Male Birth Control Gel Is Proving Safe and Effective in Early Clinical Trials

— It’s a major research milestone—but it’s still years before the product reaches the public.

This week, researchers at the National Institutes of Health’s Contraceptive Development Program announced promising results from a phase 2 trial demonstrating the safety and efficacy of a novel male birth control gel. The product contains testosterone and the synthetic hormone segesterone acetate (called Nestorone) that reduces sperm production is the cutting edge in male contraception options. Segesterone acetate is an ingredient of the Annovera vaginal birth control ring.

“The development of a safe, highly effective and reliably reversible contraceptive method for men is an unmet need,” senior researcher Diana Blithe, Ph.D., chief of the Contraceptive Development Program at the National Institutes of Health said in a press release. “While studies have shown that some hormonal agents may be effective for male contraception, the slow onset of spermatogenic suppression is a limitation.”

The study included 222 men who completed at least three weeks of daily treatment with the contraceptive gel. Men applied about a teaspoon of the gel once daily to each shoulder blade.

Most study participants (86%) reached sperm suppression, the threshold researchers deemed effective for contraception, by week 15, the researchers reported. Among those men, sperm production was suppressed at a median time of less than eight weeks of segesterone-testosterone treatment. Testosterone treatment alone decreases sperm production, with a median time of 15 weeks, but the addition of segesterone acetate both sped up the efficacy time, and lowered the dose of testosterone needed to suppress sperm production, researchers found. With the daily segesterone-testosterone gel regimen, blood levels of testosterone are kept in the physiologic range to maintain normal sexual function, according to the press release.

While this study shows initial results that are promising, the study will continue to test the contraceptive’s effectiveness, safety, acceptability and reversibility of contraception after treatment stops.

U.S. and global surveys have found that men are willing to use contraception, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Southern California Dr. Brian Nguyen, one of the investigators on the gel clinical trials, told NBC News.

“By and large, they always say they’d be interested.”

But whether or not this option will make it to store shelves eventually depends on support of ongoing research and development. Drug developments can range from $1 billion to $2 billion, according to the Congressional Budget Office, and as of yet, this research project has no commercial partner to assist with costs.

“No pharmaceutical company is willing to put up money to develop a drug if there are not people who are going to take it,” Mills said. “It’s very concerning and, frankly, testimony to the sexism present in the drug development that it has taken so long to still not have an FDA-approved drug for male birth control,” Jesse N. Mills, clinical professor of urology and director of the men’s clinic at UCLA told The Washington Post.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

June 6, 2024June 5, 2024

Why Do Humans Kiss?

muah!

By Ariane Resnick, CNC

Pucker up! Few and far between is the person who doesn’t like to kiss or be kissed (when it’s consensual)…but when you really think about it, it’s kind of a funny behavior! Even as a person who considers kissing one of her favorite pastimes, I admit I’ve never thought too long or deeply about why putting my mouth on another person brings me such joy.

I think we all know what kissing is, but just in case: kissing is the act of placing your mouth on someone or something, usually gently, sometimes repeatedly, or for an extended period. Usually, this is two people placing their lips together.

But when most other species of animals don’t perform the same behavior, it begs the question, how did humans begin doing this, and why do we continue?

Evolutionary Perspective—Where did kissing come from?

It would be easy to assume that everyone kisses, but that’s actually not true. Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Biird and AASECT-certified sex educator, tells us that “romantic kissing is actually not universal within the human species.” She notes a recent study of 168 cultures, which found romantic or sexual kissing only took place in 46 percent,1 and explains that “romantic and sexual kissing were more common in places with more complex cultures with multiple social classes.”

Records of people kissing date back about 4500 years, to early human cuneiform writings,2 but scientists suspect kissing may have begun as far back as 100,000 years ago. It may have been a biological tool to suss out the immune system of a potential partner; Weiss says, “saliva contains hormones as well as information about the person’s genes that indicates how compatible your immune systems are.”

Suzannah Weiss, sex educator

The lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so kissing someone is a way to get to know them better.
— Suzannah Weiss, sex educator

She explains that “there’s also been research showing that societies where people wear more clothes are more likely to practice kissing. This may be because the face is the only part of the body that is exposed when the rest of the body is covered in clothes, and people are craving skin-to-skin contact.”

Kissing also may have begun through our primate ancestors, as a method of transporting pre-chewed food from mother to baby. This is a habit used across many species. Babies naturally use their mouths for breastfeeding, so giving food to an infant by mouth-to-mouth could have been a natural next step as a baby moved from breast milk to food.

The act of kissing may play an important role in who we choose as partners. In addition to providing us with biological info, Weiss says that “the lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so kissing someone is a way to get to know them better.” Because humans have a less strong sense of smell than many other species, kissing is also a way to get close to another person and find out how your body reacts to their pheromones.

Psychological and Emotional Aspects

Known as the love hormone, oxytocin is key to helping us feel bonded to one another. Kissing may make our bodies create it, but that hasn’t been proven true across all genders.

Weiss explains, “one study found that kissing increased oxytocin—a hormone involved in bonding—in men but not women.” She add that “oxytocin is usually released during activities like cuddling and sex, so if kissing were combined with these activities, it would probably release oxytocin.”

Even if it hasn’t been proven to trigger the release of oxytocin, kissing still has psychological and emotional benefits. “It’s a physically intimate activity, so it lets someone know that you have some kind of attraction or affection for them,” notes Weiss.

Kissing is a way to get to know someone better, and it can be a good indicator of whether you’ll be a fit for further intimacy. And even if things don’t go further, kissing can be fun. It may release other happy hormones, like serotonin and dopamine, as well as lower your stress levels.

Social and Cultural Influences

Since not every culture kisses, it makes sense that not all cultures have the same habits and practices around kissing. Weiss notes that kissing rules aren’t even consistent throughout the country, saying that “Even within the US, the social norms around kissing vary based on subculture.”

She explains, “In religious communities, for instance, it may be expected that someone go on several dates and be committed to someone before kissing them. At places like nightclubs, raves, and bars, kissing may be a fun activity that doesn’t have to lead to anything after the night is over. For some sex workers, kissing is off-limits because it is considered too emotionally intimate.”

No matter what subculture you’re a part of, enthusiastic consent is vital to kissing someone. Ideally you can ask first verbally, and at the very least you should be very clear that the other person’s body language is welcoming. If someone is from a culture where kissing is less common, the idea of just going for it may be off the table for them. Before becoming physically intimate with a new person, consider first talking with them about their comfort levels.

Health Benefits and Risks

Kissing is a two way street when it comes to our health, both having benefits and creating risks. Let’s look at the different impacts it can have on our bodies.

On the plus side, kissing the same person over a period of time can boost both of your immune systems. “One study found that partners who frequently kissed had similar oral microbiomes, meaning that bacteria were transferred between the two mouths,”3 says Weiss, who adds that “while this might sound like a bad thing, this includes good bacteria that help to fight off infections.”

On the other hand, kissing can open us up to a host of negative bacteria and viruses, too. You can transmit germs for everything from cold sores to a cold to COVID. Illnesses such as Mononucleosis, known as the “kissing disease,” can leave you incapacitated for month.

Kissing tends to be more common in societies with stronger oral hygiene. Because illnesses such as gum disease can be transferred via kissing, good oral hygiene is important so that your kissing doesn’t cause anyone harm.

Personal and Intimate Relationships

Can a couple be happy together without kissing? Such a thing may be possible, but kissing certainly doesn’t hurt, and it may be an indicator of relationship satisfaction. “Couples who kiss more frequently are more satisfied in their relationships,” says Weiss. “In fact, kissing appears to have more of an impact on relationship satisfaction than intercourse. Couples who kiss frequently also have better sex lives,” she adds.

There are many types of kisses, and they aren’t all sexual. Parents kiss their children goodnight, we kiss our pets, and friends often kiss on the cheek in greeting. A kiss is a way of expressing affection, just like a hug.

And for our romantic relationships, they may be one of the keys to longevity. “If you want your relationship to last, don’t forget to kiss your partner on the way out the door, when you come home, when you say goodnight or any time when it’s convenient,” suggests Weiss. “If you can get into the habit, you’ll get to enjoy the benefits on a daily basis,” she adds.

Keep in Mind

Kissing is unique to humans and to our primate cousins, who may have handed it down to us. It’s something that just shy of half the human population does, mostly in areas with numerous social classes and strong oral hygiene. It’s a way to express emotion, affection, and attraction, depending on the type of kiss, and it’s something many people enjoy.

Kissing can boost our immune systems, but it can also put our health at risk, depending on whom we’re sharing our mouths with. If kissing someone romantically, you should always get consent first, as it’s a physically intimate activity. We enjoy it as people because it releases happy chemicals, help us feel bonded to one another, and may reduce stress.

Kissing is free, fun, and it helps relationships thrive—what’s not to love?!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

June 5, 2024

Autistic People More Likely To Identify As LGBTQ

By Marina Sarris

One day, Riley Smith learned from some former co-workers that an acquaintance had come out as transgender. Smith felt happy for the acquaintance, but she also felt something else. “Afterward, in the days and weeks that followed, I felt a different emotion that I recognized as envy. It led to me to ask myself increasingly difficult questions about who I was.”

Assigned male at birth, Smith eventually came to realize that she is a transgender woman. As an autistic person, she is not alone. A higher percentage of autistic people identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ) than the general population, according to research studies.^1-5 A 2017 Gallup poll found that 4.5 percent of Americans identify as LGBT.

Studies vary widely on the percentage of people with autism who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. One analysis suggested the rate is 15 to 35 percent among autistic people who do not have intellectual disability. ²

“Most of the data that we’re seeing is that [the LGB rate] is two to three times higher,” says clinical psychologist Eileen T. Crehan, Ph.D., an assistant professor at Tufts University. But larger studies need to be done before the true rate is known, she says.

Several studies also suggest that autistic men are more likely than autistic women to be heterosexual.^{3, 5} In a Dutch study, for example, only 57 percent of autistic women reported being straight compared to 82 percent of autistic men. The women were more likely to be attracted to both sexes, and also to neither sex.⁵

Research suggests that people who have an autism diagnosis or autism traits are more likely to be transgender than the general population. One study found the rate to be two to three times higher in people who have autism. Also, a larger percentage of autistic people reported their gender as being something other than strictly male or female, compared to other people. Examples of gender identities included in that study were bigender, genderqueer, and “other.” ³

Sex Education for Students with Autism

Eileen Crehan studies sexuality, gender identity, and sex education experiences in adults who have autism. She asks, “How do we prepare youth, particularly those with autism, to navigate sexual relationships and their own identity?” She discusses sexual orientation, gender identity, and autism in a recorded webinar for SPARK, the largest study of autism.

In an interview, Crehan says access to appropriate sex education is “an area of need” across the autism community, especially for those with minimal verbal skills. U.S. schools often teach sex education differently from state to state, and many such classes do not address LGBTQ issues, she says.

Crehan wonders about the timing of sex education for some youth who have autism. Students often take sex education classes in the pre-teen to early teen years, when most children reach puberty. But those on the spectrum may develop socially on a different timeline, Crehan says. Do they take an interest in dating and become aware of sexual orientation and gender identity at the same ages as their typically developing classmates, she asks. “Is the timeline similar in autism? There are a lot of questions to answer.”

Autism and Self-Awareness in the Teen Years

Riley Smith, 26, wonders if being on the autism spectrum delayed her recognition of her gender identity when she was younger. “That [autism] diagnosis may have made it more difficult to figure out that I was transgender, mainly because I had issues with not being fully in touch with my own feelings and desires,” explains Smith, a participant in the SPARK autism study.

Smith was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder in childhood, and received help with social skills. “A comparatively large part of my time at that age was spent just learning how to socially interact with people. So I guess I wasn’t doing as much active introspection. I was too focused on the performative aspect of social situations.”

Justin, who did not want his last name used, discovered in high school that he was both autistic and gay. “I knew what being gay was, but I personally lacked the emotional self-awareness for a while until I realized that’s what I was feeling toward other guys,” he explains. He only told a few trusted people. “I wasn’t openly gay in high school because I suspected very strongly I would be attacked,” he says.

Bullying is a particular risk for students like Smith and Justin. According to research, students with autism are at higher risk of being bullied.⁶ The same is true for LGBT youth. A 2017 survey of U.S. high school students found that those who are gay, lesbian, and bisexual are almost twice as likely to be bullied at school and online as heterosexual students are.⁷

Justin, who is in his 20s, did not escape bullying in high school. “I was bullied for being autistic. It’s just that no one involved knew that’s what I was. They just saw me as this awkward nerd. My differences offended them so they wanted to be mean.”

Smith says she was “mildly bullied” in high school. “It was not due to anything LGBT-related. I don’t think they knew I have autism, but they knew I was unusual.”

Shortly after high school, Smith came out to her family as a gay man. Then in her 20s, after she realized she was transgender, she began the process of transitioning to female.

She knew she was on the right path, she says, when she asked herself a question: “If there was a button you could push that automatically switches your gender, would you push it?” And she knew that she would.

The road she is traveling is a long one, she says. “Not only is transitioning difficult and entails a lot of emotional and physical changes, but it’s also a very long process that involves a lot of minor steps.”

Finding Support, Information for Gender and Sexuality Questions in Autism

Smith began attending an online support group for people who are transitioning.

Her mother, Lisa St. John, started a group for parents of transgender adults on the spectrum. Apart from gender identity issues, the transition to adulthood alone can be difficult for anyone on the spectrum, St. John says. Adding in a gender transition “compounds the difficulty,” she says. Her group members want to help support their children through their transitions.

When her daughter was growing up, she says, no one told her that people on the spectrum are more likely to be LGBTQ. She was surprised when Smith came out to her, and she struggled to find a doctor who was knowledgeable about autism and transgender concerns.

Crehan says many adults, both with and without autism, say they wish they had received more education about sexuality when they were younger. “We hear it more strongly from the autistic group,” she says. That’s because their social and communication differences may pose challenges for dating and relationships. And if they are LGBTQ, those differences may cause challenges with the process of coming out to family and friends. She says the Organization for Autism Research has sex education resources online for straight and LGBTQ people ages 15 and older.

Justin says that understanding and accepting his autism made it easier to understand and accept his sexuality, and vice versa. Autistic people and LGBTQ people often face negative stereotypes, discrimination, and pressure to conform or “pass for ‘normal,’” he says. “The intersection between being queer and being autistic is that we don’t want to be altered. We don’t want to be cured of who we are. Our worth doesn’t derive from seeming ‘normal.’”

Briella Baer Chen, formerly of the Interactive Autism Network, provided information for this article.

Resources

View “Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Autism Spectrum Disorder,” Eileen Crehan’s SPARK webinar.
The Organization for Autism Research publishes Sex Ed for Self-Advocates, for ages 15 and older.
View a recording of another SPARK webinar by Crehan, “Talking about the Birds and the Bees in ASD.”

References

George R. and Stokes M.A. Autism Res. 11, 133-141 (2018) PubMed
Pecora L.A. et al. J. Autism Dev. Disord. 46, 3519-3556 (2016) PubMed
George R. and Stokes M.A. Autism 22, 970-982 (2018) PubMed
Strang J.F. et al. Arch. Sex. Behav. 43, 1525–1533 (2014) PubMed
Dewinter J. et al. J Autism Dev Disord. 47, 2927–2934 (2017) PubMed
Zablotsky B. et al. Autism 18, 419-427 (2014) PubMed
U.S. StopBullying.gov. Accessed June 10, 2020

Interested in joining SPARK? Here’s what you should know.

June 4, 2024June 3, 2024

Things That Are Ruining Your Sex Life

— Five Things You Need To Quit Doing For The Sake Of Your Sex Life

By Kimanzi Constable

The honeymoon phase of the sexual part of your relationship is like fireworks on the 4th of July. You’re just discovering each other, making love and exploring how you can bring each other pleasure as a way of showing how you feel.

Continuing those fireworks when the reality of being in a relationship hits has ended too many relationships. It may happen slowly without you even noticing, but what once was a strong and healthy sex life can turn into days and nights of frustration over your physical needs not being met.

I experienced this personally. My wife and I got married young (18-years old), and our sex life was hot. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each, and found new and creative ways to express our love physically. Over time, the passion faded, and I had to get honest about why. There are things I—and many guys—did every day that kills a healthy sex life.

1. Acting Like A Jerk

The hard part about being a jerk is that you don’t realize you’re being one unless you are in tune with yourself. A lot of times, there are external circumstances that affect our mood and we vent in other ways. We may not even be aware that what we’re trying to keep to ourselves is coming out.

It could be a job you hate, a toxic person, or discontent with how you’re living life. The key is to get honest with yourself about what’s bothering you and how you’re treating your partner as a result. Those behaviors are affecting your sex life because they’re turning your partner off and causing tension in your relationship.

2. Making Assumptions About Your Partner

It may not be you—it may be your partner that’s acting a certain way. Too often, instead of approaching the situation from a place of understanding, guys make assumptions. Making assumptions about why your partner is acting a certain way, or why they don’t seem to be interested in sex that day kills your sex life.

The best sex starts with more than the physical—it starts in our minds. If you have poor communication with your partner, you’ll never know what’s going on and how you can help. Communication is the bedrock of a healthy and passionate sex life.

3. Making Choices That Affect Your Confidence And Energy

Your desire for sex is affected by how much energy you have and how you feel about yourself. You kill your sex drive with what you eat and how active you are. Your health is an important component in keeping your sex life hot beyond the honeymoon phase.

If you are out of shape or overweight, it not only affects your energy—it affects your self-esteem. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it will affect how you feel in the bedroom. The best thing you can do every day that helps your sex life is continuing to try and be the best version of yourself. Create healthy eating habits and make exercise a part of your daily routine.

4. Waiting Until It’s Too Late

Practically, you both need sleep. There is also an issue of timing, and this can be compounded if you have children. Sex isn’t one of those things that should be scheduled like another appointment, but you have to be practical.

If you want sex, you should drop little clues with your partner. Kiss them passionately as your prep dinner. Flirt with them throughout the day dropping dirty little teasers. Tell them you can’t stop thinking about the two of you giving each other pleasure. Don’t wait until you’re both tired and ready for bed before you make it clear you’re horny.

5. Pursuing Others

One of the best ways to kill your sex life is to think about, flirt with or pursue someone other than your partner. Doing so is easier today with the access we have to porn and other people online. It can start with looking and turn into a full-blown desire to sleep with someone else.

Those thoughts and desires are in your mind, and that’s manifested physically in your life. You either picture that person while you’re having sex or it causes you not to want to have sex because you feel a little guilty. Remember, sex starts with what’s going on in our minds. Feed your mind with love and desire for the person you committed to being with.

You may not be the type of couple who has or wants sex every day—each relationship is different. But, the things you do every day will eventually affect you when you have sex. They will affect the quality of sex and possibly how long your relationship lasts.

The key is to get honest with yourself. If you’re not where you want to be in your health or life, do something about it. The good news is that there’s always a chance to make changes. Examine your daily behaviors and see what needs to change. Commit to being the best version of yourself and it will reap dividends in your sex life and relationship.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

June 3, 2024

Nonmonogamy by the Numbers

— Does having multiple partners make for less-satisfying relationships? We don’t have to judge—we can look at the data.

By Tim Requarth

Consensual nonmonogamy is now officially mainstream. Take this January alone: NBC’s Peacock launched a new dating show (Couple to Throuple—exactly what it sounds like); an affluent Park Sloper debuted a memoir in which she recounts, in punishing detail, her open marriage; and New York magazine devoted an entire issue to the subject, complete with a cozy profile of a polycule, a practical guide for couples seeking to open their relationship, and a bizarre cat-festooned cover.

Predictably, the sneering has arrived too. “Polyamory, the ruling class’s latest fad,” asserts Tyler Austin Harper, a Marxist humanities professor and a contributing writer at the Atlantic. “A glance at some actual human relationships should raise some doubts about how well this model really works,” contends conservative commentator Ross Douthat in the New York Times, dismissing the open-marriage memoir as a “testament to marital suffering.” One need take only a cursory glance around social media to find a welter of opinions promoting, decrying, or mocking a set of social arrangements that is currently taking up considerable space in the public imagination.

But is polyamory more common among wealthier people? Are open marriages less satisfying for those involved? Should your neighbor/friend/cousin’s ex’s sister whom you’ve heard has a wife and a boyfriend just … break up/cheat/get over their little experiment?< We need not speculate so wildly. There is, in fact, a fairly rigorous body of research that offers insight into the ways people live and love outside monogamy, research that can help ground the cultural conversation in empirical reality rather than leave it to freewheeling expressions of preference or moralizing opinion. The scientific understanding of consensual nonmonogamy actually paints a nuanced and interesting picture. Consensual nonmonogamy is rather common—and has been for at least a decade. One of the most comprehensive sources of data in the U.S. is sponsored by Match.com, which, since 2010, has annually commissioned an independent survey company to query thousands of unmarried Americans across all demographics about their intimate relationships. (The surveys are focused not just on Match users; the company just has a vested interest in keeping tabs on the broader dating landscape.) Since 2013, these surveys have included questions about consensual nonmonogamy, such as whether respondents have ever participated in “an agreed-upon, sexually non-exclusive relationship.” When independent academics reviewed responses from approximately 9,000 demographically representative Americans in 2013 and 2014, their analysis revealed that 1 in 5 people had engaged in some form of consensual nonmonogamy. A 2019 Canadian study using a comparable approach (but including married Canadians as well) found the same rate of having ever been in a consensually nonmonogamous relationship: 1 in 5.

“That’s how many Americans have pets or speak another language other than English at home,” says Amy Moors, one of the authors of the study with the Match.com-sponsored survey and a professor at Chapman University. “You’re more likely to have been in a consensual nonmonogamous relationship than to be left-handed or redheaded.”

How many people are actively practicing nonmonogamy at any given time, though? A pair of nationally representative studies (from 2012 and 2015, respectively) found that between 2.5 and 4 percent of those in romantic relationships were currently engaged in consensual nonmonogamy. Assuming that about 70 percent of American adults are in a relationship, this indicates that 2 or 3 percent of all American adults are, by agreement, not strictly monogamous. This rate may seem low, but it works out to millions of people—similar to the prevalence of peanut allergies.

And that number may be growing. “There is something happening in society at large, where we’re seeing more people openly talk about nonmonogamy,” says Moors. “It’s part of the zeitgeist.” Though we don’t have academic data to confirm an uptick in nonmonogamy, a smattering of numbers indicates that it’s not just chatter and magazine stories.

The CEO of Feeld—a dating app for “those open to experiencing people and relationships in new ways”—reported to Axios earlier this year that the company has over the past three years seen a 500 percent increase in the number of users including the terms ethically nonmonogamous and polyamorous in their profiles. Between 2021 and 2023, the dating app OkCupid saw a 45 percent increase in profile mentions of terms relating to nonmonogamy, also according to the Axios article.

The spike in the broader population isn’t as big. In December 2020, 5 percent of adults reported being in open relationships and 3 percent reported being in polyamorous relationships, according to data from the polling firm YouGov. By December 2023, those numbers had ticked up to 6 percent and 4 percent, respectively. An important caveat on that YouGov data: Because YouGov didn’t provide information on the statistical significance of the change, that rise could be a random fluctuation, rather than a real trend. But generally, the data point to some kind of shift. According to a January press release about the latest Match.com survey, the prevalence of people who have ever been in a nonmonogamous relationship has gone up from that 1-in-5 number reported 10 years ago. Today nearly 1 in 3 unmarried Americans reports that they have at some point been in a consensually nonmonogamous relationship. And although the data can’t rule out a recent polyamory “fad” among the “ruling class,” the obsession with upper-class dalliances obscures a key fact: Most nonmonogamists aren’t rich and white.

There’s a reason polyamorous relationships seem like a luxury for the well-to-do. Until about 2010, most studies of such arrangements had been qualitative in nature—think in-depth interviews and such.

“The people who were participating in research were very highly educated, white, middle and upper middle class—those who were strongly buffered by social privilege,” says Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff, a sociologist who did some of that work. “I wouldn’t say that’s everyone who was having nonmonogamous relationships, but those were the people who felt safe to participate in research.”

Those may also be, not coincidentally, the people who feel most comfortable being the subjects of a profile in a major media outlet. This early research and media coverage inadvertently fostered a perception that consensual nonmonogamy, and polyamory in particular, was practiced largely within affluent white communities.

Findings from more recent empirical studies, totaling some 15,000 participants, have failed to link consensual nonmonogamy—broadly defined, including all kinds of setups—with income, education level, or being white. And although the details vary from study to study, no consistent correlation has been noted with regard to age, religion, geographic location, or political leanings. The only connections that tend to persist are that men and individuals identifying as gay, lesbian, or bisexual are more likely to be involved in nonmonogamous relationships (or, at least, are more likely to report such involvement). These findings collectively debunk the notion of a stereotypical “type,” in terms of race or class, that engages in consensual nonmonogamy.

That seems to be the case, too, when it comes to polyamory specifically (i.e., having multiple simultaneous romantic partnerships). The first truly demographically representative study of polyamory was published in 2021 (using survey data sponsored by Match.com in 2016). This study of about 3,500 Americans—run by Moors, who also did the work with the earlier Match.com-sponsored survey data—found that 1 in 9 people reported having ever been in a “committed, sexual, and romantic relationship with multiple people at the same time,” regardless of income, race, political affiliation, age, or geographic location.

Interestingly, the data show a slight negative correlation with education: Less educated people were more likely to engage in polyamory, though the effect was small. As with consensual nonmonogamy more broadly, men were more likely to report having been in polyamorous relationships. But the correlation with sexual identity was absent. In another study, researchers found that, compared with those in monogamous relationships, people in polyamorous relationships were less likely to be Christian or Republican, more likely to identify as multiethnic or multiracial, and more likely to earn less than $40,000 a year. Other studies have also failed to find a telltale demographic that engages in polyamory.

The simplest explanation for the cultural association between polyamory and elites is that white, wealthy people in Brooklyn brownstones are the most visible nonmonogamists in the media. Anytime someone looks at data, it’s clear that nonmonogamy is practiced by a broad swath of America.

Sheff notes that although boomers and Gen Xers have typically dated within clearly defined couples, millennials and Gen Z have leaned toward more fluid social dynamics; people might hook up but aren’t necessarily coupled off. Or they might start having multiple relationships and “retroactively define themselves as ‘OK, I guess we are polyamorous,’ ” says Sheff. “But they’re not finding the identity and shaping themselves to it. They’re living their lives and applying whatever identity works.”

But Sheff is clear that it’s not just millennials and Gen Z that are engaging in this behavior. She described polyamory in elderly women who have previously been monogamous but are now facing a life after a divorce or the death of a partner. “And they want some sex and affection and attention, and they don’t want to have to manage anyone else’s laundry or medication or doctor bills. So they have some dude who is segregated to Tuesday afternoon, and you get laid Tuesday afternoon but you don’t want anything else from him. Or maybe: There’s only one old dude here in this small town, and I don’t really want to be responsible for his maintenance. So I’ll share him with everybody else.”

Many believe that, as Douthat suggests, the “share him” setup is perhaps a little sad. No surprise there. Stigma against those in consensual nonmonogamous relationships has been documented in multiple studies. Monogamy is the dominant relationship structure in our society, and as such, people tend to believe that anything else is a sign of dysfunction.

Some polyamorous or open relationships are deeply dysfunctional. But so are many monogamous ones. The question isn’t can consensually nonmonogamous relationships be dysfunctional—of course they can. (Dysfunctional relationships also make for better gossip, juicier Reddit posts, and convenient tsk-tsking.) The important question, as we consider nonmonogamy’s place in society, is: Are they always dysfunctional? Or, at the very least, are they much more likely to be dysfunctional?

As it turns out, Moors has been involved in this kind of research as well. In a study published in 2017, she and colleagues surveyed more than 2,100 individuals using established relationship metrics to compare monogamous with consensually nonmonogamous relationships. Contrary to conventional belief, they found no significant differences in the levels of love, commitment, and general satisfaction between the two groups. In fact, those in consensually nonmonogamous relationships reported higher trust and sexual satisfaction and experienced less jealousy compared with their monogamous counterparts.

Other studies are consistent with these findings, revealing that participants in nonmonogamous relationships tend to have better communication, more investment in their relationships, and less likelihood of showing anxious or avoidant attachment behaviors. Whether consensual nonmonogamous relationships encourage these traits or whether people more likely to exhibit these traits tend to be in nonmonogamous relationships isn’t clear.

Although these studies suggest that consensually nonmonogamous relationships can be just as healthy and satisfying as monogamous ones—and maybe even better—more rigorous comparisons paint a slightly less rosy picture. One nationally representative study from 2012 found that people in open relationships were a little less happy and sexually satisfied with their primary partners than were those in monogamous relationships, though the differences were small. What’s more, this study asked only about satisfaction with primary partners, not overall happiness, a metric that may be more relevant for nonmonogamous folks. (When it comes to sexual health, consensual nonmonogamy is clearly better than cheating: This same study found that people in open relationships were more likely to use condoms with their primary partners compared with those sneaking around behind their partners’ backs.) The only other nationally representative study, this time of Canadians, found that people in open relationships reported slightly lower relationship satisfaction than did those in monogamous relationships, but this difference didn’t reach statistical significance, so it’s tough to say if it’s real. There’s less data on more nuanced dynamics, such as how couples fare when they transition from monogamy to nonmonogamy, or how satisfied people are in different kinds of consensually nonmonogamous relationships—which seems to be a major gap, given how many people are nonmonogamous.

Intriguingly, a few informal but large surveys from the rationalist community suggest that both complete monogamy and complete polyamory tend to be more satisfying than the “monogamish” middle ground. Although these dynamics might reflect the specific social circles surveyed, they are consistent with other hints in the literature that open relationships are slightly less satisfying than complete monogamy. It’s worth noting that, according to Match.com’s latest survey, of the 1 in 3 people who tried a nonmonogamous relationship, only 16 percent would opt for another; of the 1 in 9 that were in a polyamorous relationship, only 29 percent would opt for another. Ultimately, while there’s some interesting evidence for slight differences, the jury is still out on whether, all else being equal, monogamous and consensually nonmonogamous relationships differ significantly in satisfaction. What is clear is that nonmonogamy isn’t necessarily a recipe for relationship disaster, as popular stereotypes might have us believe.

But the Canadian study suggests an important point: If you’re stuck in a relationship style that doesn’t match your preferences—whether that’s monogamy or nonmonogamy—your satisfaction takes a serious hit. Monogamy is still the inclination of most Americans, a group that, overall, seems to be basically happy with the arrangement. Given the data, it makes sense that people in one relationship style might look at those in another and think, No thanks! But it’s dicey to generalize from one’s own relationship experiences, or even the relationship experiences of one’s friends. That’s, in fact, exactly what data is for. And it’s pretty clear that although nonmonogamy might not work for many—including the Douthats of the world—it can work for others.

My read of these studies is this: The current media portrayals of polyamory capture only a fraction of the complex, widespread, and diverse social arrangements that exist beyond monogamy. When you look at the data, a bigger, richer, more robust picture comes into view of how sex and love actually unfold in our culture. Society’s view of monogamy as the ultimate romantic ideal has overshadowed other relationship structures, which have existed and will continue to exist regardless of monogamy’s dominance in social norms. In fact, if we want to talk about fads, it’s worth noting that the sexual exclusivity expected in modern American monogamy may itself be a relatively recent norm in human history.

At the same time, the media’s intense focus on polyamory among a tiny sliver of the populace also obscures what’s really happening on the ground. The way the academic surveys define nonmonogamy is quite broad. When a survey asks if you’ve ever been in a “consensually nonmonogamous” relationship, that could cover a lot of situations. A few months of casual dating? A one-time threesome? Nonmonogamy and even polyamory may be quite common, but that doesn’t mean that everyone’s building a 20-person polycule in the suburbs. At the risk of sounding like an academic myself, this is where the need for more data comes in. As social arrangements continue to evolve—as they always have—it’s worth approaching these changes with empirical curiosity, rather than jumping to conclusions based on a few cherry-picked examples or our own biases. It strikes me as a missed opportunity to continue to rely on stereotypes and assumptions, when we have data that can help illuminate love and sex in all its messy, complicated glory.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

June 2, 2024June 1, 2024

The elite ancient Greek fighting force made up entirely of gay couples

— As Pride Month kicks off, the story of how the Sacred Band of Thebes defeated Sparta and changed history.

Theban commander Pelopidas leads the Sacred Band in a charge against the Spartans at the Battle of Leuctra in 371 B.C.

By Ainsley Hawthorn

The Battle of Tegyra in 375 B.C. proved that the legendary Spartan army could be defeated.

A thousand Spartan soldiers, trained for combat from the age of 7, were returning from an expedition when they stumbled on a much smaller force from the rival city of Thebes. Rather than retreat, the Theban infantry charged, pulling into a close formation and piercing the Spartan lines like a spear. The Spartans turned and, for the first time ever in pitched battle, fled.

The most fearsome military force of its day had been defeated by the Sacred Band of Thebes, a shock troop of 150 gay couples.

As Pride Month begins, more than a decade after the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” allowed sexual minorities to serve openly in the U.S. military, an outspoken LGBTQ+ presence in the armed forces remains controversial. Last Pride season, congressional Republicans sought to block military spending on Pride celebrations and have rainbow flags removed from the offices of the Department of Veterans Affairs. Then-House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) said the amendments were targeted at eliminating “radical programs that are forced on our troops at the expense of readiness.”

Yet one of history’s fiercest combat units intentionally recruited only gay soldiers.

The ancient Greek city-state of Thebes had been under Spartan occupation for three years when a group of Theban exiles stormed the citadel in 379 B.C. and retook the city. Still, the Thebans knew they would need a revolutionary strategy to keep the Spartans out for good.

Every Spartan boy spent his childhood at a state-sponsored military boarding school called the agōgē, and every Spartan man was a lifelong soldier. The Thebans couldn’t compete with that scale of military training, so a commander named Gorgidas suggested that they deploy a uniquely Theban strength against their enemies: male erotic love.

Classical Greece is often depicted as embracing male homosexuality, but the reality is more complicated. Romantic relationships between adult men and teenage boys were widely accepted as a form of social mentorship where the older partner guided the younger through his transition to manhood. Continuing the relationship after the younger partner’s beard grew in, however, was taboo, and even men who took young male lovers were expected to marry women and father children.

Thebes was one of the few city-states to embrace lifelong same-sex partnerships. Athenian historian Xenophon wrote that there, male couples could live “yoked together,” a phrase typically reserved for marriage.

For centuries, male couples pledged faithfulness to each other at the city’s shrine to Iolaus, nephew and young lover of the hero Heracles. The setting would have reminded everyone present of the link between homosexuality and heroism.

Achilles, champion of the Trojan War, went willingly to his death to avenge Patroclus, with whom prominent Greek writers believed he was romantically involved. Lovers Harmodius and Aristogeiton were celebrated as the founders of Athenian democracy for killing Hipparchus, brother of Athens’s last tyrant. And according to Plutarch, Heracles had too many male lovers to count.

In Plato’s “Symposium,” written around the time Gorgidas was assembling his new military unit, the character Phaedrus reflects on what good soldiers male couples would make:

“Even just a few such men, fighting side by side, could conquer practically the entire human race. For surely the last person a lover could bear to see him abandoning his post or surrendering his weapons would be his boyfriend — he would sooner die many times over!”

Gorgidas recruited 150 couples skilled in martial combat for his elite corps. This Sacred Band, 300 strong, became Greece’s first professional standing army, housed and fed by the city.

They first saw action in the spring of 378 B.C., when Sparta tried to seize the farmlands around Thebes. Seeing the Spartan army coming like “a solid mass of bronze and crimson,” Xenophon wrote, the Thebans and their Athenian allies dramatically assumed an at-ease pose to show they didn’t consider the Spartans a threat. This display of bravado scared off the Spartans.

The Battle of Tegyra proved the Sacred Band could beat the Spartans in open combat, but the decisive clash didn’t come until 371 B.C. on the plain of Leuctra. Again, Sparta had more soldiers, but the Theban general Epaminondas adopted an unconventional strategy.

Normally in Greek phalanx warfare, the strongest troops were positioned on the right side of the battle formation. Instead, Epaminondas placed the Sacred Band and the bulk of his infantry on his army’s left wing so they would be opposite Sparta’s best. If they could defeat the Spartan core, he believed, the rest of the enemy force — mostly unenthusiastic allies — would cut and run.

The Thebans slashed into Sparta’s unprepared right wing, killing its generals. Rudderless, Sparta’s allies in the center and left of the line fell back. When the dust cleared, 1,000 Spartan troops lay slain, among them King Cleombrotus, the first Spartan ruler to die in battle since Leonidas at Thermopylae more than 100 years earlier.

The Battle of Leuctra marked a turning point in Greek history. After suffering such heavy losses of men and reputation, Sparta’s power was permanently diminished. It lost its iron grip on its allies and became a political backwater.

For a generation after Leuctra, Thebes was the dominant military force in Greece — an era historian James Romm calls “the age of the Sacred Band.” In the end, it took none other than Alexander the Great to bring it to heel.

Alexander’s father, King Philip II, had transformed Macedonia from an insignificant kingdom on the edge of the Greek world into a burgeoning imperial power, and in 338 B.C. he attacked a coalition of southern Greek city-states, including Thebes, at Chaeronea.

The battle pitted the Sacred Band against Philip’s most seasoned generals, commanded by 18-year-old Alexander. The Greeks’ spears proved to be no match for the Macedonians’ long battle pikes and Alexander’s bold tactics. Cut off from its allies, the band stood its ground until it was slaughtered to a man.

According to Louis Crompton, queer studies pioneer and author of “Homosexuality and Civilization,” the fate of the Sacred Band “was in the end the fate of Greece itself.” After Chaeronea, Greek resistance to Philip crumbled, and Alexander ultimately razed Thebes to the ground.

In recent years, some scholars have argued that the Sacred Band was merely a metaphor for military camaraderie, but most historians agree this brotherhood of 150 couples really did exist.

Excavation of a mass grave on the battlefield at Chaeronea uncovered the bodies of 254 soldiers believed to be the band’s war dead. Amid the broken bones and fractured skulls, some pairs of skeletons lay linked arm in arm, a tribute to a love that outlasted death.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

June 1, 2024May 31, 2024

Do Men Need Hormone Replacement Therapy?

— A pharmacist explains when and why.

By Megan Nunn, PharmD

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for males is used to treat symptoms caused by low levels of testosterone in the body.1

The use of HRT in males has tripled in the United States in recent years.2 Common reasons males undergo HRT include an age-related decline in testosterone, certain medical conditions, and symptoms that can be improved with HRT.3

The following article covers HRT for men, its effects, benefits, and safety considerations.

A Note on Gender and Sex Terminology,

Verywell Health acknowledges that sex and gender are related concepts but differ. To accurately reflect our sources, this article uses terms like “female,” “male,” “woman,” and “man” as the sources use them.

What Is HRT for Men?

HRT for males is also known as testosterone replacement therapy (TRT).

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approves it for only one condition: males diagnosed with hypogonadism.4 Hypogonadism in males can be defined as total testosterone levels of less than 300 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL) of blood plus at least one symptom associated with low testosterone.5

However, HRT is often marketed and prescribed for a broader range of off-label (not FDA-approved) uses. Research shows that much of the dramatic increase in testosterone prescriptions is due to these off-label uses.4

Testosterone is available in various delivery methods, including these prescription products:16

Injections, such as Depo-Testosterone and Aveed, are given intramuscularly (into a muscle), typically every two to three weeks. This option is less expensive than other formulations but does require injections.2
Patches, such as Androderm, is applied to the back, upper arm, stomach, or thighs and switched every 24 hours.
Gels and liquids, including AndroGel, Testim, Fortesta, and Vogelxo, are applied to the skin in the morning. These have the potential of exposing other people to testosterone, so they should ideally be applied to skin that will be covered by clothing.
Implants like Testopel are usually placed below the skin of the hip every three to six months. This is considered an invasive procedure, and anesthesia is required.1
Nasal gel, such as Natesto, is applied to the nostrils three times a day. This is the only formulation that is not likely to impact sperm production.5
Oral capsules, including Jatanzo, are taken orally twice a day with food.6

All of these formulations are effective in bringing testosterone levels to a standard range and treating symptoms associated with low testosterone.6 The choice of which one to use will likely come down to factors like cost, how well someone tolerates the treatment, insurance approval, and convenience.

Some testosterone products are specially formulated with a prescription at compounding pharmacies. These products are sometimes called “bioidentical” or “natural” hormones. It’s essential to remember that these compounded hormones are not FDA-approved, meaning they’ve not been studied for safety or effectiveness.7

Testosterone therapy is sometimes used during gender transitioning to help a person develop male sex characteristics and suppress female ones. When used in this way, many of testosterone’s effects on the body are permanent.2

What Happens When Men Have Low Hormone Levels?

As the primary male sex hormone, testosterone is involved in the development of male sex characteristics (think muscle strength and deeper voices), sperm production, and fertility.8

Testosterone also plays a vital role in the following processes in the body:9

Sexual functioning
Heart protection
Muscle and bone strength
Blood cell production
Metabolism5
Brain function5

In men, testosterone levels peak by age 30 and then decline by 1% each year.5 Low testosterone levels are associated with:10

Sexual dysfunction like low libido (low desire for sex) or erectile dysfunction
Loss of muscle mass
Impaired mobility
Osteoporosis (loss in bone mass and bone mineral density) and fracture risk
Abdominal fat

Signs and symptoms of a hormonal balance in men are often nonspecific. This could also be due to other health conditions, lifestyle factors, or the aging process in general.11

Some signs of low testosterone include:11

Erectile dysfunction
Hair loss
Anxiety
Fatigue
Increased sweating
Body composition changes

Keep in mind that while some males with low testosterone will experience symptoms, others will have no symptoms at all.11

Benefits of HRT for Men

HRT for males is sometimes promoted as a cure-all or a fountain of youth.

Potential benefits of HRT (testosterone) for males include:

Increased energy levels
Improved libido1
Improved erectile function1
Muscle gains1
Mood stabilization1

HRT may reduce the risk of osteoporosis and heart disease in men, but more research is needed.

TRT is likely helpful in increasing bone strength for males with testosterone deficiency who already have osteopenia (a precursor to osteoporosis) or osteoporosis. However, it does not seem to help prevent these conditions or fractures.12

While testosterone deficiency is associated with cardiac complications like congestive heart failure (CHF) and coronary artery disease (CAD), more research is needed to determine whether TRT lowers these risks.13 In particular, the long-term effects of testosterone on the heart are not known at this time.10

Risks and Side Effects

Potential risks associated with testosterone include:

Acne10
Water retention3
Increased risk of some cancers, such as prostate cancer10
High blood pressure (hypertension)3
Gynecomastia (male breast enlargement)3
Testicular atrophy (one or both testicles shrink and function is reduced)3
Infertility3
Skin irritation10

A personalized risk assessment with a healthcare provider is essential to help you decide if HRT is right for you.

If you begin HRT, your testosterone levels will be checked shortly after you start treatment. The timeline depends on which formulation you use. For example, hormone levels may be checked eight hours after applying a testosterone gel to the skin or before your second injection if you use an intramuscular product.2

Regardless of which testosterone product you use, expect to see your healthcare provider for monitoring within three to six months of starting treatment and then yearly afterward. Your healthcare provider will typically monitor testosterone levels, hematocrit (red blood cells in proportion to total blood volume), and any side effects you’re experiencing at these checks.14

Depending on your age and family history, your risk of prostate cancer may also be assessed using a rectal exam and your prostate-specific antigen (PSA) levels.14

Due to the risks associated with HRT for men, testosterone treatment should be stopped if there are no noticeable improvements.2

Keep in mind that older males seem to be more likely than younger males to experience side effects from testosterone.15 One reason for this is that testosterone is broken down by the body at a slower rate in older age, resulting in higher hormone levels in the blood.15

Precautions

HRT is not for everyone. Males with the following conditions should not take testosterone due to the risks of side effects of treatment:1

Prostate cancer
Breast cancer
Severe chronic heart failure
Heart attack or stroke in the past six months (although this is debatable but assumed to be risky2
High hematocrit level, a risk factor for heart disease
Severe lower urinary tract symptoms
Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) that is untreated2
Planning to have children in the next year due to the possibility of decreased sperm production2

Testosterone can interact with some medications and supplements. A few examples are:

Corticosteroids: Taking these with testosterone may cause you to retain water.16
Insulin: Testosterone may decrease blood sugar levels and change the amount of insulin required by people with diabetes.16
Anticoagulants: You may need more frequent monitoring because this combination can cause changes in international normalized ratio (INR) and prothrombin time (calculations that determine how long it takes blood to clot)16

For optimal safety, discuss your medication list with your healthcare provider or pharmacist before starting HRT to rule out any significant drug or supplement interactions.

Alternative Approaches

Before supplementing with testosterone, it’s best to manage underlying health conditions that can affect your hormone levels. Conditions like the following can decrease testosterone levels:1

Type 2 diabetes
Obesity
Metabolic syndrome (a combination of conditions that can increase risk for heart disease, stroke, and type 2 diabetes)

Alternative therapies and lifestyle modifications that may be used with or instead of HRT include:

Achieving a healthy weight1
Aerobic exercise1
Eating a low-calorie diet1
Stress management, since anxiety can decrease testosterone levels17
Other prescriptions that increase testosterone levels indirectly, such as human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) or Clomid (clomiphene), often used for males with low testosterone who desire to have children5
Supplements, such as zinc, horny goat weed, yohimbe,18 or ashwagandha19

Note that supplements are not tested and approved by the FDA in the same way as drugs, meaning they don’t have to be proven safe or effective before being sold. (Check the Verywell Health resource on choosing supplements.)

Though it may be tempting to try to balance your hormones yourself, it’s best to involve a healthcare provider, particularly if you are considering medications or supplements. A healthcare provider can rule out other health conditions, screen for drug interactions, monitor how well treatments are working, and manage any side effects you may have.

What the Research Says

Clinical trials of testosterone have had conflicting results.20

HRT is most effective for improving libido and erectile function in males with diagnosed testosterone deficiency.20 But the effects may be minor. A review of 38 clinical trials concluded that testosterone treatment can modestly improve sexual function.3

Testosterone therapy doesn’t offer much benefit for common symptoms associated with aging.3 For instance, it may have little, if any, effect on things like energy, mood, brain function, or physical activity for males who do not have hypogonadism caused by specific medical conditions.3

It has also not been shown to be effective for weight loss or boosting metabolism.20

Since the risks of TRT are higher for older males than younger ones, some research suggests only using it in males over age 60 who have severely low levels of the hormone.21 The risks likely outweigh the benefits for older males with only slightly low testosterone levels.

Keep in mind that there’s very little data on the long-term effects of using testosterone (beyond a year).3 More research is needed to know if it is safe or not.

Summary

Testosterone replacement is the cornerstone of HRT for men. It’s approved by the FDA for males with certain medical conditions in which the body doesn’t make enough testosterone.7

Whether to use HRT is a highly personal decision that should be made by weighing the risks and benefits. Possible benefits include boosts in sex drive and muscle mass, while drawbacks include infertility and cancer risk.

>Males who plan to have children, those with a history of prostate cancer, and those with recent heart complications should typically not use HRT. If you decide to use it, be prepared for your healthcare provider to monitor your hormone levels and symptoms over time for optimal safety.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 31, 2024May 30, 2024

Sex Changes as We Age. Let’s Embrace That

BY Myisha Battle

We tend to think of older people as devoid of sexual desires. This stereotype can feel particularly scary as we age, especially as we begin to notice sex becoming less and less frequent in our lives. Are we turning into them? Is the era of being youthfully sexual coming to an end?

Midlife can be a time of grief as people look back on the gifts of youth and realize that there is something unknown ahead, particularly when it comes to our relationships. Many midlifers are partnered or married and navigating the demands of parenthood, or they’re divorced and dating again. All of these midlife circumstances make sex more challenging. Luckily, new research is helping to illuminate what sex later in life can actually look like, and we should all take notes. Sex in older age doesn’t have to be bleak and scary if we all embrace the changes that will likely come for us all.

In our 20s and 30s, the focus of sex tends to be more exploratory. It’s a time to figure out what (and who) we like. There’s also hormonal support for these pursuits, which might explain why the average American in their 20s has sex four to five times a week. Relationships may come and go, but the drive for sex can remain constant. But midlife is a period for slowing down, and potentially even narrowing down partners. Couples who met in their 20s or 30s and had really active sex may then be disappointed by their sex life over time.

Sexual functioning starts to change for a lot of people in their late 30s and early 40s. Hormonal shifts and aging bring with them a whole host of physiological changes that impact our sex lives. Women experiencing perimenopause and menopause are often troubled by their loss of libido and decrease in vaginal lubrication. Men may agonize over their lack of reliable erections or avoid sex because of the uncertainty it inspires. When sexual interest feels different or dies down, it can make couples want to give up on sex completely. Navigating age-related sexual changes can be difficult, so much so that some couples choose to be sexless. But, these changes don’t necessarily mean the end of their sex life.

In January 2024, Cosmopolitan, in collaboration with The Kinsey Institute,published survey results collected from 3,000 women over 60. Their Sex After 60 digital issue was created to show that older people are sexual, but the ways in which they are may look different from other phases of life. Overall, 21% of participants had sex in the last year. Just over half (53%) of participants between the ages of 63 and 74 had partnered sex at least once in the previous year. Results show that frequency decreases with age. But while sexual frequency declines, quality may increase. The study reveals that some women have increased confidence communicating their sexual needs because they are more self-aware of their bodies and their desires. They may also experience better orgasms, partly due to this ability to speak up for their needs. To put a finer point on this, 57% of survey respondents said they always or almost always orgasm with their partner. This isn’t bad, considering the pervasive orgasm gap that exists between heterosexual women and their male partners. Perhaps that’s because in older age, people rely less on penetrative sex alone and strive for more than just orgasms.

With less reliable erections and maybe even the inability to ejaculate, sex in later life for men can be very different. Of course, some men opt for medical interventions like Viagra, but not all men benefit from taking a pill. Instead they may rely less on sexual activities that require an erection. Perhaps couples explore more nonsexual intimacy, schedule sex play dates, engage in erotic massage and even nonmonogamy. There can be a shift to what’s called “outercourse” and a focus on sex being a shared activity, rather than something with an end goal. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and focusing on other parts of the body can be a welcome change. In the Cosmo-Kinsey study, 60% of respondents agreed that intercourse isn’t necessary for a satisfying sexual experience. This shows how much our ideas about sex can shift as we age.

Our sexuality is something that we cultivate throughout our entire life, and we don’t stop being sexual at a certain age. It’s not surprising, then, that older people still enjoy masturbation, fantasy, watching porn, reading erotica, dating, and yes, hooking up. For some, sex later in life comes with a certain amount of freedom. On an episode of my podcast, How’s Your Sex Life?, I spoke with former This American Life producer and host of The Dream podcast, Jane Marie. Jane is a single mom who is twice divorced. When we spoke she had just had sex for the first time after a couple years. She shared that sex and dating in midlife has been great for her. She touts the joys of being on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and not having to worry about getting pregnant. Rather than thinking of HRT as something to just relieve symptoms of perimenopause, she sees it as a way to experience sex anew, without the stress of youth. I’ve seen similar responses in clients of mine who have had hysterectomies and are surprised by how freeing sex can be.

We all have to do some work to reimagine what sex in older age looks like. For midlifers just starting to see changes in their sexual desires and functioning, this is an opportunity to let go of all the assumptions you had about what makes someone sexually viable or the kind of sex you had in your 20s. There is a world of sexuality that may look and feel differently than it did when you were younger, but it could also remain something that helps you stay intimately connected to your partners and yourself for life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 30, 2024May 29, 2024

Sex and Heart Disease

— What You Need to Know

Learn how a heart condition can affect your sexual function, plus the heart-health benefits of getting busy.

By Matt McMillen

If you’ve been diagnosed with heart disease, one question on your mind might be what this means for your sex life. There’s good news here: While there are some circumstances in which you should temporarily refrain from sex—and some symptoms that should give you pause—you should not worry about getting busy in the bedroom. Our experts say that for most people with heart disease, sex is not only safe but good for you.

“Most studies over the years have shown that you really shouldn’t have any concern about sexual activity,” says Hosam Hmoud, M.D., a cardiologist at Northwell Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City.

Christopher Kelly, M.D., a cardiologist at UNC Health in Raleigh, NC, agrees: “Sex is a normal part of a healthy life, and we do not want people to impose unnecessary restrictions on themselves that may affect their relationships,” he says.

Let’s take a closer look at how heart conditions can affect your sexual performance and experience, and how to confirm that your ticker is healthy enough for sex.

Sexual Effects of Heart Conditions

How Heart Conditions Can Affect Your Sex Life

“There is a broad intersection between heart disease and sexual dysfunction at every level,” says Dr. Kelly. In fact, heart disease can complicate sex in many ways, including:

Reduced Blood Flow

Heart disease impacts how blood flows through your blood vessels, or vascular system. Coronary artery disease, for example, limits the amount of blood that reaches your heart. This makes it a leading cause of heart attack. But the effects aren’t limited to the arteries that supply your heart. They also include the arteries below the belt.

“The same type of vascular disease that occurs in the heart can also occur in the blood vessels in the pelvis,” says Dr. Kelly. “In men, this can result in erectile dysfunction.”

That’s because men need blood to flow into their penis in order to achieve and maintain an erection. When that blood flow gets disrupted due to heart disease, your erections become less reliable.

The same problem, Dr. Kelly adds, can affect women as well. The vagina needs adequate blood flow to prep it for sex. The increased blood flow to the vagina during arousal causes the tissue to swell and feel wet, per the Cleveland Clinic. Reduced blood flow, on the other hand, contributes to vaginal dryness, which makes sex painful and compromises sexual arousal.

There’s another possible consequence of reduced blood flow to the vagina: vaginal atrophy, in which the lining of the vagina becomes thinner and drier. Though a decline in estrogen during menopause is the most common cause of vaginal atrophy, Dr. Kelly says, “it’s [also] a blood flow issue.” In other words, it’s linked to heart disease.

Exercise Intolerance

Certain types of heart disease—including heart failure and hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (a disease of the heart muscle)—limit blood flow to the rest of your body, depriving your organs of the oxygen they need to function normally. This can result in fatigue and shortness of breath, particularly during exercise, including sex.

“Heart disease can greatly reduce physical stamina, which can interfere with sexual performance,” says Dr. Kelly.

Lower Sex Drive

At least 25% of people with heart disease also have depression, according to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. The relationship between depression and heart disease appears to be bidirectional: Heart disease ups your risk of depression, and depression ups your risk of heart disease. Either way, depression can lower your libido. According to the authors of a 2023 study, 42% of men and 50% of women with untreated depression report a drop in their sex drive.

Depression often develops after a cardiac event. “Depression is common after a heart attack and this can greatly diminish libido,” says Dr. Kelly.

Anxiety about your health also can impact your interest in sex, Dr. Hmoud notes. “If you have a recent history of a heart attack or significant heart failure or some other cardiovascular disease, you could have some hesitancy because you’re worried about [making things worse],” he says. “Psychological components are sometimes super-powerful and can really affect sexual performance.”

Sexual Effects of Heart Meds

Sexual Side Effects of Heart Medications

Commonly prescribed heart disease medications also can interfere with your sex life. These include beta blockers and diuretics, which are both used to treat high blood pressure and heart failure.

“Beta blockers and diuretics can cause erectile dysfunction,” says Dr. Kelly. “Diuretics can also cause vaginal dryness, resulting in pain during intercourse.”

Your doctor may be able to prescribe different drugs. However, there’s a reason drugs like beta blockers are often the drug of choice, says Dr. Hmoud. “There are alternative medications, however they’re not as good at improving the function of the heart,” he says.

Sex After Heart Procedures

If you have had heart surgery or another cardiac procedure, don’t plan a romp in the sheets right away. In fact, you should not exercise or do other strenuous activities; for how long depends on the procedure. Your doctor should give you a timeline tailored to you, but here are some basic guidelines.

Sex After Cardiac Catheterization and Stent Placement

This procedure involves threading a long, thin tube called a catheter through a blood vessel to your heart. It’s done to diagnose heart disease as well as to deliver treatment. A common procedure is an angioplasty with stent placement, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine. During this procedure, your doctor guides a catheter through a blood vessel (usually in the groin or wrist) to a blockage in your coronary arteries. Once there, a balloon is inflated to open the blockage. That’s an angioplasty. In nearly all such procedures, a mesh coil called a stent is then placed in that spot so that the artery remains open, allowing blood to flow more easily.

“After a cardiac catheterization, it is generally safe to resume normal sexual intercourse after a few days,” says Dr. Kelly. “If the procedure was performed through [a blood vessel in the groin], it is important to wait until the wound has closed.”

Sex After Open Heart Surgery

An open-heart procedure such as a coronary bypass graft surgery requires a much longer recovery than stent placement. In this surgery, your doctor will make large incisions in your chest and cut through your breast bone (sternum) in order to be able to reach your heart. Then, a blood vessel from elsewhere in your body will be grafted to a blocked artery so that blood will flow through the newly attached vessel and bypass the blockage.

“We tell patients to refrain from sex for four to six weeks after cardiac bypass,” says Dr. Hmoud, “not because of the heart but because of the chest incisions and wounds that we want to heal properly.”

Remember that that timing is a general recommendation. You should not have sex until your doctor has examined you and cleared you for physical activity.

Sex After a Heart Attack

How long you should wait to have sex after a heart attack depends on the severity of your heart attack; what additional heart problems it may have caused, such as an abnormal heart rhythm (arrhythmia) or heart failure; and whether you continue to have symptoms like chest pain. Your doctor will determine when you can resume sex, but expect at least a few weeks if you had a mild heart attack and six weeks or more if your heart attack was more severe.

Erectile Dysfunction Medications and Heart Disease

If you’re experiencing erectile dysfunction (ED) and have heart disease, it’s important not to take any ED meds without first checking with your doctor. That includes popular ED drugs like Viagra (sildenafil) and Cialis (tadalafil). Your doctor should decide whether it’s safe for you take such medications.

One cause for concern: Viagra and drugs like it can interact with some heart disease medications in dangerous ways. ED drugs work by dilating, or widening, your blood vessels to allow more blood to flow to your penis. That helps you get and maintain an erection. However, nitrates, a type of drug prescribed for angina, or chest pain due to heart disease, have the same effect on your blood vessels. Taking them together, says Dr. Hmoud, can lead to low blood pressure (hypotension) and can cause you to pass out.

Are You Healthy Enough for Sex?

Signs That You’re Healthy Enough for Sex

Sex is like any other form of physical activity. It raises your heart rate. That may worry you, but it shouldn’t if you otherwise feel fine when you’re moving around.

“If you’re able to walk 15 to 20 minutes or climb a couple of flights of stairs, you shouldn’t have an issue with sex,” says Dr. Hmoud.

The American Heart Association says it’s rare to have a heart attack during sex. But if you’re worried, ask your doctor to evaluate your risk. “If you are nervous about straining your heart during intercourse, it may be reasonable to do a stress test to ensure that your heart can tolerate the needed level of effort,” says Dr. Kelly. This test involves walking on a treadmill or riding a stationary bike while your heart is monitored to determine how your heart responds to exercise.

If you are having symptoms that could indicate a heart attack or worsening heart disease, not only should you avoid having sex, you should go to the hospital. These symptoms include:

Chest pain or chest discomfort
An irregular heartbeat
Nausea or indigestion
Shortness of breath, especially at rest or after minimal physical activity

Heart-Health Benefits of Sex

Sex is exercise. It can lower your blood pressure, and that’s good for your heart. However, it does not burn a ton of calories. According to the Cleveland Clinic, five to 15 minutes of sex burns about as many calories as a one-mile walk at a pace of three miles per hour. In other words: Don’t rely on sex for your workouts.

In contrast, regular exercise can improve both your heart function and your sex life, our experts say. “The more you’re able to exercise every day, the more you’re able to decrease inflammation in your body and decrease the rate at which your arteries are narrowing in your reproductive system,” says Dr. Hmoud. “Exercise will [also] improve your mood and decrease your stress, which helps with sexual drive and sexual dysfunction.”

Just be sure to talk with your doctor before you begin an exercise program to be sure that it’s heart safe.

Takeaways

It’s normal to be nervous about sex if you have heart disease. However, you likely don’t have to be. For most people, sex with heart disease is perfectly safe. Your doctor can help you determine if sexual activity is safe for you—or when you can safely resume it after a heart attack or cardiac procedure—as well as explain the symptoms that you should remain alert for.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 29, 2024May 28, 2024

You Just Found Out Your Teen Is Having Sex.

— Now What?

Whether your kid came to you with this information or you found out another way, how you respond is critical.

Recently, I got a call from a friend of mine. She had seen messages on her daughter’s phone revealing that the teen was hooking up with a boy from school, and my friend wanted some advice.

I’m a health and sexuality educator (and a mom of three), so I get calls like this from time to time.

In this case, my friend was worried about a few things. She was worried about her daughter’s physical and emotional experience. She was worried about the fact that she had never before heard of this boy. And she was worried about bringing the issue up since she had been secretly looking at her child’s phone.

I suggested that, first off, she just own up to the snooping. Kids deserve privacy, but if a parent wants to maintain trust and open communication going forward, it’s crucial to acknowledge that they checked their child’s device and let them be angry about the boundary breach.

But what about my friend’s other concerns? There’s a lot of noise about teen sex, so separating the facts from the fictions can be helpful for any parent who is navigating this terrain.

The Big Picture

Despite what a lot of people think, teens are generally less sexually active than they were before the COVID-19 pandemic. And they are certainly having less sex than teens were when most of us parents attended high school.

The decline in teen sexual activity has been identified since at least the ’90s. Recent years have seen various factors contributing to this trend. The rise of technology serving both as entertainment and a social outlet has played a significant role. Additionally, the enduring effects of COVID-19 lockdowns have led to an overall decrease in in-person interactions among friends. Economic concerns have also emerged as a factor, postponing many early adult behaviors (including sex, but also obtaining a driver’s license, getting a first job and moving out).

In what I would argue is a more hopeful piece of the puzzle, there is also the fact that we are seeing heightened awareness and education surrounding issues of consent and personal boundaries, which have increasingly empowered teens to opt out of sexual situations that they are not comfortable with or prepared for.

That awareness has also resulted in a shift in what is considered acceptable in some communities. For example, a teen boy I teach recently told me that he and his male friends don’t drink at parties and wouldn’t consider hooking up with a girl who has been. But universally, that’s not always the case. According to the most recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 20% of teens reported drinking alcohol or using drugs before their last sexual experience. Plus, sexual violence remains a reality for far too many teens of all genders.

It is also important for adults to understand that while sexual intimacy can be a developmentally appropriate and positive experience for older teens with caring partners, American adolescents face multiple barriers to achieving optimal sexual health.

Teens are generally less sexually active now than before the COVID-19 pandemic, but they face barriers to achieving optimal sexual health. That’s where a trusted adult comes in.

These include a “lack of access to vital sexual health care services; lack of comprehensive sexual health education curriculum and programs; stigma around STI [sexually transmitted infection] prevention, testing and treatment; and lack of support from a trusted, caring adult,” said Jerrica Davis, a senior manager at Healthy Teen Network, which aims to support young people in areas like sexual health, pregnancy and parenting, among others.

Indeed, many countries whose social and economic profiles are similar to those of the U.S. see comparable rates of teen sexual activity, but lower rates of teen pregnancy and infections.

How To Be An Askable Adult

Some parents might mistakenly assume that they are a trusting, caring adult for their kids when it comes to sex. Ana Ramos, who runs a bilingual English and Spanish organization called Familia Sex Talks, cautions parents against expecting their teens to initiate discussions and emphasizes the need for ongoing dialogue.

“Don’t expect your teen to come up to you and ask about sex,” Ramos said. “And don’t expect to have one talk and be done.”

Communication doesn’t always have to come in the form of a conversation. “You can share books about sex with your teen and share articles or videos that are age-appropriate,” Ramos said.

A somewhat more novel idea? “You can text your kids” about these topics, Ramos said. Though most of us text with our teens nonstop, the idea of texting about something serious may give parents pause. But if texting is the best way to connect with your teen, it’s a much better idea than giving up entirely on having a conversation.

Michelle Hope Slaybaugh of the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S., or SIECUS, also thinks that adults need to be aware of the role that technology plays in young people’s sexual experiences.

“Sexual activity doesn’t exclusively happen in person, so you have to have conversations about cybersafety,” Slaybaugh said. “Some of the most unsafe spaces for young kids, when it comes to harassment, are online.”

Adults should assess the environment they are creating at home, too. Consider whether you have ever made disparaging remarks about sexually active teens, or casually blamed the victim of sexual violence by saying something like, “Well, what did they expect after [insert any number of behaviors here].”

And, if you aren’t queer yourself, have you made it clear to your teen that you support LGBTQ+ youths — including, potentially, your own? The tone you set greatly influences whether your child will feel safe and comfortable seeking your guidance or sharing their concerns with you.

What To Do If Your Child Is Sexually Active

Whether your child initiates a discussion about sex beforehand or you become aware of a situation afterward, be mindful of how you approach the conversation.

“Don’t react, but do respond,” said Mackenzie Piper, who designs and facilitates trainings for Healthy Teen Network. “It is normal that when a parent/caregiver first learns that their young person is sexually active, they experience a heightened emotional response. … Reactions that are rooted in fear or anger, however, are not the recipe for productive, safe or trust-building conversations.”

At the same time, parents and guardians can work to create a welcoming atmosphere for teens to spend time with their partners at home. This can help you keep an eye on your child, and it is a great way to get to know the people in their life. If possible, consider reaching out to the parents or guardians of your teen’s partner to discuss where you all stand on things like sleepovers, curfews and ground rules.

You should also look out for concerning behaviors in your teen’s relationship, such as demands for constant check-ins, attempts to limit outside socializing, or expectations of access to a partner’s device. Such behaviors can easily be normalized, but they are warning signs of unhealthy relationships.

Parents should think practically as well. If a young person is having the kind of sex that can lead to pregnancy or an STI, they might need your support to access things like birth control or to set up health care appointments. Adult caregivers need to understand the political landscape where they live and be familiar with the legal age of consent, laws surrounding abortion, and policies about minors accessing health care.

Ideally, adults and teens would have had conversations about sexual health long before a young person becomes sexually active. In my friend’s case, some of those discussions had already taken place, but she’d been feeling shut out of her teen’s increasingly private life. After my friend admitted to the phone breach and acknowledged that her daughter’s anger was valid, they were able to have a conversation that made her feel a lot better and opened the door to more productive conversations in the future.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 28, 2024May 27, 2024

This is why most relationships only last 3 months

— Good things come – and go – in threes

If you’ve found yourself on the failing end of more than one promising relationship after 90 days of whirlwind romance, you’re not alone. Here’s why a relationship lifespan of three months is so common.

By Adriana Diaz

Sick of calling it after three months of dating someone? Experts say there’s a perfectly good explanation as to why things tend to fizzle for so many, around this time.

The so-called curse of the “three-month rule” has long been hashed out over mimosas at brunch, not to mention hotly debated on social media, where posts dealing with the subject have gone wildly viral.

Turns out, the pros say, there’s a lot of common sense behind the phenomenon, also known as the “honeymoon phase.”

The three 'T's' for successful sexual communication

“Three months is a great timeframe to allow you to see a rough outline of who the person is,” Angelika Koch, a certified relationship and breakup expert with the dating app Taimi, explained to Bustle.

“It helps you to see if they are someone who plays games, has red flags, or genuinely wants a relationship.”

For many couples, they’ll have seen enough to know where things are heading — and for some, this rubber-meets-the-road moment will be the end.

“The beginning of relationships are often fun and exciting,” Vienna Pharaon, a marriage and family therapist and author of “The Origins of You”, told The Knot.

But it’s only a matter of time before people’s true intentions and quirks are revealed.

“There’s a slight fall from grace, if you will, that tends to happen once we’re no longer putting a person or the relationship up on a pedestal and existing with a narrative that says they can do no wrong.”

After the lavender haze wears off, being realistic about the connection and compatibility you have as a couple can help save you from heartbreak down the road.

Three months is more than just a relationship benchmark, too – according to research, it also happens to be about the average amount of time it takes for men and women to fall in love.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 27, 2024May 26, 2024

Peru Issued a Decree Calling Trans Identity a ‘Disorder.’

— A Backlash Followed.

Police officers guarding the entrance of the Ministry of Health during a protest this month in Lima, Peru, that was staged by L.G.B.T.Q. groups against a new government decree listing transgender identity as a “mental disorder.”

Government officials say the regulation was intended to expand mental health care access for transgender people. Activists say it will increase discrimination.

By Genevieve Glatsky and Mitra Taj

The bulletin appeared without much fanfare in an official government newspaper in Peru that publishes new laws and regulations. Peruvian health officials say they had no idea the response it would trigger.

They say they wanted to expand access to privately insured mental health care for transgender Peruvians. So the government decree included language classifying transgender identity as a “mental health problem.”

But as news of the regulation filtered out, it provoked outrage among the country’s L.G.B.T.Q. population and advocates.

Many critics said the rule was another blow in a country where gay marriage and civil unions are illegal; transgender identity is not legally recognized; there is no legislation recognizing hate crimes; and trans Peruvians say they face widespread discrimination and violence.

“What they’re doing is labeling an entire community as sick,” said Cristian González Cabrera, who researches L.G.B.T.Q. rights in Latin America for Human Rights Watch.

But health officials said that the anger and backlash was the result of miscommunication and that they had not intended to offend trans people.

A group of people dressed in bright red lying on the ground. — A protest against the government’s decree.

The Peruvian government this month added seven diagnostic codes from the World Health Organization’s medical classification system to a list of conditions in Peru that must be covered by private and public insurance.

But the law used language from an outdated version of the W.H.O.’s classification system that had listed “transsexualism” and “gender identity disorder” as “mental and behavioral disorders.”

A new version of W.H.O.’s system, put into effect in 2022, replaced those terms with “gender incongruence of adolescence and adulthood” and “gender incongruence of childhood” under a chapter titled, “Conditions Related to Sexual Health.”

The change, according to the W.H.O., was meant to reflect “current knowledge that trans-related and gender diverse identities are not conditions of mental ill-health, and that classifying them as such can cause enormous stigma.”

Peruvian health officials said in an interview that they were aware of the W.H.O.’s changes but were only now starting the process of adopting them and incorporating a new rule because of bureaucratic obstacles.

“It is a path that we have already started to walk,” said Henry Horna, the communications director for Peru’s Health Ministry, though officials did not say how long the process would take. So, for now, the current classification remains in place.

In response to the uproar, the ministry clarified in a statement that “gender and sexual diversity are not illnesses” and that it rejects discrimination.

Dr. Carlos Alvarado, the ministry’s health insurance director, said the regulation was intended to make it easier to bill insurers for treatment related to transgender identity.

“We did not expect the reaction, honestly,” he said.

Protesters holding signs in support of transgender people. — Demonstrators in front of the Ministry of Health holding signs, including one on the right that said, “My identity is not an illness.”

“The problem has obviously arisen from a misinterpretation of the meaning of the rule,” Mr. Horna said. “The rules are written in legal language, in cold language, in technical language.”

But Leyla Huerta, a trans activist, said access to private insurance is irrelevant to most trans Peruvians because of discriminatory hiring practices by many private-sector employers.

She said that any benefits for the trans community were outweighed by the stigmatization from the language used in the government regulation.

Classifying transgender people as mentally ill, activists and experts say, could open the door to the promotion by some conservative groups of the widely discredited practice of conversion therapy, intended to change a person’s gender identity or sexual orientation.

But health officials noted previous government guidelines stating that transgender identity was not a mental illness and discouraging conversion therapy.

The current controversy is just one of the many struggles to expand gay and transgender rights and health care across Latin America, a region with high levels of violence against L.G.B.T.Q. people.

Still, even in such an environment, Peru stands out because its system of laws provides almost no rights for gay and transgender people, Mr. González said.

Same-sex marriage has been legal for years in other South American countries, like Brazil, Colombia, Chile, Argentina and Ecuador. “Peru is miles behind its South American neighbors,” Mr. González said.

People carrying umbrellas on the street during a protest. — Protesters in Lima demanding better protection for transgender sex workers.

The head of the Peruvian government’s human rights office, during testimony last year before the country’s Congress, referred to homosexuality as “deformities that must be corrected.”

And last year, a trans woman working as a prostitute was kidnapped and shot 30 times on the streets of Lima, a killing that was captured on video. One person has been arrested so far, but there has yet to be a trial.

The Peruvian government does not collect data on acts of bias or violence against transgender people.

But a study published in 2021 by a Peruvian human rights group, More Equality, found that among a sample of 323 L.G.B.T.Q. Peruvians, 83 percent said they had experienced some kind of verbal or physical abuse and 75 percent said they had been subject to discrimination.

The president of More Equality, Alexandra Hernández, a psychologist, said she believed that some Health Ministry officials had good intentions in issuing this rule, but failed to consult with experts on L.G.B.T.Q. mental health.

“They say it was beneficial for us,” said Gianna Camacho García, a trans activist and journalist. “Actually, it was a minimal benefit compared to how much we have to lose in other areas or aspects of life by calling us people with mental disorders.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 26, 2024May 25, 2024

5 Types of Intimacy and How to Build It In a Relationship

By Brandi Jones, MSN-ED RN-BC

Intimacy is a feeling of closeness between two or more individuals. People often equate the word “intimacy” with physical closeness, such as sex. However, they are not the same thing. Sexual intimacy occurs when you combine the physical act of sex with emotional closeness.

There are many nonsexual types of intimacy within romantic and non-romantic relationships. Deep conversations, hugging your kids, going on special outings, and providing support during a difficult time are all examples of building intimacy.

This article reviews different types of intimacy, how to build it, benefits, problems, and improving intimacy.

Intimacy in Relationships: What Are the Five Different Types?

Experts typically define intimacy within the following five dimensions.

Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy with someone means you feel safe expressing your feelings, thoughts, or beliefs. You can openly discuss hopes for the future or difficult topics, such as fears, past trauma, or relationship issues.1

Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy involves touch and includes hugging, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and intercourse. While sex is one type of physical intimacy, there are many nonsexual examples of physical intimacy, including:2

Children laying their heads on their parent’s shoulder
A mom looping her arm through her son’s as they walk
Best friends nudging each other as a sign they are being silly
A daughter touching her aging father’s hand for comfort
Spouses touching their heads as they cope with unexpected news

In addition, you can have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex. However, in romantic relationships, combining sex and intimacy can help create a stronger bond.3

Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy involves sharing knowledge, opinions, thoughts, ideas, and interests. This might involve:4

Discussing financial goals
Sharing views about a news story
Reading the same book so you can talk about it later

Experiential Intimacy

Experiential intimacy is about spending time together and experiencing common interests. This type of intimacy might occur through a mutual love of sports, hiking, comic books, or board games. Bonds can also strengthen when a pair tries something new together, such as:5

Taking a cooking class together
Going on a trip
Trying a new activity, like tubing

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy allows people to explore their inner beliefs, values, or philosophical views. It has many variations, such as:4

A common religion
A belief that a higher power exists
Similar values and ethics
Talking about the purpose of life

Examples of How to Build Intimacy

How you build intimacy depends on the type of relationship. But, generally, it involves prioritizing the relationship, communicating, showing trust, and sharing quality time.

Communication and Quality Time

You can build emotional intimacy by sharing emotions and experiences, both positive and negative. Enriching your communication can help you avoid misunderstandings and problem-solve more effectively.4

Some people prefer to schedule times to have talks, while for others, communication occurs more naturally during shared activities. For example, couples may communicate best during pillow talk in the morning or before sleep. Parents and kids may find it natural to talk while driving home from school.

The following tips can help make talking more meaningful and effective:16

Minimize distractions (silence electronics)7
Actively listen (listen with the intent to understand, not reply)
Try not to judge or be overly critical
Provide validation and reassurance

If you spend time apart, consider phone calls or sending a card, picture, video, or news story to touch base.

Quality time is also essential. But, the definition of quality time differs between individuals.8 One person may see cuddling on the couch while watching TV quality time. Others may want to turn off electronics and instead talk or take a walk together.

Do Something Fun or New Together

You can spark experiential intimacy by doing things together. Ideally, activities should vary and occasionally include new adventures and scenery.

Sometimes planning and anticipation are part of intimacy building. It can help you feel close as you prepare for the adventure and share the excitement.

The following are ideas for new and old relationships alike:25

Take a class together (art, cooking, dance, yoga).
Go to a live music event.
Try rock climbing.
Go camping or sit out by a fire.
Explore nature.
Take a drive to somewhere new.
Play board games and listen to music.

Create Daily Rituals

Many families and couples have daily rituals that help strengthen their connection. Examples include:5

Saying “good morning” first
Hugging when you leave for the day or return home
Eating dinner together
Texting throughout the day

Weekly rituals can provide anticipation for fun and provide a time to reconnect. This might involve:

Sunday brunch
Church
Saturday morning cartoons
Date night
Friday night movies and popcorn
Tuesday night bowling

Nonsexual Physical Touch in Romantic Relationships

For those in a romantic relationship, try showing nonsexual physical affection. This might involve dancing in your living room, giving a back rub, hugging, or holding hands.

Additionally, it helps to work together as a team to get chores and errands done. This can help you reserve energy and carve out time for sexual activities.

Benefits of Relationship Intimacy

Other types of intimate relationships can also provide social support. This may be through practical resources such as giving a ride home or offering the phone number of a good mechanic when your car breaks down.

Close friends and family also build each other up during hard times. For example, when you’re feeling low self-esteem, it might be helpful for your friends and family to remind you of your professional skills after a layoff.

Social support helps you cope with stress, have better health, and confront life challenges.9 In romantic relationships, healthy intimacy levels make life more enjoyable, provide more emotional stability, and enrich sexual interactions.102

Why Someone Might Have Intimacy Problems

Some people may have problems with intimacy because they are unwilling to invest the time and energy to develop it.112 However, intimacy problems may stem from the following:112

Abuse, neglect, or trauma
Fears (loss, rejection, judgment, losing self, infidelity, fear of intimacy)13
Low self-image
Distrust
Infidelity
Grief
Stress
Chronic illness (i.e., diabetes, breast cancer, epilepsy)
Chronic pain
Menopause
Painful sex
Communication problems
Mental health disorders (including substance abuse)

A person’s closeness to their parents during childhood can also affect intimacy. People who felt safe with their parents during childhood tend to be more comfortable with intimacy than those who did not. However, people can learn intimacy in other relationships, such as friends or partners, and can come to feel safe in intimacy.10< Signs of intimacy problems may include:1314

Isolation
Difficulty discussing feelings
Attempting to control a partner’s behavior
Avoiding physical or sexual contact
Being overly suspicious or critical of a partner
History of unstable relationships
Anger issues
Low self-esteem

Some of these signs can work both ways, meaning that you either observe them in your intimate partner or you experience them yourself.

Mental Health and Chronic Pain

Mental health disorders and chronic pain can negatively affect intimacy by:5

Reducing emotional thresholds
Distracting away from the partner
Causing feelings of numbness
Making one overly negative or pessimistic
Making it less desirable to do anything fun
Leading to substance abuse
Causing trust issues
Decreasing sexual desire
Not being able to enjoy closeness or social reward
Insecure attachment

The opposite is also true; intimacy problems can lead to mental health challenges like depression and anxiety.9

Sometimes people with mental health challenges or chronic pain can have a hard time caring for other people. For example, someone with anxiety can seem selfish, but really can’t consider another person’s emotions because of their own racing thoughts.

Identifying Intimacy Problems

In general, you can assess the level of intimacy between yourself and others by body language, eye contact, and feelings of openness. Some signs that intimacy may be reduced include:5

Lack of physical contact
Lack of eye contact
Avoiding emotional conversations
Unwillingness to confide in each othersp;
More frequent frustration with each other’s behavior
Lack of trust

Do Men and Women View Intimacy Differently?

Research indicates that women initiate and maintain intimacy with their partners more often than men.10&

Improving Intimacy: Support and Resources

The first step in improving intimacy is identifying the underlying problem. For example, if painful sex is the underlying problem due to vaginismus, your healthcare provider may suggest treatment options that could include vaginal dilators; if the underlying problem is vaginal atrophy after menopause, your healthcare provider can discuss the suitability of estrogen creams with you.

If you’re struggling with depression, a healthcare provider may recommend medications, talk therapy, or changes to your diet and exercise routine.

Overcoming Communication Problems

If you struggle with opening up verbally, you might consider:4

Reading books or watching videos about communication
Consistently attending therapy sessions with a licensed provider
Journaling to process thoughts and emotions
Participating in communication training (course that enriches communication, conflict resolution, team building, and active listening skills)
Getting family therapy

Working Through Past Sexual Trauma

Past sexual trauma can make all types of intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, triggering.15 It’s very important that you go at your own pace and find a partner who respects your boundaries and makes you feel safe.

However, even with the most gentle and kind partner, developing intimacy can bring up emotional scars you may need help tackling. You may benefit from a mental health provider, such as a psychotherapist or a certified sex therapist, or attending a support group.13

While there is no single right way for mental health experts to help, treatment may involve weekly therapy, practicing mindfulness, or a body map exercise.1514

Overcoming Fears

If you fear intimacy, you may find it helpful to identify defensive patterns and seek more constructive behaviors.

It may help to reframe your thoughts the following process.11

Identify and catalog critical thoughts
Gain insight into overly self-critical thoughts
Respond to the thoughts
Take action against those thoughts

Journaling can help you identify and challenge that critical inner voice. Through journal exercises, you can investigate how and why you resist intimacy and guide yourself through self-intimacy and personal discovery.14

Here are a few journal prompts to begin your personal discovery:

What are my views about intimacy, including sexual intimacy? Are there any I’d like to change?
Do I have feelings of unworthiness? Where do they come from?
What are five things I love about myself?
How do I judge myself negatively? How can I change that?

Self-Intimacy

Self-intimacy makes you more aware of your thoughts and desires. It helps you show yourself and others compassion and acceptance, make life decisions with insight, and be more authentic.14 Practicing self-intimacy means spending quality time with yourself. While this won’t be the same for everyone, you can try:16

Journaling
Warm baths
Enjoying nature
Reading
Sitting by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate
Quiet leisure time (painting, pottery, gardening, etc.)

Time

People often wonder how many dates it takes to develop an intimate relationship. This varies depending on previous life experience, the nature of the relationship, and the willingness of each person to open up and build trust.

Mental Health Resources

The following strategies can help you maintain or improve your mental health, which can help improve intimacy:5

Pet therapy
Stress reduction (leisure therapy, aromatherapy, yoga, dance, music, art, massage, meditation, exercise)
Journaling
Self-help books
Counseling (individual or group therapy)
Art therapy
Mental health apps (Headspace, Moodfit, Happify)

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline

If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you can contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 to receive confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate.

Summary

Intimacy describes a sense of closeness in personal relationships. There are five types of intimacy; emotional, physical, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual. Intimacy is built through communication, quality time, and building trust. While many people use sex and intimacy interchangeably, they mean different things. Sex is only one aspect of physical intimacy.

Problems with intimacy can be due to fears, chronic illness, abuse, and more. Interventions for intimacy problems or fears are specific to the underlying problem but may include therapy, journaling, or self-awareness exercises.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 25, 2024May 24, 2024

No sex drive and a ‘tanking libido’

— How I redefined intimacy in midlife

These days, sex is less like a straight line with an endpoint, and more like a series of loops and swirls

By Angela Garbes

Talking with women my age, sex – specifically, a lack thereof – comes up frequently. One friend referred to her “tanking libido”; another sent a text that read “sex drive” followed by two thumbs-down emojis.

I relate to both, and even more to a stranger who asked me to write about “the ways we redefine intimacy”.

I’ve been with my spouse for 17 years, and our sex life has gone through periods of both abundance and scarcity. It’s a wave we ride together. Three years ago, the prescription medication I take daily dulled my sexual sensation and we embarked on the nebulous, ongoing project of redefining intimacy. My desire for physical closeness and release is still present, but neither are spontaneous or easy to reach.

Recently, wholly subsumed in Miranda July’s new novel All Fours, a brilliant (and exceptionally horny) exploration of female midlife and desire, I found myself involuntarily grinding my pelvis against the carpet I was lying on. A sign of life! July’s narrator, an unnamed 45-year-old artist on a journey of cracking open her life and body, describes an urge that “lit up new neural pathways, as if sex, the whole concept of it, was being freshly mapped”.

Yes, I thought. I want that.

I was routinely jolted out of my sensual reading experience by my children, as well as the other stuff of life that pulls me away from pleasure: Zoom meetings, laundry, chronic pain, depression, scheduling logistics, insomnia. I also wondered whether perimenopause, the biological reality of midlife, entailed the diminution of sex.

Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author of Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, gets this question a lot. Over the phone, she tells me there are no hormones or brain changes specific to midlife that affect sexuality. But cortisol, the primary stress hormone, does.

“Women in their mid-40s are under a lot of stress,” says Nagoski, referring to the high American expectations when it comes to professional success, productivity and domestic work. “When you feel like you’re being chased by a lion, that’s not a great time to be turned on.”

Estrogen levels drop in middle age, Nagoski explains, which can make vaginal tissue drier and more prone to tearing, which leads to pain. “Who wants to have sex that is painful?” she asks rhetorically. (Nagoski herself experienced these changes and found relief in hormone therapy, specifically a prescription for estradiol: “I would throw a parade for vaginal estradiol if I could.”)

This got me thinking. What kind of sex do I want to be having? Instead of attempting to drum up longing on command, can I tune into my own desire – feel and identify some of its contours and accelerators?

In All Fours, the protagonist and her best friend, Jordi, share what “a typical fuck” in each of their marriages is like. The narrator and her husband have a weekly sex appointment and she relies heavily on fantasy to orgasm. Jordi, in contrast, describes how she and her wife wrap their legs around each other, and how “I really like my mouth to be overfilled so almost her whole hand might be in my mouth so there’s drool running down the sides of my face and we’re just, you know, humping, kind of like animals … I’ve actually thought about how ugly this must look, like two desperate cavewomen.”

This rabid, particular, ravenous vision of sex is anything but ugly to me. It’s extraordinary.

“Some people get to a place of having extraordinary sex,” says Nagoski, or “sex that doesn’t follow other people’s rules, that is authentic to their true selves, and their partner’s true selves”.

Of course, I thought, grateful for the reminder: sex can be anything we want.

If the quest for extraordinary sex seems daunting, Nagoski offers an easy place to begin.

“Find a half an hour a week to touch parts of your body – and I’m not even talking about masturbation,” she says. “Touch parts of your body with other parts of your body alone and explore those sensations and which of them your brain is interpreting as pleasurable.”

For the last couple of years, I’ve applied this practice more to how my body moves through the world. I attune to which muscles call out for movement during improvisational dance classes; how the wind, scented with lilacs, feels on a spring walk; how amazing oil feels on my body after a hot shower.

That attention to pleasure has improved my sex life. These days, sex with my spouse is less like a straight line with an endpoint, and more like a series of loops and swirls, delays and digressions. Male ejaculation once signaled the end, or the approaching end, of intercourse. Now it’s more of a comma, a pause on a longer path. Along the way, there are inordinate moments of gratification and my orgasms are deeper, feel new.

According to Nagoski, the key to great sex is simple: you have to decide that it matters. And you have to invest time in yourself and whoever you’re getting down with.

“People tell me: ‘This sounds so effortful. I want it to be easier,’” says Nagoski. “Girl, me too. But sex won’t be easier until our lives are easier.”

Still, when I think about all the time and effort I put into online bill-paying, flossing and exercising my knee joint, prioritizing my own pleasure is a no-brainer.

“One might shift again and again like this, through intimacies,” writes July, “and not outpace oldness exactly, but match its weirdness, its flagrant specificity, with one’s own.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

May 24, 2024May 23, 2024

Sexually transmitted infections

— What parents need to be sure their teens know

Sharing information about common STIs with teens can help them stay safe and healthy.

By Claire McCarthy, MD

It’s never easy for parents to talk to their teens about having sex. Many parents feel that talking about it is the same as condoning it, so they are hesitant to do so. But according to the most recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), a national survey of high school students, by the end of high school 30% have had sex.

It can be impossible to know for sure if your teen has had sex. Even if they haven’t, it’s likely that at some point they will — and they need to have information to help keep themselves safe and healthy.

What parents should know about sexually transmitted infections

Sexually transmitted infections, or STIs, are very common. They may be caused by bacteria, viruses, or other microorganisms, and spread through all kinds of sex. While most STIs are treatable, they can affect fertility in both women and men, can cause health problems for a baby during pregnancy, and can sometimes lead to lifelong infection or serious complications. That’s why teens need to know about them.

Below are the high-level facts about some of the most common infections: what causes them, what symptoms may occur, and how they are treated.

Science has proven that chronic, low-grade inflammation can turn into a silent killer that contributes to cardiovascular disease, cancer, type 2 diabetes and other conditions. Get simple tips to fight inflammation and stay healthy — from Harvard Medical School experts.

Chlamydia

Chlamydia is the most frequently reported bacterial STI in the United States — but just as many cases are asymptomatic, so the numbers may be higher than we realize.

Symptoms, if they are present, can include discharge from the vagina or penis, pain with urination, or pain and swelling of the testicles (this is rare). A test of the urine (or a swab from the affected area) can diagnose it, and it is curable with antibiotics. If left untreated it can lead to infertility, more commonly in women than men.

Gonorrhea

Gonorrhea is another STI caused by a bacteria, and it can also be asymptomatic. When symptoms occur, they are very similar to chlamydia. Gonorrhea also can cause infertility in both women and men. While it is treatable, some infections have been resistant to the usual antibiotics used, so additional testing and treatment is sometimes needed.

Trichomoniasis

Trichomoniasis is caused by a protozoa. It is another STI that can be asymptomatic. When there are symptoms, they are usually itch, irritation, and discharge. It is curable with medication.

Syphilis

Syphilis has been on the rise. In the first stage of infection there is usually a firm, round, painless sore where the infection entered the body. The sore is generally there for three to six weeks, but as it is painless it may go unnoticed.

In the second stage there is a more extensive rash, though it can be faint and go unnoticed, along with general feelings of illness such as fever, sore throat, fatigue, swollen lymph nodes, or weight loss.

If syphilis still goes unnoticed it can linger in the body for years, sometimes affecting organ systems, including the brain. It is curable with antibiotics, but if found late the damage it can do may be permanent. This infection can be very serious during pregnancy.

HSV

HSV (herpes simplex virus) causes blistering sores. There is both oral herpes (mouth sores) and genital herpes. Oral herpes, caused by HSV1, is not usually caused by sex — but it can lead to genital herpes through oral sex. Genital herpes is more commonly caused by HSV2.

The sores of herpes can recur throughout life. There is no cure for herpes, but there are medications that can shorten or prevent outbreaks. This infection can be particularly dangerous during pregnancy, although the risks can be managed with good prenatal care.

HPV

HPV (human papilloma virus) is the most common sexually transmitted infection. It can be transmitted even by close skin-to-skin touch, and infections are generally asymptomatic.

Most cases of HPV (90%) get better by themselves — but if they don’t, over time the virus can cause genital warts or certain cancers. Luckily, there is an effective vaccine to prevent HPV that can be given starting at age 9.

HIV

HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is more common among people who have other STIs — mostly because having STIs is a sign of risky sexual behavior. It can be very hard to know if a person has it, because the early symptoms can feel like having the flu, and then people can move into a long period of time of having no symptoms at all.

While there is no cure for HIV, there are medications to control it, as well as medications that can prevent it.

Talking to teens about preventing STIs

All of this sounds scary. But there are actually some simple things teens can do to prevent infections or minimize complications, which is why parents need to talk with them.

Teens can:

Use condoms every single time they have sex — and use them properly. According to the report mentioned above, about half of sexually active high schoolers don’t use condoms regularly.
Limit their number of sexual partners — and have frank conversations with those partners before having sex. Asking about sexual history, and getting testing before starting a sexual relationship, can make a difference.
Get tested regularly. Sexually active teens should be tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia every year, or more frequently based on their sexual history or symptoms. Testing for other infections may be a good idea too. In the YRBS, 95% of high schoolers had not been tested for STIs in the past year, which is frightening given that nearly a third report being sexually active.

Make sure your teen sees their doctor regularly. And encourage them to be honest with their doctor during their visits. As a parent, you can help by giving your teen confidential time alone with the doctor.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

— It’s a major research milestone—but it’s still years before the product reaches the public.

*muah!*

Evolutionary Perspective—Where did kissing come from?

Suzannah Weiss, sex educator

The lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so kissing someone is a way to get to know them better. — Suzannah Weiss, sex educator

Psychological and Emotional Aspects

Social and Cultural Influences

Health Benefits and Risks

Personal and Intimate Relationships

Keep in Mind

Sex Education for Students with Autism

Autism and Self-Awareness in the Teen Years

Finding Support, Information for Gender and Sexuality Questions in Autism

— Five Things You Need To Quit Doing For The Sake Of Your Sex Life

1. Acting Like A Jerk

2. Making Assumptions About Your Partner

3. Making Choices That Affect Your Confidence And Energy

4. Waiting Until It’s Too Late

5. Pursuing Others

— Does having multiple partners make for less-satisfying relationships? We don’t have to judge—we can look at the data.

— As Pride Month kicks off, the story of how the Sacred Band of Thebes defeated Sparta and changed history.

— A pharmacist explains when and why.

A Note on Gender and Sex Terminology,

What Is HRT for Men?

What Happens When Men Have Low Hormone Levels?

Benefits of HRT for Men

Risks and Side Effects

Precautions

Alternative Approaches

What the Research Says

Summary

— What You Need to Know

Learn how a heart condition can affect your sexual function, plus the heart-health benefits of getting busy.

How Heart Conditions Can Affect Your Sex Life

Reduced Blood Flow

Exercise Intolerance

Lower Sex Drive

Sexual Side Effects of Heart Medications

Sex After Heart Procedures

Sex After Cardiac Catheterization and Stent Placement

Sex After Open Heart Surgery

Sex After a Heart Attack

Erectile Dysfunction Medications and Heart Disease

Signs That You’re Healthy Enough for Sex

Heart-Health Benefits of Sex

Takeaways

— Now What?

Whether your kid came to you with this information or you found out another way, how you respond is critical.

The Big Picture

How To Be An Askable Adult

What To Do If Your Child Is Sexually Active

— Good things come – and go – in threes

If you’ve found yourself on the failing end of more than one promising relationship after 90 days of whirlwind romance, you’re not alone. Here’s why a relationship lifespan of three months is so common.

— A Backlash Followed.

Government officials say the regulation was intended to expand mental health care access for transgender people. Activists say it will increase discrimination.

Intimacy in Relationships: What Are the Five Different Types?

Emotional Intimacy

Physical Intimacy

Intellectual Intimacy

Experiential Intimacy

Spiritual Intimacy

Examples of How to Build Intimacy

Communication and Quality Time

Do Something Fun or New Together

Create Daily Rituals

Nonsexual Physical Touch in Romantic Relationships

Benefits of Relationship Intimacy

Why Someone Might Have Intimacy Problems

Mental Health and Chronic Pain

Identifying Intimacy Problems

Do Men and Women View Intimacy Differently?

Improving Intimacy: Support and Resources

Overcoming Communication Problems

Working Through Past Sexual Trauma

Overcoming Fears

Self-Intimacy

Time

Mental Health Resources

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline

Summary

muah!

The lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so kissing someone is a way to get to know them better.
— Suzannah Weiss, sex educator