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An Instructional Guide to Kinks, Fetishes, and the World of BDSM

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dyson

This is a guide to various kinks and fetishes that are found in the world of sex. They can be used in your roleplay as your characters turn on’s and turn off’s, or a secret that they have. Or maybe it is something to has shaped them. I have not only discovered various ones and experimented with them personally, but have had exposure to them. Master/Slave RP’s are taking off and I am one of few who will touch on the subject. There is a lot of fear in this world because things can go very VERY wrong very fast. How do I know? I have been there. I have been the observer and the recipient of things going wrong. So this is to help you know and learn about the basics. I will go over some fetishes that are often blown out of proportion and also explain the dynamic of a Dom/sub and Master/slave relationship. I do not claim to be an expert. This is just what I have learned and absorbed from being in the scene for several years.

Now first off this isn’t a way to say “I can do this to someone without asking first” DO NOT EVER DO THAT! No one asks you to do something to them unless they have given you verbal or written permission (That is witnessed) to do the things I will discuss. It is never EVER okay to do this to a man or a woman and anyone who says otherwise has not be in the position where their no’s are not listened.

Kinks are defined as socially acceptable forms of fetishism’s. Where as Fetish is something you worship, fantasize over completely. Both of these are found in the overlapping work of BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism). They can vary to the smallest things to the biggest, weirdest things you would ever think of. Almost every town around the world has a community of people who participate in these various acts. The community often meets to talk, hangout and have coffee and throw events for their members. These events include play parties, classes and munches (hanging out in a vanilla setting – vanilla being normal).

The first rule in the community of BDSM, Kink and Fetish is Consent. No matter what it is. You consent with your fellow party(ies) about what is occurring because everything needs to be Safe, Sane and Consensual. You need to establish the basics of what is going to happen, what your limits are (Both soft – so what you aren’t to keen on trying but if you trust your partner enough, you will do it – and hard – so no way in hell you are doing that). You need to establish a signal, be it verbal or physical, to indicate when you need it to stop or change. Often the word Yellow and Red are used and for physical signals, number of blinks or a hand gesture. And you need to express when you do not feel comfortable. If you feel uncomfortable with what is going to be done to you or that you are going to do YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NO!

That being said! Let us start.

There are many different kinks and fetishes that can be found in the world. These can include simple ones of being tied up, blindfolds, feathers, women (or men) wearing heels, eating food off of one another, biting, hair pulling, uniforms, long hair (or short hair)… the list is long because in truth there are many and I am not going to list them all. Then there are the more complex, more intense ones. These include needle play, CBT, cupping, impact play (This includes paddles, whips, floggers, hair brushes, hands, wooden spoons, canes and any other instrument you can spank with), chastity devices, latex, gagging… again the lists are long.

Impact Play

Impact Play

Impact Play:

  • Impact Play is the use of a hard (or soft) object by the top to strike the bottom repetitively.
  • Instruments that can be used in Impact Play include: Flogger, Cane, Paddle, Whip, Riding Crop, Wooden Spoon, belt, hair brush, hand, etc.
  • Impact play usually occurs on the buttocks and thighs. It is often advised to not strike anywhere that isn’t cushioned with fat. This includes the kidney area, neck, tailbone, hipbones, head and all joints.
  • When using whips, one has to be careful to avoid a wrap around effect. This is when it coils around an appendage and can either cause excessive pain or something more horrible.

 

Sensory Play

Sensory Play

Sensory Play:

  • Sensory Play is limiting one sense to enhance the other senses.
  • Sensory Play includes blind folds, ear muffs/plugs, large boxes over the head, wax, feathers, ice, silk, and anything else that plays with the senses.
  • These can be used often without much worry, though wax can cause burns ans pain at the same time. Sensory play always involves signals, either verbal or physical and the top must respect when the bottom says stop (or red).

 

Restraining:

  • Restraining in kink and BDSM is restricting a limb(s) from movement or use. This includes the arms, feet, legs, hands, neck and whole body if desired.

    bondage003.jpg

    Bondage

  • Items often used in restraining include rope, duct tape, packing tape, industrial roles of saran wrap, vacuum bags, spreaders, chains, bondage tape, ties, long pieces of fabric and anything that can tie have a not tied in it.
  • With rope, there are various ways to it. There is just simple knots and there is also costume style (full body binds). There is also shibari, which is a Japanese form of restraint with rope. Both forms can take loads of time to complete to create beautiful pieces on a man or woman’s body. Costume Style x Shibari Style x
  • When binding with ANYTHING you do not (And I repeat NOT) want to cut of circulation to any area. You want to be able to place two fingers comfortably in between the restraint used and the skin. If you can’t, it is to tight and will eventually lead to the discoloration of skin and numbness and blood flow begins to slow.
  • Some people enjoy having this though but it is ill advised to do because nerve damage can occur.

 

Other Kinks/Fetishes That Need to be Known and Understood:

  • There are many kinks and fetishes in the world but some are not understood as they should be. This is because the media has made them out to be worse than they are or people are not educated enough to understand them. These include: needle play, voyeurism, exhibition, humiliation, role playing (Not like what we do! I will explain…), artistic cutting.
  • Needle Play: Needle play is the use of sterile needles to do artistic works on the human body.
    Needle Play

    Needle Play

    The gauge of the needle varies to what the bottom can handle but usually a gauge between 17 and 20 is used. This is always done in a sterile environment with proper precautions taken. This includes the wearing of gloves, a bin to dispose of the used needles and something for the marks left from the needles. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of this being done to you than you have every right to deny it. Some people enjoy having needles put in to all parts of their body, literally. But you are not expected to do it. And you do not have to observe it either. But to some this is very zen.

  • Voyeurism, Exhibition and Humiliation: I am grouping these together because they often go hand and hand together. Some people do get turned on by doing things in public. Be it having a spanking, walked down the street nude and leashed or, sorry to be so blunt about it, fucked in a public place. People do enjoy this sorta of thing. To many of us this would traumatize us and you have every right to tell the Top that you will not do that.
  • Role playing: Role playing in BDSM is indeed playing out different roles, which might include: Doctor/Nurse, Priest/Nun, Teacher/Student, Doctor/Patient, Guard/Prisoner… really there is no limit to what can occur. This are all sorts of creations that people come up with and it is always between two consenting adults.
  • Artistic Cutting: This is in shape, form or way the same as cutting that people do when they are depressed or that. This is done with a sterile razor or scalpel that is disposed of after and done to create a design drawn out and planned. It tends to permanent so it takes a lot of for thought and decision to do before hand. The top has to take plenty of care not to cut to deep in to the skin in order to keep the nerves and veins safe. It is a very delicate process and, once again, you do not have to do it if you do not feel safe doing it.

Relationship Dynamics:

  • There are various relationship dynamics that can be found in BDSM, Kink, and the Fetish community. A few are as follows:Master/slave or Mistress/Slave
    Dominant/sub or Domme/sub
    Top/Bottom
    Daddy/baby-girl/boy or Mommy/baby-boy/girl
    Owner/pet (This can be a puppy, kitten, pony or whatever else one desires.)
  • All relationships have a contract. This states what the sub/slave/bottom/baby-girl/boy will do and have done to them. But it also stipulates what the Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress/Mommy/Daddy/Top will do for the sub/slave/bottom/baby-girl/boy. Some examples of what would be include in a contract is limits, comfort time, expectations from both sides (weight lose for health, outfits, curfews, etc), safety regulations, etc. Anything to ensure the safety, sanity and respect of BOTH parties is put in to the contracts.
  • Also you will note that I have capitalized the Dominant role and lower case for the submissive
    full out collar

    full out collar

    necklace

    necklace

    role. I don’t know exactly why this is done but in my humble opinion it is because the Dominant role is in charge and has the sense of power while the submissive role is lacking power and has given up control to the Dominant role.

  • Master(Mistress)/slave: This is the most strict relationship that a relationship in the BDSM world has. The Master or Mistress has complete control over what occurs in the slaves life – what is eaten, when and where they sleep, who they see and how often they see these people, where and how money is spent and even chores. Often these relationships are long standing and result in marriage or partnership. The slave however is not the only one who makes a commitment in this relationship. The Master or Mistress agrees to take care of the slave, to help them and comfort them if need be and to protect them. A slave is always wearing a collar. They can be a full out collar, a slim collar, a necklace, a bracelet, or a ring. The giving of one of these items is a very serious ordeal and is often done in a ceremony with friends from the community they are in. The slave wears their collar (or other piece of jewelry that claims they are a slave) 24/7. The also may have multiple collars – one to wear in public, one to be worn at home and one to be worn in play, with a combination of any of these three. They rarely remove it – only if they are showering and the collar is made of leather or if they are changing from an informal one to a formal one.
  • Dom(Domme)/sub: This is the most common relationship dynamic found in the BDSM
    kitty play

    Kitty Play

    puppy play

    Puppy Play

    community from what I have seen. It is similar to a Master/slave relationship but they are not as strict and direct. They also have a contract drawn up with expectations from both sides as well as what the limits are for the submissive. A sub can receive a collar similar to what a slave receives but they are not obligated to wear it all the time. It is only worn in play or at home usually. However, some Doms may seem like they are more of the Master type as they are firm and hard with their submissive and they refer to themselves as a Dom. It is because of how they are in play and not how they come off. Even the hardest man (or woman) may be a sub in truth.

  • Top/bottom: This is the center and general names for people who play. Not every Dom is a Top and not every sub is a bottom. These are merely the positions that are taken in play.
  • The top being the one who does things to the bottom, which usually is involved in any type of play that is done. The Top ensures that all things are safe throughout the entire play session. They are to check on the bottom to ensure that they are okay, that they want to continue on, to ask if they want to take it a step further and to comfort them at the end of the session. The bottom is to tell the top how they feel throughout the whole think. If the bottom at any point wishes to stop and says so by speaking the safe word, than the top must comply. There is no ifs, ands or buts. THE TOP WILL STOP WHEN THE BOTTOM SAYS RED OR WHATEVER SAFE WORD HAS BEEN DESIGNATED TO STOP. The bottom in a sense does have complete control over the session because if they can not do anymore than that is it. The top DOES NOT continue after the safe word is said.

    Pony Play

    Pony Play

  • Daddy/baby-girl/boy or Mommy/baby-boy/girl: This is a softer approach to a BDSM relationship. There is often a lot of cuddling and softer things than what you would find in a Dom/sub relationship. The baby-girl/boy does have expectation to and doesn’t have to wear a collar unless they desire to. It is just a softer dynamic and is in no way related to incest. This is two adults who consent to these roles.
  • Petplay: Petplay involves the taking on an appearance of an animal. The most common ones being puppy, kitty and pony. The animal often has a human owner but in puppy and kitty play, it is possible for both people in the relationship to be the animal, but there is one who is an Alpha. So they take on the Dominant role. There is the costumes and accessories for this sorta of thing available for purchase or you can make your own items.

“But you may ask; why not? I am the Top. The Dom. A true Master.” Really? Cram it! And if I hear you say that again I will take a book to your head to beat some sense in to you! There is no true Master or true Dom. Safety is key and if you can not respect that then you should be reprimanded by everyone and anyone. No matter the dynamic, you take care of one another because that is what a good relationship does. Nurture the relationship and let this guide aid you in creating a good SAFE dynamic between you and others.

If anyone wishes for me to expand on anything, just ask. Maybe I will do a guide with just one thing or another. This is just a summery.

Complete Article HERE!

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn

June is officially LGBT Pride Month in America, but Miami-Dade’s only local celebration — Miami Beach’s gay pride party — is held in April. So instead of showing you footage of parades or slide shows of revelers, we decided to take the opportunity to look back at one of the gayest things ever produced by the Florida state government — which conversely was also one of the most homophobic things ever published by the Florida government.

How gay? Well, this was the title page of the officially published state document:

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (2)

The pamphlet, dubbed the “Purple Pamphlet” for its lavender-hued front cover, was the work of the Florida Legislative Investigation Committee. The committee was the brainchild of Charley Eugene Johns, a former governor who had taken office only after the death of his predecessor and was then promptly kicked out by voters and forced to return to the legislature. Because hunting for commies was all the rage in the late 1950s, Johns and his committee tried to do just that.

They searched everywhere — the NAACP, the historically black college Florida A&M University, anti-Castro groups, pro-Castro groups — OK, not everywhere, but you get the picture.

Turns out the committee wasn’t very good at rooting out communists in Florida, so in the ’60s, it turned its sights on homosexuals. As people are now generally aware, homosexuals, unlike organized communists, have existed everywhere throughout human history, so the committee was much more successful at finding them in the Sunshine State.

The committee first went searching Florida’s schools, causing the firing of 39 professors and deans from Florida universities for suspected homosexuality and the revoking of the licenses of 71 public schoolteachers. Several students were also expelled for being homosexual.

Emboldened, the committee members then took a look at homosexuality in Florida outside the world of academics — and, boy, did they find some things that excited them. The result of their work was the so-called Purple Pamphlet, whose introduction stresses that the document may be of use to “every individual concerned with the moral climate of the state.”

Take a look at page 6 of the pamphlet!

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (3)

“Homosexuality is, and far too long has been, a skeleton in the closet of society,” the pamphlet begins, and then it’s just a bunch of homophobic garbage from there on.

But in between the anti-gay rants is a liberal sprinkling of softcore gay photos. How about some more of those pics?

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (4)

There are more photos in the pamphlet, but they include images of little boys, so we won’t reproduce them here.

Aside from the photos, of particular note is the pamphlet’s extensive glossary, which painstakingly details gay slang. Some of the words are still in use today, and some are decidedly not.

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (5)
Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (6)
Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (7)

What came first, the chicken or the twink?

Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (9)
Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (10)
Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (11)
Florida Legislature Once Published Anti-Gay Pamphlet Full of Softcore Porn (12)

It turns out the printing of this pamphlet did not go over too well. Some critics called it state-sponsored pornography, and fellow legislators voted to cut all funding for the committee in the next session.

Naturally, the pamphlet has gone on to achieve cult status in Florida.
Complete Article HERE!

Wonderful World of Butt Plugs!

Cassandra
I’m really curious how you actually overcome the fascination of wanting anal sex? What do you do and what does it take?

Ahhh, your pullin my leg, right? Cassandra, darling, I don’t get it. You have a fascination with wanting some hot backdoor action; is that correct? Am I supposed to gather from this rather round about way of putting things that you have yet to explore ass fucking? That’s what it sounds like to me.

i'm wearing my butt plugIf I’m correct in this assumption, the sure-fire way of overcoming this or any fascination of wanting this or anything else is to indulge yourself the very thing you’ve been wanting. This is not rocket science.

Once you have a taste of what you’ve desired, you’ll no longer need to overcome a fascination. If by chance, you’re actually wondering if you want to enjoy your butthole or not and you want to discover this on your own without the pressure of having a partner present; then I suggest you do a little experimentation on your own.

Allow me to introduce you to the Wonderful World of Butt Plugs! Not sure what a butt plug is or why you would want one? Or maybe you sure enough know a butt plug from a hole in your head, but you just don’t know how to go about choosing the right one for you. Well, never fear, because Dr Dick is here with another one of his Handy Dandy Sex Toy Advisories: Plug Your Hole In Three Easy Steps. And you can thank all my inquisitive correspondents and the treasure trove that is Dr Dick’s Stockroom for the heads up on these puppies.

A butt plug is an anal stimulation device that allows you to enjoy sustained anal pleasure (and prostate stimulation for the men folk) without the worry of having your toy fall out, or worse, disappear up your chute.

Let’s look at a typical butt plug to get a feel for how it works. Unlike most dildos and other anal toys, a butt plug is shorter and has a unique shape. The insertable part is often a tapered cone shape, designed for easy insertion and that all-filled-up feeling while it’s in place.

The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.

Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?

But why would I want a plug in my ass? You might query. That, my friend, is a question only a rank amateur would ask. Unfamiliar with the joys of butt play, are ya? Well, here’s the 411 on anal pleasuring. Your bum is chock full of nerve ending that, when stimulated, induce intense pleasure. And a butt plug can be worn for hours at a time for a sustained dose of devilish delight.

Once you decide to give a plug a try, you’ll have loads of options to choose from. There is a slue of different sizes, shapes colors and textures. They come in several different materials. And some even vibrate. How fun is that?

Let’s look at all these options in turn.

— Start with SIZE.
If you’re new to the whole anal thing, I recommend you try something small. You’ll want an insertable length of less then 4” and a diameter of 2.5”. Feeling a bit more daring? Want to increase the insertable length and/or diameter? Knock yourself out, my friend. There are dozens of sizes available.

— Next choose a Material.
Got the dimensions you want, but not sure about what kind of material you want plugging your hole? I know that may sound funny, but it actually does matter what you insert where the sun don’t shine!

Say, Dr Dick, how do I know what material is best for me? Excellent question! See, you’re becoming a well-informed consumer already. Let me detail some of the finer points for you.

Latex — the granddaddy of sex toy material.
PLUSSES —
Inexpensive
Soft and flexible
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

MINUSES —
Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
May contain phthalates
Distinct rubbery odor

Jelly —advancements in chemistry transformed ordinary latex into even softer and more pliable jellies.
PLUSSES —
Inexpensive
Super-soft and flexible
Appealing translucent jelly-like appearance
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.
Comes in a variety of colors

MINUSES —
Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Probably contain phthalates
Distinct rubbery odor

Silicone — a non-latex product that come in two varieties — firm and soft.
PLUSSES —
Durable and long lasting
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize silicone toys by boiling themc552.jpg
They’re bleachable
Dishwasher safe
More realistic feel
Retains body heat
Comes in a variety of colors
Less of an odor

MINUSES —
More expensive
Use only water-based lubes

Stainless Steel —it is smooth, hard and a thing of beauty.c991.jpg
PLUSSES —
Super-durable and long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize Stainless Steel toys by boiling them
Bleachable
Dishwasher safe
Much heftier weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

Pyrex Glass — a hard dense glass that will not shatter or splinter. A work of art.
PLUSSES —
Super-durable, long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize Pyrex toys by boiling them
Bleachable
Dishwasher safe
Hefty weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

New Supersoft — a new material that’s has the closest feel to real-life skin. It can be both soft and rigid.
PLUSSES —
Less expensive
Great texture

MINUSES —
Very porous
Less hygienic
Always use with a condom
Use only both water-based lubes.
Difficult to cleanb667.jpg
Distinct rubbery odor

Rubber — An old standard!
PLUSSES —
Inexpensive
Durable, very long lasting
Waterproof
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.
Comes in a vast array of colors
MINUSES —
Very porous, less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Distinct rubbery odor

— Next choose Special Features.
Once you’ve decided on the material you want, you can customize your butt plug with special features like:

  • Bendable
  • Inflatable
  • Multi speed vibrating
  • Suction cup

— Next choose Texture.
Latex, silicone and rubber butt plugs come in an array of textures. Which one of these buggers will tickles your fancy?

  • Bulgedtunnel plug1
  • Noduled
  • Nubbed
  • Ribbed
  • Smooth
  • Studded
  • Swirled
  • Veined
  • Velvety

Good luck.

Boys Will Be Boyz

Name: TJ
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Location: ma
ever since i was a teen i have had the hots for my dad. i would walk into the bathroom on him, or his room to seesmoking him naked and to see his dick. i use to love catching him jack off. i loved to see him in his boxers, and would jack off in his boxers. i even would play with him when he was a sleep get him hard and jack myself off. i thought i was over this till he stayed with me over the weekend. he came out of the bathroom in just his boxers. i was only wearing my boxers also. i became hard and excited. the old thought of playing with his cock came back. that night i went into the guest room took out his penis from his boxers and played with it. till it was erect. i then took a pair of his boxers and jacked off in them. i am 41 now should i have out grown this attraction to my dad?? he knows i am gay, we have talked several times about my playing with him but should this attraction continue?? — lost and confused in dads boxers

This is precious, TJ. You’ve been fondlin’ and jerkin’ off your old man for decades, albeit while he “sleeps.” (He’s one hell of a deep sleeper, huh?) He knows all about you, your attraction to him and your late night play sessions with his cock and underwear. But he still comes for a visit. And predictably, you set upon him again in his sleep. How may more incredible things could you possibly add to a single paragraph?

And all you want to know is, is it odd that you continue to behave like this with your father and continue to have this attraction to him now that you’re 41 years old. AMAZING! Odd? Yeah, I’ll say it’s odd!

Where to begin? Oh skip it! If you and your dad (now somewhere in his late 60’s or even 70’s) are still playing at this little game it must be pretty harmless by this time.

Your behavior and attraction continue because you feed it, darling. No big mystery there.

Name: Alan
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Location: Victoria
I find it takes me for ever to jack off even watching videos it can take 40 minutes an when I do shoot it is only a small amount.

nipplesYou don’t say, Alan! I’ve never heard that question before. No wait, that’s baloney. I’ve heard and written extensively about this very issue.

Look to your right. See the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar? EXCELLENT! Now search for the terms: “Ejaculate” and “Ejaculation Concerns” and “Cum.”  Between these categories you will find the answers you are looking for.

Here’s a tip: you’ll also want to check out what I’ve had to say about “Kegels.” You’re gonna want to know all about these handy-dandy exercises to tone up your PC muscle. Both men and women need to attend to their PC muscle. Not sure what the fuck I’m talking about. Not to worry. You have some fun reading and listening ahead of you.

Good luck

What’s a mother to do?

What we have here is an exchange I had with a woman and while I don’t know anything about her, not even her name, I can make some inferences. If I had to guess, she’s in her 40’s. She’s married and has kids.

You must talk to a lot of women in your practice and hear from a lot of women through your advice site. What would you say are the main sexual concerns of women over the age of 40?

Research shows that approximately 40% of women experience sexual problems. But a 2008 study out of Harvard suggests that only a few — 12% — are concerned enough with these issues to do anything about them. I find that not only surprising, but shocking! That suggests to me that sexual wellbeing is not a high priority for a good number of women.  What a bummer!sexual-Frustration

Low libido, diminished arousal, difficulties with orgasm, pain with sex or body image concerns all play a part. A lot of this is directly connected with having an ineffectual partner. I mean, I’d give up sex too if I was consistently frustrated and unfulfilled. But what about masturbation? Are sexually frustrated women seeing to their own needs through self-pleasuring? I don’t see any hard data, you should pardon the pun, on that topic.

We hear a lot about the horny dad and the tired mom, but what do you do if the “roles” are reversed – and dad is tired and mom is horny?

Curiously enough, I hear from way more men these days, who are exhausted, depressed or overweight and who have little or no libido, than I hear from women with the same problems. Sign of the times? You betcha!

But don’t sink to the lowest common denominator. Here’s one of my most popular tutorials, Sex Play — Tips and Techniques.

How can parents find common “ground” when it comes to when they might have sex (as in day of the week or time of day)? Does it always involve compromise? Can our internal clocks ever synch up?

Synching up schedules my not always be the solution. If we wait for that to happen, we could die waiting. The answer might be finding a middle ground. “I may not be up for full on fucking at the moment, but I’ll give you a fantastic hand-job.” Or “I can’t seem to get it up right now, but hand me your vibrator and I’ll send you to heaven!” I’m a huge proponent of mutual masturbation.

Another suggestion might be something like The MoodSign. We reviewed this very clever gismo awhile back. In fact, it was among our Best Products List for 2013. Check it out and see if something like this would help.

If parents are interested in kinking it up, what are some simple, not too scary ways to introduce it into the relationship?

Keep it safe and consensual. Always have a safeword. I developed a workshop called; The Gospel of Kink. I’ve also conveniently packaged this workshop into a workbook with the same title. You can find the book HERE!

GOK small cover

Both the workshop and book are designed to help people, like you, develop the skills they need to effectively communicate with one another and improve their problem solving skills. The workshop and book, as the title suggests, are specifically geared toward folks in kinky, BDSM, and alt-culture relationships, but even vanilla couples will find what I present very helpful.

Bondage games are always fun. And you don’t need anything beyond what you already have in your closets — silk scarves, belts, shoe strings, etc.

Nipple clamps, playing with sensations like ice cubes and hot wax, hair pulling, making use of blindfolds and gags

Discipline/Spanking is always fun too — a ruler, a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, a belt, rubber bands. See my tutorial: Spank Me, Daddy.

Role play is always a delight. Don’t forget about phone sex.

There are tons of instructional videos at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

I always suggest that couples read erotica aloud to each other. That never fails to get one’s motor purring.

I’d also love to talk with you about the taboo of sex, particularly with the parenting set, and how parents, moms, and dads, can work to break stereotypes without feeling like a sexual “deviant.”

Really? What would be so wrong about being a deviant?

Good luck

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