Category: Sexual Orientation

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The surprising reason why mammals engage in same-sex mating

— A new paper suggests same-sex activity may help mammals’ social relationships

A study published in the journal Nature Communications on Tuesday adds to the growing body of knowledge about animal sexuality.

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Same-sex sexual activity pervades the animal kingdom — it’s been observed in at least 1,500 animal species, from crickets to seagulls to penguins — but it’s still not well understood.

A new paper suggests one explanation: Same-sex sexual activity may help mammals establish and maintain social relationships and even mitigate conflict.

The study, published in the journal Nature Communications on Tuesday, adds to the growing body of knowledge about animal sexuality.

Scientists had long viewed same-sex sexual activity as an evolutionary paradox: It costs animals precious time they could be spending seeking out sexual partners of the opposite sex, with which they could reproduce.

Some have explained same-sex sexual behavior as non-adaptive — meaning it doesn’t help an organism survive, but it doesn’t harm reproductive success either. Others see it as a continuation of our simplest ancestors’ indiscriminate sexual activity, part of the norm, rather than an anomaly.

The new study, conducted by researchers at the Spanish National Research Council and the University of Granada, suggests this behavior has evolved multiple times in mammals and may not be related to those ancient non-discriminate mating behaviors. On the contrary, their analysis found an association between same-sex sexual behavior in mammals and getting along.

Sex as conflict resolution

The researchers did not study animals in the wild. Instead, José María Gómez, a professor of ecology at the University of Granada, and his colleagues compiled a database of existing information on same-sex sexual behavior, and reconstructed species trees to investigate whether there were any links between same-sex sexual behavior in mammals and social behavior.

They found same-sex sexual behavior seems to occur more often in social animals, like primates, which need to form communities to survive and reproduce. That behavior could have evolved to facilitate social cohesion and diminish intrasexual aggression and conflict, the researchers argue.

“Rather than a maladaptive or aberrant behavior, same-sex sexual behavior in nonhuman mammals is a convergent adaptation facilitating the maintenance of social relationships,” Gómez told The Washington Post in an email.

The study’s findings echo what others have found in their research.

“In socially tense situations, sexual behavior between same-sex partners seems to function to mitigate that tension,” said Christine Webb, a primatologist at Harvard University who did not participate in the study.

She said Gómez’s research helps to widen the scope of what it means for a behavior to be “adaptive.” “This general question of evolutionary function — that behavior must aid in survival and reproduction — what this paper is arguing is that reaffirming social bonds, resolving conflicts, managing social tensions, to the extent that same-sex sexual behavior preserves those functions — it’s also adaptive.”

Researchers found same-sex sexual behavior seems to occur more often in social animals, like primates, which need to form communities in order to survive and reproduce.

Webb said if you think about the many reasons humans might have sex — it makes sense that animals would use sex in many ways, too.

“We know that humans have a huge variety of reasons for having sex, only one of which is procreation,” said Eliot Schrefer, author of the book “Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality.” “So of course animals are reaping the benefits that humans do from it.”

He cites male garter snakes using pheromones to attract other males when it’s cold, causing other males in the area to come form a “mating ball” — which can help them all survive through the night.

Sex and dinner

Sex can also provide animals with a way of easing conflict, or can act as foreplay for sharing food, said Christine Wilkinson, a conservation scientist based at the University of California at Berkeley and the California Academy of Sciences who was not involved in the paper.

“You have African lion males that travel together and help each other to survive,” she said. “They’re also mounting each other and sort of bonding in more physical ways because they need each other.”

Jon Richardson, a behavioral ecologist and evolutionary biologist at the University of Minnesota, researches same-sex sexual behavior in insects. He said that often we’re looking for a one-size-fits-all explanation for this behavior in nature. In his research on crickets, he’s found that they have a fairly broad filter for engaging in mating behavior.

“They don’t care too much whether it’s male or female or if it’s the right developmental stage or not. If it looks kind of like a cricket, if it moves like a cricket, you might as well try singing towards it to see what happens,” Richardson said.

>He also cautions against extrapolating too much about humans from this research on animals. The fact that this new paper is about mammals may mean it can tell us something about our evolution, but same-sex sexual behavior in animals isn’t the same as human homosexuality — for the most part animals don’t seem to exhibit a permanent same-sex preference but more of a sexual flexibility.

Still, it might be inevitable that people will make those connections, said Schrefer, and that isn’t always a bad thing.

“Every time one of these articles comes out, a bunch of people don’t feel unnatural anymore,” he said.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Study on evolution of same-sex animal behaviors underscores stigmas in research

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  • A new study tracing the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior in mammals, using phylogenetic analyses, suggests these behaviors may have evolved in part to strengthen social bonding and relationships.
  • Same-sex sexual behavior was observed in 261 species, which constitutes 4% of all mammal species; the research adds to a growing list of some 1,500 animal species in which same-sex sexual behavior is documented.
  • Interest in this research is expanding after a long history of stigma within the field that led some earlier scientists to withhold evidence of same-sex sexual behavior among animals; at the time, such behavior was considered an error in the research findings — or “perverted.”
  • Researchers also note that stigmas have long prevented scientists from investigating same-sex sexual behaviors in animals or receiving funding to carry out such studies.

The study of animals has always been a point of curiosity for many scientists across disciplines and has contributed to our understanding of the world. While many scientists in evolutionary biology have questioned different animal behaviors, same-sex sexual behavior in animals is a topic that is seeing increasing interest. This growing field of research has amassed a list of 1,500 animal species exhibiting same-sex sexual behavior.

Now, a recent study published in the journal Nature Communications has traced the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior in all mammals, using phylogenetic analysis, a method that traces evolutionary relationships among biological entities. Such behavior, which is common in mammals, may have evolved in part “to establish, maintain and strengthen social relationships that may increase bonds and alliance between members of the same group,” the authors write.

“Our study has tested for the first time two adaptive hypotheses on the origin and maintenance of same-sex sexual behavior using a large group of animals, the class Mammalia,” says José Maria Gómez, an evolutionary biologist at the Experimental Station of Arid Zones in Almería, Spain, and an author of the study. “In this sense, our study provides strong evidence that this sexual behavior is functional and plays an important role, at least in this group of animals.”

In their study, Gómez says the scientists conclude that social behavior that helped maintain positive social relationships and mitigate intrasexual aggression were two factors shaping the evolution of these behaviors. The former factor did so for both males and females and the latter factor only for such behavior expressed by males, they found.

Same-sex sexual behavior, which includes courtship, mounting, genital contact, copulation and pair bonding, was observed in 261 species, which constitutes 4% of all mammal species. Their study also indicates that same-sex sexual behavior is not randomly distributed across the mammalian phylogeny but tends to be frequent in some clades and rare in others and has been observed in males and females both in captivity and in wild conditions.

Male lions in a zoo in Melbourne, Australia.
Male lions in a zoo in Melbourne, Australia. Same-sex sexual behavior, which is common in mammals, may have evolved in part “to establish, maintain and strengthen social relationships that may increase bonds and alliance between members of the same group.”

Not an aberration

“In the early 2000s, same-sex sexual behavior in animals would often be seen as a ‘zoo problem,’ like it was the animals in captivity that were making the best out of a bad situation,” says Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals), a young-adult book that illustrates the diversity of sexual behavior in animals. “But this kind of science shows the prevalence of said behaviors throughout the animal kingdom, which shows that it’s not some aberration that has been localized, but it is something that is essential,” adds Schrefer, who was not part of the study.

The study suggests that social bonds may have played a role in the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior, and it may be connected to animals’ transition from solitary living to “sociality,” or living in groups, which has evolutionary advantages. “Due to the multiple benefits of sociality, many behavioural strategies have evolved to ensure the cohesion and stability of social groups,” the authors write.

Janet Mann, a behavioral ecologist who was not involved in the study, says, “It makes sense that animals make use of the social behavior that they have available for them for social bonding.” However, she finds maintaining social bonds and intrasexual aggression to be the flip sides of the same coin. Social bonding, she explains, includes when animals ally themselves with others, and that provides protection. In extreme cases, male chimpanzees form tight alliances with one another, resulting in the whole community bonding to some degree. “They kill males with the neighboring community, so it’s not like they are having sex with those males,” she says.

While the Nature Communications report is one of the first studies that has provided research on a broader scale rather than sticking to one species, the authors are not hesitant to acknowledge that the data available are limited because interest among scientists and researchers studying same-sex sexual behavior in animals is very recent.

Mann says this lack of data meant the researchers couldn’t comprehensively address the frequency of same-sex sexual behavior; rather, the data primarily show presence or absence of behaviors. Therefore, a case in which a behavior is rare was weighed the same as a case in which it occurs frequently; both were reported as “occurring,” which is a limitation of the study.

Two male African wolves in Senegal.
Two male African wolves in Senegal. “In the early 2000s, same-sex sexual behavior in animals would often be seen as a ‘zoo problem,’ like it was the animals in captivity that were making the best out of a bad situation,” says author Eliot Schrefer.

Stigma in past research

This absence of sufficient data stems from intentional erasure by some scientists in the past due to the stigma attached to homosexuality and expected heterosexuality among animals. For a long time, the prevailing notion was that sexual behavior in the animal kingdom served solely as a tool for procreation, and that sexual behavior among the same sex in animals was considered either an error — or was labeled “perverted.” Heterosexual worldview influenced the approach of scientists like Valerius Geist, a mammalogist who, decades ago, refrained from publishing about frequent same-sex behavior noticed in bighorn sheep because, the Washington Post reports, it made him “cringe … to conceive of those magnificent beasts as ‘queers.’” Years later, he reportedly “admitted that the rams lived in essentially a homosexual society.”

“Science is made by scientists, and [some] scientists who go out in the field have the assumption that only heterosexual behavior is natural. And so, for a long time, they weren’t bothering to sex the animal they were finding or seeing if it were male or female; they were just assuming when one animal is mounting another.” Consequently, Schrefer says he suspects same-sex sexual behaviors in the animal world are vastly underestimated “because there are very few scientists that are going out and looking.”

These stigmas have not entirely left the scientific community. Mann recognizes that societal biases against same-sex sexual behavior in human societies influence the willingness of researchers to undertake such studies. The stigma creates a barrier, as approaching traditional funding agencies for studies may be met with reluctance or denial. The hierarchical nature of science, mirroring broader societal structures, also imposes limitations on junior researchers, dissuading them from delving into studies that challenge established norms, she says.

Mann’s contribution to the anthology Homosexual Behaviour in Animals: An Evolutionary Perspective has also opened up a window to same-sex sexual behavior among bottlenose dolphins. Reflecting on the trajectory of her work, she explains, “I wrote that chapter in the book because I was asked to, and they knew I had a lot of data. I had also already started tenure, so when the book came out, I was a full professor. As a full professor, I don’t have to worry; but my more junior colleagues, for them, there is some stigma.” It’s not correct, she says, but “if you are studying same-sex sexual behavior … people make assumptions about you as a person, that you are homosexual.”

This assumption about researchers’ identities has put skeptical eyes on the sciences that many pursue. Schrefer talks about a primatologist named Linda Wolfe, who wrote about female-female sex among macaques in the 1970s. She was a graduate student when she published about this, and the response was: “Why are you interested in this? Is something wrong with you? Are you a lesbian?” Schrefer says. “And so, if someone is part of the queer community, people would not trust the science that much.”

Melina Packer, an assistant professor of race, gender and sexuality studies at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse says she believes that while many people push for science to be depoliticized, it is impossible to do that, as everyone is a political being. What can be done is to acknowledge those potential biases. She further explains that those in power have a political position, and to state that some folks are biased because they are different from so-called societal norms is a political statement in itself. Further, she points out, scientists of diverse racial, gender and sexual identities are expected to leave those identities at the laboratory door. “But what about the identity of the dominant being, what about the white man’s identity? Why doesn’t he have to leave his identity at the laboratory door?” she says.

Many times, these biases lead to the dismissal of same-sex sexual behaviors in animals within research. “Because it is infrequent behavior, there aren’t necessarily studies of just sexual behavior; there are studies of courtship and mating, but it’s usually in the context of reproduction and the population and how it’s progressing. So, most of the focus is on the things that have obvious adaptive value.” The lack of focus on behaviors with unknown or uncertain adaptive values is another form of bias, Mann adds.

Two male dragonflies in the mating position.
Two male dragonflies in the mating position. For a long time, the prevailing notion was that sexual behavior in the animal kingdom served solely as a tool for procreation, and that sexual behavior among the same sex in animals was considered either an error — or was labeled “perverted.”

A study published in 2019 by a group of researchers suggests that same-sex behavior in animals is ancestral, meaning that it did not evolve independently but instead was always there in animals and persisted, as there are very few costs associated with same-sex behaviors. The authors note that it can be advantageous, and that the expression of both different-sex and same-sex behaviors “may be the norm for most animal species.” The authors propose shifting the questions from Why same-sex behavior? to Why not same-sex behavior?

To keep such biases from permeating scientific study, Packer refers to feminist science studies, which look at how science is embedded in culture and history. “Scientists are people, too, right? And scientists cannot help from bringing their biases, intentional or not, to the work we do, who we are, what culture we are raised in, how we are socialized, what historical moment we have lived in. All these forces are influencing the scientific process, what we sort of have been socially trained to see when we make an observation, particularly of animals. [If] you are raised in a culture that understands same-sex sexual behavior or homosexuality or queerness as wrong or abhorrent, you’re more likely to project that view onto the nonhuman animals you are viewing.”

To resolve this issue, Packer suggests more interdisciplinary collaboration with experts outside the sciences from including, but not limited to, arts and humanities. “The way we educate scientists, fundamentally, would shift; ideally, we all would be working together and breaking open those boxes and constraints as well. I think being encouraged and empowered to think differently as a scientist is essential, and ultimately science is supposed to be about asking critical questions and testing hypotheses. But all too often, what happens in science is you just follow behind the scientist who came before you where you take dominant theories for granted and don’t necessarily try to implode them or explode them.”

Stating the relevance of their research for the public, Gómez says, “any behavior or characteristic, no matter how unique we think it is to human beings, can be studied scientifically in a calm, disinterested and rigorous manner. And … the honest use of a scientific and rational approach can help us much more than other forms of knowledge to understand vital aspects of our life and our way of being.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Museum classifies Roman emperor as trans

— But modern labels oversimplify ancient gender identities

The Roses of Heliogabalus by Alma-Tadema (1888) depicts a feast thrown by Elagabalus.

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Elagabalus ruled as Roman emperor for just four years before being murdered in AD 222. He was still a teenager when he died. Despite his short reign, Elagabalus is counted among the most infamous of Roman emperors, often listed alongside Caligula and Nero.

His indiscretions, recorded by the Roman chroniclers, include: marrying a vestal virgin, the most chaste of Roman priestesses, twice; dressing up as a female prostitute and selling his body to other men; allowing himself to be penetrated (and by the bigger the penis the better); marrying a man, the charioteer Hierocles; and declaring himself not to be an emperor at all, but an empress: “Call me not Lord, for I am a Lady”.

Based on this quote, North Hertfordshire Museum has reclassified Elagabalus as a transgender woman, and will now use the pronouns she/her. The museum has a single coin depicting Elagabalus, which is sometimes displayed along with other LGBTQ+ artefacts from their collection.

When writing about ancient subjects, from emperors to slaves, the first question historians have to ask is: how do we know what we do? Most of our written sources are fragmentary, incomplete and rarely contemporary, amounting to little more than gossip or hearsay at best, malign propaganda at worst. It’s rare that we have a figure’s own words to guide us.

Elagabalus is no exception. For Elagabalus, our principle source is the Roman historian Cassius Dio. A senator and politician before turning his hand to history, Dio was not only a contemporary of the emperor, but part of his regime.

However, Dio wrote his Roman history under the patronage of Elagabalus’ cousin, Severus Alexander. He took the throne following Elagabalus’s assassination. It was therefore in Dio’s interest to paint his patron’s predecessor in a bad light.

Sexual slurs and the Romans

Sexual slurs were always among the first insults thrown by Roman authors. Julius Caesar was accused of being penetrated by the Bithynian king so many times it earned him the nickname “the Queen of Bithynia”.

It was rumoured that both Mark Antony and Augustus had prostituted themselves for political gain earlier in their careers. And Nero was said to have worn the bridal veil to marry a man.

The Romans were no stranger to same-sex relationships, however. It would have been more unusual for a Roman emperor not to have slept with men. Roman sexual identities were complex constructs, revolving around notions such as status and power.

A bust of Elagabalus.
A bust of Elagabalus.

The gender of a person’s sexual partner did not come into it. Instead, sexual orientation was informed by sexual role: were they the dominant or passive partner?

To be the dominant partner, in business, politics and war as much as in the bedroom, was at the root of what made a Roman man a man. The Latin word we translate as “man”, vir, is the root of the modern word “virile”, and to the Romans there was nothing more manly than virility. To penetrate – whether men, women, or both – was seen as manly, and therefore as Roman.

Conversely, for a Roman man to be passive, to be penetrated, was seen as unmanly. The Romans thought such an act of penetration stripped a man of his virility, making him less than a man – akin to a woman or, even worse, a slave.

A man who enjoyed being penetrated was sometimes called a cinaedus, and in Latin literature cinaedi are often described as taking on the role of the woman in more than the bedroom, both dressing and acting effeminately. The implication is always that the way they dressed, acted and had sex was somehow subversive – distinctly un-Roman.

The word cinaedus appears in Latin literature almost exclusively as an insult — and it’s this literary role that is ascribed to Caesar, Mark Antony, Nero and Elagabalus. The power of the insult stems not from saying that these men had sex with men, but that they were penetrated by men.

It’s worth noting that these rules of Roman sexuality only applied to freeborn adult, male Roman citizens. They did not apply to women, slaves, freedmen, foreigners or even beardless youths. These people were all considered fair game to a virile Roman man, as uncomfortable a concept as that might be to us today.

Was Elagabalus transgender?

While the Romans clearly engaged in acts that we today consider gay or straight sex, they would not recognise the sexual orientations we associate with them. The ancient Romans did not share the same conceptions of sexuality that we do.

Many men’s sexual behaviour was what we would now term bisexual. Some lived in a manner we might describe as gender non-conforming. The concept of a person being transgender was not unknown. But an ancient Roman would not have self-identified as any of those things.

We cannot retroactively apply such modern, western identities to the inhabitants of the past and we must be careful not to misgender or misidentify them – especially if our only evidence for how they might have identified comes from hostile writers.

In attempting to fact check the sexual slurs and propaganda from the biographical facts, there is a danger that we lose sight of the fact that ancient Romans did recognise a huge variety of sexual orientations and gender identities – just as we do today. To attempt to crudely ascribe modern labels to ancient figures such as Elagabalus is not only to strip them of their agency, but also to oversimplify what is a wonderfully, fabulously broad and nuanced subject.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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My Son Asked Me How Two Men Have Sex.

— My Reaction Surprised Me.

“The next day, I was still thinking about our conversation and sitting with the vague feeling that I hadn’t handled it correctly.”

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We’ve been talking about sex around my house a lot lately.

As my 10-year-old gets ready to enter middle school next year, he’s been getting increasingly curious about bodies, puberty, and of course, s-e-x. He’s not interested in having sex, he’s quick to inform me ― in fact, the first time I explained the physical machinations of intercourse, his initial response was, “I don’t know, I’d rather play video games.”

But he is interested in understanding sex, a circumstance that has led to a series of increasingly difficult-to-answer queries along the lines of “But what does semen look like?”

We’ve looked at a diagram of the inside of a penis together. We found out that the hole on the tip of the penis is called the “urinary meatus.” I finally convinced him that a man doesn’t pee inside a woman to make a baby. It’s been a wild time.

I try to answer his questions as honestly as is age-appropriate while using the clinical and appropriate terms for body parts and sex acts. Sometimes, I get a little stumped or tongue-tied by questions I didn’t anticipate, like when he asked me how old you have to be to have sex. (I came up with: “There’s no set age, but you want to make sure you’re emotionally mature enough to handle it, that you’ve found someone you trust enough to take that step with, and that you have the necessary information to do it safely. Also, sex should never happen between children and adults.”)

While it’s not always easy or comfortable to have these conversations, I love that my preteen feels comfortable with himself and unashamed to approach me with any and all questions about sex and sexuality. (Although I did have to tell him recently that it’s not necessary to inform me every time he has an erection.)

I have also, throughout his life, been careful not to assume my son’s sexuality; if we talk about the idea of a future partner, I refer to a potential “boyfriend or girlfriend,” “husband or wife.” He has queer people in his life, and he knows other kids with gay parents. He knows about trans and non-binary people, and he once told me a great joke that went: “What are a chocolate bar’s pronouns? Her/she.” The time he came home from school repeating what some boy had told him — “Boys can’t kiss each other” — I didn’t hesitate to tell him that, my dear, they can and they DO.

“What if my son does turn out to be gay? Wouldn’t my ability to provide LGBTQ-inclusive sex education be of dire importance?”

I am very much a parent who says gay, because my son’s sexual orientation (and potentially, gender identity) has yet to be revealed to me, and it’s imperative to me that he knows I will love and support him no matter who he turns out to be attracted to.

So, the other night, when he asked me if two men can have sex together, I had no problem telling him enthusiastically: “Of course they can!” It’s when he asked me HOW they do it that things got hairy.

Tripping over my words, I gracelessly gave him the main idea. (Clinically, and not in excessive detail, but he got the gist.)

Then I immediately started to second-guess my decision. I should have said something nebulous like, “People have different ways to kiss and touch each other,” I thought to myself, feeling the itchy discomfort I get when I overshare with another mom at soccer practice.

So later, when he thought to ask me how two women do it, I sort of pawned him off with a nonanswer and sent him to bed. (But not before he asked me if I had ever done it, to which I responded with a swift and only slightly panicked “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,” which I stand by.)

The next day, I was still thinking about our conversation and sitting with the vague feeling that I hadn’t handled it correctly.

In light of the “Parental Rights in Education” law passed in Florida, dubbed the “Don’t Say Gay” bill in the popular lexicon, there has been a lot of talk about how supporters are assuming that discussion about the existence of sexual orientation or gender identity and related topics is somehow sexual in nature, and thereby inappropriate for children. That is wrong.

Knowing that some families have two mommies or two daddies is not sexual information. Small children don’t sexualise things in that way, and there’s nothing inherently deviant or inappropriate about knowing that LGBTQ+ people exist.

But what about when children are old enough to be taught about sex? (And experts do agree that these conversations are perfectly appropriate for children between 9 and 12, or even younger, especially considering they are on the cusp of puberty.)

If my son is old enough to have gotten a frank explanation of the mechanics of hetero sex, why did I feel so uncomfortable giving him the same information about queer sex? Especially considering that the sex acts engaged in by queer people are also performed by straight folks.

Somehow, when he asked me about two men together, the same information had just felt instinctually more, well, sexual.

I had to look at that discomfort. How had someone as well-intentioned and liberal and frankly not even entirely straight as me fallen into the idea that gay sex is somehow dirtier or less appropriate to talk about than straight sex?

“If my son is old enough to have gotten a frank explanation of the mechanics of hetero sex, why did I feel so uncomfortable giving him the same information about queer sex?”

And I don’t think I’m alone. When I started trying to research the topic, I found a lot of information on how to explain the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity to children, but practically nothing about actually talking to them about queer sex, at any age.

And what if my son does turn out to be gay? Wouldn’t my ability to provide LGBTQ-inclusive sex education then be of dire importance? Don’t I want my son to be sexually prepared, informed, and provided with the information he needs to stay safe, no matter what his sexual orientation? Who would tell him about things like safety in anal play and dental dams?

Not necessarily the teachers at his school. According to the GLSEN 2019 National School Climate Survey, only 8.2% of students (including those who received no sexual education at school) “received LGBTQ-inclusive sex education, which included positive representations of both LGB and transgender and nonbinary identities and topics.”

As a high school junior who identifies as a lesbian told The Atlantic in a 2017 article on LGBTQ-inclusive sex education, “We were informed on the types of protection for heterosexual couples, but never the protection options for gay/lesbian couples.”

Despite my attempts to resist assuming my son’s heterosexuality, when I half-answered his questions about gay sex, wasn’t I assuming it was information he didn’t need? If I was truly considering the possibility that my son might not be straight, wouldn’t I have answered him differently? Pretty sneaky, hetereonormativity.

The more I Googled and the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I’d gotten it wrong. Luckily, this is no uncommon experience for a parent. I make mistakes all the time, and when I do, I think there’s great value in modelling my ability to admit it, take responsibility, and apologise.

So last night, around bedtime, when all the most important conversations seem to happen, I went back in.

“Last night, you asked me some questions about how two men and two women have sex together,” I told him, “and I think I felt a little bit uncomfortable, or nervous, and I didn’t really answer what you asked. But I thought about it more and I realised that if you’re old enough to know how straight people have sex, there’s no reason you’re not old enough to know how gay people have sex. So we can talk about the different ways that gay people have sex together, which, by the way, are also ways that straight people have sex together, and I will answer any questions you have.”

There was nothing dirty or inappropriate about the conversation we proceeded to have, and at the end, he just wanted to know which acts could result in pregnancy, which, hey ― is really important information to have!

He even made me proud when he pivoted from a reaction of “Wow, that’s so weird” to “Actually, it just wasn’t what I was expecting. I shouldn’t call it weird,” in less than 3 seconds with no prompting.

Maybe as importantly, I told him that I’d felt uncomfortable talking about all this because of a prejudice I had, and that everyone has prejudices, but we have to investigate them and try to move beyond them when they come up.

I hope that’s a lesson we all can take to heart because the core belief contributing to my discomfort around the topic of talking to my son about gay sex feels to me like it’s on the same continuum of the ideas fueling Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” and copycat bills.

To be clear, I do not think that we should be educating young children about how anybody has sex. But just as gay people are not inherently inappropriate, and education about LGBTQ topics is not inherently sexual, providing education about gay sex to children who are old enough for sex education is not any dirtier than providing them with information about straight sex.

And in the case of LGBTQ kids, it just may be vital.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Be a Gay Daddy 101

– Part 1: Know Yourself, What You Seek and Who’s Looking for You

Being a gay Daddy has its perks, but also presents a set of challenges that make it perfect for some and undoable for others. So let’s talk about the assumptions, the realties and whether gay Daddydom — or seeking out a gay Daddy — is right for you.

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The Age of the Daddy

Are you over 35? You’re on the cusp of what younger men consider Daddy material. But being a Daddy involves a lot more than being able to grow whiskers and sport fuzzy pecs. There are gay Daddies in their 20s ranging up in age as far as you can imagine. Likewise, there are adult boys ranging from 18 to well into their 60s and beyond. It turns out that the Daddy/boy dynamic attracts men independent of their ages. They’re seeking a bond more than a date on a birth certificate.

Handling the Idea of Being Daddy

You have questions to ask yourself: Does the notion of being called Daddy or Papa or Papi make your skin crawl? Many guys shudder at the notion because they equate the nomenclature with being told they’re nearing their “sell by” date. For me, being a furry guy who could grow a full beard at 14, it was a Godsend. I got no play in my 20s because I was too hairy to be one of the Abercrombie & Fitch or Obsession ad models. It wasn’t until I hit both 35 and the gym that I got any notice at all in the bars — and not usually until my shirt came off on the dance floor. But let’s say you’ve accepted that – whether through age or appearance, you have achieved the level of maturity at which you’re seldom if ever carded at an R-rated movie. Your Daddy look may involve a receding hairline, the appearance of laugh lines or traces of gray at the temples. Wear any or all of them with pride: the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more attractive you are to someone who’s seeking maturity.

Answering the Impertinent Question

You will inevitably find yourself, as you’re looking for a Daddy-seeker, faced with a profile or a question about whether you’re “generous.” It’s best to make it clear that you’re either a Sugar Daddy or more of the type who’s offering an emotional, romantic or a sexual bond. Certainly there are many adult boys who seek a Daddy as a transactional affair, whether inside or outside bedroom. If that’s not you, say so up front.

Find LGBTQ-Friendly Resources

Some Daddies only step into that role behind closed doors. Some wear it out and proud at the local watering holes. A few will let their connection with a younger partner shine in public. For me, it took me more than a few laps around the sun to understand my attraction to and the interest I get from younger guys.

Embracing your inner Daddy also means that more often than not, you’ll be getting a fair number of questions from your peers. “How can you find someone so young attractive?” they’ll ask. “They don’t know who was in the Beatles from who’s in the Rolling Stones, and you’re having to listen to their music, too — which is crap.” But then there are the up sides.

The Qualities of Youth

Truth be told, I’m simply more attracted to qualities typically associated with youth. Younger guys are more likely (in my experience) to see the possibilities surrounding them; they’re into exploring new places, new ideas and open to new stimuli — whether books, restaurants, podcasts, all-night dance parties, film festivals, or sudden impulses to hop into a car and see where it takes you for the weekend. A lot of guys my age (and I don’t mean all) want to be in bed after midnight. Don’t misunderstand: There are older men with a sense of adventure, to be sure. But there aren’t many of them looking to be nurtured or guided in the ways I seek — and those who are often confuse being a boy with being a sub or a slave, which are very different things.

Gay Daddies Are Special, Too

There’s a premium placed on youth in our culture, and young men can be beautiful. But I didn’t really start to enjoy being a Daddy until I came to understand that the older half of the equation is as rare and special as the younger, and that we are deserving of the hero worship they want to invest. A Daddy can help put life into context for someone feeling overwhelmed by the randomness of the world — especially in gay culture. A mature man has a grasp of history and life experience; he can provide compassion and cautionary tales; he’s more apt to be comfortable communicating about sex and have strategies about how to keep it fresh and safe at the same time.

Conversely, younger men know the internet in a way I never will. They’re familiar with suddenly and constantly adapting to where they seek information and the technology required to access it. They’ll stay up until sunrise and beyond if given a reason — even if that reason doesn’t appear until after 3am. They’re often curious, and while they won’t always agree with your conclusions, they know you’ve seen more of the world, even if your understanding largely comes from driving around town with the news on for decades. An adult boy knows what’s trending now and can show you how to keep up with the same. We in return can share with them the great films from our lifetimes (and earlier). Before long, you’re both sharing what you know that the other doesn’t — and that can be the beginning of a fascinating journey.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Curiously, Mammals Keep Evolving Same-Sex Sexual Behavior

A pair of Japanese snow monkeys

By Clare Watson

Sexual behavior between members of the same sex might have evolved multiple times in mammals, according to a new study, adding to numerous examples found across the tree of life.

More than 1,500 species have been known to engage in same-sex sexual behaviors, including bats, beetles, sea stars, snakes, penguins, cows, fish, and worms.

Among mammals, primates are particularly notable, with sexual activity within sexes observed in at least 51 species, from lemurs to apes to, of course, humans.

Once viewed as peculiar outliers, mounting data shows that same-sex behaviors that include courting, mounting, cooing, or copulating are widespread in animals, both male and female, wild or captive.

It’s this data, specifically what’s been published on mammals, that University of Granada ecologist José Gómez and colleagues compiled to test several theories scientists have recently proposed to explain how same-sex behaviors evolved.

“Since it does not contribute directly to reproduction, same-sex sexual behavior is considered an evolutionary conundrum,” Gómez and colleagues write in their published paper. If it doesn’t result in any offspring, why else might it be advantageous?

Most studies have only looked at individual species, though. So Gómez and colleagues used a phylogenetic approach to compare the emergence and prevalence of same-sex sexual behavior among mammals.

If same-sex behaviors evolved to help maintain social relationships, facilitating reconciliation after conflict like what has been observed in female bonobos, or strengthening alliances as seen in male bottlenose dolphins, then those behaviors should be more frequent in social mammal species, Gómez and colleagues reasoned.

Indeed, their analysis (which adjusted for how often a particular species had been the focus of research) found that same-sex behaviors were more prevalent in highly social mammals.

The researchers also found same-sex behaviors to be more common in species that exhibit aggressive and sometimes lethal behaviors. This supports the idea that same-sex interactions may communicate or reinforce social hierarchies, helping to mitigate the risks of violent conflict.

Tracing same-sex behaviors along ancestral lines, Gómez and colleagues’ analysis suggested that same-sex behavior has been “gained and lost multiple times during mammalian evolution”, though it appears to be a recent phenomenon in most mammalian lineages.

Same-sex behaviors aren’t randomly scattered across mammals either; they are more common in some clades and rare in others.

“We fully recognize that these results may change in the future if same-sex sexual behavior is studied more intensively and comes to be detected in many more species,” Gómez and colleagues write.

Before this latest study, researchers had taken issue with similar efforts to explain how same-sex behavior evolved. By presenting same-sex sexual behavior as an ‘evolutionary conundrum’, they say it implies that different-sex sexual behavior is the baseline condition from which same-sex behavior arose.

Rather, in 2019, Ambika Kamath and colleagues suggested a different starting point, one of indiscriminate sexual behavior where ancestral animals mated with individuals of all sexes, perhaps before they evolved recognizable sex-specific traits now used to attract mates.

While Gómez and colleagues’ analysis counters that view for mammals, in that same-sex behaviors don’t appear to be a shared ancestral trait in this group, both groups of researchers caution against transposing theories of animal sexual behavior onto humans, and vice versa.

Same-sex behavior here includes even brief interactions observed between animals, which says nothing of human preferences.

And though we may be related to other mammals, viewing animal behavior through the lens of our own societal norms has long precluded scientists from appreciating the diversity of animal sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Heterosexuality is often considered the “default” but that banner belongs to sexual fluidity

— There’s a difference between sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior.

By Kelley Nele

“Something that the LGBT community always says is that your sexuality and identity can change at any time, but when it’s the other way around from gay to straight they get angry and say that it can’t.”

The former quote is a comment that was left on a CBN News video covering the Matthew Grech case. Matthew Grech is Christian charity worker who claims to have left his “homosexual lifestyle” for Jesus Christ.

Grech is currently facing criminal charges for allegedly promoting conversion therapy practices in Malta during an online interview.

Conservatives are outraged by the supposed hypocrisy of queer folks surrounding sexuality, but is it really hypocritical?

Why is it that LGBTQ+ people believe sexuality and gender identity are fluid yet also say a gay person cannot “turn” straight? Well, first of all, some LGBTQ+ people, even some who identify as gay, are in fact fluid and do sometimes engage in relationships with people of the opposite sex.

Since the beginning of time, heterosexuality has been viewed and promoted as the default. This is a product of the Christian patriarchal values many societies live by.

Despite these values and all of the conditioning they come with, there has been plenty of evidence—throughout history—suggesting that it’s not true.

If anything, sexuality is fluid for all genders and orientations. We’re conditioned to believe that you’re either straight or gay; if you’re not one, you’re the other. But, this is far from the truth.

In the book Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men Jane Ward shares insights about the various reasons why straight-identifying men engage in homosexual behavior.

But how is it possible for someone straight to engage in homosexual behavior and not be gay? Well, there’s a difference between sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior.

Sexual orientation is defined as the quantity and duration of one’s same-sex or opposite-sex desires, often believed to be hardwired.

Sexual identity, on the other hand, is defined as how one identifies oneself; straight, gay, bisexual, etc.

And finally, sexual behavior is defined as the actual behavior one engages in.

The distinction between sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior are what make it possible for people’s extracurricular activities to deviate from their disclosed or perceived orientation.

For decades, institutions like the army, prison and fraternities have manufactured circumstances where straight-identifying men are not only encouraged but sometimes forced to engage in behaviors that could be labeled as homosexual.

For fraternity boys, this means engaging in traditions such as the elephant walk or participating in a game of ookie cookie. In the Navy we see rituals of all kind including simulated oral and anal sex. And of course in prison, we see men have sex with other men due to the lack of access to women.

The reason why the straight-identifying men who engage in the aforementioned homosexual behavior aren’t considered gay is because the encounter(s) are either situational or seen as patriotic rituals that promote male bonding and/or character-building.

This makes it abundantly clear that straight-identifying men are capable of engaging in homosexual behavior — proving their fluidity.

It’s important to note that straight-identifying men don’t simply engage in homosexual sexual behavior because they are required to, they also engage in it because they want to.

In the 1940s, Dr. Alfred Kinsey created what we know today as The Kinsey Scale. Dr. Kinsey claims that sexuality exists on a spectrum ranging from 0 to 6; 0. exclusively heterosexual, 1. predominately heterosexual but slightly inclined to homosexual behavior, 2. predominately heterosexual but more than slightly inclined to homosexual behavior, 3. bisexual, 4. predominantly homosexual but more than slightly inclined to heterosexual behavior, 5. predominantly homosexual but slightly inclined to heterosexual behavior, and 6. exclusively homosexual.

The Kinsey Scale explains why straight-identifying folk can have sexual encounters with members of the same sex and remain straight, and vice versa.

Contrary to popular belief, straight-identifying men are not immune to the accidental hook-up with a member of the same sex.

For some, the accidental hook-up may open the door to further exploration and perhaps later the expansion of their sexuality. But, for others, the accidental hook-up is simply a one-and-done.

Homosocial homosexuality refers to men’s need for access to quick and emotionless sex and their longing for physical intimacy with other men. This manifests, for example, as men engaging in mutual masturbation while watching porn.

In addition to that, similar to cisgender heterosexual women, straight-identifying men often engage in homosexual acts like kissing (or more) simply for female attention or pleasure.

Engaging in sexual behavior for ritualistic purposes, attention or pure desire demonstrates the inherent fluidity of straight-identifying men’s sexuality.

Behavior that goes against the grain of one’s sexual orientation isn’t just limited to straight-identifying folk. Queer men are capable of demonstrating fluidity as well.

The term Down Low — which is most popular amongst the Black and Latino community, as well as the queer community — is often used to describe men who live “heterosexual lives” but have sex with men (MSM).

DL men are often queer men who not only present in a hyper masculine fashion, but also cling to a heterosexual identity for the status and protection it provides them.

Several kings, like Emperor Hadrian of Rome, would take wives while also having male concubines. Were these men polyamorous bisexuals or were they simply closeted gay men? No one knows for sure.

Some DL men retain their title, while for others, DL is simply a pit-stop before they fully embrace their queer identity.

Gay men have also expressed engaging in playful kissing with women whilst under the influence, fantasizing about being with a woman, or even going as far as experimenting with a woman.

This can occur more than once, and the events may be separated by years if not decades. And much like straight men, many gay men who have these experiences remain just that – gay.

Unlike straight-identifying men, gay men don’t choose to remain gay because of the status and protection it provides them. There is no status and protection reserved for queer folk. They remain gay because that’s who they are.

Gay men can expand their sexuality to include infrequent attraction or intimacy with women—that is to say, identify as homoflexible—but they cannot unsubscribe from homosexuality.

As for cisgender women, society doesn’t care all that much about their orientation or behavior. Cisgender women have for the most part had the luxury to be as fluid as they like without much scrutiny.

Sexual fluidity, of course, isn’t just exclusive to cisgender folk. As a predominantly heterosexual trans woman, I have experienced attraction to women and explored this desire too.

It is absolutely possible for someone to experience different sorts of desires at different points in their lives—but a gay person is not going to lose all inherent attraction they have to folks of the same sex or gender, just like a straight person who may be a little bit fluid isn’t going to lose their attraction to the opposite sex.

If one’s own natural desire for exploration can’t change one’s sexuality, it should go without saying that religion and conversion therapy can’t either.

Maybe, just maybe, this is because straight isn’t the default we have been conditioned to believe it is. Maybe the true default is sexual fluidity.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Silver daddies

— Why do young adult men like older partners?

By Sachintha Wickramasinghe

You’ve probably heard of “sugar daddies.” Or “the internet’s daddy,” Pedro Pascal. Stereotypes of this popular term abound, but what does it actually mean to be a “daddy”? And who is most likely to engage in age-gap relationships, and why?

Daddies of a Different Kind, published today by UBC sociologist and assistant professor Dr. Tony Silva (he/him), analyzes the stories of gay and bisexual daddies and asks why younger adult men are interested in older men for sex and relationships.

We spoke to Dr. Silva about his findings.

What is a daddy and why were you interested in studying them?

sugar daddies,Daddies of a Different Kind,daddy,queer relationships,queer men,homosexual relationships
Front cover of Dr. Tony Silva’s new book, Daddies of a Different Kind.

Many people think of a daddy as a desirable, confident older man who may be paired with a younger partner. The term has gained popularity in recent years, and while it is used in the context of heterosexual, gay or bisexual relationships, research across the Western world shows that age-gap relationships are far more prevalent among gay and bisexual men than any other group. I was interested in finding out why, and learning more about the older men who identify or are perceived as daddies, and what it means to them.

For this book, I interviewed men in their twenties and thirties who partnered with older men, and men in their forties through late sixties who partnered with younger adult men in their twenties and thirties. Some of the older men actively identified as daddies, while others did not necessarily identify that way, but still fulfilled a daddy role and were aware that others saw them as daddies.

What does it mean to be a daddy?

For many of the older men I spoke to, being a daddy was not just about age and sexual and romantic partnerships, but also a sense of responsibility, mentorship and guidance.

As daddies, they saw themselves as providing emotional support, wisdom and life experience to their younger partners: whether that means helping younger adult men figure out career paths, how to come out, or how to integrate into gay and bisexual communities.

For many older men, it was also a point of pride and self-worth, as they felt that their age and experience made them more attractive and desirable to younger men.

The youngest daddy I interviewed was 43, and in general, men started seeing themselves as daddies in their 40s. Contrary to the popular stereotype of older men going after younger guys, it was often younger men who approached them on dating apps once they had silver hair or had other physical markers of aging, and that really sparked their transformation into a daddy.

What do the younger men get out these age-gap relationships?

Some of the reasons why the younger adult men pursued age-gap relationships included a preference for emotionally mature partners, finding older men physically attractive and a desire to learn from older men. Many of the younger adult men also found age-gap pairings sexually exciting and emotionally fulfilling and were drawn by the idea of having a mentor or role model in their partner.

Whether gay or straight, age-gap relationships can involve a power difference. How did the men you spoke to navigate that?

In most cases, there was a sense of responsibility the older men felt to make sure they treated younger adult men with a particular care and made sure they didn’t disadvantage the younger adult man in any way. In contrast to what many people assume, I found little evidence of widespread power differences that harmed either the younger or older men.

For many men, these cross-generational connections between adults seem like they’re a major part of what it means to be a gay or bisexual man today. According to some demographic research I’m currently working on, it looks like these relationships are actually becoming more common, not less.

But there’s still a lot of stigma and misinterpretation around age-gap relationships, so even though many of the men I spoke to were openly gay or bisexual, they don’t always talk about their age-gap relationships outside of other LGBT groups. This research helps us move beyond stereotypes.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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This is how we do it

— ‘Every few weeks we both go out on our own and sleep with another man’

They’ve been together for two years, but opening up their relationship has worked for Lorenzo and Felix

By

Lorenzo, 31

Threesomes can be a bit of a juggling act. I’m thinking: ‘Is our guest at ease? Who are they focusing on? Who am I focusing on?’

Felix and I had sex the first afternoon we met, and I remember that he made a huge amount of noise. I have an office on the floor above my apartment and the walls are very thin. I have a vivid memory of being right in the middle of a particularly intimate moment and actually hearing the telephone ringing upstairs through all the racket Felix was making. It suddenly became obvious that if I could hear that telephone, everyone in the office could hear us. I did try to shush Felix a bit, but I found his lack of inhibition refreshing.

We had met on Grindr, and some of the other men I had slept with via the app seemed uneasy with their homosexuality. I live in Spain, and while it’s not exactly dangerous to be gay, life still revolves around the church. I’ve met men who wanted to keep the lights off during sex, or who kept their shirts on, or who begged me to treat them like dirt. Felix was utterly unlike that: he was sunny and playful. He wanted us to have lunch, not just say hello and then take our trousers off.

Felix was sunny and playful. He wanted us to have lunch, not just say hello and then immediately take our trousers off

I am the top with Felix, meaning I am the active partner, whereas Felix is the bottom. But in reality, Felix is much more versatile – he’s just forced to stick to a passive role with me because I can’t physically cope with being the bottom. It’s an anatomical thing. Mentally I’d love to, but physically it simply doesn’t work. Felix and I agree that it’s unfair that I can’t satisfy him in that way, so we decided to open up our relationship. We’ve been together for two years, but every few weeks we will each go out individually and sleep with another man. We also like to meet men together and have threesomes.

Threesomes are sexy, but they take a surprising amount of organisation. We chat to contenders online, and Felix does most of the texting because he is a lot better at flirting than I am. The threesome itself can be a bit of a juggling act. I’ll be thinking: “Is our guest at ease? Who are they focusing on? Who am I focusing on?” It’s like tapping your head and rubbbing your tummy at the same time. I think we’re getting better at them, though. I suppose threesomes, like twosomes, are a learning curve.

Felix, 28

After the initial excitement has worn off with another man, I usually end up missing Lorenzo

My sexual energy is extremely high, and occasionally a little too much for Lorenzo. If we’re in the kitchen, for example, I’ll want to be right behind him at the sink, hugging and touching and grabbing his bum. I don’t think he likes it. He shows his love in other ways, through acts of care and by how attentively he listens. He is less sexual than me, and that is partly why we have decided to sleep with other people.

We are always updating the terms of our arrangement, and part of the deal is that we debrief one another about every man we have sex with. I will show him pictures of the men I have been home with, particularly the cute ones, and talk through their best moves. Lorenzo and I have always been truthful, even about our sexual compatibility. Lorenzo is a top, whereas I like to switch roles. Because he couldn’t give me everything I needed, early on he decided that wasn’t fair on me, so he insisted that we should both be free.

We rarely agree on who’s hot and who’s not. I fancy young-looking, curly haired men. Twinks, really. That’s not his type

Occasionally I will sleep with a particularly attractive guy and then arrange a date to bring him home for a threesome. The trouble is, we rarely agree on who is hot and who is not. Lorenzo has shown me men he liked in the past and I have been like: “Ew.” I fancy young-looking, curly haired men. That’s not his type, but we take it in turns to compromise.

We have strict rules about falling in love. We aren’t allowed to develop feelings for other people. That’s never been a problem for me – after the initial excitement has worn off with another man, I usually end up missing Lorenzo. I’ll be put off by the way this strange man kisses or the way his tongue feels in my mouth. I’ll smell his trashy aftershave and it will make me think of the very specific, fresh scent of Lorenzo’s skin. Every time I sleep with another man, I end up loving Lorenzo a little more.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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To Solve the LGBTQ Youth Mental Health Crisis

— Our Research Must Be More Nuanced

Young people do not fall into neat categories of race, sexual orientation or gender identity. Research into LGBTQ mental health must take that into account

By Myeshia Price

Our youth are in a mental health crisis. Young people describe steadily increasing sadness, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. These mental health challenges are greater for youth who hold marginalized identities that include sexual orientation, gender identity or race or ethnicity. Near-constant exposure to traumatizing media and news stories, such as when Black youth watch videos of people who look like them being killed or when transgender youth hear multiple politicians endorse and pass laws that deny their very existence, compounds these disparities.

But young people do not fall into neat categories of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender identity. They reject antiquated norms and societal expectations, especially around gender and sexuality. Yet most research on people in this group, especially on LGBTQ youth, does not fully account for how they identify themselves. Approaching research as though sex is binary and gender is exact leads to incomplete data. This mistake keeps us from creating the best possible mental health policies and programs.

We need to collect robust data on specific populations of LGBTQ young people to better understand the unique risks they face, such as immigration concerns that Latinx youth may have that others may not. We can also better understand factors that uphold well-being, such as how family support affects Black trans and nonbinary youth.

LGBTQ young people of color, including those who identify in more nuanced ways than either gay or lesbian, are more likely to struggle with their mental health than their white LGBTQ counterparts. As researchers, if we can equip ourselves with this information about their unique needs and experiences, we can create intervention strategies that support the mental health of every LGBTQ young person rather than attempting to apply a “broad strokes” approach that assumes what works for one group must work for all.

As director of research science at the Trevor Project, the premier suicide prevention organization for LGBTQ youth, I lead projects that examine LGBTQ young people and their mental health in an intersectional way, accounting for the many facets of their identities and how society and culture influence how they value themselves. I and my colleagues conduct studies with groups of people who are geographically diverse and gender- and race-diverse to understand what drives mental health distress in a way that allows us to address specific needs in different populations. For advocates trying to improve mental health outcomes, this means they must consider stigma, how it turns into victimization, discrimination, and rejection and how it disproportionately affects people who hold multiple marginalized identities.

Our 2023 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ Young People, for example, found that LGBTQ youth with multiple marginalized identities reported greater suicide risk, compared with their peers who did not have more than one marginalized identity. To learn this, we asked young people demographic questions about race/ethnicity, sexual orientation and gender identity amid a battery of assessments. Based on survey questions about mental health and suicide risk, we’ve found that nearly one in five transgender or nonbinary young people (18 percent) attempted suicide in the past year, compared with nearly one in 10 cisgender young people whose sexual orientation was lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, asexual or questioning (8 percent). Among almost all groups of LGBTQ young people of color, the rates of those who said they had attempted suicide—22 percent of Indigenous youth, 18 percent of Middle Eastern/Northern African youth, 16 percent of Black youth, 17 percent of multiracial youth and 15 percent of Latinx youth—were higher than that of white LGBTQ youth (11 percent). And youth who identified as pansexual attempted suicide at a significantly higher rate than lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, asexual and questioning youth.

The majority of research exploring LGBTQ young people’s mental health does not have the sample size to do subgroup analyses in this way or, in rare cases, opts to unnecessarily aggregate findings (such as when bisexual young people are not analyzed separately despite representing the majority of the LGBTQ population). Our recruitment goals are set on finding enough people in harder-to-reach groups, such as Black transgender and nonbinary young people, and not to simply have a high overall sample size. In doing so, we are able to analyze findings specific to each group and also ensure these findings reach a wide audience. However, just as other researchers, when we are unable to collect enough data for subgroups to appropriately power our analyses, we do not publish those findings.

What we hope is that people working in small community settings can design targeted prevention programs. For example, an organization that aims to improve well-being among Latinx LGBTQ young people can also provide appropriate support for immigration laws and policies because immigration issues feed into mental health. Or an organization focused on family and community support among Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders can also focus on LGBTQ young people. The data we have gathered can informed services at organizations such as Desi Rainbow Parents & Allies, National Black Justice Coalition (NBJC) and the Ali Forney Center, among others.

Researchers must be intentional about which aspects of sexual orientation and gender identity are most relevant to the questions they are trying to answer when designing their studies. They must use survey items closely matched to those categories. Researchers must find a balance between nuance and analytic utility—allowing young people to describe their own identities in addition to using categorical descriptors. This can look like including open-ended questions or longer lists of identity options. Taking steps like these are critical for collecting and analyzing data that reflect the multitudes of this diverse group of young people. I urge researchers to apply an intersectional lens to their work and public health officials and youth-serving organizations to tailor services and programming to meet the unique needs of all young people. That’s because a “one-size-fits-all” approach has never and will never work when the goal is to save lives.

IF YOU NEED HELP

If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, help is available. Call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or use the online Lifeline Chat. LGBTQ+ Americans can reach out to the Trevor Project by texting START to 678-678 or calling 1-866-488-7386.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Is Queer a Slur?

— Exploring the Meaning and Use of the Term

A group of LGBTQ+ people

Wondering if queer is a slur? Let’s explore the historical context and controversy surrounding its use, and the term’s reclamation.

By

The use of the word “queer” has become so widespread that it’s now represented by the letter “Q” in the initialism LGBTQ+. However, some individuals find the word offensive or feel that it doesn’t represent them.

A closer look at the word reveals how it became a slur, how LGBTQ+ activists and academics have reclaimed the word, and the way its definition continues to change in the face of social and political challenges.

Understanding the term “Queer”

The current Oxford Languages Dictionary defines “queer” as an old-fashioned verb meaning “to spoil or ruin” and an adjective meaning either “strange, odd” or “relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.”

That last definition, in simpler words, means that “queer” is an umbrella term for people who aren’t heterosexual or cisgender.

“Queer” first popped up in the English language during the 16th century as a synonym for “strange” and “illegitimate.” In the 19th century, it began to mean “odd,” and by the end of that century, people used it as a slur against effeminate men and men who slept with other men.

However, in the 1980s, some gay and lesbian activists began reclaiming “queer” as an empowering self-designation. Academics also began studying “queer theory” to examine so-called traditional “norms” of sex and gender and their intersection with political identities and social power structures.

The word’s meaning continues to evolve, even now. Some people user queer as a verb that means “to challenge something’s commonly expected function” or as an adjective that includes any intimate practices or familial structures that fall outside of mainstream “norms.”

“‘Queer is still a word that many find offensive,” NPR’s editor for standards and practices Mark Memmott explained in 2019. “For many people, it’s still a difficult word to hear or read because of the past history.”

Jason DeRose, a senior editor who oversaw coverage of LGBTQ+ rights at NPR in 2019, noted that some members of older generations, like Baby Boomers, may find the term problematic or hurtful because it was used for decades as a slur, particularly during years when LGBTQ+ identities were criminalized and considered as forms of mental illness.

Often the slur was used while verbally harassing or assaulting people who were perceived as different. Such insults could raise suspicions about one’s identity and private life and leave them subject to discrimination, investigation, or other social consequences — like being fired from a job or disowned from a family — as a result.

However, younger generations, like Millenials and Gen Xers, tend to be more comfortable with the term, having grown up at a time of greater societal acceptance towards LGBTQ+ people.

Reclaiming the term “Queer”

In the late 1980s and early ’90s, some LGBTQ+ people began using “queer” as a neutral or empowering self-identity that signified people who aren’t heterosexual or who aren’t cisgender.

Some of these people re-claimed “queer” to throw the slur back in society’s face or to show a defiant Pride in the very identities that society long told them to feel ashamed and afraid of. As the number of proud “queers” increased, it gradually became harder to treat all LGBTQ+ people like a powerless minority.

One of the earliest well-known reclaimers of the slur was the LGBTQ+ direct-action activist group Queer Nation. The group emerged to fight queerphobia during the HIV epidemic by raising the visibility of queer people in non-queer public spaces, like bars.

Queer Nation used the well-known protest chant — “We’re Here! We’re Queer! Get used to it!” — to communicate an unwillingness to go back into the closet or behave as others expected.

The group’s chapters in other states distributed informational pamphlets about queer sex and famous queers throughout history; held a “kiss-in” at the 1992 Academy Awards red carpet to protest queer exclusion in Hollywood films; massively protested homophobic entertainers and incidents of anti-queer violence; arranged a “Pink Panther” street patrol to prevent queer-bashings; and broadcast video of two milk-covered men kissing on public access television.

These actions weren’t just to make heterosexual people uncomfortable — they were also meant to encourage other queers to creatively challenge the systems of heteronormativity that often treated LGBTQ+ people as easy targets for violence, harassment, and exclusion.

Some activists have taken the idea a step further with “queercore” and “queer shame,” a punk rock approach that rejects the idea that LGBTQ+ people should be respectable, otherwise indistinguishable from straight people, and “brand-safe” for large companies and political movements to exploit.

Is queer a slur, LGBTQ+

Current usage of “Queer”

The meaning of “queer” has also changed in response to academic thinkers in the field of “queer studies.”

Examinations of sexuality and gender once resided in the “Women’s Studies” departments of colleges and universities. The earliest thinkers in this field examined how “traditional” conceptions of gender, sexuality, identity, and desire create socio-political power structures that can be explored, critiqued, and challenged. “Queer studies” emerged from this discipline as an interdisciplinary field.

Queer thinkers challenge the idea that individual identities are fixed and unchanging, that gender and sexuality are binary, and that sexual practices are either normal or abnormal. Rather than treating heterosexuality and cisgender identities as “normal” or “natural,” queer theorists believe that sexuality and gender are socially constructed by cultural media and individually performed by how people publicly present themselves. These can change depending on the time, place, and context.

Not all people agree that “queer” is the same as “gay.” For some, queerness refers to people whose identities, lived experiences, and outlooks fall out of the mainstream as well as the protection of the mainstream.

For example, a gay, cisgender, white, Christian, American man might not be considered “queer” by some because his mainstream identities may grant him more social protections than a Black, pansexual, transgender, female immigrant living in Iraq. This woman’s unique identities aren’t nearly as “mainstream” as the gay man’s and don’t provide nearly as many social protections.

“Queer” has also increasingly been used as a verb that means “to challenge something’s commonly expected function.” One can “queer” social expectations by identifying, behaving, and appearing in ways that challenge preexisting social norms. For example, someone can “queer” the institution of marriage by having multiple sexual or emotional partners, not living with their spouse, or having relationship rules and familial structures that don’t follow the “traditional nuclear family.”

For example, polyamory and kink both fall outside of legal protections: You can legally be fired or have your children taken away for both, and both — like LGBTQ+ identity — have been vilified as forms of social deviance and mental illness.

But using “queer” in this way would qualify some heterosexual and cisgender people as “queer,” an idea that might upset some LGBTQ+ people who disapprove of straight polyamorists and ministers applying an anti-queer slur to themselves. However, other LGBTQ+ individuals might be fine with straight “queers” as long as the heterosexuals elevate LGBTQ+ voices and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights.

Others might dislike “queer” as a catch-all term for any non-hetero and non-cis people because it erases their unique identities, lumping them all together in one category rather than proclaiming their unique sexual orientation and gender identity. Such people might proclaim, “I’m not queer, I’m lesbian,” or “I’m not ‘queer’ — I’m ‘omnisexual!’”

As always, it’s important to allow people to self-identify with whatever terms they feel most comfortable with, and to allow community members to accept it or to experience productive tensions and dialogues about what it means to be queer.

The Running Debate Over Using “Queer”

Over the last half-century, queer has transformed from a hateful slur to a political identity that challenges cis-heteronormativity. While some people still find “queer” offensive or feel that it erases their unique identities and experiences, others find it empowering and a useful way to grow a cultural movement while critiquing oppressive socio-political structures around sex, gender, desire, identity, and power.

The term remains a complex and slippery one that will likely change, especially as people gain a greater understanding of the many ways they identify with and experience sex and gender. For some, “queer” will be an important identity (something they are). For others, “queer” will be an important action (something they do).

Some LGBTQ+ people may reject the “queer” label entirely, but regardless, it’ll always remain important to understand the context in which it is used and to respect each individual’s choice of language.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Monkeys are having gay sex all the time, study finds

— Male monkeys regularly have gay sex and are “behaviourally bisexual”, according to researchers at Imperial College London.


Researchers have found male monkeys are regularly having gay sex — and it might beneficial for them

by Jake McKee

It found that same-sex sexual behaviour among monkeys made them better friends, and more likely to back each other up in conflicts.

A new study, published in Nature Ecology & Evolution, focused on 236 males within a wild colony of 1,700 rhesus macaques on a Puerto Rican island over three years.

The findings suggest that “same-sex sexual behaviours” (SSB) have evolved and could be a common feature of primate reproduction, challenging beliefs that this is rare in non-human animals.

SSB-engaging monkeys also had more offspring, the Independent reported.

More specifically, with all social mountings of the 236 males recorded (male-on-male and male-on-female), 72 per cent engaged in same-sex mounting compared with 46 per cent different-sex mounting.

Jackson Clive, from Imperial’s Georgina Mace Centre for the Living Planet, who worked on the study, said they found “most males were behaviourally bisexual”.

He added: “Variation in same-sex activity was heritable. This means that the behaviour can have an evolutionary underpinning: for example, we also found that males that mounted each other were also more likely to back each other up in conflicts. Perhaps this could be one of many social benefits to same-sex sexual activity.”

He hoped the results would encourage further discoveries.

Lead researcher, professor Vincent Savolainen, said their mission was to “advance scientific understanding of same-sex behaviour, including exploring the benefits it brings to nature and within animal societies”.

Same-sex behaviour ‘benefits’ societies

He highlighted how “more than two-thirds displayed same-sex behaviour and this strengthened the bonds within the community”.

The professor went on: “Unfortunately, there is still a belief among some people that same-sex behaviour is unnatural, and some countries sadly still enforce the death penalty for homosexuality.

“Our research shows that same-sex behaviour is in fact widespread among non-human animals.”

“Our mission is to advance scientific understanding of same-sex behaviour, including exploring the benefits it brings to nature and within animal societies.”

SSB has been observed in thousands of different animals. There are a range of theories as to why but little data to support any of them.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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‘This Book is Gay’

— Provides comprehensive, and inclusive, sexual education

“This Book is Gay,” by Juno Dawson.

By Ali Velshi and Hannah Holland

“This Book is Gay,” by Juno Dawson, starts with a welcome: “There’s a long-running joke that, on ‘coming out,’ a young lesbian, gay guy, bisexual, or trans person should receive a membership card and instruction manual. This is your instruction manual.” And “This Book is Gay” reads as exactly that: a guide.

Each fact-based chapter is interspersed with a candid, first-person narrative collected from real people.

Equal parts humorous and informative, this nonfiction young adult book is divided into sections: identity, stereotypes, queer history, coming out and relationships — including sexual relationships. Each fact-based chapter is interspersed with candid, first-person narratives collected from real people.

Dawson is a guide with credentials, having spent nearly a decade as a sexual education and wellness teacher in the U.K. before turning to writing full-time. She came out as transgender publicly in 2015 and is a staunch advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.

“The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex,” a chapter positioned toward the end of the book, opens with text outlined to make you take notice, “This Chapter is about sex. […] If you are a younger reader and feel you aren’t ready for the finer details of same-sex pairings, then simply skip this whole chapter.” The chapter goes on to include potentially lifesaving information on sexually transmitted infections, including HIV and AIDS, diagrams of sexual organs, like you might see in health class, and a commentary on love and relationships.

It is this section that is referenced most frequently in the relentless calls to ban this book across the United States.

Much has been written about the sheer number of books banned these past two school years (a record 1,477 instances of individual books banned in the first half of this school year according to PEN America) and the fact that a disproportionately high number of those titles tell LGBTQ+ stories. “This Book is Gay” is frequently near the top of the American Library Association’s list of most banned books.

Most of the books we feature on the “Velshi Banned Book Club” are literature, including contemporary works of poetry and graphic novels. The conversation surrounding the accessibility of those works is ultimately a conversation about the value of literature for students and for society. Conversely, the conversation surrounding “This Book is Gay” is about the necessity for comprehensive and, most importantly, inclusive sexual education. As Dawson so saliently reminds readers, the exclusion of same-sex couples in the typical sex-ed class is nothing short of “institutional homophobia.”

Sexual education of any kind is rapidly disappearing and changing across the nation. Florida’s Broward County, which includes Fort Lauderdale, ended this school year with no sexual education at all. Georgia’s Gwinnett County, just outside of Atlanta, has voted to stick with abstinence-only education. School districts across Kentucky have had to overhaul their curriculum to comply with new bans on sex education, gender identity and student pronouns. This is happening all over the nation, state by state.

Of course, many of the arguments made against “This Book is Gay” center around antiquated views of gender expression and sexuality, but they’re also made in bad faith, including labeling this book as “inappropriate.” For a certain age group, this book is inappropriate. This book is not for young children — which is why it is not written for or marketed to them. Educators and proponents of inclusive sexual education, who may have used this book as an educational resource or noted its spot on a library shelf, are not intending for it to be used to teach young children.

Florida’s Broward County, which includes Fort Lauderdale, ended this school year with no sexual education at all.

“This Book is Gay” is for those young adults already grappling with their sexuality and identity. It is for those who are already looking for a safe space, understanding, or a guide through the dense jungle of teenage years. A group, I might add, that has had access to the full depths of the internet for their entire lives. It is the best-case, and least-likely, scenario that any one of them learned about sex, relationships and sexual identity through school-mandated sexual education or with the help of books that could be read and discussed with their parents.

The reality is this: At some point between high school, college and young adulthood, most everyone will be confronted with a situation related to sex and sexuality. “I didn’t know anything about myself. […] I was so unprepared and, now as an adult I see that I was left very vulnerable. I didn’t fully understand consent, I didn’t fully understand boundaries, I didn’t understand that I could say no to things,” explains Dawson in an interview on the Velshi Banned Book Club.

Relationships can be the most beautiful and rewarding part of life, and they can also be the most damaging, physically and emotionally. By prohibiting access to valuable resources like “This Book is Gay,” we are leaving already vulnerable LGBTQ+ young adults with nowhere to turn.

Sending our young people, regardless of sexual orientation, into the world without a comprehensive understanding of how to prevent sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy is a huge problem. Sending our young people into the world without a conversation about what respect looks like within a relationship is a major issue. Sending our young people into the world without a conversation about who exactly they are is nothing short of a crisis.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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7 Signs It’s Time for Couples Therapy

— According to a Queer Relationship Therapist

By

You don’t need a relationship therapist for everything, but when you and your partner are struggling to communicate, a couples therapist can give you some much-needed tools. Of course, it can be hard to know if and when seeking couples therapy is the right move — especially for queer couples. Since LGBTQ+ people have historically been underrepresented in science, literature, and media, it can be difficult for queer couples to know if they’re experiencing normal relationship stress or something bigger.

Throughout my years working as a sex and relationship therapist, I’ve pinpointed signs that you and your partner might need help from a professional. Here are seven signs that it might be time for couples therapy.

1. You’re stuck in an “infinity fight.”

Fighting with your partner isn’t always a bad thing. We all communicate differently, and for many of us, a heated (but respectful) argument is the easiest path toward conflict resolution. That said, it isn’t healthy to fight every day — especially when that fight is always about the same thing. If you and your partner fight about the same issue every time it pops up and nothing seems to change afterwards, you’re in what I call an “infinity fight.”

You could be fighting about anything — friends, family, sex, chores — but if it’s not getting better, then it’s probably just getting worse. It’s okay if you two can’t work it out on your own. That’s what therapy is for!

2. You think there’s room for improvement, but you don’t know where to start.

Couples therapy isn’t only for partners who are at their wits’ end. If you see a problem forming and want to get ahead of it, couples therapy might be right for your relationship.

In many cases, counseling is even more effective if you do it before the tears are flowing and tempers are running hot. There are a million different ways that two people can spark conflict with each other — and there’s no rule book that can tell you how to fix them all — so there’s no shame in seeking professional advice.

3. Being with your partner feels like a chore.

This is one of the saddest things I see as a therapist. Two people are madly in love, but unresolved gripes, conflicts, or complaints suck the life out of them over time.

If it feels like being with your partner is a chore — i.e., you’d rather capitulate than argue with them, their requests always feel like a burden, you try to avoid emotional or physical connection, etc. — then something is clearly wrong.

Likewise, if you feel like your partner is treating you that way no matter what you do, then it’s time to call in some assistance. Couples therapy can help you uncover the origin of those feelings and guide you back to a healthy and happy relationship.

4. Your sex life is struggling.

I often struggle to get clients to open up about sex. Whether they’re unsatisfied, afraid to express their desires, or experiencing shifts in libido, the last thing they want to do is talk to their partner about it.

They might be scared of hurting each other’s feelings or just flat-out uncomfortable talking about sex, so they wait to address it until they can hardly tolerate sex. In other cases, they may have perfect sexual communication but still feel unable to improve. A therapist can help you find out why you’re sexually unsatisfied and get back to sexual bliss with your partner.

5. You have trust issues.

I can tell you right now that a lack of trust will lead to bigger and badder problems in no time. It could be that you’ve been hurt before and feel suspicious, or it could be that your partner’s words or actions are inconsiderate.

We all want to know the truth and we all want to be able to trust our loved ones, but it’s rarely that simple. A therapist can help both of you communicate more honestly with each other. They can also help you find out if that mistrust is coming from you, your partner, or both.

6. You and/or your partner are working through trauma.

I know it feels obvious to seek professional help after experiencing trauma, but few people think to involve their partners in that work. If you’ve been through trauma together, such as a car accident or loss of a child, then you need to heal together.

If one of you has been through something traumatic, it’s normal for the other partner to want to help — even if they don’t know how. It’s natural for all of us to want to be there for those we love. A therapist can help you heal, but they can also teach your partner how to be there for you and vice versa.

7. You and your partner have fundamental differences.

We may not mind our partner’s differences at first. That difference could be a hobby, a political view, religious difference, or any other value or interest you don’t share.

Over time, these differences can turn into points of contention, resentment, or arguments. You probably can’t change that aspect of them, but a therapist can help you both move forward in a healthy way.

Remember: Couples therapy isn’t a last resort.

As the stigma surrounding mental health fades away, therapy is becoming more and more common. You don’t have to wait for an extreme problem to try it. Try a few therapists and see what feels right. Hopefully, you and your partner will start a journey towards a better, stronger relationship. That said, therapy isn’t a fix-all solution for every problem. Sometimes two people simply aren’t compatible — and that’s okay! Therapy can help you discover what steps to take for a healthier life, whether that’s together or apart.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Bisexuality has nearly quadrupled in the U.S.

— Over the past two decades, the proportion of those who identify as bisexual increased from 1.2% to 4.5%.

By Ross Pomeroy

  • A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research shows that bisexuality — being attracted to or engaging in sexual behavior with people of both sexes — has tripled in the U.S. over the past three decades.
  • Bisexuality is generally considered an invisible sexual orientation because bisexual individuals are often in monogamous relationships, so they simply appear either hetero- or homosexual.
  • The upward trend in bisexuality in America seems set to continue, as over 6% of 18-29 year-olds but fewer than 2% of respondents over age 40 identified as bisexual in the latest data.

A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research shows that bisexuality — being attracted to or engaging in sexual behavior with people of both sexes — has tripled in the U.S. over the past three decades.

University of Portland undergraduate student Sophia Neuweiler initiated the research for her senior thesis. She teamed up with Martin Monto, a professor of sociology specializing in gender and sexuality, to analyze data from the General Social Survey (GSS). Conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, the GSS has been used to monitor changes in social characteristics and attitudes among Americans for more than 50 years. Its biennial sample groups are designed to be representative of the demographic and socioeconomic makeup of U.S. households.

A surge in bisexuality

Neuweiler and Monto found that between 1989 and 1994, 3.1% of the 6,354 respondents reported having both male and female sex partners since age 18. Between 2012 and 2018, that rate had climbed to 9.3% among the 6,609 survey takers. Moreover, during the pandemic-affected 2021 survey year, 9.6% of respondents reported partners of both sexes as adults.

Engaging in sexual activities with members of both sexes after age 18 is not necessarily indicative of true bisexuality, however. For example, someone who identifies as gay or lesbian might have had opposite-sex partners in early adulthood before coming out later in life. Thus, the researchers checked to see if there was a corresponding increase in the proportion of Americans who actually identify as bisexual. The GSS began asking respondents about their sexual orientation in 2004. Between then and 2010, 1.2% of those surveyed identified as bisexual. By 2021, the rate had nearly quadrupled, rising to 4.5%.

“Society draws lines around sexual behavior, and these lines, though often in dispute, may move over time,” the researchers wrote. “These changing norms appear to have affected the proportion of people who identify as bisexual and likely also affected actual sexual behavior.”

Neuweiler and Monto note that the increase in bisexuality in the survey data might also stem from a rising willingness to acknowledge it. Same-sex sexual activity has been heavily stigmatized in the U.S. and around the world for the past century. Though such prejudices have lessened of late, the “global closet” is still vast. A 2019 study estimated that five out of six people around the world who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual keep their orientations hidden from all or most of the people in their lives.

Bisexuality generally has been considered an invisible sexual orientation because bisexual individuals are often in monogamous relationships, so they simply appear either hetero- or homosexual. Moreover, bisexuality historically has been stigmatized by both heterosexual and homosexual individuals, who have insisted that it’s impossible to be sexually attracted to both sexes. In fact, genital arousal studies show that it is.

Trending

The upward trend in bisexuality in America seems set to continue, as over 6% of 18-29 year-olds but fewer than 2% of respondents over age 40 identified as bisexual in the latest data. Increasing content on social media, podcasts, and TV shows that dispel society’s overarching heteronormativity may be a factor. The abrupt shock of the COVID pandemic may also have played a role. In an interview with the BBC, New York City-based clinical psychologist Jennifer Guttman noted that of her 65 clients, 10 to 12 re-thought their sexuality during the global “reset,” compared to just one who had done so before the pandemic.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!