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A Story With A Happy Ending

Name: Nathan
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: Dallas
I’m a married guy with a great wife and 3 beautiful kids. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a masseuse I found on Craigslist. I don’t have a lot of experience with massage and thought I would be safe going to a guy instead of a woman. The guy was really nice and did a good massage, but somehow I popped wood near the end of the massage. I was really embarrassed, but he was like totally ok with that. Then he asked if I wanted a happy ending. I didn’t even know what that was till he started to massage my ass and blow me. I have to admit it was totally amazing. I never felt anything like it before in my life. My wife sometimes will give me oral sex, but nothing like this. I blew a load like nothing I ever did before. I though my insides were coming out of my cock. I was amazed and scared and confused and I could hardly sit up. Then the guy said I had a real healthy prostate. I said, WHAT? And he said he was massaging my prostate while he was sucking me off. I can’t stop thinking about this. I want more but I feel really guilty and I’m afraid this is going to make me gay.

What a great story, Nathan. But we need to clear up a few things. A masseuse is a female practitioner of massage. A masseur is a male practitioner. This is a common enough mistake, but I thought you should know the proper usage for further reference. Because you can see how a little unintended slip like this will make all the difference in the world. If you say a masseuse gave you a blowjob that’s totally different from getting a blowjob from a masseur, don’t ‘cha know.massage_butt.jpg

I’m gonna also guess you never had a prostate massage before this encounter with the masseur. A prostate massage coupled with your first blowjob from a guy…hell, you are lucky your insides didn’t shoot out your dick along with your spooge. I’m joking of course, but it does stand to reason that you had such an intense and explosive orgasm and ejaculation. That’s precisely what a prostate massage does, honey.

Now, let’s see if we can figure out why you can’t stop thinking about this. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to analyze that either. This was a peak sexual experience for you. I mean, beside the mind-blowing release, the means by which you had this orgasm — the guy’s finger in your ass and the guy’s mouth on your dick were both unexpected and apparently unprecedented. So I figure you had very little time to cognitively respond to the stimuli before things came to their explosive climax, so to speak, as it were. And you did say you were already relaxed and aroused by the massage, right?

I’d be willing to bet that if you had some emotional distance from the experience you would realize your body was simply responding to the stimulus it was receiving. Your dick and your prostate weren’t able to distinguish the gender of the person diddlin’ your ass and suckin’ your dick. And since your brain was occupied with all these new sensations you had little time, if any to process and possibly protest. And maybe you wouldn’t have protested even if you could. Maybe you wanted to take this little walk on the wild side. Trust me, lots of guys do.

come as you areNow that the event has passed, you have plenty of time to process. And process you are…to within an inch of its life…if ya ask me. This experience looms so large for you because it is forbidden fruit, so to speak. It upsets the apple cart of your cozy and predictable heterosexuality. I mean it’s one thing to pop wood on a massage table. It’s something totally different to blow a wad while a guy is givin’ you head.

And now that you have all this time on your hands to keep pouring over and over this in you head, the event has taken on a proportion it probably wouldn’t have otherwise.

Let me put your mind to rest, one blowjob from a guy…even an earth-shatterin, prostate-massagin’ blowjob, like the kind you got from this fabulous masseur…won’t make you gay. Nor does wanting to repeat the experience make you gay. All this experience really tells us is that you like a good blowjob and you now know where to get a really fantastic one when next you want one.

Think about it this way. Say you went to a Chinese restaurant and, to your great surprise, had the best dim sum ever. You were so impressed with the food that you’ve been eager to return to this particular eatery for another go at those tasty vittles. Does this desire for yummy dim sum make you Chinese? I don’t think so…that is unless you were Chinese before you went to the restaurant.

Finally, the guilt you’re experiencing, where might that be coming from? There are so many sources one would be hard-pressed to come up with an exhaustive list. But let’s look at the top contenders.hands & butt

  • You’re married with a family. You had a sexual experience…unplanned as it might have been…with someone other than your wife. BINGO!
  • Our culture’s buttoned-down sex and gender stereotypes — who can do what to whom. BINGO!
  • The dictates of our sex-negative society about what is proper and what is not in terms of sexual exploration and experimentation. BINGO!
  • The shame of possibly being labeled a fag. BINGO!
  • The fear of your own desires and where they might lead you. BINGO!
  • The allure of the forbidden and the explosive charge the illicit. BINGO.

The experience you had with that masseur, Nathan, is so highly charged, both culturally and sexually, that it will take some while for you to find your balance once again. In the interim, my I suggest that you postpone any judgments about yourself or what the incident might imply about you until you’ve have some emotional distance and the time to calmly process all of this. In the final analysis, I think you’ll come to the conclusion that this is a relatively harmless sexual outlet. The masseur is providing you a service…I mean beyond the obvious. He is providing you a safe, secure non-judgmental environment to exercise and expand your sexual repertoire. Think of it like a place you go to learn about the wonders of sexual dim sum.

Good luck

The Great Porn War

Name: Jennifer
Gender: Female
Age: 23
I am 23 years old and I like lesbian and gay porn. It’s been my favorite since I discovered it a few years ago. But my boyfriend hates the thought of people of the same gender having sex. I don’t like hetero porn, and that’s all he uses. Is there any way I can get him to enjoy my kind of erotica?

porn.jpgYour boyfriend a dreadful drag, huh? What’s he afraid of, do you suppose? Ya think he’s afraid he’ll pop wood while he’s watchin’ gay porn with his girlfriend. That’ll surly to shake his masculinity to its foundation. I mean, it’s one thing for him to get a boner when he’s checking out the queer stuff by himself — and you know he does! It’s another thing all together for him to get hard watching two dudes fuck while he’s with you. It’s clear to me that your BF has issues, darling. And I think you know that too.

Now I’m not suggesting that he has to like everything you like, or that you have to like everything he likes. A couple can have a really healthy relationship despite differences in the kind of smut each prefers. But matters of taste aside, I think a smart chick, like you, knows that porn is as much a political statement as it is a sexual statement.

Here’s what I mean. Most straight porn features male identified sex — exclusively. That’s probably why you, and 90% of your sister women, don’t like it. The producers of most of the stuff in this genre create it with a predominately straight male audience in mind. And you can pretty much count on it exploiting women in the process. Gay porn does not exploit women, for obvious reasons and lesbian porn is the most radical of all. It is unabashed female identified sex. No female exploitation there. Of course, I’m talkin’ about real lesbian porn, not the caca that simulates girl-on-girl sex that gluts the “straight” porn marketplace.

Most straight males get off on hot girl-on-girl action in straight porn, because the performance represents male identified sex. In fact, one of my good gal pals in the porn business often says that girl-on-girl sex in straight smut is about as far away from authentic female sexuality as gay porn, which has no women in it. i just can't

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, Jen and guess that you’re a little too radical for Mr. Whitebread. But if you think that he’s worth the effort involved in loosening him up, start by reassuring him that there will always be a place in your heart for his johnson even when you’re enjoying a sweet lesbo fantasy. If you really want to enjoy yourself with your guy while you enjoy your dyke porn, give him permission to do a voice over for the movie you’re watching together. Tell him you want him to pretend he’s a porn star and he’s gonna appear in the next scene with the two chicks you’re watching. Watch the lezzie scene together and then have him tell you what’s gonna happen in the next scene when he catches the two naughty vixens. Perhaps you could suggest that he roll play that with you after the movie. Ya see, Jen, you’re gonna have to trick the monkey into watching what you want, cuz he ain’t gonna open his mind all by his-own-self.

Deprogramming him of his homophobia may be a bit more challenging, but there are ways. You could start by telling him that everyone knows that no one sucks a guy’s dick like another guy. And so you want to pick up a few pointers from the pros before you go down on him again. When the big cock-sucking scene begins start grabbing at his package. We all know he’s gonna be hard as a rock. Those repressed types are so damned predictable. Now if at all possible start blowin’ him with the same vigor as the dudes in the movie. Blowjobs are the great equalizer. Mr. Whitebread will be enjoying himself so much he’ll hardly have time to reflect on how radical he’s becoming.

lesbian pronIn the end, I don’t think you should compromise and watch hetero porn unless he’s willing to compromise too. Of course you both could watch your chosen porn privately, but where’s the fun in that. Or you could just trade-off one scene of his for one scene of yours. Or compromise with some hot bisexual porn. There’s not a whole lot of really good bi porn out there, but there is some. Just be discriminating. Life is just too short for bad smut.

You could try dueling porn. Two screens, two TVs or a TV and a computer screen, each playing a different type of porn. Or you could really throw caution to the wind and have a full-blown fuck-O-rama — multiple screens with multiple images all going at once. It’s so easy to do these days with the proliferation of computers tablets, phones even, and online porn. And just about every household has at least two TVs and two computers lying around. So knock yourself out, girl!

It’s clear to me, Jen, that you’re gonna have to take the lead in this. You being the more enlightened one. I believe that your arousal will arouse him. And if your fire doesn’t ignite his, simply throw the bum out!

Good luck Ya’ll

Learnin’ to Smoke Some Pole

Name: Janet
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: Reno, Nevada
I’ve never performed oral sex on a man before and now I am with a new man and he sometimes hints that he would like me to go down on him. But I’m scared to do so because I don’t really know what to do or if I’ll be doing it right and I’m scared that he might laugh or something. Can you please give me some advice for a first timer on oral sex??

blowjobJanet, darling, you are totally in luck. Ol’ Dr Dick has squandered many an hour composing witty postings and charming podcasts on this very topic. Check it out. Look over to your right. See the CATEGORY pull down menu? Good! Now scroll down till you find the main Category — Oral. (Everything is alphabetized.) Under this main heading you will discover “Blow Job” and “Fellatio.” There are also a number of other fun and informative topics there, like gag reflex and cunnilingus. Speaking of which, I hope this new man of yours is gonna return the oral favor once he gets his hummer. Don’t settle for less. If he wants some hot oral action, he better be able give some hot oral action. It’s only right, right?

So as you can see, there’s loads (you should pardon the pun) of good stuff, written and spoken, about the wonderful world of oral sex. Click on any of the Oral subcategories to find just about every word I’ve written about this scrumptious topic.

Or you can simply cut to the chase and read my Sexual Enrichment Tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker.

Either way, you’ll be smokin’ yourself some fine pole, like a real champion, in no time at all.

Good luck

A Good Man Is Hard To Find

I got email from a friend of mine that I haven’t had contact with for ages. We worked together on a couple projects in the past so I was delighted to hear from him. What follows is the exchange we had concerning his love interest. (All names have been changed.) I share all of this with you because I know other people, gay and straight, who have found themselves involved with someone they probably shouldn’t be involved with. Perhaps my friend’s dilemma will strike a chord with others in my audience.

Hello Dr. Dick
I think it’s been about 13 years now since we worked together. Ahhh the good ol’ days, and oh how I miss them.

I came across a recent post of yours on Google + and it reminded me I could use some of your professional guidance.hug in the butt

I don’t want to bias my story any or waste your time with unimportant details as to the nature of events. I would like you to hear (read) my situation word for word, exactly as it has been playing out.

I have about 50 pages of text messages compiled in PDF format over the past year or so between me and a guy I really like. I don’t want to walk away from him too soon, also don’t want to wait around for something that may never materialize (It’s been 3 years since we first started having sex).

Could I ask you to review these texts and give me your thoughts about it all?

Thanks for your time
Jackson
(PS this 40y.o. guy I like identifies as being STR8, he is a total redneck, he is married to a younger 27-year-old female, he loves to fuck me and be fucked by me, he loves to suck cock and get his sucked too, he is hard from minute he walks in my door…it is the best sex of my life no question about it. And that’s sayin’ something.)

Hey YOU!
So nice to hear from you after such a long time. Yeah, I hear ya about the good old days. Unlike you, however, I don’t really miss them.

biker I would be happy to help you. Are you sure you just want me to read what you’ve compiled? Or do you want to talk about it?

Without prejudicing my appraisal of your document, what you tell me is very indicative of a problem that I have seen over and over throughout the years. And it sounds like you’ve got it bad.

Anyhow, how do you want to proceed? We can set up a Skype call, if you’d like. I do a lot of remote counseling these days, and Skype makes that possible.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Great to hear back from you. A quick note on ‘the past’, I think what I miss the most is the social life I used to have. I had a lot of friends and always made time to see them.

The last 7 or so years have been very stressful but it’s paid off in the end. My home was foreclosed on; I fought hard, went to court many times and it took over two years but I did manage to save it. In 2010 (About a year after getting my home out of foreclosure) the state began a road construction project literally right outside my back door. It caused major damage to my 100-year-old home during the 3+ years the project went on. I am still fighting the state in an effort to resolve the issues that the construction caused.

Lol, I am not all negative like everything is all bad, or I never get a break from the weird stuff, it’s just been very unusual for me to have such a string of bad luck.hot

So back to Kevin & I. Would it be all right if you just read one short recent conversation, and then you tell me if you feel you could help? I imagine it will only take a couple minutes. Basically we are at a point where we get along amazing well in person, sex is incredible, & he loves everything the way it is. (We see each other for sex, nothing more). I, on the other hand, want to hang out sometime besides sex. This text exchange comes after not seeing or talking to him in about 10 days, which is pretty common.

Let me know Dr. 🙂

[Attached to the above email was a lengthy document that contained the contained the transcription of this latest text exchange between Jackson and Kevin. I’ll spare you the gory details.]

There’s a lot goin’ on here…beside the fact that the last part reads like a porn script. 😉

Here’s what I see. I see two men who have a “hook” in one another. One is happy on the hook the other is tortured on the hook.

Kevin, despite, or even because, of the hot sex you guys are having, is at a crossroads. If things continue as they are going, he will have to make adjustments to his life and have to make some very painful admissions about who he is at least to himself. He doesn’t sound even remotely ready for that. And even if he wanted to make this life-altering decision, he is probably ill equipped to do so. I’m guessing that he has been running from facing his true identity for decades.

Jean CocteauYou, on the other hand, know exactly what you want and how to get it. For you falling in love with this guy and living happily ever after would be as easy as falling off a log. You’re in love and you know how to handle yourself when love happens. We both know this is not your first time at the rodeo.

It’s like you’re dating a Martian. He only knows how to be a Martian. Despite, or even because, you appeal to him to stop being what he is (straight) and be this other thing with you (gay), he is petrified. And he may actually hate the very thing that you love about him.

Another thing that is really obvious is that Kevin’s sex with you is shame-based, not affection-based. He probably does get off on the hot monkey sex you guys have together, but he’s also probably crippled with guilt and shame afterward.

Stop and look over the document you sent me. Choose any one of those pages and count the words that you typed and then count the words that he typed. I’m sure that you will immediately see that you overwhelm him. You bare your soul; you write paragraphs of self-disclosure. He responds in monosyllables. I’m pretty sure he can barely stand the barrage. He’s trapped between what he wants and what he will allow himself to have and it is sheer torture.

Despite the fact that is wants, maybe even desperately wants, what you have to offer, and not just the sex, he can’t allow himself to have it. It would shake his world to its foundation. And since he can have the hot sex without the emotional attachment, he’s getting everything he (thinks) he wants. You, on the other hand, are living a life of non-to-quiet desperation. You’re at heaven’s door, but he won’t cross the threshold with you.

If I had to guess, I’d say there’s no future beyond the wham-bam-thank-you-sir part bumpin’ you’re already getting. And I also speculate that this arrangement has a half-life. I’d be willing to guess that ya’ll are already past the mid-point. Your dissatisfaction will grow and begin to manifest itself in the way you treat him. There will be an ultimatum. Then there will be an end. With a little luck it will end well, but there is also a big chance that it will end very poorly indeed. Violence is not unheard of in situations like this and I think you know this already.redneck

In his defense, I don’t think Kevin is holding out on you. He probably would if he could. But he simply can’t. And if I had to guess, he’s not ever gonna turn this around. You said he’s in his 40’s, right? That’s a lot of life lived falsely, no? I’d be willing to wager that you aren’t the first man he’s fooled around with over the years and I don’t think you’ll be the last. He’s gotta have his fix even if it compromises his perception of himself.

I don’t envy you this conundrum, my friend. You are in anguish; I hear that. This is not a happy place for you and all I can say is, I hope you don’t give up any more ground.

Let me know if you want to talk about this at some point. No need to walk through this on your own if you don’t want to.

Good luck.

That gave me chills… Its like you were here the whole time. You identified every detail exactly as I have been living it.

One part in particular, Kevin said pretty much word for word as you did. He said, “I’m not holding out on you. I would if I could, but I simply can’t.” I got to admit I don’t understand.

Tuesday I sent him this text:
“Why is this normal social shit so awkward in your mind? All I want to do is hang out sometime. Let me repeat, I want to do something other than hookup one time. That’s it, if you don’t like it I won’t ask again.

I know you like the other shit more, I likely do as well. But is it that big of a deal to just hang out like regular dudes as well?

I’m not asking for anything else whatsoever no emotional connection or expectations of any kind.”

redneck buttHis reply:
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

His response blows my mind; it makes no sense. Sounds like an adult telling a child NO! I don’t have to explain, no means NO!

I think the truth is he just doesn’t WANT to do anything, even though he surely could. Ughhhh anyway.

I want to talk more with you about this Richard. I’ll hit you up later about the Skype thing. Thanks for being a sounding board for me.

Wow, that is interesting. Poor guy!

Again, in Kevin’s defense, he does have a wife. Maybe he thinks if he keeps his sex with you on the down low it’s not really infidelity. You know, guys doin’ guy things together. An emotional attachment to you would blow that delusion out of the water. It’s like being between a rock and a hard place. He can’t win for losing.

Anyhow, thanks for entrusting your woes with me. I look forward to connecting with you on Skype in the near future. All the best till then.

Best Adult Products List For 2014

We interrupt our winter holiday to bring you the special Product Review Friday.

On this the last Friday of the year, it’s time to announce this year’s Best Products List. We have four categories this year — Best Product or Toy for Men; Best Product or Toy for Women; Best Product or Toy for Couples (a tie); and Best Health Related Product or Toy.

We reviewed some amazing adult products and toys this year, so coming up with the very best in each category was a bit of a challenge. But despite the difficulty we completed our list and here are members of the Dr Dick Review Crew to reveal the winners.

First up are Joy & Dixie with The Best Product or Toy for WomenForm 2 by Jimmyjane.

Joy & Dixie
Dixie: “We started the new year off with a bang. Joy and I celebrated our 6th anniversary on New Years Eve. I know, how perfect is that? Anywho, we got a bunch of swell gifts from friends. We have the best friends evah!”jimmyjane-form-2-01
Joy: “Amongst the booty was a Jimmyjane Form 2. And guess who gave it to us? My ex, Barbara! The first product I ever reviewed for Dr Dick was the Share. And Barbara and I were together back then. She knows my passion for toys and so she got Dixie and me the Form 2.”
Dixie: “I was completely flabbergasted because the Form 2 isn’t cheap; in fact it’s really pricy. Barbara’s a dot-com millionaire, so I suppose plunkin’ down $150 for a sex toy means nothing to her. Don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s so generous. And she’s such as sweetheart on top of it.”
Joy: “Yeah, Barb rocks! So let me take you on a little tour of the Form 2. It’s the cutest little thing. About the size of the palm of your hand, it’s basically a body with two short flexible ears. I call it my alien bunny. It’s made of high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And it has a stainless steel base where it recharges in its stylish charger base. Its rechargeable lithium polymer battery takes about two hours to fully charge and runs up to seven hours on a single charge.”
Dixie: “It features five vibration speeds and four modes of vibration, and is operated by a one button controller. Form 2 is fully waterproof and easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. And it jimmyjane-form-2-luxury-vibrato2_11903_700x700should be shared!”
Joy: “The two flexible ears vibrate, each with their own motor. So when you nuzzle the Form 2 up to your clit, with the ears placed along each side, your whole vulva is stimulated. Love it! It’s super quiet too.”
Dixie: “The ears pulsate with pleasure. Like Joy mentioned above each ear is flexible, but the body is dense. It feels so comfortable in my hand. I like moving Form 2 all around my body. My nipples are particularly sensitive to the pleasure it can deliver. I encourage you to find all your erogenous zones or those of your partner with this joyful toy.”
Joy: “It’s true! The sensations are like in stereo; the motors in each ear create happiness wherever it travels on your bodyjimmyjane-form-2-luxury-vibrato2_11904_700x700. It’s the ideal toy for the bath. The Form 2 excels in design as well as function. It’s immediately obvious that a great deal of time, effort, and knowhow has gone into making this a pleasure treasure. And ya know what? Guys will like this too.”
Dixie: “Here’s a thoughtful little extra; the controls can be locked in the off position for safe sex toy traveling. There’s nothing more embarrassing than have your vibe come to life on its own as you’re going through airport security. We already mentioned that Form 2 is rechargeable, so obviously it comes with its own charger and detailed product information brochure is included in the packaging. It also comes with a three-year product warranty.”
Full Review HERE!

Next up is our fearless leader, our very own Dr Dick with the Best Health Related Product or ToyThe Private Gym

Dr Dick
There are a handful of things that I have been very passionate about throughout my long career as a sexologist. Each of my passions revolve around two simple principles: the importance of knowing and owning who we are as sexual beings and an knowing about how our body works. These are the basic building blocks of sexual health and wellbeing.

Sexual wellbeing means a whole lot more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others. But being unfamiliar with the basics of how our body works will surely short-circuit even our ability to perform.

My aim has always been to provide information, guidance, and resources that will help people approach their unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner. That’s what Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews are all about. So when a representative of Adult Fitness Concepts contacted me via email to tell me about their new product (actually, it’s more of a program than a product), the first FDA registered Kegel exercise program for men, my interest was piqued. I was told that the Private Gym was created after 3 years in development with several leading urologists, physiotherapists, and sexual health experts.

I have been an avid proponent of pelvic floor musculature toning for both women and men for my entire career in sexology. I write and speak about this topic so often that sometimes I feel like a broken record. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself. Use the search function in the sidebar of either of my sites, Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews, type in pelvic muscles, and BANG!home_hero_image

Women tend to know more about Kegel exercises, the exercises that tone and strengthen one’s pelvic floor musculature because doctors encourage them to do their Kegels during pregnancy. But here’s a tip for all you guys out there who are reading this and rolling your eyes and getting ready to turn the page because you think this is some kinda Oprah — vagina moment. Listen up you monkeys; kegel exercises aren’t just for the ladies. Us men folk have pelvic muscles too. So pay attention, you’re gonna want to know about Kegels too.

What are Kegels, you may be asking. They’re muscle contraction and relaxation exercises designed help restore, tone, and strengthen the muscles that surround the opening of the urethra (see guys, we have one of those), vagina (ok, we don’t have one of those, but we do have a penis and we get erections), and anus (we sure as hell have one of those). Since this includes the muscle that you use to stop and start the flow of urine, you can check if you’ve identified the right muscle by testing your kegel technique while peeing — if you can stop the flow of urine when tightening, then you know that you’re contracting the correct muscle group. BTW, the main muscle is call the pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle for short.

There are several “toys” on the market that are designed to help women tighten and tone their pelvic floor muscles, Ben Wa balls, and all their modern incarnations, for example. Now, thanks to the Private Gym us men folk have our own exercise program. A program that promises stronger, more rigid erections, a reduction in premature ejaculation, heightened orgasms, improvement in urinary control all while supporting prostate health.

I know what you’re thinking, if I can do Kegels on my own, why do I need a program? Good question. The best answer I can come up with is it will help you stray on track and achieve your goals. I mean, isn’t that the reason we go to a gym? Surely we can workout on our own, but the support and encouragement we get from being part of and involved in a program makes the effort more rewarding. It’s all about psychology, right?

PG-TrainingKitOnly-PromoThe Private Gym is the first interactive, follow-along exercise program that helps men strengthen the muscles that support and control our cock. As men approach age 30, the muscles that support erectile function begin to weaken. By age 40, more than 50% of men experience some form of erectile dysfunction and this number increases to more then 66% as men approach 60 years of age. And for all you bottoms out there, you know how important it is to keep anal muscles in tip-top, pardon the pun, shape.

There are two parts to the Private Gym program — 1) the Basic Training Program (available on DVD or through digital download) and 2) the Complete Training Program, which involves resistance training.

As we all know, resistance training is key to building strong muscles. Imagine doing bicep curls or a bench press without weights. The Private Gym Complete Training Program resistance equipment is basically a weighted high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone cuff for your dick. How amazing is that? You slip this puppy around your stiffy and do your Kegels. The cuff is also waterproof, so it cleans us easily with mild soap and warm water.

Just like all weight training, muscle contractions increase blood flow and increased blood flow to your johnson will…wait for it…produce harder, larger, and longer-lasting erections. Your pelvic musculature is also responsible for the strength of your ejaculation. Do you dribble instead of shoot? Well, my friend, you have some important exercisin’ to do.
Full Review HERE!

Next we hear from Dr Dick Review Crew Members, Glenn & Hank who have the Best Product or Toy for Men — The ZINI Bang! Bang!

Glenn & Hank
Hank: “Here’s how it happened. Dr Dick called us and said he had a new product for us to review. I thought, ok, cool. We hadn’t posted a review since January. I asked what kind of product was it. He said it was a mechanical masturbator. I let out an audible groan.”bang bang 01
Glenn: “When Hank told me about the new toy, I did more than grown. I said to Hank. ‘How many of these stupid things have The Crew reviewed? And how many of them could even begin to deliver on the promises made?’ Before Hank could answer, I said, ‘We’ve reviewed loads of them and they all sucked, and not in a good way!’”
Hank: “I didn’t know how I was gonna tell Glenn that I had already accepted Dr Dick’s offer and that I planned to swing by his place after work to pick up the ZINI Bang! Bang! ‘Really? That’s the name?’ I asked Dr Dick. Wait till Glenn gets a load of this, I said to myself despairingly.”
Glenn: “Once we had the package on the dining room table, I began to walk back my resistance to the whole idea. Even if it didn’t work it was hella cool looking. I like the packaging and if the marketing spiel and images on the packaging were only partially accurate, maybe I could really get into the Bang! Bang! (Stop, you’re killing me with that name!)”zini-dib-bang-bang
Hank: “I think the futuristic design is great too. You have to hand it to Zini, they’re comin’ up with some great stuff. The Bang! Bang! is capsule-shaped. It kinda looks like a kitchen appliance; think coffee grinder or citrus juicer. It is made of hard plastic and it stands on a suction cup stand. This is gonna come in handy in a minute, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”
Glenn: “Like Hank said, no one would ever be able to guess what the Bang! Bang! is just by looking at it. Now let’s see it go to work. First thing, ya gotta know is it’s rechargeable. Thank god, no freakin’ batteries to deal with. It takes a couple hours to fully charge and the control panel lights up during charge; changing color, red to blue, when fully charged. Next, you pop off the dome cap and under it you will find a squishy elastomer cushion with a hole in it. This is not unlike a Fleshlight or Fleshjack. Except this thing’s squishy cushion is nonporous and phthalate-free. This beats the shit out of the stuff Fleshlight uses, both in terms of health and cleanup. I’ll get back to clean up thing in a minute, so hold on to that thought.”zini-dib-bang-bang-1
Hank: “When I finally got my hands on the Bang! Bang! I stuck my finger in the hole and got the surprise of my life. Inside I could feel dozens of soft, tiny little fingers protruding from the sides of the cup underneath the squishy cushion on top. It feels like it’s made of that same elastomer material as the cushion top. And it’s easy enough to get a loser look at too. All ya gotta do is twist off the cushion top cap and look inside. I began to see where Zini was goin’ with this thing. You can further disassemble the fingered insert from the cup that holds it. ‘Alright then,’ I said. ‘This is the hot setup.’”
Glenn: “I almost didn’t want to turn the Bang! Bang! on for fear of being disappointed, but my curiosity got the best of me. We reassembled all the parts, which is real easy to do and turned it on. Neither one of us was willing to stick our dick in it quite yet, so we began by fingering it. I fuckin’ couldn’t get over the sensations. Get this, the Bang! Bang! has 50-motion modes! That is, the insert with the soft, tiny little fingers rotates with 10 different modes and there are 5 speeds. Once I was confident that sticking my pecker in the hole wasn’t gonna get it lopped off, I dropped my pants and pulled on my dick to get it hard. I tried to stick my willie in the hole in the squishy cushion, but it was no go. I needed to lube it up first. I used a water-based lube to start with, but after a few times I started using a silicone-base lube because that’s my favorite.”
Hank: “Once Glenn had his dick inside the Bang! Bang! he turned it on. The first words out of his mouth was ‘holy fuck!’ Glenn started to put the Bang! Bang! through its paces. There were so many woohs and ahhhs that I though he was gonna bust a nut in no time at all. Thing is, he started to pump his cock in and out of the Bang! Bang!, which is ill-advised and unnecessary. The depth of the fingered cup is no more than 4 inches, so, as Glenn found out ramming his dick into the thing would only bump his dick head against the back of the cup. And, as he said, ‘that doesn’t feel good.’”zini-dib-bang-bang-2
Glenn: “I forgot that the Bang! Bang! is a masturbator and not a stroker. But once I got the hang of it, I was in heaven. This is definitely the lazy man’s orgasm machine; you don’t have to do anything but insert your johnson and manipulate the control buttons. By the way, it has a great easy-off feature too. In what seemed record time I shot my wad, it was totally amazing. This thing isn’t particularly quiet, but it’s not coffee grinder loud either.”
Hank: “My turn with the Bang! Bang! wasn’t as great as Glenn’s, but that’s no fault with the toy itself. It is designed for small to average hung guys. I couldn’t get my dickhead into this thing even with a lot of lube. I’m just a little too girthy…ok, maybe a lot too girthy.”
Glenn: “I felt bad that Hank wasn’t able to feel what I felt because it was totally amazing. The bright side is, I now have the Bang! Bang! all to myself. Once I had free reign with the thing I discovered how versatile it is. Remember we mentioned the suction cup stand at the very beginning of our comments? Well, you can stick this to any smooth flat surface, adjust the angle as you please, and plug in your dick as you would a hole or mouth for hands-free pleasure. Just remember that the suction cup, strong as it is, will only work on a clean, smooth and flat surface. You DO NOT want this thing to suddenly detach from the wall, or wherever, and fall on you feet. It weighs nearly 3 lbs. It could break a toe and the fall would probably crack or destroy the hard plastic housing, and that would ruin the whole thing. I also experimented with adding a nice sized dollop of lube into the fingered insert before I started a session. I slathered the lube around a bit and replaced the cushion top. This way, when I slipped in my lubed up cock the rotating sensation delivered by the soft little fingers felt more like a blowjob than just a hand job. Fantastic!”
Full Review HERE!

This year we have a tie for the Best Product or Toy for Couples.  First, here are Review Crew Members, Jack & Karen who bring us The Zini Donut

Jack & Karen
Karen: “There’s no getting around it, the Zini Donut is a winner!”Zini Donut
Jack: “Nothin’ like spilling the beans right out the gate, huh Karen? I thought we were gonna build up the suspense a bit first. You know, tease our audience with some of the particulars before we pass judgment.”
Karen: “Yeah, I know. Sorry! It’s just that I’m so jazzed about this product. I simply couldn’t help myself. Just look at it; it’s so adorable. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s fun, it’s functional, and it resembles one of my favorite foods.”
Jack: “So now that you know we absolutely love the Zini Donut, maybe we better double back and tell you what it is and why we like it so much. I’ll bet that you can tell by the name that the Zini Donut is shaped like a doughnut or bagel if you prefer. It’s about the same size too. It’s very unassuming when you see it sitting in its box, in fact you’d never guess at its versatility by just looking at it.”
Karen: “That’s why I was so wowed by the Zini Donut. Opening the stylish gift box, which by the way, makes for a beautiful presentation, the Zini Donut sits in its plastic shell. I went, ‘OK, that’s nice, I suppose, but what the heck is it?’”donut_02-1
Jack: “We knew we were in for a treat at first touch. The Zini Donut has a skin of silky silicone. And as you know, silicone is latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic. It’s our favorite sex toy material. Once out of the box we began to realize its potential. The Zini Donut is actually an amazing C-shaped vibe and both ends of the thing vibrate with independent motors, but they vibrate in unison. The shape has a bit of give to it so that I can easily fit it around my cock, for example. I can position it around the base of my dick, like a cockring, or at the head of my dick to stimulate my frenulum. I can even use it like a stroker. But, just out of the package, the ends of the vibe are fit snugly into a matching cuff, thus making the doughnut shape. What a brilliantly innovative concept!”
Karen: “And I can use the Zini Donut internally, which provides hands-free intense simultaneous stimulation to both my G-spot and my clit. Just be aware that, despite its flexibility, it immediately resumes its C shape. This creates a clamping sensation that may be too much for some women, but I love it. At the same time, the clamping action is ideal for use on either side of my clit and/or nipples. It can just as easily be used anally, providing P-spot and perineum stimulation simultaneously. The truth is that the Zini Donut can be use anywhere on the body to stimulate your naughty parts or soothe away muscle tension or a headache.”
Jack: “I know that there are still a lot of guys out there who resist the idea of vibrator use during partnered sex. And most of you guys resist because you have an outmoded notion about what vibrators look like. I know bedonut_03cause I used to be one of those guys. I didn’t want Karen using a phallic shaped vibe to pleasure herself while we were having sex together. But then I was introduced to the vast array of couple oriented vibrators that don’t look like a cock, and I was sold. The Zini Donut is one such vibrator.”
Karen: “Jack already mentioned the dual motor. Their harmonized system of vibration offers 4 intensity levels and 15 distinct pulse patterns. The 3-button control panel is very easy to operate although it does take some finger pressure. There’s a (+) button that turns on the vibration and escalates the intensity, and a (–) button that deescalates the vibration intensity and turns it off. The (0) button, between the other two buttons, cycles through the pulse patterns. And this thing is super quiet; I mean, really, really quiet. It provides more of a buzzing sensation than a rumbling sensation, if that means anything to you.”
Jack: “The Zini Donut is both completely waterproof and rechargeable. It’s perfect for bath and shower use. There’s a tiny dimple near the top of the vibe, which serves as the recharge port. You insert the recharging USB cable there. When you withdraw the cable, after the charge, the dimple closes and creates a watertight seal. This is one of my favorite ways of recharging a toy. I like it better than a recharging stand that other high-end vibes are offering these days.”
Full Review HERE!

And finally… Kevin & Gina bring us — Revel Body Sonic Vibrator

Kevin & Gina
Gina: “Hello again! Kevin and I were just discussing how much we enjoy reviewing new and innovative products. There is just so much sameness everywhere you look these days; it’s so depressing. So much of what we see in the adult products marketplace is cookie cutter and thus kind of boring.”Revel Body002
Kevin: “We’ve become less and less interested in doing reviews of products that look like and perform like stuff we’ve already reviewed.”
Gina: “We were just saying to each other how much we prefer to review products that, one can immediately see, have been designed and manufactured by creative people thinking outside the box. In fact, we would choose to review those products, even if those products didn’t quite hit the mark, than something less creative and innovative.”
Kevin: “Yep! I have so much more respect for people who try something different and unique, even if it fails; than I do for people cranking out more of the same.”
Gina: “And this brings us to today’s product, the Body Sonic Vibrator by Revel. This is no ordinary vibrator, no! It’s sonic, and that’s a game changer. Your run of the mill vibrator uses a rotary motor, but the Revel Body Sonic Vibrator employs a revolutionary magnet-driven pulsing action that is nothing like the sensations delivered by a traditional rotary motor. Everything about this marvel is interesting. It’s orb shape fits comfortably in the palm of your hand. Its ergonomic controls are easy to operate. And it’s remarkably quiet. Despite its diminutive size, the vibrations are not transferred to your hand because there is only one moving part. The pulsing nub attachment on the end of the piston delivers pinpoint stimulation where and when you want it.”
Kevin: “The Body Sonic Vibrator is 100% waterproof. That’s the real submersible kinda waterproof, not that ridiculous splash proof kinda “waterproof.” It’s also rechargeable, which makes this a mighty GREEN machine.”
Gina: “The Body Sonic Vibrator is designed for external stimulation. The unique spherical shape, 8.25″ around, offers two means of stimulation—the protruding pink pad on the front side of it, and the concave indentation on the other side.”Revel Body003
Kevin: “Gina already mentioned that the Body Sonic Vibrator is magnet driven. That’s revolutionary, but it’s not without its concerns. The removable piston, the only moving part, is a very powerful magnet; it’ll attract anything nearby that’s metal. The hole through the vibe is also magnetized. This is potentially an issue for some people and other electronics. So much so that the Body Sonic Vibrator comes with a warning that it NOT be used or handled by persons wearing implanted or wearable electronic medical devices like pacemakers. And keep the magnets away from electronic storage devices including laptops, cell phones, and credit cards.”
Gina: “This is super important to remember when recharging the unit. It comes with a USB/plug recharger cord. So have a care if you are recharging near your computer. I decided to error on the side of caution and not risk damage to any of my electronics so I plugged the recharger into the wall, not my computer.”
Kevin: “The Body Sonic Vibrator comes with three unique attachments — Rose, Ever, and Fawn. (Two other attachments—Cona and Niko—can be purchased on the Revel site.) To remove the attachment, put your finger in the hole on the back of the toy and press on the piston. There will be resistance because of the aforementioned magnets, but it will pop free easy enough. Switch out your attachment; bring the piston close to the opening of the vibe and after a bit of resistance it will snap in place. It’s so cool.”
Gina: “Speaking of the piston motion, you have to be careful when using the Body Sonic Vibrator around body hair—pubes, chest hair, beards, hair on your head. I mention this because Kevin was using it on his temples to help with a headache and some of hair got pulled by the piston action.”Fawn
Kevin: “The Body Sonic Vibrator is covered in velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And all the pink attachments are made of silicone too. Of course this means that you can only use a water-based lube with this vibe. Because it is waterproof and made of silicone it’s easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing.”
Gina: “The Body Sonic Vibrator charges on its magnetic charging base, which features the USB cord and wall adapter that I already mentioned. Be sure that the contact area on both the unit and its base is dry before charging. I charge ours after every use.”
Kevin: “The Body Sonic Vibrator has a 3-button controller—power button, and a (+) and (-) button. The controls are easy to use with just one finger. There’s a. The memory-setting feature allows you to start at the same intensity as when it was last used. This is great because it eliminates the need to cycle through all the settings to find your favorite. I really like the one button on/off feature and it’s travel friendly too.”
Gina: “There are 10 “vibration” levels. I put the word vibration in quotes because the sensations the Body Sonic Vibrator are different than my traditional vibrators. On the lower settings the piston moves in and out more slowly producing a wonderful tapping sensation. You can even see the piston moving in and out. But on the higher settings the piston moves so fast that you can’s see the motion. These settings produce a buzzing sensation as opposed to the tapping sensation. I much prefer the lower settings to the higher settings. In fact, levels 6 thru 10 seemed pretty much the same to me. I also prefer the Fawn attachment to the other two.”Revel Body001
Kevin: “I agree with Gina, the slower settings provide more stimulation and I prefer that. Gina already mentioned me using the Body Sonic Vibrator on my head. I’m prone to migraine headaches and the tapping sensation on my forehead between my eyes and at my temples is fantastic. The best therapy for my headaches is a hot bath and the sensations the Body Sonic Vibrator provides.”
Gina: “Here’s something really innovative; you can reverse the piston so that the attachment is protruding from the indented side of the unit. The thing is, I actually prefer this configuration to the other. Like Kevin, I use the Body Sonic Vibrator most often in the bath.”
Kevin: “The vibe works best when very light pressure is applied. A heavy touch dulls the sensations.”
Full Review HERE!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OUR WINNERS!