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Sex EDGE-U-cation with Tony Buff – Podcast #168 – 11/18/09

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Hey sex fans,

Did you miss me last week?  I know, I know; it was beyond my control.  Sorry to disappoint.  But, to make it up to you, I have the real deal for you today.  That’s right, we’re gonna get some mighty impressive Sex EDGE-U-cation from one of the luminaries of gay porn.  I’m talkin big, big star here people, and that’s both literally and figuratively, if ya catch my drift.tonyBuff_20091114_08

I have the pleasure of welcoming a tireless activist, compelling educator, masterful rigger and superb Dom.  He also directs as well as performs in his signature line of critically acclaimed fetish movies. He is the one and only Tony Buff.

If you know anything about BDSM, rope bondage or power play, you will probably know his name.  And if you are a connoisseur of cutting edge smut, well then, I know you are a huge fan of this amazing man, just like me.

Tony brings the same intensity and focus of his on screen performances to this interview.  And he adds his unique voice to the ever-growing chorus of prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles that is this podcast series.

Tony and I discuss:

  • Body double, or just a cock double?
  • The Pacific Northwest as a hotbed of perversion.
  • His on screen persona being the same as his off screen persona.
  • How he got his start in porn.
  • The workshops he and Derek da Silva present together.
  • His mentors — Max and Monk.
  • His collaboration with Titan Media, The Rough Line.
  • Challenges, opportunities and the future of porn.
  • The bareback phenomenon.
  • A More Nuanced Position.

Be sure to visit Tony on his kick-ass site HERE!

See a slideshow of Tony & friends at work and play.

Click on the thumbnails below.

[nggallery id=51]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Eden Fantasys.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

VAROOM!

Caution:  Amazing Sensations Ahead!

That’s right, sex fans, we have ourselves 4 fantastic and unique vibrators for review this week.  And the Dr Dick Review Crew proclaims each one a winner.  That’s amazing; when was the last time we could say that?

Ok, let’s get the ball rolling.  We’ll be hearing from Review Crew members — Jack, Denise, Jada and yours truly, Dr Dick.

We begin today with a delightful prostate vibe, which comes to us from our friends (and neighbors in BC Canada) at Trinity RomanceJack spills the beans.

Element ——  $64.99

Jack:
Since I’ve started to show an interest in my ass as a reservoir of amazing sexual pleasure, I’ve become increasingly focused on finding just the right toy for my butt play.  My partner, Karen, has loads of vibrating massagers, but none of them really interest me as an insertable.  They are fine for external stimulation, but I’ve been on the lookout for something I can call my own and that I can safely stuff in my ass.

Because I’m so new to this sort of play, I have some very specific requirements for the toy of my prostate-massaging dreams.  It has to be modestly sized, manly looking, something more plug-like then just a dildo and it has to vibrate.  Is that too much to ask?

So along comes the opportunity to test drive Element, a prostate massager from one of the most The Elementtrusted names in sex toys, Tantus.  Curiously enough, I’ve seen pictures of this toy online.  And ya know what, I passed it up thinking it couldn’t possibly be the toy I was looking for.  For some reason, the photos I’ve seen of it make it look more menacing than it is.  Once I had it in my hands, however, I realized this might very well be what I’ve been searching for.

It’s not nearly as big as I imagined it would be from the pictures I saw.  It’s 100% silicone, which makes it soft and pliable.  It’s got a manly enough shape; it’s more of a plug, then it is a dildo.  And it sure enough vibrates.  So check, check, check and check!

Karen said she thought Element would be as an effective G-spot vibe as it is a P-spot vibe.  I suppose she’s right.  But for now, this baby is all mine.

I greased up Element and my near-virginal pucker with a wad of water-based lube.  (That’s the only kind of lube you can use with this, or any, silicone toy.  But you know that already, huh?)  I gingerly slipped the bulbous head into my ass.  Pretty easy going!  I stop to take some deep breaths, because Element is already working its magic.  The shaft is easy to insert too.  I’m kinda surprised.  Not that it’s particularly thick; it’s just that it’s easy. Element comes to rest with the base tight against my cheeks.  I’m lovin this big time, and I have yet to activate the vibe.

I wait a moment to let my hole adjust to its new friend.  Then I switch on the bullet vibe that is embedded in the toy’s base.  Wow, that’s nice!  It’s  not overpowering or anything, just a nice buzz.  My prostate is jumpin’ for joy though.  My dick is rock hard and drizzlin’ precum like crazy.  I jack myself to nearly cuming then let go of my cock.  I love this edge play; I can do this for a half hour easy. Element is amazingly comfortable in my ass.  I would have never guessed had I not tried it myself.

I finally pop my joy-juice all over my chest.  There’s more spunk then I usually produce.  I’m chalking that up to the prostate massage.  I love my Element!

If you’re a novice ass-diddler like me, and you think, like I thought, that this couldn’t be the ass toy you’ve been looking for; think again.  It’s only 4.5″ x 1″ for chrissake.  The bullet vibe runs on 3 watch batteries (LR44’s) and the first set is included in the package.  THANK YOU Tantus!
FULL REVIEW HERE

Up next; yet another Big Teaze treasure!  Jada will introduce you to this beauty.  Did you somehow miss our earlier reviews?  Look for them HERE!

Onyé —— $55.00

Jada:
I’m delighted to have this beautiful vibe to share with you. It’s one of the Big Teaze elegant B-3 line called, Onyé! I don’t know how to pronounce that, nor do I know what the word means. But they could have called it anything and it would still be the very stylish discreet vibe it is.419W+DHfGaL._SS500_

Onyé has eight separate massage modes (3 speeds and 5 pulse patterns). This little powerhouse is packed into a 4.5″ x 1.25” bullet made of gleaming black virgin ABS with a tasteful silicone band. The non-slip grip silicone band is perfect for keeping lubed fingers from slipping. All of this comes in sophisticated packaging including a satin-lined storage and brochure. You can tell that a lot of thought went into this presentation.

It’s splash proof, not waterproof. I wouldn’t use it in the bath, but it was fine in the shower.

The battery compartment is easy to open; thank you very much! It runs on 3-AAA batteries (not included in the package). Figuring out how the batteries are to be placed in the compartment was a bit of a puzzle till I noticed the tiny-tiny diagrams on the side of the compartment. I really needed my reading glasses for that.

There is just the one button operation on the base of the vibe, which means you have to cycle through all of the modes to locate the sensation best suited to your mood, or to turn it off. That might be aggravating to some, but it wasn’t an issue for me necessarily.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Now we have two vibes from a top of the line toy manufacturer, Vibratex.  They  are industry pioneers who bring a distinctive Japanese aesthetic to the marketplace.  Denise starts us off with a cordless waterproof vibe.

Vibratex Mystic Wand —— $71.32

Denise
I keep saying; my Hitachi Magic Wand is my all time favorite toy! I ain’t about to give it up for nobody. You’ll have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. Got it? OK!

That being said, I have just discovered what I believe is the next best thing to my beloved Magic Wand. I present you with the Mystic Wand. It is the petite, cordless, waterproof sibling of the Magic Wand. And it shakes my word just like its bigger, older sister. It makes a perfect bath companion or a travel companion. It even comes with a sweet little storage bag.Sex_Toys_VMYST

It should come as no surprise to any of us that Vibratex is also responsible for introducing the Hitachi Magic Wand to the American market over twenty years ago. So hurray for that!

Mystic Wand uses of 4-AA batteries (not included in the package). The battery compartment is easy to open, but battery placement is very difficult to figure out. Only after I struggled with this puzzle for like 10 minutes, did I notice that there are minuscule images on the compartment that direct the user to the proper battery placement.

Like my trusty Magic Wand, this sweetheart of a vibe delivers amazing external stimulation. I’m not all that found of insertable vibes, so Mystic Wand is perfect for me. I love the ridges on its bulbous silicone head. A little water-based lube to get things started and before you can say; “whoa nelly!’ I’m on my way to big O-town.

The Mystic Wand features six vibe modes, each one more delicious then the previous one. And here’s something I really like; it has a separate on/off switch. I hate having to cycle through a whole set of functions just to turn the blasted thing off. Oh, and it’s surprisingly quiet; another big plus in my book.

The handle or base of the Mystic Wand is soft and silky. Is that silicone too? I wonder. Whatever it is, it is ideal material to use on the handle. It helps maintain a grip even with lubed fingers.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally, yours truly presents the other Vibratex vibe.

Pandora Vibrating Silicone Prostate Massager  ——  $39.00

Dr Dick
I’d like to introduce you to a handy little vibrating plug that’ll surely put a smile on your face.  This unisex toy will jazz up whatever spot you got — G-spot or P-spot.  Since I’m a proud owner of a P-Spot (prostate), I’ll do my testifyin’ from that particular pew.  I’ll let all you G-spot owners come to your own conclusions.

This here Pandora massager is the perfect utensil for the novice butt pirate.  Not overly familiar with things pokin’ you in the be-hind?  Not to worry, this smooth ergonomic slim-jim will enter with ease.  Guys who are used to having big toys in their hole will probably be unimpressed with this beginner’s model, but the rest of us will appreciate its modest size.C554

But hold on there, maybe you don’t know a butt plug from a hole in your head.  Okey dokey, here’s the 411 on these puppies.  Plugs are different from most dildos and other anal toys.  They’re shorter and have a unique shape.  The insertable part is tapered, designed for easy insertion and comfort while you got it in ya.

The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch.  This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place.  Finally the flared base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.  Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?

Anyhow, Pandora has everything you’d expect in a plug.  Plus it has this swell hooked end that is designed to hit the spot, if ya catch my drift.  And there’s a bonus; it vibrates too.  Not all butt plugs do, ya know.  There are seven, count them, seven different speeds and pulsations, which makes that little soft hooked end thingy do a happy dance on your P-spot.  And boy if that don’t make you see the light, nothin’ will.
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

YOUNG and OLD

Hey sex fans,

More Q&A today with the bonus links to my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page?) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.  (Click on the images below for viewing information.)

Name: Ramish
Gender:  Male
Age: 19
Location: UK
I’m nervous about having sex?  I have been masturbating since I was 11, but I can’t work up the courage to try it with anyone else.  I don’t even know if I’m gay or straight.  How do I get over being so nervous?

Holy cow, that is nervous.  I suggest that you begin by taking stock of yourself — physically, emotionally and sexually.  I’m gonna ask you some questions and you can take all the time you need to ponder your answers.  Here’s a tip, write these down; and if you have difficulty answering any of them ask a buddy for his or her input.

What’s your best physical asset?  Do you think of yourself as attractive in a sexual sort of a122116_xlfway?  If not, what could you do to spruce things up a little?  Listen, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more confident you’ll be in connecting with other for sex and relationships.  If you know yourself well enough to know your best assets, you’ll be able to put your best stuff forward, right?

What do you find sexually attractive about others — both women and men?  Chances are that if you haven’t already discovered if you are straight or gay, you might be bi.

When you masturbate, what goes through your head?  What are your sexual fantasies?  Do you fantasize about sexual situations with others?  Anything in particular?  Anyone in particular?

When you say you are nervous about sex; does that have to do with possible rejection?  Or is it more to do with performance — ya know, not knowing what to do once the situation arises, so to speak?  Is there anyone you feel safe enough with, a pal perhaps, you could talk this through with?  If you feel emotionally safe, or safe from potential shame and humiliation with this person, it might be easier to open up him or her.  Just remember, everyone’s been were you are at one point in his or her life.

Are you comfortable with being nude, at least by yourself?  Lots of people aren’t.  Are you able to admire yourself in the mirror without comparing yourself to the unrealistic expectations about the human body that comes to us from the popular culture? If you are not comfortable with being naked, think about the reasons why you’re not.  Again, if it’s body image issues, maybe you need to get in better shape, or just let go of your idealized notions about physical attractiveness.

a93626_xlfDo you know about contraception and sexually transmitted infections? If you don’t, you’re not ready to have sex with anyone else.  Do your homework.  Know what you need to ask a prospective partner in terms of contraception and STIs before an encounter.

OK, so you’re familiar with pleasuring yourself.  That’s a good start.  Would you know how to pleasure a partner?  If you’re not sure, I suggest that you do some research.  There are all kinds of instructional videos out there.  In fact, you’ll find just about everything you are looking for at DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

One thing to remember, the best sex is a mutually satisfying experience. You and your potential partners are different people, with different desires, interests, personality and fantasies. Despite everything you might learn from an instructional video, there is no substitute for asking your partner what he/she likes. You’ll need to be able to respond in kind too.  Being able to communicate your needs and desires is absolutely essential for a happy, fun-filled fuck.

Are you a good kisser?  Do you know how to touch someone else without it being an invitation to sex?  Do you know how to be affectionate, to be close and playful with someone simply for joy of it?  I always suggest to my young clients that they learn how to give a good back rub or foot massage.  Nonseductive touching is as important as knowing how to touch someone sexually.  It’s also how some of the best sex play begins.

Are you making yourself available for a sexual connection?  Nowadays the opportunities for connecting with others for companionship and/or sex abound.  You don’t have to be aggressive in your pursuit, but it ain’t gonna fall in your lap either.

What would it take for you to feel comfortable initiating sex?  This is, of course, the follow-up step to putting yourself out there.  I realize this can be a bit intimidating, but you’re gonna have to push through this, pup. Think about why initiating sex or accepting an invitation to be sexual is difficult for you.

Are you able to be a good friend?  The best sex is more than bumping parts.  It’s a full human-to-human connection.  If you know how to be a good friend, you’re more than half way there to being a good lover.  There are all kinds of sexual expression — romantic to the passionate even spiritual. Sex can be a cuddly and romantic, or it can be hot monkey love.a122404_xlf It can be tender as well as intense.  You ought to have the ability direct the flow, or at least go with it.

Do you have an adventuresome side to you?  Do you like a challenge?  Are you comfortable experimenting with one thing or another?  If you are, you will find these are all valuable assets in making sex happen for you.  There are still a whole lot of sex-negative messages out there in our society.  You’ll need to be strong enough to stand against these repressive currents and pursue your heart’s desire.

In the end, a good sex life takes effort.  It takes knowledge, practice and relationship skills.  A degree of personal openness and a sense of fun and adventure are also very helpful. Learning more about yourself and what makes you tick, will give you an advantage when the time is ready for you to partner up for sex.

Name: Walter
Gender:  Male
Age: 67
Location: Padre Island
I’m a recent widower, I haven’t dated in over 40 years.  I’m still very interested in sex, but things don’t work like they used to down there.  I had a comfortable life with my wife and performance was never an issue. Now that I’m on my own now, I’m afraid I will disappoint, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do know what you mean.  Getting back into the swing of things after so many years on the shelf a daunting task.  If you layer on sexual performance issues…well the task becomes even harder, no pun intended.

a74931_xlfI know I don’t have to tell you this, but our bodies change as we age.  Our sexual response cycle changes too.  You are familiar with the four stages of the sexual response cycle, right?  In case you are not, they are — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.  Despite the changes that aging brings, there’s no good reason why you shouldn’t be able to enjoy a happy, healthy sex life.  Of course, having a healthy mind-set about sex will also help.

A rich and full sex life, possibly even like the one you shared with your recently departed wife, will involve some patience and understanding and possibly some reprogramming of old ways of looking at sex.  For example, performance issues are only a problem if you are expecting something of your body that it cannot deliver.  And if you date within your age group, you’ll find that all your peers will be just as familiar as you with dwindling physical capacities.

So ok, it’s gonna take considerably longer to get a hardon at your age — that’s a given.  This just means you need to take your time, increase and focus the stimulation and while your cock is taking its sweet time to point skyward, enjoy all the sensual pleasures coming your way in the meantime.  That last part is really difficult for us aging men folk.  Sometimes we concentrate so fiercely on gettin our dick hard that we miss all the great pleasuring stuff that is happening all around us.

Once you get your boner goin, I suggest that you add a little stiffy insurance.  Wear a cockring. If you don’t know what that is, check out my Sex Toy Review Site. Use the search function; type in “cockring” and presto!  You’ll find all kinds of information on these helpful little buggers.

I know a number of older men, particularly those with high blood pressure, who are unable to take erection-enhancing meds like Viagra, who are turning to penis pumps to get their wood started.  Not sure what a penis pump is or does.  Well, time to do more online research at my Sex Toy Review Site.  Again, use the search function; type in “penis pump” and presto!  Loads of information about these helpful tools will appear.

I’m hoping that when you say that you and your wife “had a comfortable life” together, where performance was never an issue that you’re telling me that your sex life wasn’t all about getting it up and getting it off.  Sexual pleasure can come through all kinds of sex play — touching, talking, and being physically close, oral sex as well as full on fucking.  I’d be willing to guess that your future partners will appreciate you being a fully sensual lover, not just a sexual performer.

Remember the proverbial cum shot is not the same thing as an orgasm. Lots of seasoned older men are able to be orgasmic without a full erection or an ejaculation.  You may even find that you are capable of several very satisfying mini orgasms instead of the one BIG-O of years past.  I encourage you not to fall into the trap of equating sexual functioning with manliness; that’s a dead end.

a113017_xlfThis challenging new phase in your life, daunting as it might be, can also be an exciting adventure of self-discovery.  You basically have permission to re-imagine and redefine what type of sexual expression suits you best at this stage in your life.  One good way of testing the waters, so to speak is to start with self-pleasuring.  This is the perfect opportunity to experiment with sexual performance enhancing toys like a cockring, vibrator or a penis pump.  If you haven’t done so already, why not discover the pleasures of your ass.  Happily, you don’t need an erection to enjoy some good old-fashioned butt play; your prostate will do all the work.

You may discover you have new or yet unexplored interests in other sexual expressions like role-playing, kink, or maybe even same-sex partners.  Just because your earlier life may have been pretty straight and vanilla, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.  The more you know about your body and what turns you on, the more information you’ll be able to share with your partners.

Unabashedly sharing your newfound sexual experiences and interests with others will be the basis for your future partnered sexual expression. Know that other women and men of your age group are also rediscovering and reawakening their sexuality.  What a great joy it would be to explore the territory together.

I invite you to rekindle your natural curiosity about the wide range of human sexual expression. Take it slow. Learn to communicate effectively: share what makes you feel good with your partners and be sure to ask them what turns them on.  Don’t take yourself too seriously, and keep it playful.  And most of all, keep an open mind about all of this, will ya?

Good luck ya’ll

DDSTR

SATISFIED!

We’ve got some goodies for ya, sex fans, two blissful massagers from the UK.  Emotional Bliss is a new company with exceptional credentials.  Their approach to product development is simple; maximize pleasure.  And in the process they’ve come up with revolutionary designs, which has form following function.

These products are specifically designed with a woman’s body in mind.  However, that doesn’t mean that a man can’t enjoy them, on the contrary.  But let’s let Jada of the Dr Dick Review Crew take over from here.

Femblossom $99.95

Jada

Form does indeed follow function in the two vibes I have before me.  (Each will have its own posting)  First up is Femblossom.

I had to giggle at the name.  Femblossom, what kind of name is Femblossom?  Perhaps it’s a British term, I don’t femblossom1know.  All I can say for sure is, I immediately rechristened it SATISFY.  And you want to know why?  Because, in my book, name should also follow function.

Femblossom is unique, no question about it.  It is a hand-held massager, but it’s unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.   It is constructed of a hard plastic with non-slip surfaces on the control pad and on its underside.  I really liked the non-slip feature on the control pad.  The same on the underside of the vibe, however, made gliding it along delicate skin difficult without the use of lube.  Luckily, the package included samples of water-based lube and silicon-based lube.  Both can be used on this toy.  By the way, that’s a very thoughtful addition, Emotional Bliss; thank you and good marketing!

The stylized shell shape of this vibe is a perfect fit to lie astride my vaginal mound.  The pointed tip easily slips between my vaginal lips to nuzzle my clit.  The vibe is powerful enough to create intense stimulation throughout my whole pelvic area.  I hate a wimpy vibe!

I discovered that if I prop myself up against some pillows, place Femblossom on my vulva, and close my thighs on the vibe, I’m able to send amazing sensations all over my genitals.  The harder I squeeze my thighs together the more intense the sensations.  I can even do kegel exercises this way.  And what could be  better for sexual health and wellbeing?  I found that I don’t really need to use my hands at all, except to reposition the vibe from time to time. It’s brilliant!

The Femblossom also warms up with use; not so much so that you’ll feel uncomfortable or have a sense that the unit is over heating.  I was trying to concentrate on the warming sensation, but I couldn’t really discern if the warmth of the Femblossom was due to the heating element or my own body temperature.  What can I say; I’m hot blooded!  But then again, I wasn’t using the vibe on high speed.

After using Femblossom on my own several times and liking it a whole lot, I thought it would be nice to introduce it to partner play.  My husband took to it right away.  He’s not one for vibes that look like a penis.  I don’t suppose I can fault him for that.  And, I’m not one of those gals that get off on vibe penetration.  That’s why we like the Femblossom so much.

My husband liked how the massager fit in his hand.  The controls are very easy to manipulate, even with lubed up femblossom2fingers.  Femblossom has nine distinct massage modes.  I think that’s the greatest variety of pulsation I’ve ever seen in a vibe.

During our play together, my husband also used the vibe on himself.  He placed the Femblossom tip on his perineum and cupped his testicles in the shell form.  The handle reached up and touched the root of his penis.  He was surprised by the intensity of the sensations and he really liked the warming sensations. He was running it on high speed.  This thing has a very powerful motor.  And the hard plastic material seems to conduct the vibrations more effectively than do my silicone vibes.

Full Review HERE!

No Song Unsung, No Wine Untasted

Hey sex fans,

Listen up!

I’m adding a new feature to my Q&A columns.  Whenever possible, I will include in my response a link to a movie in my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.


Name: Bob
Gender:
Age: 48
Location: Long Island, N.Y.
Almost 20 yrs. ago I had a transexual encounter. It was different but wonderful. Now I find myself wanting to explore this experience again. I’m now married with kids and I know it’s cheating but it won’t leave my thoughts. I don’t know what to think. I love being with a woman but this hunger won’t go away and I ‘m not entirely sure if I want it to. I don’t know if this means I’m gay, bi, or what. Please, please, if you’ve any advice your help and thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hey Bob, the question of weather this craving makes you are gay, bi or what is the least of your issues, darlin’.  You got this jones about chicks with dicks and it won’t go away because you don’t want it to go away.  It’s a hunger that you feed by starving it. And I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you will, in pretty short order, go out and get you some of this exotic monkey love, just like before you were married.  And I also predict that you will make it a habit, risks to your comfortable life and cheating on you wife not withstanding.

Here’s the thing about sexual obsessions of any stripe.  The more you starve them the more the hunger consumes you.  So rather than treat the desire head on, perhaps you need to address the underlying issues that give rise to it.  I’d be willing to speculate that your life has become so predictable, mundane and lethargic that you long to be startled a114542_xlfawake from this slumber.  You entertain these juicy revelries as a way of keeping yourself from completely succumbing to the boredom.  Am I right, Bob?  I think I am.

You see, the real issue here is not your cravings for a walk on the wild side; it’s the boredom at your core.  Desperate men do desperate things.  And bored men do foolish things.  So I suppose you need to ask yourself, to what lengths are you willing to go to satisfy this craving?  And once you answer that, the more important question remains to be answered.  How many times will you have to satisfy your craving to balance out the monotony in the rest of your life?

You see, how this has virtually nothing to do with your sexual orientation, gay, bi or whatever; it has to do with your lifestyle.

Perhaps, indulging your sexual fantasy in the relatively harmless form of some video consumption might assuage your obsession.  It sure beats skippin’ out on your wife and family to satisfy your jones.

Name: Fran
Gender:  Female
Age: 33
Location: South Africa
I have a new lover, 10 years my junior.  We meet at a play party about three weeks ago.  He is very adventuresome and totally submissive.  He told me he wants me to shave him from head to toe and he wants me to do this while he is restrained and gagged.  I’m confident about my bondage skills, but I’ve never saved anyone.  Do you have any tips?

Some gals have all the luck!  You gots yourself a submissive pup; good for you!  Just think, this shaving scene could be a real Samson and Delilah kinda set up, and hopefully one of biblical proportions.  HOT!

The overall body shave can be a bit tricky, especially for those sensitive areas of the body not used to being shaved.  You can pretty much count on some nicks and cuts and there will be a fair amount of post-shave skin irritation too.  It’s just par for the course.  Ya’ll can minimize a lot of this by attending to some fundamentals before the event begins.

nakedballs

Most us men have discovered that shaving our face later in the day, or better…at night makes shaving easier.  The same is true for fetish shaving.  Nighttime is the best time!  Work in a clean, well-lit place.  The darkened dungeon is good choice for after-shave play, but you’ll need lots of light for the shave itself. You also need ready access to lots of clean hot water.  So why not strap the boy to the bathroom sink, shower head, or better yet the kitchen table.

If the pup resembles the missing link, you’ll want to start the whole business by trimming his body hair as close to the skin as possible before you employ the razor. I suggest using a high quality barber shears for this.

Choose your razors carefully. Unless you are a real connoisseur and know how to wield a straight razor, stick with safety razors.  Since you’re gonna be doing his whole body, be sure to stock up on a shit-load of the quality plastic disposable kind.  You will find that the blades dull really fast when they are shaving course body hair.  Dull razors, as everyone knows, will nick and scrape more than a sharp razor.  You’ll want to minimize the number of times you pull the razor across any given patch of skin so as to minimize razor burn.

Cover the area you are about to shave with a hot, wet towel. It’ll soften the hair and makes it easier to remove.  Use lots of shaving gel.  Gel is better than shaving cream for sensitive skin.  Always shave with the growth of the hair, not against.  Be sure to have a styptic pencil or gel handy to stop bleeding when you nick the little monkey.  And depending on how fastidious you are; keep a pair tweezers handy for yanking out the stray hairs you and your razor miss.  This will give your sub something to remember!

No matter how careful you are, there will always be microscopic nicks and cuts afterwards. Left untreated, this can leave the skin open to a nasty infection. To prevent this, apply a liberal amount of an astringent, like which hazel.  Hydrogen peroxide is and excellent and inexpensive alternative.

Ya know those nasty little red bumps that are caused by ingrown hairs?  You can cut down on these little buggers by buffing the freshly shaved area with a cosmetic buff pad.  Finally, a liberal application of a moisturizer is recommended to cut down on the itching that will inevitably follow.  If the sub has never done this before, he will soon find out that he will be plagued by itching as his hair starts to grow in.  Too bad for him, huh?

As you can see, this is gonna be a whole lot of work for you.  And there’s gonna be a lot of clean up too.  Lucky for you, you’ll have a freshly shaved sub to do all the work while you relax kick your feet up and eat your bonbons.

This might be helpful too — check out my review of The Ultimate Personal Shaver Kit HERE!

Here are some video suggestions to accompany my thoughts.

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Name: Susie
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Indianapolis
My husband and I are beginning to experiment with some light bondage and discipline.  We’d like to know more about this and how to play safely.  Unfortunately, because of his job we are stuck here in Indianapolis for another whole year.  We have yet to find even one other person around here who shares our kink.  So we don’t have anyone to ask about this.

Ahhh, the joys of the heartland.  I’d be willing to guess there are other kinky pervs, like you guys, right there in Indian-apollis, but they don’t know how to find you anymore than you guys know how to find them.  Kinda sad, huh?  Well probably ya’ll are gonna need to turn to them internet tubes for the help you’re looking for.  Kink and BDSM sites abound.  Almost all of them have great “how to” and “helpful tips” sections geared to the budding kinkster.  Several of these sites also feature profiles, chat rooms and bulletin boards for like-minded folks to connect and play.

For something really special, check out my newest podcast series — Sex EDGE-U-cation.  I’m chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.

But since you are here, darlin’, I do have some preliminary thoughts to share.  First, every scene should be negotiated before play begins.  Never bypass this important step even if the two of you only play with one another.  Ya see, what you don’t want to have happen is to break the mood mid-scene to ask a question or seek direction.  All that should be taken care of before you start the play.  Get use to working out all the logistics a head of time.  These important negotiation sessions will also force you to communicate with each other and give you a ready vocabulary for talking with other prospective partners should the opportunity ever arise.

Negotiating a BDSM scene is not a “I’ll do this for you if you do that for me” sort of deal, like in vanilla sex.  Rather it’s an honest discussion about you and your partner’s wants, needs, expectations and limits for the scene. Regardless if you are the dominant top or a submissive bottom, you must be equal partners when negotiating each scene.

If you do this sort of play a lot, the negotiations may become perfunctory.  But like I said, a114592_xlf1they ought never be skipped.  The nature of these negotiations is to set parameters, ascertain boundaries and establish limits — for example the intensity and duration of the scene. You may find that you need to set a time limit for your play, or discuss the type of restraints and means of discipline to be used.  Debriefing (also known as Aftercare), once the scene is ended, is also a real good idea.  You’ll, of course, need to establish safewords for your play.  And if you don’t know what those are; you’d best stick to vanilla.

The more experience you have, the more likely you will develop a shorthand for negotiating your play.  However, the less experienced you are, the more important it will be to spell out absolutely everything.  Your negotiations ought to be a frank and open discussion, no holds bared as it were.  Remember, you are not in the scene yet.  So no one, dom or sub, has more input than the other.  Speak and question one another freely.

The first question the dom needs to ask of the sub is “What are your limits?” Be specific, direct and pointed when you ask about one’s limits. The novice sub may not know his or her limits, so the dom will have to proceed with the utmost caution.  This is where the safeword will most likely come into play.

The sub ought to have unqualified trust in the dom; without this the scene isn’t play, it’s abuse. Remember, there is never room for coercion in the negotiations.  Save the guilt tripping, shame-inducement and intimidation for the scene itself.

Here’s some at homework for you and your husband.  Check out The Surrender Of O.  This is just one of the exceptionally fine enrichment videos in my How To Video Library.

Name: juan
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location:
When me and my wife have sex I like to cum in her ass. Is that bad for her?

If her’s is the only ass you cum in, there’s no problem.

However, if you’re dippin’ you wick in other bung-holes, or have multiple partners of any sort, exchanging bodily fluids is not recommended.

Good luck ya’ll

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