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Weighty Matters

Name: Seattle Guy
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Location: Seattle
Dr. Dick – Were you really a Roman Catholic priest? I’m Catholic – and trying to figure out where I stand sexually. I’d be gay in a second if I had confidence that was my authentic self. I’m definitely bi – somewhere in the middle. Anyway, have you discovered any insights in your experience how God fits into our sexuality? But I guess I should ask, do you still believe in God? How did you find your way to producing porn? How does God figure in everything, in your opinion? Do you think a soul has a sexuality? Are these too many questions? Any response you have would be very appreciated!

Yes, Seattle Guy, you have way too many questions! But because you asked so nicely, I’ll do my best to answer each and every one. Because I’m such a friggin sweet guy.

“Were you really a Roman Catholic priest?” I were, I really were! I was a Catholic priest for 19 years. Technically I still am a priest, but I no longer practice in that capacity. Here’s a little known fact, I am the only Catholic priest in the whole wide world with a doctorate in Clinical Sexology. How about them apples?  That and a $1.50 gets me a ride on the bus.

I completed my doctorate with the publication of my thesis concerning the sexual attitudes and behaviors of gay Catholic priests in the active ministry in 1981. This was unprecedented research back then. Hell, it’s groundbreaking even now. Needless to say, there was a firestorm of international publicity upon publication. I was soon to be known as “The Gay Priest.” Like if I was the only one. This notoriety (some would say infamy) effectively ended my public priesthood. I fought the Vatican for the next 13 years, from 1981-1994, in an attempt to salvage my priesthood and ministry, but they would have none of it. I published a book about my ordeal, Secrecy, Sophistry And Gay Sex In The Catholic Church; The Systematic Destruction Of An Oblate Priest. It came out last summer. (Click on the title for more information about the book.)

I was kicked out of  the religious community I belonged to, but I was never defrocked. So, like I said, technically I’m still a man of the cloth. Scary huh? And what a difference 30+ years makes. The political climate in the church is even more repressive than it was in the early 80’s, but now openly gay men serve as priests all over the world. I can’t explain it either.

So you’re a Catholic too, OK. But you’re still (at 38) trying to figure out where you stand sexually. I’m not sure I know what that means. You say you’d be gay in a minute if you thought that was your authentic self. You’re bi for sure…somewhere in the middle. In the middle of what, may I ask? You’ll pardon me, darlin’, but you sound suspiciously like a mugwump. Do you know what that is? A mugwump is a fence-sitter, someone with his mug on one side and his wump on the other. The reason I say that is if your were authentically bi, you’d leave it at that, as do all authentically bi men.

“Have you discovered any insights in your experience how God fits into our sexuality?” You betcha I have! But I have a completely different take on this then you apparently do. Ya see I would have phrased the question in the reverse. How does our sexuality fit into god? The way you have it, suggests that the infinite can fit into the finite. And this is precisely where most religious people go very, very wrong. We do god a disservice by trying to stuff the divine into the mundane.

My sexuality fits into god when I am honest and authentic with myself about who I am and acknowledge my insignificance in the greatness of creation, I fit into god when I honor my sexuality, when I celebrate it, when I give it as a gift. I do not fit into god when I am dishonest with myself, or others, when I falsely claim my own significance in the mind of god and when I belittle god with my pettiness and insecurity.

You’ll notice that I was careful not to mention anything about sexual orientation, even though I think that’s what you were ultimately asking me about. Mugwumps are so predictable. Ya see sexual orientation, as we currently understand it, is a relatively new phenomenon in human history. And all of human history barely registers in cosmic history. Why do you suppose we’re so consumed about something so irrelevant to the big picture? And god is the ultimate “BIG PICTURE.” What concerns me is that you’ve come this far in your life and still haven’t been honest to god…or yourself.

Do you still believe in God? Yes, in a manner of speaking! I tend not to use the word “god” as much as I used to, because it comes with too much cultural baggage. I prefer the term, “divine. But whatever I call it, I’m positive my god is nothing like your god. Your god is made in your image. My god is not made in my image. In fact, my god so unlike me — a mere fallible, insignificant mortal — as to make my god incomprehensible to the likes of me. But that doesn’t mean there’s no appreciation. There is!

“How did you find your way to producing porn?” God led me! Just kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding.  It all started back in 1981, believe it or not. My career as a therapist in San Francisco coincided with the advent of HIV/AIDS . Not surprisingly, my practice evolved into working primarily with sick and dying people. In the mid-90’s I founded a nonprofit organization called, PARADIGM, Enhancing Life Near Death. It was an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. Despite the fact that this was brilliant cutting-edge work, I couldn’t find the funding I needed to keep the nonprofit alive. This precipitated a massive mid-life crisis and a rather sudden move to Seattle in 1999.

I continued to work with sick and dying people here. I developed programming for women newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer and men with prostate cancer. This lead me to develop concepts for videos for people experiencing life threatening and/or disfiguring illnesses; to help them deal with reintegrating sex and intimacy into their life post diagnosis. But I needed to find funding for this ambitious project. I soon realized that no mainline foundation would fund an overtly sexual project like this. I would have to fund this on my own. But how? Friends prevailed on me to start by making porn. I’d make a load of money and then I could turn my attention back to the original project — death and dying work. Thus Daddy Oohhh! Productions was born.  Unfortunately, the load of money has yet to materialize. But while I was shooting porn, my focus is to create projects that are different in style and tone from what currently rules the marketplace.

“How does God figure in everything, in your opinion?” Once again, I think you’ve got that backwards. The better question, to my mind, is: How does everything figure into god? And here my answer echos my previous answer. If there is a god, then everything figures into god with ease and grace.

“Do you think a soul has a sexuality?” Nope, I don’t. Sexuality is part of the finite material world. It’s a bodily function that apparently goes away when our body dies. A soul, as it is popularly understood, is something other. What precisely? I can’t really say. Hey, maybe something else takes the place of sexuality in the spiritual world, if there is a spiritual world. I guess you and I will just have to wait to find out.

In the meantime, wouldn’t it be great if you freed yourself up to be exactly who you are? And not wait on someone, especially someone of a religious bent, to give you permission to do so, or tell you what you can and cannot be.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Take Me To Paradise

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday! And today’s edition comes with a distinct international flair. We are proud to welcome a new company to our review effort, Rianne S. This remarkable company and their beautiful products come to us all the way from Belgium.

The Rianne S website claims “(Our) products combine sexuality, style and intelligence, which above all deliver the desirable results. The products are simple to use and easy to incorporate into sexual play and also beautiful and fashionably classic.” Well, we’ll just see about that.

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Denise and Ken are here to see if today’s product lives up to the hype.

Matryoshka —— $119.95

Ken & Denise
Denise: “I’m in heaven! I’m floating on a cloud of pleasure. Ken and I are enjoying the afterglow of some amazing lovemaking. But I knew this was going to happen even before it began. Thank you Matryoshka!”
Ken: “I took more of a wait-and-see attitude. But I was at a strict disadvantage, because Denise had some private time with the Matryoshka before we all had an opportunity to play together.”
Denise: “Yes, that’s where the story starts. Today’s sexual bliss for us actually began a couple of weeks ago. I stopped by Dr Dick’s to pick up our new product to review.”
Ken: “When Denise told me about the Matryoshka I realized I had heard that word before. It took me a moment, but I soon remembered; a matryoshka is a Russian nesting doll. This, of course made sense once I saw the vibe out of its package. It’s small and discreet and is shaped like…yuo guested it… one of those dolls.”
Denise: “I guess I’d say that the Matryoshka is primarily a clitoral vibrator. But it’s rounded head can be used anywhere on your body for area-specific stimulation. It’s perfect for nipples, labia, inner thighs, perineum and anus. While it can be inserted, it’s diminutive size doesn’t allow for any real depth of insertion. It’s only 3.25″ high with about 1.5″ insertable length. The broad base makes it easy to grip during use.”
Ken: “The Matryoshka is perfect for couple’s play, but I think I’m getting ahead of the story.’”
Denise: “Yeah, let’s tell them about what it’s made of and how it operates first.”
Ken: “The Matryoshka is covered in 100% high quality silicone, which is nonporous, phthalate-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. It is exceptionally soft and smooth. There is no texture to it. It is velvety to the touch. The letters “RS” are raised on the body near the control buttons. And because it is silicone, be sure to use only a water-based lube with it. A silicone-based lube would mar the beautiful finish.”
Denise: “Two raised buttons just below the neck of the Matryoshka operate the vibe. The buttons are easy to press, but not so easily that you’ll press them accidentally while you’re using it. Either button will turn it on. To turn it off, press either button for three seconds. To lock, press both buttons down for five seconds. To unlock, do the same. You can cycle through the power settings, by pressing the double circle button. To cycle through the vibration patterns, press the other button.”
Ken: “There are five speeds (intensities) and five vibration patterns (if you count the constant vibration as a pattern). The vibrations are focused in the tip of the Matryoshka and you can feel them throughout the head of the toy. There is virtually no vibration in base, thus your hand won’t numb or vibrate as you hold it. And the Matryoshka is super quiet.”
Denise: “The Matryoshka is waterproof. Since the charger works magnetically there’s no charger port for water or lube to get inside the toy. This gets me to my first date with the Matryoshka. We were alone, in the bath. I saw stars!
Ken: “The Matryoshka recharges its lithium ion battery by sitting on its recharger dock, which doubles as a discreet storage compartment. This is mighty cool stuff. Oh, it also comes with a drawstring bag storage bag, which makes it perfect for traveling.”
Denise: “A word about the beautiful packaging. The Matryoshka comes in an understated purple box. Inside the box you’ll find the charging/storage cylinder, the users manual, warranty, charger, pouch, and adapters for the US, Europe, Australia, and UK. There’s also a beautiful booklet with information on Rianne S. All the packaging is recyclable. Kudos!”
Ken: “So Denise love the Matryoshka in the bath and she loved it for her self-pleasuring, but the real test for us would be in partnered play. And here too the Matryoshka excelled. It’s powerful enough to deliver real pleasure, but small enough as to not get in the way when we fuck.”
Complete Article HERE!
ENJOY

Peg O My Heart

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and this week Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa tells us about how she buggered her BF, Alex, senseless thanks to a great product that comes to us from a company new to our review effort. Join us in welcoming Spare Parts Hardware . What a brilliant name!

Joque Harness by SpareParts —— $99.95

Christa
Those of you who follow my reviews know that my, butt-boy BF, Alex, is like this total ass whore. I was the first girlfriend he ever had that played with his prostate. Now it’s fuck me, fuck me, fuck me all the time.

Don’t get me wrong; I love the whole idea of pegging him senseless. I love everything about it. I love the role reversal, I love the domination and I love that I can make him squeal like a little piglet. In return for all this pleasuring, he waits on me hand and foot…especially the foot part. But that’s another story.

Sometimes I can satisfy Alex with a butt plug. This keeps him filled up and occupied till I find the time or the inclination to reward him with an ass fuck. In the past, I was less inclined to strap one on, because struggling with a poorly designed strap on was such a hassle.

Lucky for me…and Alex, I now am the proud owner of a Joque Harness. It’s changed everything. The Joque is by far the best and most comfortable strap on I’ve ever tried.

The Joque combines soft materials, easily adjustable straps, and a unique o-ring design to make the ultimate harness. If you are blessed with a partner who loves to bottom as much as Alex, you’re gonna want to invest in a Joque immediately. It’s that good.

Let me take you on a little tour of this marvel. First off there’s the material this jock- style harness is made of. The straps are made of a very soft cloth material, which uses a combination of velcro and elastic to securely fit itself to you. The front panel of the harness is made from a very soft bathing suit-like material. And once I fit the main straps on the waistband I never had to “re-fit” them again.

The Joque comes with two smaller tension straps that you tighten or release to make fine adjustments to the fit. This system fuckin’ rocks! A simple flick of the plastic buckle you can let out the slack till it’s just perfect. All these thoughtful design elements makes for and easy on, easy off. So now anally pleasuring Alex is as easy as slipping on a underwear.

And since the Joque is basically a clothing item, you simply toss it into the washing machine, when you’re done. So it’s always hygienic and sanitary. No more trying to keep a leather harness clean. There’s even a satin storage pouch included in the package.

The Joque has two leg straps. They are very comfortable and adjust as easily as the waistband. I really prefer this design to the more traditional G-string design.

Now let’s talk about the pouch, which is where all the action happens. The Joque has an elastic O-ring on the front that is designed to accommodate various sized dildos and vibrators. The ring is lined with the same swimsuit material as the pouch itself. Simply push the dildo through the O-ring. I didn’t have any problems till I tried to fit an unusually large dong through the O-ring. Then there was a struggle. The O-ring isn’t designed to accommodate the big boys.

There are even two internal pockets above and below the O-ring to accommodate mini bullet vibes for added sensations (bullet vibes not included in the package).

I have to keep coming back to how comfortable the Joque is. And it really holds up to vigorous play and Alex dearly loves his ass punished. This is also the only strap on I’ve ever seen that accommodates a double-headed dong, or strapless strap on like the SHARE . Ya see, the pouch design allows you to slide the double-header dildo all the way through the harness. When you’re not using that particular feature you keep the flap closed to protect yourself from having the base of a regular dong rub directly on your pussy.

Let’s recap, shall we? The Joque is super-comfortable, and totally stylish too. It even comes in a bunch of colors. It gets my highest recommendation.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Family Jewels

Name: Lloyd
Gender: male
Age: 33
Location: UK
Hi Dr,
I like pulling on my nuts when I masturbate. I like the way it adds tension to my entire genital area, cock, bum and of course my balls. Is it ok to do this as often as I masturbate? Could I injure myself? I’ve heard there are ball-stretching devices, but I don’t know how they work. Is this something you are familiar with? Thanks a bunch.

Lots of guys are into stretching their balls; it’s a very common practice (fetish). Like you suggest there’s nothing like a pair of low-hangers slappin’ around down there as you pull your pud.

As you probably know, your nuts hang outside and away from your body so they stay slightly cooler than you normal core body temperature. This keeps sperm production at its peak.

Think of the fun you’ll have with a partner too. Do you know about tea baggin? (Not the nutty American Republican kind, mind you.) It’s all the rage, don’t cha know! When you stretch out your balls, you’ll be able to straddle your partner and do deep knee bends, while you’re family jewels dip in and out of your partner’s mouth as you proceed with your up and down motion. How fun!

Don’t know a ball stretcher from a hole in your head? Not to worry. There are several kinds of devices. All encircle your sack above your balls and then either push your balls away from the body, or yank down on your nuts. Most stretchers are made of soft leather, neoprene, metal, or a combination of these materials. Persistent use can stretch your sack a good 3 inches. By the way, the stretching itself can produce a very erotic sensation both in your balls and your testicle cords (vas deferens). Let’s take a look at what you can find in Dr Dick’s Stockroom relating to this.

For example, check out this little number: Weighted Ball Stretcher (SL118) $25.95 The Weighted Ball Stretcher is crafted from high quality garment leather, containing tiny sand granules that make this CBT (Cock & Ball Torture) toy firm yet flexible. The dual snaps allow for custom adjustment to ensure a snug and secure fit, ideal for even the most extreme CBT scenarios. This ball stretcher weighs six ounces and will weigh down your boys without being excessively straining.

This ball stretcher is supple yet durable and it will make a great addition to your cock and ball toy collection.

 

Then there’s the Parachute Ball Stretcher (A576) $18.00 Add some style and exquisite tease toy your play with the small studded parachute by Spartacus. This exquisite CBT device is shaped like a small parachute that surrounds the wearer’s package with a firm grip. High quality leather makes it comfortable as well as providing a tight grip. The item also has a 6″ long metal chain for attaching additional weights. The metal stud design will make the wearer stylish and sexy during the play. Weights can also be attached, but for god sake, have your wits about you when you try this. You can injure yourself if not careful.

 

How about the KinkLab Neoprene Ball Stretcher (KL765) $14.95
Choose between 2 lengths —

  • Short 2-snap (1.5″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.
  • Long 3-snap (2″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.

 

Take a look at the 1.5″ Rubber Ball Stretcher w/ Locking Strap (R134) $22.00   This Locking Rubber Ball Stretcher stands apart from the rest because it is made of a firmer neoprene rubber that looks and feels like natural rubber, but can be used with oil based lubricants. This particular grade of rubber is more firm and shiny than other Neoprene Ball Stretchers.

The snap closes on the side allow for two different levels of tightness for the best fit and the 3/4″ wide buckling strap has a lockable buckle.

 

Here’s a beauty, 3″ Leather Ball Stretcher w/ 2 Pulls (B584) $33.00  This leather ball stretcher has three buckles and two mini pull-straps for attaching weights or other restraint devices. This stretcher constricts the scrotum sack down to a diameter variable between 1″ to 4″ while forcing the testicles down.

The soft leather-lined inner surface is totally smooth without any rivets. Width: 3″, Length 6″, with six holes for buckle adjustment.

 

Looking for something shiny? The Chrome Ball Stretcher (A720) $29.50 – $42.00  Nothing else looks or feels quite the same as one of these shiny chrome ball stretchers.

We’re currently carry two different diameters in two different lengths, for a total of four sizes. The 2 diameters are 1 5/8″ and 1 7/8″ and the 2 lengths are 1 1/8″ and 2″.

For those who get into the feeling of a metal ball stretcher, these stretchers are fantastic. They are good-quality rings at an excellent price.

 

Finally, something hi-tech. The Separating Ball Stretcher (B010) $68.00 – $69.00  When it comes to ball stretchers/weights, this is the top of the line. You may want to wear it for the sensual feel, but the way it looks, the erotic bondage/control possibilities, and the gradual stretching of the scrotum are a bonus. Whatever your motivation, this chrome-plated brass stretcher of unusually high quality and advanced design has many advantages:

Unlike all other metal ball stretchers I’ve seen, this one separates so that it can be closed around your balls, instead of having to shove your balls through the opening at the center. This allows the opening to be smaller, which allows the ball-stretching ring to be thicker (and heavier).

The smaller opening also prevents most men from removing the stretcher without opening it. And the stretcher is opened and closed using bolts which can only be screwed/unscrewed with an allen wrench. (The wrench is included with the stretcher.) So, if the wearer doesn’t have access to an allen wrench, the ring is effectively locked on, opening up interesting bondage possibilities. (Note: the wrench is a standard size, so if it gets lost, it can be easily and inexpensively replaced with a quick trip to any hardware store.)

Both stretching and bondage possibilities are enhanced by the optional addition of two eyebolts, one on either side of the stretcher. These eyebolts are included as part of the stretcher package. The stretcher can be used with or without the eyebolts, depending on your tastes, needs, and plans. They can be used to attach weights, cuffs, ropes, locks, etc.

  • 8oz. Stretcher/Weight B010
    This 8oz. version of the separating stretcher is the smallest and mildest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is a mild .5″ (1.2cm). Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 16oz. Stretcher/Weight B011
    This 16oz. version of the separating stretcher is a full pound of weight for the balls, and is the second largest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″. Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 22oz. Stretcher/Weight B012
    This 22oz. version of the separating stretcher weighs almost a pound and a half, and is the largest and heaviest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″ (3.8cm).

 

Again a word of caution. When using any stretcher, it’s best to proceed slowly and gradually. Be careful when handling your scrotum to make sure that it doesn’t get pinched. You may find it helpful to use a tongue depressor, a pen, or some similar household object to push the scrotum skin out of the way as you slowly tighten snaps or screws.

Also, the potential for injury to this tender part of your body is obvious. So be careful and conservative in your use of any of these items. The Dr Dick’s Stockroom can guarantee the quality of workmanship of all these products, but not the safety of their use. You use them is at your own risk.

Again, please be careful and use common sense.

Good luck

Look ma, no hands!

Hey there sex fans!

Welcome to another edition of Product Review Friday!

The Dr Dick Review Crew is at it again. In fact Review Crew members, Glenn & Hank, have been HARD at work reviewing a male masturbation device. And they’re here to tell us what kept them so preoccupied.

RealTouch interactive sex device for men —— $249.99

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “Have ya ever lusted after a sex toy? Have ya ever wanted something so bad that you were willing to do just about anything to get your grubby little hand on one? Well, that’s how we felt about the RealTouch.”
Hank: “Damn straight! We started seeing ads for this device a few years ago. We begged Dr Dick to get us one to review. He said he contacted the RealTouch people directly for a unit to review, but never heard back from them. We figured we were simply out of luck.”
Glenn: “That is till a few weeks ago when the good doctor called me with the news that he had a RealTouch to review. I almost wet myself over the good news.”
Hank: “Glenn couldn’t keep the good news to himself, so he called me at work. ‘Drop by Dr Dick’s on your way home and pick up our new review product.’ Typical of Glenn, he wouldn’t tell me what was so important. I had to find out for myself.”
Glenn: “I wanted Hank to be as surprised as I was. And sure enough, later that day, he comes bounding through the door like a puppy with this big box under his arm.”
Hank: “Big box is an understatement. It’s huge! Ok, for those of you who have been living under a rock for the last few years and missed all the ads for the RealTouch, we’d better start with what it is. It’s a high tech, multi-media jackoff machine. I kid you not.”
Glenn: “The box is so huge because it has a shit-load of parts. Each part is individually wrapped so that by the time you’ve unwrapped everything you barely have the energy assemble it. And it does require lots of assembly. Besides the ginormous RealTouch unit itself (3.5 lbs mind you), there are cords, power adapter, a ‘USB Mini-Tower’, instruction manual, a DVD, and a small bottle of lube. Holy shit!”
Hank: “When we had everything unwrapped and laid out in front of us, we both looked at each other in amazement. Here’s a tip: you absolutely need to follow the extensive set of instructions provided in the package or you will be totally lost. Don’t even think that you’ll be getting to use the RealTouch right out of the package.”
Glenn: “By this time, I’m seriously beginning to reconsider my lusting after this monstrosity. In addition to having to assemble the thing ya gotta install a software application on your computer. Ya know, I think we forgot to mention that this jerkoff machine only works in response to specially prepared videos. Neither Hank nor I could figure out the software installation instructions. We actually had to call the customer service line for help. We were thinking to ourselves, what kind of person works for the call center for RealTouch? They must get off on fielding calls from frustrated masturbators. It’s also super creepy knowing that RealTouch knows when you are using their product. They know who you are and where you live and they can tell when you’re connected and logged on to their web site. This privacy concern really put me off.”
Hank: “Since the RealTouch works with online videos you absolutely need to register your unit. There are 10 free videos scenes, both gay and straight, that come on the DVD inside the package. But the corker was we couldn’t tell what content the free videos contained; we had to search for the gay themed videos. Of course, if you’re willing to shell out even more money than the $250 you’ve already spent on this appliance, you can purchase or rent lots of other videos. The RealTouch video library is searchable by category or sex act. Just so you know, you can’t use any of your own videos in conjunction with the RealTouch. What a racket!”
Glenn: “But wait there are more headaches to come. Part of the assembly requires you to fill the special lube reservoir in the unit prior to use. And you have to do this each and every you use the blasted thing. Ya see, the lube is automatically dispensed during use. And guess what? You’ll need 3.5 ounces of lube to fill the thing. That’s right; on top of all the other expenses involved with this monstrosity your lube budget will go through the ceiling.”
Hank: “Are we having fun yet? So the parts that come in conduct with your cock, basically two belts with tracker-like treads are made from soft TPE (Thermoplastic Elastomer). When the RealTouch is working properly the belts rotate in an attempt to replicate the feel of the action being displayed on the video. Frankly, after all this setup and frustration I was completely under whelmed by the sensations.”
Glenn: “We had to clear off our entire computer desk just to accommodate this thing and all its wires, cords and power adapter. I watched Hank readied his cock and insert it in the RealTouch. I held my breath. If that thing injured my man’s precious johnson there would be hell to pay.”
Hank: “Glenn is real protective of my cock. The instructions say the RealTouch has a vaginal depth of 9”. I’m hung 9”, and I’d say they are exaggerating things considerably. And despite the fact that it’s as big and bulky, most of the action was concentrated on my dickhead. I couldn’t say it was doing much of anything for the shaft of my cock. And this thing is fuckin’ LOUD!”
Glenn: “And what’s all this about vaginas? What about assholes? I’d be willing to wager that a good portion, if not the majority of guys who buy this behemoth are gay. The manufacturer doesn’t even tip his hat in that direction. The packaging is all straight-oriented too. It’s like they’re totally clueless.”
Hank: “Oh, and the RealTouch heats up too. It’s supposed to heat to body temperature, but I think the one we got was defective, because it overheated. It was actually too hot. While the belts do provide a variety of sensations, there’s nothing special about them. I kept thinking to myself, ‘when are we gonna get to the good parts?’”
Glenn: “I stood aside and watched in amazement. The RealTouch was churning away gobbling Hank’s hog. It was a sight to see. Remember all that lube we added to the reservoir? Well, the unit is supposed to “get wet” like a real vagina by releasing that lube as it churns away. (I wouldn’t know about that!) But before ya know it the RealTouch began to leak lube everywhere. WTF? Who’s gonna clean up this mess? Luckily we didn’t’ get any lube on the keyboard or mouse. But that’s only because Hank had the foresight to bring a big damp towel to his RealTouch session. He had to thoroughly wipe his hands before he touched the laptop. There’s nothing that ruins an erotic moment like worrying about getting things messy.”
Hank: “It’s true. What a disaster! And the clean up? Forgetaboutit! You not only have to disconnect the RealTouch from its power source and the computer, but you have to disassemble the unit itself. A good portion of that lube we put in the reservoir was wasted. I had to take the blasted thing into the shower with me to clean it.”
Glenn: “In the end I decided not to even bother trying it myself. You talk about being disappointed.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY