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A Labor Of (self) Love

Our brief summer holiday is coming rapidly to an end. The Dr Dick Review Crew is straggling back home and our podcasts will resume on Wednesday, 09/05/12. But today is Labor Day and I think we should acknowledge those who labor at self-love.

Name: Amy
Gender: female
Age: 23
Location: salt lake city
I have this weird thing that when I masturbate with a vibrator I can’t seem to bring myself to an orgasm. It feels really good and everything, but I get almost there but can’t quite cum. Does that make sense? It’s been awhile since I had a guy…but I digress. I was just wondering if you have any advice, or if I’m doing it wrong, or…I just need some help. Thanks a lot.

Hold on there, darlin’, are you tellin me you can jill-off just fine using your hand, but when you kick start your vibrator and apply it to your naughty bits you can’t cum? Is that what you’re tellin’ the good doctor? Or maybe I’m assuming things I shouldn’t. Maybe you’re not masturbating to orgasm at all, by hand or by gadget.

Since you’re not here to fill me in, so to speak, the best way to handle this is with a scatter gun approach. If you’re unable to jill-off to completion by any means, manual or mechanical, you may be preorgasmic. I’ve written a lot about this already, so there’s no need for me to repeat myself. Here’s what you do; check the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar to your right.  Look for the main category — Sex therapy and under that look for the subcategory ‘Preorgasmic Women‘. Or check out the main category — Sexual Performance and look for the subcategory ‘Female Masturbation‘. You’ll find loads of swell information about this very topic.

If, perchance, you can masturbate just fine using your hand, but the rub (no pun intended) comes when you introduce a vibrator, then that’s a horse of a different color. In that instance, I’ll need more information before I can be of much help. Like, I’d want to know what kind of vibe are you using? Is it an all purpose wand type? A dildo kinda thingy that you insert in your pussy? Is it a rabbit, a G-spot vibe, a bullet or an egg-shaped vibrator? Are you doing any direct clitoral stimulation?

If you can make yourself cum through manual stimulation, how different a sensation is the vibrator? Is it possible that you need more vroom? Is it too intense?

What about other stimulus? Like what’s going on between your ears while you’re diddlin’ yourself? Are you thinking dirty thoughts? Watching some delicious smut? Reading some kick-ass erotica? Or are you concentrating so much on making the big “O” happen to actually let it happen? Chicks get performance anxiety too, even when they are by themselves. Performance anxiety is not just a guy thing.

I discussed your question with my friend, Joy. She asked me to ask you about the position you are in when you’re jillin-off. She said she had the damnedest time throwing herself her first screamin’ meme, even with a vibrator until she discovered that getting into a squatting position with her back against a wall did the trick. Stands to reason, orgasms are all about building sexual and muscle tension. Joy found that squatting tensed her hamstrings, quadriceps, glutes and even her PC muscle. This tension was just the thing to deliver the goods. Joy did add, however, that getting out of the squat after the event was really tricky. She said that in the end, she just learned to simply topple over with a bit of a thud. I had to laugh when she told me this, because I couldn’t help seeing Joy in my mind’s eye (she’s a big girl, don’t cha know) all breathless and topsy-turvy on the floor with a big ol’ shit-eatin grin on her face after finally delivering herself from the land of the preorgasmic.

One final thing, I’ve often heard women speak of the high success rate of jillin-off to orgasm in the bath. Again, this stands to reason too. Here you are all relaxed, warm and cozy, all wet and squishy. Why not add a little jet of warm water or a waterproof vibe and you’ll be havin’ an orgasm as easy as fallin’ off a log…or so I’m told. Just remember, baths and plug-in, electrical kinda vibes definitely don’t mix! A miscalculation here and you’ll find your ass in the sweet hereafter.

Listen, Amy, why not write back sometime with either more information or to report a success. I’d love to hear from you.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Grindr for the GOP Convention

Hooking Up at the GOP Convention this year is going to be so easy with their new Grindr app.

You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’…

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: Canada
During my teenage years I had a few girlfriends and enjoyed having sex with them. There were never any problems. However at around age 20 while still in College I began to experience sexual dysfunction with my partners after the second or third time we would have intercourse. The symptoms were, I’d be horny, have a good erection but a few minutes into intercourse my penis would start to feel numb and I either would not be able to have an orgasm or I would lose my erection. I would also start to feel sexually repulsed by my partner. This pattern continued for the next 15 years as a single man. I thought I was simply easily sexually bored and dealt with the problem by breaking off the relationship as soon as the sexual dysfunction would start and move on to someone new. One night stands and new partners were never a problem. It just happened after we would have a few dates. It also happened when I met my future wife. It didn’t seem to bother her that much although she thought it might be a good idea to make an appointment to see the Doctor about it. After we were married we basically stopped having sex (we weren’t having much to begin with) because it just proved too stressful, humiliating and it had no payoff for me. I started seeing therapists and for the next 8 years I went through 7 different therapists including marital counselors, sex therapists and psychiatrists. Now I have been married almost 15 years and the marriage has been sexless. My wife doesn’t like it but has made her peace with it. I can masturbate with no problems at all and have been told by doctors there is nothing physically wrong with me. But none of the therapists were able to pinpoint what was causing my sexual problem. I have had a few sexual encounters outside my marriage over the years and the sex was great, no problems at all. Mind you none of these “affairs” lasted very long, a half dozen sexual encounters at most. Any ideas what might be causing this inability to ejaculate and inability to keep an erection plus the feeling of sexual revulsion with a partner after two or three sexual encounters?

YIKES, James, you just recounted 25 years of deep seeded psychological problems and you expect me to make an insightful comment in the precious little time I can afford any one of my correspondent. That’s a pretty tall order; don’t you think?

Ok, for all it’s worth, here goes. My guess is that you don’t have a sexual dysfunction at all. But you do have a huge rift between your sexual life and your intimate life. And this expresses itself in the ways you outlined above.

Many people who have difficulty with intimacy can still perform sexually pretty much like everyone else. Obviously the performance thing is not dependent on the intimacy thing. In these cases, sex is rarely more than a mechanical bodily function — get it up, get it on, get it off, the end. The hard part comes when these people try to ground these mechanics in a healthy emotional context.

The fact that you can’t bone the same person more then a couple of times without revulsion, and that you can only tolerate your long-suffering wife if your marriage remains sexless; tells me you need to investigate why you can’t connect sexual expression with intimacy. You exhibit all the classic signs of a sexual dysfunction, but they’re only symptomatic of a much more profound disability. And you’ll never get to the bottom of dysfunctions until you get to the root of your intimacy issue.

When I see a person, like you, in my therapy practice, I try to help my client overcome his/her rift by encouraging him/her to gradually increase the amount of intimacy he is comfortable with every sexual encounter. It’s a simple behavior modification technique. It often is very successful, but most of my clients are highly motivated to heal the fracture in their life. Also, they don’t have a 25-year history of this to overcome.

You on the other hand, don’t seem to be particularly motivated. I can see that you’re curious about your sexual problems, but you’re not making that all important connection between your bodily functions and your emotion capacity. There’s a blockage there that is so ingrained it would be very difficult to undo. It could happen, but you’d have to be very passionate about making it happen and then stick with the therapeutic intervention till there was a breakthrough. This no doubt would involve reversing a lifetime of selfishness and egotism. And I see no evidence that you have that kind of moxy.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Take Me To Paradise

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday! And today’s edition comes with a distinct international flair. We are proud to welcome a new company to our review effort, Rianne S. This remarkable company and their beautiful products come to us all the way from Belgium.

The Rianne S website claims “(Our) products combine sexuality, style and intelligence, which above all deliver the desirable results. The products are simple to use and easy to incorporate into sexual play and also beautiful and fashionably classic.” Well, we’ll just see about that.

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Denise and Ken are here to see if today’s product lives up to the hype.

Matryoshka —— $119.95

Ken & Denise
Denise: “I’m in heaven! I’m floating on a cloud of pleasure. Ken and I are enjoying the afterglow of some amazing lovemaking. But I knew this was going to happen even before it began. Thank you Matryoshka!”
Ken: “I took more of a wait-and-see attitude. But I was at a strict disadvantage, because Denise had some private time with the Matryoshka before we all had an opportunity to play together.”
Denise: “Yes, that’s where the story starts. Today’s sexual bliss for us actually began a couple of weeks ago. I stopped by Dr Dick’s to pick up our new product to review.”
Ken: “When Denise told me about the Matryoshka I realized I had heard that word before. It took me a moment, but I soon remembered; a matryoshka is a Russian nesting doll. This, of course made sense once I saw the vibe out of its package. It’s small and discreet and is shaped like…yuo guested it… one of those dolls.”
Denise: “I guess I’d say that the Matryoshka is primarily a clitoral vibrator. But it’s rounded head can be used anywhere on your body for area-specific stimulation. It’s perfect for nipples, labia, inner thighs, perineum and anus. While it can be inserted, it’s diminutive size doesn’t allow for any real depth of insertion. It’s only 3.25″ high with about 1.5″ insertable length. The broad base makes it easy to grip during use.”
Ken: “The Matryoshka is perfect for couple’s play, but I think I’m getting ahead of the story.’”
Denise: “Yeah, let’s tell them about what it’s made of and how it operates first.”
Ken: “The Matryoshka is covered in 100% high quality silicone, which is nonporous, phthalate-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. It is exceptionally soft and smooth. There is no texture to it. It is velvety to the touch. The letters “RS” are raised on the body near the control buttons. And because it is silicone, be sure to use only a water-based lube with it. A silicone-based lube would mar the beautiful finish.”
Denise: “Two raised buttons just below the neck of the Matryoshka operate the vibe. The buttons are easy to press, but not so easily that you’ll press them accidentally while you’re using it. Either button will turn it on. To turn it off, press either button for three seconds. To lock, press both buttons down for five seconds. To unlock, do the same. You can cycle through the power settings, by pressing the double circle button. To cycle through the vibration patterns, press the other button.”
Ken: “There are five speeds (intensities) and five vibration patterns (if you count the constant vibration as a pattern). The vibrations are focused in the tip of the Matryoshka and you can feel them throughout the head of the toy. There is virtually no vibration in base, thus your hand won’t numb or vibrate as you hold it. And the Matryoshka is super quiet.”
Denise: “The Matryoshka is waterproof. Since the charger works magnetically there’s no charger port for water or lube to get inside the toy. This gets me to my first date with the Matryoshka. We were alone, in the bath. I saw stars!
Ken: “The Matryoshka recharges its lithium ion battery by sitting on its recharger dock, which doubles as a discreet storage compartment. This is mighty cool stuff. Oh, it also comes with a drawstring bag storage bag, which makes it perfect for traveling.”
Denise: “A word about the beautiful packaging. The Matryoshka comes in an understated purple box. Inside the box you’ll find the charging/storage cylinder, the users manual, warranty, charger, pouch, and adapters for the US, Europe, Australia, and UK. There’s also a beautiful booklet with information on Rianne S. All the packaging is recyclable. Kudos!”
Ken: “So Denise love the Matryoshka in the bath and she loved it for her self-pleasuring, but the real test for us would be in partnered play. And here too the Matryoshka excelled. It’s powerful enough to deliver real pleasure, but small enough as to not get in the way when we fuck.”
Complete Article HERE!
ENJOY

SEX WISDOM With Rob and Janelle Alex — Podcast #340 — 07/25/12


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

I have another charming SEX WISDOM show for you today. I welcome a husband and wife team, who are exploring the intimate connection between the sacred and the sensual.

Rob and Janelle Alex are my guests and they are authors, speakers, educators and guides. If you think, as I do, that our relationships can be a spiritual path, then stick around for this enlightening chat. You will not be disappointed.

Rob and Janelle and I discuss:

 

Rob and Janelle invite you to visit them on their site HERE! You can also find them HERE! They are on Facebook HERE!

(Click on the book art below to purchase their book.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Hot Plus Size Lingerie.


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