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Ready Or Not

Name: Allie
Gender: Female
Age: 18
I feel kinda silly asking a complete stranger this, but here goes. I’m a pretty normal 18year old female. I’m in my freshman year at a college in upstate New York. I’ve had a few boyfriends over the years, nothing really serious though. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of this one guy; he’s 20, a junior at my school. I really like him and we’re discussing taking our friendship to the next level. He’s not pressuring me for sex or anything, even though he’s more experienced than I am. In fact he wants me decide when the time is right. My question is how will I know when I’m ready for sex. Obviously, Jason will be my first. Thanks.

Thanks for entrusting me, a complete stranger, with this very intimate concern. I have a question for you, Allie, and I hope it doesn’t sound flippant. When do you know it’s time to eat, or sleep? I know lots of us eat even when we’re not hungry and don’t sleep even when we’re tired, but that aside, I suggest that the same body signals that alert you to hunger and exhaustion will let you know when it’s time for sex. You’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual. I’m not trying to be evasive; I’m trying to get you to listen to your body, because that’s how you’ll know. To be perfectly frank, that’s how all of us know it’s time for sex. We get a hankerin’ for some pleasure and we pursue that until, hopefully, we’re satisfied.

teen sex anxietyYou’ll notice that I’m not specifically referencing fucking when I say you’ll know when it’s time for sex. Sex, at lest in my book, involves a whole lot more than the old in and out, don’t cha know. Take a look at the sexual enrichment tutorial I posted just last week. It’s titled: Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques. http://www.drdicksexadvice.com/2014/02/26/sex-play-tips-and-techniques/

If I were to advise you further I’d want to know how much sex you’ve already had with Jason. Has there been any sex play at all? Probably some, huh? Otherwise how would you know you like him well enough to consider taking the play to the next level?

Penis/vagina intercourse, or as I like to call it “fucking” can bring more intimacy and more pleasure than some other sex play, but it’s not the be all and end all either. Fucking also carries a lot it more responsibility, particularly for fertile young puppies like you and Jason.intimacy021

You sound like an intelligent lass, at least you can write in complete sentences. Is it safe to assume that you are well versed in the complexities of the human reproductive system? I hope so. Not everyone is, of course, even some otherwise smart young people. If you’re not clear on the whole concept, there’s no time like the present to do a little boning up…so to speak. Being responsible with your sex is as important as being sexual. And being informed about health risks and contraception is the beginning of taking responsibility for your sexual activity.

Every sexually active young woman is subject to becoming pregnant every time she accepts a cock in her cooch. I’m not a woman, nor do I play one on the internets, but I’ve been around more than my share of the fairer sex, and I am certain that every woman who fucks for the first time will wonder if she is pregnant the next morning. I suppose the same is true for any sexually active woman of childbearing age, even those who are very knowledgeable about birth control and are prepared for sex when it presents itself. Seems to me that that kind of apprehension or concern could easily put a dent in pleasure.

makin' babiesRemember what I said a little earlier; that you’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual? Well, if you take the time to prepare now, you won’t need to interrupt the sexually charged moment when your body tells you I want some of that hot monkey love. You should choose the birth control method that suits you best. You should have condoms and lube available. Don’t expect your beau to have his wits about him when his dick is hard. While Jason does sound like a swell guy, conscientious too, you’re the one who will get pregnant if ya’ll screw up. And I’ll bet ol’ Jason will be impressed with your forethought too. There’s nothing like gettin’ it on with a chick who knows the score, even if it is her first time.

Remember, even if you’re on the pill or have a diaphragm, condoms are a must. One of every ten sexually active teens carries one or more STDs or as we call them nowadays, SDI (sexually transmitted infections). You can consider dropping the condoms when you’re in an exclusive relationship.

Finally, you may be ready for sexual release — i.e. an orgasm, and I hope you’re already enjoying an abundance of those little buggers through jilling off — but that does not mean you are ready for, need, or even want full-on fucking. But when you do and you get that hankerin’, feed it. It will be as natural as falling off a log.

Good luck

Add Some Buzz To Your Fuzz

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday! And this week we feature yet another innovative product from the creative folks at Perfect Fit Brand.  And when PFB sends us products to review we know we’re in for something special.  As you all probably know the Perfect Fit Brand is responsible for The Best Product or Toy for Men for both 2012 and 2013.

To keep track of all our PFB reviews use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in Perfect Fit Brand, and Voilà!

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Kevin & Gina are back with us after a long hiatus, so they’ll do the honors today.

Orbit BodyFit Vibrating Stimulator —— $54.57

Kevin & Gina
Gina: “We’re back! Did you miss us? We sure as hell missed you.”
Kevin: “We’ve been really busy since our last posting back in July of last year. I took a new job, Gina was doing some teaching, and the biggest news, we got hitched. That’s right, I finally made an honest woman of the lass.”
Gina: “I didn’t really care if I was ‘honest’ or not, but my mom sure did. She and my dad are super-Catholics and they were in torment these last few years knowing their only daughter was living in sin. OMG, if they only knew. Anyhow, some friends of ours, a gay couple, mind you, decided to get married and asked Kevin and I stand up with them. My first maid of honor gig and there wasn’t even a bride.”Orbit BodyFit Vibrating Stimulator black
Kevin: “I figured if Tad and Colin could take the plunge, so could I. Right after their wedding I got down on my knee and proposed to Gina.”
Gina: “Totally romantic, and in front of all our friends too! I couldn’t say no. Well, I guess I could have said no, but I didn’t want to. Kevin’s my man! He’s a pervert, but he’s my pervert. Three months later, Kevin and I walked down the aisle of the church I was baptized in. The priest waved his hand over us and we promised never to part.”
Kevin: “But just to let everyone know we weren’t mainlining the whole religion thing, Tad was my best man and Colin was Gina’s ‘maid of honor.’ Gina’s parents were scandalized and the priest was all weirded out, but it was our fuckin’ wedding and if we had to do it in a church, then we’d do it our way.”
Gina: “That was more information than I expected to share, but there ya have it. Now, on to our review. Here’s the Orbit BodyFit Vibrating Stimulator.”
Kevin: “Or as we like to call it, my super-duper vibrating cockring. Ya all know what a cockring is and does, right? If not, check out Dr Dick’s Cockring Crash CourseOrbit is from Perfect Fit Brand. Another one of their cockrings, Armour Up, was among last year’s Best Products of the Year. In fact, Orbit is the Armour Up ring on steroids.” Orbit BodyFit Vibrating Stimulator
Gina: “That’s right! The creative minds over at Perfect Fit Brand have proven that not only do they create brilliant products for men, but they know how to please a woman too. Orbit, like Kevin just mentioned, has all the features of the Armour Up for him, but it also has a powerful built in bullet vibe for me. The easy to switch on, three-speed vibe is powered by three of those tiny round watch batteries.  And they are included in the package. You can easily remove the bullet from the Orbit to change batteries.”
Kevin: “Yep; my erection is enhanced, I have more intense orgasms with Orbit, and the vibe is so powerful that I can feel it throughout my pelvis. Very fuckin’ cool!”
Gina: “Orbit is made of a proprietary blend of silicone and TPR (a thermoplastic elastomer), which makes it latex-free, nonporous, and phthalate-free. And it is super-stretchy for comfort and durability. It come in both black and clear.  You can use water-based lube or silicone-based lube with it as you please. And it cleans up with with mild soap and water. Nothing could be easier.”
Kevin: “For anyone who is looking for a quick and simple way to spice things up in the bedroom without breaking the bank, Orbit is the product for you. And consider this; once Orbit is in place, around your cock and balls, and turned on, the only thing left to do is have sex. Unlike other vibrators, Orbit leaves your hands free to massage, caress, grope, pinch, spank, or whatever else happens when your hands are free to do the talking.”
Gina: “The Perfect Fit Brand keeps cranking out the winners. I hope, that one of these days, they will turn their attention to creating a product or two just for us gals. But until that time, I’ll be enjoying Orbit right along with Kevin.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Touchy Little Bugger

Name: Lilla
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Location: Evansville, IN
My BF and I have been together for a three years. We have a great sex life together…or we did. Recently he asked me if I would be interested in some anal play — me inserting something in his butt. I thought ok; lets give it a try. After some fumbling around the first time, (I was very self-conscious) I really got into it. It was very empowering. I never imagined how different it is inserting a dildo into someone as opposed to being inserted into, if ya know what I mean.
We were both having such a good time and I could see that he was totally turned on by the play.
After one of these very fun sessions I made an off-handed comment that all the butt play was going to make him gay. This innocent remark had an immediate and devastating effect on him. It was as if I had slapped him in the face. He stormed out of the room and sulked all the rest of the day. I told him I was just a joking. But he didn’t believe me and now there’s no butt play at all. In fact, there’s not much sex between us anymore.
I really screwed up, I know. I had no idea he would react this way. Is there anything I can do to redeem myself? I feel absolutely dreadful.

Wow, touchy little bugger, isn’t he? What we have here is some unresolved masculinity issues on the part of your novice butt-pirate BF. Too bad he’s cutting his nose off to spite his face instead of dealing with his issues in an up front way.

And just to put your mind to rest, Lilla, this implosion was bound to happen sooner or later. I know you feel bad about triggering it, but it’s not really your fault.

In his defense, we can chalk up your BF’s regrettable response to you poking (no pun intended) fun as the result of a lifetime of homophobic conditioning. One can only guess at the virulent anti-gay messages he’s received throughout his lifetime there in one of the reddest of red states. I think we can all agree that Evansville, Indiana is no San Francisco, California.ShameHands

All us men, including all us gay men, have some vestiges of homophobia inside us. And some have a whole lot. It’s regrettable, but that don’t make it any less true. This fear we all carry around inside of us can turn us inside out. It can get in the way of us accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, if we are indeed gay. And this fear can lead us to all kinds of destructive antisocial behavior against others if we are straight.

I’d be willing to guess your BF is the kind of guy that tells fag jokes and laughs loudest when he hears the same. I’d be willing to guess your BF is the kind of guy that raises an eyebrow (and possibly even a fist) when he encounters an effeminate man. I’d be willing to guess your BF is the kind of guy that over-compensates for even the slightest perceived feminine tendency within himself. I’d be willing to guess your BF is the kind of guy that has a very structured and uniform notion of what a woman’s place in society should be.

stubbornI added this last one, because I’m convinced that the root of all homophobia is actually a fear and hatred of women. In the worldview of most men, masculinity is privileged, making it superior femininity. To these men, it’s an affront to their world order to see any another man behave in a less than masculine way, even if that behavior is in the privacy of his own bedroom. This strict sex-role stereotyping has them in a strangle hold, choking all the joy and pleasure from their lives.

One can only imagine the massive internal conflict your BF must have struggled with before he asked you to bugger him. Imagine his chagrin when the only person in the whole wild world he’s ever opened up to about this mortifying desire of his; turned around and make a joke about it…and a fag joke on top of it.

I know, I know, you didn’t mean it to be a fag joke, but it was one nonetheless; at least in his mind. Your harmless little comment went to the heart of his insecurities. He had been found out, as it were, and the tables turned on him. And all he was left with was his shame. How enormously sad!

Can I tell you a story? Early in my therapeutic career I had a couple come to see me for marriage counseling. They were a pretty conservative heterosexual couple with two preteen children. They were both prim and proper and neither one had so much as a hair out of place. Can you say: buttoned down?homophobia2

When I got around to asking them to tell me what was wrong, the wife broke into sobs. She couldn’t talk. I thought to myself, “this is gonna be juicy.” The husband hung his head in shame and began to spill the beans. After 10 years of marriage he finally got up the courage to ask the little woman for some oral sex. Apparently she was mortified at the suggestion. Good girls don’t do that! It took another two years of supplication before she finally relented and gave him his one and only blowjob.

I was spellbound as he recounted the fateful night that he finally got his wish. His wife, on the other hand, was completely beside herself, holding her face in her hands. With a little prompting from me, the husband continued his story. The blowjob started out very tentatively. The little woman was doing all she could to suppress her natural inclination not to gag as she got closer to his johnson. But then she finally relented. And, after all those years of patiently waiting and fantasizing about this moment, she took a deep breath and wrapped her lips around the head of his dick.

He was so overjoyed and completely lost in the moment when somehow he let pass from his lips, the unfortunate word — cocksucker — in reference to the mother of his children down there between his legs smokin’ his pole. Where this word came from; he couldn’t say. It wasn’t a word he could ever remember consciously using before in his life. But there it was on that night of nights. And that, dear Lilla, was all she wrote. Before the husband knew what was happening, his wife spat out his boner with a yelp and fled to the bathroom to wash out her mouth with soap.

From that night to weeks later when they found themselves in my company, not only were there no more blowjobs, but no nookie whatsoever.

It took us weeks and weeks to uncover the root of the wife’s aversion to oral sex — giving or receiving. An unhappy childhood, an abusive father, catholic guilt, countless messages about sex being dirty, low self-esteem and her being pre-orgasmic all fueled her disconnect with sex in general and oral sex in particular. This coupled with the unfortunate and untimely exclamation by the husband was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Isn’t it amazing how one word can short-circuit the whole shebang?

homophobia002I suppose you see where I’m going with this, huh Lilla? Your little comment triggered a landslide in your BF’s psyche. The delicate house of cards he was able to assemble to hold on to his homophobia and still take it up the ass, was simply not strong enough to withstand the word “gay,” joking or not.

Clearly your BF has issues. But I’m probably telling you something you already know. I can’t really say if there’s a possibility for the two of you to overcome this on your own. Is there any chance your BF would acquiesce to some counseling? If yes, that would be the way to go. He needs to do a bunch of reprogramming on himself, don’t cha know.

If counseling isn’t in the cards all I can suggest you do is stroke his masculinity as much as you can. There will be a price to pay for this, but maybe you’ll be able to address that later. You can tell him that you’ve been reading all over online about how much straight men are getting into ass play these days. How they are throwing off the yoke of their ass-phobia and enjoying all the god-given sensations their backdoor has to offer. You might even offer up your pucker by way of example.

If he ever does relent and allow you to touch him “down there” again that would signal that the crisis is over, but you won’t be out of the woods quite yet. If the ass play does resume, you could chat him up sometime (not in the bedroom though) as to why he had such a virulent response to your joking. If he is honest with you, he will tell you what you already know from reading my response here. And I’d be willing to bet my last dollar on that.

Good luck

CAUTION — Happy Holes Ahead

Hey sex fans!

It’s our first Product Review Friday of 2014! And this week we feature yet another innovative product from the creative folks at Perfect Fit Brand. As you all probably know the Perfect Fit Brand is responsible for The Best Product or Toy for Men for both 2012 and 2013. This is unprecedented.

To keep track of all our PFB reviews use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in Perfect Fit Brand, and PRESTO!

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Glenn & Hank are here to tell us about their new find.

Perfect Fit Brand Hump Gear —— $59.00

Glenn & Hank
Hank: “Happy New Year everyone! It’s good to be back with the crew for yet another year of sex toy reviews.”
Glenn: “This marks the beginning of my 7th year with the Dr Dick Review Crew. I did my first review in October on 2007.”hump gear01
Hank: “And I joined Glenn in August 2008. We’ve had the pleasure of introducing you to many remarkable products, including The Best Product or Toy for Men back in 2012 — The Fat Boy Cock Sheath.”
Glenn: “I know it’s only January and there are probably lots of great products to come in the new year, but what we have here, Perfect Fit Brand’s Hump Gear, is sure to wind up on the short list for The Best Product or Toy for Men 2014.”
Hank: “Damn straight! Perfect Fit Brand is churning out the world’s most innovative toys for men. Each year they outdo themselves. And the adult product world is sitting up and taking notice. They are racking up awards all over the globe. Listen, if you’ve got a cock and balls and/or an asshole, and you don’t have at least a couple of their products, I can assure you that you are missing out on a ton of fun.”
Glenn: “Let’s get down to it. Hump Gear is a fuckable butt plug. See if you can rap your head around that. It is made of the Perfect Fit Brand’s proprietary material called SilaSkin. It’s a revolutionary blend of silicone and TPR (thermoplastic rubber). It is unbelievably stretchy and irresistibly soft and it is phthalate-free. Hump Gear come in both black and clear.”
Hank: “Let me go back to the fuckable butt plug thing, ok? Because this is exactly what makes Hump Gear so freakin’ amazing. Is everyone clear about what a butt plug is and what it does? If not, let me turn you on to a little tutorial titled: Butt Plug Crash Course.  OK! Here’s how Hump Gear works. The top, that would be me, lubes up his dick and slips the Hump Gear on his cock. You can use any type of lube you want with this baby. hump gear02In this respect, Hump Gear is a lot like the Fat Boy Cock Sheath. But where the Fat Boy is tubular, Hump Gear has a flared lip near the extra-wide base. When Glenn is ready for the ass-ult I lube up his hole and slide my cock, covered in the Hump Gear, into his ass. My first thrust inserts the Hump Gear and his anal sphincter closes around the flared lip near the base. And there it stays.”
Glenn: “Like the Fat Boy Cock Sheath, Hump Gear is ribbed on the inside of the sleeve for the top’s (Hank’s) pleasure. And for me, the bottom, I get this filled up filling. Hump Gear stays in place, as Hank mentioned, so even though he pulls out the ‘plug’ stays put. Now, for all you bottoms out there who wish your top had a bit more girth, Hump Gear is for you. And for all you tops out there who wish your bottom had a tighter hole, Hump Gear is for you.”
Hank: “But there’s more; Hump Gear can be used solo too. It’ makes an ideal stroker, like its cousin the Fat Boy. And if you’re alone and you want to punish your hole Hump Gear is there for ya. Simply slip it over a dildo and put it where the sun don’t shine.”
Glenn: “I’m an insatiable bottom, so when I have an ‘itch’ I can wear Hump Gear for hours on end till Hank gets home and ‘scratches’ it. And by the way, the super soft and stretchy SilaSkin adds to my pleasure, but never chafes my hole like some of the bigger toys we use.”PFB_Christopher_Diesel_013_large
Hank: “I love the feeling of Hump Gear as it slides over my cock. And I can do some heavy piston-pounding without ever worrying about wear and tear on Glenn’s ass lips because I’m fuckin’ the Hump Gear, not his hole. The squishy sound my dick makes inside the sheath adds to our piggy play.”
Glenn: “If you’re like me, and you’re into a little DNA play, then you will love Hump Gear too because it’s like a giant condom. It catches Hank’s jizz in its tip and I can slather it all over myself after he shoots his wad.”
Hank: “Clean up is always a snap. No matter how messy things get, and god know we like our fucks to be messy, some warm water and mild soap takes care of everything. Cleaning it is easy because the SilaSkin material is nonporous and so stretchy you can actually turn the blasted thing inside out. And once thoroughly dry the sheath isn’t the least bit sticky or tacky, like a lot of similar materials get after use. We both give this product and A+ rating.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

High And Dry

Name: Stephen
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Location: Sacramento, CA
Dear Dr. Dick I am at the end of my rope. I am a white male, 47, 50lbs over what my Doctor would like me to weight. I am per-diabetic, with blood pressure and cholesterol just a little higher than my Doctor would like. I have been married for going on 13 years, and have a 7-year-old special needs son. And my sex life sucks.
My wife who I love dearly has chronic pain that leaves her muscles aching all the time, so the last time she and I had sex was the night we conceived our son. I have tried to take care of my needs though masturbation, but to be honest I am getting very bored with the whole idea of jerking off. Even using my hand I have trouble sometimes getting a hard on. I have managed to have an orgasm while my dick is soft, it just takes care of the itch, and it does not really satisfy me like fucking or a good slow hand job while fully hard.
I have tried using a cock ring, but I think I am doing something wrong because I don’t stay hard while using one and none of my partners has used one so I have no one to ask. I also have the problem of finding the time when I can be alone. Without my wife finding out what I am doing, because she does not approve of me watching porno, or jerking off. The last time she caught me, she did not speak to me for over two weeks.
I am trying to find a family counselor for my wife and I, but I’m having problems with finding one covered by our Insurance and one that can make appointments that will fit in with my wife’s work schedule.
I have been exploring my BI side with men I meet on the web. I am fussy because I want to be safe, and they have to have somewhere we can meet. Most married BI guys have the same problems I do, nowhere to go to have a little fun. There are no bathhouses in our area. And on top of all those problems I can only get a hard on if I use one of the ED drugs. Which my Medical Insurance will not pay for so my Doctor has been giving my free samples that he gets.
So of the five or six times a year I get to have sex, maybe one of them I will get to fuck someone. While I like being a bottom, there are times I just want to fuck someone. There are times I just want to pack up my bags and leave to find the sex life I want, but I do love my wife and son, and I don’t think leaving will make anything better.
So here I sit, I have run out of ideas, my counselor has run out of ideas. Having sifted thought most of your web site with no luck I hope that maybe you can shed some new light on this disaster of a sex life.

Do you know the phrase, “sinking to the lowest common denominator?” Well that’s what you are doing, my friend. You have precisely the sex life you permit yourself to have. You’ve boxed yourself into a corner by allowing others, particularly your wife, to dictate what you can and cannot do with your sexual energy. So there you are high and dry, as they say.

challenges aheadI appreciate the fact that your wife may have medical issues that might prevent her from joining you in the vigorous sex life you desire. But if that’s where you leave the discussion then you are getting precisely what you deserve.

I realize you’ve committed yourself to your wife through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. But in the absence of a marital sex life, you’ve discovered new and uncharted areas of your own sexuality. This volatile combination will either be destructive or regenerative.

I have one real simple premise that I live by. And that is, each of us has a right to a happy, healthy, integrated sex life. If there is something that is getting in the way of achieving that, whatever it might be, it is a problem that needs to be addressed immediately.

As far as relationships go, particularly a marriage, I am of the mind that we ought, first and foremost, work to honor our commitments of fidelity and mutual support. Are there ways that these two moral principles — a right to a healthy sex life and one’s marital commitments — can coexist when one’s relationship excludes the possibility of happy sexual expression? Yes, I believe there are. And many couples achieve this balance, because they have an overriding love and concern for one anther.stubbornness

Now the facts — not all loving relationship, including many marriages, have a sexual component. Many, for one reason or another, simply don’t. In fact, most long-term relationships are not sexual in nature. However, a partner in loving relationship who is unable to provide sexual satisfaction to his/her partner should give the languishing partner permission to find sexual fulfillment outside the relationship. I hasten to add that these are often very difficult negotiations to hammer out. But to do less than try to make these accommodations is, I believe, a form of sexual abuse.

If what you report about your wife’s revulsion to even you sexually pleasuring yourself is accurate, then you have a very hard row to hoe. Trying to negotiate a satisfactory solution to your dilemma is all the more difficult when one of the partners is opposed to even discussing the issue. This is where a good counselor will come in handy. (If you would like to consult me, see the Therapy Available tab under the About Dr Dick page in the header of my site.) If your therapist is not up to helping you bring this issue to the fore, then you’d better look elsewhere for the help you need. If this issue is left unattended you will continue to sink to the lowest common denominator. You will continue to be unhappy as you skulk around looking for stray cock in unsavory places. And I have a sense that you are not being totally upfront with me about your extracurricular activities. Simply put, you do yourself and your marriage a greater injustice with this kind of reckless behavior than risking the dissolution of your marriage by engaging your wife in an honest search for a healthy solution to your problems.

solutionsThat being said, I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you’ve already made up your mind about the direction you intend to go. I suspect that you will continue to explore your nascent bisexuality through these furtive liaisons with men you’ve been meeting. I also assume that, divorce is not an option, at least not in an up-front sort of way. The sad thing here is your wife is unable to join you in coming up with a viable solution to the problem at hand, because she is being kept in the dark about your dalliances.

I am not suggesting that you deny your sexual needs just to appease or pacify your wife. Nor do I condone deceiving your wife about your true self. These options will only create a divide between you and your wife that will never be bridged.

If you ever hope to escape the corner you’ve painted yourself into, you’ll have to buck up and be honest with your wife. Looks like you have your work cut out for you, my friend.

Good Luck

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