Tag: Orgasm

Posted on

Is there a difference between orgasm and climax?

Climax and orgasm are both parts of sexual activity. While many people use the words interchangeably, some believe they have different definitions. By these definitions, an orgasm is the buildup of pleasure just before a climax, while a climax is the peak of the orgasm, when the sexual pleasure is the most intense.

by Anna Smith

Most scientific researchers consider orgasm and climax to be the same thing. However, some people consider them to have two different definitions.

This article will look into the possible differences between climax and orgasm and tips on achieving orgasm.

Some people consider climax to be the feeling of intense pleasure a person feels at the peak of an orgasm. Other individuals consider climax and orgasm to be the same thing.

During climax, a person’s pelvic floor muscles contract repeatedly. Some people can climax multiple times during sexual activity, while others may climax once or not at all.

It can be typical for a person not to climax. However, they can speak with a healthcare professional if they have concerns about this.

There are various ways someone can achieve climax, such as through:

  • vaginal sex
  • oral sex
  • anal sex
  • masturbation
  • stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the nipples

However, everyone is different, and things that cause one person to climax may not work for another.

Certain people believe that an orgasm is the buildup of pleasure that occurs before a climax. Others consider orgasm to refer to the entire experience of sexual buildup and climax.

It is possible for a person to extend the time that they experience orgasm. This is known as edging. Some people believe that edging can lead to a more intense climax.

The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) describes edging in the following steps:

  1. A person reaches the brink of achieving climax.
  2. They then reduce stimulation, meaning they do not reach climax.
  3. The individual then brings themselves back to the edge of climax.
  4. They may then allow themselves to climax or reduce stimulation again.

This cycle may repeat multiple times.

Going by their separate definitions, an individual can achieve orgasm without climax.

Research from 2016 notes that, during sex, over 90% of menTrusted Source achieve climax. Additionally, around 50% of women climax during sex.

A person may find that they experience orgasm during sexual activity, but they do not reach climax. This can be enough for some people but frustrating for others.

If a person has concerns about being unable to climax, they can consult a healthcare professional.

According to the advocacy group Planned Parenthood, when a person climaxes, they may feel a wave of pleasure that starts in their genitals and travels through their body. Some people may experience climax more intensely than others.

When someone climaxes, their heart rate and breathing levels increase.

During climax, people may experience vaginal spasms and contractions of the uterus. This can accompany vaginal secretions. And while female ejaculation can also occur, this is typical, and the fluid is not urine.

Typically, the penis ejaculates. However, it is possible to climax without ejaculating, which is known as dry ejaculation.

The ISSM notes that dry ejaculation is usually nothing to worry about. If a person has climaxed several times in one day, it is possible for them to run out of sperm. Dry ejaculation can also occur due to certain drugs or surgery.

If a person has concerns about dry ejaculation, they can discuss this with a healthcare professional.

Following climax, a person may feel sleepy, happy, or relaxed. An individual’s clitoris or glans, the head of the penis, may be sensitive right after climaxing. Flushing of the chest, neck, and face can also occur.

In the buildup to a climax, a person may experience feelings of increasing pleasure. This feeling may build gradually or occur suddenly.

When someone starts to orgasm, they may feel a buildup of tension. They may also feel their toes curl or their hands clench.

As a person orgasms, they may achieve climax or experience a dip in pleasure levels. If this occurs, they may require a change in stimulation. This can involve increasing speed, slowing down, or changing positions.

It is possible for a person to orgasm and climax together. They may feel an intense wave of pleasure following the buildup of an orgasm. This wave is the climax of the orgasm.

A climax is usually more intense and pleasurable than an orgasm. However, this can depend on certain factors, such as:

  • how aroused a person is
  • how long it has been since they last climaxed
  • how much lubrication there is
  • their connection to other people involved
  • the type of sexual position
  • the type of sexual activity
  • whether they continue stimulation until the completion of the climax

After climaxing, a person may find that their genitals are too sensitive to continue sexual activity. However, some people can continue after climaxing and possibly achieve multiple climaxes.

Information from the ISSM suggests that around 15% of women can have multiple climaxes.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

An Overview of Male Anorgasmia

By Jerry Kennard

Male anorgasmia is the persistent inability of a man to have an orgasm, even after sexual stimulation. Anorgasmia, or Coughlan’s syndrome, affects both men and women, but it’s more common in women.

Male anorgasmia can be distressing to those who experience it, especially since it often occurs with delayed ejaculation. This is when an orgasm is possible, but it’s difficult and takes longer to achieve.

It’s estimated that about 8% of men have delayed or absent orgasm.1 It’s less common among younger men and increases with age.

The condition should not be confused with erectile dysfunction (the inability to achieve an erection) or low libido (lack of sexual desire). However, these conditions may co-exist.

There are multiple causes of male anorgasmia. They include:

  • Physiological problems present at birth
  • Side effects from surgery
  • Medications
  • Psychological issues

A treatment plan can be created once the cause has been identified. Then a man should be able to regain normal and satisfying sexual function.

This article will explain the types and causes of male anorgasmia. It will also address diagnosis and treatment as well as how to cope with this condition.

Physiology of the Male Orgasm

The male orgasm is a complex process. It is the third of four distinct phases in the sexual response cycle: Desire (libido), arousal (excitement), orgasm, and resolution.

Male orgasm results from sexual activity and arousal. It involves multiple hormones, organs, and nerve pathways.

Testosterone, a hormone produced in the testicles, plays a central role in this process by enhancing sexual desire that leads to arousal, erection, and ultimately, orgasm.

Also involved are contractions of the muscles of the penis, anus, and perineum. This space is located between the anus and scrotum. Ultimately, these contractions propel semen from the body.

During orgasm, the reward center of the brain floods with neurochemicals. These chemicals are responsible for the intense emotional response associated with an orgasm.

A man may be unable to achieve a normal orgasm when physical or emotional issues affect any of these parts of the process.

Types

Men can experience one of two types of anorgasmia:

  • Primary anorgasmia, when a person has never been able to have an orgasm
  • Secondary, or situational, anorgasmia, when orgasm can be reached only under specific conditions, such as during oral sex or masturbation

Causes

The potential causes of male anorgasmia can be divided into two categories: physiological and psychological:

Physiological

  • Conditions such as multiple sclerosis, neuropathy (nerve damage) caused by diabetes, and uncontrolled hypertension (high blood pressure)
  • Hypogonadism (low testosterone levels) and endocrine disorders that affect hormonal balance
  • Complications from prostate surgery (prostatectomy) or radiation to treat prostate cancer
  • Cauda equina syndrome, a rare condition in which exposed nerve fibers at the bottom of the spinal cord become irritated
  • Congenital absence of the bulbocavernosus sphincter to contract during ejaculation
  • Substance abuse (especially heroin use)
  • Prescription side effects with certain medications, such as antipsychotics, opiates, and antidepressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac (fluoxetine)

A study of about 2,000 men evaluated for the sexual effects of antidepressants found that the inability to achieve orgasm was seven times more common in those who took SSRIs.

Psychological

  • General mental health issues such as anxiety, stress, depression, relationship difficulties, and hostility
  • Sexual performance anxiety (the most common psychological cause of anorgasmia), which can affect men of any age and can be intensified by erectile dysfunction
  • Negative attitudes about sex tied to a repressive religious upbringing or family/parental issues
  • Early sexual abuse and trauma
  • Certain phobias, such as haphephobia (fear of being touched) and genophobia (generalized fear of sexual intercourse)
  • Grief, including that brought on by the loss of a partner

Diagnosis

To treat male anorgasmia, it must be diagnosed accurately. If you’re dealing with this problem, a visit to your primary care healthcare provider can get the process started.

Your healthcare provider will do a thorough physical exam and review your medical history. This may include an evaluation of all medications you take or have taken in the past.

It’s possible that your anorgasmia started about the same time you began taking a new medication.

This initial evaluation will steer the next move: either more tests or a referral to a specialist. This could be a urologist for a physical cause or a mental health professional for a psychological issue. You could get a referral to both.

Tests commonly used to help diagnose the cause of male anorgasmia include:

  • Blood tests to measure levels of hormones such as testosterone, thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH), and prolactin, a hormone that affects testosterone levels
  • Biothesiometry to measure whether there’s a loss of sensation in the penis
  • Penile sympathetic skin response to test the function of nerves supplying the penis
  • Sacral reflex arc testing, another way to evaluate the function of the nerves that supply the genital area

Treatment

  • Testosterone replacement therapy such as Tlando (testosterone undecanoate) or a dopamine-promoting drug, like Dostinex (cabergoline), may restore a man’s ability to orgasm
  • Therapy and/or medication for depression, anxiety, or other mood disorders that contribute to male anorgasmia
  • Psychotherapy to overcome sexual performance anxiety or past sexual and non-sexual trauma
  • Couples counseling, which may help resolve relationship issues
  • Sex therapy to treat certain sexual issues
  • Instruction in digital prostate massage to help stimulate what some people consider to be the male G-spot

    • Sometimes, changing the dosage of a prescription is all that’s necessary to return sexual function to normal. It’s a simple “cure” that serves as a reminder about why it doesn’t pay to postpone a trip to the doctor.

    What About Viagra?

    Medications such as Viagra (sildenafil) and Cialis (tadalafil) increase blood flow to the penis. They treat erectile dysfunction but will not enhance libido or make it easier for a man to reach orgasm.

    Coping

    Male anorgasmia, like any type of sexual dysfunction, can take a big toll on a man’s physical, psychological, and emotional life. It may have similar effects on his partner.

    The most important step is to seek a medical diagnosis. It does no good to allow fear or embarrassment to prevent you from confronting the issue.

    Usually, there is hope. But an effective treatment may not be possible if you:

    • Have had a radical prostatectomy (a surgical procedure on the prostate)
    • Have suffered severe pelvic trauma
    • Have multiple sclerosis

    In this case, the best solution may be to focus on enhancing sexual pleasure and intimacy without orgasm. A psychologist or sex therapist can help you embrace a healthy sexual lifestyle in ways you may not have considered.

    Summary

    There are two types of male anorgasmia and two primary causes: physiological and psychological. Diagnosis is straightforward, and many treatment options exist.

    Coping with the condition can be difficult for the man as well as his partner. But taking a proactive stance and seeing a physician as soon as possible can help both people resume their sexual activities with confidence.

    A Word from Verywell

    Male anorgasmia can be frustrating and embarrassing for a man at any age or stage of life. There are many possible reasons why a man does not reach orgasm. However, once the cause is clear, effective treatment options abound. They can restore sexual function to normal.

    Frequently Asked Questions

    • What is male anorgasmia?
      It is the medical term used to describe the inability to reach orgasm despite sexual stimulation.2
    • How common is male anorgasmia?
      Anorgasmia is thought to affect around 8% of people with penises. The risk increases with age.1
    • What is situational anorgasmia?
      Situational anorgasmia is the inability to achieve orgasm in specific sexual situations, such as during oral sex.
    • What are medical causes of male anorgasmia?
    • There are many physiological explanations for male anorgasmia. The most common are:

      • Low testosterone (often age-related)
      • Uncontrolled high blood pressure
      • Prostate surgery or radiation
      • Alcohol or substance abuse
      • Cauda equina syndrome, a rare spinal cord condition
      • Neurologic disorders like diabetic neuropathy
    • Can medications cause male anorgasmia?
      Yes. Among the most common causes of male anorgasmia are antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). These include Celexa (citalopram), Lexapro (escitalopram), Paxil (paroxetine), Prozac (fluoxetine), and Zoloft (sertraline).
    • Are there psychological causes of anorgasmia?
      Yes. Sexual trauma, performance anxiety, depression, and other psychological issues may cause anorgasmia.
    • How do you diagnose male anorgasmia?
      To help pinpoint the cause, healthcare providers often take a blood test to detect any hormonal or metabolic abnormalities, conduct in-office tests to evaluate penile skin sensitivity and erectile function, and possibly make a referral to a mental health professional.

      Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    What is an orgasm?

    Everything you need to know about orgasms

    by James McIntosh

    Many people regard the orgasm as the peak of sexual excitement. It is a powerful feeling of physical pleasure and sensation. There is still more for researchers to know about the orgasm, and over the past century, theories about the orgasm and its nature have shifted.

    This article explains what an orgasm is in people of different sexes. It also looks at why orgasms occur and explains some common misconceptions.

    According to the American Psychological Association, an orgasm is when a person reaches peak pleasure. The body releases tension, and the perineal muscles, anal sphincter, and reproductive organs rhythmically contract.

    Males will usually ejaculate when reaching an orgasm and females will experience vaginal wall contractions. Females may also ejaculate during sexual activity or when experiencing an orgasm.

    Orgasm models

    Sex researchers have defined orgasms within staged models of sexual response. Although the orgasm process can differ greatly between individuals, several basic physiological changes tend to occur in most incidences.

    The following models are patterns that occur in all forms of sexual response and do not solely relate to penile-vaginal intercourse.

    Master and Johnson’s 4-phase model

    In 1966, researchers named William Masters and Virginia Johnson came up with a four-phase model:

    1. excitement
    2. plateau
    3. orgasm
    4. resolution

    Kaplan’s 3-stage model

    Kaplan’s model differs from most other sexual response models by including desire — most models tend to avoid including nongenital changes. It is also important to note that desire does not precede all sexual activity. The three stages in this model are:

    1. desire
    2. excitement
    3. orgasm

    During an orgasm, people may experience an intense feeling of pleasure in the genitals and throughout the body. Orgasms can feel different for each individual.

    After an orgasm, the face, neck, or chest may flush. People may also feel sleepy, relaxed, or happy afterwards due to a release of endorphins.

    For females

    For females, the muscles in the vagina and anus may contract roughly once per second, for around five to eiht times. Heart and breathing rates may increase.

    Before and during an orgasm, the vagina may become wet, and it may even ejaculate this fluid. Research suggests the percentage of females who ejaculate can range from 10–70%.

    Directly after an orgasm, the clitoris may feel more sensitive or uncomfortable to touch.

    For males

    For males, the muscles in the penis and anus may contract around once every second, between five to eight times. Heart and breathing rates may increase.

    The penis may release around 1–2 tablespoons of semen. People may not ejaculate during an orgasm, but both usually occur simultaneously.

    Directly after an orgasm, the head of the penis may feel more sensitive or uncomfortable to touch.

    Orgasms can help people to sleep better. Research from 2019Trusted Source finds that orgasms achieved with a partner resulted in good sleep outcomes. Orgasms achieved through masturbation resulted in better sleep quality and reduced the time taken to fall asleep.

    The body releases a hormone called oxytocin during an orgasm. Oxytocin may have a variety of health benefits, such as:

    In addition, there is some evidence that frequent ejaculation in males might reduce the risk of prostate cancer. ResearchTrusted Source finds that healthcare professionals diagnosed prostate cancer less frequently in those who had high ejaculation rates.
    There are many different types of orgasms, some of which are detailed below:

    • Clitoral orgasm: This is when an orgasm occurs due to stimulation of the clitoris. A 2019 article notes that 60% of female orgasms occur due to clitoral stimulation.
    • Vaginal orgasm: This is when an orgasm occurs vaginal stimulation. The American Psychological Association states that vaginal orgasms are related to the indirect stimulation of the clitoris during sex.
    • Blended orgasm: This occurs when clitoral and vaginal orgasms occur together.
    • Anal orgasm: Some femalesTrusted Source experience orgasms during anal sex.
    • G-spot orgasm: An orgasm can occur as a result of stimulation of the G-spot.
    • Multiple orgasms: A person can experience a series of orgasms over a short time. Masters and Johnson note that females have a shorter refractory (recovery) period, which allows them to experience multiple orgasms in a shorter period of time.
    • Imagery-induced: Orgasms can occur as a response to imagery without physical stimulation. Research from 1992Trusted Source states that orgasms can occur as a result of self-induced imagery. Newer researchTrusted Source from 2016 notes that mental imagery activates the brain regions connected to orgasm, reward, and bodily stimulation.
    • Nipple orgasm: A person may reach an orgasm due to stimulation of the nipples alone. Stimulation of the nipples can activate the part of the brain that also activates with genital stimulation.

    The above list is not exhaustive, and research is ongoing regarding the types of orgasms people can experience.

    Can males experience multiple orgasms?

    According to a 2016 literature reviewTrusted Source, males can experience multiple orgasms.

    However, this is not common. Less than 10% of people in their 20s and less than 7% of those age 30 or over can experience them.

    The researchers note two types of male multiple orgasms: sporadic and condensed.

    Sporadic multiple orgasms will have intervals of a few minutes. Condensed multiple orgasms consist of two to four orgasmic bursts in the space of a few seconds to 2 minutes.

    More research is required to understand what factors can affect a person’s ability to experience multiple orgasms.
    The following description of the physiological process of female orgasms in the genitals will use the Masters and Johnson four-phase model.

    Excitement

    During female stimulation, either physically or psychologically, the blood vessels within the genitals dilate. Increased blood supply causes fluid to pass through the vaginal walls, making the vulva swollen and wet. Internally, the top of the vagina expands.

    During this phase, heart rate and breathing quicken, and blood pressure increases. Blood vessel dilation can lead to the person appearing flushed, particularly on the neck and chest.

    Plateau

    As blood flow to the introitus (vaginal opening) reaches its limit, it becomes firm. Breasts can increase in size, and increased blood flow to the areola causes the nipples to appear less erect. The clitoris pulls back against the pubic bone, seemingly disappearing.

    Orgasm

    The genital muscles, including the uterus and vaginal opening, experience rhythmic contractions around 0.8 seconds apart. The female orgasm typically lasts longer than the male orgasm, at an average of around 20–35 secondsTrusted Source.

    Unlike males, most females do not have a recovery period and so can have further orgasms with repeated stimulation.

    Resolution

    The body gradually returns to its former state. Swelling reduces while the pulse and breathing slow.

    The following description of the bodily process of male orgasms in the genitals uses the Masters and Johnson four-phase model.

    Excitement

    Male stimulation, either physically or psychologically, can lead to an erection. Blood flows into the corpora (spongy tissue running the length of the penis), causing the penis to grow in size and become rigid. The testicles draw up toward the body as the scrotum tightens.

    Plateau

    As the blood vessels in and around the penis fill with blood, the glans and testicles increase in size. In addition, thigh and buttock muscles tense, blood pressure rises, the pulse quickens, and the rate of breathing increases.

    Orgasm

    Semen enters the urethra by a series of contractions in the pelvic floor muscles, the prostate gland, the seminal vesicles, and the vas deferens.

    Contractions in the pelvic floor muscles and prostate gland also force the semen out of the penis in a process called ejaculation.

    Resolution

    The male now enters a temporary recovery phase. This is the refractory period, and its length varies from person to person. It can last from a few minutes to a few days, and this period generally grows longer as a male ages.

    During this phase, the penis and testicles return to their original size. The breathing may be heavy and fast, and the pulse will be elevated.

    Orgasms typically occur as part of a sexual response cycle. They often take place following the continual stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the genitals, anus, nipples, and perineum.

    Orgasms occur following two basic responses to continual stimulation:

    • Vasocongestion: This is the process in which body tissues fill up with blood, swelling in size as a result.
    • Myotonia: This is the process in which muscles tense, including both voluntary flexing and involuntary contracting.

    According to a 2017 articleTrusted Source, people can experience an orgasm from stimulation other than in the genital area, such as the ears or nipples. Even mental stimulation can produce an orgasm.

    Orgasmic disorders can lead to distress, frustration, and feelings of shame, both for the person experiencing the symptoms and their sexual partner.

    Although orgasms occur similarly in all genders, healthcare professionals tend to describe orgasm disorders in gendered terms.

    Female orgasmic disorders

    Female orgasmic disorders center around the absence or significant delay of orgasms following sufficient stimulation.

    Doctors refer to the absence of having orgasms as anorgasmia. This term can either refer to when a person has never experiencedTrusted Source an orgasm (primary anorgasmia) or when a person who previously experienced orgasms no longer can (secondary anorgasmia). The condition can occur generally or in specific situations.

    Female orgasmic disorders can occur as the result of physical causes, such as gynecological conditions or the use of certain medications, or psychological causes such as anxiety or depression.

    Male orgasmic disorders

    Male orgasmic disorder (male anorgasmia) involves a persistent and recurrent delay or absence of orgasm following sufficient stimulation.

    Male anorgasmia can be a lifelong condition or one that happens after a period of regular sexual functioning. The condition can occur generally or in specific situations.

    Male anorgasmia can occurTrusted Source as the result of physical conditions such as low testosterone, psychological conditions such as anxiety, or through the use of certain medications such as antidepressants.

    Premature ejaculation

    Ejaculation in males is closely associated with an orgasm. Premature ejaculation, where a male ejaculates sooner than they would want to, is a common sexual complaint.

    Premature ejaculation may be due to a combination of psychological factors such as guilt or anxiety and biological factors such as hormone levels or nerve damage.

    The importance that society places on sex — combined with our incomplete knowledge of the orgasm — has led to several common misconceptions.

    Sexual culture has placed the orgasm on a pedestal, often prizing it as the only goal for sexual encounters.

    However, orgasms are not as simple or as common as many people would suggest.

    In a 2016 studyTrusted Source, 14% of women under the age of 35 had never experienced an orgasm from sexual intercourse. The same study reports that 9% of women surveyed, regardless of age, had never experienced an orgasm from sexual intercourse.

    Other data in the study reported that only 38% of young women usually had an orgasm during intercourse, while 43% reported infrequent orgasms.

    In the United States, as many as 1 in 3 males 18–59 years old report having problems with premature ejaculation at some point in their lives.

    Research has shown that orgasms are also not widely considered the most important aspect of a sexual experience. According to the Kinsey Institute, reports of sexual satisfaction from both males and females were more likely when they experienced:

    • frequent kissing and cuddling
    • sexual caressing from partner
    • higher sexual functioning
    • more frequent sex

    Another misconception is that penile-vaginal stimulation is the main way for people to achieve an orgasm. While this may be true for many people, many more females experience higher sexual arousal following the stimulation of the clitoris.

    Orgasms can occur in many ways. Orgasms do not necessarily have to involve the genitals, nor do they have to link with sexual desires, as evidenced by examples of exercise-induced orgasm.

    Another common misconception is that transgender people cannot orgasm after gender reassignment surgery.

    A 2018 studyTrusted Source looked at the effects of gender affirming surgery (GAS) on orgasm.

    In participants who had undergone GAS with penile inversion vaginoplasty and then had sexual intercourse, 55.8% reported their orgasms to be more intense than before the surgery. Of the participants, 20.8% reported no difference.

    A 2014 study focused on 97 people who underwent single-stage metoidioplasty. The researchers found that none of those who had the surgery had any problems achieving an orgasm.

    Johns Hopkins states that achieving an orgasm is possible after phalloplasty.

    The journey to an orgasm is a very individual experience that has no singular, all-encompassing definition. In many cases, experts recommend avoiding comparison with other people or preexisting concepts of what an orgasm should be.

    Orgasms can be different for each individual and do not only occur through sexual stimulation.

    People of all genders can have orgasms, and transgender people can orgasm after gender affirmation surgery. Orgasms can release endorphins, which may cause an increased feeling of relaxation or happiness afterward.

    People of any gender may also experience orgasm disorders, such as premature ejaculation or an inability to orgasm. If people have any concerns regarding their orgasms, they can speak with a doctor or sex therapist.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Enjoying Sex, One of Life’s Not-so-Simple Pleasures

    by Brittany Foster

    “There were nights of endless pleasure. It was more than any laws allow.”

    Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” is a classic. As I sang along, I couldn’t help but wonder, what kind of sex is Celine Dion having, and where can I sign up? One of life’s greatest pleasures is pleasure itself, but why can this sometimes feel impossible to achieve?

    Living with a rare disease can feel like a hindrance to achieving an orgasm. Emotional dysregulation, physical pain, and loss of libido frustratingly complicate that toe-curling and back-arching feeling of whole-body bliss.

    Although I am still wondering what the secret is to having those “nights of endless pleasure,” I have learned more about myself and my body in the last few years, which has helped strengthen my ability to have an orgasm. I’ve learned the importance of listening to my body, respecting and trusting my physical cues, and getting in touch with myself.

    Some days, it is easier for me to ignore my body. Listening to it would mean that I have to acknowledge the hurt and pain. There was a long period of my life when I chose not to listen to my body. I was afraid of admitting when things felt too painful. I distanced myself from my body, and that strategy seemed to work. Ignorance was bliss until it wasn’t.

    Numbing myself physically and emotionally just created a larger disconnect between my body and mind. This distance doesn’t help when it comes to physical pleasure and sex. Eventually, I started paying attention to how my body felt in the moment. Focusing on the most sensitive areas helped me to be present and created less distance between my body and mind.

    Not only is listening to my body helpful when it comes to achieving powerful orgasms, but trust and respect are equally important. Trusting and respecting myself are half the battle. With rare disease and chronic illness, it is not uncommon to feel upset at my body for being so untrustworthy. My body is inconsistent, deceiving, and unpredictable.

    If these were qualities of a partner, it would feel toxic. Instead of focusing on these inconsistencies, I’ve found it helpful to practice gratitude for the things my body can do every day, even if it’s a small victory. When it comes to pleasure, it’s necessary for me to have self-confidence and appreciation for what my body is capable of.

    Mind-blowing orgasms can’t happen without communication. For me to communicate what my needs are, I first have to understand them myself. Getting in touch with myself and my physical desires has made a difference in the way I talk about my needs with a partner. It has given me confidence to speak up, which is something I have always struggled with.

    Self-exploration is vital when it comes to pleasure. I have experimented with different lubrication, pressure, speeds, temperatures, textures, vibrations, and more. What feels right in one moment might not be suitable for another. Making time for myself and learning about my body are forms of self-care that shouldn’t be so shameful to talk about.

    I may not be at the level of “nights of endless pleasure” yet, but I have had hours of it broken up into multiple rounds. Sexual pleasure does not always come easily, especially for those living with rare and chronic illness. I have had to shorten the disconnect between my body and mind, learn to trust that my body was capable of more, and had to explore what felt right.

    Even though I am living with a rare disease, I still deserve to enjoy one of life’s simple pleasures: pleasure itself.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Why You Have Headaches After Sex

    By Lauren Evoy Davis

    Headaches can be used as a reason to postpone sex, “not tonight honey, I have a headache.” However, in rare circumstances, sex can be the cause of a headache. These sex headaches happen moments before or at the peak of sexual excitement, the orgasm. They can happen during solo sex or sex with a partner.

    Sex-related headaches are more likely to occur in people who experience migraines and tend to affect more men than women.1

    This article will clear up some of the confusion about what a sex-related headache is and how to get relief.

    Sex headaches are a very rare occurrence, afflicting 1% to 6% of the general population.2< This headache can occur right before or immediately after orgasm and last anywhere from one hour to 24 hours. The pain varies from mild to severe, according to American Migraine Foundation (AMF).3

    These headaches can be a symptom of another health ailment such as a tumor or a stroke, but other times they’re not related to anything definitive.4

    Sex Headaches in Men

    Men are about four times more likely than women to experience sex headaches.1

    Types

    There are a few types of sex headaches that people experience:

    Orgasm Headache

    The orgasm headache may start with a dull ache in the head, neck, and jaw that intensifies with sexual excitement and concludes with a sudden and severe headache at the point of orgasm.

    Sexual Benign Headache

    The sexual benign headache is a response to an increase in blood pressure during sexual activity. The pain may start around or behind the eyes. It usually lasts a few minutes, but can last for hours.

    The headache is usually made worse by movement and can have similar symptoms to a migraine, such as sensitivity to light and nausea.5

    Causes and Risk Factors

    According to the American Migraine Foundation, the pre-orgasmic or organismic headache is a “primary” headache, meaning that it isn’t caused by another condition or disorder.3hemorrhage) or are at risk of stroke.1

    Much like other genetic conditions, some studies show that sex-related headaches can run in families. Knowing your family history for all sorts of health conditions can be an important part of learning about your own health issues.1

    People who are overweight or have high blood pressure are at a slightly higher risk of these headaches.1

    It’s best to have a doctor examine you and perform tests to rule out anything unusual.

    Diagnosis

    If you’re experiencing sex headaches, your healthcare provider may order blood tests and a CT scan or a MRI to make sure there are no other underlying causes for your symptoms.

    Treatment

    Treatment may depend on the type of headache that you have.

    • Over-the-Counter (OTC) Drugs: OTC pain relievers like ibuprofen can help manage headache symptoms.
    • Indomethacin: This nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) requires a prescription and can be taken prior to sexual activity. Side effects include the risk of fatal heart attack or stroke.6
    • Propranolol, metoprolol, or nadolol: These are beta-blockers that lower blood pressure and require a prescription. Side effects include rash, blurred vision, insomnia, hair loss, muscle cramps, and fatigue.

    Ironically, sexual activity may also relieve the searing pain you’re feeling after the last orgasm.

    How Can I Prevent a Sex Headache?

    These types of headaches come on suddenly. There are no known prevention methods. If someone who gets migraines is also experiencing sex headaches, they should avoid known migraine triggers such as alcohol, caffeine, and irregular sleep schedule, and artificial sweeteners.7

    Summary

    Sex headaches can occur right before orgasm or right after orgasm during solo sex, or sex with a partner. They may be sporadic and not occur during every enounter. People who are susceptible to migraine headaches are also at risk for sex-related headaches. Men are 3 to 4 times more likely to experience a sex headache.1
    There are some medications available that you can be prescribed to take before sexual activity to offset a headache.

    A Word From Verywell

    Sex is heart-healthy and good for overall emotional and physical health.8

    However, a sex-related headache can be painful and scary. If sexual activity causes pain like severe headaches during or immediately after orgasm, schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider right away to rule out other conditions

    Your provider will ask you questions to learn more about your symptoms and how often these headaches occur to determine the root cause. They may ask if you get migraines or if other family members experience these types of headaches.

    If sex headaches occur with some frequency, it might be a good idea to keep a journal of dates and times of these occurrences.

    Frequently Asked Questions

    • Can sex cure a headache?

      Yes. In some cases, sexual activity that leads to an orgasm can alleviate a headache. In other cases, it can make it worse. It depends on the individual.

    • What types of sex headaches are there?

      An orgasm headache may start with a dull ache in the head, neck, and jaw that intensifies with sexual excitement and concludes with a sudden and severe headache at the point of orgasm. A sexual benign headache is a response to an increase in blood pressure during sexual activity.

    • What home remedies are there for headache relief?

      Try keeping the lights dim, drinking water, and taking OTC pain relievers like ibuprofen to treat a headache.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    A Study Reveals The Average Time It Takes To Make A Woman Orgasm & It’s Not That Hard

    By Manya Ailawadi

    Finally, the world is ready to take women’s sexual pleasure seriously – and here’s all you need to know. Researchers have published a study that gives us the average time it takes for a heterosexual woman to reach orgasm. According to the research, it takes around 13.41 minutes. The study focused on women older than 18 years, who are in a monogamous stable heterosexual relationship.

    We hope we have your attention because there’s more. The study also revealed that only 31.4 percent of participants climaxed during penetrative sex. The sample size of the research was 645 women, from 20 different countries. So many numbers, right? Additionally, it also measured ‘orgasmic latency‘, which is the gap between arousal and climax.  

    This research talks about other factors which affect how you O, too. It also suggests that when the woman was on top – almost 42.2 percent of them reported longer-lasting sensations. The study was published in The Journal Of Sexual Medicine – which also revealed that the age of women and the time that they had been with their partner did not have a significant effect on how long orgasms took. So you know that the spark definitely doesn’t ‘frizzle out’.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Female sexuality and the ‘orgasm gap’ are coming to the forefront of conversations during worldwide lockdowns

    While men orgasm 85% of the time they have sex on average, women only reach climax 63% of the time.

    By Lindsay Dodgson

    • Female pleasure appears to be coming to the forefront of conversations around sex during the coronavirus pandemic.
    • Emjoy, an app that helps women learn more about their sexuality and needs, has seen a 160% increase in use since worldwide lockdowns began.
    • Insider spoke to sex and relationship experts about why this might be.
    • For starters, couples or single people who are socially distancing have more time to spend in their own company and work out what they like.
    • Couples who are isolating together may also be able to devote time to what they want to improve about their sex lives.

    Sex is a pretty big topic of conversation right now, either because you’re stuck inside with a partner with little else to do, or you’re isolating alone and can’t have any.

    Female pleasure appears to be a particular focus due to apps that provide information about women’s needs, and Facebook ads popping up for research centers like OMGYES which are exploring the specific ways women enjoy sexual touch.

    Emjoy, an app that helps women learn more about their bodies and what they like through audio, has seen a 160% increase in use since worldwide lockdowns began.

    “Being home for so long, people are looking for new resources to incorporate new healthy habits to their routines,” Emjoy’s CEO and cofounder Andrea Oliver told Insider. “Some of us have so much more free time in our hands, so we might as well put it to good use. And what better use than a good, dopamine-infused session of self-love?”

    Time alone can make us face things we’ve been ignoring

    Intimacy expert Dr Shirin Lakhani, from the Elite Aesthetics clinic, told Insider she’s seen many more social media posts about the “orgasm gap” and women’s sexual needs during lockdown, and has been contacted by many women who are worried about their libido or inability to climax.

    “For many people, being in this lockdown situation has exacerbated a lot of things, including stress, poor diet and lifestyle, excess alcohol, and drug intake, which can all affect orgasms, or lack of them,” she said.

    “On the other hand it has also resulted in people being forced to spend more time than usual at home with their partner and have more sex than usual, which in turn makes concerns such as the orgasm gap more noticeable and in time become more of an issue of concern.”

    Relationship coach Sarah Louise Ryan told Insider many couples might be forced to think about whether they really are satisfied with their sex lives while isolating together.

    “We often put our needs not being met down to many other factors in usual circumstances,” she said. “We talk about being too busy, we buy into the idea that sex is another one of those things we should fit into our calendars, we blame our lack of sexual fulfillment on not having the time and patience for exploration or stresses of external factors such as children, finances, or juggling it all.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Should I be out here milking prostates?

    Everything you need to know about achieving a “dry orgasm.”

    By Tracey Anne Duncan

    I feel like I have a basic familiarity with sexual landscapes across the board but honestly, the prostate is kind of a mystery to me. I don’t have one and since I only had sex with people with vaginas for like ten years, I apparently missed some important innovations in the seminal sciences. I was today years old when I learned about prostate milking. But I am nothing if not DTF (down to find out, pervs) so I asked a urologist to help me investigate the latest vegan nut milk craze.

    First of all, if you haven’t heard the term “prostate milking,” before that’s because it is a new colloquialism. What it refers to is prostate massage, though, which is not new at all. “I’m gay and I talk to a lot of my friends about sex,” Joshua Gonzalez, an LA-based urologist and sex educator for Astroglide, tells me. “Prostate stimulation amongst gay men is fairly common,” Gonzalez explained, but even he hadn’t heard it referred to as “milking,” which made me feel a lot better. If a gay dick doctor hasn’t heard the term, then it was probably invented by dude-bros and is therefore kinda sus.

    Basically, what people are calling prostate milking is actually just prostate massage vigorous enough to get the prostate to secrete fluid, Gonzalez explains. Yes, in case you didn’t know, the prostate — a gland which is located just below the rectum but above the bladder of penis-havers — does make a kind of fluid. It’s definitely not milk, but it is a whitish liquid that is sort of the perfect base to carry sperm in because it’s rich with enzymes. Prostatic fluid — a.k.a. milk — makes up 20-30% of ejaculate, which is also comprised of semen and testicular fluid. In other words, prostatic fluid is not what we generally refer to as cum, but it is one of the main ingredients of cum.

    Here’s the thing: It’s apparently kind of hard to get the prostate to secrete its fluid, which is why a lot of people refer to the orgasms produced by prostate milking as “dry orgasms.” But just because the name is kind of off, that doesn’t mean that the orgasms made by stimulating the prostate aren’t bangers. “Orgasm doesn’t necessarily have to do with fluid,” says Gonzalez, “it’s not that different from clitoral or vaginal orgasms.” In other words, if you have a vagina, you already know that you don’t have to squirt to have a good time, and neither do dicks. IYKYK.

    So, then, should I be out here milking prostates or what? Gonzalez didn’t offer an opinion on my personal sex practices, but he does say that prostate stimulation is pretty great. “Direct prostate stimulation can be pleasurable,” says Gonzalez. But, he adds, it’s helpful to know where the prostate is before you go sticking your finger up your ass (or someone else’s). “For most people it’s not as deep into the rectum as their index finger.”

    Like the clit, you will know the prostate when you find it, Gonzalez says. Some people call the prostate the P-spot because it’s kinda like the penis-haver’s G-spot. Gonzalez has some pro tips for this kind of anal adventure. “A lot of people will just sort of stick their finger in,” he says. But if you look at any prostate-specific toys, you will notice that they’re curved. That’s because you access through the rectum, but it’s actually more towards the front of the body, so you have to curve your finger and press forward to get at it.

    So, if you’re milking yourself and you are laying on your back, press towards your belly button, says Gonzalez. If you’re on all fours and someone else is stimulating you, press down towards the belly button. Basically, no matter who’s milking who, press towards the navel to find the prostate. He recommends using a lot of lube and says that if anything feels painful, it’s time to stop.

    Also, in case you’re scared that having your prostate stimulated will make you poop: It won’t. “If you don’t have any poop in the rectum, you won’t poop,” he explains. But, Gonzalez adds that having your rectum stimulated can make you feel like you are going to poop. If that happens, Gonzalez says to relax. In prostate milking as in life, clenching will make the whole project a lot less fun for everyone.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    From clitoral to explosive

    — 5 types of orgasms every woman should know about

    Which ones have you experienced?

    By Shona Hendley

    We speak to a ‘sexpert’ about how to achieve the many pleasurable – and elusive – types of O’s.

    We all know that scene. The one where Meg Ryan’s character, Sally shows Harry (Billy Crystal) and everyone else at Katz Deli exactly how women can fake an orgasm in rom-com classic, When Harry Met Sally.

    “I’ll have what she’s having,” another female diner responds once Sally’s faux climax is reached and she digs back into her coleslaw, summing up exactly what many, many other women were thinking and (let’s be honest) probably still are.

    Because achieving orgasm is something that sex therapist, hypnotherapist and author, Dr Janet Hall says that she is frequently asked about in her sessions from women of all ages.

    “Over my 40 years as a sex therapist I am astounded by how many women wanted me to teach them how to have an orgasm.”

    While all orgasms are inherently pleasurable, they aren’t all the same. In fact, there are multiple types of orgasms and ways in which to achieve them.

    “It is possible for a woman to have different types of orgasms depending on where she is stimulated and how and for how long,” Dr Hall explains. And while they can vary from clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, anal, nipple, throat, and other erogenous in the body, “the truth is, that most women are happy to concentrate on the first three listed above – their hottest spots in the vulva and vagina.”

    So how do you achieve an orgasm in these hot spots? Body + Soul spoke to ‘sexpert’, Dr Hall for all the juicy details.

    Clitoral Orgasms

    Dr Hall says that “clitoral orgasms result from direct stimulation of the clitoris for about five minutes and last about fifteen seconds. Because the clitoral orgasm is easier to experience for most woman and quick to achieve, it is often the preferred way to orgasm.”

    G-spot Orgasms

    “The G-Spot is a spongy area as big as a fingernail and it is just inside and up to the front of the vagina. It can be elusive however and it is up to each woman to explore to find out their exact G-Spot position. At first it might seem just like the rest of the vagina wall but with continued rubbing pressure it swells with blood and fluid and it then feels like the surface of your tongue – a little bit rough and with ridges,” Dr Hall explains.

    How do you achieve them?

    For a G-spot orgasm during intercourse, Dr Hall says that “most women need time to build the pleasure in the G-Spot before they are ready for penetration.”

    For heterosexual intercourse “you need to teach your man to push his penis at your G-Spot. This is easier when he enters from the woman when she is laying down on her front or raising her backside.”

    The Blended Orgasm

    “A Blended Orgasm is when both a clitoral and G-Spot orgasm occur simultaneously. These twin orgasms can last for a long time – peaking and subsiding over and over again for hours.”

    How do you achieve them?

    “It can be a balancing act to achieve. First you can try to pleasure the clitoris, then introduce a finger or toy to pleasure the G spot so that both areas are being pleasured.”

    A-Spot or Cervical Orgasm

    “The A-spot, anatomically known as “Anterior Fornix,” is the pocket of elastic tissue above the cervix in the back of the woman’s vagina. If you insert a finger, you’ll find a donut shaped (or cone shaped) ring of hard muscle at the top of the canal. This is the cervix, which is the entrance to the Uterus.

    If you gently trace around this little donut/cone you’ll find a very smooth and elastic ring of tissue circling it. The top of this ring (closest to the belly) is the Anterior Fornix, or the A-Spot.”

    How do you achieve them?

    “Stroke it with the “come here” motion until you feel a burst of pleasure,” Dr Hall explains.

    Explosive versus Implosive Orgasms

    “The explosive orgasm is typical for the clitoral one which lasts less than fifteen seconds.

    These orgasms are perfectly natural, but they can deplete us instead of feeding us with our life force energy.

    Tantra teachers believe that we can learn to channel and move that energy back inside of us to experience a multitude of other orgasmic flavours and sensations! This is referred to as N.E.O (non-ejaculatory orgasmic tantra) also known as the Energetic Orgasm!”

    How do we achieve them?

    “We achieve this type of orgasm by squeezing the pelvic floor muscle in on the inhale just as we are getting close to orgasm (say 3.5 on the scale of pleasure if 5 is “I’m ejaculating”) to draw the sexual energy away from the genitals and towards the heart.

    When we learn to implode with sexual energy, we can experience a whole new array of orgasmic sensations!”

    Enjoy! And let the O force be with you.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Understanding orgasms

    — a simple guide to how they work

    An orgasm from penetration alone may feel out of reach. But there are ways to do it.

    Let’s just take a reality check quickly, not everyone with a vagina can orgasm with penetration alone. In fact, less than 30 per cent of vagina owners can reach climax through this method. Yet there are some ways you can lend yourself a helping hand to see if it is something you can achieve.

    1. Understand vagina anatomy‍

    First, make sure you understand vaginal anatomy and the parts that are most likely to lead to pleasure (and maybe orgasm) when stimulated. For most people the entrance and first third of the vagina are the most sensitive areas.

    This may include the G-spot area, which is on the front wall of the vagina. The internal structure of the clitoris has a lot to do with why these parts can bring a lot of pleasure, so make sure you understand the full size and shape of the clit so you know what you’re working with.

    Other areas that are sexually sensitive for some people are the cervix, “A-spot”, and perineal​ sponge.

    So get familiar with all these sexy bits by checking out some good anatomy diagrams. It’s much easier to reach your destination if you have a good map.

    2. Find your own sensitive areas and focus there‍

    Understanding anatomy is just the starting point. The important thing is to apply it to your own body.

    Experiment with stimulating different areas and see what brings pleasure. Do you enjoy deep penetration?

    Do you prefer G-spot stimulation? Or pressure against the back wall around your perineum? Or somewhere else entirely? Whatever feels best for you and brings the most intensity of sensation is where you should focus.

    3. Take your time to get aroused

    The vagina can take longer to warm up than the clit, and getting that blood flow to the genital tissues is really important for your arousal, sensation, and chances of reaching the big O.

    So spend some time on kissing, nipple play, dirty talk, and oral sex before moving to penetration to make sure your body is ready.

    4. Start by trying blended orgasms

    You may be working up to a hands-free orgasm during intercourse, but combining vaginal stimulation with clit stimulation is a good stepping stone.

    Just do penetration for a while, and then add in clit stimulation when you feel you need it to reach orgasm.

    Over time, delay adding in clit stimulation and see if eventually you can climax without it. Maybe yes, maybe no, but it’s worth a try.

    5. Find the best position(s) for you

    Cowgirl: Riding on top is the most successful position for achieving a hands-free orgasm during intercourse. Not only can you direct the penetration to hit your sweet spots, but you can also grind your clit on your partner’s body to maximise the sensation from all angles.‍

    Knees-back missionary: Lie on your back and pull your knees up so your feet are raised off the bed. You may want to prop up your butt with a pillow for support. This is an effective G-spot position since it’s much easier to access that front wall of the vagina than it is during regular missionary. During penetration, angle the penis or toy to press that G-spot area if you know you like G-spot sensation.‍

    Doggy: If you enjoy deep penetration, then doggy is a great option. You can also be more in control of the speed and depth, which can help you get the stimulation you want. Another good thing about doggy is it’s so easy to use a finger or toy on your clit, to help push you over the edge. ‍

    Legs together: Some people find it easier to reach orgasm when their legs are close together rather than spread apart. Try having your legs together – you could be on your front, back, side, standing, it’s your choice! Have your partner straddle you while they’re penetrating you. Clench or pulse your pelvic and thigh muscles in this position to boost the intensity of sensations and help you reach the big O.

    6. Slow and steady wins the race‍

    A common error when trying to reach orgasm is thinking that hard-and-fast is best. While it may be preferred by some people, for many, too much pressure and friction for too long can numb the nerve-endings, and can feel uncomfortable.

    So, although it’s counterintuitive, slow movements with a lighter pressure can actually feel way more intense. Yes, hard-and-fast is often preferred as a person gets closer to orgasm, but in the build up try to keep movements on the slow and steady side.

    7. Try edging‍

    Switching between slower and faster is also a great way to build up arousal and increase your chances of orgasm.

    You may want to indulge in a bit of hot-and-heavy bed-bouncing activity, and then dial it back to slow and focussed thrusts for a couple of minutes.

    Switching intensity during sex, aka “edging” is a popular technique to help with reaching and intensifying climax.

    8. Breath, focus, and relax‍

    Getting relaxed and feeling present in your body can help you focus on your vaginal sensations and really enjoy the pleasure.

    Find ways to reduce your mental distraction such as choosing a relaxing time and place to have sex, starting with a massage or bath, and making sure there are no lingering disagreements you need to resolve with your partner as resentment is like a cold shower to your libido.

    During sex, breathing slowly and deeply and focussing on your genital area can help you hone in on those sensations. You can think of it as “breathing into your p….” to bring relaxation and blood flow to the area.

    9. Pay attention to your environment‍

    Being in the right environment is really important to help you feel comfortable, relaxed, and in a good mental space.

    That means: getting the lighting right for you, making sure the bed (or wherever you are) is comfy, and checking the temperature – are you warm enough? Focus on your pleasure without getting distracted.

    10. Practise by yourself‍

    Why not dedicate some time to practising solo? Using a dildo, try masturbating with penetration only. See what speed, angle, and depth feels good.

    Pay attention to how your arousal builds, and to how the intensity of the sensation increases. As you get more practice, you might find you’re able to bring yourself closer to orgasm (and you might even get there). Once you’ve worked out how to get this type of pleasure from solo play, you’ll have more idea of the techniques to try with a partner.

    11. Pelvic floor strength‍

    Having a well-toned pelvic floor is important. It will allow you to grip more tightly on your partner’s penis or the dildo, and this can intensify the sensations you feel in your vagina.

    Also, since an orgasm is basically a series of muscle contractions, having a toned pelvic floor is important so that these muscle contractions can happen. Kegel exercises can help improve your pelvic floor strength, just make sure you do them correctly, and be sure to evaluate first if they are right for you, as they’re not appropriate for everyone.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Here’s Why Orgasming During Masturbation Can Be Easier Than During Sex

    Here are the best ways to beat that pesky performance anxiety.

    By Zachary Zane

    Most of us love to have orgasms, which is why it can be frustrating when some of them come easier than others. You might find you can cum in less than a minute when you’re masturbating to porn by yourself, but then, when you’re with a partner, it’s a whole ‘nother story.

    If that’s happening to you, I can confirm you’re not alone. As the sex advice columnist here at Men’s Health, I’ve received countless questions from men who can orgasm no problem during solo masturbation but can’t say the same for when they’re with a partner—even if they’re really attracted to them.

    There are numerous possible reasons why you can’t reach completion when with a partner, and, not surprisingly—since your body is clearly capable of having an orgasm—most of them are in your head. (Not the head downstairs—the head that holds your brain.)

    “The socially constructed stakes when sexually pleasuring oneself are undeniably different than when you’re [with one or more people],” explains Benjamin Goldman, MHC-LP, a therapist at Citron Hennessey Private Therapy. “During sex, the man is playing the role of a ‘performer,’” Goldman adds. (Not to mention that you might be self-conscious about your penis, worried you won’t be able to stay hard, or about a billion other common stressors.) Meanwhile, during masturbation, you have no audience, making it easier to relax and enjoy the experience.

    When you’re stressed about performing, you’re not going to be able to perform. It’s a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy. “Furthermore, when it comes to performance anxiety, we can develop self-downing thoughts that trigger the same hormones and neurotransmitters that the body pumps when you’re stressed or anxious,” Goldman says.

    While that loop is really challenging to break, luckily, it’s not impossible.

    So, how do you start orgasming with a partner?

    The key is reducing anxiety and stress, so here are some tips for getting out of your head when you’re in bed with another partner.

    1. Remember that porn is fantasy.

    You should not be comparing yourself to the 10-inch dudes who are seemingly pounding away for hours. You don’t see what happens off-screen: all the times he can’t get hard, how he couldn’t cum while doing the money shot, so he’s watching porn on his phone while shooting on their face, etc. Porn isn’t real. So stop expecting to perform like a porn star. If you’re pressuring yourself to perform like all the dudes you see in porn, you’re gonna be on a one-way street to anxiety town—and orgasms require relaxation, not stress.

    2. Cool it on watching porn.

    Not sure how? Here are some tips! While I’m pro-porn, a 2019 systematic review of 184 articles published in the Journal of Clinical Medicine found that high porn consumption is correlated with desensitization. So if you’re consistently watching kinky 25-person BDSM orgies, it’s going to be tough to orgasm when you’re having missionary sex with just one other person.

    3. Incorporate sex toys.

    This might not fix the psychological aspect, but my god, do vibrating cock rings and butt plugs feel goddamn amazing. If there’s a toy that you like to use during masturbation, consider using it with your partner! Maybe you even do mutual masturbation side by side, so you’re sort of bridging the gap between solo time and partner play. We have countless articles at Men’s Health with sex toy recommendations, but I’d check out best sex toys for men, best sex toys for couples, best cock rings, and best prostate massagers.

    4, Communication, communication, communication!

    “Communication and a sense of safety and are essential tools to have more mutually satisfying sex,” Goldman says. “Communicating about your sexual wants and tending to the wants of your partner might help enable more orgasms.” When you feel comfortable and connected with your partner, it’s easier to enjoy sex. When they know exactly what you like, and you know their turn-ons—so you know they’re experiencing pleasure—that also makes it a lot easier to have a fun and relaxed time. This will increase the likelihood of you orgasming.

    Additionally, before having sex, I’d let your partner know that you struggle orgasming when with another person. If you want to be cutesy, you can even say, “It’s just a sign that I’m a little nervous because I like you.”

    Often when a man can’t cum, the partner thinks it’s their problem. They think, “Is he not into me?” “Am I not hot enough?” “Am I doing something wrong?” So then they feel insecure (or lash out), which creates a terrible sexual dynamic. You’re actually more likely to orgasm when you address it because you know it’s okay if you don’t finish!

    Remember, sex isn’t all about orgasming.

    Yes, orgasms feel amazing. Yes, we should all strive to have them. “However, it might be valuable to reframe the goal of sex as an orgasm altogether,” Goldman says. “By developing communication and sense of safety, partners may conclude that orgasm, in fact, is not the end goal of sex.”

    Let’s be real, guys; sex still feels damn good when you can’t cum. Having an orgasm isn’t the end-all-be-all of sex. So, if you sometimes (or often) can’t, don’t fret. It just means you can have sex for longer, which is not a bad silver lining.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    When Anxiety Joins You in Bed

    Performance anxiety during sex can be a dreadful experience. But there are ways to manage it.

    by Stephanie A. Wright, RN, BSN and Sandra Silva Casabianca

    Sex can be more than just the physical aspect. Emotions, hopes, and fears may also be involved.

    Sometimes, personal challenges and insecurities can make you apprehensive about your sexual performance.

    Though sexual performance anxiety isn’t a formal diagnosis, it can still be a valid reality for you. But there are a few ways you can learn to manage sexual performance anxiety.

    What is performance anxiety?

    Performance anxiety refers to significant worry and fear about your ability to execute a specific task. It may also involve concern about how others perceive you.

    Performance anxiety is what some people call “stage fright.”

    Performance anxiety isn’t a formal mental health diagnosis, but it’s part of social anxiety disorder. This disorder is characterized by fear of social situations in which an individual feels they’ll be exposed to possible scrutiny from others.

    You can experience social anxiety:

    • being around strangers
    • having conversations
    • during public speaking

    Performance anxiety can manifest in many ways. Not everyone will feel and behave the same when having anxiety about performance situations, so you may not relate to every symptom listed here.

    Some common symptoms may include:

    • negative thoughts about oneself
    • blushing and rapid heart rate
    • nausea and vomiting
    • excessive sweating
    • difficulty speaking
    • dizziness
    • intense worry
    • situation avoidance

    Feeling anxiety from time to time is expected. But if you live with any anxiety disorder, you might have persistent symptoms that occur during different situations.

    If you live with social anxiety, you might constantly worry about how others perceive you and how you navigate social situations.

    Sexual performance and anxiety

    Sexual performance anxiety refers to the fear of not being able to perform adequately during a sexual encounter. “Adequately” can mean different things to different people. What matters, though, is what you think that involves.

    You may feel you won’t be able to meet your partner’s sexual preferences or experiences, which may cause you to have anxiety, for example.

    On many occasions, particularly for men, sexual performance anxiety could impact becoming aroused and physically responding to sexual stimulation. This could confirm in your mind that you might not be able to perform well.

    Sexual performance anxiety could manifest in many ways, including:

    Men and women can experience sexual performance anxiety, and some may experience orgasm anxiety as well.

    Literature reviews from 2000 to 2018 found that 9% to 25% of men experience anxiety associated with their sexual performance. In many cases, this anxiety was linked to symptoms of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

    The same reviews found that women with sexual performance anxiety account for an estimated 6% to 16% of the female population, and anxiety often manifests as a low sex drive. Anxiety can also prevent females from experiencing orgasm.

    Causes of sexual performance anxiety

    You may experience sexual performance anxiety for many reasons, including:

    • past experiences
    • biology
    • your upbringing
    • traumatic events

    Living with anxiety disorders may also make it more likely that you experience symptoms related to performance.

    Personal concerns and expectations may also cause you to have anxiety. But what causes you to experience anxiety may not cause others to have anxiety.

    You may feel anxiety about your sexual performance during the first few times you have sex or when you’re just beginning a new partnership.

    You could have questions like:

    • Can I trust my partner?
    • Will we become pregnant?
    • Should we wear protection?
    • What will my partner think if I cannot perform?
    • Will they like my body?
    • Do they love me?

    Other contributing factors to sexual performance anxiety may include:

    • low self-esteem
    • orgasm anxiety or difficulty in achieving orgasm
    • pain with intercourse
    • decreased sexual drive
    • depression
    • pain chronic conditions
    • changes in physical appearance
    • anxiety disorders
    • trauma

    PSYCH CENTRAL RESOURCES

    Setting better boundaries starts here

    Learn more about defining boundaries in your relationships, practicing consistency, and living with intention with our limited series.

    How to manage sexual performance anxiety

    A mental health professional can help you explore the whys behind your symptoms of sexual performance anxiety and structure a treatment plan that works for you.

    If your symptoms are linked to a specific situation, such as a new partnership, you may find that performance anxiety subsides as you become more comfortable with them.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    13 Things to Know About Female Orgasms

    Including How to Find Yours

    by Adrienne Santos-Longhurst

    1. Is this a certain type of orgasm?

    No, “female orgasm” is an all-encompassing term for any type of orgasm related to female genitalia.
    It could be clitoral, vaginal, even cervical — or a mix of all three. That said, your genitalia isn’t your only option when it comes to achieving the big O.

    Read on for tips on where to touch, how to move, why it works, and more.

    2. It can be a clitoral orgasm

    Direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris can lead to a clitoral orgasm. When you get your rub on just right, you’ll feel the sensation build in your pleasure bud and peak.

    Try this

    Your fingers, palm, or a small vibrator can all help you have a clitoral orgasm.

    Make sure your clitoris is wet and begin gently rubbing in a side-to-side or up-and-down motion.

    As it begins to feel good, apply faster and harder pressure in a repetitive motion.

    When you feel your pleasure intensify, apply even more pressure to the motion to take yourself over the edge.

    3. It can be a vaginal orgasm

    Although few people are able to climax with vaginal stimulation alone, it sure can be fun trying!

    If you’re able to make it happen, prepare for an intense climax that can be felt deep inside your body.

    The front vaginal wall is also home to the anterior fornix, or A-spot.

    Older research suggests that stimulating the A-spot can result in intense lubrication and even orgasm.

    Try this

    Fingers or a sex toy should do the trick. Since the pleasure comes from the vaginal walls, you’ll want to experiment with width. Do this by inserting an extra finger or two into the vagina, or try a sex toy with some extra girth.

    To stimulate the A-spot, focus the pressure on the front wall of the vagina while sliding your fingers or toy in and out. Stick with the pressure and motion that feels the best, and let the pleasure mount.

    4. It can be a cervical orgasm

    Cervical stimulation has the potential to lead to a full-body orgasm that can send waves of tingly pleasure from your head to your toes.

    And this is an orgasm that can keep on giving, lasting quite a while for some.

    Your cervix is the lower end of your uterus, so reaching it means going in deep.

    Try this

    Being relaxed and aroused is key to achieving a cervical orgasm. Use your imagination, rub your clitoris, or let your partner work some foreplay magic.

    The doggy-style position allows for deep penetration, so try being on all fours with a penetrative toy or partner.

    Start off slow, gradually working your way deeper until you find a depth that feels good, and keep at it so the pleasure can build.

    5. Or a mix of all the above

    A combo orgasm can be achieved by pleasuring your vagina and clitoris simultaneously.

    The result: a powerful climax that you can feel inside and out.

    Be sure to supersize your combo by adding some other erogenous zones to the mix.

    Try this

    Use both your hands to double your pleasure, or combine fingers and sex toys. Rabbit vibrators, for example, can stimulate the clitoris and vagina at the same time and are perfect for mastering the combo orgasm.

    Use parallel rhythms while playing with your clitoris and vagina, or switch it up with fast clitoral action and slow vaginal penetration.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    The Common Sexual Health Issue You Probably Didn’t Know About

    By Ondine Jean-Baptiste

    Have you ever headed back to your date’s place after a sultry night out, ready to have a good time — only to struggle getting there physically? The connection is there, but you just cannot get yourself aroused no matter how much you want to. You might be left feeling embarrassed at this momentary impotence, kicking yourself for potentially signaling to the other party that you just aren’t that into them when it couldn’t be further from the truth. The technical term for this feeling is arousal non-concordance, which is essentially the disconnect between the mental or emotional response and the body’s response to sexual stimuli. In addition to the aforementioned scenario, arousal non-concordance can also refer to the opposite effect — when the body is responding physically to sexual activity or touches (vaginal lubrication, for example) but the desire is not there or the mind is saying no.

    Sexual wellness educator Catriona Lygate explains that while people often tend to use the words “desire” and “arousal” interchangeably, there is a marked difference between the two. By her definition, sexual arousal is a physical state of being, and something one can sometimes not have conscious control over. Desire on the other hand, is psychological. We can desire a second scoop of ice cream after dinner, less work hours, or the neighbor three doors down. This is a conscious want individuals do have control over.

    Learning and understanding the desire-arousal distinction are crucial in troubleshooting any issues in communication. Culturally, many are socialized to believe that talking about sexual likes and dislikes is awkward, embarrassing, and unnecessary; that if sexual chemistry is present, the people involved will naturally know how to please each other. In practice, this is not always the case. Arousal actually involves a tricky combination of many contextual factors such as your mood, headspace, your emotions about the relationship with the other person(s), and distinct turn-ons that play on your senses like smell, taste, and touch.

    Researcher and author Emily Nagoski popularized the term arousal non-concordance in 2015 when she first published Come As You Are; however this phenomenon has existed for as long as humans have been getting busy. To describe how sexual response works, in her book, Nagoski goes into the dual control model which involves a gas pedal and a brake. Any time your brain receives information that’s even slightly sex-related (like right now), it sends a signal varying in intensity to “hit the gas” and feel arousal. Simultaneously, your brain is also hitting the brakes based on all the external factors in the moment that may indicate it’s a bad idea to be turned on right now. She explains that being turned on relies on so much subjective messaging from our environment.

    Many have been in situations where they might not be in the mood for any sexual activity, but a caress or knowing touch in the right spot can elicit an instant response from their body. You might not want to become intimate, but physical changes can be interpreted otherwise. After understanding arousal non-concordance (the disconnect between mind and body reactions), however, it is evident that bodily arousal is not always an indicator as to whether someone wants to initiate or continue sexual acts.

    Nagoski actually digs into this further in a blogpost subsequent to her 2015 book, stating that genital response is, again, not primarily about desire or pleasure but sexual “relevance” (meaning presence of sexual stimuli). The stimulation that gets our bodies going in any given moment might be unwanted, but it has no true bearing on one’s sexual fantasies. If bodily arousal appears to be a false “green light” as previously mentioned, then arousal non-concordance is the yellow, signaling that it’s time to slow down and have a conversation. “It is crucial to know and remind yourself that you are not broken, damaged, or flawed if you experience arousal non-concordance,” shares psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri.

    What if the roles are reversed and it’s your partner who is aroused but verbally communicates they do not want to proceed? Listen and respect their limits. Dr. Balestrieri says, “Make note of the context in which you experience non-concordance, so you can be more readily prepared to discuss with a partner, set boundaries that align with your mental and emotional desire, and remain convicted of your own truth about non-consensual experiences.” And if your partner is not aroused but verbally communicates they do want to proceed? Focus on their pleasure. Use this time to ask them what they desire and focus on their erogenous zones during foreplay.

    For any instances of arousal non-concordance, the lesson here is to always communicate. If you are experiencing this issue in any form, confiding that information is important to establish understanding between you and your partner. It doesn’t have to ruin the vibe — this is the perfect opportunity to learn something new about each other by offering an alternative. Perhaps this moment helps you realize some sexual trauma ignored early on is resurfacing, and thus preventing you from feeling comfortable enough to take that next step of intimacy. “It can be helpful to work with a sex therapist or to seek assistance from an OB/GYN or urologist if you experience arousal non-concordance frequently, or if you feel distress as a result, especially if you have a history of trauma and feel confused by your body’s reaction,” Balestrieri recommends.

    At a time where sex seems on everyone’s minds after months of isolation and anxiety, talking about arousal non-concordance may ease any apprehension one might have about sexual satisfaction and can create realistic expectations when meeting someone new. Remember that genital response does not always equal sexual desire, and you should be looking for clear, verbal consent before getting down to business. Any temporary awkwardness is better than misconstruing what your sexual partner wants at that moment, and communication is key to making your partner feel safe and comfortable. Context is crucial when getting in the right frame of mind to set the mood, so don’t be shy — ask what your partner wants! When both pleasure and desire are present for all parties, it’s a guaranteed great time.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    The female orgasm

    — How exactly does it work?

    BY EVANGELINE POLYMENEAS

    Let’s get that O.

    Many have looked far and wide in search of the elusive female orgasm. Those who have experienced one from penetrative sex have the power to congregate vulva owners everywhere to tell the tale of how they reached climax. The journey is filled with awkward moments, queefs and repetitive movement but they’ve lived to tell the tale and the rest of us want answers.

    There is a myriad of myths surrounding the female orgasm and an oversaturation of misinformation. When I Googled it, millions of results appeared all promising 11 different types of female orgasms. If there are so many options, why is it so hard to get just one?

    Too many of my friends answer a resounding ‘no’ to the question of whether they orgasmed during their latest sexual escapade, so I spoke to sex and pleasure coach, Clarke Rose, in an attempt to understand why.

    “There is a huge orgasm gap. A lot of people with vulvas aren’t cumming,” Clarke tells me. So it’s a national pleasure emergency. Maybe we just don’t know what we’re searching for, so what is an orgasm exactly?

    “An orgasm is such an expansive thing to define,” Clarke says. “I like to think of orgasms in a non-clinical sense as a high index of pleasure for anybody who’s feeling it. Technically speaking, it’s a peak of intense pleasure that sometimes creates altered states of consciousness and is usually accompanied by involuntary rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor.”

    Essentially, euphoria. That sounds all well and good, but what about the other 10 orgasms Google promised? I ask Clarke whether there are different sorts of female orgasms and the answer was not what I was expecting.

    “Yes and no. Orgasm can be stimulated from different parts of your body, [for example], some people can have an orgasm from their nipples being stimulated, some from anal sex, others from penetration, but they all achieve the same orgasm. It’s not like you have a vaginal orgasm or a clitoral orgasms. They are all the same thing, they are just being stimulated from a different area.”

    Clarke notes that only 30 per cent of women can trigger orgasm from internal stimulation and that percentage doesn’t differentiate between whether the penetration was accompanied by clitoral stimulation or not. She attributes this low percentage to differences in anatomy. “It’s a matter of how much your urethral sponge, which sits right about the G-spot, is sensitive and full of erectile tissue.”

    Clarke says we tend to hierarchise female orgasms in ways that we don’t with male orgasms. “For a woman, people ask whether they can cum from their clit, or vagina, or whether they can have a nipple orgasm, whereas with men, no one is asking if they had a blowjob orgasm, or a penetrative orgasm – their orgasms just get to be orgasms.”

    Penis owners seem to orgasm so easily, so I wondered if there was a difference between male orgasms and female orgasms. “Anatomically speaking it’s super interesting because a person who has a penis, orgasms for biological reasons,” Clarke explains. “They need to orgasm to ejaculate for the sperm to come out and make a baby.”

    She goes on to explain that there is no biological need for females to orgasm. At first, this idea might seem anti-feminist, but Clarke explains that it’s actually quite interesting. “When we were foetuses, we were made up of all the same parts [as males], we [females] just develop differently. People with vulvas got this ability to orgasm because men can, which is a fantastic bonus to our sexuality without the pressure of needing to [orgasm] every time or we fail.”

    Despite the lack of biological pressure to orgasm, a lot of vulva owners can’t seem to reach climax with partners but have less of a problem on their own. So what’s the barrier that’s stopping many of us from achieving the big O?

    “When we are with somebody, other things come up – maybe we are a little bit self-conscious, or afraid to ask for what we want, or are too focused on our partners,” Clarke explains. “Whereas when we are on our own, we can make whatever weird face we want. A lot of women also use toys to masturbate which makes it really easy. However, when you’re with a partner and they are just using their hand or tongue, it doesn’t compare to whatever eight-speed vibrator you have at home. It can be a bit more difficult for your body and mind to recognise that as a trigger for orgasm.”

    Although there are definitely micro reasons that could prevent partner orgasms, women’s orgasms have been repressed at a cultural level as well. “Our culture prioritises male anatomy and male pleasure. We all understand the anatomy of a penis, it’s so drilled into our heads, but we don’t understand the anatomy of a vulva. Historically we have repressed women’s sexuality. We want women to be receptive, polite and pleasing and not cause a big fuss,” explains Clarke.

    Men have seen themselves in porn and in sex scenes in film and television ask for what they need sexually and receive it. They have heard the language required to ask, but women haven’t. It seems unnatural to ask for what we want, and Clarke says a lot of men probably don’t know how to listen without their ego getting involved.

    “If you can’t orgasm and it’s really stressing you out, you’re not alone. There are a lot of women who can’t. Definitely look into seeing a sexologist or a sex coach if it’s something you want to work on,” says Clarke. The female orgasm is complex and it’s complicated, but we all deserve to reach it if we want to.

    “Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to orgasm a certain way,” Clarke says. “Whether you cum with a vibrator, or by your hand, or whether you can cum on your own or with a partner – however you orgasm is valid. Period. Don’t put extra stress on yourself to cum upside down with mind stimulation – however you cum is beautiful.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!