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Pump It Up

Name: Celia
Gender: female
Age: 22
Location: Chico
I think my clit is too small. I rarely have an orgasm through oral stimulation and never through intercourse. Is there anything I could do to make my clit bigger? Do they make “penis pumps” for women?

I never did hear of a too small of a clit, darlin’. Listen, there’s way more to your clitoris than what meets the eye. While it is clitoral anatomytrue that those adorable little pleasure buttons come in a wide variety of sizes, shapes, and colors. What is externally visible is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Wanna know more? Use the Google, why don’t cha? Search for “clitoral anatomy.” You’ll be amazed at what you find. Did you know that your clit has a hood, head, and a shaft? The whole complex looks like this winged alien creature. And did you know that your clit’s only purpose is pleasure. Men don’t have anything that even faintly resembles this astonishing thing. And the head of your clit has 8,000 nerve endings? That’s double what a guy has in his much larger dickhead. Pretty gal-darn amazing, huh? So to my mind, clitoral size is not an issue.

During sexual arousal your clit, as well as your whole pussy, engorge with blood and change color, just like a guy’s cock does. The more the engorgement, the more sensitive the area becomes, just like for a guy. Thus, the more aroused you are; the more pleasure you will receive, just like a guy. clitProblem is, few women are afforded the time necessary to become fully aroused. Imagine if a guy was expected to perform sexually before he was fully aroused. He’d be trying to fuck with a limp dick. And you know how successful an event that would be.

Conquering a limp dick is precisely the genesis of the fabled penis pump you mention in your question. The Austrian inventor Otto Ledever reasoned that if a stiffy was all about blood flow then maybe he could come up with a device that would draw blood into a cock creating an erection where there wasn’t one before. In 1917, our hero patented an airtight cylinder topped by a bulb that created a vacuum within the chamber. Insert a limp dick — pump, pump, pump and tada! — An impressive erection resulted.

Well then, since girl parts are pretty much like boy parts, at least in terms of the whole blood flow thing; the same principle will indeed work for your parts, Celia, just as well as it would work for a dude’s parts. Which gets me to my answer to your question. Yes, my dear, there are “penis pumps” for women only they are called a Clitoral Suction Cylinder or a Vagina Suction Cylinder.

The purpose of the suction is to increase blood flow making your clit, and/or your whole pussy, more sensitive to the touch. And again, my point from above, the more sensitivity in the area, the more pleasure you will have from your own touch or that of a partner.

I invite you to visit Dr Dick’s Stockroom and take a look around.  You’ll see, in the left hand sidebar, a list of product categories. Under the main heading, Sex Toys, there is a subcategory titled, “Suction.”  Click on it. There you will find two more headings, one of which is “Nipple And Body.”  Click on it. There you will find loads of things that will make your clit sit up and take notice. Here’s a tip, most all the nipple suction devices will also work on your clit. And if you want to pump up your whole pussy, you can do that too. How fun!

Clitoral Suction Cylinder  Clitoral enlargement system

Now if you want to be all primed, so to speak, for an upcoming fuck fest with the BF, or whomever, do your pumping before the event begins. This will get you all engorged, sensitive and loaded for pleasure before your partner joins in the fun. In fact, if you get the hang of the whole pumping thing on your own first, you’ll be able to show your partner the ropes, as it were; so that he or she will be able to incorporate the pump-job into the sex play next time you’re together.

Good luck

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Down To Clown

Name: Daniel
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Chicago
One of my good friends and I had sex. This would not be so strange if it weren’t for the fact that he was both identifying as straight AND homophobic. Even stranger, he initiated everything from the kissing to the blowjobs, and I have to say, he was damn good at keeping teeth out of the equation. But he won’t date me, and even after the second time we had sex, he refuses because I’m too good a friend and that he doesn’t see me like that. He claims not to be attracted to me, and I think that’s bull. Nobody held a gun to his head and said, “Have gay sex now!” Even worse, he wants to bang one of our mutual friends who happens to be female, so his good friend comment is worth shit. I’m for the most part over him, but it still feels like a slap in the face. Any advice?

crazier than yourselfWhat we have here, Daniel, is a dude with a huge rift between his sexual practices and his self-perception; between his secret eroticism and what he thinks others know about him. Needless to say this is a very dangerous psychological dilemma for him or anyone like him. It’s no wonder he identifies as homophobic, pup, because indeed he is. At least he knows himself that well.

If you haven’t discovered this already, lots of homophobes indulge in the very thing that disgusts them. That’s why is so easy to see through all the bluster that these conflicted individuals make. You see, it’s like a smoke screen. They spew a lot of hate in an effort to disguise their lust. It’s one of those; “me thinks you doth protest too much” sorta deals.don't mind straight people

You also rightly point out the falsehood of the whole “too good a friend” argument that he uses to avoid dating you. As you probably can guess his hesitation to “date” you has absolutely nothing to do with friendship. He loathes himself for what he finds inside himself. And while he may dabble in the very thing he hates in private; he sure as hell doesn’t want to parade his shame around by publicly dating you — an out and, I assume, proud gay man. Right?

Oh, and that, “for the most part, I’m over him” statement is, I assume you know, gay-speak for “still carrying a big old messy torch for the fucked up monkey.”

peek-a-booFinally this incident oughta feel like a slap in the face. Ya know why? Because it was a slap in the face, darling. And you know what slaps in the face are supposed to do for us? That’s right, they’re supposed to wake us the fuck up. And they’re supposed to sting like hell afterward. This painful aftermath is intended to ward us away from getting to close to that particular stimulus ever again. Think of it like baby learning to avoid the stove after burning his had touching a hot burner.

So, ditch this dude, pup. If ya don’t, you can look forward to a whole lot more slaps in the face.

Good luck

Shall we dance?

Hello sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday! Today we welcome back one of our favorite toy manufacturers — We-Vibe. As you probably recall, we’ve reviewed two incarnations of their fabulous award-winning flagship vibe for couples. You can find our reviews HERE and HERE!

Today we have one of their new solo toys. So let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew member, Denise, of Ken and Denise to see what she has for us.

We-Vibe Tango —— $79.99

Denise
Hello everyone! I’m flying solo today because I have the pleasure of introducing you to one of the new solo product from one of the adult product industry’s most lauded innovators, We-Vibe.contents

This little beauty is called Tango. It belongs to a class of personal vibrators called lipstick vibes. These little vibes have been a mainstay in the industry for many years. Women like them because they are discreet, can be taken anywhere, and they look like…wait for it…a lipstick.

In the past this class of vibes has been cheap, toss-away, and battery operated novelties that couldn’t deliver much in terms of long-lasting stimulation. We-Vibe changes all that. The Tango is rechargeable, built to last and it is definitely not inexpensive. And because Tango doesn’t rely on batteries that run down, the stimulation it delivers is both powerful and consistent.

We-Vibe TangoThe Tango is made of hard plastic, and comes in two vibrant colors. There’s no silicone skin to mute the vibrations. Now, as much as I like silicone, and I do like silicone a lot, it cushions and thus mutes the vibrations instead of enhancing them. And that’s just not going to work for a lipstick vibe whose whole purpose is to deliver maximum pinpoint clitoral stimulation.

Tango features a beveled edge, just like…wait for it…a lipstick. The tip delivers intense vibrations with pinpoint accuracy, and the flat surface is perfect for everything else.

It features eight vibration modes yet it’s super quiet. Actually, it rumbles more than it vibrates, which is a delicious sensation. But the thing is, the whole Tango vibrates or rumbles. And while that sounds like a good thing at first, I found that using it for an entire masturbation session left my fingers numb. Fortunately, I discovered a handy work-around. When my fingers begin to tingle, I place the Tango in my panties, this keeps it in place and frees up my hands to stroke and pinch my nipples. I can also hump a pillow this way, which is my own a very satisfying way to masturbate. By the way, that’s how I discovered masturbation as a young girl.

I love the fact that it is waterproof. I’m always up for a vibe I can use in the bath.tango_hand_1

The promotional materials for the Tango state that a charge lasts two hours. That’s not my experience. The first couple of times I used mine I got about an hour of vibration. Now it’s down to about 45 minutes. It takes another 90 minutes to fully recharge. After reading other online reviews I found out that this isn’t uncommon; there’s some problem with the internal battery keeping a charge. Some reviewers even reported that their Tango simply up and died one day. Gosh, I hope that doesn’t happen to mine.

I’m also not crazy about a one-button control, but that’s just me. I found the magnetic charging base to be pretty fussy too. Am I just being picky? Maybe. But I think I have that right considering the Tango’s price tag.

I love the packaging; it’s completely recyclable. The Tango also comes with a handy drawstring storage bag.

Because it’s both waterproof and made of non-porous and body-safe PC-ABS thermoplastic cleanup is a snap. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry.
Complete Article HERE!

ENJOY

Finger Your Hole For Your Health

Name: Gordon
Gender: male
Age: 67
Location: Florida
I guess I have more of a comment than a question. I’m 67, a widower and have been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. I never was very adventuresome when it came to sex. In fact before my wife died two years ago I never had sex with any other woman. I never gave prostate cancer a thought, never gave my prostate a thought either. Now I’m mad as hell that I didn’t. You see when I started to go to a prostate cancer support group I discovered I could have monitored myself better with a simple self-examination. Why don’t doctors tell us about this? Women are supposed to examine their breasts why don’t men examine their prostate? It’s so easy actually and yet it’s this big secret. Why don’t people talk about this? It makes me so mad because it could have made a big difference in my own life. Do you know about this self-examination Dr Dick? If you do why don’t you tell other people about this? I think it would help a lot if you could get the word out on this. Now that’s all I have to say. Thank you.

No, thank you Gordon. Thank you for sharing your concern with me…with us.

I’ve been an active proponent of prostate self-exam for many years. Let me explain. My career as a therapist began in San Francisco in 1981. As you may recall, that was precisely the same year a mysterious new disease began showing up among gay men. Back then it was being called gay cancer, but soon it would have another name — HIV/AIDS.

give prostate cancer the fingerNot surprisingly, my private practice focused down almost exclusively to working with sick and dying people. Luckily, I discovered that I was well suited for the job and I liked it very much. So much so that in the mid-90’s I founded a nonprofit organization called, PARADIGM, Enhancing Life Near Death. It was an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. This was brilliant cutting-edge work and I learned so much from the people I was working with. One of the things that struck me most was that regardless of the disease — cancer, HIV, MS, you name it, or aging process for that matter — there was always a woeful lack of information about regaining a sense of sexual-self post diagnosis, or sexual wellbeing for seniors in general.

This was such an important topic for me that I decided to include a chapter on sex and intimacy concerns for sick, elder, and dying people in my book, The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying.  I am proud to say that it is one of the only resources of its kind available in print.

I recall one PARADIGM group in particular, there was a man much, like you, Gordon, who had fingering his assprostate cancer. And, like you, he was mad as hell with the indifference of the medical industry toward prostate self-exam. One day during a group session, John was railing against his doctors and cancer associations for their lack of interest in promoting prostate self-awareness. He pointed to the success of the cultural campaign to get women to do breast self-exams. Like you, Gordon, he couldn’t understand why there wasn’t a similar campaign for men.

Another group member, Marie, a senior woman in her 70’s and a breast cancer survivor, helped put things in perspective. She reminded us that breast self-awareness in our culture is a relatively new phenomenon. Her mother, aunt, sister, and a niece all died of breast cancer before the self-exam campaign began in earnest. Clare went on to say that it was only through the hard work of individuals and grassroots organizations that actively campaigned for breast self-exams that things began to change. Eventually, this movement changed the cultural mindset. Clare said that it was these individuals and grassroots organizations that helped all of us — medical industry, the cancer lobby and women in general — overcome the denial, shame and embarrassment that was associated with women touching themselves, even to save their lives.

prostate examThis is an indication of just how ingrained the sex-negativity and body-negativity runs in this culture.

I continued to work with sick and dying people here in Seattle. I had a brief gig at a local cancer center where I developed an NIH (National Institute of Health) funded program for women newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was also working with a group of women with breast cancer and another group of men with prostate cancer. Again I realized that just about every therapeutic intervention I encountered — government funded or foundation funded — was woefully lacking in any clear and unambiguous information about sexual health and wellbeing and intimacy issues.

To remedy this, I began planning a video series for people experiencing life threatening and/or disfiguring illnesses. Videos that would help them address reintegrating sex and intimacy post diagnosis. One of the first videos was going to be Public Service Announcement showing men how to do a prostate self-exam. By the way, this particular film was to be dedicated to my friend John, the guy I mentioned earlier. He died shortly after the PARADIGM group he was in ended. But he died self-aware. He was militant to the end about the pressing need for prostate awareness among men.

Once again the stumbling block I encountered was funding. My grant writing efforts turned up nothing. I did get a whole lot of, “what a fine idea, Richard. Good luck with that…” brush-off letters though. No foundation would be caught dead funding sexually overt pattern films, even ones with the laudable intent of assisting people with the very information they needed most.

I’m sorry to have been so long-winded in my reply, Gordon. I just wanted you to know that many have preceded you with outrage at the conspiracy of silence regarding prostate self-exam. Let’s face it; our society is so ass-phobic that we’d rather see men die than offer them simple instructions how to finger their butt, find their prostate and keep tabs on their prostate health.

If we want this to change we all need to speak out…as well as stick a finger in our ass.

Keep up the fight, Gordon! And please, stay in touch.

Good luck

We’ve Only Just Begun…

Name: Donna
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: Salt Lake City.
I’m turning to you for help, because I don’t have anyone else to ask. My boyfriend, who is 19, and I are very much in love. We plan to marry next year. But we both want to start having sex now. We are both virgins and we think we need help overcoming the natural obstacles, if you know what I mean.

Gee, I’m not sure I know what you mean by natural obstacles. Are you talking about physical things? Emotional things? Maybe you just need a little tutorial on how to get started. I’ll try to at least touch upon all these things, but first I want to thank you for entrusting me with your concerns. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t have others in your community to approach. I guess that says a lot about the family values and community standards where you live.

teen_sexuality.jpgI have lots to say about beginning a sexual life with another person. Curiously enough the information I am about to share is applicable to both women and men and it applies to any and all sexual orientations. That’s the beautiful part of human sexuality. There is so much common ground. In fact, there is way more that we have in common than what separates us.

Ok, so here goes. Be yourselves. Let your natural feeling of affection for one another lead you. Always use a condom (This applies to penis/vagina and/or anal sex.) Be gentle; be curious; seek your partner’s pleasure before your own; and most importantly, have a sense of humor about the whole damned thing.

Just about everyone who is sexually inexperienced will also lack sexual confidence. It can be nerve-wracking not being sure what to do to satisfy your partner. Sometimes this nervousness is contagious. Your anxiety can make your partner anxious. The surefire way to get around this is to not pretend you know what the fuck you’re doing, if ya don’t. The best way to find out what to do is to ask your partner what he/she likes and how she/he likes it. If they don’t know or can’t tell you, then you can find out together with some sex play. And I do mean play, not work.1sexual_response_cycle_male

This is where our natural sexual curiosity comes in. And we all have that to one degree or another. Sexual confidence comes from knowing. Curiosity will bring you knowledge.

There will be no room for curiosity if the only thing on your mind is the old in an out. That’s why I suggest you put off full-on fucking till you get the lay of the land, so to speak. Besides, there are lots and lots of ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve intercourse.

Like I said, sexual confidence comes with understanding the mysteries of our sexual response cycle. Each one of us is different and the differences are most pronounced between the sexes. If you haven’t discovered at least the fundamentals of your own response cycle through masturbation; then you’re really not really ready to gift yourself to another person just yet.

female sexual response cycleYa see, the more you know about your body; how it works; where your pleasure centers are; the kind of stimulation you need and want to come to full arousal; the more information you’ll have to pass on to your partner. Even if your partner is more experienced than you, he/she will still need to get to know the intricacies of your individual response cycle.

Sexual confidence stems from being able to please your partner. When you know what you are doing you project an air of self-assurance. This is not the same thing as cockiness, mind you, although that might be a very fun attribute to have too.

The best lovers look to pleasure their partners before they expect to be pleasured. Delaying your own pleasure, particularly if you’re a guy, so that you can provide multiple orgasms to your partner will reap great pleasurable rewards for you when it’s your turn. Besides, giving pleasure is often as pleasurable as being pleasured.

Sexual confidence translates into sexual assertiveness. Each partner should take equal responsibility for initiating sex. Trust me, this is not merely a man’s role. And sexual assertiveness translates into sexual creativity. If you’re timid about trying new things, you’re gonna short-circuit a whole lot of pleasure.black teens

Learn to ask for what you want and how you want it. Communication is key to a healthy and vibrant sex life. Never underestimate the your partner’s ability to develop and grow sexually. Check in with your partner on a regular basis. Don’t assume you know what turns him/her on today, just because it turned her/his crank the other day.

Feelings of sexual inadequacy, discomfort with your body, anxiety about your skills will destroy your sex life. If you are plagued with any of these things get help with them before your bring them to a sexual partnership.

sexual confidenceSexual confidence comes down to knowing yourself and being able to communicate your likes and wants to your partner. If you’re simply gonna be passive about your pleasure, you’ll wind up getting only what is dished out to you. And for many women, that is woefully insufficient. Don’t expect your partner to know any more about pleasuring you than you do, even if she/he has had more partners then you.

Allow yourselves the time or space you need to feed your intimacy needs. If you expect to discover sexuality with your partner in the backseat of a car, you’re gonna cum up short. Passion and spontaneity is great, but what I’m talking about is different from that. Think of it as learning to walk before you run.

Being a terrific lover is dependent on know-how. Skill comes through practice. So practice, practice, practice! Keep it fun. When it stops being play and starts being work, put it aside for another day.

Good luck

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