Tag: sex and relationship advice

Posted on

5 Ways to Have Healthy Sex When You Have Diabetes

— Here’s how to continue enjoying intimacy

By Mauricio González

Age and the passage of time usher in many changes. But in all my years practicing medicine, one thing remains a constant: My patients want to continue having a fulfilling and pleasurable sex life, even if they’re dealing with health problems or chronic illness. One disease that can take a heavy toll on a couple’s sex life is diabetes. Fortunately, there are ways to manage it and reignite your sex drive. Don’t despair! Here’s how you can do it.

The role of glucose in your sex life

People with diabetes are more prone to sexual dysfunction than the rest of the population, according to the American Diabetes Association (ADA). Both men and women may experience little or no sex drive due to poor management of their diabetes. But only 47 percent of men and 19 percent of women with diabetes discuss this issue with their doctors, according to a study published by Diabetes Care. Controlling blood sugar levels with medication and regularly monitoring these levels is essential to maintaining a healthy sex life.

But even if blood sugar is kept under control, men and women with diabetes may feel sexual desire but have difficulty becoming physically aroused.

And a failure to control blood sugar will eventually lead to blood vessel and nerve damage, which can prevent arousal.

How does diabetes affect your sex life?

There are many reasons why people with diabetes lose their sex drive or their ability to orgasm. Obesity, high blood pressure, sleep apnea and depression are conditions that often accompany diabetes and can compromise your libido. Some of the medications used to treat these conditions can also adversely affect your sex life. Some treatments for high blood pressure, for instance, can cause erectile dysfunction.

According to a study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, the sexual disorders of patients with type 1 diabetes are directly linked to depression and are less severe in those who accept their diabetes. These disorders also affect men more than women, and they take a greater toll on patients with blood glucose levels above 6.5 percent.

Erectile dysfunction in men with diabetes

If a man’s blood vessels don’t function properly or he has a blocked artery, his penis will not receive enough blood flow to get an erection. Men over 50 with type 2 diabetes are 11 times more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than younger men, according to a study published in the Caspian Journal of Internal Medicine.

Men with diabetes-related erectile dysfunction are also at greater risk of developing Peyronie’s disease, where a type of scar tissue known as plaque forms under the skin of the penis. This causes a curvature that can make erections painful, difficult or impossible.

Sexual problems in women with diabetes

Nerve damage in women can cause vaginal dryness, a condition that is not unique to people with diabetes but, according to the ADA, is twice as common in this population. The neurovascular system plays a necessary role in arousal and orgasm. If the small nerves aren’t working properly due to damage from poorly controlled blood sugar, a woman can have sensation problems. The clitoris needs optimal blood flow and sensation to become engorged enough to achieve orgasm.

Women with diabetes are also at greater risk of urinary tract and vaginal infections, which can make sexual intercourse painful and unpleasurable. Middle-aged women with diabetes who take insulin are 80 percent more likely to have difficulty reaching orgasm than women without diabetes, according to a study published in Obstetrics & Gynecology.

How can you maintain a healthy sex life?

Here are some practical suggestions that anyone can follow:

1. Eat right

Eating healthy can make all the difference. Non-starchy vegetables, such as broccoli and carrots, and whole grains can help stabilize your blood sugar and give you the energy you need to have sex. These foods are also rich in fiber and nourish your gut microbiome — the bacteria and other organisms that keep your gut healthy. A snack before sex will help boost your stamina and keep your blood sugar under control.

2. Exercise

Sex, like any other form of exercise, requires energy. So how can you be prepared? Activities such as weightlifting and Zumba classes can help you build stamina and have more energy in bed. I recommend at least 150 minutes of exercise per week, which can include walking, swimming or even gardening. Exercise also makes the body more sensitive to insulin, which helps it control insulin levels more efficiently.

3. Take your medications

Strictly follow your doctor’s instructions and make sure you take your medications. If you have diabetes, controlling your blood sugar starts with taking your prescriptions. Talk with your doctor if you suspect that a medication prescribed to treat other conditions may be interfering with your sex life, so that you can work together to look for alternatives. I also recommend buying a weekly pill organizer, which has been shown to help increase compliance with medical treatment.

4. Manage stress

Learning that you have diabetes can be upsetting and can affect your mental health. Learn how to calm your mind and body in stressful moments, such as during a sexual encounter. Brush away negative thoughts. Be grateful for — and focus on — enjoyable moments. Meditation can be very helpful. Research shows that meditation may strengthen the parts of the brain that help you remain calmer in stressful situations. But my favorite tool for reducing stress and anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy; check with your doctor to see if this is a good option for you.

5. Be consistent

Consistency is a bridge between dreams and reality. Follow these suggestions daily. Take it gradually at first. Don’t reach for gimmicky or drastic solutions; just stick to the basics and you’ll get results, especially over time. Remember that the key is consistency, not perfection.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Virginity

Virginity is a very touchy issue in just about every culture on the globe. Curiously enough, it’s almost always exclusively about female virginity. This sad double standard gives rise to emotional conflicts for both genders. But again, it is young women and girls who bear the brunt of it.

Let’s begin with Katelyn who’s 18 years old:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We’ve just started talking about having sex even though we both took a virginity pledge through our church. We love each other very much and plan on getting married in a couple of years. If we are practically engaged do you think having sex now would be like breaking our promise?

I’m pretty sure that the creators of all those “abstinence only” and “virginity pledge” programs out there like to think they’re keeping kids like you safe from the unforeseen consequences of sex. I’d probably have less of a problem with them if they didn’t have at their base some pretty rank scare tactics.

Scaring people away from sex is a time-honored means of controlling people.

If you have sex, you well surely get a disease!

If you have sex, you will surely get pregnant!

If you have sex, you will be breaking the commandments and you’ll go to hell!

If you have sex, you will be a slut and no one will want to marry you!

And my all-time favorite: If he gets the milk for free, why would he buy the cow?

Full-On Fucking

These sex-negative messages only frighten, intimidate and instill guilt. They certainly don’t teach people how to behave knowledgably and responsibly. And they do absolutely nothing to prepare even those who wind up honoring their pledge of abstinence for the inevitable sex life they’ll have later in life. And that to me is criminal. Young people have a natural, healthy curiosity about their bodies and the bodies of others. Stifling this natural curiosity with veiled threats and fear-mongering does very little good—and a whole lot of harm.

But before I respond to your question, I have a question for you. I hope you’re not actually thinking I might help you rationalize away your impending behavior—Oh sure honey, if you’re gonna marry the lug anyway, why not give it up now?—because I won’t go there. Have the courage to make up your own mind. If you’re old enough to be considering sex, you’re old enough to take responsibility for your actions.

If you abstain from sex out of fear or religious duress, then where’s the virtue in that? It’s just as bad as having sex because you fear losing your boyfriend. Neither option suggests to me that you are behaving knowledgeably and responsibly.

Of course, it’s always easier to decide on a course of action when one has all the information. And that’s where I can be of some assistance. I’m not gonna tell you what you oughta do, but I can offer you some timely information about human sexuality that you apparently aren’t getting from your family, church or your community.

There are many sexual alternatives to full-on fucking. And if you want to remain a virgin, at least technically speaking, you might want to explore these options.

Are you both masturbating? If not, then that’s a good place to begin. You should both be familiar with your own pleasure zones and sexual response cycle before you launch into partnered sex of any kind. I believe that the best sex is mutual sex, where the partners knowingly and without reservation gift themselves to one another. And I don’t see how that’s possible unless you are well-acquainted with the gift…your own body.

I can guarantee that your boyfriend won’t know how to pleasure you, especially if he’s still discovering the pleasures of his own body. And you’d be a very remarkable young woman if you understood the mysteries of male sexuality. So if you’re both unversed in the joys of human sexuality, why not discover them together? Mutual masturbation—as well as oral sex—will help you appreciate the particulars and uniqueness of each of your sexual response cycles. And just think how far ahead you’ll be when you guys actually decide it’s time for full-on fucking. You’ll already know how your bodies work.

Even so, the two of you should be familiar with several different means of birth control—and practicing at least two methods. This is a precaution because, in the heat of the moment, you may decide to escalate things to include vaginal penetration. And if you do, you’ll be prepared. Always have water-based lubricants on hand, even for masturbation. These lubricants work very well with latex condoms. Oil lubricants, like petroleum jelly, baby oil or cooking oil, can cause latex condoms to break. So stay away from them.

I realize that procuring all this stuff is gonna be a challenge for young folks like you. But don’t just blow them off just because they’re not readily available to you. This is a big part of being knowledgeable and responsible about your sexuality. If you’re not prepared to go the distance in terms of preparation, you’re not ready to have sex.

Young men and boys have their share of trepidation about impending partnered sex. Here’s 18-year-old Tabor.

I feel kinda silly asking a complete stranger this, but here goes. I’m a pretty normal 18 year old. I’ve had a few girlfriends over the years, nothing really serious, though. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of this one girl; she’s 20, a junior at my school. I really like her and we’re discussing taking our friendship to the next level, but there’s a problem. I’m a virgin. My girlfriend is way more experienced than me and that makes me a little nervous too. She wants me to decide when the time is right. My question is how will I know when I’m ready for sex?

I have a question for you, Tabor, and I hope it doesn’t sound flippant. When do you know it’s time to eat, or sleep? I know many of us eat even when we’re not hungry and sometimes we don’t sleep even when we’re tired. That aside, I suggest that the same bodily signals that alert you to hunger and exhaustion will let you know when it’s time for sex. You’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual. I’m not trying to be evasive; I’m trying to get you to listen to your body, because that’s how you’ll know. To be perfectly frank, that’s how all of us know it’s time for sex. We get a hankerin’ for some pleasure and we pursue that till we’re satisfied. Sometimes that’s solo sex and sometimes it’s partnered sex.

If I were to advise you further I’d want to know how much sex you’ve already had with your GF. Has there been any sex play at all? Probably some, right? Otherwise how would you know you like her well enough to consider taking things to the next level?

Penis/vagina intercourse, or as I like to call it, “fucking,” can bring more intimacy and more pleasure than other forms of sex, but it’s not the be-all end-all either. Fucking also carries far more responsibility, particularly for fertile young puppies like you and your honey.

Is it safe to assume that you are well-versed in the complexities of the human reproductive system? I hope so. Not everyone is, of course, even some otherwise smart people. If you’re not clear on the whole concept, there’s no time like the present to do a little boning up, so to speak. Being responsible about sex is as important as being sexual. And being informed about health risks and contraception is the beginning of taking responsibility for your sexual activity.

Remember what I said earlier—that you’ll want to have sex when your body says so? Well, if you take the time to prepare now, you’ll not need to interrupt the moment when your body tells you I’m ready! You should discuss birth control with your girlfriend in advance of any foolin’ around. You should have condoms and lube available. Don’t expect that you’ll have your wits about you when your dick is hard. Remember, you’re not the one who’ll get pregnant if ya’ll screw up. I’ll bet your sweetheart will be impressed with your forethought, too.

Remember, even if your girlfriend is on the pill or has a diaphragm; condoms are a must. One in every ten sexually active teens carries one or more STDs or as we call them nowadays, STIs (sexually transmitted infections). You can consider dropping the condoms only when you’re in an exclusive relationship.

Good luck!

Posted on

A Psychologist’s Guide To Dating Outside Your Age

— 3 Key Insights

It is common for people of different ages, even generations, to partner up. Science helps us understand why it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.

By Mark Travers

Age-gap relationships are by no means a new phenomenon, but they are something that modern society still struggles to make sense of—often denigrated and dismissed as a fleeting “phase.” Prejudicial terms such as “gold digger,” “cougar” and “manther” are used to describe some of the forms age-differentiated relationships can take.

At the same time, there is a growing movement demanding more respect and inclusivity of relationships that don’t fit the traditional mold, as how we imagine and define the “ideal relationship” is expanding at a rapid pace.

What can we learn from scientific research to help us understand the nuances of age-gap relationships? Here are three insights to guide your thinking.

1. Let’s Start With An Evolutionary Explanation

When it comes to any scientific conversation on sex and relationships, it is important to first consider their evolutionary function: perpetuating the species. From this standpoint, it is not surprising that men have a preference for women in their child-bearing prime.

In a 2012 paper published in Human Nature, evolutionary psychologists Sascha Schwarz and Manfred Hassebrauck write, “The ability to reproduce is not equal across the lifespan. Women cannot give birth to their own children after the onset of menopause. Unlike women, men are not directly restricted biologically in their reproductive abilities.”

It’s also not surprising that women have a preference for men who are able to invest resources into child-rearing. Schwarz and Hassebrauck state, “Women invest more in their offspring (e.g., gestation) than men. Therefore, women prefer committed, long-lasting relationships and seek partners who are able and willing to invest in them and their potential offspring.”

Putting these two facts together we can see why age-differentiated relationships, when they occur, favor a scenario where the male partner is older than the female partner. Younger women are more reproductively fit and older men have more resources to invest in their family and children.

This conclusion is borne out by research. A classic 1945 study found that men prefer partners who are about 2.5 years younger than they are while women prefer partners approximately 3.5 years older. Recent research has replicated this pattern.

2. What Is The Range Of “Acceptable” Dating Ages?

When we look beyond an individual’s “ideal” partner age and instead ask what they deem acceptable, things get more interesting. For instance, one study found that men, on average, are accepting of relationships with women up to approximately 10 years younger and 4.5 years older. Women, on the other hand, are accepting of relationships with men up to 8 years older and five years younger.

But there’s an important caveat, and it has to do with how these “acceptable” limits change as we age.

“As men grow older, they accept even younger women, but their tolerated age span regarding the oldest partner they would accept is unrelated to their own age,” state the researchers. “On the other hand, women tend to accept younger men as they grow older, but the oldest partner they will accept decreases as they age.”

According to the authors, women are less likely to enter relationships with older men as they get older because longevity favors women, not men. In Germany, for instance, the average life span for women is five years longer than it is for men.

3. How Does Relationship Happiness Factor In?

Perhaps the most important question revolves around the happiness people experience in age-gap relationships. The first and most compelling insight is that relationships of any make or model can be happy relationships under the right circumstances. However, science offers clues on the combinations that seem to work best.

One study published in the Journal of Population Economics found that both men and women seem to be happier with younger, not older, spouses. However, this happiness advantage may be short-lived.

The authors write, “Marital satisfaction declines with marital duration for both men and women in differently aged couples relative to those in similarly aged couples. These relative declines erase the initial higher levels of marital satisfaction experienced by men married to younger wives and women married to younger husbands.”

To explain this, the researchers suggest that differently aged couples may be less resilient to relationship obstacles than similarly aged couples. However, other research suggests that age-gap couples who stay together experience less jealousy and exhibit a more unselfish form of love than age-similar couples.

Conclusion

Science reveals a strong evolutionary basis for the existence of age-gap relationships. Science also suggests that these sometimes socially taboo relationships are not without their unique set of challenges. But, when done right, they can be just as fulfilling and exhilarating as any other type of relationship.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

How Alcohol Can Affect Your Sex Life

─ Time To Give It Up To Get It Up?

By Nina Smith

Alcohol has long had a close relationship with sex, from wild nights out meeting someone for the first time, to romantic evenings in with a glass of wine. But there is a boundary and alcohol can cause significant problems for a person’s sex life, particularly if their relationship with alcohol itself has become problematic.

But how exactly does alcohol affect our sex life? From relationships to performance, we run down what impact it may be having on you…

Alcohol and Sexual Performance

Although alcohol is often perceived as a social lubricant, its effects on sexual performance can be contradictory. While a small amount of alcohol may help lower inhibitions and increase confidence, excessive consumption can lead to a range of sexual problems as many studies have shown. In men, alcohol can affect erectile function, delay ejaculation, and reduce sexual desire.

For women, it can lead to decreased lubrication, diminished sensitivity, and difficulty achieving orgasm. Furthermore, chronic alcohol abuse may contribute to long-term sexual dysfunction, impacting both physical and psychological aspects of intimacy.

Relationships and Communication

Alcohol misuse can strain relationships and hinder effective communication between partners. Intoxication can lead to impaired judgment, altered perceptions, and decreased sensitivity to emotional cues, resulting in miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Alcohol-induced aggression or emotional instability may escalate conflicts, eroding trust and emotional intimacy within a relationship. Addressing these issues requires open and honest dialogue, seeking professional help when necessary, and creating a supportive environment for recovery.

The Role of Addiction

Addiction to alcohol presents a grave threat to one’s sex life and overall well-being. Alcohol addiction is a chronic disease and the presence of it intensifies the negative effects alcohol can have on sexual health.

Addiction often leads to neglect of personal relationships and increased secrecy, potentially driving a wedge between partners. Furthermore, substance abuse disorders can contribute to psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, all of which can further exacerbate sexual dysfunction.

Seeking Help and Recovery

Recognizing the impact of alcohol on one’s sex life and acknowledging that alcohol guidance and possibly seeking advice from a mental health clinic London is required in order to get it back on track, as well as your own overall health. Professional guidance and support from healthcare providers, therapists, or support groups play a vital role in addressing alcohol-related sexual issues.

Treatment options for alcohol addiction typically involve a combination of medical interventions, counseling, and behavioral therapies. These approaches aim to help individuals break free from the cycle of addiction, restore physical and mental well-being, and improve sexual health.

For those who feel they aren’t suffering from addiction but feel like the substance could be harming their sex life, it is also worth considering the following…

  • Moderate alcohol consumption ─ Limiting alcohol intake can help maintain sexual function and enjoyment. Being mindful of one’s alcohol consumption and setting boundaries can prevent a negative impact on sexual performance.
  • Open communication ─ Honest conversations with your partner about sexual concerns and the impact of alcohol can foster understanding and create an environment of support and empathy.
  • Seek professional help ─ If alcohol-related sexual problems persist or are linked to addiction, seeking professional assistance from healthcare providers or therapists can provide valuable guidance and support for both individuals and couples.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Can You Be Addicted To Love?

— Here’s What We Know

Being ‘hooked’ on love can cause unhealthy relationship patterns and obsessive thoughts

When you hear the term ”love addiction,” you may think of a storybook character who gulps down a pink, sparkly love potion and suddenly finds themselves instantly infatuated with someone.

In most cases, the spell or potion doesn’t last long, and these folktales leave us with a cautionary message: Love, in excess, can become harmful. Rather than be consumed, it’s better to strive for a healthy, balanced relationship where love is reciprocated.

In real life, we navigate love in different ways by going on dating apps, managing the odds of being ghosted or dodging love bombs. But can a passion for someone else actually become addictive? While there’s no definitive research on this topic, psychologists do point out that love — or the pursuit of it — can be the root of other issues like anxiety, depression and unhealthy relationship patterns.

In other words, if you feel like love can make you obsessive, you’re not alone. Real-life love can be complicated stuff — and it’s never as simple as waiting for the love potion to wear off.

Postdoctoral psychology fellow Gina Gerardo, PhD, talks us through “love addiction” and how you can strengthen your relationship with love.

What is love addiction?

There’s no precise definition for love addiction because it’s not an actual condition as much as it is an abstract concept. After all, you can’t really test love in a lab and see how someone reacts.

But as some research has explored, you can make note of how relationships affect our lives, both physically and mentally. A 2023 review described love addiction — sometimes called relationship addiction or obsessive love disorder — as an overwhelming and compulsive longing for love, attention and affection from others.

It can look like developing feelings toward specific people in an unhealthy or extreme way, or as constantly seeking out romantic partners.

While love addiction isn’t an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), Dr. Gerardo points out that the term can help define certain relationship problems or emotional issues you could experience.

“If someone finds that love is becoming particularly distressing or disruptive to their lives, it’s worth asking more about it and potentially treating,” she explains. That means while you might never get a diagnosis for love addiction, you can treat the associated behaviors.

In fact, love addiction may not always come across with the behaviors typically associated with addiction. It can also go hand-in-hand with a mood disorder, an obsessive-compulsive disorder or even an impulse-control disorder.

Signs and symptoms of love addiction

If you’re a fan of love songs and romance novels, you may have an idea in your head of the symptoms of love addiction: Feeling empty when the person isn’t there, having to be in touch with the person constantly, having an overwhelming physical reaction when the person is in the room.

And, according to the current research, that’s not too far off.

“One distinction from other types of addictions is that there’s a love object,” clarifies Dr. Gerardo. “As opposed to a substance that people feel is addictive or find that they are dependent on, this would be an object, whether that’s a person or something else, they start to become obsessed with.”

For example, a 2023 study examined how love addiction and unhealthy attachments between adults can lead to intense negative emotions and feelings of low self-worth.

Another study from 2010 study found similarities between extreme passion and substance dependence — from feelings of euphoria when near one’s love object to a negative mood and sleep disturbances when separated.

Symptoms of love addiction can include:

  • Obsessive thoughts. Feeling constantly preoccupied with thoughts of love and romance or the object of your affection. This becomes obsessive when it’s challenging to focus on other aspects of your life.
  • Fear of abandonment. An intense fear of being alone or abandoned, leading to clinging behavior and a constant need for reassurance. You may also experience a sort of “withdrawal” or intrusive thoughts when the significant other isn’t around.
  • Unhealthy relationship patterns. Repeating cycles of intense, short-lived relationships or staying in toxic relationships despite obvious red flags.
  • Neglecting self-care. Prioritizing the needs and desires of the partner over personal well-being and neglecting your own goals, interests and needs.
  • Emotional turmoil. Experiencing highs and lows depending on the state of the current relationship. “You may feel a euphoric feeling that is more than what is normally experienced in romantic relationships,” says Dr. Gerardo.

How love addiction impacts your well-being

When it comes to matters of the heart, it can be difficult to recognize when the love in your life is doing more harm than good.

While symptoms of love addiction can weave into other mental health disorders, they can also magnify existing problems. Some mental health issues associated with love addiction include:

Dr. Gerardo also warns of love addiction affecting your day-to-day life.

“If it’s harming your other relationships with friends and family or if it’s keeping you from other responsibilities like work, taking care of children, keeping up with bills or medical appointments, that’s a sign that there could be a problem,” she says.

How to get help

When dealing with love addiction, you might consider quitting cold turkey, swearing off love and moving to the woods alone. But just like other addictions, an obsessive need for love should be treated with care.

Plus, love is something that’s very important to make us feel fulfilled in our lives. Rather than trying to let it go completely, you can work to find a healthy balance.

Some coping strategies that Dr. Gerardo suggests include:

Open communication

As symptoms of love addiction will usually involve another person, communication is key when it comes to resolving any issues you may be having. You might realize that you’ve been avoiding communicating because of fear or anxiety — but having an open dialogue about your feelings can ultimately bring clarity to your relationship.

“This includes communication with the partner, with yourself and even with friends and family before entering a relationship,” explains Dr. Gerardo.

Specifically with a partner, it’s good to be honest with some of the complicated feelings you’ve been having. This can help you feel more open about what you’re feeling and can clue them into what you might be working through and why.

For example, maybe to deal with feelings of love addiction, you decide to spend more time alone. Communicating this change in your behavior with your partner so they know what your motivations are can help maintain a healthy bond. And if you’re having trouble putting your emotions into words, couples counseling can also be a good option.

Seek other perspectives

One common red flag of any relationship — romantic or otherwise — is if it puts blinders on you from the rest of the world. When this happens, it can be hard to notice any problems or toxic behaviors. Dr. Gerardo recommends popping this “love bubble” by seeking out people in your life to get their points of view.

“If your friends and family notice that these problems are persisting for a long period of time and are getting in the way of all your normal responsibilities and behaviors, then that would be a cue to pump the brakes and communicate your needs with your partner,” she says.

Therapy and counseling

Individual or group therapy can help address underlying issues and learn healthier relationship patterns.

If you feel like love addiction might be affecting your personal health or the health of your relationship, talking with a therapist can help you work through your concerns. A session with a couples counselor or some other kind of group therapy can also help get you and your partner to a healthier and more balanced place.

The bottom line

An addiction to love can definitely have an effect on your well-being. If you find yourself completely engrossed by someone and something to the point that it’s affecting how you eat, sleep or react to stressful situations, it might be time to assess your relationship with love. With focus, outside perspectives and counseling, there are ways to find peace with feelings of love and turn them into a more positive force in your life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Pup Play

— Kink communities can help people build connections and improve their body image


Pup play has its roots within kink communities and gay BDSM and leather subculture.

By and

In recent years, the world of kink lifestyles and subcultures has gained increasing attention. Kink is a general term that includes various expressions of unconventional or non-traditional sexual desires. This encompasses a wide array of practices, including power dynamics, intense sensations/stimuli, role-playing and more.

One such form of role-play that is often misunderstood is known as pup play. Pups are consenting adults who roleplay by dressing and acting as young canines, or pups.

We are researchers within nutrition and health research with a focus on diverse gender and sexualities. In this project called Puppy Philms, we seek to more deeply understand how meanings ascribed to bodies are socially constructed for gay, bisexual, transgender and queer men within the pup community.

For this project, we used a method called cellphilming. The term cellphilm was coined to describe films made with cell phones. We worked with pups who created cellphilms to learn more about their community, particularly how being a pup might help people navigate body-image concerns.

We recruited 17 self-identifying gay, bisexual, transgender and queer men who are pups across Canada. They attended three workshops and each of them created a cellphilm in which they talked about being a pup and how their body image is shaped in the pup community.

What is pup play?

Two men in pup hoods and gear.
Pups are consenting adults who roleplay by dressing and acting as young canines, or pups.

Pup play has its roots within kink communities and gay BDSM and leather subculture. Alongside the sexual component, pup play is viewed by many to be a social activity.

Studies have demonstrated many reasons why people might participate in kink and BDSM activities. For example, personal development, self-expression, overcoming anxiety, relaxation, and to be more socially comfortable. Kink play may also improve interpersonal relationships.

The pup community fosters connections and gathers at various pup events. These include pup competitions where a designated “play space” allows them to cuddle each other, wag their tails and bark.

Pups often wear pup gear like collars and pup masks or hoods. Some individuals within pup communities take on the role of pup “handlers,” which means they assume a more dominant role within pup play.

Cellphilming

Cellphilming is an art-based research method and serves as a tool for advocacy that researchers seeking to disrupt traditional roles within research can use. It enables participants to exercise their creativity and take control and ownership of their narratives, facilitating the expression of ideas that can be more challenging to convey through traditional interviews.

Research becomes an artistic and reflective process. The resulting cellphilms are pieces of art that can create a sense of solidarity among communities while changing social values about gender, sexual orientation and bodies.

The Puppy Philms Project

Man wearing pup hood and leather harness.
Gay subcultures often celebrate bodies that are more diverse and challenge dominant ideas about masculinity.

Our previous work noted that many gay men navigate body-image tensions by identifying within gay subcultures that celebrate bodies that are more diverse than the dominant thin and muscular body standards. We also found that challenging and disrupting dominant ideas about masculinity can be helpful for some men dealing with body-image concerns.

Yet no studies have looked at the relationships between body image and pup communities. With Puppy Philms, we sought to gain a deeper insights into this relationship through cellphilming.

Body image and pup play

Three findings about pup play and body image emerged from our research. First, participants discussed how the pup community can reinforce body standards for men. As one participant said, “the body expectations for pup communities are not really different from the body expectations from the cis gay man culture.”

However, many participants also felt pup communities were spaces where dominant ideas about men’s body standards and masculinity were changed, lessened or lacking altogether. As another participant noted, “body image doesn’t really matter in the pup community, and that’s sort of the point. Just be a puppy.”

One man on all fours in pup hood and gear.
Kink communities can often help people with personal development, self-expression and overcoming anxieties.

The pup headspace – a state of mindfulness relaxation — has also been associated with therapeutic benefits. Participants reflected on how the process of becoming a pup helped them change their feelings about their bodies and overcome body image concerns.

One participant noted, “…while I’ve got the [pup] mask on and I’m at the events, I don’t tend to think about it. But soon as the mask comes off then I start to think about my body-image issues again.”

Our study sheds light on the positive aspects of the pup community as a social and accepting space, where identifying as a pup represents a sign of resilience and defiance against social norms.

Unleashing queer activism

Participants felt inspired to create their cellphilms and saw them as powerful tools for activism. They aimed to inform the public about pup play and break the stigma surrounding it.

This drive for activism took various forms; some participants submitted their cellphilms to film festivals, and others travelled to the United States and Europe to showcase their cellphilms and share their experiences. In collaboration with the participants, we organized community screening events (one in Montreal and an upcoming one in Toronto), furthering the reach of their narratives.

Participants saw the potential to use their cellphilms for a greater purpose than just this research. As one participant said, “just this possibility of spreading out what we were talking about really stimulates me a lot.”

Artistic activists remind us that “we can ‘queer’ mass culture by making it say things it was never designed to say, and act in ways it was never meant to act.” Perhaps the participants’ cellphilms can help make our culture more open to diverse bodies, genders and sexualities.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

What to Know About the Sexual Side Effects of Antidepressants

— S.S.R.I.s, the most widely prescribed antidepressants, frequently cause sexual problems. Here’s what patients can do about it.

By Azeen Ghorayshi

Antidepressants have long been among the most widely prescribed drugs in the U.S. Their popularity only grew at the start of the coronavirus pandemic, when many people struggled with depression and anxiety. Some surveys have found a striking rise among adolescents, particularly teenage girls.

For many people, the drugs can be lifesaving or can drastically improve their quality of life.

But many of the most popular antidepressants, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or S.S.R.I.s, come with sexual side effects. In many cases, the problems caused by the medications can be managed. Here’s what patients should know.

A wide variety of symptoms has been reported.

More than half of patients who take S.S.R.I.s report some problems having sex. They include low levels of sexual desire or arousal, erectile dysfunction, pleasureless or painful orgasms and loss of genital sensitivity.

Many people also report emotional blunting after taking S.S.R.I.s. This may make negative feelings less painful but also make positive feelings less pleasurable.

Don’t be shy about talking to a doctor.

When S.S.R.I.s went on the market in the late 1980s, patients began telling their psychiatrists that they were having sexual problems. Initially, doctors were perplexed: As far as they knew, older antidepressants had never come with these issues. But they had been wrong.

“Only in going back and looking more carefully and gathering more data did we realize that actually those serotonergic drugs, the older ones, also caused sexual dysfunction,” said Dr. Jonathan Alpert, head of the American Psychiatric Association’s research council. Doctors and patients just hadn’t been talking about it, he said.

As S.S.R.I.s boomed in popularity, and social stigmas about discussions of sex eased, researchers began documenting the problem in the scientific literature. But some patients found it easier to talk about than others did. Men were much more likely to report sexual side effects to their doctors than women were, even though women are almost twice as likely to be prescribed antidepressants.

“The charitable interpretation is that we simply have more treatments available for male patients, and so doctors are more likely to ask after things that they feel they can actually help with,” said Tierney Lorenz, a psychologist at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln who has studied antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction in women. “The significantly less charitable interpretation is that we still live in a very sexist society that doesn’t believe that women should have sexual interest.”

Doctors may first recommend waiting it out.

For some people, the sexual side effects of S.S.R.I.s will show up almost immediately after starting the medications and then resolve on their own. So doctors may suggest waiting four to six months to see whether the patient adjusts to the drugs and the most distressing sexual effects subside.

But the odds of spontaneous resolution of sexual side effects are low, happening in an estimated 10 to 20 percent of patients who report the symptoms.

Other medications, including other antidepressants, can help.

One common way to manage sexual side effects is to try another S.S.R.I. Research suggests that certain drugs, such as Zoloft and Celexa, come with a higher likelihood of causing sexual problems. Switching drugs, however, means enduring a trial-and-error period to try to find what works.

If a patient is otherwise doing well on an S.S.R.I., a doctor may be hesitant to drastically change the drug regimen. Instead, the doctor might recommend adding an additional drug to the mix that could help counteract the sexual side effects.

For example, adding the non-S.S.R.I. antidepressant Wellbutrin, which acts on norepinephrine and dopamine in the brain, has been shown to diminish sexual symptoms in many patients, Dr. Alpert said.

For erectile dysfunction, doctors may also suggest adding phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitors like Viagra, which acts on the vascular system, he said.

‘Drug holidays’ can help. But be careful.

Another approach that should be used cautiously and under the close supervision of a physician is temporarily stopping the S.S.R.I. or lowering the dose for 24 to 48 hours before having sex.

But for many patients, this isn’t an ideal solution. Planning ahead can be annoying. And withdrawal from S.S.R.I.s can immediately cause other unpleasant symptoms, including dizziness, nausea, insomnia and anxiety. Some doctors are concerned that frequent use of drug holidays may make patients more likely to discontinue the medications altogether, which could lead to worsening mental health problems.

In rare cases, sex problems can persist after stopping the drugs.

A small but vocal group of patients is speaking out about sexual problems that have endured even after they stopped taking S.S.R.I.s. Some have reported low libido and numb genitals persisting for many years.

Though studies are scarce, the risk appears to be low. A recent study estimated that about one in 216 men who discontinued S.S.R.I.s were subsequently prescribed medications for erectile dysfunction, a rate at least three times as high as that among the general population.

But diagnosing this condition is tricky, in part because depression itself can dull sexual responses. Among unmedicated men with depression, 40 percent report a loss of sexual arousal and desire, and 20 percent struggle to reach orgasm.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Sex and the Aging Male

I’m receiving a startling number of correspondences lately from older men and their partners, highlighting the sexual difficulties of the aging process. It’s not surprising that these people are noticing the changes in their sexual response cycle as they age, but it is astonishing that they haven’t attributed the changes to andropause.

A Little Frustrated

Dr Dick,
I’m a 54-year-old man, who three years ago managed to finally come out and live the life I so desperately longed for all my life. My question: Is there a biological clock in men like women have to deal with in menopause? During the last years of my marriage, there was no sex life—other than with myself. Now I’m living a fantastic life, with a great man whom I love very much. I know there is more to life than sex, but now that I’m finally able to express myself physically with a ma, I am unable to perform—and not for lack of trying!

I tried Viagra a few years ago. It used to work maintaining an erection, but it was just by myself, and I always had fun. But the side effects—headaches and discomfort—made me wonder, “Do I really want to take this stuff?” But now, even the meds don’t help, and as for my libido, it suffers due to my lack of ability.

I’ve been tested for testosterone levels, and they say I’m right where I should be at for my age. I’ve seen two doctors about the issue, and when they find out my partner’s sex, they don’t want to deal with it, and seem to just pass it off as an age thing. (BTW: I’m in fairly decent shape; I exercise three to four days a week at the gym.) Can you send me any advice on a path to take?
—A Little Frustrated

A little frustrated? Holy cow, darlin’, you sound a lot frustrated—and rightfully so! You finally find what’s been missing your whole life, only to discover that your plumbing is now giving out on you. Ain’t that a bitch!

And before I continue, I want to tell you and all the other alternative lifestyle people in my audience: Don’t settle for a sex-negative physician—no matter what. Find yourself a sex-positive doctor who will look beyond your choice of partner; someone who will give you the respect you deserve!

Andropause

You raise an interesting question about the aging process when you ask if men experience something similar to menopause in women. The short answer is—you betcha! In fact, it even has a name: andropause. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has started to pay attention to the impact that changing hormonal levels have on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!

All men experience a decrease in testosterone, the “male” hormone, as they age. This decline is gradual, often spanning 10 to 15 years. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

And listen: When a physician says that your testosterone level falls within “an acceptable range,” he/she isn’t telling you much. Let’s just say you had an elevated level of testosterone all your life, ’til now. Let’s say that you now register on the lower end of “acceptable.” That would mean that you’ve had a significant loss in testosterone. But your doctor wouldn’t know that, because he/she has no baseline for your normal testosterone level.

There is no doubt that a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more elongated, too.

Andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Just know that most medical professionals resist testosterone therapy. Some mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer, even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. I encourage you to be fully informed about TRT before you approach your new sex-positive doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively—by you and your doctor.

Finally, getting the lead back in your pencil, so to speak, may simply be an issue of taking more time with arousal play. Don’t expect to go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds like you once did. Also, I suggest that you use a cock ring. But most of all, fuckin’ relax, why don’tcha already? Your anxiety is short-circuiting your wood, my friend. And only you can stop that.

Here’s Gwen, who reports on her husband’s condition:

Dr Dick, My husband and I have been married for 33 years. Our relationship is hell when it comes to sex. My husband is overweight, and he’s stressed out about his elderly parents. Sex is non-existent. He never was the instigator in our relationship. And he is the kind of guy who thinks having sex on the couch as opposed to the bedroom is adventuresome. He has become so boring. I don’t believe the man feels sex should be that important at our ages. (I’m 57 and he’s 62) I, on the other hand, am more sexually aroused and creative than ever now that I am more mature and the kids are out of the house. Menopause and all the sex on the Internet helps too. 😉 Is there anything I can do to make my man return to being a healthy sexual being once again? Thank you.

No—thank you, Gwen. Your complaint is a familiar one. So familiar, in fact, that I regularly offer therapy groups for couples in long-term relationships, like you and your old man, who have, for one reason or another, hit a wall when it comes to their sex lives.

I’m sad to say there’s not much you can do to beef up your sex life if there’s no interest on the part of your husband to do so. I mean, you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You confide that you husband is overweight and stressed; not a happy combination when it comes to his sexual response cycle, even if we don’t factor in his age. In fact, your husband sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. Perhaps if your challenged him about his general health—encourage weight loss and stress reduction—you might find that it might also reignite his sex drive. It’s worth a try.

And thank you for mentioning menopause. So many women find the changes that take place in midlife confusing and disorientating. It’s so good to hear from someone eager to explore and enjoy her sexuality post-menopause.

It’s clear that as we age, both women and men need more time and stimulation to get aroused. The slower, more sensuous foreplay that often results is a welcome change for most women and even some men. Increased focus on sensuality, intimacy, and communication can help a sexual relationship remain rewarding even well into our most senior years. If your husband is avoiding intercourse, there still many ways of expressing your love and staying connected:

Hugging, cuddling, kissing
Touching, stroking, massage, sensual baths
Mutual masturbation and oral sex

However, if your husband is more wedded to food and to stress than he is to you, and if he continues to refuse to join you in finding an appropriate outlet for your sexual frustration, then it’s up to you to make this happen on your own. Age 57 is way too soon to say goodbye to your sex life.

May I suggest joining a women’s group? Not a therapy group, but more of a support group or activities group. Getting out of the house, involving yourself with other self-actualized mature women, may uncover the secret solutions other women have put in place to find sexual satisfaction when they are without a partner or have a partner who’s no longer interested in them. I think you will be surprised by how creative your sisters can be. Make it happen, Gwen. Don’t sink to the lowest common denominator of living a sexless life.

Good luck!

Posted on

How It Feels To Go On A First Date After A Long-Term Relationship

By Rachel Barker

It’s easy to feel guilty throwing yourself back into the dating scene after a long-term relationship.

We’ve covered that before for both men and women, break-ups can be a source of trauma. Our ability to recover from a break-up depends on how we engage with the negative feelings associated with losing our other half.

Diving into hobbies, finding rebounds, focusing on a career, etc. These can be helpful in the short term to immediately forget about the feeling of loss. Maybe to protect ourselves we make it a mission to find someone else to replace them first. That way we get to win the break-up (spoilers, there is no “winning” the break up). Whatever gets us there, actively dating will eventually end up back on the cards for most people.

How does it feel to get back into the dating game?

I can only speak from my own experience, and for me, I felt guilty. I didn’t understand at the time why I ended my first relationship, all I knew was that at that time, I needed space.

This is true for a lot of people, as psychologist Guy Winch noted in his viral TED Talk, break-ups can shape our perception of events. We can be given the perfect, most truthful answer for why we fall out of love with someone, or why they stopped loving us, but our brains will continue to try and rationalise it.

I did a lot of the classic stuff you would do after a break-up. Dove into work and study, had plenty of bad sex, had a Radiohead phase, you name it.

A huge challenge I had getting back into dating was truthfully, respecting myself. I found out my ex at the time had started dating a few short months after we broke-up. I felt angry, jealous, ashamed. All those feelings of the break-up just resurfaced irrationally.

Re-opening Tinder, I felt an immense amount of pressure to cater to other people’s needs, be available for them 24/7, and be very unproblematic. I was the Jimmy Fallon of a Tinder date.

In retrospect, thanks to having such little self-worth, I obviously wasn’t at the right stage to get back into dating.

This sentiment is echoed by Pricilla Martinez, a life coach, who told Refinery29: “If you’re choosing to start dating again after a long break, make sure you’re doing it because you feel ready. If you’re trying to fill the void left by a previous relationship, chances are you’re going to bring the accompanying baggage along with you”.

Does dating someone new help you get over your ex?

It’s a common rom-com trope to suggest a recently broken-hearted person to just “get back out there”, although it’s heavily contended if this actually helps soothe heartbreak.

While a fling can re-spark our lives if we’re down in the dumps, the truth is, our past relationships will also shape how we date in the future. If we haven’t spent time working on ourselves, considering our needs, how we can communicate them, working on setting boundaries and respecting our partners, then odds are we might get caught in a cycle.

Moraya Seeger DeGeare, licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice, author of Refinery29’s Can We Talk column, and in-house expert at Paired, says it’s important to have other routines and hobbies just for yourself to keep you grounded. “Understand your self-worth and know you’re a whole human being,” DeGeare explains. “This person isn’t making you whole, this person is enhancing things in your life.”

What is the minimum time you need to wait before dating someone?

No matter when you decide to get back into dating after a break-up, odds are, everyone is going to have an opinion on it. It’s unavoidable, and the only thing you can do is make sure that it’s the right time that you need.

Of course, dating someone within a few weeks of ending a long-term relationship is going to have a lot of people giving you the side-eye, and if your ex hears about it, it will likely hurt them.

You also don’t want to be the person on a date who won’t stop comparing their ex to the new person.

In their book, Chamin Ajjan, a sex and relationship therapist and author of “Seeking Soulmate: Ditch the Dating Game and Find Real Connection” said that dating with the goal of finding a new partner when you have unresolved feelings is selfish. She explains that, “if you are not over your ex and you are dating someone new, comparison is inevitable. The person you are now dating is in a losing battle, because it’s common to idealise your ex instead of looking at him or her realistically.”

Julie Spira, dating expert and digital matchmaker, told the Washington Post that dating others to “rebuild self-esteem” is only a short-term solution for one party. “The new relationship can end up as a temporary high, or ‘love drug’ to help you heal, but unless you’re 100 per cent available, you will get stuck in that comparison game.”

In short, there is no minimum amount of time. Your responsibility to your ex ends once your relationship does. However, you do have a responsibility to future partners to be open and honest about your intentions with them.

Will dating again be hard?

Absolutely.

Being single can be a blessing in disguise, and offers you plenty of opportunity to get to know yourself.

There will be a lot of trial and error. You’ll fall in love with the idea of someone, you’ll have your heart broken, and you’ll make an idiot of yourself, telling your friends about this new perfect person, only for them to turn out to be a dud in a few weeks. But each experience will be important, and no life experience will be empty.

You’ll learn more about your needs, your wants and what works for you only through learning what doesn’t. You’ll grow bolder, more confident and in time, slowly come to rationalise and accept that break-up that might still be haunting you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Scheduling sex can help partners struggling to get intimate.

— If that’s stifling, try setting erotic time zones instead.

By Serafina Kenny

  • Some people don’t want to have sex as much as, or at the same times as, their partner.
  • Sexologist Shamyra Howard said “erotic time zones” have helped her clients.
  • Erotic time zones are times in the day when you’re more likely to initiate or say yes to sex.

Couples therapists often recommend partners schedule sex when they’re struggling to get it on, but sexologist Shamrya Howard said setting “erotic time zones” can be less restrictive and keep a bit of spontaneity alive.

An erotic time zone is a period of time when you are most likely to feel desire or want sex, according to Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and AASECT-certified sex therapist. They can be useful when partners don’t want sex at the same time, whether that’s because of work schedules or hormone cycles.

For example, if one person wants to have sex at 5pm, their partner might reject them if they tend to be more ready for sex at 11pm — so, telling each other when you are most likely to say yes to sex can help both parties know when’s a good time to initiate.

Plus, Howard said, knowing when your partner’s ETZ is gives you both a chance to flirt with each other “to keep each other warm, until it’s time to heat each other all the way up.” The more you flirt, the more aroused you’ll be, which makes sex better — especially if you have a clitoris, Howard said, because it increases blood flow to the genitals, making orgasm more likely.

Howard told Insider the best ways to establish erotic time zones, and how they can help to lubricate things in the bedroom.

Erotic time zones can help couples experiencing a ‘desire discrepancy’

A “desire discrepancy” is where partners seem to want different amounts of sex or at different times, meaning they have less sex than one or both of them wants, Howard said.

Problems can worsen when one partner tries to initiate sex but gets turned down, leading to feelings of rejection, which could make them less likely to try in future.

By increasing the likelihood of sex, Howard said, erotic time zones can help initiating partners feel less rejected, because they know when they’re more likely to get an enthusiastic yes.

The best way to set up an erotic time zone is to just talk about it

“Most couples don’t talk about sex enough,” Howard said, so she encourages clients to “use their mouths” (not in that way — just yet).

“Everyone has a different sexual recipe for their relationships — certain things that turn you on, the things you do in bed, ways you like to have sex together,” she said. She encourages her clients to talk about this “recipe” as often as possible, and to include an erotic time zone in that chat.

She said the best way to maintain an erotic time zone is to talk as often as you can, because the times you will want to have sex will change, often based on things going on in your life, your mood and stress levels, and your health.

For example, if your ETZ is normally 9 a.m. but you know you have early meetings at work one week, you might tell your partner that it’s best to back off before breakfast for a while.

An erotic time zone doesn’t mean automatic consent

Of course, Howard said, just because someone has indicated that they are more likely to want sex during their erotic time zone, it doesn’t mean that they will always want sex at that time, so initiators still need to look for enthusiastic consent even during an ETZ.

“An ETZ does not mean you are obligated to have sex or that you should expect sex. It is just a way to manage a desire discrepancy in your relationship, not to automatically guarantee sex at a certain time.

“You still need to ask your partner if they are in the right space for sex, and what type of sex too,” she said. Couples might have multiple different erotic time zones for when they are more likely to want to practice kinks, as well as an ETZ for more vanilla sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Want To Spice Up Your Sex Life?

— Here’s How

By Krati Mehra

Long-term relationships are a beautiful part of our lives, but with the reliability and trust that comes with such intimacy, so too comes predictability. Like any aspect of a relationship, the sexual side of our relationships change with time, and what was once hot and heavy can be reduced almost to a habit or another chore to tick off the list.

As much as we need the security of steady love, we also like to feel attractive—like we’re still alluring enough to excite our partner, even after many years of companionship. More importantly, a healthy and fulfilling sex life is integral to the emotional and physical bonding between partners.

When the sexual aspect of a romantic relationship hits a slump, spicing things up in (or outside) the bedroom can help rekindle that old flame.

Why it’s important to prioritize a fulfilling sex life

Prioritizing a fulfilling sex life is not simply about caring for different relationship aspects; Satisfying sex establishes a synchronicity between two individuals. It guards the shared trust and understanding, ensuring the longevity and resilience of the romantic bond.

Results of a study1 published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin indicate that the shared moments of passion, even ones limited to cuddling, kissing, and caressing, create deep feelings of love and affection.

“A healthy and fulfilling sex life helps create a deep emotional connection, nurtures intimacy, and builds a unique bond that is both private and profound,” explains psychology expert and life coach Bayu Prihandito, adding, “Couples who maintain a satisfying sexual relationship exhibit better communication, reduced stress, and a heightened sense of overall well-being.”

Research2 also shows that healthy sexual relationshipd create a safe emotional boundary for sharing desires, preferences, and concerns, leading to open and honest communication—another pillar critical for healthy relationships.

“Pleasure and orgasms release oxytocin, the ‘love’ hormone, which not only bonds us to our partner but also reduces stress,” notes sex and relationship therapist, Leigh Norén. This biochemical process creates a positive feedback loop, enhancing trust in the relationship.

A satisfying sex life can also create a fertile ground for healthy conflict resolution, cementing and safeguarding the shared understanding and trust between the two people.

And, as confirmed by several studies 3, a satisfying sex life also enhances the health and wellbeing of both people. “Regular sexual activity can positively affect physical health, from improved heart health to reduced pain sensitivity,” psychiatrist and professor Ryan Sultan M.D. tells mindbodygreen.

How to tell it’s time to spice things up

Despite the impact that gratifying sex has on both individual wellbeing and the health of a romantic relationship, sometimes even the most loving relationships can fall into a sexual rut.

“It’s when sex becomes a routine rather than an exploration, a task rather than a joy,” remarks Prihandito. And this can happen for a number of reasons—lack of privacy, work or life stress, health issues, or a temporary shift in priorities—but a sexual rut can become an indicator of more significant problems when there is an underlying emotional disconnect or unaddressed conflict between partners.

“Sexual issues become red flags when accompanied by emotional withdrawal, lack of communication, or unresolved conflicts. Sex is often a mirror of the health of the relationship. If the reflection reveals disconnection or discontent, it’s a clear sign of deeper underlying issues that need your attention,” says Prihandito.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Veronica Cisneros LMFT, if a couple has always struggled with physical intimacy, or if there are resentment and unresolved conflicts negatively impacting the emotional connection, the bedroom problems may be symptoms of a more significant issue.

“A good way to determine this is if one or both partners are guilty of using criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling in times of conflict. These are what the Gottman’s call the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they’re Gottman’s predictors of divorce,” she adds.

However, if the relationship is generally healthy, with both partners feeling emotionally connected, it may simply be time to revitalize their intimate moments.

Signs of a sexual rut

A sexual rut happens in most long-term relationships where comfort and familiarity can dull the sexual spark. Signs that it may be time to spice things up:

  • Complete absence of any and all sexual exchange between the partners
  • An increasing disinterest in sexual intimacy from both parties and lengthening intervals between sexual encounters
  • Post-sex, there is a sense of dissatisfaction, whether sexual, emotional, or physical
  • There is a lack of spontaneity. Like any other regularly scheduled chore, it happens on the same day of the week, at the same time, and in the same place, most probably the bedroom
  • Even as you get intimate, there is an emotional distance with little to no eye contact, shared laughter, tender attentiveness, and no lingering post-coital
  • The intimate experiences lack novelty. It’s the same position every time. The progression and pace are uninspired, leading to an encounter that feels almost scripted
  • You’re not fully present during intimacy, with your thoughts straying towards daily chores or future plans
  • You are having erotic fantasies about someone other than your partner
  • A decline in relationship satisfaction accompanied by a noticeable emotional distance
  • Sex happens not out of an active desire, but as an obligation or to keep up the facade of normalcy
  • Frequent reminiscing over past sexual encounters and longing to repeat the experience
  • No open, exciting discussions around sexual desires, fantasies, and needs
  • You feel unattractive and wonder if your partner is still invested in the relationship

How to spice up your sex life

Let’s dive into some creative solutions to spicing up your sex life. To some extent, each method requires stepping away from your comfort zone. However, the strategies are also respectful and suitable for a loving relationship.

1. Open and honest sexual communication

A 2019 study4 from The Journal of Sex Research shares that communication about sexual matters is vital to cultivating and maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic. Often, sexual issues happen because the couple is reluctant to openly express their sexual needs.

Sexual communication involves sharing sexual preferences and boundaries, desired sexual activities, and past sexual experiences. When partners are convinced they can safely talk about sex and related experiences, good or bad, with each other, it positively impacts sexual and relationship satisfaction.

“Make time to talk openly and honestly about your sexual desires, needs, and fantasies. Pay attention to any insecurities or fears you have about communicating. This open dialogue is crucial for understanding what you and your partner need to feel fulfilled in the bedroom,” Cisneros advises.

And as sex and relationship coach, and professor of sexual and relational communication Tara Suwinyattichaiporn Ph.D., notes, sexual communication can also help when age begins to interfere with performance. “Talking openly about desires and when they change can create a better understanding of each other’s sexuality,” she says.

2. Explore different positions

“Just like you add various spices to keep your meals exciting, you need to do the same for your sex life,” says Cisneros. Forget about missionary, experiment with different sexual positions—it will break the monotony and help you escape the sexual rut.

Certain positions can allow for deeper penetration, clitoral and prostate stimulation, and G-spot engagement, leading to heightened pleasure during sex. The more challenging positions will allow you to explore your partner’s body as if for the first time. This heightened physical awareness may also lead to renewed feelings of closeness and intimacy.

As you plan new positions to try, the vibe between you will shift. It will have an element of anticipation, excitement, and playfulness. It will go from routine to thrilling

3. Dive into the world of BDSM

To really shake things up and add new, intriguing layers to your relationship, try BDSM. Contrary to popular belief, research shows that those who enjoy BDSM are socially well-adjusted. BDSM also has a positive impact on relationship satisfaction.

It is an exciting way for partners to explore their limits and boundaries, venture into new sensual territories, and experience a level of physical and psychological stimulation that’s very different from what you get from traditional sexual activities.

Due to its nature, to indulge in BDSM, couples have to trust each other and communicate actively. There is an intentional vulnerability to BDSM, deepening the emotional connection between the partners. As you explore new fantasies, scenarios, and avenues of sexual expression, the romantic bond between the two people comes alive with excitement and a pulsing anticipation that can completely reinvigorate the relationship.

4. Try a new location

You can switch things up by having sex in a location other than the bedroom. For your next intimate encounter, consider booking a hotel room. You could also have sex in your car or in different places in your house.

For an added thrill, you can try sex in a public place. As long as you’re safe and not at any risk of getting arrested, the element of danger can make things very exciting.

5. Restart your relationship

Act as if you are once again courting your partner. Rekindle the sexual spark by returning to a time in your relationship when each day was about some new, exciting discovery. There was flirting, teasing, and the thrill of anticipation.

“At the beginning of a relationship, we passionately and intensely pursue our partners to attract them,” couples therapist Kimberlin Shepard, LMSW tells mindbodygreen. “If you once wore lingerie all the time, dig it back out! Plan date nights. Get all dolled up, go out to drinks, dinner, or a movie, and then come home and have steamy, hot sex,” she adds.

Engage in playful banter and give lavish compliments. Remind your partner that to you, there is no one more attractive. Rebuild comfort by showing physical affection and indulging in non-sexual touch.

6. Watch erotic movies together

“Taking inspiration from pornography or erotica can be a great way to spice things up,” says Norén. As you sit through an erotic movie, you will feel yourselves getting aroused, and as the film progresses, the sexual tension will escalate. When you turn off the TV, the tension will be released in an explosive, passionate, and fiery union.

7. Use sex toys

Studies indicate that using vibrators can enhance sexual satisfaction for both partners. For men, vibrators can also boost sexual performance, while for women, they make it easier to orgasm.

There are a variety of other sex toys available on the market that can enhance sexual experiences. The toys can be part of BDSM practices or role-playing scenarios. Apart from fun and excitement, planning the use of sex toys also leads to more focused sexual communication.

8.Try a sensual massage

Sensual massage can be a powerful tool to reconnect with your partner physically and, once again, explore their body with intent and focus. The stroking touch not only soothes but also stimulates.

Soft music in the background, sweet-smelling incense, dim lighting, and no interruptions can combine to create a sanctuary free from all stress and distraction, and suddenly, your world narrows to your partner and the pleasure you can share. As you massage your partner, it reminds you of how much you’ve always enjoyed caring for them, and you will be mentally relieving fond memories.

9. Play sex-related games

Bring fun back to your relationship through games focused on sex.

As you try to reestablish your sexual connection, begin with moments of friendship and shared laughter. It will remove all the stress and maybe even inhibitions if you’re playing strip poker or sexual truth and dare. You can also try couple’s cards, board, and dice games easily available on the market.

“Create small challenges or dares for each other to make it exciting. Ask your partner to identify things you are currently doing that drive them crazy in the bedroom. Ask them what feels good and what they want more of,” Cisneros advises.

10. Wear lingerie

A visual and tactical stimulant, lingerie can reignite passion in a relationship. It creates anticipation as it teases and tantalizes your partner.

Wearing lingerie can make you feel confident and alluring, making it easier to be bold and not only ask for what you want sexually but also deliver on your partner’s expectations. It is more than just a piece of clothing; It’s symbolic of your commitment to making things better and an invitation to a deeper sexual connection.

11. Practice spiritual sex

A way to completely step away from your usual practice is by combining sex with spirituality. It will enhance emotional and sexual closeness and elevate your connection to something sacred that demands respect and careful nourishment.

You can practice spiritual sex by cleansing the sexual environment. Begin by removing all clutter so energy flows freely, light incense to create positivity, use light colors for the bedding and, if possible, also for the walls and the decor. Let the natural elements, like sunlight and fresh air, enter the space.

Initiate intimacy by anointing each other’s bodies with oil. Make sacred vows and renew your commitment to each other. Indulge in mindful lovemaking with steady eye contact. Move at a slow, gentle pace. Touch each other with reverence. Together, these steps will add more emotional depth to the sexual exchange, forging an emotional bond that goes beyond the physical act of love.

12. Merge creativity and adventure with sex

Infuse elements of spontaneity, adventure, and novelty in your sexual moments.

Engaging in activities that raise adrenaline levels, like bungee jumping, roller coaster rides, or even workout challenges, can mimic the physiological arousal of sexual excitement, and when you experience them together, they increase the sexual attraction between a couple. Sex that follows such events is usually more heated and exciting.

Similarly, you can break the mold of predictability and routine through creative activities like sex paintings and by drawing temporary tattoos on each other’s bodies.

13. Try the sexual thrill of role-play

We all have characters we love and wish to emulate, which can be the key to adding some adventure and excitement to your sex life. As part of role play, we can assume a persona that either excites us or our partner, create exciting scenarios, and meet up with our significant other as if for the first time. When you shed your actual identity, you also leave behind your inhibitions and the stress that is so much a part of your daily life. Pretending to be someone else creates a sense of safety, allowing you to enact fantasies you’ve never shared with your partner.

This form of imaginative engagement helps partners see each other in a new light, discovering aspects of one another’s character that adds new dimensions to their sexual attraction. The thrill of being someone else adds to the sexual tension, making intimacy more charged and exhilarating.

14. Experiment with temperature play

Temperature play is an erotic practice that uses heat or cold to stimulate the body. It is a form of sensory play that introduces a variety of new physical sensations to sex. You can use heated oils, ice cubes, and massage candles. Specially designed toys are also available; these toys can be chilled or heated.

Switching from cold to hot can surprise the partner and stimulate nerves, increasing sensitivity. Such sexual play requires mutual trust, communication, and an open mind. These create a sense of shared adventure and exploration by leading the couple away from their comfort zones.

15. Combine food and sex

As part of foreplay, enhance the sensory experience by using edible items. Your items’ different tastes, textures, and aromas can stimulate the senses and add a layer of excitement and freshness to a sexual experience.

During the act, you can feed each other and experiment with temperature using chilled fruits or warm chocolate. You can also use edible underwear or paint. Such erotic practices encourage partners to be fully present as they engage with their partners and create some exciting new memories.

16. Create a sexual wish list

Create a list of sexual things, fantasies, kinks and experiences you want to explore. It can be anything from trying a new position, location, or toy to something more adventurous like role-playing, temperature play, or joining a nude retreat. The act of discussing and creating the list can be pretty arousing. It will improve communication and shift each partner’s perception of their relationship and each other. It will also introduce new and exciting possibilities for their future together.

On a more practical level, a sexual bucket list can serve as a roadmap that will create momentum and keep you going on this journey to a better sex life.

17. Try sensory deprivation

In sensory deprivation sex, by restricting one or more senses, you amplify the pleasure received from the senses that remain active. For instance, if you blindfold your partner and deprive them of visual stimulation, they’ll fully tune into their environment and what they can feel happening to and around their body. Every touch will be unexpected, heightening the thrill and anticipation. They will feel each whisper, kiss, lick, and stroke more intensely. While they’re blindfolded, you can also use objects like oils, feathers, or toys like vibrators to stimulate your partner. It will keep them on tenterhooks, trying to guess what will follow.

“It’s a journey of rediscovery, where vulnerability meets creativity, and intimacy is reimagined,” says Prihandito.

Through sensory deprivation, you can ensure your partner’s attention remains centered on you. Use tools like blindfolds, headphones, and restraints to limit your partner’s sight, sound, or movement, adding excitement to the encounter and fostering a deeper trust between partners.

18. Indulge in extended foreplay

Foreplay involves exploring your partner, expressing your desire for them, and building sexual tension, all adding more nuance to intimate moments. It is all about affectionate exchanges, sharing desires and fantasies, making out, and going only so far and no more. It prepares the body and mind and sets an emotional stage for a deeper sexual connection. This lazy exploration helps in understanding what excites and pleases each partner.

“Remember, not all forms of physical intimacy lead to sex, but they can create an atmosphere of sensuality. Cuddle, hold hands and exchange massages. This physical closeness can create a natural segue into sexual intimacy,” Cisneros tells mindbodygreen.

Extended foreplay can go on for days, whipping the partners into a sexual frenzy. It can include sexting, teasing with seductive lingerie, ‘accidental’ touches that are anything but, raunchy messages, and dirty talk. The couple can also indulge in erotic games. This prolonged phase of intimate interaction makes partners more receptive and responsive during the act. It allows you to savor each moment and revel in the undercurrent of attraction and arousal.

19. Establish a deeper emotional connection

“Strengthening emotional intimacy can enhance the connection in the bedroom,” says Sultan.

Repair your sexual relationship by rekindling your emotional bond. Make yourself vulnerable. Allow your partner to see into your heart by openly and honestly sharing your feelings, hopes, and dreams for their future as a couple. Invite them to speak their mind and share their feelings. Listen attentively and with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to draw them out.

Show them appreciation for the love and laughter they have brought into your life. “Regularly expressing gratitude can create a positive emotional environment, which can be incredibly freeing sexually,” shares Cisneros.

You can even revisit your old haunts and recreate moments of emotional significance to your partner. Emotional closeness will allow for a more relaxed and intimate exploration of each other’s bodies and desires, leading to a more satisfying and adventurous sex life.

20. Work with a professional

If none of the strategies proves helpful or seems to not be to your taste or violate any of your boundaries, it is best to work with a sex therapist, counselor, or coach. It is especially helpful if your partner resists attempts to improve the relationship.

Besides providing tools, techniques, and guidance to repair your sexual connection, an experienced professional can help you identify if the sexual rut is pointing to a more profound relationship issue.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Alcohol Might Be Ruining Your Orgasm

— How much and how often you drink can affect your ability to climax during sexual activity.

By Catherine Pearson

Emma Schmidt, a clinical sexologist in Cincinnati, has lost track of the number of clients she’s seen for low libido and problems orgasming after they’ve first visited a doctor who advised them to “Just relax and have a glass of wine.”

That type of suggestion is not just dismissive, Dr. Schmidt said, but it highlights the gaps in our collective understanding about the interplay between alcohol and sex.

After years of contradictory findings, recent research has made it clear that even moderate drinking poses risks to your overall health. But the question of how alcohol affects sexual health — specifically, orgasms — can be a bit fuzzier.

“Society has long depicted alcohol as a crucial ingredient for romantic encounters,” said Catalina Lawsin, a clinical psychologist who specializes in sexuality. She added that people often mix sex and alcohol because it relaxes them and offers a sense of escapism — and because of a widely held belief that alcohol “elevates sexual prowess and pleasure.”

But the reality, she said, is much more complex.

What happens when you mix alcohol and sex?

“Essentially, there’s no research,” said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine whose work focuses on sexual dysfunction in women.

The data that does exist — much of it from rat studies or small, qualitative investigations — suggests a pattern: Small amounts of alcohol seem to enhance arousal and decrease sexual inhibitions, Dr. Streicher said, but large amounts can suppress arousal and delay or prevent orgasm.

To understand why, it helps to look at the specific processes happening in your brain when you drink.

Alcohol releases dopamine, said Dr. Regina Krel, an assistant professor of neurology with Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine, who described it as “the feel good neurotransmitter.” Researchers believe it helps control desire.

At the same time, alcohol enhances the effects of gamma-aminobutyric acid, or GABA, a chemical messenger that inhibits impulses between nerve cells, essentially slowing the brain down and making a person feel more relaxed.

“It does make you think, ‘Oh, I feel hornier!’” because it lowers inhibitions, said Laurie Mintz, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Florida who focuses on human sexuality. “But the irony is that, in fact, it’s a central nervous system depressant.”

That means that alcohol has a dampening effect throughout the brain, Dr. Krel said, including in the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for things like weighing consequences), the cerebellum (which controls coordination) and the autonomic nervous system (which regulates functions like heart rate and breathing).

Alcohol can hinder the brain’s ability to process sexual stimuli and coordinate muscle contractions, which are central to the orgasmic response, Dr. Lawsin added. “While it may contribute to relaxation and inhibition reduction initially, excessive consumption can interfere with the intricate processes that lead to the intense pleasure and satisfaction of orgasm.”

How much you drink matters.

The experts said that moderate drinking before having sex is usually OK. However, they also stressed that knowing whether alcohol will help lead to orgasm by reducing stress and inhibitions, or get in the way of orgasm by suppressing basic functions, has a lot to do with how often you drink and how much you drink on any given occasion.

Moderate drinking is usually defined in the United States as no more than two drinks a day for men or one drink a day for women. But the way alcohol affects you is determined by a host of factors, including genes, body size and composition, and your history with drinking.

Chronic, heavy use of alcohol has been linked to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation in men, Dr. Mintz said. Research has also connected alcohol consumption to sexual dysfunction (persistent problems with sexual response, desire and orgasm) in women.

“There isn’t a magic number of drinks that applies to everyone,” Dr. Lawsin said, adding that excessive alcohol use can hamper the connection between partners, as well as impair decision making and the ability to consent to sex.

How to find help with orgasm issues.

If you are experiencing anorgasmia (which is delayed or infrequent orgasms, or no orgasms at all), your first step should be to reach out to a primary care physician or sex therapist who can help determine the root cause or causes and connect you to the right type of specialist or treatment, Dr. Schmidt said.

There could be one or a number of underlying issues affecting your ability to orgasm, including certain health conditions or medications, relationship problems and trauma, as well as your alcohol consumption.

Many primary care doctors, and even some gynecologists and urologists, do not have a specific background in sex medicine, so it can help to ask if they do, she said, and if they have any experience working with patients with anorgasmia.

If alcohol seems to be hampering your orgasms, ask yourself how and why you use alcohol around sex, Dr. Schmidt said, noting that mental health professionals and sex therapists can be a valuable resource.

Do you often or always drink beforehand?

“If someone is using alcohol as a way to be able to have sex,” she said, “or if they feel scared, ashamed or vulnerable having sex without alcohol, then we might want to explore more.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

What Is a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Relationship in Non-Monogamy?

— And can it actually work?

By Gigi Engle

One of the most interesting things about consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is its fluidity. These relationship structures are co-created by partners in order to establish a situation that works for them and their needs, which means that each CNM partnership functions in its own unique ways.

While CNM’s key tenants tend to emphasize openness, communication, and honesty, what this looks like for any given consensually non-monogamous partnership will vary. And for some couples in open relationships, that means not wanting to know anything about what their partners do (sexually/romantically) with other people. Like, at all.

Enter: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Not to be confused with the hugely controversial US military policy that discriminated against the LGBTQ community until its 2011 repeal, a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) policy in consensual non-monogamy refers to the way partners communicate—or, rather, don’t communicate—about sexual or romantic experiences outside of their relationship.

DADT “is different from other non-monogamous agreements in that it prioritizes a lack of transparency between partners, which goes against the openness and honesty that is typically encouraged in non-monogamy,” says polyamory educator and sex positive advocate Leanne Yau, founder of Poly Philia. This means that partners agree to have sex with and/or date people outside of their relationship, but they don’t disclose those experiences to each other.

The question is: Can these arrangements work for people? And if so, how?

Let’s take a deep dive into what a DADT relationship really is, how it works, and any potential issues that can come up as a result of having an agreement like this—because, spoiler alert, such issues are, uh, not not a possibility.

What is DADT and how does it work?

As we’ve established, DADT means you’re allowed to have sex with people outside of your relationship, but you don’t talk about it with your primary partner. “[It is] a principle used by CNM people so that they can experience freedom from the typical monogamous expectation of sexual exclusivity, but without needing to make clear agreements or practices of transparency,” explains Joli Hamilton, PhD, CSE, a qualitative researcher who focuses on non-monogamy.

Cosmo’s ‘Navigating Non-Monogamy’ columnist Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and sex expert for Fun Factory, says it’s important to understand that this is *not* the same as cheating. While DADT does mean not telling your partners about the sex you have with other people, everyone is consenting to the arrangement. “Before you and your partner ever sleep with someone else, you have a sit-down conversation where you make it clear that it is acceptable to sleep with other people under certain circumstances,” Zane says. “And when you do sleep with other people, you do not tell your partner.”

For a DADT arrangement to work, all people involved need to be on board. This means that not only do the primary partners agree to it, but their outside partners also need to be aware of and consent to the DADT agreement. Informed consent is the only way to have ethical non-monogamous dynamics.

Can Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policies really function in a healthy way?

Basically, these agreements can work for some people…if they’re willing to communicate. This may seem paradoxical given that the whole idea of DADT is that you don’t share details with your partner. But in order for a DADT policy to actually work, clear negotiation is crucial. Hamilton says that without communication, the seemingly simple rule of “just don’t tell me anything” can get confusing pretty quickly.

The level at which non-disclosure functions will depend on your relationship boundaries. “A person might ask their partner that they don’t even tell them the basics, such as when they’re going on a date with another person—after all, ignorance can be bliss,” says Yau. “At the extreme end of DADT, a person might just want to pretend that they and their partner are monoamorous, and that there are no other people involved.”

Zane says that these arrangements tend to work best when sex outside the relationship is done sparingly, if one or both partners travels frequently, or if partners are long-distance. “Often, DADTs have a rule that you can only have sex when out of the state,” he explains. “This works well when one partner travels a lot for work. Additionally, the other partner won’t ever ‘run into’ the person their spouse slept with out of state, which can cause drama.”

What are the downsides of DADT arrangements?

Hate to break it to you, but these policies can certainly become problematic. This is especially true if the agreement requires lying about where you were or who you were with in order to avoid disclosing details of outside relationships.

“I think if you find yourself in a situation where you have to lie to your partner about what (and who) you did consistently, this will lead to problems,” Zane says. “Additionally, a partner can start to second guess their spouse’s whereabouts, which can make you become obsessive, resentful, and anxious.”

Basically, it comes down to how your agreement functions in your particular partnership. Surprise: DADT tends to cause issues if you’re using it to avoid the work of dealing with your feelings. “Non-monogamy requires significant emotional work, and avoiding that doesn’t solve the issue,” Yau says.

Hamilton agrees, saying that the lack of communication that is usually present with a DADT can leave couples feeling like they’re walking on eggshells, always unclear of the rules or if they might be breaking them. This can lead to some pretty precarious situations that can be very hard to overcome.

It’s all about intentions, right? If you have a DADT because you simply aren’t interested in knowing about your partner’s other sexual and/or romantic relationships, that’s one thing, but if you have a DADT to avoid difficult feelings, that could be a potential pitfall.

“There is a distinction between partners who don’t want to have that much information about each other’s partners because they simply aren’t interested to know, and partners who are doing it because they want to pretend that it isn’t happening and want to bury their heads in the sand,” Yau says.

If you and your partner want a DADT agreement, here are 3 ways to make it work

Have a crystal clear agreement

Relationship therapist Rea Pearson, a sex-positive BACP-accredited counselor and clinical sexologist, says that couples should literally sit down and write their agreement out. This gives everyone a chance to think through the details and set boundaries. “The agreement would include all the major rules and boundaries that are important to them, but can be reviewed and amended as time goes on. It might include areas such as whether sex is protected or not, and how often partners test for STIs,” she says. It may also include how often partners can see other people, how much time is allotted for other partners, and certain spaces that are off-limits, such as the shared home.

Consider *why* you want this

It’s important to spend some time honestly thinking about your intentions for wanting an agreement like this. Be willing to self-reflect. Hamilton says that she doesn’t encourage clients to enter into DADT agreements because it impacts their ability to grow together.

“If what you want is to be able to pretend that your partner isn’t who they are, I’d encourage you to consider what that will feel like in a year or five,” she says. “If you’re in a short-term situation, then consider if this is how you want to practice relating, because if you get used to making clear, explicit agreements with partners it becomes easier and easier,” she says. “If you practice DADT, you don’t give yourself that opportunity.” Essentially, a DADT can work in a short-term framework, but it rarely has legs to stand the test of time.

Be willing to renegotiate

Lastly, it’s important to understand that just because you have a DADT policy in your relationship doesn’t mean it will always work for you (and, in fact, they rarely do). CNM dynamics deserve to be interrogated. Couples should come back to the table regularly to revisit agreements that are in place and determine if they’re still working for everyone involved. Pearson suggests having a weekly check in. “By checking in regularly, [partners] are far more likely to recognize a problem early on and be able to tackle it before it escalates,” she says.

Being open and willing to change or alter dynamics allows consensually non-monogamous relationships to continue to exist in harmony. While a DADT agreement can work, endeavoring to move to a place of more openness and honesty is likely the best course of action if you want your relationship to, well, stay a relationship.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Why Sexual Health Matters

— An Essential Aspect of Overall Well-Being

By

Regarding our overall well-being, it is crucial not to overlook sexual health. While physical and mental health often take the spotlight, we must not underestimate the importance of sexual health in maintaining a fully functional life. It impacts our physical well-being and plays a significant role in emotional stability. Therefore, prioritizing this aspect of our well-being is essential. In this blog post, we will delve into how good sexual health contributes to a healthier lifestyle.

1. Contributes to Longevity

Good sexual health can remarkably contribute to longevity. Regular sexual activity has been linked to an extended lifespan, promoting physical health in many ways. It works as a form of exercise, burning calories, and strengthening muscles, and it can also boost the immune system, helping the body fend off illness and disease.

Furthermore, it stimulates the release of endorphins and other hormones with myriad health benefits, such as reducing stress, improving sleep, and enhancing heart health. The doctors at Atlanta Men’s Clinic usually recommend regular sexual activity for their patients, which can significantly contribute to a longer and healthier life. Testosterone therapy, a treatment for low testosterone levels, is also known to improve sexual health and overall well-being.

2. Enhances Emotional Connection

Sexual activity can foster a deep emotional connection, especially with an intimate partner. During sex, our bodies release oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of bonding and trust. This strengthens the bond between partners and helps improve overall mental well-being.

Moreover, regular sexual activity can boost self-esteem and confidence, leading to a more positive outlook. For individuals struggling with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, incorporating good sexual health practices can significantly impact their emotional well-being. It allows for a safe and intimate space to connect with another person, which can be incredibly therapeutic.

3. Prevents Sexual Dysfunction

Maintaining good sexual health plays a pivotal role in preventing sexual dysfunction. This is an umbrella term for conditions that prevent an individual from enjoying or participating in sexual activity. These conditions include erectile dysfunction, low libido, premature ejaculation among men, arousal disorders, orgasmic disorders, and sexual pain disorders among women.

Regular sexual activity can increase blood flow to the genitals, which can help prevent or alleviate erectile dysfunction. Moreover, maintaining a healthy lifestyle – incorporating exercise, balanced nutrition, adequate sleep, and reduced stress levels – can notably improve sexual performance and prevent dysfunction. Regular check-ups with medical professionals can also help identify and treat underlying issues.

4. Promotes Communication and Consent

Good sexual health practices also involve open and honest communication with sexual partners. Conversations about boundaries, desires, and consent can create a safe space for both individuals to express themselves freely. This not only leads to a more fulfilling sex life but also promotes healthy relationships.

Furthermore, being aware of one’s sexual health and practicing safe sex is crucial in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Regular STI screenings, protection, and vaccination can significantly reduce the risk of contracting or spreading infections.

5. Promotes Heart Health

Sexual activity serves as a form of exercise that promotes heart health. During sexual activity, the heart rate rises, increasing blood circulation throughout the body, including the heart itself, thereby strengthening the cardiovascular system. It also helps lower blood pressure, a key factor in heart disease prevention.

In addition, engaging in sexual activity releases hormones like oxytocin and endorphins, which can effectively alleviate stress and anxiety, thereby promoting heart health. Given that stress and anxiety are recognized as risk factors for heart disease, reducing these factors can significantly lower the likelihood of developing cardiac problems. Therefore, incorporating regular sexual activity into a well-rounded lifestyle can play a vital role in maintaining a healthy heart.

6. Improves Sleep Quality

Sexual activity has been linked to improved sleep quality due to the release of certain hormones. Post orgasm, the body releases prolactin, a hormone that contributes to feelings of relaxation and sleepiness. Moreover, the previously mentioned oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone,’ fosters emotional bonding and promotes better sleep.

This is because oxytocin counteracts the effects of cortisol, the stress hormone, thus helping the body to relax and enabling more restful sleep. Additionally, the physical exertion associated with sexual activity can contribute to better sleep, as it can help tire the body out, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. Therefore, regular sexual activity can benefit good sleep hygiene, contributing to more restful and rejuvenating sleep.

Sexual health should not be overlooked when it comes to maintaining overall well-being. Incorporating good sexual health practices into our daily lives can improve physical, emotional, and relational well-being. Whether it is through regular sexual activity, communication, and consent with partners, or prioritizing medical check-ups, taking care of our sexual health can have a positive impact on our overall health and longevity. So, let us not underestimate the importance of sexual health and make it a priority in our self-care routines.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

3 Ways To Master The Psychology Of Enhanced Sexual Pleasure

By Mark Travers

Sexual satisfaction refers to the level of contentment, pleasure and fulfillment experienced during a sexual encounter. It is a complex and individual experience, influenced by a variety of emotional and psychological factors that extend beyond the physical act itself.

It is essential to recognize that sexual satisfaction is an ever-evolving aspect of the human experience and can be developed, nurtured and enhanced over time. Optimal sexual experiences are closely linked to relationship satisfaction and individual well-being. This has prompted researchers to examine the psychological qualities and practices that could potentially augment them.

Here are three ways to improve sexual satisfaction, according to research.

1. The Sensual Improves The Sexual

A 2020 study highlights the role of sensuality, which involves a heightened awareness of the five senses of touch, taste, sight, smell and hearing, in intensifying sexual satisfaction.

Other research suggests that “sexual mindfulness,” the practice of being fully engaged in the present moment during a sexual experience, can enhance pleasure, communication and emotional connection with a partner.

According to researcher Chelom Leavitt, sexual mindfulness involves slowing down and taking time to savor the sensations you and your partner are experiencing, instead of rushing the process and focusing solely on the end goal of an orgasm. For instance, focusing on your partner’s voice, their scent, the texture of their skin or how it feels to be held by them can help you become more fully immersed in the process.

Additionally, a 2021 study found that experiencing a “flow state” during sex results in greater sexual satisfaction for both partners. The flow state, often referred to as “being in the zone,” is a mental state of optimal performance and complete absorption in a meaningful activity.

Partners may be able to achieve flow by discussing ways to make their environment free of distractions. Flow also occurs when individuals have a clear understanding of the goal of an activity (which would be connection and presence during a sexual experience) and receive encouraging feedback through it, which could be facilitated through positive communication about how each partner is feeling in the process.

2. Let Curiosity Drive Sexual Experimentation

Curiosity and the power of imagination have also been linked to heightened sexual satisfaction, specifically for individuals with secure attachment styles. Researchers suggest that getting curious about sexual responses, needs, preferences and fantasies that you and your partner have can enhance your sexual experiences together.

Curiosity leads to experiencing greater intimacy. By asking questions and opening up to each other about sexual desires, partners can indulge their shared or individual erotic fantasies, experiencing both emotional acceptance and physical safety, which creates a more empowering and satisfying sexual experience.

According to a 2015 study, using your imagination even outside of the bedroom, such as simply daydreaming about your partner, contributes to feelings of love and connection, which can heighten sexual intimacy.

3. Come As You Are

A 2018 study published in Sex and Marital Therapy found that displaying authenticity, vulnerability and trust in a relationship has the power to transform sexual intimacy.

Researchers suggest that establishing trust involves partners being reliable, respectful and communicating openly about sexual preferences, boundaries, concerns and desires without facing judgment from either end.

Further, vulnerability lies in shedding pretenses and choosing to show one’s true self with a partner. Often, sex becomes an insincere performance, where we may be adhering to societal expectations of how to look and behave, which takes away from being authentically present and connected with oneself and one’s partner.

A 2019 study found that the perceived pressure to be perfect is linked to decreased sexual satisfaction. Breaking down mental barriers around sex then involves unlearning internal messages such as sexual desire as being shameful or solely functional and remembering that our needs matter too. This allows for authentic enjoyment and communication, where individuals can learn what their partners need and also allow themselves to receive love and pleasure.

Acceptance of one’s own body, desires and a positive self-image also contribute to a sense of confidence and comfort during intimate moments. Encouraging a partner’s positive self-perception further enhances the overall sexual experience. An emotionally supportive connection becomes the stepping stone to greater satisfaction in all facets of a relationship.

Conclusion

Sexual satisfaction is not just a physical experience, but an emotional one. Learning to cultivate mindfulness and emotional intimacy through curiosity, vulnerability and authenticity can help individuals let go of societal expectations and focus on enjoyment and genuine connection.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!