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What’s up with me, Doc?

Can we talk about sexual orientation for a bit? I sure hope so, because I’m gonna go ahead and launch into it here, if you’re ready or not.

Among the load of email I get from the sexually worrisome in any given week, I will predictably get a handful of questions, mostly from guys, who are concerned that they might get gay.

The guys writing in are concerned enough by something that is going on inside of them that they’re compelled to broach the issue with me. I hasten to add that rarely are these communications the “Gee, I’m Mildly Curious” type. Rather they’re more likely to be the “Oh My God, What Wrong With Me?” type. They fear that they picked up queer cooties somewhere and their undies are all in a twist fearing they are scared for life. Ya know, kinda like the pox.

Then there are those who write in wanting to me to make sense of their sexual ramblings. They’ve been playing on both sides of the fence, so to speak; and they want me make the call. My response to each group of correspondents is virtually the same — for most of us sexual interests and behaviors are way more fluid than we care to acknowledge. For example, here’s young (20-year-old) Mel.

My first sex was with a guy, and then I got plenty of sex with girls. Then there was the time that I got fucked, it hurts on the first time but as it continued it started to feel tickly and I started to enjoy it. But I still like to have sex with girls. What do you think I am really?

What do I think you are, REALLY? Why would you want me, a total stranger, to offer an opinion on who you REALLY are? I mean, REALLY!

I gather you want me to weigh in on your sexual orientation, right? Well from the bit of information you give me, I’d say you’re able to swing both ways. And that’s a good thing, at least in terms of getting a date. You have it way over all the other folks who acknowledge being interested in only one gender.

Listen, all human sexuality is on a continuum. Have you ever heard of the Kinsey 0-6 scale? The dean of American sex research, Alfred Kinsey, his associate, Wardell Pomeroy, and their colleagues developed this scale as a way of classifying a person’s sexuality in terms of both behavior and fantasy.

This is what they developed.

0 represents an exclusive heterosexual person, who has no homosexual behavior or fantasy.
1 represents a predominantly heterosexual person, who may have incidental same sex feelings — most likely in fantasy only.
2 represents a predominantly heterosexual person, who has more than incidental same sex feelings and experience — fantasy for sure and probably behavior too.
3 represents an equally heterosexual and homosexual person, one who enjoys both other and same sex behavior and fantasy.
4 represents a predominantly homosexual person, who has more than incidental other sex feelings and experience — fantasy for sure and probably behavior too.
5 represents a predominantly homosexual person, who may have incidental same other sex feelings — most likely in fantasy only.
6 represents an exclusively homosexual person, who has no heterosexual behavior or fantasy.

These pioneering sexologists also discovered that an individual can, and often does move around on this scale at different periods in his/her life. So if you really want to know what you really are, look to both your fantasy life and your actual behaviors and make your call with that information. Just don’t be overly surprised if you find that you shift from one position to another as you grow into you sexuality.

Good luck!

To elaborate on what I just said to our young friend, Mel, I’m going to go all egghead on you. Because there is a body of sexual research that underscores just how complex this whole issue is.

For example, did you know that a recent study discovered that gay men and straight women have similar brain organization? It’s true!

Researchers in Sweden found that gay men and straight women share some characteristics in the area of the brain responsible for emotion, mood and anxiety. Brain scans also showed the same symmetry among lesbians and straight men. These findings were published in the prestigious journal — The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The researchers quickly added that their study couldn’t determine whether the differences in brain organization were inherited or due to exposure to hormones, such as testosterone, in the womb. They were also unable to conclude if brain organization is responsible for sexual orientation.

Numerous other studies have examined the roles genetics, biology and environment play in sexual orientation. But little evidence exists that any one factor in particular plays the all-important primary role. This leads most scientists to assert that both nature and nurture play a part.

To make matters worse, some research contradicts other research, and some promising findings never pan out. (Did you know that there was once a belief that male homosexuality and finger length might be linked? Another, later discredited claim, suggested that gays have distinctive fingerprint ridge patterns.) And researchers never agree on how to interpret results even when they find a likely correlation.

Here are some fun facts you might find interesting.

• A study of 87,000 British men published in 2007 found that gay men have more older brothers than straight men do. Only big brothers count. And lesbians don’t show such patterns.

Ray Blanchard of the University of Toronto, an expert on the “big-brother effect” says that each older brother will increase a man’s chances of being gay by 33%. That’s not as dramatic as it might sound. A man’s chance of being gay is pretty low to begin with — perhaps as low as 2%. So having one older brother only ups the chance of being gay to only about 2.6%.

Curiously enough, this “big-brother effect” holds true even for gay men who weren’t raised with their older brothers. This leads researchers to believe the key to understanding this is in the mother’s womb. After giving birth to a boy, a woman’s immune system can create antibodies to foreign, male proteins in her bloodstream. Subsequent sons in the womb could be exposed to these “anti-boy” antibodies, which might affect sexual development in the brain. How freakin’ amazing is that?

• The hand you use to sign your name might have something to do with what gender you are drawn to.

An study containing more than 23,000 men and women from North America and Europe in the year 2000 found that being non-right-handed seems to increase a man’s chances of being gay by about 34%, and a woman’s by about 90%.

Again researchers guess that different-than-normal levels of testosterone in the womb — widely theorized to play a role in determining eventual sexual orientation — could nudge a fetus toward brain organization that favors left-handedness as well as same-sex attraction.

• If exposure to testosterone in the womb influences sexual orientation, scientists reckon that straight and gay people would differ in body parts strongly affected by testosterone, such as a guy’s cock.

Here we get back to Alfred Kinsey’s groundbreaking work. Researchers at Brock University in Ontario reviewed the data on 5,000 gay and straight men collected by Kinsey and his associates from the 1930s to the 1960s. Their results, published in 1999, showed that gay men had longer, thicker penises than did straight men. On average, about 6.5 inches long and 4.95 inches around when erect, versus 6.1 inches long and 4.8 inches around for straight men.

Again, no one can actually say for certain what this means. One guess is that some male fetuses are exposed to a unique mix of hormones in the womb. Testosterone levels might spike early, causing enhanced penis growth, then drop off later in pregnancy — leading to some feminine characteristics.

As you can see, there’s a still a lot of work to be done in this field. The next frontier looks to be in the subtle differences in how gay and straight brains navigate new cities, respond to erotic movies and react to the scent of sweat and urine.

Stay tuned!

Where the sun don’t shine

Hey sex fans,

It’s another edition of Product Review Friday cumin your way. And we have a swell toy for your bum to tell you about. It cums to us directly from the manufacturer, Nexus.

Review crew members, Ken & Denise, are here to show you around.

Nexus Excel Prostate Massager —— $57.24

Ken & Denise
Denise: “The Excel is the third Nexus product the Review Crew has reviewed so far. There are more coming up too! You can find all our Nexus reviews HERE.”
Ken: “The Excel has this fantastic shape; is made of phthalate-free hard plastic; and it comes in three colors. We have the black one. I have to say that I am partial to silicone toys; there’s a warmth to them that hard plastic doesn’t have. Silicone toys also have a ‘give’ to them that the Excel surely doesn’t have. But now that I’ve tried both, I can say that the hard plastic, Excel has a charm all its own.”
Denise: “I totally agree. In fact, I was surprised to discover that it was hard plastic and not silicone. It sure looks like silicone through its clear plastic minimal packaging. There is one obvious benefit to hard plastic over silicone; you can use whatever line of lube you prefer, even a silicone-based lube. You can’t do that with a fine silicone toy. And because the hard plastic Excel is nonporous and waterproof, it is easy to clean and sanitize too. This makes it the perfect toy to share.”
Ken: “Absolutely! Also, because you can sanitize it you can use it both anally and vaginally. Of course, never go from one hole to the other without sanitizing it. Denise thinks it rocks as a G-spot massager.”
Denise: “True! But here’s the thing; the Excel package says it’s a G-spot massager, but it also says that the unique stainless steel rollerball stimulator massages the perineum. There’s no way the rollerball comes anywhere close to my perineum when I’m stimulating my G-spot.”
Ken: “Yeah, I was confused by that too. Then we discovered that Nexus uses the term G-spot interchangeably with the P-spot, which is really your prostate. I don’t get it, but maybe I’m missing something.”
Denise: “It’s got to be confusing for many more people than us, right?”
Ken: “If you are new to ass play, you’ll want to keep in mind that you need a lot of lube for any insertions. And you should also know that the Excel is probably not for the anal novice. It’s very light, but pretty girthy. But if you have some practice with anal toys this baby will fill you up. The shaft is just under 4” long, and it has a circumference of 1.57” at its widest point.”
Denise: “The unusual shape of the Excel allows you to wear it like a butt plug. Your ass sphincter closes down on the last ridge of the shaft, which keeps it in place. You should know that this thing doesn’t vibrate or anything like that, so there are no batteries to run down. Rather it massages your P-spot (if you’re a guy) by rocking on it, or walking around with it in place.”
Ken: “Denise mentioned the rollerball stimulator. Well this thing pops out of its hard plastic nest for cleaning purposes. The Excel comes with this little tool to do just that. You can drop the two pieces, rollerball and hard plastic everything else into a pot of boiling water to sanitize.  Or if you’re real lazy like us, you can simply add it to the dishwasher.”
Denise: “My advice is to warm up your ass before using any toy. We like to relax our sphincter muscles with our fingers, before toy insertion. This also keeps me in touch, nu pun intended with my ass, which is a good thing.”
Full Review HERE!


Forbidden Fruit Redo

And now, by request, a popular column I wrote several years ago. This is for you, Armand.

What is it about things we’re not supposed to have, or even think about, that make them so tantalizing? In a sex-negative culture like our own, where sexual roles and gender expectations are so buttoned down, where much of the vast array of healthy human sexual expression is proscribed. It’s no wonder we often feel compelled to deny who we are or turn ourselves inside out to avoid the conspicuous. Two correspondents come immediately to mind.

Like I’m totally straight, right. But my roommate is gay. He’s hot and all with a great body and he’s this total sex addict. Sometimes I hear him pounding ass through the wall. When he’s drunk he tells me about the guys he’s fucking and it’s like all this really nasty stuff.
I’m like totally not into cock or anything, but I can’t help but wonder how it would feel to touch one. I see my roommate naked all the time. He’s like this total exhibitionist. Sometimes he even has a piss hardon in the morning. Nasty!
I don’t pay much attention, but I sometimes just want to reach out and grab his thing just to see what he would say. I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea. If my GF ever found out she’d freak. So do you think my roommate would mind if I copped a feel? It’s not like it isn’t already hanging out and stuff. Do you think he’d rat on me to my GF?
— Curious

Like you are so totally NOT straight, dude. You are like the biggest closeted flamer in the whole wide world. You’re just itching for the opportunity to smoke yourself some pole, but you can’t admit it. Hmmm, sounds like several prominent Republicans I know…but I digress.

Like I’ll bet you totally jerk off while your hot roommate is pounding ass next door. And I think your GF is this pathetic beard too.

She’s got her eye on you, don’t ‘cha know. She knows that if she turns her back for just one minute, you’d be taking it up the poop-shoot before she can say “Friend of Dorothy”.

Let’s face it; you want your GF to find out about your secret obsession. BTW, what kind of self-respecting straight chick dates a closet case like you anyway? I mean, like how could your roommate rat you out when everyone already has your number? Darlin’, when you find out you’re a big fat homo, everyone will know.

Dude, like you are totally gonna grab your roommates package one of these days real soon, regardless of what I say or what he may think about you doing it. Like you are totally self-deluded about not caring that he walks around the house sporting a giant boner. And that shit you’re trying to feed me about being scandalized by his nasty exploits, that’s like totally obvious too. Me thinks you doth protest too much.

Listen up! If your roommate is a nice guy, and you aren’t the total skulking dweeb you appear to be. And if you have the balls to come clean with your roommate about your true identity. And he’s hasn’t pounded any ass in the past 12 hours. And if he’s feeling really generous, and you ask him real nice; Yes, I think there is a slim chance he’ll bone you big time. It will, of course, be a mercy fuck for sure, but at least you’ll finally know total bliss.

Like, totally go for it, dude. Sheesh!

These postings are brought to you by

And then there’s this…

Hey Doctor Dick,
I got more of a story than a question. I’m a gay. Kinda average looks, kinda big, kinda burly and I really dig sex. Problem is, cuz I don’t look like your typical fag, all gym buff and everything, I’m not gettin laid like I should. I’ve tried everything, online personals, internet chat rooms, phone hook up lines, everything. WTF?
While I’m online lookin for a hookup, I start to notice something that blows me away. There are a lot of queers lookin to hookup with straight guys. At first I’m thinkin, dudes this is fucked up. There are all these homos out there, like me for example, who ain’t gettin their share and you wanna suck off a straight dude? Fuck!
Now I’m gettin all depressed. Ok, so then I try this little experiment. Next time I’m online, I post an ad like always, same stats same everything, only this time I say I’m straight. Damn if I don’t get hit up by a half dozen guys right away. Guys that wouldn’t have given me the time of day when I was “gay”.
I decide to go for it, like now I just want to see if I can pull this shit off. Guess what, I got the best sex I ever had. I turned guys away even. This is really messin with my head, but I’m gettin some really fine ass so I ain’t complaining…too much.
I decide to really get into this. I start sayin things like my girlfriend can’t suck dick for shit and I got this five day load of straight man spunk hold up for some faggot cocksucker. I can barely keep a straight face, no pun intended.
I put this picture of my sister in a frame by my bed and tell all my tricks she’s my girlfriend. I’ve even got this chick at work to join in the fun and call me when some dude’s blowin me. I have her start raggin’ on me like some real girlfriend and then she wants to know what that sound is in the background. This fuckin drives my trick wild, cuz he thinks he gettin authentic straight man dick. BTW, the chick from work thinks it’s a riot.
This works for sure. Fags are so gullible, it’s fuckin Incredible. But I worry cuz I want a boyfriend and this isn’t gonna get me one. Even if one of my tricks turns out to be the man of my dreams, I couldn’t respect him or trust him knowing he’s tryin to make straight guys.
— Scott

What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive! All this just to get laid, Scott? Holy Cow!

While the good doctor is truly entertained by your delightful story, he is as depressed as you to learn the lengths a gay man has to go to these days just to get another gay man to suck his dick. I don’t recall it being so convoluted when I was a younger man.

The good doctor also concurs with your statement that you’ll probably not find a BF this way. And I’d like to point out the obvious. What’s with this bullshit double standard you have? You say you couldn’t respect or trust any guy who is out trying to make straight guys. Yet you don’t call yourself on the mammoth deception you practice. Curious how we can point out the sliver in another man’s eye when while we still have a plank in our own.

You do, however, get extra points for your creativity. I love the touch of having the chick from work call you while you are in flagrante delicto. That’s beautiful. A+.

Good luck

A Tool For A Dude

Hey sex fans,

Today is Friday and since we didn’t post a review last week, we’re super stoked to post one today.

And this week’s review is special in as much as it presents a product that came to us in an unorthodox way.  Usually we get our products from a manufacturer or a retailer, but this week’s toy comes to us by way of a friend of Dr Dick Review Crew members, Glenn & Hank.

Perhaps a little background is in order. Everyone on the Review Crew and I have had a jones for the Njoy toy line.  The first time I saw their toys I was hot to go. So I immediately set about gettin us some for review. First, I contacted the Njoy folks directly. They totally blew me off. Next, I requested one or another of the toys from our numerous retail affiliates, no luck there either. So I thought to myself, ok fine, be that way. We can do with out your stinkin toys anyway.

Then a couple of weeks ago Glenn & Hank contacted me and told me they scored an Njoy toy and wanted to write about it. I immediately agreed. I’ll let them pick up the story from there.

Njoy Eleven —— $300.00

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “So one of our dyke friends calls me on the phone and tells me she wants to turn me on to one of her sex toys. I’m immediately suspicious because this chick is the queen of sex toys and she’s not the sharin’ kind. So I ask her, what’s up? She tells me she recently plunked down over 300-smackers for this stainless steel dildo. So now my interest is really piqued.”
Hank: “Yeah, he was like beside himself at the prospect of getting a $300 toy to shove in his ass.”
Glenn: “What can I say; I’m a connoisseur! So a couple of days later our friend shows up with a virtually brand new Njoy Eleven. I said, ‘holy shit, girlfriend; what gives?’ She says she can’t use the blasted thing, because it’s uncomfortable in her hand and it’s not the super-duper G-spot toy she expected it to be. I said, ‘damn, hand it over!” And that’s how I got this coveted Njoy Eleven.”
Hank: “I gotta say, the fuckin thing is amazing. And I love the way it fits in my hand. I guess it’s more of a dude’s toy than a chick toy. It is 11” long, thus the clever name, made of solid stainless steel and weighs in at a hefty 2.75 lbs. This thing could easily be mistaken for a weapon.”
Glenn: “Yeah, a weapon of ass destruction! And it’s a doubleheader. One end is slightly smaller than the other at 1.75” in diameter; the bigger end is 2” diameter. I love them both.”
Hank: “The shaft on the smaller end has a series of ridges. The shaft on the larger end is smooth as a baby’s ass. It’s a complete turn-on to see one or the other end of this thing disappear in Glenn’s talented ass.”
Glenn: “And the Njoy Eleven isn’t just for fun, no siree! This is a serious kegel exerciser. While I have the smaller end up my hole, I work my PC muscles to keep my ass in tip-top condition. The weight of the Njoy Eleven gives me a serious workout and a fantastic prostate massage to boot. And when Hank uses it on me, I’m fuckin in heaven.”
Hank: “The Njoy Eleven is compatible with whatever lube you got handy — oil-based, silicone-based, water-based you name it.”
Glenn: “I prefer a silicone-based lube. It makes a stainless steel toy, like this, slick as shit. Even with just a dab of lube there’s never any dragging or pulling. And you can kick it up a notch by warming or cooling the Njoy Eleven. I love being blindfolded and being surprised when Hank teases my ass with something hot, or cold.
Hank: “He’s so easy to please! And look, the Njoy Eleven comes in this really she-she black leather purse.”
Glenn: “I think it’s called a clutch.”
Hank: “Whatever! At any rate, it’s a pretty damned classy presentation. But then again it better, because don’t forget this thing costs $300. Which makes the Njoy Eleven the most expensive toy the Dr Dick Review Crew has ever reviewed.”
Full Review HERE!


Bye Bi Love

Name: Dan
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: Alberta
I am a bisexual that is happily married with children. My wife and I have a great sex life. Every few months I get an urge to have sex with other men. I have acted out on this several times and always practice safe sex. She has caught me surfing gay/bi porn a few times and I think she knows that I have bisexual thoughts. She is interested in anal play with me and has used a dildo on me a few times. Should I come clean with her and risk divorce, which I don’t want, or continue on the way I am going?

I am of the mind that being on the up and up with one’s primary partner is a real good thing, regardless the issue. Practicing a deception, like you’re doing Dan, will take a toll on the quality of life you share. It sounds to me like you’re trying to have your cake and eat it too, or to make a pun…your Kate and Eddie too. Can’t rightly say I think too highly of this.

Most of the bisexual men I know wouldn’t approve of your arrangement either. Because most of the bisexual men I know are not living dual lives. Most are “out of the closet” bisexuals. They’re happier and healthier then their closeted counterparts. They also are less likely to seek anonymous connections with other partners just to relieve their horniness, as you apparently do. In fact when a good friend of mine, a bisexual himself, read your message he was totally put off. He said you’re the kind of bisexual that gives bisexuals a bad name. OUCH!

I may not go that far, but skulking around looking for cock, like you do, while keeping the little woman at home in the dark is a huge problem for me. This sort of behavior also militates against you forming any deeper connection with a guy than a quick furtive tryst might allow. How can years of this sort of thing be satisfying?

Also by siphoning off all your sexual energy like this you blunt the need to channel some of that energy into finding a creative solution to your sexual needs and desires with your wife. You say you have a good sex life together. She sounds pretty understanding and open minded. Most wives would freak for sure if they found their man chokin’ the chicken to gay porn. Are you sure she’d fall apart if she knew you are bi? I’ll bet not as much as she would freak if she comes to learn of your other life from someone other than you. Right? You’re skating on some mighty thin ice, my friend. Besides, most wives have this sixth sense when it comes to this kinda thing. She may already know more about you than you give her credit for. Maybe she’s just waiting to see how long it takes you to let her in on your little secret.

And about the anal sex thing. I suggest you incorporate more of that into your love making with your wife? Hell, get her a nice strap as a gift for being so understanding. You can find a nice selection HERE! I’d also suggest that you introduce your wife to your interest to “bi” porn. Check out some of the Recommended Titles HERE! Who knows where this could lead? It could open a whole new world to you both. It’s not inconceivable that one day you could find yourselves in a three way or some group play. Stranger things have happened don’t cha know.

So Dan, why not give the old honest, straightforward approach a try for a change. Jettison the duplicity. It’s only gonna wind up biting you in the ass one fine day…and not in a good way.

Good luck