Tag: Relationship Advice

Posted on

How to take the BDSM test that’s going viral on TikTok

(and what it means)

It’s time we talked about this stuff.

By Tatyannah King

If you enjoyed taking the TikTok color personality test, wait ’til you learn about the test that guides you to explore your kinks and get a visual breakdown of all the things you might not even know you’d enjoy in bed.

TikTokers like @aw00ga66 and @brimcgreer are taking a resurfaced “online kink test” and sharing their results to the social media platform’s safe space for the BDSM community, commonly known as #kinktok. Related hashtags like #kinktestchallenge, #kinkchallenge, and #kinktestresults are getting more than half a million views combined.

A screengrab of a BDSM test with comments
TikTok users like @aw00ga66 are sparking conversation.
@brimcgreer laughs and hides their face in front of BDSM test results
@brimcgreer reacts to the test results.

Responding in the comments section of @brimcgreer’s video, people said things like, “I gotta retake that. I’ve changed since my last one”; “I have no 100% but I also have no 0% and I don’t know how to feel”; and “I got 100% switch” — which means someone who switches between submissive and dominant behaviors depending on the context.

While many TikTok users refer to the quiz as the “Kink Test,” it’s formally called the BDSM test, and it’s been around a lot longer than the latest viral TikTok trend. It was created in 2014 with the mission of making “a simple, accessible test to help beginning kinksters determine which labels are or aren’t suitable for them and to be a fun experience for everyone taking it, beginners and experts alike.”

The BDSM test has become established in the kink/fetlife community because it helps beginning kinksters find out which BDSM archetypes may or may not be their thing.

A mini-lesson on BDSM

You may have already gotten an idea of what BDSM is through its representations in pop culture like Fifty Shades of Grey and Rihanna’s S&M video, but here’s what it means in real life. BDSM is an umbrella term for sex acts that fall under the categories of Bondage/Discipline, Domination/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. The acronym BDSM can be divided further into these categories:

  • Bondage: The act of restricting a partner’s freedom of movement with ropes, ties, handcuffs, or other restraints
  • Discipline: Agreed-upon rules and punishments for a dominant partner to exert control over a submissive partner
  • Dominance: The act of showing dominance over a physical partner, either during sex or outside of the bedroom
  • Submission: The act of showing submission to the dominant partner’s actions and wishes
  • Sadism: Refers to pleasure that a partner may feel from inflicting pain
  • Masochism: Refers to pleasure that a partner may feel from receiving pain

Though BDSM tends to be misunderstood and misinterpreted by the general population, it contains many common fantasies, like multi-partner sex and experimenting with power dynamics through role play. According to a 2016 survey of about 1000 people published in The Journal of Sex Research, nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually.

So, how do you take the BDSM test?

First, visit bdsmtest.org. You can take the free BDSM test anonymously, or you can share your email and register an account with the website. Prior to taking the test, you’ll be prompted to answer general questions about your age, gender, and sexual orientation. You’ll have the option to select shorter or longer versions of the test, depending on your interest in BDSM. You’ll also be offered a way to filter out some questions that are aimed at either submissives and masochists or dominants and sadists, if you already know that’s not your thing. The demographic and basic information questions take about a minute to fill out. Then you’ll be ready to start the test, which takes about 15 minutes to complete.

See Also: A cult-favorite vibrator has a new companion, and she packs a punch

During the quiz, each question is formatted as a statement. You rate each statement — like “Feeling physically overpowered is one of the most liberating sexual feelings” or “I would like to have sex with multiple people at the same time” — on a 100% scale, ranking how much you agree with it, from “absolutely disagree” to “absolutely agree,” with the middle option being “neutral/no opinion.”

After answering the questions, you’ll get your results in the form of percentages that correspond to the 26 categories being ranked. For example, on the higher end, you may get 100 percent “voyeur” (someone who gets gratification by watching sexual acts) or 80 percent “switch.”

On the neutral end of the spectrum, you could get 50 percent “sadist” (someone who enjoys inflicting certain types of pain on others in a sexual context) or 43 percent “rope bunny” (someone who likes to be tied up and restrained using rope, chains, cuffs, spreader bars, etc).

Remember, the BDSM test is just for fun. Don’t get hung up on your results if they aren’t indicative of how you feel about your sex life in real life.

On the lower end of the spectrum, you may score 5 percent “brat” (someone who playfully pushes their dominant’s buttons by misbehaving in order to be “punished” by their dom) or 2 percent “degradee” (someone who like to be degraded and humiliated by their partner in the bedroom). If you’re unsure what certain terms mean, the BDSM test includes a page with definitions for each archetype here.

Remember, the BDSM test is just for fun. Don’t get hung up on your results if they aren’t indicative of how you feel about your sex life in real life. Though the test is often referred to as the kinky version of the Myers-Briggs personality test, neither test is scientific or definitive. Some people may find that their results represent them exactly; others may wonder how in the world they got the scores that they did. And some people may get a high score in a category they’ve never heard of and then take it upon themselves to explore it. Even then, it still might not be something they enjoy in the bedroom.

The BDSM test is a starting point for more conversations — and that’s a good thing

Due to the lack of comprehensive sex education in America’s education system and general stigma regarding human sexuality, our society isn’t the most sexually literate. But the fact that BDSM is being discussed on TikTok to the point where the #kinktok hashtag has gained 7.2 billion views — not to mention the numerous videos including both informative and silly kink-themed content — says a lot about shifting generational perspectives toward sex. People have tons of questions and curiosities about how their bodies receive pleasure, and for many, Tiktok has become the digital space to delve into sexual self-discovery and sex positivity.

The writer's test results from the BDSM test showing she's 100 percent Masochist and 100 percent Brat.
The author’s BDSM test results.

Unfortunately, Tiktok isn’t perfect. Due to its community guidelines, a lot has been censored when it comes to sex education of any kind, and the same can be said for social media platforms like Tumblr, Instagram, and Facebook. If Tiktok’s algorithm senses that a topic is “inappropriate” (a category many sex ed videos fall into, despite most of them being educational or comedic rather than explicit), that specific content may get restricted on the app and will get lower views, fewer likes, fewer shares, and less engagement overall.

In order to prevent a video from getting banned on the app, some TikTokers have resorted to spelling words like “porn” and “sex” incorrectly and avoiding relevant hashtags like #sex, #sexed, or #sexualhealth. Because “adult nudity and sexual activity” goes against TikTok’s guidelines, that puts kinky content at risk of getting banned as well.

There’s a ways to go until we have a truly sex positive society, but it’s reassuring to see younger millennials and Gen Z proudly pushing back and continuing to revolutionize the way our society discusses sex. They’re tired of feeling like they can’t talk about topics that are integral to the human experience, so they’re creating safe spaces to openly discuss sexual topics. In doing so, they’re not only acquiring more knowledge about their own pleasure but also helping to de-stigmatize topics in human sexuality that many still view as taboo — one BDSM test at a time.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Here’s Why Orgasming During Masturbation Can Be Easier Than During Sex

Here are the best ways to beat that pesky performance anxiety.

By Zachary Zane

Most of us love to have orgasms, which is why it can be frustrating when some of them come easier than others. You might find you can cum in less than a minute when you’re masturbating to porn by yourself, but then, when you’re with a partner, it’s a whole ‘nother story.

If that’s happening to you, I can confirm you’re not alone. As the sex advice columnist here at Men’s Health, I’ve received countless questions from men who can orgasm no problem during solo masturbation but can’t say the same for when they’re with a partner—even if they’re really attracted to them.

There are numerous possible reasons why you can’t reach completion when with a partner, and, not surprisingly—since your body is clearly capable of having an orgasm—most of them are in your head. (Not the head downstairs—the head that holds your brain.)

“The socially constructed stakes when sexually pleasuring oneself are undeniably different than when you’re [with one or more people],” explains Benjamin Goldman, MHC-LP, a therapist at Citron Hennessey Private Therapy. “During sex, the man is playing the role of a ‘performer,’” Goldman adds. (Not to mention that you might be self-conscious about your penis, worried you won’t be able to stay hard, or about a billion other common stressors.) Meanwhile, during masturbation, you have no audience, making it easier to relax and enjoy the experience.

When you’re stressed about performing, you’re not going to be able to perform. It’s a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy. “Furthermore, when it comes to performance anxiety, we can develop self-downing thoughts that trigger the same hormones and neurotransmitters that the body pumps when you’re stressed or anxious,” Goldman says.

While that loop is really challenging to break, luckily, it’s not impossible.

So, how do you start orgasming with a partner?

The key is reducing anxiety and stress, so here are some tips for getting out of your head when you’re in bed with another partner.

1. Remember that porn is fantasy.

You should not be comparing yourself to the 10-inch dudes who are seemingly pounding away for hours. You don’t see what happens off-screen: all the times he can’t get hard, how he couldn’t cum while doing the money shot, so he’s watching porn on his phone while shooting on their face, etc. Porn isn’t real. So stop expecting to perform like a porn star. If you’re pressuring yourself to perform like all the dudes you see in porn, you’re gonna be on a one-way street to anxiety town—and orgasms require relaxation, not stress.

2. Cool it on watching porn.

Not sure how? Here are some tips! While I’m pro-porn, a 2019 systematic review of 184 articles published in the Journal of Clinical Medicine found that high porn consumption is correlated with desensitization. So if you’re consistently watching kinky 25-person BDSM orgies, it’s going to be tough to orgasm when you’re having missionary sex with just one other person.

3. Incorporate sex toys.

This might not fix the psychological aspect, but my god, do vibrating cock rings and butt plugs feel goddamn amazing. If there’s a toy that you like to use during masturbation, consider using it with your partner! Maybe you even do mutual masturbation side by side, so you’re sort of bridging the gap between solo time and partner play. We have countless articles at Men’s Health with sex toy recommendations, but I’d check out best sex toys for men, best sex toys for couples, best cock rings, and best prostate massagers.

4, Communication, communication, communication!

“Communication and a sense of safety and are essential tools to have more mutually satisfying sex,” Goldman says. “Communicating about your sexual wants and tending to the wants of your partner might help enable more orgasms.” When you feel comfortable and connected with your partner, it’s easier to enjoy sex. When they know exactly what you like, and you know their turn-ons—so you know they’re experiencing pleasure—that also makes it a lot easier to have a fun and relaxed time. This will increase the likelihood of you orgasming.

Additionally, before having sex, I’d let your partner know that you struggle orgasming when with another person. If you want to be cutesy, you can even say, “It’s just a sign that I’m a little nervous because I like you.”

Often when a man can’t cum, the partner thinks it’s their problem. They think, “Is he not into me?” “Am I not hot enough?” “Am I doing something wrong?” So then they feel insecure (or lash out), which creates a terrible sexual dynamic. You’re actually more likely to orgasm when you address it because you know it’s okay if you don’t finish!

Remember, sex isn’t all about orgasming.

Yes, orgasms feel amazing. Yes, we should all strive to have them. “However, it might be valuable to reframe the goal of sex as an orgasm altogether,” Goldman says. “By developing communication and sense of safety, partners may conclude that orgasm, in fact, is not the end goal of sex.”

Let’s be real, guys; sex still feels damn good when you can’t cum. Having an orgasm isn’t the end-all-be-all of sex. So, if you sometimes (or often) can’t, don’t fret. It just means you can have sex for longer, which is not a bad silver lining.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Do Genes Drive How We Feel About Sex and Drugs?

By Lisa Rapaport

Our moral reaction to getting high or a night of casual Netflix and chill — a modern euphemism for having casual sex — may trace in part to our DNA. A new study suggests that our genes could shape our views on these behaviors just as much our environment does.Social scientists have typically assumed that our morals are shaped by the people most present during our childhoods — like our parents, teachers, and friends — and what we experience in our culture — whether from books, television, or TikTok.Results of the new study, published in Psychological Science, suggest that genetics may at least partly explain our moral reactions.

The researchers surveyed more than 8,000 people in Finland, all either fraternal or identical twin pairs or siblings. They asked participants about their views on recreational drug use and sex outside of a committed relationship. Twin studies help scientists tease out the role of nature versus nurture because identical twins usually have the same DNA sequences, but fraternal twins have only about half of their DNA in common.

Investigators compared survey responses to see how much shared DNA explained negative opinions about casual sex and drug use and how much could be attributed instead to a shared environment or unique experiences between the twins.Views on sex and drugs were at least 40% attributable to shared DNA and the remainder attributable to unique experiences, the study found. Views on sex and drugs were also strongly linked, with considerable overlap in opinions about each category.One limitation of the work is common to twin studies in general. These studies cannot distinguish whether certain genes are activated by a shared childhood environment or if some gene variants drive the choice of certain types of environments.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Stealthing: What is it and why is it sexual assault?

BY COBY RENKIN

We’re all taught about sexual assault growing up and we all hear about it in the news when it unfortunately occurs. We hear about online and workplace harassment, inappropriate name-calling and touching, and we hear about rape.

But what many of us don’t hear about is the act of stealthing. Stealthing is a form of sexual assault punishable by the law in some parts of Australia, but many Australians have never even heard of it.

So what is stealthing? Senior lecturer in criminology and justice Dr Brianna Chesser describes stealthing as the “non-consensual condom removal during sex. In this case, the removal of a condom would require ‘fresh consent’, as it has legally changed the conditions of the sexual act”.

According to Dr Chesser, stealthing affects more members of our community than we might think. “A 2018 study by Monash University and the Melbourne Sexual Health Centre surveyed 2,000 people and found one in three women, and almost one in five men who have sex with men, had experienced stealthing.” Only one per cent of the victims who responded to this survey reported the incident to the police.

As Dr Chesser explains, stealthing is a sexual offence and could be punishable by law. “Committing a sexual offence in any jurisdiction in Australia is a very serious crime and could lead to a term of imprisonment.”

But unfortunately, not every state or territory in Australia reflects this. Laws in the ACT recently changed to outlaw stealthing; the amended Crimes Act now makes it illegal to remove a condom during sex or to not use one at all, if a previous agreement was made to use one.

While this is good news, they were the first jurisdiction in Australia to do so, meaning that there are no laws expressly criminalising the act in the rest of Australia. However, this doesn’t mean a person cannot be convicted for stealthing – a conviction is dependent on existing consent laws and can fall under the offences of rape or sexual assault.

A paper by Alexandra Brodsky in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law describes stealthing as “rape-adjacent” and states it should be understood as a violation of consent. 

Like any violation of consent, stealthing presents a risk to the health of victims. “Stealthing poses a multitude of risks to both physical and psychological health, including the transmission of sexually transmitted infections and HIV, as well as unplanned pregnancies, depression, anxiety, and in some cases post-traumatic stress disorder,” Dr Chesser tells me. 

In the study by Monash University, eight per cent of women and five per cent of men who have sex with men reported that they believed they had acquired an STI following the incident. One per cent of women and two per cent of men who have sex with men believed they had acquired HIV as a consequence of being stealthed.

Brodsky’s paper describes being a victim of stealthing as “a disempowering, demeaning violation of a sexual agreement”. Like any other form of sexual assault, stealthing can result in devastating consequences for a victim’s mental health. Fear following the trauma of sexual assault can evolve into anxiety, depression, PTSD and suicidal ideation. 

Despite all the negativity here, important conversations about stealthing are growing and awareness is spreading. Incidents are being taken seriously, it’s being talked about in the news and it has even featured in pop culture.

In Michaela Coel’s acclaimed TV series I May Destroy You, the protagonist Arabella finds out a man she slept with secretly took off his condom during sex, and names and shames him. Here’s hoping with more awareness and harsher laws, stealthing becomes a thing of the past.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Could Opening Up Your Relationship Fix It?

By Quinn Rhodes

What does an open relationship have in common with getting married, having a baby and moving in with your partner? That’s right: none of them is a way to fix problems in a relationship. With an increased awareness of non-monogamous relationship structures, the myth that polyamory is a ‘fix’ for a broken relationship is also gaining momentum.

However, the reality is that non-monogamy isn’t ever easy – and it definitely won’t fix a relationship that’s not working.

Non-monogamous, polyamorous, open, monogamish – these are all words to describe relationships that fall under the umbrella of non-monogamy, where people date, have sex and have romantic relationships with more than one person. The language people use to describe their relationships, as well as the intricacies of how they work, is different for each person and each relationship. But one thing is generally true across the board: opening up your relationship is unlikely to be the solution to the issues you’re experiencing within it.

That’s not to say that people don’t try. Dr Liz Powell, a licensed psychologist specialising in non-monogamous relationships, explains that they see this a lot. They describe it as the phenomenon of “relationship broken? Add more people!” In Dr Powell’s view, too often people try to apply polyamory like a plaster when they’re struggling with differences in sexual desires or how they want to split their time and priorities.

An open relationship could, theoretically, help with those issues. In reality, problems often begin when someone is feeling hurt, unheard or unseen by their partner. Without resolving that conflict in the first instance, and instead just opening up the relationship, you allow that pain to fester and resentment to build on top of the struggles you’re already experiencing and, crucially, communication that perhaps isn’t working.

Dr Powell says: “If you’re already struggling to talk about what you want and need, if you’re already struggling to advocate for your needs or have those needs met, non-monogamy is unlikely to fix those problems – aside from the fact that it’s likely to end your relationship.”

If you’re already struggling to talk about what you want and need, if you’re already struggling to advocate for your needs or have those needs met, non-monogamy is unlikely to fix those problems.

If you’re already struggling to talk about what you want and need, if you’re already struggling to advocate for your needs or have those needs met, non-monogamy is unlikely to fix those problems.
Dr Liz Powell

For Sam, who is 30 years old and non-binary, opening up their relationship did bring it to a very necessary end. After half a decade without sex, and a partner who wouldn’t discuss it, they had given their then-partner an ultimatum: they could open up the relationship so Sam could get their sexual needs met or they could break up. Opening up their relationship “revealed all the weaknesses, all the communication flaws and the fact it was abusive”. So they broke up.

Sam realised that while they had initially approached polyamory for the “wrong” reasons, they still wanted it. Their monogamous relationship hadn’t been working and opening it up didn’t fix that – but it did help them understand what they actually want from a relationship.

Twenty-nine-year-old Ellen and her now-fiancé had discussed ethical non-monogamy for a while before they opened up their relationship, after she confessed that she had a crush on someone in her running group. Her fiancé told her it was totally fine and that he also had crushes on people sometimes. When they initially opened their relationship, they tried to enforce strict boundaries, like ‘no one we know’ or ‘no sleepovers’. “I found myself going back and asking if we could actually modify those rules,” says Ellen.

While these rules may seem to make sense, they run up against the fact that people are, well, people. Human hearts are hard to predict and even harder to control. Lots of couples approach non-monogamy like this, thinking that if they create the right rules then they won’t fall in love. The reality is far messier.

Dr Powell explains that strict rules about how people should and shouldn’t feel usually end up creating more conflict. “All it does is create new ways to have fights about people having feelings that are totally reasonable and normal feelings to have when you’re interacting with other people.”

Non-monogamy is not a wand you can wave and magically fix your relationship. It might just put it under a microscope and expose all the cracks in it.

In looking for a quick fix, people can seriously underestimate just how much work goes into opening up a relationship. Despite the tropes we see whenever polyamory gets any visibility, most non-monogamous people are not constantly attending sex parties full of super attractive people. It’s less throuples and threesomes, and much more coordinating calendars and having hard conversations about everyone’s emotions.

Both Ellen and Sam put in a huge amount of practical work to maintain their relationships. Ellen also has a secondary partner (a secondary relationship is one where, either by intent or by circumstance, the partners have less involvement than their primary relationship) and her open relationship with her fiancé really forces them to communicate. “We check in with each other constantly and plan our own date nights – particularly if we’ve been busy. And while that could mean with other people, more often it means with work or life stuff that bogs us down.”

Dr Powell says that monogamy and non-monogamy take the same skills and require the same things in order to function well – it’s just that in non-monogamy you can’t assume that the normal ‘scripts’ of a relationship apply. You spend more time communicating out of necessity, because you can’t fall back on society’s defaults about what your relationship ‘should’ look like.

Kelvin, who is 23 years old and a trans guy, has had to do a lot of personal growth to make his current non-monogamous relationship work. “I had to learn that it’s okay to be insecure and while nobody else owes you comfort about it, you should feel able to communicate and talk about it in your relationships.”

For Ellen, opening up her relationship gave her a lens to explore her own vulnerabilities and look at what’s important to her in a relationship. She’s learned how to handle rejection – something you don’t expect to feel the sting of when you’re in a long-term partnership – and the difference between privacy and secrecy.

While she likes to share her experiences as a way of feeling close to her fiancé, he prefers not to talk about the other people he’s seeing. She knows that this doesn’t mean he’s hiding anything from her: he’s allowed to process his feelings internally and he has different ways of building intimacy with her. “I’m learning to accept that I can’t be everything for my partner, just like he’s not everything for me. And that’s okay! He’s still my favourite person, and I’m thrilled to be building a life together with him.”

When non-monogamy works for people, all of this work is worth it, but in the process of normalising non-monogamous relationships, portrayals of polyamory often gloss over all of this work. And as Sam, who currently has two nesting partners and a girlfriend, points out – they miss out the laundry.

Even if you’re prepared to do the work (and the laundry), non-monogamy might not be for you. In certain non-monogamous circles, you find the idea that polyamory is somehow a ‘morally superior’ relationship structure. It’s not; it’s just a different relationship structure, one that may or may not work for you. However, there can be a sense – especially in queer spaces – that polyamory is the ‘right’ thing to do.

This is what Kelvin felt when he and his partner opened up the first relationship he was in. He says that they dove into it without understanding the difficulties that come with navigating non-monogamy. Having been socialised in online queer spaces, polyamory was considered a completely legitimate choice (which is excellent), but as a trans person who wanted to date other trans people, it also felt like the only choice Kelvin was given (which is not).

Associating non-monogamous relationships with always being the secondary partner and being held at an emotional distance, Kelvin wasn’t sure polyamory was for him. In his current relationship, however, his nesting partner really puts in the work to ensure he doesn’t feel replaceable or disposable. This time around, pursuing non-monogamy feels a lot more deliberate for Kelvin. “I’m doing it because I want to date and see all the people I’m dating and seeing, not because it feels like I have to choose between letting my partner date other people and not having a partner.”

It’s easy to hope that opening up a relationship will fix your problems. It’s much harder to look at what might be causing those problems and unpacking the assumptions you hold about relationships and how they’re not serving you. Dr Powell suggests that it’s unhelpful to think of opening up your relationship as adding more people to it. Instead, you should think about it as breaking down everything you know about your relationship and building it up from scratch.

In fact, whether or not you want a non-monogamous relationship, negotiating exactly what your relationship is going to look like – rather than relying on the scripts we’re sold as to how relationships ‘should’ look – will probably help you.

Non-monogamy is not a wand you can wave and magically fix your relationship. It might just put it under a microscope and expose all the cracks in it. Polyamory is incredible, sure, but it’s incredible because of the vulnerable and intimate ways we connect to other people. And because we’re human, with hearts that rarely behave exactly as we’d like them to and feelings that won’t always do what they’re told, those connections require as much work and investment as monogamous ones

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

6 confidence-boosting sex positions for when you’re feeling shy about your body or sexpertise

By Ashley Laderer

  • If you’re lacking confidence in bed, try starting with a simple position like missionary.
  • Reverse cowgirl and doggy style can be great for people who are self-conscious of their belly area.
  • For a little more adventure without going too wild, try the leapfrog or the lotus position. 

If you feel self-conscious during sex, you’re not alone. Sex can bring up lots of insecurities — about body image, sexual inexperience, and more.

In fact, one survey found that 82% of men and 91% of women don’t always feel confident about their bodies when having sex, and 86% of men and 89% of women don’t always feel confident in their sexual ability.

It’s important to note that while the sex positions listed below are ones that don’t require a ton of sexual prowess and where you can control how much of your body is exposed, learning to have a positive body image can boost your mental health.

Understand that comparing yourself to people you see on social media can lead to unhealthy, debilitating habits like eating disorders. Therefore, if you’re reading this because you’re ashamed of how your body looks, it’s important to take steps to love yourself.

In the meantime, as you are building your confidence and self-respect, you can try out some of the following sex positions for some variety and excitement.

1. Missionary

Missionary is a tried and true sex position. Your bodies will be right up against each other and you’ll be face to face, meaning your partner won’t be seeing too much of your body, says Melinda DeSeta, LMHC, certified sex therapist at Insight Counseling Center Miami.

Plus, this position is super simple, making it a great choice if you’re not confident in your sexual abilities.

To get into missionary, follow these steps:

  1. The partner being penetrated lies flat on their back.
  2. The penetrating partner gets on top, lying directly on top of their partner, and enters.

2. Reverse cowgirl

If you’re the partner being penetrated and you’re self-conscious of your belly or breasts, being on top can feel intimidating. Instead of traditional cowgirl, DeSeta suggests trying reverse cowgirl. 

To get into reverse cowgirl, follow these steps:

1. The penetrating partner lies flat on their back.

  • The partner being penetrated straddles their partner over their pelvis region, facing away from their partner.

    • 3. Doggy style

    Doggy is another tried and true position that’s simple and easy to do, even for those who are sexually inexperienced, says Ditza Katz, PT, PhD, clinical sexologist at the Women’s Therapy Center.

    Plus, neither partner’s body will be on full display.

    To get into doggy style, follow these steps:

    1. The partner being penetrated gets on all fours. If it’s more comfortable, they can then lower down onto their elbows.
    2. The penetrating partner kneels behind their partner and enters. 

    4. Leapfrog

    The leapfrog is a doggy style variation that may allow you to focus more on pleasure, rather than stewing about how your body looks to your partner.

    The altered shape of leapfrog can feel a bit more sexually adventurous than doggy (while still being simple), so you can boost your sexual self-esteem.

    To get into leapfrog, follow these steps:

    1. The partner being penetrated gets on all fours and then stretches their arms out in front of them, so their chest is down towards the bed and they are resting their head down on the bed or a pillow.
    2. The penetrating partner kneels behind their partner and enters. 

    5. Spooning

    For another position where neither partner’s body is too exposed, Katz recommends a side by side spooning position.

    To get in this position, follow these steps:

    1. Both partners lie on the same side so they are spooning, flush against each other.
    2. The penetrating partner enters from behind (they may need to slide down a bit or adjust their positioning so the pelvises will be aligned for penetration). 

    6. Lotus

    The lotus is another position where your partner won’t see too much of your body (and vice versa), says DeSeta.

    It’s also simple to do, but since you’ll be sitting upright, you might feel a little bit more adventurous than you would in a position like missionary, which can help improve your sexual confidence. To get in this position, follow these steps:

    1. The penetrating partner sits down with their legs crossed.
    2. The partner being penetrated straddles and sits on their partner’s lap, wrapping their legs around them.
    3. Maneuver your bodies so you’re aligned for penetration.

    Insider’s takeaway

    Don’t let your lack of confidence hold you back from having, and more importantly, enjoying sex. You deserve to feel pleasure and have fun in bed.

    Try out these positions and see what works best for you and makes you feel the most confident.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    How Cancer Changed My Sex Life

    By Elizabeth Bennett

    When Rebecca, 31, was diagnosed with breast cancer in early 2019, her sex life with her partner was a welcome distraction. “We were like teenagers again. There’s nothing like being faced with your own mortality to make you want to feel alive and nothing makes you feel more alive than having sex,” she said. “With cancer I felt let down by my body and sex became a way of reconciling myself with it. It became a psychological thing I needed to do,” she added.

    However, when Rebecca started chemo, the treatment affected her sex life. Specifically, she suffered from vaginal dryness and then vaginismus, a condition where the vaginal muscles tighten up, preventing penetration. “When I asked my doctor about whether it was a side effect of chemo, she didn’t know how common it was because no one talks about it.”

    Although one in two people in Canada will be diagnosed with some form of cancer during their lifetime, its impact on sex and intimacy is rarely talked about in the medical field, let alone wider society. Naturally, going through cancer treatment impacts your sexual life in myriad ways. “The most common difficulties for women I see are loss of sexual desire, difficulties becoming sexually aroused or vaginal changes such as pain,” explained Isabel White, a COSRT senior accredited psychosexual therapist who specializes in working with people who have or have had cancer.

    Issues stem from both the physical and the mental repercussions of treatment. “It can be a physical origin such as treatment-induced menopause that’s very common after hormonal breast cancers, or mental health issues. Low mood and anxiety are two conditions found more commonly in cancer patients versus the general population and these have a significant adverse effect on sexual wellbeing.” Body changes can have a huge effect too. “Hair loss, weight change or loss of body parts associated with eroticism can adversely affect body confidence and the ability to connect with people when being sexually intimate,” Isabel added.

    For Bronte, who was diagnosed with leukaemia aged 21, the physical toll of her illness made continuing her sex life with her boyfriend of two years really hard. “I was often exhausted when I was able to see my partner, or just really ill, and the last thing on my mind was taking my clothes off. With so many changes happening to my body I experienced a lot of body image and identity issues which made me hate myself a lot of the time and feel completely disconnected from what I saw in the mirror. This really impacted our intimacy because I simply didn’t feel comfortable in my skin, let alone feel sexy.”

    The practical elements of being ill were tricky to navigate, too. “We were both at uni so when I was diagnosed I went back to my parents’ for treatment, which meant we were a three-hour journey away from each other,” Bronte explained. Rediscovering her sex life has been a long process. “Three years later I’m still slowly rebuilding and discovering new interests and desires. As I discovered myself again and recognized my reflection I became more confident and the intimacy naturally followed. It did take an extremely long time for my libido to build back up and I’m so lucky to have a super supportive partner who stuck with me through it all.”

    Some cancer patients are advised to avoid sex altogether. Maria, who was diagnosed with leukaemia aged 17, was told to completely refrain from any sexual activity due to the risk of infection. “It was like a hypothetical chastity belt,” she said. Single at the time, she found her libido had ​​also completely diminished. “Previously I would think about romance and sexual activity a lot but that completely disappeared,” she added. During this time she also worried about how she would date again. “I started to get depressed thinking about it and thought I wouldn’t be good enough for anyone again since I didn’t think I could ‘perform’ or live up to a guy’s expectations.”

    Kimia, now 30, also struggled with dating after suffering from non-Hodgkin lymphoma aged 21. “At first I was worried about dating again but as my confidence increased after coming out as bi, I thought, This is me, and if prospective partners act weird about my cancer history, then whatever. As soon as people see my scars, I tell them the full story,” she explained. “Luckily, I’m now in a loving relationship with someone who doesn’t treat me differently,” she added.

    For some women, reconnecting with their sexuality after cancer is made harder by the drugs they are prescribed to prevent cancer from returning. Joon, who was diagnosed with breast cancer aged 37, has to take tamoxifen for up to 10 years. This very commonly prescribed drug induces early menopause. “It feels like your most intimate life – your skin, sexuality and intimacy with your partner – go out the window. You feel like an old woman,” she told us. “I had a healthy sex life before but suddenly I didn’t want to have sex anymore. Vaginal dryness is also a real bummer.”

    Unlike male treatments (for example, Viagra), there are fewer options for women in terms of drugs that can improve sex life. Like so many areas of female health, the gap here is significant. “It’s harder to get funding for research into sexual difficulties in women versus men as a lot of money comes from pharmaceutical companies,” Isabel points out.

    In 2010, Isabel was appointed by the Royal Marsden in London (the UK’s top cancer hospital) as its first in-house psychosexual therapist – a position created in response to patient demand. Therapists like Isabel are available in some NHS hospitals but not everywhere or for everyone going through cancer. With cuts to NHS funding, these sorts of services are often the first to go. Alongside the need for greater sexual health resources, Isabel highlights the importance of more research into this area, especially from a female perspective.

    The lack of knowledge in this field comes up again and again when I speak to women who have had cancer. Twenty-four-year-old Lynsey was surprised by how little information about contraception was provided when she was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of 2021. As her cancer was hormonal she had to stop taking the contraceptive pill. “They make it really clear you can’t get pregnant during your cancer treatment but no one gave me much advice on alternatives. In the end I phoned the sexual health services, who suggested the non-hormonal coil,” she explained. When Lynsey started chemo, she also struggled to find information about safe sex practices. “It’s suggested you use condoms because of the drugs going around your body but no one seems to really know whether that’s just straight after chemo or up to a week after,” she said. “It’s concerning that there is not more research or information on this,” she added.

    Finding support can be life-changing. During her treatment for leukaemia, Maria had access to a women’s health clinic run by a nurse with whom she felt comfortable discussing her sexuality. “Although the information was catered to older female patients, it still gave me some confidence. If it wasn’t for that nurse’s advice I don’t think I would have the confidence to dive back into masturbation or dating.”

    Thanks to some women, the narrative around sex and cancer is hopefully set to change. “We need to talk about it so women don’t feel embarrassed and the medical community knows it’s an important issue,” Rebecca explained. As a producer at ethical adult filmmaker Erika Lust, Rebecca decided to use her position to change the current conversation.

    “I wanted to make a film about cancer without death. Culturally we are 30 years behind where we are with cancer medically. We still see cancer as a death sentence and it’s just not the case,” she said. After all, there’s an 87% survival rate for young people experiencing cancer. “Sex in society is one taboo, female sexuality is another taboo, put on top of that sexuality when [you have cancer] and it’s a triple taboo,” she said. Inspired by her own experience, Wash Me is an intimate and hopeful portrait of a woman rediscovering her body and desire after cancer. The film aims to raise awareness of the intimacy struggles faced by people with serious illnesses while inspiring others who are going through cancer treatment not to give up on their sexuality but claim it back.

    Joon also aims to shift the narrative with her platform sexwithcancer.com. Created with friend, fellow artist and former cancer patient Brian Lobel, it’s a sex shop, a resource for peer-led advice, a platform for artist work and a place to explore journeys around cancer that are harder to dive into. “We need to start thinking about cancer as a chronic condition like mental health or diabetes. We need to think beyond survival about how we live more fully as whole human beings,” she explained. “Pleasure and intimacy are so much about life and what is the point in living if you are just surviving?”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Couples therapists share 6 relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore

    If you can’t communicate openly with your partner, then your relationship may suffer.

    By Ashley Laderer

    • Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying.
    • You should also be wary of a partner that frequently criticizes you or puts you down.
    • Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn’t be one-sided.

    We’re always told to steer clear of people who exhibit red flags in relationships, but exactly what red flags should we be looking out for?

    When dating someone new, the romance and excitement of the “honeymoon phase” can blind you, and you may not be aware of the warning signs. Red flags like constant put-downs can signal a kind of emotional abuse, which is relatively common.

    According to a CDC survey, about 47.1% of women and 46.5% of men have experienced some form of psychological aggression in a relationship.

    It can help to know what red flags to look out for so that you can proceed with caution or cut things off if necessary. 

    1. Frequent lying

    If you’re constantly catching your partner being dishonest, then it isn’t a good sign.

    “We are all guilty of telling white lies, however, if you notice that your partner is consistently deceiving or getting caught in lies, it is a red flag,” says Samara Quintero, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Choosing Therapy.

    These can be small lies like being dishonest about where they’re going — or big lies like not telling you how much debt they have.

    If you’re being lied to over and over again, this can make it difficult to build a solid foundation in the relationship or destroy one that you’ve already built, which can lead to a shaky future, says Quintero.

    2. Constant put-downs

    If your partner frequently criticizes you or puts you down, even if it’s in a subtle or passive-aggressive way, this can affect your self-esteem.

    “This is a form of emotional abuse that can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity in the partnership,” says Quintero.

    She says some common examples might sound like:

    1. “You’re lucky I’m still with you because you’ll never do better than me.”
    2. “You sound so ridiculous when you try to be funny.”

    A 2013 study found that emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse, both contributing to depression and low self-esteem –– so this red flag should certainly be taken seriously.

    “Addressing this behavior with your partner is imperative, and if they refuse to take responsibility or express a willingness to change, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship,” says Quintero.

    3. Unwillingness to compromise

    If your partner isn’t willing to compromise, even when it comes to the little things, you should proceed with caution. 

    “If you’re in a relationship with someone who seems to make everything one-sided, you may end up over-compromising and wind up feeling resentful, hurt, misunderstood, and unsatisfied,” says Emily Simonian, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Head of Learning at Thriveworks.

    In healthy relationships, it’s crucial that you consider each other’s needs and desires, and that compromise isn’t a one way street.

    4. A tendency to run away from difficult discussions

    If your partner lacks the emotional or behavioral skills needed to cope with problems and runs away from them instead, this can have a negative effect on your relationship.

    Some examples of this are if your partner will walk away from arguments without hearing you out, or ignore you for days at a time when things get rough.

    People who have trouble tolerating difficult emotions tend to lash out or flee when the going gets tough, Simonian says. Even healthy relationships will go through rough patches, so you want to be sure that your partner will communicate effectively with you instead of running away when things get hard.

    5. Controlling behavior and excessive jealousy

    If your partner is very jealous, this may lead to controlling behavior.

    For example, Simonian says they might feel jealous when you have a social life outside of your relationship. A jealous partner may also suffocate you with excessive calls or texts and try to control what you do going forward.

    “Attempts to control usually start off subtly, but eventually increase in intensity and can often leave you feeling as though nothing you do is ‘good enough.’ If you notice yourself feeling smothered or consistently altering your behavior in order to appease their jealousy, it could be a sign of bigger issues to come,” says Simonian.

    A 2010 meta-analysis found that as jealousy in a relationship increases, the relationship quality decreases, showing that jealousy has a negative effect on romantic relationships. Additionally, a 2014 study found that in relationships where a partner acted too possessive in the early stages, they were more likely to have an unhealthy communication style later in the relationship.

    6. Lack of healthy open communication

    If your partner turns to passive-aggressiveness, blaming, or expressing emotions in an aggressive way, Quintero says this is ineffective communication.

    Communication is one of the foundations of a relationship, so if you both can’t communicate openly and healthily, you’re going to run into problems.

    “A healthy relationship provides a safe place for both partners to speak openly on their emotions without fear of judgment or criticism,” says Quintero.

    A 2017 study found that communication early in a relationship may play a role in future relationship satisfaction, and that satisfaction with communication in the beginning of a relationship may result in more amicable partnership later on.

    Insider’s takeaway

    When you notice red flags early in a relationship, it’s important to take note of them.

    Whether it’s running into lies, experiencing possessiveness, or being put down, you should take it seriously and consider how they might impact your relationship not just in the near future but also down the line.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Your Guide To Sex & Intimacy After Giving Birth

    by Sarah Regan

    There are a number of things to consider when having sex after giving birth, from how soon you can actually do it to what bodily and hormonal changes you should expect. So, we asked experts for their best sex advice in the weeks following delivery.

    How soon after birth is it OK to have sex?

    It’s generally recommended that women wait six weeks to have intercourse after delivery, functional medicine gynecologist Wendie Trubow, M.D., MBA, tells mbg. “The tissue can take four to six weeks to fully heal—either vaginal or cesarean tissue—so it’s best to wait the full six weeks.”

    Always double-check with your doctor when it comes to individual needs and timeline, though. And as certified sex therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSW, CST, adds, you also want to listen to your body. “It really depends on the individual, and you may need more than six weeks, and that’s perfectly OK,” she says.

    You might be wondering if having sex after giving birth is painful. It can be, according to Trubow, which is why it’s important to give yourself time to heal, as well as to be mindful when you do have sex. “The vagina may be tender if a woman had any tearing, so it’s important to not rush,” she says, adding that it may be important not to jump right into vaginal intercourse without engaging in some other sexual play first.

    2. It might take longer to get aroused.

    “Because nursing often suppresses ovulation, women typically feel like their libido is less when nursing,” Trubow explains. “It’s still possible to become aroused and have an orgasm; it just may take longer.”

    Having a new baby is also obviously an exhausting change, she adds, which can also take a toll on libido. “Women often need more [warming up] when in the immediate postpartum time since their focus is often on their newborn,” she explains.

    Take the time you need to turn yourself on, and get creative with your partners building up sexual desire.

    3. You might want to spend more time with different types of sexual play.

    Trubow recommends prioritizing sexual activities other than intercourse, aka what some people refer to as “foreplay.” She adds that it can take up to 30 minutes for a woman’s vagina to lengthen fully through arousal and stimulation, so if vaginal intercourse is something you want to engage in, it’s important to start with some other fun sexual play first. “And that makes intercourse more pleasurable and less uncomfortable,” she explains.

    4. You can get pregnant postpartum.

    Yes, you can get pregnant postpartum, Trubow says. Nursing does often inhibit ovulation, though not always, she says. You also ovulate before you have your first period post-delivery. “So, if you have unprotected intercourse and think you’re fine since you haven’t had a period yet, you could get pregnant if you’re ovulating, and you wouldn’t know it for a while,” she explains. So she says it’s important to use protection to prevent an immediate pregnancy, in case a woman is quick to ovulate after delivery.

    5. You may experience higher libido when you ovulate.

    While libido may be lower following delivery and during nursing, women may experience higher libido when they start to ovulate again, according to Trubow. You may notice a boost to your libido during ovulation, so that may be a good time to prioritize sex.

    6. Your body is going through a lot.

    It’s important to give yourself grace and have realistic expectations around sex after delivery, according to Blaylock-Johnson. “Your body may not do exactly the things it did before childbirth, but you can still have pleasurable, enjoyable sexual experiences,” she says.

    She adds that fluctuating hormones can affect not only your libido but how well you naturally lubricate, and more. If you didn’t have any challenges with that before childbirth, you may have some challenges now, and that’s OK, she adds.

    Tips for enhancing the experience:

    1. Nurse first.

    According to Trubow, if a woman is nursing, “it’s often helpful to nurse and then empty the breasts by pumping, to avoid having a milk letdown with nipple stimulation.”

    2. Take your time.

    Trubow also advises taking your time when it comes to postpartum sex, both in terms of how long you wait after delivery but also taking your time during the sex itself. If you want to wait longer than six weeks to have sex, that’s totally OK, she notes. And during intercourse, “if there is vaginal penetration, go slowly at the beginning,” she adds.

    3. Don’t jump straight into intercourse.

    There are many different kinds of sex to enjoy, only one of which is penis-in-vagina intercourse, notes Blaylock-Johnson. Even if that’s one sexual act that you’re definitely wanting to have, Trubow says it’s important to start with other types of sexual play. Not only is clitoral stimulation more likely to make a woman reach orgasm, but it’ll also help the vagina to lengthen so penetration is more comfortable. Again, it can take up to 30 minutes of arousal and stimulation for the vagina to lengthen fully.

    4. Figure out positions that feel good for you.

    After the healing period, Trubow says most positions should be fine. That said, she notes, “sometimes after a cesarean section, positions that minimize the depth of penetration are more comfortable,” so you may want to avoid legs over the partner’s shoulders or doggy style.

    5. Try pelvic floor exercises.

    According to Blaylock-Johnson, it’s not a bad idea to work your pelvic floor muscles post-delivery, and even consider working with a pelvic floor physical therapist if needed. “Kegels are great, but I think taking it a step further and working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can be beneficial,” she says, so you ensure you’re working and rehabilitating those muscles properly.

    6. Use lubricant.

    Because vaginal dryness isn’t uncommon following delivery, both Blaylock-Johnson and Trubow recommend using lubricant when you need it. “It’s perfectly OK to find a lube that works well with your body,” Blaylock-Johnson tells mbg. She adds that if you’re not using barrier methods with your partner, coconut oil as lube works well. If you are using protection, however, “then look at a good water-based or silicone-based lube,” she says. (Here are our fave natural lubes.)

    7. Experiment.

    Last but certainly not least, a new baby brings many changes, including to your sex life, so take some time to figure out what works for you now. And as Blaylock-Johnson notes, you don’t have to limit your sexual experiences solely to intercourse, either. “There are so many other ways you can experience pleasure outside of penis-and-vagina intercourse,” she adds.

    Why maintaining intimacy is important.

    In the days, weeks, months, and (let’s be honest) even years following the birth of a child, it’s important for parents to continually work on maintaining an intimate relationship as partners. And that doesn’t just mean sexual intimacy, though it’s certainly a factor.

    Make time for each other, Blaylock-Johnson recommends—for sex but also just to be together and connect. “I often see couples becoming so lost in the new role of parent that they forget to be partners, so it’s important that you prioritize time to connect,” she notes.

    Even if it’s just taking a few minutes while your baby is sleeping, sit down and check in with each other, she suggests. “And if you have the luxury of having someone to help with child care,” she adds, “then definitely set up date nights if you can.”

    In short, she recommends maximizing your time together, especially away from screens. “If you can just prioritize that time to be partners outside of parents,” she says, “that will help keep the spark alive.”

    The bottom line.

    Having a baby affects virtually every area of your life, including your sex life. But that doesn’t mean your sex life has to suffer—and neither does the intimacy between you and your partner. Understanding what’s happening with your body, taking it slow, and experimenting with what works will all help as you and your partner get back into the groove while navigating having a new child.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Foods to Cure Erectile Dysfunction

    By Molly Burford

    Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a condition in which the penis cannot obtain, or sustain, an erection firm enough for sex. ED is more common in older populations, affecting 44% of people with a penis ages 60 to 69, compared to 5% of those under age 40. However, cases of ED in younger age groups are becoming more prevalent.1

    While occasional occurrences of ED are common, it becomes a cause of concern if it happens more than 50% of the time. This means there may be an underlying psychological or physical issue that needs to be addressed.2 There are a number of potential causes of ED, and more than one factor may be to blame.

    One of the biggest causes of ED is a lack of blood flow to the penis, which can happen due to high blood pressure (hypertension) or hardened arteries (atherosclerosis). As it turns out, diet can help both of these conditions, which in turn can help improve ED symptoms.

    Read on below to learn more about how your diet may play a role in ED and what foods can help improve the condition.

    Foods That Help Erectile Dysfunction

    Spinach

    Spinach is a low-calorie, leafy green vegetable with a high density of various vitamins and minerals, including potassium, magnesium, vitamin A, vitamin K, vitamin B2, vitamin C, calcium, and more.

    Spinach also contains a substantial amount of folate, which is also known as vitamin B9. A 1-cup serving of raw spinach contains 58 micrograms (mcg) of folate. Folate deficiencies have been linked to ED.3
    <h3″>Avocado

    Avocado is a high-calorie, nutrient-dense fruit. It is an excellent source of magnesium, potassium, vitamin C, and vitamin K.

    When it comes to ED, avocados also contain a rich amount of vitamin E. A 100 gram (g) serving of avocado contains 2.7 milligrams (mg) of vitamin E.4 A 2021 study found vitamin E and ginseng improved symptoms of ED after six weeks.5 The researchers hypothesized vitamin E and ginseng would be beneficial in cases of ED due to their antioxidant properties.

    Watermelon

    Watermelon is a water-dense, low-calorie fruit that’s composed of 92% water. It contains citrulline, a compound known to help relax blood vessels and improve blood flow.

    A 2018 study found that study participants that supplemented their ED medication (like Viagra) with L-citrulline-resveratrol saw improvements.6

    Dark Chocolate

    Dark chocolate isn’t just delicious. It is also packed with flavonoids, an antioxidant, which may reduce the risk of someone developing ED

    In 2018, a study showed that participants who ate 50 milligrams (mg) or more of flavonoids daily were 32% less likely to report symptoms of ED.7A Word From Verywell

    ED can, understandably, be a frustrating and concerning experience. However, there are steps individuals can take to enhance their reproductive health. One area often forgotten is diet.

    Research shows that eating a balanced diet is vital for overall health, and sexual health is no exception. Incorporating more nutritious foods such as spinach, watermelon, olive oil, salmon, and others may help improve symptoms of ED.

    Talk to your doctor about your concerns. Again, while bouts of ED are common, repeated instances may signify an underlying physical or psychological issue that needs to be taken care of.

    1. Rastrelli G, Maggi M. Erectile dysfunction in fit and healthy young men: psychological or pathological? Transl Androl Urol. 2017;6(1):79-90. doi:10.21037/tau.2016.09.06
    2. Cleveland Clinic. Erectile dysfunction. Updated October 14, 2019.
    3. Karabakan M, Erkmen AE, Guzel O, Aktas BK, Bozkurt A, Akdemir S. Association between serum folic acid level and erectile dysfunction. Andrologia. 2016;48(5):532-535. doi:10.1111/andr.12672
    4. U.S. Department of Agriculture. Avocados, raw, all commercial varieties. Updated April 2019.
    5. Vitamin E and ginseng combined supplement for treatment of male erectile dysfunction: A double-blind, placebo-controlled, randomized, clinical trial. Advances in Integrative Medicine. 2021;8(1):44-49. doi:10.1016/j.aimed.2019.12.001
    6. Shirai M, Hiramatsu I, Aoki Y, et al. Oral l-citrulline and transresveratrol supplementation improves erectile function in men with phosphodiesterase 5 inhibitors: a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled crossover pilot study. Sex Med. 2018;6(4):291-296. doi:10.1016/j.esxm.2018.07.001
    7. Mykoniatis I, Grammatikopoulou MG, Bouras E, et al. Sexual dysfunction among young men: overview of dietary components associated with erectile dysfunction. J Sex Med. 2018;15(2):176-182. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2017.12.008

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    These 3 Issues Can End Relationships

    — But Here’s How To Overcome Them

    By Jason Wachob

    Every relationship has its nuances, and we should give up the notion that a “successful” partnership has a specific set of criteria. “It’s very important that we not develop a norm of what we think is the relationship that is perfect [versus] the relationship that is beyond repair,” says psychotherapist and world-renowned relationship expert Esther Perel on this episode of the mindbodygreen podcast. A glaring red flag for you might not be as big of a deal to another (except for abuse, which should be taken very seriously)—so let’s remove the shame and comparison from the conversation upfront.

    However, experts (including Perel) do come across common issues that, if constant, can potentially sever the bond over time. Below, she identifies a few of these obstacles, as well as how to overcome them as a pair. Consider this your crash course on lifelong love (Perel has a more detailed class, too, if you’d like even more actionable steps):

    1. Trouble communicating.

    You’ve likely heard it once or twice before: Healthy communication is nonnegotiable for a successful relationship. In fact, a lack of communication can sneakily ruin relationships over time.

    Of course, “communication issues” can mean different things for different couples: “There are a lot of reasons why we don’t communicate well,” says Perel. “One is that we are often more invested in what we need to say than in what we need to listen to and hear. We often talk without paying enough attention to how the other person is registering what we are saying.” That said, take a minute to check in with your partner before striking up a conversation: What is the other person trying to tell you, perhaps with no words at all (facial expressions, body language, etc.)?

    Another layer to the issue is expectation, says Perel: “If I, in advance, feel that you fundamentally don’t really value what I have to say, that is going to change all my communication,” she notes. “The emotional undercurrent of expectations that we bring to the relationship is going to block communication.”

    Finally, she mentions confirmation bias. “We tend to hear that which reinforces our preexisting beliefs rather than pay attention to change,” Perel explains. So often one partner will say something that triggers the other, and the two go back and forth in a feedback loop of conflicting assumptions rather than actually listening to one another. That said: “Try to actually not look for what you already are used to seeing or hearing,” says Perel. “See if you can hear something else, and then communication [will] open up.”

    2. Growing apart.

    It’s a common fallout for long-term relationships: We just grew apart. What does this actually mean, though? According to Perel, it’s not that couples must have the same exact interests and passions—they simply must share in each other’s excitement with genuine interest and curiosity.

    “It’s not the fact that I’m interested in this and you’re not,” she says. “It’s that when I try to engage you in the thing that I’m interested in, you’re not interested in me. Day after day after day, [I’ll] start to feel like, ‘If I’m here or not here, what difference does it make? Do I exist for you?'” She adds, “When you start to have the sense that the other person barely notices when you enter the house and when you leave the house, it’s deadly.”

    3. Losing the spark.

    Another common question Perel hears all the time: How do you keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship? The answer isn’t so clear-cut, but she declares that relationships require give and take—you need tasks that are familiar, cozy, and comfortable to solidify the foundation, but you also need adventures, healthy risks, and crossing thresholds to keep the eroticism alive.

    “Curiosity, novelty, playfulness—it’s that whole other dimension of life that is not about management,” says Perel. “Family life wants consistency and routine and predictability—and that’s great for the kids—but the couple actually needs very different things… What makes for good parents is not the same as what maintains the spark.”

    That sense of curiosity is different for every couple: For one pair, perhaps a boating trip sets your heart aflutter; for another, it’s a long and challenging hike up a mountain; for others, it’s reading certain books and having a thought-provoking discussion. Whatever it is, “it has to do with exploration,” says Perel. “Like children, we grow through exploration by entering the world a little bit more—our inner world and the world around us.”

    The takeaway.

    The most common issues in relationships are not impossible to overcome, says Perel. Her parting words of advice? “Relationships are like plants…they do demand attention. Otherwise, they’re left languishing.”

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Here for a good time or a long time?

    Dogs in dating profile photos reveal men’s commitment levels

    By

    Men and women who are seeking relationships online are asked to indicate what they want in a relationship, whether they are seeking “just friends,” “uncommitted relationships” or “long-term leading to marriage.” There’s an art to creating profiles, including uploading photographs to prompt a potential mate to indicate interest.

    People can describe themselves and their ideal relationship in a wide variety of ways, sometimes less than honestly, including exaggerating characteristics that they think are desirable. Most people do not dramatically lie, however. Instead, they use minor deceptions or small exaggerations.

    Altering photos by using filters is a common way to improve one’s portrayed physical appearance. However, online dating companies have been taking a hard stance and not permitting photos that have been filtered or altered on profiles because the wide majority of daters find the use of filters deceptive. Presumably, then, online daters provide photos that are accurate and speak to their interests and intentions.

    Looking for commitment?

    My colleagues, Mackenzie Zinck and Laura Weir, and I examined online dating photos in July and August 2020 in Nova Scotia. We looked at 250 women and 250 men seeking long-term relationships, and 250 men seeking short-term relationships. We did not include women seeking short-term relationships because there were only 46 in the entire province advertising this intention; we did not have any predictions about the content of their photographs, so we omitted them from the main study.

    We predicted that men seeking long-term relationships would include images of dependants — children or dogs, cats or other pets — more than men seeking short-term relationships, and more than women. We argued that cross-sex mind-reading — the ability to imagine what members of the opposite sex are thinking when it comes to mating — would lead men to want to advertise that they can provide care to a dependant over the long term when they were seeking a long-term relationship.

    Indeed, we did find that men looking for a lasting partnership were more likely to include images of children or dogs (or mention them) in their profiles than men seeking short-term relationships.

    a woman holding a phone sits on a boardwalk with a man and a dog
    Men who included dogs in their online dating profile photos were more likely to be interested in a long-term relationship.

    Women, though, surprised us.

    We had predicted that women would be less likely to show dependants because they would want to avoid being considered a burden, or that another man’s child would need care and time. We thought women would feel a need to protect their children, or at least not display them from the outset in a public venue among strangers.

    Instead, we found that both men and women seeking long-term relationships showed dependants relatively equally, although men were more likely to show a dog, and women a child.

    Photographic research

    Studying photos of online daters is not new. A decade ago, my students and I analyzed the photos of 300 online dating profiles in terms of the types of relationships men and women were seeking. Women, regardless of the type of relationship they sought, consistently smiled more than men, wore less clothing and revealed more skin.

    Meanwhile, men were consistently more likely to have grey hair, use an upward facing camera angle (potentially to make themselves look taller and broader-chested), flex their muscles and use an outdoor setting. Men seeking long-term relationships were more likely than any other group to wear eyeglasses, especially compared to those seeking an intimate connection. People seeking short-term, primarily sexual relationships rarely included other individuals in their photos, compared to those looking for dates or long-term relationships.

    A woman's hand holds a phone showing a photograph of a man wearing glasses and a black muscle tee
    Men were more likely to flex their muscles in photos uploaded to their dating profiles.

    Why dogs?

    What is novel in this current work, though, is that dogs are so commonly displayed compared to other animals by men seeking long-term relationships. One possibility is that cats, the next logical choice, are often equated with femininity. Men who pose with cats are perceived by women as less masculine, more neurotic and less desirable.

    What does this mean? When deciding which photos to select for an online dating profile, there are advantages to thinking carefully about image beyond mere physical appearance. What our findings show is that online daters offer insights into their values, and how they spend their time, by what they include (or omit) from their profile photos.

    While sex appeal is certainly a noteworthy goal in online dating, so too is communication. If someone is showing dogs or children in their photos, they are communicating their interests in a way that does not match a display of a bare chest, which may be about advertising physical strength, potential fitness and sexuality.

    Indeed, most men think women like that sort of photo, but the vast majority do not. Likewise, men posting photos of their expensive vehicle, perhaps hoping to signal wealth and status, often find themselves shunned by women, at least on Tinder.

    Dogs, in contrast, are different, reliable, require responsibility and a safe inclusion that does not turn women off. They are not seen as a way of bragging, or showing a body that is so ripped it makes women feel they cannot compare. Perhaps men should think less about asking their “wing-man” to join them when looking for a date, and instead consider taking their dog.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    When Anxiety Joins You in Bed

    Performance anxiety during sex can be a dreadful experience. But there are ways to manage it.

    by Stephanie A. Wright, RN, BSN and Sandra Silva Casabianca

    Sex can be more than just the physical aspect. Emotions, hopes, and fears may also be involved.

    Sometimes, personal challenges and insecurities can make you apprehensive about your sexual performance.

    Though sexual performance anxiety isn’t a formal diagnosis, it can still be a valid reality for you. But there are a few ways you can learn to manage sexual performance anxiety.

    What is performance anxiety?

    Performance anxiety refers to significant worry and fear about your ability to execute a specific task. It may also involve concern about how others perceive you.

    Performance anxiety is what some people call “stage fright.”

    Performance anxiety isn’t a formal mental health diagnosis, but it’s part of social anxiety disorder. This disorder is characterized by fear of social situations in which an individual feels they’ll be exposed to possible scrutiny from others.

    You can experience social anxiety:

    • being around strangers
    • having conversations
    • during public speaking

    Performance anxiety can manifest in many ways. Not everyone will feel and behave the same when having anxiety about performance situations, so you may not relate to every symptom listed here.

    Some common symptoms may include:

    • negative thoughts about oneself
    • blushing and rapid heart rate
    • nausea and vomiting
    • excessive sweating
    • difficulty speaking
    • dizziness
    • intense worry
    • situation avoidance

    Feeling anxiety from time to time is expected. But if you live with any anxiety disorder, you might have persistent symptoms that occur during different situations.

    If you live with social anxiety, you might constantly worry about how others perceive you and how you navigate social situations.

    Sexual performance and anxiety

    Sexual performance anxiety refers to the fear of not being able to perform adequately during a sexual encounter. “Adequately” can mean different things to different people. What matters, though, is what you think that involves.

    You may feel you won’t be able to meet your partner’s sexual preferences or experiences, which may cause you to have anxiety, for example.

    On many occasions, particularly for men, sexual performance anxiety could impact becoming aroused and physically responding to sexual stimulation. This could confirm in your mind that you might not be able to perform well.

    Sexual performance anxiety could manifest in many ways, including:

    Men and women can experience sexual performance anxiety, and some may experience orgasm anxiety as well.

    Literature reviews from 2000 to 2018 found that 9% to 25% of men experience anxiety associated with their sexual performance. In many cases, this anxiety was linked to symptoms of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

    The same reviews found that women with sexual performance anxiety account for an estimated 6% to 16% of the female population, and anxiety often manifests as a low sex drive. Anxiety can also prevent females from experiencing orgasm.

    Causes of sexual performance anxiety

    You may experience sexual performance anxiety for many reasons, including:

    • past experiences
    • biology
    • your upbringing
    • traumatic events

    Living with anxiety disorders may also make it more likely that you experience symptoms related to performance.

    Personal concerns and expectations may also cause you to have anxiety. But what causes you to experience anxiety may not cause others to have anxiety.

    You may feel anxiety about your sexual performance during the first few times you have sex or when you’re just beginning a new partnership.

    You could have questions like:

    • Can I trust my partner?
    • Will we become pregnant?
    • Should we wear protection?
    • What will my partner think if I cannot perform?
    • Will they like my body?
    • Do they love me?

    Other contributing factors to sexual performance anxiety may include:

    • low self-esteem
    • orgasm anxiety or difficulty in achieving orgasm
    • pain with intercourse
    • decreased sexual drive
    • depression
    • pain chronic conditions
    • changes in physical appearance
    • anxiety disorders
    • trauma

    PSYCH CENTRAL RESOURCES

    Setting better boundaries starts here

    Learn more about defining boundaries in your relationships, practicing consistency, and living with intention with our limited series.

    How to manage sexual performance anxiety

    A mental health professional can help you explore the whys behind your symptoms of sexual performance anxiety and structure a treatment plan that works for you.

    If your symptoms are linked to a specific situation, such as a new partnership, you may find that performance anxiety subsides as you become more comfortable with them.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    How to boost your sex life if it’s gone stale

    Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship probably has come up against intimacy gaps. Here’s a way to kickstart it again.

    By Susie Moore

    A friend of mine was complaining over dinner recently that in her five-year marriage, her sex life has really slowed down.

    As a celebrity life coach and with eight years of experience helping people overcome blocks and attract more of what they want, this was a topic I’d come across before. It can happen at any stage in a relationship – and it doesn’t mean there’s necessarily a reason to panic.

    When something “goes wrong” in a relationship, often our instinct is that it will be tough to transform or that it will require “deep work” to push though and make it out to the other side.

    There’s can also be another, gentler way that works.

    Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship has or probably will come up against intimacy gaps at some point. Freaking out is not the answer. Nor is diving deeply into “the problem.”

    Here’s are some simple and effective suggestions that you can try instead:

    Think loving, sexy thoughts toward your partner

    Look at them through the eyes of someone who might spot them across the room at a party. Remind yourself why you were attracted to them in the first place. Just because someone is familiar doesn’t mean you can’t foster a fresh attraction. It’s up to you and your thinking! Passion (and orgasms) begin in the mind.

    Physically touch in a romantic way that doesn’t have to lead to sex

    When was the last time you had a long, lasting kiss? Or a hug that lingered for more than two seconds?

    Stop making your partner “wrong”

    My friend Alexandra, an intimacy expert, taught me this important lesson: Someone who is wrong all the time is not sexy at all! When we criticise our partner non-stop, we become less attracted to them. How can a person who is wrong all the time seem sexy to you?

    You’re allowed to disagree without anyone being wrong — for example, if your partner refuses to get into the plant-based meat substitutes you’re loving, validate your partner’s side of things. “I like veggie burgers, but I respect your meat-loving nature!”

    A wrong person doesn’t feel sexy or attractive, to you or to themselves. So stop trying to win fights. It’s killing both of your sex drives.

    You can also ask questions!

    Instead of jumping into conflict as a reflex, use it as a chance to get to know each other better. For example, instead of saying, “You’re too stingy with money when it comes to eating out!” Ask, “What are you saving for? Tell me what you want in the future.”

    Being open-minded fosters closeness and intimacy, allowing you to understand your partner in a whole new way.

    Choose curiosity over judgment

    Instead of using critical language such as saying something is bad/boring/dumb/annoying, be curious instead. “This isn’t a TV show I’d normally watch, but I see you love it — what’s so good about it?”

    Bonus relationship hack

    Whatever you’re telling your partner helps shape what they become. Your life partner is your biggest decision and most important teammate – so be on their side! You reap the benefits, too.

    There’s an old joke I love: A husband and wife are driving around in their hometown, where he is the mayor. They stop to get some petrol, whereupon the wife recognises the attendant as a high-school boyfriend. After they drive off, her husband tells her, smugly, “See, if you’d married him, you’d be working at a petrol station.” The wife replies, “If I’d married him, he’d be the mayor.”

    Touch, respect, admiration, and building each other up — these are all sexy behaviours that will bring you much more closeness than focusing on problems. You don’t need new lingerie or Botox to increase intimacy. Your emotional connection enhances your physical connection — they’re entwined.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

    Posted on

    Kinks and fetishes you need to know about, from A to Z

    Because pleasure = self-care.

    By Mollie Quirk

    An A to Z of kinks and fetishes probably isn’t something you knew you needed, but it’s time to up your sex-ed game because let’s be honest, sex – whether solo or with a partner – and self-care go hand-in-hand. Pleasure is wellness, people. And there could be a whole realm of untapped pleasure here you never knew existed.

    So, we’ve compiled a list of 26 kinks from A to Z, from bondage to role play. Please remember that kinks are supposed to be fun, and if at any point they stop being fun – you can stop at ANY time.

    A is for Age Play

    Many people get turned on when roleplaying, and even more so when they’re acting younger or older than they are. This kink could start off by calling your partner ‘daddy’ in bed, or maybe you’re getting called ‘baby’ – but it doesn’t stop there. The daddy/baby name-calling is just an example of light age play, but if the switch is flipped and all of a sudden one of you is acting like a baby, sucking on a dummy and crawling around in a nappy, then it’s safe to say that you’ve crossed to the extreme side of age play.

    B is for Bondage

    Some people get off when they’re restrained – whether that be in handcuffs or with ropes. Bondage falls under the BDSM umbrella term that means ‘bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism’. Some people enjoy being dominant (i.e. tying other people up) and some enjoy the more submissive side (i.e. being tied up). 

    Bondage is the most well-known kink (thanks Fifty Shades of Grey) and uses sex toys like handcuffs, paddles, whips, shackle mounts, candle wax, chains, ropes and suspension bars.

    Expensive toys aren’t always needed, and trading handcuffs for a tie can be a good alternative.

    C is for Cuckolding

    Cuckolding is usually when a heterosexual couple agree for the woman to sleep with another man/men. Her partner doesn’t need to be in the room – he just needs to get turned on by the thought of his partner having sex with somebody else. But, some men do like being in the room while watching their partner sleeping with another man. Although its traditionally considered to be a heterosexual kink, people of all genders and sexual orientations can partake.

    D is for Dogging

    Dogging is a British slang term for having sex in public, or watching others do so. It’s become an increasingly popular kink, and is similar to voyeurism and exhibitionism.

    Usually two sets of people are involved (sometimes more) and they set up a meet or meet randomly, before watching the other couple have sex and vice versa. This kink doesn’t come without risks though, because in Great Britain, dogging comes under laws related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, or public displays of sexual behaviour. Prosecution is possible for a number of offences, and this means that public places in some areas of the UK sit in a grey area, legally speaking.

    E is for Electrostimulation

    Some people get turned on by getting electrocuted, and this kink is called electrostimulation. This involves using small electric shocks in the bedroom (or wherever you’re having sex with your partner). Getting electrocuted can be dangerous, which is why most people who partake in this kink are into another type called ‘edge play’.

    F is for Foot Fetishism

    You’ve definitely heard of this one. Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes out there, just take Jake from Love Island 2021 and his very public foot fetish.

    A foot fetish is when somebody gets turned on by, yep you guessed it, other people’s feet. They will most likely want to touch them, hold them, lick them, kiss them, and sometimes they might even want to suck that person’s toes. People with foot fetishes also engage in foot worship, which leads into another kink – humiliation. Sometimes the fetishist might want their partner’s feet in their mouth, they might want to be trodden on, kicked or walked on.

    G is for Gagging

    Some people like be gagged and choked while having sex, and this kink has recently seen a huge surge in popularity. Gagging can refer to lightly choking on an object (like a penis) or being choked slightly by the hand of your partner.

    Another form of gagging is using a ball gag to gag somebody so they can no longer speak. This will either seem like your worst nightmare or your hottest sexual fantasy. Remember that if any form of gagging becomes uncomfortable at any stage – stop immediately. Having a safe word or signal is recommended, so that your partner knows if you’re withdrawing consent.

    H is for Humiliation

    This isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but some people do get a kick out of being humiliated (or doing the humiliation). If you like being called names like ‘bitch’, ‘slut’, or ‘whore’ in bed, then you probably have a kink for being humiliated. But if you like doing the name-calling, then you probably have more a dominant side and enjoy humiliating others.

    I is for Impact Play

    Considered a form of BDSM, impact play is generally where one person is struck by their sexual partner for the pleasure of one or both parties. Some people enjoy being whipped with a ‘stingy’ whip, while others might prefer a ‘thud’ from a paddle.

    J is for JOE / JOI

    A popular kink without many even realising it, Jerk Off Encouragement or Jerk Off Instruction, is when you’re instructed to masturbate for your sexual partner. Some people might enjoy instructing another party to masturbate for them, while others might enjoy being told what to do. Either way, it’s an exciting way to spice things up in the bedroom.

    K is for Klismaphilia

    In Greek, Klismaphilia means “arousal by enemas.” If you’re unsure what an enema is, it’s similar to a colonic irrigation. Basically, an enema is when you get warm water squirted into your bum.

    Enemas are most commonly carried out by hospitals prior to medical procedures, but some people get turned on by having an enema (or giving one to somebody else). Most people will use enemas as a way to prepare the anus for anal sex, so it’s handy that you enjoy it if you like anal.

    L is for Lactophilia

    More common in heterosexual couplings, Lactophilia refers to when a male gets turned on by seeing a woman lactate – commonly known as producing breast milk. Lactophiliacs enjoy seeing women produce breast milk, as well as sucking on breasts and having sex with women who are producing milk.

    M is for Medical fetish

    Some people get turned on by doctors, nurses, dentists and pretty much anybody else in the medical profession. People with this kind of fetish might enjoy seeing their partner dressed up in a white coat, or they might enjoy medical role play. 

    N is for Nylons

    Also known as pantyhose addiction, those who love ladies (or men) wearing nylons tend to get sexual stimulation, gratification and arousal from their partners wearing tights. They might also love the process of putting them on, or taking them off. It is thought that those with nylon kinks prefer tights over stockings, because tights have direct contact with genitals.

    This kink directly related to another very similar fetish – used underwear. Thanks to the internet, it’s now easier than ever to buy used under garments like tights, stockings, socks, knickers and bras. Sellers tend to sell the garment for a price that is decided on by the amount of times it has been worn.

    O is for Orgasm Denial

    Another kink that lives under the umbrella of BDSM, orgasm denial is where one partner brings the other right to the brink of orgasm and then stops – also known as edging, peaking, or surfing.

    This sexual technique is when your orgasm is controlled by your sexual partner or yourself. This kink is both harsh and extremely rewarding because you’re getting built up and brought down, something that can continue for quite some time, before then being allowed to orgasm. Many women (and men) report that this is the ultimate way to reach an orgasm because it becomes more intense than ever before. It’s the perfect blend of being punished before getting given a reward. 

    P is for Penis Humiliation

    This kink involves insulting a man’s penis. Usually the man will enjoy having the size, appearance and performance of his penis mocked and laughed at. This is another kink that falls under the BDSM umbrella term.

    Q is for Queening

    Queening is when a woman sits on her partner’s face for oral sex involving both your genitals and anus. The woman will position herself in a straddling position, while her partner (either male or female) will pleasure her orally. Some people have extreme queening kinks, meaning they prefer this kind of sex over the traditional kind.

    R is for Role-play

    Role-play is a very common sexual kink. It basically refers to when when people act out roles or storylines in order to turn each other on. It can crossover into many other kinks like medical fetishes or age-play, and can be a brilliant way of injecting some spice into your sex life. Role-playing can come with costumes and props, or can be as simple as sexting, dirty talk, or thinking out an elaborate story to draw out the sexual act.

    S is for Sensory deprivation

    Sensory deprivation is when one sexual partner removes stimulation and/or senses from the other. This means that the other sensations become more powerful, intense and extreme. An example of this would be a person wearing blindfold and earplugs, while concentrating on the what they can feel e.g. touch.

    T is for Taphephilia

    This kink is very obscure and incredibly risky. Some people get aroused by being buried alive. Similar to claustrophilia, arousal from confined spaces, this kink is best undertaken on a fantasy basis and with a sexual partner you trust. The real thing is super dangerous and not recommended.

    U is for Urophilia

    More commonly known as golden showers, urophilia is when you urinate on somebody. This can be done on their face, on their body, in their mouth, in their vagina or on any other sexual organs. It’s usually done as part of domination or humiliation, so is another kink that falls within the realms of BDSM.

    V is for Vincilagnia

    This term refers to being sexually aroused by bondage, and more specifically being tied up or tying your sexual partner up. Remember that all parties involved must give ongoing consent, as with any of the kinks listed in this A–Z.

    W is for WAM

    Wet and messy fetish (WAM), also known sploshing, is a sexual fetish that involves people becoming sexually aroused by wet and messy substances being applied to naked skin – whether it be their own, or their sexual partner’s. Some people like to be covered in wet, messy or sticky substances, while some people enjoy watching others get drenched. WAM can included getting pelted with cream pies (or shaving foam), slime, cakes, food, custard or other liquids.

    X is for Wax play

    Okay, it doesn’t technically start with an ‘X’ but we had to include it! Some people enjoy hot wax being poured over their bodies as a part of temperature play. Luckily, general candle wax doesn’t need to be used (and isn’t advised either) because purpose-made candles have been created, specifically for wax play. There are candles that exist to burn at a specific temperature to ensure you won’t get burnt (or burn your partner). Not only does the temperature play feel great, but as the candle burns, the wax turns into massage oil.

    Y is for Yiffing

    Yiffing is when people dress up in furry costumes to grope, fondle and hump each other. Usually no sex act is undertaken, and most of the time yiffing is done in a group setting. 

    Z is for Zelophilia

    Cuckolding often coincides with an element of zelophilia, which is arousal and pleasure from jealousy – whether it be your own jealousy towards a lover, or their jealousy of you.

    Complete Article ↪HERE↩!