You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’…

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: Canada
During my teenage years I had a few girlfriends and enjoyed having sex with them. There were never any problems. However at around age 20 while still in College I began to experience sexual dysfunction with my partners after the second or third time we would have intercourse. The symptoms were, I’d be horny, have a good erection but a few minutes into intercourse my penis would start to feel numb and I either would not be able to have an orgasm or I would lose my erection. I would also start to feel sexually repulsed by my partner. This pattern continued for the next 15 years as a single man. I thought I was simply easily sexually bored and dealt with the problem by breaking off the relationship as soon as the sexual dysfunction would start and move on to someone new. One night stands and new partners were never a problem. It just happened after we would have a few dates. It also happened when I met my future wife. It didn’t seem to bother her that much although she thought it might be a good idea to make an appointment to see the Doctor about it. After we were married we basically stopped having sex (we weren’t having much to begin with) because it just proved too stressful, humiliating and it had no payoff for me. I started seeing therapists and for the next 8 years I went through 7 different therapists including marital counselors, sex therapists and psychiatrists. Now I have been married almost 15 years and the marriage has been sexless. My wife doesn’t like it but has made her peace with it. I can masturbate with no problems at all and have been told by doctors there is nothing physically wrong with me. But none of the therapists were able to pinpoint what was causing my sexual problem. I have had a few sexual encounters outside my marriage over the years and the sex was great, no problems at all. Mind you none of these “affairs” lasted very long, a half dozen sexual encounters at most. Any ideas what might be causing this inability to ejaculate and inability to keep an erection plus the feeling of sexual revulsion with a partner after two or three sexual encounters?

YIKES, James, you just recounted 25 years of deep seeded psychological problems and you expect me to make an insightful comment in the precious little time I can afford any one of my correspondent. That’s a pretty tall order; don’t you think?

Ok, for all it’s worth, here goes. My guess is that you don’t have a sexual dysfunction at all. But you do have a huge rift between your sexual life and your intimate life. And this expresses itself in the ways you outlined above.

Many people who have difficulty with intimacy can still perform sexually pretty much like everyone else. Obviously the performance thing is not dependent on the intimacy thing. In these cases, sex is rarely more than a mechanical bodily function — get it up, get it on, get it off, the end. The hard part comes when these people try to ground these mechanics in a healthy emotional context.

The fact that you can’t bone the same person more then a couple of times without revulsion, and that you can only tolerate your long-suffering wife if your marriage remains sexless; tells me you need to investigate why you can’t connect sexual expression with intimacy. You exhibit all the classic signs of a sexual dysfunction, but they’re only symptomatic of a much more profound disability. And you’ll never get to the bottom of dysfunctions until you get to the root of your intimacy issue.

When I see a person, like you, in my therapy practice, I try to help my client overcome his/her rift by encouraging him/her to gradually increase the amount of intimacy he is comfortable with every sexual encounter. It’s a simple behavior modification technique. It often is very successful, but most of my clients are highly motivated to heal the fracture in their life. Also, they don’t have a 25-year history of this to overcome.

You on the other hand, don’t seem to be particularly motivated. I can see that you’re curious about your sexual problems, but you’re not making that all important connection between your bodily functions and your emotion capacity. There’s a blockage there that is so ingrained it would be very difficult to undo. It could happen, but you’d have to be very passionate about making it happen and then stick with the therapeutic intervention till there was a breakthrough. This no doubt would involve reversing a lifetime of selfishness and egotism. And I see no evidence that you have that kind of moxy.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

And they’re off…

Name: Dan and Rebecca
Gender: Couple
Age: 25, 20
Location:
We are a happy but frustrated couple looking for advice. I’m a 25
year old male, and my lovely girlfriend is 20.

I have no problem bringing her to orgasm and pleasing her, but since we’ve been seeing each other I have not been able to cum once. In the past it was always difficult for me to cum during sex, my first time (age 18) my then gf and I went for about three hours before we just gave up. Usually I would have to jerk myself off afterwards but now I can’t even do that.

However if I am alone with porn I am easily able to masturbate and can get off a few times a day. How is it that I can jerk off to pictures that mean nothing to me, but can’t cum for the woman I love the most?

I’ve spoken with a doctor and he said medically there is nothing wrong with my penis. What do you suggest we do? We are really getting frustrated and just want to be able to please each other.

Simply put, there’s a difference between the psycho-sexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Your doctor is right, there’s probably nothing wrong with your unit. It’s all in your head…or your mind, to be more exact. And I’m not being flippant.

If I had to guess, I’d say you have a real bad case of performance anxiety, pup. Here’s how this nasty thing works. Say I have a less than satisfying sexual experience for one reason or another. Before I know it, I’m replaying the incident over and over in my mind’s eye till that’s all I can think about. The proverbial molehill has become a mountain, don’t ‘cha know. I then bring my anxiety to my next encounter. My hyper self-consciousness primes me for more disappointment. And I’m all prepared to interpret the disappointment as a failure. Well, you can see where I’m going with this, huh? My fears become self-fulfilling and I find I’m beginning to avoid partnered sex and my relationship flounders, I develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction and my self-esteem takes a nosedive. My preoccupation with my problem makes it less likely that I’ll be fully present during sex with my partner, which pretty much scuttles my sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity.

It looks to me like performance anxiety is putting a damper on your sexual arousal and short-circuiting your sexual response cycle, Dan. Get thee to a sex-positive therapist ASAP, darling! Believe me, this is nothing to fool around with, especially for someone at your tender age.

When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes a great deal of the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psycho-sexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training, stress reduction and relaxation exercises. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Name: Gene
Gender:  Male
Age: 45
Location: Orlando
I am a homosexual, and I have a “friend” who has been incarcerated for five years. The relationship while he was out with me was excellent. I have asked him numerous of times is he having sex with the homo’s in jail and he responds by saying no. I think otherwise, and he wants to come back to me upon his release. My question is “should I wait for him”?

Gene, Gene, Gene, there are so many things wrong with this picture, I hardly know where to start. Your man’s in the big house for 5 years, and you expect him to keep it in his pants for the duration…just for you? Like WHY? Hey, he’s in the clink, darling, not in a monastery. Oh wait; even monks in a monastery don’t keep it in their habit nowadays! At any rate, it may not be up to him if he has sex or not…if you catch my drift. He might be someone’s bitch right now, he’s just not telling you about it.

Should you wait for him? You mean, all alone by yourself with no one to comfort you while your guy is doin’ his time? This sounds like the script for a real bad 1950’s prison movie. You could play the role of the long-suffering girlfriend pining away while her good-for-nothing man pays his debt to society.

Honey, you need to get out more.

Good luck

Name: Erin
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: AL
Is it wrong for a married woman to want to masturbate when alone?

Gee, let me see. Is it wrong for a woman to feed herself when she is alone?

Erin, what could possibly be wrong with wanting to pleasure yourself when you are alone? As we all know, many women only get off through masturbation. Hell nowadays, liberated women folk everywhere are comfortable enough with their sexuality to jill-off even with their partner. So no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with self-pleasuring…alone or with a partner.

Besides, there’s no better way to get to know your body and your sexual response cycle. Once you acquainted yourself with how your body works, you’ll have a whole lot more information about how you tic that you’ll be able to share with your partner when the time comes. It’s a win/win situation for ya’ll.

Name: Joy
Gender:  female
Age: 21
Location: California
I have been dating this guy for almost 3 year and also live with him. I love the way he makes love to me and i love dick, but sometimes i just want to make out with girls… does this make me a lesbian at all?

Hardly, not even a little bit lesbian! Ya see, it takes more than suckin’ face with another chick to make a gal a lesbiterian. You’re gonna need to get yourself a she-mullet, some plaid shirts and a vibrator that you can kick-start. Now that’ll make ya dyke for damn sure. Sheesh!

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Messin’ Around

Name: Troy
Gender: Male
Age:
Location:
Sir,
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. She sometimes has experienced that her clit gets sore after we mess around. She also felt some pain when we have sex not right away but late on almost like a muscle soreness. She has had regular gyno visits with no problems. I am wondering if I could be too big for her. Do we need to increase the amount of lube we are using? Is there a limited number of times we should have sex in a weekend?
Thank You

What kind a messin’ around are you doin’ there, darlin’?

So let me get this straight, your GF sees her “gyno” on a regular basis and there’s no discernible problem in pussyville. That’s a good thing. But after she hooks up with you for a little slap and tickle her clit is very tender and she reports muscle soreness afterward as well.

Hmmm, I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and speculate you puppies are kinda new to the whole fuckin’ thing, right?

Let’s see, are you actively involved with her clit with your hands or mouth, or is this post-fuck tenderness simply collateral damage of you pounding away with wild abandon? I mean do you even know your way around down there? Or are you just one of those drop trow’ and commence the assault kinda guys? The fact that you don’t even know if you are using enough lube leads me to believe that you’ve got lots to learn.

Ya see the reason I say this is, for the most part, most youngens, and a lot of not so young people, don’t often take the time to familiarize themselves with the parts of their partners before sex. I mean there may be a lot of athletic bumping around and all, but that doesn’t necessarily mean ya’ll know what the fuck you’re doing.

And here’s another disturbing trend. A lot of young men are unfortunately picking up some of their sexual social skills, if you can call them that, from watching porn. And that, my friend, is never a good thing. Young women, on the other hand, often remain too embarrassed or uninformed themselves about their own parts to invite even a steady BF to stop for a moment and get to know their own personal cooch. Each woman is unique, ya know.

So you see how all of this lack of familiarity and perhaps even misinformation can cause loads of problems for novice fucksters. But the solution is very simple indeed — all you have to do is know yourself and know your partner.

One thing for sure, if you are swinging as big a pipe as you lead me to believe, it’s incumbent upon you to know how to handle that thang when foolin’ around with a delicate flower that is a woman’s muff. I suggest you have a nice long talk with your GF real soon. Make it a non-seductive, nonsexual conversation. Ask her to show you around “the promised land”. Have her point out all the really exciting points of interest…and there are a whole lot of ‘em. You’ll be amazed. If you think your dick is talented. Let me tell ya pal, it pails in comparison to a vulva.

Besides, this little exercise will give you loads of brownie points with the GF. You’ll also be a vastly more informed about pussy in general and therefore a much better lover. It’ll be exactly like playing doctor, only completely different.

Let me walk you through an actual structured exercise I have some of my clients, with similar problems as you guys, work on. It’s called a sexological exam. Ya see I never assume that a woman is familiar with her own genitals, let alone having her partner know what’s up down there. So I have my couples work together on this exercise. By the way, a woman can do it alone (a self-sexological exam) or she can work with a partner.

Think about it, this is a perfect way for you guys to learn about your own and one another’s naughty bits, as well as getting a handle on your sexual response cycles.

Here’s how it works. Your GF will hold a hand-held mirror between her legs. Have her point out her clit, vulva, vagina, both sets of vaginal lips, urethra, and if you have a speculum handy, you guys can check out her cervix. Next, probe her vagina, by inserting one of your fingers. Remember this is not a come-on for sex, this is an exercise to gather important information about how thing look and work down there. Don’t forget the lube!

With your finger in her vagina, ask her to flex her PC muscle. If you guys don’t know what that is you have some remedial work a head of you. To find all the posting I’ve made about the amazing PC muscles use the search function in the header, type in and Kegel exercises, and PRESTO!

What you guys will be looking for in this part of the exercise is your GF ability to identify and control her vaginal muscles.

Next comes a detailed touch test. I want you to stroke very square inch of your GF from her asshole to her navel, including her upper thighs. You are gonna be testing for and acquainting yourself with her sensitivity. I suggested your GF use a 0-5 point scale to represent the levels of sensitivity — 5 being the hottest, most sensitive and most pleasurable areas and 0 being the more neutral areas. Be sure to use all the numbers in-between. I encourage you guys to try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand.

Next it’s your turn to submit your body to your GF’s scrutiny. With the hand-held mirror between your legs point out your prepuce (if you go one), frenulum, glans, coronal ridge, scrotum and testicles. Have her slip a finger in your ass. Don’t forget the lube! Now flex your PC muscle for her. Yes darling, you have a PC muscle too. Have her feel for your prostate too.

Then she’ll use the same touch technique on you that you did on her. She’ll stroke very square inch of you from your asshole to your navel including your upper thighs. She will be testing for and acquainting herself with your sensitive areas. Using the same 0-5 point scale to represent the levels of sensitivity that she did — 5 being the hottest, most sensitive and most pleasurable areas and 0 being the more neutral areas as well as all the numbers in-between. Again, try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand.

By the time you guys have finished this exploration exercise, both of you will have a much greater appreciation of the wonders of her amazing cunt and your fabulous cock. You’ll know the areas that need special care and attention. You’ll also know the kind of touch that is the most appropriate for each specific area. But most importantly, you will realize that mindlessly pokin’ and prodin’ away down there, like a blind man with a stick, is not how one goes about a successful fuck.

Good luck

BINGO!

Name: Wondering
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: US
Hello, I just discovered your loverly website just now and thought I would ask you a question that has been on my mind for a while. I seem to have a problem orgasming without stimulating my clitoris. I suppose that doesn’t really sound like a problem but it’s really starting to annoy me. I would like to be able to still enjoy an orgasm without having to stimulate my clit every time! I love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way? I mean I am aware of where my G-spot is and my boyfriend said he’ll be focusing more on hitting it “spot” on. There’s also another thing I have noticed, sometimes my boyfriend will hit my cervix and it hurts a bit, but is this even normal? Should he even be able to hit it? Or is there something abnormal going on here?

Let’s see, when you say you “love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way?” Are you referring to full-on cock in cooter fucking when you say, “having sex”? The reason I ask is that not everyone means the same thing when they use that trite euphemism.

Since you’re not here to fill in the blanks, so to speak. I’ll assume you want to know why you can’t or haven’t yet had a vaginal orgasm. Before I answer, I just want to say that I hope you are not setting up an orgasmic dichotomy where there doesn’t need to be one. That would truly be unwise.

Ok, now my answer. I can’t really say why your not climaxing while you’re fucking. Other than an exclusively vaginal centered orgasm is a myth. The vast majority of women don’t have vaginal orgasms. In fact the degree of insensitivity inside a woman’s vagina is so high that Kinsey wrote in his seminal work, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female published back in 1953: “Among the women who were tested in our gynecologic sample, less than 14% were at all conscious that they had been touched.” That’s pretty remarkable, wouldn’t you say?

The vaginal orgasm myth is perpetuated, in part, by many a woman’s confusion and/or lack of knowledge about their own anatomy. Some women believe that an orgasm felt during fucking is centered in their cooch. This suggests to me that they aren’t being precise in locating the center of that orgasm. Other women believe in the vaginal orgasm myth because they think they need to conform to a male oriented notion of female sexuality — insertion…fucking = cuming. And that’s wrong, don’t cha know. Just ask all the preorgasmic women out there.

But ya know what? I don’t own a pussy my own self. All I can tell you is what I have learned from those people who actually have a honeypot. The people I’m referring to, we’ll call them females, tell me vaginal orgasms, mythological or not, may simply be dependent on a tone of a woman’s pelvic musculature. As amazing as pussies are, and they are amazing, if the muscles that surround them are not taught and toned enough, a fucking generated orgasm may elude the owner of said pussy.

Some women haven’t developed their PC muscle enough to cum through fucking alone. Are you doing your kegels, Wondering? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I suggest that you have some serious remedial research to do. You could start by reading around my site and listen to podcasts that feature information on our pubococcygeus muscle and kegel exercises. Check out the CATEGORIES pull down menu in the sidebar to your right. Scroll down till you see the main category — Sex Therapy.  Under that you will discover the subcategory — Kegels and PC muscle.

The elusive vaginal orgasm may also have to do with your partner’s cock, particularly the girth of his unit and opposed to its length. My women friends tell me that a thicker cock may have more of a chance triggering a vaginal orgasm then a pencil dick. No surprise there, I suppose. Position will also play a role. Why not give a bunch of different positions a try and see if they make a difference? You on top cowgirl style, or doggie style might work best. But it’s your coozie, my dear, and you ought to know it best.

As to your G-spot question. That’s another thing all together. I am so glad that you are familiar with your anatomy enough to have found your own personal G-spot. And it’s great to hear that you have an accommodating partner who is working on stimulating this sensitive area. Good for you both! However, while I wholeheartedly endorse and encourage your further investigations and sex play, I do have one caution. I share the concern of my women friends. We want you to avoid all the G-spot hype floating around in the popular culture these days. Most women have a good time with their G-spot exploration. They report that it is not particularly difficult to find, but it’s also much harder to pleasure. If a woman, you perhaps, gets it in your head that something amazing is supposed to happen with a G-spot stimulation, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. In the same way some women, you perhaps, set themselves up for disappointment if they buy into the myth of an exclusively vaginal generated orgasm.

I encourage you to see your genitals as a whole, not a bunch of separate parts that somehow work independently of one another. If your pussy is happy and your pussy is making you happy, is it really all that important how the happiness comes to be?

In comparison us men folk are not all that fussy. What gets us off; gets us off. I never hear from a guy who is disappointed because he’s having an exclusively prostate generated orgasm. They do happen to some men, but most of us aren’t the least bit concerned when they don’t happen to us. I also never hear from a guy who thinks he should be orgasmic through manipulation of his balls alone. That can happen too, but we’re not holding our breath for that.

What I do hear from guys is that we often need a particular kind of dick-oriented stimulation to get us off. And this is where the men folk and the women folk are much alike. You, like us, probably need a particular kind of stimulation to get you off. Be it vaginal, clitoral, G-spot, or whatever. If you acknowledge your genitals as a composite of parts that work together to bring you joy, then you’ll be less likely to be swayed by the claims, hype and misinformation about female sexual response.

Finally, regarding the issue of your boyfriend hitting your cervix. Yeah, that’ll hurt, don’t ‘cha know. I’d be willing to guess that he’s in the wrong position and being too athletic in his pumping when that happens. If he’s bumping your cervix, but you like the depth and athleticism of his manly thrusts, simply change position. That should remedy the problem.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Peg O My Heart

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and this week Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa tells us about how she buggered her BF, Alex, senseless thanks to a great product that comes to us from a company new to our review effort. Join us in welcoming Spare Parts Hardware . What a brilliant name!

Joque Harness by SpareParts —— $99.95

Christa
Those of you who follow my reviews know that my, butt-boy BF, Alex, is like this total ass whore. I was the first girlfriend he ever had that played with his prostate. Now it’s fuck me, fuck me, fuck me all the time.

Don’t get me wrong; I love the whole idea of pegging him senseless. I love everything about it. I love the role reversal, I love the domination and I love that I can make him squeal like a little piglet. In return for all this pleasuring, he waits on me hand and foot…especially the foot part. But that’s another story.

Sometimes I can satisfy Alex with a butt plug. This keeps him filled up and occupied till I find the time or the inclination to reward him with an ass fuck. In the past, I was less inclined to strap one on, because struggling with a poorly designed strap on was such a hassle.

Lucky for me…and Alex, I now am the proud owner of a Joque Harness. It’s changed everything. The Joque is by far the best and most comfortable strap on I’ve ever tried.

The Joque combines soft materials, easily adjustable straps, and a unique o-ring design to make the ultimate harness. If you are blessed with a partner who loves to bottom as much as Alex, you’re gonna want to invest in a Joque immediately. It’s that good.

Let me take you on a little tour of this marvel. First off there’s the material this jock- style harness is made of. The straps are made of a very soft cloth material, which uses a combination of velcro and elastic to securely fit itself to you. The front panel of the harness is made from a very soft bathing suit-like material. And once I fit the main straps on the waistband I never had to “re-fit” them again.

The Joque comes with two smaller tension straps that you tighten or release to make fine adjustments to the fit. This system fuckin’ rocks! A simple flick of the plastic buckle you can let out the slack till it’s just perfect. All these thoughtful design elements makes for and easy on, easy off. So now anally pleasuring Alex is as easy as slipping on a underwear.

And since the Joque is basically a clothing item, you simply toss it into the washing machine, when you’re done. So it’s always hygienic and sanitary. No more trying to keep a leather harness clean. There’s even a satin storage pouch included in the package.

The Joque has two leg straps. They are very comfortable and adjust as easily as the waistband. I really prefer this design to the more traditional G-string design.

Now let’s talk about the pouch, which is where all the action happens. The Joque has an elastic O-ring on the front that is designed to accommodate various sized dildos and vibrators. The ring is lined with the same swimsuit material as the pouch itself. Simply push the dildo through the O-ring. I didn’t have any problems till I tried to fit an unusually large dong through the O-ring. Then there was a struggle. The O-ring isn’t designed to accommodate the big boys.

There are even two internal pockets above and below the O-ring to accommodate mini bullet vibes for added sensations (bullet vibes not included in the package).

I have to keep coming back to how comfortable the Joque is. And it really holds up to vigorous play and Alex dearly loves his ass punished. This is also the only strap on I’ve ever seen that accommodates a double-headed dong, or strapless strap on like the SHARE . Ya see, the pouch design allows you to slide the double-header dildo all the way through the harness. When you’re not using that particular feature you keep the flap closed to protect yourself from having the base of a regular dong rub directly on your pussy.

Let’s recap, shall we? The Joque is super-comfortable, and totally stylish too. It even comes in a bunch of colors. It gets my highest recommendation.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Family Jewels

Name: Lloyd
Gender: male
Age: 33
Location: UK
Hi Dr,
I like pulling on my nuts when I masturbate. I like the way it adds tension to my entire genital area, cock, bum and of course my balls. Is it ok to do this as often as I masturbate? Could I injure myself? I’ve heard there are ball-stretching devices, but I don’t know how they work. Is this something you are familiar with? Thanks a bunch.

Lots of guys are into stretching their balls; it’s a very common practice (fetish). Like you suggest there’s nothing like a pair of low-hangers slappin’ around down there as you pull your pud.

As you probably know, your nuts hang outside and away from your body so they stay slightly cooler than you normal core body temperature. This keeps sperm production at its peak.

Think of the fun you’ll have with a partner too. Do you know about tea baggin? (Not the nutty American Republican kind, mind you.) It’s all the rage, don’t cha know! When you stretch out your balls, you’ll be able to straddle your partner and do deep knee bends, while you’re family jewels dip in and out of your partner’s mouth as you proceed with your up and down motion. How fun!

Don’t know a ball stretcher from a hole in your head? Not to worry. There are several kinds of devices. All encircle your sack above your balls and then either push your balls away from the body, or yank down on your nuts. Most stretchers are made of soft leather, neoprene, metal, or a combination of these materials. Persistent use can stretch your sack a good 3 inches. By the way, the stretching itself can produce a very erotic sensation both in your balls and your testicle cords (vas deferens). Let’s take a look at what you can find in Dr Dick’s Stockroom relating to this.

For example, check out this little number: Weighted Ball Stretcher (SL118) $25.95 The Weighted Ball Stretcher is crafted from high quality garment leather, containing tiny sand granules that make this CBT (Cock & Ball Torture) toy firm yet flexible. The dual snaps allow for custom adjustment to ensure a snug and secure fit, ideal for even the most extreme CBT scenarios. This ball stretcher weighs six ounces and will weigh down your boys without being excessively straining.

This ball stretcher is supple yet durable and it will make a great addition to your cock and ball toy collection.

 

Then there’s the Parachute Ball Stretcher (A576) $18.00 Add some style and exquisite tease toy your play with the small studded parachute by Spartacus. This exquisite CBT device is shaped like a small parachute that surrounds the wearer’s package with a firm grip. High quality leather makes it comfortable as well as providing a tight grip. The item also has a 6″ long metal chain for attaching additional weights. The metal stud design will make the wearer stylish and sexy during the play. Weights can also be attached, but for god sake, have your wits about you when you try this. You can injure yourself if not careful.

 

How about the KinkLab Neoprene Ball Stretcher (KL765) $14.95
Choose between 2 lengths —

  • Short 2-snap (1.5″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.
  • Long 3-snap (2″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.

 

Take a look at the 1.5″ Rubber Ball Stretcher w/ Locking Strap (R134) $22.00   This Locking Rubber Ball Stretcher stands apart from the rest because it is made of a firmer neoprene rubber that looks and feels like natural rubber, but can be used with oil based lubricants. This particular grade of rubber is more firm and shiny than other Neoprene Ball Stretchers.

The snap closes on the side allow for two different levels of tightness for the best fit and the 3/4″ wide buckling strap has a lockable buckle.

 

Here’s a beauty, 3″ Leather Ball Stretcher w/ 2 Pulls (B584) $33.00  This leather ball stretcher has three buckles and two mini pull-straps for attaching weights or other restraint devices. This stretcher constricts the scrotum sack down to a diameter variable between 1″ to 4″ while forcing the testicles down.

The soft leather-lined inner surface is totally smooth without any rivets. Width: 3″, Length 6″, with six holes for buckle adjustment.

 

Looking for something shiny? The Chrome Ball Stretcher (A720) $29.50 – $42.00  Nothing else looks or feels quite the same as one of these shiny chrome ball stretchers.

We’re currently carry two different diameters in two different lengths, for a total of four sizes. The 2 diameters are 1 5/8″ and 1 7/8″ and the 2 lengths are 1 1/8″ and 2″.

For those who get into the feeling of a metal ball stretcher, these stretchers are fantastic. They are good-quality rings at an excellent price.

 

Finally, something hi-tech. The Separating Ball Stretcher (B010) $68.00 – $69.00  When it comes to ball stretchers/weights, this is the top of the line. You may want to wear it for the sensual feel, but the way it looks, the erotic bondage/control possibilities, and the gradual stretching of the scrotum are a bonus. Whatever your motivation, this chrome-plated brass stretcher of unusually high quality and advanced design has many advantages:

Unlike all other metal ball stretchers I’ve seen, this one separates so that it can be closed around your balls, instead of having to shove your balls through the opening at the center. This allows the opening to be smaller, which allows the ball-stretching ring to be thicker (and heavier).

The smaller opening also prevents most men from removing the stretcher without opening it. And the stretcher is opened and closed using bolts which can only be screwed/unscrewed with an allen wrench. (The wrench is included with the stretcher.) So, if the wearer doesn’t have access to an allen wrench, the ring is effectively locked on, opening up interesting bondage possibilities. (Note: the wrench is a standard size, so if it gets lost, it can be easily and inexpensively replaced with a quick trip to any hardware store.)

Both stretching and bondage possibilities are enhanced by the optional addition of two eyebolts, one on either side of the stretcher. These eyebolts are included as part of the stretcher package. The stretcher can be used with or without the eyebolts, depending on your tastes, needs, and plans. They can be used to attach weights, cuffs, ropes, locks, etc.

  • 8oz. Stretcher/Weight B010
    This 8oz. version of the separating stretcher is the smallest and mildest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is a mild .5″ (1.2cm). Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 16oz. Stretcher/Weight B011
    This 16oz. version of the separating stretcher is a full pound of weight for the balls, and is the second largest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″. Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 22oz. Stretcher/Weight B012
    This 22oz. version of the separating stretcher weighs almost a pound and a half, and is the largest and heaviest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″ (3.8cm).

 

Again a word of caution. When using any stretcher, it’s best to proceed slowly and gradually. Be careful when handling your scrotum to make sure that it doesn’t get pinched. You may find it helpful to use a tongue depressor, a pen, or some similar household object to push the scrotum skin out of the way as you slowly tighten snaps or screws.

Also, the potential for injury to this tender part of your body is obvious. So be careful and conservative in your use of any of these items. The Dr Dick’s Stockroom can guarantee the quality of workmanship of all these products, but not the safety of their use. You use them is at your own risk.

Again, please be careful and use common sense.

Good luck

Are You Gettin’ On, But Not Gettin’ Off?

Name: Rachel
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Location: somewhere
Is it possible for a girl not to be able to have an orgasm after having sex twice?

You betcha, Rachel! Loads of women, way too many in fact, go through most of their lives being pre-orgasmic. Even having sex on a regular basis and having lots of babies is no guarantee that the woman in question is orgasmic. It’s a staggering statistic that us men folk simply can’t wrap our heads around. In fact I believe the earth would stop rotating on its axis if an equal number of men lived most of their lives without being orgasmic.

Now it must be clear to you, even at your tender age, that there are some fundamental differences between the sexes when it comes to sexual enjoyment. But a good portion of that has always been culturally dependent. Men have always had a whole lot more cultural permission to be sexually experimental. And since our willie is just hangin around down there waiting for an invitation to play. Or more precisely it’s our wang that tells us it’s time to play. We get to know our way around our boner early in life. Women? Ahhh not so much! Ok, so historically women have been sexually oppressed and repressed. But times they are a chanin! And all you women folk out there need to wake up about this.

Nowadays you don’t need nobody’s stinkin’ permission to get real acquainted with your cooch. That’s why I am a really big advocate of the notion that each of us, both the women folk and the men folk, ought to be responsible for our own orgasms…even, or more especially, in partnered sex.

If you mean by having sex, (and I hate that ambiguous term), that you’re having full-on cock in cooter fucking, and you’re not being appropriately pleasured, then I think it’s high time for you to take some responsibility for that. I mean you can chalk up just so much sexual disappointment to the sex-negative culture and a slew of offish and uninformed male lovers, darling!

If the man you are with isn’t pleasuring you to orgasm, then it’s your responsibility to take the time to instruct him on how it’s done. If you don’t insist that your partnered sex be mutual and reciprocal, i.e. pleasure for pleasure, then you’re gonna have to suffer the consequences. If loutish men are bumpin’ around down there gettin their jollies, but leaving you high and dry…literally and figuratively…then you are not taking care of business properly.

Of course, the other alternative is just doing it yourself. Either way, you should have the know-how to bring yourself to orgasm even if you are with an ineffectual lover.

I suppose you know where I’m going with this, huh? Well, here’s the 411 on gettin’ rid of preorgasmia once and for all. It is incumbent upon you to be exceptionally well versed in the pleasure points of your own personal pussy so you can pass this information on to the guy who wants to jump your bones. Never, and I mean never, assume a dude is gonna know what to do all on his own. Even a very seasoned lover is not gonna know the particulars of your pussy. But luckily, a seasoned lover will probably ask to be introduced to your cooch as insurance that he does the job right.

Begin by knowing your body and your sexual response cycle inside out. You are intimately familiar with masturbation, right? If not, times a wastin’, girl! Start by learning how to pleasure your body to orgasm. Once you get the hang of it, you will likely know the kind of stimulation you need to achieve full arousal in partnered sex, because this is precisely the information you are gonna want to pass on to your partner before the next fuck-fest begins as well as throughout the event. If you don’t do this, then you probably deserve the sexual wasteland you will surely find.

In other words, if you’re gettin it on, but not gettin off; you, my dear, need to take some of the blame for that.

To that end, allow me to direct you to a two-part interview I did with the marvelous, Mikaya Heart. She was a guest on my show for the SEX WISDOM series. You will find the podcasts HERE and HERE!

Mikaya is the author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women; How to Become Orgasmic For A Lifetime. It is by far the best book about women’s sexuality that I have read in the past decade, if not longer.

Good luck

The Summer Solstice 2012 Q&A Show — Podcast #337 — 06/18/12

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

Happy Solstice everyone! Well, actually solstice isn’t until Wednesday, but who’s quibbling. Damn, this year is flying by. It seems like it was only a couple of weeks ago that we were welcoming spring. And, guess what? I just did the math; this is my 6th Summer Solstice podcast. Holy COW!

In honor of this milestone I have a delectable Q&A show in store for you today. We will be hearing a bunch of very interesting questions from the sexually worrisome, each will surely amaze and entertain. And I think we’ll have just enough time to do some SEX SCIENCE too. Stick around, sex fans, this is gonna be great!

  • William is using AndroGel for low “T”. Will it get his dick to grow?
  • Craig was snooping in his wife’s gym bag and found something interesting.
  • Chris and I have a lengthy exchange about his deep-seeded sexual conflicts.
  • Paula asks for my advice about purchasing a prostate massager for her hubby.
  • Gerard has blood in his semen.
  • Jenny asks if all fetuses start out as female. This triggers a SEX SCIENCE tutorial.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Batter Up

Name: Trey
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Location:
I’m 17 years old. I hit puberty at age 10, so I have had time for my dick to grow, but it hasn’t. I’m 1 inch soft and 4 inches hard. Why? Is it normal? I mean all the other guys have dicks at least 4 inches soft and like 6-8 inches hard. Even one of my of my 13-year-old friends dick is honestly 6 inches soft! What is wrong with me? Why is mine so small? Is it abnormal for my age? I have heard that weight can have something to do with it? I’m about 240 pounds. Can you help? I can’t do surgeries or enhancement pills or whatever. I mean, give some names of medicines and I can talk to my doctor or something.

Normally I wouldn’t respond to yet another question about how one grows his dick bigger. I’ve already dedicated enough ink to this topic to last a lifetime. If you want the 411 on cock enlargement techniques of all types, all you have to do is use the search function in the header and search for topics like: cock size, cock shape and jelqing. Or look for these topics in the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar. You’ll find everything I have to say on the subject.  Here’s an example of what I am talking about — Much Ado About Very Little.

But for your benefit, Trey, I’ll summarize. Our dick size is determined by genetics, like our skin color, hair color, stature and the like. Permanent male enhancement by any means, short of surgery, is a fiction. And surgery is an exceptionally risky procedure, often times only making matters worse.

The only reason I decided to publicly respond to your question, Trey, is because you mention your weight. You tell me you are 17 years old and you weigh about 240lbs. That’s astounding, pup. Unless you are 7” tall and built like a brick shithouse, you must be considerably overweight, perhaps even obese. If I were you, darlin’, I’d consider my weight problem to be a much bigger liability then the size of my baloney pony.

Seriously, one sure fire way to add to your dick size is to lose weight. Think about it, if your unit is struggling to peek out from under a big fold of fat hanging down from just above your cock, you could easily add a couple inches if you trimmed the fat. But dick size aside, you’re simply carrying too much weight and at such a tender age. YIKES!

You know you are at risk for diabetes, circulatory problems and cardiac problems, right? Each and every one of these will impact in a very negative way on your sexual response cycle. So even if you could magically grow you dick bigger, your weight will defeat you; making it impossible for you to get it up and get it off.

I encourage you to seriously consider a lifestyle change, pup. Do it so you’ll have a bigger dick, if that’s what you really want. And in the process you’ll also insure a healthier heart making that bigger dick of yours function like it oughta.

Good luck

Name: razor
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: Texas
My partner and I have been together for about 8 months now. I can’t even say we had a great, awesome, sex life at first. There was something else. I thought I had found a good person and friend in him. He is very sexy, lean and hung. Honestly, I should really want him. I’m poz, and he’s not. I, wonder if that could be the reason, why I don’t desire him? Afraid that I might hurt him somehow. Or could this be just what I think it is, could I just not want sex?

Mmmm, I’d go with the first option, if I had to pick one. I’d be willing to guess that the disparity between you and your BF’s HIV status is indeed getting in the way of your eroticism. And that’s a big fat bummer, because it doesn’t have to be like that.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the lack of desire for this hot and hunky HIV- guy isn’t getting in the way of you guys having a good relationship, is it? The reason I ask is that many happy secure relationships are based on other things besides sex. You say he’s a good person and a friend. Maybe that’s all you need to make this relationship work and last. Most long-term relationships wind up being relatively sexless anyway. Instead of sexual fulfillment, the couple finds contentment in the intimacy and stability of the relationship. And that is often more gratifying than a vigorous roll in the hay.

As to your fears about possibly hurting your guy through sex…well life is full of risks, right? Your man is equally aware of the possibility of an accidental sero-conversion as you, right? But he stays with you. Why is that? Maybe he’s willing to take the risk; because he has this other connection with you…ya know the friendship thing. Maybe he is confident about the safe sex he practices. Maybe sex is not all that important to him, considering he’s in a relationship with a good man who is his friend. Maybe you just oughta ask him.

At the same time, there’s loads of very pleasurable sexual activities you guys could involve yourselves in which carry very little to absolutely no risk of an HIV accident. Maybe you just need to get a little more creative in your sex play. Lots of mixed HIV couples have figured this out already.

Fear is an ugly thing, Razor. It can, as you suggest, shut down a person’s entire erotic life. But I encourage you not to let this happen to you. Push past your fears. Work with a sex-positive therapist or an HIV support group, if you must. Just don’t settle for the status quo. Even if your current relationship isn’t dependent on a regular slap and tickle, you oughtn’t live your life like you are some kind of Typhoid Mary. That is if you ask me.

Good luck

Jizz4U

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and this week we review a great product that everyone can use and enjoy. And in doing so we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort, CumShotLube. Can ya stand it? What a brilliant name.

Let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Mick & Chuck, for their take on this new personal lubricant.

CumShotLube —— $12.99

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “Ya know, when it comes to lube, I pretty much though the Dr Dick Review Crew had covered all the bases. I thought for certain there wasn’t anything new under the sun. I mean you got your water-based lubes, your silicone-based lubes and your oil-based lubes and that pretty much sums it up.”
Chuck: “Don’t forget you’ve got your warming, arousing and desensitizing lubes and all those flavored lubes too.”
Mick: “Oh right! So you can imagine how unenthusiastic we were when Dr Dick handed us yet another bottle of lube to review. Of course our interest was peaked when we took a look at the label. I confess, the clever name, CumShotLube, got me smiling. But, I’ve been charmed by a product’s name before, only to discover the product sucked…and not in a good way.”
Chuck: “Dr Dick said he though we would be pleasantly surprised by CumShotLube. He said that he hadn’t seen anything like it before and he thought we were the perfect couple to review it. We always listen to what the good doctor says, so we took our little bottle of lube home with us intending to put it to good use in the coming days.”
Mick: “Our first play date with CumShotLube was at one of our mutual wank fests. Sometimes, after a hard day at work, we are too tired for a full-on fuck, So we pop some porn in the DVD player and settle in for an evening of pulling our puds. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather when we broke out the lube. CumShotLube is fuckin’ amazing. I mean it looks and feels just like semen. A dollop of CumShotLube warming in the palm of my hand actually separated a bit, just like my own spooge does. It has the same consistency and viscosity of my own load. In fact, I couldn’t tell the difference between my cum and CumShotLube.”
Chuck: “Damn right! We both couldn’t believe our eyes. It’s so realistic. And it has no discernable taste, which is really important to me. A lot of lubes I’ve tried taste funny, kinda chemically, and that’s a deal breaker for me.”
Mick: “CumShotLube is long lasting too. I don’t know about you, but Chuck and I like to use one another’s cum to lubricate ourselves to a finish. Lets say he cums first. He shoots his wad on me and I scoop it up and slather it all over my cock. This is great, but actual spunk dries out really fast. Not CumShotLube.”
Chuck: “We had so much fun jacking off with this stuff we thought we’d try fucking with it too. We decided to warm the lube a bit in a bowl of hot water. This way, a shot of CumShotLube feels, as well as looks, like the real thing. And this lube has staying power. It doesn’t dry out like other water-based lubes we’ve tried.”
Mick: “We both noticed that there’s powerful erotic component to using CumShotLube. We even discussed this with Dr Dick. We think that jizz is a powerful aphrodisiac for a lot of guys, maybe even some women too. I know it is for us. We love to see it. We love to play with it. We love to rub it into our skin. It’s a huge turn on for us. With CumShotLube we get to indulge our little cum fetish as much as we would like.”
Chuck: “Ok, so CumShotLube, is the ideal personal lube for all your lubricant needs. But then again, there are lots of fine personal lubricants on store shelves these days. What sets CumShotLube apart from the others? It’s the play factor. And before you discount that, try to imagine your favorite porn movie without all the cum shots. I rest my case.”
Mick: “That’s funny, I was thinking the same thing. In fact, I was thinking how CumShotLube is going to revolutionize the porn industry. I think we all know that some of the money shots, as they are called in the industry, are faked. Now studio executives have CumShotLube to save the day. No more watered down mayonnaise.”
Chuck: “And think of all the guys who can’t of don’t shoot much of a load, if any. We have a friend who had prostate cancer and had is prostate removed. He has no ejaculate at all. This product will help him overcome being self consciousness about that. CumShotLube is condom compatible and you can use it with all your favorite toys, even with your expensive silicone toys. It won’t stain bedding or clothes either. We love the packaging too. Very creative!”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

The Last Day of April Q&A Show — Podcast #330 — 04/30/12

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a delectable Q&A show in store for you today to close out the month of April. We will be hearing a bunch of very interesting questions from the sexually worrisome, each will surely amaze and entertain. There’s a distinct religious overtone to some of these questions and there’s also more than a hint of desperation. Oh how I feel their pain.

  • Brian calls in while he’s jerkin’ off.
  • Nick calls in to tell us about his massive ass toys.
  • Richie is troubled by what the Church told him about being gay.
  • Lyn has been around the block a time or ten, her new BF is a virgin.
  • Hamlet is so stressed out he can’t keep his hardon.
  • Éric is wasting his money trying to grow himself a bigger dick. I suggest that he take a look at this POSTING.
  • Dan isn’t even through puberty yet and he’s worried about the size of his willie. I suggest he take a look at this VIDEO.

 

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Naturally

Hey sex fans!

Welcome to this our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the second of three products that came to us from a marvelous Israeli company, Joya 4U. If you somehow missed the first of our reviews you can find it HERE.

Today we welcome back Dr Dick Review Crew member, Angie. We’ve missed you ma’am! And we’re so glad you’re back with us.

Little Su Natural —— $38.41

Angie

After an all-together too long hiatus from the Dr Dick Review Crew I’m happily back where I belong. Thanks for the warm welcome back, Dr Dick.

I was absent for so long because I had a little medical issue that I needed to attend to. Actually, it was a big medical concern. I was diagnosed with lymphoma over a year ago. One of these days I’d like to do some writing about my cancer diagnosis and treatment and how these things impacted me, my husband and our sex life. But until that day comes, let’s just say it was an adventure. A difficult, confusing and often painful adventure, but an adventure nonetheless.

There is precious little information about sex and sexuality available to cancer survivors. No one seemed to be capable of speaking clearly and unambiguously about how a diagnosis and treatment can impact a person’s intimate life. This conspiracy of silence has got to stop!

See, don’t get me started. Well, actually, this is precisely where I want to start.

The only way I knew how to work my way back to being a sexual being, for myself, and a sexual partner, for my husband, was through masturbation.

My self-loving exercises began slowly and tentatively, but I still made progress. My husband was lovingly supportive, which was a really good thing. I am so blessed.

All this gets me to my review of the Little Su Natural. This delightful insertable is my new friend. And the curious thing is, it’s not a vibrator.

The beautiful packaging refers to Little Su Natural as a dildo, but I think that generic designation does it a disservice. This 100% medical grade silicone insertable is much more versatile than any other dildo I’ve ever used. It’s so flexible; you can use it alone, or with a partner. And you can use it vaginally or anally. It relatively small as insertable go, it’s only about 4.5” long with a diameter of slightly over 1.25”.

I’d like to direct your attention to the user manual that comes with the Little Su Natural. Here you will find detailed written instructions and illustrations depicting various methods of using Little Su Natural. For example, when the thick bulbous end is inserted vaginally it brings the sculptured tail in contact with your clitoris. Rubbing or rocking on a bed or pillow delivers intense pleasure. The Little Su Natural is also ideal for tightening you PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. As part of my post cancer rehabilitation I’ve rededicated myself to doing my kegel exercises, which has revitalized the sensations I feel internally.

The Little Su Natural works just as well in partnered play. I insert it as I would when I am alone, but when I’m with my husband; I straddle his thigh and rock myself to pleasure or he will use his hand to rock it for me. This position gives me more control over the kind of stimulation I want and need. I learned that having control, like this, was particularly important to me when I was first reinvestigating my sexual response after chemo.

I hasten to add that you can only use water-based lube with this silicone toy.

Clean up is a snap! Warm water and mild soap will do for everyday cleaning. If you are looking to share your Little Su Natural, and I think you should, then you must sanitize it. This is easily done by dropping it into a pot of boiling or putting it through a cycle in the dishwasher.

As much as I admired the stylish packaging, the foam insert inside the box, which holds the Little Su Natural, has a bit of an unpleasant odor. I decided to get rid of that and replace it with folded hand towel. That way I can continue to use the box for storage.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Now what?

Name: Jen
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Florida
I am a young and attractive female with a great personality and many friends, but when it comes to men… I just don’t get it. I date many guys, but I can’t seem to get a guy into a relationship. I wont have sex with a guy unless we’re a “couple”, but the men I date seem to be turned off by this fact and don’t stay in the picture for long. In the past, I would have sex with guys I dated, but it would always end as soon as a relationship was mentioned. Any tips on how to get a guy to stick around without having to put out?

Basically men are pigs, darling. They want what they want, when and how they want it. (And just for the record, you appear to be just like most men, right? You have a very strict notion about how things should be and you wanna have it just that way.)

Nowadays the men folk don’t think it’s necessary to commit to a relationship just to get laid. The marketplace, so to speak, is brimming over with less encumbered pussy.

Now, far be it from me to suggest that you change your behaviors or value system. But you might want to take a look at why you are using sex as a lure? Maybe you’re good in bed, but not great relationship material. Or it might be that you are simply fishing in the wrong hole, so to speak.

Try connecting with a good fundamentalist Christian boy or one of them fine Mormon missionaries that are always floating around in pairs. They’re generally cute as the dickens in their white shits and black ties. And they will probably have a similar outlook as you as to the proper place for sex.

However, you may also discover that men with more traditional values about sex also have very traditional notions about the place of women in a marriage. Ya know, like barefoot and pregnant. You may even find that one of these more traditional types will do you one better by insisting that there be no nookie till you convert and get married in the church or temple.

In other words, beware of what you wish for; you may actually get it!

Good luck

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

You betcha, darlin’! Let me call your attention to Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Click on the Video On Demand tab in the header. This will take you to the library’s start page. Once inside you’ll find everything your little hearts could desire in terms of guides for the budding perv. In particular, I’d like to call your attention to the series put out by the ever popular, Nina Hartley.

Nina is one of the most recognized and respected people in the adult industry. She is as well known for her outspoken support of the industry as she is for her more than 600 adult titles. Nina established herself as one of the top porn stars of the 80’s. Her success continued strong in the 90’s when she did some of her best work. Today she uses her position as one of the world’s most popular adult stars to advocate sex education and sexual freedom among couples and singles.

Look for: Nina Hartley’s Guide To The Perfect OrgyNina Hartley’s Guide To Stripping For Your PartnerNina Hartley’s Guide To Sex For The Bi-Curious WomanNina Hartley’s Guide To Foot FunNina Hartley’s Guide To Strap-On SexNina Hartley’s Guide To SpankingNina Hartley’s Guide To Double PenetrationNina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual DominationNina Hartley’s Guide To Couples SexplorationNina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes  and Nina Hartley’s Guide To Bondage Sex. Just to name a few.

These handy dandy guides demystifies the particular fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring, and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. And the visuals…well they will tantalize and inspire.

If Missy Nina doesn’t cover the particular kink that you are looking for, just do a search for the particular fetish you’re curious about. You’ll find just about everything at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Try search terms like: bondage, discipline, role-play, tickling, tit play, costumes, cock and ball torture, fetish, cross-dressing, diaper and medical play. The list goes on and on.

And the best part of all of this is that you’ll be able to view these videos by the scene, or in their entirety. Heck, you can even download to own. And you do it all from the comfort and security of your own computer. Simply put there’s no better way to become a big fat pervert than indulging in Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

Good luck

Learning to ride

Hey sex fans!

We’re all back from Spring Break. Did you miss us? We sure missed you. So ok, let’s get this ball rolling again with a timely question from one of my correspondents.

Name: Drew
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: Boise
I’m gay, I’m a virgin, and I think I may be afraid of sex. In all the porn I’ve seen, the bottom guy looks uncomfortable and in pain, why would I want that? I’ve only done anything sexual with one guy and I was so anxious that I couldn’t even get up. I liked the guy, he was hot, and I enjoyed all the fore-play type stuff, but I just couldn’t do anything else. Any advice on how to get over this?

First thing, don’t ever look to porn for your sex education; you will surely be misled. Second, that grimace that you report seeing on the bottom’s face as he is being penetrated, may be a grimace of pleasure not pain. I think you are projecting your own discomfort on the guys in the movies.

Let me tell you a little story. The other day I was walking in the park with Ginger the dog. Actually, I was trying to walk like a normal person, but she was pulling me along like a maniac. We were both, in our own way, enjoying some beautiful spring weather and the sights, sounds and smells nature in its glory. As we walked along we encountered a father and son who were seriously involved in what appeared to be the kid’s first lesson in riding a bicycle…without training wheels. Despite the father’s patient encouragement the kid couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. He would start out ok, but just as soon as his dad let go of the back of his seat the boy would wobble and eventually crash. There were plenty of tears, a skinned knee and the boy’s fear and anxiety was thick enough to cut with a knife. It was quite a scene.

The kid was convinced that he didn’t have what it took to ride on his own. His defeatism fueled itself and became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He finally gave up. Sat down on a bench, his bike in a tangle at his side, and refused his father’s pleading that he try again. In the kid’s mind the bike was the enemy another attempt would only hurt and humiliate, and so the lesson ended.

What the kid lacked was self-confidence, a sense of adventure and probably more importantly — balance. I wish I had had an opportunity to suggest to the boy and his dad, that they might try another ploy. I wanted to say, set the bike aside and work on that balance thing first. This would surely increase the boy’s confidence and it wouldn’t cost a blow to his ego or his knee. And it would be fun.

I would have suggested the dad start by helping the kid walk on 4” curb, balancing himself as he went. Then the dad could increase the challenge to include balancing on one foot, then the other. Once the kid discovered the power within him to accomplish these tasks, the bike could be reintroduced. The father would assist the boy in drawing upon his skill in balancing on the curb to master balancing on his bike.

The same will be true for you, Drew. Sex is nothing to be afraid of. Rather it is a skill that one learns. Some, obviously, take to it quicker than others, but everyone can learn a happy, healthy sexual expression that will build self-esteem and bring great pleasure.

I want you to start exploring and enjoying your bottom on your own. Like the kid in the park, you need to acquaint yourself with the powers that lie within you. He needed to find a sense of balance within himself; you need to find the Big Old Butt Pirate within yourself.

Most all of the discomfort in butt fucking is associated with your sphincter muscle trying to resist whatever it is being inserted in your ass. When this muscle resists to the point of spasm things can become very painful. So here’s what I want you to do.

  • First, before you start playing with your hole — relax. Just like the kid in the park would have needed to calm himself before attempting to balance on the curb. The same is true for you.
  • Take a relaxing shower, a warm bath, and/or try some deep breathing exercises to center yourself.
  • Have a ready supply of a water-based lube handy. Silicone-based lubes are swell for these exercises too. However, oil-based lubricants aren’t recommended for use with a condom.
  • Start with a little self-pleasuring. Stroke your dick with your lubed hand and get into your happy place.
  • Gradually slather some of that lube on to your balls and taint. With legs open wide find your hole and play with your rosebud. Gently massage the area around your asshole, but don’t side your fingers in just yet. Simply get used to the feelings of playing at the opening of your ass.
  • Let your play include the tip of your finger entering your ass.
  • If you do this while you’re stroking your cock, you will find that your hole will actually open and invite your finger. That’s the great thing about pleasuring one part of your body while learning to pleasure another.
  • Once you are comfortable with your fingertip inside, try pushing it in further and move it around a little. Try pushing it and pulling it out of your ass. Ya know, like finger-fucking yourself.
  • Find your prostate. It shouldn’t be hard to find if you’re all horned up. It will feel smooth and hard, like a flat stone.
  • Give that puppy a nice gentle massage. If you’re still stroking your wood, don’t be surprised if this prostate massage gets you to bust your nut. In fact, you will find that your prostate actually enlarges a bit and becomes more firm just as you are about to shoot.
  • As you jizz you will also notice that your sphincter muscle will tighten around your finger and pulsate with each squirt

Continue these self-pleasuring exercises until you are comfortable inserting a couple fingers in your ass. Then try a small vibrating dildo. In no time at all you will be ready to jump on your bike and ride…so to speak.

With these exercises behind you, no pun intended, the first time you actually fuck with a partner will be the incredible experience it is meant to be. If you encounter any discomfort you’ll know what to do — deep breathing to relax and priming your hole with a lubed finger or two.

  • First, attend to your personal hygiene. Make sure you’re clean inside. We don’t want any unsightly and embarrassing mishaps to mess up the big event.
  • Remember to take it slow. There’s no rushing pleasure. And you’ll be the one in charge of what goes in your ass, when and for how long.
  • Warm up with some foreplay, kissing, sucking, licking, rimming touching and massaging.
  • Have condoms and lots of lube near to hand.
  • While you’re warming up, start loosening up your ass with your lubed fingers, just like in your self-pleasuring exercises.
  • Once you’re comfortable offer your ass to your partner. Have him replace your fingers with his own. Try some swell finger-fucking first.
  • Once you’re relaxed and loose, lie on your side with your partner behind you. Have him slowly push his cock against your rosebud.
  • Try pushing out like you are trying to take a dump. This will help open up your sphincter for his entry.
  • As he enters you, have him stop so that you can breathe deeply. Give your ass the time it needs to adjust to the new sensations. If there’s pain or discomfort have your partner reverse course and go back to finger fucking before you proceed.
  • Make sure that your partner knows that if you ask him to stop; he will stop. Trust is very important in butt fucking.
  • As he fills you with his dick he will hit your prostate. This will send waves of pleasure through your body and signal your sphincter to open for even more.
  • You may find that you’ll even want to push your ass back to meet and engulf his cock.

By the time this happens you will happily discover that you are ridding your bike all by yourself. And you will be very happy.

Good luck