The book on erotica

— Sharing erotica stories can be a way for older couples to rekindle the romantic spark.

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Many adults continue to enjoy active sexual lives well into their 70s and beyond. However, it’s common for couples to fall into ruts. One way to spice things up — and perhaps strengthen your relationship in the process — is to read erotica together.

“Reading and listening stimulates your largest sexual organ: your brain,” says Dr. Sharon Bober, director of the Sexual Health Program at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. “Reading erotica as a couple creates a safe environment to communicate desires and explore fantasies together. You are allowing yourself to go to an exciting place that feels outside your comfort zone, and it can be a wonderful way to break up your bedroom routine.”

What’s in a name?

Erotica is not the same as pornography. Whereas pornography is primarily visual and not very creative, erotica can be more evocative and verbal and allow you to participate mentally and emotionally.

“Erotica is about stimulating sexual desire through storytelling, imagery, fantasy, and language,” says Dr. Bober. “It’s about setting a mood and slowly building a response. Ultimately erotica is focused on building arousal and anticipation.”

How should couples begin to explore erotica? Dr. Bober says the first step is to broach the topic with your partner. “It’s rarely a good idea to suddenly surprise your partner with something that might feel a little uncomfortable or outside of one’s regular comfort zone,” she says. “Phrase it in terms of how it’s something you want to try together and ask your partner whether this is something they would be interested in. And ask your partner to share their thoughts about it.”

For instance, say, “I want to find ways to reconnect that feel good for both of us, and here is something that might be fun to explore together. Is it okay to talk about it?” You can slowly approach the topic without intimidating your partner by asking for permission. “In this way, erotica can feel less taboo and something more normal, fun, and healthy to try,” says Dr. Bober.

Checking out a reading list

Next, choose erotica to sample together. Erotica is more popular than ever, and older adults have become a growing demographic. Nowadays there now are many erotic novels, erotica-focused websites, and short story anthologies available that cater specifically to older adults. (You can find a wide editorial selection with a general Internet search and via websites for publishing houses and booksellers.)

“One aspect of the erotica experience can be discovering different types and styles together to see what you both enjoy or find interesting to explore,” says Dr. Bober.

She suggests beginning by reading a short story together. “Have one person read aloud, or take turns, or just read to yourselves and then share your response,” says Dr. Bober. “Short stories are ideal because if it’s something you or your partner don’t find stimulating or interesting, you can go to the next one.” Another option is to listen to an erotic audiobook or podcast together.

Keep in mind that it may take time to find something you both enjoy. “Be patient and don’t get discouraged if nothing clicks right away,” says Dr. Bober.

As you become more comfortable, sharing erotica can carry over to your sexual relationship, but don’t force it. “Erotica can be used as foreplay or just something enjoyable you share together without any expectations,” says Dr. Bober. “Have fun with it and see where it takes you.”

Complete Article HERE!

A Female Porn Director Shares Her Best Sex Tips

— Anna Richards is the founder of ethical porn platform FrolicMe, which portrays sex in a positive, female-focused light. Believing we’re all capable of having great sex, she says the secret is losing your inhibitions and getting comfortable with what turns you on. From the importance of switching up your stimuli to why dropping expectations in the bedroom can be liberating, here are her tips…

By Tor West

Enjoy It

“Sex is supposed to be fun, and feel good, but in a long-term relationship it can be easy to forget who we are having sex for. This means we don’t stop to look at what sort of sex we enjoy. Remember, we aren’t having sex for anyone else. Too often, we are overly focused on the man’s experience, convinced we need to affirm to him that we are ‘good in bed’ by bringing him to orgasm. However, for sex to be great, we need to have sex for ourselves. Plus, there’s no more of a turn-on for a man than being in the presence of a woman losing herself to her own pleasure.”

Keep The Brain Stimulated

“The brain is our biggest sexual organ, and it needs stimulating to have great sex. In a long-term relationship, it can be easy to slip into maintenance sex to get the job done, but to keep it fresh, you need to change the dynamic. Taking sex out of the bedroom is a good start or try having sex at a different time of the day, like before dinner, so you can relish in the afterglow together earlier in the evening. It’s okay to need to work at reviving your libido as it can be a struggle to put yourself in the mood. Turning to sex-positive ethical erotica sites like FrolicMe or engaging in erotic stories is a great way to stimulate your desire by liberating your erotic imagination.”

Create Your Own Pleasure

“Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t revel in the sexual highs and pleasures of sex. Being single is a great time to explore your own body and learn what it is you enjoy and desire. By exploring your own body through solo masturbation, you will learn so much more about what turns you on for when you are in a partnered relationship. We don’t always know what we like until we give it a try. Get involved with a clitoral stimulator – the choice has never been better, and they can help you reach orgasm. Watch masturbation erotica and learn new techniques – you can even film yourself talking to your phone as you enjoy some solo time. Explain how you feel and what’s turning you on as your body responds to your touch. If you’re in a relationship, you can even send it to your partner – it can feel mind-blowing to know you are thinking of them as you pleasure yourself, as well as being watched.”

If you’re confident in bed KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT, that’s a HUGE TURN-ON for your partner.

Talk About It

“Sex is about pleasure and connection with yourself and your partner. It’s important to communicate and be open with your partner about what you enjoy and what you want. Help each other achieve this desired satisfaction – if it’s reaching an orgasm, talk about what would help and how you can achieve it together. Perhaps you need to incorporate some toys and accessories into your play to help with more sexual stimulus. Take time to explore what you enjoy and let your lover know. If you’re confident in bed knowing what you want, that’s a huge turn-on for your partner.”

Experiment With Joint Masturbation

“It’s a very sexy way to quickly understand and learn how and where your partner stimulates themselves, and what it is they enjoy to reach climax. You can then apply these techniques during partner play in the knowledge of how much it turns them on. Plus, it increases the excitement to know you’re being watched. It can feel great to let your partner hold a toy on you as you masturbate. You can tell and guide them to what you like and where you like it.”

Listen To Audio Porn

“Explore stimulating and arousing your mind by tapping into audio porn, which will fuel your mind with erotic thoughts – you’ll be surprised at how quickly you will feel aroused. Audio porn allows the listener to feel part of a shared fantasy, setting the scene as you may wish to imagine it, creating your personal erotic porn of choice to stimulate pleasure.”

Get Spooning

“Spooning is a classic and simple sex position that’s great for when you’re feeling lazy but crave intimacy. The partner behind you can penetrate you deeply while reaching around and holding you in their arms or touching your genitals and nipples. It’s a great position for new parents who may barely have the energy to move at the end of the day but still want to feel intimate. To level up, try going side by side, which is like spooning. Both lie on your sides but facing each other – the partner being penetrated will wrap their legs above the other partner’s legs to create room for them both and allow deeper penetration. This can feel intimate as you can look into each other’s eyes.”

Penetrative sex SHOULDN’T ALWAYS BE THE FOCUS – sex is about pleasure, which can take many forms.

Go Slow

“If you struggle to have an orgasm during sex, you’re not alone. Don’t forget that less than 25% of women are capable of achieving orgasm through penetration alone and, as clitoris owners, we rely on additional sensations to help us achieve climax. Take the foot off the expectation pedal when it comes to climax, too, as the expectation of an orgasm can put pressure on and hinder your chances. Don’t forget that your partner could be the one to blame – not you. Perhaps they aren’t stimulating you in the right way. Remember you are responsible for your own orgasm, so communication on what you enjoy is important. Take it slow, play and arouse your body, and know that orgasms aren’t based on the clock. Taking your time doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance. Being more mindful of the moment and letting your mind loose can be a great turn-on.”

Be Intimate

“Don’t think sex is all about penetration. Penetrative sex shouldn’t always be the focus – sex is all about pleasure, which can take many forms. Be creative and look at how you can be intimate with each other. Sex accessories can turn up the dynamic when it comes to sexy fun – blindfolds are good for kinky play while a bullet vibrator can help you achieve incredible orgasms. We still have expectations of sex where penetration is seen as the end of the game with a male ejaculating, and this needs to change. Bodies, pleasure and sexuality need to be equally discussed and normalised.”

Give Erotica A Chance

“Porn gives us the opportunity to expand our ideas, experiment and fantasise, and can inspire us to new forms of play. The problem is, mainstream porn is made for men. Woman-made and woman-centred ethical sites like FrolicMe can be a good place to start, allowing you to feel comfortable and safe. However, make sure you are not rushing into watching porn together until you are able to communicate your sexual needs. Certainly, you can’t get to watching threesomes and consensual BDSM if you are struggling to convey what turns you on. Be clear why you are wanting to share watching some porn with your partner and how you feel it might help with your own adventures. This will also help guide you to what sort of erotic films you should be viewing. Don’t try to be too ambitious in your viewing and build up your preferences through experience. Chat about what turns you on and what you would like to see but also what you wouldn’t.”

Don’t Overthink It

“Sometimes we feel sex is a much bigger issue than it really is. Sex is a part of our life, not our whole life. Rather than thinking of sex, think of it as pleasure and explore what you enjoy and what gets you off. This will help to remove the noise around sex and enable you to focus on yourself, exploring your body and revelling in the euphoria it can offer you. You don’t need someone else to help you evolve sexually – you can work on your own sexual evolution, so that when you have a partner, you can teach them exactly how to please you.”

Visit FrolicMe.com

Complete Article HERE!

Lit Hub’s Guide to Sex in the 21st Century

— The History of, the Study of, the Writing of, and Just Doing It

By Literary Hub

We’ve published a lot of about sex over the years, and for the fake occasion that is Valentine’s Day (thanks a lot, Chaucer), we’re opening the vault. From the dildos of whalers’ wives to the Magic Mike Live XXX revue, with pit stops at foot fetishes and BDSM and a productive detour into the craft of writing, this is your guide to sex in the 21st century.

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SEX, the HISTORY OF

How people wrote about sex in the Middle Ages  ♥  There once was a dildo in Nantucket  ♥  How John Donne learned to write love poetry  ♥  Centuries before Fifty Shades, a runaway hit about kinky sex  ♥  A steamy letter from Henry Miller to Anais Nin  ♥  Hosting an orgy? This 1970s cookbook has you covered  ♥  Writing desire in the Regency years  ♥  Group sex therapy at the local synagogue (or, reading the sexy bits of the Bible)  ♥  Why are we so afraid of female desire?  ♥  Everything I know about sex I learned from Edna St. Vincent Millay  ♥  One man’s literary crusade to uncensor sex in America.

SEX, the STUDY OF

Here’s the quick and dirty on foot fetishes.

What pornographic literature shows us about human nature.

Learning about BDSM—by doing it myself.

How capitalism created sexual dysfunction.

How does focusing on the self affect a woman’s sex life?

Conceptualizing the vagina, a “dark and vicious place.”

SEX, the WRITING OF

Some fundamental principles for writing great sex  ♥  Melissa Febos on what a sex scene should do  ♥  The best sex I ever had was (also) a narrative structure  ♥  The ways in which writing may or may not resemble sex  ♥  Writing sex for money is hard f*cking work  ♥  In praise of sex writing that’s about more than being sexy  ♥  Why sex scenes are not only feminist, but necessary  ♥  The literature of bad sex.

SEX, I’VE HAD IT

The under-celebrated erotic power of… hamantaschen.

The disorientation and relief of owning my submissiveness.

Moved to tears at the Magic Mike Live XXX revue.

Learning about sex from Samantha Jones.

On phone sex, first writing jobs, and unexpected teachers.

My job writing custom erotic love letters.

Complete Article HERE!

Pompeii’s House of the Vettii reopens

— A reminder that Roman sexuality was far more complex than simply gay or straight

The atrium of the House of the Vettii, Pompeii.

By

As Pompeii’s House of the Vettii finally reopens after a long process of restoration, news outlets appear to be struggling with how to report on the Roman sex cultures so well recorded in the ruins of the city.

The Metro opened with the headline “Lavish Pompeii home that doubled as a brothel has some interesting wall art”, while the Guardian highlighted the fresco of Priapus, the god of fertility (depicted weighing his oversized penis on a scale with bags of coins) as well as the erotic frescoes found next to the kitchen.

The Daily Mail, on the other hand – and arguably surprisingly – said nothing about the explicit frescoes and instead centred its story on the house’s “historic hallmarks of interior design”.

As a scholar who researches modern and contemporary visual cultures of sexuality, I was struck by how the heavy presence of sexual imagery in the ruins of Pompeii seems to confound those writing about it for a general audience.

Rethinking Roman sexuality

As a gay man and a researcher on sexuality, I am all too familiar with the ways modern gay men look to ancient Rome in search of evidence that there have always been people like us.

It is now clear among the research community that such straightforward readings of homosexuality in classical history are flawed. That is because same-sex relations among Romans were lived and thought about in very different ways from our own.

Roman sexuality was not framed in terms of the gender of partners but in terms of power. The gender of a free man’s sexual partner was less relevant than their social position.

A room with walls coloured in colourful frescos of nude men and women.
Frescoes from the House of the Vettii.Courtesy of the Archaeological Park of Pompeii

Socially acceptable Roman sexuality was about power, power was about masculinity – and Roman patriarchal sex cultures were assertions of both. An adult free man could have sex as the penetrating partner with anyone of a lower social status – including women or slaves and sex workers of both genders.

Despite this, I understand how politically important and strategic it was for the early homosexual movement to invent its own myth of origin and to populate history with figures that had been – they thought – just like us.

The flip side of modern notions of homosexuality being read into Roman history, is the way in which the widespread presence of sex in ancient Roman (including in the graffiti and visual culture preserved in Pompeii) has been disavowed or – at least – purified by mainstream modern culture.

Pornography in Pompeii

This phenomenon started when sexually explicit artefacts were first discovered in Pompeii, propelling archaeologists to preserve them due to their historical value, but to keep them hidden from the general public in “secret museums” on account of their obscene content.

Indeed, the coinage of the word “pornography” was a result of the archival need to classify those Roman artefacts. The term “pornographers” was first used to designate the creators of such Roman images in Karl Otfried Müller’s Handbook of Archaeology of Art (Handbuch der Archäologie der Kunst), from 1830.

The god Priapus is shown wearing a tunic that doesn't contain his cartoonishly large penis.
A fresco of Priapus in the House of the Vettii showing the god’s oversized penis.

The news coverage around the reopening of the House of the Vettii is one such example of mainstream modern culture sanitising Roman history.

When focusing on the fresco of Priapus, for instance, news outlets are quick to claim that the god’s oversized penis was merely a metaphor for the wealth accumulated by the men who owned the house. The pair had made their fortune selling wine after being freed from slavery.

This reading of the fresco, while not necessarily incorrect, overlooks the more complex – and for that reason, more interesting – role of phallic imagery in Roman culture.

As classicist Craig Williams writes, the images of a hyper-endowed, hyper-masculine Priapus that were widespread in Roman culture functioned not only as a source of identification but also as an object of desire for Roman men – if not to be penetrated by the large phallus, then at least to wish it was their own.

Priapus, with his large manhood and unquenchable desire to dominate others through penetration was, Williams tells us: “Something like the patron saint or mascot of Roman machismo.”

What’s missing from the story?

News coverage of the erotic frescoes found in a smaller room of the house has been similarly too straight forward in claiming them as evidence that that room was used for sex work.

While some scholars have certainly argued that perspective, others believe it unlikely. Some academics suggest that the erotic frescoes in that room (which probably belonged to the house’s cook) had more likely been commissioned as a gift to the Vettii’s favourite slave and very much fit the wider aesthetic of quirky excess that marks the house as a whole.

A light beautiful courtyard surrounded by columns.
A courtyard in the House of the Vettii.Courtesy of the Archaeological Park of Pompeii

In a culture where sex was not taboo but instead promoted as a sign of power, wealth and culture, it is fair to suggest that erotic images wouldn’t just belong in brothels. Sex was everywhere in Rome, including in literary and visual arts.

When reading the recent news stories, I could not help but think that their interpretations, while not wholly wrong, were too skewed into presenting the explicit frescoes as either metaphors for something more noble, or as something that was restricted to a specific site of Roman life – the brothel.

Perhaps these readings are privileged over others because we’re reluctant to accept that sex in ancient Roman culture – a culture we so often mythologise as our “origin” – was performed in ways that we are uncomfortable with.

Complete Article HERE!

How the ancient Greeks viewed pederasty and homosexuality

— In many city-states, it was perfectly acceptable for older men to have sexual relationships with young boys.

Pederasty in ancient Greece is well-documented through writing and art.

By Tim Brinkhof

  • In ancient Greece, pederasty was the practice of older men serving as mentors to young boys in exchange for sexual favors.
  • This practice was widespread, though customs and attitudes differed drastically from Greek city-state to city-state.
  • In Sparta, it was part of the culture; in Athens, laws were made to curb pederasty and homosexuality in general.

As the French philosopher Michel Foucault argued in his book The History of Sexuality, the things we consider acceptable and unacceptable are dictated by our cultures and, as such, are subject to change. Behavior that is tolerated in one part of the world might be completely inexcusable in another place or time period, and this is especially true when it comes to sex.

For a good example, look no further than ancient Greece. The way that Plato, Aristotle, and their contemporaries conceived of human sexuality was fundamentally different from the way we do today. Hellenistic scholars doubt the Greeks would have been able to understand the modern distinction between homosexual and heterosexual relationships. In classical antiquity, people didn’t care if you were attracted to men or women; what mattered was whether you were the dominant (active) or submissive (passive) partner in the bedroom.

Not only did the Greeks have a different way of thinking about sexuality, but they also condoned a type of semi-romantic, semi-sexual relationship that would never be permitted in Western countries today: pederasty. Pederasty, as David Bain summarizes in his review of Die griechische Knabenliebe by Harald Patzer, refers to “the practice whereby young men pursue pubescent boys and enter into short-term relationships with them which expire when the boy becomes a man.”

A relief depicting the poet Anacreon and his young lover.

Pederasty was widespread across the disjointed city-states that made up ancient Greece. In some of his philosophical dialogues, Plato suggests that even Socrates enjoyed the company of young, male lovers. But while pederasty itself was everywhere, social attitudes toward the practice varied from region to region. In some communities, like Sparta, relationships between boys and men were explicitly permitted, even institutionalized. In other places, such as Athens, laws were put in place to eradicate what was slowly being regarded as an archaic, unnatural tradition.

Pederasty in Sparta

Most of what we know about pederasty in Sparta comes from classical texts written by outside observers. One of the characters in Plato’s Laws stresses that homosexuality in the warrior civilization was not just socially acceptable, but universally practiced.

According to Plutarch, who was born long after Greece had been incorporated into Rome, pederasty was deeply embedded in the Spartan ritual system, specifically in the agōgē: the arduous training program that turned boys into soldiers. Describing life in the agōgē, Plutarch writes that shortly after the boys turned 12 years old, “they were favoured with the society of lovers from among the reputable young men.” He continues:

“The boys’ lovers also shared with them in their honour or disgrace; and it is said that one of them was once fined by the magistrates because his favourite boy had let an ungenerous cry escape him while he was fighting. Moreover, though this sort of love was so approved among them that even the maidens found lovers in good and noble women, still, there was no jealous rivalry in it, but those who fixed their attentions on the same boys made this rather a foundation for friendship with one another, and persevered in common efforts to make their loved one as noble as possible.”

In Sparta, pederasty was institutionalized.

It has been argued that pederasty originated from coming-of-age rituals that could date back as far as the Stone Age. In Sparta, the practice had adapted to the city-state’s unique culture, which emphasized community over family. Children were raised by the agōgē, not their parents. The older lovers — called erastes in academic literature — had as much authority over their beloveds as their biological fathers did. The idea, as Plutarch puts it, was that “they were all in a sense the fathers and tutors and governors of all the boys.”

Athenian laws

In ancient Athens, things were a little more complicated. While most Athenians believed there was nothing wrong with a man being in love with or feeling attracted to another man, there were, as David Cohen explains in his article, “Law, Society and Homosexuality in Classical Athens,” mixed feelings about males “adopting a submissive role that was unworthy of a free citizen.” There appear to have been no laws prohibiting homosexual relations in general.

There was, however, a law that prohibited you from committing what was known as hubris: the act of humiliating or dishonoring another person for one’s own gratification. A quintessentially Greek concept, hubris not only encompassed prostitution and sexual assault, but also “consensual” relationships. According to Cohen, men who consented to being the submissive partner were “often described as committing hubris against themselves.” Crucially, the same standards did not apply to slaves who — being slaves — were perceived as lacking both pride and honor.

“Current scholarship on pederasty,” Cohen repeats, “asserts that there was no law prohibiting an Athenian male from consummating a sexual relationship with a free boy without using force or payment.” That said, scholars have found many statutes that seem to address pederasty indirectly. The law against hubris is one example. Another is a law that prevented boys as well their teachers from entering a schoolhouse before dawn or after dusk.

Homosexuality and nature

Why did Athens seek to limit pederasty when so many other city-states, including Sparta, openly permitted it? This question does not have a clear answer. Evidence suggests that Athenians did not have any issues with age differences as time went on — young girls were married to older men all the time — but, rather, with homosexuality itself.

Greek art depicting two men fondling.

In Laws, Plato argues that homosexuality is unnatural because, in nature, male animals only mate with female partners. Even though this is untrue — research has revealed numerous examples of homosexual and bisexual behavior in other species — Plato’s argument, like all his arguments, had a tremendous influence on Greek society. Aristotle would reach the same conclusion, professing that, because males inseminate females, they must necessarily assume a dominant, active, heterosexual role. If they don’t, adds Xenophon, they would be taking the place of women.

It is notable that Plato, Aristotle, and Xenophon were unable to separate the idea of sex from biological reproduction, rejecting (or failing to consider) the modern notion that it is perfectly okay for people to have intercourse for the sake of pleasure, or that they should pick partners and sexual roles that they feel affirm their personal identities.

Complete Article HERE!

Exploring the ornate and provocative at NYC’s Museum of Sex

The entrance to Super Funland, an erotically themed amusement carnival at the NYC Museum of Sex. The museum describes its mission as intending to “preserve and present the history, evolution and cultural significance of human sexuality.”

By

“I hope you leave feeling different than when you came in!” a cheery museum attendant calls to a group of people as they exit a small theater labeled “Tunnel of Love,” having just finished experiencing a “four-dimensional, abstract, artistic rendition of an orgy.”

Equal parts education, art and entertainment, the Museum of Sex draws attendees in with its playful advertising and taboo subject nature, with an interior that sparks thoughtful conversation about a wide range of topics. Queer identities and inclusion, the entertainment industry, pregnancy, abortion and sexual exploitation are all explored through historical artifacts, film and art. The museum describes its mission as intending to “preserve and present the history, evolution and cultural significance of human sexuality.”

The museum spans four floors and is cyclical in nature, both beginning and ending in a large gift shop. After entering through the store, there is a staircase that leads to the first floor, which is made up of a large room full of historical paraphernalia housed behind little windows. There seems to be no categorical order to the items, which include adult toys and clothing, anatomical models, OBGYN tools and explicit “how-to” guides. Many of these items were donated to the museum from personal collections of important activists in queer and sexual liberation scenes. All items are accompanied by notecards that not only explain the inventions and functions of the artifacts themselves, but also the historical and political context of the time they were made and any controversies that may have arisen due to their creation.

NYC’s sex museum invites you to take a risqué ride through history!

The second floor is an art gallery currently showing an exhibit titled “F*ck Art: The Body and its Absence.” The exhibit showcases pieces of art that explore themes of sexuality and identity from artists of many different cultural backgrounds, including works by Native American 2Spirit, Latinx, African American, Asian, Caribbean and Queer and Disabled artists. Many of these artists are also native New Yorkers. The gallery includes sculpture, painting, photography, mixed media and film pieces that display a variety of attitudes towards sex and sexual liberation.

The third floor currently houses an exhibit called “Porno Chic to Sex Positivity: Erotic Content & the Mainstream.” This exhibit explores the history of sex and sexual exploitation in American media starting from the 1960s, all the way up to that of the current day. The room begins with walls of magazine advertisements and props from television commercials with notecards that detail the sexual controversy that followed their airing. The tales of outrage were spurred by anything from the sexual exploitation of women to the placement of women in traditionally male positions of sexual power.

Past these artifacts there is a theater proudly displaying a banner with the words “Scandalous Scenes of Cinema” printed across it. Inside the theater, visitors are welcome to sit and watch both implicitly and explicitly sexual clips from mainstream movies that have scandalized audiences since their airing. Along the back wall of the room, behind the cinema, is a series of tall stalls labeled respectively with a decade. Aiming to present the evolution of sex as heard in music, visitors can step inside a stall to listen to music and watch the accompanying music video from each decade. The final wall of the room is dedicated to artifacts, much like the first floor, but relating to sexuality specifically within the music industry.

The third floor serves not only as the final floor of the museum, but the first floor of “Super Funland,” the accompanying amusement to the museum and the reason so many bachelorette parties frequent the building. Super Funland echoes the three-floor nature of the museum, but flowing down the stairs instead of up. To enter Super Funland, visitors are guided down a hallway featuring old carnival pictures and mirrored dioramas depicting the underground, risqué history of carnivals while they wait to be seated for the next showing of a six minute film about the history of the carnival, starting from ancient Greek times all the way up to today. After the film, the museum’s very own “Erotic Carnival” begins.

After exiting the film there is a large hallway with kaleidoscopic video footage from Coney Island that leads to a room of traditional carnival games — with a rather provocative twist. In Skee-ball visitors are assigned a different “God of Sex” as their icon, claw machines contain sperm and eggplant shaped pillows, the bounce house is fashioned out of balloons shaped like female breasts, and the entrance to the “Tunnel of Love” promises viewers an incredibly unique, four dimensional experience.

Going down the stairs to the second floor, one will immediately be welcomed by a spinning sign that says “Pornamatic,” where budding stars can step into a photo booth to see their faces on the — X-rated — silver screen. This room is perfect for couples, with a machine that dispenses wedding vows and rings, as well as a game where couples who kiss for at least thirty seconds can spin a wheel to win prizes. Most of the room is dominated by a collection of pink posts that you can climb up to reach a slide, with the entrance fashioned to look like a red-painted mouth.

The slide is long, winding and contains rainbow multicolored lights that blink wildly as you slip down to the first floor. The first floor contains the museum’s bar, as well as several themed photo booths and a few more carnival games. Exiting will bring you back into the same gift shop that houses the entrance, though with a renewed sense of wonder at all of the items within.

Overall, the Museum of Sex does a wonderful job of balancing “business and pleasure,” ensuring an educational, but never dull, experience for its attendees. Tickets include both museum and Superfunland admission, as well as one round of each carnival ride and game. It’s easy to win little knick-knacks for free as souvenirs, in case a friend asks you what you were up to this weekend. The elevator is currently non-operational due to ongoing repairs, so anybody in need of accessible accommodation is encouraged to call ahead to ensure a smooth experience. Admission is solely for those 18 and up.

Complete Article HERE!

5 Powerful Changes To Make To Your Sex Life In 2022

By Kelly Gonsalves

It’s 2022, and conversations around sexuality have evolved tremendously. We know more than ever before about the science of orgasms, fostering desire, and all the different ways we can experience sexuality. There are virtually infinite resources out there, from books and podcasts to courses and retreats, dedicated to helping us tap into all the good feelings to which our bodies have access.

If it’s been a long while since you last prioritized your sex life, consider this your invitation to enter into the new year with an intention of rediscovering your erotic self and all the ways in which you can experience sensual pleasure in your body, soul, and partnerships. For inspiration, we asked sexuality experts to offer some tangible, straightforward ideas for how to actually better your sex life. Here’s what they recommended:

1. Talk more about sex.

“One of the most powerful changes couples can make to their sex life is to talk more about sex,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, AASECT-certified sex therapist and author of Reclaiming Pleasure.

To have great sex, you must be able to talk about it. When was the last time you talked to your partner about which types of touch you like the most—and least? Do you know your partner’s wildest fantasies? What are the things that make them in the mood for sex—and not in the mood for sex?

“If neither partner knows what the other’s expectations, desires, or needs are around sex, there isn’t much chance of continually making it better,” Richmond says. “Couples that talk about sex can have better, more exciting sex the longer they are in the relationship, which is exactly the opposite of what we’ve been told to believe, that sex gets worse or more boring the longer you are together.”

2. Start a regular masturbation practice.

Whether you’re single or partnered, sex and dating coach Myisha Battle, M.S., recommends making time for solo sex at least once a week.

“It’s a great way to stay in touch with your sexual energy as well as learn about what your body likes,” she explains. “Allow yourself to explore your desires through porn or erotica, have fun, and take notes about what you like and don’t like!”

Some people may feel uncomfortable masturbating when they’re in a relationship, or they let their masturbation practice subside in favor of partnered sex. But Battle says anyone and everyone can benefit from masturbating regularly, including people in long-term relationships.

“Masturbation can help you be less dependent on your partner’s availability for sex. This change opens up so much for people who overly rely on others to be sexual. You can be your most reliable source for sexual pleasure no matter what your relationship status is,” she says. 

3. Start a mindfulness practice.

Whether or not we realize it, what we do outside the bedroom can have a big impact on how we feel when we’re actually having sex. That’s why one thing that licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist Lauren Fogel Mersy, Psy.D., L.P., recommends to those seeking better sex is to start a mindfulness practice.

“A regular practice of being present in the moment without judgment may transfer to your sex life, which will likely improve your experience,” she explains. “Being present in the moment is when sex can feel most pleasurable and connected. It’s when we are most in touch with our bodies and our partners.”

Learning how to be present in your body in general—such as through meditating, breathwork, or other mindfulness exercises—can help you be more aware of the pleasurable sensations your body is feeling during sex (i.e., sex will feel better).

4. Explore eroticism.

What does eroticism mean to you?

“We each have things that we find arousing,” AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed couples’ counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., tells mbg. “You can tune in to yours by thinking about your best sexual experiences, your fantasies, and your response to various erotic media.”

Zimmerman recommends taking time to explore what you find erotic and then (if you’re in a relationship) sharing that with your partner—and asking them about their version of eroticism, too.

“Approach this with curiosity and a whole lot of openness rather than judgment or criticism. Then, play in any overlap you find,” she says. “This doesn’t mean you have to do the things you fantasize about, but you might find it hot to talk about, role-play, or fantasize together that it is happening or about to happen.”

5. Commit to some novelty.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, Zimmerman recommends making an active commitment as a couple to prioritize novelty.

“Decide you’re going to find something new to do together every month. You can change the location or setting, delve into each other’s sexual interests and fantasies and find something you haven’t done (or not done in a long time, anyway), or find a great yes/no/maybe list to get some ideas you may not have considered before,” she says. “Approach this with a spirit of adventure and exploration; it doesn’t have to go without a hitch.”

Complete Article HERE!

Ancient Greek and Roman erotic art

Explicit erotic art was common in ancient Greece and Rome. Sex is ubiquitous in the black-figure and red-figure vases of Athens in the 6th and 5th centuries BC. The Romans were also surrounded by sex.

Mosaic depicting Leda and the Swan, from the sanctuary of Aphrodite in Paphos, circa 3rd century AD. It is currently located at the Cyprus Museum in Nicosia.

By Craig Barker

LP Hartley’s saying “the past is foreign” is rarely held more firmly than in the field of sexuality in classical art. The erotic images and depictions of the genitals, especially the phallus, were very popular motifs in a wide range of media in ancient Greece and Rome.

Simply put, sex is everywhere in Greek and Roman art. Explicit sexual expression was common in the Athenian black-figure and red-figure vases of the 6th and 5th centuries BC. They often have spectacular confrontations in nature.

The Romans were also surrounded by sex. Bronze carved as a chinchin nabla (wind chime), often found in the gardens of Pompeii’s house, is carved in relief on a famous wall panel that tells us the famous habitat Felicitas from a Roman bakery. (“Happiness dwells here”).

But these erotic acts and classic images of the genitals reflect more than a culture of sexual attachment. The depiction of sexuality and sexual activity in classical art seems to have had many uses. And while our interpretation of these images is often censored in modern times, it reveals a lot about our attitude towards sex.

A modern reaction to ancient erotic art

When antique collection began in earnest in the 17th and 18th centuries, the openness of ancient eroticism embarrassed and embarrassed the Enlightenment audience. This embarrassment was exacerbated after the excavations began in the rediscovered Roman towns of Pompeii and Herculaneum.

The Naples National Archaeological Museum’s Gavinette Segrate (the so-called “secret cabinet”) best represents the modern reaction to classical sexuality (repression and repression) in art.

The secret cabinet was founded in 1819 when King Francis I of Naples visited the museum with his wife and little daughter. Shocked by the blatant depiction, he ordered to remove all items of sexual nature from sight and lock them in a cabinet. Access is restricted to scholars with “mature age and respected morals.” I will. In other words, it was only a male scholar.

A metal shutter was installed in Pompeii itself because the explicit materials such as the mural paintings of the brothel were preserved as they were. Until the 1960s, these shutters restricted access only to male tourists who were willing to pay extra.

Of course, the secret of the collection in the cabinet was sometimes difficult to access, but it only increased its fame. John Murray’s Handbook to South Italy and Naples (1853) sacredly states that it was very difficult to obtain a permit.

Therefore, few people have seen the collection. And those who have it are said not to want to visit again.

The cabinet was not open to the public until 2000 (despite protests by the Catholic Church). Since 2005, the collection has been exhibited in a separate room. The object has not yet been reintegrated with modern non-sexual crafts, as it did in ancient times.

Literature also felt censors’ anger, and works such as Aristophanes’ plays were mistranslated, obscuring “unpleasant” sexual and catalog references. Unless trying to claim moral and liberal dominance in the 21st century, the depiction of the infamous marble sculpture of bread mating with the goats in the collection still shocks the modern audience.

Censorship of ancient sexuality is probably best reflected in the long tradition of removing genitals from classical sculpture.

The Vatican Museums, in particular, were famous for (but not limited to) modifying classical art for modern morals and sensations. In the case of irregularities, it was common to apply carved and cast fig leaves to cover the genitals.

It also showed the modern willingness to associate nudity with sexuality and would have embarrassed the ancient audience, where the physical form of the body itself was considered perfect. Have you misunderstood ancient sexuality? Yes, yes.

Ancient porn?

It is difficult to determine how much the ancient audience used explicit erotic images for awakening. Certainly, the erotic scenes that were popular on board would have given the Athenian party an exciting atmosphere over a glass of wine.

These types of scenes are especially popular with kylix or wine cups in the tond (the center panel of the cup). Hetaira (cans) and Polnai (whores) are likely to have attended the same symposium, so the scene may have been used as a stimulus.

In the late Greek and Roman eras, the painted eroticas were replaced by molded depictions, but their use must have been similar.

The Romans’ application of sexual scenes to oil lamps is probably the most likely scenario, and the object may have actually been used in a romantic scene. Erotica is often found in molded lamps.

Phallus and fertility

Ancient Greek erotic art
Delos Museum.

Female nudity was not uncommon (especially in connection with the goddess Aphrodite), but the phallic symbol was at the heart of many classical arts.

Fars is often depicted on Hermes, Bread, Priapus, or similar gods of various art forms. Its symbolism here was not considered erotic, but was related to protection, reproduction, and even healing. We have already seen phallic use in various home and commercial situations in Pompeii, which clearly reflects its protective properties.

The helm was a stone carving with a head (usually Hermes) on a rectangular pillar, on which the male genitals were carved. These blocks were placed on borders and borders for protection and were so highly regarded that many people said that when the Athens Herm was destroyed before the Athens fleet departed in 415 BC, this was the Navy. I believed it would threaten the success of the mission.

The famous frescoes of the House of the Vettii in Pompeii depict Priapus, the minor and guardian deity of livestock, plants and gardens. He has a huge penis, a bag of coins, and a bowl of fruit at his feet. As researcher Claudia Moser writes, this image represents three types of prosperity: growth (large members), fertility (fruits), and abundance (bags of money).

It is worth noting that a casual look at the museum’s classic sculptures reveals that the bare gods and heroes’ penises painted in marble are very small. Classic cultural ideals often value small penises over large ones and surprise the modern audience.

All the expressions of the big penis in classical art are related to desire and stupidity. Priapus was terribly despised by other gods and was thrown out of Mount Olympus. For the Greeks and Romans, the bigger it was, the better.

Ancient Greece: Mythology and Sex

Classic myths are gender-based. There are many stories of incest, marriage, polygamy, and adultery in mythology. Therefore, the artistic depictions of myths end up portraying these sometimes explicit stories. Zeus’s reckless attitude towards women’s consent in these myths (in many cases he raped Danae in the form of a swan in the form of Leda and Rain) was male domination and female. Strengthened the idea of ​​female contempt for subordination.

The penis was also emphasized in the delightful portrayal of Dio Brando. Dionysus, the god of Greek wine, drama and transformation, is not surprised by his followers, the male satyr and the female menard, and their depictions on the wine vessels.

The satyr was a half-human half-goat. Somewhat comical, but also tragic in a way, they were deep-rooted masturbation and party animals that loved dance, wine and women. In fact, the term saturia is still alive today and is classified by the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD) as a form of hypersexuality in men, alongside the female form of nymphomania.

The intent of the (upright) satyr on the penis is clear from the appearance of the vase (even if they rarely catch the manado they are chasing). At the same time, their huge erect penis shows the “beastiness” and grotesque ugliness of a large penis, in contrast to the classic ideal of male beauty represented by a smaller penis.

The actors who performed the satyr play at the dramatic festival appeared on stage and in orchestras in fake phallic costumes to show that they were not humans, but Dionysian mythical beasts.

Early classical art collectors were shocked to learn that the Greeks and Romans they admired were earthlings with varying sexual and desires. However, by emphasizing the sexual aspect of this art, they underestimated the non-sexual role of the phallic symbol.

Complete Article HERE!

These Erotic Audio Platforms For Women Are Just What The Doctor Ordered

Better than a one-handed read.

By Kinsey Gidick

When it comes to getting in “the mood,” sometimes a little fantasy fiction is in order. But who wants to pull out a conspicuous paperback with a picture of Fabio on the cover? Romance novels are great and all, but for a more subtle X-rated option there are erotic audio stories.

Bodice-ripping earworms are all the rage right now, and the audio space doesn’t just offer sexually explicit stories. There are now entire apps dedicated to adult literature. Thanks to these catalogs of spicy narratives, you can find just the right tale to suit your mood. In fact, some apps even let you drill down based on fantasy preference while others are intended specifically for a female audience. And if that’s not enough to get you where you need to go, consider that some vibrators can now be synced with audio erotica for the ultimate story climax.

And while many of the apps selling sexy stories require a membership, you can also find free audio erotica as well. So budget need not be a deterrent to enjoying tantalizing tales. All you need is a computer or mobile device to tune in. Just put on your headphones, sit back, and enjoy the show.

1

A Sexy Story Membership

Dipsea

Founded by women, for women, Dipsea is a feminist platform for audio erotica. With many stories to choose from, members can select a monthly or annual plan and then listen to hundreds of stories based on sexual preference and mood.

2

A Steamy Audio Subscription

AudioDesires offers audio sex stories in a membership platform. One reason users might like this app is because it gives a short synopsis of each story, describes the audience (for instance, people who want to listen about a him + her scenario), includes the length of the episode, and mentions what will be included. For instance, in the case of “The Mechanic” AudioDesires says it will include: “dirty talk,” “finger play,” and “from behind.”

3

An Ethical Erotica Option

The tagline of the website Quinn is “quinn girls finish first.” And that goes beyond the content. Quinn, Mashable reports, focuses on “ethical content” that appeals to women. Better yet, all of Quinn’s content is free and ad-free so there are no interruptions.

4

An Easy Entry to Erotica

Audible is an Amazon owned audio book company, but naturally it offers erotica too. That means that while you’re searching for your next road trip audio book, you can quietly tuck a few steamy tales into your cart as well.

5

A Hot Story in Your Audiobook Queue

The eBook site Scribd is another option for audio erotica and has 54,511 results in English, just to give you an understanding of the scale of options. As a bonus, Scribd offers a 30 day free trial, so you can binge listen first before you commit to the service.

6

A Free Erotica Site

Just like the name suggests, literotica is a free erotic fiction website. But it’s now expanded to include audio erotica too, so you can fully indulge your sexy voyeur fantasies without having to read a screen. All stories are submitted by site users, often recorded by the author themselves.

7

A Vibrator-Synced Audio Space

Vibease is a bluetooth vibrator that allows you to sync it with short audio stories. In fact, Vibease now has a growing catalog of audio stories to choose from that are organized by tags like “Male Voice,” “New Release,” “Guided Session,” and “BDSM.”

8

A Sexual Wellbeing Audio Store

Emjoy calls itself a sexual wellbeing platform and that’s because it’s focused on delivering 300+ audio sessions and sexy stories for all types of women. The idea is that sexual health is a part of self-care, so the app doesn’t just serve up steamy stories. It offers information on how topics like “how to feel confident about your breasts” and “how to give and receive the perfect sensual massage.”

Ready to start your sexual audio journey? Tune in to any of these story apps and sites for a hot sec.

Complete Article HERE!

Is Audio or Written Erotica More ‘Ethical’ Than Photo or Video?

by Gabrielle Kassel

What’s the short answer?

No.

There isn’t anything that makes audio or written erotica inherently more ethical than its visual counterparts.

Below, we break down why people think they are — and what you can do to be the best (read: most ethical) consumer of written and aural smut you can be.

Porn or erotica is any content that’s designed with the explicit intention of arousing, enticing, or sexually intriguing an audience.

While “porn” is often used as shorthand for “XXX videos,” written and audio content can qualify as erotica, too.

Ethical porn or erotica is the phrase used for content that was created and distributed ethically.

That means the content creators:

  • were paid fair wages
  • were treated with respect
  • had access to good working conditions

In the case of video content, that means the performers’ pleasures, boundaries, and health were integral to determining how the scene would play out.

“Porn” and “ethical porn” should be synonymous.

And explicit content that isn’t ethical shouldn’t be called “porn” — it should be called violence and abuse.

As a consumer, it’s pretty tricky to know if the content you’re enjoying was created or distributed ethically, says sex worker and sex educator Corey More.

“But as a general rule, the best way to be an ethical consumer of porn is to pay for it,” they say.

And that’s true for all types of erotica!

Adult content that’s distributed via explicit paperbacks, online stories, and audio recordings isn’t automatically more ethical than NSFW photos and videos.

But many people believe that it is.

Why? More says it stems from the pervasive societal ideal that nobody would ever voluntarily choose to be a sex worker.

“There’s an idea that all video porn performers are victims of circumstance,” they add.

Because the bodies of those who make written and audio erotica aren’t directly implicated in creation, these creators usually aren’t considered sex workers, explains More.

Instead, they’re considered performers, voice-over artists, essayists, and wordsmiths.

“I’ve been editing anthologies for over 15 years, and the instances of unethical written erotica I’ve come across, personally, are rare,” says Rachel Kramer Bussel, an erotica writer and editor of over 60 anthologies, including the Best Women’s Erotica of the Year series from Cleis Press.

“But just as with video porn, written erotica can be unethical,” says Bussel. “There are shady people pirating books and trying to illegally profit off of others’ work in many creative fields, including erotica.”

Pirating, for the record, basically means plagiarizing.

“There’s also things such as book stuffing by unethical self-published erotica authors,” explains Bussel.

Book stuffing refers to padding a book with “nothing pages” — like sneak previews of upcoming books and reprintings of old stories — in order to boost the overall number of pages and, subsequently, the price.

A lot of explicit audio is recorded based on a script or short story. So just as the storylines and sentences of written erotica can be plagiarized, so can those in audio erotica.

To date, documented instances of this are few.

Some audio erotica platforms — like Quinn and Literotica — allow users to upload their own soundtracks.

It should go without saying, but if any of the noisemakers involved are unaware that or didn’t consent to their noises being uploaded onto the internet, the content is unethical.

Want to get an eye- or earful of X-rated smut? Here’s how to make sure it, and the way you’re consuming it, are ethical.

1. Do a quick Google search

Thanks to the (sometimes) wonderful worldwide web, a few clicks and clacks will introduce you to anyone’s backstory — and that includes erotica writers and voice-over artists.

Your move: “Google the name of the author you’re thinking about reading [or hearing] from,” says Bussel.

“This will help you make sure they haven’t been involved with anything you wouldn’t want to contribute to financially,” she says.

2. Check out the publisher

“One of the best ways to make sure your written erotica isn’t plagiarized or being sold by an unauthorized seller is to look at the source,” says Bussel.

Is it published by a reputable publisher (such as those listed on the Erotica Readers & Writers Association website)? If so, the odds that this publisher is ethical are solid!

Bussel also recommends doing a quick internet search of the publisher in question.

“Have they been accused of withholding owed royalties from their authors, for example? If so, they’re not ethical,” she says.

(Popular LGBTQ+ erotica publisher, Dreamspinner Press, for example, has been accused of doing this.)

3. Or the producer

In the case of audio erotica, take a moment to learn more about the app or platform where the content lives.

If the platform has an easy-to-find disclaimer about their practice, that’s promising.

Audio erotica app, Dipsea, for example, shares, “Dipsea sex is safe, positive, and full of healthy boundary setting and enthusiastic consent.”

Ditto goes for platforms that donate a portion of their income to sexual rights.

&Jane, for example, donates a portion of their income to Woodhull Freedom Foundation, a nonprofit that works full time to affirm and protect sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

4. Pay for your content directly

Did you know that many erotica writers have paid newsletters or Patreon memberships that you can subscribe to for automatic access to their new content? Yep!

For just $1 a month on Patreon, for example, you can access erotica writer Lesbian Pulp’s steamy, lesbian fiction.

And for $10 a month, you can access two erotica short stories from Eclipse, which pegs itself as a cosmic home for Black Queer Erotica.

5. Reach out to the creator

Know you love the work of one particular writer or performer? “You can always ask them via email or social media what the best way to support their work is,” says Bussel.

You may not always get a response, but many creators do read the messages they receive — hearing that you enjoy the work they’re doing is sure to be appreciated!

6. Support the creators in other ways, too

Paying for and consuming a creator’s content is the best way to put money where your *heart eyes* are.

But these days, employers do look at authors’ and performers’ follower counts and engagement. So giving your fave creators a follow on Instagram or Twitter could help them earn more work in the future.

Video erotica can be great! Written erotica can be great! Audio erotica can be great!

But no form of adult content is immune to unethical practices.

So whether you’re curling up with your laptop, AirPods, or one-handed reader, be sure to take a little time to do research.

A little clock and coin are small prices to pay for climax, after all.

Complete Article HERE!

Meet the Couple Fighting Porn’s Race Problem

By

Whether we’re talking about its reliance on fetishization, the overt pay discrepancies or the fact that it’s always been a predominantly white space, it’s no secret that porn has a race problem. But after 20 years of shared experience as performers, educators and master fetish trainers, Jet-Setting Jasmine and King Noire are trying to instigate change with their award-winning adult production company, Royal Fetish Films — and it’s a masterclass in leading by example.

Since its inception, Royal Fetish has challenged industry norms by demonstrating what a more inclusive, ethical and safe space for BIPOC performers actually looks like. And it all began about 10 years ago, after the real-life couple — who you may also recognize from their @sexpositiveparenting Instagram — started hosting their Fantasy Flight fetish parties. Primarily attended by Black women, it didn’t take long for Jasmine and King to start hearing about how their attendees didn’t “feel good watching” the Black porn that was currently available. So as a result, the pair began making work that was more about being “able to show people of color in a way that most porn does not.”

“[In other porn productions], they’re making us work… They’re not showing a romantic scene where it’s not only about the hardest fucking you’ve ever seen,” King said, before Jasmine went on to say that Royal Fetish tries to give people a more holistic, realistic view of BIPOC sex.

Royal Fetish’s productions tend to focus more on passion and foreplay, all while showcasing sex that isn’t hinged on harmful stereotypes or pigeonholing. And sometimes achieving this is as simple as just letting people be themselves — whether that means allowing models to speak normally or encouraging Black performers to incorporate things that “highlight our culture, like waist beads or headwraps or ankhs.”

“We would never tell [a performer] like, ‘Hey, the jewelry you’re wearing is too cultural. Please leave that out,'” King added. “We also don’t ask people to speak in a way that they wouldn’t naturally speak. For example, we were talking to a performer that’s Asian and they were telling her to not speak clear English. We’re not here to try and sell a caricature. We’re here to actually show people having the sex that they enjoy, but showing how beautiful it is at the same time.”

After all, these kinds of issues were things that King had to experience firsthand as a former performer. And so, by the time the couple had started the Fantasy Flight series, he had already left the industry because his “overall experience from porn wasn’t great,” especially as someone with a background in activism.

“Fetishized porn has made the porn industry be able to fix itself after losing all the money they lost.”

“Since I had been in the porn industry, people were asking me all the time, ‘What was that experience like?,’ especially since I know the history of our people,” King said. “And I was like, ‘Yeah, that’s why I couldn’t really fuck with it.’ There was so much racism going on.”

These racialized fetishes have roots in colonization and are predicated upon “the oppressor always romanticizing and fetishizing the oppressed” — something that’s evident through the continued hypersexualization of Black women or the “big Black cock” fetish in porn. Because as King explained, these particular ideas have roots in the slave auction when white people “would try and choose men with the largest penis, because they felt they would breed the best, or Black women with their hips.” However, the only difference now is that “white people can’t just say that anymore out in the open.”

“They can’t be like, ‘I think Black people are more sexual because of X, Y and Z. So instead, they find it in their porn,” King said. “Or, they think it would be hot to have sex with a woman in a burqa, because they’re told, ‘These people are bad and wrong, and they don’t have sex.’ So as an American conqueror, I want to have sex with a woman in a burqa.”

He continued, “A lot of these really extreme racialized fetishes are a white person conquering these other people sexually. They’re never like, ‘I love Black people because of their ability to overcome obstacles.’ It’s always like, ‘No, I want to fuck Black people, because they have this body part. Or, I want to fuck Asian people, because I think they’re subservient to white people. It’s always that conquering involved in it.”

But in terms of porn’s continued perpetuation of these fetishes, King went on to say that a lot of it can be chalked up to the industry itself cashing in on this content as a way to recoup the losses they incurred from the shift to online.

“You look at porn over the last 10 years, what has been the biggest shit? Interracial, BBC. Right? Latino, Asian,” he said. “Fetishized porn has made the porn industry be able to fix itself after losing all the money they lost from still trying to have craft services and make VHS tapes. But how did porn catch up? Through the fetishization of people of color and Black bodies.”

“You do need to take the time and talk and ask and reassure and check in. Because we have been an abused people, and continue to be.”

Granted, the duo said that the issue likely won’t go away until there is a wider cultural shift toward addressing sex workers and porn. After all, as Jasmine went on to explain, despite porn and sex workers being “everybody’s guilty pleasure,” the puritanical mores that prevent us from admitting to these dirty little secrets mean that we are never forced to face the idea that we may have “this nasty fetish or this dehumanizing idea in this little pocket of my life.”

“No one wants to talk, fix or improve the guilty pleasure. It’s a guilty pleasure for a reason, right? And in order for me to fit in and improve, it would mean that I have to fix and improve the issue that I have within myself,” she said. “But that’s exactly where it stops. With like, ‘Oh, god, this is horrible. But who do I tell about it, because if I tell someone about it, then they know I watch it.’ Or, they’re talking about fetishization, and ‘I wouldn’t like that and I don’t want them to take that away from me. So I’m just gonna silence that. I’m not gonna talk about that.'”

In the meantime though, they said that diversifying porn companies and urging them to have deeper conversations about racial issues are essential steps toward fixing this problem — especially amidst the long-overdue conversations spurred by the Black Lives Matter movement. As King said, “Do you know how much racist shit would be avoided if you had a Black person that worked in your office that could tell you, ‘Nah dude, that’s a bad fucking idea?'”

“A lot of these companies are like, ‘Oh, shit, we’re not racist. We posted Black Lives Matter and now we’re good.’ Meanwhile, the name of their company is Blacked and it’s saying that fucking Black people makes you somehow ‘tainted.’ Or you’re Dog Fart and you’ve been making the most racist shit ever for the last 10 years. Or you’re BangBros who owns Black Patrol,” he added.

“You’re not understanding the ramifications of what you’re putting out there,” he said. “You’re trying to capitalize on it, so a lot of these companies are not trying to get any better. They’re hoping that this will blow over. Or they’ll just want to pick up the group of people that are still racist, that are still looking to buy racist ass porn. And they know that because of the lack of opportunity for Black people in our industry, there’s always going to be somebody who needs to pay the rent or needs to eat, so they’re willing to take a fucked up scene.”

Like other forms of media, Jasmine — who also has a background in psychotherapy with an emphasis on intimacy and post-intimacy trauma — said that ensuring there’s also representation behind the camera will go a long way in terms of creating a safe space with a level of cultural sensitivity toward BIPOC talent, particularly Black performers.

“I do think that there is some value in understanding generational trauma when it comes to people of color, and sex and sexuality. I think sometimes a lot is not understood about the nuances of our sex with pacing, for example,” she said, adding that while some other porn production companies may have good intentions, “understanding the needs of the population that they want to shoot with” is equally as important.

“There is a high turnover rate for people in industry, especially for Black and brown performers because of that pigeon hole that we get placed in.”

“[Especially when productions are rushed], things are not taken into consideration. Like, the type of care our people need. Or why something may take a little longer for somebody who comes from a history of being objectified. That they might need to get into a safe space,” Jasmine continued.

“And I’m not saying you have to take a long history lesson, or do a long Black history lesson to shoot Black people, but you do need to take the time and talk and ask and reassure and check in. Because we have been an abused people, and continue to be. That level of cultural sensitivity I think is missing,” she said.

At the end of the day though, these are all things that Royal Fetish are trying to address — and they’re doing so by leading through example. And the next step? A documentary porn film about a recent all-women production helmed by Jasmine, which will give insight into how exactly they construct a scene with the tenets of consent, passion and kink in mind. And in line with this ethos of visibility, Jasmine and King are also in the process of making an animated video called “Poly Sutra,” in which you’re able to see “Black and Brown bodies enjoying kink in its fullest expression.”

According to Jasmine, they’re also currently developing a new mentorship program dedicated to helping “create longevity in the porn industry for Black and brown performers,” in an effort to help keep BIPOC creatives within adult.

“There is a high turnover rate for people in industry, especially for Black and brown performers because of that pigeon hole that we get placed in. And you can only deal with that for so long, especially at the expense of your body and emotional labor. The expense of the sacrifice you make from your friends, your family and all of the things that come with this stigmatization [of sex work],” she explained, as she detailed the wide set of skills many people don’t necessarily know that they have.

After all, while performers do everything from marketing to accounting themselves, it’s also about knowing that your career in porn “doesn’t have to stop when you are ready to stop shooting.”

“But because it’s a highly stigmatized industry, you really can’t take that information and cross transfer it,” Jasmine said. “So our work will be really helping [BIPOC] people explore other other ways of creating a sustainable career in porn.”

Complete Article HERE!

Almost Everyone Looks at Erotic Content

— So Let’s Talk About It

by Tess Catlett

I don’t remember the first time I watched an erotic video — but I remember the first time I got in trouble for it.

“True Blood,” a steamy HBO adaptation based on Charlaine Harris’ beloved book series “The Southern Vampire Mysteries,” first aired in fall 2008. I was 15, and I was obsessed.

You could argue that “True Blood” counts as erotic content — it does have more than its fair share of explicit sex scenes, after all — but it wasn’t watching “True Blood” that landed me in hot water.

(Likely because my mother didn’t know I was watching it… but that’s a story for another time.)

Anyway, it was what came on afterward. Back in those days, HBO aired adult movies and TV shows late at night.

I fell asleep with the TV on, something pornographic came on while I was sleeping, my mom heard the moans, and the rest is history.

Up until that point, I’d been raised with my mother’s beliefs that sex before marriage is a sin, masturbation would land me in hell, and watching other people have sex would further separate me from God.

She didn’t believe that I’d fallen asleep with the TV on, so she pulled me from my slumber to put the fear of God back into me.

Where sex negativity begins

Unfortunately, my mother wasn’t — and still isn’t — alone in these beliefs. Many people share the same negative and often harmful feelings about sex and sexuality.

Oftentimes, people associate these attitudes — collectively considered to be a form of sexual repression — with religious upbringings.

Although that was certainly a factor in my own sex-negative childhood and adolescence, it’s far from the only cause.

Traditional ideas about sexual behavior can also stem from things like:

  • misinformation, or lack of information, from caregivers, teachers, and other sources
  • strict views and expectations of gender roles at home, school, and other environments
  • negative personal experiences with sex and sexuality, such as receiving a fear-based sex education and having unsatisfying sexual encounters

And that’s just what I can name off the top of my head.

How individual beliefs shape the information we’re given

All of the factors mentioned above roll up into the way we think about our own sexuality and how we do or don’t express it over time.

And our beliefs have a habit of shaping our expectations for those around us, regardless of whether we know them personally or in passing.

A good example of this is the way secondary schools handle sex education.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a school that offers a comprehensive — let alone accurate — sex ed curriculum that covers the full breadth of adolescent sex and sexuality.

And to be clear: Talking about porn and other forms of adult entertainment is a crucial component of a comprehensive sex education.

Why we need to talk about explicit content

A widely shared figure claims that the average child is around 11 years old when they’re first exposed, accidentally or intentionally, to pornographic material.

Research conducted in 2019 by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) offers more context. After surveying 1,142 children ages 11 to 17, researchers found that:

  • 51 percent of 11- to 13-year-olds reported that they had seen pornography at some point
  • 66 percent of 14- to 15-year-olds reported that they had seen pornography at some point

That, if nothing else, demonstrates why adult entertainment should be a part of secondary sex education curriculum — and the conversations shouldn’t stop there.

One studyTrusted Source published this year in the Journal of Sex Research looked at the way 1,392 adults ages 18 to 73 interacted with porn, if at all.

Researchers found that, of their sample group, 91.5 percent of men and 60.2 percent of women reported using porn in the past month.

It’s clear that people of all ages are being exposed to or are actively engaging with pornographic material — so let’s treat it like we would any other “need to know” subject or skill.

Making informed decisions

To be clear: Porn and other forms of adult entertainment aren’t inherently bad. (And for what it’s worth, premarital sex and masturbation aren’t either.)

Pornographic photos, books, and recordings aren’t evil. Sex workers aren’t victims. Getting turned on by an ethically produced scene or scenario isn’t going to land you on Santa’s Naughty List.

“Ethical,” however, is the key word here.

Adult entertainment — no matter its form — refers to media or interactions created by consenting adults for the purpose of sexual arousal or pleasure in other consenting adults.

It doesn’t refer to the nonconsensual buckets of media or interactions so often referred to as “porn” and credited for “destroying our culture” or “decaying our moral character.”

So-called “revenge porn,” for example, isn’t porn at all; it’s a collection of sexual media created by one person for the enjoyment of the person they gave it to — not for the entertainment of any other person who happens to come into contact with it.

Learning how to tell the difference between content voluntarily created for public (adult) consumption and photos, videos, or other materials that were not is key to developing a healthy relationship with adult entertainment.

Another key factor? Understanding what porn and erotica are and aren’t.

For example, adult entertainment is just that: entertainment. It isn’t an educational material, and it isn’t meant to serve as or supplement sex education.

Where to start

Over the next couple of months, we’ll be going back to the basics to provide you with the tools you need to create a healthy relationship with porn and erotica — should that be a form of media you’re interested in.

And we’re working with sex workers to do it.

Clinical research and literature aren’t the definitive voice in sex work and adult entertainment — the folks who work, or have worked, in this industry are.

We’ll be leaning on and elevating the voices of folks who know this industry best to ensure that you’re getting the most informed advice on how to build or refine your relationship with adult content.

The first in the series — all of which is penned by sex and wellness writer Gabrielle Kassel — looks at how OnlyFans and other social platforms fit into the adult entertainment landscape.

Complete Article HERE!

Your Guide To Ethical Porn

— What Makes It Different & Where To Find It

by Alex Shea

There are a lot of issues with mainstream porn: It tends to be totally centered on what’s hot for men, can often depict women in a degrading or dehumanizing way, and isn’t always made or shared in a way that’s fair or respectful to the performers. So if you’ve been dissatisfied with most mainstream porn you’ve come across, ethical porn might be the answer. Here’s what makes ethical porn different and where to find it.

Ethical porn (sometimes called feminist porn or fair trade porn) is pornography that is made consensually, treats performers with respect, and pays performers and filmmakers fairly for their work. There is a mutual understanding among everyone on the film set—everyone knows and feels comfortable with what’s happening.

“The whole crew needs to be aware of the inherent complexities of sex work” in order for there to be an understanding of consent between everyone on set, indie erotic adult filmmaker Erika Lust tells mbg.

Ethical porn also often shows more realistic depictions of sex, including people with diverse body types, queer relationships, and real female pleasure. One study found every one in four people who visit porn websites are women. Ethical porn attempts to cater to that, offering scenes that aren’t solely centered around the male gaze.

“I want to change the rules of porn by subverting harmful gender stereotypes and put seduction, artistry, and realness back into adult movies,” Lust says.

Shoot, so do we.

Components of ethical porn.

As an alternative to mainstream porn, ethical porn takes certain items into consideration when producing a film. But how do you know if a platform is adhering to ethical standards, and what ethical standards are they adhering to?

1. The performers and filmmakers get paid fairly.

Ethically produced adult films recognize performers as workers who must be fairly compensated, just like any other actor or any other type of employee in the world. The same goes for everyone else on set: “Everyone who is involved in making them—from performers on set to interns in the office—is rewarded appropriately,” says Lust. This is why you generally have to pay for these platforms.

2. It’s usually not free.

There are some exceptions to this, but in general, there’s usually a cost involved to view ethical porn films to make sure performers and filmmakers are paid fairly. The money is used to pay everyone included in the process and to ensure a film is created in a safe space.

3. It’s made in a safe environment that treats performers with respect.

Sex therapist Kamil Lewis, AMFT, says, “centralizing the physical and emotional safety of performers is essential in creating ethical porn.” That means performers aren’t pressured into doing things they don’t want to do or put in unsafe or compromising situations, ever.

On her adult film sets, Lust says performers can “stop the shooting whenever they feel uncomfortable for any reason.” Performers are people with feelings and opinions that deserve to be listened to just like anyone else. Making sure they’re comfortable and relaxed is necessary to create anything ethical.

4. It shows real sexual pleasure.

A key component of ethical porn is accentuating what pleasure looks like, particularly pleasure for people with vaginas. A lot fewer fake orgasms and immediate arousal and a lot more giggling and skin-to-skin closeness. Sex can be messy and romantic and passionate.

5. It’s created for all kinds of viewers.</h3.
Mainstream porn has left us with a male-dominated outlook on what sex is meant to look like, feel like, and even sound like. Ethical porn, on the other hand, often showcases what sex looks like from various perspectives and understands that people with vaginas not only watch porn but enjoy porn. It’s crucial to “broaden the range of perspectives on sex” by including different voices in the process of filmmaking, Lust explains.

6. It shows diversity across body size, race, sexuality, age, and ability.

Mainstream porn tends to forget about the way the rest of the world looks, the fluidity of sexuality, and the fact that every age group has sex. But ethical porn platforms aim to feature people from all walks of life. The more inclusive, the better. After all, it’s nice to see someone who looks like us in the erotic film we’re watching.

7. Everything is created and shared consensually.

Consent is such a crucial part of what makes mainstream porn seem icky. Sometimes it seems unclear whether the people in a film had agreed to what was happening, and there are many stories of performers who are hit with last-minute scene changes that led to tension on set. Ethical porn has none of that: Everything is created with enthusiastic consent from everyone involved and shared with everyone’s consent. Everyone involved is old enough to consent to sex and given the opportunity to state what sexual activities they do or don’t feel comfortable doing at any time. 

Places to watch ethical porn.

Here’s a list of 14 platforms to help get you started on looking for ethical porn. That said, it’s a good idea to put in your own research to truly dig into any platform you’re considering using to make sure they’re truly ethical (and not just using the label!) and align with your values.

Warning: These are all obviously NSFW links.

PinkLabel.TV by filmmaker Shine Louise Houston is a platform that explores the fluidity of sexuality and features performers who are queer, trans, people of color, people with disabilities, and older folks. Houston created PinkLabel.TV to provide emerging filmmakers with access to ethical production, sexual health resources, and a global audience.

Bellesa is a porn company run by women and making films that cater to women. “At Bellesa, we believe that sexuality on the internet should depict women as we truly are—as subjects of pleasure, not objects of conquest,” according to their website. They offer videos, cams, and written erotic stories.

Kink.com is a platform that highlights BDSM and fetishes. This platform works to destigmatize the shame that surrounds kink and represent various members of society, particularly people of color.

Bright Desire strives to illustrate all of the things we love about sex: the intimacy, the fun, the passion. The platform includes scenes of real-life couples exploring themselves sexually and embracing the pleasure they feel without a script. Filmmaker Ms. Naughty says her films are holistic in that more than genitals are shown—you see the sweat, shudders, and vinegar stroke expressions, too.

Cindy Gallop created Make Love Not Porn (MLNP) in order to showcase what real sex looks like, in every flavor. Real couples and individuals send in their erotic videos and get paid for them. People can remain anonymous if they choose, and they can also remove their videos from the platform at any time.

Ifeelmyself is a platform that shines a light on female self-pleasure. Yes, this includes portraying the female orgasm in its most raw form. This platform allows contributors to share their videos in exchange for payment. Ifeelmyself offers a forum for consumers to interact with one another about the content they’re watching.

Sssh is a crowdsourced erotic film platform that dives into the fantasies and desires shared among their members by combining porn and artistry. Through the use of storytelling techniques like virtual reality (VR) and narrative, their storylines stimulate both the mind and the body.

Lightsouthern is an Aussie platform created by Michelle Flynn that strives to create “really good porn for everyone” and does that by showcasing realistic sex—bodies touching, various positions, and intimate situations. It’s one of the few porn platforms that offers consumers access to features like directors cuts, film festival cuts, and behind-the-scenes footage.

Lust Cinema, Else Cinema, and XConfessions

XConfessions is the first project created by Erika Lust, followed by Lust Cinema and Else Cinema, each catering to a slightly different audience. XConfessions is for viewers who want to send anonymous sex confessions and possibly have an erotic film created from them. Lust Cinema integrates artistry and pornography for storytelling enveloped in passion. And Else Cinema is for anyone who enjoys soft erotica and the sensual aspects of sex. 

Frolicme was created with couples and people with vaginas in mind. This platform depicts the art of mutually consenting sex between adults with a focus on female pleasure and passion. In addition to adult films, Frolicme offers other erotic mediums like articles and audio.

Audio porn is easier to produce ethically because performers don’t need to physically engage in sex acts and have their image shared. Erotic audio platforms also tend to cater to women and genders other than men, as they focus more on storytelling

Dipsea is audio porn that celebrates healthy sex by offering clips for every flavor, interest, or fantasy. They have a story studio where scripts are written in-house, and they partner with voice actors—all of which are paid. Monthly subscriptions start at $9.

In an effort to make people feel comfortable in their bodies and with their sexuality, Carolina Spiegel created Quinn. It’s a free audio platform that has every ounce of eroticism without the length— think quick clips of porn without the visuals.

Sounds of Pleasure is a free audio platform hosted on Tumblr that has a set list of clips that feature the titillating aspects of sex like heavy breathing, raspy voices, and moaning.

Issues with ethical porn.

Just because a platform or film production house labels their films “ethical porn” does not necessarily mean that it’s really made ethically, especially since not everyone agrees on what exactly makes a film and its production ethical.

“Much like ‘organic’ seems to have no clear meaning for food, I am not sure what ‘ethical’ means for porn,” researcher and neuroscientist Nicole Prause, Ph.D., says.

She says “ethical porn” platforms or film companies should clarify their stance on what exactly makes their films ethical and “help consumers by being more specific about how they think they are honoring ethical concerns.” Whether that be how they pay their performers or how they prioritize consent, plainly laid out explanations would ease many concerns consumers have about finding an ethical porn platform to support.

In an effort to change the way our society perceives sex, ethical porn provides the opportunity to bask in sex-positive experiences without feeling guilty about our search history.

However you prefer to engage in porn, make sure you’re paying attention to the company you’re supporting. Opt for companies who are inclusive, treat their performers with respect, and encourage a sex-positive message. All it takes is a little digging and diligence.

And Prause adds, “When you identify one that fits your values, support its production by consistently paying or rating the content well.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Want better sex?

Audio erotica and mindfulness could be the answer

By Alex Peters

Sexual wellness app Ferly is promoting female pleasure through mindfulness

For Dr Anna Hushlak it’s not about getting off, it’s about how you get there. That’s why she, along with co-founder Billie Quinlan, created Ferly, a safe space for women to help us get in touch with our bodies and learn about our sexuality, desires, and pleasures.

Part of a growing number of apps catering to female sexual wellbeing, Ferly focuses on the self-care aspect of sex with a particular interest in the mental and emotional side. Combining mindfulness and cognitive therapy with self-touch in immersive audio experiences, Ferly guides you through exercises involving body mapping, self-pleasure, fantasies, and nuturing desire so that you can get more sex-literate and have more positive, mindful sex. It’s like Headspace but with masturbation.

“In the UK, 51 per cent of women aged 16 to 64 have reported experiencing three or more sexual difficulties in the last year, everything from pain or anxiety during sex to low libido and issues with arousal,” Hushlak tells me from where she isolating in rural Canada. “For us, having good sexual wellbeing is as important as getting regular exercise or getting a good night’s sleep. It’s one of those things that’s just so fundamental to our health yet we haven’t historically seen it that way.”

Guiding their community on this journey towards sexual confidence and wellbeing is very close to Hushlak and Quinlan’s hearts – they’ve travelled down the same path as many of their community and they themselves are still discovering and navigating what works for them. Both founders have experienced sexual violence personally and shared similar feelings of guilt, shame and stigma around it. “Billie was sexually assaulted at work. I was raped when I was a teenager. And neither of those experiences we really had support around,” Hushlak tells me. “There was a feeling of having to rediscover ourselves and our sexual selves and our autonomy through sex. And that led to Ferly because it’s the support that we wish we had that wasn’t there when we went through it.”

We spoke to Hushlak to find out more.

How would you explain the concept of mindful sex to people who haven’t heard the term before?

Dr Anna Hushlak: It’s about really slowing down. It’s about understanding how you feel about sex, not just how you have it. Most of our education, if we’ve even had an education around sex, has been focused on the ‘doing it’ and it’s often come through a particular lens of heterosexual sex. Generally it’s two people, generally it’s penetrative, and generally it’s considered successful if it results in an orgasm – typically that’s male climax.

For us, mindfulness is about flipping the script. It’s about saying: how do you actually feel about it? What’s your mind-body connection? Have you taken the time to explore and discover your body? Have you taken the time to actually notice sensations in your body, to create awareness of your body? And it’s much more focused on things like cultivating intimacy, on playing with sensation and touch and experience. And it’s really about body awareness and bringing that into your sex life.

Why was an app the right choice for the platform?

Dr Anna Hushlak: Looking through the science around digital interventions and online therapy, there’s quite a bit of research showing that online interventions are as effective as offline and face-to-face. And another big aspect for us is accessibility. When you’re face-to-face, you’re required to be there physically and that assumes that you’ve got financial freedom to get there, that you’ve got physical mobility to get there, and that you’ve got time to be able to get there.

The other aspect to that was that not everybody is comfortable with the topic. If people are in relationships, their partners might not be supportive of it, or it might be kind of a tense topic for them. We know that not everybody is starting in the same place. So an app allows for a degree of privacy and a degree of going at your own tempo and your own rhythm in a way that’s yours and yours alone. An app was what we saw as the most accessible and the most affordable option for people to do that. And it also allows us to tap into countries around the world. We’ve got users in Saudi Arabia, we’ve got users in Argentina, we’ve got users in the Philippines. So it’s meant that we have that global reach in a way that we wouldn’t be able to do if it was just face-to-face.

One of the techniques that you use is cognitive therapy. Can you explain that a little bit?

Dr Anna Hushlak: There’s a really phenomenal researcher, Dr Lori Brotto, who’s pioneered using mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for sexual wellbeing and treating sexual difficulties. The principles of it are a combination of cognitive therapy, which focuses on reframing negative beliefs and ‘head tapes’ or ‘thinking areas.’ It’s different tools and techniques that help you restructure those thoughts so that they’re not so paralysing and overwhelming and you don’t get wrapped up in these thought cycles. That’s then combined with mindfulness-based techniques. So for example, breathwork, body mapping, focusing on non-sexual touch, really tapping into body awareness.

The combination of the two allows us to help our community members reframe a lot of the messaging they’ve been told and the beliefs they have around sex. For example, that good sex results in orgasm and to reframe that more to say, ‘What does pleasure mean to me? What feels good?’ Alongside doing physical practices that help them kind of ground themselves in the moment, either alone or with a partner. So mindful masturbation where instead of taking two minutes to get off, it’s taking 15 minutes to and touch your collarbone, to play with touch on the inside of your leg, to notice the movement of your breath, to play with different feathering techniques on the clitorus and so it’s much more about a combination of mental and physical practices working together.

What has been the effect of technology allowing such easy access to porn on women’s relationship to sex?

Dr Anna Hushlak: Mainstream porn brings up all these issues around toxic masculinity, around performance, around gender roles, around body image and what a body should or shouldn’t look like. We’ve definitely seen rates of labiaplasty on the rise. One of the reasons we decided on audio erotica for the app was because it allows us to move away from body ideals. It also allows us to tap into imagination and fantasy, which we know are incredibly important to healthy sexuality.

The use of fantasy and erotic stimulus is incredibly important in that it allows us to create the context and it helps us to get in the mood, which, or women and folks AFAB is particularly important because for them desire tends to be more responsive instead of spontaneous, whereas for men, it tends to be more spontaneous. Dr Emily Nagoski, writes about this and she describes it as this lightning bolt to the genitals, which is the main story we’ve been told about what desire and arousal looks like. But that’s actually not what most women experience.

Are women more inclined to prefer audio rather than visual erotica?

Dr Anna Hushlak: I’m not sure statistically the difference between men and women in that regard. A lot of our community comes from backgrounds where they’ve experienced sexual difficulties. People who have felt a lot of shame or stigma, whether that’s from trauma or just ‘meh’ average-type sex. Erotica has been a way for them to transition into opening up their own sexuality, whether there’s a difference between their preference for audio or visual. 

I’m completely making an assumption but I would think that because of the nature often of body insecurities and the pressure around women to have a particular looking body, I would say that audio allows for there to be more left to the imagination. Generally, in mainstream porn, there is a typical idea of what you have to look like and audio allows us to just kind of step away from the visual. A lot of us have actually lost the ability or muted our ability to imagine and visualise and fantasise because we’re fed images all the time.

The stories section of the app has a queer section, how have you tailored content specifically towards queer women?

Dr Anna Hushlak: What we’ve found is that thoughts around same sex often fall into two categories: either same sex is wrong or same sex is fetishised. One of our big things is how do we try to challenge our own limitations around thinking about it? How do we try to broaden the conversation around it? Having queer stories in there, but also, when we do our guided practices if we’re talking about people in relationships, not assuming that it’s a couple. It might be a polyamorous relationship. Not assuming pronouns, so by default using they instead of he or she. Making sure that we’re not describing sex as heterosexual penis and vagina penetrative sex, which is the default that most of us have been taught is ‘normal’.

It’s an opportunity for us to challenge those norms and to think about how we can support our queer community as well as how we can learn to be better allies to that community. Making sure that we’re not speaking for but we’re speaking with. I know that the stories are an interesting area for some of the queer folks in our community to start to explore that side that some of them haven’t necessarily had the opportunity to do based on more traditional upbringings or kind of shame and stigma around that kind of cultural taboos.

During lockdown you’ve seen an increase in downloads of 65 per cent and an increase in content such as the Body Mapping being consumed. Why do you think that is?

Dr Anna Hushlak: On one hand, you have the people who are now suddenly in lockdown with a partner and are now having to navigate a much more intense environment. A lot of the topics that came up around that were: healthy communication, fluctuations in desire, low libido, how do you keep your sex life going? On the flip side, we had the community members that were in lockdown on their own. So you’ve got the people that have been maybe using sex as a tool for confidence and self-esteem. So with them you had the switch to starting to look inwards as opposed to externally for validation. Taking the time to re-evaluate what sex means to them and develop a healthier relationship to sex

Then we had the other group of people who were on their own that were coming from a sex-neutral or sex-negative lens where it was like, I’ve never really masturbated before. I don’t really know how to do this. I’ve got a lot of shame or stigma around it, I don’t feel comfortable touching myself. We would see an increase in, for example, body mapping as a practice which is much more around shifting from a perspective of masturbation to self pleasure. Not being focused on this goal of getting off, not masturbating in the same way that we’ve kind of been masturbating our whole lives: vibrator on for two minutes, I’m done, scratched that itch. Self-pleasure is much more of a mindfulness approach: I’m going to just feel sensations in my body and I’m going to explore what I like and what I don’t like, what I may be curious about. And the whole purpose of it is just to be present with my body, not necessarily to come.

Complete Article HERE!

10 Places to Get Actual Hot Audio Porn and Erotica

Close your eyes and enjoy.

By

In my humble and horny opinion, audio porn is a deeply underrated way of consuming your smut. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also a fan of watching my porn, but there’s something uniquely satisfying about listening and tapping into your own imagination with the help of anything from narrated erotica to standalone porn sounds.

Luckily for me, audible porn (and similar sexy audio-based sex and wellness content) is on the rise. Where I used to have to dig up porny audio clips on Tumblr, I now have my pick of a wide variety of new apps and sites for anyone who wants to get in touch with their sexuality and get off using their ears. From guided masturbation tutorials to hot original stories, there’s bound to be something out there that will turn you on. Check out these apps and sites to get started:

1. Dipsea

Often called the “Headspace of Erotica,” Dipsea has a mix of original audio stories and wellness content meant to connect you to your sexuality and desires. Their short audio stories are often character- and emotionally-driven on top of being hot, so if you’re someone who likes a little plot with your porn, Dipsea has a huge library for you. The wellness section of the app is also a treasure trove of discovery, featuring guided erotic exercises and how-tos. They cover anything from how to sext to edging during masturbation.

Try it: $9/month for unlimited, dipseastories.com

2. Quinn

Quinn is a pretty no-frills audio porn site. Users can upload their own clips, including narrated scenes and stories, guided masturbation sessions, and erotic sounds of themselves masturbating or having sex with consenting partners. You can search by category, whether to narrow down by gender and sexuality, or to find specific kinks (think tags like accents, BDSM, teacher/student, and public sex).

Try it: Free, tryquinn.com

3. Tumblr

Tumblr may have cracked down on visual porn and explicit images in recent years, but it’s still home to a ton of audio porn—particularly user-submitted clips, which are great for anyone who likes their porn to have an “amateur,” real vibe to it. Direct-to-listener porn is popular on Tumblr, meaning audio that speaks to you, whether dirty talk, instructional, or narrative. You have to search around a bit to find blogs to follow, but get started with blogs like Let Me Hear It, Sounds of Pleasure, and Audio Orgasm.

4. Audible and Scribd

Okay, so Audible and Scribd are actually two popular places to buy audiobooks in general, but still definitely helpful for our purposes. One of the best things about audiobooks is how immersive they can feel, and this is doubly so for steamy erotica. It might not be as X-rated as some of the options on this list, but well-written and well-narrated erotica can be as hot as any porn. Try searching “erotica” on either Audible or Scribd and sort by highly-rated to see what other listeners are loving. For more information, check out SELF’s guide to finding truly sexy erotica.

5. Audiodesires

Audiodesires is relatively new, so they don’t have a robust library yet and are still growing with weekly releases. So far, they have stories designed for women and couples, with the couple stories leaving intermissions for you and your partner to get in on the action together. They also have a whole section dedicated to erotic ASMR—so if you want to get those sweet, sweet brain tingles as you listen to your porn, this is the app for you.

Try it: Free for limited access and $4/month for premium, audiodesires.com

6. Girl on the Net

Girl on the Net is a UK-based sex blogger who does a lot more than just produce audible porn, but it’s certainly one of the things she’s known for. On her site, you can enjoy a mix of erotic fiction and real-life sex stories, and BDSM-lovers in particular will have a lot to choose from. As a bonus, she also links out to other sex bloggers, some who do audio erotica, too (such as On Queer Street).

Try it: Free, girlonthenet.com (but you can support her on Patreon!)

7. Literotica

This free erotic fiction site may be best known for its user-written stories, but it has a pretty solid collection of “adult audio,” too. Depending on what you’re into, there’s a mix of narrative-driven smut (such as an erotic murder mystery series, seriously) and pretty straightforward stories that lean hard on common fantasies (like boss/employee, BDSM, and infidelity).

Try it: Free, literotica.com

8. Vibease Chat

So technically, Vibease Chat is an app companion to the Vibease vibrator ($95, vibease.com). On top of being a remote control vibrator good for long-distance play with a partner, the Vibease vibrator can also sync with erotica from its app. Meaning, yep, it vibrates in time with the narration. That said, you don’t actually need to use the vibrator to enjoy the app. The library has a mix of free and for-purchase stories that you can listen to without the vibe.

Try it: Free with per-story pricing, vibease.com

9. Reddit

Much like Tumblr, Reddit has some steamy audible porn if you know where to look, such as r/gonewildaudio. You might have to wade through the many posts to find stuff that you like, but some subreddits have filters to help you avoid content and kinks you really don’t want to see. If you’re looking for something more vanilla but still potentially erotic, check out r/pillowtalkaudio. Bonus: Both subreddits allow you to post requests that other users can fill.

10. Emjoy

This intimate self-care app leans a bit more toward wellness than porn, with guided audio practices and pleasurable meditations, but it has erotic stories as well. If you’re looking for a more holistic app that will help you get in touch with your desires and sexual well-being, Emjoy is an excellent place to start. It’s kind of like taking a class about your own body and sexuality—and the homework includes listening to erotica.

Try it: Free for limited access and $30/year for premium, letsemjoy.com

Complete Article HERE!