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Looking for Mr Right

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Name: Eric
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: New Jersey
I’m 25, openly gay, and have never been in a relationship. I consider myself intellectual & attractive, with a great sense of humor–many people that I meet are amazed that I’m not taken. I tend to be hyper-analytic and super-honest, neither of which has gotten me very far in my dating life. I’m very self-aware and work hard at self-improvement and reinvention. I just can’t seem to find quality men! I don’t care for the gay scene, and I hate the depersonalizing nature of many gay online dating sites. All too often, I feel frustrated with being single, and I end up having a random hookup just to be close to a guy. Do you have any advice? I seem to be stuck in cycle of dating, disappointment, and reinvention. What can I do to meet Mr. Right?

I do have some advice, pup. I hope you will take it to heart. My first suggestion is that you jettison the whole Mr. Right concept. My experience tells me that most folks who are stymied in their search for a partner have too precise a mental picture of his/her ideal mate. This “knight in shinning armor” concept rarely translates very well into the real world. No one is perfect; all humans have flaws that those who love them learn to overlook. Some people, both women and men, gay and straight, have such a specific script of the person they are looking to nest with that they dismiss out of hand loads of plausible potential prospects, which is a huge mistake.

For example, I had a client in San Francisco, a straight guy. He wasn’t particularly handsome, in fact he was kinda dumpy, but he was a genuinely sweet man with lots to offer a mate. He desperately wanted to find the woman of his dreams. Unfortunately, he scripted himself right out of the market. His ideal mate had to be a redhead…a real redhead, if you know what I mean. He also insisted that the woman have a big set of knockers. I take it that he developed this script after years and years of consuming big titty porn. But wherever it came from it was his undoing.

At any rate, my client would dismiss out of hand, any woman who didn’t fit this very specific profile. And his dating life was a disaster. I had to help him understand that he narrowed the pool of potential candidates till it virtually evaporated. I asked him, “How many natural redheads do you suppose there are out there in the Bay Area? Of these, how many are single? Of these, how many have a monster rack on ‘em? Of these, how many would fall for a guy like you?” It was bitter medicine, but it was the dose of reality he desperately needed.

You, Eric, may be suffering from a similar condition. I can’t really say for sure from what you write. What I can say with some confidence is that you’re not particularly accommodating when it comes to the foibles of others. Look how you describe yourself — “hyper-analytic and super-honest”. Is that just a easy way of saying you are really overly critical and downright bitchy? Maybe, just maybe that’s how others perceive you. And that ain’t gonna land you a man no how!

You say you can’t find quality men. Again, that’s more of a comment about you than the number of quality men out there. Maybe all the quality men find you way too prickly to get close to. Your frustration may even make you edgier. And sometimes frustration morphs into desperation and there’s nothing more unattractive than that. You may be inadvertently hanging a big sign around your neck that reads: “Steer Clear, Trouble Ahead!”

Relationships are curious things. They almost never happen to someone who is desperate for one. Or if the desperate person actually finds a relationship, inevitably it’ll be a disaster. And here’s a tip: casual hook ups for sex are fine and dandy for what they are. They relieve sexual tension and not a great deal more. I advise you not to expect them to magically transform into a long-term relationship. That only happens in fairytales.

OK then, what might you do? I suggest that you simply cease the pursuit of a mate and let him find you. That’s right, just let it go. Instead of investing all that energy in pursuing that illusive relationship, focus your attention on bettering yourself and the world around you. You apparently already know how to do this since you say you work hard at self-improvement and reinvention. Wonderful! But how do you go about this self-improvement and reinvention? Is yours a solitary endeavor, or might you join others while making this happen? Do you take classes? Enjoy the arts? Do you read? Cook? Are you an outdoorsy kinda lad? Are you of service to others? Do you volunteer? Do you like pets, gardening or crafts? Are you political? Are you athletic? Do you travel?

If you do any of these things you will automatically find yourself surrounded by like-minded humans of every stripe. Listen darlin’, just because you’re queer that doesn’t mean you are restricted to the gay scene. There’s no need for a ghetto mentality in this day and age. Instead of slumming on those tiresome gay online dating sites. Look elsewhere for your fulfillment. You are more likely to encounter people who share your values if you spend your time on online at sites that reflect your interests and there’s a zillion of them. Look for websites and forums that feature your interests and concerns. And unless it’s the American Nazi Party or the KKK, you’ll no doubt find other homos who will broaden your social network. And the larger your social network, the more likely you will encounter a soul mate.

Finally, if you don’t find precisely what you are looking for online, then it’s up to you to make it happen on your own. I suggest that turn to a site like craigslist and post there. Start a club, or a discussion group. Initiate a gathering of like-minded people for an outing or an endeavor. Whatever you do direct your energies outward. Stop with the navel gazing already. You are in the prime of your life, and the world is your oyster. But first you’re gonna have to get of your pity pot.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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Vatican Roulette

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Name: Ricardo
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Miami
I have understood that there is a certain period while women have their period that they can have unprotected sex without risk of getting pregnant, is this true? And if it is when is this period? After or before the PMS? And how long does it last? Thanks.

Nope, darlin’, there’s no such thing as a 100% foolproof, absolutely certain period in a woman’s menstrual cycle that she can have unprotected sex without the risk of gettin’ pregnant. This is a myth, and a mighty risky myth at that. If you’re considering this practice as an effective means of birth control, you’re playing Russian Roulette, or better Vatican Roulette, with your dick.

Ok so here’s the low-down on the rhythm method also known as “fertility awareness.” It is not a reliable way to prevent pregnancy for most people. Over 25% of couples that rely on the rhythm method to prevent pregnancy will accidentally conceive. Ya see, one has to be a freakin’ rocket scientist to use the rhythm method correctly and consistently. A woman is generally infertile around 10 days a month. Make one slight miscalculation on when that infertile period begins and you gonna be toast.

The rhythm method is dependent on the couple not have sex around the time of ovulation. But the trick is accurately determining precisely when ovulation happens. Couples can try to track this by using a calendar and a thermometer to measure body temperature. A woman’s temperature will rise a coupe of degrees just before ovulation. But very few women are as regular as clockwork. And lots of things, like stress, prescription medications, even antihistamines can throw a woman’s cycle of by a day or two. The fertile period around ovulation lasts 6 to 12 days. So absolutely no unprotected fucking during this period.

Even when used perfectly, the rhythm method is a highly ineffective means of avoiding a pregnancy. That’s because the methods formula makes several assumptions that are not always true. Sure, one can keep track of past menstrual cycles to predict the length of future cycles. However, the length of the pre-ovulatory phase can vary significantly, depending on a woman’s over all health. Like if for some reason she ovulates early, this will fuck up the rhythm method formula big time. The formula will indicate she is still infertile, when actually she is quite fertile. Look out!

The rhythm method also assumes that all vaginal bleeding is true menstruation. But that’s simply not the case. If you incorrectly identify the onset of menstruation, even by one day, you’ll render your calculations inaccurate. Again, you will be toast, pup.

And consider this, sperm can live in a woman’s reproductive system for up to 7 days. And fertilization may occur even days after fucking. I mean with risks like these, wouldn’t it be safer and easier just to slip on a condom?

If by chance you are trying to reconcile your religious indoctrination (the rhythm method is the only means of family planning embraced by the Catholic Church) and your youthful libido, you may be playing with fire. In the final analysis, it’s not only your life that’s on the line here. Think about it; wear a rubber.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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More of The Erotic Mind of Shanna Germain & Kay Jaybee — Podcast #355 — 11/19/12

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Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Today’s show for The Erotic Mind series brings back Kay Jaybee and Shanna Germain.  These two marvelous authors are here again this week to continue the discussion we began last week, about edgy BDSM erotica, and why the good stuff is better for you than schlock.  And to prove it, Kay will treat us to a steamy reading from her work, Not Her Type. You won’t want to miss this, sex fans.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #354 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

KayShanna and I discuss:

  • The history of erotica;
  • A splash, like the 50 Shades Of Grey phenomenon, has happened before;
  • A predictable formula — female submissive with a male Dom;
  • The cultural and gender aspects of power play;
  • The divide between kink and BDSM;
  • The dangers inherent in labeling sexual behaviors;
  • Marketing kink and BDSM;
  • An author’s responsibility to get things right;
  • The emotional truth vis-à-vis the literal truth;
  • Does an author need to be a practitioner;
  • The availability issue;
  • Advice for the novice writer.

For more of Kay Jaybee visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

For more of Shanna Germain visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the book covers below for more information about these wonderful books.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Learning the ropes

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Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: Alaska
I am gay. I still have trouble saying that because of my very conservative upbringing, but that is not what I need help with today. I had my first few sexual encounters the other week with this great understanding, older guy. When he was blowing me it felt great, however I wasn’t able to cum during the oral sex. Is this normal? And is there anything I can do to change that? Thank you so much for any help, and the chance to say something to someone about being gay. I don’t get to talk about issues in this genre because of the taboo-ness of the issue. Thanks a lot- James

Wow, sorry to hear you’re living in such a repressive environment, pup. I hope that changes for you soon. Just remember, change is gonna begin with you. The longer you put up with the repression the harder it will be to break its grip.

Coming out is rarely a breeze for anyone. This is especially true for those, like yourself, who were raised in a conservative home. But then throwing off the shackles of oppression, however they present themselves, will make you a much better person in the long run. Like the old saying goes; “If you allow someone to control your sexuality, you allow that person to control all of you.” So nothing reverses the repression quicker than exercising your sexuality on your own terms.

As to the oral sex question you raise, I’ve written a whole lot about that already. You might want to glance over to the sidebar and look for CATEGORIES pull down menu. Look for the main category — Sex Therapy. Then look for the subcategory — Ejaculation Concerns.You’ll find a load of written postings and podcasts.

The gist of what I’ve had to say about this is; it’s not uncommon for a guy not to get off with just a blowjob. This is particularly true for someone who is new to the whole hummer thing. There’s also the distinct possibility that the guy doin the blowin’ may not be a particularly talented cocksucker. It happens! It happens a lot, believe me.

That being said, there are things you can do to change this if that’s what you really want. First and foremost, you need to communicate with your partner on how he’s doing down there. Ya see most of us guys get real used to the feel of our hand on our wang while jerkin-off. After years of practice we get our stroke down to a science. We know exactly when to apply more pressure, or loosen our grip. We know exactly when to speed up the stroke and when to ease off. We know exactly when to yank on our balls or stick a finger in our ass and diddle our prostate. We know all of this because our body is giving us constant feedback all the time we’re playin’ with ourselves.

On the other hand, the cocksucker between our legs isn’t gettin that kind of immediate sensory feedback, so he’s not gonna know what to do when. That is, unless you tell him. And it’s really ok to give the guy a little direction. A talented cocksucker, of course, will already know how to ask you for feedback. After all, he’s new to your cock and his experience tells him that all cocks respond the same why to the same stimulus.

Another thing you can do is relax. There’s not a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to sex. So the more relaxed you are the more you will be able to enjoy the pleasure. If your mind is all busy with dumb shit like — oh my god, I’m not gettin off, what must he think of me? — then you’re not in the moment and the pleasure is wasted on you.

Finally, the best way to learn how to receive a good blowjob is to become a fabulous cocksucker yourself. Smokin’ you some fine pole is an art form. It’s way more than simply than rappin’ your lips around a bloke’s dick. The more you understand about superior cocksucking the better you’ll be at guiding your partners through the fine points of eatin’ you meat. So get out there and get some experience.

Not sure what to do when faced with a big beautiful baloney pony? Well, you’re in luck. Check out my sexual enrichment tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker …OR HOW TO GIVE THE PERFECT BLOW JOB.

Good Luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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The Erotic Mind of Shanna Germain and Kay Jaybee — Podcast #354 — 11/12/12

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Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Holy cow; do I have an exciting show in store for you today! I have not one, but two remarkably talented guests with me as we crank up yet another edition of The Erotic Mind series.

Why two guest instead of just one? Good question! It all started last summer. Shanna Germain wrote to me suggesting we do a show all about the 50 Shades Of Grey phenomenon. She suggested that we provide ya’ll with the antidote to this unfortunate publishing spectacle. Meanwhile, Kay Jaybee and I were having a similar email exchange. So I came up with the bright idea to have them both on the show at once.

So here we all are, ready to treat you to marvelous discussion of edgy BDSM erotica and why the good stuff is better for you than schlock. And Shanna will read from her work, Fool’s Gold, which will pretty much knock your socks off.

ShannaKay and I discuss:

  • What they’ve been up to since they were last on this show;
  • What we know about 50 Shades Of Grey, it’s author and publisher;
  • Why this thing was a run-away hit;
  • It’s impact on the popular culture in general and erotica writing in particular;
  • Being on the receiving end of bad reviews;
  • Behind the media’s role in stoking the phenomenon.

For more of Kay Jaybee visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

For more of Shanna Germain visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the book covers below for more information about these wonderful books.)

         

         

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: The Perfect Fit Brand!

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