Tag: Intimacy

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Wondering Whether You Should Be Having Sex Daily?

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by Adrienne Santos-Longhurst

The pressure to be having more, more, MORE sex is all around, isn’t it? Seen on the cover of magazines at the checkout line, overheard in the locker room, and even scribbled on the walls of bathroom stalls. But should you be having sex daily?

The only thing you ~should~ do is have solo or multi/partnered sex as much or as little as *you* feel comfortable with.

It depends on who you ask.

Researchers — and some of the general population, it seems — have a very limited definition of sex.

What researchers are typically referring to as sex is usually penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus penetration. Depending on the nature of the study, oral sex (and sometimes rimming) may be included in the definition.

While these things absolutely can qualify as sex, so can MANY other things, like kissing, touching, solo and mutual masturbation, outercourse, and any other intimate activity that brings a person sexual pleasure.

With so much that can “count” as sex and the incomplete view of what’s typically studied, comparing your sex life to the so-called average is pretty pointless given how flawed the “average” data is.

Turns out that daily sex is not all that common.

According to a 2017 survey, only 4 percent of adults said they were having sex daily. In this survey, sex was referring to “intercourse.”

The number of people masturbating on the daily is higher, according to the 2020 Tenga Self-Pleasure Report. Based on the findings, 13 percent partake in solo play every day.

It’s no secret that sex has numerous benefits for your mental and physical well-being. Individuals and partners can enjoy more of these if they indulge daily.

Let’s get down to the personal and relational benefits of sex.

Personally

Let’s take a look at what science says sex can do for a person.

It can improve sexual function

Looks like practice makes perfect — or at least better — when it comes to sex.

The more sex you have, the better your sexual functioning. This goes for partnered and solo sex, too.

This equates to an easier time having an orgasm and more intense orgasms. Oh yeah!

It can reduce stress and anxiety

Sex and orgasms have been shown to reduce stress and anxiety in human and animal studiesTrusted Source.

That’s because sex can reduce the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. It can also release endorphins and oxytocin, which have a relaxing and stress-busting effect.

It can help you sleep better

Who rolls over and falls asleep after getting off? Hint: It’s not just people with penises, according to a 2019 study.

The study found that having an O before bed, either from partnered sex or self-lovin’, helped people fall asleep faster and sleep better.

It can put you in a good mood

Duh, right? Of course sex can put some pep in your step, but there are solid biological reasons for it.

Sex and orgasm can trigger a surge of feel-good hormones, and some research from 2006 suggests that these good feelings last well into the next day.

It can help relieve pain

Why reach for aspirin when you can dance the horizontal mambo with yourself or a partner to relieve pain?

The endorphins and other chemicals released during arousal and orgasm are natural pain relievers that work like opioids. This could explain why sex and orgasm offer quick relief from menstrual cramps, migraine, and headaches for some people.

It can be good for your heart

Sex is good for your heart and not just in a warm and fuzzy way.

Along with lower stress and better sleep, which are good for the heart, sex can also lower blood pressure and counts as mild to moderate exercise, depending on how long and hard you go.

Furthermore, frequent and more satisfying sex has also been linked to a lower risk of heart attack.

Relationally

The personal benefits we just covered translate to relationships, too, along with some partner-specific benefits.

It can bring you closer

They don’t call oxytocin the love hormone for nothing.

Oxytocin has several relationship-enhancing effects. Bonding, affection, and trust are just a few.

It’s released in the early stages of love as well as during all kinds of sexual stimulation. We’re talking kissing and cuddling, nipple stim, and other erogenous play, too.

The benefits for your relationships don’t end with actual sex either, according to a 2017 study of married couples. Turns out that postcoital glow continues for 48 hours after sex and contributes to pair-bonding. The stronger the afterglow, the higher the marital satisfaction.

More sex = more sex

That chemical cocktail released during sex is hella strong and go-ood. So good, in fact, that it leads to wanting more, which is why the more sex you have, the more you and your partner(s) will end up having it.

This is why experts often recommend you not be so quick to say no to sex when your partner(s) is in the mood and you’re not, and why many suggest it as a way to deal with mismatched libidos.

Bonus, pleasuring yourself can also increase your sex drive and make you want to have more sex with your partner(s).

Better sexual functioning

Yes, this was one of the personal benefits listed, but it definitely helps sex with your partner(s), too.

Improved sexual functioning from more sex doesn’t just mean better orgasms, but also things like stronger erections and an increase in vaginal lubrication production, which can make partnered sex better.

A few, but for the most part, as long as sex is consensual, pleasurable, and not having a negative impact on your life, it’s all good.

Personally

If you have sex daily, you’ll want to consider these potential personal drawbacks.

Chafing and other discomfort

Excess friction from all that rubbing/thrusting/vibrating/kissing can leave your skin raw and chafed. Frequent handling of your tender parts is bound to leave your parts, well, tender.

Not only could this put a damper on your daily sex sesh, but chafed skin can also crack and give bacteria a way into the body, increasing your risk of infections.

Urinary tract infections (UTIs)

And speaking of infection, frequent sex of the partnered or solo variety can increase your chances of a UTI.

This is assuming you’re engaging in play that involves your genitals, since your urethra basically sits front and center to the action, which can push bacteria inside.

Not enough time prep or recovery time

Certain sex acts don’t require much in the way of prep or recovery, but others, like, say, anal or aggressive sex, might not be practical or even safe without sufficient time before and after.

This can lead to pain and injuries and put you out of commission for a while.

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

If you’re having sex with someone other than yourself, there’s always some risk of contracting or transmitting an STI.

The more often you have sex, the more you increase the odds of contracting one. Regular STI testing and disclosing your results to your partner(s) is key to preventing transmission and a crucial part of overall safer sex practices.

Relationally

If all involved feel good about it and aren’t just going through the motions for the sake of meeting a quota, daily sex can actually be pretty great for your relationship(s). Then again, so is any amount that you’re all happy with.

A 2015 analysis of 30,000 people found that couples who have sex more than once a week are no happier than those that have it just once weekly.

Here’s how to go about getting a daily helping of pleasure without burning yourself or your nether regions out.

Solo practice

Treating yourself to some daily sexy time should be more about pleasure than pressure, so try not to beat yourself up if you don’t make it happen every day.

Try these tips to keep the quality while upping the quantity:

  • Schedule your solo sesh on busy days but be open to rubbing one out outside that time if mood and opportunity happen to line up.
  • Masturbation’s about more than clits and dicks, so show the rest of your body (including your booty!) love, too.
  • Try different strokes to mix things and experiment with tempo and pressure.
  • Use erotic stories and porn for some sexy inspo.
  • Keep things fresh by trying different locations, positions, sex toys, and props.
  • Seduce yourself by setting the mood with candles, music, or a hot bath.

Partner practice

Daily sex can be a little more challenging when you’ve got different schedules and libidos to sync, but it can be done as long as you’re realistic about it.

Try these tips:

  • Broaden your definition of sex to include acts like mutual masturbation, making out, and dry humping to accommodate varying time constraints and energy levels.
  • Keep things interesting with new positions, toys, and props.
  • Schedule sex in your calendars if you have busy or opposite schedules.
  • Keep must-haves like lube and barrier protection stocked so you have them when you need them.
  • Quickies are totes fine but set aside time for some longer sessions and afterglow.
  • Don’t feel pressured or pressure your partner(s) to play if you’re not all totally into it.

Daily sex can be great for your well-being and relationship, as long as your focus isn’t only on frequency. Taking the pressure off and doing what feels good will serve you better than trying to hit some statistical (or perceived) norm.

Like most things in life, quality over quantity is better. If you can have both, well that’s just a nice bonus.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Your Immune System Makes You Sexually Attractive

Desire may be influenced by the similarity of two people’s immune systems

By Jesse Smith, MS

When you feel it, you know it. The feeling of wanting someone is so fundamental to being human. But, what is sexual attraction? What is it that really pulls you in? Is it their eyes? Their waist? Their hair? What if what really turned you on were tiny proteins sticking off the surface of your lover’s white blood cells? Sounds hot.

Researchers are finding evidence that sexual attraction may be due in part to the similarity — or dissimilarity — between two people’s immune systems.

There are dozens of theories about what causes sexual attraction. Some say sexual attraction arises from assessing a member of the opposite sex for mating fitness. There have been theories thrown out that the width of hips in a woman is a sign of childbearing ability. Similarly physical attributes of men such as height or muscle mass may be signs of an ability to provide and protect.

Of course, these theories are simplistic and outdated and may fail to explain the nuance at play. For example, what evolutionary role does the small of one’s back or the skin on their neck play in reproduction? Likewise, the reproduction theory of sexual attraction outright ignores same-sex attraction.

So if physical characteristics fail to explain sexual attraction, perhaps the answer lies beyond what the eye can perceive. Maybe the clues to sexual attraction are found in our sense of smell. The ability to smell — known as olfaction — is a unique sense shared between mammals, reptiles, and insects.

The human olfactory system is unique in that it enjoys privileged access to the deeper recesses of our brain that other senses do not.

Olfaction serves dozens of purposes including communication, protection, and—you guessed it — mate selection.

Olfactory and limbic system.

The human olfactory system is unique in that it enjoys privileged access to the deeper recesses of our brain that other senses do not. Unlike sight, hearing, and touch — which are required to go through a deep brain region called the thalamus that regulates sensory signals before being sent to the cerebral cortex—olfactory signals follow a direct conduit to a neural complex deep in the brain known as the limbic system.

This grouping of neural ganglia controls everything from fear, memory, and reward. Given the close relationship between smell and the limbic system, it is no wonder that smells can evoke such strong feelings in humans. Likewise, because much of olfaction initially bypasses our conscious brain, smell is likely to influence us in ways that we are unaware of on a conscious level.

Is your immune system attractive?

Most people know the immune system as the system that protects against infection. In a basic sense, it is a system of cells and proteins that work in concert to identify and eliminate foreign pathogens from the body.

Genetic diversity almost always equates to evolutionary fitness. That’s hot!

What gives a person’s immune system the ability to identify foreign items from native or “self” is a complex molecular identification card known as the mean histocompatibility complex (MHC). In humans, this is commonly referred to as human leukocyte antigens (HLA). Nearly all human cells possess an HLA of differing classes within the MHC. Collectively, this grouping of antigens protruding off a cell’s outer surface is regularly monitored by immune cells such as T-cells to make sure they fit in as “self.”<

When humans reproduce, the genes within our HLA get shuffled. Like most of the genes in our genome, this genetic shuffling is what leads to genetic diversity. Genetic diversity almost always equates to evolutionary fitness. That’s hot!

A group in Dresden, Germany, has argued that humans have evolved the means of detecting the similarity of a potential mate or partner’s immune system based on their HLA makeup. While it’s still a matter of controversy, the authors of the study, published in 2016, suggest that HLA diversity in mate selection may result in progeny that are better suited to fight off infection.

Can you smell or taste an immune system?

Studies in rats have shown that they are capable of detecting differences in the MHC of other rats. How they are able to do this is still a matter of debate. The most obvious possible explanation may be that clues are detected through the olfactory system.

One research group determined that the composition of the MHC has an influence on which microorganisms inhabit the skin of mucosa of an animal. An animal with one microbiome may emit a different odor from another with a different microbial makeup.

Other studies have found that portions of the proteins that make up the MHC itself — the actual protein regions of the HLA — are detectable in bodily fluids such as sweat, saliva, and urine. Based on this, an animal may be able to directly sense another animal’s MHC through taste or smell. Given the similarity of the HLA system in humans, it is reasonable to assume similar processes are at hand in humans.

A research group in Switzerland published findings in 1995 revealing that women rated the smell of a T-shirt worn by men as more appealing when the men’s HLA makeup was most dissimilar to the woman’s. Interestingly, that effect reversed based on whether a woman was on birth control or not, but that is a topic for another discussion.

What if attraction has nothing to do with reproduction?

The immune system attraction argument is limited in that it pertains mainly to reproduction. This obviously excludes same-sex attraction. If attraction to immune system diversity were based on HLA diversity and fitness in progeny alone, then it would fail to explain sexual attraction in homosexual relationships. The study out of Dresden specifically excluded participants in same-sex relationships.

Going back to the theory of attraction by smell, one study found that people preferred the smell of people with similar sexual orientations. In particular, gay men showed a unique preference for the smell of both heterosexual women and other gay men over heterosexual men. This study did show some distinct preferences for specific groups but failed to correlate with sexual orientation.

It is entirely possible that people of any sexual orientation may be attracted to dissimilar HLA makeups regardless of sex or sexual orientation, which would weaken the reproductive argument. Clearly, the lack of scientific investigation into same-sex relationships is a gap in our current understanding of sexual attraction.

It is safe to say that human attraction is multifaceted and complex. The pull that creates human want and desire is likely based on myriad factors ranging from obvious to subtle. Research seems to show that humans — along with other mammals — are capable of detecting HLA and MHC makeups that are less similar to their own, and do appear to show a preference for those.

Based on this, several dating services have popped up that aim to match couples based on genetic makeup. Unfortunately, the evidence is not convincing enough to ensure attraction or compatibility based on genetics alone, so buyer beware.

In the end, the research on HLA dissimilarity is intriguing and sheds light on the processes involved in determining who we find attractive. However, on its own, it is not enough to explain the complex experience of sexual attraction. With further insight and more comprehensive research, we may be able to determine what role HLA diversity plays in sexual attraction.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Spice Up Your Sex Life

It’s human nature to crave novelty between the sheets.

By Maressa Brown

Whether you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for years or you’re single and loving it, it’s easy to find yourself wanting to infuse your sex life with more adrenaline. After all, no matter how much you adore getting it on with your partner — or yourself — it’s just human nature to crave novelty between the sheets.

“As humans we are constantly growing, changing, and evolving” — and it’s normal to want your sex life to evolve as well, Stephanie Macadaan, a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Bay Area, California, points out.

Nazanin Moali, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist in Torrance, California agrees, adding that sexual pleasure can suffer when sexual experiences feel monotonous and routine. “While the sense of safety that couples feel with one another can deeply enhance sex life, over time, it may also become mundane and repetitive,” she notes. “It is vital and healthy for couples to push themselves to introduce change and novelty, even if only by a small amount. This ensures that the security, care, and intimacy one feels with their partner doesn’t turn tedious.”

Here, several techniques for spicing up your sex life, according to experts.

How to Lay the Groundwork for Spicing Things Up

You might feel ready to dive into experimenting with new toys, positions, or something like role-playing but also find that you or your partner are grappling with underlying fear or hesitation. This is due to messaging that certain types of sexual play are not acceptable or are shameful, says Macadaan. That’s why it’s important to first reflect on and get in touch with what you learned around this in order to bolster openness around sex, she explains.

“It’s also really important to talk openly with your partner about what you are each comfortable with,” she adds. “Sex can be a sensitive topic, so getting help from a therapist may help to ensure you are staying connected, on the same page, and not feeling pressured or pushed into things that don’t feel comfortable.”

Techniques to Turn Up the Heat

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the many ways you might be able to switch up your between-the-sheets routine, but Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., sex and intimacy therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy suggests thinking of it as simply adding a new or less frequently included dimension to your sexual repertoire. “This could be a mindset, a position, an accessory, fantasy, etc.,” she notes.

A few steps to consider taking when you’re first getting started:

Get academic.

Balestrieri recommends checking out the sexual education site OMGyes, whether you’re solo or partnered. “It’s a great resource for vulva owners or the people who are intimate with them,” she says. “Their science-backed research on pleasure offers tons of new ways to play.”

And Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., NYU professor of Human Sexuality and a sexpert for LELO likes online courses offered by Kenneth Play, Beducated.com, and KinkAcademy.com. “People can also take in-person or online workshops at sex stores and communities like the Pleasure Chest, Babeland, or Hacienda,” she adds.

Share a sexual fantasy with your partner.

Even if you don’t plan to explore it in real life, tell your partner about a fantasy you’ve had. “Giving your partner access to your hidden, sexual thoughts can feel vulnerable and sexy to both of you,” says Moali. “Through this, you may also be able to open the door to exploring shared sexual interests.”

Along the same track: Read erotica and listen to steamy podcasts or stories (an app to try: Dipsea).

Get creative with toys.

When you think about sex toys, dildos and vibrators are likely the first examples to pop into your mind. But there are a variety of toys that can be used all over the body to crank up the intensity and fun of foreplay — during partnered or solo sex. Balestrieri recommends the following:

  • The Trojan Ultra Touch Fingertip Vibrator: “This one’s unique in that it allows you to use your own hand to touch, but changes the sensations you or your partner receives, making it great for nipple, clitoral, or other erogenous zone stimulation,” she says.
  • The Neptune 2 from Jimmy Jane: “An amazing start for prostate stimulation, this toy gives you access to the P-spot through stimulating the perineum or the anus.”
  • The Anal Training Kit and Education Set from B-Vibe: “A must for beginners looking to explore anal play safely.”

Go shopping.

If you want to get more hands-on with toy selection, Amy Baldwin, sex educator, sex and relationship coach, and co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast recommends going on a date to your local sex toy shop — solo or with your S.O. “Walk around the shop and check out all of the toys that are available to you,” she advises. “The best sex-positive shops will have knowledgeable employees who can tell you more about each toy while providing specific recommendations based on your preferences.”

You can then add the toys you find to one of three lists labeled, “yes,” “no,” and maybe.” “Some toys might be a strong yes while others might be a strong no, and that’s for you to decide,” says Baldwin. From there, you can start out with the one(s) that felt like a no-brainer.

Set the stage for dirty talk.

Speaking of sexually-charged communication, Vrangalova recommends trying any of the following if you want to get started with dirty talk:

  • Start by describing what you’re doing to each other, going to do to each other, and would like to do to each other.
  • Pick some names or honorifics you can use for each other (slut, whore, boy, girl, daddy, sir, ma’am, etc.).
  • Recount a porn video you watched together.

Invite aggression to the party.

Sure, you might not be ready for full-blown Christian Grey-level activities, but moving from more vanilla to rougher play with a partner might appeal. “If you’re new to pain exchange during sex, you might try some light biting, pinching, or spanking before moving to more aggressive moves,” says Balestrieri.

However, a word of warning to bear in mind along the way: “Always get enthusiastic consent before you try something aggressive and check-in throughout to ensure your partner is still on board,” she notes. “Establish a safe word, so you both have a hard stop if anyone gets uncomfortable. Remember to engage in adequate aftercare after your aggressive sexual experience to help each other transition back to your everyday lives and to debrief.”

Come up with a sexy schedule.

Vrangalova recommends setting up a weekly or bi-weekly or monthly — whatever works with your schedules — research and development play date. Every time, one of you can introduce a new toy, accessory, or sex act for you to both try to whatever extent you are both comfortable with.

As she notes, “Some things might work great, and you might incorporate them more regularly into your sex life; others might not work out and you get to laugh about them.” And ultimately, openness and experimentation with the activities that didn’t work out can elevate your overall pleasure.

The bottom-line, according to Macadaan: “It’s normal for sex to ebb and flow throughout a relationship, but if sex and intimacy decrease to the point of feeling disconnected, it’s important to notice that and put a renewed focus on that part of your life as a couple. After all, if you’re monogamous, sex is the one thing that makes your relationship unique from every other relationship in your life.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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New ways to think about sex

An enjoyable sexual relationship can happen without traditional intercourse.

By Matthew Solan

People’s bodies change over time. Probably nowhere is this most telling than with their sex lives.

For men, sexual drive can slow as hormone production naturally drops, and it’s common to experience erectile dysfunction or health issues that can interfere with sexual performance.

Women can have their own physical barriers to sex, such as vaginal dryness and lower libido after menopause. All of these issues can make conventional sex problematic and stressful for both parties.

“Even though older adults go through physical changes, they often expect their sex life to stay the way it was decades earlier, and that is just not always realistic,” says Dr. Sharon Bober, director of the Sexual Health Program at Harvard-affiliated Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. “Still, there are many ways to continue a strong, healthy sexual relationship without always relying on regular intercourse. Couples should see this new phase of their sex lives as an opportunity to explore different and exciting ways to satisfy each other.”

Redefining sex

The first step older couples should take is to re-examine their definition of “sex.” “Don’t give in to the idea of a so-called normal sex life being narrowly defined,” says Dr. Bober. “Sex refers to a broad spectrum, and there are many places you can land.”

Examine what sex now means to you and your partner. This could mean changing how you pleasure each other, routines you follow, and frequency — as well as making compromises about expectations. “Don’t assume there is only one way to have a sexual relationship,” says Dr. Bober. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

Your relationship status also can shape this new idea of sex. For instance, some couples may enjoy a connection based more on companionship, where the emphasis is on emotional bonding and spending quality time together and less on the physical side.

Language of love

As with most aspects of a strong relationship, communication is vital. “The more you avoid talking about your sex lives, the bigger the issues become,” says Dr. Bober.

Of course, talking about sex isn’t always easy, but most partners are open and willing to discuss and share if given a chance. “Often partners aren’t sure how to begin the conversation, so it never happens,” she says. There are many ways to initiate a sex dialogue. Here are some suggestions:

Seek permission. Begin the conversation positively. For instance, say something like “I want to find ways to reconnect that feel good for both of us” or “Our sex life has been on my mind and I have been wondering if I could share some of my thoughts. Is it okay to talk about it?”

By asking for permission, you can broach the topic without intimidating your partner. “This initial conversation is not about making demands, but about finding ways to explore mutual goals,” says Dr. Bober.

Invite a response. Make it clear you want to hear your partner’s feelings too. For example, say, “I’ve been wondering how you feel about our sex life. What has sex been like for you?” Inviting partners to participate can prevent them from feeling defensive and shows you care about their experience and input, says Dr. Bober.

Express what you both want. Talk about what you both hope to gain from this new sexual relationship, such as more excitement, greater closeness, or even reconnection. “Sharing your needs and expectations helps your partner express theirs, so you both can come to some kind of mutual understanding,” says Dr. Bober.

Different ways to satisfy

Once you’ve had these talks, then you both can look for different ways to approach your new sex life.

Dr. Bober says a good place to begin is with “outercourse.” Here, the attention and energy are directed toward foreplay and manual stimulation with your partner, like massages, hugging, petting, kissing, or just snuggling naked in bed.

“The emphasis is on intimacy and closeness without any big expectations of intercourse,” says Dr. Bober. “This can take the pressure off both partners and eliminate some of the stress and anxiety of having regular sex. It also shows that you can interact with your partner in various satisfying ways.”

Penetration is not always needed to achieve pleasure or orgasm for both people. Instead, try sexual aids like vibrators as well as manual stimulation, masturbation, and oral sex.

As you explore ways to stay intimate, be mindful that every couple is unique.

“A sexual relationship is defined by the two people in it and nobody else,” says Dr. Bober. “Focus on what matters to you and your partner. Your sex lives may have changed, but together you can discover what’s best for each other and your relationship.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Male menopause

— Is it real? Should I care?

Hormone changes are a normal part of aging for both men and women. The terms “male menopause” and “manopause” have been used to describe decreasing testosterone levels associated with aging. The medical term for it is andropause. And it’s different than menopause.

A man’s hormone levels typically drop differently than a woman’s. For men, the decline is much more gradual. On average, a man’s testosterone levels decline about 1% a year, starting about age 40.

Dr. Alan Kelton, internal medicine specialist and faculty member with UCSF Fresno, says low testosterone is more common if you’re overweight.

“About one in three men that are overweight and in their 40s may have it,” says Dr. Kelton, “and certainly by the time men turn 70, about 30% will have measurably low testosterone levels.”

The typically gradual decline means many men never report any symptoms. But when they do, the most common symptoms are sexual:

  • Reduced sexual desire
  • Fewer morning erections
  • Erectile dysfunction

Other symptoms — including a general lack of energy, decreased joy for life and moodiness — are sometimes associated with low testosterone levels, but can have many other causes.

How can I tell if my levels are low?

Testosterone levels can be measured with a simple blood test. But unlike other lab work, your doctor isn’t likely to run this test unless you ask for it. If you’re having symptoms that might be related to low male hormones and if those symptoms trouble you, then speak up and ask your doctor for a test.

If the results indicate a deficiency, the test is often repeated to confirm the results. Confirmed low testosterone levels can lead directly to treatment, but often lead first to more tests to find the root cause.

What are the treatment options?

There’s basically one medical treatment for low testosterone levels — hormone replacement therapy — but there are several ways to deliver it. Injections, creams, tablets and patches can all be used to boost male hormone levels.

Dr. Kelton says it’s important to have realistic expectations about hormone replacement therapy and understand it won’t magically turn you into the muscular older men we see in the movies and on TV. “The truth is that most older men [who get hormone replacement therapy] will have an increase in sexual desire, with or without an increase in sexual functioning,” says Dr. Kelton. “You don’t get more strength, you don’t get more energy, but you do get an improvement in some of the sexual symptoms.”

There can be downsides to hormone replacement therapy too. Dr. Kelton warns, “Testosterone itself seems to contribute to plaque in the coronary arteries. You can get some increased cholesterol buildup or at least on a temporary basis. A man can also have an increase in their blood counts and sometimes at levels high enough to increase the risk of stroke. And if a man has sleep apnea, they’ll have more sleep apnea with testosterone replacement therapy.”

Lifestyle changes can also reverse many of the symptoms of low hormone levels. Dr. Kelton says, “If a man is not sleeping well, is not eating well, is overweight and not exercising, they’re going to have all of the symptoms of low male hormone. By reversing many of those things, testosterone levels can improve, and sometimes dramatically so.”

Focusing on better sleep, boosting nutrition and adding in more exercise can improve testosterone levels.

Is treatment really necessary?

Dr. Kelton says men should talk to their doctor and make an honest effort to make positive lifestyle changes before deciding on hormone replacement therapy. And in the end, he stresses that the numbers aren’t the most important thing. 

“Aging is a personal experience. For some men, it’s distressing to have a decrease in sexual functioning and sexual desire and they may report symptoms early on in life, even when their male hormone levels are completely normal. Other men see their decrease in sexual functioning and desire as just part of a normal part of aging and they’re not really bothered by it.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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5 Ways Non-Penetrative

‘Frottage’ Sex Can Supply You With All the Pleasure You Could Ever Want

By Gabrielle Kassel

The word frottage—which comes from the French word frott, which means “rub”—isn’t just fun to say; it’s fun to do, as well. Frottage “is a word used for the non-penetrative sex that happens when two or more bodies rub together,” says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of pleasure-product company Early to Bed. “Clothes on or off, this is a fun way to explore sexuality without penetration for just about anyone.”

No matter your relationship structure, gender, or sexual orientation, practicing the sex act of frottage (which is basically a fancy way to say dry humping, grinding, outercourse, or even heavy petting) stands to offer benefits to your pleasure practice, no matter how intimate your practice gets. This makes it accessible to all people, along every point of their respective sexual journey.

Frottage involves rubbing erogenous zones together, which can have the effect of stimulating nerve-dense pleasure spots. “For someone with a clitoris, the sensations one gets from rubbing can be easily orgasmic,” says Deysach. To her point, research supports the notion that for the majority of vulva owners, clitoral stimulation during sex is either necessary for reaching orgasm period or increasing the quality of an orgasm in question. “For penis-havers, rubbing against another penis, vulva, or butt can feel super-fun even without penetration,” Deysach adds.

Frottage allows people who aren’t interested in penetrative intercourse or can’t have penetrative sex to still be sexually intimate.

Orgasm notwithstanding, frottage allows people who aren’t interested in penetrative intercourse or can’t have penetrative sex to still be sexually intimate. “For people who have health challenges that impede penetrative sexual function, like erectile difficulty, premature ejaculation, or vaginismus, frottage is still on the table,” says Goody Howard MSW, MPH, resident sex educator for vegan-friendly condom and lubricant company Royal.

Frottage can happen with clothes on or off, which is both a pleasure and safe-sex win. With clothing acting as a barrier, STI transmission is less likely (but practicing safe sex with recommended contraception and tools is also certainly recommended).

5 tips to get the most out of your frottage practice

1. Do it solo

As good as frottage can feel with a partner, it’s worth trying as part of your masturbation practice. Stuffed animals, pillows, sex pillows, couch corners, and chair arms can all be just as fun to hump as a human, according to Deysach. Simply position the aid at a pleasurable angle, and then get to frotting.

2. Be intentional with your underwear and outerwear

Wearing your thickest pair of pants may sound counterintuitive, but Howard says denim can actually take the sesh from zero to ohh! “Denim is a high-friction fabric that provides pleasurable friction to those who need it [to get off],” she says, adding that the seams, in particular, can provide a texture that feels so good. “Jean material warms up with consistent motion, which can heat up playtime in a fun way,” she says.

Alternatively, if you’re planning to frot pantsless, Deysach recommends opting for a slinky, soft underwear material, like silk, which can create a pleasurable gliding sensation. (Lace lingerie, while visually sexy, can actually become physically uncomfortable due to all that frotting friction, she warns.)

3. Use lube

“If you are experimenting with naked frottage with another person, try adding silicone lube to your genitals or your—and their—thighs for slippery humping fun,” says Deysach. Promescent Silicone Lube, Uberlube, and Sliquid Silver are all recommended options for this.

If, however, you’re planning to keep some or all of your garments on, substitute the silicone-based lube with a water-based one, like Sliquid Sassy, because silicone-based lube is much harder to get out of clothes.

4. Add in a sex toy

“There are vibrators and non-vibrating sex toys that can add fun to your frottage play,” says Deysach. “Ultimately, whichever you choose will vary based on your individual pleasure-preferences, though.” Some might opt for a butt plug, while others may prefer nipple clamps, or traditional vibrators, for instance.

“If you both have a vulva, another option is to nestle a wand-style vibe between your bodies and share in the vibration,” Deysach says. “There are also panty vibrators that clip right inside underwear so you can easily grind up against the toy while leaving your clothes on,” she says. For two examples, consider the We-Vibe Moxie and Screaming O Panty Vibe.

5. Switch up who’s on top

To reiterate: There is no right or wrong way to practice frottage in solo or partnered play. If, for example, your partner is generally on top, consider swapping, and vice versa.

Sexperimenting is the name of the game here.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to deal with post-lockdown intimacy anxiety and low libido

Post-pandemic Sex: Many of us are unsure how to navigate relationships in what feels like a new world

The basic tips still hold true including practicing safe sex by using condoms and birth control.

By Geraldine Walsh

Along with indoor dining and international travel, sex is due to make a comeback as the summer of love apparently, belatedly, unfolds around us. The forward-moving vaccination programme brings hope for a normal life.

Post-pandemic sex and relationships, however, appear to have undergone a significant shift, depending on the age group, but how our post-pandemic sexual behaviour will pan out is not all that easy to predict.

There is a disparity in how we have experienced intimate relationships over the past 18 months. There were those of us in committed relationships who witnessed a rising stress culminating in a low sex drive brought on by the upside-down world. Many entered the pandemic as singletons and are now exiting while still single having missed out on a couple of years of flirtations with the potential of cementing long term relationships.

We’re not expecting a sexual revolution as such, but the effect the opening of society will have on relationships means adjusting not only our expectations but our practices

The crisis cut short liaisons which were never given a chance and, after living in limbo for too long, dating is back on the cards filled with an added anxiety. And there are the teenagers who are now in their twenties and, well, are raring to go with the potential for casual sex to make a 1920s roaring return.

We’re not expecting a sexual revolution as such, but the effect the opening of society will have on relationships means adjusting not only our expectations but our practices. With both the physical and emotional effects of post-pandemic sex likely to come to the fore as we eventually drop statistics on intimacy, it’s safe to say the pandemic has not been conducive to a healthy fulfilling sex life for many of us, single or not. The issue for many now is how to navigate not only new relationships but those sticky sexual exploits in what feels like a new world.

What about physical first dates?

“People are emotionally fatigued with online dating, the chatting, texting, being ghosted and the emotional whirlwind that comes with romantic first encounters online with potential love interests,” says Orlagh Gahan, couples and relationship psychotherapist. “Not having the opportunity to physically date all through lockdown has left many singletons isolated. We are going to see a huge boom in traditional real live dating again with more and more people moving towards professional matchmaking services.”

Gahan is conscious of the overwhelming emotional burden caused by dating websites, particularly for those committed to finding real love. She suggests we be ourselves as much as possible on dates.

“Arrange morning and daytime dates around hobbies and interests you both enjoy,” says Gahan, “or new experiences which will bring out your natural persona rather than dates focused on alcohol and the pub culture. Keep first dates short, but long enough that you give each other time to come out of your shell and loosen up. Romance and chemistry can take time to develop, and first dates are pressurised situations so go with your gut and intuition.”

What about intimacy anxiety?

“The intensity of emotions, fatigue, anticipatory grief can obviously affect our sex drive and all types of romantic intimacy,” says Gahan. “Many of us are in a state of recuperation meaning it will take time to readjust. A sex positive approach promotes proactively addressing blocks associated with body image, sex, intimacy and sexual health, fears and anxieties around sex while also learning more about the subject. When we feel good and positive about ourselves we are naturally more open to connection and in turn romantic intimacy.”

A pandemic addition to our intimate connections and potential intimacy anxiety is disease anxiety. There are those of us who are innately concentrated on how Covid-19 can find its way into the bedroom with lab tests showing SARS-COV-2 has been found in saliva, faecal matter, and semen. The anxiety can be so overwhelming that some are holding off until the pandemic is over to get frisky, which at this stage is a guess at best. Instead of waiting, ground rules can help alleviate the anxiety.

The awkward conversation in an early relationship doesn’t always make for great foreplay but the longer we keep our opinions silent, the harder it may be approach them. Gahan suggests we don’t be afraid to have real in-depth conversations about sex at the beginning of a relationship as “couples can benefit from talking about sexual intimacy, consent, values, sexual health and attitudes about sex and relationships.”

What about low libido?

Low libido is a common occurrence with the overreaching anxiety brought about by the pandemic. But the truth is there are many different factors which affect libido and the desire for intimacy including relationship health.

“We need to move beyond the overly simple and disempowering concept that libido is either high or low,” says Gahan, “and cultivate a mindset more focused around sexual health and healthy sexual attitudes, understanding and practicing what it means and feels like to be a sexually healthy human being with the understanding that libido fluctuates.

“I would encourage people, particularly women, to educate themselves about the different aspects of sexual intimacy, sexual health, and also the very curious and intriguing arousal process. Get to know your own body and build on body confidence, learn about romantic intimacy, and find safe empowering ways to talk openly and honestly about how you feel about sexual intimacy.

To improve your libido, get sex positive, talk about feelings, fears, and needs around sex, understand intimacy at a deeper level, feel good about your body again, get out and exercise and feel fun and joy in simple things, love and look after your body and you will feel more comfortable bonding with your partner.”

What about practising safe sex?

The rules of safe sex have not changed because of a pandemic. They may have shifted however as we are more conscious of who we hook up with considering the risk of Covid-19 transmission in unvaccinated people remains relatively high. It is as vital as ever to take precautions when starting a sexual relationship to protect yourself from STIs, HIV and unplanned pregnancy. See sexualwellbeing.ie for more info.

Talk:
Have the conversation. Talk to your partner about whether or not they have tested positive for STI’s. Discuss safe sex practices and sexual history. Have a chat about consent, and help each other understand your comfort-levels, boundaries, and your likes in the bedroom.

Test:
Get tested if you have any symptoms of sexually transmitted infections. Contact your local STI clinic or GP. In today’s world, add in a Covid-19 test if you have any coronavirus symptoms such as cough, shortness of breath, fever, or changes to your sense of smell or taste. and self-isolate from your partner if possible.

Act:
Practice safe sex by using condoms and birth control. Avoid alcohol or drugs which can inhibit our awareness and result in high-risk sex. Keep an eye on your body and that of your partners for any changes such as a rash, sore, blister, or discharge which may indicate an infection.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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18 Types of Sexuality To Know for Greater Understanding About Yourself and Others

By Korin Miller

There are a number of different types of sexuality, and by learning about each, you can cultivate a better understanding about yourself and others. And since language is always evolving, staying abreast of the different types of sexuality is important for both creating an authentic relationship with yourself and being an inclusive ally for all people. “The constantly evolving lexicon provides more options that can help people explore themselves,” says Corey Flanders, PhD, sexual-health disparities researcher and associate professor of psychology and education at Mount Holyoke College. “The range of sexuality terms available means that more people will find something that resonates with their experience.”

Words matter, and when those words connect to nuanced forms of identity, they matter even more. Such is the case for why it’s so important for all people to understand the different types of sexuality. To contextualize it differently, consider Dr. Flanders’ following example about ice cream: “I had a teacher once who described it in terms of ice cream flavors,” she says. “What if your favorite ice cream flavor was kale, but you never knew that about yourself because it was never an option? And then one day, maybe you come across kale ice cream and love it, and now understand yourself as a person whose favorite ice cream is kale-flavored.”

“Sexuality is full of diversity, and awareness of different types helps build acceptance and understanding of these differences.” —Shannon Chavez, PsyD, sexologist

The implications of understanding the different types of sexuality are, of course, further reaching and more important than ice cream flavors. “Sexuality is full of diversity, and awareness of different types helps build acceptance and understanding of these differences,” says Shannon Chavez, PsyD, resident sex therapist with K-Y. “It breaks down stereotypes, judgments, and myths about different sexual populations. Sexuality is a central part of your identity and who you are, and learning more about your own sexuality as well as others’ can be an empowering and positive experience.”

To be sure, understanding your own sexuality can be beneficial for myriad reasons. It “can help you connect to other folks who share a similar experience, which we know is important for supporting the health and well-being of queer people,” Dr. Flanders says. “For me personally, I grew up in a time and a place where bisexuality and queerness weren’t options that were known to me. Once I met people who used those terms to describe themselves, it provided a framework for me to understand myself and my sexuality in a way that enabled me to communicate it to myself and others.”

And in fact, learning about the types of sexuality—even if you feel you already have a strong understanding of your own identity—can help destigmatize and remove shame surrounding the space for others. “I do believe we are going through a new sexual revolution where people are more open with their unique identities, bringing awareness to pronouns and gender identities, and freedom to express who you are sexually without fear and shame,” Dr. Chavez says.

While, again, the types of sexuality are constantly evolving and growing, below, you can find a breakdown of many up-to-date terms and their meaning, according to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and the University of Connecticut’s Rainbow Center:

18 types of sexuality to know about for a deeper understanding of yourself and others

1. Allosexual

This is a person who experiences sexual attraction.

2. Aromantic

An aromantic is one of many romantic orientations that describes someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction to another person.

3. Androsexual

An androsexual is sexually attracted to men or masculinity.

4. Asexual

People who are asexual have a lack of attraction to other people.

5. Bicurious

A person who is bicurious is interested in or curious about having sex with someone whose sex or gender is different from their usual sexual partners.

6. Bisexual

A bisexual is someone who is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to more than one sex, gender, or gender identity. This is a term that is sometimes used interchangeably with “pansexual,” which more specifically describes someone who is attracted to people without regard to their gender identity.

7. Demiromantic

This is a person who has little or no ability to feel romantically attracted to someone until they form a strong sexual or emotional connection with a person.

8. Demisexual

A demisexual does not experience sexual attraction until they have a strong romantic connection with someone.

9. Gay

A person who is gay is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to people of the same gender identity. This term is often used by men, women, and non-binary people.

10. Heteroflexible

People who are heteroflexible often identify as heterosexual but may experience situational attraction that falls outside of that.

11. Heterosexual

This term describes people who identify as men who are attracted to people who identify as women, and vice versa.

12. Lesbian

A lesbian is someone who identifies a woman or as non-binary who is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to other women. The term is used by women and non-binary people.

13. LGBTQ

This acronym is used for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer.”

14. Pansexual

A pansexual is a person who has the potential for emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender identity or sexual orientation.

15. Queer

This term describes a spectrum of sexual identities other than exclusively heterosexual.

16. Questioning

People who consider themselves questioning are currently exploring their sexual orientation.

17. Same-gender loving

This is a term that’s used by some people instead of “lesbian,” “gay,” or “bisexual” to explain their attraction to someone of the same gender identity.

18. Skoliosexual

A person who is skoliosexual is attracted to people who are non-binary.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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5 changes to expect in your sex life post-undergrad

By Victoria Syphoe

Whether you were in a college relationship, or single and loving it in undergrad, one thing rings true, sex and relationships after college are wildly different. As your whole life shifts into the “real” world, so do your sex life and priorities in your sex life. 

1. You’ve developed a bad sex radar.

Though college relations are oftentimes easy to instigate with countless horny adolescents at your disposal, this doesn’t always mean it’s good sex. Nonetheless, experience is the best teacher. You can better acknowledge what you like and don’t like, and more importantly, recognize the good from the bad. 

2. Masturbation can be your best friend.

Leaving college and starting your adult life can be a bit of a dry spell as your life shifts. Settling into a new job, paying bills, and ‘adulting’ can take your focus off of the ongoing search for a hookup. Don’t get frustrated, self-love is the best love in more ways than one. Knowing how to please yourself will get you very far and can increase your confidence in the bedroom. It can also make it easier to communicate to your partner how to properly please you and avoid awkward fumbling around.

3. There are enough partners to go around.

College relations can cause drama with there being a somewhat limited dating pool. Everyone goes to the same parties, meets the same people, and odds are if you think he’s cute, your friend may too. Luckily, this is less of a concern after college as you are exposed to countless new people in your adult life.

4. Yes, foreplay IS a thing!

Whether rushing to get it in between classes or just dealing with an inexperienced or careless partner, young women everywhere complain about men skipping the foreplay. With age and experience, men realize that foreplay is beneficial for the woman and them too in the long run. Everybody wins. 

5. Finally, no more falling off that twin bed.

As you get further into those 20-somethings you’ll find yourself happy to not have to sneak out of dorms or squeeze onto those uncomfortable twin beds. Enjoy being able to freely roll around in the sheets of beds made for two.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Sex Educators Helping Muslim Women Claim Their Sexuality

By Hafsa Lodi

‘Orgasm’ and ‘Islam‘ are two words you don’t typically see together. I never thought I’d use them in the same sentence and certainly never imagined I’d have the guts to write publicly about sex. It just isn’t something you talk about as a Muslim, especially if you’re female.

And so I can’t help but do a double take when I see the O word used colloquially by female Muslim personalities on social media. A post on @villageauntie’s Instagram states: “My orgasm is not optional.” “Orgasm is one part of a spectrum of sexual pleasure that Allah has created our bodies to experience,” reads a caption by @sexualhealthformuslims. Both platforms are treasure troves of advice, insight and tips tailored for Muslims – invitations to not-so-secret social media networks that work to remove stigma and democratise faith-based discussions about sex.

An Instagram poll of 615 Muslims revealed that growing up, only 9% had any sort of sex ed from a religious framework. Yemeni-British musician Noha Al-Maghafi, known as Intibint, recalls living in Yemen and being instructed to rip out the pages on reproduction from her science book in Year 6. In Year 9, her biology teacher gave her girls’ class a covert lesson on sex ahead of some students’ impending weddings. For other Muslim women, sex ed may amount to a whisper from their mother ahead of their wedding night, reminding them to shower afterwards to purify themselves. What happens in between is often pieced together from gossip, magazines, movies and television shows.

Intentions to shelter young Muslims from education about sex might be well-meaning – an extension of protecting their chastity and overall naivety – but there are far-reaching consequences to promoting this sort of ignorance. Lack of awareness and education about sex can lead to a fear of intimacy, unbalanced sexual roles, unenjoyable sex and, in extreme cases, marital rape. Thankfully, there is a movement brewing to demystify sexual education for Muslims, driven largely by women on social media who are speaking openly about sex. Discussing topics like consent, fertility, ejaculation and orgasms, their guidance is imbued with religious language and emphasises the equality of genders in sexual intimacy.

Sameera Qureshi of @sexualhealthformuslims is an occupational therapist and sexual health educator whose teachings are grounded in Islamic spirituality. A decade ago she was helping Muslim immigrants to acclimatise to Canadian society. Upon realising that sexual health wasn’t being addressed in Islamic schools, she helped to develop and facilitate an “Islamically oriented curriculum” for sexual health. “I just thought, How can we not bring Islam into this, it’s a part of our life,” she explains. Fast-forward to 2021 and Qureshi now offers consultation services, teaches courses and provides free, informative content through her platform. “There are just too many restrictions for Muslims to get this information, and what better way to do it [than] through social media and online courses? Nothing like this exists in terms of there being a journey in sex ed for Muslims – everything is very scattered and piecemeal,” she says.

Angelica Lindsey-Ali (known by her social media moniker, Village Auntie) is an intimacy and relationships expert in America who began discussing sex with groups of Muslim women while living in Saudi Arabia and now offers courses through her Village Auntie Institute. “My work lies at the intersection of the sacred and the sacral – so I like to talk about spirituality while using sex as a framework to have those discussions,” she explains. “Everything I do is focused on women. I’m not really interested in male perspectives just because I think that we’ve been overwrought with male perceptions about sexuality and the female body.”

Orthodox Muslim positions on sex have been interpreted and passed down primarily by men, so seeing Muslim spokeswomen striving to change the narratives around sex in Muslim communities is quite revolutionary. However it isn’t only women who are lifting the veil on sexual awareness and empowerment. Habeeb Akande is a UK-based Muslim historian, sex educator and author of seven books, including A Taste of Honey: Sexuality and Erotology in Islam. To celebrate International Female Orgasm Day on 8th August, he hosted a webinar for men to learn about female pleasure. “I’m passionate about female sensuality and aim to close the gender orgasm gap,” he says. “I believe every man should know how to help a woman climax until she is truly satisfied, and that every woman should understand her body and feel entitled to pleasure from her man.”

Exuding charisma and approachability, these educators are in stark contrast to the often fear-based ‘religious’ sexual discourse, rife with foreboding words like ‘impure’ and ‘haram’ (forbidden), which can perpetuate a cycle of shame. The little information that does seep through the cracks of censorship is often patriarchal, emphasising men’s active role and women’s passivity. “A lot of Muslim scholars incorrectly understand sexual response,” says Qureshi. “They often talk about males having ‘really strong, sexual drives’ and unfortunately this gets relegated to mean that men have no control over their sexual desire, that when they’re aroused, they need sex and that it’s the role of the woman to satisfy that in marriage – not vice versa. This creates an environment that’s very inequitable for sexual pleasure in marriage.”

Conversely, many Muslims emphasise the egalitarianism of the Quran’s message, which refers to spouses as ‘garments’ for one another. Akande points out that in several of his sermons, the Prophet Muhammad urged men to treat women well, which includes being affectionate and providing financial support, sexual fulfilment and emotional security. “Sadly, many women have been raised to believe their body belongs to their father or husband,” he says. “Some even incorrectly believe that Islam permits a man to force himself on his wife and that ‘good women’ do not initiate intimacy with their husbands.” The misconception that sex is just for men needs to be dispelled, believes Akande; in Islam, women have just as much right as men to sexual pleasure. “It is also important to debunk myths regarding male sexual entitlement as some Muslims erroneously believe consent does not exist in marriage,” he adds, explaining that these attitudes stem from cultural understandings and are not aligned with Islamic values. “Oftentimes people conflate Islam with culture, and Islamic teachings with Muslim practices.”

When Akande travelled to Egypt to study Arabic and Islamic law at Cairo’s Al Azhar University, he came across numerous ‘sex manuals’ written by male Islamic scholars – findings that he believes would surprise many Muslims today. “Erotic texts such as Encyclopaedia of Pleasure by Jawami’ Al-Ladhdha and The Perfumed Garden by Al-Rawd Al-Atir emphasised the sexual needs of women and female romantic fulfilment for a pleasurable marital relationship,” he explains, adding that “sexually empowered women have long existed in Islam but their stories are often untold.”

Lifting the lid on this suppression of perspectives is the groundbreaking work of these Muslim ‘sexperts’ and social media has been instrumental in spreading their messages. “It has been one of my best tools for community generation because I can reach those women who live in places where I may never actually get a chance to visit,” says Lindsey-Ali. Muslims can turn to these educators with questions that they feel unable to ask their parents, teachers or spouses and will be met with refreshing responses presented in relatable Instagram posts – from Qureshi’s “Debunking myths about the hymen” and “Muslims and masturbation: a ‘touchy’ subject” to Lindsey-Ali’s “How to improve your stroke game” and “Tips for husbands maximising the possibility of female ejaculation”.

Because these educators’ approaches are rooted in religious beliefs, their teachings are intended for sex within marriage. Akande, however, offers advice for non-married Muslims struggling with desire and lists questions for them to ask potential spouses about sexual compatibility. Qureshi, meanwhile, plans on launching a pre-marital workshop about intimacy later this summer. She also believes that unmarried Muslims can benefit from following her platform. “I’m well aware that there are Muslims engaging in sex before marriage and they’re not doing so with best practices,” she says, adding that she follows a “harm reduction-based” approach which aims to minimise the health and social impacts of a practice without necessarily requiring one to abstain from it. “I’m not here to tell you what to believe, I’m someone who wants to expand the conversation and bring forward perspectives that we haven’t been exposed to, because Allah gave us intellect and we’re ultimately responsible for our decisions,” says Qureshi.

Using their public platforms to discuss topics traditionally relegated to the private sphere has brought some backlash from more conservative critics. Lindsey-Ali has a handful of messages from “creeps” in her inbox and has been told that she will “go to Hell” and Akande has been told that his work is “very inappropriate”. Nonetheless, the increasing number of clients, subscribers, readers and followers is testament to the high demand for their services, and these experts hope this is the beginning of a collective revival of candour when it comes to Muslims and sex. Female sex educator Dr Shaakira Abdullah, who goes by @thehalalsexpert on Instagram, is targeting future generations of Muslims and offers ‘halal sex talks’ courses for parents seeking to discuss sex openly with their children while “keeping them connected to God”.

“Sexually empowered women have long existed in Islam but their stories are often untold. — Habeeb Akande”

From a truly religious standpoint, the work of these educators is hardly radical or rebellious – they are calling for Muslims to return to the foundations of the faith and distinguish religious ethics and values from the patriarchal cultures which have clouded them. Qureshi points out that Islam, as a religion, has been colonised over the past couple of hundred years and that many Muslims have reacted with very purist interpretations. “Going back to our tradition, if we learn about the nature of what it means to be a Muslim and we really expand that to an internal journey, I think the remedy is there,” she says. “Sexual education to some folks seems really minute but if you look at our scripture, it’s a huge topic with so much sacredness.”

The sacredness of womanhood remains a focal point for Lindsey-Ali, who believes that a profound confidence in their faith is driving Muslim women’s spiritual reawakening to their rights in the bedroom. “I think women are going back and looking at the Quran and Islamic texts and saying, ‘Does it really say that?’ and trying to unearth the true teachings of Islam,” she says. In the process they’re learning some valuable lessons, like “My pleasure is just as important as his”.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why does sex hurt?

14 common reasons why intercourse is painful, plus how to prevent it

By Ally Head

So, why does sex hurt? Good question – and, sadly, not one that there’s a straightforward answer too.

Getting intimate and then feeling a stabbing, burning or, well, any kind of pain down there can be a bit of a mood killer, can’t it? Not to mention a worry.

Sex can hurt for a number of reasons, from underlying infections to hidden health conditions. That highlighted, it’s definitely better to deal with it sooner rather than later – no point gritting your teeth and hoping it will go away.

Known medically as dyspareunia, as obstetrician, gynaecologist and ambassador for Wellbeing Sisters doctor Larisa Corda explains, painful sex affects one in ten British women, as per an International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology study.

And, according to doctor Shree Datta, gynaecologist for intimate wellbeing brand INTIMINA, there are two main types. Superficial dyspareunia – pain at the entrance to the vagina or within it at the point of penetration – or deep dyspareunia – which occurs deep in the pelvis. “Remember that pain can range from a mild irritation to debilitating pain, meaning sex can’t be tolerated, and it may be temporary, intermittent or a long term problem,” she explains.

Both female experts stress that it’s important to discover it sooner rather than later why you may be suffering from pain during sex. Keep reading to decode why does sex hurt, once and for all.

1. Too little lubrication

FYI, one of the most common reasons you’re having to Google, ‘why does sex hurt?’, is because you have too little vaginal lubrication during sex. This is totally normal – a lot of women experience vaginal dryness.

Your vagina lacking moisture can be down to the amount of foreplay before penetration, or even a lack of hormones such as oestrogen around the time of menopause, explains Datta. “If you suffer from medical conditions such as diabetes or depression, this can also affect your sexual libido and enjoyment,” she shares.

Bottom line: many women simply do not produce enough vaginal lubrication, including younger women, adds Samantha Evans, sexual health expert, former nurse and co founder of luxury sex toy retailer Jo Divine.

Try this: Rather than keep Googling why does sex hurt, Evans shares that the use of lubricants can really help. Often GPs will prescribe a hormonal cream or pessary, but many gynaecologists advocate using vaginal lubricants to help nourish the delicate tissues of the vagina. Read out guide to the best lubes to buy over the counter, while you’re here.

2. You may be suffering from a skin condition

Did you know? Underlying skin conditions can actually cause irritation during sex, and condoms may also cause discomfort or burning, particularly if you have an allergy, explains Datta. If your vagina burns after sex, you may have eczema and other genital skin conditions, such as lichen sclerosis.

Try this: Make sure you visit your GP to get your skin condition defined, if you think you may be suffering. From there, they can help you decide the best course of action, explains Corda.

3. You may have vaginismus

Ever heard of vaginismus? If you haven’t, it’s the tightening of your vaginal muscles automatically at the time of penetration, explains Datta. But why does this happen? “It can be caused by a combination of physical and psychological issues,” explains Corda. “Physical causes can include urinary tract infections, sexually transmitted diseases, vulvodynia, skin conditions such as psoriasis or eczema, menopause, and birth trauma.”

Psychological problems, on the other hand, can be caused by emotional or sexual trauma. “A previous painful experience with sex might make it harder to feel aroused and enjoy touch,” explains a spokesperson from Brook Advisory. “It can also make the muscles around the vagina and anus clench (to protect you from the pain you’re worried about) and make penetration difficult and more painful.”

Try this: With the appropriate medical intervention and counselling, the experts share that the problem can be alleviated to enable penetrative sex. Treatment usually involves specialist counselling, pelvic floor exercises, biofeedback training with a women’s health physiotherapist and use of medical dilators or a vibrator or dildo to slowly encourage the vagina to relax and open.

4. You may have an STD

Pain during or after sex can also be a sign of a sexually transmitted disease (STI) or vaginal infection, like a urinary tract infection like cystitis.

“Stinging or burning during sex may be as a result of a sexually transmitted infection, especially if you also experience an unusual vaginal discharge, or an unusual odour,” says Professor Ellis Downes, consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist and spokesperson for vSculpt. “If you have a new sexual partner and have had unprotected sex with him, and are experiencing these symptoms it would be a good idea to have it diagnosed and treated by your GP or at a sexual health clinic.”

Try this: STIs such as Chlamydia or gonorrhoea can have little to no symptoms but vaginal itching or burning, as well as painful sex, might be a sign that you are infected. Visit your GP or GUM clinic for a test. Treatments usually involve antibiotics but your doctor can recommend the next course of action.

5. You might have thrush

Three out of four women will suffer with thrush at some point in their lives, although it’s other infections, such as bacterial vaginosis. As above, UTI’s are also a common reason as to why sex is likely to hurt. Vaginal thrush, in particular, is a common yeast infection, and the main symptoms include painful sex, itching, soreness, stinging, burning when peeing and an odourless discharge.

Try this: You can pick up a DIY test in most pharmacies to determine whether you have thrush or BV, and your pharmacist will be able to recommend the best course of action. It’s usually treated with anti-fungal cream, pessaries, pills or a combination.

6. You could be going through the menopause

According to Corda, during the menopause, women experience a reduction in sex hormones which can lead to both vaginal dryness and sexual pain.

Do note here: Don’t feel embarrassed about this or suffer in silence – as Datta points out, lots of people experience sexual problems at different stages of life. “There is a lot of help out there, so there is no need to deal with this difficulty alone,” she shares. Do book an appointment with your GP if you think your painful sex may be because of menopausal symptoms.

7. Your vagina may be irritated

You’ll likely know that genital irritation can be caused by spermicides, latex or vaginal douching. Some women are allergic to certain products or even their partner’s sperm. Latex products, such as condoms or sex toys, can also cause an allergic reaction, so if you’ve ever experienced an itching or burning sensation when trying new products, then you might’ve had an irritation or allergic reaction which can, in turn, lead to painful sex.

Try this: do be aware of what you are applying to the delicate skin of your genitals. Glycerin – which is often found in flavoured lubes – as well as parabens and aspartame, can cause irritation. Similarly, alkali or acidic lubes can mess with the pH balance of your vagina and cause dryness and itching. Instead, switch to a water-based (not silicon-based) lube, such as Pjur. Another alternative is Sliquid, which is also glycerin- and paraben-free.

Similarly, opt for latex-free condoms and, when using a sex toy, make sure you clean if after use (read how to clean your sex toys, here), recommends Downes. “Some cleaning substances can irritate the vaginal lining, though, so do note that it’s best just to use hot water and natural soap.”

8. You may just not be aroused

“If you’re not physically aroused, touch of any kind can be uncomfortable, especially if it’s somewhere sensitive, like your clitoris or the tip of your penis,” says a spokesperson from the Brook Advisory Clinic. “Being well-lubricated, relaxed and with lots of blood flow in the area (you want either an erect penis or a vulva swell) helps with this, so put plenty of focus on foreplay,” they recommend.

FYI, women especially need warming up before penetrative sex, both physically and emotionally. “If you’re not feeling turned on – that is, if you’re not mentally aroused – touch can be unpleasant. For example, being tickled when you’re feeling playful and silly is usually more fun than when you’re tired or angry,” adds the Brook spokesperson.

Try this: The sexpert suggests spending time enjoying foreplay to significantly improve your sexual pleasure. “There may be times when penetrative sex is not possible, but you can still have great sex without intercourse,” they share.

Corda also adds that, if you’re worried about your lack of libido, counselling could be key to treating these factors and reviving the pain associated with sex. But in the first instance, it’s important to see your doctor to rule out medical causes first and provide the correct treatment.

9. You may be injured

Did you know? “Painful sex can be a sign of damage from previous sex, such as tearing or soreness,” explains a spokesperson from the Brook Advisory Clinic.

Think about it – you wouldn’t go running if you’d twisted your ankle, so try not to have sex super quickly after a particularly enthusiastic session, as it may have resulted in friction that has left you sore.

10. He may be too big

“Even if you’re well lubricated and fully aroused, you may experience pain if a man inserts his penis too quickly or deeply,” says Evans. “The vagina relaxes as you warm up to having sex, and will open more comfortably if the penis enters slowly. Guiding your partner in at your own pace can really help avoid any pain.”

Try this: She explains that often, having sex doggy style can be painful, so try backing onto the penis at your own pace. The same can be said when going on top. Don’t let your partner to pull you down onto their penis if you suffer from painful sex: instead, she recommends slowly lower yourself, controlling the speed and depth of insertion that is comfortable. Got it?

11. You may have a female health condition like endometriosis

Painful sex is a common symptom for women with endometriosis symptoms, which affect two million women in the UK, making many avoid sex altogether. Up to 50% of women with endometriosis have cited painful intercourse, ranging from sharp, stabbing, needle-like pain to a deep ache. It can feel mild to intense, either during sexual intercourse or up to 24 to 48 hours post-coitally, or both.

As well as endometriosis (when the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus or is thicker than normal), painful sex can also be caused by fibroids (growths of muscle and tissue inside the uterus) growing close to your vagina or cervix, irritable bowel syndrome and constipation.

Try this: Endometriosis – and its flare ups – are unpredictable, so often it feels like there’s no knowing when they may occur. Some women experience pain throughout the month whereas others only experience it at certain times, likely – but not definitely – related to their menstrual cycle. There is no cure for endometriosis but there are treatments that can help with the pain – do visit your doctor if you fear you may have it.

12. If you’ve just given birth, your vagina may be recovering

Wondering why does sex hurt after just giving birth? FYI, giving birth is a beautiful and emotional thing – but also an emotional and physical challenge, too, and you’ll need to take time to recover afterwards. “Childbirth is a formative experience for any woman, and for some it can be traumatic,” says Dr Becky Spelman, psychologist and We-Vibe‘s relationship expert. “Insensitive care practitioners or a difficult or dangerous birth can give rise to a heightened fear of birth, pregnancy, and even sexuality itself. Women who have experienced a traumatic birth often struggle to re-engage with their sexual selves, even when they have recovered physically, and can experience pain with no obvious physical cause,” she explains.

So why exactly is sex painful after giving birth? A number of reasons, from bruising to the vaginal wall is a common reason, explains Downes. “You may also have experienced a tear which will need time to heal completely before you have sex again – doctors recommend at least six weeks but it often takes longer,” she shares.

Why is sex painful? Woman with Legs Raised wearing white shorts lying on bed

13. Your relationship might be under strain

Arguing a lot or working through a stressful patch in your relationship? Ill feeling can actually totally cause painful sex, FYI – it’s a vicious cycle.

“Experiencing emotional pain as a result of conflict within your relationship could lead to painful sex,” says Evans. “Many couples go through an emotional disconnect if one of them is unable to have sex, which in turn can increase the pain levels, thus creating a vicious circle.”

Try this: The sexpert advises that consulting a couples’ counsellor or sex therapist may help – and remember, you are not alone.

14. You could have a hidden health condition

Often painful sex is a sign of a more unusual, difficult to diagnose health issue, explains Evans. Some of the lesser known conditions that could be causing you discomfort during sex include:

  • Lichen Schlerosus – a common condition generally affecting postmenopausal women thought to be linked to an overactive immune system.
  • Vestibulodynia – a condition that makes you feel a burning pain thought to affect 12-15% of women.
  • Vulvodynia – spontaneous burning without an itching sensation.

If you’re worried you have any of the above, do see a doctor.

Is painful sex normal?

Now you’ve read the expert answer to why does sex hurt, we’re sure you’re keen to know if pain during intercourse is actually common. Short answer: yes, but it’s important to see your doctor if sex is painful repeatedly. “It can stop you from enjoying sex or lead to you avoiding sex altogether,” shares Datta – which is not good.

“This can be isolating, affect your mood and cause distress,” she shares. “It could also cause problems in your relationship over time. You may be referred to see a Gynaecologist and we may need to examine and exclude both physical and psychological problems.

Bottom line: pain during sex can be down to a number of different causes. “That’s why sometimes a multi-disciplinary approach is needed to reach an adequate diagnosis and to offer appropriate support,” explains Corda. “This may include psychologists, urologists, gynaecologists, and even dermatologists.”

They’ll be able to allow you to explore the various issues affecting your ability to have or enjoy sex, and your relationship with your partner.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What do you do when your partner has a kink and you don’t?

Kinks are highly subjective and personal

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We all have fetishes in some form.

Though you may not like to admit it, those chips you dip into your ice cream every Friday night could fall into that category.

They are the quirks and idiosyncrasies which form part of daily existence for many people. Most we turn a blind eye to and forget in a breath, but some can seem atypical, especially in the bedroom.

Kinks, as they are otherwise known, are a normal part of sexual desire. From BDSM to roleplay, exploring these fantasies can be healthy and allow you to define what you crave and don’t.

However, they are extremely personal and intimate. Subjective to the person, not every individual will fancy the same. Others simply don’t like kinks and would rather avoid them.

Each opinion is valid in the sexual realm but what happens when two opposing views come together?

If your partner has a fetish and you don’t, how do you navigate the bedroom?

Trust and and communication are central to a conflict-free solution.

‘It is ok for you to say this is something you are uncomfortable with and I would suggest you put some specific time aside to mention it if it is that significant to them and your sex life,’ relationship coach John Kenny tells Metro.co.uk

‘Tell them that although you appreciate this is something they are into and enjoy, it isn’t something you wish to participate in and hopefully they will respect you enough to accept that.’

Should one feel bad or strange about not liking kinks?

‘No, it isn’t bad,’ John says. ‘We all have our own reasons for enjoying the sexual activities we do.

‘Sometimes kinks come from a traumatic space, unhealthy attachment or a negative relationship with sex. Some are just ways of creating extra sexual excitement and a bigger hormonal or emotional rush. 

‘Some people just enjoy conventional sex and it is enough to satisfy them.’

If you worry your aversion will damage the relationship, John says to question this. Relationships aren’t built on sex alone and mutual respect is more important.

Communication is important

‘A sexual kink isn’t something that should be able to cause a significant issue,’ he explains. ‘If it does – especially for it to be a relationship-ending thing – then the person who puts this importance on it has an unresolved issue. Be mindful of manipulating techniques here in order to get you to conform.’

In contrast, Dr Laura Vowels, principal researcher and therapist at sex therapy app Blueheart, believes that kinks are important – and if yours don’t match up with a partner, it’s okay to decide that this is a dealbreaker.

She says: ‘It is possible that two people’s sexual preferences are so different that they won’t be able to meet each other’s sexual needs and there are times when people prefer to split up and be with different people who are a closer match to their desire.’

However, she notes discussing sexual desire as a whole is extremely beneficial to a relationship.

‘How you negotiate your interests is what matters,’ Laura explains. ‘Most of the time couples can find a way to meet somewhere in the middle as they explore what it is about a specific preference that’s really important to each person.

‘Sexual desire and preferences aren’t static but change and evolve over time. Therefore, you may find that your preferences aligned more initially but become more different as the relationship progresses, or vice versa.’

Dr Vowels adds that exploring kinks can be a liberating experience and if you feel it could be a possibility, take baby steps.

‘You can explore each other’s sexual preferences and boundaries in a safe and loving relationship,’ she says. ‘As a society, we’re not terribly good at talking about sex and there is still a lot of stigmas associated with anything other than a missionary position.

‘However, there’s a world of sexuality out there to explore and open yourself up to. Sometimes people find therapy really helpful and sometimes a patient, loving and respectful partner can help you feel safe enough to open up.’

Yet, she advises to stay within your boundaries and what feels comfortable. Going too fast may hinder you.

‘Experimenting doesn’t mean you will be open to trying everything or that you should try all things,’ she explains. ‘But slowly testing your boundaries to discover new experiences that you may find pleasurable can be really good for you both.

‘Make sure there’s trust, consent and mutual respect and go from there.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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A contract covering sex and housework could save your relationship

— Here’s how to make one

By Julia Naftulin

  • Author Mandy Len Catron says making a contract for her relationship has kept it healthy.
  • Catron told NPR she and her partner revisit the contract every six months so they’re on the same page.
  • The contract includes a date night quota, a clause about alone time, and a mission statement.

Couples should have a written contract that covers sex, housework, alone time and date nights, author Mandy Len Catron told NPR.

Catron, who penned the viral New York Times’ essay “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This” in 2015, believes contracts are the key to happy and healthy relationships.

“Every relationship is contractual, we’re just making the terms more explicit,” Catron told NPR.

Catron said she first encountered the concept in the book “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels.” Afterwards, she said she and her boyfriend Mark sat down and created their own relationship contract. She said it felt “empowering” and “amazing” to voice her needs and insecurities and “make space for them.”

How to create a relationship contract

To create a useful and realistic contract, you have to establish expectations, according to Catron.

She told NPR it’s important to remember your romantic partner shouldn’t be your only source of emotional support, intellectual banter, and fun. Instead, remember to lean on family and friends for some of your relational needs, and go into contract creation with that mindset.

Next, you and your partner should determine what to include in the agreement, like daily chores, personal and professional goals, finances, family time, and sex and intimacy.

Catron said a relationship contract is individual to each couple, so you can be as creative as you’d like. She said hers starts with an opening statement about why she and her boyfriend are in a relationship, which reads:  “We aspire to help each other be more ethically minded and generous friends, community members and global citizens.”

It also includes a date night quota, details about who pays for dates, and a clause to make space for alone time. 

Revisit and revise your contract every 6 months

Catron and Mark revisit their contract every six months, she told NPR. This way, it doesn’t feel like a strict legally binding agreement, and instead feels like collaboration. 

“It really made me feel like a co-creator in this process, as opposed to someone who is just sort of sitting back and letting the relationship go wherever it’s going to go and hoping for the best,” Catron told NPR.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why is maintenance sex such a complex issue?

The vulgarity of maintenance sex will vary depending on how you take it to play out

By

Maintenance sex is when someone puts out for their partner, particularly in long-term relationships, at times they don’t feel like being sexual.

Though ungendered in definition, the idea is usually put to women – have a quick Google of the term and you’ll see it recommended to women as a strategy to keep a marriage going.

It’s an old term that has come back into the spotlight after model Caprice said she does this with her husband.

Speaking to OK! Magazine, she said: ‘You can’t say, “I’m tired” or “I have a headache” – no! Take one for the team, because it’s between five to 10 minutes of your life.’

Since then, plenty of people have shared opinions on the matter and comment sections are a mix of men who agree with this, and others raising issue with the concept.

Maintenance sex touches on the fringes of many other big societal issues: gender politics, gender stereotypes and consent.

Due to this, we need to look at the nuances and complications around it – what maintenance sex means to one person will mean something else to another.

Psychosexual and relationship therapist Ammanda Major, who works for Relate, a charity providing relationship support, says many couples engage in maintenance sex. It’s a common issue sex therapists will come across.

She says: ‘People have sex for all sorts of reasons and there are lots of ways of being sexual with a partner.

‘For some it’s to have that orgasmic experience, but for many people it’s that closeness, that bonding.’

Sometimes that’s what maintenance sex is about, finding the connection rather than an orgasm.

Ammanda adds: ‘For most couples that have been together a long time, they report just cuddling up to someone and seeing what happens without the the clear intention of becoming necessarily sexual.’

A lot of sexual response is based on receiving an advance, even if the person wasn’t aroused before.

Often in a long-term relationship sex is a matter of ‘getting things started’, with one person initiating and foreplay getting the other person in the mood.

This is the side of maintenance sex that many couples will resonate with – but there are concerns around the idea of having sex when you’re not initially keen.

‘The key thing is not to be pressurised or do it because if you don’t your partner will sulk, become controlling or abusive in some way,’ Ammanda says.

‘If it makes you feel bad about yourself, don’t do it to yourself. If it makes you feel bad, then that’s telling you something.’

Dr Audrey Tang, psychologist and author, reiterates this point, telling us that sex when a partner isn’t sure or doesn’t feel like it is not something to be celebrated.

‘Sex is often one of the most loving, intimate acts you can share with someone,’ she notes.

‘It is something that is rewarding for all parties involved, because of the emotional and physical connection.  

‘When you change the narrative to where this beautiful gift of the self is offered “to keep someone in a relationship”, this devalues not only the act, but worse, your personal value, likely eroding your self worth with it. 

‘If someone is expecting you to “put out” in order to remain in a relationship with you, the question is not “Should I do it?” but rather “Do I even want that sort of energy in my life?”‘

Another issue that comes up when we talk about maintenance sex is the notion that this is a woman’s duty, because, so goes the stereotype, men want to have sex and women aren’t fussed.

Women have long been told they want less sex than men, and that their sexual desire isn’t a priority.

In practice, maintenance sex and fluctuating libidos are experience by all genders, regardless of sexual orientation.

So how do you navigate having a different sex drive to your partner? Is maintenance sex the answer?

Ammanda says communication is the only way you’re going to make true headway in the issue. An occassional maintenance sex session can be okay, but if you’re regularly feeling like you have to have sex, whether because your sex drives are mismatched or you’re not feeling loved up, that’s a larger issue that needs to be tackled.

‘Bear in mind sex drive levels change – we tend to talk a lot about how that’s a very static piece in a relationship, but actually for many couples it’s something that fluctuates and varies over time,’ she explains. ‘It swaps around – many men will report a lack of sex drive.

‘The key thing is to take away the sense of shame some couples have, either for wanting to have lots of sex or for not wanting to.

‘A lot of this comes down to developing good communication between the couple.’

Nurturing trust and respect will make these conversations flow easier, and therapy can be a good route to find a middle ground.

‘Historically you had to get the person with the lower sex drive up,’ Ammanda says, but this isn’t your only option.

Finding a compromise that fulfils both parties sexually is the best way couples can deal with unequal sexual drives, but the difference can also be a fair reason to end a relationship if it’s making either side unhappy.

Amanda says to figure out what sex means to you both and what you individually want from it, then go from there.

Most importantly: ‘Don’t do anything you don’t actively want to do.’

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Over 60s want to end the stigma and show sex doesn’t have an age limit

40% of people believe the desire for sex decreases with age

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Unless it’s a cutesy couple holding hands who’ve been married for 50 years, sexual romance between two people over 60 is often cast aside.

Like in many other contexts, our relationship with ageing is strange – viewed as unattractive, we distance ourselves from it.

But if you are sexually active and under 60, is it an appealing thought to think others will view you as being ‘past it’ come retirement?

Sex doesn’t have an age limit, as a study from sexual toy company We-Vibe shows.

Their survey of 14,500 people globally found that 40% have the idea that sexual desire decreases with age, but people over 55 also surveyed rated their own libidos as being similar or on par with younger people.

Separately, an age study based in Berlin found that senior citizens were having more sex than younger generations.

The assumption that come retirement, people essentially cease to be sexual beings shuts down important conversations around older age sex.

‘By making senior sex a taboo topic, we stigmatize and infantilize a huge portion of our population. Sex has no expiration date,’ senior sex author Joan Price tells Metro.co.uk.

‘By closing down the conversation, seniors who need solid information or advice won’t get it, won’t even dare ask.

‘By keeping senior sex in the dark, we hurt and shame people. Let’s accept that sex is a part of life whether we’re 25 or 75 or beyond. If we’re lucky, we’ll all age.

‘Sex affects our health, intimacy, pleasure, and sense of wellbeing. It’s part of life,’ she adds.

It can lower stress levels, lower blood pressure and boost happiness – things that matter in old age especially as this generation is particularly vulnerable to experiencing loneliness.

Speaking on his sex life, 76-year-old Rory says: ‘I don’t do it as often as I used to, but it is something to enjoy in a very warm, loving and comfortable way as compared to the past.

‘There was a lot of pressure to have the “perfect” sex when I was younger, but I have learnt now, that orgasming is not everything.’

For 73-year-old Peter, tired stereotypes around age and sex don’t reflect in his life at all.

‘It’s not exclusive to the young. The younger generation often think: “You’re 73 and you are still thinking about sex – you’re a pervert”.

‘However, the older you get has got nothing to do with how you feel about sex.’

He adds that by his age, you’ve learnt how to have ‘good’ sex.

Julia Henchen, a sex therapist, says sex also can improve with age due to having a better relationship with the self.

Explaining that sexuality doesn’t retire, she says: ‘This is actually a huge myth, because most of the time sex tends to get better with age.

‘It has to do with the fact that people have better access to their own bodies at an older age.’

This rings true for 66-year-old Toni, who tells us sex is better due to knowing her body more.

‘I find sex much better now than I used to in my teens.

‘It was only after menopause that I discovered that I can get to about three in a row,’ she shares.

When speaking on past versus present sexual experiences, confidence was a recurring theme – this is something else older generations want younger people to realise and learn from.

‘If I could go back in time, the one piece of advice that I would give myself is to enjoy myself.

‘Don’t worry about what you look like, don’t worry about your tummy, don’t worry about funny angles, just let yourself go. I have experienced the best sex not when I was young, but in my later years,’ Lesley, 66, says.

Though it isn’t always perfect – ageing naturally changes the body and brings about a new sex of challenges while having sex.

She continues, speaking on a more recent encounter: ‘I used to quite like standing up but my knees have given up the ghost now.

‘The last time I tried that I was screeching out because of my knees and of course the chap thought that I was in throes of passion. It was quite hilarious.’

Rather than see the inevitable changes as limitations, Lesley is able to see the fun still available to her.

Sexologist Dr Jess O’Reily tells us that the problem she sees most in clients is lubrication, often recommending lube and various toys to help make sex pleasurable.

‘If you see the changes that come with age as an opportunity, you’ll likely to discover new erogenous zones, more creative ways to arouse your body, more meaningful ways to connect with a partner and even more exciting ways to orgasm.’

Rather than acquaint ageing with a limited and diminished sex drive, old age actually be the key to confident, explorative sex.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!