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Tricks Of The Trade — Part 3

Today I return to a series I started back in October. (You can Find the first two parts of this series HERE and HERE!) As you may recall from back then, a friend of mine, who is writing a book about male sexuality for women, asked me if I could be her go-to-guy for a bunch of questions she had about pleasuring a man which she wants to include in her book. I think it is only fair that you, my loyal audience, should get this information before anyone else does.

COCK & BALLS

Does the concept of blue balls really exist? (With all of the tantric activity that goes on, I assume it’s more of a myth than anything else, but we would love to hear otherwise if I’m wrong!)BlueBalls

Yep, it’s slang for an actual condition — congested prostate or vasocongestion caused by prolonged sexual arousal. A dude’s balls and prostate will ache if an ejaculation/orgasm doesn’t dissipate the trapped blood that fills the vessels in his cock and surrounding genital area during sexual arousal.

During sexual arousal, a guys balls can increase in size 25-50 percent. This is particularly true for younger men; wouldn’t you just know it.

Are there any “secret spots” on the male body that we should know about, that aren’t on the penis or in the butt?

You know those two things on a guy’s chest? I think they’re called nipples. Some men’s nipples are hot wired to their dick. I know several men who are orgasmic through nipple play alone. Any man can learn to sensitize and find pleasure in their nipples or other parts of their body as well.

Are there any magical/mystical techniques that gay men have mastered that straight women should know about?

floppy critterThere sure are, but us gay men are sworn to secrecy about this. And I’m not about to break this sacred code of silence. However, every straight woman should have a good gay male friend that she can ask about things like this. Most gay men are not as discreet about this as I am. They will gladly tell you what they do to pleasure their men if you ask them. Get a gay friend, if you don’t already have one, and have the talk. You will be amazed.

What exactly is the Frenulum? Is there any biological purpose to it? Why is it so sensitive? And what should a girl do with it?

Actually a frenulum is a small fold of skin tissue that prevents an organ in the body from moving to far from a particular location. There are frenula at several points of the body, including several in the mouth, some in the digestive tract, a couple in the vagina, and, my favorite, the one on a guy’s cock.

This is an elastic band of tissue under the dickhead that connects to the foreskin, and helps cover the dickhead when not aroused. Sadly, the frenulum can be partially or even totally removed during circumcision.

Think of the frenulum as a guy’s feeble excuse for a clit. It’s loaded with nerve endings. If a chick wants to know what to do with a frenulum, all she has to do is ask herself what she likes having done to her clit.

Any tricks of the trade on what a gal should do with a man’s testicles? Anything that will really drive him wild?by the balls

Loads of guys like having their balls stretched. Guys have been stretching their balls for just about as long as us men folk have had balls to stretch…and that’s a mighty long time. The only thing that screams male virility and potency as much as a big dick is a pair of big low hangin’ nuts. In fact in many societies throughout history a man’s cajones were considered sacred. They were revered as objects of religious, social, cultural, and even magical power. In fact in ancient Rome, when a man would take an oath he would grab his balls, just like we put our hand on a bible today. In fact, some etymologists believe that’s where we got the word, “testify,” from the Latin: testis.

Men discovered early on that ball stretching was both erotic fun and relatively easy to do. Just to clarify…when I say ball stretching, what I really mean is sack (scrotum) stretching. One cannot really increase the size of his balls (testicles). Soon men in many societies were stretching their junk to call attention to their manliness. With the help of a stretching device of one sort or another, and there are several, men were able to lengthen their balls with very little effort.

A gal can help a guy do this. The simplest method, and you don’t even need no stinkin’ equipment for this, is called the manual method. All ya do is give your man’s huevos a nice sustained tug. Alternate your tugging with some nice ball massage. Over time this will help to lengthen his ball sack because you’re manually forcing it downward. The more you pull and the longer you pull, the more you will affect the hang of your guy’s balls. It’s also pretty sexually stimulating too.

This method is particularly effective after a hot bath or shower. His skin will be at its most pliable then. This method is safe and effective and even a rank amateur can pull it off, so to speak. This’ll be fun and pleasurable all on its one. Your guy will love that you are paying his balls some attention while you’re jerkin or suckin him off. And that will make him and his nuts much happier.

What are your thoughts on circumcision? We’ve read that it actually can cut off important nerve endings — is there any truth behind this?

Foreskin HugI am completely opposed to infant circumcision. It is genital mutilation. And yes, it can and often does remove important nerve endings. (See question 4 above and read below.)

As to adult circumcision, I need to say one thing from the outset. It’s a particularly thorny issue for me. I firmly believe in the right of an adult to augment, adorn and embellish, or in any other way customize his or her body. Just as long as that person has taken enough time to think it through. At the same time I am a furious proponent of genital integrity. So you see my conflict.

There are, of course, medical reasons for adult circumcision.

Take a really close look at a foreskin. I mean a really close look. What do you see? Veins, right? If you pinch a foreskin between your thumb and forefinger as hard as you can; what happens? OUCH! Ya know why that is? A foreskin is just chock-full of nerve endings, darlin’. A foreskin contains about 240 feet of nerve fibers and tens of thousands of specialized nerve endings, which can feel the slightest pressure, the lightest touch, the smallest motion, the subtlest changes in temperature, and the finest gradations in texture.

In many ways, a foreskin is just like one’s eyelid. It covers, cleans, and protects a guy’s dickhead just like one’s eyelid covers, cleans, and protects one’s eye. A foreskin keeps the surface of a guy’s dickhead healthy, clean, shiny, warm, soft, moist, and sensitive. And there are a whole lot of us who think a foreskin is totally hot.

A foreskin is a specialized, sensitive, and functional organ of touch. No other part of the body serves the same purpose. Besides, if it’s cut off, it’ll remove 50% of the skin of the cock.

Finally, I’m of the mind that millions of years of evolution has provided men a covering for our dickhead for a purpose. And to remove it is simply unnatural.

Whataya Think?

Name: Alyssa
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Location: Vancouver
I’ve recently begun dating a very nice, attractive guy who has a unique fetish. He’s very sweet and complimentary in real life but when we play he likes to say dirty and very insulting and frankly pretty outrageous things about my mouth. I have enjoyed it when we’ve played this way but I kind of wonder deep down if he actually likes my mouth or not. He says it’s just a fetish and he thinks it’s beautiful. Can you give me some insight into this?

Seems to me, Alyssa, if the BF only does this trash talk during sex, then it is, as he insists a fetish. I recommend that you not try to read anything more into it than that. Don’t over think it and don’t second-guess this harmless fetish. In fact, you ought to revel in the fact that you have a man that enjoys something a little out of the ordinary. And hey, why not give dirty talk a try yourself. You can, you know. All ya gotta do is get into the same mind set as the BF, and give him as good as you get. I can pretty much assure you that this will turn his crank, big time.i just can't

Name: Baux
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: Colorado
I’m a young gay guy; I have been having anal sex on the bottom since I was 14 years old. There have been no more than 15 guys, though I’ve probably had sex around 50 or so times. Recently within the last few months, sex has stopped feeling good. The initial burn caused by penetration won’t go away. I truly do want to keep having sex; do you have any idea why my ass is suddenly so sensitive?

Wow you sure are precocious, my friend!

And yes, I do have some idea why your ass is suddenly so sensitive. I’d be willing to guess that you may have developed an anal fissure.

An anal fissure is a tear in the lining of the anus or anal canal. The fissure can be painful and may bleed. For more information on this; search my site using the term, “Anal Fissure.”

This is nothing to fool around with, pup. Have yourself checked out by a physician ASAP. Remember, our bodies often offer us warning signals when something isn’t right. A painful burning sensation is one such warning signal. Please, attend to this right away. Take yourself to a community free clinic for screening if you don’t have a general practitioner you can rely on.

Good luck

Holier Than Thou

Name: Jean
Gender:
Age: 36
Location: New Haven, CT
I’ve been with the same man for 14 years. We both decided to become Christians about a year ago. Now he’s not interested in sharing the same bed and not interested in having sex with me. It tried to overlook this hoping it was some kind of phase, but it goes on and on and he still doesn’t want sex. He’s the only man that could ever satisfy me sexually. I dated a few guys, four to be exact, before we met. I still love this guy but he won’t acknowledge my feelings. I feel like I’m losing everything, my best friend, my partner, my lover …and my sanity. I’m happy we’re still together, but I’m frustrated to the point of exhaustion without my sex life. Any ideas what I could do to turn this around?

What an unhappy tale of woe you have you have to tell, Jean. The Christian conversion thing didn’t quite work out like ya thought, huh? Well maybe it has less to do with Christianity per se, and more to do with the Joe who converted with you.

I’ve heard similar complaints from other people whose partners have decided, unilaterally, to make a radical life-change for themselves. Often these new zealots fail to appreciate how their life altering decisions impact on the wellbeing of those around them. And because they are so damn single-minded about their new passion — as every zealot is, there is rarely any talking to them.holier-than-thou

Two former clients come to mind. First, there was George, a gay man in a 10-year relationship with this other really sweet guy, Robert. Eight years into the relationship Robert had a heart attack. Despite a full recovery and living a much healthier lifestyle after the hear attack, Robert got it in his head that if he were to have sex again, it would kill him. There was no reasoning with him. No sex ever again, period. This otherwise blessed relationship ended painfully. Pity that!

Another client, Melissa, discovered long-distance running two years into her marriage to Allen. She became like a woman possessed. Running consumed her. Her career, her friends and family, her social life all suffered. But no one took the brunt of her newfound craze more than her husband. At first sex was out of the question because there was no time. Then all that body-punishing running radically changed her entire metabolism. She even stopped menstruating. Her libido virtually expired. Even the imminent demise of her relationship didn’t alter her running routine. So basically Melissa just ran away from her marriage. Simple as all that!

In your case, Jean, your partner appears to have bought into the some of the worst sex-negative messages of Christianity. I suspect that there’s no turning this around and, unless you wish to continue to sacrifice your sexuality on this unworthy altar, I’d suggest you make peace with the fact that life will never return to how it once was.

And what’s all this about he being the only man who could satisfy you? You’ve had only 4 other partners, for christ sake! And most if not all were crummy lovers, right? Are you the kind of gal that quits shopping for shoes after trying on only 5 pair? I think not!

There is a whole world of men out there that would be happily give you what you aren’t getting at home and some of them may even be good lovers. If no accommodation can be made with your husband about fulfilling your needs than I suggest you beat a hasty exit.

The longer you stay in this unhealthy environment the greater the chance will be that you will become more and more embittered. God gave us the gift of sexuality for a purpose. It was meant to give us pleasure and enhance life. Your sexuality is in danger of becoming just the opposite of what nature intended. Do yourself a favor and choose life and happiness. You’ll be glad you did…so will God.

Good luck

Mellow With Age

Name: Bob
Gender: Male
Age: 54
Location: Laguna Beach
As an older man, I’ve started having performance problems. Unfortunately there’s no decrease in my libido. I think some of my problem is psychological. I’m also HIV+. And I find myself worrying about transmission even with condoms. But some of the problem is physical. I do wear a cockring and that helps I guess. Is there anything else I can do to increase my performance to match my libido?

Thanks for your comment and question. Your concern is a familiar one. Men regularly present this problem in my private practice and I also have a personal familiarity with the issue in my own life.

Diminished performance, at least in terms of a perpetually stiff dick, is a natural occurrence as we age. There was a time when I thought this was a major problem. I don’t think like that now. These days I’m helping my older clients (and myself) appreciate the full range of sensuality that is the unique purview of us more seasoned lovers. I’ve always felt that as gay men we are too genitally focused, especially when it comes at the expense of all the other pleasure zones our bodies have been gifted with.Kedori - Eileen Gray Bibendum Armchair

The rushed, hormonally driven sex of my youth has matured into a slower, more relaxed and sensual sexuality that I am thoroughly enjoying. This has been one of the very best gifts of the aging process. It’s even having an effect on my younger partners and they are appreciative.

So I no longer equate performance with a stiff dick. For those times when I absolutely need a rock-hard hardon a cock ring does just fine. I’m aware that I may need more time to achieve this kind of erection, but I’m not just twiddling my thumbs while I’m waiting, if ya know what I mean. I am no longer frustrated by this natural phenomenon, because I no longer have unrealistic expectations.

I realize that many men are using with an erection-enhancing medication such as Viagra, but I suggest that this be reserved for those who are truly experiencing erection dysfunction.

I’m also concerned with the alarming rise of younger men, men in their 20’s and 30’s who are using Viagra or another similar drugs recreationally. This is very troubling. If your young body is having difficulty producing an erection, then you need medical attention ASAP, or maybe you just need some sleep. However, if you’re abusing Viagra just so you can have an erection that lasts for hours that’s a real bad idea for several reasons. Not least of which is your body will habituate itself to that stuff and you will find that, in time, you won’t be able to get it up at all without ever increasing doses of Viagra.

viagra cartoonThis is gonna fuck up your cardiovascular system big time. In fact, you may very well be inducing the very sexual dysfunction the drug is supposed to help. Consider the person who overuses eye drops or lip balm or any number of otherwise innocuous health and beauty products. Their body will stop making the natural substances that these over the counter products are intended to assist. It’s counterproductive and it’s ill advised. If this is a problem with relatively harmless over the counter products, you know you are playing with fire when you’re abusing powerful prescription meds.

Whoops, sorry Bob, I went off topic there for a minute. It’s just that every opportunity I get to put out a message that will dissuade someone from hurting one’s self, I just launch into it.

So back to you. It is clear from what you tell me, your performance problems do, as you suggest, also have a psychological component to it. You have a fear that, despite being responsible in your sex play and even though you play safe, you could accidentally pass on HIV.

It’s true; one’s brain can indeed override almost every function of our body. For example, we draw each and every breath we take without even thinking about it. However, if a situation dictates our brain can and does override that essential pulmonary function and we can hold our breath. The same is true with our sexual response cycle. Sometimes we can become sexually aroused without really thinking about it. However, if for one reason or another our brain assisted by our conscience interferes with or even shuts down the sexual arousal, that’s pretty much, all she wrote.

Your scruples about the possibility that you could accidentally pass along HIV are interfering with your sexual response cycle. No cockring or an erection-enhancing medication is going to change that darlin’!

In other words, the problem is not in your cock, the problem is in your head. This is something you’re gonna have to wrestle with and finally resolve. This tension between your head and your dick is actually a good thing. Your body is providing you an opportunity to align your moral values with your sexual performance. How will this resolve itself? I couldn’t say. But I know for sure resolution is possible.

I do suggest, however, that you not try to do this in a vacuum. Reach out to a HIV support group or a sex-positive therapist for the help you need in making peace between your head and your cock.

Good luck

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

Name: Jake
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Location: NM
Can u get more guys to tell about mutual masturbation stories? And how I can get my friends (both straight) to do it with me?

OK, I’ll ask my audience to send us stories about their mutual masturbation experiences.wanking

Hey guys, and guys and gals, here’s what I want you to do. Send me stories about your mutual masturbation experiences. You can post your stories in the comments section of this posting, or use the Got A Sex Question form in the sidebar to the right. If we get some good ones, I’ll put them up on my site.

As to asking your straight friends to jerk-off with you, well, that’s another issue all together. Most young men won’t even acknowledge that they pull their pud. Most ostensibly straight men wouldn’t consider choking the chicken in front of a gay guy, or even with a gay guy, because they think that’s…well gay. Maybe your friends are more open-minded about such things, but I won’t hold my breath.

However, if you think there is a chance they’d consider such a thing. Why not just come out and ask. “Hey guys, I’m hosting a circle jerk at my house on Wednesday afternoon after school. If you’re lookin for a good time all you have to do is show up, drop trou and spring a boner. We’ll all be handing our own meat, so it’s just for the ritual. Prizes for the biggest load and the guy who shoots the furthest.”

See, if ya make it a sport; they may cum.

Here’s a curious exchange I had with a fellow named Dennis.

Hi, thanks for taking the time to answer me. My new girlfriend is 49, sexually active, but has never given oral sex to a male. She was married 6 years to a man who had sex with her. He liked to dress in women’s heels and clothing but never asked his wife for oral sex. They had sex and he gave her oral. Could there be a reason why he didn’t ask for oral for himself? Could he have been cheating with men to get what the wife did not do?Submissive-Crossdressing

Thank you very much; I’m very concerned. Also my girlfriend has never jerked a man off including her husband. I’m concerned why is this? Dennis

Can’t see why you’re concerned at all, Dennis. Some men, your GF’s former husband for example, aren’t all that interested in getting a blowjob or even a hand job. He probably was a submissive and was way more interested crossdressing and pleasuring his wife than getting pleasured (blowjob or hand job) himself.

There’s no reason to think he cheated on his wife with other men either. He’s just a sub. Not a particularly difficult concept to grasp, right?

Then Dennis writes back to say: I’m concerned because I’m having trouble with her touching me and giving me oral sex. Is this normal? I’ve never encountered this. Thanks Dennis

Maybe, just maybe, she just doesn’t want to blow you. Maybe she doesn’t like the whole idea. Lots of women don’t like giving BJs. And you pestering her for something she’s not interested in doling out, is only gonna make matters worse.

Have you talked to her about it? If not, that’s the way to go.

I don’t think I have anything more to offer you besides the suggestion that you and your GF might want to consult a sex therapist. You might find that there are a lot of things that you and she need to understand about one another before you invest too much more into this relationship.

Good luck

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