Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

By magictr

The way we think about sexuality is changing. Where once there was a single, well-known rainbow flag, a symbol of pride, today a wide range flies to show the diversity of sexual orientations.

People seem increasingly open to discussing their sexuality, and less conventional identities, even previously “invisible”, have become part of an increasingly dominant discourse.

Open dialogue, sexual identities they have become less rigid and more fluid.

But the most recent data shows that this change is more prevalent in one group: In many countries, women are now embracing sexual fluidity at much higher rates than in the past, and more significantly, than men overall.

How do you explain this difference?

Experts believe that there are many factors fueling this progression, especially changes in the social climate that have allowed women to break out of conventional gender roles and identities.

But in light of this, the question remains: what does it mean for the future of sexual fluidity for all genders?

A remarkable change

Sean Massey and his colleagues at the Binghamton Human Sexualities Research Laboratory in New York have studied sexual behaviors for about a decade.

In each of their investigations, they asked participants to report their sexual orientation and gender.

They had never looked at the evolution of that information over time, until they realized that, in fact, they had a treasure in their hands.

“We thought, my God, we’ve been collecting this data for 10 years,” explains Massey, associate professor of studies on women, gender and sexuality at Binghamton University.

“Why don’t we check it out and see if there is any trend to be seen?”

And so they discovered that between 2011 and 2019 college-age women they had moved further and further away from exclusive heterosexuality.

In 2019, 65% of the women consulted said they were only attracted to men, when that percentage had been 77% in 2011.

The number of women reported having sex exclusively with men also decreased in those years.

Meanwhile, men’s sexual attraction and behavior remained mostly static in the same period: about 85% reported being attracted only to women, and about 90% said they had sex exclusively with women.

Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

Other surveys conducted in other countries, including the UK and the Netherlands, presented similar findings.

In general, more women have been reporting more same-sex attraction, year after year, than their male counterparts.

Power and freedom

“This is all too complicated to attribute to just one thing,” says Elizabeth Morgan, associate professor of psychology at Springfield College in Massachusetts, USA.

But gender roles and how they have changed and how not, can be an important factor.

Massey and his colleagues largely attribute evolution to cultural changes, such as the progress of feminism and the women’s movement, which have significantly changed the socio-political landscape in recent decades.

However, these changes affected men and women differently.

“There has really been progress around the female gender role and less on the male gender role,” says Massey.

While she doesn’t rule out the effect of the LGBTQ + movement on people who identify as sexually fluid today, Massy believes that feminism and the women’s movement play a role in why more women identify in this way than men.

And he especially believes it because no equivalent men’s movement has allowed men to step out of historical gender-based constraints in the same way.

“Fifty years ago, you couldn’t have a life if you didn’t marry a man and you could only establish yourself if he supported you,” Morgan adds.

In that sense, avoiding exclusive heterosexuality could be seen as part of the breakdown of women with traditional gender roles.

Meanwhile, as women have been able to find more freedom, men’s gender roles have remained relatively static as they continue to hold power in society.

“[Los hombres] They need to defend a very masculine gender role to maintain that power, and part of masculinity is heterosexuality. “says Morgan.

Sex coach and educator Violet Turning, 24, also points to the “fetishization” of two women having sex or kissing, specifically from the male gaze.

According to her, this has also contributed to making same-sex attraction among women more socially acceptable, albeit for the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, people seem to find the idea of ​​two men having sex much less enjoyable, he notes.

A 2019 study that looked at attitudes toward gay men and women in 23 countries found that, for participants overall, “gay men are more disagreeable than lesbian women.”

An open dialogue

The spaces in which women can speak openly about their sexuality has also multiplied.

When Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, USA, began studying sexual fluidity in the early 1990s, her research focused on men.

Many of the study participants, he says, came from gay support groups, mostly male members, so the men were “easier for researchers to find.”

Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

But Diamond wanted to inquire about women’s sexuality.

Thus began an investigation that lasted a decade and for which he asked 100 women every two years about their sexual orientation and behavior.

>Her book, “Sexual Fluency: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,” was published in 2008.

In it he discusses how, for some women, love and attraction are fluid and can change over time.

This was at odds with the earlier line of thinking that described sexual orientation as rigid, a view that was arrived at from studies that had been conducted looking only at men.

Coinciding with the publication of the book, several famous Americans who until then had dated men, such as Cynthia Nixon and Maria Bello, made public your experience of same-sex attraction.

Star host Oprah Winfrey then asked Diamond to come on her show to talk about female sexual fluidity.

The concept and the practice had officially entered the general dialogue.

Likewise, Turning points out that language has evolved to recognize women as sexually non-binary.

For example, Turning says his lesbian partner belonged to a “gay heterosexual alliance (AGH)” at his high school, circa 2007.

That expression fostered the binary – the members were gay or straight, with no real options for those who might have identified somewhere in between, and it also didn’t contain any terms that specifically referred to female sexuality.

“Now, it’s like everyone has the option to identify themselves as queer, because it is widely accepted, “says Turning, who claims that the terminology has evolved to include people of all genders, including women.

What is the future of sexual fluidity?

Sexual fluidity may be on its way to entering more masculine spaces.

On TikTok he has become popular with young straight men pretending to be gay in his videos.

His followers, mostly women, enjoy it, according to an article by The New York Times on trend.

Regardless of whether these creators are really comfortable playing as queer or they do it to gain clicks, this trend suggests a shift in attitudes towards masculinity, which may pave the way for more men to embrace sexual fluidity in the future.

Sexually fluid women can also help pave the way.

More women talking openly about their fluent orientations means that more people will generally be arguing about alternatives to rigid sexuality.

“Our culture is very ashamed of sexuality,” says Diamond.

So, “anything that makes it easier and socially acceptable for people to reflect on desire without entering into judgment or being ashamed of it,” he adds, has the potential to get them to open up to the different possibilities or, at least, that consider the idea of ​​doing so.

“We must start freeing men from compulsory heterosexuality [y] traditional masculinity, “adds Massey.

“It may have a different, or maybe the same, result (than it did with women) in terms of allowing for more diversity in sexuality.”

Complete Article HERE!

Effects of gender discrimination on health

by Zawn Villines

Gender discrimination has a significant impact on mental and physical health worldwide. It can limit peoples’ access to healthcare, increase rates of ill health, and lower life expectancy.

While it is true that women live longer than men on average, they experience higher rates of ill health during their lifetimes. It is likely that gender discrimination and inequity contribute to this.

In this article, we look at what gender discrimination is and include specific examples. We then explore the effects of this discrimination on mental health, physical health, and healthcare.

Sex and gender exist on spectrums. This article will use the terms “male,” “female,” or both to refer to sex assigned at birth. Click here to learn more.

Gender discrimination is any action that excludes or disadvantages people based on their gender. It includes actions that are deliberately unfair and actions that are unintentionally unfair.

Gender discrimination is fueled by sexism, which is prejudice based on sex or gender. In most countries, sexism devalues women and femininity and privileges men and masculinity.

Because gender relates to how someone feels, rather than their biological characteristics, anyone who identifies with a gender that their society deems less valuable can experience gender discrimination. This includes trans and other gender-expansive people.

Gender discrimination can take place in person-to-person interactions, as well as at an institutional or state level. It can occur:

  • In the workplace: Deciding not to hire or promote someone, treating employees differently, or paying them less based on their gender are all examples of workplace discrimination. Peers can participate by excluding women colleagues from important meetings, for example.
  • In schools: Preventing or discouraging girls and young women from participating in traditionally male-dominated fields, such as science, math, and sports, is an example of gender discrimination. Schools may also enforce gendered dress codes, punish those who do not conform to gender norms, or fail to punish bad behavior on the basis that “Boys will be boys.”
  • In relationships: People who prevent their partners from doing things on the basis of their gender are also acting in a discriminatory way. This might include stopping women from working, managing their money, and driving, for example.
  • In public: Sexual harassment and catcalling are unwanted, and they are forms of discrimination. These behaviors can make people feel unsafe, and they can restrict how people use public spaces. This limits a person’s freedom.
  • In institutions: Organizations, governments, and legal and healthcare systems can enact policies that discriminate against certain genders, either intentionally or unintentionally. Examples include laws that allow gender-based violence to thrive, that punish people for expressing their gender, or that disadvantage certain groups financially.

It is important to understand that discrimination based on gender can be coupled with discrimination based on race, class, disability, and sexuality.

Gender discrimination is a source of stress, and like any other stressor, it can directly affect mental health.

Research from 2020Trusted Sourcerefers to a study in which women who reported experiencing gender discrimination in the past 12 months scored more highly than others on a depression screening tool.

Depending on the situation, facing discrimination can also result in anxiety and psychological trauma.

The authors of the research paper argue that discrimination plays a key role in the “gender gap” in rates of mental illness. Women experience higher rates of most mental health conditions, including:

Women are also 1.5 times more likely to attempt suicide than men, although men are more likely to die by suicide.

For people assigned female at birth, biological factors may play a role in these differences. However, studies have found fewer gender differences in the rates of mental illness in societies with more equality among men and women. This suggests that inequity and discrimination play a major role in these disparities.

As the World Health Organization (WHO) notes, gender inequality is also a risk factor for gender-based violence.

Thirty percentTrusted Source of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in their lives. The rate is higher, 47%, among trans people, and even higher among trans people of color and those who have done sex work, experienced homelessness, or have a current or past disability.

Experiencing any type of abuse or assault can lead to a mental health condition, as well as further complications that are traumatic in themselves. For example, if a person survives sexual assault, they may become pregnant, contract a sexually transmitted infection, or become excluded from their community.

Illness

Some research suggests that experiencing discrimination is correlated with worse physical health.

For example, a 2018 study found that women who experience discrimination at work are more likely to report ill physical health, and particularly women who have experienced sexual harassment.

Stress from any source can also contribute to many chronic conditions, including chronic pain, high blood pressure, and diabetes.

Less healthy living conditions

Gender discrimination can also lead to a person having worse living conditions and less access to the things that they need to survive and thrive.

For example, in the United States, the gender pay gap means that women earn less than men overall — even when performing the same jobs. The pay gap is wider for women of color.

Women also have higher levels of student debt, lower savings in retirement, and higher rates of poverty, in comparison to men.

Not only does this cause more stress, it also reduces a person’s ability to afford fresh food, safe housing, and health insurance. This results in health inequity — avoidable and unfair differences in the health of marginalized groups, compared with privileged ones.

Injury and death

Discrimination in the form of violence also directly impacts health. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is just one example of this.

FGM is unnecessary surgery to remove part or all of the genitalia of young females, who are typically younger than 15Trusted Source. Communities that practice FGM may believe that it will make girls more pure and suitable for marriage, and less likely to have extramarital sex.

People who survive the procedure can experience severe pain, bleeding, infections, and lifelong sexual health problems. Some die as a result of complications.

Gender discrimination has a profound effect on healthcare, reducing the speed, accuracy, and quality of treatment. It affects diagnosis and treatment in many ways, including:

  • Dismissal of symptoms: According to a 2018 reviewTrusted Source, doctors are more likely to view women’s chronic pain as psychological, exaggerated, or even made up, in comparison with men’s pain. This can leave people without support or treatment.
  • Incorrect or delayed diagnoses: Prejudices about gender can result in people getting incorrect diagnoses or having to wait for years for any diagnosis. For example, a 2020 articleTrusted Source found that it takes doctors 6.5 months longer to diagnose moderate hemophilia in females than in males, and 39 months longer to diagnose severe hemophilia. This is despite the fact that females are more likelyTrusted Source to notice symptoms of bleeding disorders, such as hemophilia.
  • Withholding care: Research from 2017Trusted Source found that doctors routinely deny cis women access to birth control until they undergo annual pap smears. This form of manipulation is unethical and harmful, as it denies a person the ability to choose what happens to their body when.
  • Obstetric violence: This involves forcing medical interventions onto a person who is giving birth, without their consent. The term also refers to verbal and physical abuse during labor. A 2019 studyTrusted Source found that out of 2,016 observed births taking place in Nigeria, Ghana, Guinea, and Myanmar, 41.6% of women experienced obstetric violence or abuse.

Gender discrimination also affects healthcare workers, the majorityTrusted Source of whom are women. For example, a 2019 reportTrusted Source on the British Medical Association found that the organization engaged in widespread discrimination against women, including bullying and sexual harassment.

In the face of this discrimination, doctors who are women are just as capable as doctors who are men. A 2017 study, for example, found that patients of female surgeons were 4%Trusted Source less likely to die within 30 days of a procedure, compared with patients of male surgeons. Each patient in the study had undergone one of 25 types of surgery.

Sexism reduces the health and well-being of everyone. If a person experiences discrimination and this damages their health, it has a knock-on effect on their family, friends, and the wider community.

A 2017 report notes that gender inequality contributes to unemployment and poverty among women and has adverse effects on child health and development.

Indirectly, sexism also harms men. The need to live up to masculine stereotypes can result in men not seeking medical helpTrusted Source when they need it, behaving in ways that damage their health, and becoming involved in violence.

The economic cost of this is huge. Research from 2016 found that institutional gender discrimination costs the global economy $12 trillion, or 16% of the world’s total income.

Research from 2016 found that institutional gender discrimination costs the global economy $12 trillion, or 16% of the world’s total income.

Everyone has a responsibility to learn about and help end gender discrimination — it directly or indirectly harms everyone. People can learn more from:

  • UN Women, a United Nations entity that provides educational resources about the rights of women and girls
  • the WHOTrusted Source, which publishes reports, fact sheets, and articles about the impact of sexism on health
  • Birth Monopoly, Human Rights in Childbirth, and ImprovingBirth.org, which are working to educate about and end obstetric violence
  • SisterSong, which focuses on healthcare and maternal mortality among Black and Indigenous women
  • The Trevor Project, which works to end suicide and provide crisis intervention and other support for LGBTQIA+ youth

The effects of gender discrimination are global. This discrimination harms mental and physical health, leads to poverty, creates and enforces cycles of abuse and violence, and restricts access to healthcare.

Anyone can counter gender discrimination by learning about its causes, manifestations, and effects — and by taking action to stop it.

Complete Article HERE!

Choosing Everything

— Why Queerness Is Freedom To Me

By Rebecca Woolf

First, I want to give thanks to all the queer people who didn’t have the luxury of being offered opportunities to write essays about their queerness, and certainly not for pay. I recognize that the privilege I have in writing such an essay, specifically about mid-life queer awakening, is because of all the queer activists who refused to be minimized. I honor every person who has a story they cannot tell, and every person who has one, but was refused a platform — or wasn’t ever afforded the decency of having their humanity recognized.

The first time I had sex with a woman I was 38 years old. This is not counting the times I participated in male-gaze-y sexual situations that were so performative I instinctively duck my head as I write this out of cringe.

In other words, when I was younger, I got drunk and felt up my friends in front of dudes sometimes. Because I knew they would think it was hot.

Throughout my early twenties, I was almost always the straight girl in a sea of gays. And while I was always attracted to women, I was also petrified of them. I was so detached sexually at that point in my life that the idea of connecting with a person anything like me — even if only in body — was a paralyzing thought.

Beyond that, from the vantage point of a femme, straight-identifying white woman who had no experience with homophobia save for speaking out against it on behalf of my friends, it felt disingenuous for me to identify as anyone other than this version of myself: straight, but up for experimenting.

If I were to sexually identify my early 20-something self now, though, it would be “imposter.”  I was a woman masquerading as whatever the man I was fucking was turned on by; unable to articulate her own wants and needs and, frankly, unsure of what they even were.

But all of that changed when, after 14 years of marriage, I became single again at 37. What a relief it was to feel as if I could start over. I was my new life partner now, and to her I solemnly swore that the only gaze I would prioritize from now on was my own.

Entering a sort of reclamation phase, I opened myself up to every possible situation that excited me. There would be no labels on any of it. No expectations. Just freedom to move about the cabin without turbulence.

Unbuckled, wandering me.

Heteroflexible was a term I first heard via the sex positive dating app Feeld, and it was one that resonated immediately. It felt peripherally queer. Like strapping training wheels to my bike and exploring a new cul-de-sac. Beyond that, it suggested a sort of indefinability which appealed to the part of me who never wanted to be labeled again.

Sexually and otherwise, it felt like a misrepresentation for me to identify with a community that had been marginalized in a way I never felt I was — friends who had been kicked out of their homes, banished from their churches, spat on, beaten up or worse, all for coming out of the closet.

And as a cis, white, hetero-passing person, who has never struggled in the way so many of my friends have, I have found myself questioning whether or not there was even a need for people like me to come out. I live in Los Angeles after all. Queerness in our community is the norm. I can count how many straight-identifying girlfriends I have on one hand. Straightness comes as more of a surprise, if I’m being honest.

Not that we are, in any way, living in a post-biphobic society. Statistically speaking, bisexual people, specifically those with cis partners are the least likely to come out.

And it wasn’t until recently that it occurred to me that in the same way I claimed to be an imposter in my early-twenties — centering the male gaze as the only gaze that mattered — I found myself similarly centering all queer voices save for the ones I personally identified with: bisexual cis women.

Because we can pass as straight. Because we tend to engage in heteronormative sex. Because because because because because….

It wasn’t until I had my first solo, sexual, no-men-in-the-room experience that I realized, Wait, no, THIS is for me.

This is for me.

At one point I felt as if I’d left my body, so overwhelmed was I by the euphoria of connecting to another woman in a way I never had before.

When it was over, I cried. Beyond the sexual dynamic between women being so profoundly different, I felt like I had been reborn in my own image. The power of experiencing sex without men was overwhelming to me — not because I do not love sex with men but because, up until that point, sexual experiences without men didn’t exist.

It felt a bit like the dreams I sometimes have, where after years of living in the same house, I discover another room that had been there all along. How could I have missed this? Where have I been all my life?

This, of course, led to more experiences, which led to a love affair — my first and also hers — a coming-together so overwhelming I assumed, I would only ever love women after this.

I am done with men! There’s no going back! Cheers to a future with women ONLY.

But it wasn’t true, and months later, I am once again in a relationship with a cis man — one I happen to love very much.

I am now extremely aware of the fluidity of my sexuality, which is not unlike my fluidity when it comes to intimate relationships — the wanting, the needing of an open door. And a partner who not only respects that, but desires the same thing.

Many women who identify as bi, pan, or queer feel like the nuances of having a non-binary sexuality precludes them from being a part of the conversation. When you’re not queer enough to be gay and you’re not straight enough to be straight, your voice tends to come out as a whisper, your experience less validated. Perhaps because we have confused fluidity with fickleness; recognizing our inability to commit to a team without celebrating what that really means.

And even though I was in free-fall, life-altering-first-love with a woman, I found myself doing what I’d been working so hard NOT to do: pushing myself off the side, standing on the periphery, insisting that my experience was inconsequential. Not valid enough. As a person who claimed to be inclusive, why did I have such a hard time including myself?

There’s a conundrum in feeling empowered by new freedoms and unworthy of experiencing sexual relationships that might be unfamiliar: Because so many of us have spent years in traditional relationships, we never had the opportunities to pursue them. It’s not because we haven’t wanted to, but rather because monogamous heteronormative relationships have not allowed us to.

It is because of this that, for many of us, we don’t know where to begin. Additionally, it is not uncommon for women to come into our sexuality later in life, perhaps because we realize how much of it has been wrapped up in performative heteronormativity. We are told our early experiences were just a phase (Oh, her? That was just her “experimenting” in college) while also struggling with our own internalized monosexism, which suggests exclusive heterosexuality and/or homosexuality is superior or more legitimate because it’s specific. This is not to mention the various forms of biphobia claiming that women are only attracted to other women because of the trauma we’ve experienced with men.

And, because we are so conditioned to get specific — to pick a team — we still feel, even in 2021, that wanting sexual relationships with people of different genders, often simultaneously, makes us indecisive when in reality, many of us, after years of struggling, have finally arrived as our whole selves.

It makes sense if you think about how our culture is so obsessed not only with binaries, but also with choosing one thing. We don’t think twice about asking our children what their favorite color is. Or asking our date about their favorite film. We want so badly for people to choose, to be decisive about one person or one gender or one sexual orientation. And then we get confused when The One isn’t enough, when we realize we don’t work that way.

Queerness isn’t just about sexuality and gender. It’s also about embracing healthy lifestyles that do not fit into a white, patriarchal, heteronormative box. This goes beyond intimate partnerships and intersects with inclusion of all people who deserve love, autonomy, pleasure, and joy.

And isn’t that the whole point of Pride? To pull at the seams of limitation so that everyone, regardless of their past experiences, can pour through the ever-expanding opening? So that all humans — regardless of gender expression or sexual orientation — can experience such moments of intense realization without the fear of repercussions? I want everyone who feels similarly to be able to explore their feelings unencumbered, to experience the euphoria of connection without obstruction.

I have long made an effort to center those who have always identified as queer. But, as a way to understand how to include myself — while also being mindful of the many privileges I possess as someone who has never had to fight against anyone else’s bias to love who I love — I have also spent this time embracing my own version of heteronormative defiance. It’s one that is personal to me, and no one else. It’s a reminder to myself that a person’s truth is theirs to experience, define, and prioritize — not on the periphery of other people’s experience, but to center as our own.

All of this is why, in the end, I knocked the heteroflexible from my dating bio and replaced it with queer.

It is a beautiful thing to stay open. To liberate ourselves from all gazes beyond our own. That’s queerness to me. It’s about embracing the nuances of sexuality and gender and defining ourselves as indefinable. It’s about allowing ourselves to trust our bodies, to listen to our own wants and needs — especially as women and mothers who have centered everyone else’s for so long, only to wake up and realize we have never even asked ourselves what we want out of love — out of sex; out of connection.

And, as we collectively celebrate Pride this month, no matter where we are in our journey and what it took to get to queerness, may we remember that Pride was always a protest against the puritanical fear of queer liberation, acceptance and joy. It has always been a celebration of freedom to live and love and fuck with abandon, in bodies that are worthy of uninhibited truth — filtered through no one’s gaze but our own.

Complete Article HERE!

Yes, You’re ‘Queer Enough’

— So Call or Label Yourself Whatever Feels Right

by Gabrielle Kassel

This article is for anyone who’s ever asked themselves “Am I queer?” or “Am I queer enough?”

(Spoiler alert: The answer to the first Q = the answer to the second Q).

Here we go!

Typically an umbrella term, “queer” is an identifier that means outside the norm of society, explains Eva Bloom, a queer peer sexuality educator, sex science communicator, and creator of F*ck the Patriarchy, F*ck Yourself, a shame-busting program for non-men.

The so-called norms of society that they’re referring to are cisgender, allosexual, and heterosexual.

“If you’re anywhere outside those identifiers — even a little bit! — you can be queer,” they say.

Sometimes people who are “not straight” or “not cisgender” or “not allosexual” might identify “just” as queer.

And sometimes they may layer “queer” alongside another identity. For example, someone might be a queer bisexual dyke, or a queer trans man, or a queer biromantic asexual.

“Historically, ‘queer’ was used as a slur against the queer community,” says Rae McDaniel, a licensed clinical counselor and gender and sex therapist based in Chicago.

Starting in the 18th century, the word started to get slung at people assumed to be “homosexual” or “engaging in homosexual activity.” Folk who fell outside the acceptable versions of “man” and “woman” also fell victim to the word.

However, in the late 1980s/early 1990s, LGBTQ+ communities began to reclaim the term both as a personal identifier (“I am queer”) and as a field of study (queer theory), says McDaniel.

What fueled this reclamation? Mainly, anger. During the AIDS epidemic, LGBTQ+ communities were (rightfully!) pissed at the lack of response (or compassion!) from doctors, politicians, and unaffected citizens.

Out of spite and in power, LGBTQ+ people began using the word as both an identity and a rallying cry. “We’re here, we’re queer, we will not live in fear,” for example, became a common march chant.

“For some people, especially those alive at a time when queer was used exclusively as a slur, queer is still a dirty word,” says McDaniel.

As such, you should never call someone queer unless that’s a word they would use to refer to themselves.

Due to its history as a slur, many (queer) people see it as having political power.

“For many, identifying as queer is a way of saying ‘I resist cis-hetero patriarchal society that stuffs people into tiny cisgender, heterosexual boxes,’” says McDaniel. For these folks, queerness is about trying to disrupt the people, systems, and institutions that disadvantage minorities.

For them, “queerness is about freedom to be yourself while also working towards others’ freedom as well,” they say.

For the record, you don’t have to be queer to be invested in actively disrupting systems of oppression!

Straight, cisgender, allosexual individuals can and should be doing this activist work, too.

That’s a question only you can answer!

If you answer yes to one or more of the following questions, you may be queer:

  • Does the term “queer” elicit feelings of excitement, euphoria, delight, comfort, or joy?
  • Does it give a sense of belonging or community?
  • Does the fluidity of queerness feel freeing?
  • Does your gender exist outside of society’s understanding of acceptable manhood or womanhood?
  • Is your sexuality something other than straight?
  • Do you experience sexual attraction somewhere on the asexual spectrum?

Remember: “You don’t need to have gone through a physical transition, have a particular kind of gender expression, or even have a queer dating or sexual history in order to claim the label,” says Casey Tanner, a queer licensed clinical counselor, certified sex therapist, and expert for pleasure product company LELO.

“It refers to a sense of self, rather than any behavior or appearance,” adds Tanner.

If you’re queer, you’re queer enough. Full stop.

Unfortunately, many people who want to identify as queer worry that they’re somehow not adequately queer or queer enough to take on the term for themselves. (Tanner says this is known as “queer imposter syndrome.”)

Bloom notes this is an especially common phenomenon among bi+ women and femmes — especially those who have a history of dating men or are currently in a relationship with a nonqueer man.

“Often, the question of ‘Am I queer enough?’ is the result of internalized biphobia and femme-phobia,” she says. Blergh.

While this feeling of inadequacy is common, they say, “You don’t have to worry, sweetie, if you’re queer, you’re queer enough.”

That stands if:

  • You’re in a so-called “straight passing” relationship, aka a relationship others assume to be heterosexual.
  • Nobody knows you’re queer but you.
  • You’re a new member of the LGBTQIA+ community.
  • You’re not physically “clockable” or identifiable as queer.
  • You don’t have any queer friends.
  • You have no sexual or dating history.
  • Your sexual and dating history doesn’t “confirm” your queerness.

PSA: Your current relationship doesn’t dictate whether you’re queer

“People who’re in straight appearing relationships but identify as queer often feel like they aren’t queer or aren’t queer enough because their queer identities aren’t always visible at first glance,” says McDaniel.

But this doesn’t change the fact that they’re queer!

Self-identification — *not* your relationship status (or dating and sexual history) — is what determines whether someone is queer.

No doubt, there’s tremendous privilege that accompanies “passing” as straight (aka not being publicly identifiable as queer).

But, “on the flip side, queer (and bi+) invisibility is associated with increased depression and anxiety and decreased access to affirming healthcare,” says Tanner.

Why? “We all crave being seen and accepted for who we are, and if we aren’t seen, we aren’t accepted,” she says.

Further, not feeling queer enough to enter queer spaces isolates people from the opportunity to make queer friends and join a queer community, says McDaniel.

“And connection to community is an important part of resiliency,” explains McDaniel. “So not feeling able to enter, welcomed by, or seen as queer by the people in your life can have profound impacts on mental health, self-esteem, and self-efficacy.”

The short answer: Connect to the queer community. These avenues can all help.

Read queer books

“Consuming a wide variety of queer stories is an excellent way to normalize queerness for yourself, and even see yourself in the pages,” says Bloom.

Queer memoirs in particular can be powerful for identification. For example:

Watch queer movies and TV shows

“If you’re constantly consuming cisgender and or straight images and media, it becomes easy to forget to affirm the queer part of you,” says McDaniel.

On top of that, it can expedite feelings of inadequacy and otherness.

Listen to queer podcasts

From raunchy to educational, there are queer podcasts for every queer listener’s taste.

Trust, you’ll like all the below!

Follow queer people on Instagram

“Filling your feed with people who are unapologetic in their queerness, can both normalize queerness while validating your own queerness and identity,” says Bloom.

Following people who show off their queer joy, in particular, can be pretty damn invigorating, she says.

Get on TikTok, and maybe even participate

One of the great things about TikTok is how excellent the algorithm is at showing you the content you want to see.

To get on queer TikTok, mass-follow a bunch of the suggested accounts that pop up after following your fave queer comedian, celeb, sex educator, podcaster, or influencer. Then, enjoy falling down the rabbit hole of your now very queer For You feed.

“When you feel comfortable, you might participate in one of the TikTok sound overlays that applies to you,” says Bloom. “This may help other queer people find you, which may lead to friendships or community.”

Attend a queer event online

Thanks to the pandemic, there continue to be all sorts of online queer dance parties, matchmaking games, book readings, and performances, says Bloom.

“For some queer people, these online events feel less intimidating than in-person events because you can leave when you want, keep your camera off, and stay anonymous if you choose,” they say.

If that’s you, she says, “Attend, attend, attend!”

Keep hunting for community until you find one that affirms you

It’s important to remember that the queer community isn’t a monolith.

So, if you attend an event and don’t find queer people who affirm your queerness, keep looking, suggests McDaniel.

“I guarantee there are people out there in the world who will believe and affirm your queerness just because you tell them who you are,” they say. “And when you find them, it can be incredibly affirming and euphoric.”

Identity gatekeeping, which is the act of trying to limit access to who can use an identifier, happens with most gender and sexual identities. And every (!) single (!) time (!) it’s not only disgusting but potentially life endangering.

“Telling queer people that they aren’t queer enough or that they shouldn’t have access to the queer community is no small potatoes,” says Bloom. “It can be detrimental to someone’s mental health.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re being an identity gatekeeper, cut it out.

There are times that queer imposter syndrome and gatekeepers may make you feel otherwise, but if you’re queer, you ARE queer enough.

Queer is queer is queer is queer enough. We promise.

Complete Article HERE!

Experts Define A Comprehensive Gender Identity List

Understand everything from intersex to gender-expansive.

By Perri O. Blumberg

There’s a chance you landed here because you may not totally be clear on all the terms and phrases to express gender identity. “It’s understandable that some folks may feel confused or even uncomfortable with all the variations of gender, gender identities, and gender roles,” says Tracy Marsh, PhD, faculty member for Walden University’s PhD in Clinical Psychology program, and a licensed psychologist in California who specializes in LGBTQIA issues. Or, you could be exploring your own gender identity and looking for the right words to express yourself and help others understand.

Thankfully, it’s 2021, and many of the terms surrounding gender are becoming more widely recognized in our society. “These concepts and terms will continue to evolve. The best way to stay informed is to reach out and have a respectful dialogue with someone who has more knowledge of these terms and topics. Ask others how they identify and how they prefer to be addressed,” Marsh says.

Women’s Health spoke to experts on those questions you may want to ask, but don’t know exactly where to start: What exactly does gender identity mean? What is biological sex vs. gender? And how do gender identity and sexuality relate? First, Jackie Golob, MS, who works at a private practice at the Centre for Sexual Wellness in Minnesota, provides an overview on some commonly confused ideas surrounding gender identity.

  • Genitalia does not equal gender. “The sex characteristics a person is born with do not signify a person’s gender identity. When people have ‘gender reveal parties,’ it really should be called a ‘genital reveal party,’” she offers. The concept of gender really is a social construct, adds Golob.
  • Forget about the two-gender binary. “Gender is a term that relates to how we feel about ourselves, the way we choose to express our gender through makeup, dresses, high heels, athletic shorts, sneakers, and more,” she explains. Our society has convinced us that there are just two options for gender identity, “male” and “female,” based on biological sex. But in reality, there’s more fluidity.
  • Gender identity is on a continuum. It’s not just the male/female gender binary—there’s a spectrum of gender identity. “[Most people] lie in between [the binary], with personality traits that relate to gender identity, expression, and biological sex. Gender identity can change over time, and it is not fixed,” says Golob. Just because you identify one way at one point in time, does not mean you will always choose that identity, or that your identity won’t shift and evolve.
  • Sexuality and gender identity are not the same thing. “Gender identity is how you feel about yourself and the ways you express your gender and biological sex,” says Golob. Meanwhile, sexuality refers to who you are emotionally, physically, romantically, or sexually attracted to, she says. In summary, “gender is how you feel about yourself, while sexuality is how you feel about others,” says Golob.

Now that you have the basics, let’s do a deep dive into gender identity terms and what they each mean.

1. Anatomical sex

In conversations about gender, you may hear this expression used. “Gender identity is about one’s psychological sense of self. Anatomical sex is comprised of things like genitals, chromosomes, hormones, body hair, and more,” says Sophie Mona Pagès, relationship expert and founder of LVRSNFRNDS, a social network that fosters connections and conversations about relationships. “You may be familiar with the terms ‘AFAB’ (Assigned Female At Birth) and ‘AMAB ’(Assigned Male At Birth). This is what they are about.” AFAB and AMAB people may not choose to identify with those terms during childhood, or when they become adolescents or adults.

2. Cisgender

This term describes a person whose gender identity aligns with or matches their assigned sex at birth. “If a doctor assigns gender based on genitalia, when the baby is born and says, ‘It’s a girl,’ and that person aligns with their gender, that’s what it means to be cisgender,” says Golob, noting that this term sometimes gets shortened to “Cis.”

3. Transgender

“Transgender people are folks whose gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth. They can be trans men, trans women, and also non-binary people, meaning they do not identify as men or women,” says Pagès. She adds one quick note: “Do not say ‘a trans’ or ‘a transgender.’ Say instead, ‘a trans person,’ ‘a transgender person,’ ‘a trans man,’ or ‘a trans woman.’”

4. Cishet

“Cishet refers to people whose gender identity and biological sex are aligned (cisgender), and who are sexually attracted to the opposite sex,” says Marsh. For instance, an individual born with a vagina who identifies as female and is romantically involved with males would be described as Cishet.

5. Non-binary

“Non-binary describes a person who does not identify clearly or exclusively as male or a female, says Alexandra Bausic, M.D., a board-certified OBGYN, and sex educator at Let’s Talk Sex. “They can either feel both gender characteristics or feel different from them.” You may hear non-binary used as an umbrella term for various groups of people that don’t identify as male or female.

6. Intersex

A person born with either some combination of both biological sex characteristics (genital organs, hormones, chromosomes) or certain genital variations that don’t align with either biological sex is intersex, explains Bausic. “It is a natural variation in human anatomy, and it shouldn’t be perceived as something bad,” she says. Also, it’s important to know that being intersex is not that uncommon: Planned Parenthood estimates that one to two people out of every 100 in the U.S. are intersex.

Bausic adds that some examples of modified anatomic features of intersex people include a clitoris that’s larger than the average, a penis that is smaller than the average, or a closed vagina.

7. Genderqueer

“Genderqueer people can identify as neither woman nor man, both woman and man, or a combination of these genders,” says Pagès. Sometimes the words “genderqueer” and “non-binary” are used interchangeably.

“Genderqueer is often an identity that is also a political statement, and sometimes perceived as a third gender,” adds Marsh.

8. Gender-fluid

Just like you can be fluid in your sexual orientation of who you’re attracted to, you can also be flexible with your gender. “Gender-fluid typically refers to someone who prefers to express either or both maleness or femaleness, and that can vary, perhaps from day to day,” says Marsh.

“Some people’s gender identity varies over time,” adds Pagès, who also recommends looking at the Genderbread Person, a helpful resource on understanding gender, as well as guidelines on explaining gender to others. FYI: The fluid (i.e., transformative) aspect of being gender-fluid can happen at any point in life. You can be super young or a supercentenarian—it doesn’t only occur during a particular time in your lifespan.

9. Gender Non-conforming

“Gender non-conformity refers to when someone does not conform to their cultural gender norms,” says Marsh. It could be something as minute as an Assigned Male At Birth (AMAB) person wearing nail polish, Marsh explains. That could be considered gender non-conforming, since nail polish is typically attributed to female-presenting people in our society. Or, on a larger scale, the person might not choose to identify with “he/him” or “she/her” pronouns.

Since all the specifics of these phrases may start to feel similar, Marsh provides some more useful intel: “The terms gender non-conforming, genderqueer, gender-fluid, and non-binary typically fall under the umbrella of transgender, or those persons who do not identify as cisgender,” says Marsh. But they don’t all mean the exact same thing, so it’s still important to check in with people to see what labels they prefer.

10. Gender-Expansive

You may have heard of “gender non-conforming,” but the phrase “gender-expansive” is coming to be the preferred choice in the LGTBQIA+ community. “Gender non-conforming was a term previously used, that still shows up in research and articles today, insinuating something is ‘wrong’ with a person if they are participating in something in society that is ‘non-conforming’ of the norm,” says Golob. Essentially, this term is cis-normative, she points out. “Gender-expansive is the term to use instead that allows folks creativity and freedom to not fit into a societal norm,” Golob says.

11. Agender

“Agender means that one does not identify with any gender,” says Marsh. “They do not feel a sense of male or female,” adds Marsh, noting that like other non-cisgender groups, they may ask to be addressed using the pronouns “they” or “them” rather than “he” or “she.”

Golob elaborates that “Agender can also mean being gender-free, gender-blank, or genderless,” with no connection to any gender in particular.

12. Gendervoid

“Gendervoid is a term that is similar to agender, but specifically refers to not only a lack of gender identity, but also a sense of loss or a void in not feeling that gender identity,” explains Marsh. For gendervoid people, they feel like they don’t experience or aren’t able to feel their gender.

It may be helpful to remember, in short, that “biological sex is physical, while gender is feeling,” as Golob puts it. There’s no pop quiz on these terms, we promise, but becoming familiar with all gender identities is part of being a thoughtful human, no matter where you fall on the gender spectrum.

Complete Article HERE!

The Forgotten History of the World’s First Trans Clinic

The Institute for Sexual Research in Berlin would be a century old if it hadn’t fallen victim to Nazi ideology

Magnus Hirschfeld, right, and his protege and partner Li Shiu Tong, left, at the Fourth Congress of the World League for Sexual Reform, 1932.

By Brandy Schillace

The first gender affirmation surgeries took place in 1920s, at a facility which employed transgender technicians and nurses, and which was headed by a gay Jewish man. The forgotten history of the institute, and its fall to Nazis bent on the euthanasia of homosexuals and transgender people, offers us both hope—and a cautionary tale—in the face of oppressive anti-trans legislation in the United States.

This story begins late one night in Berlin, on the cusp of the 20th century. Magnus Hirschfeld, a young doctor recently finished with his military service, found a German soldier on his doorstep. Distraught and agitated, the young man had come to confess himself an urning, a word used in Germany to refer to homosexual men. It explained the cover of darkness; to speak of such things was dangerous business. The infamous “Paragraph 175” in the German criminal code made homosexuality illegal; a man so accused could be stripped of his ranks and titles and imprisoned.

Hirschfeld understood the soldier’s plight; he was, himself, both homosexual and Jewish. He had toured Europe, watched the unfolding trial against Oscar Wilde, and written an anonymous pamphlet asking why “the married man who seduces the governess” remains free, while homosexual men in loving and consensual relationships—men like Oscar Wilde—were imprisoned. Hirschfeld did his best to comfort the man, but upon leaving his doctor, the soldier shot himself. It was the eve of his wedding, an event he could not face.

The soldier bequeathed his private papers to Hirschfeld, along with a letter: “the thought that you could contribute to [a future] when the German fatherland will think of us in more just terms,” he wrote, “sweetens the hour of death.” Hirschfeld would be forever haunted by this needless loss; the soldier had called himself a “curse,” fit only to die, because the expectations of heterosexual norms, reinforced by marriage and law, made no room for his kind. These heartbreaking stories, Hirschfeld wrote, “bring before us the whole tragedy [in Germany]; what fatherland did they have, and for what freedom were they fighting?” In the aftermath of this lonely death, Hirschfeld left his practice to specialize in sexual health, and began a crusade for justice that would alter the course of queer history.

Hirschfeld called his specialty “sexual intermediaries.” Included beneath this umbrella were what he considered “situational” and “constitutional” homosexuals—a recognition that there is often a spectrum and bisexual practice—as well as what he termed “transvestites.” This group did include those who wished to wear the clothes of the opposite sex, but also those who “from the point of view of their character,” should be considered as the opposite sex.

One soldier with whom Hirschfeld had worked described wearing women’s clothing as the chance “to be a human at least for a moment.” He likewise recognized that these people could be either homosexual or heterosexual, something that is still misunderstood about transgender people today. Perhaps even more surprising was Hirschfeld’s inclusion of those with no fixed gender at all, akin to today’s concept of gender fluid or nonbinary identity (he counted French novelist George Sand among them). Most importantly for Hirschfeld, these men and women were acting “in accordance with their nature,” not against it.

If this seems like extremely forward thinking for the time, it was—possibly more forward thinking than our own. Current anti-trans sentiments center on the idea that transgender is both unnatural and new. In the wake of a U.K. court decision limiting trans rights, an editorial in the Economist argued that other countries should follow suit, and an editorial in the Observer praised the court for resisting a “disturbing trend” of children receiving medical treatments as part of a gender transition. But history bears witness to the plurality of gender and sexuality; Hirschfeld considered Socrates, Michelangelo and Shakespeare to be sexual intermediaries; he considered himself (and his partner Karl Geise) to be the same. Hirschfeld’s own predecessor, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, had claimed in the 19th century that homosexuality was natural sexual variation—and Hirschfeld believed that a person was congenitally born that way.

This was no trend or fad, but a recognition that people may be born with a nature contrary to their assigned gender. And, in cases where the desire to live as the opposite sex was strong, Hirschfeld thought science ought to provide a means of transition. He purchased a Berlin villa in early 1919 and opened the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft (Institute for Sexual Research) on July 6. By 1930 it would perform the first modern gender affirmation surgeries in the world.

A PLACE OF SAFETY

A corner building with wings to either side, the institute was an architectural gem that blurred the line between professional and intimate living spaces. A journalist reported it could not “be a hospital,” for it was furnished, plush, and “full of life everywhere.” It’s stated purpose: to be a place of “research, teaching, healing, and refuge” that could “free the individual from physical ailments, psychological afflictions, and social deprivation.” Hirschfeld’s institute would also be a place of education. While in medical school, he’d experienced the trauma of watching as a gay man was paraded naked before the class, to be verbally abused as degenerate.

At his institute, Hirschfeld would instead provide sex education and health clinics, advice on contraception, and research on gender and sexuality, both anthropological and psychological. He worked tirelessly to try and overturn Paragraph 175, managed to get legally accepted “transvestite” identity cards for his patients, and worked to normalize and legitimize homosexual and transitioning individuals. The grounds also included room for offices given over to feminist activists, as well as a printing house for sex reform journals meant to dispel myths about sexuality. “Love,” Hirschfeld said, “is as varied as people are.”

The institute would ultimately house an immense library on sexuality, gathered over many years and including rare books and diagrams and protocols for male-to-female (MTF) surgical transition. In addition to psychiatrists for therapy, he had had hired Ludwig Levy-Lenz, a gynecologist, and surgeon Erwin Gohrbandt. Together, they performed male-to-female surgery called genitalumwandlung—literally, “transformation of genitals.” This occurred in stages: castration, penectomy and vaginoplasty. (The Institute only treated men at this time; female-to-male phalloplasty would not be practiced until 1949 by plastic surgeon Sir Harold Gillies). Importantly, patients would also be prescribed hormone therapy, allowing them to grow natural breasts and softer features.”

Their groundbreaking studies, meticulously documented, drew international attention—and international patients, as well. Rights and recognition did not immediately follow, however. After surgery, some transwomen had difficulty getting work to support themselves, and as a result, five became nurses at the institute itself. In this way, Hirschfeld sought to provide a safe space for those whose altered bodies differed from the gender they were assigned at birth—including, at times, protection from the law.

LIVES WORTH LIVING

That such an institute existed as early as 1919, recognizing the plurality of gender identity and offering support, even through affirming surgery, comes as a surprise to many. It should have been the bedrock on which to build a bolder future. But as the institute celebrated its first decade, the Nazi party was already on the rise. By 1932, it was the largest political party in Germany, holding more parliamentary seats, and growing its numbers through a nationalism that targeted the immigrant, the disabled, the “genetically unfit.” Weakened by economic crisis and without a majority, the Weimer Republic would collapse. Hitler was named chancellor on January 30, 1933 and would enact policies to rid Germany of lebensunwertes Leben; that is, “lives unworthy of living.” What began as a sterilization program ultimately led to the extermination of  millions of Jews, “Gypsies,” Soviet and Polish citizens—and homosexuals and transgender people. The Nazis came for the Institute on May 10, 1933. Hirschfeld was out of the country. Karl Geise fled with what he could carry; everything else would perish by fire.

The carnage would flicker over German newsreels, the first (but by no means last) of the Nazi book burnings. Troops swarmed the building, carrying off a bronze bust of Hirschfeld and all of his precious books. Nazi youth, women, and soldiers took part, the footage and its voiceover declaring the German state had committed “the intellectual garbage of the past” to the flames. Soon, a tower-like bonfire engulfed more than 20,000 books, some of them rare copies that helped to provide a historiography for nonconforming peoples; they could never be replaced.

The Nazis also stole lists of clients, adding the names to “pink lists” from which to poach homosexuals for concentration camps. Levy-Lenz, who like Hirschfeld was Jewish, fled Germany to escape execution—but in a dark twist, his colleague Erwin Gohrbrandt, with whom he had performed so many supportive operations, joined the Luftwaffe and would later contribute to grim experiments in the Dachau concentration camp. Hirschfeld’s likeness would be reproduced on Nazi propaganda as the worst of offenders, both Jewish and homosexual, all that the Nazis would stamp out in their bid to produce the perfect heteronormative Aryan race.

In the immediate aftermath of the Nazi raid, Karl Geise joined Hirschfeld and his protege Li Shiu Tong, a young medical student, in Paris. The three would continue living together as partners and colleagues with hopes of rebuilding the institute, until the growing threat of Nazi occupation once more required them to flee. Hirschfeld died of a sudden stroke in 1935 while still on the run. Giese committed suicide in 1938—and Hirschfeld’s protgege Li Shiu Tong would abandon his hopes of opening an institute in Hong Kong for a life of obscurity abroad. 

Their history had been effectively erased—so effectively, in fact, that though the newsreels still exist, and the pictures of the burning library are often reproduced, few know they feature the world’s first trans clinic. The Nazi ideal had been based upon white, cishet (that is, cisgender and heterosexual) masculinity masquerading as genetic superiority. Any who strayed were considered as depraved, immoral, worthy of death. What began as a project of “protecting” German youth and raising healthy families had been turned, under Hitler, into a mechanism for genocide.

A NOTE FOR THE FUTURE

The story of Hirschfeld’s institute at once inspires hope and pride for an LGBTQ+ history that might have been, and could still be. It simultaneously sounds a warning. Current legislation, and indeed calls even to separate trans children from supportive parents, bear striking resemblance to those terrible campaigns against so-labeled “aberrant” lives. Studies have shown that supportive hormone therapy, accessed at an early age, lowers rates of suicide among trans youth—but there are those who, counter to Hirschfeld, refuse to believe that trans identity is something you can be “born with.” Richard Dawkins was recently stripped of his “humanist of the year” award for comments comparing trans people to Rachel Dolezal, a civil rights activist who posed as a Black woman, as though gender transition was a kind of duplicity. His comments come on the heels of yet more legislation in Florida banning transgender athletes from participating in sports, and an Arkansas bill denying transgender children and teens supportive care.

The future doesn’t always guarantee social progress. Hirschfeld’s Institute for Sexual Research, with its trans-supportive community of care, ought to have provided a firm platform to build a future that indeed thought of “sexual intermediaries” in “more just terms.” But these pioneers and their heroic sacrifices help to provide a sense of hope—and of history—for LGBTQ+ communities worldwide. May we learn the lessons of history, because where we go from here is up to us.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex-Positivity Means Unlearning Shame

Love & Lust 2021: Developing a Sense of Self

By

When I was five years old, my parents gave my sister and me a book called “Where Did I Come From?”

Published in 1973, the book featured illustrations and explanations of how babies are made. On the front and back covers were a sea of cartoon sperm swimming across the page with smiles on their faces. The book featured a friendly-looking (straight white) couple in various forms of undress; kissing, holding hands and “making love.”

My next lessons on sex came in the fourth grade, in North Carolina public school health classes. On a special day that required advance parental consent in order for students to participate, “boys and girls” were separated and sent to two different rooms to view scientific diagrams of our reproductive systems.

I remember feeling awkward in a room full of pre-pubescent youth, all of us squirming nervously through informational videos on puberty — groaning and giggling through re-enactments of first periods and wet dreams.

Before I started having sex, however, most of what I learned about it came from mainstream media: TV, music, and movies.

I remember being shocked and delighted to see portrayals of sex as a young person — the iconic sweaty backseat-window-of-the-car moment from Titanic, music video countdowns featuring scantily clad women, suggestive choreography at my very first Spice Girls concert.

As a kid, my media consumption was regulated to the extent that it could be. My mother would likely be horrified to know that, in middle and high school, I spent many an unsupervised hour at sleepovers watching BET Uncut, a late-night program that streamed sexually explicit, raunchy music videos. Many of these videos were, essentially, DIY low-budget films bordering on actual porn, and the rest were more mainstream but deemed too “mature” to show during regular countdowns. Women were almost exclusively featured in these videos as sexual objects — sporting thongs and tight dresses, licking and poking out their glistening lips, winding and bouncing and bending.

Coming of Age: Sex and Sexist Messages

I grew up unknowingly queer in the Christian, conservative South, and heteronormativity (the assumption of heterosexuality and adherence to a gender binary) pervaded most, if not all, of the lessons I learned about sex. These lessons on what was “acceptable” or “standard” behavior when it came to sex distorted my understanding of what sex was and what it could be. I did not know I was queer until my twenties because, before my twenties, I did not even know what “queer” was. I did not know that sex could be something other than the penetrative sex between a cisgender, heterosexual woman and a cisgender, heterosexual man because I had never seen it.

Until adulthood, nobody in my life talked openly about sex outside of conversations about safety or abstinence.

I learned about sex as a practical endeavor (for the purpose of making babies) and as the standard rule of intimate engagement between cishet men and cishet women (for the purpose of male orgasm). I learned that sex was a thing to be done behind closed doors. I learned that sex was dangerous and risky. I learned that sex was complex and rife with double standards.

Much of my sex education came from social myths. It seemed widely understood that for people assigned male at birth (AMAB), pursuing sex was totally normal and natural, but for people assigned female at birth (AFAB), it was devious and shameful.

Teenage me looked on in horror as the girls who wore low-cut shirts or miniskirts were admonished for having no self-respect, and the ones who made out with boys in the back rows of movie theatres were villainized and shamed for being “sluts.”  I learned, through years of observing the social stigma attached to sexual girls, that sex was something to do quietly and privately — that if I was going to do it, no one should know.

For years, I believed that something was wrong with me for being curious about sex for pleasure. I felt wrong for fantasizing about being sexually intimate with someone. I saw sex as something strange and dangerous, not just for the physical risks it posed to the body, but for how quickly it could lower one’s social worth. So, I suppressed my sexual desires. I learned to be ashamed of them.

Sexual Initiation and Sexual Passivity

The first time I had sex was on the top bunk of a dorm room bed at 19.

My boyfriend at the time, like most of my cishet male sexual partners, had had more experiences with sex than I — not only through having it but through watching porn. Since it was my first time, I deemed him the expert and deferred to him to facilitate our first sexual encounter.

It was uninspiring, to say the least.

I lay on my back in the dark, quiet as a mouse and stiff as a board, as he huffed and puffed on top of me. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and after all was said and done, I turned over and wept into his pillow. Gut-wrenching, loud, ugly sobs. I left feeling dirty. Ruined. I felt like I had “lost” something — like my value as a person worthy of respect had just dropped tenfold.

Despite spending three (monogamous) years in a relationship together, this boyfriend and I never actually had a conversation about what positive, consensual sex looked like. Our sex was boring and routine, and almost always ended with his orgasm, not mine. After we broke up, my sexual experiences varied slightly but pretty much had the same script, different cast. Even when my sexual partners were not cishet men, I followed their lead. I was agreeable, I went along for the ride.

My fear of being labeled a social deviant, a slut, had yielded a lingering sexual apathy — I learned to be passive within sexual encounters. I learned not to consider my own desires and instead to be “okay with” and “down for” anything. I spent years prioritizing my partners’ sexual experience and pleasure over my own, following their lead, doing what I was told. It was not until well into adulthood — and several difficult, transparent conversations with a TGNC (Trans Gender-Nonconforming) sex-positive partner that I realized how desperately I needed to unlearn what I had been taught about sex.

Queer Conversations: Finding Sex-Positivity

Several months into our relationship, my ex-partner — who, for a bit of context, proudly described themself as “pro-ho” — asked, “What do I have to do to get you to ask me for sex?” The question stopped me in my tracks. Admittedly, I hadn’t even noticed that they were always the one who initiated our sexual rendezvous. They expressed frustration over this discrepancy and communicated their desire to feel wanted and to be pursued. After reflecting on why it rarely occurred to me to play a lead role in our sex life, I realized: I never did it because, in the past, I never had to. All of my previous partners came on to me. I had never protested, and none of them had ever complained.

Being in a partnership with someone whose sexual expression is a core part of their identity — someone deeply invested in the pursuit of pleasure and joy — made me glaringly aware of my own internalized sex-negativity.

I discovered how much shame around sex I had internalized, and how much that shame had stunted the growth of my own sexual identity and sexual expression.

I realized that I had allowed myself to become, as James Baldwin so brilliantly put it, a “co-conspirator” in my own oppression. Patriarchy, a social system in which cisgender heterosexual men dominate, is fundamentally rooted in women/AFAB people not feeling in control of their bodies.

Under patriarchy, women — and especially women of color — are systematically disconnected from our bodies. We are socialized not to consider what feels good to us, but as to how we can use our bodies in service of men.

I am working to unlearn these lessons and to exercise full agency over my body. I am working on moving away from shame, stigma, and silence towards a personal sex-positivity. Sex-positivity is a complex notion, and lots of folks have lots of things to say about what it actually means. For me, sex-positivity is the belief that sex, as long as it is healthy and consensual, is a positive thing. The Center for Positive Sexuality provides this definition:

“A sex-positive perspective acknowledges the wide range of human and sexual diversity among individuals; a multitude of sexual identities, orientations, and practices; gender presentations; and the need for accessible healthcare and education. Sex positivity also encourages open and safe communication, ethics, consent, empowerment of sexual minorities, and the resolution of various social problems that are associated with sexuality.”

Moving away from shame and towards sex-positivity means, first and foremost, that I must affirm myself as a sexual being. I have to stop pretending sex isn’t a part of my life. I have to let go of thoughts and beliefs that prevent me from taking control over what happens to my body.

Ultimately, what I want out of sex are the same things I want out of my life as a whole: curiosity, a spirit of play, openness, vulnerability, connectivity, pleasure, freedom.

Unlearning shame is not a journey that will happen overnight, but it’s a worthy endeavor nonetheless. Being sex-positive is about so much more than just having great sex. It’s, in the words of Toni Morrison, about “letting go of the shit that weighs me down.” It’s about prioritizing my own opinions, my own desires, and ultimately, my own happiness. It’s about taking full responsibility for my life and the experiences I have within it.

And what could be more radical than that?

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s a handy glossary of LGBTQ+ terms for allies to commit to memory

Because the words we use matter.

By Ali Pantony

Terminology and naming are essential to marginalised communities, and many have their own language to communicate who they are and the societal struggles they face.

For LGBTQ+ allies, committing these terms to memory is a crucial part of furthering our allyship and learning about the community.

It’s important to note that some terms carry derogatory connotations but have been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community over time, and shouldn’t be used about someone unless you’re fully aware that they identify with them. Additionally, because some of these terms are so personal, they carry slightly different meanings for different individuals.

Here’s Stonewall’s guide to LGBTQ+ terms and definitions. It isn’t exhaustive, rather, it’s a good starting point to further our education…

ACE

Ace is an umbrella term used to describe a variation in levels of romantic and/or sexual attraction, including a lack of attraction. Ace people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including, but not limited to, asexual, aromantic, demis and grey-As.

ALLY

A (typically) straight and/or cis person who supports members of the LGBT community.

BI

Bi is an umbrella term used to describe a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender. Bi people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including, but not limited to, bisexual, pan, queer, and some other non-monosexual and non-monoromantic identities.

BIPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone who identifies as bi based on prejudice or negative attitudes, beliefs or views about bi people. Biphobic bullying may be targeted at people who are, or who are perceived to be, bi.

BUTCH

Butch is a term used in LBT culture to describe someone who expresses themselves in a typically masculine way. There are other identities within the scope of butch, such as ‘soft butch’ and ‘stone butch’. You shouldn’t use these terms about someone unless you know they identify with them.

CISGENDER OR CIS

Someone whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth. Non-trans is also used by some people.

COMING OUT

When a person first tells someone/others about their orientation and/or gender identity.

DEADNAMING

Calling someone by their birth name after they have changed their name. This term is often associated with trans people who have changed their name as part of their transition.

FEMME

Femme is a term used in LGBT culture to describe someone who expresses themselves in a typically feminine way.
There are other identities within the scope of femme, such as ‘low femme’, ‘high femme’, and ‘hard femme’. You shouldn’t use these terms about someone unless you know they identify with them.

GAY

Refers to a man who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards men. Also a generic term for lesbian and gay sexuality – some women define themselves as gay rather than lesbian. Some non-binary people may also identify with this term.

GENDER

Often expressed in terms of masculinity and femininity, gender is largely culturally determined and is assumed from the sex assigned at birth.

GENDER DYSPHORIA

Used to describe when a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity.
This is also the clinical diagnosis for someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth.

GENDER EXPRESSION

How a person chooses to outwardly express their gender, within the context of societal expectations of gender. A person who does not conform to societal expectations of gender may not, however, identify as trans.

GENDER IDENTITY

A person’s innate sense of their own gender, whether male, female or something else (see non-binary below), which may or may not correspond to the sex assigned at birth.

GENDER REASSIGNMENT

Another way of describing a person’s transition. To undergo gender reassignment usually means to undergo some sort of medical intervention, but it can also mean changing names, pronouns, dressing differently and living in their self-identified gender.

Gender reassignment is a characteristic that is protected by the Equality Act 2010, and it is further interpreted in the Equality Act 2010 approved code of practice. It is a term of much contention and is one that Stonewall’s Trans Advisory Group feels should be reviewed.

GENDER RECOGNITION CERTIFICATE (GRC)

This enables trans people to be legally recognised in their affirmed gender and to be issued with a new birth certificate. Not all trans people will apply for a GRC and you currently have to be over 18 to apply. You do not need a GRC to change your gender markers at work or to legally change your gender on other documents such as your passport.

GILLICK COMPETENCE

A term used in medical law to decide whether a child (under 16 years of age) is able to consent to their own medical treatment, without the need for parental permission or knowledge.

HETEROSEXUAL / STRAIGHT

Refers to a man who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards women or to a woman who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards men.

HOMOSEXUAL

This might be considered a more medical term used to describe someone who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards someone of the same gender. The term ‘gay’ is now more generally used.

HOMOPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone, based on prejudice or negative attitudes, beliefs or views about lesbian, gay or bi people. Homophobic bullying may be targeted at people who are, or who are perceived to be, lesbian, gay or bi.

INTERSEX

A term used to describe a person who may have the biological attributes of both sexes or whose biological attributes do not fit with societal assumptions about what constitutes male or female. Intersex people may identify as male, female or non-binary.

Stonewall works with intersex groups to provide its partners and stakeholders information and evidence about areas of disadvantage experienced by intersex people but does not, after discussions with members of the intersex community, include intersex issues as part of its current remit at this stage.

LESBIAN

Refers to a woman who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards women. Some non-binary people may also identify with this term.

LESBOPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone because they are or are perceived to be a lesbian.

LGBT

The acronym for lesbian, gay, bi and trans.

NEURODIVERSE

A concept where neurological differences are recognised and respected in the same way as any other human difference.

NON-BINARY

An umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them entirely.

ORIENTATION

Orientation is an umbrella term describing a person’s attraction to other people. This attraction may be sexual (sexual orientation) and/or romantic (romantic orientation). These terms refers to a person’s sense of identity based on their attractions, or lack thereof. Orientations include, but are not limited to, lesbian, gay, bi, ace and straight.

OUTED

When a lesbian, gay, bi or trans person’s sexual orientation or gender identity is disclosed to someone else without their consent.

PERSON WITH A TRANS HISTORY

Someone who identifies as male or female or a man or woman, but was assigned the opposite sex at birth. This is increasingly used by people to acknowledge a trans past.

PAN

Refers to a person whose romantic and/or sexual attraction towards others is not limited by sex or gender.

PASSING

If someone is regarded, at a glance, to be a cisgender man or cisgender woman. Cisgender refers to someone whose gender identity matches the sex they were ‘assigned’ at birth. This might include physical gender cues (hair or clothing) and/or behaviour which is historically or culturally associated with a particular gender.

PRONOUN

Words we use to refer to people’s gender in conversation – for example, ‘he’ or ‘she’. Some people may prefer others to refer to them in gender neutral language and use pronouns such as they/their and ze/zir.

QUEER

Queer is a term used by those wanting to reject specific labels of romantic orientation, sexual orientation and/or gender identity. It can also be a way of rejecting the perceived norms of the LGBT community (racism, sizeism, ableism etc). Although some LGBT people view the word as a slur, it was reclaimed in the late 80s by the queer community who have embraced it.

QUESTIONING

The process of exploring your own sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION

A person’s romantic attraction to other people, or lack thereof. Along with sexual orientation, this forms a person’s orientation identity.

Stonewall uses the term ‘orientation’ as an umbrella term covering sexual and romantic orientations.

SEX

Assigned to a person on the basis of primary sex characteristics (genitalia) and reproductive functions. Sometimes the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ are interchanged to mean ‘male’ or ‘female’

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

A person’s sexual attraction to other people, or lack thereof. Along with romantic orientation, this forms a person’s orientation identity.

Stonewall uses the term ‘orientation’ as an umbrella term covering sexual and romantic orientations.

TRANS

An umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth. Trans people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including (but not limited to) transgender, transsexual, gender-queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-binary, gender-variant, crossdresser, genderless, agender, nongender, third gender, bi-gender, trans man, trans woman,trans masculine, trans feminine and neutrois.

TRANSGENDER MAN

A term used to describe someone who is assigned female at birth but identifies and lives as a man. This may be shortened to trans man, or FTM, an abbreviation for female-to-male.

TRANSGENDER WOMAN

A term used to describe someone who is assigned male at birth but identifies and lives as a woman. This may be shortened to trans woman, or MTF, an abbreviation for male-to-female.

​TRANSITIONING

The steps a trans person may take to live in the gender with which they identify. Each person’s transition will involve different things. For some this involves medical intervention, such as hormone therapy and surgeries, but not all trans people want or are able to have this.

Transitioning also might involve things such as telling friends and family, dressing differently and changing official documents.

TRANSPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone based on the fact they are trans, including denying their gender identity or refusing to accept it. Transphobia may be targeted at people who are, or who are perceived to be, trans.

TRANSSEXUAL

This was used in the past as a more medical term (similarly to homosexual) to refer to someone whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth. This term is still used by some although many people prefer the term trans or transgender.

UNDETECTABLE

HIV medication (antiretroviral treatment, or ART) works by reducing the amount of the virus in the blood to undetectable levels. This means the levels of HIV are so low that the virus cannot be passed on. This is called having an undetectable viral load or being undetectable. For more information, visit the Terrence Higgins Trust.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Gender Blindness?

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Gender blindness is an ideology where a person chooses not to see differences between genders. Gender blindness can be harmful. It can further gender inequalities because it ignores historical differences between people of different genders.

The reality is people are treated differently in public, relationships, health care, and throughout their daily lives because of their gender. These are factors we cannot ignore as we try to treat all individuals with respect on the road to gender equality. Due to sexism and transphobia, cisgender women and all transgender individuals are oppressed and are victimized through unconscious biases and stereotypes about them. Refusing to acknowledge how people can be oppressed or privileged because of their gender identities and if they are transgender or cisgender runs the risk of ignoring and not appropriately addressing the hardships of gender minorities and the systems of oppression that privilege cisgender men.

Gender awareness is the opposite of gender blindness. To be gender aware means to be in tune with the differences, expectations, and needs of people of different genders.

Cons of Gender Blindness

Instead of encouraging equality, gender blindness ignores the struggle that gender minorities have had to endure. It’s imperative to address these problems in order to move forward. By ignoring them, gender blindness is incredibly harmful to the future of equality.

Gender blindness is a similar to when people say they are colorblind, meaning they don’t see race. Some people may use it to hide their racism while others adopt the ideology in order to avoid taking responsibility for their racial privilege—either way, society is riddled with systematic racism and it can not be ignored or washed away. Stating that you are gender-blind holds a similar weight. Transgender people (people whose genders are different from the gender they were assigned at birth), women, and non-binary individuals are oppressed every day. By saying we don’t see societies disenfranchisement of these communities, we are saying that we don’t see the ways in how gender affect how people are treated and the kind of experiences that they have as a result.

Real change cannot occur, as a result. By minimizing or ignoring societal issues between genders, gender blindness is seen as a deterrent to future improvements. Gender blindness has the potential to help when practiced correctly, however.

Pros of Gender Blindness

Another way to look at gender blindness is to see it as a way to combat transphobia as well as sexism. Gender is not inherently tied to the sex that one is assigned at birth (yes, sex is a spectrum as well), and genders apart from man and woman exist. People can identify as man or woman, a combination of both, or neither. Transgender, gender non-conforming, and non-binary people are some examples of individuals who break stereotypes of what gender is. Gender minorities can also practice gender blindness to prevent gender roles and stereotypes about them from affecting their performance.

Professors from Stanford and Columbia looking at the importance of gender differences found that cisgender women who practice gender blindness feel more confident than women who practice gender awareness.1 In the study, women found that they were comfortable taking risks in male-dominated workplaces when they downplayed gender overall. The professors claimed that gender blindness doesn’t have to ignore the history of women but deemphasizes them instead, and that gender blindness should focus on similarities rather than differences.

The conclusions of this survey, however, barely apply to women of color, transgender women, and transgender women of color. The survey results also insinuate that it is very possible for women to downplay gender; this might be true for white cisgender women, but the relationships that transgender and cisgender women of color have with gender are exponentially more complicated because of their racial and transgender identities.

According to the study, if you ungender traits like assertiveness, confidence, risk-taking, and competitiveness, women are more willing to take on these traits as well. The study authors emphasized that gender oppression should not be downplayed or ignored. Instead, gender blindness can be used in the workplace to encourage women to embrace confidence and independence. By ungendering these traits, women gain the confidence to reclaim them.

How to Implement Gender Blindness

Sexism is deeply rooted in society, and has a lot of work to unpack and uproot stereotypes both professionally and personally. People who don’t fit into the heteronormative cisgender framework face discrimination at work, on the street, in relationships, and in everyday life. Heteronormativity is overarching dogma and belief system that presumes heterosexuality is the default, correct, and normal sexuality. It supports the gender binary.

Relationships

Using the term “gender blind” when discussing attraction can be harmful because it ignores the impact that being a transgender or cisgender woman or being another, binary or non-binary, gender has on a person’s life. It also downplays the importance that a gender identity can have in a partner’s life. While it can look inclusive because it creates a space for transgender and nonbinary people, it is more likely to actually be disrespectful and harmful.

One study looked at gender blindness in couples where one person transitioned later in the relationship and found that the couples deeply cared for one another’s personhood rather than their gender. These couples felt that their commitment and love extended beyond the gender binary.2

Pansexual

Pansexual people are attracted to all genders. Some pansexual people adopt the term “gender-blind.” This form of gender blindness is defined like this: pansexual people can be attracted to cisgender men and cisgender women, but they are also attracted to people who are intersex, trans, and nonbinary. This definition is transphobic.

Everyone of every sexuality can be attracted to people in all those groups. When gender blindness is presented as a core part of pansexuality, the individual is saying that it is not “normal” for people to be attracted to sex and gender minorities. It also insinuates that pansexuals are somehow better people for being willing to date intersex, binary trans, and nonbinary trans people.

The Arts

Gender blindness in casting, particularly in theater, is the idea that any actor can be cast in any role, regardless of gender. Some troupes when performing Shakespearean plays may have actresses playing the role of a character that has been historically played by actors, and vice versa.

The Workplace

Gender bias is often revealed in job applications. Male applicants receive more interviews than female applicants, and female applicants were offered a lower salary than male applicants although they were equally qualified in one study.3

Gender blindness seeks to address the confidence gap, which is related to salary, self-confidence, and overall performance. Whether you adopt gender blind ideologies or not, it’s imperative that workplaces encourage diversity, no matter what gender someone is.

Some steps people can take to address this issue include:

  • Educating others on what gender bias is and how it’s an issue can bring to light possible changes. Make sure employees and those in leadership know the definition of what gender bias is and how it can harm people within the workplace. Employers can also leave gender off job application forms and screen applications without looking at gendered markers like names, or purposefully seek out qualified women, trans men, and non-binary individuals to hire
  • xplain the gender pay gap and how minorities are paid less although they complete the same amount of work. It’s imperative that people learn to understand what this means for women and other gender minorities in the workforce. Employers can host trainings teaching their gender minoritized employees how to advocate for themselves concerning raises, promotions, etc.
  • Encourage awareness within the office. If someone sees gender inequality occurring, it needs to be addressed immediately. If harm occurs, it’s best to separately discuss the issue with the employees involved in order to protect the wellbeing of the gender minority while also educating the privileged employee
  • Create an environment where all employees feel supported and free to discuss any issues or concerns they have with leadership. Being cognizant of hierarchy and power imbalances in the workplace, it is also important that employers easily make available people other than leadership from whom employees can seek help if they were discriminated against. For example, employers can have anti-racist, trans friendly, and pro-women individuals as members of their human resources team
  1. Harvard Business Review. Women benefit when they downplay gender. Published July 1, 2018.
  2. University of Northern Colorado. “Love is Gender Blind”: The Lived Experiences of Transgender Couples Who Navigate One Partner’s Gender Transition. Published January 11, 2018.
  3. Moss-Racusin CA, Dovidio JF, Brescoll VL, Graham MJ, Handelsman J. Science faculty’s subtle gender biases favor male students. PNAS. 2012;109(41):16474-16479. doi:10.1073/pnas.1211286109

Complete Article HERE!

Trans people deserve healthy, happy sex lives – and that starts with better health care

By Rory Finn

Understanding my body in a sexual way has been something that’s taken time.

I am a transgender man who identifies as queer, and since I began my transition more than 12 years ago, I found I didn’t fit into the boxes outlined in mainstream sexual health information – if I was able to find that sort of information at all.

Anything targeted towards the kind of sex I was having didn’t include people with bodies and identities like mine, and I ended up having to look at sexual health articles published in women’s magazines to try and filter out what information would be useful for me and what was not.

This has been especially unhelpful being who I am now: a man who has sex with men.

I never really noticed just how much of an issue this was until a few years ago, when I started exploring my sexuality and the fetish community. I started to take increased risks with my sexual health, so was going to clinics more often and realised the lack of knowledge and information some clinicians have about trans people and our bodies.

I had a persistent fear that clinicians would regard me as ‘too difficult’ and I feared the inappropriate questions some asked me – others didn’t ask enough. The experience felt unsafe and eventually deterred me from going, hoping I could find any answers I needed through Google instead.

In fact, the first time I contracted an STI I was in denial; I didn’t even know what an STI symptom would look like on a body like mine and I hoped it would clear up by itself. When I was prescribed medication, I didn’t take it straight away.

The continued lack of knowledge and resources around transgender sexual health made me feel like I didn’t matter, that my body was an oddity and that I didn’t deserve good health – all on top of the stigma of having an STI.

And according to a survey by sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust, more than half (52%) of trans, non-binary and gender diverse people who responded said they didn’t feel fully in control of their sex life, with more than 70% saying that feelings of negativity and low mood or depression was a factor in this.

Once while I was travelling in Spain, I caught an infection that I believed to be an STI. I spent most of my time at the clinic explaining that I was a trans man, rather than discussing my medical concerns. I was eventually given some sort of prescription and sent on my way.

Trans people should not have to rely on Google searches and outdated sexual health resources – we should be afforded the same information and representation that cisgender people have

This was distressing; I was alone in a foreign country and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. But I was grateful not to have had to undergo an intimate examination.

Luckily, back in England I was able to go to a clinic specifically for trans people – Clinic T – and find out what medication the doctor gave me and why, which was really reassuring.

I knew about the clinic as I had been living in Brighton, where it is well known within the trans community as they do a lot of outreach at events like Trans Pride. But being in an LGBTQ+ friendly city with trans-inclusive services put me at an advantage. Unfortunately, it isn’t always like that, and I’ve still been in situations with a clinician not as trans aware as they could be.

I’m used to being the ‘expert patient’ who knows more about my healthcare than the person who’s supposed to be caring for me.

Then you have the professionals who, the minute they hear the word ‘trans’, automatically view you as a curiosity. Sometimes you are viewed as ‘high risk’ merely because your identity has changed on paper, rather than your behaviour in the bedroom. I regularly experienced this when I started my transition, and it made me feel more like a number in a database than a human being.

This seems to be an ever-present experience for trans people. It’s like, if we don’t fit into society’s strict gender categories, then we fall through the gaps and it makes accessing healthcare feel impossible.

Frustratingly, it could all easily be avoided if healthcare professionals actively built up their knowledge on trans bodies. Trans-awareness training would be helpful, or peer-to-peer learning and reading up on trans health from the ever-increasing body of research on trans medical issues.

Navigating the world as a trans person can be extremely challenging, but it’s even more difficult without valid sexual health information. It can make us feel like we don’t deserve to be seen or celebrated as authentic sexual beings. This is reinforced by the poor representation, such as overly sexualised porn or predatory tropes.

Trans people should not have to rely on Google searches and outdated sexual health resources – we should be afforded the same information and representation that cisgender people have.

This is why I decided to feature in and co-write the Terrence Higgins Trust trans-specific sexual health resource. It is led by and celebrates us as trans, non-binary and gender diverse people.

The new webpages and leaflet are directed to our specific needs and provide up-to-date information and advice on everything from HIV to contraception. They include the impact of hormones and surgery, considerations when taking HIV-prevention pill PrEP, and how to navigate happy, healthy sex.

It feels empowering to be able to do something proactive about something I care so deeply about. I want trans people to have good sex, good health and a healthcare system with as few barriers as possible.

All trans and non-binary people’s bodies should be celebrated, just like everyone else. We have sex too, and we’re deserving of enjoyable and healthy sex lives.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Heteronormativity?

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Heteronormativity, predicated on the gender binary, is the belief that being heterosexual (which is attraction only to a different gender) is the only normal and natural sexual orientation. Since it is based on the conception that there are only two genders, heteronormativity does not accurately reflect the reality that gender exists on a spectrum and that attraction to only similar genders or to all genders exists and are normal.

Having heteronormative assumptions may lead people to misgender someone (referring to someone with the wrong pronouns).

Definition of Heteronormativity

Assuming Everyone Is Straight 

By assuming that someone is straight, you’re erasing their sexual identity. Saying that someone is going through a phase, especially for people who identify as bisexual or pansexual, can be harmful and demeaning because it erases such identities, contributing to a lack of civil rights protections and funding aimed to support such communities. One example of erasure is the Trump administration’s refusal to add questions about gender and sexual orientation in the 2020 Census, which determines allocation of federal funding. This shows how excluding people and denying they exist has material ramifications.

Being bisexual or pansexual means someone is attracted to all genders. Erasing people who identify with these orientations is harmful and hurtful.

According to a new survey, only 48% of Gen Z youths identify as straight, while 65% of millennials identified as straight.

Within heteronormativity are the prejudices of transphobia and homophobia. Transphobia refers to discrimination against transgender people, and homophobia is discrimination against people attracted to people with similar genders. By assuming that only being straight and cisgender (someone who aligns with the gender associated with their assigned sex at birth) is normal and that everyone identifies that way, heteronormativity reinforces transphobia and homophobia.

Assuming Someone’s Gender

Heteronormativity assumes that the gender associated with a person’s assigned sex at birth is how that person identifies. Think of gender reveal parties. Society decides what gender you are—what color your clothes, bedroom, and toys will be—before you’re even born. Not everyone identifies as the gender associated with their assigned sex at birth, however.

When a child is born, they are expected to perform heteronormativity. For example, playing with a truck or playing with a doll depending on your assigned gender may be enforced by your parents and how they view your gender. Skewing away from those norms may be worrisome for parents who adhere to heteronormativity. They may struggle with the idea of their son wanting to play dress-up in clothes associated with girls, or may be upset if their little girl wants a short haircut.

A 2020 study looked at 25,000 LGBTQ people between 13 and 25 years old in the United States, and found that transgender and nonbinary youths were incredibly at risk of depression and suicide. It’s imperative to nurture a child, no matter what their identity may be and how far it strays from heteronormative beliefs.

Assuming Sex Is One Way

Penis in vagina intersource—or PIV—is believed to be the only way to have a sexual intercourse for people who adhere to heteronormativity. This is, of course, false. People can have sex without a penis at all. Sex with one or more people with penises also does not have to involve any penetration. Also, cisgender gay men sometimes have penetrative anal sex. Having “normal” sex is seen as PIV sex, while all other forms of sex is considered “different” or “abnormal” in a heteronormative society.

Monogamy

Non-monogamous relationships are seen as existing outside of heteronormative relationships. Heteronormative people tend to believe in the security of monogamy (when a person is in a romantic or sexual relationship with only one person) and their idea that these types of relationships have more trust and communication. It’s not wrong to be monogamous, but it is harmful to believe monogamy is superior to non-monogamous practices.

Non-monogamy

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for lifestyle choices that exist outside of the traditional monogamy framework. This may include polyamory, where people have several romantic partners, and an open relationship where people in a relationship are sexually involved with more than one person.

Reproduction is key for people who subscribe to heteronormativity and believe that marriage or long-term relationships should result in having a child. Their idea of a nuclear family includes children and a cisgender, heterosexual mother and father. People who aren’t married and aren’t having kids (and could be non-monogamous) are seen as “abnormal” by people who adhere to heteronormativity.

How to Combat Heteronormativity 

We can all take steps to combat the wrong beliefs of heteronormativity:

  • Work on being inclusive. Don’t assume someone’s gender or sexual orientation. Introduce yourself with your pronouns when meeting people to invite them to do so as well, and use gender neutral language to referring to people’s partners before you know about them
  • Be supportive of friends or family who are part of the LGBTQ community. Read up on resources and articles to educate yourself
  • Create a safe space for your friend or family. Make sure they feel like they are in an environment where they can be their authentic self

Complete Article HERE!

Sex vs. Gender

Sex is about biology, gender is about identity

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Sex and gender are two different things. Sex is about a person’s biology. It describes their chromosomal make up, their hormones, and/or their anatomy. Gender, in contrast, describes a person’s understanding of themselves as male, female, or another gender entirely.

There is a misconception that there are only two sexes—male and female. The truth is more complicated. While most people’s biology fits into those categories, other people’s bodies exist on a spectrum between them.

Individuals whose bodies can not be definitively categorized as male or female may be described as being intersex, having intersex traits, or having differences or disorders of sexual differentiation.

In addition to sexual diversity, there is a growing awareness of gender diversity among humans. This reflects the increasing visibility of transgender individuals—those whose gender identity is not what would be expected for their assigned sex at birth.

Transgender individuals may have both binary and non-binary genders, and gender, like sex, exists on a spectrum. Intersex people may also identify as transgender or gender diverse.

Understanding Sex

The biology of sex starts with a discussion of chromosomes. There are two types of sex chromosomes—X and Y. Most people have two sex chromosomes, and those with two X chromosomes are usually female and those with an X and a Y are usually male.

However, some people have one sex chromosome or three sex chromosomes. They may be categorized as intersex or as endosex (binary male or female). In addition, some people have two chromosomes but some of the genes on one of the chromosomes may not function correctly. That can lead to someone being, for example, an XY woman.

The next major aspect of biology that determines a person’s sex is their hormones and hormone receptors. Exposure to androgens, such as testosterone, leads to the development of structures associated with male sex.

Lack of exposure to androgens, or ineffective exposure to androgens, leads to the development of structures associated with female sex. Ineffective exposure to androgens occurs when there is a problem with the proteins (androgen receptors) that respond to stimulation by those hormones. Lack of exposure to androgens occurs when the body does not make testosterone or DHT.

Finally, it’s important to note that the sex recorded on a person’s birth certificate isn’t about their chromosomes or their hormones, it’s about their anatomy. While most of the time individual’s anatomy is a reflection of their chromosomal make-up, that’s not always true. Sex is more complicated than just X and Y.

Understanding Gender

Gender describes a person’s understanding of themselves as male, female, or another gender. Most people’s genders are what would be expected for their recorded sex at birth, and people for who this is true are described as cisgender. Individuals whose gender is not what would be expected for their recorded sex at birth can be described as transgender or gender diverse.

As with sex, gender has a number of components. Most of the time when talking about someone’s gender, we are talking about their gender identity, which is described above. However, in addition to gender identity, people also have gender expression.

Gender expression describes the gendered ways people present themselves to the word. This may or may not be a reflection of their gender identity. For example, a cisgender woman with short hair who likes to wear tailored suits is still a woman. A transgender man with long hair is still a man.< Gender expression is highly culturally constructed. What is understood to be a male or female presentation depends a great deal on the place and time. There was a time when pink was thought to be too strong and masculine a color for women to wear.

Sex vs. Gender

To sum up, sex is about biology, but gender is about identity. Where sex and gender match, there is generally no need to intervene. Where there is a mismatch between sex and gender, individuals may choose to seek out care.

Healthcare When Sex Differs from Gender

Some individuals whose sex and gender do not match choose to seek out gender affirming medical treatment or surgical procedures in order to affirm their gender. The goal of gender affirming care is to relieve gender dysphoria, discomfort with a mismatch between a person’s body and their identity.

However, some people conceptualize gender affirming care as being a way to achieve gender euphoria—a sense of happiness and fulfillment in their gendered body.

Intersex Care: Consent and Controversy

Historically, doctors and parents have performed early surgeries on infants and young children with intersex traits in order to “normalize” the appearance of their genitalia.

This was often not discussed with children, even as they aged, and many intersex individuals were treated without being given any knowledge of their condition or allowed to make informed decisions about consent.

It was thought that making the child’s genitals appear to be clearly male or female would make it easier for them to live as healthy, happy young men or women. However, the foundational work that established this pattern of care later turned out to have been deeply problematic

The John/Joan Case

In the 1960s, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins University, John Money, encouraged the parents of a young boy to raise him as a girl after the child experienced devastating damage to his penis during a failed circumcision.

Surgery was performed to give the child female appearing genitalia, and he was given female hormones during puberty. The child never was told that he had been born male.

The early results from his case were used to justify hundreds or thousands of unnecessary surgeries on other children with intersex conditions or other genital differences. John Money said his case demonstrated hat it was only the way of rearing that affected a person’s gender identity, and medical practice changed accordingly.

Unfortunately, John Money was wrong. In his teen years, the child rejected the female identity he had been assigned. He eventually learned that he had been born male and started undergoing medical and surgical care to help his body reflect his gender identity and the sex he had been born in.

Sadly, he suffered from depression for much of his life and committed suicide in his 30s. Even more sadly, it took years longer before the medical establishment began to consider that genital surgeries on children might not be in their best interests.

There is a growing recognition that performing genital surgeries on intersex children is a violation of their human rights that can have devastating effects on their medical, physical, and sexual health throughout their lives.1.

In the United States, prestigious children’s hospitals such as Bostons Children’s Hospital and Lurie Children’s Hospital that have historically performed these surgeries have begun to stop offering some or all non-medically necessary procedures until patients can participate in their own care.

This represents an enormous step forward in respecting the right of children to have full, happy lives that include the possibility of healthy sexual function as adults.

However, some researchers, physicians, and parents still argue that having genitals that appear to be binary is more important to children’s lives and well-being than giving them the opportunity to make decisions about their course of care.

Complete Article HERE!

What Does It Mean to Be Sexually Fluid?

by Crystal Raypole

At this point in time, experts have disproved many of the myths surrounding sexual orientation.

Like the color of your eyes or the shape of your nose, orientation is a trait many are born with or grow into over time.

Maybe in high school, for example, you developed crushes on people of one gender only. In college, you found yourself attracted to people of different genders.

Now, as an adult, you mostly date people of one gender but occasionally feel a flash of sexual attraction for people of other genders.

Does that mean you’re confused? Can’t make up your mind? That your college attractions were just a phase? No, no, and absolutely not.

No one can define your orientation for you, but the concept of sexual fluidity can help explain your experiences.

Sexual fluidity, in short, means your sexual orientation isn’t permanently fixed.

Yes, everyone has an underlying orientation — asexual, pansexual, or heterosexual, for example. Yet there’s room for it to expand a little, based on your experiences and current situation.

It can help to think of orientation as a spectrum that includes people of all genders. Sexually fluid people tend to experience attractions at different points along the spectrum as they go through life.

Maybe you grew up thinking you were only attracted to men, until you had a few flings with people of other genders. After a few years, you felt most attracted to men again, but you couldn’t say for certain whether that would always be the case.

These changes in how you experience romantic and sexual attraction are totally valid.

“Fluidity is an absolutely normal aspect of sexual orientation,” explains Will Zogg, a Washington therapist who specializes in gender affirming counseling.

“Attraction is far more complex than many people can communicate,” says Zogg. “And fluidity and the presentation of sexuality vary widely across cultures, age, access, and region.”

He goes on to say people sometimes interpret fluidity as confusion, or betrayal of an allegiance to a specific community.

“As a result of the stigma around fleeting same-sex attraction and consequences for that ‘betrayal,’ normal feelings of love and sex and curiosity often get swept under the rug, where the limits of Western societal norms keep them hidden,” explains Zogg.

If you’re sexually fluid, you might notice most of your sexual experiences and attractions fit under the label you use to identify yourself.

The key word here is “most,” since you’ll probably have a few outlier experiences that fall elsewhere on the spectrum.

Here’s an example:

You’ve only ever felt attracted to women. Then you develop a close relationship with a nonbinary friend. Your physical and emotional closeness eventually lead to a crush.

You think about kissing, touching, even having sex with them. Maybe you act on those desires, maybe you don’t. Eventually, you spend a little less time together, and your attraction fades, leaving you primarily attracted to women once again.

This one experience may not lead you to redefine your sexual orientation, but it does suggest some fluidity.

Close friendships sometimes fuel romantic feelings that lead to sexual desire, but attraction can exist without you acting on it.

Fluidity, by definition, changes over time, so you could develop a similar attraction in the future.

Though fluidity adds an extra factor in the equation of attraction, it won’t necessarily change your sexual behavior.

“What Westerners refer to as fluidity in sexuality (and in gender) is not a new idea for many cultures,” Zogg notes.

Researchers and anthropologists have explored fluidity across cultures and history. In terms of Western research, this concept has had many names, including erotic plasticityTrusted Source.

The term sexual fluidity comes from the research of psychologist and professor Dr. Lisa Diamond, who drew attention to the concept with her 2009 book, “Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire.”

In theory, yes, anyone can experience this fluidity, but not everyone does. Plenty of people only ever feel attracted to one gender.

While people of any gender can be sexually fluid, existing research suggests women tend to experience the most fluidity. Of course, this doesn’t mean all women are sexually fluid.

“Some sexually fluid men may feel more reluctant to talk about the range of attraction they experience, in part due to gender and sexuality stereotypes,” Zogg points out.

“They might avoid commenting on masculine celebrities they consider attractive, for example, or hesitate to express closeness to a male best friend,” says Zogg.

Most definitely, yes. Attraction, like orientation, is something you can’t control.

You might feel more attracted to one gender for a while, then your attraction might shift elsewhere on the spectrum.

Maybe you choose not to express or act on certain attractions, and that’s OK. All the same, you typically can’t pick and choose what part of the spectrum your attraction settles on at any given point in life.

Sexually fluid people might notice attraction shows up in a range of ways.

You could feel sexually attracted to people of one gender but develop stronger romantic feelings for people of another gender.

Maybe one specific person brings out feelings you’ve never had before. Though their traits don’t align with what you’d normally consider your “type,” you feel drawn to this specific excitement or arousal response.

You might also notice the characteristics that appeal to you in more masculine people are completely separate from the characteristics that you look for in more feminine people.

It’s pretty common to act differently on varying types of attraction.

You might:

  • enjoy kissing and cuddling partners of one gender but only have sex with people of another gender
  • enjoy a specific type of sex with one gender, but have different kinds of sex with other genders
  • develop romantic attachments with people of one gender and pursue physical relationships with people of other genders

These are all valid relationship styles. Just take care to practice good communication!

On the surface, sexual fluidity might seem pretty similar to bisexuality and pansexuality. Remember, though, bisexuality and pansexuality are orientations, and sexual fluidity is not.

Bisexuality doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, but it’s typically recognized as a fairly consistent attraction to two groups: people of your gender and people of other genders.

Some people who identify as bisexual might only feel attracted to people of two genders. Others might develop attractions to people of multiple genders.

Pansexuality, on the other hand, means you might experience attraction to any person, regardless of their gender. In other words, you’re attracted to people of all genders.

You can be both sexually fluid and bisexual or pansexual. For example:

  • Sexually fluid pansexual people might occasionally feel most attracted to people of one gender, then more attracted to different genders again.
  • Sexually fluid bisexual people might temporarily feel more attracted to one gender over another, but this won’t permanently alter their overall attraction to people of other genders.
  • You might describe yourself as sexually fluid when you generally identify with an orientation that doesn’t consistently represent every attraction you experience.

    Say you primarily feel attracted to women, but you’ve had a few relationships with men. You don’t identify as bisexual, but you consider yourself somewhat fluid, since you’re not exclusively attracted to women.

    Maybe you’ve never had a romantic or sexual relationship with someone of your gender. Still, straight doesn’t entirely resonate with you as an orientation because you feel open to the possibility of a non-heterosexual relationship. It just hasn’t happened yet.

    Generally speaking, sexually fluid people have an orientation that remains roughly stable over time.

    So you might use this term if you mostly feel attracted to one gender but want to acknowledge the way your attraction and responses sometimes shift.

    As Diamond and other experts have pointed out, fluidity offers a better, more accurate explanation for what people have, in the past, stereotyped and stigmatized as “confusion.”

    As you go through life, you gain plenty of experience, both personally and from relationships with others.

    This expanding knowledge can have a pretty big impact on self-identity, including your understanding of your orientation.

    As awareness of your orientation develops, you might land on a different way of describing your attractions, and that’s just fine. You’re always free to use whatever term you identify with best.

    Interested in learning more about sexual orientations and identities?

    • Start with our guide to key terms here.
    • Check out the It Gets Better Project for a glossary of LGBTQ+ terms.
    • Visit Identiversity, a nonprofit website that provides factual, expert-informed education about gender and sexual diversity.
  • Complete Article HERE!

The Importance of Gender-Affirming Care for Closing the Gap on LGBTQ+ Health Disparities

By Elly Belle

In doctor’s offices across America, medical professionals often provide care based on the assumption that patients are cisgender and heterosexual. But LGBTQ+ patients—especially those who are trans, gender non-conforming, or nonbinary deserve better, and experts say improvements will only come when LGBTQ+ and gender-affirming health care becomes commonplace.

This type of care—which caters to the needs of these individuals without stigma or shame, and affirms patients’ sexuality and gender identity—is especially important given the significant health disparities the LGBTQ+ community faces, including increased risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV/AIDS, higher rates of mental health disorders, and an increased prevalence of houselessness and intimate partner violence.

While there are many factors that contribute to these disparities, a major one is that many LGBTQ+ folks avoid seeking medical care because they’ve experienced transphobia or homophobia in the past, or because they believe they’ll be discriminated against or don’t think they’ll receive adequate care because of provider ignorance. But the sooner affirming care becomes the standard, the less likely that is to happen.

What is gender-affirming care?

One of the first things Andrew Goodman, MD, does when he sees a patient is say his own pronouns to create a welcoming environment so patients know that their identity and needs matter. Practicing gender-affirming care is about, “not walking in with any assumptions, and understanding that knowing someone’s sex doesn’t mean you know things about their gender identity, who they have sex with, or the care they might need,” says Dr. Goodman, who is the medical director at Callen-Lorde, a health center for New York’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities. “It means that you ask and you’re open. It’s treating a patient like they are the expert of their own experience.”

Affirming care means that patients get the treatment they need for the bodies they have, not what the medical community presumes is appropriate based on the gender they were assigned at birth.

Some medical professionals presume that only women need pap smears, or that a man can’t get pregnant, but affirming care recognizes that certain services aren’t just for cisgender men and women and that trans men, nonbinary people, and intersex people are in need of reproductive care, too. It also acknowledges that patients’ sexual experiences might include people of all genders, and that hormone therapy, STI testing and treatment, contraception, and abortion are important health services for many people, regardless of sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender identity. In short: Affirming care means that patients get the treatment they need for the bodies they have, not what the medical community presumes is appropriate based on the gender they were assigned at birth.

Daria*, a nonbinary survivor of female genital mutilation (FGM), did not receive gender-affirming care when they sought help for FGM-related health care. “My heart dropped when I saw that all of the support information only mentioned women and girls. While they served people regardless of gender, the FGM department only seemed to cater to women and girls,” Daria says. “So in order to receive services, I signed up as a cis woman.” Despite the fact that they got some of the mental health care they needed, and were even offered a free gynecological exam to examine the physical effects of FGM, everything was in the context of womanhood. “Having gender-affirming health care means that as a nonbinary survivor of FGM I don’t have to compromise my gender identity in order to receive the help I need.”

Why education and advocacy are important

Bhavik Kumar, MD, MPH, the medical director of primary and trans care at Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast, explains that making a commitment to providing affirming care means educating and training staff to ensure “all the people involved in a patient’s health-care experience understand and value LGBTQ+ people.” For example, providers are taught to use neutral language and ask what body parts a patient’s sexual partners have, rather than asking if they’re sexually active with men or women. “We strive to make our health centers affirming spaces that are mindful of the indirect messages that can be so important to building trust and making our patients feel comfortable,” Dr. Kumar says.

It’s also important that patients of all ages receive this type of care, says Armonté Butler, the senior program manager of LGBTQ health and rights at Advocates for Youth, a nonprofit advocacy group dedicated to sexuality education and the prevention of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases. LGBTQ+ youth should learn from an early age that they deserve—and can receive—quality treatment, because it will help them feel comfortable seeking medical treatment later in life. Providers should also make it clear to all patients that they offer services like HIV testing and prevention, and they should be transparent about the way their practices handle insurance and confidentiality procedures. “It’s also crucial for health-care organizations to update their websites and social media to include imagery and resources for LGBTQ+ young people, including youth of color and youth living with HIV,” says Butler.

And it shouldn’t be the job of the patient to educate their health-care providers, either. “Finding affirmative and inclusive health care is like finding a needle in a haystack,” says Grey*, a nonbinary student who has received affirming care and also had negative experiences seeking health care. “Many doctors rely on their patients for education and that can cause more harm than healing,” Grey says.

At the bare minimum, providers should make sure they use inclusive language and visuals and that forms provide space for patients to list their names and pronouns. And it would be beneficial if they also offered access to hormone treatments and inclusive screenings for all gender orientations, says Jessica Halem, former Harvard Medical School LGBTQ+ outreach and engagement director.

Above all else, health-care providers should be advocates for their LGBTQ+ patients. “A primary care provider might not be comfortable with HIV care or hormone therapy, but it’s important not to say, ‘I’m not familiar with this and don’t think you should get it.’ Affirming care is, ‘I’m not familiar with this but let me go find out more about it and get you the resources you need,’’ says Dr. Goodman. This type of advocacy is a huge part of Dr. Goodman’s practice. For example, when he knows that he has to send a prescription to an external pharmacy that might use a transgender patient’s legal name instead of their chosen name, he prepares the patient so they aren’t caught off-guard. He’s even helped patients navigate the process of a legal name change so that they don’t have to worry about being deadnamed in official settings outside of health care.

And it’s important to recognize that affirming care goes beyond the front-office and patient-facing aspects of health care; the technology that powers the medical system needs updating as well. Many software systems display a patient’s legal name and sex assigned at birth, which could clash with their identity. Some software also forces doctors to make medical decisions based on assigned sex at birth and that can influence dosage amounts for prescribed medications or prompt the doctor to make improper preventative-care recommendations, explains Susanne Fortunato, founder of Wingspan Health, an inclusive patient portal. But things are changing. New software makes it possible to provide a better experience, by capturing a patient’s legal name and assigned sex and birth for insurance purposes but displaying their correct name to front desk staff, incorporating all gender markers and pronouns, and using displays that look the same for all patients in order to protect their privacy.

Making affirming care the new standard

Often, without the proper systems in place, LGBTQ+ people are left to fend for themselves or accept being misgendered or improperly treated. But it doesn’t need to be this way. “You might think you’re not in the position to question an experience, but you can give feedback to your provider,” Dr. Goodman says. And if you feel comfortable doing so, it might help bring about change. That said, if you’re not getting the care you deserve, you can leave and find a new provider. The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (GLMA) specifically has a provider directory that lists the affirming and competent practices in the United States.

If you work in health care or feel comfortable sharing resources with your medical providers, you can be a driving force for change. Some resources to consult include the University of California San Francisco’s transgender care guidelines and Essential Access Health’s guide to Providing Inclusive Care for LGBTQ Patients. These guides explain how to avoid stereotypes and assumptions about patients’ sexual orientations and gender identities and offer samples of inclusive intake forms and updated ways of keeping health records. And they don’t just cover the ways that doctors treat patients; they touch on why it’s critical for all staff, especially those who have contact with patients (such as outreach workers, front-desk staff, assistants, and those who handle billing and insurance) to have LGBTQ+ affirming training. Ultimately, any and every interaction in health care sets the foundation for patients to feel cared for.

As things change, there will be providers who worry that implementing inclusive care will push some patients away. But Dr. Goodman explains it’s necessary for health-care professionals to understand that patients who don’t like the changes will probably have access to care elsewhere, while marginalized patients often don’t have that option. That’s why creating a welcoming space for the people who are the least likely to have access to those spaces must be the priority.

“A lot of change starts small and is incremental,” Dr. Goodman says. “Maybe right now all you can change is what happens in your exam room, but that can be so powerful.”

*Name was changed to protect privacy.

Complete Article HERE!

10 sexual health tips for trans and non-binary people

By Ellis K

Everyone has a right to healthy, happy sex. But trans, non-binary and gender diverse people are too often left out of mainstream information relating to health and wellbeing. This means trans and non-binary people are often reliant on guesswork and reading between the lines to find what’s relevant and what’s not.

This came through loud and clear when sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust asked more than 200 trans and non-binary people about their sexual health and current provision.

“As trans people, we need to see ourselves in sexual health campaigns and know that the information is written with us in mind,” says sexual health clinician Dr Kate Nambiar.

That’s exactly what the charity put into action – utilising the feedback for the development of its brand new trans and non-binary sexual health information in terms of everything from content to tone.

The information was produced by trans and non-binary staff at Terrence Higgins Trust and developed in conjunction with members of the trans community. Dr Nambiar was the project’s peer reviewer.

The new webpages and print leaflet feature eight trans and non-binary people of different ethnicities, shapes and sizes. In line with feedback, the imagery is empowering and positive – a departure from how trans people are too often depicted.

“I decided to be a part of this resource because I want trans people, however they identify, to know that they are worthy of having an enjoyable and healthy sex life,” says Rory Finn, health promotion specialist at Terrence Higgins Trust who was part of the project group. “Our bodies deserve to be empowered and celebrated, just like everyone else.”

The specialist sexual health information for trans and non-binary people is now available on Terrence Higgins Trust’s website. But – for a flavour – here is the charity’s top 10 sexual health tips for trans and non-binary people.

1) Spend some quality time with yourself

There is no one way to be trans or non-binary, everyone’s different. Masturbation is a good way to get to know what you like and feels good – when you know, you can show your partners what you want. This is true for everyone, but especially so if you’ve just had gender-affirming surgeries and are looking to explore your new body parts. There are a variety of toys on the market that can help with sex. Try different things out. What works for others may not work for you.

2) Checking in

Figured out what you like? Tell your partners. Communication before and during sex can sometimes be awkward and take some practice, but it’s the best way to ensure you are both happy and comfortable with what’s happening. You have the right to enjoy sex and you shouldn’t feel like you have to use parts of your body if you don’t want to. Checking in before sex is also a great time to decide on what barriers and protections you are going to use.

3) Do things your way

Clothing can be affirming, and keeping it on can sometimes mean better sex. Some trans masculine people find that continuing to use clothing like binders and packers during sex feels good. Learning to negotiate the sex that you want, and experience pleasure with potentially new body parts can take time. You might need time to build up confidence and learn new skills to help you negotiate safer sex. You should never be pushed into anything that you are uncomfortable with.

4) Find the best barrier methods for you

STIs can be passed on from all types of sex with all types of body parts and sex toys. Using a barrier such as a condom or dam along with water-based lube is the best way to protect against STIs. Recent lower surgery means unhealed skin, which can make it easier for you to acquire or pass on HIV as bleeding can provide a route into or out of your body. Discuss with your surgeon what kind of activity you can do and how soon. If you’re a trans masculine and on testosterone (T), remember that it’s not an effective form of contraception, but condoms are. The coil, implant, injection or pill can also be safely taken with T. Likewise, hormone therapy for trans feminine people doesn’t provide adequate contraceptive protection.

5) Negotiating condoms

It’s not always easy to discuss condoms before sex, but there are some useful tips to help get them in play. Make sure you have condoms and lube with you and that you’ve practised using them before you have sex. You can make putting on a condom part of play. Passing a condom to a partner can be understood to mean you want to be fucked – it also signals that you want to use a condom for this.

6) Is PrEP right for you

PrEP is a pill that protects you from HIV, taken before and after sex. It doesn’t affect or interact with hormone treatment. PrEP might be right for you if you’re HIV negative and have sex in a variety of situations where condoms are not easily or always used. It gives you empowerment, particularly if you are a receptive partner, or bottom, by taking control over protecting yourself from HIV transmission. There’s also PEP, a treatment that can stop an HIV infection after the virus has entered a person’s body (for example, if you’ve had sex and the condom fails). To work, PEP must be taken within 72 hours (three days), and ideally should be taken within 24 hours. You can get PrEP for free on the NHS from a sexual health clinic, and PEP from a clinic or A&E.

7) Tell a mate you’re hooking up

If you’re planning on meeting someone from a dating app, it’s a good idea to tell a friend where you’re going, when they can expect you to come back and who you’re planning to meet.

8) Be prepared

Just planning on meeting someone for a coffee or quick drink? Plans can change, so make sure you’ve got some condoms and lube with you.

9) Test, test, test

Getting screened regularly is a way to reduce the risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Have a sexual health screen at least once every year, and more frequently if you change partners or have casual or new partners. STI screening is quick, free, and painless and you can take your own samples from the body parts you use for sex. These days, there are more ways than ever, including ordering a self-test kit online.

10) Regular check-ups

If you have a cervix then it’s important to get a cervical screening test every three years from the age of 25 (or every five years from 50 to 64). If you’ve changed your name and gender with your GP, you may not receive letters to remind you to go for a screen.

Complete Article HERE!