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Oh sweet mystery of life at last I found you

In lieu of Product Review Friday, we have some interesting Q&A about sex toys.

Name: Tadd
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Arizona
In one of your podcasts you told some guy about a strap on kit he could buy for his GF. Could you repeat that? I’ve been trying to find one.

I responded to an inquiry from Karol from Poland a while back. He asked about a strap-on kit. I told him: “As to your question about a strap-on and what a guy should know about buying one for his female partner. I suspect the overriding concern for the amateur butt pirate is to get his gal a comfortable harness that can accommodate a couple different sized dildos. I suggested that he turn his attention to the Dr Dick’s Stockroom banner in the sidebar. I told him to click through there and search for the Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit (B664).  The good people at Dr Dick’s Stockroom have painstakingly put together everything you need for your first pegging!”

  • Is there someone in your life who is curious about strapping it on, but doesn’t know quite where to begin? Well, we have the perfect starter kit! Everything a beginning sensuous player would need to strap it on is included in this package (except their favorite water-soluble lubricant – sold separately).
  • This strap-on harness is low-riding with a fuzzy, deep purple velvet front and highly adjustable nylon straps. The kit has 2 color coordinated, shimmery purple dildos. These hypoallergenic silicone dildos are shaped and sized appropriately for those just beginning anal play adventures. The smaller is approximately 4″ long and 3⁄4″ wide, while the larger one is 5″ long and 11⁄4″ wide.
  • A powerful variable-speed mini-vibe sits in a secret pocket behind the dildo to give the wearer an extra jolt of fun. The straps are adjustable, fitting up to 50″ hips. The 1.5″ O-ring can be exchanged for play with other sized dildos (sold separately). Washable, smart, and sexy. Bottom line – this is one hot strap-on package!

Name: Gary
Age: 58
Location: Tampa
I’m a widower; my wife of 29 years died a little over a year ago. I’m just now getting back into the swing of thing. The sex I had with my wife was very conventional now I want to try something different. I want to go to a dominatrix. I’ve always had a fantasy about a woman owning and punishing my privates. It’s a big turn on. Is there anything I should know about this?

I love it, another kinkster in the making. Coming out as a perv, in my opinion, is better done late than never. My first suggestion is that you find a better term for your privates than “privates”. You sound like your mommy. I suggest cock and balls, it pretty much says it all very succinctly.

Have you done your homework in terms of finding the right dominatrix? I suppose you have at least a couple in mind, right? Might I suggest that when you make contact with one or another of these professional women that you be very specific about what you want and how you want it. You can ask for some hot CBT (cock and ball torture). Ya see, knowing the right vocabulary will often expedite your getting precisely what you are looking for.

Here’s a tip…a good submissive, or sub — that’s you, Gary, will want to bring his dominatrix, or dom a little gift to start things off on the right foot. May I suggest this little number: A Male Chastity Kit (B702). Look for it in the Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

  • The CB-3000 represents the latest design in modern male chastity devices from the same designers who invented the best-selling CB-2000 and The Curve. Some customers wanted a size mid-way between the CB-2000 and The Curve. The manufacturers listened to our customers’ requests and have allowed us to bring you this exciting new male chastity device.
  • The natural flow of lines in this model represents the cock and conforms to the body. The slim, smooth lines permit the CB-3000 to be worn easily under clothing. It is slightly vented with curving lines and custom openings for comfort and hygiene. The material, a highly durable transparent polycarbonate, is functional and appealing, and its strength exceeds that of acrylic and many other plastic blends.
  • Some men find it possible to use the urinals while wearing the CB-3000, though most find it more practical to sit. When locked with a plastic lock, the device will not set off metal detectors in airports or at other security checkpoints. So it is possible to wear the device 24/7 without interfering with travel or business routines. (Just make sure to use the plastic lock and not the brass lock under these circumstances.) This compact design involves no uncomfortable belts, straps or chains.
  • The CB-3000 consists of two main parts, the cage portion (inside length 3″ – inside diameter 1 3/8″) and the cuff ring. They easily slide together by means of two guide pins and a locking pin. The guide pins extend from the cage portion. Different-sized spacing rings are provided to allow a personalized fit.
  • The five rings included in the kit have inside diameters of 1_”, 1 5/8″, 1_”, 1 7/8″, and 2″. Once you find the right spacing, simply use a pair of side cutter pliers to snip the ends of the guide pins and then smooth the edges with an emery board or file. The locking pin is slightly recessed into the body cuff.
  • The Body Cuff comes in five different sizes, and swivels open at the bottom so that it can be closed easily around the cock and balls. Align the locking pin holes with the locking pins on the main part of the cage, add the proper amount of spacers, and then install the cage portion. The balls will then be trapped between the cuff and the cage. The smooth, rounded design minimizes pinching and chafing while being worn.
  • Finding the right-sized Body Cuff is extremely important for reasons of comfort and security. It should be as tight as possible without cutting off any circulation. If you are wearing a cuff that is too tight, it will cause some swelling and discoloration of the ball sac. If you see any discoloration, or experience numbness or aching discomfort, you definitely need to go to the next larger size. If you have a particularly high (short/tight) ball sac, you may find that you will need to stretch the ball sac slightly before the CB-3000 becomes comfortable and suitable for longer-term wear. For the most comfortable fit, the balls should hang below the cage and cuff ring. to prevent pinching.
  • I highly recommend applying baby oil/gel (or a similar product) to your cock with a cotton swab after showering. This practice allows your willie to move naturally up and down in the cage portion. Then you should be able to wear it 24/7 for indefinite periods of time. Some people have kept it on for months.
  • The CB-3000 kit includes the following: One brass padlock with 2 keys, 5 individually numbered, tamper-proof plastic locks, 3 different lengths of locking pins and 5 differently-sized spacers.

Good luck

Between a rock and a hard place

Name: Adam
Gender:
Age: 34
Location: UK
I have been attracted to male children for years. Having been arrested for viewing child porn I realize that I need to pursue a celibate lifestyle. I realize that celibacy is a demanding lifestyle. What advice would you offer me?

You present a particularly touchy issue for our culture, Adam. But before I respond, I’d like to help you with some of your vocabulary. You say you need to pursue a celibate lifestyle. I think you mean to say you need to pursue a sexually abstinent lifestyle. The two concepts — celibacy and sexual abstinence — mean different things. Unfortunately, way too many people use these terms interchangeably. This is not a good thing and only serves to muddy the waters further.

Celibacy has a very specific meaning. Let me whip out my trusty, handy dandy Funk & Wagnalls dictionary. Celibacy: the state of being unmarried. Some people infer, especially those of a strict religious bent, that celibacy also connotes sexual abstinence. Ya see, religious people are of the mind that there is no legitimate sexual expression outside the confines of heterosexual marriage. Legitimate or not, unmarried people have always been and always will be sexual, so making that unfortunate connection between celibacy and abstinence ill advised.

The only thing we ought to be able to say for sure when someone identifies him/herself as celibate is that he/she is not married. To assume a celibate person, even one who has taken a vow of celibacy, is sexually abstinent is quite a dangerous stretch indeed. Need I point out the very unfortunate sex abuse scandals that continues to plague the Roman Catholic Church?

In the same way, if someone identifies him/herself as sexually abstinent, the only thing we ought to be able to say for sure is that he/she is not engaging in any type of sexual expression. It would be false to assume that a sexually abstinent person is not married, because there are a lot of married people who are indeed sexually abstinent.

In your case, Adam, I believe you are telling me that you are both not married (celibate), and because of your particular sexual predilection — young boys — you must also be sexually abstinent. If I’ve got this right…and it is very important that I not misinterpret your words…then I think there are options you may not have considered.

I firmly believe that we learn all our sexual expression. I hasten to add that sexual orientation and sexual expression are not one in the same thing, just like celibacy and abstinence are one and the same thing.

Everything we eroticize, in your case boys, is learned behavior. You learned to eroticize boys at some point in your life; you can now learn to eroticize a more appropriate group of people. This isn’t a particularly easy thing to accomplish, but it’s not impossible either. Again, I am not saying that you can reprogram your orientation, but I am saying that you can learn to redirect your erotic attentions elsewhere.

Anytime any one of us discovers that the object of our desires is someone inappropriate, we need to adjust our eroticism immediately. This is the better part of being a sexually responsible person. In our culture, pedophilia is just one such inappropriate eroticism, but there are many other taboos. A father for his daughter, a mother for her son, a boss for a subordinate, a man for his neighbor’s wife, a teacher for her student, a counselor for his/her client, a congressman for his page…are you getting the picture? I hope so. And the list goes on and on.

I believe learning to readjust your eroticism to a more appropriate outlet is a much better option than trying to live a sexually abstinent lifestyle. The reason I believe this is that having a more appropriate outlet will at least help you channel your pent up sexuality. If you have no outlet, or limit yourself to masturbation, you will most likely intensify your longings and further fixate on the inappropriate object of your current desires.

Like anyone trying to wean him/herself off a bad habit, the task ahead of you Adam, will be challenging. But it will also be enriching and life-affirming. I hasten to add that you ought not try to do this on your own. Work with a sex-positive therapist.

You’re a relatively young man with many years ahead of you. These years can be filled with happy, healthy and appropriate sexual expression. Make it happen.

Good luck

300th Podcast – A Q&A Plus Much More Show — Podcast #300 — 09/26/11


Hey sex fans, welcome back!

I have a special announcement. Today’s program marks a milestone. This is my 300th podcast. I know; can you stand it? We’ve come a long way since I timidly began this audio educational and enrichment effort on February 12, 2007.

In the interim I launched four interview series: The Play With It series, the Sex EDGE-U-cation series and the SEX WISDOM series, all of which appear on Wednesdays. And The Erotic Mind series, which shares Mondays with my traditional Q&A format like today’s show.

This week we hear from

  • Edward is wondering about the pleasures of ass fucking after a prostatectomy.
  • Jim and his wife watched some porn and now they want to try some funky new stuff.
  • I offer ya’ll a tutorial on How To Handle Opening a Relationship.
  • I address some questions about the nature of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Sailing the ocean blu

Hey sex fans!

We haven’t had a Product Review Friday in a while, so let’s have one today! And today we bring you a review of another product that comes to us from our favorite retailer — Adult Sex Toys .com.

Here’s the husband and wife team, Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack & Karen.

Ocean Blu Bathing Gel by Kama Sutra —— $12.50

Jack & Karen
Karen: “We both love bath products like Kama Sutra’s Ocean Blu Bathing Gel. We have this beautiful, huge tub in our master bathroom and we often both luxuriate in it together. I’m telling you, there is nothing more suited to alleviating oneself of the stresses of the day than a blissful soak together.”
Jack: “She’s right. We actually plan bath night. It’s healthful, intimate and soothing. Sometimes it’s a prelude to some hot monkey love, but just as often it is just a time to be close, talk and enjoy one another’s company.”
Karen: “We have a bath budget too. Both of us contribute to our bath fund, although I generally do the shopping. We spend on gels and lotions, sponges, loofas and the like and sometimes we splurge on waterproof toys.”
Jack: “Generally this arrangement works out, but Karen is famous for buying bath products that are too sweet smelling. I really prefer more natural scents or fragrances. That’s why I love Ocean Blu Bathing Gel. It is among my favorites.”
Karen: “Guilty as charged! I don’t know, sometimes I just get carried away in a bath shoppe; I’m drawn to the more floral scents. But I know Jack doesn’t care for them. I save them for my private time. But for our time together, I must agree Ocean Blu Bathing Gel is great.”
Jack: “This is what is printed on the pump bottle: ‘…turns a bath or shower into a seaside escape, blending skin protecting vegetable oils and conditioning Vitamin E to create a frothy, cleansing lather as fragrant and invigorating as an ocean breeze.’ I don’t talk like that, but it is pretty accurate. If I had to translate that, I’d just say it was a manly scent that it is very good for your skin.”
Karen: “Ocean Blu Bathing Gel is dermatologist tested, cruelty-free (not tested on animals) hypoallergenic and made in the USA. In fact, the Kama Sutra company has been around since 1969. They must be doing something right.”
Jack: “The convenient pump bottle makes this gel perfect at the sink for washing hands or in the shower.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Name: Sofia
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Arizona
You are sick Dr DICK! I believe that porn is a sign of weakness in men and women. They cannot control their need and put their personal relationship in harm. Its degrading towards women and it gives off the wrong message to men about women. Porn is very harmful in peoples daily lives. Relationships come to an end because of men’s porn addiction. Men have lost families, wives, girlfriends etc. because of porn. Men find themselves defending it so much that they end up losing the people in their lives who do not agree with it (wives, GF, BF, etc.) What does porn leave them? Nothing! Lonely nights with no one by their side and a PC full of nasty images. Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic. Men are destroying their lives to make a porn filmmakers more wealthy. What a great exchange.

So nice of you to drop by, Sofia, and thank you for being so solicitous about my health. Yes, I was sick; I had a little cold there for a couple of days, but now I’m better.

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m sick because I don’t share your repressive opinion about porn. I get it; you’re another moral crusader who needs to denigrate those who don’t share your beliefs. What’s up with that?

Ya know the thing is, darling, I actually agree with you; a lot of porn is harmful and exploitative. It also can be very disruptive to people’s lives and can cause serious damage to otherwise healthy relationships. I mean how difficult was it for you to come up with that critique? Taking pot shots at porn in this sex-negative culture is like shooting fish in a barrel. Get over yourself, girlfriend.

And ya know what else, ma’am, all the things you accuse porn of being — harmful and exploitative, disruptive, damaging to otherwise healthy relationships — you could say about organized religion, the fast food industry, our government, the credit card industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the medical industry, the war machine and it’s horrific profiteers, like Halaburton. And the list goes on and on.

Hell, everything humans touch has the potential for becoming harmful and exploitative; it’s in our nature.  We can just as easily fuck things up as make them up-lifting and life-affirming. Even your own tirade is harmful and disruptive to those of us who are and have been trying to make a difference in the adult entertainment industry. Trust me, you would have made a better case if you said you wanted to help change the status quo in porn, not just point out its inherent flaws.

And what’s all this; “Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic”? What, are you saying you’re the alternative? Perhaps, if you weren’t so bitchy, condescending and mean-spirited the men in your life wouldn’t need to turn to porn. Your abrasive personality and moral rectitude would drive the pope to porn.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Phillip
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Austin, Texas
Dr. D, I’ve never had a problem with my sex life up until now. My wife and I have been very happy with our physical relationship. But, about 8 months ago, in a very vivid nightmare, I dreamed we were making love and when I came, the ejaculate was blood. I came blood. Everything in the dream stood still as I watched, almost as a third person, as my life flowed out of me. I woke in a sweat, and we’ve not made love since. We’ve talked about the dream, tried to be intimate, but I’m simply not able to enjoy the contact anymore. This is someone about whom I care deeply and with whom I am deeply in love. I’m considering professional help but would like your take. Thanks, Phillip in Austin

Interesting! Here is yet another instance of how one’s psyche can override one’s eroticism.

Trust me, Phillip, this is nothing to toy with; you are spot on thinking this is a matter for a professional. Like an earthquake, this vivid dream has jarred you out of your happy, healthy sex life with your wife. And like anyone who has survived an earthquake, or a similar natural disaster, you need to put your life together again as quickly as possible. I encourage you to seek a sex-positive therapist to help you break the spell of this nightmare.

To that end; I suppose you know that I offer counseling and therapy to all who visit Dr Dick’s Sex Advice, right? Thanks to the wonders of the internet and phone, my practice is not limited to the Seattle area. In fact, I have had remote clients from all over the world. Here’s what you do; look for the tab in the header that reads: Therapy Available.  You will find all the information you need to make an educated decision about joining me for some counseling.

Regardless if you choose to work with me or someone else, closer to home, the object here is to get on this ASAP. The longer you let this thing hang out there the more perverse it will become.

Good Luck ya’ll