Tag: Kink

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Why conservative men are more likely to fantasize about sharing their wives

It may, paradoxically, be precisely because they believe cuckoldry is so bad

By Justin Lehmiller

In the wake of allegations that he spent years watching his wife have sex with another man, Jerry Falwell Jr. resigned this week from his post as president of Liberty University. Falwell has denied the specifics of those allegations, but if they’re true, he would be neither the first nor the last conservative man to take pleasure in sharing his spouse or partner while he looks on, a sexual practice known more commonly as “cuckolding.” In fact, a disproportionate percentage fantasize about just that happening to them.

They’re not alone, of course. Cuckolding routinely ranks among the top searches on the world’s biggest porn sites, as reported by neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in their book “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” for which they analyzed the contents of hundreds of millions of Internet searches. But as my own research has shown, reports of that sexual fantasy exhibit a surprising ideological pattern. For my book “Tell Me What You Want,” I studied the sexual fantasies of 4,175 Americans from all 50 states. I asked my participants to report how often they fantasized about hundreds of different people, places and things — including cuckolding.

A majority of heterosexual men (52 percent) said they had fantasized about watching their partner have sex with someone else. Heterosexual men who identified as Republican were the most likely to report having had a cuckolding fantasy at some point — and they fantasized about it more often than Democrats. Fewer than half of Democratic straight men (49 percent) reported having ever fantasized about cuckolding, and 19 percent said they fantasize about it often. By contrast, nearly two-thirds (64 percent) of heterosexual Republican men reported having had this fantasy, and 30 percent said it is a frequent fantasy. Republican men also reported more fantasies about infidelity, swinging and a wide range of sexually taboo activities, including voyeurism.

One way to understand why these desires are so much more common for conservative men is through what sex therapist Jack Morin termed “the erotic equation,” which he spelled out as follows:

Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement

The basic premise here is intuitive: When we are told we cannot do something that we want to do — even if we do not have a particularly strong desire for it — those restrictions make us want to do it even more. Violating taboos creates risk — and taking on a certain amount of risk can heighten arousal and excitement. This is precisely why public sex (or semipublic sex) was another extraordinarily popular fantasy in my survey: The thrill of potentially being caught in the act amps up the intensity of the situation.

Because those on the right tend to have more restrictions placed on their sexuality in general, it stands to reason that they have access to plenty of potentially appealing taboos. And among those many paradoxically pleasurable roadblocks to sexual gratification, cuckolding is one of the most prominent. They are really, really not supposed to let themselves become cuckolds, let alone to long for it.

According to this logic, a man who shares his wife with another man doesn’t just violate social and moral dictates for monogamy, but he also violates traditional notions of masculinity. In the eyes of many men, cuckolding is the ultimate form of emasculation. This sentiment is precisely why many on the right have taken to using the term “cuck” to denigrate men they see as giving up their own power and control, or humiliating themselves. It is also why many of them use the term “cuckservative” to refer to conservative men they see as caving to the left.

It may, paradoxically, be precisely because of all this that cuckoldry fantasies are so appealing. People on the right tend to place a very high value on their freedom. For example, consider conservative views on wearing masks during the covid-19 pandemic: Surveys find that Republicans are more likely to refuse to wear masks than Democrats, citing it as an attack on their liberty. This tendency is an effect of the psychological concept known as reactance, the idea that when one’s individual freedoms are threatened, one tries to reassert autonomy and independence.

Resistance to restrictions, in this mode, becomes a way to reassert personal freedom, and that’s a big deal for those on the right. As the mask resisters show, conservatives may be willing to put themselves at risk to merely assert the fact of their freedom. Likewise, it seems possible that some are open to violating erotic norms — even those that might expose them to mockery or humiliation — to demonstrate to themselves that they’re not bound by the rules. While such behaviors may seem to contradict the expectations and norms espoused by those who practice them, they actually serve to reaffirm a more fundamental conservative value, the emphasis placed on freedom itself.

With all of that said, it is certainly not the case that all Republicans and conservatives are fantasizing about cuckolding or other taboo sexual activities, nor is it the case that they’re alone in expressing such wishes. As I report in “Tell Me What You Want,” one of the kinks that Democrats report more often than Republicans is BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. In other words, those on the left fantasize about things like power play and rough sex more than those on the right. For Democrats, subverting ideals of equitable and fair power relations is a major taboo. The same could be said for visualizing a scenario in which the lines of sexual consent might not be explicit. After all, people on the left tend to be much stronger supporters of the #MeToo movement and have more vocally advocated for models of enthusiastic sexual consent. Flirting with this taboo may therefore be why BDSM is more tantalizing for them.

In short, while the specific content of our sexual fantasies and the particular activities we pursue in our bedrooms may differ to some degree according to our political affiliations, the factors that feed our erotic desires might not be so different after all.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Normalizing Kink For Black And Brown Folx

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The fight for Black rights is ever-growing and ever-changing. Law enforcement is being reformed, congressional conversations on reparations are being revisited, and even businesses, celebrities, and influencers are being held accountable for their anti-Blackness. Although the Black community has seen a lot of progress, from an intersectional standpoint, Black activism spaces lack safety, recognition, and even solidarity for Black folx who are LGBTIA- identifying or lead alternative lifestyles. Within this subset, Black people who are sex and/or kink positive are frowned upon, often subjected to shame and judgment from others. As a Black fat womxn who exists at the intersection of these identities, it’s time to have conversations about what sex and kink positivity are and why they are important for Black liberation.

From a personal standpoint, kink and sex have been a big part of my journey into womanhood. Despite being a late bloomer, my interest in the kink lifestyle started when I was in my mid-to-late teens. I remember staying up late to watch Secretary, and how the power dynamic between James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s characters intrigued me. It was something about E. Edward Grey’s sternness and the way he chastised and punished Lee that captured my interest. From that moment, I knew I wanted to learn more about what I had seen. My curiosity grew as I matured, and when I finally entered adulthood, I decided to explore my desires by turning to kink-friendly groups online and different websites. In these virtual spaces, I met a lot of like-minded individuals that not only taught me about the ins and outs of kink, including the roles of dominants and submissives and the meaning of each letter in BDSM, but also became my friends and even partners. Although some of these redeemable qualities have played a critical part in shaping my sexual identity and have kept me coming back to the lifestyle, there was one major issue that always plagued my experience: the lack of Black people.

Just like most communities, kink is inherently white-centric. Being that the lifestyle is a broad umbrella term that encompasses so many different smaller communities and subcultures, a lot of these are made to fetishize Black and brown bodies. I can’t even count how many Carsons and Karens have slid into my inbox and expressed their desires for “a big, beautiful Black woman” and how I fit the bill for their next scene. I’ve even been approached by masters and mistresses in search of creating a dynamic with someone that virtually simulates slavery or a form of race play. Y’all, I’m totally not here to yuck anyone’s yum, but I also want to make one thing clear: there’s a definite difference between a fetish and fetishization, and the aforementioned anecdotes are examples of the latter.

Initially, I felt alone in my experiences, but after chatting with friends and colleagues, I realized I wasn’t the only one. Dawn, an educator and close friend, talked about how fetishization of non-white folx goes beyond the parameters of kink and extends into the realm of sex as well.

“I can’t log into Pornhub or XVideos without being bombarded with white pornstars and nothing that could even remotely resemble representation of someone like me,” she pointed out. “[On these sites] there are even videos that are titled in derogatory and racist ways. As for outside of the digital world, my encounters with white counterparts have been almost always, if not always, rooted in fetishization. Think: ‘I’ve never been with a (blank) before. Is it true that (blank)?’ [with] those blanks being filled with obscenities, ridiculous stereotypes, and dehumanizing rhetoric.”

Our conversation on the origins of this type of behavior doesn’t start with the web, though. Kink and pornography are directly linked to the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and the moment Black people in this country came to be othered for everything from our skin to perceptions about our ability to endure pain. The effects of slavery are seen overtly in some forms of race play, but they can also be as covert as “[being] welcome in white spaces when they’re looking for “diverse” voices or when they think they’re doing [us] a favor,” said sexologist Goody Howard.

Realizing that images and communal gatekeeping are controlled by white people causes us to take a step back and think about our relationship to sex as Black people and how Black and brown folx feel left out because of whiteness.

“[We were] raised seeing kink [and sex] through the white-centric lens but never got fully respected in white-centric spaces,” Mrz. Neptune Violet explained. “Being Black and brown in kink and sex spaces is a one-sided relationship which entails having the responsibility of appeasing and supporting the consumer while actively being consumed for their pleasure, rendering us excluded and invisible.”

Cheyenne M. Davis

Part of dismantling that narrative is showing up as your authentic self and taking a stand with other marginalized constituents of the community, said Maddox, a ProDomme and Kink Activist. “As a leather person, I am active in the BDSM community here in NYC, and I show the f-ck up! Seriously. The first step to literally anything getting done is attendance.”

Showing up in ways that defy social norms and gender binaries is a big part of that Mrs. Neptune added. There is power in using one’s identity to eradicate all notions of male and female gender norms and what is socially acceptable and unacceptable by “meticulously slapping indelible new Black paint on old, adored white ways,” she explained. By choosing to own their Blackness and identity as sex and kink-positive individuals, those who are non-gender conforming are not only creating change for themselves but for the community at large.

A number of organizations are also pushing for inclusion of Black and brown people and validation of their experiences. I joined LVRSNFRNDS, (pronounced lovers and friends), a UK-based virtual and in-person group made by Sophie Mona Pagès that’s devoted to creating an inclusive and safe environment for everyone, especially BIPOC folx. As a growing global community for people with diverse perspectives on love, sex, kink, and relationships, Pagès organizes events and group discussions, known as salons, to allow members to gather and share their questions and experiences. Topics range from how to discuss contraception with prospective partners to establishing dominate-submissive dynamics in relationships. A major topic that was both challenging and monumental for the group to tackle was unpacking proper ways to honor and make space for Black folx in sex and kink.

Because “Lack of diversity is a deeply ingrained problem in the poly, kink, and BDSM scenes,” Pagès pointed out, LVRSNFRNDS screens all members and has established user agreements to ensure safety and challenge biases, including those related to race, that exist in the group and beyond. The organization also exists as a resource hub to provide access to marginalized groups that have been denied time after time.

Tired of going to munches and joining groups where there was a lack of people that looked like me or even respected my being, and fed up with being tokenized and having inaccurate judgments passed on me because I’m a Black woman, I realized I needed to create something of my own for the people who share my experiences. I channeled all of my anger and frustration into creating Unveild, an inclusive community for Black and brown folx that are kink and sex-positive. Though still in its beginning stages, the budding community offers educational resources on the different elements of the kink lifestyle and it’s been rewarding to see so many people of color respond so positively to its conception and the content that I’ve been creating for it.

Black and brown folx deserve the world. We deserve to fully experience all parts of our pain and pleasure and to be able to exist in and use sex and kink as a means to explore ourselves and our desires. Sexual liberation starts within. It begins with understanding religious and conservative occidental views on sex, desire, and pleasure. And it’s paramount that we have these hard conversations in order to destigmatize the societal taboos that have been placed on us. Raising awareness on kink and sex as it pertains to Black and brown individuals boils down to acknowledging Black folks as sexual beings because, as Dawn put it plainly, “We have sex too, and Black people should be allowed to just be.”

Maddox echoed that sentiment and the sense of urgency in unpacking the shame surrounding sexualities and kink. “It’s time for representation,” she said. “The correct kind.”

For Goody, that means representation of those in the kink community within the larger fight for representation of all Black and brown people.” If we truly are going to normalize and fight for the existence of Black people, we cannot forget Black people that live ‘alternative lifestyles’ as well.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Your Guide To BDSM Aftercare

Rule 1: It’s not just for subs.

By Alexis Jones

Before we get into BDSM aftercare, let’s set the record straight about the sex practice as a whole. Yes, BDSM stands for bondage discipline and sadomasochism, but it isn’t the violent and harmful sort of kink that pop culture and society have made it out to be.

“It’s mostly about sensations—sensory play and or power play,” explains Jenni Skyler, PhD, of The Intimacy Institute and resident sexologist for Adam and Eve. How does it work, though? Well, couples typically will start by having a conversation about the type of BDSM they’d like to try. Then, they’ll make up a game plan (think: who will be dominant and who will be submissive), which includes talking about their needs, desires, and boundaries, and agree on a safe word. After that, they’ll co-create a play script or ritual that works for both of them, she explains.

“In the terms of agreement, safety and consensus are key,” Sklyer says. Another must? Aftercare. That literally means taking care of one another, emotionally and sometimes physically, after sex depending on what type of play occurred. Remember: BDSM can be emotionally and physically draining. Aftercare (yes, both for doms and subs!), is an important part of healthy BDSM.

Below is everything you need to know about BDSM aftercare, so that you and your partner can both get what you need from the experience.

What is aftercare?

Aftercare is the physical and/or the emotional care-taking that occurs after a sexual encounter, and more specifically a BDSM encounter. Most BDSM experiences involve adopting fantasy roles, so aftercare is the time for partners to bring each other back to reality and readopt their day-to-day roles with one another. Think of it as reseting your equilibrium, Skyler explains. Though the play portion of the experience might be over, it’s not really over until the aftercare happens.

“If there’s a lot of physical pain play, for instance,” says Skyler, partners might want to be cuddled or wrapped in a blanket, or they might want a warm meal or water. But usually, aftercare involves reflective conversation. This is the opportunity for partners to be vulnerable with each other, debrief, and zero in on each other’s emotional needs.

Questions might look like this:

  • How did that go for you?
  • Did we need to use a safe word? If so, why?
  • Where was the boundary that got hit?
  • Was something triggered or activated?
  • If you didn’t use a safe word, how did it go for each person?
  • What was really exciting?
  • What was safe?
  • What do we want to keep as part of our repertoire?
  • What would we want to ditch for the next time?

Who needs aftercare?

Oftentimes it’s the submissive who needs a little extra aftercare, according to Skyler. But it’s important for aftercare to go both ways. Just like it may be difficult or draining for the submissive to be in a powerless position in which they may have been blindfolded or had to beg, it might have been hard on the dominant partner to, say, yell or humiliate their partner (if that’s the type of power-play that was agreed on) and adopt a nature they don’t typically embrace outside of the bedroom.

Is the drop a real thing?

Yes! BDSM kicks up a ton of adrenaline into your system and when the play is done, that adrenaline literally plummets and there’s this sort of undeniable fatigue, Skyler explains, a.k.a the drop.

She compares it to running a marathon. “You get all your adrenaline going and you get to the finish line, then you kind of collapse at the end,” Skyler explains. All the attention to detail, physicality, and focus built up during the play eventually has to come to an end, right? When it does, all the energy in the body will experience a significant slump. That’s why aftercare is so important. These acts of self care and support will bring your body back to “normal” by reestablishing balance.

Gotcha, now what does aftercare look like exactly?

Aftercare is personal to each person, but overall, it involves anything that will simply make partners feel good. Following the all-important conversation about how the sex play made you feel, partners might do things to continue supporting one another and reset the nervous system, says Skyler.

The list of aftercare activities can look something like this:

  • Have a bath
  • Spend time alone
  • Drink a cup of tea
  • Get a good night’s sleep
  • Get wrapped up tight in a blanket
  • Cuddle with a partner
  • Take a refreshing walk outside
  • Watch a movie
  • Cuddle with pets
  • Journal
  • Reflect together

Should I follow up after the aftercare?

Depends. Sometimes partners will be ready to process everything immediately following the sexual BDSM encounter, while other times, partners will need a day or two to reflect on what they liked and didn’t like before talking it out. In other cases, partners might want both because they remembered something they really enjoyed about the sex play that they forgot to mention or they just want to double check on their partner.

Sometimes the aftercare follow-up involves a third party. When partners are struggling to do aftercare and reflect on what went well, what didn’t go well, and find out what the right mix is together, they might want to consider bringing in another person in a therapeutic setting, Skyler explains. But ultimately she warns: “It’s not smart to play, unless you know how to communicate about the play.” So before you jump into your next BDSM experience, make sure you’re willing to engage in aftercare. Remember: A little TLC never hurt anybody.

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Sex in quarantine?

Expert advises BDSM during coronavirus pandemic

Grab your 6-foot paddle and throw on your gas mask

By Ana Valens

As some U.S. states ramp up their (premature) reopening process, quarantine horniness is reaching a climax. But sex-havers have a question for the sexperts: How can you fuck as safely as possible during the coronavirus pandemic?

One sex therapist has an answer: BDSM.

“Get really educated about kinky sex,” sex therapist Rae McDaniel told the Chicago Tribune. And for the newly kinky, McDaniel stresses BDSM isn’t just about sadomasochism and domination and submission. Consider, for instance, blindfolds and feathers.

“Kink or sensation play means taking into account all of your sensations and really amplifying those,” McDaniel said, including “sensory deprivation, which is very sexy and has been happening for a long time.”

McDaniel’s advice comes from a larger primer by the Chicago Tribune on sex during the coronavirus pandemic and navigating its risks. Kissing, for example, can be a high-risk activity during foreplay. Instead, McDaniel suggests massages, cuddling with faces apart, dirty talk, sexting, and the lewdest of all: holding hands.

They also advise people with more than one sexual partner to be fully open and honest about their sexual interactions with others. Communicating your sex life with others may sound TMI, but it’s all about providing your partner with enough information for informed consent.

“I think folks in the polyamorous community might have a leg up on more monogamous folks these days because they’re used to over-communication about consent and safer sex practices,” McDaniel said. “I think it’s the same principle for dating in the time of COVID. Any sort of romantic, or sexual, or even proximity connection should be disclosed to the other people in your life so that they have the opportunity to determine their own risk comfort level.”

As for sex itself, McDaniel recommends positions that aren’t face-to-face, such as anal sex or doggy style. You can also minimize contact between bodily fluids by altogether avoiding genital penetration, such as fingering your partner or giving them a handjob. And, of course, dental dams and condoms are always worth having around to prevent coronavirus transmission and STIs.

But you really shouldn’t have sex with people outside of your quarantine pod. Public health expert and former FDA official Dr. Charlene Brown said sex should still be off the table with strangers and roommates, as there’s a high chance of being infected with COVID-19 even if you’re hooking up with someone you live with.

“If just being within six feet of one another and breathing is enough to transmit the virus, imagine how much the risks are multiplied during proximity of any form of physical sex,” Brown told the Tribune. “Thinking about catching a virus the entire time you’re being intimate with someone doesn’t sound too sexy to me.”

Then again, bugchasing is a thing, and rumors about “coronavirus parties” have circled across the internet for the past few weeks. So as sound as Brown’s advice may be, the people will do as they do.

But if you want to have sex and don’t want COVID-19, Brown has one piece of advice: disinfect everything. And by everything, she means everything.

“If you have sex despite the COVID-19 risks, disinfect everything: sex toys, countertops, bed frames, bathroom, or anything else that you and your partner might have come into contact with before, during and after sex,” Chicago Tribune reports. “After sex, Brown says to wash your bedding and clothes too. She recommends quarantining and considering COVID-19 testing.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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15 porn sites for adults who fantasize about roleplaying

In need of roleplay inspo? These fantasy porn sites should do the trick.

By Beck Diaz

At some point in our sexual lives, we all stumble across fantasy porn or adult roleplay and decide that pretending to be someone else in bed sounds pretty damn hot. Coming fresh off a three-month-long quarantine, a spicy little switch-up in the bedroom might do us all some good.

It’s one thing to fantasize about being locked up with your partner for an extended amount of time with nothing to do except explore each other’s bodies and minds, but actually being locked up with them and catching them doing normal human things like picking their nose and struggle to put on a shirt is a whole other ballgame. Thankfully, we live in an era where missionary as the standard is still pretty amazing but can get old quickly if you have a lot of it. Now, we’re not gonna sit here and tell you how to have sex, cause that’s just rude. But if you’ve been feeling that familiar twinge of boredom that comes with routine and at this point, a too-close-for-comfort living situation, read on for the basic bedroom cure-all: role-playing.

What is sexual roleplay?

Sex therapy specialist Caitlyn Caracciolo defined roleplaying as “Acting out of your own fantasies or a partner’s, which tends to happen when one feels very safe and secure within a relationship. Roleplaying can be an excellent indicator of feeling emotionally and physically safe with a sexual partner.”

When it comes to sexual roleplaying with a partner or someone you trust, you can forget your preconceived notions of corny acting and cringy porn scripts. When you truly let yourself go by giving in to your sexual inhibitions, a whole new world of possibilities seem to open up in front of you. While sex often seems to be all about reaching climax, roleplaying is all about stimulation, both mentally and physically. Adult roleplaying allows you to play out the fantasy that seems to get you off every time, switch up the power dynamics in the bedroom, and even act out that steamy scenario with someone you trust that you might have been afraid or ashamed to do otherwise. These scenarios are all run-of-the-mill practices discovered and explored through sexual roleplaying!

How to roleplay in the bedroom

If you’re a roleplaying beginner and are wondering where to start, we have a few tips for you. First, take some time for yourself to figure out what it is that really turns you on. Don’t shy away from the taboo stuff, as roleplaying should be a safe space where you and your partner can explore those kinds of fantasies freely and safely!

After you’ve decided on a (or a couple of) scenes you’d like to try, discuss them in detail with your partner. As with everything else in a relationship, communication is key. So even though this might not be your typical dinner date conversation, it’s important to establish boundaries, consent, and an aftercare routine for those of you with more intense fantasies.

Obviously, we’re all human, and we all have feelings. Knowing that roleplaying should be a practice that comes without judgment doesn’t make it immune to some potential awkwardness, especially for beginners! Understanding that when it finally comes time to realize these fantasies laughing and feeling a little silly is not only OK, but it can be a big help when you’re first crossing the roleplaying threshold. If you’re super worked up about staying in character or even just trying to be overly sexy, you might miss out on the magic that organic and free roleplaying can bring. The key is to let your imagination run wild. You’re in for a night (or afternoon) to remember!

Where to find fantasy porn and adult roleplaying videos

If you need some roleplaying ideas, or just get off on fantasy porn, parody films and adult roleplaying videos, we’ve listed your best options below.

Pornhub

Let’s be real: with over 42 billion site visits in 2019, 90% of you porn viewers out there have probably reached orgasm on Pornhub at least once. You’re familiar with the layout and product offering, and you might be happy with it, but what if there was a way to get a lot more out of the experience? That’s what Pornhub Premium reaches for, and in my opinion, achieves. The best selling point right now is the site’s free trial membership (with the option to add Brazzers access for $1 per day). The homepage’s thumbnails offer sneak previews of thousands of HD, full-length videos from renowned studios like Vixen, Team Skeet, Nubile Films, Hentai.xxx, and more. On top of that, you’ll get access to Pornhub’s library of 30,000 full-length original films. Offering the widest variety of porn on the internet, its premium subscription does not disappoint.

YouPorn

What YouPorn does really well is organizing its collection of fantasy role-play porn. You’ll have no trouble sorting through the site’s categories, and you might be pleasantly surprised at the variety of unique titles. As for its content, you have the option to view clips, full-length films, live cams, and live sex in its tabs. Enjoy access to hundreds of channels like broke amateurs and bratty sis, as well as the site’s many featured and familiar performers. All videos are uploaded in HD and are available to download. In terms of free amateur facial porn sites, YouPorn has definitely mastered the subtleties of delivering a great experience during each visit.

Sci-Fi Dream Girls

We’re proud to include the only fembot site on this list: Sci-Fi Dream Girls. You might have seen this studio as an add-on channel on bigger porn sites, or even scored a clip of a clip from a popular free porn site, but rest assured, you’ve only grazed the tip of the surface of what this site offers. If you’ve never had the pleasure of viewing any of Sci-Fi Dream Girls content, or if this is your first time hearing about it, I’m sure you’re the envy of quite a few people right now. Experiencing the web’s only fembot video site is something that Sci-Fi lovers everywhere wish they could do for the first time all over again. The site boasts over 35 videos and clips of android women all catering to your specific technological sexual proclivity. What this site does well is deliver an interesting series of storylines that all tie together while spanning several hard-hitting categories like lesbian fembots, muscular fembots, real dolls, and even humans having sex with robots. While the site layout seems a little outdated and can be slightly confusing to navigate, the content is truly out of this world!

Bellesa

This one is for the porn connoisseurs who’ve been searching for roleplaying sex videos that looks…well, real! If the usual scripted sex scene just isn’t cutting it anymore, Bellesa Films is tailor-made for you. The site’s original videos and full-length films are shot by women for women and focus on female pleasure. Get ready for a lot of steamy action with a much sweeter delivery. No more obviously fake O’s or foreplay that makes you cringe. Bellesa Films brings the tension and passion with every scene, leaving you sweaty and breathless after. The site boasts top categories such as female orgasms, couples, group sex, fingering, and ass play. But for more specific videos (like fantasy roleplay sex) you’re better off searching by keyword. One visit to Bellesa, and you’ll never look back.

Adult Time

Winner of over 34 awards in 2020, including Paysite of the Year from XBIZ, Adult Time is quickly becoming one of the top mega-sites around. With over 100 channels, 50,000 episodes, five new releases per day, and a mix of original and curated content, Adult Time is almost too much porn. Spanning full-length movies to themed scenes, Adult Time offers a little bit of everything, so you’ll have no problem finding what you crave. Adult Time’s award-winning original content is augmented by scenes from Vivid, Girlsway, Burning Angel, and other top companies. It even features an incredibly diverse range of performers. Adult Time is one of the best deals in porn.

Digital Playground

At first glance, Digital Playground is a no-brainer for work fantasy porn. With thousands of scenes ranging from today to the mid-90s, Digital Playground’s library is hard to beat. If you’re into mainstream porn its mix of wild threesomes, lesbian scenes, and fantasy hookups is world-class. A new movie featuring five scenes is uploaded every month, along with a three scene web series. Few sites give you this many new and classic porn stars, from Adriana Chechik to Jesse Jane. The only downside is the incredible $20 extra per month it charges for downloads.

Burning Angel

This site is completely dedicated to alternative style and tattooed models and was founded by performer Joanna Angel. Inside, you’ll find all the tattooed goths, punks, emos, skaters, and more participating in all the roleplaying porn and sexual acts you love to see. If you’re familiar with the major porn streaming service AdultTime, then you’ll be happy to know that it acquired the Burning Angel studio, so along with your Burning Angel membership you’ll have access to all 55,000+ videos in the AdultTime library. The Burning Angel site alone, however, is home to over 2000 videos and has been the recipient of multiple awards, including the 2020 winner for best action/thriller and best comedy sex scene. It also offers over 70 categories and over 100 models and pornstars including the likes of Abella Danger, Bree Daniels, and more. If you’ve been looking for true alt porn, what better place to look then the site that ushered in the movement!

House of Taboo

House of Taboo is the king of all things kink, fetish, and roleplay sex videos. The site is a refreshing one in a surprising way. There are no options to filter via category, or model specs; however, you can filter by recently uploaded, most popular, featured videos, and trending. What I love about this feature is that it really solidifies the site’s brand. There are no separate categories or delineating filters because it is a kink/fetish site, so that’s all the content you’ll get. For those that might be a little less excited about that than I am, it warrants mentioning that there is an advanced search bar if you’re really in the mood for watching a specific kink or fetish.

Because this site is so great at its craft, and uploads happen quite frequently, it is one of the only sites to offer a lifetime membership. I would recommend taking advantage of the three day trial at 33 cents a day to determine if this is the site for you. If quality kink is your thing, and you’re tired of searching daily for the perfect videos to satisfy your hunger, House of Taboo is the place you should call home.

Kink.com

Adult roleplay porn lovers rejoice! This site will be your new go-to for all things sticky, fetish, and kink. This is the first of sites on the list to offer the option to filter by sexual orientation before you even enter the site, with the options to choose either straight, gay, or both. As you might have assumed from the name, Kink.com specializes in videos with hardcore sex, kinks, and fetishes. It hosts content from 30+ popular studios, totaling over 12,000 videos on the site. The most impressive thing about the videos, however, is that they all run at least 45 minutes long, with most running feature-length. It’s not normal to have that many videos available of that length if you think about it–it almost doubles the number of videos since you’re probably not going to watch a full-length film every time you go on the site. As well as providing an extensive library of content, Kink.com offers a cam site, VR site, and shop where you can purchase lingerie and toys ranging in value. This is truly your one-stop-shop for all things kink and fetish.

Sssh.com

Sssh.com is the longest running roleplay porn site for women and for good reason! Its films are ethically produced, sex positive, and put focus on female pleasure (not just male!). The site’s original movies have also been the recipients of several prestigious film awards, so it seems like every feature in this site is a huge draw. Although Sssh doesn’t allow non-members to browse the video selection offered, the slideshow on the homepage will give you an idea of what can be expected when you sign up for a membership. Sssh’s exclusive original movies, performers, and erotic photo galleries have garnered enough attention to make this site too juicy to overlook.

Wicked Pictures

For nearly 30 years Wicked Pictures has been one of the biggest names in fantasy roleplay sex. While still active in retail, the company’s website is an incredible resource for fans. Featuring over 5,500 scenes and 1,000 full movies, the sheer amount of content available is stunning. Beyond its incredible original hardcore scenes, Wicked is one of the few porn sites with educational content with classes in everything from fellatio to BDSM for Beginners. Wicked is an incredible deal, starting at just $19.99 for streaming.

PinkLabel.TV

PinkLabel has established itself as one of the heavy hitters in amateur roleplay porn videos. Created by the director and founder of Pink and White Productions, Shine Houston, the site hosts over 50 different indie porn studios (including Erica Lust, Pink and White Productions, and many more). PinkLabel’s communities are comprised of queer, trans, POC, seniors, and people with disabilities. The people behind the site understand porn markets go beyond the stereotypes and do their part in showcasing underrepresented groups in the adult film industry.

This ethical hosting site offers a premium membership featuring a curated collection of hundreds of titles, unlimited access to the films, and a permanent streaming library. All memberships help support PinkLabel’s own featured independent directors and studios. So if you’re looking to whet your appetite with various high-quality films showcasing diversity in porn made by and for minorities in the industry, PinkLabel is your best bet.

Crash Pad Series

From Shine Houston comes the Crash Pad Series, based on Houston’s cult classic original film The Crash Pad. This series follows the original plot with all episodes based in a San Francisco apartment that’s dedicated to hosting queer sex events. In my opinion, the best feature of this site is the content. In terms of diversity and real sex, you can’t do better than the Crash Pad series. The models are natural beauties in all shapes and sizes from all backgrounds, sexual identities, orientations, and races. To top it all off, the chemistry is so intense it almost feels like an out of body experience. There are over 300 episodes in the series and each episode contains its own behind the scenes footage. Members also have access to the library of feature-length films, including the original CrashPad movie that inspired the series.

In an unprecedented move, Crash Pad Series features a “hide” toggle, so before you go sifting through all the glorious porn, you can choose to filter and hide videos that contain scenes with ejaculation, consensual rough sex (including choking, flogging, spitting, slapping, etc.), fisting, BDSM, anal play (anal penetration, rimming, butt plugs, etc.), strap-ons and wearable vibrators.

Sex Art

SexArt is unique in the sense that this site has so many avenues of exploration. Not only does it host amazing full-length soft porn films, but SexArt also hosts live cam streams, chats, and a blog for people looking to up their knowledge of all things sexual. SexArt produces films that are sensual beyond belief and exclusive to this site. Expect plot-heavy films, high-quality sets, and explosive on-screen chemistry. With multiple weekly updates in an already large collection of videos, you’ll never be without new content. Signing up with only your email address will award you with daily updates and featured model bios and the ability to view three films for free! Premium memberships grant you access to live cams, the blog, and the gallery images on the site.

Sex Babes VR

Sex Babes VR’s biggest selling point is the sheer number of up and coming performers it features and its growing category of POV roleplay porn. Every time you log on it feels like you’re discovering someone new. It adds to the fantasy when it’s not someone famous. It helps make up for the generic plots of their otherwise incredibly hot scenes. In particular, Sex Babes VR shine with their immersive camera angles. Memberships come with around 300 VR scenes with a new one added every week.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Free BDSM porn film from Erika Lust will teach you so much about fetish and kink

As well as being realllllly hot, it tackles some of the most common miscoceptions about BDSM.

By Paisley Gilmour

Indie porn director Erika Lust is best known for her ethical production processes and feminist erotic films. From VR porn allowing people to live out their sex party fantasies, to this free porn she released which was shot by the actors in lockdown (and even her free adult sex education videos), she is always challenging what mainstream (read: largely unethical) porn sites are doing.

And she’s just released a new film that we can all watch for free – this time, it’s exploring BDSM and fetish through a mini series of short films. Titled ‘Safe Word’, the series will examine common misconceptions and myths about kink and educate BDSM beginners. And as well as teaching us all some important BDSM truths, it’s super hot masturbatory material, of course.

Starring Mona Wales and Mickey Mod, ‘Safe Word’ follows Mona’s character Christie as she explores BDSM for the first time after meeting her new neighbour Mickey, a well known adult actor. After witnessing him dominating a blindfolded woman in his apartment one night, Christie enlists the help of Madama Opal to explore on her own.

The series will follow Christie as she experiences voyeurism, solo play, a fetish session and a BDSM party. Be prepared to have your preconceptions about BDSM proven wrong, and to be shown just how sexy communication, consent and respecting someone’s boundaries can be.

“BDSM still has a stigma attached to it and its explorers in our mainstream culture,” Erika explains. “People who enjoy kinks are often seen as perverse, mentally sick, or victims of past trauma. However, when referring to BDSM we are mainly talking about a healthy, sexy culture of communication and awareness in sex.

“Whether you’re into it or not, I believe it can be a powerful learning tool for everyone on how to discuss boundaries beforehand as well as to stay in tune with each other during any other type of sexual relationship.”

Once you’ve devoured episode one, you’ll be able to watch the remaining episodes at LustCinema as they’re released every Friday until July 10.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Consensual Exhibitionism

Your Everything-to-Know Guide

According to one expert, it can completely “bolster your sexual self-esteem.”

By Taylor Andrews

If you’ve ever wondered why it feels so freakin’ good to walk around your house naked, it could be because you’re an exhibitionist. Don’t get me wrong: I recognize that you don’t have to identify this way in order to just fully embrace a braless moment. But feeding off of your S.O.’s attention while you parade around without any clothes on is definitely trudging toward exhibitionist territory.

But if the term “exhibitionist” makes you feel icky, it’s probably because you’ve never heard of it in the sexy context we’re using it. Unfortunately, there’s the other side to exhibitionism that’s the non-consensual mental condition “characterized by the compulsion to display one’s genitals in public” (which is both disturbing and illegal), but that’s not what we’re talking about today.

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Today, we’re talking about the sexy, consensual side of exhibitionism that can be used to amplify your sex life, libido, and orgasms. So allow me to explain everything to know about this v common fantasy and kink because, hey, you’re probably already more of an exhibitionist than you think.

What is exhibitionism?

For those of you who already love being the center of attention and thrive off of other people’s attention, it’s possible “being an exhibitionist is already a skill you possess—even if you haven’t brought it directly into a sexual situation,” says Good Vibrations sexologist Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for the Shy.

In a sexual context, “exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others,” says clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, sexuality and relationship expert for SexToyCollective.com. (Like, maybe you’re really into the thought of someone watching you while you masturbate).

Another way of looking at it is “the desire to reveal one’s physical attributes in a sexually alluring or suggestive manner,” says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly. “In general, exhibitionism involves revealing body parts that are normally covered or obscured by clothing in accord with societal norms.”

Oh, and btw: It’s pretty common. According to research conducted by psychologist Justin Lehmiller, 81 percent of men and 84 percent of women have “experienced sexual arousal at the thought of public sex”—which, you guessed it, is one of the many indicators you could have an exhibitionist kink.

How is exhibitionism different from voyeurism?

The two go hand-in-hand. “A voyeur is someone who feels sexual arousal by watching someone else nude or doing sexual activities. The fantasy of exhibitionism requires a voyeur—it is a relationship between the “see-er” and the “see-ee,” says Melancon. So while you don’t necessarily need a partner to consider yourself a voyeur or exhibitionist, the two kind of thrive off of each other’s pleasures.

What would make someone an exhibitionist?

Remember, there’s no need or reason to identify your pleasure if you’re comfortable with not identifying it at all. But if you’re curious if you are an exhibitionist, here are some things that could mean you enjoy this type of kink.

You love…

  • Sharing nude photos with your partner while they’re at work.
  • Encouraging your partner to go shopping for lingerie with you.
  • Engaging in public sex where you could potentially be caught.
  • Engaging in public sex at a sex club where watching is encouraged.
  • Inviting a third person over to watch you have sex and/or masturbate.

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Okay, how do I incorporate consensual exhibitionism into the bedroom?

Lots, and lots, and lots of titillating ways. But for starters, you have to communicate with your partner about what you’re interested in by establishing boundaries and explicitly telling your S.O. what you’d enjoy. Once you have the sex talk down, get comfortable with yourself.

“Build your comfort with being seen by practicing alone—dirty-dancing in the mirror, watching yourself as you masturbate, experimenting with whatever garments feel sexy for you,” says Queen. “Getting a sense of your own pleasure in showing off is key to really enjoying it with a person watching.”

Now, once you have that down, here are some tangible, practical ways to ignite your sexual prowess, according to licensed psychologist Margarida Rafael, resident relationship and sex expert at AdorePassion.ca:

  • Videotape yourself masturbating and share it with your partner.
  • Surprise your partner when they get home from work by walking out naked to greet them.
  • Have sex in public places that don’t break the law—like, a bathroom at a friend’s house.
  • Engage in sexual activities against a window, in your swimming pool, and in your balcony.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A very, very beginner’s guide to understanding BDSM

By Mary Grace Garis

Even as BDSM comes to popular light via media portrayals and increased openness about intimate habits and preferences, much about the sexual practice remains misunderstood and incorrectly presumed to be negative and abusive—especially in those media portrayals. This is perhaps most recently depicted in that degrading scene in Hulu’s Normal People, when protagonist Marianne asks her sexual partner—who had bound her wrists and was taking naked photos of her—to stop, and he refuses, reminding her “you asked for this.”

Despite vignettes like those that mischaracterize the intended nature of the sexual act practiced by a dedicated community, fact remains that BDSM can absolutely be a satisfying, safe, consensual, and healthy component of a fulfilling sex life. But if you’re curious about learning more about what it actually entail and perhaps experimenting with it yourself, knowing where to start can be daunting. To break down BDSM for beginners, Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, says the basic definitions are most important to learn first. And we’re talking absolute basics, beginning with what it actually means.

“While BDSM encompasses a wide range of sexual activities, practitioners tend to play complementary roles that involve some degree of power differentials,” says Dr. O’Reilly, referencing roles of “dominant” and “submissive.” “Activities are underscored by the consent of all parties involved, and BDSM can be a part of healthy, normal, and safe sex play.”

To help you learn the ropes of the sexual practice before you break out the literal ropes, Dr. O’Reilly shares her four components of the BDSM for beginners below. Whether you’re curious to give it a try yourself or simply want to know more, you’re going to want to take notes.

BDSM for beginners: 4 basics ground rules everyone should know.

1. Know what BDSM stands for

BDSM describes sexual play that involves some exchange of power or pain, with different people involved subscribing to different roles and dynamics within the scope of the session. Broken into its singular letters, BDSM stands for individualized terms: “bondage,” “dominance” or “discipline,” “sadism” or “submission,” and “masochism.” Sometimes the terms are grouped together in pairs, with BD referring to bondage and discipline, DS standing for dominance and submission, and SM referring to sadomasochism.

2. Know the meaning of R.A.C.K.

R.A.C.K. stands for risk-aware, consensual kink. This basic phrase outlines two of the essential components of kink while still recognizing that there is some risk inherent to all sex play. For instance, if you’re interested in trying wax play with your partner, you don’t want to just take a jar candle named Lilac Breeze, light it, and go to town. Rather, you want to get consent for the activity, outlining together how to execute it as safely as possible, and noting the risks involved that you are both fully aware of. Because even unintentionally giving your partner a third-degree burn or ripping off chunks of their body hair will almost certainly take you both out of the experience.

“For kinky sex to be considered risk-aware, all parties involved must understand and acknowledge the potential negative outcomes of the proposed activity.” —sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD

“For kinky sex to be considered risk-aware, all parties involved must understand and acknowledge the potential negative outcomes of the proposed activity,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “These risks should be discussed ahead of time—not in the heat of the moment when sexual tension is already building. It is important to address the measures you plan to take to minimize risk when your mind is clear and your judgment isn’t clouded by desire or other distractions.”

3. Consent in BDSM is paramount

Before engaging in sexual activity of any kind, you always, always need consent. “To be considered consensual, all parties involved must be capable of expressing their explicit and informed consent,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “The absence of protestation does not amount to consent, and the clearest way to secure consent is to ask. Similarly, the most straightforward way to provide consent is to offer an enthusiastic and genuine ‘Yes!’”

Dr. O’Reilly adds that an important component of BDSM beginners should know is that consent is the cornerstone of all kinky activities, and it needs to be granted before and throughout every individual session. “Do not assume that because a lover wanted to be tied up and rough-handled last Saturday night, that they also want to be bound and spanked next Thursday morning,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “You always have the right to withdraw your consent at any time without explanation, regardless of what you may have agreed upon in the past.” This is precisely what Normal People got wrong about BDSM in the case of Marianne’s incorrectly assumed consent.

4. It’s important to check in on safety

Even if elements of distress are an intentional component of a consensual BDSM scenario, you absolutely want to check the emotional and physical safety of your partner(s) and yourself throughout the experience, continually confirming comfort on both fronts. An “are you okay?” can suffice, but you can also establish a safety word or non-verbal cue to communicate your status.

“For instance, two light taps can reassure your lover that you’re feeling good,” Dr. O’Reilly. “You’ll also want to check in to establish that your partner’s physical safety is secured. If you’ve tied them up, you should check the skin under the bondage equipment to ensure that their circulation isn’t obstructed. If you’ve been spanking them, you’ll want to check in and make sure that the pressure isn’t too much for them to handle.”

And, remember, no matter whether you intend to put these basic foundational guidelines about BDSM for beginners into any kind of action or not, simply knowing about them is key for destigmatizing the sexual practice for those who do. And that alone is helpful in perpetuating a more inclusive understanding about pleasure and how we each experience it.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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There Is No Bigger Turn-On

Than Watching My Partner Sleep With Another Man

The taboo of bearing the humiliation that comes with being a “cuck” can actually be very pleasurable.

Confessions is a series of essays on personal experiences, many of which have been kept secret for a long time. By sharing these previously confidential accounts, we explore our own mental health without judgment and in the hope that it makes it a little lighter of a burden for us to carry. It’s also a reminder that no matter how odd or unique these experiences can be, there’s always someone who can relate – and none of us are alone.

by Anonymous

I don’t know how and when I developed a cuckold fetish. It’s one of those taboo fetishes that people don’t talk about. In this situation, a man takes pleasure in watching his partner having sex with someone else, where he is only allowed to watch unless asked/commanded to participate by his “superiors”.

Maybe it was in late 2018, when my first threesome with this guy I had just started dating turned into a weird power struggle, when the guy I was “sharing” him with pulled him away from me to devour him all by himself, and for the first time in the longest time, I felt my boner die. It was as if I lost some battle with my sexuality that day. It took a while to get back to feeling normal again and once the guy left, I could proceed with my main squeeze at full mast. That feeling haunted me for a while, but I found myself yearning for that feeling again.

Maybe it was in early 2019, when the guy spoken of above turned into my full-fledged partner and we were experimenting with monogamy. We lay in bed and I wondered if now was the right time to talk to him about not being stuck in a monogamous setting. I also wondered how a third guy with us in bed finishing up the job for me would look like. I asked him if he was willing to open up the relationship. It wasn’t unheard of in the community and if RuPaul could be in one, then why not lowly mortals like us? It took him a while before he could come around to understanding it. Sexual and spiritual entanglements are entirely different. Or perhaps it was a good way to convince ourselves that this was going to be a new normal in a world where ten apps are filled with a hundred guys that are willing to come over if you have “place”.

Maybe it was later in 2019, when after experimenting and finding comfort in our new arrangement, we decided that it was the right time to welcome a guy into our abode for a three-way that could possibly be my redemption from the last time. We picked someone we both knew and had met before on separate occasions. So there was no awkwardness for any parties involved. And without any foreboding, we jumped right into it. It became a beautiful synchronous melody, where nobody felt left out and everyone desired the other. It feels weird writing these things down because I know how the Indian society perceives it, but that’s the reality of it. Sometimes it feels amazing to share your love with someone outside your relationship. The outpour of sensuous energy that afternoon in our apartment was unparalleled.

Maybe it was in early 2020, right before the lockdown put a temporary ban on all sexual fetishes, where we had a newfound respect for each other in our relationship and our wonderful third wheel (or a ‘bull’ as one may call them) was around whenever we beckoned him. By now, we had found a certain ease with our bodies and we didn’t shy away from telling each other about our other sexcapades. But the ones with our bull were the best because they seemed so non-fussy. During one of these encounters, I found myself trying to not be the alpha for a change, and let him have the proverbial reigns if you may. I just took a step back and watched what was unfolding in front of me.

A major part of being the cuck is also being teased. And my partner and the bull jumped right into their roles—tempting me, mocking me, arousing me with every taunt. But I could do nothing. I was just to bear the humiliation that came with being a cuck, and I felt most of my sexual insecurities waft away. If being inadequate is sexy for a change, then so be it. For once, it wasn’t just another ordinary threesome. It was operatic. Hey, Shakespeare did enjoy using the word ‘cuckold’ a lot. In our own script, there was no jealousy, there was no malice—there was just acceptance in all our parts of the roles we had chosen.

Just like God when he created the universe, we knew we were pleased.

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Here’s How You Can Talk To Your Partner About Your Fetish

by Neeta Karnik

“Tie me up and tell me your dreams.”

We wish it were that easy to tell our partners about our fetishes. But sometimes, the confidence takes a back seat, and we end up breaking in sweats, dismissing the idea of opening up to our partner. Don’t worry; if you have experienced such a moment, it is completely understandable. This is something that does require courage as you are opening up about something that you are vulnerable about. So to help you, here are a few ways that you can talk to your partner about your fetishes.

1. Communicate Your Trust

It is best to tell your partner that you find this topic sensitive, and it has taken a lot of courage to be open about it. You can also tell your partner that you trust them, but there is a small part of you that fears that you will be judged. This way, you are letting them know about your insecurities of being perceived differently, and you are hoping that they will be more mindful of their words.

2. Start Small

While you may have the kinkiest fantasies, you may also want to go slow when it comes to revealing them and see how your partner is accepting the news. Moreover, try not to joke about it to make the situation light. There was a time when I was so nervous about telling my partner about my sex-adventures that I added, “Just kidding!” at the end. This further confused my partner. So it is best to leave the jokes aside and talk about it in a simple manner by revealing your least kinky fantasies first and then breaking the big ones once your partner is in the zone for it.

3. Try Mutual Disclosure

If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, try asking your partner to talk about his/her fantasies so that you can feel comfortable disclosing yours. This way, you will feel more confident in revealing your fetish to your partner. If you want, you both can try writing it down, and then exchanging notes.

Just like all of us experience emotions in our unique way; similarly, our sexual experiences are also unique to us and having a fetish is completely normal. Don’t worry; your partner will be understanding of your desires in bed. Besides, it never hurt anyone to be creative in the bedroom, with consent!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Tips for Long-Distance Kink

by

Many romantic partners are quarantined in separate homes, and online think pieces are falling all over themselves to teach us how to sext and how to plan the perfect long-distance date. While some couples can keep their relationships afloat by flinging the occasional nude into the cloud, those who crave consensual power exchange have been left to fend for ourselves.

Maybe you and your partner have an established kink dynamic. Maybe you’re tired of whispering, “Sit on my face,” into the phone and you’re yearning for variety. Maybe you swiped right on a BDSM-loving babe and have decided to be her Zoom daddy for the foreseeable future. Good news: there are no geographic limits to being a kinky slut, and I’m willing to lend you my perverted imagination.

First, some definitions: BDSM is acronym that can be broken down into three parts — B&D (bondage and discipline), D/s (dominance and submission) and S&M (sadism and masochism). BDSM falls under the larger “kink” umbrella, which includes any “unconventional” sexual practice (whatever that means for you) and consensual power play. Kink and BDSM don’t always involve sex. I’ve included some long-distance kink ideas that involve sexual stimulation and others where the orgasms are optional.

Safety First

You can’t shove your sweetie’s face into the mattress and flog them into next year while social distancing, but that doesn’t mean you should ditch your safe word. Since long-distance kink is often verbal, you’ll have an opportunity to discover fantasies that live in the deepest, most fucked up recesses of your mind (fun, huh?). You’ll both feel safer exploring that space if you have a word that lets your partner know it’s time to tap out.

Distance also requires us to reframe aftercare, which is how kinky people refer to the time and attention we give to each other when we’re coming down from an intense physical and/ or psychological experience. Aftercare typically involves touch. In a virtual kink scenario, aftercare might look like a verbal debrief of the roleplay you just enjoyed. It might involve sending each other calming playlists or Facetiming while you share videos of labradors learning how to surf. This won’t feel like the IRL aftercare you may have experienced before, so you’ll have to experiment (and communicate) to meet each other’s needs

Once you’ve discussed safety and boundaries, you’re ready to dive in.

Use Your Words

Since you’re not sharing a physical space, you’ll have to do some storytelling to get each other off. Talk about a kinky experience you shared pre-quarantine. List the vicious things you’d do to each other if you were in the same space now.

Do you or your partner have particular words or phrases that get you into a kinky headspace? Maybe you like to be a “good girl” or a “slut.” Maybe your partner likes to be called “Daddy,” “Mistress” or “Sir.” Sometimes a simple “please” is all it takes to thrust someone into power play mode. If you’re experimenting with a new person or if you don’t already know your partner’s kinky buzzwords, ask! Make a list. Use them with abandon.

Role Play

Role play is often rooted in power play, and this is an ideal time to stretch your fantasies to their creative limits. Is teacher/ student role play your thing? Assign your student a book report. Grade it. Make them spank themself on video chat for each grammatical error. Does doctor/ patient play turn you on? Turn your Zoom meeting into a telehealth appointment. I know you have latex gloves.

Follow Instructions

Kink is full of instructions (“Stay still;” “Get on your knees;” “Be a good boy”). Instructions can fuel a kinky video chat or phone call, but they can also keep your heart pounding throughout an entire day. Experiment with immediate demands (“Take a photo of your ass right now and text it to me”), daily tasks (“I want you to polish all of your boots every morning while I watch”) or hourly tasks (“I want you to masturbate every hour on the hour, but don’t let yourself have an orgasm”). Raise the stakes with rewards and punishments.

Practice Orgasm Control

Orgasm control can involve forcing, delaying or denying a partner’s orgasm as a form of power play. When you’re not in the same space, you can control a partner’s orgasms verbally (“You’re not allowed to come until I give you permission”) or physically using an app-compatible sex toy or chastity device.

We-Vibe makes multiple toys (including vaginal toys, butt plugs and underwear vibes) that can be operated from a cell phone. These toys are powerful and versatile, but they’re definitely pricey. If you have the funds to order one, you can wear it throughout the day and let your partner control it all day long. After a full day of edging, your evening phone sex will be electric.

Chastity devices prevent the wearer from receiving sexual pleasure. Chastity cages are designed for penises and are available at most sex toy retailers, and the more flexible options can be safely worn for long periods of time. Most of them allow the wearer to use the bathroom even when they’re locked in, so you can instruct your sub to stay in their cage all day. Chastity belt options for folks with vulvas are fairly limited, but I found some hot options on Etsy (just be aware that you won’t be able to pee while wearing one of these and plan accordingly).

Send Snail Mail

We’re in the midst of a pandemic, so it’s not the best time time to mail your worn, wet underwear your your long-distance darling. That said, receiving any form of mail that’s not a bill feels exciting, especially right now, and there are plenty of other physical objects that can make your long-distance play feel a little more personal. Send your partner a sex toy from your local sex toy store. Tell them you want them to use while you watch on video chat. Mail your sub a collar. Send lingerie or leather or latex and demand a photo shoot. Handwrite erotica. Make something that fulfills a roleplay fantasy (perhaps your student needs a report card?).

Let Someone Else Do The Work

Sex workers have been hit hard by Covid-19. The risk of infection has made in-person work dangerous for sex workers and their clients, and many people in the sex industry don’t qualify for unemployment or other government relief funds. Now is the time to pay sex workers for their expertise! Buy your partner an online domination session. Purchase a video clip from your favorite domme’s website or OnlyFans page. You’ll be supporting a worker whose livelihood is in jeopardy, and you’ll be getting hot content in return (and if you have extra dollars to spare, donate to your local sex worker relief fund or SWOP chapter).

Plan for Your Kinky Future

Long-distance power play is possible, but you can’t exactly fulfill someone’s kidnapping fantasy while remaining six feet away. When social distancing no longer keeps you and your partner apart, what do you want to do to each other? Create a kinky wish list of spankings and rope bondage and play parties. Looking forward to future exploits might help you stay grounded while you wait for the world to be closer to normal. We have no idea when that will be, but at least we can stay wet while we wait.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The New Sex Practice

Shibari Is Like Bondage’s Cousin, but Better

If you saw it on Netflix’s new series “Too Hot to Handle,” come right this way for all the deets.

By Taylor Andrews

You’ve probably heard a thing or two about BDSM (at the very least, you’ve watched Fifty Shades of Grey and thought about converting your S.O.’s video game room into a red room). The term stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadochism and machocism.

Maybe you’ve dabbled in it a bit, maybe you haven’t. But for those who are interested in spicing up their sex life in both an emotional and physical way, you might want to learn about shibari—BDSM’s sort-of, kind-of cousin.

If you’ve already binged Netflix’s new dating show Too Hot to Handle, you probably saw the contestants practice shibari in one of the challenges and thought: Wait, what the hell is happening? And while I personally loved seeing Harry getting tied up, I’m p sure the show isn’t the best place for understanding and learning what shibari is (lol)—but thankfully, this article is.

Not only can shibari be enjoyed by all genders, body types, and sexual orientations, but it’s a great means to bring healthy communication, trust, and spice into your sex life. With the help of four experts, here’s everything you need to know about the rope bondage about to change your sex life.

Okay, so what is shibari?

“Shibari is a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan. Sometimes it’s called kinbaku, but it’s most simply referred to as Japanese bondage,” says sexologist Midori, author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. And yes, while shibari can be used as a means for sexual pleasure, historically, it’s been used as a form of meditation, relaxation, and trust-building practice between two partners, says sexpert Gabi Levi.

(Fun fact to impress your friends on trivia night with: The word shibari actually means “tying” and kinbaku means “tight binding,” says Jonathan Ryan, an international rope artist based in Seattle.)

How is it different than regular bondage?

Bondage, in general, can use any kind of restriction—handcuffs, tape, ties, scarves, etc.—but shibari refers exclusively to the practice of using rope, or rope-like material, to bind yourself or partner, says sex educator Rev. Rucifer. “Shibari is often not just about the sensation of restriction, but also about the intimate connection between the rigger and receiver.”

And while rope bondage is used commonly in BDSM practices anyway, “Shibari stands out for its striking visual aesthetic and emphasis on the emotional and psychological connection between the participants,” says Ryan.

How should you and your partner start if you’re interested in trying shibari?

Like engaging in any new sexual experience, communicating your boundaries and hard limits prior to beginning is a must. “Because rope bondage involves restraint and power dynamics, the person being tied may not express boundaries clearly,” says Ryan. “For that reason, be sure to have a clear discussion beforehand about what you both want out of the experience, what is on and off the table, and how you’ll communicate if there is an issue,” he continues.

It’s worth developing a safe word (like “pineapple” or “red”) that could relay to your partner the scene is going too far or there’s a boundary being crossed. Here are some questions you should ask and answer with your partner beforehand:

  • What do you look and sound like when things feel good to you?
  • How will I know if you’re having fun?
  • How will I know when I need to change course?
  • What kind of mood or feelings do we want to have while we play (rough, tender, naughty, cared for, etc.)?

Once you have boundaries established, you should get familiar with the basics. Here are some things you’ll need to know in order to get started:

  • Learn how to tie a “single-column tie” (like a Somerville Bowline) because that’s the foundation of the practice, suggests Ryan. Here’s a video tutorial.
  • Start with a floor tie rather than going straight into suspension, says Rucifer. This ensures that you practice the proper methods before jumping into in-air suspension.
  • Have safety sheers on hand… for obvious reasons.
  • Make sure you have a safe and comfortable space to play. It should be familiar to both parties.
  • The preferred material of rope is jute because it’s a strong natural fiber, but hemp and cotton will work too.

Lastly, educate yourself with videos, resources, books, and anything else you can find on the subject to ensure healthy and safe practices. This rope bottom guide is great if you want to be the person tied up. This website offers general education about shibari from trained educators. And this how-to video can properly get you started if you’re new to this world.

So why should my partner and I try shibari instead of regular bondage?

All BDSM practices require high levels of trust and communication, but for shibari, there’s sometimes a more intimate and emotionally-binding (pun intended) component to it. “The sensation of being tied up is not the sensation of being ‘trapped’ but rather lends itself to the idea of completely letting go of the physical bounds and allowing for that deep, emotional catharsis to take place,” says Levi.

“The play between the power dynamics and the release of control from the bottom to the top creates an intimate dance of trust and connection between partners. This often creates deep emotional connection, sometimes experienced as crying, euphoria or simply a feeling of a deeper connection,” says Rucifer.

Any tips, tricks, or benefits of trying shibari?

  • Blindfolds will make everything significantly more fun. “These take the pressure off the new adventurer and enhance the sensation for the person bottoming,” says Midori.
  • Keep things simple and sexy. No need to overcomplicate the ties.
  • Relish in the untying part too—don’t just focus on the aesthetics of tying your partner. “Take your time to savor that—it’s often when the skin and body is really awake to sensuality,” says Midori.

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Kink Is More Popular Than You Think

Your kink might be more common than you think.

“It’s incredible to see how people open up to me,” says Stavroula Toska. She loves the look of relief on their faces when they realize they can talk to her and she won’t judge them. About their fetishes.

Toska’s a writer, director and actor who began working as a dominatrix while researching her 2018 TV series Switch. She’s trained couples and individuals, letting them talk about their fantasies and try what was on their minds. Couples who wanted the same things but didn’t know where to start or how to get past their own inhibitions could turn to her for guidance, learning how to submit when they wanted to and call the shots when they wanted to.

That kind of help might be made to order for a larger proportion of the population than you think. According to a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine …

The 2017 survey drew data from more than 8,000 Belgians asked about their level of interest in hitting or being hit with a whip, sexual uses of hot candle wax, controlling their partner’s breathing and playacting rape, among other things. Though only 7.6 percent said they considered themselves to be “BDSM practitioners,” 12.5 percent said they performed such activities on a regular basis, 46.8 percent had engaged in BDSM at some point and an additional 22 percent had fantasized about it. To put it another way: Fewer than 1 in 3 people aren’t into this.

“Many of the things that we’ve long considered to be paraphilic are actually pretty common sexual interests,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. One reason such activities have been classified as rare or strange, he theorizes, is that psychologists and psychiatrists just thought they sounded unusual. “Once we started to really systematically explore them, we found that a lot of these are quite common,” he says.  

Paraphilic sexual interests are defined as unusual or anomalous and include not just sadism and masochism but voyeurism and fetishes. While kink has been increasingly normalized — Fifty Shades of Grey, of course, but also more recent cultural artifacts like Netflix’s 2019 show Bonding — it’s only been seven years since the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual used by American doctors reclassified BDSM behavior as no longer a mental illness requiring treatment. For example, according to Gabbard’s Treatments of Psychiatric Disorders, Fifth Edition, if a sadist were aroused by fantasies or acts involving nonconsensual behaviors, clinicians were advised to prescribe antiandrogens — drugs that block the hormones that regulate the development of sex. Now, those into sexual sadism and masochism can still be considered as requiring treatment, but only if the practice causes distress to the person or others around them.

But engaging in kink can actually have a positive effect on health. A 2013 evaluation of psychological characteristics of people practicing BDSM found that they were less neurotic, more open and extroverted and less rejection-sensitive than the general population.

Still, the culture by and large remains underground in the form of secret societies, invite-only parties and online chats. Perhaps that secrecy just makes it more titillating, though. Mainstream guides like Time Out have even featured recommendations of best sex dungeons in some cities.

For first timers, though, that may not be the best option. Toska advises those who are interested in exploring their kinky side to find another consenting adult who will understand what it is they’re looking for and who agrees to explore responsibly. For those in a relationship, she says, it’s a good idea to speak with their partner about maintaining an open mind. “I’d also inform them that they are not alone,” she says. “There are thousands, possibly millions, of people around the world who share the same interest.”

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Everything you need to know about pet play

Grab your collar and leash, pup.

By Ana Valens

Puppies, kitties, and ponies: What do these things all have in common? If you’re a kinkster, then you probably know the answer. That’s right, they’re all part of pet play.

In the BDSM world, pet play is incredibly popular across sexualities, genders, and kink preferences. Many pet players are newcomers to Domination and submission (D/s), and role-playing as a kitty or puppy gives them a safe, accessible outlet to start exploring their fetishes. Others are part of the leather community and adore pet play in all of its odds and ends, from leashes and collars to masks, cages, and grooming their precious pets. Additionally, pet play’s accessibility makes it an incredibly popular kink in the online BDSM world, particularly with YouTubers who run kink channels.

If you’re interested in pet play or just want to know a little bit more about its appeal, here’s everything you need to know.

What is pet play?

Pet play is a kink in which one or more participants role-play as a pet animal. Technically, pet play falls into a larger kink umbrella called “animal play,” which may include “imitating the sounds of animals, crawling about on all fours, being hand-fed or petted, or wearing a collar,” as Kinkly writes. Within pet play, the animal role-player’s persona can take on many different forms, from your traditional domesticated cat to wild creatures and even mythical pets.

Amp Somers, the co-host of the kinky YouTube channel Watts the Safeword, told me that he discovered pet play eight years ago and has since created numerous videos on the kink. For him, pet play is deeply personal and lets him bond with his play partners beyond your traditional boyfriend-boyfriend relationship. This is in part because communication, trust, and connection are all huge parts of play for him. When a partner cannot communicate because they are a pet, he said, pet play “requires being able to communicate in other ways, body language, looks, sounds and so on,” which leads to a much deeper, more intimate connection during play. At the same time, though, pet play is explorative and fun, and you don’t need to be a kink expert to try it.

“It’s playful and kinky and doesn’t take itself too seriously,” Somers said. “As far as BDSM/kinks go, it’s not as aggressive as some of the more impactful kinks can be and provides a playful entry level for new kinksters.”

Like Somers, I have a personal connection to pet play. While I’m not necessarily a puppy play aficionado, I love doing puppy play with my partners who are into the kink. In day-to-day life, I’m somewhat restless and high-strung, as well as easily excitable. Just like a puppy, I’m eager to play, explore, experiment, and be rewarded for obedience. This comes out as a puppy, too.

With one play partner, I’ll cuddle up next to her, call her “owner,” and act like an excitable dog-girl. With another friend who is both a sadist and a dominatrix, I’ll get down on my knees and drink out of a water bowl for her while on a leash, or bark on command in exchange for head pats, usually with a few slaps thrown in for good measure. Other times, the roles will reverse, and I’ll serve as “owner” for an adorable kitty or puppy that needs plenty of love, cuddles, and “release,” if you catch my drift.

Suffice to say, pet play isn’t purely a sexual kink for me; nor is it for a play partner I’m close with, Lilith. Lilith told me about her pet play kink several years ago, and we worked together to help her explore it. Since then, pet play has rubbed off on me, and it’s become a core part of our relationship. When we’re alone, I’ll hold her and pet her as if she’s a cat. She’ll cuddle up next to me and mew, whimper, or make little cooing sounds. It’s adorable, and the effect it has on Lilith makes it a real treat.

“I actually don’t engage with the kink in a very sexual manner most of the time,” Lilith said. “I am mostly doing it when cuddling, before or after sex. I don’t look at being a cat girl as sexual, I just look at it as a way to shrink. Almost like I’m assuming a character.”

While Lilith showed an interest in pet play from a young age, it wasn’t until her teen years that the kink started to come out in her sex life. During her sexual awakening, she would make pet sounds with partners during sex and ask them to “hold [her] in a way that made [her] feel cared for.” There certainly is a sexual and erotic element to Lilith’s pet play kink, but the kink usually isn’t a sexual experience for her. There’s a wide-ranging spectrum for kinksters’ relationships with pet play; it can be as sexual or nonsexual as play partners allow.

“I like being a small, cat girl-like being. I almost always assume the role when I’m bottoming,” Lillith explained. “I’m a switch, and when I top I almost never do any of the pet stuff. When engaging with the kink outside of sex, I am definitely still enjoy being ‘small’ and letting my partner care for me.”

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A beginner’s guide to kinky sex

Better clear your diary…

By

Kinky sex covers a whole host of sexy things, from BDSM and power play to fetish and role play. It can be confusing to understand exactly what counts as kinky sex, and how you can do it yourself. So if you’re looking to get into kink for the first time, or you want more tips on how to do it safely, here is everything you need to know.

What is kinky sex?

Kinky sex basically includes any kind of sexual activity that is related to power, says Lianne Young, sex and relationships expert and counsellor, and writer for House of Ardent. A big part of this is BDSM, which stands for dominance and submission, bondage and discipline, and sadomasochism, though BDSM isn’t the only thing that qualifies as kink.

What does kinky sex include?

There are plenty of sexual acts that can be counted as kink. These can include:

  • BDSM, including dominance and submission, and humiliation and power.
  • Role playing.
  • Fetishes, for example, foot fetishes.
  • Dressing up, including wearing latex, leather and uniforms.
  • Bondage, using handcuffs, ropes, chains or blindfolds.
  • Accessories. This can include anything from bondage materials, to latex gloves, cock rings, pin wheels, and even “putting someone in a cage and treating them like a dog,” says Lianne. If you want to involve pain or humiliation, try spitting on someone or spanking them using a cane, whip, ruler and paddle, Lianne continues.
  • Electric shocks. Taking kink play to the extreme, some companies like Electrastim sell electric shock apparatus to be used for sexual pleasure, adds Lianne.

What are the origins of kinky sex?

The term ‘kink’ was historically used to describe any sexual activity that bends or ‘kinks’ away from the norm. Even today, some aspects of psychiatry still refer to kinky activities like fetishism, sadism and masochism as “paraphilias“, or “abnormal sexual desires”, with these normal and consensual behaviours listed alongside things like paedophilia. However, ‘kink’ is generally now used as a positive term.

“We can really question this whole idea of ‘abnormal’ sex,” says Meg-John Barker, author of Enjoy Sex and host of the Meg-John and Justin podcast. “Actually the number of people who feel some desire for being tied up, or spanked, for example, is higher than the number of people who don’t.”

How is kinky sex different from adventurous sex?

Adventurous sex means venturing outside of your normal boundaries or activities, while kinky sex is more to do with power play, says Lianne. Adventurous sex might be something simple like introducing a vibrator or having a threesome, while kink is often more about power and fantasy.

However, Lianne adds that kink isn’t just about power. “It’s also an important way of enhancing a couple’s relationship through consensual acts involving pain, control and role play.”

Kinky sex ideas to try

Keep things simple

Lianne suggests starting with an easy role playing scenario, like pretending you don’t know each other and chatting each other up in a bar.

Combine pain and pleasure

Pain and pleasure really compliment one another,” says Lianne. “Try ass spanking and then clit stimulation instantly after one another and keep repeating this.” If you’re new to pain, Lianne recommends building up your pain resistance rather than going all out straight away.

Try bondage

Start with a beginners’ bondage kit if you want to experiment with restraint, but make sure you read the instructions to stay safe. “Being tied up can feel adventurous, and if added with a blindfold you can play with the senses of sight, hearing, taste, touch and imagination. The brain is the biggest sex organ,” explains Lianne.

If you’re trying any kind of bondage or dominance and submission, it’s crucial that you discuss boundaries and establish a safe word or signal before starting.

Dress up and use accessories

Good costumes to start with can be latex or PVC, says Lianne, or you can try dressing up as a character. It can also be fun to include accessories, like vibrators, cock rings, candle wax and lotions.

Read erotic stories

If you’re new to kink, reading erotic stories online can give you ideas of different scenes to play out, suggests Lianne.

Do what feels right

While a list of kinky ideas might be useful for some people, Meg-John says it’s better to start with what excites you personally. “For most people it’s not about specific positions or scenarios, but rather playing with different roles or sensations. A great idea to start with is to do something like Betty Martin’s three minute game because that enables you to practice consent as well as figuring out what roles and sensations you might enjoy.

“You might also find Justin and my ‘Make Your Own Sex Manual’ and ‘Erotic Fantasies’ zines helpful for tuning into what you’re into and communicating it. These include making your own ‘yes, no, maybe’ list of things you’d like to try, and as well as plenty of suggestions for fantasies, erotic fiction, or ethical porn,” they continue.

Kinky sex positions to try

Sex positions for kinky sex depend on the scenario being played out, but Lianne suggests being bent over a counter, chair, bed, or specialised sex apparatus, especially if you’re trying bondage or spanking.

“Try being tied to a chair with legs spread apart and hands tied behind you. Get your partner to add a blindfold so you don’t know what’s going to happen next. Kink play is about using your imagination and letting someone take control, or being in control, with someone you trust,” says Lianne.

Positions that help you look into each other’s eyes can be great, as this enhances the feeling of being submissive or dominant, and kneeling also has the same effect, Lianne adds.

Safety tips for kinky sex

“Discuss what you’re going to do before you do it, have a safe word ready and don’t push boundaries,” says Lianne

However, it’s important to remember that a lot of the rules for kinky sex still apply to all sex. “For all sex it’s a great idea to talk ahead about what you like and dislike, and any limits that you have,” says Meg-John.

When it comes to safe words and signals, plan how you’ll check in beforehand. Meg-John suggests the traffic light system (red for stop, yellow for slow down, or green for keep going). If you want to use a non-verbal stop signal, tapping your partner to an agreed rhythm is a good idea.

It can also be useful to discuss any trauma experiences you’ve had and what your triggers might be.

Consent is also crucial, and of course this applies to any kind of sex. Meg-John suggests using their consent checklist if you are unsure.

What you should know if you’re trying kink for the first time

If you’re interested in trying something kinky, you need to make sure your partner is on the same page first. Lianne suggests sitting them down and explaining your fantasy to them first. Don’t worry if it’s not as great as you expected first time around. Practise makes perfect.

Why do people enjoy kinky sex?

Kink is a great way of experimenting and mixing things up in the bedroom. As Lianne puts it, “do you eat the same cuisine every evening? Or do you occasionally treat yourself to take away?

“Sex play is the same and should have added spice occasionally – and it’s very healthy. Sex is about enjoyment.”

Meg-John adds that kink can reveal a lot about our subconscious desires. “Many of us eroticise the tough things that have happened in our lives, so it’s very common for people to be turned on by the idea of being controlled, or someone having power over them, or some kind of punishment or humiliation,” they explain.

However, kink doesn’t just have to be about your subconscious psyche. “The things we enjoy can simply be fun and playful, things that feel nice to our bodies, or things that help us to connect to another person. There can be many reasons why we’re into what we’re into, and it shouldn’t really matter as long as we’re acting on it consensually,” they add.

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