When it comes to sexual attraction, we all have our own specific things that turn us on. For some, a good sense of humor does the trick, while others are all about physical chemistry. Others still have more specific turn-ons, including feet. This attraction is called a foot fetish, and to answer some common questions about it, Allure spoke with some men who proudly have foot fetishes and professional dominatrixes. They have plenty of interesting things to say about our southern-most appendages, from explaining the whole spectrum of foot fetishes to the reason for all the foot love in the first place.
In our conversation, foot fetishists explain what foot worship is, they talk about their favorite pedicure colors, and dominatrixes talk about what they’ve learned from some of their clients. Even if you’re just interested in cute pedicures, Goddess Aviva, a New York City-based pro-domme, has plenty of foot-care secrets to share. And what better time to learn about all this than on I Love My Feet Day, a real holiday that occurs every year on August 17? Our feet carry us around all day and they deserve all the love they can get, so read on for a celebration of feet like no other.
What does a foot fetish typically entail?
“When someone has a foot fetish it means they sexualize feet to the point they become a strong trigger for arousal. For some, it’s as extreme as there needing to be feet involved in order to experience sexual pleasure or climax,” Goddess Aviva tells Allure. Though it’s not necessarily true for everyone with a foot fetish, she says that some people with foot fetishes need feet to be involved in a sexual experience to achieve sexual gratification. If feet aren’t involved, they simply aren’t interested.
As for what a foot fetish actually entails, she describes it as a spectrum. “On the gentler side, perhaps your partner enjoys kissing or massaging your feet, and on the more extreme side, you have foot-gagging, stinky foot worship, and trampling,” Aviva explains.
What is foot worship?
Kevin, a 45-year-old foot fetishist from California, explains that for some, it’s all about worshipping a woman by paying special attention to her feet. “I absolutely have a foot fetish and love massaging and worshipping women’s feet,” he tells Allure. When asked what his ideal fantasy is, Kevin says, “You’re soaking in my antique clawfoot tub after I’ve drawn a bath for you filled with sea salts and lavender oils, bubble bath, as you drink sparkling champagne.” That doesn’t sound too shabby.
If you find yourself dating someone with a foot fetish, you can likely expect many foot massages in your future. The fetishist may also share an exceptional love for pedicures, which is why pro-dommes such as Aviva put such care into their foot routines, and their efforts do not go unnoticed. “My favorite pedicure color is red or hot pink,” Brent, a 29-year-old from Rhode Island with a foot fetish, tells Allure.
How does a foot fetishist experience submission?
While it’s all about the love for some, for others, foot fetishes are more about being submissive and may involve humiliation. “Not only do I have a foot fetish, but I also have a bondage fetish. I love to be tied up, having no say at all, and having a mistress have her way with me,” Brent explains. Men such as Brent may enjoy being forced to lick and smell feet, ideally ones that are stinky and sweaty.
“There’s something special about forcing someone to massage, lick, kiss, and smell my sweaty feet, while I have their hands tied, a leash on their neck, and there’s no hope for escape,” says Ms. Tomorrow, a professional dominatrix based in Nashville.
Are some foot fetishists intrigued by shoes?
In conjunction with an attraction to feet, many people with foot fetishes are also into shoes, socks, and stockings — anything that wraps around the foot. “I have submissives who are very shoe-oriented. These submissives really get off on tying shoes and heels to their faces, to be immersed in the smell. They will also insert their penis (I mostly work with clients who have penises) into shoes, and use shoes as a masturbatory aid,” Ms. Tomorrow says. She elaborates that she has a few clients who are shoe specific: Some only like heels, others are exclusively turned on by old, dirty boots. A few of her clients prefer clogs, house slippers, ballet flats, or sandals.
Shoes aren’t the only wearable item of interest. “There is a wide variety of oddly specific foot fetishists — same can be said for sock fetishists,” Ms. Tomorrow tells Allure. “Socks stuffed into the mouth as a gag, dirty socks to be cleaned, even wearing certain kinds of socks can be a part of sock-focused kink play.”
Why are foot fetishes considered so taboo in mainstream society?
Though foot fetishes are sometimes thought of as taboo and those with them are often kink-shamed (especially those who lean toward the stinky, sweaty end of the spectrum described by Goddess Aviva), there’s another side to them many people don’t think about. You may relate to wanting to make your partner feel good by rubbing and massaging part of their body, such as their feet, or are excited about the idea of dating someone who wishes to do this to you.
Foot fetishes are just another way to be vulnerable with another human being when you get down to it. We walk around on our feet, all day long, and they carry us through most of our lives, and we ought to give them more credit. The intimacy of getting close to such an important part of the body is precisely what arouses foot fetishists, especially those who are also submissive.
“Physically being under someone’s feet is as low as you can be, which is a beautiful metaphor for power dynamic. I also love when my submissive can make me feel good with foot massage and worship,” Aviva explains. “Our feet carry us all day long, and they deserve a lot of love and care. It’s a beautiful thing when someone can give you that love and care as an exploration of their foot fetish.”
Now, regardless of your partner having a foot fetish or not (and regardless as to whether you have a partner or are totally single), is anyone up for a Netflix-and-foot-massage night? Happy “I Love My Feet Day,” everyone.
— Distinguishing gender identity and sexual orientation
The Gender Unicorn illustration explains the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity.
Sexual orientation and gender identity are hot topics that bring much controversy and misinformation with them, especially when it comes to youth. Dr. Cosio, Prince George physician, explains the difference.
Sexual orientation and gender identity are hot topics that bring much controversy and misinformation with them, especially when it comes to young people.
A group of local healthcare providers and doctors, Physicians for Diversity & Inclusion, have come together to stand with families of gender diverse children and gender diverse members of the community.
Dr. Ingrid Cosio, whose practice includes time spent at the Northern Gender Clinic in Prince George each week, provides specialized care to transgender and gender diverse persons living in the Northern Health region.
Cosio referred to the www.transstudent.org online tool called The Gender Unicorn to explain basic terms used when it comes to explaining the difference between gender and sexuality.
“So gender identity is what’s in the brain, in the sense that this is how you feel on the inside – your gender,” Cosio said. “So there is female, male, other. So you can have some of one – it doesn’t mean you’re less of the other.”
Gender expression is how you are presenting yourself, which includes feminine, masculine or other.
“You can feel male even though you were assigned female at birth but not feel safe to express it in any way,” Cosio said. “Or you could fully express that by cutting your hair and doing things that are stereotypically considered more masculine. So that’s your expression piece and that’s what other people are going to see when they look at you. So that’s very different than what’s going on in your thoughts in your brain.”
Sex assigned at birth are your chromosomes and what parts you are born with, Cosio explained.
Who you are physically attracted to are totally separate from gender identity. Sometimes these are divided into physical attraction and emotional attraction.
“So you can have any combination, so that means if a person is gender diverse, it doesn’t mean they are gay and a lot of people make that mistake,” Cosio said.
Cosio often finds those who identify as gender diverse, where things aren’t put in boxes so much, are pan-sexual which means they are attracted to the person, no matter what gender they are or what parts they have.
“It’s really about the connection they make with a person,” Cosio said.
— A new documentary jogs our cultural memory of the pioneering sex researcher
This image released by IFC Films shows Shere Hite in a scene from “The Disappearance of Shere Hite.”
The 1976 book “The Hite Report” was a bestseller from the beginning
By LINDSEY BAHR
The 1976 book “The Hite Report” was a bestseller from the beginning. Its intimate anecdotes about love, sex, orgasms and masturbation, drawn from anonymous survey responses from about 3,000 women across the U.S., challenged male assumptions about heterosexual intercourse. And it made its author, Shere Hite, a deeply polarizing public figure.
A glamorous figure who had once paid the bills by modeling, Hite quickly became a fixture on talk shows and news programs in the 1970s and 80s after the publication of her report.
Playboy called it “The Hate Report.” Erica Jong, in The New York Times, wrote that what the women “have to say is utterly fascinating and often surprising” and to read it, “if you want to know how sex really is right now.” Everyone seemed to have something to say about it, and her.
But cultural memory can be short, especially when it comes to pioneering feminists — even ones who have sold 50 million books. When she died in 2020, at age 77, it seemed as though she’d been all but forgotten.
“The Disappearance of Shere Hite,” a new documentary from IFC Films now playing in theaters, takes a holistic look at Hite: her life, her work, her impact and why, after so many books sold and so many feathers ruffled, she faded into the backdrop.
Filmmaker Nicole Newnham (Oscar nominated for “Crip Camp” ) found “The Hite Report” in her mother’s bedside chest when she was 12 not too long after it was published. At the time, she said, it felt like a portal into the inner lives of women. And over the years what those women said stuck with her in a way that so many other books didn’t. When Hite died, Newnham realized how little she really knew about her and started digging around, teaming up with NBC News Studios, which had a similar idea.
And some younger generations were aware of Hite, like actor Dakota Johnson, whose company TeaTime Pictures executive produced the film. “We love Shere Hite!” Newnham recalled Johnson and her producing partner Ro Donnelly responding. Johnson, who is a co-creative director for a sexual wellness company, also gives voice to Hite’s writings in the documentary.
“I thought this was really a way to look at a phenomenon that occurs over and over and over again in our society,” Newnham said. “Women who are iconoclastic and speak out and change culture or have new ideas often do get forgotten.”
Though Hite gave up on the U.S. and decamped to Europe in the early 1990s, she took steps to ensure that anyone who wanted to follow the breadcrumbs of her moment in the spotlight could. She sold her personal archives to the Schlesinger Library at Radcliffe, including personal writings, original survey responses, notes about methodology (which was one of the things she was often pilloried for in the media), and tapes of her television appearances.
“She had a policy of asking for a VHS tape if she agreed to do a television interview,” Newnham said. “The footage you see in the film was material she’d taped, otherwise many of those shows would have been lost to history.”
Many of the clips are uncomfortable, with both men and women challenging and dismissing her work, sometimes without even having read it. Seeing Hite walk out of an interview was not uncommon, especially after the publication of “The Hite Report on Male Sexuality” in 1981, which proved even more divisive. And things only got more difficult for her as the culture entered the “backlash” era.
“She was a complex, volatile personality and we didn’t want to shy away from that,” Newnham said. “She was so viciously pictured as a man-hater. And yet what she really was trying to do is lead an enterprise to free of both men and women from the tyranny of this very specific, rigid, patriarchal way of looking at sexuality.”
Juliana Hauser is a licensed therapist who specializes in sex-positive counseling.
She says many women have better sex as they age.
Self pleasure can help women explore new desires, she said.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Juliana Houser, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is the resident expert and advisor at Kindra. It has been edited for length and clarity.
The success of “The Golden Bachelor” has proven something I’ve seen in my work for a long time. When it comes to love, relationships, and sex, older people don’t want to be counted out.
Many of my clients in their 50s and beyond have vibrant, exciting, and novel sex lives. They want to be seen as sexual beings. When that occurs, great things happen: I’ve met many women who are having passionate, orgasmic sex that just gets better with age. Here’s how they’re doing it and the tips that can help you have the same, no matter what your age.
Harness confidence in yourself
Society feeds us lots of messages about what it means to be a woman who is desired and who desires others. We all have an image of what it means to be sexy — and if we don’t think we fit that picture, we can become disconnected from our own eroticism.
And yet, by the time women reach middle age, they have self-confidence. When you know who you authentically are, you can shed all the layers of what you thought sexy was. That lets you unapologetically embrace what sexy means to you.
Nurture the most important sexual relationship you have
Nearly everyone has their own individual sex life, whether they’re partnered or not. Your sexual relationship with yourself is the longest and most important sexual relationship you’ll have, but too often, we ignore it.
Create different sexual experiences for yourself, just like you would with a partner. Vary what times of day you self-pleasure; have slow, intimate sessions and quickies; explore your kinky side.
Take microdoses of pleasure
Lots of people, especially women, deprive themselves. We focus so much time on our careers and families while pushing pleasure off for another time — the weekends or vacation.
Instead of doing that, I recommend finding time for microdoses of pleasure every day. Change the pacing of pleasure until it’s something that’s constantly around rather than something to be waited for.
Connect with your senses
How do you microdose pleasure? By connecting with our senses. Feeling sensual can open the door to feeling pleasure, which I define as feeling a spark or vibrancy inside you.
Pleasure and sensuality start with things that aren’t sexual at all: a sunrise that brings you joy or the smell of a bouquet of flowers. Look for anything that makes your body say “yum” or “yes.” As you respond to that part of yourself, you’ll become more confident in finding and experiencing what brings you pleasure in bed.
Understand your body is changing
The impacts of menopause are undeniable and normal. But they don’t have to mean the end of your sex life — in fact, we’ve found that 70% of women who are 50 or older still enjoy sex.
There can be hard feelings associated with changing bodies and again. But embracing change can be helpful. Learn what works for your body now. Try products and toys that might ease any difficulties you have. Broaden your definition of sex. After all, there’s a whole continuum of what sex can be, not just penetration.
Get curious
Adapt an attitude of curiosity about sex. Google “10 best sex toys of 2023” and see what catches your eye. If you hear a term you don’t know, look it up. Ask your friends where they’re finding pleasure, or what aspects of sex and aging are challenging for them. Share your struggles and your interests.
You can even create a sex bucket list. Revisit it every now and then — you might notice that you might want to try things that were once a “no,” or that acts that were once appealing no longer intrigue you.
More than anything, know what pleasure is your birthright. Sexuality isn’t a luxury reserved for the young(er). It’s a necessity that we can connect with throughout our lives.
His cock will be hypersensitive after he comes, so be gentle.
By Dr Dick
And now, sex fans, the pièce de résistance of my male masturbation series. All of you folks out there who don’t have a penis—but know someone who does—join Jenna as I explain the fine art of a partnered handjob.
Dr. Dick,
My husband of four years has an exceptionally large penis. He likes nothing better than for me to rub him to climax. We have intercourse and we do oral on each other and he likes that just fine; he just prefers to watch me use my hands on him. Do you think that’s odd? Also, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area, so any pointers would be greatly appreciated.
There’s nothing wrong; he just loves a good old-fashioned wank! Here’s the deal with many of us guys: we first become acquainted with the pleasure our cock can offer through touching ourselves, and when it comes right down to it, there is rarely a mouth, pussy or ass that can compete with the variety of stroke and firmness of grip a hand can provide. Simply stated, the humble handjob, if done right, can be the ideal way to pleasure your man. Just remember, even though jerkin’ your guy off isn’t particularly exotic, as far as sex acts go, it never has to be boring—for him or you.
I am of the mind that a brilliant wank begins with a first-class lube. Many guys swear by silicone-based lubes for this purpose, but a handjob connoisseur like your hubby will probably have his own favorite. Start off with just enough to make things slick; you don’t want to overdo it. Get a feel for his johnson, and what you have to work with. Skillfully draw back the skin toward the root of his dick ’til it’s taut. This is much easier to do on uncut men, but even cut men will have some skin left to move.
While you’re doing this, feel free to “oooh” and “ahhh” a lot. This is a perfect time to marvel at the work of art before you. For, as we all know, a hard man is good to find. Your man will get off on you admiring his unit.
You say that your man is hung. Lucky you! Can you wrap your fingers around the base and get a good grip there? If not, you’ll want to consider a cockring for this purpose. In fact, if you use a cockring, you’ll free up both hands for what’s to come.
Now that you’ve got a nice boner going, get between his legs. Take his cock between the palms of your hands, interlock your fingers and guide your hands up and down his shaft. Your thumbs should be on the underside of his dick, so that on each stroke up and down, you hit his frenulum with the pads of your thumb. With his cock still between your palms, rub your hands together, like as if you’re warming them. This will provide great new sensations for him.
Hold his cock in one hand and with the well-lubed palm of your other hand, slowly move it in nice lazy circles all over his dickhead. This is a particularly delicate procedure, especially if your man is uncut. Once he’s fully aroused, his dickhead will be super-sensitive, and if you’re using a cockring, his pecker will be even more engorged than usual, making it hypersensitive. Be sure to ask for feedback on this move. If he finds this too uncomfortable, move on to something more pleasurable. Most guys will already be giving directions on what to do and how, so all you have to do is follow his lead. Remember, he knows his way around his joint better than anyone.
Don’t forget to service his testicles. Since a guy’s jewels are less sensitive to touch than his dickhead, you can handle them a bit more. Squeeze and tug and even gently slap them to your heart’s delight. While you’re doing that, and with his dick flat against his belly, shimmy the heel of your hand up and down the underside of his cock. You see how you are incorporating different sensations and movements all at the same time? Keep this up and he’ll be putty in your hands.
Interlace your fingers and make a tight passageway through the palms of your hands. Pump up and down his shaft this way. As you get to the top of his cock, close the passageway even tighter. Then make him squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom. Then with one hand rapidly following the other in only a downward stroke, make like a perpetual penetration tunnel. This will make his eyes roll back in ecstasy.
Now would be a good time to incorporate other parts of your body. Most men get off on a titty-fuck. Cozy his cock between your boobs and have him hump away. You could also use your feet in the same fashion.
Go back to rhythmically stroking him. Watch as his dickhead swells and turns red or even purple. Use your fingertips on the tip of his dick like you’re turning a doorknob—to the right, then to the left. Slowly increase the pressure ’til he begs you to stop. Now you have him right where you want him.
Now things get really interesting. When he’s least expecting it, move one of your hands down past his balls and taint. Once past his taint, you’ll find his rosebud. With a well-lubed finger, massage his pucker.
If this is virgin territory for you and the hubby, he’s in for the thrill of his life. Continue to stroke his cock and asshole. Don’t be afraid to try and push your fingertip past his sphincter. If he lets you inside, you’ll have access to his prostate. But even if he doesn’t, massaging the outside of his hole will bring him very close to an explosive conclusion.
If you’re ready to finish him off, pick up the pace of your stroking. He’ll be breathing heavily now and he’ll look down over his chest at the miracle happening between his legs. Tell him to throw his legs in the air and spread them as far apart as possible. This will add considerably to the muscle tension that you’ve already built up. And a thunderous orgasm is all about muscle tension.
Now bring this puppy home. Lick his balls, finger his hole and beat his meat like it owes you money. Insist that he keeps his feet in he air and his legs splayed. Momentarily, he will begin to quake with building mini-orgasms. He will no doubt try to buck himself to conclusion, but don’t let him. For the moment you’re in charge down here, not him. Tease him one last time as he nears ejaculation. When he’s almost there, suddenly stop what you’re doing. This will, of course, drive him crazy. And don’t resume stroking ’til he begs for it.
It’ll probably only take a few more strokes before he gives it up. Keep your face—or at least your eyes—out of the way, because when he finally blows, it will be explosive. If you’ve toyed with him for any length of time, you’ll have built up quite a load and it’ll shoot in spurts ’til he’s empty.
His cock will be hypersensitive after he comes, so be gentle.
It’s important to know children and adolescents will explore their identity and it’s a normal part of growing up.
It’s not just about gender identity exploration but also what values are held dear, what kind of person they would like to be and it’s important to create a safe space for that exploration to occur.
A group of local healthcare providers and doctors, Physicians for Diversity & Inclusion, have come together to stand with families of gender diverse children and gender diverse members of the community.
Dr. Ingrid Cosio, whose practice includes time spent at the Northern Gender Clinic in Prince George each week, provides specialized care to transgender and gender diverse persons living in the Northern Health region.
Cosio offers some guidance during those first steps taken toward getting more information for a child talking about their gender identity.
“Any time is an OK time to bring it up,” Cosio said. “Going to talk to your doc doesn’t mean you’re expecting to have a treatment or some sort of solution. It’s a start of the discussion. Just like it would be for anything a patient is struggling with or has questions about. The ideal is that your primary care home – whether that’s a family physician or nurse practitioner – offers a safe place that you can go and talk about some feelings you’re having and have a chat about that. Even knowing that’s the starting point is so important and knowing you can come back if things are getting more difficult or you just want to follow up and talk some more.”
Knowing that identity exploration is normal and having a safe space to do that at the doctor’s office, at home and at school is the most important thing, Cosio said.
“Creation of the safe space at the doctor’s office where a patient can come and talk about things is super important,” Cosio said. “That they have a place to come – because some may not have that safe space – if they are coming with their parents, hopefully that means that there is some support to go get some questions answered and talk about it – so hopefully that’s already there. But the message for that first visit is that identity exploration in childhood and adolescents is totally normal, whether it’s gender, sexuality, just figuring out what your core values are, what’s important to you and what kind of person you want to be. And same goes for things like ‘the gender people assume I am doesn’t seem to fit.’ To think about that, to talk about that, so that’s where the whole exploration piece – and for the family and the child to know – that this is normal and we can just take their lead and support them.”
Having that safe space at home and at school is critically important, Cosio added.
“That’s where they can do that exploration,” Cosio said. “They can, so to speak, try on identities that they feel fit them better and to know that they are going to be accepted and loved no matter where they end up and would continue throughout that process.”
Feeling supported and safe while exploring their identity is essential for good mental health, Cosio added.
Gathering information from a patient is an important part of the job for a healthcare provider.
“Just letting them tell their story and talk about their experience and not necessarily guiding that but just seeing the important things they bring up, what are the questions, what are the fears and what their context is – who is in the home, things they like to do, what are the real successes that make them feel awesome, and what are some of the challenges they have. So the experience and the context are the two key pieces of understanding what’s really going on for the young patient.”
Cosio added it’s also important to ask about when they started thinking about this, how it has been making them feel, if it’s affecting their day-to-day life and has it affected their mood? Are there other more pressing concerns like depression, anxiety or thoughts of self-harm or suicide?
“We want to be screening for that because it can be super dangerous,” Cosio said. “And if we don’t ask the question, they might not bring it up. And we don’t want to miss the opportunity where we could put in a safety plan or be aware of how at risk they are. And also are there any hopes or expectations of how, as their primary care provider, we can help other than listening and providing support.”
Those are the issues a first visit to the family practitioner will address.
The Prince George Public Library, in partnership with the Northern Gender Clinic, provides excellent resources, including gender workbooks, and novels with gender diverse characters going through similar journeys.
Plan B One-Step is a single-dose emergency contraceptive (EC) pill. It contains the active ingredient levonorgestrel, a synthetic hormone belonging to the progestin class. Plan B One-Step and its generic alternatives are available over the counter (OTC).
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved the use of Plan B One-Step to reduce the chance of pregnancy if taken within three days (72 hours) after unprotected sex.1
Taking Plan B One-Step may affect your period. Some females get their period about a week early or a week late after taking Plan B One-Step, and their bleeding may be lighter or heavier than usual. However, if your period is more than a week late, you could be pregnant.3
Keep reading to learn more about the link between taking Plan B One-Step and your period’s timing, along with basic safety and dosage information regarding its use.
Understanding the Morning-After Pill
Emergency birth control such as the morning-after pill, can help decrease your chance of becoming pregnant after unprotected sex. EC pills, like Plan B One-Step, work by preventing ovulation, the release of an egg from the ovaries.
By stopping this process, the sperm cannot fertilize the egg, thus avoiding a pregnancy.
It is important to note that EC will not have any impact if ovulation has already taken place. As a result, EC does not affect fertilized eggs or pregnancies already implanted.4
EC, including Plan B One-Step, differs from Mifeprex (mifepristone). Mifeprex is a medication given in combination with the drug misoprostol for medical termination of a pregnancy up to 70 days into the pregnancy.5
EC, on the other hand, only works as a preventive measure against pregnancy, with no effect after pregnancy begins.2
Some states restrict access or completely disallow the use of Mifeprex. Fourteen states have banned access to Mifeprex for medical termination of pregnancy, while another 15 states limit its use to certain situations.
In contrast, Plan B One-Step is legal and available in all 50 states.6
What Is Plan B One-Step?
The FDA approves Plan B One-Step for use in females to reduce the likelihood of pregnancy following unprotected sex. It comes as a single-dose oral tablet that you swallow. It is intended for use in females of reproductive age.
Plan B One-Step works up to 72 hours after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. Taking it as soon as possible increases its effectiveness and reduces the chances of getting pregnant.1
The sooner you take it after sex, the more effectively it works, though some research suggests that it may still work up to four days (96 hours) afterward.4
Levonorgestrel, the active ingredient in Plan B One-Step, is also available OTC as several other emergency contraceptive products, such as Her Style, Opcicon One-Step, and Fallback Solo.2
Plan B One-Step prevents or delays ovulation when the ovary releases an egg. As a result, sperm cells cannot reach or fertilize the egg, which helps prevent pregnancy.3
Plan B One-Step works by preventing or delaying ovulation. If you take it after ovulation has already occurred, it may be less effective.
However, since you may not know when you ovulated, you can still take Plan B One-Step at any time during your menstrual cycle to help prevent pregnancy within three days after having unprotected sex.8
Taking Plan B One-Step may result in changes to the menstrual cycle. After taking Plan B One-Step, your period may be earlier or later than expected. In most cases, individuals taking it will get their period within a week when expected.
However, if your period is more than a week late, this could be a sign of pregnancy; take a pregnancy test or talk to a healthcare provider for guidance.
Period flow and duration may be similarly affected by Plan B One-Step. Some individuals experience heavier or lighter bleeding than usual, and their period may be longer or shorter than usual.
Some people may notice spotting or light bleeding after taking Plan B One-Step, but this side effect may not be your actual period. You should still anticipate your period within a week before or after the expected time.
After taking Plan B, you may feel anxious while waiting to see if it was successful at preventing pregnancy. The most typical indication of its effectiveness is the arrival of your period. You can also take a pregnancy test if your period is late.
There is no other method to determine the effectiveness of Plan B One-Step if signs such as a negative pregnancy test do not occur.3
Why Does Plan B Affect Your Period?
Levonorgestrel, the active ingredient in Plan B One-Step, results in possible changes to the menstrual cycle. Levonorgestrel is a synthetic progestin hormone.
It is a lab-made version of a naturally occurring progesterone hormone and acts similarly.1
Because Plan B One-Step contains a more significant amount of hormone than the body naturally produces at various stages of the menstrual cycle, the medication can alter the flow, duration, and timing of the next period.
In general:9
Taking Plan B One-Step after the midpoint of the menstrual cycle (the time of expected ovulation) may result in extended periods and/or delays in period onset.
Taking Plan B One-Step before the midpoint of the menstrual cycle is more frequently associated with spotting and earlier period onset.
Dosing Guidelines
The table below shows the strength and dosage of Plan B One-Step:1
Plan B One-Step can be taken with or without food as long as you take it within 72 hours of unprotected sex. If you vomit within three hours of taking it, you may need to repeat the dose.2
Consult a pharmacist or healthcare provider for advice if you have questions about taking Plan B One-Step.
Precautions & Safety
The FDA advises pregnant individuals against using Plan B One-Step. However, the drug is not known to cause harmful effects if taken during pregnancy, and it does not affect an established pregnancy. Plan B One-Step will not terminate an existing pregnancy.
In addition, individuals should not rely on the morning-after pill as their primary form of contraception.
Other options, such as birth control pills or vaginal rings, are more effective when used as prescribed compared to Plan B One-Step or other emergency contraceptive pills.
Certain medications interact with Plan B One-Step and may lead to less effective results for Plan B One-Step when taken simultaneously.
If you’re experiencing severe abdominal pain after taking Plan B One-Step, contact a healthcare provider for evaluation and observation.
How Effective Is Plan B One-Step?
Plan B One-Step provides a practical option for preventing pregnancy. In a major clinical study, Plan B One-Step prevented 84% of expected pregnancies.
This was a drop from 8% to 1% in the expected pregnancy rate following unprotected sex without EC.1
However, other factors can alter the effectiveness of Plan B One-Step. Studies show that taking the medication as soon as possible after the time of unprotected sex increases the chances of effectively preventing pregnancy.
Furthermore, the point in the menstrual cycle when you take Plan B can affect how it works.11
An independent study of Plan B One-Step showed that while the medication may still be effective after ovulation, it is more effective if taken before ovulation.8
Summary
Plan B One-Step (levonorgestrel 1.5 mg oral tablet) is an OTC EC pill.1 It is taken to reduce the chance of pregnancy if taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex.
After taking Plan B One-Step, it’s common for individuals to experience some changes to their normal menstrual cycle.2
Your period can come one week earlier or later than expected. Plan B One-Step may cause spotting and/or periods that are heavier, longer, or lighter than usual.
If more than a week has passed since you expected your period after taking Plan B One-Step, you may be pregnant. Take a pregnancy test; if the result is negative and another week passes without a period, take another test or reach out to a healthcare provider for medical advice.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I safely store Plan B One-Step?
Store Plan B One-Step at room temperature (68-77 degrees F) and keep it away from any area susceptible to high levels of heat or moisture, such as the bathroom.
Keep Plan B out of the reach of children and pets.10
Will Plan B One-Step affect future fertility?
No. Plan B One-Step does not impact future fertility. The medication works quickly and only stays in your system for a few hours without making any lasting changes to hormones or fertility.12
What is the shelf-life of Plan B One-Step?
Plan B One-Step comes with an expiration date on the product packaging. It is usually four years after the date of manufacturing.
Once expired, the medication may be less effective, so dispose of any unused Plan B One-Step and replace it with a fresh supply if desired.13
How commonly used is EC?
EC has gained popularity over the last two decades.
According to a 2019 survey, more than 25% of females of reproductive age reported taking EC at least once; a similar survey from 2002 found that only 4% of females reported using EC.
This increase is likely because EC is now an easily accessible OTC product that had previously required a prescription.7
Orgasm anxiety is a topic that doesn’t get enough attention, but it’s a real issue that affects a lot of women.
What is orgasm anxiety?
Orgasm anxiety is a sense of nervousness and stress surrounding the ability to orgasm, typically during partnered sexual activity. Orgasm anxiety can manifest itself by hyperfocusing on achieving orgasm or excessively worrying about a lack of orgasm.
What causes orgasm anxiety?
A lack of sex-positive, pleasure-focused sex education is a significant cause of orgasm anxiety.
In our sexually liberated society, many women feel pressured to have great sex with mind-blowing orgasms. While great strides have been made to help women orgasm by self-stimulation, millions of women struggle to orgasm when a man is involved.
The ability to orgasm is of primary concern among women, with approximately 25% of women having never experienced an orgasm or having difficulty experiencing one. Even more women do not orgasm during partnered sex, with a study reporting that only 18.4% of women orgasm during intercourse alone.
Some men know how to bring a woman to orgasm. Many women are not informed or confident enough to tell men what they need to orgasm. It’s a taboo topic that must be addressed if we want to close the orgasm gap.
Six tips for overcoming orgasm anxiety and enjoying sex more
Overthinking causes stress and anxiety, the most common reasons why 58% of women don’t orgasm. Feeling anxious can cause orgasm difficulties as it creates a barrier to sexual fulfillment.
According to experts, overthinking is the most significant barrier to women’s orgasms. It’s similar to ‘spectatoring’. For example, focusing on oneself from a third-person perspective during sexual activity rather than focusing on one’s sensations or sexual partner.
In the bedroom, a lot of women overthink and find it challenging to climax due to the negative thoughts. “Overthinking gives you tunnel vision that can only focus on what’s wrong in your life,” writes renowned psychologist Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, who helps women who ruminate too much. To stop overthinking, shift your perspective from “what’s wrong?” to “what’s not wrong?” Adopt a pleasure-positive perspective to become orgasmic.
For many women, the practice of mindfulness is vital to overcoming orgasm anxiety. Learn how to be present during intimacy to enjoy sexual pleasure.
2. Focus on pleasure, not climax
While most women can easily stimulate themselves to orgasm, up to 65% of women do not orgasm during sexual intercourse, even with clitoral stimulation.
If orgasm anxiety is preventing you from having an orgasm with a partner, it might be worth focusing on sexual pleasure instead. Goal-orientated sex can create a lot of internalized pressure and may leave you feeling frustrated when you don’t orgasm.
Pressure can create anxiety and make it even more difficult to orgasm. The expectation to climax is known as the orgasm imperative.
Prioritizing sexual pleasure can help relieve orgasm worries.
Take the focus off the orgasmic goal and follow the pleasure journey. You are more likely to reach orgasm when you are on the road to pleasure.
3. You’re not broken, you’re normal
It’s common for women to experience orgasm anxiety at some stage in their life. Many women find it challenging to climax or have never experienced an orgasm, and that’s okay. Remember, when it comes to orgasm, there is no such thing as “normal.”
Every woman is different, and every woman has different orgasmic experiences. What works for one woman may not work for another, and that’s okay. Some women do not orgasm until their forties or even later, and that’s okay.
It’s important to understand that you are not abnormal, damaged, or broken because you do not orgasm as often as you would like or expect.
Learn what works for you and set realistic expectations without comparing yourself to others.
4. Communicate your feelings
Effective communication is vital to overcoming orgasm anxiety. Open communication in a safe and non-judgmental way can help eradicate bedroom stress.
If you are in a relationship, speak to your partner about your desires, preferences, and boundaries. It can help him understand your needs and learn how to support you.
Often, women will speak to their female friends about bedroom issues and assume that men are not concerned about their needs. It’s important to remember that men are not mind readers. We think differently to women, and that’s okay. This is why it’s critical to communicate your needs and desires effectively.
You can show your partner how you like to be touched or guide him with your hands to help you discover new sensations.
5. Try new techniques
The route to climax varies among women. If you’re someone who struggles to orgasm during sex, try different techniques to help you achieve the elusive big O.
Researchers at the sexual pleasure platform OMGYES identified four techniques to help women increase sexual pleasure. According to the OMGYES Pleasure Report, adult women in America reported that the “shallowing,” “pairing,” “rocking,” and “angling” techniques made vaginal intercourse more pleasurable.
Intercourse is only one technique for lovemaking; women can reach orgasm through non-penetrative techniques such as kunyaza. It’s a myth that orgasm should occur through intercourse alone.
Find the technique that works for you!
6. Learn what gives you pleasure
Many women have convinced themselves that they are unable to orgasm because they’ve experienced years of unsatisfactory sex. It can also be challenging to open up to a partner or friends about orgasmic dysfunction. A lack of sexual knowledge can lead to bedroom anxiety.
Misinformation about women’s sexuality is rampant, as there are many misconceptions about female sexual arousal and women’s orgasm. Such misinformation has contributed to many women feeling inadequate.
Hollywood actress and author Kim Cattrall believed she was unable to orgasm until she experienced her first orgasm in her forties. Despite playing a sexually confident character on screen, Cattrall struggled to orgasm until she met her third husband and learned what turns her on.
Educating yourself about women’s experiences can help normalize your path to sexual satisfaction.
Not sure where to start when it comes to spicing things up in the bedroom? Don’t be discouraged. Here’s how one viral TikTok expert suggests approaching sexual play, breaking down kink for beginners.
Kinks, fetishes and wild sexual fantasies are more often than not surrounded by a haze of misinformation, shame and secrecy. However, according to one historical author, sexual play has long been a crucial part of society.
Sharing her fascinating research with the world, author Esmé Louise James has become a TikTok sensation, boasting over 2.4 million followers, and earning a spot on the platform’s top one per cent of creators. Unmasking the fantasies and bedroom proclivities of some of history’s most prominent figures, James’ content continues to captivate her constantly growing audience.
Joining Felicity Harley, host of the Healthy-ish podcast, James breaks the fascinating world of kink, from its historical roots to today’s contemporary interpretations. Unpacking the importance of sexual exploration, the pair break down some of the stigma still attached, discussing some simple yet effective kink practices for beginners.
The history of kink
You don’t need a PhD to recognise just how XX our interpretation of all things sex has been throughout history. With every new era and cultural transformation, we seem to backtrack and reject the attitudes of late, either wholeheartedly embracing our sexuality as a society, or dismissing its relevance completely.
“Kink is generally defined as any sexual behaviour that sits outside of normal, and our definition of that can change over time,” explains James. “I guess we would define it now as anything outside of vanilla sex.”
Fluid and ever-changing, our sexual preferences and habits can’t be so easily labelled, meaning defining kink depends entirely on the context. According to the history buff, kink practices things that we would find very shocking today have existed for as long as we’ve had a human history.
“One of my favourite ones is that in the 17th century, flagellation and strangulation became so popular in England that they actually had to put laws in place because people were becoming harmed at brothels and in houses by spanking,” explains the author. “It became known as the ‘English vice’, and this was spread across Europe.”
The biggest misconceptions surrounding common sexual practices
Reflecting on the vast and ever-changing sexual landscape throughout history, James urges people to consider how their own contexts and personal histories may have influenced their comprehension of kink practices. She says in order to truly embrace and understand kink practices, one must steer the conversation away from intercourse, instead exploring the idea of pleasure and experience.
“One thing we often look over is the importance of imagination in sexual experience as well, especially for women,” the author explains. “And my God, the amount of times that we’re in the bedroom and our head is thinking about a million different other things, ‘what are we going to cook for dinner?’ ‘Have we done the laundry?’, all of these kinds of things that we’re running a million miles an hour.”
“So being able to engage the imagination in the bedroom I think is one of the easiest but most overlooked aspects of intimate experiences with someone,” she adds.
How to bring kink into the bedroom
If you’re curious about exploring the world of kink or feel like adding a bit of spice to your usual bedroom antics could pay off for you and your partner, James says it’s important not to overcomplicate matters. She suggests starting with safe, simple sensory exploration, explaining that closing down on sense, such as wearing a blindfold, can heighten and stimulate your body’s other responses.
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“Just one of you putting on a blindfold and experimenting with feeling things like feathers or silk or other things on your body, that is technically a kink because it deviates from vanilla sex,” says James. “It’s something that I think is a nice, easy access point for people to start experimenting with different sensual behaviours in the bedroom.”
But if feathers and blindfolds don’t quite scratch the itch for you, the TikTok-famous historian says it might be worth turning to the past for some inspiration.
“I always say to people, you know, if you’re looking to spice things up, what’s the best thing to do? Go and read some pornography from the 1800s,” says James. “Honestly, read about what people were doing and practising back hundreds of years ago, and weirdly enough, I think it normalises experimentations for us now.”
— Masturbation is a natural and healthy aspect of sexual development that has many health benefits. There are various ways for individuals with vaginas to self-pleasure, including using their hands and toys to stimulate their genitals and other erogenous zones, like the nipples.
Masturbation has many health benefits, including reducing stress, improving sleep quality, and learning what feels pleasurable.
The most common types of masturbation include clitoral, vaginal, and anal stimulation or a combination of the three.
Tips for exploring each area include applying a lubricant, slowly increasing arousal, and experimenting with different strokes, pressures, and speeds.
If you’re new to exploring self-pleasure or looking for ways to enhance your experience, we’ve gathered some tips and insights below that may be helpful.
Benefits of masturbation
Masturbation has a myriad of health benefits, making it a healthy and fun sexual activity. Masturbation has been found to:
Reduce stress
Relieve sexual tension
Improve sleep quality
Enhance knowledge of how you like to be pleasured
Improve mood
Strengthen the pelvic floor muscles
Alleviate period pain for some people
Different types of masturbation
There are various erogenous zones for people with vaginas for self-pleasure. In this article, we’ll focus on the most commonly practiced types of masturbation to help you get started. However, there are many ways to explore and enjoy your body, and you should always feel empowered to pleasure yourself in a comfortable and pleasurable way.
Clitoral masturbation
Clitoral masturbation is the most common form of masturbation for folks with vaginas, as many people cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is a highly sensitive erogenous zone that contains approximately 10,000 sensory nerve endings, making it a prime area for self-pleasure. You can pleasure the clitoris using your fingers to rub all areas of the clitoris, or you can use a vibrating or suction sex toy for extra stimulation.
Vaginal masturbation
Vaginal masturbation is also another common form of masturbation, and while it feels pleasurable for many people, not everyone can orgasm from vaginal stimulation. There are several pleasurable areas in the vagina that you can explore, and many people find stimulating the top wall of the vagina, often referred to as the G-spot, pleasurable. You can pleasure the vagina using your fingers or a sex toy.
Anal masturbation
The anus and rectum contain many sensory nerve endings, making anal masturbation a highly pleasurable experience. You can please the anus externally using fingers or a vibrator or internally using anal toys or fingers.
How to get started
While each person’s self-pleasure routine will look different, there are a few tips that many people use to help get them in the mood.
Create a relaxing environment
To maximize pleasure during masturbation, it’s important to ensure that you have a cozy environment. To do this, first, ensure that you have some privacy by locking the door and switching off your phone to avoid any unwelcome interruptions. If you live somewhere with limited privacy, consider jumping in the bath or shower and locking the door behind you.
Next, make your chosen room as desirable as possible by considering what is pleasurable to each of your five senses. Consider lighting candles, dimming the lights, wearing something that feels luxurious or turns you on, and playing relaxing music or sounds.
Don’t forget lubrication
You may know that a lubricant is an essential ingredient for pleasurable intercourse, but did you know that it also makes masturbation feel amazing too? While the vagina is self-lubricating, sometimes it doesn’t produce enough lubrication to make sex pleasurable. This is why you should always use a lubricant when having any kind of sexual activity. And if you’re exploring anal play, lubrication is a must, as the anus isn’t self-lubricating.
Get exploring
No matter which area of the body you intend to explore, the key is to keep an open mind and get curious about how your body can feel and respond to pleasure. Explore different sensations, pressures, speeds, and areas of the body to find out what feels best for you. You may also want to experiment with toys or erotica to help increase arousal.
Tips for exploring the clitoris
The clitoris is a highly sensitive part of the body. Here are some ways you can begin exploring what feels good to you:
Start slowly. Start by applying some lubrication to the clitoris and labia, then slowly begin stroking your vulva. There’s no rush to get to the clitoris, so take your time by slowly building up arousal and allowing blood to flow to the area.
Vary speed and pressure. When ready, move to the clitoris, rubbing or stroking it with little pressure. Then slowly increase the pressure and the speed of the strokes to your liking.
Different techniques. You may want to explore different techniques, such as pinching the clitoris, rubbing it in circles, or stroking it up and down. You can also use a sex toy, such as a vibrator, to gently rub or press onto the clitoris.
Increase the pressure. Once you have found a sensation that feels good, increase the pressure and intensity of the strokes, rubbing, or vibrations until you reach orgasm or feel like you’ve had enough.
Tips for exploring the vagina
Finding out what feels good for you inside your vagina is important for increasing sexual pleasure. Try these tips to begin your exploration slowly and sensitively:
Stimulate blood flow. Start by applying a lubricant to the clitoris, labia, fingers, and sex toy. Then slowly begin stroking your vulva and clitoris to increase arousal and blood flow to the vagina.
Slowly insert fingers or sex toy. When ready, part opens your vagina with your fingers and insert your fingers or a sex toy. Then slowly start exploring the vagina, moving your fingers or toys in a circular motion inside the vagina to find a pleasurable spot.
New techniques. You may want to explore different techniques, such as using your fingers in a “come here” motion to stimulate the G-spot, moving your fingers or toys in and out of your vagina, or simultaneously playing with the clitoris.
Keep going. Once you have found a sensation that feels good, increase the pressure and intensity of the strokes until you reach orgasm or feel like you’ve had enough.
Tips for exploring the anus
The anus can be a deeply pleasurable area for some people. Try these tips to find out if it’s something you like:
Always lubricate. Start by applying a lubricant to your fingers or sex toy. Then slowly begin stroking and rubbing the outside of your anus.
Gentle exploration. When ready, carefully insert your finger or toy into your anus, then slowly start exploring the anus, moving your fingers or toy in a circular motion inside the anus to find a pleasurable spot.
Experiment. You may want to explore different techniques, such as moving your fingers or toy in and out of your anus or simultaneously playing with the clitoris or vagina.
It’s important to note that when using sex toys to stimulate the anus, they should have a flared base to prevent them from getting lost in the rectum, which can result in surgical intervention.
When it comes to exploring masturbation, the key thing that you should aim for is to have a pleasurable experience. While having an orgasm can be an amazing experience, masturbation without an orgasm can also be incredibly enjoyable. So try not to pressure yourself to have an orgasm each time you masturbate, but rather stay curious about what you find pleasurable, and enjoy the experience.
In the movies, we often see a man or woman sweep his or her partner up, kiss them passionately, and have their way with them with barely a word spoken on either end. This notion that a person can simply take what they want when they want is not only false; it can set an unreasonable and dangerous precedent.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women has experienced rape or attempted rape during their lifetime. In addition, close to a quarter of men have also been victims of sexual violence. With these statistics in mind, it is clear that both partners need to be on the same page when it comes to getting physical.
“Communication is essential in any relationship — even a long-term partnership,” says Dr. Juliana Hauser, a licensed family and marriage therapist, an expert on sex and sexuality, and a Kindra Advisory Board Member. “I encourage couples who want to try something new to discuss it openly and honestly with their partner. One of my favorite ways to practice consent is my four quadrants exercise — it’s a helpful tool to openly discuss what you want to try in the bedroom, and what you don’t! Consent is sexy, should be enthusiastic and clear and reciprocal.”
Myth: Couples don’t routinely practice safer sex
And these unrealistic expectations of how sexual activity should be can end up doing more harm than good, even informing some people’s ideas of what sex is supposed to be. According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, only thirteen states mandate that sex education be medically accurate.
Perhaps even more worrying, a 2000 study published in the Western Journal of Medicine revealed that more than 80% of adolescents reported that a lot of their information about sex comes from television, movies, and other forms of entertainment. An additional 10% of adolescents said that they learned more about such topics as AIDS from media than they did from parents or educators.
With numbers like these in mind, we turned to a pair of experts who walked us through some of the most common movie misconceptions about sex – and how reality is so much better than fiction
Myth: Consent isn’t needed
When a couple enters a monogamous, committed relationship, the “Hollywood ending” mentality might lead one to believe that sex can now exist in a sort of consequence-free environment. With two sexually exclusive partners, the risk of disease is likely very low, if not nonexistent. And, if both partners are thinking long-term, there may not be any issues or concerns about getting pregnant. There can even be a societal element to couples electing to forego safe sex. A 2016 study published in Global Health Action showed that, among monogamous partners in southeastern Tanzania, there was a feeling that married partners who do not practice safe sex are “not really married.”
However, experts say that safe sex can be a way for couples to keep exploring and find new ways to connect and bond. “Safe sex can mean a variety of things for couples,” Hauser says, “whether it is to avoid pregnancy, lessen the risk of transmitting a sexual disease, try something new in a safe environment, or feel emotionally safe during intimacy. Be open and honest with your partner about what safe sex means to you. Experiencing safety in many forms during sexual connection is considered a powerful aphrodisiac for many individuals
Myth: Older people don’t have sex
Older couples in movies are usually portrayed as leading chaste, almost sexless lives. Sometimes their lack of intimacy is even played for laughs, with jokes flying about men’s inability to perform or women’s postmenopausal lack of desire. However, in reality, older people can be just as sexually active as younger people. A 2019 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association showed that a third of adults between the ages of 60 and 82 had more sex and even sexual thoughts than younger adults.
Hauser herself points to a Kindra/Harris Poll survey that showed that 70% of women over 50 say they still enjoy having sex. “There’s a myth that quality of sex declines and orgasms become more elusive for women as we age,” she notes. “That doesn’t have to be the case. In fact, many couples 50+ report finding a renewed interest in sexual connection, an increase in investing in sex toys and seeking professional support in experiencing more fulfilling sexual lives. There are practical things women can do to become ‘sexperts’ and reclaim their sexuality as they age to make sex more fulfilling, pleasure more abundant, and orgasms more potent — better than ever.”
Myth: Lubrication is unnecessary
Movie sex would have us believe that women are always so turned on that there is no need for any outside assistance, and the natural lubrication from her arousal is more than enough. If only it were that simple. The truth is, even if they are completely aroused, women still may need a little help with vaginal lubrication. A 2012 study published in Obstetrics and Gynecology revealed that 62% of women have used some type of lubricant during sex. This can be a particular issue as women grow older.
Hauser notes that more than half of women who are experiencing perimenopause and menopause can be affected by vaginal dryness. “This vaginal change can have a significant impact on body confidence, sexual connection and relationships,” she says. “Vulvovaginal moisturizers and lubricants make a significant difference for many women, especially those going through the hormonal shifts of menopause. Using a vaginal moisturizer helps rebuild moisture over time so you’re always ready for intimacy, and using a lubricant during sex can help increase feelings of pleasure.”
Myth: Don’t bother with foreplay
When you’re watching a movie, it’s understood that there is a need to keep the plot moving forward, so you can’t pause too long for a sex scene. But in a Hollywood tryst, we often see couples go from kissing to full-on intercourse in a matter of seconds. In reality, things should be moving at a much slower pace. Foreplay isn’t just enjoyable; it’s an important part of sexual intimacy, according to Healthline. Kissing alone releases a number of stress-reducing hormones, such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine.
“Being mentally and physically ready for and interested in sexual activity is so important — especially as we age,” says Hauser. “Foreplay allows your mind and body time to transition into receiving pleasure, to become present and to prime your body and if engaging in partnered sex, a connection with your partner without the focus of an end result. Embrace a curious mindset and give yourself permission to experiment to find what you like — solo pleasure can be so helpful here.”
Myth: Women always orgasm
Onscreen, women are almost always completely enraptured by their partner’s performance, to the point of achieving a blissful, even earth-shaking, orgasm. And, while it would be nice if vaginal intercourse were sufficient to bring all women to orgasm, it’s not always the case. In fact, a 2016 study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Pyschology revealed that, while 90% of men experience orgasm through intercourse, only 50% of women can say the same. The issue stems from the fact that most women achieve orgasm via stimulation of the clitoris. A 2015 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that nearly 37% of women required their clitorises to be stimulated in order to reach orgasm. An additional 36% said that, while they could achieve climax without it, stimulation of the clitoris improved their orgasms, making them feel better.
“While some women do reliably orgasm through intercourse, women are generally more likely to orgasm through oral sex, fingering, masturbation, and/or use of sex toys — in other words, acts that provide clitoral stimulation,” says Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for the pleasure product brand Biird. “Make sure the clit is getting attention!”
Myth: Sex in the shower is easy
Of all of the sexual myths that are better in concept than execution, sex in the shower could arguably top the list. In theory, it’s got all of the right components. It’s warm, it’s steamy, and everyone is naked by default. As such, it’s become a common love scene trope in movies, one that people try and replicate all too often at home. A 2020 survey conducted by Drench.com showed that more than half of adults have attempted to have sex in the shower. However, that poll also reveals that 32% have been disappointed by the experience, and an alarming 44% have actually been hurt during shower sex.
“If only sex in the shower — or bath or hot tub or pool — were as easy as they make it look in the movies!” Weiss says. “Unfortunately, water washes off natural lubrication, which increases friction during penetration. Not to mention, the shower is a confined and slippery place! If you are looking to have sex in the shower, manual or digital sex is probably the easiest kind. Silicone lube is the least likely to wash off, and you can also bring in a waterproof vibrator. Showering can also be great foreplay: You can kiss and feel each other up in the shower, then move to a more comfortable place like the bedroom.”
Myth: Simultaneous orgasms are easy to achieve
When movie couples achieve climax during one of their perfectly lit and artfully shot love scenes, it is usually in perfect sync, with the sequence fading to black as both couples relax in the afterglow. In reality, a simultaneous orgasm, particularly from vaginal intercourse, is a little harder to achieve. A 2018 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior showed that only 41% to 50% of women in particular were able to climax from unassisted intercourse, making a shared climax a challenging goal.
“Because most women don’t reliably orgasm through intercourse, simultaneous orgasms during intercourse are not the norm,” Weiss says. “There’s also just a low probability that both people will take the exact same amount of time to orgasm in any given encounter.” Weiss suggests a few ways to help couples increase the odds of them simultaneously orgasming. “One way to do it is to have one partner touch their own clitoris or use a vibrator during intercourse (I’m speaking mainly about heterosexual intercourse here). Both people can let each other know when they are getting close, so one person can ease up if they are approaching orgasm faster than the other. Another way to do this is to have one person touch themselves while they are pleasuring a partner with their hands or mouth. Or, two people can masturbate side by side — something we unfortunately rarely see on screen!”
Myth: Everyone performs perfectly every time
Sex scenes in movies look so great because, well, they’re movies. Everything is scripted, choreographed, and planned out, and couples have multiple takes to get it right. Clothes come off without a hitch, every movement is perfectly executed, and both partners perform like pros. If only it were that easy!
But, because so many of us have been conditioned to view sex the way we see it onscreen, the idea of falling short of that mark can be a trigger. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, up to 16% of women and 25% of men feel some form of anxiety around their performance in the bedroom.
“Sex doesn’t usually look like scripted sex scenes!” Weiss says. “Often, it involves talking, fumbling, pausing, not getting hard or wet when you want to, losing erections, not orgasming when you want to (or orgasming when you don’t want to), pets jumping on the bed, and more.” Weiss explains that the only things that can truly ruin sex are being embarrassed about it and taking it too seriously. “It’s OK for sex to be silly, messy, and unlike a Hollywood sex scene.”
In recent years, the world of kink lifestyles and subcultures has gained increasing attention.Kink is a general term that includes various expressions of unconventional or non-traditional sexual desires. This encompasses a wide array of practices, including power dynamics, intense sensations/stimuli, role-playing and more.
One such form of role-play that is often misunderstood is known as pup play. Pups are consenting adults who roleplay by dressing and acting as young canines, or pups.
We are researchers within nutrition and health research with a focus on diverse gender and sexualities. In this project called Puppy Philms, we seek to more deeply understand how meanings ascribed to bodies are socially constructed for gay, bisexual, transgender and queer men within the pup community.
For this project, we used a method called cellphilming. The term cellphilm was coined to describe films made with cell phones. We worked with pups who created cellphilms to learn more about their community, particularly how being a pup might help people navigate body-image concerns.
We recruited 17 self-identifying gay, bisexual, transgender and queer men who are pups across Canada. They attended three workshops and each of them created a cellphilm in which they talked about being a pup and how their body image is shaped in the pup community.
What is pup play?
Pups are consenting adults who roleplay by dressing and acting as young canines, or pups.
Pup play has its roots within kink communities and gay BDSM and leather subculture. Alongside the sexual component, pup play is viewed by many to be a social activity.
The pup community fosters connections and gathers at various pup events. These include pup competitions where a designated “play space” allows them to cuddle each other, wag their tails and bark.
Pups often wear pup gear like collars and pup masks or hoods. Some individuals within pup communities take on the role of pup “handlers,” which means they assume a more dominant role within pup play.
Cellphilming
Cellphilming is an art-based research method and serves as a tool for advocacy that researchers seeking to disrupt traditional roles within research can use. It enables participants to exercise their creativity and take control and ownership of their narratives, facilitating the expression of ideas that can be more challenging to convey through traditional interviews.
Research becomes an artistic and reflective process. The resulting cellphilms are pieces of art that can create a sense of solidarity among communities while changing social values about gender, sexual orientation and bodies.
The Puppy Philms Project
Gay subcultures often celebrate bodies that are more diverse and challenge dominant ideas about masculinity.
Our previous work noted that many gay men navigate body-image tensions by identifying within gay subcultures that celebrate bodies that are more diverse than the dominant thin and muscular body standards. We also found that challenging and disrupting dominant ideas about masculinity can be helpful for some men dealing with body-image concerns.
Yet no studies have looked at the relationships between body image and pup communities. With Puppy Philms, we sought to gain a deeper insights into this relationship through cellphilming.
Body image and pup play
Three findings about pup play and body image emerged from our research. First, participants discussed how the pup community can reinforce body standards for men. As one participant said, “the body expectations for pup communities are not really different from the body expectations from the cis gay man culture.”
However, many participants also felt pup communities were spaces where dominant ideas about men’s body standards and masculinity were changed, lessened or lacking altogether. As another participant noted, “body image doesn’t really matter in the pup community, and that’s sort of the point. Just be a puppy.”
Kink communities can often help people with personal development, self-expression and overcoming anxieties.
The pup headspace – a state of mindfulness relaxation — has also been associated with therapeutic benefits. Participants reflected on how the process of becoming a pup helped them change their feelings about their bodies and overcome body image concerns.
One participant noted, “…while I’ve got the [pup] mask on and I’m at the events, I don’t tend to think about it. But soon as the mask comes off then I start to think about my body-image issues again.”
Our study sheds light on the positive aspects of the pup community as a social and accepting space, where identifying as a pup represents a sign of resilience and defiance against social norms.
Unleashing queer activism
Participants felt inspired to create their cellphilms and saw them as powerful tools for activism. They aimed to inform the public about pup play and break the stigma surrounding it.
This drive for activism took various forms; some participants submitted their cellphilms to film festivals, and others travelled to the United States and Europe to showcase their cellphilms and share their experiences. In collaboration with the participants, we organized community screening events (one in Montreal and an upcoming one in Toronto), furthering the reach of their narratives.
Participants saw the potential to use their cellphilms for a greater purpose than just this research. As one participant said, “just this possibility of spreading out what we were talking about really stimulates me a lot.”
Antidepressants have long been among the most widely prescribed drugs in the U.S. Their popularity only grew at the start of the coronavirus pandemic, when many people struggled with depression and anxiety. Some surveys have found a striking rise among adolescents, particularly teenage girls.
For many people, the drugs can be lifesaving or can drastically improve their quality of life.
But many of the most popular antidepressants, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or S.S.R.I.s, come with sexual side effects. In many cases, the problems caused by the medications can be managed. Here’s what patients should know.
A wide variety of symptoms has been reported.
More than half of patients who take S.S.R.I.s report some problems having sex. They include low levels of sexual desire or arousal, erectile dysfunction, pleasureless or painful orgasms and loss of genital sensitivity.
Many people also report emotional blunting after taking S.S.R.I.s. This may make negative feelings less painful but also make positive feelings less pleasurable.
Don’t be shy about talking to a doctor.
When S.S.R.I.s went on the market in the late 1980s, patients began telling their psychiatrists that they were having sexual problems. Initially, doctors were perplexed: As far as they knew, older antidepressants had never come with these issues. But they had been wrong.
“Only in going back and looking more carefully and gathering more data did we realize that actually those serotonergic drugs, the older ones, also caused sexual dysfunction,” said Dr. Jonathan Alpert, head of the American Psychiatric Association’s research council. Doctors and patients just hadn’t been talking about it, he said.
As S.S.R.I.s boomed in popularity, and social stigmas about discussions of sex eased, researchers began documenting the problem in the scientific literature. But some patients found it easier to talk about than others did. Men were much more likely to report sexual side effects to their doctors than women were, even though women are almost twice as likely to be prescribed antidepressants.
“The charitable interpretation is that we simply have more treatments available for male patients, and so doctors are more likely to ask after things that they feel they can actually help with,” said Tierney Lorenz, a psychologist at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln who has studied antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction in women. “The significantly less charitable interpretation is that we still live in a very sexist society that doesn’t believe that women should have sexual interest.”
Doctors may first recommend waiting it out.
For some people, the sexual side effects of S.S.R.I.s will show up almost immediately after starting the medications and then resolve on their own. So doctors may suggest waiting four to six months to see whether the patient adjusts to the drugs and the most distressing sexual effects subside.
But the odds of spontaneous resolution of sexual side effects are low, happening in an estimated 10 to 20 percent of patients who report the symptoms.
Other medications, including other antidepressants, can help.
One common way to manage sexual side effects is to try another S.S.R.I. Research suggests that certaindrugs, such as Zoloft and Celexa, come with a higher likelihood of causing sexual problems. Switching drugs, however, means enduring a trial-and-error period to try to find what works.
If a patient is otherwise doing well on an S.S.R.I., a doctor may be hesitant to drastically change the drug regimen. Instead, the doctor might recommend adding an additional drug to the mix that could help counteract the sexual side effects.
For example, adding the non-S.S.R.I. antidepressant Wellbutrin, which acts on norepinephrine and dopamine in the brain, has been shown to diminish sexual symptoms in many patients, Dr. Alpert said.
For erectile dysfunction, doctors may also suggest adding phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitors like Viagra, which acts on the vascular system, he said.
‘Drug holidays’ can help. But be careful.
Another approach that should be used cautiously and under the close supervision of a physician is temporarily stopping the S.S.R.I. or lowering the dose for 24 to 48 hours before having sex.
But for many patients, this isn’t an ideal solution. Planning ahead can be annoying. And withdrawal from S.S.R.I.s can immediately cause other unpleasant symptoms, including dizziness, nausea, insomnia and anxiety. Some doctors are concerned that frequent use of drug holidays may make patients more likely to discontinue the medications altogether, which could lead to worsening mental health problems.
In rare cases, sex problems can persist after stopping the drugs.
A small but vocal group of patients is speaking out about sexual problems that have endured even after they stopped taking S.S.R.I.s. Some have reported low libido and numb genitals persisting for many years.
Though studies are scarce, the risk appears to be low. A recent study estimated that about one in 216 men who discontinued S.S.R.I.s were subsequently prescribed medications for erectile dysfunction, a rate at least three times as high as that among the general population.
But diagnosing this condition is tricky, in part because depression itself can dull sexual responses. Among unmedicated men with depression, 40 percent report a loss of sexual arousal and desire, and 20 percent struggle to reach orgasm.
I’m receiving a startling number of correspondences lately from older men and their partners, highlighting the sexual difficulties of the aging process. It’s not surprising that these people are noticing the changes in their sexual response cycle as they age, but it is astonishing that they haven’t attributed the changes to andropause.
A Little Frustrated
Dr Dick,
I’m a 54-year-old man, who three years ago managed to finally come out and live the life I so desperately longed for all my life. My question: Is there a biological clock in men like women have to deal with in menopause? During the last years of my marriage, there was no sex life—other than with myself. Now I’m living a fantastic life, with a great man whom I love very much. I know there is more to life than sex, but now that I’m finally able to express myself physically with a ma, I am unable to perform—and not for lack of trying!
I tried Viagra a few years ago. It used to work maintaining an erection, but it was just by myself, and I always had fun. But the side effects—headaches and discomfort—made me wonder, “Do I really want to take this stuff?” But now, even the meds don’t help, and as for my libido, it suffers due to my lack of ability.
I’ve been tested for testosterone levels, and they say I’m right where I should be at for my age. I’ve seen two doctors about the issue, and when they find out my partner’s sex, they don’t want to deal with it, and seem to just pass it off as an age thing. (BTW: I’m in fairly decent shape; I exercise three to four days a week at the gym.) Can you send me any advice on a path to take?
—A Little Frustrated
A little frustrated? Holy cow, darlin’, you sound a lot frustrated—and rightfully so! You finally find what’s been missing your whole life, only to discover that your plumbing is now giving out on you. Ain’t that a bitch!
And before I continue, I want to tell you and all the other alternative lifestyle people in my audience: Don’t settle for a sex-negative physician—no matter what. Find yourself a sex-positive doctor who will look beyond your choice of partner; someone who will give you the respect you deserve!
Andropause
You raise an interesting question about the aging process when you ask if men experience something similar to menopause in women. The short answer is—you betcha! In fact, it even has a name: andropause. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has started to pay attention to the impact that changing hormonal levels have on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!
All men experience a decrease in testosterone, the “male” hormone, as they age. This decline is gradual, often spanning 10 to 15 years. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.
And listen: When a physician says that your testosterone level falls within “an acceptable range,” he/she isn’t telling you much. Let’s just say you had an elevated level of testosterone all your life, ’til now. Let’s say that you now register on the lower end of “acceptable.” That would mean that you’ve had a significant loss in testosterone. But your doctor wouldn’t know that, because he/she has no baseline for your normal testosterone level.
There is no doubt that a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more elongated, too.
Andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Just know that most medical professionals resist testosterone therapy. Some mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer, even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. I encourage you to be fully informed about TRT before you approach your new sex-positive doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively—by you and your doctor.
Finally, getting the lead back in your pencil, so to speak, may simply be an issue of taking more time with arousal play. Don’t expect to go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds like you once did. Also, I suggest that you use a cock ring. But most of all, fuckin’ relax, why don’tcha already? Your anxiety is short-circuiting your wood, my friend. And only you can stop that.
Here’s Gwen, who reports on her husband’s condition:
Dr Dick, My husband and I have been married for 33 years. Our relationship is hell when it comes to sex. My husband is overweight, and he’s stressed out about his elderly parents. Sex is non-existent. He never was the instigator in our relationship. And he is the kind of guy who thinks having sex on the couch as opposed to the bedroom is adventuresome. He has become so boring. I don’t believe the man feels sex should be that important at our ages. (I’m 57 and he’s 62) I, on the other hand, am more sexually aroused and creative than ever now that I am more mature and the kids are out of the house. Menopause and all the sex on the Internet helps too. 😉 Is there anything I can do to make my man return to being a healthy sexual being once again? Thank you.
No—thank you, Gwen. Your complaint is a familiar one. So familiar, in fact, that I regularly offer therapy groups for couples in long-term relationships, like you and your old man, who have, for one reason or another, hit a wall when it comes to their sex lives.
I’m sad to say there’s not much you can do to beef up your sex life if there’s no interest on the part of your husband to do so. I mean, you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You confide that you husband is overweight and stressed; not a happy combination when it comes to his sexual response cycle, even if we don’t factor in his age. In fact, your husband sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. Perhaps if your challenged him about his general health—encourage weight loss and stress reduction—you might find that it might also reignite his sex drive. It’s worth a try.
And thank you for mentioning menopause. So many women find the changes that take place in midlife confusing and disorientating. It’s so good to hear from someone eager to explore and enjoy her sexuality post-menopause.
It’s clear that as we age, both women and men need more time and stimulation to get aroused. The slower, more sensuous foreplay that often results is a welcome change for most women and even some men. Increased focus on sensuality, intimacy, and communication can help a sexual relationship remain rewarding even well into our most senior years. If your husband is avoiding intercourse, there still many ways of expressing your love and staying connected:
Hugging, cuddling, kissing
Touching, stroking, massage, sensual baths
Mutual masturbation and oral sex
However, if your husband is more wedded to food and to stress than he is to you, and if he continues to refuse to join you in finding an appropriate outlet for your sexual frustration, then it’s up to you to make this happen on your own. Age 57 is way too soon to say goodbye to your sex life.
May I suggest joining a women’s group? Not a therapy group, but more of a support group or activities group. Getting out of the house, involving yourself with other self-actualized mature women, may uncover the secret solutions other women have put in place to find sexual satisfaction when they are without a partner or have a partner who’s no longer interested in them. I think you will be surprised by how creative your sisters can be. Make it happen, Gwen. Don’t sink to the lowest common denominator of living a sexless life.
Sex is one of the major cultural and political fault lines of our time. Legislation aimed at regulating who may participate in different arenas of society, including girls’ and women’s sports, is being passed with some regularity. These legislative efforts tend not only to conflate sex and gender but also to jumble up biological traits such as hormone levels with behavioral/performance features such as sprint speed or jump height. Disputes arise in part from confusion and disagreement over what is meant by “sex.”
Within academia, disagreements about sex recently came to a head when the American Anthropological Association (AAA), the world’s largest professional organization for anthropologists, and the Canadian Anthropology Society (CASCA) removed a panel discussion entitled “Let’s Talk about Sex Baby: Why Biological Sex Remains a Necessary Analytic Category in Anthropology” from their upcoming annual meeting. The panel was submitted for review and initially accepted in mid-July. It was then removed in late September, following concerns in the anthropological community that the panel conveyed antitransgender sentiment and decrepit ways of thinking about human variation.
Both among the general public and in academia, the core argument boils down to the question of how many sexes exist. The tricky thing is that the answer to this question differs depending on the context. One perfectly accurate response is: “To a first approximation, zero.” The vast majority of life-forms—including bacteria and archaea—do not reproduce sexually. But if the question concerned the number of animal sexes present in a given tide pool or backyard garden, the answer would need to account for organisms that switch sexes, sometimes mate with themselves or switch back and forth between sexual and asexual reproduction. When we ask, “How many sexes are there in humans?” we can confidently answer “two,” right? Many people think sex should be defined by a strict gamete binary in which a person’s sex is determined by whether their body produces or could produce eggs or sperm. But when you are out and about in the human social world, are you checking everyone’s gametes? And what of the substantial number of people who do not produce or carry gametes?
We think the ongoing discussion about sex might benefit from a fundamental change in approach by turning the question around such that we ask, “If ‘sex’ is the answer, what was the question?”
The value of this approach becomes clear when you consider the long-running debate in biology over how to define species. One definition, the biological species concept, posits that species are groups of actually or potentially interbreeding organisms capable of producing fertile offspring. It is not universally applicable because, as noted earlier, most organisms do not reproduce sexually. It does, however, provide a framework for asking questions about how sexually reproducing organisms can evolve ways to avoid mating with organisms distinct enough that their offspring’s survivability or fertility would be compromised. This framework has led to a bounty of work demonstrating that speciation in organisms living in the same area is rare and that physical separation among groups appears to be a key component of evolving reproductive barriers.
We can extend this “ask questions first” framework to concepts about sex. When it comes to sexually reproducing organisms, several classes of questions fit nicely into a binary view of sex. Others do not.
Binaries are indispensable when asking evolutionary questions about many sexually reproducing organisms. Sometimes the questions asked rely on a strict binary because that is the nature of the relevant existing data—for instance, data from historical and contemporary demographic reports. We have to appeal to a multiplicity of binaries, however, because sexual reproduction has evolved many times and in many different ways across the living world. Reproductive capacities in birds and mammals largely involve inheritance of different combinations of sex chromosomes, whereas in many reptiles, sex is determined based on environmental cues such as temperature.
Binaries start to fail us once we move into questions about how organisms live out their lives. This can be seen in the example of transgender athletes. Arguments revolving around including or excluding trans athletes often rest on notions of strict binary differences in hormone type and concentration that associate female individuals with estrogen and male ones with testosterone. This assumes testosterone is at the root of athletic performance. These hormones do not hew to a strict binary, however. Female and male people need both estrogen and testosterone to function, and they overlap in their hormone concentrations. If we are interested in how estrogen and testosterone affect athletic performance, then we need to examine these respective hormone levels and how they correlate with athletic outcomes. We cannot rely on gross average differences between the sexes as evidence for differential athletic success. Adherence to a sex binary can lead us astray in this domain of inquiry.
Further problems arise when we compare humans to other species. Some organisms are incapable of reproducing. Some that are capable may end up not reproducing. Others may alternate between reproducing asexually and sexually, and still others may switch sexes. Such organisms provide fascinating insights into the diversity of life. But when we refer to clown fish changing sex to emphasize the diversity of ways in which sexual beings move through the world, we risk losing sight of the issues of consent, autonomy, well-being and self-determination that form the bedrock of all dimensions of human health, sexual or otherwise.
As scientists who study evolutionary genetics and human physiological responses to extreme environments, we have a strong interest in understanding the varied presentations of features that we think of as being related to sex. The questions we ask about sex in our research are different from those used in a health context, such as practicing gender-affirming care through erectile dysfunction medication or pubertal hormones. Scientists like us would do well to embrace intellectual humility and listen carefully before deciding that any one definition of sex is useful for understanding the living world.
So, if “sex” is the answer, what is the question? This is not so clear, and we have no warrant to make authoritative declarations on this issue from a scientific standpoint that is uninformed by ethical, moral or social considerations. We are in good company here because sex encompasses such a range of questions that we doubt any one medical, scientific or humanistic practitioner would be able to come up with a question that encompasses all of the ways in which humans are affected by sex, however it is construed.
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