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Heart to Heart

Name: Anne
Gender: female
Age: 28
Location:
My question is kind of embarrassing, but here goes. I gave birth to a nine pound beautiful baby four weeks ago. I am happy to report that both mother and baby are doing fine. That is except for the fact that my vagina is still stretched out of shape. My question is can I hope to have it return to its previous shape? Also, I’ve heard that new mothers should wait for six weeks after a birth before having sex again. The problem is that my husband is really horny and he doesn’t want to wait. So I’m wondering will it hurt if I start sooner? Another thing, does breast-feeding interfere with my sex drive? I don’t feel really sexy these days. Sorry for so many questions in a row.

In the immoral words of Prissy in Gone With the Wind, “I know nutthin’ about birthin’ babies, Miss Scarlett.”

Congratulations on the birth of your child, Anne. Wow, nine pounds, huh? Pretty hefty. I’ll bet he’s adorable. Everyone here at drdicksexadcice.com is betting that your child is a boy? Us boys tend to give our mommas a hard time right from the get go. At least that’s what my own dear sainted mither used to say.

people-mother_and_baby-cd01-010.jpgI’m also gonna make another assumption, this is your first child, right? Well, the size of the baby as well as the number of children the woman has carried certainly does effect the elasticity of her vagina. No rocket science there, I suppose. Birthin’ babies is pretty traumatic to your pelvic musculature. These muscles lose tone with each successive delivery. But never fear darlin’, there are muscle-toning exercises known as kegels that will help you tighten things up in jiffy.

Excuse me for a moment, Anne, I think I’m losing the males in my audience. Here’s a tip for all you guys out there who are reading this and rolling your eyes and getting ready to turn the page because you think this is some kinda Oprah — vagina moment. Listen up you monkeys; kegel exercises aren’t just for the ladies. Us men folk have pelvic muscles too. So pay attention, you’re gonna want to know about kegels too.

Sorry about that Anne. See what I mean about boys and givin’ folks, not only their mommas, problems? Anyhow, if you’re not already doing kegels, I strongly recommend that you start right away.

What are kegels, you ask? They’re muscle contraction and relaxation exercises designed help restore tone to the muscles that surround the opening of the urethra (see guys, we have one of those), vagina (ok, we don’t have one of those), and anus (we sure as hell have one of those). Since this includes the muscle that you use to stop and start the flow of urine, you can check if you’ve identified the right muscle by testing your kegel technique while peeing — if you can stop the flow of urine when tightening, then you know that you’re contracting the correct muscle group. BTW, the main muscle is call the pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle for short.

Let’s try this for starters. Imagine that you’re trying to stop yourself from farting or trying to hold your pee. Notice the feeling of squeezing and lifting — it’s a sensation of your pelvic muscles tightening and drawing up. Try it now, while you’re reading this. That’s the beauty part of kegels; you can do them anywhere, anytime. If you’re finding it difficult to isolate the muscle group, insert a couple fingers into your vagina before doing a kegel. If you feel pressure around your finger while you are tensing your PC muscle, then you’re on the right track.

However, if you’re tightening your abs, squeezing your legs together, clenching your butt, or holding your breath then you’re not exercising the right muscle group. The object here is to isolate your pelvic floor muscles. Those are the ones you wanna be working.

I want everyone, not just you Anne, to work on both muscle strength and tone. Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Hold then Relax. Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of kegels twice a day for a week is your goal.

Let’s go over that one more time. Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Hold then Relax. Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of kegels twice a day for a week is your goal.

When you’ve accomplished this you’re ready to increase the set to eight or ten prolonged squeezes and 20 rapid contractions in a set twice a day for a week. The advanced kegeler is able to vary the type and duration of his/her PC squeezing; slow prolonged clenches to quick flutters.

newbornlls07.jpgOn to the other issues you raise. Your uterus and cervix underwent significant changes as you were delivering your baby, and they need time to heal. So if your husband is being a bigger baby than the new-born…see what I mean about boys drivin their mommas and everyone crazy…by pressuring you for nookie, make a deal with him. Hand jobs and blow jobs only for the first six weeks after delivery. I’m sure you can sympathize with the big galoot. He’s probably freakin’ nutty from lack of nookie. How long has it been since he had some of your fine pussy?

Finally, breastfeeding may indeed interfere with your libido, but more likely it’s just the sheer exhaustion of this postpartum period. Nursing your baby every couple of hours, especially during the middle of the night…I mean, how long can that go on before you start looking for the Uzi.

And probably the idea of your husband grabbing at your boobs while they’re still real sore from junior chompin’ away at them probably doesn’t incite great waves of horniness either. Rest assured, this lack of interest in sex won’t last forever. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling all pretty and randy once again. And soon you will once again be inviting and welcoming your hubby’s advances.

Good Luck!

Name: Gordon
Gender: male
Age: 67
Location: Florida
I guess I have more of a comment than a question. I’m 67, a widower and have been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. I never was very adventuresome when it came to sex. In fact before my wife died two years ago I never had sex with any other woman. I never gave prostate cancer a thought, never gave my own prostate a thought either. Now I’m mad as hell that I didn’t. You see when I started to go to a prostate cancer support group I discovered I could have monitored myself better with a simple self-examination. Why don’t doctors tell us about this? Women are supposed to examine their breasts why don’t men examine their prostate? It’s so easy actually and yet it’s this big secret. Why don’t people talk about this? It makes me so mad because it could have made a big difference in my own life. Do you know about this self-examination Dr Dick? If you do why don’t you tell other people about this? I think it would help a lot if you could help get the word out on this. Now that’s all I have to say. Thank you.

No, thank you Gordon. Thank you for sharing your concern with me…with us.

06214123854_275-prostate-cancer.jpgI’ve been an active proponent of prostate self-exam for many years. Let me explain. My career as a therapist began in San Francisco in 1981. As you may recall, that was precisely the same year a mysterious new disease began showing up among gay men. Back then it was being called gay cancer, but soon it would have another name — HIV/AIDS.

Not surprisingly, my private practice focused down almost exclusively to working with sick and dying people. Luckily, I discovered that I was well suited for the job and I liked it very much. So much so that in the mid-90’s I founded a nonprofit organization called, PARADIGM; Enhancing Life Near Death. It was an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. This was brilliant cutting-edge work and I learned so much from the people I was working with. One of the things that struck me most was that regardless of the disease — cancer, HIV, MS, you name it, or even the aging process for that matter — there was always a woeful lack of information about regaining a sense of sexual-self post diagnosis, or sexual wellbeing for seniors in general.

I recall one participant in particular, a man much like you, Gordon. He too had prostate cancer and, like you, he was mad as hell with the indifference of the medical industry toward prostate self-exam. One day during a group session, John was railing against his doctors and cancer associations for their lack of interest in promoting prostate self-awareness. He pointed to the success of the cultural campaign to get women to do breast self-exams. Like you, Gordon, he couldn’t understand why there wasn’t a similar campaign for men.

150_prostate_cancer.jpgAnother group member, Clare, a senior woman in her 70’s and a breast cancer survivor, helped put things in perspective. She reminded us that breast self-awareness in our culture is a relatively new phenomenon. Her mother, aunt, sister and a niece all died of breast cancer before the self-exam campaign began in earnest. Clare went on to say that it was only through the hard work of individuals and grassroots organizations that actively campaigned for breast self-exams that things began to change. Eventually, this movement changed the cultural mindset. Clare said that it was these individuals and grassroots organizations that helped all of us — medical industry, the cancer lobby and women in general — overcome the denial, shame and embarrassment that was associated with women touching themselves, even to save their lives.

This is an indication of just how ingrained the sex-negativity and body-negativity runs in this culture.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the funding I needed to continue Paradigm, so after only a couple of years of these groundbreaking programs I had to close up shop. This precipitated a rather sudden move to Seattle in 1999. I guess I was having a major mid-life crisis myself.

I continued to work with sick and dying people here in Seattle. I had a brief gig at a local cancer center where I developed an NIH (National Institute of Health) funded program for women newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was also working with a group of women with breast cancer and another group of men with prostate cancer. Again I realized that just about every therapeutic intervention I encountered — government funded or foundation funded — was woefully lacking in any clear and unambiguous information about sexual health and wellbeing and intimacy issues.

04011106.jpgTo remedy this, I began planning a video series for people experiencing life threatening and/or disfiguring illnesses. Videos that would help them address reintegrating sex and intimacy post diagnosis. One of the first videos was going to be Public Service Announcement showing men how to do a prostate self-exam. By the way, this particular film was to be dedicated to my friend John, the guy I mentioned earlier. He died shortly after the Paradigm group he was in ended. But he was militant to the end about the pressing need for prostate awareness among men.

Once again the stumbling block I encountered was funding. My grantwriting efforts turned up nothing. I did get a whole lot of, “what a fine idea, Richard. Good luck with that…” brush-off letters though. No foundation would be caught dead funding sexually overt pattern films, even ones with the laudable intent of assisting people with the very information they needed most.

I’m sorry to have been so long-winded in my reply, Gordon. I just wanted you to know that many have preceded you with outrage at the conspiracy of silence regarding prostate self-exam. Let’s face it; our society is so ass-phobic that we’d rather see men die than offer them simple instructions how to finger their butt, find their prostate and keep tabs on their prostate health.

If we want this to change we all need to speak out…as well as stick a finger in our ass.

Keep up the fight, Gordon! And please, stay in touch.

Good luck

…Because I Said So!

Once again, I have the pleasure of introducing all you perverts and pervettes to some very appealing playthings. Thanks to my inquisitive correspondents and the treasure trove that is Dr Dick’s Stockroom, I’m able to bring you another installment of my ever so popular, SEX TOY AWARENESS feature.

Name: Oliver
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Atlanta
I want to try a butt plug or at least I think I do. I have a friend who swears by his. The other day he took me to the store to pick up some groceries. All the while he was acting all weird and giggly and stuff. I knew something was up, because the Safeway is just not that festive. He told me later that he was wearing his butt plug while we were shopping. Are these things really that much fun?

Well ya know fun is in the eye (or in this case…the bum) of the beholder. I know a couple of guys (and even one gal) who wear their plugs for hours on end. A plug of modest size can offer loads of stimulation for an extended period of time. And, like your friend, only the wearer will know the source of his/her shit eatin’ grin. My one female friend says she wears hers when she irons. She told me that ironing used to be a chore she dreaded. Now the drudgery has turned to delight, thanks to her prodigious plug. She also reminds me to tell you that plugs are not only for assholes. She has another set of plugs just for her pussy. What a creative lass!

c933.jpgOliver, let me introduce you to your new best friend for life — the Tulip Anal Plug (C933). This gracefully designed butt plug features a rounded tip for effortless penetration. The yielding tulip shape fans out to a wide, 11⁄2 maximum diameter, then slims to a narrow column, making for an effective fit. This toy is meticulously manufactured by hand in the USA using the finest materials available. And that’s really important considering where you’re gonna shove this puppy.

The Tulip Anal Plug is made from 100% Ultra-Premium Platinum Silicone (read: first class stuff). Hypoallergenic, phthalate free, perfectly odorless, this toy is great for people with sensitive skin or for those who want a more environmentally friendly play option. This plug is boilable, bleachable and dishwasher safe. Isn’t it a comfort to know that this nontoxic, waterproof playmate can be so easily sterilized? And last but not least, the wide base provides improved manipulation and a helpful safeguard too.

Name: Patti
Gender: female
Age: 38
Location: Washington DC
My best friends are getting married. They’re going to Canada to get hitched, because my friends are lesbians, and…well you know how we are here in the states about that. Anyhow, I’m looking for an unusual bridal gift…for two brides!

Yeah, I do know how we are here in the states! Maybe Canada will annex us one day.

c212.jpgWhat lesbian bride wouldn’t want one of these delightful toys? The Njoy Fun Wand (C212) is more than a sex toy. It has as many applications as a Swiss Army knife. (And you know how them lesbians love their Swiss Army knives! They never leave home without it.)

The lucky brides will be able to insert one end for amazing g-spot orgasms, or use the beaded end for anal ecstasy. Your friends will be able to practice their Kegel exercises with this thing too. In no time they will have vaginal muscles of steel. And when the dreaded lesbian bed death occurs, as you know it will, the Njoy Fun Wand can be used to apply pressure to knots in their back and shoulder muscles.

Since it is handcrafted from the highest-grade stainless steel, the Njoy Fun Wand will last a lifetime. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. It’s easy to clean with mild soap and water. Measures approximately 8″ in length, with the widest section measuring 1″ in diameter.

It has a hefty weight to it, and it will hold temperature — warm or cold — just in case your friends have a little kink to them.

j420.jpgName: Ward Clever
Gender: male
Age: 40
Location: Suburban, USA
My wife, June, has been passing around the beaver, if you know what I mean. This has got to stop. That beaver belongs to me. What do you suggest I do to teach her a lesson?

Dear Ward, I know how trying it can be when the little woman wanders. What’s a husband to do? I think it’s time to trap Beaver Cleaver, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Here’s what you’ll need to get the job done. Deluxe Female Chastity Belt, Pink Leather (J420), a top quality piece of pink leather BDSM fetish gear. So feminine, yet so sturdy!

This deluxe locking chastity belt has a waist belt, and a second belt going between the legs flaring out in an hourglass shape around the crotch area, giving more coverage in front and in back, while narrowing between the legs to conform to pelvic anatomy. Ward, my friend, not only will this little number trap June’s beaver, it will keep her bunghole from wandering too!

This leather harness is a full-fledged chastity belt. Both belts are adjustable and lockable. The whole belt requires four locks (not included). Remember, beavers are wily creatures; so security is a must if you want to get the job done right.

Name: Cameron
Gender: male
Age: 24
Location: Winnipeg
Doc, I’m fed up spending so much money on disposable douches. Is there anything out there that is safe and reusable?

b004.jpgYou’re in luck, darlin’! The Shur Shot (B004) is a douche/enema nozzle that is outfitted for use as a shower attachment.

The nozzle is 6″ (15cm) long. It’s attached to a metal hose almost 6 feet (1.7 meters) long. On the other end of the hose is a valve, which you screw on to your shower spigot. Then both your showerhead and the 6-foot hose attach to the valve. In one position, the valve will direct the water flow to the Shur Shot, and in the other position the water goes to your showerhead. Isn’t that brilliant engineering?

Here’s a tip, when you buy a product like this, be sure you buy quality. I do not recommend the cheaper plastic models you sometimes see around. If you buy the Shur Shot you can be confident that blasted thing will last. You will also have the proper length of hose, which is like totally important for reaching those hard to get at spots.

Name: Bette
Gender: female
Age: 45
Location: Redding, CA
One of the medications I take every day has a very unfortunate side effect. It causes acute vaginal dryness and that, as you know, can make intercourse painful. I’ve tried several lubes, but they only seem to help on the surface and I need deeper lubrication. Is there anything you can suggest?

c123.jpgYou betcha! I have just the thing for you. Holy cow, check out the Lube Shooter (C123). This package comes with 3 disposable lube shooters that put lube where you want it, deep in your pussy! No more wasted lube! No more messy sheets. Just a comfortable fuck!

Simply remove the plunger, pour the lube into the shooter. Replace the plunger and depress until the lube begins to ooze. Insert the lube shooter into your pussy and slowly depress the lever. How fun is that? This handy device is perfect for lubing up one’s ass for some deep slippery butt fuckin’ too. But probably you perverts figured that out already, huh?

Good luck Ya’ll

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #34 — 10/08/07

Hey sex fans,

I have a really swell show for you today. We have a load of very interesting questions from all over the globe. And I respond with an equal number of lively, affable and oh so informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Bob stops by for a spot of heavy breathing.
  • Maya’s brother is queer and he’s all messed up about it.
  • Ben’s cock curves, so turns down a blowjob.
  • E is having trouble with his hole.
  • Dave has a knotty prick!
  • Sebastian’s lace curtains are too tight.
  • Johnny has a red sack!

And finally, another installment of our feature, Sex In The News! — This week it’s Senior Sex.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the health section under the subheading — Sexuality. Or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Today’s podcast is once again bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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Blue Plate Special

Name: ali
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: canada
my girlfriend dont waana get maried to me beacuse she is afraid of sex , she hates sex because she think its a disguesting thing like sucking fingering n etc what am i suppose to do i love her how i satisfy her dat we have to marry???

Why would you want to marry a chick that doesn’t like sex? That just seems crazy. If you think you’re gonna win her over or change her mind about sex just by marrying her; that’s even crazier. Loving someone is not enough to overcome this kind of resistance. If she’s unwilling to see a therapist to help her through her revulsion of things sexual, then I’d say it was time for you to find another potential bride.

Name: Randy
Gender:
Age: 24
Location: Florida
Is it possible that anal sex can result in increased flatulence?

xx19.jpgAaaa yeah!

Think of your ass as a cylinder and your partner’s cock as a piston. All the slamming in and out forces air up your bum. And what happens to that trapped air after (and sometimes even during) a fuck fest? You got it…farts for days. It’s no big thing, all bottoms get fuck-farts. The same is true for women — her pussy is the cylinder and her partner’s cock is the piston. All the slamming in and out forces air into her cooch, producing the very familiar pussy-fart.

Name: Jonathan
Gender: Male
Age:
Location: UK
Hello, please could you tell me if there is a way to increase the size of my testicles permanently, I do shoot a good amount of cum but they are small in the hand and look small in underwear and swim trunks, have you any advice on what I could try,

Hold on there, big fella. What are you askin’ me? Do you want to increase the size of your balls (testicles), or the size of your sack (scrotum)? You can do the later, but not the former. If you are past puberty, your balls are the size they are gonna be; there’s no increasing them. Your sack, on the other hand can be stretched to increase its size. Will that satisfy you? If so, read this: …don’t let me get too deep. If not, you’re out of luck, darlin’!

Name: Mario
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Location: CA
I watch porn once in a while and have noticed that when I have an erection I get the “precum” after a while of having the erection. The problem is that lots of precum leaks out and its embarrassing for me when I’m with a girl. They usually get grossed out and stop oral sex. Will the precum go away with time or will this happen to me forever?

Ahhh, the heartbreak of pesky precum drip! I used to know this guy that dripped like a broken faucet and all he had to do was think about a woman’s tits. It was absolutely amazing. When I knew him he was at his first job as a teller in a bank in downtown San Francisco. If there was so much as a woman in line with a low cut blouse and a bit of cleavage showing, he was done for. m.jpgHe could feel his juice drip down his leg. He tried many things to keep his heartbreak from being so obvious — he would wear baggy pants, double up on underwear, he’d stuff his junk in a sock and wear a jock over the sock under his underwear. That worked, but it was uncomfortable. Finally he discovered his own personal solution — he pulled his foreskin over the head of his dick and put a little rubber band over the end. This way his juice would build up inside his hood until he released the rubber band. Now that was creative thinking. I’ll admit this guy was unusual with his prodigious cock dribble, but he was young, only in his late teens. His “problem” did subside with time.

This whole phenomenon is not unlike a person with a heavy perspiration problem. You know the guys, the ones who run with sweat form every pour at slightest amount of stress. For most, this happens during puberty and early adulthood, but it doesn’t last.

Listen, pup, I know your drip may be a bit embarrassing, but it’s really very natural. I encourage you to just go with the flow…no pun intended. The more you worry about it the more it will plague you and in time you will become so self-conscious about it, it will cause performance anxiety. Why not consider yourself lucky, all that precum is a swell natural lubricant. Ya know some women have a similar concern with an abundance of vaginal liberation produced during arousal. But believe me, it always way better to have too much than not enough.

To your concern that some girls get grossed out by your leaky dick, well all I can say is they’re no connoisseur of cocksucking. Because those in the know consider precum the Nectar of the Gods!

Name: Isabell
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: Olympia Wa
HI, my guy and i have been together for five years now and he is 29 now. Of course in the beginning we were all over each other, but now (five years later) he can go months with out even thinking about sex. And of course I am going crazy for it. He says me pining for sex is a turn off but i cant help it. He thinks its normal, but i know its not. I dont know how to get him in the mood. I’ve tried going down on him at night, romantic dinners, porn, and sucking up to his ego. But still to no avail. I know he’s straight. I am sure there are some things that contribute to his lack of interest. Like he was raised mormon, and in some regards holds women on a pedestal. So what would you advise me to do. What can i do to help him get hornier?

You’re right, darlin’, it ain’t normal! A guy in his 20’s, albeit his late, late 20’s, who has no libido…that’s just downright odd.

So let’s say for the sake of argument that you’re right, he is straight as can be (no secret cock on the side). And he can go months without showing any interest in sex? Come on! If he had been like this from the get go, we could make the case that he just doesn’t have an interest in sex. That’s not particularly uncommon. But to go from a vigorous sex live to virtually none in a few years, that’s fishy. Are you confident that he is still attracted to you? Sometimes a guy would rather live a life of quiet desperation than tell his GF that he’s no longer into her in a sexual sort of way.

17647853_p.jpgIs he experiencing any health problems? Is he overweight, diabetic? Is he depressed? Is he on any prescribed meds? Is he smoking too much pot, consuming too much booze? Is he overworked on the job? Is he sleep deprived? All these things can impact on a dude’s sex drive. I’d recommend he see his physician for some blood work to check his testosterone levels. Sometime a guy’s hormone levels can take a nosedive without him knowing it.

Finally, to your question…what can you do to help him get hornier? Probably nothing beyond what you’ve already tried. If a surprise blowjob, a romantic dinner, porn and even an ego boost don’t do the trick, I’d say he’s a lost cause. Time to take your needs to someone with a little more lead in his pencil, if ya know what I mean. None of us should have to beg for our bone.

Name: amber
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: fort worth
When me and my husband have sex he just seems to want to get it over with. I dont ask him for it because everytime i do ask him hes not in the mood. He wont even try to help me warm up i have to do it all myself. I even do everything to him that he asks me. He also seems like he doesnt want to please me because ill tell him ways to make it easier and positions i like and he just ignores me and goes on the way he wants it. When we first met sex was amazing and now sex is literally a 2-minute session just for him. What do i do to get him to help me out too?

See my response to Isabell, right above you.

And to that I would add that if your man is not being mutual in your sex play he’s not playing fair. And let’s not mince words, your husband sounds downright abusive. Marriage does not give one the license to ignore, reject or abuse. I’m not one for ultimatums, but the longer you tolerate his behavior, the more retractable he will become. Give the bum a choice to either work with you to find a happy solution to this mess, or you are gone.

Good luck, ya’ll

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The Doctor is IN!

Name: Paul
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Seattle
I hope this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten this kind of question but I’ve recently discovered that I have a urine fetish. And I guess what I want to know is if among gay men I am in a minority or what? Do you know of other guys out there who share my fetish? Also I’m in a relationship and I don’t think my boyfriend shares my interests so I was wondering if you might have some ideas on how to break the news to him. Thanks a lot.

A urine fetish, huh? Ok! Are you talking about what those in the know call watersports or golden showers, right? I think you’re telling me you like to play with your pee, or the pee of other folks, right?

40.jpgOh my god, this is like a totally popular fetish, and not just common among the gays, don’t cha know. I’m surprised that you haven’t encountered loads of other pee queens before now. Folks of every sexual stripe and persuasion are known to enjoy piss play. There’s even a scientific name for it: urophilia. Doesn’t that sound fun? Honey, guess what? I’m a urophiliac and you can be one too!

Hell, this is such a popular fetish that it has a full subset of associated fetishes. There are clothes wetting, bed-wetting and diaper fetishes, and urinal fetishes. For the BDSM crowd there are humiliation scenes and bladder control scenes just to name a few.

Historically speaking, people have been drinking their own urine as an alternative medicine for as long as…well, as long as there’s been pee to drink. Bathing in urine is also very common in some cultures.

Curiously enough, watersports is not necessarily always a sexual fetish, although it can be sexual in nature. Activities where piss is taken internally (swallowed or received anally or vaginally) can be risky. The pee-ee will no doubt ingest any and all un-metabolized drugs — pharmaceutical as well as recreational — which were consumed by the pee-er. In some societies and in some situations, this is the actual intent — for example intensifying and prolonging the effects of a hallucinogenic drug.

Prospective pee drinkers should be aware that there are a few drugs that pass through the body either partly unchanged or entirely unchanged, like those nasty amphetamines and their derivatives. So it’s all together possible to get really high from drinking a druggie’s piss.

Finally, how do you come out as a pee-queen to your boyfriend? I’m of the mind that the direct approach works best. There’s less room for misunderstandings. You could come right out and ask him for what you want. Darling, meet me in the bathroom. I want to show you something really festive and entertaining. I mean, what homo’s isn’t gonna fall for that?

A less assertive way would be to visit several golden shower oriented websites, they abound on them internets, ya know. Leave the page open for the BF to find. That will stir things up. And unless he’s as dense as a post, he’ll begin to get the message. You could also “accidentally” rent a watersports video. That would, no doubt, open the desired discussion. “Holy cow honey, look what I picked up by mistake. You wanna watch it? Isn’t this hot? Oh my god, I think I just wet my pants. Wanna see?”

Name: Maria
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: California
Hi Dr, My question is a little strange. My boyfriend has this weird fetish about cumming on me…not just on me but all over me. On my boobs, on my face, he likes to get it in my hair, on my feet. I’m practically swimming in the stuff. Most of the time I don’t mind it and sometimes it gets me off. But I’m just wondering what’s this all about. Why does he have this desire to cum all over me? Most of the time he wants me on my knees waiting for his gift, tongue sticking out like a dog. Any thoughts why?

Maria, darling, this is absolutely precious! I love it!

Did you ever see the brilliantly funny Mel Brooks movie, High Anxiety?

In the movie Mel Brooks plays Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke, the new administrator of the Psychoneurotic Institute for the Very, VERY Nervous. He goes to San Francisco for a conference where he is framed for a murder. Mid-way through the movie there’s a scene where Thorndyke is on the lam. He phones his new friend, Victoria Brisbane, (played by the amazing Madeline Kahn) from a phone booth to ask for her help. Victoria is in her hotel room when she answers the phone. Just at that moment, the real killer attacks Dr Thorndyke and has him by the throat. Because of all the heavy breathing and choking sounds on the Thorndyke end, Victoria thinks she getting a prank sex call. She protests but then is drawn into the call. It’s comic genius. Dr Thorndyke’s struggle comes to an end when his attacker is impaled on a shard of glass. His death gasp makes Victoria think her caller just shot his wad. She responds with disgust, “You animal!

That’s where my mind went, Maria when I got your call. The description of your boyfriend’s spooge fetish made me think of Victoria Brisbane and her exclamation, “You Animal.”

p10.jpgYa see, Maria, us boys think all the world is as enamored with our spunk as we are. And so we think we’re doing everyone a big favor by spreading our junk around. We’re particularly fond of getting as much of our joy-juice as possible on our partners and the messier the better. We’ll tell you that we do this because we love you and we just whipped up this tasty little batch of seed just for you. That’s bullshit of course.

What we’re really doing is marking our territory. Did you ever notice how pleased with himself a male dog is when he’s blissfully lifting his leg to pee on everything in site? I’d be willing to bet you’d see a similar shit-eatin’ grin on the BF as you’d see on that dog. Your BF is marking his territory, but he’s marking you with his jizz.

The upside of this is that our little nut concoction is heavily protein laden, so you’ll not find a better skin emolument. Just make sure he doesn’t get any in your eyes. That shit burns! Enjoy!

Name: Jim
Gender: male
Age: 23
Location: Sydney
I’m addicted to porn. I look at porn for hours and hours at a time at work at home on my cell phone whatever. I am noticing that the more porn I look at the more I want and now I’m searching out some real weird shit the weirder the better. I’m afraid this is taking over my life, but I can’t stop. What should I do?

Listen Jim, there’s no such thing as an addiction to porn! PERIOD!

Nowadays people bandy about the term addiction as if it could be applied to any and all obsessive behaviors. I have an addiction to chocolate, I’m addicted to shopping, or I’m a sex addict. NONSENSE!

Let’s be clear about this. An addiction is a very specific condition. It denotes a dual dependency, physical as well as a psychological. A physical dependency occurs when a substance is habitually used to a point where the body becomes reliant on its effects. The substance must be used constantly, because if it is withheld it will trigger symptoms of withdrawal. Psychological dependency occurs when the substance habitually used creates an emotional reliance on its effects. There is no functioning without it. Its absence produces intense cravings, which if not fed will trigger symptoms of withdrawal.

What you report about yourself, Jim, is not an addiction. Your behaviors, however, are a classic example of a severe fixation or obsession. Just because out of control behavior isn’t an addiction, doesn’t mean it’s not serious.

You may say to yourself, “What the fuck, doc, fixation, addiction it all sounds the same to me.” Well, sounding alike and being the same are two very different things. Besides, if one doesn’t properly identify the problem; how will one find the proper intervention? And you, my friend, need an intervention ASAP.

n.jpgYour relentless pursuit of pornography, your obsession with more and more graphic and extreme depictions of sex is clearly interfering with you living a normal life. And at such a tender age, what’s up with that? This has got to stop, pup. You can’t continue to take refuge in fantasy material in lieu of having healthy interpersonal relationships.

I’d also challenge your suggestion that you are enjoying the porn you consume. When consumption of anything — porn, food, whatever — is this unrelenting, there is no enjoyment factor anymore.

If you have the psychological capacity to limit your porn consumption on your own, great — Do it! Be strict with yourself. Deny yourself access to the materials that fuel your fixation. Channel that energy into connecting with other LIVE humans.

If you are unable to monitor your behavior on your own — seek professional help right away. Look to a sex-positive therapist who will assist you in creating boundaries for yourself. Your therapist will help you learn how to reward your successes and not reward your failures. You will, in time, be able to put this obsession behind you. But you must act now. Your humanity hangs in the balance.

Good luck, ya’ll!

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