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By Ebony Leigh
With the orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women more akin to a chasm at this point, your best bet to reach climax is by sticking to the classics, a new study has found.
In a world where a hugely unrepresented number of women aren’t having orgasms through sex alone, scientists have crunched the data to find out exactly which positions are most likely to give vulva owners the big O.
Using 13 black-and-white diagrams that illustrated various intercourse manoeuvrers, researchers from the Czech National Institute of Mental Health quizzed more than 21,000 adults, including 11,225 women, on how they get off.
The results revealed four pole positions including man-on-top, woman-on-top, standing face-to-face and sitting face-to-face.
Sydney-based somatic sexologist Alice Child tells Body+Soul she’s “not at all surprised”.
“I think when it comes to sex positions, simple is best, rather than acrobatic positions, and some of those listed are classics – you know, missionary and woman on top – and they’re classics for a reason,” she says.
“They work for lots of different people’s bodies and you don’t over exhaust the muscles, which allows you to focus on what sex really is all about, which is connection, pleasure and being present with each other, rather than worrying about whether your leg muscles can survive another five minutes.”
Why are these positions so great?
What makes these four such explosive moves, according to the experts, is that they all tick three very important boxes.
The first is allowing for eye contact, which research shows increases mutual attraction and emotional closeness, which then encourages kissing, something plenty of us considers to be a crucial element of sex.
Then, with all this face-to-face action, you’ve got the fact that you can literally see your partner getting more and more aroused, which – in no surprise to anyone anywhere – can be a major turn-on.
But there’s one other thing that all of these positions have in common from a physical standpoint, added Child, and that’s easy access to the clitoris. AKA, the “gateway to female orgasm”.
“The vast majority of women need regular, consistent, pleasurable, external clitoral touch to be able to reach orgasm,” she explains.
“While studies differ, around 85 per cent of people with vulvas need some pressure or stimulation with a hand or vibrator on their clitoris to reach orgasm, and in a lot of these positions you can have pressure on the pubic bone.”
This brings us to the best move of all, the study proclaims, and that’s the woman on top.
Not only does this position allow women to control everything – such as speed, depth of insertion and rhythm – but through hip movements they can rub their pelvis against a man’s pubic bone, stimulating their clitoris.
It also leaves both partners hands-free, meaning you’re available to touch each other wherever you desire, or even bring some toys into the mix.
For 34-year-old Leah, it’s the only position she can climax in.
“I love sex and trying out loads of positions because they do all feel really great, but I just can’t get there unless I’m on top,” she explains to Body+Soul.
“It’s like the key to orgasm for me.
“While I’m riding him, everything just feels like it’s being stimulated all at once and I’m the one in control, meaning I can move how it feels good for me. And then boom. It works nearly every single time.”
The mental mind game
Unfortunately, not everyone is in the same boat. The study reveals that one-third of women surveyed never climax during intercourse, no matter which position they’re in.
Tanya, 33, has been married for the last eight years and tells Body+Soul that she’s never been able to orgasm through sex.
“Usually we have sex, he will finish and then I will use my vibrator to make myself come,” she explains. “I can sometimes get there if I’m helping myself but I can’t remember the last time someone else made me come.”
She adds that changing positions during sex doesn’t make any difference.
“I definitely need a lot of clitoral stimulation to feel even close, but I just can’t do it through sex alone.
“It’s just such a mission for me to reach orgasm, like it’s definitely a mental thing and I have to be in the right mindset to actually get there. I have to be really focused on it and I can’t do that mid-sex.”
The pressure cycle
Miserably it’s this pressure of not being able to climax while doing it that creates even greater pressure and makes women even less likely to reach orgasm.
“A lot of people who come to me haven’t talked openly about it before and so feel pretty isolated and pretty broken, like they’re not normal, and have a lot of shame,” Child explains. “But it’s important to know that it’s very common.”
“Women put a lot of pressure on themselves, and I have to say that one of the biggest blockers to being able to orgasm is putting more pressure on yourself. Pressure is never sexy.”
She also says that making an orgasm the goal of sex can also be your downfall.
“It robs you of being able to stay present and in the moment and enjoy the journey, not just the destination” Child says. “And that’s so much more important than choosing some magical position.”
Tanya adds that this pressure is especially unfair when “our sexual organs are completely different to a man’s”.
“It’s pretty crazy that as women we put this pressure on ourselves to be able to please a man in a certain way and be able to make him come in a certain timeframe when many guys just don’t really care about doing the same for a woman or just have no idea how to,” she says.
So how can I help myself orgasm?
Firstly, forget the study, Child says, and do what feels good for you.
“What’s more important is getting sex-positive education and resources around your own pleasure and asking yourself what’s important for orgasm and how you get out of your head and into your body.
“Certain positions may help you do that, but go for whatever position helps you personally to feel most relaxed and most connected, to feel more in your body.”
She also encourages self-pleasure and allows your body to move in a way that’s familiar to you.
“Be curious about what position you try when you’re on your own,” Child explains.
“If you find it really easy to orgasm when you’re on your belly but that’s not on the list, then ignore the list and try being on your belly during sex.
“That way you can build pleasure and arousal on your own and then it will be a lot easier during sex than trying a completely brand new position.”
Variety is also the spice of life, even when it comes to masturbation.
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“If you want to learn how to orgasm in lots of different and fun positions and you struggle to do that, then add variety to your own self-pleasure practices to teach your body what it feels like to be on your back or what it feels like to be standing up or what it feels like to be sitting,” Child says.
At the end of the day, it’s like teaching your body a new skill, and it’s best to practice without all the distractions that come during sex, like being worried about what you look like or what you smell like or how your partner’s feeling.
“Using self-care as the practice ground when there are fewer breaks can help you to reconnect to your body,” Child says, “which is really, really helpful.”
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