Tag Archives: Intimacy

Join Me In Celebrating…

Hey sex fans!

I have some fantastic news. My latest book, The Gospel Of Kink — A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For, has just been published.  You’ll find it on Amazon and in all your favorite bookstores.  Kindle and Nook version coming soon.

  • The Gospel Of Kink is a workshop in book form. Its innovative and interactive format presents the reader with numerous situations and dilemmas that arise as people embrace their kinkiness and integrate their eroticism into daily life.GOK small cover
  • The Gospel Of Kink is on the cutting edge of the sex-positive and kink-aware movements. This workbook helps the reader break free from the painful silence the dominant culture imposes on alt culture and those of us on the sexual fringe.
  • The Gospel Of Kink provides an opportunity to learn from people just like you. Its on-the-page workshop features a group of ten fictional characters who are your fellow participants. In addition, it includes a panel of actual seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture practitioners who share their expertise and life experience with you.
  • The Gospel Of Kink engages you with numerous exercises and homework. As a workshop participant, you will complete A Personal Alt Relationship Inventory, discuss the Essentials of Effective Communication, identify Tools and Techniques for Navigating Alt Relationship Conflicts, and learn how to Keep Things Fresh and Interesting.
  • The Gospel Of Kink provides a safe and secure place for you to air your concerns without fear of being judged for how you live your life or with whom you choose to live it. You will learn within a framework of honesty, activity, alliance, support, and humor.
  • The Gospel Of Kink is a workbook designed primarily for the modern kinkster, but not exclusively. Family, friends, healing and helping professionals, teachers, students, indeed anyone who wishes to further understand and better communicate with those they know on the sexual fringe, will benefit from this book.

Here’s a tip. There’s a 13 page preview of The Gospel Of Kink HERE!

 

“I can safely say that this book is fundamentally different in style and scope from everything else I’ve ever read on the topic and I think you’ll agree.”

Thirteen or so Minutes

In keeping with the theme we began on Monday, with my interview of the award winning filmmaker, Kyle Henry, I have another short erotic film to share with you.

 

FRUSTRATED!!

Name: Isabel
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: Olympia WA
HI, my guy and I have been together for five years now and he is 29 now. Of course in the beginning we were all over each other, but now (five years later) he can go months with out even thinking about sex. And of course I am going crazy for it. He says me pining for sex is a turn off but I cant help it. He thinks its normal, but I know its not. I don’t know how to get him in the mood. I’ve tried going down on him at night, romantic dinners, porn, and sucking up to his ego. But still to no avail. I know he’s straight. I am sure there are some things that contribute to his lack of interest. Like he was raised Mormon, and in some regards holds women on a pedestal. So what would you advise me to do? What can I do to help him get hornier?

You’re right, darlin’, it ain’t normal! A guy in his 20’s, albeit his late, late 20’s, who has no libido…that’s just downright odd.sexual-Frustration

So let’s say for the sake of argument that you’re right, he is straight as can be (no secret cock on the side). And he can go months without showing any interest in sex? Come on! If he had been like this from the get go, we could make the case that he just doesn’t have an interest in sex. That’s not particularly uncommon. But to go from a vigorous sex live to virtually none in a few years, that’s fishy. Are you confident that he is still attracted to you? Sometimes a guy would rather a life of quiet desperation than tell his GF that he’s no longer into her in a sexual sort of way.

Is he experiencing any health problems? Is he overweight, diabetic? Is he on any prescribed meds? Is he smoking too much pot, consuming too much booze? Is he overworked on the job? Is he sleep deprived? All these things can impact on a dude’s sex drive. I’d recommend he see his physician for some blood work to check his testosterone levels. Sometime a guy’s hormone levels can take a nosedive without him knowing it.

Finally, to your question…what can you do to help him get hornier? Probably nothing beyond what you’ve already tried, unless you suggest a sex therapist. If a surprise blowjob, a romantic dinner, porn and even an ego boost don’t do the trick, and he says no to therapy, then I’d say he’s a lost cause. Time to take your needs to someone with a little more lead in his pencil, if ya know what I mean. None of us should have to beg for our bone.

Good luck

Name: Amber
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: Fort Worth, TX
When me and my husband have sex he just seems to want to get it over with. I don’t ask him for it because every time I do ask him he’s not in the mood. He wont even try to help me warm up I have to do it all myself. I even do everything to him that he asks me. He also seems like he doesn’t want to please me because I’ll tell him ways to make it easier and positions I like and he just ignores me and goes on the way he wants it. When we first met sex was amazing and now sex is literally a 2-minute session just for him. What do I do to get him to help me out too?

sexual-frustration-1See my response to Isabel, right above you.

And to that I would add that if your man is not being mutual in your sex play he’s not playing fair. And not to mince words, but your husband sounds downright abusive. Marriage does not give a person license to ignore, reject or abuse. I’m not one for ultimatums, but the longer you tolerate his behavior, the more obstinate he will become. Give him a choice, either work with you to find a happy solution to this or you are gone.

Good Luck

Name: Mario
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Location: CA
I watch porn once in a while and have noticed that when I have an erection I get the “precum” after a while of having the erection. The problem is that lots of precum leaks out and it’s embarrassing for me when I’m with a girl. They usually get grossed out and stop oral sex. Will the precum go away with time or will this happen to me forever?

Ahhh, the heartbreak of pesky precum drip! I used to know this guy that dripped like a broken faucet and all he had to do was think about a woman’s tits. It was absolutely amazing. When I knew him he was at his first job as a teller in a bank in downtown San Francisco. If there was so much as a woman in line with a low cut blouse and a bit of cleavage precum012showing, he was done for. He could feel his juice drip down his leg. He tried many things to keep his heartbreak from being so obvious — he would wear baggy pants, double up on underwear, he’d stuff his junk in a sock and wear a jock over the sock under his underwear. That worked, but it was uncomfortable. Finally he discovered his own personal solution — he pulled his foreskin over the head of his dick and put a little rubber band over the end. This way his juice would build up inside his hood until he released the rubber band. Now that was creative thinking. I’ll admit this guy was unusual with his prodigious cock dribble, but he was young, only in his late teens, but his “problem” did subside with time.

This whole phenomenon is not unlike a person with a heavy perspiration problem. You know the guys, the ones who run with sweat from every pour at slightest amount of stress or effort. For most, this happens during puberty and early adulthood, but it doesn’t last.

Listen, pup, I know it might be a bit embarrassing, but it’s really very natural. I encourage you to just go with the flow…no pun intended. The more you worry about it the more it will plague you and in time you will become so self-conscious about it, it will cause performance anxiety. Think of it this way; consider yourself lucky, all that precum is a swell natural lubricant. Ya know some women have a similar concern with an abundance of vaginal liberation produced during arousal. But believe me, it always way better to have too much than not enough.

To your concern that some girls get grossed out by your leaky dick, well all I can say is they’re no connoisseur of cocksucking. Because those in the know consider precum the Nectar of the Gods!

Good luck

What’ll I do?

Name: Kit
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Minnesota
Dear Doctor Dick, I have a problem every time I have sex its great until its time to get to the end. To find my completion I always feel like I have to pee I feel the whole belly in knots thing I love having sex and but I don’t enjoy the feeling that I am going to pee on the guy I’m sleeping with any advice?

Ahhh Kit darling, when you say; “sex its great until its time to get to the end” are you talkin’ about an orgasm? I think so, right? Lots of women feel like they have to pee when they cum. In fact, lots of women actually do pee as they cum.

If I had to guess, I’d say you are experiencing what we in the business call — stress incontinence, while you are in the throws of your lovemaking.orgasm236

Stress incontinence can happen just about any time. Anxiety, stress, working out, jogging, and fucking can all trigger this type of incontinence. Curiously enough, research shows that younger women actually have more stress incontinence during sex than do older women. While only 3% of women over age 65 reported incontinence during sexual activity, 29% of women under age 60 did.

Regardless of the cause of the stress incontinence — nervousness, exercise or sex there is one common denominator. It’s always related to the strength of a woman’s pelvic floor muscles. The weaker those muscles are, the more likely a woman will leak pee during physical exercise, fucking, sneezing or even laughing.

While many women experience stress incontinence from time to time, there’s a relatively simple solution to the problem. Your pelvic muscles and the tissues surrounding them get stretched out and damaged with time. Pregnancies will also do a number on these muscles. They will also weaken with age. And if you are overweight, well that will weaken pelvic floor muscles too as well as add to the likelihood of stress incontinence.

So you might be asking right about now, what IS this simple solution? Why, it’s Kegel exercises, of course. I have written so much about these exercises and how they apply to both women and men that I practically know my spiel by heart.

If you’ve not heard of Kegel exercises; you need to wake up and smell the coffee, darlin’! They are muscle contraction and relaxation exercises designed help restore tone to the muscles that surround the opening of your urethra, your vagina and your asshole. At the bottom of the pelvis there are several muscle layers, which stretch between your legs. They attach to the pelvic bones at the front, back and sides. Keep these muscles in tip-top condition and you will virtually eliminate stress incontinence.

These exercises will also help you:
• Increase awareness of sensations in your genital and anal area.
• Increase blood circulation in your genital and anal area.
• Aid in restoring vaginal as well as anal muscle tone.
• Increase the intensity of your orgasms.

Let’s try this for starters. Imagine that you’re trying to stop yourself from farting or trying to hold your pee. Notice the feeling of squeezing and lifting — it’s a sensation of your pelvic muscles tightening and drawing up. Try it now, while you are listening to this. That’s the beauty part of kegels; you can do them anywhere, anytime. If you’re finding it difficult to isolate the muscle group, insert a finger into your vagina before doing a Kegel. If you feel pressure around your finger while you are tensing your PC muscle (that short for pubococcygeus muscle), then you’re on the right track.

However, if you’re tightening your abs, squeezing your legs together, clenching your butt, or holding your breath then you’re not exercising the right muscle group. The object here is to isolate your pelvic floor muscles, because those are the ones you wanna be working.

I want everyone, not just you wooly, to work on both muscle strength and tone. Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Hold then Relax. Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of Kegels twice a day for a week is your goal.

Let’s go over that one more time. Start with five strong prolonged squeezes (5 seconds apiece). Hold then Relax. Then do a series of 10 rapid contractions in a row. Doing three sets of these two types of Kegels twice a day for a week is your goal.

When you’ve accomplished this you’re ready to increase the set to eight or ten prolonged squeezes and 20 rapid contractions in a set twice a day for a week. The advanced kegeler is able to vary the type and duration of his/her PC squeezing; slow prolonged clenches to quick flutters.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

What’s She Been Doin’ With That Thang?

Name: Jasper
Gender: Male
Age: 48
Location: NC
My partner and I had not had sex for 5 months until yesterday. I have a large penis and normally have to be very gentle after we have gone awhile without sex. Yesterday she was very loose and had no problem with my insertion. Is this a good sign that she has been having sex with someone else over the last 5 months??

Jasper, Jasper, Jasper! Do you honestly think that the only way a woman can exercise and stretch her pussy is with a cock? Darlin’, what you don’t know about woman and sex is a lot!

Sexual-frustrationSo I gotta ask, why aren’t you humpin’ your partner with slightly more regularity than every 5 months? Is it you? Is there something about the way you bone her that makes it ok for her to go without your member for such a long period of time?

Maybe, just maybe, she tired of waiting for you to dole out the fuck. Maybe, she needs a bit more then the miserly amount of nookie you’re willing or able to provide. Maybe she’s takin’ care of business on her own. Maybe, she’s discovered the joys of self-pleasuring. Maybe she’s got a stash of manly-sized dildos that you know noting about, and she puts them to good use on a regular basis. Maybe she’s doin’ this because you’re not takin’ care of business at home, like ya oughta.

Listen bub, in the long 5 months that you’ve gone without partnered sex, did you squeeze off a few? Did you choke the chicken? Did you wrestle with the one-eyed monster? Did you wank your willie? I’ll bet you did. And I’ll bet you did with some regularity. You may have even slipped your baloney pony in someone else’s honey pot. Ya know, when long periods of sexual drought occur in a relationship; partners tend to discover how to fend for themselves. Am I right, or am I right?

So let’s just say that your old lady is out there gettin’ plugged by some unfamiliar johnson, and a big one at that. What of it? You certainly ain’t doin’ your part to keep her parts happy and fulfilled, are you?

Maybe, just maybe, you need to make amends to your long-suffering wife and look to pleasing her more frequently, before you let your imagination run away with you. In other words, find out what she likes and how she likes it; and let her have it just that way.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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