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TOYS 4 TARTS

Once again, I have the pleasure of introducing all you perverts and wannabes to some very interesting playthings. Thanks to my inquisitive correspondents and Dr Dick’s Stockroom I’m able to bring you another installment of my ever so popular, Sex Toy Awareness feature.

Dr Dick, my new BF is an insatiable bottom. HELP, my dick is about to fall off from over use. I want to keep the fella happy, but I need a break. Our 6-month anniversary is coming up and I want to get him a little something to celebrate. I need something to feed his hungry hole. What do you suggest?
— Exhausted!

b038.jpg
I feel your pain. While it’s great to have a man primed and ready for a pounding 24/7, it’s generally too much work for just one human to handle. I mean, when will you find that time to do your nails?

I suggest you get some help. No, you don’t have to share your guy with another top. You need to get yourself a mechanism. And I have just the one for you. Check out the Remote Control Anal Plug (B038). This marvel of modern adult toy engineering offers the promise of hands-free anal stimulation. This anal plug has a stimulator is located in its base and is powered by two AAA batteries (included). It produces a very pleasant vibration with surprisingly little noise.

The remote (with an on/off switch) is a convenient size, just barely larger than a matchbox. It can easily be hidden in a pocket or purse. Testing shows this device to have a range of 30-40 feet. Just pop this puppy in his eager hole and you’ll be able to pleasure him at a distance. Do the crossword, bake a quiche or shop Homo Depot and still keep a smile on his face. No top should be without one!

Good luck

Hey Doc! I finally found my G-spot and damn if I’m not one satisfied chick. The big-O has never been more amazing. But wait, there’s a rub! I sometimes get a cramp while fingering myself for so long. I have a selection of vibrators that I like very much, but not one of them hits the spot. What’s a girl to do?
— Fingers Too Short

c057.jpgIf it’s not one thing, it’s another! I knew this woman once that worked so hard gettin’ herself off that she’d collapse afterward. It was pert-near time to notify the next of kin, don’t ‘cha know.

Darlin’, jillin’-off needn’t be such a chore. Check out the Rock Chick (C057). It’s designed to be used with a rocking motion as opposed to the thrusting associated with most other vibrators. The clever U-shape design will hit the spot. The narrow part inserts into the vagina, while the wider part rests on the clitoris. The Vibrating bullet is located in the tip of the wider end to stimulate the clitoris.

A gentle one-handed rocking motion is all you need to apply. Not only does it offer a one-handed movement but it can also provide “Hands Free Orgasms”. Once positioned, sit up on the edge of the bed or a chair and gently rock back and forth, leaving your hands free. HeeHaw, Gitty Up!

You can also heat up your Rock-Chick with hot tap water (1-2 minutes) for comforting warmth or cool it down in the freezer for an icy chill.

You can’t beat this with a stick!

Good Luck

Doctor Dick, A couple of weeks ago, you did a podcast about spanking. Thanks, I loved it. What about something for us beginner floggers/flogees? My sub GF wants me to get rid of the unraveled cotton cord we’ve been using and get something more professional. She wants it to look and feel more threatening. Ideas?
— Done With Cotton

j295.jpgI’m working on that flogging tutorial even as we speak. So hold your horses, already why don’t ‘cha? In the meantime, you betcha I got some ideas on what would be a good replacement for what you currently got goin’ on. (You get high marks for creatively — making do with the unraveled cord thingy. But jeez, Louise, a cotton whip? WTF? You trying gonna give us all a bad name?)

There’s nothing like the look, smell and feel of leather for titillating the flesh of your bitch sub. You’ll both love how leather will sweeten things up and make you feel like pros. Why not check out this little number for starters. The Flogger Whip, Suede, 12″(J295).

It has 32 strands (or “blades”) that are 1⁄4” wide, 12” long, and come to a nice point at the tips. The 51⁄2” handle is fitted with an 8” leather wrist loop for hanging the implement. You do want to make a fashion statement, don’t you?

Don’t think just because it’s small it can’t deliver. It does and you will. I see welts in your future.

Good luck

Doc, when you did your podcast about bondage last week you only talked robe bondage. What’s up with that? I use leather restraints in my dungeon. Care to comment?
— hide in hand

j127.jpgWell, smell you with your fancy-schmancy leather appointed dungeon! You must be the snootiest dom on the block.

Actually, I do care to comment. Technically, bondage is the generic rubric, under which restraints fall as a subcategory. And leather is just one of the materials used in restraints, albeit a very popular one.

So just for you, my precious, I have these little numbers. Check out the Extra Wide Ankle Cuffs (J127).

These cuffs are similar in design to the basic locking cuffs only more “heavy-duty.” They are wider and made of heavier leather, with a larger hasp. Perfectly suited to the really uppity sub, who doesn’t yet know his/her place

Cut from extra-thick, black, latigo leather, each cuff is 31⁄4″ wide and will fit ankles approximately 6″ to 101⁄2″ around. These cuffs are comfortable and extremely secure. No leather-appointed dungeon should be without!

Good luck

Dick, I got really sensitive nipples they’re hotwired to b174.jpgright to my dick. I saw this guy at the bar last week and he had nipples the size of my fingertip. They were crazybig and shit. Is that like natural, or are his nips on steroids?
Big Nips 4 Me

Dude, like you need to totally pull your head out of your ass and wake up to how the big boys (and girls) get them freaky sized nipples. Check out the Universal Nipple Enlarger Kit (B174). This multi purpose nipple play item offers a lower cost alternative to many higher-end suction devices.

This hand-dandy kit comes with four different ring sizes and two different pump applicators, allowing for a perfect fit for most people, and a full range of sensations. A larger ring will provide a light sensation and keep your nipples comfortably erect. Use a smaller size for more sensation and/or “bite,” as well as a greater enlarging effect.

Directions:
1. Slide the chosen ring onto the tip of the pump.
2. Squeeze the bulb and attach to the nipple, wait for the desired attainment of swelling.
3. Slide the ring onto the nipple and remove the pump.

Try one of these babies on for size. Then send me photos of your freaks.

Good luck

RAPID FIRE DICK

My inbox overflowth! …and that ain’t pretty. Let’s attend to this glut with some snap.

Name: david
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: florida
i like my 6 inches and i work it well but,personaly i want atleast 7,should i worry about it or what should i do doc? thank you

You shouldn’t worry about it, pup. Like you say, 6″ is plenty. Besides, where would you find an extra inch if you absolutely needed to get one? I didn’t see any on e-bay!

Name: shane
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: las vegas
what is a more efficiant way to masterbait?

Beat your meat like it owed you money!

The way you jerk off isn’t efficient? Dare I ask, what inefficient method you are currently employing? How much more efficient do you want this exercise to be? Are you in that much of a hurry?

Name: Jen
Gender:
Age: 33
Location:
Last night, my sex partner came on my face, and his seamen got in my eye. I woke up today, and my eye is blood shot, and a bit swollen. Am I okay?

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Bad shot!

I think you mean semen, right? Seamen are sailors! And boy, if you ever get a sailor in your eye, you’d wake up being a lot more than a little bloodshot and swollen.

Gettin’ spooge in your eye is no picnic; it stings like the dickens. You should be ok, though…that is if your sex partner is healthy. If he’s not, or if the redness and swelling continue see your doc right away!

Name: miles
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Location: Rapid city sd
I just started to let girls and guys fist me what is the posibel dangers.

You’re lettin’ folks shove a fist up your ass and you’re just now getting around to asking about the possible dangers? YIKES!

Well you’re in luck. I did a Sexual Enrichment Tutorial on fist fucking in a podcast a couple of weeks ago. Check it out: Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast 04/30/07. Listen to my response to Dena.

Name: holly
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: brisbane
hi… i have been with my partner now for 13 months and the sex we are having is getting boring as both of us are females..i just want to know if there is enything u can suggest for us to do to help spice it up a tad.. yours thankfully hol

Yeah, that girl on girl sex can get mighty boring, huh? All that carpet munching, and for what? Good thing you’ve turned to someone without a pussy or a clit for some helpful suggestions on spicing things up lesbian style. Hmmm, this sounds mighty fishy to me…and I don’t mean “fishy” in that way.

Have you tried strapping one on?

Name: thunder tounge
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: brooklyn, ny
do those penis inlarger pils work and if they do which ones are the best to get?

Nope, they don’t. Don’t waste your money!

Name: Nadine
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Ontario
My boyfriend bugs me to give him a blowjob and I just can’t and he always bugs me which bugs me more that I never want to do it. What can I do?

Why can’t ya smoke some pole, darlin’? It’s all the rage these days.

Maybe you could learn to like it. See my Sexual Enrichment Tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker.

If ya can’t stomach the idea of a cock in your mouth, maybe you need to find yourself a boyfriend with out a dick…I think they’re called lesbians!

Name: joe
Gender:
Age: 39
Location: boston
why do women like sucking dick

They do? That would be news to me…and Nadine, the person right above you. She begs to differ.

Sure, I know some women like to suck cock. There are even those whose skill is renowned. Why, they can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. But I fear, givin’ a man a humble hummer is an odious task for most women. It ranks right up there with having a bad hair day.

Good luck

Who Can I Turn To?

Hello Dr. Dick! I have a serious question for you. I’m relatively new at this, so here goes. In trying to meet and make gay friends, I find that none want a friend. The only interest I find is for sex. Is this typical and is it a waste of time seeking gay friends?
— C

Dear C,

Thanks for your message and question.bw1.jpg

I’ve been hearing a lot of similar complaints from guys all over the country lately. Some are just coming out; others are just weary of the constant sexual competitiveness among gay men.

Let me begin by saying, yes, what you report is pretty typical. And, no, you’re not wasting your time looking for gay friends. That being said, you should also know that making friends in the gay community is often very different than making friends in the straight community. For the most part, the “getting-to-know-you” phase among gay men almost always has a sexual component to it. Is this a good thing? I’ll leave that for you to decide.

Personally, this does not put me off, but that’s only because I understand the ground rules. If you’re approaching gay friendships with a heterosexual mindset, you’ll no doubt encounter some frustration. If, on the other hand, you accept the fact that casual sex is, at least for some, a legitimate means of getting to know someone, and is as good a reason as any for making friends, there will be less disappointment.

This can be very challenging for those whose sexual mores are not that open-ended. On the other hand, this can be an opportunity to open oneself up sexually and to learn to appreciate a wider range of sexual expression from the very casual to the deeply committed.

Good luck

Richard,
I really do appreciate your taking the time to respond. Yes, I am finding it difficult to navigate the gay waters. I’m not completely out and the primary reason (one could argue other reasons) has to do with what I see in the gay community. I don’t see the warmth or open friendliness I see in the Black community for example.
I recently moved to a new city in Indiana and joined a local predominately Black church. Even though I didn’t know anyone I was welcomed with open arms. The people there often invite me to events and gatherings. I have done the same in the gay community and it seems so cold and icy. I have attended a predominately gay church, joined a gay support group, etc. In none of these gay environments did I ever feel welcome. Few, if any, made any attempt to say hello let alone invite me to anything.
Without fail, each time I try to make a gay friend it’s unsuccessful because either they aren’t attracted to me or they are attracted to me but I’m not sexually attracted to them. But I have always welcomed the friendship.
Of course the most insulting thing happens when they ask for a face picture of me (those I meet on the Internet), even though I make it clear I’m only interested in friendship. Though they claim they are only interested in the same, in most instances once they see my face PIC they lose interest. Now, please explain to me why what I look like has anything to do with becoming a friend? Now, I may not be attracted to that person physically, but I would never not want to be a friend because of someone’s looks.
So, it seems I have few choices. I can sleep with someone I have absolutely no sexual interest in just in hopes of having a gay friend. Or, I can forget the gay friendship thing all together and accept the fact that having straight friends is the best way to go.
One more thing, it never fails that if there is someone I find very attractive, they are never interested in me. Never fails. I always attract guys that are 5 feet tall or 300 lbs and out of shape or 70 years old. Just once I would like someone around my age, my height and in relatively good shape. LOL! It seems the easiest thing is simply to find a gay male prostitute and pay him. Keep it all clear, business like and to the point. No games or issues. If I were rich that would be a great option.
I won’t even go into racism within the gay community…it’s just a mess. Most white guys won’t give a Black guy the time of day. <G>
Now I know what straight women go through. Gay men are even more superficial, so small wonder that relationships just don’t last and the ones that do are always, “open”
Okay, I’ve vented enough. LOL! Again, thanks for giving me some of your time.
— C

Dear C,

I kinda figured you were still in the closet. And, yes, that does have a lot to do with howblackcock.jpg other gay men perceive you. I mean, how would you respond to a fellow black man who was trying to pass himself off as white?

I’m glad you brought up the warm reception you are receiving in your black church. You are welcomed there because they recognize you; you are familiar to them. No big stretch for either them or you, huh? I wonder though, would they be as welcoming and inclusive if they knew you were a big ol’ gay homosexual? Probably not! Sexual bigotry can and does trump even the strongest bonds that shared race and ethnicity engender.

Your reception in the gay community is similarly determined. Ambivalence about one’s sexuality, like ambivalence about one’s race, sends a strong message to the community at large. It declares to the group that the individual is not to be trusted, at least not until he proves himself worthy of that trust. Seems to me, you’re expecting more of a stretch from your gay sisters and brothers then you’re asking of your black church. And that double standard adds to your alienation.

Despite your protestations to the contrary, you do discriminate for superficial reasons, just like most of your gay (and non-gay) peers. Check it out, your words betray you. Apparently there is no room in your circle of friends for effeminate men, guys who are much older than you, or, god forbid, anyone who is out of shape.

Ahhh the heartland, beautiful Indiana! There’s another big part of your problem right there. Even I know that Indiana is not a hot bed of big ol’ gay homosexual-ism. Most of the guys you’re trying to relate to, there in the Hoosier State, are probably closeted or semi-closeted just like you. That kind of stultifying atmosphere breeds fear and mistrust. It also militates against intimacy and openness. But don’t underestimate the resilience and adaptability of us gay folk. Even in deepest darkest Indiana there are gay couples successfully living out their lives together with pride and love in very long-term relationships.

You conclude that you now know what straight women go through. How very insightful! Solidarity with women and others who have been sexually oppressed or objectified does us men a world of good. It should help keep us humble.

So bro, high marks for your critique of the gay community. (Although, how difficult is it to point out the obvious?) Lucky for you, I have a sure-fire way to immediately improve the status quo. Get off your pity pot and jettison all those bogus reasons for remaining closeted. Nowadays, coming out is not optional; it’s a fundamental developmental task that each of us must face, even those who live in god’s country. Failure to address this basic responsibility to yourself will stunt your growth as a human being, because you’ll never be able to live an authentic life. You, and most of those around you, will always know you’re living a lie. Coming out will make you a better person, improve your local gay community and make the world a better place to live…because one more person — YOU — are being true to yourself.

And while you’re working on the task at hand, don’t be so hard on yourself or your gay brothers. None of this is easy. Each of us is fighting our own demons, and sometimes that battle is so fierce that we don’t immediately recognize the folks around us who could and would be our natural allies.

Good luck

Pros and Wannabes

When it comes to sex, pro and amateur alike have issues. (It’s a good thing too; otherwise I’d be out of work.) Weather one is just getting the hang of things or one is making bank pleasuring others, body awareness and sexual technique can be fine-tuned.

In our culture just about everyone, regardless of age, faces some kind of bugaboo about sex and/or intimacy. When we are young, inexperience and the sexual misconceptions and misinformation that accompanies youth can seem charming to some. Youth, after all, is a time for stumbling about.

Not so when we’re all grown up. Those who are old enough to know better, but don’t, are not judged as indulgently as greenhorn youth. Older folks are expected to learn the lessons of youth while we are young. And while there are a whole set of particular issues that arise for us in our middle years, it’s exasperating to encounter an oldster who is still clueless about the fundamentals.

Hey Dick!
As you know, I am an escort. My business is doing very well. In fact, so well I need to ask if you know of any meds, besides Viagra, that I can take that will help me maintain an erection over a longer period of time?
Can I be frank? Here’s the deal, let’s say I have I have two one-hour clients during the day. Then a regular of mine calls and wants an all-nighter. That’s not a problem other than the fact that this particular client wants to get fucked hard. I mean real hard, for hours at a time. He’s an insatiable power bottom.
I want to be able to ride his ass, like the bitch he is. Hell, I’m even attracted to him. I just can’t stay hard enough to fuck him like he likes (especially after having had the two clients before him that same day). Sometimes I have difficulty getting it up for him, and wind up finger-fucking him till my hand is sore. I do not want to lose this client. And shifting days is not the solution. Because when he wants it he wants it and I have to produce. That’s what I do, I sell “muscle.” I have a reputation for giving the best hard driving, dominating and controlling sex around.
Again, is there a medication I can take to maintain the erection?
Works Hard

Dear WH,

Your life reads like a cheap porn movie script. Lordy, the good doctor nearly got the

copy-of-ego_jock0.jpg

vapors simply reading through your very explicit missive. (As you can see, I had to edit out some of the more gory details so I could protect your identity in this public forum.) Of course, as you suggest, it never hurts to advertise. You’re so bad!

I thoroughly understand the pressures you and other sex workers face. It’s not as glamorous a life as it is often portrayed, huh? Ok, so you’re beautiful, men idolize you and crave your attention. You’re getting loads of sex, putting all those “bitches” in their place, and crying all the way to the bank. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it. But then again, there are all those sniggling performance issues that even a he-man like you must contend with.

The trouble lies in the fact that you are a workaholic. And that’s never good, regardless of the work one does. Sex work, like any other work, will burn you out if you’re not careful. If you don’t learn to pace yourself, darlin’, you’ll fizzle. (How’s that for an appropriate euphemism?) And from what you tell me, this is already beginning to happen. Keep it up (no pun intended), you won’t be the first causality in this line of work, nor will you be the last. But If you ask me, and I happen to know a little something about sex work myself, the object here is to grow old (or older in your case) in your chosen profession.

I’m tellin’ ya, WH, if the erectile burnout don’t get ya the psychological torment will. I’ll bet you’re terrified the word will get out that MR. Big-Beautiful-29-year-old-Stud-Power-Fucker can’t get it up. That would be real bad for business. And you know how those johns can gossip. Bitches! They don’t know that you’re servicing men at a rate that would make a superhero blush. All they see is limp willie and that spells trouble right there in River City.

It’s not surprising that you are having erection concerns given the number of clients you are seeing in one day. I mean, girlfriend, when do you find time to eat? You don’t need a new med, you need a vacation. If Viagra and a good cock ring don’t do the trick, then, in my humble opinion, your body is telling you to slow the fuck down.

And here’s another tip; research is beginning to show that prolonged and persistent use of Viagra can have some very unpleasant side effects. Those who overuse this potent cardiovascular drug, particularly young men who use it recreationally, may be in for some very unpleasant surprises down the road. So, I have one simple suggestion, WH, have a care about your sexual wellbeing and treat your dick gently. Despite the pounding you can inflict with it, it is a very delicate mechanism.

Good Luck

Dear doc, I am just about to turn 50 years of age. Is there a sex life ahead for me? I love sex clubs and anonymous sex. But is it too late for me to get into a relationship.
Washed up?

I regret to inform you, Washed, sex does, indeed, come to a screeching halt right as you turn 50. In fact your dick is gonna fall off too, cuz you ain’t gonna be needin’ that little thing no more.zoo_3_bg_070402.jpg

I mean, come on, I’m sure you know better than that. Thanks to the wonders of modern pharmacology even Bob Dole is getting laid, for Christ sake. Wake up and smell the coffee, Washed!

Oh, and one other thing, since there’s no guarantee that you’ve taken note of this subtlety, especially seein’ how you missed the big picture above, I have a tip for you. If it’s relationship sex you’re after, you’re gonna have to look for that in a different venue than where you are currently skulking around for stand-up sex. And you can pretty much count on the fact that relationship sex is gonna demand a whole different set of skills than anonymous sex. Do you have what it takes? Hmmm, the jury is still out on that. But if you’re just now lookin to nest at 50, I’d say an acquittal is highly unlikely.

Good Luck

Dear Doctor, I am gay, 49 and after a “broken heart” in my 30’s I went back to the closet for 20 years. I feel so lonely. Seems I have wasted my life. At my age, how can I ever find a lover with whom I can truly be happy, both spiritually and sexually? This is very difficult for me and I really would appreciate any good advice. Thank you. Kind regards.
Lonely in Louvain

Dear LL,

Hey, it’s never too late to find what you are looking for. However, this particular questleavemealone.jpg is not for the faint of heart. If you’re prone to retreat into your shell, or closet as the case may be, every time you are disappointed or rejected, don’t even start this adventure. But, if your life of loneliness and isolation has taught you to value the companionship and love of others, then your years in the closet may not have been a total waste. Get out there and make a difference.

Live authentically; it is the best aphrodisiac. You may not find everything you are looking for in one package, but that shouldn’t matter. That’s the stuff for fairytales. The object is to satisfy your needs. So, if you find satisfying sex with one person and spiritual fulfillment with another, so be it.

And may I suggest that you try and expand your concepts of what defines happiness for you. You don’t want to box yourself in now that you’re finally venturing out of the closet.

Good Luck

THE DR DICK PLAYHOUSE

Yessirree, folks, it’s finally here. THE DR DICK PLAYHOUSE is ready to rock and roll.

Listen up, buckaroos; thanks to the amazing technology of aebn.net, you’ll be able to watch a load of really swell educational (and entertainment videos) from the comfort of your own home (or work as the case may be). With just a little prompting from you, they’re just gonna cum gushin’ outta your computer like nobody’s business. Holy Cow, ain’t life sweet?

Check it out.
Once inside THE DR DICK PLAYHOUSE you’ll find scads of titles. Schlepping out to the video store to pick up your educational smut (or your plain ‘ol smutty smut) is so last century.

Hey, it not free, but you probably already figured that out, huh? The nice people at AEBN are happy to bring you all of this super-duper video on demand when you purchase a wad of minutes all at a really low price.

Once inside the PLAYHOUSE just click on “new user” icon at the top of the page. Create a user name for yourself. Then you’ll be directed to Buy Time to begin viewing movies. You get to choose the pay-for-view package you want. And, of course, you can buy additional minutes any time you’d like. Then just pick a video, sit back, drop your drawers, and put a smile on your face. It’s that simple.

THERE IS NO MEMBERSHIP FEE.

THIS IS A PAY PER MINUTE KINDA DEAL

Remember that your pay-for-view minutes allow you to watch whatever content you want for whatever length of time you choose.

— Dr. Dick

ENTER THE PLAYHOUSE

drdickvod.jpg

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