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Starting Over

Name: LD
Gender: Male
Age: 38
Location: Atlanta
How do you jump back into the game when your partner passed away suddenly? Getting really horny but its still awkward to actually do it.

Good question, LD. You say you’re feeling awkward. Why exactly? Is it because you’re out of practice with the whole dating thing? Are you concerned that people might think you’re jumping the gun, trying to get back into the game before your partner is cold in the grave? People can be pretty heartless about this. Or, is your awkwardness associated with your grief?

Grief has a profound effect on every aspect of our lives. Yet there is hardly any literature on the effects grief has on our sexuality. To my mind, grief is the leading causes of sexual dysfunction for those who have experienced the death of a partner.

Allow me a bit of time here for one of my pet spiels. Healing and helping professionals often misdiagnose grief. I want to make one thing clear, grief is not depression. Treating grief with an antidepressant is counterproductive. It can actually take away the impetus to resolve the grief and get on the rest of one’s life.

Making sure that you have processed your grief may eliminate some of your awkwardness you are currently experiencing. This is something I’m pretty familiar with. A good portion of my private practice is with sick, elder and dying people and their friends and family who survive them. I know the impact a terminal illness and dying process can have on the surviving spouse or partner. We often go into survival mode, shutting down so much of ourselves in an effort to have the strength to cope with this life-altering experience. Of course, trying to kick-start our life afterwards is often a monumental effort. Without the support and guidance of a professional or a group of similarly challenged people, some of us just sink to the lowest common denominator.

I believe in the resilience of the human spirit. I believe that we can honor our dead and continue to live and love. It sounds to me like you have a desire to get on with your life, LD, to fill the void, to make new connections, but you simply don’t know how. Acknowledging that fact is a real good place to begin.

Perhaps you could start by reawakening your sexuality through self-pleasuring. Reconnect with your body and the joy it can bring you. Reestablishing a social life will no doubt follow, slowly at first. But the inevitable tug of the need for human-to-human contact will draw you, if you let it. Remember the best testament to those who have died is to continue to celebrate life itself.

Allow me to draw your attention to my latest book, The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying; Enhancing The End Of Life. Actually it’s more of a workbook then a text and while its primarily target are those currently facing their mortality it’s not exclusively for them. Concerned family and friends, healing and helping professionals, lawyers, clergy, teachers, students, and those grieving a death will all benefit from participating in the interactive environment the book provides.

Of special interest to you will be Chapter 6, Don’t Stop. My good friend and colleague, Dr Cheryl Cohen Greene, joins me in presenting this chapter on sex and intimacy concerns. Like I said above, there is a dearth of information about this timely topic for sick, elder and dying people as well as those who are grieving. So I am delighted that my book helps break this deafening silence.

I hope you take the time to write back, LD. I’d very much like to keep tabs on how you are doing.

Good luck

Meat Substitute

Hey sex fans!

We have another swell Product Review Friday comin’ your way. Today’s product comes to us directly from the manufacturer, Blush Novelties.

This marks the return of this innovative company to our review effort. Today’s product is the first we’ve seen from Blush Novelties since 2010 and it’s also the first of three new products we will be reviewing in the weeks to come. So be sure to stay tuned.

See our earlier Blush Novelties reviews HERE!

Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa, is here to tell us all about her new toy.

Mimi Pink —— $17.20

Christa

Just last month I posted a review of a fab new strap on by SpareParts. You can see that review HERE!

But what good is a harness if you don’t have a dong to use with it, right? Luckily, when I picked up the Joque to review, Dr Dick had this wonderful dildo from Blush Novelties to use with it. WIN/WIN!

So here’s my Mimi. Isn’t she terrific? She’s pink, but she also comes in two other colors. She is made from 100% high quality silicone, which as you probably know, is nonporous, phthalate-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. She’s not so big as to be frightening, just about 6.5” long x 1.25” thick, but, by god, she’ll get the job done. Just ask my sub butt-boy BF, Alex.

You’ll also notice that my Mimi is ribbed for his/her pleasure. Alex says that the sculptured waves and ridges make love to his ass lips. And he says that Mimi’s gentle curve is perfect for that prostate massage he craves. My pervert BF, Alex, is a connoisseur of all things anal. But the same can be said for G-spot stimulation. And I know this because when I’m not using this thing on Alex, I’m diddlin’ myself with it. So as you can see, it’s great to use with or without a strap on. You will find that the base makes it easy to grip if you aren’t using it with a harness.

Because we like to share our toys, it’s important that the toys we share be easily sanitized. This is where buying a quality silicone toy makes perfect sense. Cleanup, sanitization and sterilization couldn’t be easier. Simple soap and water is fine for everyday cleaning. Wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize; or sterilize in boiling water or the dishwasher. PERFECT!

You probably know this already, but it bears repeating; use only a water-based lube with this fine dong. A silicone-based lube will degrade the beautiful satin finish of sweet Mimi. And because of its beautiful finish, you’ll find that you won’t need gobs and gobs of lube either.
Full Review HERE!

Enjoy

The American Dream

Name: Jayrol
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: Washington DC
Hey. I hope you respond!! My name’s Jayrol and I’m a homosexual male. However, I’ve never had a sexual relationship with a male and I never plan to. It’s not that I’m ashamed or that I have some type of self hatred for myself I just think that my personality and ideals best suit a straight life, I want kids and the whole white picket fence thing. But my whole problem is Dr. that women don’t sexually attract me at all!! I’ve always had a girl but I can never seem to perform. Girls respect me when I say I wanna wait for marriage but the truth is I can’t get it up!! Is there any thing I can do about that?? Maybe Viagra or something? Or should I just give up on the “American dream”???

YIKES, where to begin. It’s like I’m having some scary flashback to the 1980’s. This is the kind of question I used to here back then. Where have you been, pup? Haven’t you noticed the changes in attitudes over the last thirty plus years? Ok, so you’re just 25. But that means you’ve lived in a world that has reaped the benefits of that labors of all the queer folk who have gone before you.

You’re creating an unnecessary dichotomy. Nowadays one doesn’t need to choose between having a family and living out and proud, darlin’. Haven’t you seen Modern Family or The Ellen Show?

But pup, surely you’ve noticed that you can be a big fat homo and still have all the other things you want — kids, white picket fence, the whole frealin’ kit and caboodle. And you can do it with a husband, life partner, whatever you want to call your queer lover. You certainly don’t have to lie about who you are: trap yourself and some unlucky woman in a sexless marriage just to be a trendy suburbanite. Holy cow, wake up and smell the coffee!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock somewhere, I can’t imagine that you’ve not noticed that gay men and lesbians are marrying in some states, having their partnerships legally recognized in others. In fact, countries all over the world are legally recognizing gay and lesbian unions and marriages.

Us gay and lesbian folk have been having families, raising children (our own biological spawn and/or those we’ve adopted) for years and years now. The world is a changin’, don’t cha know. People’s attitudes are changing. All you have to do is search them internets for “gay parenting” and find out how many resources there are out there for breeder-minded ‘mos like you.

Listen doll, you don’t need no stinkin’ Viagra, you just need to be honest with yourself and those around you. You say you’re not ashamed of who you are, that you don’t have some type of self-hatred for yourself. Well I’m sorry dear, but I don’t buy that, not for a minute. Anyone who is willing to sacrifice his life as a sexual being and to deceive others into thinking he is an honorable man by doing so, just so that he can procreate, is either crippled with self-loathing or completely delusional.

How could you have gotten to be a 25 queer dude, without ever gettin’ any queer sex? Sorry, but that simply doesn’t add up. And what kind of husband and father would you be if you started a family built on a lie? Did you miss the whole Senator Craig, Bishop Eddie Long and Ted Haggard debacles? That’s the kind of miserable, closeted existence that awaits anyone who would deny himself and his true identity, for whatever reason — political gain, societal acceptance, religious intolerance or making a family.

And think of the emotional and physical misery you’d be inflicting on the mother of your children. Could you be any more selfish?

Here’s a tip, pup: grow up and then grow your self a pair of cojones. You’ll need them not only for the spawning, but to live authentically and truthfully.

Good luck

Get a grip!

We continue our National Masturbation Month theme today.

Name: Pablo
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: Madrid
Can you help me I have an addiction towards masturbation. I can’t control the urge that I have. I’m single and have never been with a woman. I’m very nervous about this. How can I control these sexual urges? Please write back as soon as you can.

Pablo, darling, what’s the big problem with jerkin’ off…even jerkin’ off a lot? Perhaps you’re creating a predicament where there doesn’t need to be one. Maybe you just need to relax and enjoy your self-pleasuring.

First off, I want to restate my belief that there’s no such thing as a masturbation addict. Compulsive hand jobs? Sure! Out of control wackin’ off? Ya betcha! Self-denigrating pud-pulling? Absolutely! Masturbation addiction? No way!

Masturbation is normal, particularly for someone like you who is not involved with someone else. Of course masturbation is also a big part of the sex life of people in relationships too.

Say, where are you getting the information that self-love is a bad thing? Is this message coming from the Church perhaps? I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if it were. Masturbation can sure enough be a problem, if you’ve been indoctrinated to think it is bad or sinful. But then again, the problem is the sex-negative propaganda, not the masturbation itself.

I’d be willing to guess a guy of your age, without a wife or lover has all kinds of repressive feelings about sex in general, not just masturbation in particular. Maybe it’s your religious up bringing that is coloring your judgment about your private sexuality. Perhaps if you took the opportunity to rethink your training, you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.

Since you don’t go into any detail about the extent of your behavior, I guess I’ll just have to make some general comments. Like I said masturbation, or any behavior for that matter, can become compulsive. If the urge to choke the chicken gets in the way of you having a full rich life, you may have a problem. Say you’re jerkin’ off so much that you don’t having a social life. Or you’re pullin’ your pud so much that you can’t hold down a job. Then that’s a problem. But I hasten to add the problem is not masturbation, per se, it’s the being out of control that’s the problem. Just like if someone told me they were jogging so much they had no time for a social life or for a job, then that person has a problem. But it’s not the jogging, per se. Ya get it?

There are lots of reasons why people feel uncomfortable about their sexual desires and behaviors. Most all of us grow up in a very sex- negative environment. Parents still punish their kids if they catch them playing with themselves. The Church still insists that any sexual expression outside of marriage is sinful. So many people are so judgmental about the sexual behaviors of others, particularly if the expression is one they themselves don’t practice. Others can be so cruel, using terms like slut, whore, and promiscuous when talking about someone who is getting more sex than they. In other words, it’s our culture’s unhealthy preoccupation with sex that is often the cause of one’s fear and mistrust of his own sexual desires and practices.

You don’t have to settle for this, Pablo. You can learn to free yourself from the repressive messages that may surround you. You may find the help you need on the internet, don’t cha know. There are many online communities that celebrate self-loving. Do a search using the words: healthy masturbation.

One thing for sure, if you feel bad about jerkin’ off, you’re probably also fearful of partnered sex. I mean it wasn’t lost on me that you’re 34 and still a virgin. Holy Cow! Maybe if you liberated yourself from your repressive attitudes toward masturbation, partnered sex would take its rightful place in your life. It’s never too late for this to happen, Pablo.

Some people use masturbation as a means of self-abuse. I guess it’s no accident that self-abuse is a term some sex-negative people use when talking about masturbation. If you don’t like yourself very much, Pablo, for whatever reason, you could be using your private sex to punish and denigrate yourself. This is the ultimate perversion — turning something good and healthy into something hurtful and hateful.

Are you concentrating so much time and energy on your cock to avoid other problems in your life? Maybe if you confronted these other problems, whatever they might be, head on, you’d feel better about yourself. And your solitary sexual practices wouldn’t loom so large. The problem is, because you feel bad about what you’re doing, you’re actually adding more stress in your life, making it harder for you to get a hold of this, no pun intended.

Good luck!

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Wood you, could you 2

Hey sex fans,

Today’s edition of Product Review Friday brings us back to The Wood Wang Workshop for our third and final review in this series. But wait, you didn’t miss the first two reviews we posted a couple of weeks ago, did you? Well not to worry if you did because all our reviews are archived on DrDickSexToyReviews.com.  All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header, type in The Wood Wang Workshop and PRESTO!

When you visit The Wood Wang Workshop be sure to take a look at their History Page. Here’s a little taste of what you will find:

…since time began, human beings have sought new and interesting ways to titillate themselves. It’s inherent of our species to take pleasure from sexual arousal. We are in fact one of the few mammalian species to use sex for recreation rather than just for reproduction.

It’s unknown who was responsible for the invention of the dildo as we know it today but historians believe it originated in Asia. Dildos have been discovered in China dating from 12,000 years ago!

It seems we’re not fussy about the materials use to make them either. Stone, bronze, jade, ivory, wood, leather and even dried camel dung have been used to fashion sex toys through the ages.

Ancient Arabians and Polynesians were known to use unripened bananas for the same purpose.

I love fun sex facts, don’t you?

Let’s check in with the Dr Dick Review Crew members — Joy & Dixie, to see what they think of today pleasure product.

Roxy — £35.00

Joy: “Ever since Dixie and I got our first wooden dildo to review way back in December of 2008 we have been wood fanatics. I said in that earlier review, and it bears repeating today, nothing compares to owing a wooden dildo and having it inside you.”

Dixie: “I couldn’t agree with you more, Joy. And ya know what is great about wood? You can diddle yourself crazy and know that all the time you are doing so you are being as GREEN as green can be. I can’t think of a single sex toy material that has a smaller environmental footprint than wood.
Joy: “So true! When I hold Roxy in my hand I know that besides holding a beautiful objet d’art I have something completely natural and organic that will be around long after I am gone. I don’t know why exactly, but knowing that adds to the pleasure.”
Dixie: Hey, maybe some archeologist, a couple thousand years from now, will find our Roxy and marvel at our sex life.”
Joy: “Roxy is simply beautiful. Ours is made of exotic Zebrano wood, which gives it its very distinctive striped appearance. It is a whopping 11.5” long and it’s a double header; you can use both ends of her.”
Dixie: “One end has a tulip shaped head, perfect for G-spot (or P-spot) stimulation. The other end features five exceptionally stimulating bulbs and ridges. You can enjoy deep penetration using either end.”
Joy: “Yeah, I love my dildos ridged! I love the rippling sensation. And regardless what end you use internally, the other end makes an excellent easy-grip handle, even with lubed up fingers. Speaking of which, you can use whatever kind of lube you prefer with Roxy, she’s that versatile.”
Dixie: “Roxy is, of course nonporous, so whatever lube you use, you’ll only need a few drops. And because it is nonporous, caring for her is blissfully simple. Wash with warm soapy water and dry thoroughly with a soft cloth. You can sanitize her by wiping her down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.”
Joy: “When you visit The Wood Wang Workshop website (try to say that 5 times fast) you will find all their amazing products arranged by kind — dildos, buttplugs, whips and paddles, etc. To find Roxy, you go to the dildo page and scroll down. While you are scrolling your eyes will pop and your mouth will water at the marvelous array of other insertables.”
Dixie: “That’s right; and not only do they have a stunning collection of designs, each one comes in your choice of 10 beautiful woods.
Joy: “Listen, you just can’t beat that with a stick. Pun intended!”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

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