand new and be sweetly surprised at how delicious it was … No flavor is categorically better than the other, and they’re all simply different … Adding sex toys into the mix when it comes to partnered sex is simply a way for you to enhance pleasure and experience new sensations.”

According to a 2020 study by sexual wellness brand Ella Paradis, 61% of sex toy consumers make purchases for themselves and for partnered play. While this is only the findings of one survey, the fact is, sex toys are very much becoming a part of people’s sex lives. In fact, the same survey found that 98% of U.S. adults believe sexual pleasure is essential to sexual health.

If you’re unsure about whether sex toys have a place in your sex life, the following benefits might just convince you it’s time to try.

It closes the orgasm gap

Although more people with vulvas are learning how to pleasure themselves, and are achieving orgasms on their own and with their partners, the disparity between them and those with penises still exists. This is called the orgasm gap, and it persists because our culture has failed to make the sexual pleasure of those with a vulva just as important as it is for people with a penis.

According to a 2016 study of 52,000 U.S. adults published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 95% of heterosexual men reported that they always or at least usually climax during sex. As for heterosexual women, that number was 65%. While this is just one of the thousands of studies that examine the difference in orgasm rate, no matter which way you turn, the results are always the same: People with penises orgasm far more than those with vulvas.

When you bring toys into the bedroom, you and your partner are closing that gap. For most people with vulvas, clitoral stimulation is necessary to orgasm. In introducing toys like vibrators, those with vulvas are given a greater chance at climaxing.

It opens up a dialogue about desire

While we tend to think of sex toys as dildos and vibrators, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. From cock rings to anal toys to nipple clamps to the kinkiest BDSM toys that surpass your wildest imagination, there’s a sex toy out there for everyone. Sex toys are a multi-billion-dollar market that’s going to continue to grow — not just in financial gains but also in innovation.

Having so many types of sex toys to choose from gives you and your partner the chance to talk about your sexual interests in ways you might not have in the past. Both you and your partner may have fantasies that you were too shy to bring up, but adding toys to your sex life can open up a conversation about specific desires. According to a two-year-long study published in 2018 by Kinsey Institute’s Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller, 97% to 98% of U.S. adults report having sexual fantasies. With those numbers, there’s a very good chance that you and your partner have some fantasies you just might want to share with each other.

It allows for more sexual exploration

Like a lot of things in life, sex toys tend to get grouped into gender stereotypes — like thinking vibrators are only for those with vulvas, and butt plugs are only for those with penises — but it’s time to see past that. Vibrators shouldn’t be limited to clitorises. Instead, they should be viewed for the multi-purpose stimulators that they are. The sensation that vibrators provide is just as enjoyable on the perineum (that space between scrotum or vulva and the anus) as it is on the clitoris, nipples, or other erogenous zones.

Whether you’re masturbating alone or engaging in sex acts with your partner, sex toys can radically expand how you think about sex and sexual pleasure. Half the fun is the exploration. It’s always important to keep in mind that sex is an umbrella term for a whole universe of sex-related acts and avenues toward sexual pleasure.

It’s a good way to stay on top of your wellness together

We’ve finally reached a point in our culture where we realize that sex, in all its forms, isn’t strictly about pleasure, but also about mental and physical health. While orgasms may feel amazing, what they do for the body and mind is even more astonishing in regard to overall wellness — so much so that people are making masturbation part of their self-care routine.

“In the past, people tended to focus on one area of human wellbeing. But the dialogue has changed. We have a more holistic view,” CMO of luxury sex toy brand Lelo, Luka Matutinovic tells Wired. “We now know that sex is one of the key ingredients. Orgasms give us serotonin and dopamine, which also boosts the immune system. It’s part of our whole wellbeing.”

When you and your partner bring sex toys into the bedroom, it’s not just a sign of wanting to experience pleasure together, but to partake in keeping your wellness in check together too. Caring for each other’s health in such a way strengthens intimate bonds and you both reap the emotional and physical benefits of it.

It creates a deeper appreciation for the human body

The human body is amazing. Not to get all existentialist about it, but the form of the body is, and all its pieces, an extraordinary work of art that we often take for granted. When we make time to understand our own bodies, as well as the bodies of our partners, we learn to appreciate every aspect of it — not just the genitals, but the whole package. Sexuality and sexual pleasure reside on a very long spectrum, and this looks and feels different for everyone. Getting to know what you enjoy, what your partner gets off on, and how you can bring those sensations and feelings together creates a deeper appreciation of the body. It opens our minds to the complicated fragility of what it means to be human, as well as a sexual being.

Even if you think you’ve mastered the understanding of your body and your partner’s body, there’s always more to learn. Sexuality and sexual pleasure ride that spectrum up and down over our entire lifetimes, so nothing is ever set in stone. Welcoming sex toys into your sex life won’t just make you and your partner better lovers, but better friends because of the conversations that will emerge from throwing, say, a double-ended dildo into the mix. Now that’s a chat that’s going to open up a lot of potential for exploration and experimentation.

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5 Myths About Orgasms We Need To Put To Bed

By Amanda Chatel
When it comes to orgasms, there’s a hotbed of myths surrounding them. The reason for this is because they’re shrouded in mystery. To give you an example of just how mysterious the orgasm is, especially for those with vulvas, according to a 2005 study published in HHS Author Manuscripts, it wasn’t until the mid-1990s that researchers, via MRI, discovered the clitoris has an internal component. The MRI also found that this inner part was far bigger than the exposed bulb and the clitoris has erectile tissue similar to that of a penis, giving some much-needed insight into the clitoris and how it impacts orgasms from the outside and inside.

What makes the orgasm for those with vulvas even more puzzling for researchers is that it’s not necessary for pregnancy, unlike when someone with a penis orgasms and releases sperm meant to fertilize, resulting in conception. Our orgasm is essentially an enigma, per The New York Times. But where there’s a mystery, rumors will follow. Here are five of the most common myths about orgasms that we’re putting to bed right now.

Everyone should be able to orgasm through penetration alone

If ever there were a myth that needed to be debunked, shattered, and put out to pasture it’s that penetration equals orgasm for everyone. If only it were that easy. Study after study has found that the majority of people with a vulva can’t orgasm through intercourse alone. While those percentages vary based on the participants, a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that 36.6% need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, while only 18.4% reported that penetration alone could bring them to climax.

But it’s not only people with vulvas who need more than penetration to orgasm. Per a 2016 study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, contrary to what we might have been taught, those with penises don’t actually have a 100% orgasm rate during penetrative sex either — it’s “[m]ore than 90%,” according to the Scandinavian Journal of Sexology. Granted, that’s pretty darn close to 100%, thereby illustrating that the orgasm gap is indeed legitimate, but it’s important to realize that penetration alone simply doesn’t do it for everyone.

Sex is only good if there’s an orgasm involved

Because our culture puts so much emphasis on orgasms, we often forget that great sex doesn’t have to involve them. Especially if you take into consideration the fact that some people struggle to orgasm or don’t orgasm at all. If we reduce sex — in all its forms — to just achieving orgasms, then we all lose. Just as much as intercourse isn’t the only type of sex one can have, orgasm isn’t the only result of sex that can be experienced.

“There are a million reasons why we choose to be sexual, ranging from wanting intimacy, for excitement, to relieve boredom and to feel attractive,” psychosexologist Dr. Karen Gurney tells Refinery 29. “Many of these motivations can give us pleasure without getting anywhere near orgasm … The psychological and physical processes which result in orgasm involve a complex interplay between receiving bodily sensations that we enjoy, situations which we find erotic, and our ability to focus our attention on all of these things.”

When we put too much importance on having an orgasm, we miss out on properly enjoying the ride. Sex is a journey, from beginning to end, with a lot of different sensations and methods to experience arousal along the way. In fact, concentrating so much on coming can make it even harder to achieve.

There’s only one type of orgasm

When we hear the word “orgasm,” we tend to immediately think of climax that results from clitoral stimulation or, if you have a penis, when ejaculation occurs. But, and this might be some of the most exciting news you’ll read in a long time, there are several types of orgasms.

In addition to the clitoral orgasm, there’s the vaginal orgasm (also known as the G-spot orgasm) as well as the blended orgasm, which is experiencing both the clitoral and vaginal orgasms at the same time. There are also multiple orgasms; the anal orgasm; and the nipple orgasm (yes, some people can climax from nipple stimulation!) With the hotly debated squirting orgasm, fluid (not urine) is released from the urethral glands. The coregasm is induced by core-focused exercise, while skin orgasms, also known as music orgasms, are usually dismissed as goosebumps. Sleep orgasms are those delightful no-effort orgasms that we have while getting some proper shuteye. The U-spot orgasm results from urethral stimulation, while the A-spot orgasm has to do with the anterior fornix, which is located roughly a couple of inches above the G-spot.

Not only are there so many types of orgasms that can be experienced, but there are different intensities that can be felt with each. If that weren’t enough, genital orgasms can be broken up into three categories: avalanche, volcano, and wave. According to a 2022 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, these orgasms are the result of the tension being held in the pelvic floor — in case you needed another reason to practice your Kegel exercises regularly. Fun fact: a strong pelvic floor means stronger and even longer orgasms.

Using sex toys on a regular basis will desensitize your genitals

Sex toys have finally become mainstream, and are no longer something that one should feel shy about purchasing or owning. Sex toy innovation has reached extraordinary heights and with so many pleasure companies being owned by people with vulvas, these products are being created to help close that aforementioned orgasm gap.

Sex toys of all kinds are great for not just orgasms, but experimentation and self-exploration. Because, after all, you never really know what gets you off until you try something new. But despite this, a rumor persists that using sex toys, vibrators in particular, too often is going to desensitize the genitals (most notably the clitoris) making orgasm more difficult to achieve — especially during partnered sex. Simply, that’s not how the body works.

“What actually happens with a vibrator is that you tend to reach the climax faster because you are being intensely stimulated, more so than a finger or hand,” sex therapist Rachel Hoffman tells Insider. “Therefore, when you compare a session with your vibrator to a session with a partner (without a vibrator) it might feel very different, creating the myth of desensitization.”

Different types of stimulation create different types of sensations. But if your clitoris has started to rely more on your vibrator for orgasms than other types of stimulation — for example, your partner’s hands or tongue — then you can take a sex toy break. However, desensitizing your genitals just isn’t a thing.

If you can’t orgasm, there’s something wrong with you

Short answer: this is absolutely, positively not true. According to a 2000 study published in Current Psychiatry Reports, 10% to 15% of those with vulvas experience anorgasmia — the inability to orgasm. Anorgasmia is a disorder that isn’t just the complete absence of orgasms after sexual arousal, but it can also result in delayed climax, or rare and less intense orgasms (via Mayo Clinic).

For some, anorgasmia can be a lifelong disorder in which an orgasm is never achieved, or it can be something that comes about over one’s lifetime, or it can be situational in that you have a million other things on your plate and your head just isn’t in the game. But no matter the reason, the inability to orgasm isn’t a flaw, nor does it mean you’re broken or can’t enjoy sex. It means you enjoy sex differently than those who are able to orgasm.

As much as orgasms are a wonderful experience, it’s paramount to keep in mind that pleasure looks and feels different for everyone. If your main mode of satisfaction is an orgasm, that’s great. But keeping in mind just how complicated human sexuality is, it’s also essential to know that orgasms don’t hit the spot for everyone in the same way.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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‘When people can talk about sex, they flourish’

— The rise of sexual wellness

Advice on sex is available on myriad apps, sex toys are for sale on the high street, and the science of sexual fufilment is blossoming. Will this focus on sexual wellbeing have the desired effect?

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Tina was 52 when her long-term relationship ended. She had experienced low libido throughout her perimenopause years, and her relationship had become “pretty much sexless by the end”, so reigniting her sex life felt like a daunting prospect.

But rather than closing the book on her sexuality, Tina turned to a sexual wellness app called Dipsea, and began listening to erotic stories, as well as learning about different self-pleasure and communication techniques.

“I’ve never hugely enjoyed visual pornography and this sounded like something different and worth trying out,” she says. “The app enabled me to explore my sexual wants and fantasies as well as use some of the wellness-focused content, which helped me to feel more confident when dating and navigating having sex again.”

She’s not alone. As attitudes to sex have liberalised, and people increasingly strive for greater physical, mental and social wellbeing, a growing industry in sexual wellness has sprung up. Whereas sex toys only used to be available from sex shops or porn magazines, they can now be bought from high street chemists. Subscription-based apps and websites are offering erotic content alongside relaxation exercises and relationship advice from trained sex counsellors. Sex is no longer taboo, but an integral part of our general wellbeing. But while investors in this industry may have hit the financial G-spot, what does it mean for the rest of us?

Precisely who conceived the term “sexual wellness” is hazy, but the actor Gwyneth Paltrow is credited with catapulting it into the mainstream. In 2015, her lifestyle website Goop.com recommended that women steam-clean their vaginas for extra energy and to rebalance female hormones. Since then, Goop has sparked debates about the pros and cons of jade vaginal eggs, an “aphrodisiac warming potion” called Sex Dust – not to mention the infamous “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop has been credited with initiating the sexual wellness trend – but claims made about the benefits of some of the expensive products it sells lack evidence.

“With the launch of things like Goop, there’s been a much broader, holistic sort of view on what sexual wellness means, and how it can benefit you to be a happier, more confident and satisfied human being,” says Mei-lin Rawlinson, chief of staff at OMGYes, an educational website about female pleasure.

Around the same time Paltrow was preaching the benefits of vaginal purification, OMGYes’s founders were setting out on a mission to use science to help crack a similar nut. Sparked by conversations between friends about how women like to be touched, they realised there was a dearth of academic research on the subject, and little vocabulary for the specific things women find pleasurable.

They partnered with sex researchers to conduct in-depth interviews with more than 3,000 women from across the US, using these insights to develop a trove of educational videos, infographics and how-to’s, designed to educate fee-paying members on how to access greater sexual pleasure.

“Sex is such a core part of life for many people, but it is also a really vulnerable, charged area of life, with lots of taboo. We think that if people can talk about it, learn more about it, learn more about themselves, they can flourish so much more,” Rawlinson says.

In the coronavirus lockdowns, sales of adult toys increased by 25%. Superdrug’s website promotes sex toys with the line: ‘Masturbation is self-celebration’.

Launched in 2015, OMGYes was one of the first sexual wellness platforms, and it now has more than a million users. Research conducted by the platform, in collaboration with Devon Hensel, a professor of sociology and paediatrics at Indiana University, suggests that the benefits of membership aren’t just physical.

They gave 870 women access to the website, and asked them to complete pre- and post-questionnaires to assess their sex-based knowledge and communication skills.

The research, published in the Journal of Sex Research, found that after a month, women reported they had developed a wider repertoire of ways to talk about what they liked sexually and that they felt more positive and confident about understanding what felt good. “These are skills not only important for sex, but also in the context of women’s everyday lives,” Hensel says. Indeed, some of the women also reported an increase in overall agency – such as voicing their thoughts or ideas at work – as a result of this training.

It’s not only educational platforms that are growing in popularity. The global sexual wellness devices market – industry speak for sex toys – was estimated to be worth $19bn in 2021.

With everybody stuck at home due to Covid restrictions, this market experienced a boost. During the first two weeks of UK lockdown alone, orders for adult toys reportedly increased by 25%. But while sales of other consumer categories, such as cycling products, that experienced a “Covid boost” have since fallen back, the sexual wellness market continues to experience accelerated growth.

“I think that’s a good data point to suggest that it is earlier in its life stage. There is more to go for in terms of the number of people who buy these products, and the number of products any one person uses,” says Jacqueline Windsor, UK retail leader for PwC.

She recently co-authored a report on the sexual wellness devices market, and believes several factors may be at play. Interest in general wellness has increased over the past decade, and sexual health and wellbeing are increasingly viewed as central to this. Attitudes to sex are also liberalising, and there has been a shift in sex-toy design away from explicit brands, and towards more discreet and ergonomic models primarily targeting women and couples.

“Commercially, it’s big business, but I think it makes a big statement when we see sex toys and pleasure products on high-street shelves like those in Boots and Selfridges,” says Kate Moyle, a psychosexual therapist and host of the Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast. “It makes the statement that sexual wellbeing should be there, and shouldn’t be taboo or hidden away, and this can have a huge forward impact on how we think and talk about sex, helping us to break away from its links to shame.”

Pleasure isn’t the only benefit: doctors are increasingly recommending vibrator use as a way of treating and preventing conditions such as vaginal dryness and atrophy. Some of these new generation products could go a step further and enhance scientific research into sexual health and orgasm.

Ergonomically designed, the Lioness vibrator is a modern iteration of the classic “rabbit” toy. What really sets it apart though, is the incorporation of sensors to measure pelvic floor movements, such as the rhythmic contractions that accompany orgasm. Paired with an app, this allows users – and (with users’ consent) sex researchers – to better understand how sexual function is affected by factors such as caffeine, alcohol, childbirth, menopause, or medical conditions such as concussion.

“I always tell people that knowledge is pleasure,” says Anna Lee, co-founder and head of engineering at Lioness. “It’s an empowering tool to be curious about your body, and to learn about things that might be changing our pleasure or sexual wellness.”

But the plugging of sexual wellness could also have some pitfalls. Lee worries about the potential for misinformation in the marketing of certain products, and their promotion by social media influencers. For instance, in 2018, Goop was forced to pay $145,000 in civil penalties for making the unsubstantiated claim that jade love eggs were used by women in ancient China to increase sexual energy and pleasure.

“Jade is a porous material that you should never insert [into] your body, and there’s no evidence to indicate that this technique was ever used in ancient China,” Lee says. “We have to be so mindful of how we create this information that so many people are desperately seeking – because they will grab on to anything, it is such a hard topic to talk about.”

Also, whereas novelty and exploration can be a turn-on for some people, for others, it can have the opposite effect. “Some people are much more comfortable with what’s familiar,” says Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and the author of Come As You Are.

Another risk is that the focus on sexual wellness mounts pressure on people to do things they don’t want to do. “Everywhere you look, whether it’s on social media, telly, movies, the emphasis seems to be on the importance of sex – everyone’s having great sex, and if you’re not having great sex there’s a problem,” says Ammanda Major, head of clinical practice at Relate and a trained relationship counsellor and sex therapist.

“Sex toys historically, and some of the new apps, are kind of promoting the idea that you should be having amazing sex. You should be having an orgasm. But having worked with clients for 25-30 years, what they are often asking for is they just need [the sex] to be good enough.”

What these clients are really seeking, Major explains, is intimacy: the emotional closeness and trust that ideally accompanies sex. “A lot of these apps and products focus on the physical stuff, as opposed to what sexual intimacy means for individuals. I think we sometimes put a lot of pressure on people to be sexual, when actually sex isn’t that important to them.”

In other cases, couples genuinely want to have more sex, but struggle to find the time and motivation to achieve this. Here, technology could help. In early 2022, Mark (not his real name) and his partner began using an app called Intimacy to track their sex life – logging both the number of encounters and their orgasm count. “We had reservations, but set ourselves a target of having sex 104 times in the year – or twice a week,” Mark says. “Rather than putting pressure on ourselves, and recognising it won’t be for everyone, we revelled in the experience – we are obviously both target-oriented.

“We rapidly found ourselves ahead of our target, and reset it to 2.5 times a week, or 130 times in the year – and we ended on 134. We had a good sex life before, but this gave us the motivation to be more intimate.”

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Do Penis Pumps Work?

— Tips on How to Safely Use a Penis Pump

Sexual health and wellness are vital parts of most adults’ lives. Unfortunately, your sex life can be impacted by reproductive health disorders or other factors. For example, one way that cis-men and people with penises try to enhance their erectile functioning and sexual satisfaction is through the use of penis pumps. However, do penis pumps actually work, and — how do you use them?

By Natasha Weiss

  • Penis pumps are non-invasive medical devices used to help create erections.
  • <Penis pumps work by increasing blood flow to the penis to help people who have trouble achieving or maintaining erections.
  • Penis pumps can be used for erectile dysfunction stemming from several causes as well as to address issues like Peyronie’s disease.
  • There is limited data to support the efficacy of penis pumps; however, they are relatively low risk when used correctly.

What is a penis pump?

Penis pumps, also known as vacuum erection devices, are non-invasive medical devices that use vacuum pressure to create an erection. They are mostly used by cis-men or people with penises who have difficulty achieving or maintaining erections.

How does a penis pump work? The basic design of a penis pump typically consists of a plastic cylinder placed over the penis, creating a vacuum seal around the base of the penis. A manual or battery-powered pump is then used to remove the air from the cylinder, which creates negative pressure and draws blood into the penis, resulting in an erection.

Penis pumps are available in various sizes and styles and may include additional features such as a pressure gauge or a release valve to prevent over-pumping. Some models also come with constriction rings or bands that can be placed at the base of the penis to help maintain the erection.

There are several types of penis pumps:

  • Vacuum pump
  • Hydro pump
  • Air vacuum pump
  • Battery powered pump

How to use a penis pump

Looking for guidance on how to use a penis pump? Before using one, it’s important to consult with a healthcare provider to ensure it is safe and appropriate for your situation. They can also provide guidance on how to use the device properly and offer tips on maximizing its effectiveness.

Directions for penis pumps vary by manufacturer, but common guidelines include:

  • Use a small amount of water-soluble lubricant on the penis and around the opening of your device.
  • Place the tube over the penis.
  • Create a vacuum by using the pump to pull air out of the tube. Blood will start to flow to the penis, causing an erection.
  • To maintain erection, slide the band off the tube and onto the base of the penis before removing the tube.
  • You can use more lubricant to help remove the band.

Avoid using too much pressure, as this can lead to injury. Don’t leave the band on for more than 30 minutes, and wait 60 minutes between uses of your device.

Penis pump benefits

One of the key benefits of penis pumps is that they can be used by people dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED) as a non-invasive alternative to medications or surgery. This is because the suction mechanism of a penis pump increases blood flow to the genitals, filling the blood vessels in the penis so that they swell and lead to an erection.

Penis pumps may also benefit people affected by Peyronie’s disease, a condition that causes the penis to curve during an erection. One study found that after 12 weeks, participants had a statistically significant improvement in penile length, angle, and a decrease in pain after using a vacuum pump.

Do penis pumps work for penis enlargement?

Some manufacturers even claim that penis pumps can be used for penis enlargement. However, do penis enlargement pumps work? Another study found that after six months of use, the mean penile length had increased from 7.6 to 7.9 cm, which is not a significant difference. In addition, while the treatment was only about 10% effective, the patient satisfaction rate was 30%, indicating more psychological gratification than actual changes.

Can penis pumps help with ED?

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a condition where someone has difficulty achieving or sustaining an erection. About 1 in 10 males deal with erectile dysfunction that interferes with their sex lives long-term. Erectile dysfunction becomes more common with age and can be caused by vascular disorders that affect blood flow to the penis, neurological conditions like multiple sclerosis, mental health issues, and injuries.

One of the main reasons people use penis pumps is to help treat erectile dysfunction. So, do penis pumps work for ED? Some research suggests they do. For example, one study found that 26 out of 28 men (93%) were satisfied after using a vacuum erection device for erectile dysfunction.

Do penis pumps actually work?

Some things may seem too good to be true, so the question is, “Do penis pumps work?” Well, that depends on several factors. The effectiveness of penis pumps varies depending on the severity of erectile dysfunction, someone’s overall health, the quality of the device, and whether they’re using it correctly.

There is research that backs up the effectiveness of penis pumps for erectile dysfunction and Peyronie’s disease — but there are limited studies with small sample sizes. That being said, they’re relatively easy to use, with few risks, especially when compared to the potential risks of other treatments like medication.

While penis pumps may benefit people in the short term, they don’t address the underlying cause of erectile dysfunction or what may be interfering with your sex life. So it’s also important to be aware of their potential risks.

Are there any risks associated with penis pumps?

Is a penis pump safe? While penis pumps are generally considered safe, there are some risks associated with their use.

When using one, the penis can become slightly cool to the touch and blue-purple. You can apply a warm compress to help warm the penis before sex. Some people don’t ejaculate when climaxing after using a penis pump, as wearing a band can stop semen from passing. However, it’s important to note that this is not an effective method of birth control.

Additionally, over-pumping can cause bruising, small red spots on the skin (petechiae), swelling, and pain, and may even damage the blood vessels and tissues in the penis. Prolonged use of a penis pump can also lead to decreased sensitivity or numbness in the penis.

Furthermore, it is important to use the device as directed and talk to a healthcare provider before using a penis pump, especially if you have a history of blood clotting disorders, Peyronie’s disease, other medical conditions, or if you’re taking blood-thinning medications.

What else can help improve sexual function?

Penis pumps aren’t the only option for treating erectile dysfunction and enhancing sexual wellness. Here are some other ways you can improve sexual function:

  • Oral medications. Sildenafil (Viagra) or tadalafil (Cialis) can help increase blood flow to the penis.
  • Penile injections. Medications are injected directly into the penis to help improve blood flow.
  • Lifestyle changes. That includes maintaining a healthy weight, quitting smoking, and getting regular exercise.
  • Mental health support. It’s essential to address psychological factors that may be affecting sexual function.
  • Penile implants. It involves implanting an inflatable device to help create an erection.
  • Surgery. Applies for treating Peyronie’s disease.

While penis implants may help some people, there is limited data to support their use. In addition, what works best for each individual may vary depending on the underlying cause of their sexual dysfunction. A healthcare provider can help determine the most appropriate treatment plan based on a patient’s individual needs and medical history.

Can penis pumps enlarge my penis?

Penis pumps may increase penis size temporarily, but not by a significant amount. This is thanks to an increase in blood flow in the penis, which can help create more length and girth, and promote sexual function. Results vary from person to person, but typically last around 30 minutes.

Is it risky to use penis pumps?

Penis pumps can cause side effects like bruising and swelling, but they are relatively low risk when used correctly. Using them too frequently or for long periods of time can potentially cause tissue damage to the penis, impairing erections and sexual function.

Are penis pumps medically approved?

Yes, penis pumps are medically approved devices that originally required a prescription to obtain – some insurance companies will even cover the cost of a penis pump. Now, there are more on the market that don’t require prescriptions, but a medically approved device that’s approved by your doctor is the safest choice.

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A Guide to Using Prostate Massagers

By Nina Smith

When it comes to sex toys, most people automatically think about the toys that are used for female pleasure. Men, however, don’t have to be sidelined when it comes to using toys in the bedroom.

Prostate massagers are a largely unexplored part of sexuality for most men, but we believe that the stigma around male sex toys needs to be broken. If you or your partner are looking to experiment with a prostate massager, here is everything you need to know before diving in.

What is a Prostate Massager?

If you weren’t already aware, men can experience orgasm through prostate stimulation. In fact, it is said that a prostate-induced orgasm is the male equivalent of a woman’s orgasm through her G-spot. Some experts even refer to the male prostate as the P-spot.

It is a different kind of orgasm than the one you would experience through stimulation of the penis due to the difference in muscle contractions that occur during the climax. A penile orgasm typically involves four to eight muscles, but a prostate orgasm involves around a dozen muscles. This makes for a far more intense orgasm.

If you are looking to experience this more intense climax, then it’s time to bring in the help of a prostate massager. If you are having sex with someone with female genitalia, or if you are engaging in solo sex, a prostate massager is going to be the best way to experiment with prostate stimulation. Although these orgasms may be more satisfying, they also require more skill to achieve. But with a little bit of time and practice, you are sure to be achieving unbelievable orgasms in no time.

A prostate massager will look similar to a standard dildo. While some dildos are designed to mimic the shape and appearance of a penis, others have a sloped design to hit the female G-spot. Prostate massagers look more similar to the latter. The “come hither” design on G-spot dildos and prostate massagers help the device to hit in just the right spot.

Many of these designs come with a second head or “rabbit” design which allows for the vibration to hit not just the P-spot internally, but also externally. The external head will rest right between your anus and scrotum while the internal one will be inserted. Most devices will come with a variety of vibration settings for you to test out so you can find what works for you.

Where to Get a Prostate Massager

Although we find no shame in walking into a sex shop and asking to purchase a prostate massager, we are also aware that everyone’s comfort level surrounding this topic is different.

If you are looking for a discrete way to acquire a prostate massager, you will be glad to learn that many shops that sell prostate massagers online will ship their products in discreet packaging and some will even disguise the charge on your credit card. This is great for people who live with roommates, family, or anyone else that you want to keep out of your private sexual activities.

How to Use it

So now that you know all about prostate massagers and the orgasms that you can achieve, let’s talk about how to actually use one. If this is your first time inserting anything into your anus, you are going to want to take your time. Try not to force the device in. Instead, wait for your muscles to relax before insertion. And don’t be afraid to use lubrication to help everything go more smoothly.

Once you are able to insert the prostate massager, you are going to want to experiment with what feels good. This typically involves finding the right places to stimulate yourself. Move the device around and experiment with different vibration modes to find what you like, and before you know it you’ll be having orgasms that you never even thought were possible.

Clean Up

This should go without saying, but make sure that you clean your prostate massager after each use. Some devices are designed to be used in the shower or bath so cleanup will be easy if you purchase one of these waterproof designs.

If your design isn’t fully waterproof, make sure you read the instructions before cleaning so you know how to properly wash and care for your toy without damaging the electronic parts.

Start Experimenting!

If you are ready to break the stigma around male sex toys and start having intense and incredible orgasms, it’s time to try out your first prostate massager. Use it on yourself, or have a partner help you out to spice things up in the bedroom. Everyone deserves a little fun every now and then, so what are you waiting for?

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex

— An Unexpected History

By Samantha Cole

Samantha Cole has been a journalist for over 10 years, spending the last five reporting on tech, sexuality, gender, and the adult industry. She is a senior editor of Motherboard, the science and technology outlet for VICE.

Below, Samantha shares 5 key insights from her new book, How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex: An Unexpected History. Listen to the audio version—read by Samantha herself—in the Next Big Idea App.

How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex: An Unexpected History By Samantha Cole

1. The internet was built on sex.

Early modes of internet communication were predicated on, and popularized by, a desire for sex and romance. Bulletin Board Systems, the digital equivalent of public cork boards, were quickly popularized as places to access porn online. With names like SleazeNet, ThrobNet, and Pleasure Dome, many subscription-based bulletin boards were for trading images scanned from porn magazines or photos uploaded by amateurs.

But they weren’t all just for smut; they were also hubs of harm reduction, especially during the AIDs crisis and as a way for queer and marginalized people to find community and care in a time when coming out was even more dangerous than it is today.

On Usenet, a decentralized messaging system, people debated concepts of safe spaces and moderation. They fought over whether men should be permitted in women’s-only threads, and kept long-running threads about everything from politics to how have sex on a scuba dive.

In text-based multi-user domains, or MUDs people roleplayed as fantasy versions of themselves, and found love and loss. In one classic MUD legend, someone playing as an evil clown sexually assaulted other members of the chat, which threw the entire community into chaos.

“People fell deeply in love within these online spaces, met in person, got married, or got their hearts broken.”

In these systems, people grappled with how to define consent, abuse, and harassment. People fell deeply in love within these online spaces, met in person, got married, or got their hearts broken. Ex-lovers emailed administrators to ask to be removed from the chats, since seeing their former partners even through a screen was too emotionally charged. The desire to be seen and understood permeated these earliest predecessors of social media, and naturally, they often turned to the sexual.

2. The tech we take for granted was pioneered by sex.

Much of the technology used today was developed to build an internet devoted to sex and sex work. Browser cookies and user tracking were developed by online dating entrepreneurs and porn webmasters who wanted to keep track of who visited their sites so that they could advertise more effectively. Affiliate marketing, which makes a lot of the internet run today, was popularized by porn site owners who needed to make money from the thousands of people visiting their sites every day.

The JPEG was developed using a photo of a playboy centerfold named Lena, and her photograph was used as the test to standardize image processing for decades.

Webcams and web conferencing software were popularized by the earliest generations of cam models, who set up sites to sell a peek inside their bedrooms. Lifestreamers, who streamed their lives 24/7, no censorship, paved the way for today’s Twitch and Tiktok stars. Tech that was once used mostly for sexual intrigue we now use for business calls every day.

“Online sex tech pioneers are still crafting new ways to express themselves and capitalize on the internet’s insatiable desires.”

The founder of Web Personals, which was one of the very first online dating websites, claims to have invented the shopping cart and the tech that tracks users from page to page within a site.

Site subscriptions, members-only content, online credit card transactions, and advertising models—the list goes on, and online sex tech pioneers are still crafting new ways to express themselves and capitalize on the internet’s insatiable desires.

3. The internet transformed the porn industry.

The adult industry used to work very differently. Pre-internet, it was based on a studio system, where you typically had to have an agent, know a producer, or be located somewhere like LA or the San Fernando Valley. The production companies or the studios owned the rights to your images as well as all the video you shot with them.

This system also meant that buying porn required finding a store, browsing the shelves, and buying or renting a tape or magazine. These shops were very male-dominated spaces.

All of that changed with the internet and inventions like the webcam and user-generated content platforms like clip and cam sites. Suddenly anyone could break out and carve their own niche, retain ownership of their own content, vet clients through safer means, and work on their own terms, often without leaving home.

4. The internet transformed the sex toy industry.

The 70’s saw a revolution in women’s pleasure: people like Dell Williams, the founder of Eve’s Garden in New York City, and sex educator Joani Blank pioneered the notion of sex toys and orgasms as something healthy and worthwhile. Hitachi magic wands were sold at Macy’s and buying one is what inspired Dell Williams to open her own shop.

“More people than ever could safely browse, comparison shop, read reviews and chat about their interests, kinks, and fetishes.”

But when the World Wide Web came along in the late 80’s, the internet did for sex toys what it had done for porn: took an experience previously isolated to socially stigmatized spaces (like sex shops or adult video stores) and brought the shopping experience home. A wider variety of people could now access sex toys that were once out of their grasp. More people than ever could safely browse, comparison shop, read reviews and chat about their interests, kinks, and fetishes.

There has been a big destigmatizing effect as well. It’s a lot less awkward than it used to be to buy a sex toy, and it’s a lot less weird to talk to strangers about your kinks.

5. The future of sex online depends on us.

On the modern-day internet, sexual speech—including sex work, sex education, and expressions of sexuality outside of the heteronormative—are increasingly suppressed. Bad legislation like FOSTA (Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act) or SESTA (Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act), which passed into law in 2018 and conflated all sexual speech as trafficking, made it harder for anyone working in these industries or trying to build communities around sexual identity to exist online. Anti-sex groups are pushing for increased censorship and discrimination by mainstream platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, under the guise of saving women and children from exploitation. Demonizing sex doesn’t solve abuse online—it makes it worse.

The pessimistic view is that things will continue to get more sterilized and censored online. The reality is that things aren’t getting more welcoming to sex, they’re getting more hostile.

If we want a future where sexuality, innovation, and safety co-exist, then we have to stand against discrimination of sex workers and marginalized people, and take control of how we want to exist online.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Is Outercourse the Same Thing as Abstinence?

— And 5 Other Questions, Answered

By Maisha Johnson

What is it?

Outercourse is an option for sexual activity without intercourse. When you get down to the details, that means different things to different people.

For some, it’s everything except penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetration. For others, outercourse means no penetration of any kind, including fingers, sex toys, and anal sex.

Some choose outercourse as a safe sex alternative. They put boundaries around any activity that can cause pregnancy or transmit sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Your personal definition of outercourse may depend on your reasons for trying it.

Intrigued? Read on to learn more about how it works and what this might mean for you.

Is it the same thing as abstinence?

It might!
Like outercourse, being abstinent can have different meanings, depending on who you ask.

Some people practice abstinence because they’re not yet ready for sexual activity. For them, being abstinent may mean no outercourse.

For others, the definitions of abstinence and outercourse can overlap.

If you think of sex as any type of penetration, for example, then sticking to sexual acts without penetration can count as abstinence.

What counts as outercourse?

Since the definition of outercourse varies, the activities that count as outercourse all depend on who’s practicing it.

Outercourse might include any of the following:

Kissing

Don’t underestimate the power of a kiss. Making out can be a great way to build intimacy. Kissing different parts of the body can help you and your partner discover what turns you on.

Massage

Getting your massage on can be super sexy in the right circumstances. Set the scene with some candles or mood lighting, and use lubrication like hot or scented oils. Share intimate details with your partner about where you both like to get rubbed down.

Dry humping

That’s a term you might not have heard in a while. But dry humping isn’t just for teenagers. Grinding your body against your partner’s can be pleasurable at any age. You can even see how you like different positions, clothing materials, and role play for different types of pleasure.

Mutual masturbation (in some definitions)

Who knows how you like to be touched better than yourself? Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo activity. You and your partner can masturbate together while kissing, cuddling, and showing each other what feels good.

Sex toys (in some definitions)

There’s a whole world of sex toys out there just waiting to be explored, and there’s a good chance you can find one for the type of stimulation you’re looking for.

For example, if you want genital stimulation without penetration, vibrators can target the clitoris or the head of the penis for an arousing time.

Manual stimulation (in some definitions)

You and your partner can take turns pleasuring each other with hand jobs or fingering, or pleasure each other at the same time.

Here’s one way to keep things exciting: Try various types of lubricants, like warming and cooling lubes, to see how you like different sensations along with your hand and finger play.

Oral sex (in some definitions)

Blow jobs, cunnilingus, rimming: There are many options for using your mouth on your partner’s genitals and other pleasure zones. And when your partner’s mouth is giving you oral sex, let them know what you’d like more and less of.

Anal sex (in some definitions)

Anal sex can be enjoyable for people of all genders and can involve a penis or sex toys. Your ideal sex toys for anal penetration might be different from the ones you like for other body parts, so anal play can be a chance to try out new toys.

Is pregnancy possible?

No intercourse, no pregnancy, right? At least, that’s usually the idea if intercourse would mean PIV penetration.

It’s true that the chances of pregnancy from outercourse are pretty slim, but it isn’t impossible.

Pregnancy can happen if fluids get in the vagina, like by accidentally dripping semen on the vulva or by fingering the vagina after touching semen.

Washing hands after handling ejaculate or pre-ejaculate can help, as well as being careful about where semen ends up anytime it’s involved in your outercourse.

Another case that could result in pregnancy? Deciding in the moment that you want to have intercourse after all.

If you’re ready for it, and both you and your partner are in agreement, there’s no reason to beat yourself up about it.

But unprotected PIV sex can get you or your partner pregnant, even if it only happens once.

Just in case this happens, it’s helpful to keep protection like condoms on hand or to be on birth control.

Are STIs possible?

Contracting STIs is also possible in some cases.

Anytime your outercourse includes genital contact or sexual fluids (like semen and vaginal wetness), there’s a risk of STIs.

For example, if you dry hump naked or with only underwear, the skin-to-skin contact can transfer bodily fluids even without penetration.

Oral sex, anal sex, and sharing sex toys can also pass STIs.

To reduce your risk, use protection like dental dams and condoms. Get tested regularly if you’re doing anything that might put you at risk for STIs.

What’s the point?

Still wondering why outercourse is worth it when you could be having “real sex” instead?

Well, don’t knock it just yet. There are many situations where outercourse might be a great option.

Anyone can practice outercourse, no matter your gender, sexual orientation, or whether or not you’ve had intercourse before.

Here are some reasons a person might be interested in outercourse:

  • You don’t have protection, like if you forgot to bring condoms or take your birth control.
  • One partner doesn’t want to be penetrated or penetrate due to not feeling ready, a painful health condition, trauma, or body dysphoria.
  • You’re tracking fertility and want to avoid the risk of pregnancy on days when one partner is more likely to get pregnant.
  • You want to avoid having sex during your period or your partner’s period.
  • One partner is having a condition flare up or not feeling up for intercourse.
  • You want to understand your own body more.
  • You want to practice and learn how to ask for what you want, or learn more about your partner’s likes and dislikes.
  • You or your partner aren’t interested or ready yet for sex.
  • You’ve tried intercourse and decided you need more time before you’re ready for more.
  • You want to mix things up and try something sexual that’s not intercourse.
  • You’d like to learn how to get the most out of your foreplay leading up to intercourse.

The bottom line

It’s easy to get trapped into thinking that sex means one course of action: foreplay, penetration, and orgasm.

But there are many ways to enjoy sexual pleasure. Lots of people have body types, desires, and needs that go beyond traditional ideas of intercourse.

Exploring the options outside of intercourse has proven to increase sexual pleasure, even for people who practice intercourse, too.

Regardless of your reasons for practicing it, outercourse is a fun way to try new things, focus on different pleasures, and explore what sensuality really means to you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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4 tips to try virtual sex and add some sizzle to your relationship

— If you frequently travel for work, then virtual sex is a way to keep that intimate connection with your partner(s).

by Rebecca Strong

  • Virtual sex includes things like steamy texts, nude pics, or mutual masturbation via phone or video.
  • Swapping sexy photos and messages can add novelty and intimacy to any type of relationship.
  • After checking with your partner, you can start by sending a flirty photo or describing a fantasy.

Technology plays an increasing role in nearly every aspect of everyday life, and sex is no exception.

Virtual sex aka cybersex, which includes any kind of sexual activity via your phone, computer, or another digital device, has become more popular — particularly since the COVID-19 pandemic.

In fact, a 2021 study found that more than half of adults engaged in some form of virtual sex since the beginning of the pandemic.

Some examples of virtual sex with a partner might include:

Virtual sex offers a safe, convenient way of experiencing pleasure with your partner, no matter your distance or what kind of relationship you’re in.

Below, experts share just some of the benefits, plus some guidance on how to get the most out of your virtual experiences.

Why try it?

Virtual sex is great for long-distance couples seeking to build intimacy from afar, according to Javay Frye-Nekrasova, a certified sex educator with Lovehoney.

According to research from the Kinsey Institute, an organization that focuses on the study of human sexuality, people can feel both physically and emotionally connected to their partners during virtual sex. Feeling more connected to your partner may, in turn, help strengthen your relationship.

A few other reasons why you might consider virtual sex, according to Jess O’Reilly, PhD, a sexologist and relationship expert:

If you don’t choose to stick with virtual sex for any particular reason, O’Reilly says you still might try it just to add some variety to your sex life — especially if sex has started to feel monotonous or stale.

Even if you and your partner live together, you can still build anticipation and excitement via texting while out of the house during the day, or even when in separate rooms at home, says Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and resident sexologist for Biird.

Tips and tricks

Whether you’re trying virtual sex for the first time with a willing and eager partner or trying to figure out how to bring up the option to your significant other, these expert tips can help.

1. Gauge your partner’s interest

If you and your partner have never tried virtual sex before, it’s natural to feel a little awkward or self-conscious about bringing it up — but approaching the subject with curiosity can help.

One way to ease into the conversation, O’Reilly says, is to use popular culture as a reference.

For example, you might say: “I saw this [phone sex, video sex] scene in [XYZ movie or show] and I thought that might be fun,” and then follow up with, “Have you ever done that before?” or “How do you feel about that? Is it something you might be interested in trying?”

If your partner is open to trying virtual sex, O’Reilly suggests digging deeper into the specifics of their desires. For instance, you could ask:

  • “Do you prefer phone sex or video sex?”
  • “Are there certain things you’d like to see or hear?”
  • “How do you feel about receiving sexy images over text?”

These questions can then lead to a deeper discussion about their interests — and boundaries — around virtual sex.

2. Start with texts or voice notes

Being on camera can make you feel vulnerable or self-conscious. That’s why Frye-Nekrasova and O’Reilly advise starting with texts or voice notes to help you get more comfortable with the idea of virtual sex.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • “I can’t stop thinking about that time we…”
  • “Later tonight, I’d love to try…”
  • “How’d you like to see a photo of what I’m (not) wearing?”

You can also try recording and sending your partner flirty voice notes, O’Reilly says, to get more comfortable talking about your fantasies or desires.

Once you’re ready to progress things, you can move on to initiating phone sex, suggests Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a relationship coach and associate professor of sexual and relational communication at California State University Fullerton.

A bonus is that with phone sex, you may have an easier time relaxing and enjoying the experience without as much pressure to perform.

3. Consider planning virtual sex ahead of time

While spontaneously having virtual sex can be exciting, you might want to try scheduling it ahead of time when you’re first starting out. Suwinyattichaiporn says this can help you mentally, emotionally, and physically prepare — however you need to.

For example, if you know in advance that you and your partner plan to have phone sex on a particular evening, you can try meditating, taking a warm bath, or listening to soothing soundscapes beforehand to help you relax and get in the mood.

4. Avoid setting lofty expectations

Frye-Nekrasova advises going into the experience simply with the objective of experiencing something new, instead of expecting something specific, like having an orgasm.

“When we approach things with the goal being fun, it automatically reduces pressure,” she says.

Things to keep in mind

Virtual sex may not work for everyone. O’Reilly advises being honest with your partner if you decide it’s not for you.

It’s also a good idea to be specific about the kinds of acts you aren’t comfortable with right from the start. At the same time, feel free to share the things that do excite or interest you. For example, you might decide to skip video or phone sex but continue sexting and sending sexy photos.

It’s also important to consider your trust level in your partner when digitally exchanging sexual photos and videos, Suwinyattichaiporn says. Even if you trust your partner not to share this digital content, there’s a possibility hackers could gain access to it.

To ensure your security and privacy:

  • Weiss recommends using an encrypted app like Telegram or Signal to exchange messages
  • Frye-Nekrasova advises using a passcode-protected app to store photos and videos.
  • You may also want to consider setting some guidelines with your partner around saving or destroying shared content after viewing.

Insider’s takeaway

Virtual sex offers the opportunity to build and maintain intimacy — even from a distance. Whether you and your partner decide to try phone sex, mutual masturbation over video chat, or exchanging sexy texts and photos, virtual sex can bring some variety and novelty to relationships of all kinds and stages.

Although virtual sex does eliminate the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STIs, it does come with a few privacy and security risks.

Be sure you trust your partner before sharing explicit photos and videos, and when possible, consider using encrypted apps to exchange content.

Remember: Virtual sex isn’t for everyone. While exploring this approach to intimacy, maintain an open line of communication with your partner about what you do and don’t enjoy, so you can figure out what’s comfortable and satisfying for both of you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Researchers suggest doctors should start prescribing vibrators to women

by Bob Yirka

A team of researchers led by Alexandra Dubinskaya, of Cedar-Sinai Medical Center has found that the medical benefits of women using vibrators are strong enough to warrant doctors prescribing their use to female patients on a regular basis. In their paper published in The Journal of Urology, the group describes their metastudy of research into the health impacts of vibrator use by women and why they believe the time may have come for them to be considered medical therapy devices.

Prior research has suggested that frequent masturbation by women can have positive health impacts, both physical and mental. In this new effort, the researchers noted that little work has been done on the use of vibrators as a masturbation aid and whether they have positive health impacts. They reviewed research databases for studies that involved use of vibrators for medical benefits and found 558 papers, which they whittled down to 21.

In their analysis, the researchers found evidence of a host of benefits of regular vibrator use, noting that it improved the health of the pelvic floor, reduced vulvar pain and led to improvements in overall sexual health. They also found instances of regular vibrator use leading to improvements in incontinence along with muscle strength.

The researchers note that use of a vibrator during masturbation reduces the time it takes for a woman to achieve an orgasm, and also helps with achieving multiple orgasms. Other prior research associates experiencing regular orgasms with stress reduction and an improvement in overall sexual . They suggest that adding a vibrator to masturbatory experiences leads to better outcomes.

The researchers conclude that vibrators can and should be considered not just sex toys, but therapeutic devices. And that, they point out, suggests that it is time that female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery specialists, and perhaps doctors in general, begin prescribing vibrators to their . The team will be presenting their findings at this year’s Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Researchers suggest doctors should start prescribing vibrators to women

by Bob Yirka

A team of researchers led by Alexandra Dubinskaya, of Cedar-Sinai Medical Center has found that the medical benefits of women using vibrators are strong enough to warrant doctors prescribing their use to female patients on a regular basis. In their paper published in The Journal of Urology, the group describes their metastudy of research into the health impacts of vibrator use by women and why they believe the time may have come for them to be considered medical therapy devices.

Prior research has suggested that frequent masturbation by women can have positive health impacts, both physical and mental. In this new effort, the researchers noted that little work has been done on the use of vibrators as a masturbation aid and whether they have positive health impacts. They reviewed research databases for studies that involved use of vibrators for medical benefits and found 558 papers, which they whittled down to 21.

In their analysis, the researchers found evidence of a host of benefits of regular vibrator use, noting that it improved the health of the pelvic floor, reduced vulvar pain and led to improvements in overall sexual health. They also found instances of regular vibrator use leading to improvements in incontinence along with muscle strength.

The researchers note that use of a vibrator during masturbation reduces the time it takes for a woman to achieve an orgasm, and also helps with achieving multiple orgasms. Other prior research associates experiencing regular orgasms with stress reduction and an improvement in overall sexual . They suggest that adding a vibrator to masturbatory experiences leads to better outcomes.

The researchers conclude that vibrators can and should be considered not just sex toys, but therapeutic devices. And that, they point out, suggests that it is time that female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery specialists, and perhaps doctors in general, begin prescribing vibrators to their . The team will be presenting their findings at this year’s Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Kinks and fetishes you need to know about, from A to Z

Because pleasure = self-care.

By Mollie Quirk

An A to Z of kinks and fetishes probably isn’t something you knew you needed, but it’s time to up your sex-ed game because let’s be honest, sex – whether solo or with a partner – and self-care go hand-in-hand. Pleasure is wellness, people. And there could be a whole realm of untapped pleasure here you never knew existed.

So, we’ve compiled a list of 26 kinks from A to Z, from bondage to role play. Please remember that kinks are supposed to be fun, and if at any point they stop being fun – you can stop at ANY time.

A is for Age Play

Many people get turned on when roleplaying, and even more so when they’re acting younger or older than they are. This kink could start off by calling your partner ‘daddy’ in bed, or maybe you’re getting called ‘baby’ – but it doesn’t stop there. The daddy/baby name-calling is just an example of light age play, but if the switch is flipped and all of a sudden one of you is acting like a baby, sucking on a dummy and crawling around in a nappy, then it’s safe to say that you’ve crossed to the extreme side of age play.

B is for Bondage

Some people get off when they’re restrained – whether that be in handcuffs or with ropes. Bondage falls under the BDSM umbrella term that means ‘bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism’. Some people enjoy being dominant (i.e. tying other people up) and some enjoy the more submissive side (i.e. being tied up). 

Bondage is the most well-known kink (thanks Fifty Shades of Grey) and uses sex toys like handcuffs, paddles, whips, shackle mounts, candle wax, chains, ropes and suspension bars.

Expensive toys aren’t always needed, and trading handcuffs for a tie can be a good alternative.

C is for Cuckolding

Cuckolding is usually when a heterosexual couple agree for the woman to sleep with another man/men. Her partner doesn’t need to be in the room – he just needs to get turned on by the thought of his partner having sex with somebody else. But, some men do like being in the room while watching their partner sleeping with another man. Although its traditionally considered to be a heterosexual kink, people of all genders and sexual orientations can partake.

D is for Dogging

Dogging is a British slang term for having sex in public, or watching others do so. It’s become an increasingly popular kink, and is similar to voyeurism and exhibitionism.

Usually two sets of people are involved (sometimes more) and they set up a meet or meet randomly, before watching the other couple have sex and vice versa. This kink doesn’t come without risks though, because in Great Britain, dogging comes under laws related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, or public displays of sexual behaviour. Prosecution is possible for a number of offences, and this means that public places in some areas of the UK sit in a grey area, legally speaking.

E is for Electrostimulation

Some people get turned on by getting electrocuted, and this kink is called electrostimulation. This involves using small electric shocks in the bedroom (or wherever you’re having sex with your partner). Getting electrocuted can be dangerous, which is why most people who partake in this kink are into another type called ‘edge play’.

F is for Foot Fetishism

You’ve definitely heard of this one. Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes out there, just take Jake from Love Island 2021 and his very public foot fetish.

A foot fetish is when somebody gets turned on by, yep you guessed it, other people’s feet. They will most likely want to touch them, hold them, lick them, kiss them, and sometimes they might even want to suck that person’s toes. People with foot fetishes also engage in foot worship, which leads into another kink – humiliation. Sometimes the fetishist might want their partner’s feet in their mouth, they might want to be trodden on, kicked or walked on.

G is for Gagging

Some people like be gagged and choked while having sex, and this kink has recently seen a huge surge in popularity. Gagging can refer to lightly choking on an object (like a penis) or being choked slightly by the hand of your partner.

Another form of gagging is using a ball gag to gag somebody so they can no longer speak. This will either seem like your worst nightmare or your hottest sexual fantasy. Remember that if any form of gagging becomes uncomfortable at any stage – stop immediately. Having a safe word or signal is recommended, so that your partner knows if you’re withdrawing consent.

H is for Humiliation

This isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but some people do get a kick out of being humiliated (or doing the humiliation). If you like being called names like ‘bitch’, ‘slut’, or ‘whore’ in bed, then you probably have a kink for being humiliated. But if you like doing the name-calling, then you probably have more a dominant side and enjoy humiliating others.

I is for Impact Play

Considered a form of BDSM, impact play is generally where one person is struck by their sexual partner for the pleasure of one or both parties. Some people enjoy being whipped with a ‘stingy’ whip, while others might prefer a ‘thud’ from a paddle.

J is for JOE / JOI

A popular kink without many even realising it, Jerk Off Encouragement or Jerk Off Instruction, is when you’re instructed to masturbate for your sexual partner. Some people might enjoy instructing another party to masturbate for them, while others might enjoy being told what to do. Either way, it’s an exciting way to spice things up in the bedroom.

K is for Klismaphilia

In Greek, Klismaphilia means “arousal by enemas.” If you’re unsure what an enema is, it’s similar to a colonic irrigation. Basically, an enema is when you get warm water squirted into your bum.

Enemas are most commonly carried out by hospitals prior to medical procedures, but some people get turned on by having an enema (or giving one to somebody else). Most people will use enemas as a way to prepare the anus for anal sex, so it’s handy that you enjoy it if you like anal.

L is for Lactophilia

More common in heterosexual couplings, Lactophilia refers to when a male gets turned on by seeing a woman lactate – commonly known as producing breast milk. Lactophiliacs enjoy seeing women produce breast milk, as well as sucking on breasts and having sex with women who are producing milk.

M is for Medical fetish

Some people get turned on by doctors, nurses, dentists and pretty much anybody else in the medical profession. People with this kind of fetish might enjoy seeing their partner dressed up in a white coat, or they might enjoy medical role play. 

N is for Nylons

Also known as pantyhose addiction, those who love ladies (or men) wearing nylons tend to get sexual stimulation, gratification and arousal from their partners wearing tights. They might also love the process of putting them on, or taking them off. It is thought that those with nylon kinks prefer tights over stockings, because tights have direct contact with genitals.

This kink directly related to another very similar fetish – used underwear. Thanks to the internet, it’s now easier than ever to buy used under garments like tights, stockings, socks, knickers and bras. Sellers tend to sell the garment for a price that is decided on by the amount of times it has been worn.

O is for Orgasm Denial

Another kink that lives under the umbrella of BDSM, orgasm denial is where one partner brings the other right to the brink of orgasm and then stops – also known as edging, peaking, or surfing.

This sexual technique is when your orgasm is controlled by your sexual partner or yourself. This kink is both harsh and extremely rewarding because you’re getting built up and brought down, something that can continue for quite some time, before then being allowed to orgasm. Many women (and men) report that this is the ultimate way to reach an orgasm because it becomes more intense than ever before. It’s the perfect blend of being punished before getting given a reward. 

P is for Penis Humiliation

This kink involves insulting a man’s penis. Usually the man will enjoy having the size, appearance and performance of his penis mocked and laughed at. This is another kink that falls under the BDSM umbrella term.

Q is for Queening

Queening is when a woman sits on her partner’s face for oral sex involving both your genitals and anus. The woman will position herself in a straddling position, while her partner (either male or female) will pleasure her orally. Some people have extreme queening kinks, meaning they prefer this kind of sex over the traditional kind.

R is for Role-play

Role-play is a very common sexual kink. It basically refers to when when people act out roles or storylines in order to turn each other on. It can crossover into many other kinks like medical fetishes or age-play, and can be a brilliant way of injecting some spice into your sex life. Role-playing can come with costumes and props, or can be as simple as sexting, dirty talk, or thinking out an elaborate story to draw out the sexual act.

S is for Sensory deprivation

Sensory deprivation is when one sexual partner removes stimulation and/or senses from the other. This means that the other sensations become more powerful, intense and extreme. An example of this would be a person wearing blindfold and earplugs, while concentrating on the what they can feel e.g. touch.

T is for Taphephilia

This kink is very obscure and incredibly risky. Some people get aroused by being buried alive. Similar to claustrophilia, arousal from confined spaces, this kink is best undertaken on a fantasy basis and with a sexual partner you trust. The real thing is super dangerous and not recommended.

U is for Urophilia

More commonly known as golden showers, urophilia is when you urinate on somebody. This can be done on their face, on their body, in their mouth, in their vagina or on any other sexual organs. It’s usually done as part of domination or humiliation, so is another kink that falls within the realms of BDSM.

V is for Vincilagnia

This term refers to being sexually aroused by bondage, and more specifically being tied up or tying your sexual partner up. Remember that all parties involved must give ongoing consent, as with any of the kinks listed in this A–Z.

W is for WAM

Wet and messy fetish (WAM), also known sploshing, is a sexual fetish that involves people becoming sexually aroused by wet and messy substances being applied to naked skin – whether it be their own, or their sexual partner’s. Some people like to be covered in wet, messy or sticky substances, while some people enjoy watching others get drenched. WAM can included getting pelted with cream pies (or shaving foam), slime, cakes, food, custard or other liquids.

X is for Wax play

Okay, it doesn’t technically start with an ‘X’ but we had to include it! Some people enjoy hot wax being poured over their bodies as a part of temperature play. Luckily, general candle wax doesn’t need to be used (and isn’t advised either) because purpose-made candles have been created, specifically for wax play. There are candles that exist to burn at a specific temperature to ensure you won’t get burnt (or burn your partner). Not only does the temperature play feel great, but as the candle burns, the wax turns into massage oil.

Y is for Yiffing

Yiffing is when people dress up in furry costumes to grope, fondle and hump each other. Usually no sex act is undertaken, and most of the time yiffing is done in a group setting. 

Z is for Zelophilia

Cuckolding often coincides with an element of zelophilia, which is arousal and pleasure from jealousy – whether it be your own jealousy towards a lover, or their jealousy of you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to broach the topic of sex toys with your partner

By Ashley Laderer

  • To introduce sex toys into your relationship gently, be sure to avoid complaining or critiquing your partner’s sexual performance.
  • You should also be direct with your desires, but willing to compromise based on what your partner wants.
  • Looking for a toy together can also help you to come to a decision with your partner.

If you’ve never used sex toys in your relationship, it may seem daunting and awkward to bring it up to your partner.

But opening a dialogue about sex toys can help with both communication and sexual pleasure — and the benefits don’t stop there.

“Many folks report that using sex toys helps to inject novelty into long-term relationships and their mere presence can help to open the lines of communication with regard to desires, boundaries, likes, and dislikes,” says sex and relationship expert Jess O’Reilly, PhD, host of the SexWithDrJess Podcast.

Here are five expert-approved tips for communicating with your partner to introduce sex toys into the relationship.

1. Frame your desires as requests as opposed to complaints

Your partner will likely be more receptive to the idea of sex toys if you are careful to avoid inadvertently offending them. Many people are sensitive about their sexual performance, so be sure to frame it as an exciting thing to try together, not a replacement for your partner’s body.

To do this, make sure that your communication doesn’t come off as a complaint or criticism, O’Reilly says. She recommends using the following formula:

  1. Start with the positive.
  2. Make an inquiry.
  3. Make a request that includes your partner.

For example:

  1. I loved how it felt last night…
  2. Have you ever thought about trying a toy?
  3. I’d love to try using a vibrator during sex with you.

2. Share how you feel

On top of sharing your desires, you should also share how you feel about utilizing sex toys, says Wright.

She suggests saying something like:

  • “I feel excited about the possibility of bringing X toy into our lives.”
  • “I feel nervous to share the toys that look fun to me.”

Be sure that you’re sharing a true emotion, and don’t be afraid to hold back from your partner.

“It’s really important to communicate your emotions to your partner(s), not just your thoughts,” says New York City-based sex therapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT.

3. Be direct but willing to compromise

Sit with yourself for a moment and be clear about understanding what you really want. Let your partner know what you want directly, and then ask them what they think and how they feel.

“It’s a combination of being direct and assertive with what you want with the flexibility of compromise by asking how the other person feels about it,” says Wright.

For example, you can name a specific toy or type of toy that you’d like to try out, and then ask them what they think about that toy. This opens the door for a two-way discussion that takes both of your needs into consideration. 

4. Look for a toy together

Make the toy hunt a collaborative experience.

O’Reilly suggests that you check out some toys together online. This way, you can get a feel for what each one of you is into and make a decision together, compromising if necessary.

Alternatively, you can make a date out of visiting the local sex shop to pick out a toy in person.

“Often, the employees are highly trained in helping you find the best toy for you. It can be a fun bonding experience from finding it, buying it, cleaning it, and using it,” says Wright.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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It’s Complicated

— Love and Sex in 2021

By Isabelle Lee

Whether you are single, married, dating or just keeping it casual, the new pandemic normal has our relationships a little discombobulated. From socially distanced first dates on a park bench or over FaceTime, to a suitor trying to steal a kiss only to be Heismaned with a loud warning of “6 feet!” meeting people has not been easy. Maybe you’re married, and you now know that your spouse uses phrases like “let’s circle back” or “synergy” unironically at work. From current trends and content to spice up your day to Black-owned sex toy brands to buy and ways to practice self-love, today’s Sunday Magazine rings in Valentine’s Day by diving into the complicated world of modern love.

Appy V-Day. Many apps are stepping up to the plate for couples looking to reconnect this year. Love Nudge, based on Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages, will help you identify your love language and set goals with your partner to express how much you care. Designed as an alternative to real-life couples therapy, Relish is meant to help identify and solve problems in your relationship. Coral is a sex and intimacy coaching app that will help you and your partner get on the same page and explore new communication methods. Femtech startup Emjoy is all about sexual empowerment well-being, whether you’re single or partnered up.

Another Level of Cuffing. Each winter you’ll find plenty of people getting into a relationship for the added body heat, a phenomenon known as “cuffing.” The pandemic version is known as “apocalypsing” — when you treat every relationship as if it’s your last — and nearly one-third of Gen Z users polled by dating app Plenty of Fish admits to doing it. Is it love, or are you just desperate to hold onto the one normal person you met on Hinge while the world collapses around you? Anyone else looking forward to getting a vaccination verification badge on Tinder?

On the Spectrum. There are some 70 million people across the globe on the autism spectrum; for them, social interaction is a challenge, making the dating world extra daunting. At last dating apps such as Hilki and Aspie Singles are emerging that cater specifically to this population, with some offering coaches to help read social cues and others tailored to address problems around sensory processing.

Judgment Day. You wouldn’t think it from the broader culture, but 1 in 4 Americans still disapprove of any and all sex outside the bonds of marriage — even if the couple is in a committed relationship. The numbers are fairly consistent across demographics, with the biggest deciding factor, more than age or political views, being how religious you are. But disapproving isn’t the same as abstaining: 85-90 percent of Americans aged 15-49 report having engaged in premarital sex.

love and marriage

Boom or Bust. When lockdown first started, many people expected divorce rates to skyrocket. While most people would agree that the pandemic increased stress in their relationship, the proportion of people reporting their marriage is in trouble actually fell from 40 percent in 2019 to 29 percent in 2020. Maybe it’s because, for some, household responsibilities like chores or child care are being more equitably divvied up between partners — though women continue to take on a greater share of house work — or maybe it’s simply a necessity to renew your commitment to your partner if you’re with them 24/7. Apocalypsing for the win.

Pandemic Parenting. After the year from hell, 2021 is all about helping moms heal from 2020’s craziness and finding ways to support them going forward. The blurred lines between child care, working from home and domestic chores are causing a crisis for America’s mothers. On the flip side, the pandemic is strengthening the bonds between father and child. More couples are sharing child care responsibilities than ever, with 70 percent of fathers reporting that they feel closer to their children since the pandemic —even if they might not be doing as much to help as they think.

Stalking 2.0. Domestic abuse is not a new phenomenon, but its direction during the pandemic certainly is. Domestic abusers are exploiting technology like never before, especially location-sharing tech, home cameras and smart doorbells. Some survivors have even reported their abuser using location tracking software to blackmail them for breaking coronavirus regulations. While resources for people suffering intimate partner violence look a little different right now, help is out there, whether it’s a hand signal on Zoom, an app or a hotline.

In Pod We Trust. While many people report that the pandemic has cost them some friendships, those that remain have become healthier. Thank God for pods, those tight-knit circles of people hailed as a balm for pandemic blues. But be careful how you go about defining and regulating your pod — finding pod members who are on the same COVID-safe wavelength as you is paramount. And as seeking out new friends becomes harder at a distance, apps like Bumble Bff are taking the dating game and applying it to buddies.

No Mask, Big Problem. We all know one, a pandemic rule-breaker friend. Maybe you’ve had to block them on social media after one too many Instagram stories flaunting the group gathering they’re attending. Maybe you’ve had to stop seeing them because you know they’re being irresponsible. If you have, you aren’t alone, but there might be more cause for hope than despair. Harvard researchers found only a small decline in the quality of friendships and relationships in the pandemic, a trend they expect to continue.

Oldies but Goodies. One trend we’re seeing more of: going back through your contacts and finding new friends among the old ones. Maybe it’s a fellow camper that you’ve lost touch with but you live in the same city, or a high school classmate you haven’t seen in forever. It’s become easier than ever to make new friends this year from your casual connections pool.

sex for you

Action Item: Masturbation. Lockdown has presented many people with the opportunity to get acquainted with themselves, if you know what I mean. A recent survey by condom company SKYN found that 39 percent of people were masturbating more during the past year, while 49 percent were watching more porn. It’s just another version of everyone’s favorite term of late: self-care.

Listen for a Good Time. Maybe you’ve tried to watch porn, and it just isn’t for you. Don’t despair because there is a new kind of erotica that might tickle your fancy. Companies like Quinn and Dipsea are pioneering the audio porn frontier. With recorded content that ranges from “appreciative boyfriend” to every possible fantasy your brain can cook up, audio porn promises to be a stimulating way to get you in the mood.

Satisfy Me. At this year’s Consumer Electronics Show, the Innovation Award went to sexual wellness company Satisfyer. It won for its new app, Satisfyer Connect, which syncs your sex toy with your partner’s. You can control your partner’s toy, program patterns and even link a sexy playlist. The app also lets you turn ambient sounds into vibration patterns. In a world where lockdowns are keeping partners apart, this app promises to make socially distanced sex a whole lot more fun.

No More Cold Feet. Have you ever felt like the one thing wrong with your sex toy is that it’s not warm to the touch? No? Well, either way, the sex toy geniuses at Lora DiCarlo released a new line of toys that warm to body temperature. The women-owned brand has enjoyed substantial success since launching in 2017 — hitting $7.5 million in sales — and the new heated line of toys will definitely continue to make waves, or rather, vibrations.

black-owned biz to support

Get Organized. We’ve all had it, that moment of panic when someone goes rummaging around in the drawer where you keep your sex toys. That panic inspired Lidia Bonilla to design a discreet box for your personal pleasure collection and launch Plume. The lockable box is a stylish addition to any bedside table — and there’s also a travel case so your toys can go anywhere you do.

Science Is Sexy. The name says it all. EngErotics is about engineered pleasure, using the best in science and engineering to create best-in-class intimacy products. From devices like the ‘Shroom and Progasm to CBD-infused intimate care products, this women-led company is bringing hard science to the pleasure space.

Condoms for a Cause. Entrepreneur Jason Panda is revolutionizing the world of safe sex. After practicing law, the Morehouse College alum started b condoms, the only African American-owned condom company in the country. B Condoms not only leans into fostering conversations about health disparities, but they work to address them as well by hosting events and distributing condoms in communities.

I Want Candy. Temmy Wallace’s sex toy company sits in the sweet spot where pleasure and education meet up. Appalled by the lack of education about sexual pleasure products, she decided to start her own company, iCandi, that provides outstanding customer service and high quality products — bridging the gap between what you might have learned about pleasure in middle school sex-ed and adult needs.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to introduce sex toys into your relationship

By Mark Hay

Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved.

Toys do things our bodies just cannot, like pulse and vibrate. These novel sensations can help many people have more consistent and frequent — or complex and intense — orgasmic experiences. And the sheer variety of experiences on offer can help couples keep their sex varied and interesting, which certainly helps to maintain desire in long-term relationships.

Sounds good, right? But even as taboos around using sex toys in general fade, sex counselor Aleece Fosnight notes that many still hesitate to broach the idea of bringing a toy to bed with partners.

So, why do we pause when it comes to using sex toys with partners?

The hesitation often stems, at least in part, from persistent beliefs that toys are for solo play, while sex is about two people meeting each other’s every want and need with their bodies alone, explains Fosnight.

Marketing that frames toys as stand-ins for absent partners, or solutions to sexual problems, doesn’t help, adds Amy Boyajian of toy maker and retailer Wild Flower. It leads people — especially straight cis men who rarely engage with toys — to view interest in toys as an attack on their sexual performance, or as sexual competition. (They definitively are not.) And Gretchen Leigh, a sex educator who works with the toy retailer She Bop, notes that people always worry about being weird, so rather than rock the boat, they “assume, ‘this is what this person likes in sex,’ and stay the course forever.”

How to have the sex toy conversations we want to have — and better sex, too

Talking to partners about exploring sex toys does not have to be a daunting or difficult endeavor. A half-dozen sex counselors, educators, and toy experts recently shared a few key tips and tricks for broaching the issue painlessly and productively with Mashable.

Consider the timing

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, these experts said, is attempting to just whip them out during sex. Unless you know your partner is comfortable with you and appreciates surprises during sex, Boyajian says, this “can leave them feeling anxious and pressured,” potentially dredging up insecurities or creating conflict.

Instead, set aside time outside of sex for a conversation about bringing toys into your play. “It’s easy to do in a new relationship,” says sexologist Carol Queen. That’s when you’ll ideally already be talking openly about your sexual preferences and can just work toys into those chats. But talking about sexual preferences takes a level of vulnerability that not everyone feels comfortable with early on. Even those who do may not think or feel able in early talks to broach toys specifically.

And that’s fine. There is no optimal time in a relationship to talk about sex toys. Months or even years down the road, once you’ve started having more open and regular conversations about your sexual wants and needs, you can raise the topic of toys. If you’ve never had a conversation like that, mentioning toys could be a good foothold to open up wider intimate dialogue. If you’re not sure how to start that first conversation, Fosnight recommends framing it as an idea you encountered in an article, in online talk, or during a chat with a friend.

Don’t criticize or apologize

No matter when or how you start the conversation, try not to connect your interest in toys to an explicit critique of or frustration with the sex you’re currently having. That will play right into potential underlying insecurities your partner may hold.

Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. Instead, try “coming from a place of exploration,” Boyajian suggests, in which sex toys are one of many exciting things you can try together to see what you can add to your sex life, to bring you both new and great experiences. “Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together,” Leigh notes.

Don’t force the idea

If your partner is not open to the conversation or idea, don’t force toys on them with insistence or ultimatums. Instead, Jenni Skyler, a sexologist who works with adult retail giant Adam & Eve, suggests trying to talk, then or later, about why that idea makes them uncomfortable, then finding ways down the road to address any fears or stigmas about toys or sex that they may harbor. 

Be truly open to the idea of exploration

If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like — the toys you’re going to use together and how you’re going to use them. Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. Talk about the way your ideas overlap or differ. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys.

You or your partner may already have one or more toys you use alone that you’re excited about exploring together. In that case, Fosnight recommends that the partner with a toy bring it into bed at an agreed-upon time and demonstrate how they use it on themself, then guiding their partner, verbally or physically, to join in, or talk through how to try using the toy on or with each other.

You may also want to explore all-new toys together, to find something that fits your unique dynamic as a duo. Boyajian recommends turning toy research and shopping into a couple’s activity, a chance to build intimacy and mutual excitement and expectation. But Leigh cautions against falling into the trap of just exploring toys marketed for couples. There are a ton of guides online, some backed by sexual health experts. Yet they “aren’t in any way guaranteed to work better for couples than any other toys,” she explains.

In fact, many are built on presumptions about their users’ anatomies, and attempt to stimulate both parties at the same time. The same type of stimulation rarely works for two people at once, and many people actually enjoy using a toy on their partners — watching their partner use a toy, or mutual masturbation using two different toys — more than the two-party stimulations on offer.

Be safe…

“Any toy can potentially be used as a couple’s toy,” Leigh stresses. Of course, with so many toys to choose from, the selection can be daunting. Just remember there’s no rush. Take your time to explore your options together: Read toy reviews, consult friends and experts, and, once you do buy one or more toys, explore ways of using them.

Some outlets have published ostensibly definitive guides on how couples can use various toys. But as long as you’re being safe (e.g., not putting toys without a flared base up your anus and using ample toy-safe lube during any insertive play), “then you get to make the rules,” Boyajain stresses. “If it feels good, then it’s right for you!”

And have fun with it

“Be willing to laugh at the toy and yourself,” Skyler adds, because sometimes, inevitably, your experiments will not work out. That can be frustrating, because toys certainly aren’t cheap. You can, however, find good guides online to functional, body-safe toys that will help your engage in expansive rounds of exploration with a partner — without breaking the bank.

And remember, even when things don’t go perfectly or as expected, it’s all part of the journey you’re taking with your partner, and can help bring you closer as well.

And … that’s it! Follow these simple, flexible steps and you’ll be well on your way into the wide and wonderful world of toy-enhanced partnered sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Might Virtual Reality Porn Affect Sex and Relationships?

The brave new world of virtual reality porn has a lot of legitimate draws — but how will it affect sex and relationships with people IRL? Here, experts discuss.

By Jillian Dara

It was only a matter of time before tech entered the bedroom. We’re not talking about the latest sex toys or sex-improving apps — we’re talking about virtual reality porn.

VR porn, the computer-generated simulation of three-dimensional sexual interactions, first entered the market less than five years ago — just as the concept of virtual reality began to take off by way of video games and travel simulation. The year 2016 was a period of “massive growth” for VR porn as new devices came to market, including smartphone connection and virtual reality goggles designed specifically for virtual porn use, says Rene Pour, CEO of VR porn site Reality Lovers. And by 2017, PornHub shared in a report that VR was one of their fastest-growing categories, with VR porn videos being watched 500,000 times each day.

“With advances in VR technology as a whole, the experience of VR porn is quickly changing the landscape of visual erotica from a two-dimensional experience (in which the consumer is more of a voyeur) to one that intimates a much more three-dimensional and immersive experience,” says Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., a certified sex therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy in Beverly Hills, CA. But is this a good thing? And what might it mean for your ability to connect with other humans in the flesh?

The VR Porn Experience

VR glasses were initially designed to plug into your smartphone or a home device, such as a PlayStation, in order to access content which would then be displayed through the glasses; however, the most modern VR goggles are wireless, stand-alone devices with internet connectivity, thus no additional hardware is required. You can download or stream the content directly, making it even easier to use — and an even higher quality experience, says Pour. The Oculus Quest (Buy It, $399, amazon.com) is the mainstream device currently offering the “best experience yet,” he says.

Reality Lovers is one of the leading companies in virtual reality porn, with others including Naughty America, VR Bangers, VRporn.com, SexLikeReal, and VirtualRealPorn, and some more conventional sites like Pornhub and Redtube offering VR porn channels as well. As with traditional, two-dimensional porn, these VR companies run the gamut when it comes to the quality of experiences; some sites offer free content, and others are based on membership subscriptions. Generally, the more you pay, the higher the production and video quality will be, but in the case of VR, the device you’re viewing it on will impact your experience as well.

“VR headsets are the baseline requirement for viewing VR porn, but some of the most exciting advancements in the technology are actually in sex toys that accompany VR porn,” explains Caitlin V. Neal, M.P.H., resident sexologist for sexual hygiene company Royal. “The majority of these toys are designed for people with penises and are essentially mechanical strokers that can either be synced with the porn you’re watching or with another toy operated by someone else.” Some VR sex toys — for example, those from top retailers Kiiroo, LELO, and Lovense — can connect directly to the goggles via Bluetooth so that what you feel and what you’re watching syncs up, says Pour.

Though technology hasn’t permitted VR porn to relay some of the other sensory elements of a sexual experience (think: smell, taste, or the feeling of actually touching a partner) yet, “the size and proximal distance of virtual partners alone can turn a consumer’s world around,” says Balestrieri. Watching porn on a two-dimensional screen depicts bodies that are not life-sized compared to those in virtual reality. This can excite the brain in different ways and can even stimulate some people to unconsciously engage in sex-emulating body movements since the experience feels so real, says Balestrieri.

“As a viewer, you’re close to the actors like never before,” says Pour. “All POV videos are recorded in the exact eye position of the actor. Through the lenses of the goggle, you can see the situation or the sex partner in the same way as the actor perceives them.”

Interestingly, preliminary research on VR porn found that this first-person perspective is like a golden ticket for inducing arousal in both genders. In a study published in Computers in Human Behavior, the “participant” perspective consistently resulted in greater arousal compared to a voyeuristic view, regardless of whether it was viewed as VR or “traditional” 2D porn.

How VR Porn May Affect Your Relationship with Sex

Everyone has different sexual preferences — both in the bedroom and on the screen — and this stands true relative to VR porn as well. And, like in many porn-related discussions, gender appears to play a role as well; the aforementioned study on VR porn published in Computers in Human Behavior showed that men found VR pornography more arousing than 2D scenes, but this was not the case for women.

“There are many factors that go into how someone views or responds to erotica, and those include everything from their background to their past experiences to their beliefs and more,” says Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of pleasure shop Early to Bed. “For some, VR porn will enhance their sexual repertoire, either alone or with a partner. For some, it will be a way to feel connected.” For couples looking to spice things up, VR porn could provide “a new method of kink to explore” and for partners who may have a low sex drive, this platform could “give their libido a boost,” says Deysach.

Even if it’s not a user’s intention, VR porn may be useful for developing empathy. “Some folks may be curious about assuming the other person’s POV, which could result in spontaneous empathy development and a reconsideration of previously held beliefs,” says Balestrieri. In fact, The Journal of Sex Research published a study on using VR as “empathy medicine,” and found that “VR pornography seems to be a powerful tool to elicit the illusion of intimate sexual experiences.” The study participants, which included 50 healthy males, reported feeling more desired, flirted with, and connected by way of eye contact during a VR porn experience, as well as more likely to feel close to the actors. Their saliva levels of oxytocin (known as the “bonding” hormone) were related to the perceived eye contact with the actors, meaning this chemical might play a role in the perception of increased intimacy during virtual interactions. VR porn might offer people a way to reap the benefits of human intimacy and connection when it’s not readily available or an option IRL — especially, say, amidst quarantine isolation and the current loneliness epidemic.

VR porn is also emerging as a potential tool for sexual trauma survivors looking to safely explore intimate experiences again. “It offers a survivor the opportunity to develop more sensory awareness of the cues that tell them what they like and what they don’t and the ability to practice stopping when they want (something survivors sometimes struggle with),” says Balestrieri. This falls under the umbrella of exposure therapy, a technique used to treat certain anxiety disorders, including phobias, PTSD, OCD and panic disorders. It’s meant to help “break the pattern of avoidance” by exposing a patient to the thing they fear most, but in a controlled environment, according to the American Psychological Association. (Related: How Sexual Assault Survivors Are Using Fitness As Part of Their Recovery)

On the other end of the spectrum, sex professionals recognize the downsides of VR porn. “It’s a lot like the rest of porn that exists today; some people find their use problematic and issues range from relationship or marital problems to dependence on porn itself,” says Neal.

Dependence can result in pre-mature orgasms, lack of orgasms, distraction during sex, reliance, addiction, and desensitization. “VR porn, because it is new, so completely immersive, and without many in-vivo consequences, may excite a dopaminergic release that keeps someone coming back for more, to the point of detriment,” explains Balestrieri. Meaning, you get a dopamine release from this type of activity and, like anything that releases this feel-good hormone (i.e. sex, exercise, food, social media), it runs the risk of becoming compulsive. Compulsivity could lead to dependency which, ultimately, can affect relationships. “Coupled with the intentional escapism of porn, this medium could result in many people seeing unintended consequences: broken trust in relationships, sexual dysfunction with partners in real life, partner insecurities and distress in relationships,” says Balestrieri. (See: Is Porn Actually Addictive?)

Not to mention, “the kind of sex that happens in a lot of porn is not the kind of sex that is happening in everyone’s bedrooms,” says Deysach. “Porn should not be an excuse to hold your lover (or yourself) to an impossible standard. If it’s a fun, sexy outlet, great, but if it causes stress or disappointment with yourself or your partner, it is time to examine your relationship to porn.” Of course, these expectations aren’t limited to sexual prowess, positions, and even sex noises, but can also extend to the bodies depicted in porn, as well as beauty and grooming standards.

Checking In On Your Porn Use

Whether you or your partner are dipping a toe into VR porn or simply continuing with 2D viewing, Balestrieri affirms the importance of communication. “In any relationship where the use of porn is a secret, it’s likely to wreak havoc on the relationship when it comes to the surface.” That is why Balestrieri encourages partners to not only discuss pornography before viewing but also for you to individually and realistically assess your porn consumption, asking questions such as, “How does my partner feel about it? Do I feel comfortable talking with my partner about it? Why or why not? Am I willing to prioritize my relationship if my partner is not okay with my porn use?

Whether you’re intrigued by the rise in virtual reality porn or this sparks an interest in understanding your relationship with porn in general, it’s worth thinking through. Consider pondering (or even journaling about) some more of Balestrieri’s questions below to fully evaluate how porn use (virtual or otherwise) may affect your relationship with sex.

  • Have I thought about how I might know what constitutes too much porn use, for me?
  • Does my porn use get in the way of any other life tasks or hobbies?
  • Can I still connect to real-life partners sexually? Have I experienced a loss of arousal with partners in real life?
  • Do I feel irritable, sad, or anxious if I go without porn for a week?
  • Do I use porn as a weapon (watch it to get back at my partner)?
  • How would I feel explaining my relationship with porn to my kids when they are older?
  • Do I have any shame after watching porn? Watch it in secrecy?

The Future of Sex Tech and VR Porn

While sex tech might feel inherently riskier or less authentic than coupling up with another human IRL, VR porn can offer more realistic and connected experiences for those who can’t safely partner up, simply don’t have a partner at the moment, or who are in a long-distance relationship (just look at the boom of remote control sex toys!). In the future, imagine the ability to have VR sex with your own partner even when you aren’t physically together, don’t feel up for it, or have other life obstacles getting in the way of getting it on. “I think the demand will trend more toward people having virtual reality sex with each other rather than simulated experiences that are pre-recorded with professionals,” says Pour. Of course, that might bring a whole new set of problems (think: cybersecurity, the ability to virtually cheat but with people you know, etc.), but we’ll have to take that in stride.

As the sex tech space continues to grow, Balestrieri predicts that the influence of technology on an already charged human experience is likely to foster new dimensions of sexuality — VR porn is just the start. And if this all freaks you out, you can take comfort in her reminder: “We are meant to touch each other’s skin. Smell each other’s breath, taste each other’s skin. No technology can replace the real-life imperative of the sexual experience.”

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