Hey sex fans!
And now for something completely different! It’s Product Review Friday and instead of reviewing a sex toy sent to us from a manufacturer or retailer we’re gonna make our own sex toy. That’s right; thanks to our friends at Empire Labs we’re gonna make some vibrating dildos.
Dr Dick Review Crew members Glenn & Hank and Ken & Denise will show you around the two kits we got.
Clone-A-Willy Kit Original —— $39.95
Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “What’s more fun than buying yourself a sex toy? Making your own, that’s what.”
Hank: “Glenn nearly wet himself when he caught sight of the Clone-A-Willy Kit. He can’t help it; he fancies himself a regular Martha Stewart. I swear this man can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
Glenn: “Awww, see how you are? Isn’t he sweet? It’s true though, I got an instant hardon thinking about cloning Hank’s willie.”
Hank: “At first I thought, damn, my hog ain’t gonna fit in that tube. But it did and the rest is history.”
Glenn: “Hold on there, big fella! We didn’t even tell them what happened.”
Hank: “Yeah, sorry, I got a little ahead of myself.”
Glenn: “If you don’t mind me quoting from the Empire Labs promotional materials. The Clone-A-Willy’s medically tested molding gel process captures incredible, life-like detail, making this the most personalized vibrating sex toy you will ever own. Each kit contains everything you need to create an exact replica of any penis in the comfort of your own home.”
Hank: “There are several things you ought to know from the get-go. First, you must follow the directions exactly as presented. Second, it’s essential that you have everything near-to-hand before you start to mix any of the ingredients. Third, if it’s your cock that’s getting molded, you will have to maintain an erection under some stressful conditions; like ‘hurry up and wait!’”
Glenn: “All very good points! I will add that the process can get a little messy. If you’re anal retentive like me you will want to use disposable plastic containers to do your mixing. And be sure to cover your countertop and floor with some plastic sheeting. I used some leftover plastic painting tarp that I draped over the counter and on to the floor.”
Hank: “While Glenn was busy in the kitchen I put on some porn and stretched out on the couch. I slipped on a snug cock ring and started to pull my pud using a little water-based lube. I wanted to make sure that I was at full-mast for my big close-up.”
Glenn: “Once I had everything set up I called for Hank to join me. He had this sheepish look on his face, but he also had a raging hardon. I think he was afraid that he would lose his wood before the mold was set. I assured him we’d work fast. Well actually, that’s precisely what you have to do…work fast. We trimmed the plastic tube to the right size. I mixed the molding powder in water and filled the tube. Hank plunged in his dick and we held it there till the mold set.”
Hank: “The anticipation was the worst part. But it’s over almost as fast as it began. I think it only took a minute for the mold to set. I pealed off the excess molding material, twisted the plastic tube a bit and out popped my cock; no worse for the wear.”
Glenn: “We let the mold dry completely before I started to mix the rubber mixture. I pored the mixture in the mold, added the vibrating unit as the instructions directed and left it on the counter to set for 24 hours.”
Hank: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when, the next day, we pulled the completed dildo from the mold. It was so fuckin’ lifelike! I gotta tell you it’s a bizarre experience seeing an exact replica of your own dick. I love it though.”
Glenn: “You love it? Imagine how I must feel! Now I’ll never be without at least one of Hank’s cocks; even if he takes the original one on a business trip, I’ll always have the other to keep me occupied.”
Hank: “If you are a do-it-yourself type of person and you like a little challenge. If you can follow directions without getting all flustered; then Clone-A-Willy is a fun project for you and your partner to do together. Just be prepared for a silly messy time. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Clone-A-Willy Kit Glow in the Dark —— $44.95
Ken & Denise
Ken: “We didn’t exactly know what we were getting into with this Clone-A-Willy Kit. It promises a lifelike replica of my dick that would Glow in the Dark. I was game, at least initially.”
Denise: “Yeah, we thought it would be a fun little project full of laughs. Well that’s how it started out anyway.”
Ken: “Since I was the one being ‘molded’, the pressure was on me to maintain an erection under less than erotic circumstances. I tell you, it’s not as easy as it sounds. I have a renewed appreciation for all the male porn stars out there, who seem to have a perpetual bone.”
Denise: “I don’t suppose I helped the situation all that much, because I became increasingly anxious about following the directions for preparing the molding goop. You actually have to have the water you mix with the powder at the precise temperature. And I read a lot of comments online posted by couples who screwed up the process and I sort of lost my nerve.”
Ken: “I suggested that we put the kit away till we were in a better mindset and I wasn’t worried about my boner.”
Denise: “We checked in with Dr Dick about our apprehensions and he told us to approach it alike a game, not a project. That helped some, because Ken and I were beginning to freak out about messing things up.”
Ken: “Dr Dick also suggested that I wear a cockring to help with maintaining my stiffy. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that. I also decided I’d slip in a little butt plug, because that always gets me going.”
Denise: “I decided to have a glass of wine…ok, it was a big glass of wine. And that helped too; it really took the edge off.”
Ken: “Denise was too busy organizing everything and mixing stuff to help me with my wood. Generally all she has to do is go down on me and I’m as hard as a rock.”
Denise: “Actually he did fine on his own. He’s such a trooper. All I can say is that I’m happy it wasn’t me that had to get turned on under these conditions.”
Ken: “Once the molding goop is ready it all has to be done very quickly. Luckily, I was ready. I sunk my junk into the goop and prayed that I’d hold the erection for the minute or so it takes for the mold to set up. A minute never lasted so long. We like totally recommend that you have something on the floor and the countertop to prevent spill messes.”
Denise: “Once this part was over and Ken removed his cock from the mold the worst of it was over. Ken jumped in the shower to remove the molding goop residue. And I had some breathing room while the mold dried. Another glass of wine and I was ready to prepare the rubber goop — two liquids that mix to make the rubber that fills the mold. I was worried that this part was going to be as anxiety provoking as the mold part, but it wasn’t so bad. You just have to remember to keep mixing the stuff for two minutes.”
Ken: “I prepared the vibration unit to place in the base of the mold. You get a piece of cardboard and cut a small hole in it. You slide the vibrator through the small hole. You then slip the vibrator into the rubber mix while letting the cardboard hold the vibrator up so it won’t slide into the rubber. And once I finished that part we got to relax.”
Denise: “24 hours later we pulled this amazingly realistic replica of Ken’s dick from the mold. It was such a hoot!”
Ken: “We nearly fell down laughing, because we were like mad scientists admiring our creation; this totally freaky day-glow green dildo.”
Denise: “Considering the effort we put into this, and that it is a replica of my man’s dong, I will treasure it always.”
Ken: “Actually, once we let go of our performance anxiety it was kinda fun. We both recommend the Clone-A-Willy Kit. And remember, if you mess up a batch you can always buy extra mixing materials.”
ENJOY