How to Use A Wand Vibrator During Sex

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By GiGi Engle

It’s no secret that a wand vibrator is the cornerstone of any notable sex toy collection. There is a reason why Hitachi wands have been best sellers since their advent in the 70s: They deliver powerful, insanely awesome orgasms.

The wand is the clit-whisperer. No matter who you are or what you like, almost every woman will agree that a wand vibrator is the best thing in the world.

Did you know that the love you have for your wand can be a part of partner sex and not just your favorite masturbation accomplice? Yes, that’s correct. The two things are not mutually exclusive. Here’s how to use your favorite giant sex toy during sex.

Why a wand vibrator during sex?

Bringing sex toys into the bedroom is finally becoming a new normal for many people — as .it should. Nearly every woman requires stimulation of the external clitoris to experience orgasm. Sex toys are a conduit to this necessary sexual touching, and vibrators are designed to help you orgasm. Any partner who is comfortable with themselves will not be intimidated by a sex toy, but rather open to experimentation. After all, who doesn’t want their partner to come?

If you’re in the early stages of your sex toy adventures, you’ll probably want to start with something small and non-threatening. Finger vibrators and pocket rockets are excellent for beginners, but eventually you’ll probably be ready to graduate to something bigger and more powerful. That’s where wang vibrators come in.

Wands are, for the most part, freaking enormous. I’m currently looking at my favorite wand and this sucker is a solid twelve inches long. It’s a subway sandwich-sized sex toy.

We love our wands because of their power-packed charge and long handles. They make masturbation easy. You can hold the handle at chest-height and reach the clitoris without moving a muscle. Convenient! The girthy head gives you all-over clitoral stimulation without having to do much in the way of maneuvering.

For the brave amongst you, these same positive attributes can be utilized during partner play. You may have cornered the wand as your solo-only toy, but its big head and long body make orgasms during intercourse even easier.
If you want to ease your partner into it, start by having them watch you use it on yourself. This can be a huge turn on. Seeing how you make yourself orgasm could be just the push your partner needs to get on board.

The best positions for wand play

Starting out with wand play means finding the right positions that are both comfortable and orgasmic for you. Now is not the time to be getting acrobatic. There will plenty of opportunities for that later down the line. For now, stick to these three basic positions to get placement in order.

Don’t worry if it feels awkward at first. All new sex things are weird in the beginning.

Missionary: Your wand can seriously spice up this go-to position. When you’re in missionary, slip the wand between you and your partner. If they are able to stay propped up on the their arms, it will help make some extra room for the wand. Hold the wand like you would while masturbating on your back.

The reach of the wand’s base helps you access your clitoris without reaching down too far. You’ll have ample opportunity to make out with your partner and focus on the combination of internal and external stimulation. Your partner’s weight will add to the pressure of the wand head on your clitoris for intense, full-body orgasms

Open-Legged Spoon: This is like a regular spoon only, you know, open-legged. Lie on your back and spread your legs, bent at the knee. Have your partner enter you from below, perpendicular to your body. Drape your knees over their side. You can align bodies like you would in a classic spoon for more intimacy

Grab your wand and rest it on the clitoris. This is an ideal lazy-girl sex position. You have total access to your clitoris, while your partner penetrates you. This low-impact position will change how you see your wand forever. Plus, it’s super sexy and dirty looking.

Doggy Style: For those of you who enjoy masturbating on all-fours with a wand, this will be your bread and butter. Lie on your stomach, sticking two or three pillows under your hips. Prop your wand against the pillows so you can lean your vulva against the top. Have your partner enter you with either their penis, fingers or dildo from behind.

A wand is amazing for doggy style because you get to ride it while your partner is riding you. You’re basically the center of a filthy nasty sandwich — something everyone deserves.

Queening: This position is great for everyone, but works especially well for same-sex couples. Lean your back against a throne of pillows like a queen. Grab the wand and hold it against your glans clitoris while your partner uses their tongue on the rest of your vulva. The vaginal opening is full of nerve endings and is amazing for exploration. They can also lick up and down your labia. Want to make it even more intense? Have them place a stainless steel dildo inside your vagina while they lick around the opening. The weight of the toy will pull the entire pelvic floor and internal clitoris downwards, resulting in an orgasm for the books.

If you don’t already have a wand vibrator, stop what you’re doing right now! You need one. Whether you’re planning to use it for partner play, by yourself, or both, it’s a must-have.

While Hitachi has long reigned supreme, it’s never admitted to being a sex toy. To this day it claims to be a neck massager. There are approximately zero people on this planet who have used a Hitachi magic wand as a neck massager, but I digress.

Female-run companies have stepped up and created wands that are proudly marketed as sex toys. Plus, they’re made from high quality materials you can trust. Our favorites are Le Wand and Ollie from Unbound. We like our sex toys like we like everything else: Highly quality, feminist, and orgasmic.

Complete Article HERE!

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4 Sexy Ways to Use Sensation in the Bedroom

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Sex is all about sensation and sensual touch. So whether you’re hitting the sack with a one night stand or spicing things up with a longterm bae, bringing new sensations into the bedroom will make for a night neither of you will forget. Read on for SlutBox Blog’s tips for adding unforgettable sensation to you next hookup!

By Amber Rose

1. Do More With Your Lube

Lube is super important for solo and partner play. Any time there’s friction, add in some lube to protect your skin, increase sensation and sensitivity and multiply those O’s. Now, why settle for any ol’ lube when you can slather on some extra sensation?

Warming or buzzing lubes are a super simple way to try something new in the bedroom, without fussing with a new toy or trying to set up a crazy sex swing apparatus! A warming lube we love is the Ignite Lubricant from Kush Queens (as found in our June Sluts 4 Love SlutBox).

This cannabis lube is 100% natural coconut oil based, and totally compatible with latex barriers so you can stay safe and sexy. Another fave is the ON Arousal Gel for Her from Sensuva (featured in our very first SlutBox!). ON Arousal Gel is a water-based blend of essential oils that jumpstart natural arousal and increase natural lubrication in folx with vaginas. No further explanation needed!

2. Amp Up The Foreplay

Take your time, baby! Build the excitement with sensation-building massage gels. Our recommendations? Sizzle Lips Edible Warming Gel and HandiPop Edible Handjob Massage Gel from Sensuva (as seen in our first SlutBox).

Sizzle Lips is a warming massage gel that heels hot when you blow on it. Massage Sizzle Lips into a sensitive area on bae’s body, and gently blow to get them all hot and bothered. Kiss and lick it all off – the more you rub it in the warmer it’ll feel.

HandiPop is a super sweet edible massage gel for the slipperiest, longest-lasting handjob. Getting a hand cramp? Finish the job with your lips and tongue.

Speaking of lips: want to give bae a kiss they’ll never forget? Slather on some Doctor Lip Bang’s Lip Freak Buzzing Lip Balm (found in our June Sluts 4 Love SlutBox) and lay one on ’em. The buzzing, tingling sensation will bring them to their knees! 

3. Try A Sexxxy Massage

What’s more intimate than a massage? Indulge your sensuous side with the Lelo Flickering Touch Massage Candle, made from all-natural soy wax, shea butter and apricot kernel oil in luscious scents like Vanilla & Creme de Cacao, Snow Pear & Cedarwood, and Black Pepper & Pomegranate.

This gorgeously-designed candle melts into a pool of decadent massage oil. Never greasy, this massage oil is easily absorbed into the skin for a smooth, buttery touch. With a burn time of 36 hours, you have plenty of time to enjoy. Use alone, for a romantic night in, or invite a few friends. Netflix and Chill just got a major upgrade.   

4. Ease Into Impact Play

Tickles don’t seem so silly now! Ticklers are an amazing, safe introduction to impact play and BDSM, especially when combined with a sexy blindfold! The Bijoux Indescrets Tickle Me Tickler (featured in the June Sluts 4 Love SlutBox) has a super cute retro look, but don’t be fooled: use this tickler can be used to tease and thrill your entire body.

Stimulate every inch of your lover’s bod with the tickler’s delicate feathers. Trust me, after just a few moments their skin will be super sensitive and they’ll be relishing a whole new world of unique sensation.

Complete Article HERE!

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MysteryVibe And The Surprisingly Difficult Challenge Of Selling Sex Toys To Men

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Sex tech startup MysteryVibe’s new penis-focused toy, the Tenuto.

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In 2016, British startup MysteryVibe made waves in the sex toy world, and the wider design and tech spaces, with its debut product, the Crescendo. A reimagining of the traditional vibrator, this flexible silicone rod with six vibrating motors, their intensities controlled via an app, promised customizability that could work for diverse body types and genders. It was not the first malleable, gender-neutral sex toy. And not every reviewer thought it lived up to its adaptable, accessible hype. But its clever yet simple innovation and sleek execution, not to mention effective marketing, made it a defining example of a new generation of smart, sensually novel, and customizable sex tech.

This year, MysteryVibe is taking a step away from anatomy-neutral malleability to try its hand at selling an explicitly penis-centric product, the Tenuto. They announced the new toy, their sophomore offering, in May, though the $130 device likely will not ship until sometime in December.

An L-shaped, flexible silicone loop similarly studded with six app-connected, variable intensity motors, the Tenuto fits onto a user’s penis in several possible ways. But no matter how one wears it, MysteryVibe suggests that it will offer a unique form of stimulation, more holistic and varied than any other male sex toy—the industry term for penis- and prostate-targeted devices—on the market now boasts. MysteryVibe co-founder and “Chief Pleasure Officer” Stephanie Alys recently told me that she thinks the Tenuto, by offering sensations people with penises may never have experienced or even conceived of before, could help men explore a satisfying new world of “pleasure-centered, versus orgasm-centered, goal-orientated sex. Slowing down, learning more about their bodies, trying new things.”

“That whole narrative,” she added, “is something we’re really keen to push forward.”

Given how limited male sex toy options are these days in both form and function—there are few offerings beyond masturbation sleeves, penis rings, and prostate massagers—the Tenuto probably will become, as MysteryVibe hopes, a category defining device. But it faces one major hurdle: Men (especially the large consumer base of cis-gendered, self-identified straight ones) notoriously do not buy many sex toys. And when they do, it is usually not because they are interested in exploring new sensations like those the Tenuto offers.

Granted, researchers haven’t probed how men engage with sex toys too deeply. Social psychologist and sex researcher Justin Lehmiller has speculated this may be because so many people only think of toys as a part of female sex and sexuality that few even consider exploring male toy usage.

Some sex store sales figures do suggest that men shop for sexual goods about as often as women. A 2014 deep dive on one chain’s sales by data journalist Jon Millward, though, showed that men mostly dominated purchases of things like condoms. Women dominated purchases of vibrating toys, the retailer’s highest selling device category. Men did dominate purchases in the lower selling anal toy category. But non-heterosexual men seemed to drive those figures, reflecting widespread and persistent stigmas around anal stimulation among straight men. Many men who bought toys that weren’t explicitly made or marketed for their gender seemingly did so for their female partners to use, whether in sex or on their own. And few women bought toys for their male partners. A 2009 survey similarly found that only a minority of American men had ever used a vibrator, and the vast majority of them only used these toys with (and likely only on) their female partners, rather than for solo fun.

When men do buy items for their own use, Millward and others have found, most seem to opt for penis rings, or other devices mostly meant to help people with erectile dysfunction get or maintain an erection. In Millward’s data, only about a fifth of his already limited pool of male consumers actually bought a device specifically made for penile stimulation. And his data came from the tail end of an apparent spike in male toy sales from the mid-2000s to the mid-2010s.

Sex culture observers have suggested any number of reasons for the anemic state of the male sex toy market, all of which probably have some merit: Most media, for instance, only depicts women as toy users—and increasingly represents them as sexually liberated souls. In the rare instances pop culture does show men using sex toys on their own, they are typically portrayed as sad sacks or weirdoes who can’t find a partner. The zeitgeist also increasingly seems to view sex toys as a vital tool for accessing female pleasure, and this pleasure as a vital component of holistic wellness, or a strong relationship. That is likely why big chain retailers like Walmart feel comfortable selling vibrators now. But the zeitgeist also insists that male sexuality and pleasure are simple, built around the quest for a quick and efficient orgasm, for which one only needs a hand and one frictional, repetitive motion. That implies that men who might want, or even need, toys for themselves are somehow deficient or deviant.

This is a fair amount of cultural and behavioral baggage for a company to push against. So I asked Alys: Why did MysteryVibe decide to move into the fraught male sex toy space in the first place? And how does the company plan to sell a novel device like the Tenuto to a limited, and likely skeptical, consumer base?

According to Alys, the MysteryVibe team decided to create Tenuto for a pretty simple reason. Their existing consumers said they wanted the company to make an explicitly male-facing toy.

Alys noted that while the Crescendo is gender-neutral, many consumers “still conceive of it as a product for people with vulvas.” That is not necessarily a problem. Many men find, through partnered or solo exploration, that they can bend even toys built explicitly for use on vulvas or in vaginas towards their wants and needs. So plenty of people who assume the Crescendo is a female-focused toy may learn, rather intuitively, that they can get some mileage out of it for their own erogenous anatomy.(Similarly, MysteryVibe points out that people with vulvas can likely still find uses for the Tenuto.) But many, if not most, men never do figure out that seemingly female-facing toys can work for them, too. “One of the core pieces of feedback we were getting from men who bought it for their partners,” Alys said, was “‘when are you going to create something for me?’”

MysteryVibe, in other words, seemed to see a clear male consumers base open to buying a high-end and novel toy for their own pleasure and exploration, like the company’s existing product, but waiting for something explicitly gendered that would, in a sense, give them permission to buy and use it.

Looking at the male sex toy space, Alys said, the MysteryVibe team realized there was plenty of room for innovation, especially by moving away from designs that try to mimic human anatomy in function and in form. Variable, unique sensations and a discreet design could together offer, as Alys put it, “something that people with penises can be proud to walk into a store, buy, and use.”

Alys seems to believe that stressing the Tenuto’s novel form(s) of stimulation can effectively draw men towards it—that many men are eager not just for a respectable company to tell them it is okay to buy a toy for their own pleasure, but for a product to encourage them to explore their bodies. “Elevating the conversation around pleasure is where we’re aiming, in terms of some of the marketing and some of the ways we’re hoping to talk to people” about the Tenuto, she explained.

However, she does acknowledge the massive gap in the way pop culture and society talk about female versus male toys and sexuality. She also seems to acknowledge that there are not as many cultural forces normalizing male toys as there have been for female toys over the past couple of decades (e.g. Sex and the City, Goop), much less cultivating a complex view of male sexuality and encouraging slow, pleasure-not-orgasm-centered self-exploration. She maintains that this exploration would be valuable for the many men who have internalized a simplistic view of male sexuality. Exploring themselves, she stresses, could clearly help men achieve new heights of personal pleasure, and learn to explore their partners’ bodies as well, leading to more satisfying sensual lives overall. But it is hard to see how the sort of pleasure exploration-focused pitch she makes for the Tenuto could push past the largely intact cultural barriers against, and stigmas around, male sex toy usage to reach the bulk of male consumers.

So perhaps unsurprisingly, while the promotional materials for the Tenuto mention novel pleasure and self-exploration, they lean just as heavily, if not more so, on the rationales men already use for buying sex toys: satisfying their female partners and managing their erectile dysfunction.

“Why use a vibrator,” one promo asks, “when you can be the vibrator” by wearing the device so some of its motors act as a clitoral stimulator during penetrative vaginal sex? This, MysteryVibe’s press release materials argue, could help men close the orgasm gap between them and their female partners. They also boast that the Tenuto’s sensations can spark blood flow, which can help men get, or maintain, an erection.

These sales points position the Tenuto as a cross between a penis ring and a vibrator, items men might already be willing to buy for partnered sex. Its inconspicuous design, seen from this perspective, further positions it as something men might feel less embarrassed to buy than existing devices that could, in combination, serve the same purpose.

For Alys, though, that messaging is just a good hook to grab people initially. She believes that the same narratives that have helped to diversify female sex toys in recent years are bleeding into discussions of male sexuality. This seems to give her faith that, after the right introduction, men will be willing to engage with, and want to buy, the Tenuto as a more revolutionary tool for exploring new types of pleasure.

She also believes that, by presenting the Tenuto in spaces that usually do not feature sex toys, like tech conferences, she can create a moment of shock in unwitting audiences that opens a door of potential for some to reconsider the role and meaning of male sex toys. Novelty and surprise may be enough to give people permission to explore the Tenuto on its own unique sensory terms.

None of this is certain, though. The question of how to overcome the cultural forces that have limited male sex toys in the past “is a lot of the stuff that we’re still trying to figure out,” Alys admitted. She added that the Tenuto alone isn’t going to tear down longstanding social-sexual stigmas, and by so doing open up new potential in the male sex toy market. “I will probably spend my entire life talking about sexuality and breaking things down and establishing new attitudes,” she said.

In that sense, Tenuto may be as much a piece of sexual activism as entrepreneurship. It is, in part at least, a MysteryVibe manifesto on the realities and needs of male sexuality. And it is a gamble on the power of a few established marketing entry points, surprise, and innovation to encourage people to engage with, and hopefully embrace, a (for many) new and complex vision of male pleasure and sexuality. It is impossible to say whether the startup’s gambit will pay off. But even if it succeeds in moving the needle slightly, it could be a major step towards a more diverse, dynamic (and lucrative) male sex toy market.

Complete Article HERE!

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What spending two weeks in a chastity device taught me about my sexuality and my marriage

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I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man

By Key Barrett

It’s “Locktober” again, the month where men willingly lock their genitalia up in chastity devices in the hopes of making it “hands-free” for 31 days. Some do it for the kink, some for the challenge, and a great number do it as a way to be more present and engaged with their partners (called “keyholders”). Though I could never do a whole month, I did do it for two weeks, and what it taught me about my sexuality and how it can dominate my marriage was nothing short of revelatory.

First, some context. As an erotica writer, I wanted to understand the common theme of chastity to write more believable characters. My wife agreed to be my keyholder for two weeks and unlock me only if she desired it. I had a spare key to unlock for safety reasons and maintenance, but not for any other reason

With these rules in place, our dynamic changed within three days. What had started as some fun denial play became something else entirely. Once my wife trusted that I really was “locked up” at her discretion, she felt free to interact with me without every action being viewed through my sexual needs, which we dubbed “the barter system”.

Simply put, I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man. But now, if my hand lingered too long on a caress, my cage made the motivations painfully obvious. Call it cognitive behaviour therapy for my penis.

Beforehand, her being playful with me was viewed primarily as an invitation to sex. Now it could now exist on its own. My listening to her day wasn’t partially “putting in the time to earn sex,” because sex wasn’t an option. I was liberated to enjoy the act of listening.

Subsequently, she opened up physically and emotionally and I enjoyed being the emotional support a husband is supposed to be. Over time, my sexual needs became less singularly focused on the end goal of orgasm, and more focused on courtship and on her. Closeness, caresses and bonding took prominence over my desire to get off.

I still wanted sex, but I was free from the dishonest dealings of my libido. I wanted sex as an accompaniment to intimacy, not intimacy as post-coital add-on. This distinction was huge. When the sex did come, it was better both physically and emotionally for us both.

There were other benefits, too. My locus of thought moved from “me” to “we”. She felt more entitled to her needs and filtered her words less.

I also learned the multiple roles masturbation played in my life and which ones weren’t helpful. It was healthy to use it as a release for sexual frustration during a week when there was just no time for sex, but it didn’t stop there. I used it when putting in the time to get my partner in the mood seemed like too much effort. In that sense it was lazy man’s sex that I benefited from, but denied my wife that intimacy, and treated sex like a chore.

When left without masturbation I sought other options. Intimacy with my wife (in a reciprocation-free environment for her) allowed her to ease into the enjoyment of it and allowed me to be a part of her pleasure without filtering it through my own. Needless to say, that was a lot of fun for us both.

If I was stressed, my new avenue was one that had always been there: I talked to my wife about it. She had great insights but mostly she just listened. The stress went away, and unlike the short-term benefit masturbation provided, I got longer term benefits like companionship, trust, vulnerability and reassurance.

I emerged from my two weeks with my masculinity intact, but a deeper understanding of what it meant to be her man. And we emerged a happier couple.

Complete Article HERE!

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Sex & Accessibility 101:

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How to Have Super Hot Sex with or as a Disabled Person

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I was once a horny and confused disabled teenager, and somehow managed to come into my own as a horny and downright pervy disabled adult. Growing up, no one ever talked to me about sex or sexuality. Outside of my peer groups (and often times even within them), sex was a touchy issue. Doctors, educators, family — they all functioned from a place that sex wasn’t for someone like me. And woof, how do you feel good initiating conversations about your bod and all the things you find yourself wanting to do with it when even your doctor seems squeamish about it?

Fast forward to 2018, and doctors are still garbage. But I like to think that we queers of the world are ever-evolving, and as result, getting pretty hip to the concept that all different kinds of bodies want to connect with other bodies. With that in mind, I’m not going to waste any time defending the desirability of disabled folks. Disabled folks are desirable. Period. Disabled bods and access needs are still left out of the conversation when it comes to S-E-X and well… f*ck that. So settle in and hang out for a minute. We’ve got a lot to talk about.

Disability Sexuality

Disabled folks make up the largest minority population in the world; upwards of 20% of people in the US are living with a disability. This means whether you, yourself, are disabled or not, disability touches everyone in some way or another. Our genders and sexualities vary as much as anyone’s, but our access to communities that affirm (or allow us to explore) our genders and sexualities is frequently lacking. Navigating sex and disability as a queer person has its challenges, but outside of societal misconceptions and misinformation, it’s not necessarily any more (or less) complicated than navigating any other body or sexuality. Bodies are weird. Sex is weird. Weird is good.

While the information here can be useful for anyone, this guide primarily focuses on physical access needs in sex. Disability is an incredibly broad umbrella term. There are a lot of different ways that disability exists in the world, and needs and considerations vary greatly. This is in no way meant to be definitive or all-encompassing. All bods are different and need different things. That’s kind of the point. As always, take what applies and feels good for you.

Communication

Inarguably, communication is the key to good sex, period. But, for disabled folks (and the babes that love them), those conversations may feel a little more vulnerable than conversations some able-bodied folks are used to having, and it helps to learn better ways of navigating them.

It should go without saying, but assumptions never do anyone any good in the bedroom (or anywhere, really). It’s important to find ways to communicate your wants and needs without ambiguity. Knowing what you want can be half the battle whether you have accessibility needs or not, so don’t be afraid to do a little work in finding that out for yourself. Handy worksheets like this old gem from our own Austen, Ara, and Geneva can help you not only brainstorm your own wants and needs, but find common ground with your partner. Talking about you want to do with your partner, also opens up the line of communication to advocate for the things you may need in order to do it. If you’re feeling anxious, try to remember that these conversations feel vulnerable for all bods involved, so be kind to both yourself and your partner! Initiating potentially vulnerable conversations about sex and bodies can work best outside of the bedroom. Talking about sex can feel daunting enough; changing up the space and talking it out before you’re in the bedroom can help ease some of the pressure and help you connect.

If you’re able-bodied and your partner isn’t, remember that when your partner is opening up to you about their body, it’s a conversation, not an inquisition. Make sure you’re meeting them in the middle, not putting them through an interview. Talk about your own boundaries, needs, hopes and expectations. Rather than “How do you…?” or “Can you…?” lines of questioning, focus on pleasure (i.e. “What are you into?” “What feels good for you?”). Your interest is in finding out what makes them feel good, not unraveling the mystery of their body. Good conversation topics to consider: preferred words/terms for parts, parts of the body you do or don’t like to have touched/seen/etc., body sensitivity or pain.

A common don’t that comes up all too often is the dreaded “I don’t even notice,” “You’re pretty/handsome for a disabled person,” or “You’re not disabled to me!” Able-bodied folks tend to think these are compliments, but I can assure you as a person who’s heard it all, they aren’t. The last thing anyone getting down and dirty with you wants to hear is that you don’t see them, or that you have to avoid parts of them to feel attraction for them.

If you’re disabled and wanting to open up communication, remember that communicating with your partner is a back and forth. You’re not responsible for sitting under a spotlight and disclosing your medical history, and you should never feel pressured to say or do anything that doesn’t feel right for you. Everybody’s got needs and expectations in physical and intimate relationships! Try not to feel weighed down sharing yours.

Communication while getting down is important, too. Tell your partner when they’re making you feel good, and be open to vocalizing (and switching things up) when something’s not working for you. Likewise, be open to hearing from your partner when something isn’t working for them.

The effort it takes to hone your communication skills really pays off; it feels good to know what you partner needs and expects from you, and it feels really good to know that your partner cares about what you need. Besides, talking about sex is great foreplay, pal!

Getting Down

Setting the scene

One thing disabled folks with physical access needs are beyond familiar with is the need for preparedness. Sometimes we can get bogged down by all the little details needed to make a space accessible; sex is really no different in that regard. Setting the scene for the sex you want helps ease anxiety surrounding unwanted interruptions or time-outs. It helps keep things flowing, and builds up the anticipation — which can be exciting!

Making sure that your harnesses, toys, positioning furniture, lube, and clean up supplies are within reach is a great start, but there’s more you can do to set the mood. Don’t underestimate the power of intention!

For folks who experience incontinence, waterproof pads and blankets can help with anxiety surrounding unwanted (or wanted!) messes.  While any mattress pad could do the trick, items made for play such as the Liberator Fascinator Throw, or the Funsheet can make the playspace feel less sterile and more sexy. Think about what kind of material makes you feel best in these situations. Throws like the Fascinator absorb fluid without leaking through, whereas items like the Funsheet do not absorb fluids (which can potentially feel overwhelming for some folks). Regardless of your preference, when sexy time is over, just toss your sheets/throws into the washer and you’re good to go. Anxiety surrounding incontinence can feel like a lot, but try to remember that honestly all sex is messy and that’s often half the fun.

Lube & Barriers

Lube is f*cking important! This is true for everyone, but especially when stimulating a part of the body that has limited or no sensation. Apart from wanting to avoid general injury, many conditions can make it difficult for a body to produce its own lubricant. Find a lube that works well for you and your partner and use that lube generously.

I won’t go too ham in talking about barrier methods, but I will note that there are a lot of options to consider, from a proper fitted condom on penises and dildos/vibrators, to dental dams, and the very poorly named “FC2 female condom.” Be sure to be conscious of sensitivities to frequently used materials such as latex (and less commonly allergenic) nitrile/neoprene. It’s best to stay clear of barriers with added flavoring or spermicides. Always remember to check your lube is safe for use with the barrier method you’re using!

Positioning

There are an infinite number of ways to get two bodies to connect in just the right way. Shaking things up and exploring the way things feel best not only ensures you and your partner’s comfort, it’s also just hot and fun. There are gender- and sexuality-inclusive online quick guides like this one from The Mighty that may help get your creative juices flowing. There’s also positioning harnesses and slings like Sportsheets’ Super Sex Sling and Doggie Style Strap that can help take some of the pressure off of strenuous positioning. Sportsheets is a disability-inclusive brand also offering items like shower suction handles and foot rests, and other positioning tools that can aid in accessible play.

If your partner needs help transferring out of a chair or another assistive device, let them guide you in helping them properly. Don’t ever lift or move a partner without being asked to, and don’t ever move assistive devices to unreachable places unless your partner asks you to.

Harnesses

For some with limited mobility, spasticity or pain in the pelvic/hip region, standard harnesses may not be an option for strap-on sex. Fortunately, there are multiple harness options for those looking for accessible ways to engage in penetrative play, and getting creative in the harness department can be just as hot as it is practical! Sportsheets offers a thigh harness and the La Palma from SpareParts offers a gloved hand option. For folks with penises using strap-ons, SpareParts Deuce is a great option. Designed to be wearable regardless of ability to achieve erection, the harness has an upper ring for use with a dildo, and a lower ring for penis access.

Toys

This is the part where I might as well start by throwing my hands in the air praising the Hitachi Magic Wand. As a stubborn contrarian I’d love to find a reason to tell you why it doesn’t live up to its hype, but I’d be lying. Apart from being probably the greatest sex toy on earth, with its strong vibrations, large head, and versatile modification options, it’s also probably one of the most accessible. There are hitachi toy mounts like this one from Liberator, various head attachments, speed controllers (which do need to be plugged into the toy/wall, but also extend the range quite a bit), and good ol’ DIY mic stand setups. The rechargeable wand does away with the need to stay plugged in and is worth every penny for the upgrade.

For anal stimulation, b-vibe offers a wide selection of remote vibrating anal toys in a variety of sizes and shapes, eliminating the need to reach down to adjust or change settings on the toy during use. For comfortable wear in seated positions, try options with a thin base like the snug plug or the pleasure plug from Fuze.

For folks with penises who may be experiencing what sex expert Joan Price refers to as erectile dissatisfaction or unreliable erection due to paralysis, but want to engage in penetrative sex, ppa/extenders like Vixen’s Ride On paired with a comfortable harness can be helpful in achieving penetrative sex with a partner. The Pulse 3 Duo is also a great partner toy option for folks with penises of varying functionality.

If you can, skip the ableist toy manuals that come with most sex toys and instead, talk to a sex educator at your local progressive sex shop about your prospective products and how to use them safely and care for them. It’s well-documented that there’s historically been (and continues to be) a problem with unfavorable language in a LOT of sex toy user manuals and packaging. If you don’t have access to local progressive sex toy shops, shops like The Smitten Kitten, She Bop, Early To Bed, and Babeland all have online stores and customer service options that can be really helpful.

After Care

Lastly, be sure to check in. After care isn’t an option; it’s a major part of play. Talk to your partner about what feels good for both of you when play is over. Maybe you or they need to be held, or like a glass of water when things are winding down. If incontinence is a concern, it may help to have a course of action pre-planned for cleaning up in a way that helps to relieve stress or discomfort.

Ultimately, there are plenty of tools and tips to achieve the sex you want, but the bulk of the work relies on successful communication. Remember to think beyond speaking, and consider how you’re listening. Are you doing what you can to create a connection that supports your partner in voicing their wants and needs? Supporting your partner through the vulnerable parts paves way for the creativity that comes with engaging and fun sex.

A few quick references:

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability

Disability After Dark Podcast

Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness, & Liberation

Complete Article HERE!

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Butt Plugs Are For Hetero Men Too

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By Chris Jager

As much as you may snigger at the word “butt plug”, it turns out they’re perfectly valid sex toys – regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. At least, that’s according to this (surprisingly classy) animated tutorial. Prepare to be elucidated.

Butt plugs essentially fulfil two purposes – to bring pleasure to the user and to ‘train’ the anus. (If you’re clueless as to why you’d want to train your anus, try this beginner-friendly, NSFW primer.)

The video above, which was produced by Carvaka Sex Toys, breaks down the butt-plug basics – from the available sizes and types of materials used, to the ins-and-outs of the relevant human anatomy.

Apparently, a butt plug can lead to intensified orgasms in both members of a heterosexual couple – by stimulating the prostrate in men and massaging the back of the vaginal wall in women. Wearing a butt plug can also greatly enhance the feeling of fellatio.

Welp, that’s me sold. Probably.

Complete Article HERE!

See Dr Dick’s tutorial: Butt Plug Crash Course HERE!

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What’s A Prostate Orgasm

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—And How Do I Make It Happen For A Guy?

First of all, he’s got to be okay with butt stuff.

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Butt stuff has been taboo probably for as long as there have been taboos. But thanks to a growing conversation on anal play (hello, pegging!) you and your partner might find yourselves ready to, erm, enter new territory and attempt a prostate orgasm.

Rewind: What is a prostate orgasm?

The prostate—a gland about the size of a walnut which sits deep in the groin between the base of a guy’s penis and his rectum—is to men what the G-spot is to women. For some men, it can potentially be a total pleasure center.

Biologically, the prostate produces semen, but “sexually and erotically, it can function to heighten pleasure,” says Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., founder of The Intimacy Institute in Colorado. “What prostate stimulation does is press upon the urethra in such a way that it can actually prevent ejaculation,” Skyler says—a.k.a. it can stretch out that just-about-to-orgasm feeling even longer.

“If your partner is comfortable with prostate contact and is able to relax and enjoy anal stimulation”—the only way to get to the prostate is by sticking your finger or a toy about an inch and a half into his butt—“it adds this sensation of fullness and pressure that maximizes the intensity of an orgasm for a man,” Skyler explains.

Aside from the prostate stimulation itself, the anal action that’s part of the process can also boost a guy’s pleasure. “It’s hard to know how much of ‘prostate pleasure’ actually involves the prostate at all and how much is related to the fact that the only way to get to a man’s prostate is through his anus,” says Stephen Snyder, M.D., a sex therapist and author of Love Worth Making. “A lot of people enjoy anal stimulation, which makes sense—like the genitals, the anal area is richly supplied with nerve endings and blood flow.”

That said, “Some men don’t enjoy it—it can be a psychological lack of enjoyment or it could be a physiological one,” says Skyler, adding she’s had patients in both categories. Or maybe he’s just not interested in exploring (and that’s okay). Either way, as with any sex act, it’s important to communicate and make sure both parties are game—that includes you, btw.

How do I help my partner have a prostate orgasm?

If you’re intrigued by exploring this new territory, Skyler has some tips for how to make a prostate orgasm happen.

1. Help your partner relax.
If you are both jazzed to poke around his prostate, it’s important to start by getting super-relaxed. “The anus has two sphincters and they can tighten up and close,” Skyler says. “The way to get entrance and invitation is to really deeply relax the whole body.”

Start with a sensual massage, the goal of which isn’t necessarily to turn your partner on, but to help him feel totally comfortable.

2. Try some anal foreplay.
Once your partner feels chilled out, ease your way in. “If you’ve never done anal play, approach the anus respectfully and slowly,” Sklyer says. “Play with the full buttocks and inner thighs first and then move to play with the outer rim of the opening of the anus

3. Get some lube.
“The anus is not self-lubricating so make sure there’s a lot of lube, no matter what,” Skyler says. She recommends picking up a lubricant that’s specifically designed for anal play since these formulas tend to be a little thicker and last a bit longer. (Here are the best lubes for anal, FYI.)

4. Choose your tools.
The best way to stimulate the prostate is either with your finger or a prostate toy (basically a slim butt plug). If you’re hesitant about using your finger (even if he just took a shower, it’s okay if the idea still makes you feel a little squeamish) a toy is an awesome alternative.

“Sex toy retailers like Adam and Eve sell a lot of beginner prostate toys,” Skyler says. “Most of them even have a rounded edge like a finger.”

5. Slowly massage the prostate.
To make a prostate orgasm happen, go super-slowly—especially if this is the first time you and your partner are trying the technique. Once you’re inside, feel for the prostate gland, which is about “one knuckle’s worth” into the rectum in the direction of his penis (as opposed to his lower back), Skyler says. “It feels like a soft pillow-y ball,” she says.

Once you’ve found it, apply soft pressure or try stroking it slowly, and keep communicating with your partner about how it feels. Take your cues from him on whether to stroke or apply even pressure, go slower or faster, press more or less intense, etc. Whatever way you do it: Prepare for a whole new type of O.

Complete Article HERE!

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How to Bring Sex Toys Into the Bedroom Without It Being the Most Awkward

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A sex educator’s four top tips.

By Gigi Engle

You have your trusty vibrator, the one that always gets the job done when on the self-love train. Have you considered introducing your favorite toy to your partner? For most women, external clitoral stimulation is needed in order to have an orgasm, and that’s not always a given during sex. Sex toys are designed to bridge the gap between what we get from sex and what we want from sex but aren’t getting. They are the helping hand you need. (In addition to, you know, your hand.) It seems like they would the natural addition to your sex life.

But it can be hard to introduce sex toys into the bedroom for the first time. You’re not the only one nervous about taking your sex toys across the border from Solotown to the Land of Let’s Get It On.

Sex toys are in many ways the final bedroom taboo. As a sex educator and coach, I can personally attest that people are still intimidated by them, however much we tout the dogma of the sacred vibrator.

If you (or your partner) is a little (or a lot) nervous about getting started with sex toys, try these four tips I use with concerned and curious clients. You’ll get there! It just takes some empathy, communication, and a lot of encouragement.

1. Tbh, this might be a super awkward thing to discuss, so prepare yourself for the awkwardness.

Real talk: Your partner may be really threatened or offended when you bring up using vibrators in the bedroom. There is some deep-rooted insecurity around sex toys that, while outdated and unfortunate, still exists. It’s like if you want to bring a vibrator into the bedroom, somehow you’re telling your partner they aren’t good enough. Not true!

Don’t focus on yourself and your sexual needs exclusively. This can potentially alienate your partner and put them on the defensive. Make the conversation about both of you. Approach the topic with empathy and be prepared to deal with a contentious reaction

Have an open an honest conversation about why this is something that turns you on. Tell your partner that it’s new, a little kinky, and fun. It’s something for the two of you to try together in order to expand your sexual repertoire.

Remember, vibrators aren’t only good for you and you alone. They offer immense pleasure when applied to the tip of the penis, the perineum, and the ball sack. If your partner has a vulva and hasn’t used a vibrator before, sex toys will blow their mind, too!

2. Offer to go shopping together, but be ready to go alone.

You may have a sprawling collection of sex toys (good for you!) or not, but if your partner is feeling peevish about using a sex toy, it is best to buy something new. There can be all sorts of loaded feelings about a toy that has been used before, especially with other partners.

You want this to be for both of you, something special that you can share. Offer to bring your partner along to the store or to shop online with you. It might relax them to see that there are so many options for sex toys, as well as not-at-all scary places to shop for them. For a fabulous customer experience, choose Babeland, Unbound, Pleasure Chest, Wildflower or Good Vibrations. These places have sprawling online shops for your convenience.

Be prepared to get shot down on the shopping trip. It might just be too much. And that’s OK! Trying sex toys for the first time can be a bit scary. If you are on your own, embrace the experience. Choose something that you and your partner will love. Speaking of which …

3. Don’t pick some enormous, phallic monster dildo.

The last thing you want to bring home to a nervous partner is some scary, veiny, Rabbit vibrator with a million spinning beads and a realistic penis-head. Nope. This will not go well. Nothing says, “I’m replacing your dick with this vibrator” or “I need a penis over your vulva to be happy” like bringing home a vibrator that is shaped like a larger-than-life penis.

Choose something non-threatening to start. You want to keep it playful and exciting, not terrifying.

Go for inspiring curiosity, not anxiety. When in doubt, choose a sex toy that doesn’t even look like a sex toy. The more quiet the toy, the better. You want something in a non-fleshy color that is more “cute” than it is explicitly sexual. I love to recommend Bender from Unbound and the Form II from JimmyJane. Bender looks like Gumby and the Form II looks like a bunny. What could be scary about that?

For those especially squeamish around sex toys, Fin from Dame Products is the ultimate toy for beginners. It literally turns your hand into a vibrator, giving you one less thing to think about during playtime. You place the little vibrator between your fingers, and put the strap over them. It doesn’t move and it won’t fall off.

4. Focus on pleasurable exploration.

Got the gear? Great. When you bring the sex toy into bed, keep the play about you and your partner. Verbal encouragement (read: dirty talk) will be your best friend. Tell your partner how good they are making you feel and how turned on you are.

You want the toy to be a part of the experience, not the entire focus of the experience. Be sure to remind your partner how sexy they are and how much you love their penis/vulva/body.

If possible, don’t mention the toy. You can guide your partner’s hand to your hot spots, or simply use the toy on yourself. They want to make you feel good. If they see how much you’re enjoying yourself, they will likely be open to including sex toys as part of the regular routine.

Complete Article HERE!

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7 Amazing Women Who Made It Easier For You To Have Sex

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By Kasandra Brabaw

Sunday, August 26, marked the 98th anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which officially granted women the right to vote. And as we celebrate Women’s Equality Day, which August 26th is known as now, we think about those incredible women who fought for our right to vote and won. Often, we also think of women who fought (and are continuing to fight) for women’s equality in the workplace. But, there’s another kind of equality that we can thank brave women for: sexual equality.

Without the tireless work of some badass women in history, single women would still be expected to be celibate. We wouldn’t have access to the birth control that makes it safe for us to have sex without fear of pregnancy. And we’d probably still think women can only orgasm when someone sticks a penis inside of them (although, some people really do still think that). So, let’s raise a glass to the women who made it okay for us to have as much (or as little) sex as we want.

Ahead, we celebrate 7 of the women who pioneered conversations about sexuality and sexual health.

Emma Goldman (1869-1940)

Emma Goldman

In 1917 a U.S. Attorney General wrote, “Emma Goldman is a woman of great ability and of personal magnetism, and her persuasive powers make her an exceedingly dangerous woman.” Goldman gained a reputation for being “exceedingly dangerous” partly for spreading the idea that women should have access to birth control. She was also a hardcore anarchist who spoke with such firey passion that the man who assassinated President William McKinley in 1901 credited one of Goldman’s lectures as the inspiration. So, you know, that could also be part of it.

Perhaps because her lectures were so “inspirational,” Goldman was frequently harassed and arrested while speaking about radical reform. So, she worked with the first Free Speech League to insist that all Americans have a right to speech, no matter how radical or controversial.

Although she was active during the time of first-wave feminism, Goldman shunned the suffrage movement and instead called herself an anarchist. She held lectures on politically unpopular ideas like free love, atheism, capitalism, and homosexuality. After Margaret Sanger, who coined the term “birth control,” printed information about contraceptives in a pamphlet called Family Limitation, Goldman took it upon herself to make sure people had access to the information. She distributed the pamphlet and in 1915 went on a nationwide speaking tour to raise awareness about birth control options. In 1916, she was arrested outside of one of her lectures under the Comstock Law, which prohibited the dissemination of “obscene, lewd, or lascivious articles.” She spent two weeks in prison.

Goldman was deported back to her native Russia in 1919.

Margaret Sanger (1879-1966)

Margaret Sanger

In addition to creating the birth control pamphlet that got Emma Goldman arrested, Margaret Sanger founded Planned Parenthood, along with her sister Ethel Byrne and fellow-activist Fania Mindell.

Sanger’s mother died at 50-years-old, partly due to complications from delivering 11 babies and having 7 miscarriages. Inspired by her mother’s pregnancy struggles, Sanger went to Europe to study contraceptive methods, even though educating people about birth control was illegal in the U.S. at the time.

When she came back to the U.S., Sanger was frequently arrested under the Comstock Law for distributing “obscene, lewd, or lascivious articles.” In 1912, she wrote What Every Girl Should Know, in which she argues that both mothers and teachers should clearly explain sexual anatomy in order to rid children of shame about sex. She wrote: “Every girl should first understand herself: she should know her anatomy, including sex anatomy.” (Preach.)

Two years later, Sanger wrote Family Limitations, an instructional pamphlet in which she coined the term “birth control.” And two years after that, Sanger, Byrne, and Mindell opened the country’s first birth control clinic in Brownsville, Brooklyn, which the police shut down only nine days later. Sanger spent 30 days in jail after the Brownsville clinic was raided (where she instructed the inmates about birth control).

In 1923, Sanger opened the Birth Control Clinical Research Bureau to distribute birth control to women and to study the long-term effectiveness and side effects of contraceptives. She also incorporated the American Birth Control League, an organization that studied global impacts of population growth, disarmament, and famine. Eventually, the two groups merged to become what we now know as Planned Parenthood. Sanger continued to fight for contraceptive rights and sexual freedom along with other birth control activists, and in 1936 their efforts led to a court ruling that using and talking about birth control would no longer be considered obscene. Legally, birth control information could be distributed in New York, Connecticut, and Vermont. It took another 30 years for those rights to be extended to the rest of the country (but birth control was still only legal for married couples until the 1970s).

Helen Gurley Brown (1922-2012)

Helen Gurley Brown

In 1962, when birth control was still illegal in most states for anyone who wasn’t married, Helen Gurley Brown wrote Sex And The Single Girl, a book that argued for single women’s right to have as much sex as they wanted. (The book later inspired a 1964 movie.) At the time, many publishers rejected the book for being too provocative, because it did such scandalous things as encouraging women to pursue men, and suggesting that women actually enjoyed sex (gasp!). When the book eventually was picked up, the publishers omitted a chapter dedicated to birth control. So unmarried women at the time could have sex, they just couldn’t know how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies.

Three years after her book published, Gurley Brown became Editor-In-Chief of Cosmopolitan. But the magazine many now associate with brazen sex advice wasn’t so risque back then. And although the staff at the time was not thrilled with her message, it was Gurley Brown’s influence that turned Cosmo into the go-to mag for learning how to please your man.

Virginia E. Johnson (1925-2013)

If you’ve watched Masters Of Sex, then you’re already familiar with Virginia Johnson’s story. Johnson was first the research assistant for and later wife to William H. Masters, a gynecologist and sex researcher. Together, the two studied sexual responses in hundreds of men and women and published groundbreaking studies that transformed how people understood sexuality.

Many of their participants credited Johnson’s warm and encouraging nature as the reason they felt comfortable enough to participate in Master’s studies (which often required them to masturbate or have sex while hooked up to machines that registered heart rate and other bodily functions). Although Johnson never finished her degree, she’s considered a sexologist for her help in Master’s work. Often, it was her who collected patients’ sexual histories and recorded data as they became sexually aroused.

Masters and Johnson made several important discoveries in their work, many of which broke negative assumptions about how women experience sex. In their 1966 book Human Sexual Response, they established that the clitoris is essential for women to have orgasms and that women can have multiple orgasms during a single sexual experience. After their book was featured on the cover of Time Magazine, it became a bestseller, making it common for people to say words like “clitoris,” “orgasm,” and “masturbation,” for the first time.

In 1964, Masters and Johnson founded the Reproductive Biology Research Foundation (later the Masters and Johnson Institute), where they treated sexual dysfunction until the institute closed in 1994.

Joani Blank (1937-2016)

Anytime you pass a sex toy shop with large glass windows that proudly displays dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs instead of hiding them under seedy lighting, you can thank Joani Blank. In 1977, she founded the first Good Vibrations store, a feminist-leaning sex toy shop and one of the first to be run by a woman.

Blank had noticed that all of the sex toy shops she’d encountered reeked of men. The windows were covered, as if you should be ashamed of the products inside, and often, there would be men watching porn at quarter-operated booths once you got inside. It was a hostile space for women. “Over and over, women would say they were afraid to go into one of those places,” Carol Queen, the staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, said in Blank’s obituary.

Prior to opening Good Vibrations, Blank was working at UCSF’s medical school with women who struggled to have orgasms. She encouraged them to try vibrators. And her experiences with these women also informed her plans for the sex toy shop. In addition to having a place that felt safe for women, she wanted to train her staff to be able to answer questions about sex and sexual health. She wanted her customers and her staff to be able to have frank conversations about sex. It was all in an effort to take some of the shame and stigma out of having sex, especially for women.

Loretta Ross (1953-present)

Anytime you’ve ever used the term “reproductive justice,” that was because of Loretta Ross. Ross coined the phrase in 1994 following the International Conference on Population and Development.

Ross is co-founder of the SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective, which organizes women of color in the reproductive rights movement. Her work focuses on the intersectionality of social justice and on building a human rights movement that includes everyone. She was co-director of the 2004 March for Women’s Lives, the largest protest march at the time, which saw 1.15 million people gather to advocate for abortion rights, birth control access, and reproductive healthcare.

Ross also started the Women of Color Program for the National Organization for Women (NOW) in the 1980s, where she brought delegations of women of color to international conferences on women’s issues and human rights. In the 1970s, she became one of the first African American women to direct a rape crises center.

Complete Article HERE!

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This is how you should be cleaning your sex toys

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If you own them, you should know how to clean sex toys. But don’t be so sure that soapy, hot water soak is rinsing away all the nasty bacteria and germs you left behind – especially if your toy(s) have a lot of grooves and crevices. So how do you clean your sex toys, ya know, the right way? Don’t worry, I’m about to spell it out for ya.

But before I get to that, first things first. If you’re looking to not only sanitize your vibes and dildos but keep them in pristine condition as well, then you’ll need to know what they’re made of. Knowledge of the materials used in your favorite toys and whether they’re porous or nonporous is not only imperative for your own health, but for the longevity of your device as well.

Why we need to regularly clean our sex toys

For safety’s sake, here’s a rundown of suggested sex toy materials. Anything else, quite frankly, not only makes for super low-quality toys, but toxic ones too.

  • Silicone
  • Glass
  • ABS hard plastic
  • Metal
  • Wood and stone

So what do you do with your jelly dick(s)? I suggest throwing them out, as not even a condom can provide adequate protection from the harsh chemicals (like phthalates) it’s loaded with. That being said, I’m also not one for policing what people do with their bodies, so if you find yourself too attached to the gadget to toss it, using it won’t kill you.

That said, not everybody knows that sex toys can encourage bacteria growth which leads to infections, and even transmit certain STIs – regardless of whether they’re made of something porous or not.

P.S. if you’re in the habit of sharing porous sex toys (or the squishy toys that are usually designed with an elastomer, TPR/TPE, PVC, jelly, rubber, vinyl or Cyberskin) you should be doing so with a condom. Since they’re porous, they’re nearly impossible to completely disinfect. Which means if your toy has been exposed to harmful bacteria, there’s still a risk that you could become infected even after you scrubbed it down.

How to clean sex toys the right way

Step 1: Sanitizing

Woo-hoo, we made it to the good stuff! As I mentioned earlier in the piece, you can use a mild soap and hot water to clean most silicone, glass, stainless steel and wood accessories. But just dousing it in your choice of mild, fragrance-free soap and running it under water isn’t going to wash away bacteria, dust, lube or any other miscellaneous residues. The trick is to really lather up the soap before rinsing it off with hot water.

Our recommendations: 365 Everyday Value fragrance-free hand soap ($4.99 via Amazon) and Clearly Natural Essentials Unscented ($12.20 via Amazon) 

If your toy is designed with something super durable (like pyrex, silicone, stainless steel, or stone) you can just throw it in a pot with some boiling water and let it do its thing in there for a few minutes. This is probably your best bet at achieving a deep-clean, so if you’re sharing toys with a partner (or a few) this is my top recommended method to disinfect them.

I already know what you’re thinking: “Does this mean I can wash my sex toys in the dishwasher?” The quick answer: some yes, others no. Remember that scene from Broad City when Abby put her neighbor’s strap-on in the dishwasher and destroyed it? Well, that idea isn’t as far-fetched as you’d like it to be. Refer to the care instructions that came with your toy regarding heat and water temperature. But if you do choose to use the dishwasher, don’t load it with dish soap!

Additionally, it’s really important to note that not all sex gizmos can be immersed in water. Motorized devices (like ones with batteries or an attached cord) and other non-waterproof toys can never be submerged, ever. So save yourself the heartbreak of unintentionally slaying a cherished friend, and keep these toys out of the water while you clean them. You can do this by grabbing a clean, damp washcloth, soaping it up and wiping down the toy. Or you could just invest in one of the many sprays or cleaning wipes designed for this very situation.

Our recommendations:  HoneyDew’s Antibacterial toy cleaner ($8.95 via Amazon) LELO Antibacterial Cleaning Spray ($9.90 via LELO).

Looking to clean just acc-sexories like leather whips, leashes, and paddles? Easy! Just wipe ’em down with a 70% isopropyl alcohol solution and they’ll be as clean as the day you got them.

Step 2: Drying

Exactly like after you bathe yourself, your butt plugs and disembodied coochies need a clean towel to dry off with. And we emphasize the clean part because damp, used towels are a breeding ground for gross bacteria. And while leaving your toys out to air dry is ok for some, it’s detrimental for others. Why? Well, when left damp, hard to reach spaces, nooks, and crannies all serve as a welcome mat for rather unwelcome bacteria. Meaning all the cleaning you just did will be overcome with mold and mildew if not dried completely.

Our recommendations: BONDRE Microfiber face towels ($9.99, Amazon) 

Step 3: Storing

This step may surprise you – hell, you’re probably surprised it’s even a step. But as it turns out, storing your vibrator loose in your bedside drawer isn’t the greatest idea. Think about it: how often do you get in there and scrub that drawer? Probably never. So instead of just letting that bad boy freestyle in your nightstand, you can either keep it in its original packaging or get it its own robe.

Our recommendations: Blush Novelties Antibacterial Toy Bag ($8.99+, Amazon) and the lockable toy box by BMS ($26, Amazon) 

How often you should be washing your sex toys

And finally, the question we should all know the answer to: “How often do my dildos need to be sanitized?” Ideally, before AND after each use. But we know just how spur of the moment passion can be, so if you only wash your toys after you use them, you’ll probably live to see another orgasm.

Complete Article HERE!

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Are You Ready for a Sex Toy Revolution?

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By Hallie Lieberman & Maxine Lynn

For 16 years, purveyors of dildos and vibrators have seen their dreams crushed by lawsuits owing to a 2002 patent that covers the fundamental technology behind computer-controlled sex toys. The transgression? Launching their products after the patent went into effect.

Patents have long encouraged creativity by protecting ideas and research from theft and supporting those who spend years developing genuinely novel technologies and designs. Sex too inspires creativity — from positions and styles to external devices — to enhance the experience or to avoid pregnancy. The so-called teledildonics patent, however, has been leaving brilliant inventors frustrated, and all that is about to end. On Aug. 17, the patent will expire, freeing innovative firms to unleash new toys to the market.

Originally obtained by Warren Sandvick and two others in 2002, the patent has twice changed hands. Tzu Technologies, the patent’s current holder, has repeatedly sued or threatened to sue firms that have created technologies ranging from open-source vibrators to remote hand-held devices. Many companies, unable to negotiate license terms (i.e., permission to use the tech covered by the patent), withdrew their plans under financial pressure. Tzu Technologies’ lawyers did not respond to requests for comment.

But with the patent expiring later this month, teledildonics innovators are preparing to bounce back. Soon, London-based MysteryVibe will release an internet-enabled men’s vibrator that doubles as a partner toy. Virtual-reality companies are developing new devices and games as the VR porn space increases in popularity. FookVR is creating a headset that connects vibrating penis sleeves with vibrators and also syncs to the movements of avatars on a screen. And Intimuse, a California-based startup, has developed haptic technologies that re-create the sensation of touch with devices that simulate a penis or a vagina. For years, the company has been designing around the teledildonics patent, says John McCoy, CEO of Intimuse. But not anymore.

These companies also no longer need to worry about the risks two Georgia Tech students faced when, in 2015, they created the Mod, an open-source vibrator that could sync with a partner’s heartbeat, be controlled by a banana or operated with a nipple piercing. Threatened with a lawsuit by Tzu, the students held back their plans. Fresh technologies won’t find themselves mired in courtroom battles that even established companies haven’t been able to avoid. In 2017, for example, Lelo, a Swedish-based company, was sued for its remote-controlled vibrator — as was Hong Kong–based SayberX for its masturbation sleeve.

“Tzu Technologies had a chilling effect on the industry,” says Kyle Machulis, who consulted with Comingle, the company that made the Mod.

The term “teledildonics” was coined 28 years ago by futurist Howard Rheingold to describe sex toys remotely controlled via computer. Today’s teledildonics come in different forms, such as a dildo controlled by an app or a sleeve-style device and a vibrator with the movements of one transmitted to the other — when the vibrator penetrates the vagina, the sleeve automatically squeezes the penis in response.

Patents typically allow creators of a unique and useful invention to protect it for 20 years. It’s a “give-and-take” deal — to encourage people to spend time and resources on the invention of new technologies, the government grants exclusive use to the inventor for a period of time via a patent. But because Tzu and the previous patent owners have had these powers while never manufacturing a sex toy themselves, they’re referred to as “patent trolls” by critics.

One way around the patent was for companies to license it from Tzu, as Dutch firm Kiiroo did, according to news reports. Some have carved out whole new portfolios of patents and patent applications — 67 in all for Intimuse — by working around Tzu’s patent. But that’s arduous and not everyone can afford it.

For small companies, the threat of an “international lawsuit looming over you” is debilitating, the creators of the Mod wrote on their website in February 2016. The costs of defending oneself could be more than a million dollars, they suggested. There was an era when grad students were designing sex toys, and Tzu Technologies put a halt to it, says Machulis, who has created his own open-source sex toy programming software and is a teledildonics blogger.

At least one company successfully fought a lawsuit from Tzu. Kickstarter, the mainstream crowdfunding platform, was sued in 2015 for hosting a crowdfund campaign for a teledildonic device. Kickstarter resisted, and the patent owner quickly capitulated. Many other lawsuits have been settled without the disclosure of terms.

Though most experts view patents as vital to protecting creativity, the expiration of the teledildonics patent may actually spark innovation within the sex toy industry, says David Parisi, an associate professor of emerging media at the College of Charleston. With the patent behind them, “they should be able to devote more resources” to designing innovative devices, he says, “free from the stress and financial drain of defending against overly broad claims of infringement.”

That won’t solve the myriad other challenges the industry continues to face. Just this past May, sex toy–maker and retailer Unbound had to battle New York City’s MTA to be allowed to advertise its products in the subway, even though erectile dysfunction products were already plastered throughout the city’s subway trains. Parisi says the “ongoing stigmatization” of sex tech leaves him suspicious that “we’re on the cusp of some great mainstreaming of teledildonics.” And Machulis worries that other sex-tech patents could replace the challenges the teledildonics patent posed for innovators.

Whether or not Machulis and Parisi are right, the teledildonics patent’s expiration signals a new beginning. Machulis is planning a party to celebrate, and he won’t be alone — the race will once again be on to create the best possible orgasmic experience.

Complete Article HERE!

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From stone dildos to sexbots: how technology is changing sex

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A worker paints make-up on the faces of sex dolls in a factory in China.

By

As the TV series Westworld wraps up its second season, the show continues to spark discussion about a potential future that involves lifelike sex robots.

Meanwhile, Australia’s largest adult sexuality and lifestyle expo, SEXPO, is making its way around the country with the theme “Feel the Future” – a nod to all things sex and tech.

But while more lifelike sex dolls are beginning to hit the market, they aren’t the only innovations on the horizon.

What’s next for sex?

The use of technology to enhance sexual pleasure is ancient.

A stone dildo discovered by researchers in a German cave dates back 28,000 years. And sculptures with strong erotic imagery from more than 35,000BC are thought by some scientists to be an early form of pornography.

The main technologies that are likely to be important for developments in sex over the next few years are:

  • Increasing miniaturisation of motors and batteries for stimulation and to simulate human movement,
  • improved touch-based (haptic) interfaces,
  • virtual reality and brain computer interaction,
  • materials development, such as skin that stretches, and
  • artificial intelligence for control and response.

Sex aids

Sex aids for solo or coupled sex remain extremely popular. More natural skin-like covers, ranges of movement, battery life and wireless control are major areas of innovation.

Devices such as the We-Vibe have gone mainstream, and are now sold by Amazon.

But, as with many technologies, hi-tech sex aids have their downsides. The manufacturer of We-Vibe recently settled a class-action law suit following allegations the company breached users privacy by remotely tracking use of the device.

Teledildonics

New technologies can facilitate sex with a partner who is present, a partner who is distant, as well as solo activity. These aspects merge in the field of teledildonics, which involves partners getting together without being together.

Teledildonics is an extension of web-cam or phone sex. Remotely controlled sex toys can be used to facilitate pleasuring a partner when they are not there.

We may see apps like Tinder and Grindr move in this direction, limiting perceived risks associated with physical contact. Sexy Vibes – an alternative to Tinder – already works by turning a phone into a vibrator.

Virtual reality

Since a lot of sexual pleasure is experienced in the brain, advances in virtual reality that make a simulated sexual encounter more realistic and engaging may be more important than anatomically accurate physical devices.

You might be familiar with online games where people change gender, appearance, and even species as they wish. Sex is already relatively common in games such as World of Warcraft, and there are a huge range of sex-games available.

Virtual reality could remove the need to have any link to the real world whatsoever.

Sexbots

Sexual robots that behave like humans are a staple of science fiction. Without going into the ethical questions surrounding their development – which have become the subject of activist campaigns – sexbots to the fictional standard are difficult to make and suffer from the “uncanny valley” effect effect. They are close to human, but noticeably different.

And once you have built a sexbot, you need some way of controlling its behaviour. A distant partner may be one approach, a pre-programmed “digital prostitute” may be another. It is possible to imagine a future where one could personalise a robot using 3D printing and a set of prebuilt responses to appear and act like a particular human being.

Alternatively, advances in machine learning could enable a sexbot to change its behaviour in response to the desires and actions of the user, constructing a completely artificial personality.

Voice interfaces, such as Amazon’s Alexa, are already reliable. Haptic interfaces could be used to stimulate behaviour, along with gesture recognition or even brain-computer interfaces.

It’s possible we may see a future where robots are considered more understanding than humans, encouraging people to share intimate details about themselves more readily.

A sexual response Turing test

The fully fledged sexbot that can be mistaken for a human is still beyond current technology.

Major barriers to this include duplicating the kind of human movement that depends on hundreds of muscles, the development of skin that can feel, and the creation of a nervous system that can respond to stimuli.

Even in ten years time, it is unlikely that the movement and appearance of people could be duplicated unless there is a breakthrough in artificial muscle design and biomimetic materials.

A sexbot that could pass a “sexual response Turing test” – much like Google’s Duplex is able to pass as a human caller – would be much easier to develop in a virtual world.

Beyond pleasure

Some new technologies may have benefits that go beyond just pleasure. These tools might be used to help people with concerned about genital function, appearance or type.

There are already a wide array of prosthetic penises and vaginas, often marketed for transgender people. Adding feeling to function – by using biomimetics and sensory feedback – may make them more acceptable than surgery for some people.

Sex and technology link in many different ways – whether its helps overcome a disability or separation from a loved one, or is simply be a way to increase pleasure and excitement. In the future, physical technologies may be complementary to virtual ones, and fantasy might trump realism in their design and use.

Complete Article HERE!

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The One Sex Toy You’re Afraid of for No Reason

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By Bianca Mendez

Cock rings are a super-fun toy and great for anyone with a penis—but they also come with some serious stigma despite how great they are. But sex toys in the bedroom are the norm nowadays, and a cock ring is just another option—and shouldn’t be any more shameful than using a vibrator or any other sex toy (which is to say, not at all).

So why use one?

The purpose of a cock ring is to prevent the backflow of the blood, which keeps the penis hard for longer than it otherwise would, says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—and How to Get It. When a penis isn’t aroused, the blood flows in and out easily. During an erection, the blood stays in the erectile tissue until the man ejaculates, and the blood flows freely again.

This means cock rings have been used as an aid for erectile dysfunction long before Viagra was a thing, but they can also help you enjoy yourself in the moment and remove stress about staying up.

Cock rings are a super-fun toy and great for anyone with a penis—but they also come with some serious stigma despite how great they are. But sex toys in the bedroom are the norm nowadays, and a cock ring is just another option—and shouldn’t be any more shameful than using a vibrator or any other sex toy (which is to say, not at all).

So why use one?

The purpose of a cock ring is to prevent the backflow of the blood, which keeps the penis hard for longer than it otherwise would, says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—and How to Get It. When a penis isn’t aroused, the blood flows in and out easily. During an erection, the blood stays in the erectile tissue until the man ejaculates, and the blood flows freely again.

This means cock rings have been used as an aid for erectile dysfunction long before Viagra was a thing, but they can also help you enjoy yourself in the moment and remove stress about staying up.

“When used recreationally, many men report that it makes their penis more sensitive and that when they finally do ejaculate, the sensation is more intense,” Mintz says. “It also makes erections last longer, which many men like not just for the longer erection itself, but also for the psychological bonus of not worrying about losing one’s erection or lasting ‘long enough.'”

Plus, some of them vibrate…

Vibrating cock rings can offer clitoral stimulation, which makes them great for a partner, whether you’re using them on a penis or a strap-on—talk about a win/win. But for a sex toy that pretty much acts as a mini-vibe, the stigma surrounding them can make people feel reluctant to try them out. But why are folks so intimidated by this harmless-looking sex toy?

“There is so much pressure on men to last long and thrust hard to be a ‘real man,'” Mintz says. “Anything associated with making this happen is fraught with pressure.”

The way to break the stigma is to shift the mindset.

Sexual pleasure comes from a lot more than plain ol’ P-in-V action, Mintz says, noting that there are many alternative methods to get intimate. Just think of a cock ring as another fun way to experiment with your sex life.

If you’re curious about trying one with your partner, have an honest, open discussion and explain why you think it’d be fun to try it, suggests Mintz. Keep in mind, however, that sex is a two-way street—if your partner isn’t into the idea of using a cock ring, don’t force it.

What kind should you go for?

Like all sex toys on the market, cock rings come in different shapes, colors, and sizes, and are made in a variety of materials, including glass, metal, and silicone. If you’re trying one for the first time, Mintz suggests using a silicone cock ring that’s stretchy and easily adjustable.

To use the cock ring, you’ll want to place it on a semi-hard penis and position it at the base. Make sure it feels snug, but not to the point where it’s pinching. Remove it immediately once you finish.

What not to do…

Mintz says that if used correctly, cock rings are a safe toy, but in very rare cases, they can damage the erectile tissue of the penis. Using it too long will cause the blood to coagulate and give you an erection for a long time, Mintz says.

Basically, as with any new sex trick, you should take precaution. “The general recommendation is to use it for no longer than 30 minutes and to remove immediately if your penis begins to swell a great deal, hurts, feels numb, or feels hot or cold,” Mintz says. Also, never wear a cock ring while you sleep or use one under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

Complete Article HERE!

CHECK OUT DR DICK’S VERY OWN:  COCKRING CRASH COURSE

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A Giant Industrial Size Vibe

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. Today we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort, the UK company responsible for DOXY, the wand massager.

Today’s product is reviewed by two of the Dr Dick Review Crew veterans, Kevin & Gina.

Doxy Wand Massager—— $99.99

Kevin & Gina
Gina: “We didn’t actually expect to be reviewing the Doxy Wand Massager. Originally our Review Crew colleague, Jada, was scheduled to review it. But shortly after she got it home she realized that the Doxy wasn’t for her. She found it too huge and heavy.”
Kevin: “Yeah, Jada is this sweet and spunky yet slight of build senior woman. The idea that she would be able to handle the Doxy, which is a giant industrial sized vibe, made me chuckle.”
Gina: “I know, huh? I mean, even I rolled my eyes a bit when I saw the size of the package. Holy cow, this thing is huge! It’s clearly designed for those among us who need to kick-start their vibrator.”
Kevin: “That’s funny! Did you just come up with that? You’re such a card.”
Gina: “I know, huh? I’m a laugh a minute.”
Kevin: “Before Gina tells you about the vibe itself I want to comment on the packaging. The Doxy comes in a slipcovered box that features a life-sized image of Doxy. That means the outer sleeve and box is a whopping 19” long. The Doxy is clearly being marketed as a massager as opposed to a personal vibe. But I suppose one could say that about any of the vast array of wand massagers out there.”
Gina: “That’s a good point. I have two other wand massagers and none of them are particularly subtle or discreet. Here are some of the highlights of the Doxy itself. It’s a plug-in massager; so it’s not waterproof. It has 3 large and easy to operate buttons. One turns it on and puts it into the pulsing mode and the other two raise and lower the intensity. When turning on the Doxy it is already at about 1/2 power so if you need less vibration you need to turn it down. And if you need more, you turn it up. It’s all pretty straight forward.”

Kevin: “I really like wand massagers because of the power they bring to bear. This kind of vibrator is first and foremost designed to tackle sore and aching muscles. And I have plenty of those. Ten minutes with the Doxy on my shoulders and neck can make me melt.”
Gina: “I hear ya. But for me, a wand type of vibrator will deliver intense, rumbly, knee-buckling, body-shaking orgasms in record time. Wand vibes are my go-to vibrator when all my other vibes aren’t strong enough to get the job done; if ya know what I mean.”
Kevin: “So ok, it’s powerful alright. What else does it have going for it? It features an extra long cord, which is always a good thing because an outlet isn’t always near-to-hand. The bulbous head of the Doxy is made of PVC (Polyvinyl chloride, a synthetic plastic polymer). This came as a huge surprise to me. What, they couldn’t afford silicone? Then I read, on their website, “The soft head covering is made from a hypoallergenic non-porous PVC that is free from latex or undesirable phthalates.” This calmed me down somewhat till I read elsewhere on the net that even phthalate-free PVC still isn’t a safe plastic because of the other harmful chemicals often used during production. So you see my conflict, even though the Doxy is designed for external use only.”
Gina: “Remember what else their website said? They offer a special edition of the Doxy Massager, with a body made from a polished aluminum/titanium alloy. And get this; this one’s head is covered in pure easy to clean high quality silicone. So now I know why did they didn’t go the distance and make the head of the unit we have from a more body-safe material, like silicone. Luckily, the silicone attachments that I bought for my other wand massagers fit this head too. So I find myself using attachments when I’m pleasuring myself because they are so easy to clean and sanitize.”
Kevin: “On the plus side: The Doxy is very strong, but heavy, with more speeds and patterns than most other wand massagers. It’s easy to use and never loses its charge. It also comes in pink, purple, black and white. We have the white one.”

Gina: “For some reason there is a huge disparity in the cost of the Doxy. We looked around the web and saw it for as much as $140 and as little as $99. I don’t know why that is.  The special edition Doxy is closer to $200. So I encourage you to shop around if you plan to buy.”
Kevin: “I only used the Doxy as a massager and I only used it once. Gina has appropriated it for her own, more intimate use.”

Full Review HERE!

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Is It Safe to Use Coconut Oil as Lube? Ob-Gyns Explain

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Slick and natural, coconut oil is becoming a go-to sexual lubricant. Here’s what you need to know before you try it.

By Isadora Baum

[C]oconut oil makes for a solid cooking oil, facial moisturizer, and makeup remover. But this popular oil is earning a rep for a totally different reason: as a sexual lubricant. Coconut oil lube can supposedly enhance sensation, help couples last longer, and make sex feel more pleasurable overall.

On one hand, it makes sense to bring coconut oil into the bedroom. It’s slick and slippery, and the fact that it’s a natural product is very appealing. But is coconut oil a safe lubricant for your vagina, and are there any drawbacks? Before pouring some in your hand and hitting the sheets, read up on the facts, explained to us by women’s health specialists.

Is coconut oil safe?

On the whole, yes. “Coconut oil is a natural, preservative-free, and cost-friendly lubricant,” Sherry Ross, MD, a women’s health physician in Santa Monica, California, and author of She-ology, tells Health. Other doctors we spoke to endorsed it as safe as well and explained a bit more about how it is made.

“Coconut oil is edible oil extracted from the meat of mature coconuts [and] has many good qualities: it is very moisturizing and it has natural antimicrobial and antifungal properties,” Nita Landry, MD, an ob-gyn in Los Angeles and physician on the television show The Doctors, tells Health.

Benefits of using coconut oil as lube

As Dr. Landry says, coconut oil is moisturizing. That’s something Florida-based ob-gyn Jennifer Landa, MD, chief medical officer at BodyLogicMD, previously pointed out to Health. “One of my favorite natural lubricants is extra virgin coconut oil,” she said. “It is moisturizing and lubricating and doesn’t ball up like a lot of lubes you can buy.”

Coconut oil’s consistency is also a draw. Dr. Ross says that lt’s thicker and longer-lasting compared to silicone- and water-based artificial lubricants. At the same time, it won’t get clumpy, as other lubricants can, she says.

Any natural, plant-based oil can be used safely as a lubricant, yet “some of these oil-based lubes can be messier, harder to wash off, and stain clothing and sheets,” Dr. Ross believes, adding that coconut oil is less messy than, say, olive oil. (Olive oil was the sexual lubricant of choice for ancient Greeks and Romans, she says.)

Downsides of using coconut oil as lube

First, and this is important, coconut oil lube shouldn’t be used with latex condoms. Like all oil-based lubricants artificial or natural, the oil in coconut oil can potentially degrade the latex in your partner’s condom—possibly putting you at risk of a sexually transmitted infection or pregnancy.

“Coconut oil cannot be used with latex condoms because it can break down the latex and cause the condom to break,” states Dr. Landry. Only water- and silicone-based lubricants can be used with latex condoms without risking breakage, she says. The only time it’s okay to use coconut oil with a condom is if the condom is made from polyurethane, clarifies Dr. Ross, which won’t degrade.

Coconut oil as a lubricant isn’t necessarily a good idea if you’re prone to vaginal infections, such as yeast infections. It’s not exactly clear why some women are more infection prone, but if you are, you may want to play it safe. “Because coconut oil is antibacterial and antifungal, it has the potential to disrupt the pH balance in your vagina and cause a yeast infection,” says Dr. Landry.

What kind of coconut oil should I use?

“Partially hydrogenated and refined coconut oil contain additives that can be irritating or even leave the skin dryer than before,” explains Dr. Landry. So “stick to virgin, unrefined coconut oil when it comes to lube as well as any other use. This oil is extracted from the fruit of fresh coconuts without using high temperatures or chemicals.”

Adds Dr. Ross: “You want to look for pure coconut oil that is natural, preservative-free, and does not contain any fragrances. Look at the ingredient list on the bottle to make sure the only item listed is coconut oil.”

Go easy on how much coconut oil you use during a sex session. While in general it makes for a safe motion lotion, too much is not necessarily a good thing for your vagina. “If you are going to try coconut oil lube, be sure to only use a small amount,” says Dr. Landry. “An excess buildup of oil in the vagina can be a breeding ground for unwanted bacteria or yeast.” Definitely not something you want to happen after a slippery, super pleasurable roll in the hay.

Complete Article HERE!

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