How the anti-gender movement is bringing us closer to authoritarianism

An all-gender restroom in San Francisco.

By Judith Butler

In the United States, gender has been considered a relatively ordinary term. We are asked to check a box on a form, and most of us do so without giving it too much thought. But some of us don’t like checking the box and think there should be either many more boxes or perhaps none at all. The myriad, continuing debates about gender show that no one approach to defining or understanding it reigns. It’s no longer a mundane box to be checked on official forms.

The anti-gender ideology movement, however, treats the range of sometimes conflicting ideas about gender as a monolith, frightening in its power and reach.

The fear of “gender” allows existing powers — states, churches, political movements — to frighten people to come back into their ranks, to accept censorship and to externalize their fear and hatred onto vulnerable communities. Those powers not only appeal to existing fears that many working people have about the future of their work or the sanctity of their family life but also incite those fears, insisting, as it were, that people conveniently identify gender as the true cause of their feelings of anxiety and trepidation about the world.

The project of restoring the world to a phantasmatic time before gender promises a return to a patriarchal dream order that only a strong state can restore. The shoring up of state powers, including the courts, implicates the anti-gender movement in a broader authoritarian, even fascist project. We see the rolling back of progressive legislation and the targeting of sexual and gender minorities as dangers to society, as exemplifying the most destructive force in the world, in order to strip them of their fundamental rights, protections and freedoms.

Consider the allegation that “gender” — whatever it is — puts children at risk through programs such as reading books with queer characters cast as examples of indoctrination or seduction. The fear of children being harmed, the fear that the family, or one’s own family, will be destroyed, that “man” will be dismantled, including the men and man that some of us are, that a new totalitarianism is descending upon us, are all fears that are felt quite deeply by those who have committed themselves to the eradication of “gender” — the word, the concept, the academic field and the various social movements it has come to signify.

The resulting authoritarian restrictions on freedom abound, whether through establishing LGBTQ+-free zones in Poland or strangling progressive educational curricula in Florida that address gender freedom and sexuality in sex education. But no matter how intently authoritarian forces attempt to restrict freedoms, the fact that the categories of women and men shift historically and contextually is undeniable. New gender formations are part of history and reality. Gender is, in reality, minimally the rubric under which we consider changes in the way that men, women and other such categories have been understood.

As an educator, I am inclined to say to these people, “Let’s read some key texts in gender studies together and see what gender does and does not mean and whether the caricature holds up.” Reading is a precondition of democratic life, keeping debate and disagreement grounded and productive.

Sadly, such a strategy rarely works.

A woman in Switzerland once came up to me after a talk I gave and said, “I pray for you.” I asked why. She explained that the Scripture says that God created man and woman and that I, through my books, had denied the Scripture. She added that male and female are natural and that nature was God’s creation. I pointed out that nature admits of complexity and that the Bible itself is open to some differing interpretations, and she scoffed. I then asked if she had read my work, and she replied, “No! I would never read such a book!” I realized that reading a book on gender would be, for her, trafficking with the devil. Her view resonates with the demand to take books on gender out of the classroom and the fear that those who read such books are contaminated by them or subject to an ideological inculcation, even though those who seek to restrict these books have typically never read them.

To refuse gender is, sadly, to refuse to encounter the complexity that one finds in contemporary life across the world. The anti-gender movement opposes thought itself as a danger to society — fertile soil for the horrid collaboration of fascist passions with authoritarian regimes.

We need to take a stand against the anti-gender movement in the name of breathing and living free from the fear of violence.

Transnational coalitions should gather and mobilize everyone the anti-gender ideology movement has targeted. The internecine fights within the field must become dynamic and productive conversations and confrontations, however difficult, within an expansive movement dedicated to equality and justice. Coalitions are never easy, but where conflicts cannot be resolved, movements can still move ahead together with an eye focused on the common sources of oppression.

Whether or not people are assigned a gender at birth or assume one in time, they can really love being the gender that they are and reject any effort to disturb that pleasure. They seek to strut and celebrate, express themselves and communicate the reality of who they are. No one should take away that joy, as long as those people do not insist that their joy is the only possible one. Importantly, however, many endure suffering, ambivalence and disorientation within existing categories, especially the one to which they were assigned at birth. They can be genderqueer or trans, or something else, and they are seeking to live life as the body that makes sense to them and lets life be livable, if not joyous. Whatever else gender means, it surely names for some a felt sense of the body, in its surfaces and depths, a lived sense of being a body in the world in this way.

As much as someone might want to clutch a single idea of what it is to be a woman or a man, the historical reality defeats that project and makes matters worse by insisting on genders that have all along exceeded the binary alternatives. How we live that complexity, and how we let others live, thus becomes of paramount importance.

There is still much to be understood about gender as a structural problem in society, as an identity, as a field of study, as an enigmatic and highly invested term that circulates in ways that inspire some and terrify others. We have to keep thinking about what we mean by it and what others mean when they find themselves up in arms about the term.

Complete Article HERE!

LGBTQ+ in Africa

— How the US far-right whips up homophobia

Sexual minorities say they have faced a wave of abuse since Uganda’s harsh anti-LGBTQ+ law was enacted last year

Tough laws targeting homosexual acts or abortion in African nations are often preceded by lobbying from American hard-liners. Often well-financed, these networks campaign against equality and diversity.

By Martina Schwikowski

Fundamentalist Christian churches from the United States are increasingly gaining power and influence in societies and political spheres across Africa. Many of them have been whipping up negative sentiments against LGBTQ+ people and abortion rights.

Haley McEwen, a sociologist at the University of Gothenburg in Sweden, has examined some of their influential networks.

“US Christian right-wing groups have been very active in the US foreign policy since the early 2000s,” McEwen told DW.

“There are several organizations that have been around since the 1970s — and in the early 2000s they started to increase their influence internationally.”

A protester joins supporters of the LGBTQ+ community as they stage a protest against a planned lecture by Kenyan academic Patrik Lumumba at the University of Cape Town
Conservative activists often portray LGBTQ+ people as alien imports who threaten African societies

The groups have expanded into African countries like Uganda, Nigeria, Kenya, Ghana and South Africa.

According to McEwen, the networks also focused on UN organizations “in response to the advances being made by the international feminist movement to gain recognition of sexual and reproductive health and rights within the UN frameworks.”

‘Hatred from outside our history’

These conservative activists — who describe themselves as “pro family” — seem only interested in safeguarding one special type of family: heterosexual, monogamous nuclear families ordained by marriage.

“We continue to advocate that this is hatred that is deliberately being stirred, that it is not organic and not within our history and it is actually producing the conditions for violence and assault of LGBTQ+ persons in Kenya,”Irungu Houghton, Kenya director at Amnesty International, told DW.

Homosexuality has always been being practiced discreetly in what is now Kenya, according to Houghton. British colonialists enacted the first laws that criminalized gay sex in the 1930s.

Influence comes with money

These days, it’s African leaders who introduce the new laws — which is why they’ve been targeted by far-right networks from the US.

According to McEwen, these groups want to win over African leaders in order to implement what is being described as “family friendly agendas” — both in their home countries and internationally at the United Nations.

McEwen said this influence was also being exerted by funding African organizations which domestically propagate “nuclear family” policies and oppose LGBTQ+ rights and comprehensive sexuality education.

There is a homegrown network of such groups in Africa, but according to McEwen, they heavily rely on funding from outside Africa.

Who’s funding the anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment?

UK-based media platform openDemocracy published a 2020 report that examined more than 20 American Christian groups.

The paper revealed that the groups — which are known for their campaigns against LGBTQ+ rights, access to safe abortion, contraceptives and comprehensive sex education — have spent at least $54 million (€49.5 million) in Africa since 2007.

One of these groups is Christian conservative organization Family Watch International (FWI) which, according to openDemocracy “has has been coaching high-ranking African politicians … to oppose comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) across the continent.”

Uganda signs anti-LGBTQ bill into law

In May 2023, Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni signed one of the world’s toughest anti-LGBTQ+ laws — including the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality” — drawing Western condemnation and risking sanctions from aid donors.

According to activist Frank Mugisha, director of Sexual Minorities Uganda, FWI was highly influential in the genesis of Uganda’s legislation.

However, FWI said in a statement on its website that it is “opposed to the Uganda Anti-Homosexuality Act 2023” and it “opposes legislation that penalizes a person for having same-sex sexual attractions or for their gender identity.”

“Family Watch opposes the death penalty or harsh penalties in the context of Uganda’s pending law and other similar bills,” according to the statement.

Africa’s tough anti-LGBTQ+ laws ‘stirring up hatred and acrimony’

Shortly afterward, Uganda passed the law, and a Kenyan lawmaker proposed a bill that has often been described as “copy paste” of the Ugandan law. The Kenyan bill is still undergoing parliamentary procedures.

In Ghana, a similar bill was recently passed by parliament. But it’s still unclear when and whether president Nana Akufo-Addo will sign it into law.

“There is a direct link between the emergence of hate bills in Uganda and Ghana and now Kenya with these interests,” said Amnesty’s Houghton.

“We have been very concerned that this is not only focusing on stirring up hatred and acrimony between societies but is also focusing on reversing many gains with regards to comprehensive sex education and sexual productive health rights.”

Complete Article HERE!

Is it ethical to watch AI pornography?

By

If you’re in your 20s and 30s, you probably watch pornography. Millennials and gen Z are watching more pornography than any other age group and are also more likely than any other demographic to experiment with AI pornography.

As technology advances, AI-generated tools and techniques are becoming increasingly sophisticated and accessible. This can lead to unethical content, including deepfakes – videos in which a person’s face is replaced with someone else’s likeness, without their consent. Social media platform X (formerly Twitter) recently faced a scandal when it became awash with deepfakes of Taylor Swift.

But what about other kinds of AI pornographic content? How can consuming it affect you, and how can you make sure that you’re consuming it ethically? I’m a sex and relationship therapist, so I’m interested in helping clients with various sexual issues, including porn consumption problems. I am also curious about the ways AI could be used positively to create pornography that is not only ethical, but educational and sexy at the same time.

The impact of watching AI porn

While it’s perfectly normal to be curious about sex, watching a lot of pornography can affect your sexual satisfaction – and AI porn is no different. You might, for example, start comparing your partner to the hyper-realistic, but impossibly perfect, digitally generated actors of AI porn.

Already, research suggests that men who frequently watch online porn may experience erectile dysfunction. This could be due to the idealised unrealistic portrayals in pornography compared to real-life sexual encounters. AI pornography would likely only exacerbate this, with AI porn avatars able to participate in sex acts that wouldn’t be possible, or as accessible, for real people.

Among women who watch porn, opinions vary. Some women have noted positive changes, including a reduction in the shame associated with sexual pleasure. But others have expressed reservations about the beauty standards in pornography, finding them unattainable.

This stance is very much shared by anti-porn campaigners, who claim that porn degrades and objectifies women. They believe it feeds into ideas of male supremacy, potentially leading to violence against women.

Regulating AI pornography

The roles women are given within mainstream pornography often portray a different power imbalance than, for example, gay male porn. For this article, I spoke to porn actor John Thomas. He argued that gay male porn was somewhat more ethical than mainstream straight porn which is [made for men to consume]. “Both roles in a gay scene might be appreciated by the viewer, rather than the pure objectification of the woman in a straight scene.”

One of the many concerns with unregulated AI-generated pornography is that it can distort a viewer’s sense of reality, leading to misinformation, unrealistic expectations around sex and potential harm. However, since the moral landscape surrounding ethical AI porn is a grey area, we are pushed into uncharted territory. As new technology emerges, new challenges arise.

To ensure responsible innovation within the adult entertainment industry, it’s essential to be aware of AI’s ongoing integration into our daily lives. For example, risks could be mitigated by training AI systems to recognise deepfakes, violence or child pornography.

For actors in the adult entertainment industry working pre-AI, consent has always been key. I asked John Thomas about best practice in the industry:

When working for a porn studio [as a freelance worker], I sign a contract which typically includes clauses relating to rights to my image – usually I am signing to give the studio the right to use, and alter, my image [from the photos or video created] and distribute it. AI is not specified in any contract I’ve signed.

But since AI porn is expected to become more mainstream, the topic of consent becomes more ambiguous. As John Thomas adds: “I think one could interpret the contract to include AI … the contracts are written in such an expansive way that, having signed away the rights to your image, and consent to your image being altered, it could [hypothetically be used in AI].”

How to be an ethical porn consumer

Just as there are fair trade brands known for their ethical practices in producing coffee and clothing, there should be a safe space for consumers to explore their sexuality and fantasies.

As a porn viewer, you can be more ethical in your consumption by becoming porn literate, improving your understanding of realistic sexual expectations, gender identities, sexual orientations, relationship styles, kinks and ethical BDSM practices.

And if you decide you want to watch AI porn and want to minimise the risk of consuming unethical content, here are some tips to help enhance your porn literacy skills:

• consider joining online communities where discussions about “feminist porn” and sexualised content are open and encouraged

• if you are a fan of a particular porn actor, consider following them on social media. This will provide you with some insights into their performance activities and their preferred ways for you to access their content

• when coming across porn sites, take a moment to assess if they are recognised for ethical production practices. Some established sites are known for their commitment to ethical pornography. Typically, the ethical emphasis will revolve around aspects such as production standards, consent, representation of diverse body types, genders and races, portrayal of safe sexual practices and prioritising the enjoyment of all involved

• keep in mind the difference between fantasies and real sexual encounters when watching porn. Remember that what you see online may not translate to real life

• keep a close eye on your porn consumption. If you sense it’s becoming overwhelming, or impacting your daily life or sexual experiences, don’t be ashamed. Seek support from a professional, such as a sex therapist.

Complete Article HERE!

How My Sex Life Changed After My Breast Cancer Diagnosis

By Molly Longman

On Dec. 2, 2015, Erin Burnett was two days out from her wedding and existing in the buzzy state of bliss that’s reserved for people who are very much in love. That morning, as she was happily daydreaming in the shower, she noticed something was different about her left nipple. She took a closer look — it seemed to be inverted. She felt an immediate chill; the sudsy water suddenly felt like ice.

She called her doctor, who said Burnett could come in during her lunch break to get her breast checked out, just as a precaution.

After some testing, the doctor told Burnett to come back after her wedding day. She tried to put the experience out of her mind until after the ceremony. Just 12 days after tying the knot, at 28 years old, Burnett got the call. She had stage II, triple-positive, invasive ductal carcinoma. Her honeymoon would be cut short.

The diagnosis impacted Burnett’s life in myriad ways — but a major factor was the impact on her sex life. “I had a brand-new marriage, with no honeymoon phase,” she remembers. “I used to joke around with my friends and say: ‘You guys are having these crazy sex lives where someone pulls your hair, while my husband’s picking my hair up off the ground.'”

Burnett underwent a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy, which induced what’s known as medical menopause. “I didn’t know until it happened that I was gonna have vaginal atrophy, vaginal dryness, pain with intercourse, lack of lubrication, and lack of libido [following the hysterectomy],” she says. She also faced emotional hurdles, especially as she coped with losing her breasts and went through painful attempts at reconstruction.

Throughout the treatment process, Burnett and her medical team were so focused on saving her life that her quality of life often took a backseat. In particular, the quality of her sex life was not top of mind for her or her providers.

This is a common refrain from cancer survivors, who say that the medical establishment tends to leave out or breeze through conversations about the ways cancer can impact your sexual health, especially because they’re rightfully so laser-focused on keeping you alive. But this can have serious ramifications for people’s sexual health, mental health, and relationships, says Ericka Hart, MEd, a sex educator and breast cancer survivor. “They’re usually not concerned about the ways that you are gonna experience pleasure in the future, they just want to fix you — and in their mind, cancer is the issue they’re fixing,” they say.

This often puts the onus on patients to bring up questions about how their diagnosis and treatment will affect their sexual health.

Anna Crollman, a 37-year-old breast cancer survivor from North Carolina, remembers feeling incredibly nervous about asking her provider about the sexual side effects, such as painful intercourse, she was experiencing during and after her treatment. “I like to call it the ‘doorknob question’ that you squeeze in right when they’re about to leave and their hand’s almost on the door,” she says. “You say: ‘Hey, just one more thing.'”

But if sexual health is brought up earlier and more often by providers, it’s not only easier for patients to discuss their issues when they’re ready to do so, but also for them to find more satisfaction with sex in the long run — and to feel less alone, says Don S. Dizon, MD, a professor of medicine at Brown University and director of the Sexual Health First Responders Clinic at Lifespan Cancer Institute.

It’s common, especially for women and nonbinary people, to blame themselves for sexual health issues and feel they have to suffer alone. “Most of the people I see feel like they’re the only ones going through this,” he says. “When I tell a person, ‘This is really common,’ there’s a weight lifted off their shoulders because [until then,] they think they’ve done something wrong.”

But patients shouldn’t be deterred from seeking information about improving their sexual health, despite cancer, and they shouldn’t have to work up extra courage to get answers. As Dr. Dizon puts it: “everyone deserves a sex life.”

The Physical Impacts Cancer Can Have on Sex

Breast cancer treatments can dampen physical desire in several ways. Breasts are an erogenous organ, Dr. Dizon says, and oftentimes a mastectomy is required as part of treatment. “The loss of breast-specific sensuality is something everyone will go through to some degree,” he says. “The process of naming that is really important, because people don’t consciously think of the breast as a sexual organ, and it is.”

Meanwhile, for those with hormone-positive breast cancer, doctors often prescribe drugs called aromatase inhibitors that lower estrogen levels, causing medically induced menopause. “These notoriously have a negative effect on sexuality, whether it’s vaginal dryness, painful activities, or loss of desire,” Dr. Dizon says. “Chemotherapy can also harm body image, because people gain a lot of weight, and it can cause neuropathy and physical side effects like nausea and diarrhea.”

As patients know, these physical impacts can take a real toll.

Shonté Drakeford, a nurse practitioner and patient advocate in Maryland, was diagnosed with stage four metastatic breast cancer in 2015, after being dismissed by providers for six years when she presented with symptoms. Drakeford says that before her diagnosis, her sex life with her high school sweetheart was “amazing.” For the first two years of treatment, she had no major sexual side effects, though she had to be careful about what positions she took part in, as the cancer had spread to her lungs, lymph nodes, ribs, spine, and left hip. “I asked my doctor what I could do that wouldn’t harm me, physically, because I was fragile,” she remembers. “He got all red and was embarrassed to answer.”

About three years into treatment, Drakeford noticed that her libido had lessened, and she was experiencing vaginal dryness. “Even though, mentally, I wanted to [have sex], my mind and vagina didn’t connect,” she says. “It was like a slow transition into a menopausal state.” This was due to her treatments, which she couldn’t stop. “I’ll be on treatment forever; this is lifelong for me,” she says. “I wish they had Viagra for women.”

Drakeford’s doctors told her that vaginal estrogen therapy — which some menopausal people use to help with some sexual side effects — wasn’t an option for her; her cancer was hormone-positive, so it essentially fed on hormones like estrogen. “It’s all about safety,” Drakeford says. “Am I willing to risk my health for sexual satisfaction?”

Cancer Can Cause Mental Health Barriers to Satisfying Sex, Too

Beyond these physical questions, mental hurdles are also prevalent amid cancer treatments. Many of us have ideas about what sex “should” look like, and those are challenged by a life-changing diagnosis like cancer, says Emily Nagoski, PhD, a sex educator and author of “Come as You Are” and “Come Together.”

Hart says that they felt “disconnected from their body” after their cancer diagnosis, something that they believe to be common for other survivors, but that looks different for everyone. As they were being treated for breast cancer in 2014, they struggled with how their body was constantly being touched, especially by white medical staff. Hart, who is Black, found that this challenged their understanding of bodily autonomy and lead to them distancing themself from their romantic partner, who was white. “I didn’t want a white person to touch me sexually,” they remember.

Hart says that something else shifted following their mastectomy: they felt like people could no longer see them as a whole person — they only saw Hart’s illness. At one point in their healing process, Hart went topless in public, baring their double mastectomy scars to end “the lack of Black, brown, LGBTQIA+ representations and visibility in breast cancer awareness.” As important as this messaging was, Hart felt “de-sexualized” by some of the responses their display elicited. “People would see my topless pictures and respond: ‘Oh my God, you’re so inspiring,'” they say. “But if anybody with nipples went topless on the internet, that would not be the response.”

This is a commonly felt sentiment among breast cancer patients — they feel society begins to see them only as patients, rather than sexual beings. Hart points out that you rarely see sex scenes with cancer patients in the media. FWIW, the only one I could think of was in “Desperate Housewives,” which involved a somewhat superficial plot about Tom feeling uncomfortable having sex with Lynette when she wasn’t wearing her wig, and Lynette fearing it meant he was no longer attracted to her. (This is a real fear among patients, though Dr. Nagoski notes: “In a great relationship, we’re attracted to the human being we chose to be with, not to the body parts of that human. It’s normal to have feelings about changes to our bodies and our partners’ bodies, of course, but a strong relationship adapts to those changes with love and trust.”)

Meanwhile, Crollman, who was diagnosed with cancer at 27, adds that the mental barriers to sex after cancer were “the hardest part.” “The pain, of course, is physically uncomfortable, but even though my partner and I tried so hard to stay in open communication, the reality was, we went through a very, very dry spell,” she says. “I was feeling really lost, mentally. I went through a deep depression, and I was seeing a therapist to cope because I really didn’t feel comfortable in my body.” After having a double mastectomy, Crollman felt “vulnerable” being in front of someone else while she was still “struggling to come to terms with the body that I had.”

Plus, not being intimate for a period due to these understandable challenges led to “more physical triggers and trauma around that experience — around the fear of it, around the pain that was related to it because of the side effects,” Crollman remembers. “So it was kind of this multileveled, emotional, psychological challenge.”

Finding Pleasure Again Post-Diagnosis

The physical and emotional stressors surrounding sex are very real, but reframing can help cancer patients to work through them. “The stakes around treatment certainly may be high, but the stakes around sex are not” — or at least, they don’t have to be, Dr. Nagoski says.

Although our culture tells us we can somehow “fail” sexually, especially “if we don’t perform according to some external, bullshit standard, the reality is there is nothing to lose, there is no way to fail,” Dr. Nagoski says. “We only imagine we’re doing it ‘wrong’ when we compare our experiences to some bogus cultural script of what sex ‘should’ be like — a script that was always irrelevant to our lives, but after a cancer diagnosis is just an absurd, pointless, and even cruel standard against which to assess our sexual connections. There is nothing at stake with sex; you have nothing to lose, only pleasure and connection to gain.”< Pleasure can look different to different people, and sex is just one piece of it. In order to maximize satisfaction for all parties involved, Dr. Nagoski says you first need to get on the same page as your partner — and that means getting curious. "If your partner wants sex, ask each other these important questions: What is it that you want, when you want sex with each other? And what is it that you don't want? When don't you want sex with each other? And, perhaps most importantly, what kind of sex is worth having — as in, what makes sex worth not spending that time watching 'Parks & Recreation'?"

Also, “You could decide to take all sex entirely off the table,” Dr. Nagoski says. “That’s a legitimate choice.” Hart adds that some couples may decide to open up their relationship amid cancer.

However, many people with cancer do want to try to explore sex and pleasure again, whatever that looks like for them. But because there are so few good resources out there and so much stigma around the topic, they may do so with varying levels of success.< Hart, for example, discovered that kink and BDSM was a sexual space of healing for them. "After being poked and prodded and having surgeries and chemotherapy literally once a week with a giant needle, I wanted to go into spaces where I could reclaim that pain," they say. "So doing things like impact play — being consensually spanked and hit — I could reclaim the pain after years of feeling like I didn't have a choice of opting into it." Hart also recommends working with a sex therapist to find pleasure again, which may include finding ways to incorporate chest play after a mastectomy, whether you still have nipples or not. Dr. Nagoski recommends the book “Better Sex Through Mindfulness” by Lori Brotto, who specializes in sexual health interventions for those with cancer and for survivors of sexual trauma.

Dr. Dizon adds that some healthcare providers might be more comfortable pointing their patients to resources rather than giving them actual advice about their sex lives, so asking your doctor if they have recommendations for something to read or a support network you could join might be a smart tactic for finding the support you seek.

Drakeford says she hasn’t been shy about asking for resources but still hasn’t felt satisfied with the level of pleasure she’s experienced since her diagnosis. She’s tried vaginal moisturizers, lube, and sex toys and hasn’t seen much success. “I even tried that slippery elm herb — it did nothing. Not a thing!” Drakeford says. “I’ve been going on nine years without things improving. I hope researchers can get on this and find something that actually works for people like me . . . even if it’s not during my lifetime.”

Burnett, for her part, has tried to be intentional about pleasure from the very beginning — though it hasn’t been easy.

While she was undergoing chemo, Burnett says, she and her partner scheduled sex around treatments. “The first couple of days after chemo, your body’s pretty toxic, so you aren’t going to be intimate,” she says. “Then seven to 10 days after is when you’re at your sickest. So for us, it was usually around that two-week mark that we’d schedule time to be intimate, before the next round.”

Since going into medical menopause, Burnett’s tried multiple tactics to make sex post-breast-cancer more pleasurable with her partner, including lubes, moisturizers, and laser therapy. (Dr. Dizon notes it’s important for those with breast cancer to find options that have specifically been studied in people with breast cancer, not the general population.) She also had to mentally get used to the changes in her breasts — though getting a mastectomy scar tattoo helped her regain some confidence, both in general and in the bedroom.

Although Burnett didn’t get the honeymoon phase she’d always dreamed about, she did learn quickly that she’d found a partner who’d keep every word of his vows. “There is something really intimate about someone who can be there for you and hold your hair back as you’re throwing up, and pick it up as it’s falling out,” she adds, nodding to her old joke about her friends having their hair pulled.

The couple’s 10-year anniversary is coming up next year, and they’re planning to finally take that honeymoon they never got. “It’ll be a different kind of honeymoon, because my body is just different from most other 36-year-olds’ out there. But it will also be a celebration of surviving 10 years.”

Complete Article HERE!

The ugly return of homophobia

— Bigotry is coming from the progressive establishment

By

As a child of the Eighties and Nineties, I remember well that homosexuals were fair game in the mainstream media. One columnist in The Star railed against “Wooftahs, pooftahs, nancy boys, queers, lezzies — the perverts whose moral sin is to so abuse the delightful word ‘gay’ as to render it unfit for human consumption”. After the death of Freddie Mercury, sympathy in The Mail on Sunday was limited. “If you treat as a hero a man who died because of his own sordid sexual perversions,” one writer cautioned, “aren’t you infinitely more likely to persuade some of the gullible young to follow in his example?”

It was sadly inevitable that the AIDS crisis would exacerbate this ancient prejudice. A headline in The Sun declared that “perverts are to blame for the killer plague”. And while a writer for the Express held “those who choose unnatural methods of self-gratification” responsible for the disease, letters published in its pages followed suit. One reader called for the incarceration of homosexuals. “Burning is too good for them,” wrote another. “Bury them in a pit and pour on quicklime.” Someone had been reading his Dante.

I happened to come out in a much less hostile climate. In the early 2000s, we were enjoying a kind of Goldilocks moment, neither too hot nor too cold. We weren’t generally on the receiving end of homophobic slurs, but nor were we patronised by well-meaning progressives. My memory of this time was that no one particularly cared, and I was more than happy with that. Being gay for me has never been an identity, it’s simply a fact, as unremarkable as being blue-eyed or right-handed.

And so it has been troubling to see a resurgence in the last few years of the kind of anti-gay rhetoric that was commonplace in my childhood. Of course, it could be argued that the rise of social media has simply exposed sentiments that were previously only expressed in private. As Ricky Gervais has pointed out, before the digital era “we couldn’t read every toilet wall in the world. And now we can.”

Yet the most virulent homophobia appears to be coming from a new source. Whereas we have always been accustomed to this kind of thing from the far-Right — one recalls Nick Griffin’s remark on Question Time about how he finds the sight of two men kissing “really creepy” — but now the most objectionable anti-gay comments arise in online spheres occupied by gender ideologues, from those who claim to be progressive, Left-wing and “on the right side of history”. The significant difference is that the word “cis” has been added to the homophobe’s lexicon. Some examples:

“Cis gay men are a disease.”

“Cis gay men are truly some of the most grotesque creatures to burden this earth.”

“I hate cis gay people with a burning passion.”

“If you’re a cis gay man and your sexuality revolves around you not liking female genitalia I hope you die and I will spit on your grave.”

“Cis gays don’t deserve rights.”

“There’s so many reasons to hate gay people, most specifically white gays, but there’s never a reason to be a transphobe.”

“It’s time to normalise homophobia.”

Of course, any bile can be found on the internet, but these kinds of phrases are remarkably commonplace among certain online communities. Even a cursory search will reveal innumerable examples of gender ideologues casually branding gay men “fags” or “faggots”, praising the murder of gays and lesbians, and claiming that the AIDS epidemic was a positive thing. Many thousands of examples had been collated on Google Photos under the title “Woke homophobia: anti-gay hatred & boxer ceiling abuse from trans activists & gender-identity ideologues”. The site was taken down last year, presumably because it violated Google’s policy on hate speech — or perhaps because it revealed the toxicity of the ideology the company has spent so long promoting.

If such ideas were restricted to the demented world of internet activism, we might be justified in simply ignoring it. But we now know that the overwhelming majority of adolescents referred to the Tavistock paediatric gender clinic were same-sex attracted. Whistleblowers have spoken out about the endemic homophobia, not simply among clinicians but also parents who were keen to “fix” their gay offspring. And of course there was the running joke among staff that soon “there would be no gay people left”.

And now a series of leaked internal messages and videos from WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health), has revealed that clinicians in the leading global organisation for transgender healthcare have openly admitted in private that some teenagers mistake being same-sex attracted for gender dysphoria. The result of the “gender-affirming” approach has amounted to what one former Tavistock clinician recently described as “conversion therapy for gay kids”. Homosexuality was removed from the World Health Organisation’s list of psychiatric disorders in 1993, and yet here we are medicalising it all over again.

So how did we reach the point where gay conversion therapy is being practised in plain sight by the NHS? Much of the responsibility has to lie with Stonewall, a group that once promoted equal rights for gay people but now actively works against their interests. It has even gone so far as to redefine “homosexual” on its website and resource materials as “same-gender attracted”. It should go without saying that gay men are not attracted to women who identify as men, any more than lesbians should be denounced for excluding those with penises from their dating pools. What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.

“What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.”

Indeed, activists often claim that “genital preferences are transphobic”, or that sexual orientation based on biological sex is a form of “trauma”. The idea that homosexuality is a sickness was one of the first homophobic tropes I encountered as a child. Now it is being rebranded as progressive.

As for Stonewall, its former CEO Nancy Kelley went so far as to argue that women who exclude trans people as potential partners are analogous to “sexual racists”. She claimed that “if you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it’s worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions”. It is worth remembering that Stonewall is deeply embedded in many governmental departments and quangos, as well as corporate and civic institutions. Anti-gay propaganda is being reintroduced into society from the very top.

Meanwhile, the Crown Prosecution Service has been meeting with trans lobby groups such as Mermaids and Stonewall to discuss changes to prosecutorial policy in cases of sex by deception. Since these meetings — only revealed after sustained pressure from a feminist campaigner who submitted Freedom of Information requests — the CPS has recommended what Dennis Kavanagh of the Gay Men’s Network has described as “a radical trans activist approach to sex by deception prosecutions that would see them all but vanish”. In trans activist parlance, the barriers to having sex with lesbians and gay men are known as the “cotton ceiling” and “boxer ceiling”. Now it seems the establishment is attempting to support the coercion of gay people into heterosexual activity.

Consider a recent post on X by Stephen Whittle, OBE, a professor of equalities law at Manchester Metropolitan University. In a reply to LGB Alliance’s Bev Jackson, Whittle took issue with the notion that “love is all about genitals” (an argument that Jackson has never made). Having dismissed this straw man as “a very hetero/homo-normative perspective”, Whittle then claimed that “a lot of gay men can’t resist a young furry ftm [female-to-male] cub”.

While it is true that there are some bisexuals who identify as gay, it is simply not the case that homosexual men “can’t resist” certain kinds of women. As Jackson rightly noted in her response, this is rank homophobia, “disturbed and disturbing on every level”. Yet it has been expressed by an individual who has been described as a “hero for LGBTQ+ equality”. With heroes like these, who needs villains?

Another example is Davey Wavey, a popular online influencer, who has encouraged gay men to perform heterosexual acts in a video called “How to Eat Pussy — For Gay Men”. It may as well have been called “Gay Conversion Therapy 2.0”. We are firmly back in the Eighties, where gays are being told that they “just haven’t found the right girl yet” and lesbians are assured that they just “need a good dick”. And yet now these demeaning ideas are being propagated by those who claim to be defending the rights of sexual minorities.

The Government’s recent guidance on how schools are to accommodate trans-identified pupils — in which biological sex will take precedence over identity — has been met with horror from gender ideologues. One of the common refrains one hears from activists is that it represents “this generation’s Section 28”. But this is to get it precisely backwards. Gay rights were secured on the recognition that a minority of the population are same-sex attracted. In dismantling the very notion of sex and substituting it for this nebulous concept of “gender identity”, activists and their disciples in parliament are undoing all of the achievements of previous gay rights movements.

The widespread homophobia of the Eighties, epitomised by Section 28, was based on the notion that homosexuality was unnatural, dangerous and ought to be corrected. Present-day gender identity ideology perceives homosexuality as evidence of misalignment between soul and body. In other words, it seeks to “fix” gay people so that they fit into a heterosexual framework. It is no coincidence that so many detransitioners are gay people who were simply struggling with their sexuality. Gender identity ideology is the true successor to Section 28.

The proponents of this revamped gay conversion therapy dismiss our concerns as “transphobia” and “bigotry”, or as part of a manufactured “culture war”. Worse still, the new homophobia is being cheered on by those it will hurt most. While prominent gay figures continue to feed the beast that wishes to devour them, we are unlikely to see this dire situation improve any time soon. It was bad enough in the Eighties, when gay people were demonised and harassed by the establishment. Who thought we would have to fight these battles all over again?

Complete Article HERE!

The Ethical Slut turns 80

— A talk with poly fairy grandmother Dossie Easton

‘The Ethical Slut’ co-author Dossie Easton.

She co-wrote the book on living and loving openly. Here, she speaks to us about her decades of experience.

By Caitlin Donohue

Twenty-something me would have been verklempt: I was set to interview Dossie Easton, one of the co-authors of The Ethical Slut. The venerable sex and relationship therapist, educator, and self-proclaimed “SM diva” had just celebrated her 80th birthday (she celebrated by going to see Taylor Mac at Cal Performances, I would learn) and was due for some gassing up when it came to her lasting influence on sex education. 48hills was only too happy to oblige—we adore a slutty Bay Area legend.

Easton and her longtime co-author and lover Janet W. Hardy’s iconic book, originally published in 1997 and now on its third edition, broke onto the collective consciousness as the definitional text for those interested in living a life beyond monogamy. The duo went on to pen a passel of tomes for tarts: The New Bottoming Book (and its top-friendly sister volume), When Someone You Love is Kinky, and Radical Ecstasy: S/M Journeys to Transcendence among them.

But if you’re of a certain age and queer/polyamorous proclivity, The Ethical Slut was the book that has doubtlessly spent time on your bedside table, probably purchased on the recommendation of a crush whose language you were desperate to learn. Its impacts on our lexicon are undeniable, not the least of which being the reclamation of that titular term for those who bed without shame. Do you know what a “primary partner” is or what “compersion” feels like? Did you ever attend a SlutWalk? Conversely, was the media’s obsession with Jada Pinkett Smith’s entanglement truly baffling for you? Have you been driven to distraction by an irresponsible lover who willfully misuses the language of ethical non-monogamy? You likely have TES to thank.

Certainly, the book’s success changed Easton’s own dating life forever. “For some people it creates distance, because they get embarrassed,” says the curly-headed sex sage, Zooming in from her longtime home in Marin County. “I can understand that, because I get embarrassed around famous people myself.” But far more often: “People like me in advance, which is nice.” Indeed, who wouldn’t like a published author well-versed in lesbian fisting party protocol?

Of course, seismic cultural change has impacted our take on the pair’s seminal work. Easton was open in her discussion of how time has shaped views on The Ethical Slut, and the book itself.

“We started using less gendered language by the time we got to the second edition,” the educator, who continues to teach online seminars on navigating, tells me. “It was a consciousness thing that moved further and further for us.” Cursory sections on online dating and being BIPOC and poly were also added in later editions—two areas which Easton admits hypothetical further editions could further explore. But staying on top of emancipatory language around sex and gender does entail a steep learning curve. More recent editions of the book did still seem to rule out sexual coercion among gay men and center cis folk. Easton mentions that she saw gendered terms as necessary for describing situations in the book like those involving “somebody right after a baby was born”.  

There is no denying, however, that we have here a Bay Area sex education institution. Easton tells me she dropped out of “mainstream culture” when she was 18, discovering that psychedelics brought her closer to the spirituality she found lacking when she was growing up with a Roman Catholic family in small-town Massachusetts.

“By the time the ’60s rolled around, I was doing volunteer work.” Easton recalls. “I volunteered during the Summer of Love at the Haight Ashbury Medical Clinic, things like that, doing psychedelic crisis intervention. I didn’t have a license to practice then, but I volunteered at places like the battered woman’s shelter in the ’70s, and at San Francisco Sex Information, which is a wonderful switchboard that still exists. You can call up and have a trained volunteer answer your questions about sex, isn’t that nice? It’s celebrating its 50th anniversary sometime soon.”

The Ethical Slut’ co-authors Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

Shortly after having her daughter, she left the last monogamous relationship she’d ever have, famously making a vow to forever live the poly life. Easton raised her kid (now 55) largely in communal living situations, crediting bathhouse-loving gay male housemates—who were at times deprived of contact with kids, in an era when the LGBTQs could little hope to be approved as adoptive parents—for teaching her that the s-word, at least, could be applied to all genders. To this day, she is a huge believer in the power of extended chosen families, particularly for people whose sexual orientation or practices places them outside the nuclear family industrial complex.

As advanced as her San Francisco community was, even by the late ‘80s when Easton attended graduate school to become a certified therapist, academia still had no idea what to do with non-monogamists. When they found about that it was a lived interest of hers, teachers would interrogate Easton about whether it was really possible for individuals to be happy outside of one-on-one relationships. “Then I found out that the professor who questioned me was well-known for coming onto other people’s wives. I was like, you’ve got to be kidding me,” she smirks.

Happily, times have changed somewhat and, the octogenarian reports, there are certain joys of being a slut elder. Easton hasn’t had a primary partner since 2010—she says she’s been single for roughly half of her adult life—but when she fell and hurt her elbow last year, recovery was distinctly and joyfully poly, with a community of past and present lovers and friends signing up to care for their fallen friend. “There was somebody at my house 24/7 for the first three weeks,” Easton says.

Another heartwarming ethical-slut-at-80-story: Though Easton split with a younger, former primary partner years ago due to the partner wanting to have kids, the two stayed in touch, with Easton eventually participating in the person’s touching “regeneration ceremony” and subsequently gaining two darling “fairy grandsons.” “I want people to understand that even when a breakup is really dreadful, you’re not required to somehow shut off that corner of your life and throw it in the trash. You can build something else,” she reflects.

1997 first edition cover of ‘The Ethical Slut’

If there’s one thing all of us who read The Ethical Slut recall, it’s the book relentlessly optimistic tone. It made you feel like this new world, in which we all merrily explore our sexual and gender identities, work on our jealousy and enjoy a plethora of partners should we get the hankering, is here, if you want it. But sadly, I write these lines in 2024. One of the United States’ woefully few major political parties has the imperilment of trans kids and racially-biased erasure of reproductive rights high atop its list of legislative priorities. Does Easton still hold with Martin Luther King Jr. that “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice”?

“I do,” she declares. “I was a teenager in the ’50s, for heaven’s sakes! […] It’s really scary, it really is, but they’re not going to be able to put the rabbit back in the hat. The information is out.”

If that sounds pat, know that she’s committed to ongoing efforts; Easton says she has “three manuscripts nagging at me”, one of them a vignette-laden journal that prompts readers to analyze their own needs and desires when it comes to sex and relationships. It reminds me of a story she told of an early revelation she had as a teen; that society did not have the right words for such a fundamental, fun part of human existence. In part, her career has been a mission to change just that.

“How do you talk about sex in a way that’s delightful?” asks the promiscuous fairy grandmother. “Wouldn’t that be dear?”

Complete Article HERE!

New study reveals 10% of Americans have history of bisexual behavior

— There are three times more people reporting partners of more than one gender than in the 1990s.

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A recent study revealed a substantial increase in the number of Americans who either identify as bisexual or have a history of bisexual behavior. 9.6% of respondents reported having both male and female partners, over three times more than what was reported in the 1990s.

The study, published by researchers Martin A. Monto and Sophia Neuweiler in The Journal of Sex Research, utilizes the General Social Survey dataset, a nationally representative sample of over 32,000 participants. The survey aims to carefully represent each demographic of the United States, and follows up with participants across each successive decade in order to assess how responses may change over time. An additional 2,300 participants were added in the 2021 wave.

The study used a variety of tools to try and measure sexual orientation and prior sexual behavior. This includes a question that asks respondents to reply with their sexual orientation – either gay/lesbian/homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual/straight.

For sexual behavior, the study asked participants to recall whether their past sexual partners were of the same or a different sex, with additional questions asking about whether their partners were male or female. These responses were narrowed down by the researchers to those who had multiple sexual partners in the past year.

Using a method called regression analysis, the researchers determined what the relationships were between their measures of sexual orientation and behavior with gender, assessing how these relationships changed over time. They found that not only were participants more likely to identify as bisexual than in previous years, but that there were more participants identifying as bisexual than gay or lesbian.

However, they found the reverse trend for sexual partners, with more respondents being exclusively of the same sex than those who had both male and female sexual partners. The authors also note that women were more likely than men to report being bisexual or having a history of bisexual behavior, with men being more likely to report exclusive same-sex behavior.

In addition, this study also found that young people were more likely to identify as bisexual, with 10% of those below 29 and 12% of those in their 30s identifying as such.

This study reflects the changing landscape of Americans identifying as LGBTQ+. Previous studies have suggested similar trends, with more Americans identifying as LGBTQ+. In those prior studies, bisexuality was also the most frequent orientation behind heterosexuality.

The authors detail how this demographic shift showcases a “loosening of the social norms and institutional enforcement that have privileged heterosexuality over other sexual orientations,” with modern demographics being more accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals than in the past few decades.

They suggest that a reason there may be a discrepancy between identification and behavior in their results is due to how behavior may capture those simply exploring their sexuality before coming to a new identity.

In addition, they also point out how “sexual orientation can be fluid, with some people changing their sexual behavior and/or their sexual orientation identities over time.”

Finally, they detail that “even persons who have more recently had partners of both sexes may not consider themselves bisexual, and the term may not fit their understandings of themselves and their sexual behavior.”

The authors conclude by calling for more research that “can better recognize that the terms with which we identify ourselves are social and that there is some degree of choice about how to identify our sexual orientation, particularly among individuals with histories of both male and female partners”

Complete Article HERE!

My Cervical Cancer Diagnosis Changed the Way I Think About Sex

— I’ll never approach sexual risk the same way again

By Andrea Karr

I’ve long been a fan of condom use and STI testing. I’m the woman who carries a rubber in her wallet *just in case* and heads to the lab a couple times a year to have my blood and urine screened for gonorrhea, syphilis and other sexually transmitted infections.

Occasionally, I’ve foregone the condom. I’d like a guy and we’d sleep together a few times. One night, he’d suggest that it would feel way better if we skipped protection. He’d keep the conversation light but would make it clear that we’d both have more fun if I’d loosen up. I wouldn’t want to come off as a killjoy or prude, so sometimes I’d give in. Each time it happened and I received a clear STI test afterward, I’d sigh with relief and go on with my life.

But then I was diagnosed with cervical cancer after a routine Pap test when I was 35. The fastest increasing cancer in females in Canada and third most common cancer in Canadian women ages 25 to 44, cervical cancer is almost always caused by human papillomavirus (HPV), an STI with more than 200 strains that can also cause vaginal, vulvar, penile, anal and oropharyngeal (a.k.a. throat, tonsils, soft palate and back of the tongue) cancer. HPV often has no symptoms, and cervical cancer can take one or two decades to develop after infection. Though condoms don’t guarantee protection, they reduce the risk of transmission.

Cervical cancer is no joke for a woman’s wellbeing and fertility. I was very lucky that my cancer was caught at the earliest stage: 1a1. I required two small surgical procedures (called LEEPs) to remove the cancerous cells, and now I get checkups every three months. If it was caught later, I might have needed a hysterectomy, radiation and/or chemotherapy, which could have harmed my eggs or put me into early menopause.

The phrase “it’s cancer” is something we hope to never hear in our lifetime. Those little words changed my life. As a result, I spent a lot of time looking back on my sexual relationships. I regretted ever having sex at all at first. Sex is what gave me cancer! But then I realized that just being alive carries risk, and I don’t want to avoid intimate relationships, which can be so crucial to physical, emotional and mental wellbeing, just because I could get hurt.

Instead of abstaining from sex, I decided I wanted to get educated about my risk, then develop clear boundaries that I can confidently communicate to a partner. I also want to break down the guilt or shame I feel about being a “killjoy” or “prude.” I have a great justification: a history of gynecological cancer. But no one should need a life-altering event to justify having sexual boundaries.

Still, it’s not easy. “As a woman, you’ve been told your whole life that if you stand up for yourself, if you don’t go with the flow, you are difficult, and that it’s not feminine to be difficult,” says Frederique Chabot, sexual health educator and acting executive director at national organization Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights. She’s referring to the way most girls and women are socialized growing up. “In romantic or sexual scenarios, there are many things that can put you at risk of retaliation, of reputational damage, of harassment. There is the pressure put on women to say ‘yes,’ people asking, asking, asking, asking. That’s not consent. That is getting pressured into doing something you’re not willing to do.”

A woman's legs and a man's legs intertwined in bed

I’m now comfortable with having a detailed chat about sexual history, STI testing, HPV vaccination and condom use before I get into bed with someone. Of course, it’s not only on me. Men are at risk for HPV and other STIs too.

So far, I’ve had this conversation with two guys. One responded badly; now he has no place in my life. The second agreed to have a fresh STI test before we had sex. He also looked into the HPV vaccine, which he ended up getting, and he is okay with consistent condom use. We’ve been dating for almost a year.

I know that every woman in the world won’t share the same boundaries as me. That’s okay. But there are potential risks to sexual contact, even though our hook-up culture likes to pretend otherwise. It’s about deciding how much risk you can live with and then feeling empowered to communicate that. I won’t let my desire for acceptance compromise my sexual health going forward. I hope, after hearing my story, no one else will either.

“Instead of abstaining from sex, I decided I wanted to get educated about my risk, then develop clear boundaries that I can confidently communicate to a partner.”

Ways to be proactive

HPV vaccination

In Canada, Gardasil 9 is the go-to HPV vaccine and it protects against nine high-risk strains of HPV that cause cancer and genital warts. Health Canada currently recommends it for everyone aged 9 to 26, and it’s offered for free in schools sometime between grades 4 and 7, depending on the province or territory. Though it’s most effective when administered before becoming sexually active, it can still have benefits later in life. I wasn’t vaccinated at the time I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and all my healthcare practitioners told me to get vaccinated immediately. The Canadian Cancer Society recommends the HPV vaccine for all girls and women ages 9 to 45Regular Pap tests

In Canada, most provinces and territories rely on Pap tests to check for cellular changes that, if left untreated, may lead to cervical cancer. Generally, the recommendation is to go to your doctor or a free sexual health clinic every three years (if everything looks normal) starting at age 21 or 25. I had no symptoms for cervical cancer; it was caught early thanks to a routine Pap test. You still need to go for regular Pap tests even if you’ve been vaccinated, you’ve only had sex one time or you’re postmenopausal.

HPV testing

Free STI tests that you can get through your family doctor or a sexual health clinic do not check for HPV. They usually test for chlamydia and gonorrhea (and maybe also syphilis, HIV and hepatitis C). If a sexual partner tells you they’ve had a clear STI panel, they’re probably not talking about HPV since it’s a test that comes with a fee.

P.E.I. and B.C. are transitioning from Pap testing every three years to HPV testing every five years. HPV testing is more accurate than Pap testing. It can detect certain strains of high-risk HPV with about 95 per cent accuracy, while Pap tests are only about 55 per cent accurate at detecting cellular changes on the cervix, which is why they need to be done more frequently.

The shift to provincially covered HPV screening in other provinces is slow. Ontario, for example, may be years away from the transition.

DIY testing

Canadian company Switch Health has launched a self-collection HPV test that can be ordered online for $99. You do your own internal swab, mail your results to the lab and get your results from an online portal—it can take as little as a week. It screens for 14 high-risk strains of HPV, including types 16 and 18, which cause 70 per cent of cervical cancers and precancerous cervical lesions. If you test positive for one of the strains, you should see your family doctor, and if you don’t have one, Switch “will work to set you up with one of our partners for a virtual or in-person appointment,” says co-founder Mary Langley.

The cost may be a barrier, plus privately purchased DIY tests aren’t supported by the infrastructure that there is for Pap testing. “There are quality control checks in place. There’s evidence review on a regular basis. Many people will receive letters from [their provincial health agency] telling them they’re due for their Pap,” says Dr. Aisha Lofters, a scientist and family physician at Women’s College Hospital in Toronto. But if you aren’t getting regular Paps because you don’t have easy access to a doctor or you’re uncomfortable going in for the test, it’s a lot better than nothing.

Complete Article HERE!

The Lesbian Bed Death could be plaguing thousands of women

Lesbian Bed Death is a contraversial term used to describe gay couples’ sex lives

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It may be 2024, but one controversial term from the 1980s is coming back from the grave.

Lesbian Bed Death is, simply put, the idea that lesbian couples have less sex.

It’s a sweeping generalisation of the gay community, but why has it gained traction?

‘Research by Blumstein & Schwartz in 1983 showed 47% of women in long term lesbian relationships (two plus years) reported having sex zero to one times per month. There was a sharp decline after two years,’ Miranda Christophers, psychosexual and relationship therapist for menopause platform Issviva tells Metro.co.uk.

Further studies including a literature review by Peplau & Fingerhut in 2007 found that lesbian couples have sex less frequently, on average, than other couple configurations.

Miranda also points to a recent 2021 study, by Chapman University in California, which found women in five-year relationships or longer have less frequent sex than their heterosexual counterparts.

About 43% of the coupled lesbian participants had sex zero to one times per month, while the findings for the heterosexual women was 16%, implying more straight women had more frequent sex.

There is research which suggests lesbian couples have less sex than heterosexual couples
There is research which suggests lesbian couples have less sex than heterosexual couples

While we certainly aren’t going to buy into the idea that all lesbian women have, and are content with, sexless relationships, Miranda explains why sex could die out.

‘Lesbian couples, but broadly speaking, anyone of any sexual orientation, do see a change in the frequency of sex over long term relationships,’ she adds.

‘Earlier on there is more sexual drive and exploration, regardless of gender identity – especially when you live together and experience that domesticity and familiarity.’

But why is this the case for lesbian women specifically?

Miranda says that hormonal changes can really impact the frequency with which women choose to have sex.

‘The hormonal fluctuations may play a big part, people have periods where they might feel more desire than others,’ she explains.

‘Studies have shown that responsive desire occurs more commonly in females than spontaneous desire, which is definitely something I see in my clinical work.

‘If you’ve got two people together who experience more responsive desire, they might be less inclined to have sex because they aren’t wanting to initiate.’

Miranda believes one of the reasons lesbian couples could have less sex is because of hormonal changes
Miranda believes one of the reasons lesbian couples could have less sex is because of hormonal changes

Emily Nagoski, in her book Come As You Are, estimates that around 75% of men and 15% of women experience spontaneous sexual desire, which is exactly what it suggests.

Meanwhile, 5% of men and 30% of women experience responsive desire, which is when arousal only happens after stimulation.

How to navigate responsive arousal:

Sex therapist Laura’s top tips for dealing with responsive arousal (and recognising when you actually want to have sex) are as follows:

  • Understand that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you’re normal.
  • Try different things to spark your sex drive. You have no desire for sex until you are in the process of receiving some physical stimulation so you need to find out what works for you.
  • Understand how you get turned on. The point is to find out if you notice any sign of sexual arousal in response to stimulation and when exactly it happens.
  • Practice orgasm breathing. It can really help to relax, increase sensitivity, and switch off the brain. This practice helps bring arousal and orgasm closer.
  • Work on external factors – if a person is not aroused by erotic thoughts or fantasies, some other factors can do their part – preparing an intimate setting or practicing with various erogenous zones, toys.

Everybody’s libido is different, so enjoy getting to know yourself without the pressure, and have fun doing it!

The other thing women experience which can wreak havoc on their hormones, and subsequently affect their sex drive, is the menopause.

‘The menopause affecting sex drive is definitely a thing. When women hit perimenopause they can notice changes in their sexual desire. It’s a really, really common presentation in the women I see,’ Miranda explains.

Some menopause symptoms that could impact your sex life are breast tenderness, low mood, worsening PMS, vaginal dryness and changes in discharge, thrush, BV, low libido, urinary infections, sexual dysfunction, fatigue, increased period frequency and insomnia – to name a few.

‘How women are feeling in themselves changes… body image changes,’ Miranda adds. ‘They may experience sexual discomfort, or they may be less sexual, there may be less sensitivity.

‘There may also be less lubrication or increased dryness and the vaginal tissue might thin and become more painful.

‘These sorts of things are obviously going to have an effect on [your sex life] because if sex isn’t feeling as enjoyable, or is feeling painful, then you are less inclined to want to do it.’

When you have two women experiencing these changes (assuming couples are of a similar age) this could in theory lead to lesbian women having less sex, Miranda explains, although there are plenty of women who still have sex despite the menopause and with HRT, hormones can be balanced for some women.

Ultimately lesbian bed death isn't applicable for a lot of lesbian couples and as long as a couple is happy with their sex life, the frequency of sex doesn't matter
Ultimately lesbian bed death isn’t applicable for a lot of lesbian couples and as long as a couple is happy with their sex life, the frequency of sex doesn’t matter

Why we should reject the Lesbian Bed Death

This ‘drop off’ of sexual intimacy certainly won’t be the case for all lesbian couples though. It’s also important to remember that our sex lives sit on a spectrum, according to Miranda.

Largely, Lesbian Bed Death should be a term taken with a pinch of salt – after all, to reduce lesbian women in long term relationships to cohabiters is plain wrong.

In fact, a study has shown that while lesbian women were found to have less frequent sex, the sex they did have was ‘more prolonged, intense, and orgasmic’, than those in heterosexual relationships.

The Chapman University study also found women in same-sex relationships were found to be more likely to experience orgasm at 85%, versus 66% in heterosexual relationships.

Lesbian women also had sex that lasted more than 30 minutes (72%), versus 48% for heterosexual women.

What areas did lesbian couples have more frequent sex in?

  • Oral sex: lesbian (53%), heterosexual (41%)
  • Deep kissing: lesbian (80%), heterosexual (71%)
  • Stimulation by hand: lesbian (90%), heterosexual (83%)
  • Use of sex toys in partnered sex: lesbian (62%), heterosexual (40%)
  • Discussed erotic fantasies: lesbian (44%), heterosexual (36%)

Percentages were higher for lesbians when it came to mood setting activities including using music, candles, saying ‘I love you’, scheduling time for sex and arranging romantic breaks.

Miranda also says that the implications of a death bed are pretty dire, when actually some lesbian couple’s sex lives may not suffer at all.

‘This concept of lesbian bed death, is it’s almost this idea sex is going to drop off completely,’ she explains. ‘It sounds like it’s going to meet an abrupt ending at some point, doesn’t it? I think that’s a complete misconception.’

She adds: ‘It’s a bit scare mongering. For some couples, if neither party is bothered, then less or no sex is not an issue – it’s an issue when one wants to have sex and the and the other doesn’t.

‘That’s also regardless of whether it’s a same sex couple or an opposite sex couple.’

While Miranda does see plenty of women struggling with a lack of desire, a lack of sex or intimacy but that’s because she only sees people who are struggling with their relationships in her line of work.

There are countless lesbian couples who aren’t experiencing Lesbian Bed Death and are have sex as and when they want.

‘I see both same sex and opposite relationships who are experiencing desire discrepancy so my observations are that desire, interest, frequency and enjoyment of sex is not determined by gender, sexuality or relationship configuration,’ Miranda says.

Complete Article HERE!

What you should know about coming out as LGBTQ+ in your 20s and 30s

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For LGBTQ+ baby boomers, coming out in your 30s was the norm. The average age to come out among Gen Z is in your teens.

Greater social acceptance and more LGBTQ+ representation in culture, such as the Netflix series Heartstopper and Sex Education, are making it easier for young people to be open about their sexuality and identity.

Despite this, some people still don’t come out until their late 20s, 30s or later. If you are in this position, you may feel like you are “behind” younger people who are openly LGBTQ+. But you are not alone. Coming out is a process that unfolds over time, and may take longer for some than for others.

An LGBTQ+ person first has to recognise and accept their sexual orientation or gender identity, before making decisions about whether, when, and how to tell others. The time it takes to fully understand and accept your sexuality or gender and be ready to disclose it to others can vary considerably.

You may know that you are LGBTQ+ from a young age, or this self-discovery may happen later in life. You may experience fluidity in your sexuality or gender identity, whereby your identity may shift over time.

If you identify as bisexual or non-binary, you may face additional challenges such as feeling misunderstood or pressure to “pick a side”, due to limited social understanding and stereotypes that these identities are “just a phase”.

If you are in your 20s or 30s, you may have received relatively little LGBTQ+ inclusive relationship and sex education (RSE) at school. In the UK, you may have been at school under section 28 which prohibited the “promotion” of homosexuality. The chilling effect of this law persisted even after its repeal in 2003, with many educators cautious about openly discussing LGBTQ+ topics.

Statutory guidance in 2020 made LGBTQ+ inclusive RSE compulsory. But it left room for inconsistency in how it is taught.

Internalised stigma

If you are from a conservative religious or cultural background, you may be dealing with anti-LGBTQ+ attitudes in your family or community. This can lead to internalised stigma, shame and delayed self-acceptance. Research suggests that people from ethnic minority communities may have culturally specific challenges.

Coming out also isn’t one time event. You might choose different levels of openness depending on the context and may be more out in some spheres of life than others. You might be “out” to friends before telling family. It is also not always a linear process. Some people may “go back into the closet” due to negative reactions, experiences or social stigma.

My research with colleagues at Coventry University into so-called “conversion therapy” found that people who had been subjected to efforts to change their sexuality reported that they were discouraged from telling others they were LGBTQ+. Many also said that it negatively affected their mental health and delayed their self-acceptance.

It can take time to undo years of internalised stigma and shame, so be kind to yourself. Remember that negative thoughts and feelings about being LGBTQ+ are often rooted in messages from your social environment, not a reflection of your intrinsic worth.

Challenges and benefits of coming out later

While societal acceptance has progressed, coming out in your quarter life can present unique challenges. You may fear, for example, that it will impact relationships and friendships that you have established over many years.

If you are with a heterosexual partner in early adulthood, breaking the news to them and any children from the relationship can be particularly challenging.

On the other hand, coming out later may give you the benefit of a more developed understanding of yourself, and greater interpersonal skills gained from more life experience. You may also have more independence from your parents, which can help if they have a negative reaction.

Two men sit on the floor with a small toddler, all playing together as a family
It’s never too late to live as your authentic self.

How important is coming out?

Research suggests that living authentically is generally associated with greater psychological wellbeing. But coming out is an individual choice and no one should be pressured to disclose their LGBTQ+ status to others, particularly if it may put your safety at risk. LGBTQ+ people may be at risk of “honour”-based violence or forced marriage in some communities.

Meanwhile, concealing your identity can have complex mental health implications. While it might protect you from discrimination, keeping your authentic self a secret can be a significant source of stress.

If you are newly learning about your sexuality, identifying as LGBTQ+ or thinking about coming out, finding peer support can be helpful. You may want to join an LGBTQ+ group in your community or online, confide in a trusted person or seek support from a professional or an LGBTQ+ charity.

No one can tell you how to identify or whether you should come out, but they may help you to clarify your sense of self, explore the pros and cons of coming out and help you navigate the process.

Remember, your loved ones may experience a range of emotions when you come out to them. Give them time and space to process their own feelings. While their initial reaction might not be what you hope for, it doesn’t define your future relationship. With time to adjust, your relationship may even grow stronger.

Everyone’s journey is unique, and deciding whether and when to come out should be guided by personal comfort and safety. Ultimately, there’s no right time to come out, and it’s never too late to live authentically.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is “Natural” for Human Sexual Relationships?

— A biological and anthropological researcher explains how humans’ diverse ways of mating might have evolved.


Members of a pro-polyamory group march in Toronto’s 2018 LGBTQ Pride Parade.

By Rui Diogo

Marrying more than one person constitutes a crime across most of the Americas and Europe. But in countries including Mali, Gambia, and Nigeria, more than a quarter of the population lives in polygamous households.

Survey the sex lives of Homo sapiens, and you’ll find couples, throuples, harems, and other arrangements of lovers. Fidelity, adultery, and ethically non-monogamous unions. How could one species have evolved myriad ways to mate? Concerning sex, what is natural for us humans?

A green book cover features two images at the top: a painting of a person and a photo of two adults and two children gathered in a forest. Beneath the images, large white text reads, “Meaning of Life, Human Nature, and Delusions.” Smaller blue text reads, “Rui Diogo” and “How Tales About Love, Sex, Races, Gods, and Progress Affect Our Lives and Earth’s Splendor.”

As an evolutionary biologist and anthropologist, I am often asked that question. The answer is complex. It also goes to the heart of the nature versus nurture debate, a topic that I have been discussing for several years, including in my latest book, Meaning of Life, Human Nature, and Delusions.

As discussed in that book, the scientific and historical evidence suggests that our earliest human ancestors, after we split from the chimpanzee lineage some 7 million years ago, were mainly polygamous. Individuals had various sexual partners at the same time. Fast forward to today, and humans exhibit diverse mating arrangements due to a greater influence of culture and tradeoffs between sexual desire, comfort, and jealousy.

how humans mate

Numerous lines of evidence contribute to my understanding of human mating habits.

As a biologist, I turn to the sex lives of nonhuman primates: Most species appear polygamous, including our closest relatives, chimpanzees. For these apes, both males and females have several hetero- and homosexual partners.

Fossils indicate the earliest hominins—the evolutionary branch leading to humans after its split from chimps—resembled upright walking apes. Considering these first human ancestors looked and acted like apes in many ways, it’s likely they mated polygamously.

But putting on my anthropologist’s hat and observing humans today, I notice a considerable variety of mating systems. Different cultures enforce or reinforce very different sexual practices. For instance, in some regions of Tibet, a woman can live with several husbands (polyandry). In countries such as Pakistan, men typically live with more than one wife (polygyny).

Across dozens of Indigenous Amazonian societies, pregnant women and those trying to conceive have sex with different men based on the idea of “shared or partible paternity.” According to people who hold this belief, semen from multiple fathers contribute to a developing fetus. A woman might have sex with the community’s fastest runner and best hunter to pass on these desirable traits to her child.

So how did mating habits evolve from our polygamous primate past to our variable human present?

Cultural differences can overtake biological foundations, as numerous historical cases evidence. For example, ancient texts indicate that men imposed monogamy upon women—but not necessarily on themselves—when agriculture emerged in several regions around the globe. As historian Stephanie Coontz has argued, farming lifestyles created notions of private property, which extended in some places to greater subjugation of women. In the early farming societies of ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia, wedding rings, worn by the wife, symbolized that she was owned by her husband. Patriarchs from the Bible’s Old Testament such as Jacob and David had multiple wives.

TRADEOFFS AND CULTURE

This brings us to the nature versus nurture debate, which is crucial for understanding love, sex, and marriage. A person’s natural biological drives may differ from behaviors they’ve absorbed through nurture, or their upbringing in a particular culture. (The nature/nurture debate itself proves to be problematic because, for social animals like humans, biology and culture intertwine.)

But, as I see it, monogamous marriage is mostly a cultural imposition, associated with three conflicting drives: sexual desire, comfort, and jealousy.

Sexual desire, grown from our polygamous primate roots, makes people want many partners or at least sexual novelty. I suggest that is why some married partners try to introduce novelty by wearing sexy underwear or otherwise changing routines. Providing a somewhat quantitative measure, studies have shown that changing sexual partners in swing clubs or while watching pornography often reduces a penis’ recovery (“refractory”) period between orgasm and the next erection.

However, two other emotions also play key roles in shaping our mating habits. One is jealousy, which derives from territoriality, a trait observed in most primates. Monogamy can diminish jealousy but may leave one sexually desiring more.

In some cases, those with power have enjoyed reduced jealousy and many sexual partners. For example, certain rulers have maintained harems with dozens of wives, but those women were expected to only sleep with their shared husband. Similarly, sexist religious narratives have been used to justify men keeping several wives but not the opposite.

The third critical emotion is comfort or familiarity. If, say, you develop cancer at age 70, you probably would want someone by your side who loves you—a monogamous mate. That desire for familiarity may not be met in cases of polygamy, in which one person has several sexual partners without love necessarily being involved.

A person wearing an ornate red headpiece and cape stands beside a balding person in a plaid suit jacket and gray pants. Other people wearing decorative beaded head and waist bands hold umbrellas and dance behind them.

Recently, it seems polyamory has gained steam in countries such as the U.S. and Canada. This arrangement recognizes that people may have a desire for many partners but concedes to some religious and philosophical narratives: for instance, Plato’s argument that sex without love is a sin or less noble. With polyamory, the idea is, “yes I do have sex with many, but I love them all.” And those partners also love others.

I see polyamory as an evolutionary rare and historically recent form of mating. Those who partake probably satisfy their desires for multiple mates and comfort/familiarity. But they may still suffer jealousy when their beloveds openly love others.

When it comes to love and mating, there are no perfect solutions. Each type of relationship balances sexual desire, comfort, and jealousy in different measures, subject to cultural influences. Some trends indicate that monogamous marriage is falling out of fashion for younger people in places such as the U.S. But there’s no reason to think that loveless polygamy, or love-flush polyamory, will overtake other arrangements.

Likely, humans in diverse societies will continue to love and mate in many different ways.

Complete Article HERE!

Female Orgasmic Disorder Could Become a Qualifying Condition for Medical Cannabis in Four States

— Science confirms what many of us discovered on our own.

By Sophie Saint Thomas

Four states—Ohio, Illinois, New Mexico, and Connecticut—are now looking into adding female orgasmic disorder (FOD) to the list of qualifying conditions for medical cannabis. There’s mounting research that suggests that cannabis can help women have more orgasms. For those with FOD, defined by the Merck Manuel as a “lack of or delay in sexual climax (orgasm) or orgasm that is infrequent or much less intense even though sexual stimulation is sufficient and the woman is sexually aroused mentally and emotionally,” medical marijuana could not only make having an orgasm easier, but more satisfying. 

Diagnosis criteria and scientific research aside, stoners have been boasting about the sexual properties of cannabis, probably since the herb was first smoked. Now, we know that cannabis, as a vasodilator, can increase blood flow to the genitals. Because it can also aid in anxiety, using some weed before sex can help people relax into the moment, which can be especially beneficial to those whose sexual dysfunction stems from trauma. After all, we know that cannabis has a well-documented ability to treat PTSD. It even enhances the senses, often making touching and even checking out your partner more fun. And as cannabis can also aid in creativity, it can help you consider and explore more variations in your sex life. 

“Women with FOD have more mental health issues, are on more pharmaceutical medication,” Suzanne Mulvehill, clinical sexologist, and founder and executive director of the nonprofit Female Orgasm Research Institute told Marijuana Moment. “They have more anxiety, depression, PTSD, more sexual abuse histories. It’s not just about pleasure, it’s about a human right,” adding that: “It’s a medical condition that deserves medical treatment.”

Ohio is currently evaluating a proposed amendment to add the condition. Earlier this month, the State Medical Board declared that both FOD and autism spectrum disorder are advancing to the stages of expert assessment and public feedback, following online petition submissions. Public comments will be accepted until Thursday.

In Illinois, regulatory officials are scheduled for a meeting next month to discuss the inclusion of FOD as an eligible condition. New Mexico plans to address the matter in May, as per the nonprofit Female Orgasm Research Institute. The organization also noted that Connecticut is exploring the possibility of adding FOD to its list of qualifying conditions, although a specific date for a meeting has not yet been determined.

Suzanne Mulvehill plays a leading role in the initiatives advancing the therapeutic advantages of cannabis for individuals with FOD. She says that this condition impacts as many as 41% of women globally. She filed a petition last year aiming to include this disorder among Ohio’s list of conditions eligible for medical marijuana.

Present studies suggest that approximately one-third of women who consume cannabis utilize it to enhance sexual experiences—a statistic Mulvehill notes has remained relatively consistent over the years.

She’s aware of the understanding surrounding cannabis’s ability to enhance sex. “It’s not new information,” Mulvehill said in her interview with Marijuana Moment. 

The novelty lies in the readiness of government bodies to address the matter. According to Mulvehill, Ohio appears to be the first state to evaluate FOD as a condition warranting medical marijuana. Moreover, she noted that Ohio’s meeting earlier in the month marked the inaugural instance, to her knowledge, of a public government entity discussing female orgasmic disorders.

A 2020 article published in Sexual Medicine discovered that frequent cannabis use among women correlates with improved sexual experiences. Additionally, various online polls have highlighted a positive correlation between cannabis consumption and sexual satisfaction. There’s even research indicating that the enactment of marijuana legislation correlates with a rise in sexual activity.

And research published last year in the Journal of Cannabis Research revealed that over 70% of adults surveyed reported an increase in sexual desire and enhanced orgasms when using cannabis before intercourse, and 62.5% noted improved pleasure during masturbation with cannabis use. Given previous data showing that women who have sex with men often experience orgasms less frequently than their male counterparts, the researchers suggested that cannabis might help bridge this orgasm equality gap.

For some people, having an orgasm is a challenge in a way that counts as a disorder that deserves treatment, and access to medical marijuana is paramount. For others, this new legal push is just a reminder that weed can make sex better and a reminder that you don’t need a diagnosis to have hot, stoned sex.

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s How Sex and Intimacy Help You Live Longer

— Says Molly Maloof, M.D.

By

For many, sex is fun and pleasurable—but it’s also pretty important to human existence. Sex plays a significant role in individual well-being, and perhaps even longevity.

Unfortunately, some public health organizations and entities continue to advertise not-so-positive outcomes after having sex, such as sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancy, sexual dysfunction, and more. This outdated narrative and outlook on sex (note: sex therapy hasn’t been reinvented since the 1960s, per the American Psychological Association) can be damaging as it overlooks the fact that sexual pleasure is a distinct element of well-being.

Sexual pleasure can play a key role in nurturing healthy relationships and, ultimately, extending your lifespan. In fact, having a good sex life has been shown to improve physical and mental well-being, both of which help you have a vibrant life overall.

Here are just five ways maintaining, or improving, your sex life can have profound effects on your overall health.

5 Benefits of Sex and Intimacy

Although sex and intimacy are often used interchangeably, they’re actually two different things.

Here’s the deal: Intimacy involves openness and acceptance between partners (this can be emotional, such as communicating about what you don’t like, or physical, like post-sex cuddling). On the other hand, sex is solely the physical activity—and of course, it’s possible to have sex without intimacy and vice versa.

1. It Maintains Quality of Life

Research shows that sexual health can improve your quality of life (no big surprise there!) — even if you’re older in age. As a result, it can increase your lifespan, too.

In fact, 62.2 percent of men and 42.8 percent of women reported that sexual health was highly important to quality of life in a 2016 study of 3,515 adults in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. And, people in excellent health had higher satisfaction with their sex lives than those who had fair or poor health. Based on these results, the study authors note that sexual health screenings should be a routine part of physician visits—so if your doc doesn’t bring it up, make sure you do.

Meanwhile, those ages 65 and older who said their sexual relationship was “sufficient” reported better quality of life and lower incidence of sexual dysfunction than those who described their relationship as “moderate” or “poor,” according to a 2023 study. This was also true for those who considered themselves attractive and had sex frequently with their partner or spouse.

What do these studies suggest? When your sex life is better, your overall outlook on life may improve too.

2. It Contributes to Satisfying Relationships & Mental Health

Sexual activity may also contribute to longevity by making your relationships more stable and satisfying—and by boosting your mental health.

Sexual satisfaction is a main factor in predicting relationship satisfaction in both men and women, according to a small-scale study, found in a 2023 issue of the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. For women, interpersonal closeness was also important (measured by statements like “I always consider my partner when making important decisions” or “I miss my partner when we are apart”).

In addition, one 2019 study revealed that frequent, longer lasting bouts of sex was associated with higher sexual satisfaction, which in turn, lead to stronger relationships. This was true for all relationship types, including same-sex, mixed-sex, and gender-diverse relationships.

Beyond its physical implications, sexual activity and intimacy can also contribute to mental health, something that’s increasingly understood to influence longevity.

Researchers examined the impact of sexual activity (or lack thereof) in a study published in a 2021 issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. They found that people who didn’t have sex during the COVID-19-related lockdown had a 27 percent higher risk of developing anxiety and a 34 percent higher chance of depression compared to those who did.

3. It May Reduce the Risk of Cancer & Heart Disease

A great sex life can also keep your prostate—and other parts of your body—healthy.

Scientists monitored the frequency of orgasms in nearly 32,000 men over an 18-year period in a 2016 study published in European Urology. Their findings suggested that a higher frequency of orgasms was associated with a reduced risk of developing prostate cancer later in life.

More specifically, men (both in their 20s and 40s) who reported 21 or more orgasms per month had about 20 percent lower risk of developing prostate cancer compared to those who ejaculated four to seven times per month.

What’s more? Engaging in a vibrant sexual life also seems to benefit heart health, even in those with heart disease, per a study from a 2022 issue of the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.

Heart attack patients who reported having sex at least once per week had a slightly lower risk of dying from heart disease (though more research is needed to determine if that lowered risk is statistically significant) and a more notable 44 percent lower risk of dying from non-heart disease causes—compared to those who had sex less. This is even after researchers adjusted for additional factors, including age, gender, partner status, and smoking.

4. It Can Boost Your Immune System

Research suggests sex can support your immune system, as it offers a shield against illnesses and bolsters your resilience to viruses.

In a study, found in a 2021 issue of Fertility and Sterility, researchers assigned 16,000 participants to one of two groups: those who reported having sex more than three times per month and those who reported having sex less than three times per month. They found that 76.6 percent of those in the first group did not get infected with COVID-19 over the course of four months—and even those who did get infected tended to have milder cases than those in the second group, where nearly half of the group got infected.

These findings suggest that as your sexual activity increases, your immune system may be better equipped to combat pathogens. But of course, sexual activity alone can’t prevent infectious disease, so be sure to take all appropriate measures to avoid infections like COVID-19—particularly if you’re at high risk for serious disease.

5. It May Independently Extend Your Lifespan

While factors like quality of life, a strong immune system, and lowered risk of cancer may all contribute to your longevity, research shows that sex alone may be able to extend your lifespan.

For instance, the findings from a study—found in a 2022 issue of the Journal of Applied Gerontology—showed that sexual well-being was positively associated with longevity in those who perceived sexuality as important to them.

Although research suggests your desire to have sex may begin to decline as you get older, plenty of men and women continue to have sex semi-regularly as they enter those later decades of life. Among those aged 80 and older, 19 percent of men and 32 percent of women reported having sex frequently (which is described as twice a month or more), according to a study from a 2015 edition of Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Complete Article HERE!

How to be a sex positive parent?

— It is important to instill sex positivity in your kids. If you have been wondering how to be a sex-positive parent, here are some expert-approved ways that can help.

By Arushi Bidhuri

Sex is a natural part of our lives and it only makes sense to talk about sexuality in all its fairness. Yes, conversations about sex are still hushed and laden with stigma, but embracing a sex-positive approach as a parent becomes an important tool to shape the future of your child. With so many sexuality terms being thrown around, it is more important than ever to be a sex-positive parent and to teach kids how to be sex-positive.

For the unversed, sex positivity is a way of being that gives importance to pleasure and freedom, instead of shame and judgment. If you are confused about sex positivity and how you can instill it in your kid’s life, read on.

What is sex positivity for children?

In the most simple terms, sex positivity is believing that sex is a positive thing in a person’s life. Psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Kumavat explains, “Sex positivity is the way children are brought up with age-appropriate and adequate knowledge about their orientation, and the concept of sex. This comprises knowledge sharing with respect to sex organs, the importance of healthy relationships, all aimed at letting them know about sexuality positively.”

What makes a parent sex-positive?

There is never a right time to have the “talk” with your kid. However, it is still important to know that you must not avoid talking about sexuality with your children. It is important for their overall development. For a parent to be sex-positive, they need to be comfortable and have a clear understanding of what sexuality means.

“Sex-positive parents are not embarrassed to talk about sexuality openly and adequately. Adequate is the word I emphasise, because it should not be too much or less, and they should not be embarrassed about communicating about these issues. They should start talking as soon as the child starts developing secondary sexual characters, and when they see that the child is showing some interest in sexuality, like showing interest in cross-gender relationships and friendships,” says Dr Kumavat.

How to be a sex-positive parent?

If you have been wondering how to be a sex-positive parent without going overboard, here’s what you can do.

1. Have open communication

The first thing is to be open to your children by communicating your ideas and thoughts clearly. Be very open and always watch for the signs that your child is showing some interest in sexuality.

2. Do not judge

Parents should not suppress children. If they ask you queries, be open to clear their doubts. Even if parents find the queries stupid or which will require too much information sharing, the doubts shouldn’t be suppressed. Keep communicating with children and give them adequate information by resolving their queries and avoiding snapping at them, advises the expert.

3. Teach them about consent and safe sex

Make them aware of being guarded about sexuality, and the precautions to be taken. Talk to them particularly about sexuality under the influence of drugs and alcohol, or sexuality crossing the limits, which is not age-appropriate. Talk about appropriate touch, and how it should be an act of respect and compassion.

Also Read: 5 things to know about condoms to avoid unwanted pregnancy

4. Be vigilant

With so much information available, it can be confusing for kids to know what information they should consume or avoid. One of the biggest influences on kids these days is social media. Make sure that you know the kind of information your child is consuming through these platforms. Give them some guidance about what the problems are with believing things on this website, and the misinformation that is shared, recommends Dr Kumavat.

5. Limit internet access, but do not judge

It is important to help your child understand the ways to separate right from wrong. You have to make sure your kids are not hooked or addicted to certain kinds of inappropriate sites. Such kind of openness and guardedness also should be there as necessary. Don’t give too much access to the Internet – it has to be monitored and a judicious approach must be taken when giving internet access, says the psychiatrist.

Takeaway

Being sex-positive means that you think of sex as a positive thing and do not associate it with shame and guilt. It is vital to instill these values in your child to make sure they do not judge the world too harshly or feel judged for the choices they make. Your child should feel comfortable talking about sexual matters, feelings they get, ideas or thoughts that cross their mind, or how someone’s touch makes them feel. They should be able to define sexuality in a positive sense – one that allows them to be free and not caged. And there is not a better feeling for a parent to help their child understand who they are and be true to themselves.

Complete Article HERE!

Gay, lesbian and intersex whales

— Our queer sea has much to teach us

The sighting near Hawaii in 2022 of a male humpback whale penetrating another male has been confirmed in a new study.

The first documented sex between two male humpback whales is just the latest challenge to our presumptions about sexuality

By

Whales are extraordinarily sensuous creatures. Those blubbery bodies are highly sensitive, and sensitised. At social meetings, pods of sperm, humpback and right whales will roll around one another’s bodies for hours at a time. I’ve seen a group of right whales engaged in foreplay and penetration lasting an entire morning.

I have also watched a male-female couple so blissfully conjoined that they appeared unbothered by our little fishing boat as they passed underneath it. And in what may sound like a career of cetacean voyeurism, I have also been caught up in a fast-moving superpod of dusky dolphins continually penetrating each other at speed, regardless of the gender of their partner.

That’s why this week’s report of the first scientifically documented male-to-male sexual interactions between two humpback whales off the coast of Hawaii is not surprising.

The remarkable image of a two-metre whale penis entering another male “leaves little room for discussion that there is a sexual component to such behaviour”, as one whale scientist, Jeroen Hoekendijk at the Wageningen Marine Research institute in the Netherlands, notes drily.

In fact, one of the whales was ailing and there has been speculation that the encounter may not have been consensual or that the healthy whale was actually giving comfort to the other. Whatever the truth, such “flagrant” acts also expose many of our human presumptions about sexuality, gender and identity.

Off the north-west Pacific coast of the US, male orcas often leave family pods to rub their erections against each other’s bellies. But females have also reportedly been seen engaging in sexual contact with one another, too.

Indeed, the graphic accounts of male-to-male behaviour may mask many “unseen” female-to-female sexual interactions.

Dr Conor Ryan, an honorary research fellow at the Scottish Association for Marine Science, notes: “It’s easy to visibly identify male ‘homosexual’ sex when an extruded penis can be two metres long.” It is less easy to diagnose when female sperm whales are seen “cuddling”, as Hoekendijk observes.

A humpback whale’s penis entering another male. Same-sex behaviour has often been observed in cetaceans.

Ryan has often witnessed same-sex behaviour between whales and dolphins. “I am interested in the things that we miss,” he says. He has recorded competitive behaviour by humpback whales in groups that seemed to be typically male, such as pursuing other whales.

But they proved, from DNA samples, to be genetically female. He speculates that humpback females may even use whale song – hitherto thought to be the province of mating males.

“If I were a female being harassed by horny males, maybe I would sing too,” says Ryan. “To attract more females, to take attention off me, while masquerading as a male.”


These observations throw up new ideas about the way these animals behave. Whale society is almost overwhelmingly matriarchal. Female sperm whales, for example, travel in large groups – sometimes thousands strong – in which males are only “useful” for their sperm, visiting the groups briefly, then leaving the females to their own society.

Male-oriented science has in the past made various judgments regarding sexual behaviour. But the idea of lesbian whales should not be surprising. Ryan even cites the case of a “non-binary” beaked whale, which was discovered to have both male and female genitalia.

Even identifying as a species can be fluid for cetaceans. In 2022, near Caithness in Scotland, a bottlenose dolphin was found to be identifying as a porpoise, swimming with a pod of porpoises and using their vocalisations. In one of the great queer pairings of the 20th century, Virginia Woolf referred to her lover, Vita Sackville-West, as “my porpoise”.


We cannot know how whales and dolphins themselves regard genital interactions. But in most cases they appear to enjoy them – without, perhaps, the preconceptions we humans as a species have historically projected upon such behaviour. They may make great clickbait on social media, but they have an important relevance for us, too.

When the Canadian biologist Bruce Bagemihl published his book Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity – listing 450 species exhibiting such behaviour, including whales and dolphins – it was used in evidence in a US supreme court case in 2003 that struck down, as unconstitutional, homophobic “sodomy” laws being used in Texas.

It is telling, too, that the best-known work of literary fiction written about whales, Herman Melville’s 1851 novel Moby-Dick, is a decidedly queer book. Melville conflates the queerness and diversity of his characters – his narrator, Ishmael, is declared married to his shipmate, the multi-tattooed Queequeg, based on a Māori warrior – with the mysterious sensuality of the whales he is describing. He even spends an entire chapter describing a whale’s foreskin, with joyful innuendo.

The sea itself seems to be a queer place, where gender is at best a slippery notion at times. Slipper shells stuck together on the beach, which you might find when beachcombing, are in fact changing sex, from female at the bottom to male at the top. Cetaceans’ genitals are concealed, in any case, in genital slits. Sleek and streamlined, it is as if bothersome sexual definitions were overtaken by the sheer beauty of wondrous hydrodynamics.

So much of what we project on to whales and dolphins is about our own complexes. They seem to lead a free and easy life. They may not possess hands to manipulate, but they have the biggest brains on the planet, and highly sensual bodies to match. Having been around for millions of years, it is tempting to imagine their long-evolved existence as one that is beyond all the things that seem to hold us humans back.

Complete Article HERE!