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Finger Your Hole For Your Health

Name: Gordon
Gender: male
Age: 67
Location: Florida
I guess I have more of a comment than a question. I’m 67, a widower and have been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. I never was very adventuresome when it came to sex. In fact before my wife died two years ago I never had sex with any other woman. I never gave prostate cancer a thought, never gave my prostate a thought either. Now I’m mad as hell that I didn’t. You see when I started to go to a prostate cancer support group I discovered I could have monitored myself better with a simple self-examination. Why don’t doctors tell us about this? Women are supposed to examine their breasts why don’t men examine their prostate? It’s so easy actually and yet it’s this big secret. Why don’t people talk about this? It makes me so mad because it could have made a big difference in my own life. Do you know about this self-examination Dr Dick? If you do why don’t you tell other people about this? I think it would help a lot if you could get the word out on this. Now that’s all I have to say. Thank you.

No, thank you Gordon. Thank you for sharing your concern with me…with us.

I’ve been an active proponent of prostate self-exam for many years. Let me explain. My career as a therapist began in San Francisco in 1981. As you may recall, that was precisely the same year a mysterious new disease began showing up among gay men. Back then it was being called gay cancer, but soon it would have another name — HIV/AIDS.

give prostate cancer the fingerNot surprisingly, my private practice focused down almost exclusively to working with sick and dying people. Luckily, I discovered that I was well suited for the job and I liked it very much. So much so that in the mid-90’s I founded a nonprofit organization called, PARADIGM, Enhancing Life Near Death. It was an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. This was brilliant cutting-edge work and I learned so much from the people I was working with. One of the things that struck me most was that regardless of the disease — cancer, HIV, MS, you name it, or aging process for that matter — there was always a woeful lack of information about regaining a sense of sexual-self post diagnosis, or sexual wellbeing for seniors in general.

This was such an important topic for me that I decided to include a chapter on sex and intimacy concerns for sick, elder, and dying people in my book, The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying.  I am proud to say that it is one of the only resources of its kind available in print.

I recall one PARADIGM group in particular, there was a man much, like you, Gordon, who had fingering his assprostate cancer. And, like you, he was mad as hell with the indifference of the medical industry toward prostate self-exam. One day during a group session, John was railing against his doctors and cancer associations for their lack of interest in promoting prostate self-awareness. He pointed to the success of the cultural campaign to get women to do breast self-exams. Like you, Gordon, he couldn’t understand why there wasn’t a similar campaign for men.

Another group member, Marie, a senior woman in her 70’s and a breast cancer survivor, helped put things in perspective. She reminded us that breast self-awareness in our culture is a relatively new phenomenon. Her mother, aunt, sister, and a niece all died of breast cancer before the self-exam campaign began in earnest. Clare went on to say that it was only through the hard work of individuals and grassroots organizations that actively campaigned for breast self-exams that things began to change. Eventually, this movement changed the cultural mindset. Clare said that it was these individuals and grassroots organizations that helped all of us — medical industry, the cancer lobby and women in general — overcome the denial, shame and embarrassment that was associated with women touching themselves, even to save their lives.

prostate examThis is an indication of just how ingrained the sex-negativity and body-negativity runs in this culture.

I continued to work with sick and dying people here in Seattle. I had a brief gig at a local cancer center where I developed an NIH (National Institute of Health) funded program for women newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was also working with a group of women with breast cancer and another group of men with prostate cancer. Again I realized that just about every therapeutic intervention I encountered — government funded or foundation funded — was woefully lacking in any clear and unambiguous information about sexual health and wellbeing and intimacy issues.

To remedy this, I began planning a video series for people experiencing life threatening and/or disfiguring illnesses. Videos that would help them address reintegrating sex and intimacy post diagnosis. One of the first videos was going to be Public Service Announcement showing men how to do a prostate self-exam. By the way, this particular film was to be dedicated to my friend John, the guy I mentioned earlier. He died shortly after the PARADIGM group he was in ended. But he died self-aware. He was militant to the end about the pressing need for prostate awareness among men.

Once again the stumbling block I encountered was funding. My grant writing efforts turned up nothing. I did get a whole lot of, “what a fine idea, Richard. Good luck with that…” brush-off letters though. No foundation would be caught dead funding sexually overt pattern films, even ones with the laudable intent of assisting people with the very information they needed most.

I’m sorry to have been so long-winded in my reply, Gordon. I just wanted you to know that many have preceded you with outrage at the conspiracy of silence regarding prostate self-exam. Let’s face it; our society is so ass-phobic that we’d rather see men die than offer them simple instructions how to finger their butt, find their prostate and keep tabs on their prostate health.

If we want this to change we all need to speak out…as well as stick a finger in our ass.

Keep up the fight, Gordon! And please, stay in touch.

Good luck

We’ve Only Just Begun…

Name: Donna
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: Salt Lake City.
I’m turning to you for help, because I don’t have anyone else to ask. My boyfriend, who is 19, and I are very much in love. We plan to marry next year. But we both want to start having sex now. We are both virgins and we think we need help overcoming the natural obstacles, if you know what I mean.

Gee, I’m not sure I know what you mean by natural obstacles. Are you talking about physical things? Emotional things? Maybe you just need a little tutorial on how to get started. I’ll try to at least touch upon all these things, but first I want to thank you for entrusting me with your concerns. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t have others in your community to approach. I guess that says a lot about the family values and community standards where you live.

teen_sexuality.jpgI have lots to say about beginning a sexual life with another person. Curiously enough the information I am about to share is applicable to both women and men and it applies to any and all sexual orientations. That’s the beautiful part of human sexuality. There is so much common ground. In fact, there is way more that we have in common than what separates us.

Ok, so here goes. Be yourselves. Let your natural feeling of affection for one another lead you. Always use a condom (This applies to penis/vagina and/or anal sex.) Be gentle; be curious; seek your partner’s pleasure before your own; and most importantly, have a sense of humor about the whole damned thing.

Just about everyone who is sexually inexperienced will also lack sexual confidence. It can be nerve-wracking not being sure what to do to satisfy your partner. Sometimes this nervousness is contagious. Your anxiety can make your partner anxious. The surefire way to get around this is to not pretend you know what the fuck you’re doing, if ya don’t. The best way to find out what to do is to ask your partner what he/she likes and how she/he likes it. If they don’t know or can’t tell you, then you can find out together with some sex play. And I do mean play, not work.1sexual_response_cycle_male

This is where our natural sexual curiosity comes in. And we all have that to one degree or another. Sexual confidence comes from knowing. Curiosity will bring you knowledge.

There will be no room for curiosity if the only thing on your mind is the old in an out. That’s why I suggest you put off full-on fucking till you get the lay of the land, so to speak. Besides, there are lots and lots of ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve intercourse.

Like I said, sexual confidence comes with understanding the mysteries of our sexual response cycle. Each one of us is different and the differences are most pronounced between the sexes. If you haven’t discovered at least the fundamentals of your own response cycle through masturbation; then you’re really not really ready to gift yourself to another person just yet.

female sexual response cycleYa see, the more you know about your body; how it works; where your pleasure centers are; the kind of stimulation you need and want to come to full arousal; the more information you’ll have to pass on to your partner. Even if your partner is more experienced than you, he/she will still need to get to know the intricacies of your individual response cycle.

Sexual confidence stems from being able to please your partner. When you know what you are doing you project an air of self-assurance. This is not the same thing as cockiness, mind you, although that might be a very fun attribute to have too.

The best lovers look to pleasure their partners before they expect to be pleasured. Delaying your own pleasure, particularly if you’re a guy, so that you can provide multiple orgasms to your partner will reap great pleasurable rewards for you when it’s your turn. Besides, giving pleasure is often as pleasurable as being pleasured.

Sexual confidence translates into sexual assertiveness. Each partner should take equal responsibility for initiating sex. Trust me, this is not merely a man’s role. And sexual assertiveness translates into sexual creativity. If you’re timid about trying new things, you’re gonna short-circuit a whole lot of pleasure.black teens

Learn to ask for what you want and how you want it. Communication is key to a healthy and vibrant sex life. Never underestimate the your partner’s ability to develop and grow sexually. Check in with your partner on a regular basis. Don’t assume you know what turns him/her on today, just because it turned her/his crank the other day.

Feelings of sexual inadequacy, discomfort with your body, anxiety about your skills will destroy your sex life. If you are plagued with any of these things get help with them before your bring them to a sexual partnership.

sexual confidenceSexual confidence comes down to knowing yourself and being able to communicate your likes and wants to your partner. If you’re simply gonna be passive about your pleasure, you’ll wind up getting only what is dished out to you. And for many women, that is woefully insufficient. Don’t expect your partner to know any more about pleasuring you than you do, even if she/he has had more partners then you.

Allow yourselves the time or space you need to feed your intimacy needs. If you expect to discover sexuality with your partner in the backseat of a car, you’re gonna cum up short. Passion and spontaneity is great, but what I’m talking about is different from that. Think of it as learning to walk before you run.

Being a terrific lover is dependent on know-how. Skill comes through practice. So practice, practice, practice! Keep it fun. When it stops being play and starts being work, put it aside for another day.

Good luck

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Spank me, daddy!

Name: Karla
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: Quebec
I think I want to try spanking. I never tried it, but it gets me hot thinking about it. I think my partner might be up for it, but I have yet to ask him. I thought I’d ask you first. What are your thoughts about spanking?

If you’ve been a bad girl, Karla, then I think you definitely need a spanking. Have you been naughty, Karla? Precisely how naughty have you been, Karla? Everyone here at Dr Dick Sex Advice wants to know!spank

Spanking is a very popular fetish, one that can be enjoyed with or without sex. At the same time, spanking might be a little risky if you entrust the task to someone who doesn’t know what she or he is doing. Of course, it’s not particularly difficult to learn the basics. So just for you, wayward Karla, I’m gonna offer a brief sexual enrichment tutorial on erotic spanking. YEAH!

Usually a hand or a paddle of some sort is used for spanking. This is different from whipping and flogging, which are much more advanced techniques than your garden-variety spanking. We’ll leave these techniques for another time.

There are two musts in this kind of power play:

  1. The spanker must always inquire about the health of the spankee before the play begins.
  2. Both participants must always agree on a safeword before the play begins. A safeword is a code word that the spankee will use as she is reaching a physical, emotional or moral boundary, or for when she wants the spanker to stop the play.

The safeword will be a word that spankee would not ordinarily use during the play, like “pickles.” This extraordinary word allows the spankee to scream “no, stop”, “Please, don’t!” etc. as much as she/he wants without really meaning it, and still have a way to stop the play when necessary.

435_girlshyspanking.jpgIf you actually get around to enticing your partner to join you for a little spanking entertainment, make sure the first adventure is fun for all. I suggest that the spanking be part of a role-play scenario that you and your BF develop together. Your partner may need lots of positive reinforcement, particularly if he reluctant to join you in your kink. Keep telling him how much fun you’ll both have in the role-play. For example, you could be the naughty schoolgirl and your partner could be the stern headmaster. Really get into your roles; you’ll both need to dress the part, of course. You—sexy short pleated Catholic schoolgirl skirt, anklets and trashy high-heels. Him—the domineering teacher in a drab, no-nonsense grey suit. Get the picture?

The headmaster calls you into his office for a corrective interview. He needs to teach you a lesson. He puts you over his knee. He’ll do lots of bottom rubbing first, as he’s lecturing you on your bad behavior. As he gets into it, he’ll be getting turned on too. “It will be a shame to spank this beautiful bottom of yours,” he’ll coo. “This is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you!”…that sort of thing. He’ll finger your pretty panties, but won’t remove them. He’ll start spanking very gently at first. Light taps on the fleshy part of your ass cheeks. If you want more, start wiggling into the spanking. Remember to stay in character. “No, Mr. Hardwood, that hurts, please don’t touch me there! Grind into his lap. Your body language will communicate your desire for him to continue and possibly intensify the spanking.

To insure the comfort of your partner, set some ground rules for your first play session. Don’t’ do bare-bottom spanking until he readily indicates his willingness to do so. If your partner is a feminist, this whole spanking thing may go against the grain for him. So remind him this is fantasy role playing; not real life.

The more you get into your roles, the more likely he’ll get into his roles — Catholic schoolgirl/Father Flanagan, slutty patient/naughty doctor — you get the idea. The more you please him, the better he’ll please you.

You’ll want to reward your partner for his participation. After the first session take him to dinner. Ask him for his reactions. What could you have done to make the scenario more pleasurable for him? Talk about your reactions. Tell him how much you appreciated his participation. Talk about the scenario and how well he did. Tell him what you liked most about the spanking itself. If you sense that he’s content with events thus far, you could plan for more.

Xcite six spanking stories cover spanked.jpeg bottoms up spanking good erotica guide to spanking     Schoolgirls Spanking

Set aside a couple of role-play evenings in the coming weeks. If he continues to be open and receptive, you can add more and more spanking, different implements, a ruler, a hairbrush, a paddle. If you want spankings on other parts of your body, tits, pussy, and the like introduce those slowly. The intensity of the spanking needs to be adjusted to more sensitive parts of the anatomy. Make sure there’s lots of feedback happening before and after each play session.

Spanking is a full-fledged fetish with loads of spanking associated erotica. It goes from mild to wild. Do some exploring together your BF. Check out some short stories, magazines or videos. You might want to include some of the hot girl-on-girl stuff for his benefit. Always talk about spanking in a positive way as something that is fun and enjoyable for both of you. Remember to also attend to your partner’s fantasies and the things that turn him on too. Who knows, there may be a time when the roles reverse and you could take your turn as the top and he the bottom. How fun would that be?

Like I said at the beginning, spanking is a stand-alone fetish, it may be a part of full-on sex, or it may be just a bonding thing between you and your partner.

In the end, introducing your partner to your kink is one of those — “Give To Get” things. Be attentive to him. Make sure he knows he’s the most special person in your life. The more satisfied he is; the more he’ll be open to pleasing you.

Ladies, get your balls on!

Hello sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday! We welcome back the award-winning Fun Toys today. As you probably recall, their fabulous G-Vibe made our Best Adult Products List For 2013.

So let’s see what they have in store for us today. And for that we turn to Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa for her review.

Fun Toys Geisha Balls —— $49.95

Christa
I was pretty sexually precocious as a teen. I had a crush on a girl at age 11. Started masturbating at 13. Had sex with a girl at 14. Had sex with a boy at 16. I liked it all. I guess all my early sexual experiences were so enjoyable because I always felt I was in charge of my body and my sexual expression. No one ever pressured me into anything, and, if the truth be told, I was often the one doing the pursuing and seducing. Not much has changed these many years later.

I learned about kegel exercises when I was a freshman in high school. I read about them in a woman’s magazine that my mother subscribed to. Since I had started masturbating a year earlier, I kinda understood the mechanics of it all. I set my mind to doing my kegels because, as the magazine article said, “they would increase the intensity of my orgasms.” Actually, I didn’t see how my orgasms could get any more intense than they were back then. There were times when I would nearly black out from the pleasure. I know, what a freak, right?geisha_balls_pix_7-1

Since then, I have been on a mission to turn people on to kegels. Take my butt-boy BF, Alex, for example. I was the first girlfriend to ever play with his prostate. Now it’s fuck me, fuck me, fuck me all the time. He is like this total ass whore. The funny thing is that, when this first began, he was all nervous, not that this ass play was gonna make him gay, but that he would get all stretched out down there and he would lose his shit…literally. But I told him to relax and introduced him to kegel exercises. Problem solved.

I got my first set of Ben Wa balls when I was in college. They were beautiful. They came in this really nice silk lined box with a dragon in it. I would insert them then go for a bike ride. Holy shit! Ya know I don’t even remember what became of that first set. I probably lent them to a friend and never got them back.

Nowadays, Ben Wa balls are all the rage because of those bullshit 50 Shades of Grey novels. And nowadays they come in a dazzling array of styles. This brings me to today’s review. Check out these Geisha Balls from Fun Toys. There are four balls in the set, not the usual two. The set includes the lightest and heaviest balls on the market. That’s cool because you can mix and match the balls you use at any one time. In fact, it allows for five-stages of training.

You can use the balls individually or as a pair. Heck, if you’re really adventurous, you can even use all four at once. I have, but then you would expect crazy shit like that from me, huh? And you can use them with or without the sling. These Geisha Balls are body safe, made of abs plastic and the sling is made of 100% soft medical silicone.

whats inside ballsSo if you are following what I’m saying, Geisha Balls assist in toning the muscles in your pelvic region, specifically your pubococcygeus muscle (or PC muscle). This is the muscle that is responsible for stopping the flow of pee. And just about every woman out there knows something about incontinence that comes from stress, or childbirth, or aging. But besides the utility, or training aspect, there is the pleasure aspect. And if you’ve never tried these things, you’re in for a surprise.

The Fun Toys people have thoughtfully included a very specific brochure in their package that spells out all the ways you can use the Geisha Balls. There’s no guesswork and even if you’ve never tried Ben Wa balls before, you won’t be intimidated when you get your set.

Geisha Balls come in a real nice gift box; perfect for gift giving to yourself or someone else. There’s even a sweet little drawstring storage pouch included in the box.

Here’s a tip; mothers, give a set of Geisha Balls to your teen daughters. That’s right, you heard me. Let’s cut the shit and stop pretending that teens aren’t interested in or experimenting with sex either by themselves or with a partner. There are plenty of girls out there who are as precocious as I was. There are even more who could use a helpful hand in trying to figure out the pleasure thing. And if you’re squeamish about promoting the pleasure aspect, focus on the therapeutic aspects. Either way, this is a gift that will keep on giving. And hey, it works the other way around too. Once I discovered how great the Geisha Balls are, I sanitized them by dropping the whole set, sling and all, into a pot of boiling water, dried them off, and passed the balls, sling, and gift box on to my mom. She was only slightly surprised; she’s learned that I can be pretty unpredictable when it comes to sex. I’ll have to replace my set soon.

And the Geisha Balls are so easy to use. I suggest a regiment of 15-30 minutes a day. And you don’t have to interrupt your day to train. Simply insert, and go about your business. You’ll be doing yourself a world of good and they’ll put a smile on your fact too.

You can kick up the action by trying to pull the balls out of vagina by the sling, while your muscles holds them inside. So simple!

And Alex wants me to remind you that Geisha Balls are not just for women and vaginas. They are great trainers for your butt too. And those of you with a prostate in your butt will discover some unique pleasure. I just want to add that you gotta to use the sling with the balls when using them anally.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Ready Or Not

Name: Allie
Gender: Female
Age: 18
I feel kinda silly asking a complete stranger this, but here goes. I’m a pretty normal 18year old female. I’m in my freshman year at a college in upstate New York. I’ve had a few boyfriends over the years, nothing really serious though. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of this one guy; he’s 20, a junior at my school. I really like him and we’re discussing taking our friendship to the next level. He’s not pressuring me for sex or anything, even though he’s more experienced than I am. In fact he wants me decide when the time is right. My question is how will I know when I’m ready for sex. Obviously, Jason will be my first. Thanks.

Thanks for entrusting me, a complete stranger, with this very intimate concern. I have a question for you, Allie, and I hope it doesn’t sound flippant. When do you know it’s time to eat, or sleep? I know lots of us eat even when we’re not hungry and don’t sleep even when we’re tired, but that aside, I suggest that the same body signals that alert you to hunger and exhaustion will let you know when it’s time for sex. You’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual. I’m not trying to be evasive; I’m trying to get you to listen to your body, because that’s how you’ll know. To be perfectly frank, that’s how all of us know it’s time for sex. We get a hankerin’ for some pleasure and we pursue that until, hopefully, we’re satisfied.

teen sex anxietyYou’ll notice that I’m not specifically referencing fucking when I say you’ll know when it’s time for sex. Sex, at lest in my book, involves a whole lot more than the old in and out, don’t cha know. Take a look at the sexual enrichment tutorial I posted just last week. It’s titled: Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques. http://www.drdicksexadvice.com/2014/02/26/sex-play-tips-and-techniques/

If I were to advise you further I’d want to know how much sex you’ve already had with Jason. Has there been any sex play at all? Probably some, huh? Otherwise how would you know you like him well enough to consider taking the play to the next level?

Penis/vagina intercourse, or as I like to call it “fucking” can bring more intimacy and more pleasure than some other sex play, but it’s not the be all and end all either. Fucking also carries a lot it more responsibility, particularly for fertile young puppies like you and Jason.intimacy021

You sound like an intelligent lass, at least you can write in complete sentences. Is it safe to assume that you are well versed in the complexities of the human reproductive system? I hope so. Not everyone is, of course, even some otherwise smart young people. If you’re not clear on the whole concept, there’s no time like the present to do a little boning up…so to speak. Being responsible with your sex is as important as being sexual. And being informed about health risks and contraception is the beginning of taking responsibility for your sexual activity.

Every sexually active young woman is subject to becoming pregnant every time she accepts a cock in her cooch. I’m not a woman, nor do I play one on the internets, but I’ve been around more than my share of the fairer sex, and I am certain that every woman who fucks for the first time will wonder if she is pregnant the next morning. I suppose the same is true for any sexually active woman of childbearing age, even those who are very knowledgeable about birth control and are prepared for sex when it presents itself. Seems to me that that kind of apprehension or concern could easily put a dent in pleasure.

makin' babiesRemember what I said a little earlier; that you’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual? Well, if you take the time to prepare now, you won’t need to interrupt the sexually charged moment when your body tells you I want some of that hot monkey love. You should choose the birth control method that suits you best. You should have condoms and lube available. Don’t expect your beau to have his wits about him when his dick is hard. While Jason does sound like a swell guy, conscientious too, you’re the one who will get pregnant if ya’ll screw up. And I’ll bet ol’ Jason will be impressed with your forethought too. There’s nothing like gettin’ it on with a chick who knows the score, even if it is her first time.

Remember, even if you’re on the pill or have a diaphragm, condoms are a must. One of every ten sexually active teens carries one or more STDs or as we call them nowadays, SDI (sexually transmitted infections). You can consider dropping the condoms when you’re in an exclusive relationship.

Finally, you may be ready for sexual release — i.e. an orgasm, and I hope you’re already enjoying an abundance of those little buggers through jilling off — but that does not mean you are ready for, need, or even want full-on fucking. But when you do and you get that hankerin’, feed it. It will be as natural as falling off a log.

Good luck

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