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It Just Don’t Look Right


Name: Manson.
Age: 21
I was born with hypospadias and I was operated three times during my life. The last operation was when I was 16. Now, I am 21. My problem is that my penis is only 11 cm or 4.3 inches! I am middle-eastern. I am worried about my penis size, since I have heard it won’t grow longer after the ages of 21-25. What is the best method of penis enlargement that you can suggest in my case?
Thank you

First, a quick review of what is hypospadias is for those unfamiliar with the term. It’s an abnormality of the urethra in some men. It involves an unusual placed urinary meatus (piss slit). Instead of opening being at the tip of the glans (or dickhead), a hypospadic urethra opens anywhere on a (raphe) line running from the tip of the dude’s cock along the underside of the shaft to where the base.

hypospadic 2This happens when a guy’s dick does not fully develop in the womb.

This condition has levels of severity, from the hardly noticeable to very obvious. Some children are born intersexed, and have ambiguous genitalia, which requires sexual reassignment surgery. But I’ll save that discussion for another time.

Some guys, particularly those with conspicuous hypospadias can develop a complex about their appearance. This in turn, impacts on their self-image and complicates their ability to form lasting sexual/partner/marriage relationships. Severe hypospadias can also interfere with procreation. Other men, perhaps those with less conspicuous or severe hypospadias show little to no concern for the appearance of their dick and live completely normal lives.

Some parents of children with mild hypospadias seek a surgical correction to the problem. I view this as a highly risky means to solve a less relatively innocuous cosmetic problem. There are men who were operated on as a child who now, as adults, resent the interference. Are you one such man, Manson? You say you’ve had three surgeries. As you may know, matters are often made worse rather than better through surgery. And of course, there’s always the risk of complications, infections and the like. There are, however, more serious cases of hypospadias that demand reconstruction. If your dick issue is causing you anxiety or low self-esteem, help is available. Check out: The Hypospadias and Epispadias Association.

On to the size of your cock. While your cock falls on the smaller end of the spectrum, it still is near the average. You might want to google — average penis size to get the lowdown on that.

It’s true what you suspect. Don’t count on your dick growing any larger than it is. And frankly, there are no effective methods for permanent enlargement. Here’s what I wrote to another young man (18yo) who wanted to grow his dick bigger…

Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all. I keep promising myself that I won’t respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions. And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again. Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said. If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic look for the CATEGORIES pull down menu in the sidebar to your right. Under the main heading Body Issues you will find a subcategory Cock Size. Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.huge pen..

But since you’re a youngster I will respond kindly. First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John. So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you. If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece. Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.

In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin. It’s simply not gonna happen. There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson short of a surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.

Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick. But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights, the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all. In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.

May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else. Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit. Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock. Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.

I hope this is helpful.

Good luck


My wife fantasizes about cum swapping with me and forcing me to lick my freshly deposited spooge out of her vagina, but every time we try, just after I ejaculate, I loose my nerve. I have tried to taste my own cum before, and it really does turn me on, but there seems to be a huge difference between fantasizing and doing. I love my wife and want to fulfill her fantasy.
How do i get over my apprehension to gulping my own love juice?

it's what's for dinnerOMG Chris! What are you, trying to do make me sick? Just kidding! What a spunky little spitfire you’re married to, my man. Nasty little piggy sex, it’s my favorite kind! You guys GO!

“Vaga-felching” or “lickin’ a creampie” is a relatively obscure fetish. The gays are more likely to felch, cuz they’re so into the whole jizz thing, don’t cha know. Vaga-felching is a-completely-nother thing…especially if it’s a straight dude doing the felching.

Ya see, a guy is always up for layin’ down and nice slime trail, but lickin it up again, especially after it’s been in the inner-recesses of a pussy…why that pretty much enough to make most straight dudes hurl.

I suppose you’re slightly ahead of the ballgame, considering you say you find the taste of your own baby batter a turn on. That’s a good start. The big hurdle, of course, is the having the same desires post-ejaculation as you do pre-ejaculation. And therein lies the rub, darlin’.

Ya see, when we’re in the throws of passion, when we’re totally aroused, we get in this state. It’s exactly like a state of suspended animation, only completely different. 😉 Our senses — sight, smell, touch and taste are muted and our judgment is impaired. Which allows us to do all sorts of things we would never consider if our dick wasn’t hard. Just ask all the holier-than–thou preachers and politicans who’ve been caught lately with their pants down, so to speak. You know the old saying; “A stiff dick has no conscience,” don’t cha? Well, it’s kinda like that.spooge

All the nasty piggy little things we can groove on with a hardon, often evaporate once we’ve shot our load. And seein’ that ya gotta shoot your load in order to make a creampie, the fetching thereafter becomes considerably less tantalizing once you do, if ya catch my drift.

I suppose you could push past the hesitation you have with a little mind game. You could try to convince yourself that what was alluring before the creampie was made is the same thing as after. But then you’d have to override your reinstated judgment and senses of sight, smell, touch and taste to do so. But, if you ask me, I think you could do it. It’s just a little issue of mind over matter.

Get it? Got it? Good!

What’s a mother to do?

What we have here is an exchange I had with a woman and while I don’t know anything about her, not even her name, I can make some inferences. If I had to guess, she’s in her 40’s. She’s married and has kids.

You must talk to a lot of women in your practice and hear from a lot of women through your advice site. What would you say are the main sexual concerns of women over the age of 40?

Research shows that approximately 40% of women experience sexual problems. But a 2008 study out of Harvard suggests that only a few — 12% — are concerned enough with these issues to do anything about them. I find that not only surprising, but shocking! That suggests to me that sexual wellbeing is not a high priority for a good number of women.  What a bummer!sexual-Frustration

Low libido, diminished arousal, difficulties with orgasm, pain with sex or body image concerns all play a part. A lot of this is directly connected with having an ineffectual partner. I mean, I’d give up sex too if I was consistently frustrated and unfulfilled. But what about masturbation? Are sexually frustrated women seeing to their own needs through self-pleasuring? I don’t see any hard data, you should pardon the pun, on that topic.

We hear a lot about the horny dad and the tired mom, but what do you do if the “roles” are reversed – and dad is tired and mom is horny?

Curiously enough, I hear from way more men these days, who are exhausted, depressed or overweight and who have little or no libido, than I hear from women with the same problems. Sign of the times? You betcha!

But don’t sink to the lowest common denominator. Here’s one of my most popular tutorials, Sex Play — Tips and Techniques.

How can parents find common “ground” when it comes to when they might have sex (as in day of the week or time of day)? Does it always involve compromise? Can our internal clocks ever synch up?

Synching up schedules my not always be the solution. If we wait for that to happen, we could die waiting. The answer might be finding a middle ground. “I may not be up for full on fucking at the moment, but I’ll give you a fantastic hand-job.” Or “I can’t seem to get it up right now, but hand me your vibrator and I’ll send you to heaven!” I’m a huge proponent of mutual masturbation.

Another suggestion might be something like The MoodSign. We reviewed this very clever gismo awhile back. In fact, it was among our Best Products List for 2013. Check it out and see if something like this would help.

If parents are interested in kinking it up, what are some simple, not too scary ways to introduce it into the relationship?

Keep it safe and consensual. Always have a safeword. I developed a workshop called; The Gospel of Kink. I’ve also conveniently packaged this workshop into a workbook with the same title. You can find the book HERE!

GOK small cover

Both the workshop and book are designed to help people, like you, develop the skills they need to effectively communicate with one another and improve their problem solving skills. The workshop and book, as the title suggests, are specifically geared toward folks in kinky, BDSM, and alt-culture relationships, but even vanilla couples will find what I present very helpful.

Bondage games are always fun. And you don’t need anything beyond what you already have in your closets — silk scarves, belts, shoe strings, etc.

Nipple clamps, playing with sensations like ice cubes and hot wax, hair pulling, making use of blindfolds and gags

Discipline/Spanking is always fun too — a ruler, a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, a belt, rubber bands. See my tutorial: Spank Me, Daddy.

Role play is always a delight. Don’t forget about phone sex.

There are tons of instructional videos at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

I always suggest that couples read erotica aloud to each other. That never fails to get one’s motor purring.

I’d also love to talk with you about the taboo of sex, particularly with the parenting set, and how parents, moms, and dads, can work to break stereotypes without feeling like a sexual “deviant.”

Really? What would be so wrong about being a deviant?

Good luck

REVIEW: My Life on the Swingset

Hey sex fans!

Have I got some marvelous news for you! My friend and colleague, Cooper S. Beckett, has written a new book.  It impressed me no end so I thought, rather than keep this all to myself, I’d share it with you.

Ya’ll remember Cooper, right? OK, maybe ya don’t; it’s been a long time since he was last seen skulking around my site. Way back in March of 2011 I had the pleasure of welcoming Cooper and his ever so lovely sidekick, Ginger, to my Sex EDGE-U-cation show for a two-part interview. You can find both parts in the Podcast Archive HERE and HERE!

Cooper and Ginger are the hosts of the Life On The Swingset podcasts, where they discuss a wide range of topics, with a focus on consensual non-monogamy. swingset

Cooper’s new book: My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory, is a collection of essays on…wait for it…his personal journey through ethical non-monogamy. This is what he says about it in the Introduction:

You should read this book because it represents my journey. From starry-eyed newbie swinger, through my dealing with jealousy and conflict, through the triumphs of orgies and play parties, through the devastation of breaking up, through exploring polyamory, through divorce, through major life changes, through depression, through success and failure, through the rise and fall of new relationships.

Triumphs of orgies?? How you do go on, sir!

It’s no secret that Cooper is unabashedly biased when it comes to swinging, polyamory, as well as other forms of ethical non-monogamy. And why shouldn’t he be? As he plainly states he has grown in his appreciation of himself and his sexuality in the process. Now, how many of us can make a similar claim? However, in his enthusiasm, he doesn’t gloss over the difficulties. He speaks honestly and earnestly about this particular way to live one’s life. He describes the opportunities that allow for growth in terms of understanding one’s sexuality and one’s loving relationships through experimentation and self-reflection.

To my mind, there is nothing more compelling than a “coming out” story. It’s one thing to quietly self-identify as a fellow big-fat-pervert, as I am apt to say on my podcasts, it’s quite another to tell the whole world. I am pleased to welcome Cooper to the Out-There-Come-What-May club.  It’s good to have you here, my friend.

One of my favorite chapters in the book is titled: Bi The Way – Male Bisexuality and Swinging. Cooper, Ginger, and I talked about this very thing, at length, in our podcast together. So it was delightful to find him exploring this concept in print as well.

There is a huge double standard in the swinging lifestyle when it comes to acceptance of bisexual males. We all know this, it’s endemic. As swingers we seem perfectly happy that our women are bisexual. We encourage and expect them to be so often. Some more than others, but by and large, definitely bisexual. Now don’t jump down my throat here, I’m well aware that straight swinging females exist, and probably in a decent sized number, but wouldn’t we all agree that the VAST majority of females in the lifestyle are bi? This fact isn’t really shocking, as even the mainstream vanilla world has embraced girl-on-girl dalliance action in the past ten to fifteen years. So when a lifestyle such as swinging presents itself as an option, affording them the opportunity to play with girls, well, there ya go, that’s where the bi girl inside comes out. Many of the swing couples I’ve met said that this was one of the prominent reasons they got into this lifestyle in the first place. So Mrs. could play with another woman. You raise the call for bisexual males, however, and tumbleweeds blow by. Invisible because it’s been made very clear in club and party rules and pricing that a man who wants to play with another man is an unwelcome addition to the scene. This doesn’t make sense.

See why I like Cooper so much?

Another thing I liked a lot about the book, and I think every reader will echo my feelings about this, is Cooper’s thoughtful addition of a glossary of pertinent lingo. If you don’t know the difference between a Full Swap and a Soft Swap or don’t know PIV and PIA from a hole in your head (someone’s gonna appreciate that pun, don’t cha know), not to worry because Cooper takes great pains to spell it out for you.

On a personal note, I want to say a special thanks to Cooper for his chapter titled: Podcasting Can be Lonely. I thought I was the only person who thought this way.

Podcasting can be a lonely pursuit at times. You predominantly interact with people that don’t have physicality in your world. They’re avatars, they’re ones and zeros. They exist for real somewhere, of course. (Most of them, there are the bots after all.) But few exist beyond text on a screen. Writing for a website is the same way. It’s a lot of work, and a tremendous output of self. We sex bloggers reveal so much to so many people (at least we hope for “so many”) and can often get to wondering if we’re just shouting into the void.

Funny, erotic, thought provoking, authentic, and true. My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory raises the bar for all of us who are trying to live honest ethical non-monogamy and talk with others about our experiences. Cooper Beckett, you are an inspiration!

My Life on the Swingset is available exclusively as an Amazon Kindle e-book. A print edition will follow later this month. And be sure to look for the audiobook release in the spring. Check it out, sex fans; you’ll be so glad you did.

All that glitters

Hey sex fans!

It’s the black Friday edition of Product Review Friday! And we turn again to Zini for today’s pleasure product.  I believe this marks our seventh review from their line. You are following these reviews, right? If not, I suggest that you do. You can find all our reviews by going to, use the search function in the sidebar and type in “Zini.”

Today we have a vibe designed for women. Here is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa, for the lowdown.

Zini ROAE —— $135.99

I loves me some high-end sex toys. They always make me feel so elegant, and that’s a pretty hard thing to do because I ain’t elegant at all. In fact, I’m kind of a schlub. Don’t get me wrong, just because a vibe is expensive doesn’t make it good. I’ve learned that the hard way.zini_roae_black_gold_size

I know you’ve seen the stuff I’m talking about; stuff that comes in gussied up packaging with fancy-schmancy logos. Stuff that looks so promising, but turns out to be a big fat dud. I hate when that happens. My time on the Dr Dick Review crew has helped me become a little less dazzled with the externals, like packaging and shit like that, and withhold judgment till I get my hot little hands on the thing and put it through its paces. Because, like they say, not everything that glitters is gold.

This gets me to my Zini ROAE, which, curiously enough, is black and gold. BTW, it comes in other color combinations too. Now when I see a vibe doin’ the whole gold thing, I say to my self, “Whoa! Are you trying to dazzle me? ‘Cuz if you are, I’m way ahead of you, buddy.”

So what is the ROAE, you may be asking. Well I’ll tell ya. It is indeed an attractive internal/external vibe, a highly stylized rabbit design if you will, that is supposed to stimulates your G-spot and clit at the same time. It has dual motors and it is covered in luxurious latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. It is beautiful to the touch. It’s also rechargeable, via a USB cable, which is the only way to go nowadays. If you’re still buying battery-operated toys, I don’t even know what to say to you, except GET WITH IT!

zini_roae_gspot_vibrator-02-lrgI was sad to learn that the ROAE is not waterproof. That’s a bummer. I expect all high-end vibes to be waterproof, don’t you?. This spashproof nonsense has got to stop, if ya ask me.

Here’s the thing about the ROAE; it’s a really great design, but it seems like the designers just blew off the recharge port cover. It’s made of this really flimsy plastic that could easily snap off. Had they made it so the port cover was sturdier and created a watertight seal, like their SEED vibe, all would be well.  I mean, why in the world would a company go to all the expense of making something as good as ROAE, but skimp in this very important detail? It’s beyond me.

Anyone who has used one of these internal/external vibes, and there are dozens and dozens of them out there, will know that one size does not fit all. All of us gals have a slightly different genital configuration. Sure everything is in approximately the same place—clit is here, G-spot there—but our uniqueness will either make of break a vibe design for each of us. What works for you may not work for me. I gave up hope long ago that I would ever find precisely the right configuration of an internal/external design to pleasure both my G-spot and clit at the same time. I guess I’m just built weird. But that doesn’t diminish the effectiveness of the ROAE. I don’t mind rocking it back and forth—a little G-spot stimulation, then some more clit stimulation. To tell you the truth, I’m not all that enamored with my G-spot. For me it’s all about my clit. When I jill-off I rarely insert anything into my vagina. I don’t use the ROAE, or any such vibe, internally, even if the designer says that’s how it’s supposed to be used. I’ll be the judge of that, if ya don’t mind. The tip of the ROAE is real good for clit stimulation too and it provides a different sensation than the flat head pad, at the other end of the vibe, the side that is “supposed” to be the clit stimulator.zini_roae_gspot_vibrator-03-lrg

The ROAE delivers a kind of diffuse stimulation, even at its most intense. I chalk this up to the silicone skin. I suspect it mutes a lot of the vibrations. This isn’t a bad thing, especially for women new to vibration. But if you are one of those gals that needs a vibrator that is so intense you need to kick-start it, this vibe will disappoint. The ROAE is remarkably quiet too.

I like the three-button control panel, which is easy to use and understand. The “+” button turns on the vibe and accelerates the speed through its five speeds. The “-” button decelerates the speed and turns off the vibe. The round button between the other two rotates through the 15 pulsation modes.

Remember only water-based lube with a velvety silicone toy like this.

Now to the issue of clean up. Because the ROAE isn’t waterproof you can’t clean it as well as you might like. Submerging a toy for deep cleaning is optimum, but there’s no submerging this guy. There is an obvious seam between the gold plastic in the handle and the silicone skin. I discovered that I needed to use an old toothbrush, along with the warm water and mild soap, to make sure this area is clean. The owner’s manual says you can’t use chemical or alcohol-based cleaners on it. WHAT? I don’t know why this is so because every other silicone toy I know of doesn’t exclude these types of cleaners. Whatever, this pretty much eliminates the possibility of sanitizing it for sharing. That’s another huge bummer because my butt-boy BF, Alex, sure enough wanted to use this toy in his ass. He reminded me that all G-spot vibes also work on P-spots. “Yeah, Alex, I know. You tell me that every time I get a G-spot vibe to review. I may just wind up giving it to him and forgo using it ever again myself. ;-(

zini-roae-black-gold-boxed-1-850x850I want to call attention to the packaging; it’s signature Zini all the way. It’s elegant without being ostentatious and it’s recyclable.

I was torn about a recommendation. On the one hand, the ROAE has a beautiful stylistic design; it’s made of silicone, and it’s rechargeable. On the other hand, there is the spashproof, not waterproof, issue, which has implications in terms of cleaning and sanitizing. For the longest time I struggled with this. I had to ask myself, could I wholeheartedly recommend a super pricy vibe that has such glaring problems? In the end, the answer was, sadly no.
Full Review HERE!


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