I Used Sex Therapy Apps for Six Weeks

— And Can Confirm They’re a Relationship Game-Changer

Not to mention they helped me seriously start to unpack my sexual traumas and insecurities.

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In no particular order, here’s a list of things I’d rather do than talk about sex: accidentally like a photo of my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend from two years ago; play six straight hours of baby shower games; drink bath water (yes, even Jacob Elordi’s).

Though I love having sex, actually talking about it with my partner, friends, and even my therapist makes me want to curl up into a ball and hide. According to a 2023 survey from Durex, I’m not the only one: A third of the 2,000 adults surveyed reported that they feel uncomfortable talking about sex with their partners, and a fifth won’t bring up sex at all over the course of their relationships.

If these folks (myself included) get itchy having these conversations with the person who regularly sees them naked, chances are they’re probably not running out to have them with a professional, either—which is where sex therapy apps can help.

My first introduction to sex therapy apps came late one night while I was laying in bed after a not-so-great, highly-anxiety-provoking sexual experience with my long-term partner. It was a sort of a “straw that broke the camel’s back” situation that made me realize that if I continued to ignore my sexual trauma—and the hangups that came along with it—it was never going to get better. What started with a few Google searches in the realm of “what is wrong with me” took me down a rabbit hole of resources I didn’t know existed. Fifteen minutes later, I downloaded my first sex therapy app, and was almost in tears as I realized that 1) I wasn’t alone in my experience, and 2) there might actually be a solution.

While most experts will tell you that working with an actual human therapist is the best way to address intimacy issues because they’re able to take a more personal approach, apps are a great plan B, especially if you can’t afford individual therapy. There are a number of different reasons why people find themselves in need of sex therapy—Kate Levine, LMHC, a Brooklyn-based sex therapist, names desire discrepancies, shame or embarrassment around sexual preferences, and trauma as some of the most common—and considering 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men will experience some sort of sexual dysfunction (which includes lack of desire) throughout their lifetime, according to The University of Texas Southwestern, any resource that makes navigating these things more accessible is decidedly a good thing.

“For a lot of folks, talking about sex with another human being can be very overwhelming—especially initially—and it might feel easier to engage with an app, where there’s a level of separation through the screen to allow them to get more comfortable,” says Nikita Fernandes, MHC-LP, a sex therapist who specializes in queer, poly, and POC couples. “I think these apps provide a more accessible way to check into or use certain resources at someone’s own pace and time and environment.”

To begin navigating my own issues around sex, I spent six weeks testing out some of the App Store’s most popular offerings. Here’s how it went and what I learned in the process.

Best Overall: Blueheart

Cost: $9.99/month

Pros: Solo and partnered work available, audio and written courses, stories from real couples, guided self-touch sessions, can link up with a partner’s account so you can do the work together.

Cons: Content largely focuses on cisgender sex and sexuality, no free option.

blueheart sex therapy app, blueheart sex therapy articles
BlueheartBlueheart’s helpful articles on sexual desire and arousal. 
blueheart sex therapy app
Blueheart

Blueheart was my first foray into sex apps—I downloaded it the night I realized I couldn’t “fix” my sexual issues on my own and immediately dove in.

The program starts with an assessment, which was built by psychologists and asks questions around five relationship pillars: Connection (i.e. how comfortable you are being yourself around your partner), Teamwork (how well you and your partner work through arguments), Sex and play (whether or not you feel attracted to and sexually fulfilled by your partner), Communication, and Values. From there, the app puts together a personalized program based on your needs.

The results of my assessment reaffirmed that I had significant anxiety around sex, which was impacting my libido levels, and informed me that I could benefit from learning new ways to communicate these things to my partner. The first part of my lesson plan was all about “re-sparking libido,” which consisted of 36 therapist-led audio sessions across five levels. The sessions ranged from five to 20 minutes, and each level included three guided self-touch sessions meant to help me learn how to get out of my head and focus on the pleasurable physical sensations that come with sex—which are more “guided meditation with some light nipple play” than audio erotica.

Level one began with exploring what desire is and how it works; level two was about managing stress and distractions during sex; level three focused on body image and performance anxiety; level four amped up those learnings with lessons on how to better connect to your body; and level five highlighted how to find pleasure. The final lesson, which is meant to be the last one you do on your own, teaches you how to talk about Blueheart with your partner so that you can work together moving forward.

In addition to the personalized lesson plan, Blueheart allows you to opt into other couple-friendly courses like “How To Talk About Money” and “Becoming a Better Team.” There are also a slew of expert-informed articles around body image, arousal, basic sex-ed, and more, plus stories from real couples who have found success with the program.

After spending years feeling like a freak because of my anxiety around sex, what I loved most about this app was how often it reassured me that it was totally normal—exactly what I needed to hear (especially from the soothing British woman’s voice Blueheart uses across its content). Every new session seemed to be building on the work I’d already done, which made me feel like I was making real progress. Additionally, the meditations helped me get in touch with my body, and I found myself coming back to the breathing exercises and sensory scans I learned during intimate experiences. After only two weeks of using Blueheart, I started to feel less stressed about sex, and now that I’ve finished my first full lesson, I’m excited to bring my partner into the fold to continue this work together.

Best for individuals looking to improve sexual function and desire: Rosy

Cost: $9.99/month-$74.99/month

Pros: Backed by licensed therapists and OBGYNs, offers coaching for queer and non-monogamous relationships, daily programs as short as five minutes, community-based conversation boards, live events, two virtual 30-minute coaching sessions a month with premium plan.

Cons: No free option, meant more for individual work than for couples.

rosy sexual therapy app
RosyRosy has a slew of content types to explore, from Religion to Mental Health.
rosy sex therapy app
RosyJust a few of Rosy’s audio erotica options.

Like Blueheart, Rosy’s sexual wellness program also begins with a quiz, but the questions are more related to your sex life over the course of the past month (think:”how often did you feel sexual desire?” and “how often did you reach climax when you had sexual stimulation?”). It also asked questions about birth control, pregnancy, and menopause (because hormones are so closely linked to sexual desire and performance), mental and gynecological health, and sexual trauma. All of this information creates your personalized wellness plan, which typically includes a daily lesson followed by a reflection in your in-app journal.

My journey started with the basics: A video in which two licensed psychotherapists explain in depth what sexual trauma actually is, which helped me better understand how these types of experiences can take different shapes. In addition to the daily tasks, the app also offers a series of “Quickies” videos where experts dive into common sexual concerns, like the orgasm gap and libido changes during menopause. Even better? It’s got an entire library of written and audio erotica (we’re talking hundreds of options), and a community discussion board where you can talk about what you’re going through with others who may be sharing the same experience.

I love how expert-led Rosy feels—certainly the closest to what I imagine IRL sex therapy feels like. The lessons gave me the opportunity to really understand how my sexual trauma was impacting me, as well as the tools I need to start overcoming it.

Best for couples looking to connect: Coral

Cost: $59.99/year

Pros: Designed for couples, one subscription includes two memberships (one for each partner), includes personalized therapy “journeys,” audio pleasure guides, games for couples, and sex tips. Free option offers limited access to some resources.

Cons: Not great for individuals looking to navigate sex and intimacy independently.

coral sex therapy app

coral sex therapy app
CoralCoral’s “Yes to Sex” sexual improv game.

Coral is designed for couples, which means that after a month of testing sex therapy apps on my own, it was time to tell my partner what I’d been up to—which was admittedly a lot less scary than it would have been prior to this experiment.

Like all of the other apps on this list, Coral opens with an assessment—but in this case, the questions focus more on your sex life as a couple rather than an individual. (A few examples, which are meant to be answered by both parties: Who initiates sex more often? Does your desire come on suddenly or gradually? Has your attraction to your partner grown or diminished over time?) Your answers will inform the “journeys” that the app recommends for you, which target your goals around things like communication, confidence, and pleasure within your relationship.

Based on the program’s assessment that my partner and I have different desire types, I got my own journeys, each consisting of both written and audio lessons meant to be worked through on your own. Beyond these structured solo paths, the app also offers a slew of “choose your own adventure”-type programs that you can do alone or with your S.O. There are audio guides for solo and partnered pleasure, games and activities couples can play together to help get in the mood (my personal favorite was “Yes to Sex,” a sexual improv game in which one partner says something like “I’d like to get naked tonight,” and the other keeps the conversation going by adding a “yes and” statement, like, “Yes, and, I’d like to give you a massage with essential oils.”), sex tips and how-to guides, and more.

Thanks to the confidence and comfort I started building using Blueheart and Rosy, I was genuinely excited to start working with my partner on Coral. Though many of the activities started off giggly and silly, they helped us have some real, honest conversations about sex—and for the first time in my life, I faced them head-on instead of sticking my fingers in my ears. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. Dare I say it was kinda… fun?

Final Thoughts on Sex Therapy Apps

After six weeks of entrusting my sexual wellbeing to app-based therapy, I walked away with a better understanding of my sexuality and how to properly communicate my needs. It’s hard to pick a favorite among the three apps because each one is so different, but using them helped me realize that there are effective tools available, that I’m not alone, and that I don’t have to spend big money on an IRL sex therapist to work through my struggles—at least not for now.

Caring for your mental health is a highly personal endeavor, which is to say that what worked for me may not work for everyone. But all three of these apps will be staying on my phone—and in my life—for the long haul, because even though I’ve made strides, I’m still a work in progress. And if they can continue to make my sex life, and my attitude around it, even better? That’s well worth the monthly subscription fees, IMO.

Complete Article HERE!

9 Benefits of Sex Therapy

—The benefits of sex therapy are multiple and go beyond those related to sexual dysfunctions. Take note of all the information.

By Valeria Sabater

Currently, a significant part of the population is unaware of all the benefits of sex therapy. There’s still a certain stigma and the classic belief that only those who present some dysfunction, such as anorgasmia or premature ejaculation, go to these professionals. However, this methodology addresses multiple dynamics and needs.

It’s important to know that its most relevant purpose is to make you feel good. Such an objective implies achieving everything from having satisfactory intimate relationships to building happier bonds with your partner.

Addressing concerns and possible traumas or even giving you guidelines to guide your adolescent children on issues related to sex are also some of the benefits of sex therapy. In this article, we’ll explain everything this form of therapy does for you.

What are the benefits of sex therapy?

Sex therapy was developed in the 1960s, thanks to the marriage of William Masters and Virginia Johnson. Their book, Human Sexual Response (1966), was quite revolutionary because it broke down many prejudices and taboos. Since then, this approach has been strengthened, and it integrates the medical model with the psychological one.

The technique is feasible both for individuals and for couples and is based on conversation that creates a framework of trust from which to provide solutions and tools for having a more harmonious life on both emotional and sexual levels. In addition, it has great scientific endorsement and, every day, contributes to recovering the well-being of thousands of people. Below, we’ll describe the main benefits of sex therapy.

1. It contributes to having a more satisfying sex life

Sex life with your partner may no longer be as exciting or satisfying as it used to be. Sometimes, without any physiological problem, there’s something wrong and it’s difficult to restore that special harmony you used to share. A work published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior indicates that one of the most common causes for which therapy is sought is a discrepancy in sexual desire.

The fact that one partner in the relationship wants to have sex more often, while the other avoids it, is common. Therefore, something a sex therapist will guide and help you with is having a full intimate life. This implies resolving any difficulties, disagreements, or inconveniences in this area.

2. The treatment of sexual problems

Throughout our lives, people can go through different sexual problems. Sometimes it’s a difficulty in achieving an orgasm, while, in other cases, conditioning factors such as menopause, times of stress, or suffering from a disease play a part when it comes to enjoying intimate relationships.

Mayo Clinic Proceedings reports something important in a study. A significant portion of sexual dysfunctions in women go unrecognized and untreated. Men are also often reticent on this issue. For this reason, it’s important for society to become aware of the benefits of sexual therapy. Next, we’ll go into detail about the conditions that the methodology usually addresses:

  • Phobias
  • Paraphilias and sexual fixations
  • Vaginismus
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Male impotence
  • Hypoactive sexual disorder
  • Female Orgasmic Disorder
  • Male Orgasmic Disorder
  • Possible sexual addictions
  • Sexual problems in menopause
  • Dyspareunia (painful intercourse)
  • Sexual difficulties associated with aging
  • Sexual problems associated with other diseases
  • Improving the sex life of couples during and after pregnancy
  • Improving the sex life of people with physical or psychological disabilities

3. Discovery of the most powerful sexual organ

The most decisive sexual organ is your brain, and the best way to have a satisfying sex life is to stimulate your imagination. In this way, some aspects that you’ll work on in therapy are your fantasies and desires.

These dimensions are extraordinary channels for awakening eroticism and enlivening your relationship as a couple, deactivating prejudices, and dismissing shame.

4. Reducing fears and anxiety

Have you heard of sexual performance anxiety? There are many people who doubt their ability to offer pleasure to their partners. The fear of not being up to the task, failing, or appearing clumsy or inexperienced is a frequent reality in clinical practice.

For this reason, one of the benefits of sex therapy is to address fears related to sex. There are multiple strategies that make it easier to effectively resolve insecurities in order to have a rewarding sex life.

Likewise, therapists always create a space of empathy, security, and trust from which to clarify your doubts and receive effective advice in any area. Psychoeducation on sexual matters also falls within their tasks.

The pharmaceutical industry seeks to provide a solution to sexual dysfunctions that can be addressed through sex therapy. Many of the problems in this area have more to do with mental factors than with physiological conditions.

5. Overcoming sexual trauma

An article in the scientific journal Frontiers in Psychology highlights that patients with sexual trauma need a special type of care that provides adequate security and respect for their personal history. Sex therapy has always addressed such delicate realities as abuse, rape, or mistreatment in couple relationships.

6. Enhanced intimacy and emotional connection

Authentic pleasure in sex doesn’t occur in the body but originates in the brain, as we’ve already suggested. If you’re in crisis with your partner and there are unaddressed grudges or disagreements, it’ll be difficult to enjoy intimacy. Given this, a sex therapist guides you to promote coexistence and connection with your loved one through the following strategies:

  • Teaching resources to solve problems
  • Offering techniques that improve communication
  • Providing strategies to revive desire in the relationship
  • Facilitating spaces in which partners can get to know each other in a more intimate and profound way
  • Collaborating in better regulating emotions in order to connect in a meaningful way

7. Sex therapy allows you to get to know yourself much better

One of the most notable benefits of sex therapy is its impact on your mental health. Sex goes beyond the biological field: It’s also a psychological dimension and, above all, a cultural one. Sometimes, the way you’re educated or even the prejudices you have on this subject condition your ability to enjoy a full life in this regard.

The specialist in this area will allow you to explore and get to know yourself better as a person. You’ll be able to understand your sexuality, fantasies, and desires. No matter your age or the personal moment in which you find yourself, you always have time to look within yourself, drop your defenses, reformulate misconceptions about sex, and enjoy it.

8. It’s an inclusive therapy

Today’s sex therapy is also inclusive. What does this mean? You can find therapists trained in sexual diversity. McGill University in Montreal alludes to the advances that exist right now. This clinical field moves with our times and works to challenge stereotypes and promote a more inclusive and equitable vision of sexuality.

In this way, members of the LGBTIQ+ community benefit from more sensitive, trained, and effective attention to their particular needs and realities.

9. The prevention of future problems

Sex therapy not only addresses problems and educates us in the field of sexuality, but it also has a decisive role in prevention. Even if right now you feel good in your life as a couple and have good intimate health, it never hurts to learn new tools to avoid or address possible future problems.

Knowing, for example, how daily stress affects sexuality or how to respond to monotony in your emotional bond through new approaches are strategies that therapists educate you.

How to find a sex therapist who can help me?

Remember, you don’t have to wait for serious problems in order to start sex therapy. It’s best to go as soon as you have a concern or doubts or don’t feel satisfaction with your intimate life. If you want to look for a therapist in this area, look at the fields in which they specialize. There are some professionals who exclusively address organic or medical aspects.

However, most are prepared to treat both possible dysfunctions and relational problems and advise you on any aspect related to sexuality. Always contact specialists who follow techniques backed by science and don’t forget the most decisive thing: Being honest. Don’t be afraid to express your needs and concerns. Only then will you receive the best care possible.

It might interest you…

Complete Article HERE!

When One Partner Wants Sex More Than the Other

— Libido differences are a common part of relationships, sex therapists say. Here’s how to manage.

By Catherine Pearson

Frances and her wife have been together for more than 40 years, and early on in their relationship they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Then came three children and a series of health issues (along with accompanying medications) that slowly eroded her wife’s libido.

“Her interest just went away,” said Frances, 61, who asked not to be identified by her last name out of respect for her wife’s privacy. “What had been maybe once a week went down to maybe once a month, then maybe once a year. Then at some point, it just stopped.”

For 10 years now, the couple has been in a sexual drought. Frances loves her wife and said their marriage was “strong.” But she also longs for the “mutuality” of sex.

“I find myself fantasizing about just about everyone I meet, and I feel guilty for these thoughts,” she said. “I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin.”

Recently, The New York Times asked readers about libido differences, and more than 1,200 wrote in, many sharing deeply personal stories of how they have navigated sexual incompatibilities. We also spoke to sex therapists and researchers who said that discrepancies in sexual desire were common, almost to the point of inevitability in long-term relationships. Research suggests that desire differences are one of the top reasons couples seek out therapy.

“I’m inclined to say that this happens in almost every partnership, either some of the time or more perpetually,” said Lauren Fogel Mersy, a psychologist, sex therapist and co-author of the forthcoming book “Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.”

Many factors can influence libido: interpersonal dynamics, physical and mental health, the social messages around sexuality that people absorb during childhood and adolescence. The list goes on, and there are seldom easy fixes. But Dr. Fogel Mersy and other experts said more communication could help couples bridge gaps in sexual desire.

Focus on improving communication, not on trying to match your libidos.

When she sees clients with libido differences, Dr. Elisabeth Gordon, a psychiatrist and sex therapist, does not focus on lowering one partner’s sex drive or increasing the other’s. Instead, she helps partners understand what is driving those differences — which could be anything from relationship concerns to work stress — and, crucially, how to talk about them.

“I say this again and again, but the most important thing we can do is improve communication,” Dr. Gordon said. “Communication is the bedrock of sexual health.”

Joel, 40, and his wife of 12 years have struggled with sex for much of their marriage. The couple come from backgrounds that were rigid in different ways: His family was religious, and hers tended to avoid emotional topics. He is the partner with higher desire, and often can’t find the words to convey his frustration.

“I don’t want to feel needy,” said Joel, who also asked not to be identified by his last name to protect his family’s privacy. “And yet, at the same time, I want to express how important this is to me.” He said it can be “lonely” and “confusing” to sometimes feel like your partner is just not attracted to you anymore.

Dr. Gordon reminds clients like Joel of the basic tenants of good communication. Set aside a time to talk that isn’t at the end of a long day or when you are attempting to multitask. Consider what setting would help you feel comfortable, Dr. Gordon said, such as over a quiet dinner or during a walk.

Kristen Mark, a professor at the University of Minnesota Medical School’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health, recommended using “I” statements, which can feel gentler and help curb defensiveness. (For instance, “I am not feeling much sex drive lately, because I am tired” or “I want to feel closer to you, whether we have sex or not.”) Or, she said, try the “sandwich method” — sharing a request or more difficult statement between two compliments.

Take time to identify intimacy inside and outside the bedroom.

Sex therapists who work with couples experiencing desire discrepancies may nudge their clients to expand their so-called sexual scripts. These are ideas people sometimes cling to about what sexual intimacy “should” look like and how it “should” unfold.

What matters is that you’re setting aside time for intimacy, whatever that means to you, Dr. Gordon said. For instance, she has seen clients who have compromised by having one partner hold the other while he or she masturbates.

A tattooed man and a woman lie on a bed with red sheets. The man is shirtless with his back facing the woman. The woman faces the man with her hand on the man's torso.

Most people have never thought about what, specifically, they get from sex, Dr. Mark said. Is it all about the physical pleasure? Fun? Emotional release or connection? Ask yourself, then try to brainstorm ways other than sex that you and your partner might fulfill at least some of those needs, she said.

Sex brings Jack, 23, and his boyfriend closer emotionally, he said, but they’re not having it as often as his boyfriend would like. Jack, who asked not to be identified by his last name out of respect for his partner’s privacy, has dealt with mental health issues that have hampered his sex drive. So he and his boyfriend have looked for other ways to foster the kind of intimacy they get from sex.

“Things as innocent as hugging or holding hands or standing next to each other and leaning on each other while we cook are important,” Jack said, “despite it not always being sexual,” he added.

Despite these moments of connection, his partner still struggles with hurt feelings, and Jack often feels like something is wrong with him. But finding ways to be intimate without being sexual has “helped combat some of the frustrations,” he said.

Be open to the different types of desire.

There are generally thought to be two types of sexual desire, Dr. Fogel Mersy said: spontaneous and responsive. Spontaneous desire comes on suddenly, much like what we see in movies or TV. Responsive desire happens in reaction to physical arousal through any of the five senses, like a pleasing touch or visual cue. It can happen quickly, or it can take some time to build up. People tend to overlook the benefits of responsive desire, Dr. Fogel Mersy said.

“Without teaching people that there are different types of sexual desire, many are left feeling broken,” said Jennifer Vencill, a psychologist and sex therapist who wrote the book “Desire” with Dr. Fogel Mersy.

The midsections of a man and a woman wearing black lying next to each other. Their hands are close but not touching.

In their book, they suggest partners consider the “willingness model,” a 0 to 10 scale, to answer the question: Am I willing to see if my sexual desire will arise or respond? A 0 means you are not willing to try to create responsive desire — and that is OK. (Consent is crucial.) But if you are at a 5, are you willing to hug or lie with your partner, and see if you feel open to more physical contact from there?

Seek outside help.

Therapists, particularly sex therapists, can be a valuable, and often underutilized, resource for couples with mismatched libidos. If the desire imbalance is causing fights or distance in your relationship, you might consider couples counseling. Ask prospective therapists whether they have dealt with your issue before, and don’t be afraid to offer feedback after a few sessions. Research shows it can make therapy more effective.

Keep in mind that sex therapists cannot treat underlying health conditions that may be affecting libido, such as pain associated with sex, low desire from certain medications or erectile dysfunction. Anyone with those concerns should see a physician.

Much of the work sex therapists do is focused on adjusting their clients’ expectations and normalizing experiences, Dr. Gordon said.

“We want them to understand,” she said, “that discrepancy in desire is extremely common, really normal, and it can be worked with.”

Complete Article HERE!

How To Become A Sex Therapist

— A Step-By-Step Guide

By Nick Mireles, and Brenna Swanston

Sexuality is a shared human experience, and sex therapy can promote positive sexual health and wellness.

Sex therapists give their clients a safe space to learn about and talk through their sexual concerns. A sex therapist is a licensed therapist with rigorous training in sex education and human sexuality.

This article gives you a step-by-step guide on how to become a sex therapist. Read on to learn about this career’s required education and certification process.

How to Become a Sex Therapist

A sex therapist is a licensed professional who treats clients with sexual concerns. These therapists hold advanced degrees in psychology, psychotherapy or other clinical professions and have undergone extensive sex therapy training.

Becoming a sex therapist requires a graduate-level education and clinical experience as a licensed counselor or psychologist. You also need specialized certification and training from an accredited organization to pursue a career as a sex therapist. We explore specific steps below.

Earn a Bachelor’s Degree

A bachelor’s degree is a prerequisite for graduate school, which is required to become a sex therapist. Typically, prospective sex therapists pursue a bachelor’s in psychology, a bachelor’s degree in counseling or a similar diploma. Some graduate programs may accept applicants with bachelor’s degrees in unrelated subjects.

A bachelor’s degree typically takes four years to complete. Kick off your search with our rankings of the best online degrees in psychology and the best online counseling degrees.

Complete Graduate School

To qualify for certification to become a sex therapist, you must obtain an advanced degree from an accredited university. Students may pursue graduate programs in psychology, counseling, social work or therapy. Your degree may be a master’s or doctorate and must include psychotherapy training.

A master’s degree typically takes two years to complete. Completion times for doctoral degrees vary widely. If you’re unsure where to start, consider our ranking of the best online psychology master’s degrees.

Complete Postgraduate Clinical Experience

Upon finishing a doctoral or master’s program, you must gain experience as a counselor or therapist. If you hold a master’s degree, you must complete two years of clinical experience to qualify for certification. With a doctorate, you only need only one year.

Earn Licensure to Practice Psychotherapy

The next step is to obtain the necessary credentials to practice therapy or counseling in your state. Depending on your state’s requirements and your graduate degree level, you may earn licensure in any of the following specialties: social work, counseling, nursing, psychology, or marriage and family therapy.

Become an AASECT Member

The American Association of Sexuality, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) administers professional certification for sexuality educators and therapists. Obtaining AASECT certification is required to practice as a sex therapist.

Complete Human Sexuality Education

Applicants for AASECT certification must complete 90 hours of coursework in sex education. Core knowledge areas include the following:

  • Cybersexuality and social media
  • Developmental sexuality across the lifespan
  • Diversities in sexual expression and lifestyles
  • Ethics and ethical behavior
  • Health factors influencing sexuality
  • History of sex research, theory, education, counseling and therapy
  • Intimacy skills, intimate relationships, interpersonal relationships and family dynamics
  • Issues related to sexual orientation and gender identity
  • Learning theory and its application
  • Pleasure enhancement skills
  • Principles of sexuality research and research methods
  • Professional communication and personal reflection skills
  • Range of sexual functioning and behavior
  • Sexual and reproductive anatomy/physiology
  • Sexual exploitation, including sexual abuse, harassment and assault
  • Sociocultural and familial influences on sexual values and behaviors
  • Substance use and sexuality

Undergo Sex Therapy Training

AASECT certification applicants must undergo 60 hours of sex therapy training, which simulates therapy sessions with clients who have psychosexual disorders.

Complete an AASECT-Approved Sexuality Attitude Reassessment (SAR)

SAR is a seminar for mental health providers and educators designed to challenge their beliefs and attitudes toward sexuality topics. It’s required to complete 14 hours of SAR professional development to qualify for AASECT certification. You may complete these hours virtually or in person.

Complete AASECT-Supervised Clinical Experience

Applicants for AASECT certification must complete 300 hours of supervised clinical treatment. This supervised clinical experience involves acting as the primary therapist for clients, exposing candidates to various psychosexual disorders.

Complete Supervision Hours

Prospective sex therapists must also provide 50 hours of sex therapy under the watch of an AASECT-certified supervisor. Applicants with at least 10 years of qualifying clinical experience may complete only 25 supervision hours.

Apply for AASECT Sex Therapist Certification

AASECT prefers certification applicants to submit their applications via email, though mail is also an option. Below we list everything you’ll need to submit with your application. Note that applying incurs a $300 nonrefundable fee.

  • Signed and dated AASECT sex therapist certification application
  • Copy of transcript
  • Proof of AASECT membership
  • Documentation of 90 hours of education in core knowledge areas
  • Evidence of 60 hours of training in sex therapy, including attendance certificates and syllabi
  • Documentation of a group SAR experience
  • Proof of 300 hours of clinical experience as the primary therapist in the form of letters from supervisors
  • Letters verifying the supervised clinical work from an AASECT-certified supervisor
  • Two letters of endorsement from professional colleagues

Renew Certification

AASECT membership lasts three years before renewal is needed. The processing fee associated with the renewal is $150 for most certification holders. You must complete 20 hours of continuing education to qualify for certification renewal.

Other AASECT Certifications

In addition to the sex therapist credential, AASECT offers certifications in multiple areas of sexual health. You might also pursue certification as a sexuality counselor or educator.

Sexuality Counselor

Counselors work to provide their clients with information and techniques to help resolve sexual issues. Sexuality-trained counselors can include school counselors and physicians.

Sexuality Educator

These educators teach various subjects concerning sex and sexual health. Sexuality educators may work with students one on one or in classroom settings.

Sex Therapist Salary and Job Outlook

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) does not report data for sex therapists specifically, but it does report on marriage and family therapists (MFTs). Many sex therapists are MFTs.

According to the BLS, MFTs earn a median annual salary of $56,570. The BLS projects demand for these professionals to grow by 14% from 2021 to 2031.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About How to Become a Sex Therapist

Where do sex therapists make the most money?

MFTs, including sex therapists, make the most money in Utah, where they earn an average of $89,980 per year, according to the BLS.

Is sex therapy a good career?

Sex therapy is a specialized aspect of mental healthcare that helps people work through sexual issues and concerns. Though this career can be challenging, many also find it rewarding.

Complete Article HERE!

Seeking Sex Therapy

— Sexual dysfunctions affect a multitude of people throughout their lives. Therefore, it’s a common occurrence to visit a sex therapist. But, what motivates people to seek help? In this article, we’ll investigate.

By Gorka Jiménez Pajares

If you’re seeking sex therapy, you’re probably aware of its possible implications in other areas of your life. Sex therapy intervenes in clinical disorders like sexual dysfunction, a condition that affects three out of four people in adulthood, regardless of age or sex.

Despite this fact, many countries’ health strategies have been focused on other areas. For example, reproductive health and the prevention of the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. This has led to sex therapy remaining in the background.

“Sexuality is an integral part of a person’s emotional health and well-being, and should be treated with the same importance as any other area of health.” -Barry McCarthy-

Sexual dysfunction (SD)

Sexual dysfunction refers to various clinical entities. According to the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-5-TR, APA, 2022), they revolve around aspects such as a lack of sexual desire, difficulties with achieving erections, or pain during intercourse.

Research published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine (Lewis et al., 2010), claims that women often suffer from sexual dysfunction. In fact:

  • Up to 25 percent of women suffer from an orgasmic disorder.
  • Around 55 percent suffer from a sexual interest/arousal disorder.
  • Up to 27 percent suffer from a penetrating genito-pelvic disorder.

Men also frequently experience sexual dysfunction. An investigation led by Lewis et. al (2010) reports the following numbers:

  • Up to 30 percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation.
  • Around 40 percent experience an erectile disorder.
  • Up to 18 percent experience a sexual interest/arousal disorder.

As a rule, to diagnose sexual dysfunction, six months must have elapsed since the onset of symptoms. These have an impact in various spheres, such as couples. They cause anguish and discomfort in sufferers as they don’t enjoy sexual encounters (APA, 2022).

“Many contextual factors, such as the postpartum period, job stressors, or breakups, can temporarily affect sexual functioning.” -David Lafortune-

Patients seeking sex therapy

As a rule, those who request the services of a specialized sex therapist do so because they’re dissatisfied with their sexual experiences. In this regard, recent research published in the technical journal, Plos One, led by researcher David Lafortune (Lafortune et al., 2023) states that several common elements are found in people seeking sex therapy.

In fact, the study states that, as a result of dissatisfaction in this area, patients with sexual dysfunction experience high levels of discomfort. This leads them to seek professional help. However, the process is far from free of restrictions.

Lafortune et al mentioned the following drawbacks (Lafortune et al., 2023):

  • Nearly two out of ten people didn’t receive adequate information.
  • Almost three out of ten people couldn’t afford it.
  • Almost six out of ten people found it difficult to access an expert.
  • Nearly three out of ten patients were on waiting lists for extended periods.

When we look at the social and demographic characteristics of the participants, curiously, the majority of patients who attend sex therapy are usually men (both heterosexual and homosexual).

“Low sexual functioning represents a major public health problem.”-David Lafortune-

Professionals sought by patients seeking sex therapy

A study published in the International Urogynecology Journal (2018) claims that people with sexual dysfunction avoid contacting sexual health professionals because they consider the conditions they’re suffering from to be a natural and normal part of the aging process. However, this may constitute a mistaken belief regarding sexual health, since the advantages of going to therapy are substantial.

According to the study carried out by Lafortune and his team, almost 19 percent of people visted a specialist in general medicine, ten percent to a specialist in urology or gynecology, and 12 percent to a psychologist. Therefore, sex therapists are the professionals most in demand by those seeking to treat sexual dysfunction.

Considering the high prevalence of sexual dysfunction in society, it’s essential that public health policies are implemented to address these problems.

As you can see, there are several difficulties and barriers facing the sexual dysfunction sufferer. For instance, Lafortune et al mention that the pandemic produced by the SARS-COV-2 virus increased the number of patients with sexual dysfunction. This was due to the fact that, during the period of social isolation, there was no chance of seeking treatment.

“The COVID-19 pandemic could have exacerbated sexual dysfunctions and influenced help-seeking behaviors.”-David Lafortune-

Complete Article HERE!

How To Reclaim Your Sexuality After Sexual Assault

— According to Trauma-Informed Sex Educators Who Are Also Survivors

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If you think of the body like a circuit system, “sexual trauma has a way of rewiring things,” says trauma-informed sex educator Jimanekia Eborn, founder of Tending the Garden, a support organization for marginalized sexual-assault survivors that offers a quarterly subscription care package. In the aftermath of endured sexual trauma, things that once sparked pleasure or arousal, like a certain kind of touch or even the words of a loved one, might instead trigger pain, setting off a negative chain reaction circuit-wide, says Eborn. Rebuilding that circuit—not necessarily into what it was, but into a version that lights up just as brightly—can help survivors reclaim their sexuality after assault.

The circuit metaphor is particularly apt for describing the effects of sexual assault because of the ways in which the trauma can infiltrate your whole system. “It isn’t just something that happened to our bodies; it isn’t just something that happened to our brains,” says Eborn. “It is all-encompassing.”

“It’s not that you’re broken, but you have to navigate yourself in a new way.” —Jimanekia Eborn, trauma-informed sex educator

That reality can make it easy to feel like you’re broken. But the switchboard isn’t dead; it’s more accurate to say it needs some reconfiguring. “Sometimes, I have days where my body feels very disconnected from me, or I feel like I’m existing at an angle,” says Eborn, of healing from her own sexual trauma. “It’s not that you’re broken, but you have to navigate yourself in a new way.”

What that path looks like will be different for every survivor, says somatic coach and restorative-justice advocate Marlee Liss. “There’s no one-size-fits-all roadmap to reclaiming your sexuality and pleasure after assault, and it isn’t a linear process either,” she says, “but I think realizing that is a really big part of the healing.”

How sexual trauma can disconnect you from the experience of pleasure and your own sexuality

Though the body can respond to trauma in a number of ways, any response is “an attempt at protecting you and helping you to feel safe,” says Liss. (And it’s helpful to see it through that lens in order to find some self-compassion if your body’s response isn’t what you’d like it to be.)

In terms of a person’s relationship to sexuality, two opposite responses are the most common, says Liss: hyposexuality and hypersexuality. The former is an aversion or fear of sex that typically looks like shutting down desires, rejecting sexual feelings, or numbing out in sexual circumstances “often so that you can feel a greater sense of control over your body and your decisions,” says Liss. It’s the body’s way of compensating for a loss of that control in the past.

The latter, however, is a compulsion toward sex, when “someone hyper-sexualizes themselves more than their typical amount, perhaps because they’ve internalized sexual objectification that’s been imposed upon them or because they’re trying to deny or minimize the reality of the trauma they’ve experienced,” says Liss.

This hypersexualization response may make it seem, on the surface, as if the person has fully learned how to reclaim their sexuality after assault when, in reality, they’re sexualizing themselves purely as a result of trauma, and not because they’re in tune with their body or seeking pleasure.

It’s also possible for sexuality to ebb and flow post-trauma. “Perhaps, one day, all the switches on your circuit are off, and you just want to stay in bed all day, and the next, they’re all on, and you’re craving a sexual experience,” says Eborn. “I think there’s so much shame and blame placed on both sides [of that spectrum] that people struggle figuring out where they fall. But in a healing journey, there’s room for all of it.”

The key to reconnecting with an honest expression of your sexuality after trauma is to be able to observe the way your body responds to different sensory inputs and then listen to its cues.

The key to reconnecting with an honest expression of your sexuality after trauma is to be able to observe the way your body responds to different sensory inputs and then listen to its cues. “Our bodies are constantly telling us in many different ways whether we’re feeling safe, whether we’re feeling unsafe,” says Liss. But when you go into a hyposexual or hypersexual state, or enter another kind of trauma response, it’s easy to miss those cues, she says.

Learning how to turn back toward your own body’s senses and sensations, notice them, and value your right to feel however you feel is the core process of sexual reclamation.

5 strategies that can help you learn how to reclaim your sexuality after assault

1. Release yourself from shame and blame

While it may seem obvious that the survivor of sexual assault is never to blame, the reality is that trauma can get twisted in retrospect.

“There’s a lot of shame that can come with experiencing sexual assault,” says Eborn. And when you consider that the brain is our biggest sex organ, it’s no wonder that holding onto all that shame can distance you from sexual pleasure. “If you’re constantly thinking, ‘This is my fault,’ or ‘I could’ve prevented this,’ it’ll be very difficult to reclaim your sexuality,” says Eborn.

Her advice? Remember that shame is a feeling put upon you by other people, other things, or other circumstances. “Instead of owning that shame as yours, think about it like, ‘This feeling is not mine, and it’s not of my creation,’” says Eborn. Yes, you have to deal with it now, she qualifies, but the important thing to remember is, you didn’t ask for or deserve this.

2. Take yourself on pleasure-focused “self dates”

It’s essential to carve out solo time on your calendar that’s designated just for your pleasure while you’re on the journey of learning how to reclaim your sexuality after assault. Eborn and Liss both call these pockets of time “self dates.” They can be any length of time—whether three minutes or 60, depending on what you can swing—and the only rule is that you use the time to feel good.

Notably, that means you’re not going into these self dates with a particular goal to accomplish or sexual act to achieve. “I think that there can be this kind of capitalist, productive approach to healing from sexual trauma that’s like, ‘I need to be okay again, and I need to be like I was with sexuality, and I need to get there by tomorrow,’” says Liss. “But that kind of pressure can lead us to cross our boundaries and just put ourselves in re-traumatizing places.”

Instead, the point of the self-dates is to focus purely on pleasure—and not necessarily orgasm or masturbation or even anything sexual at all. While you certainly can use the time for a solo sex session, you might also use it to take a hot bath, dance with reckless abandon, or savor a piece of pizza.

“Ask yourself, ‘What would bring me pleasure right now?’ or, ‘What would allow me to connect with 1 percent more pleasure right now?'” —Marlee Liss, somatic coach and sex educator

To figure out which route to go, Liss says to ask yourself the deceivingly simple (yet often overlooked) question, “What would bring me pleasure right now?” Or, if that feels too inaccessible, even just, “What would allow me to connect with 1 percent more pleasure, or peace, or comfort right now?”

This practice can help increase your awareness of your own body and senses, allowing you to practice self-consent, says Liss: You’re asking yourself what would feel good, and then you’re acting upon that, which is a beautiful reclamation of power over your physical being.

Indeed, allowing yourself to answer the question honestly is a reminder of an essential truth: “You know yourself better than anyone else does, no matter what anyone tells you or tries to talk you out of or talk you into,” says Eborn.

3. Reimagine the physical or mental context you’ve created around sex

Simple changes to your environment or approach to sexual pleasure can make a world of difference in how you perceive it in the wake of trauma.

On the physical side of things, consider how you might rid your space from as many triggers as possible, says Liss. Toss any objects that take you to an uncomfortable space, remove triggering songs from playlists, adjust anxiety-provoking lighting, and the like. And at the same time, consider how you might add glimmers—aka the opposite of triggers—into your physical space. Perhaps these safety cues include a particularly calming sound or smell, or a comforting blanket.

When it comes to the mental context you’ve constructed around sex, Eborn also suggests dropping preconceived notions and starting fresh by taking the Erotic Blueprint quiz, which sexologist Jaiya Ma created. The five categories it includes—energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter—each encompasses unique sexual turn-ons (for example, soft and wispy touch for the sensual people and something that feels personally taboo for the kinky people).

“By taking the quiz, you can see what might feel connected to get you back in your body,” says Eborn. That answer certainly may have changed as a result of experiencing trauma—and that’s not a bad thing so much as something important to notice. “It’s okay if you no longer want or feel comfortable doing that one thing that was once a turn-on,” says Eborn. “There’s so much body, there are so many ways to touch it, and sex is about far more than penetration.”

4. Redefine your sexual boundaries

Part of learning how to reclaim your sexuality after assault is identifying and honoring your own sexual limits. One way to do this is by creating a Yes/No/Maybe list, says Eborn. Just like it sounds, this involves categorizing any number of different sex acts, fantasies, toys, and positions as “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe,” based on your interest (or lack thereof) in trying them.

This way, you have a reference—“a cheat sheet of sorts,” says Eborn—for what you enjoy, what you don’t, and what you’re open to exploring, which you can also share with a current or future sexual partner, if relevant. Though it might seem like TMI to share it, it’s important to remember that “most people actually want to know how to have sex with you, rather than guessing,” says Eborn.

You can also explore where your sexual boundaries fall during one of your pleasure-focused self dates, above. If you’re tuned into what feels pleasurable, you’ll also be able to better identify what doesn’t (or when something stops feeling good). “A key piece that’s easy to miss is that sometimes, the most liberating breakthrough is you being like, ‘That’s enough for today,’ and knowing where to draw a boundary,” says Liss. “That, in and of itself, can be an experience of pleasure.”

5. Know that sexual reclamation post-trauma isn’t all or nothing

In the headspace—and body-space—of healing from sexual trauma, accessing pleasure of any sort can sometimes feel like a stretch. Which is why, Liss says it’s important to remember that two things can be true: You can feel grief or sadness or pain or anger (or all of the above) about the experience of sexual assault, and you can also reclaim pleasure. “Different feelings can coexist,” says Liss, “and the journey to healing is really about allowing that coexistence to happen without denial.”

Complete Article HERE!

Intimacy App Trends

— How They Affect Your Sex Life?

Intimacy apps allow more people to access sex and relationship therapy and communication skills due to their relatively inexpensive nature and ability to be accessed anonymously from many places worldwide. This has seen the rise in many apps, which can help increase intimacy, communication, and sex skills.

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  • Sex and intimacy apps help couples and individuals to have pleasurable sex by reducing sexual shame and stigma.
  • Sex and intimacy apps can increase sexual confidence, education, and communication techniques.
  • While these apps help many people, it is important to ensure that the information being given is from health professionals, as misinformation is common in sexual health.

But users must be aware of the potential misinformation spread by these apps and check for their legitimacy.

How do intimacy apps affect your sex life?

Many agree that better communication with our partners can improve our relationship and sex life. But talking to our partners about sex doesn’t always come easy, as expressing our sexual wants and needs requires a bit of strength and vulnerability.

While we could all benefit from talking to a Psychologist or Sex Therapist about our intimacy issues, time and money often prevent many people from doing so. That’s why there has been an increase in sex and intimacy apps over the past couple of years, which aim to improve communication, strengthen relationships, and increase sexual pleasure.

But how do these apps affect your sex life? Most of the apps include a series of guided lessons and exercises to be completed as a couple or individual that are designed to educate you or challenge your attitudes and beliefs about sex and sexuality.

These exercises work to:

Help to undo shame

We live in a pretty sex-negative society that constantly feeds us messages that sex and pleasure are bad, particularly if you are a woman, which leads many of us to feel shame about our sexuality. These apps help to challenge these feelings of shame by providing a sex-positive environment that affirms pleasure and sexuality. This is important for undoing shame and increasing a person’s pleasure and well-being, particularly for marginalized populations.

Provide sex education

Sex education gives us the skills and knowledge necessary to make informed decisions about our bodies and sexuality, which in turn helps us to live healthy and happy lives both sexually and romantically. But unfortunately, many people miss out on this vital education.

Sex and intimacy apps aim to fill in these gaps, allowing their users to be sexually competent and aware of their bodies and their fantasies and desires, leading to better sex. They also teach vital communication skills that can be used with our partners to strengthen bonds and manage conflict.

Increase communication

These apps also aim to increase communication between partners, which is a vital ingredient in good sex. Effective communication ensures that both partners feel seen and safe and that their needs, desires, and boundaries are met. Communication also allows us to learn more about our partners by exploring their desires, arousal, and fantasies. Many apps provide guided lessons and exercises that allow us to communicate our needs and desires to our partners slowly and steadily, which is less daunting than laying everything out on the table.

Pros of intimacy apps

As stated above, there are many pros to intimacy apps, as they allow you to:

Learn about sexual pleasure, arousal, and desire in a sex-positive environment.

Learn communication practices.

Practice mindfulness that allows you to get out of your head during sex.

Set aside time for you and your partner to connect and build on intimacy.

Access information and therapy easily and relatively cheaply.

Reduce shame and stigma surrounding sex and sexuality.

Cons of intimacy apps

There aren’t too many cons surrounding intimacy apps.

However, you should ensure that the app you choose to use has information from qualified healthcare professionals who specialize in sexual health.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of misinformation about sexual health to be found on the internet, particularly about reproductive health, so it’s vitally important that you check your sources.

Another issue to look out for before signing up is the company’s privacy and data practices, as you may not like your sexual data being sold to other companies.

Intimacy apps to check out

Coral

Coral is a sexual wellness app for couples and individuals that aims to increase intimacy and pleasure and build sexual confidence by providing personalized lessons and exercises. The information provided in the app has been contributed by some of the biggest names in sexual health and is worth checking out.

Lover

Lover is a sexual wellness app created by doctors to help treat common sexual dysfunctions. Made for all genders, the app provides an 8-12 week training plan of personalized exercises, activities, and videos, all scientifically proven to address common concerns and help have pleasurable sex.

Ferly

Ferly is a science-backed sexual wellness app aimed at women and non-binary folks that provides audio programs guided by sexual health experts to help you have more pleasurable sex. There is a wide range of classes to choose from, including feature programs like “cultivating desire” or “sex after trauma,” as well as podcasts, interviews, and some erotica to help get you into the mood.

Intimacy apps help to improve people’s sex lives by providing accessible and personalized information, exercises, and lessons on sexual health. These apps aim to reduce the shame and stigma by providing sexually affirming information and communication techniques designed to strengthen the bond between couples. While there are many advantages to these kinds of apps, users need to ensure they are accessing information from reputable sources and be wary of the privacy and data practices of the app.

Complete Article HERE!

Is It Time to See a Sex Therapist?

Sex can be an important part of personal well-being. But sex therapists say the work they do remains misunderstood.

By Catherine Pearson

In the summer of 2017, six years into her marriage, Kayti Christian booked her first sex therapy appointment.

Ms. Christian and her husband grew up in evangelical families, steeped in the belief that any sexual desires outside of marriage were sinful. When they got married, they expected sex to be intuitive — even transcendent. Instead, Ms. Christian said she and her husband felt numb during intercourse and ashamed after.

They prayed. They asked their pastor for guidance, but it did not help. Finally Ms. Christian, now 32, started searching for local certified sex therapists.

They went to five sessions; sometimes together, sometimes alone. The couple’s therapist recommended simple exercises, like facing each other, holding eye contact and stating their sexual desires out loud.

“It might sound silly, but talking about sex while not having sex was something that felt revolutionary to us,” said Ms. Christian, who is working on a memoir about evangelical purity culture.

Sex is complicated for just about everyone — influenced by an ever-changing web of psychological, physical, cultural and social factors. And many individuals and couples can benefit from therapy to better understand their sexuality. Sex therapists say their field has long been misunderstood — seen as a last resort for people in doomed relationships, or a fringe practice that involves embarrassing hands-on exercises. For people like Ms. Christian and her husband, it can take years of suffering before they finally turn to a sex therapist for help.

There is emerging evidence that we may be in the midst of a collective rough patch, sexually speaking. Over the past two years, several studies suggest, people were having less sex and worse sex, particularly in the early days of the pandemic. A 2020 Kinsey Institute survey found that 24 percent of married people in the United States were having less frequent sex than before the pandemic, and 17 percent of women reported a decrease in sexual satisfaction.

Yet addressing sexual problems — whether they emerged during the pandemic or not — is challenging. Medicine has been slow to embrace sex as an important part of personal health, and many doctors do not receive formal sexual health training in medical school, despite known links between sex and wellness.

The New York Times spoke to several sex therapists about some common misconceptions around sex therapy and why it sometimes takes their patients so long to find care.

They made it clear that many issues can get in the way of good sex: past trauma, shame, body image, gender identity concerns, as well as broader relationship problems that can hinder someone’s ability to connect sexually.

“I always remind people that sex therapists have heard it all,” said Dr. Elisabeth Gordon, a New York City-based psychiatrist and sex therapist.

What is sex therapy and who is it for?

“It is really important to understand what sex therapy is and what sex therapy is not,” Dr. Gordon said. “Sex therapy is not requiring you to have sex in front of your therapist. Sex therapy is talk therapy.”

Certified sex therapists are licensed mental health professionals — usually psychiatrists, psychologists or clinical social workers — who do additional coursework in sexual health, sexuality and sexual pleasure. The most well-known certifying body is the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, or AASECT, which currently has just over 1,000 certified sex therapists across the United States.

Sex therapists work with adults of any sexual orientation, and see people in relationships (with or without their partner or partners) as well as single people. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist based in New York City, said more often than not, people seek out sex therapy because they have a specific problem they are looking to fix. He regularly treats patients with low or mismatched sexual desire, erectile unpredictability and early ejaculation, sexual anxiety, problems with orgasm and people looking to get out of a sexual rut — whatever that means to them.

In recent years, he has also seen an uptick in patients who don’t have a problem per se, but are simply looking for a greater sense of sexual adventure in their lives, or are looking for guidance as they explore the possibility of an open relationship; others are in new relationships and simply want to establish a happy, satisfying sex life early on.

Rachel Wright, a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of The Wright Conversations, a podcast about sex, relationships and mental health, offers this rule of thumb: If there is something about your sex life that you’d like to change, a sex therapist can probably help.

Keep in mind, however, that sex therapists cannot treat underlying health conditions that can contribute to sexual concerns, like erectile dysfunction caused by heart disease or diabetes.

“Sex is complex,” Dr. Kerner said. “Sometimes there may be a physiological element, like someone might be dealing with low desire due to the sexual side effects of a medication.”

What does sex therapy entail?

Therapists typically start by asking their patients about their background and past sexual experiences, as well as their goals. Dr. Kerner said they should also usually offer a rough time frame of their treatment plan in a first session.

“You don’t have to start therapy and meet every week for two years or the rest of your life,” echoed Ms. Wright. “You could go to a sex therapist, have a consultation, they recommend a book, you read it and you’re fine. Or they recommend a book, you read it and say, ‘Great, now I have five questions.’”

Homework assignments between sessions are common, and can include activities like massaging your partner while focusing on sensations like temperature, texture and pressure. Eventually, patients might work up to genital touch or experimentation with different techniques or fantasies — all taken at patients’ own pace, Dr. Gordon said.

For Ms. Christian and her husband, sex therapy homework was, as she put it, pretty “P.G.” Their therapist recommended they read books about the connection between desire and intimacy. They’d hold hands or massage each other, describing the basics of how it felt. Was the touch hot or cold? Did they like the pressure? Often, it just felt awkward.

“Sometimes it felt very tedious and uncomfortable. To sit in a bedroom touching each other’s hands for 20 minutes with soft music playing — we were like, is this over yet? What are we doing?” recalled Ms. Christian with a laugh. “But I think we realized that there wasn’t going to be a quick fix. We learned that we had to be patient.”

Sex therapy should offer validation.

While sex therapists tackle a vast range of issues, they say much of their work boils down to offering validation. And some, like Ms. Wright — who has written about coming to terms with being bisexual and polyamorous — are very open about their own sexual identities, which may be reassuring to patients who have felt misunderstood in the past.

“A lot of people I work with find me on their second or third try with therapy. They’ve maybe started with someone who doesn’t really have comfort or knowledge in talking about the specific sexualities that I deal with, and they’ve felt judged,” said Elizabeth Harles, a North Carolina-based sex therapist who often works with L.G.B.T.Q. clients, many of whom are looking to explore topics like kink and non-monogamy. She identifies as queer and polyamorous. And like Ms. Wright, she shares that experience openly.

“It’s tough to spill your guts to a stranger,” Ms. Harles said. “But talking about sex? Wow. It’s incredibly difficult to start that up with a stranger. If you then have a negative experience, that is really hard.”

“I can’t tell you how many patients I’ve had who come to me and tell me that their provider or practitioner told them, ‘Oh, just go relax. Have a glass of wine. Take a hot bath. It’ll all be OK,’” Dr. Gordon said. A 2012 survey of OB-GYNs found that only 28 percent routinely ask about sexual activity, while just 13 percent ask about pleasure during sexual activity.

In an effort to correct this, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued guidance for health care providers around what it calls the “5 Ps” of discussing sexual history with patients (their partners, sexual practices, how they protect themselves from sexually transmitted infections, past-history of S.T.I.s and their pregnancy intentions).

Some doctors say that is not enough.

“It feels like we are stuck in the 1980s,” said Dr. Susan Khalil, director of the division of sexual health in Obstetrics, Gynecology, and Reproductive Science at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. She would like to see more research into medications that can address sexual desire and function, surgeries to address physical factors that can affect sexual pain or pleasure and greater collaboration between doctors, sex therapists and physical therapists. That is happening in pockets around the country, but not everywhere, Dr. Khalil said.

For many, sex therapy can be the first stop on the journey to healing, rather than a last resort.

By the time they sought out a sex therapist, Ms. Christian and her husband were not nervous or embarrassed. Simply hearing that they were not alone helped. Ms. Christian said her sex life does not meet the unrealistic expectations she had before she got married, but described it now as vulnerable — and great.

“The validation was huge for us,” Ms. Christian said. “Having a therapist sit there with us and say: ‘Your experience is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to communicate about this more and practice’ — that was such a relief.”

Complete Article HERE!

How Sex Therapy Can Improve Your Relationship

By Robin Zabiegalski

For most of us, talking about sex is really difficult, even with our partners. But talking about sex is an essential part of any romantic or sexual relationship, and not talking about it can cause serious relationship issues. So how do you move through that discomfort and talk with your partner about your sex life?

Dr. Kate Balestrieri says that seeing a sex therapist could be the answer your relationship needs. Though talking with a third party about your sex life might seem even more uncomfortable than just talking to your partner, a sex therapist can help you find the language you need to effectively communicate with your partner and make sure everyone’s feelings and needs are heard and addressed. 

In an exclusive interview with Health Digest, Dr. Balestrieri, who is a certified sex therapist herself, explained how talking to a sex therapist can improve your relationship and discussed the issues they can help you address.

Who can benefit from sex therapy?

The first thing Dr. Kate Balestrieri made clear is that couples go to sex therapy for all kinds of different reasons.

According to her, “Some of the more common reasons include: mismatched desire/low desire, navigating different sexual interests, cultivating sex after trauma, trying new sexual experiences (kink/BDSM), opening a relationship (negotiating relationship boundaries), addressing sexual dysfunction … adding vitality to their sex life, sex before, during and after pregnancy, [and] infidelity.”

Seeking out a sex therapist doesn’t always mean your relationship is in trouble. In fact, going to a sex therapist can be a great way to make a healthy relationship even healthier as well as solidify your romantic bond. Basically, any issue that puts stress on your relationship or any new things you want to explore with your sexual partner are perfect fodder for sex therapy sessions.

Why work with a sex therapist?

Dr. Kate Balestrieri explained that because sex therapists are “licensed mental health professional[s]” who specialize in sex, relationships, and intimacy, they can guide conversations, provide insight from research into human sexuality and relationships, and offer strategies for improving your relationship dynamics. Sex therapists also have a deep understanding of the ties between sex, relationships, and mental health, so they can ensure that everyone is mentally and emotionally safe during these conversations.

Because sex therapists literally specialize in sex, they can help you think of solutions that you might not have come up with on your own. “You can brainstorm new ways to be sexual or ways to address sexual boredom, frustration, discomfort or dysfunction,” said Dr. Balestrieri.

She added that sex therapists can be particularly helpful for couples that are trying to conceive. This puts a whole new level of stress and pressure on the relationship, which can be especially hard to address because emotions are running high. But she firmly believes that anybody in a sexual relationship can benefit from having a trained third party help them reflect on and process their thoughts and feelings about their relationship, sex, and intimacy.

Dr. Kate Balestrieri and her team are dedicated to helping people have a more expansive and integrated relationship with sex in an ever-changing contemporary landscape. Learn how Dr. Balestrieri is changing the conversation around mental health, relational, and sexual health and wellness by visiting her website – Modern Intimacy.

Complete Article HERE!

I watched the first episode of reality series ‘Good Sex,’ and seeing men ask for sex help was really hot

On the television series “Good Sex,” couples agree to put cameras in their bedrooms during sex and talk about the footage with a coach after.

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  • The new discovery+ series “Good Sex” has couples put cameras in their bedrooms. A sex coach uses the footage to help improve their intimacy.
  • In the first episode, men reveal their sexual issues, like erectile dysfunction and overall inexperience.
  • The show is a reminder that sex should be a safe space to explore desire and pleasure.

On the new television series “Good Sex,” couples willingly plant video cameras in their bedrooms while they have sex, then fork the tapes over to a sex coach for help.

Caitlin V. Neal, the show’s resident sex coach, has spent more than 10 years helping men with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and pleasuring women.

Minutes into the first episode, a 48-year-old man named Ben admits he has trouble getting out of his head during sex with his partner Annie, which has led to erectile dysfunction. When Neal later examines video footage of their lovemaking, she finds out Annie’s dog is in the room while they’re getting it on, which interferes with Ben’s ability to focus. In the same episode, a man in his 20s reveals he’s never had sex, and wants to learn how to please a woman before he does, so Neal walks him through different pleasure points by caressing an anatomical model of female genitals.

As Insider’s sex and relationships reporter and advice columnist, I constantly read questions from women who want to save their sex and love lives. So it was refreshing to watch men get candid about their sexual concerns, like when Ben said a disconnect between his brain and body was likely the reason for his “limp dick.”

To me, “Good Sex” is a reminder that sex can be awkward and fulfilling all at once. Like the willingness to ask for help, good sex requires self-awareness, self-love, and feeling safe enough to show you’re still figuring it out.

“Good Sex” takes a raw approach by showing couples in the midst of their sexual mistakes, not just how they resolve them.

A 48-year-old named Ben opened up about difficulty achieving orgasm during sex

Ben said he’s only been with three women in his life, including his current partner of two years, Annie. They said they were both previously married to their college sweethearts.

“As great as our sex is, I’m not able stay hard, or even get hard, sometimes,” Ben told the camera during the first episode. He said current erectile dysfunction issues have made sex feel disheartening and distressing, especially coming from a previous marriage where he wasn’t having a lot of sex.

During their first session with Neal, Ben said erectile dysfunction medication hasn’t helped, and he wants to orgasm during sex with Annie.

According to Neal, the pursuit of good sex challenges people, especially men, to be more emotionally open.

“Sex is an inherently vulnerable act. And so if you’re looking to improve your sex life and you’re serious in your commitment to improving your intimacy, vulnerability is a requirement to getting the results that they want,” Neal said.

According to Neal, the showrunners’ idea to use cameras along with sex coaching made for “exponentially faster transformations, growth, and impact” because she could see what was actually happening, not just hear it from the couple’s blurry recollections.

“Imagine trying to explain, step by step, what happened the last time you had sex with your partner. Especially if you don’t have something to compare it to, it’s really difficult for someone to articulate what actually happened,” Neal, who also has a YouTube channel dedicated to sex advice, told Insider.

Healthy sex and relationships require work

The show offers snippets of each couples’ sex-coaching sessions and the bedroom homework Neal assigns them, but there’s a lot more work going on between scenes, she told Insider.

Each coaching session is between 90 minutes and two hours. It also takes time for a couple to unlearn the sex routines they’ve grown accustomed to over the past five to 30 years, Neal said.

When viewers watch “Good Sex,” Neal hopes they walk away with the realization that a fulfilling sex life requires commitment and help.

“We have no problem hiring career coaches, mechanics, people to install things in our homes. But for some reason, we have the story that sex is something we have to deal with privately, without any help. By putting cameras inside of those closed bedroom doors, we’re able to see this isn’t something you have to deal with in isolation. It’s not something that should be a source of shame,” Neal said.

A dedication to honesty and emotional openness in the name of self-improvement? Now that’s hot.

Complete Article HERE!

How Does Sex Therapy Rescue Your Love Life?

by Ahsan Qureshi

It is not a great topic to reveal that many people suffer from various sexual issues. Sex is an important aspect of people’s lives, and dealing with it may be challenging at times.

There are a variety of sexual disorders that make it difficult for people to connect with others. Certain sexual dysfunctions can disrupt relationships and negatively impact an individual’s overall happiness.

Many sexual problems are linked to mental health problems. Some of these challenges will be physical, but knowing how to approach things differently from a mental perspective can help improve the situation. If you’re concerned about your sexual life, a sex therapist may be able to help.

Understanding Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a form of counseling in which couples or individuals can talk to a mental health professional like a sex therapist, marriage and family counselor, social worker, psychologist, or healthcare practitioner about their sexual health difficulties.

Practitioners of sex therapy aim to assist their clients in identifying and treating issues relating to their sexual health and dysfunction. Contemporary sex therapy tends to stress a few different directions:
• Being mindful (being aware of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and emotions)
• Psychotherapy (using talk therapy, not just medication)
• Inclusiveness (adapting sex therapy to be more inclusive of different sexualities)
• Couples-oriented (looking at the role of partners, not just the individual)
• Attitude-shifting (changing an individual’s perception of sex)

How does a Sex Therapist Improve Your Life?

There are a variety of issues that counseling may assist with. Many sexual disorders are resolved with the proper use of therapy, and people will move on toward a more fulfilling sexual life.

Sex is an important aspect of people’s lives, and dealing with it may be challenging at times. There are a variety of sexual disorders that make it difficult for people to connect with others. Certain sexual dysfunctions can disrupt relationships and negatively impact an individual’s overall happiness. These include:

1- Problem With Sexual Arousal

Many people seek sex therapy because they are experiencing sexual arousal issues. For people in committed relationships, sexual arousal disorders may be quite challenging, and it might be frustrating not to perform sexually for someone you care deeply about.

A sex therapist can assist with male erectile dysfunction or female painful intercourse problems. Collaboration with a sex therapist is an effective strategy for figuring out what’s causing these issues. A person’s ability to experience arousal is frequently affected by a condition.

2- Conflicted About the Relationship

A partner who is suffering sexual dissatisfaction is a common example. In this case, it’s best to go to counseling on your own first to understand yourself and your sexual concerns better, then invite your partner in.

3- Lack of Desire

A person who is suffering sexual boredom is a frequent example. In this instance, it’s best to go to counseling on your own to understand yourself better and your sexual difficulties, then bring your partner in.

4- Lack of Motivation

An increasingly frequent condition happens when people lack interest in sexual fantasies or behavior and suffer pain or relationship troubles. Treatment entails several steps.

Therapists help clients recognize negative attitudes toward sex, investigate the causes of such attitudes, and develop new perspectives on sex. Clients may be asked to keep journals of their sexual thoughts, view romantic videos, or construct fantasies when the focus switches to conduct.
Therapists also address any relationship problems.

5- Traumatic Sexual Experiences From The Past

Patients benefit significantly from sex therapists’ ability to help them come to terms with prior sexual events that may be affecting their sexual desire or performance.

Sex therapists have expertise in working with rape and sexual assault victims. It can be a difficult journey, but various therapeutic strategies can help. It will take time to talk about the issues and re-establish your comfort level.

6- Intimacy Issues

Another prevalent sexual condition that prevents people from getting close to one another is intimacy difficulties. During sexual intercourse, some people seek an intimate sexual engagement yet have difficulties doing it. Many people are ashamed of getting intimate with another person to avoid having sexual relations altogether. It can make the individual with whom they interact feel incompetent, resulting in general discontent.

A qualified therapist may help persons with physical difficulties and other concerns interfering with intimacy between two adults in a relationship. It may include individual treatment and also couples counseling.

Maintaining a deep and emotionally intimate sexual connection with one’s partner as the relationship progresses and changes may be a big issue for certain relationships. However, with the right treatment and skilled sex therapists, some sexual issues are quickly resolved.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1- What does a sex therapist deal with?

Generally, sex therapists listen to concerns and offer therapy and instruction. They assess if the issue is psychological, physical, or both. They also collaborate with other medical and surgical experts to treat the medical causes of sexual problems.

2- What are the four critical principles of sex therapy?

The new sex therapy’s basic foundations include:
• A solid understanding of physiology, endocrinology, and metabolic function.
• Psychotherapy should be used only when organic factors have been excluded or identified
• Treatment of couples as a unit by dual-sex therapy teams,
• An intensive short-term program

3- Is sex therapy regulated?

Sex therapy requires no additional regulation since the language of the existing practices acts in marriage and family counseling and psychology cover most of the activities now constituting sex therapy and thereby limit the practice to licensed counselors.

Complete Article HERE!

Is It Normal to Experience Loss of Desire After a Vasectomy?

by James Roland

A vasectomy is a minor surgical procedure that blocks sperm from mixing with semen. This prevents someone with a penis from getting someone pregnant.

It’s a common method of contraception that about 500,000 men in the United States choose every year. You may still wonder if a vasectomy hurts since it requires incisions in the scrotum.

Like any type of surgery, there is the likelihood of some pain and discomfort. However, vasectomy pain is usually minor, temporary, and easily treated.

A vasectomy is a relatively quick and simple procedure that’s performed by a urologist. It may be done in a urologist’s office, or at a hospital or surgery center.

Because the goal of a vasectomy is to be sterile, it’s a procedure that requires careful consideration — not just about the nature of the surgery and recovery, but what it means for the future.

It’s also important to remember that a vasectomy should have no long-term impact on sexual function.

Procedure

A vasectomy is usually performed with local anesthesia, but it may be done under full sedation. If you’re especially nervous about this procedure — or if another surgery is being done at the same time — then full sedation may be appropriate.

Prior to the surgery, your scrotal area will be prepped by shaving and cleaning it with an antiseptic wash. You may be asked to shave that area around the scrotum — but not the scrotum itself — the night before your procedure.

If you’re having local anesthesia, you’ll receive a shot in the scrotum, which numbs the area and prevents pain. The injection will hurt a little, but soon you won’t feel any pain. You may be able to sense tension or movement during the surgery, but no pain.

During a conventional vasectomy, the doctor will make two small incisions in the scrotum to access the vas deferens.

After the incisions are made, the urologist will cut the ends of each of two vas deferens and tie them off or place tissue where the cuts were made. This blocks sperm from flowing up through the vas deferens.

Another method, called cautery, may be used instead of dividing the vas deferens. The surgeon will burn the inside of the vas deferens with a special tool to promote scar tissue formation.

Dissolvable stitches may be used to close the incisions. In some cases, no stitches are used and the scrotum is allowed to heal on its own. The entire procedure takes about 20 minutes, and after a brief recovery period, you can go home the same day.

Once the anesthesia wears off, you can expect some pain in your scrotum. You may notice some slight swelling and bruising. These reactions should last only a few days. After that, your scrotum should look as it did before your vasectomy.

To help treat the pain, wear snug (but not too tight) underwear to restrict your testicles from moving too much.

An ice pack may also help. Many people opt for something more flexible that will fit around the scrotum, such as a bag of frozen peas. Over-the-counter pain relievers may also help during those first few days.

You should avoid heavy physical exertion for about a week. You may be able to have sexual intercourse after a few days, but if you experience pain or discomfort, wait a week or until you are symptom-free.

Be sure to listen to instructions from your doctor about aftercare, and ask questions if you need clarity.

Follow-up

Pregnancies after vasectomies are rare — only about 1 to 2 women out of 1,000 get pregnant within a year after a partner’s vasectomy. But it’s important to follow up your procedure by having a semen sample checked for sperm.

This is usually done about 8 weeks or 20 ejaculations after the vasectomy. During that time, you’ll want to use an alternative form of contraception.

You’ll need to follow up with your doctor after a vasectomy makes sure that the procedure was successful. Other than that, there’s not normally a need to keep following up.

The pain you feel in the hours and days right after a vasectomy should gradually fade, but if you notice the pain getting worse, notify your doctor. The same is true if you notice swelling that doesn’t subside.

Bleeding complications are rare, but if you notice bleeding from the incision, call your doctor. If you see pus coming from that area or experience a fever over 100°F (37.78°C), don’t hesitate to call your doctor, as these may be signs of an infection.

In 1 to 2 percentTrusted Source of vasectomies, a rare condition called post-vasectomy pain syndrome (PVPS) occurs.

PVPS is defined as scrotal pain that is constant or intermittent over a period of at least 3 months. In many cases, the pain flares up during or after sexual activity, or after vigorous physical activity.

You may also experience pain, which may be sharp or throbbing, without any activity triggering it. Sometimes, PVPS appears soon after a vasectomy, but it may also develop months or even years later.

The causes of PVPS aren’t yet well understood, but they may include:

  • nerve damage
  • pressure within the scrotum
  • scar tissue affecting the vas deferens
  • epididymitis, which is an inflammation of the epididymis

Treatment

One way to treat PVPS is with a vasectomy reversal, which restores the ability to have children.

One 2017 studyTrusted Source suggests that vasectomy reversal is the most “logical” solution to PVPS, assuming that scar tissue or other obstruction in the vas deferens is the cause of pain. While uncommon, surgery to free an entrapped nerve may also be an option.

In recent years, an alternative to traditional vasectomies has become popular. It’s known as a no-scalpel vasectomy.

This involves a small poke in the scrotum to open it up just enough to pull the vas deferens through. A cut is made of the vas deferens, which are then allowed to retreat back through the hole.

The recovery time is shorter for a scalpel-free vasectomy, and the risk of bleeding problems and complications is lower compared to a conventional vasectomy.

The scalpel-free approach is newer, and recommended by the American Urological Association. Many newer urologists will have training in this technique.

Though a vasectomy is a procedure performed on an especially sensitive part of the body, it’s not an operation that causes a lot of pain or lingering discomfort.

If you’re planning to have a vasectomy, just have some ice or a frozen bag of peas available when you get home, and relax for a few days. If you notice any complications or lingering pain, you should notify your doctor immediately.

Complete Article HERE!

First FDA-Approved Sex Therapy App

Lover, the digital therapeutic app for improving people’s sex lives and treating sexual problems, is the first sexual app to be approved by the FDA.

By

FDA Approval for Lover App

Lover, the digital therapeutic for improving people’s sex lives and treating sexual problems, has been approved by the FDA for its Safer Technologies Program. The app, co-founded in 2019 by Dr Britney Blair and entrepreneurs Jas Bagniewski and Nick Pendle, has been downloaded over 200k times across 166 countries in the last year and reports an 87% ‘satisfaction’ rate for users who want to improve their sex lives.

The STep program aims to enable people to access safer medical devices for ‘less serious’ (ie ‘non life-threatening or reasonably irreversible’ ) for the improvement of health outcomes. The FDA has stated that Lover has been shown to provide “significant safety advantage in treating and/or diagnosing less serious diseases or conditions” and “can also provide an important public health benefit.”

Co-Founders Nick Pendle and Jas Bagniewski say,

“We are delighted to be the first digital therapeutic for sex approved by the FDA. Since our launch, Lover has always aimed to be the most effective sexual wellness app on the market, and the FDA’s approval into their STeP program is the ultimate endorsement of this. We have long-believed the product, exercises and educational content we have built with Dr. Britney Blair and her team of experts can help millions of people enjoy better sex and happier relationships, and we’ve been proven to be a safe and an efficient way to deal with sexual problems. Lover works, and we couldn’t be prouder that following a rigorous review, the FDA agrees with us.”

User Efficacy Data

To be approved Lover provided user efficacy data which reported the distress level that a specific sexual issue was causing on a scale of 1-10. On average a distress level is usually around 6.9/10, when a user joins. After 2 weeks this is shown to drop to 3.7/10 on average.

Other efficacy stats reported by the app state that users had less distress connected to their sexual issues after using the app (87%), that the women were more easily and more consistently able to climax (92%) and an increased libido for females following app exercises (70%). For men, 94% reported less distress after the Erectile Dysfunction course and 62% of men reported improved erections.

Lover bills itself as being a ‘science-based approach to solving sexual problems,’ guiding users through a process of self-discovery through personalised advice and educational content. After a private 30 minute consultation of personalised 1-2-1 coaching and goal-setting, clinically proven advice and exercises are curated to steer users towards a fulfilling, healthy sex life, which the co-founders believe is essential to personal wellbeing and relationship satisfaction.

What the FDA Approval Means for Lover

The co-founders set out to provide a service that was not prohibitively expensive, yet as informative and effective as face-to-face therapy, or even prescribed medication. Using an app also eliminates the embarrassment that so many experience when having to speak to a professional face-to-face: Lover is completely private and personalised.

Co-Founder Dr. Britney Blair says,

“To receive this approval is a game-changer for us as it means Doctors and Clinicians can feel even more comfortable in recommending us as a viable alternative to traditional forms of care for sexual dysfunction. For most of us, sex and sexuality is a core part of our identity and crucial to relationship satisfaction. It affects our confidence, and our ability to connect with ourselves and our partner. Prioritising your sex life and your sexual pleasure may very well help you move the through the world happier, healthier and more satisfied in your relationship. Going to see a doctor about your sexual health is not easy. It can be embarrassing to talk about, time-consuming and expensive. With Lover, we hope we can help many more people than my team could ever see at our clinic. We want to make sexual wellness accessible to everyone.”

Lover is free to download and the first activity in your personalised goal is free to use. There are 2 membership options: 3 month access for $59.99 (£51.99 in UK) or annual access for $119.99 (£102.99 in UK).

Complete Article HERE!

What Is a Sex Therapist?

And How Can One Help Me?

Whether you’re dealing with sexual function issues or intimacy concerns, a sex therapist can help.

By Catherine Pearson

Talking about sex can be difficult for many people, and talking about sexual health problems can be even harder. Bedroom issues like sexual performance and low libido may go beyond the scope of what you would normally discuss with your primary care physician, ob-gyn, or usual therapist.

This is where sex therapists enter the picture — trained professionals who focus specifically on human sexuality and healthy sexual behavior, and who can offer compassionate, research-backed help while addressing the full range of pertinent psychological, physiological, and cultural factors in play. Think sex therapy could be helpful for you and your partner? Learn more about what sex therapists do and what a typical session may look like.

What Is Sex Therapy and What Do Sex Therapists Do?

“A sex therapist is a licensed mental health professional who has extensive education and training in sex therapy in addition to mental health,” says Neil Cannon, PhD, a Colorado-based sex therapist who serves as bylaws chair for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).

There are many different paths people can take to becoming a sex therapist. A sex therapist might be a psychologist or psychiatrist, a clinical social worker, a family therapist, or maybe a doctor or nurse who has psychotherapy training and who has gone on to get specialized training in sexuality and sexual functioning, intimacy, and relationships.

Those are big, broad buckets, of course. But a qualified sex therapist should be adept at addressing a wide range of concerns including (but by no means limited to): issues about sexual desire, ejaculation-related problems, trouble orgasming, painful sex, and more.

What a Session With a Sex Therapist May Look Like

Sex therapy varies significantly depending on what is being addressed and who the therapist and patient — or patients — are. So there is no standard answer for what a particular therapy session might entail or how often you will go. One thing that will not be a part of any sessions is sexual contact. Sex therapy is talk therapy.

Most sex therapists will start by getting a thorough picture of your sexual history, whether they ask for that information before you attend a session, in person, or both.

“You’re really getting a sense of what, historically, has shaped a [patient’s] sexual map or preferences,” explains Megan Fleming, PhD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in New York City. “And then, most importantly, what is their presenting challenge or complaint that they want to be working on.”

A sex therapist will consider what Dr. Fleming calls the “bio-psycho-social” determinants contributing to a client’s concern — meaning any potential biological, psychological, and social factors — and will work with you to create a specific treatment plan. Sex therapists may see individuals, couples, or both. Some may be comfortable starting with an individual who eventually brings in his or her partner, though Fleming says that whether a therapist does this will depend on the specific circumstances.

What a Sex Therapist May Commonly Recommend

Again, the recommendations a sex therapist gives vary dramatically from patient to patient and the issues they are addressing.

“It depends on the therapist you’re working with as well as what it is you’re looking for,” says Fleming. Sometimes you’ll see the therapist for just a handful of sessions, maybe with a tune-up down the road; other times long-term, in-depth therapy might be called for.

Expect homework, which can be a common element of sex therapy. Your sex therapist will ask you to complete specific tasks in between sessions, and then ask you or you and your partner to report back. Those homework assignments could range from communication exercises to specific sexual experimentation activities.

What Type of Training Does a Sex Therapist Receive?

Unfortunately, no regulations govern who can call themselves a sex therapist, which is why it is important to pay close attention to credentials.

“In most states, anybody can say that they’re a sex therapist — or that they do sex therapy — and the consumer has no idea whether this person has ever taken a single class, has ever gone through any training, or has been supervised around sex therapy by qualified supervisors,” warns Dr. Cannon. “So if you don’t go to a certified sex therapist, it’s buyer beware.”

AASECT requires sex therapists to have an advanced degree that includes psychotherapy training and a certain amount of clinical experience — plus 90 hours of human sexuality education, 60 hours of sex therapy training, and then extensive supervision by a qualified supervisor.

How Can I Find a Sex Therapist Near Me?

AASECT keeps a list of licensed sex therapists on its site, which Cannon recommends as a good starting point. If you live in an area where sex therapists aren’t plentiful, he says teletherapy, or virtual therapy, may be an option.

Other healthcare providers may also be able to help, like your primary care physician or a more generalized therapist who may refer you to a sexual health specialist.

If you are in a position to, you should feel empowered to shop around for a good fit.

“This is not an easy topic for people to talk about,” says Fleming. “You need to feel that the person is open-minded, they’re not judgmental, they’re going to help you explore, and they’re really trying to help you ask the right questions — but they’re not jumping in to diagnose and pathologize.”

Remember: Your sex therapist must be a good fit for you. “Therapy is really about a relationship,” she adds. “So feeling a sense of security and safety — those are really important pieces.”

Complete Article HERE!

7 Reasons You Should Go to Sex Therapy, According to a Sex Therapist

“A lot of times people hear ‘sex therapist’ and they think, ‘Oh, they’re teaching people sex positions,’” says Christopher Ryan Jones, Psy.D. “Honestly, that would be a relief if that’s all the job entailed—it would mean the world was a much better and kinder place!” And OK, we’ll admit it—when we thought about sex therapy we were kind of imagining some sort of Kama Sutra workshop. Well, it turns out that sex therapy can be helpful for a variety of issues and concerns (that have nothing to do with the lotus position). Here, seven common reasons someone might see a sex therapist.

1. The Two of You Are Bored Sexually

“Couples may come to sex therapy for any number of reasons,” says Jones. “They may feel that they have lost romantic feelings toward one another or one of the partners may want to explore areas of sexuality that the other partner is not comfortable with.” Another common concern? Mismatched libidos. “The focus of the therapy would be to open up communication to discuss their wants and desires, and also give the couples homework that would help them to rekindle their romance.” Extra credit optional.

2. You Have Difficulty Achieving Orgasm or Arousal

The first thing a sex therapist would do in this case is to have the person get a physical check-up from a doctor to make sure no medical conditions are causing the lack of arousal or lack of orgasm. “If things came back normal, I would then recommend sensate focus,” Jones tells us. This involves abstaining from sexual activities and instead focusing on touch and sensation (orgasming is actually discouraged during the course of this treatment). After a week or two of touching, Jones would suggest incorporating kissing and light oral play. “The length of the sensate therapy depends upon the individual and couple. Nevertheless, they would gradually increase the level of play until they do have intercourse.” The goal here is to take the pressure off orgasming and focus instead on the sensations and other pleasures of sex.

3. You’re Processing Sexual Trauma

“A person who has been sexually abused or raped may come to therapy for a number of issues—the most obvious reason is to find help dealing with the trauma,” says Jones. It’s common for someone who has had this type of experience to have difficulties being intimate, he tells us. But sex therapy can help a person overcome the traumatic experience and ensure that it doesn’t affect future sexual experiences.

4. You Think You Might Have Sexual Disorders or Dysfunctions

This can refer to a number of issues, including erectile dysfunction (“which is becoming more common with younger clients”), low sexual desire and sexual arousal disorder (“although these are only considered disorders if it causes distress to the client”). Things like vaginismus (involuntary muscle contractions in the vagina) and dyspareunia (pain during intercourse) are also valid reasons to seek help.

5. You’re Coping with a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI)

“Oftentimes when a person is diagnosed with an STI, they are so shocked that they don’t really register what their medical provider is telling them. One of the jobs of a sex therapist is to educate the client on treatments and care, as well as safer sex practices to stop the transmission of STIs.” People who have an STI can also find it difficult to disclose this information to partners, which is also something that sex therapy can help with.

6. You’re Dealing with LGBTQ Issues

“People in the LGBTQ community often have issues of acceptance, prejudice and alienation. Sex therapy can help clients who have trouble coming out to their friends and family, and navigate the new dynamic that being open about their sexuality introduces.” It can also help individuals realize and accept what’s going on with themselves.

7. You Just Want to Talk About Basic Relationship Issues

Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it isn’t nothing either. “Relationship issues can range from helping couples learn to communicate better to discovering ways for them to regain their intimacy. The fact is that people change over time—their bodies change over time and the way they think changes over time. This sometimes makes the relationship a bit complicated.” But just because things change doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lackluster sex life. Here’s what Jones tells his clients: It’s their perception that needs to be changed. That excitement you felt when you first met can continue throughout the marriage, he says. “You can discover things your partner likes and how their body responds differently. This isn’t a bad thing—this can be very exciting and fulfilling.”

Complete Article HERE!