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Summertime Blues!

Name: Carlos
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: Isle of man
When I wank for hours and hours without cuming while watching porn and then cum after the many hours, my cum becomes watery and transparent. Is this normal?

Long periods of “edging,” like what you’re doing, will often result in some of your spunk being forced backward into your bladder. This is known as a retrograde ejaculation, don’t cha know. Have you noticed that after one of your extended wank sessions your pee is a little cloudy? That’s the rest of your cum, pup. While there’s nothing abnormal about watery, transparent jizz, maybe you need to wank less, find a new hobby and give your wiener a rest.

Name: lynn
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: florida
i am virgin but can you ever be to tight and will my first time hurt really bad and will i ever be able to just go at it!!!!

You’re in luck, darlin’! Check it out: If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another! You’ll see that I’ve already answered your question.

Name: Alexd.jpg
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: canada
how can I cum faster

Faster than what…a speeding bullet? What’s the rush, I wonder?

I suppose if you really wanted to get off in a hurry, you could stick a vibrating dildo in your ass as you stroke. That’ll surely do the trick.

Name: jone
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: bridgenorth
I have just started dating a lovely guy where the sexual attraction is emense! he switches me on like a light and i cant get enough, but when it gets down to it- it lasts averagly five mins. im well aware i may be being fussy but, i love sex! and really want go for ages with him. the other nite i couldnt hide my disapointment- he knew but i wouldnt say. im frustrated but dont want to hurt his feeling, im a nimfo but he has such good qualitys. what do you think i should do?

FUSSY? When your fuck sessions only last five minutes?? You’re no nympho, doll, but you do have the patience of a saint. Listen up, skip trying to spare your guy possible hurt feelings and tell him the truth. You’ll be doing him (and yourself) a big favor. He needs to attend to his short fuse ASAP, and you can help.

Lasting longer is a relatively easy thing for any man — gay, straight, whatever — to accomplish. Have your guy simply follow one or another of the following techniques. He may want to start this process on his own, but then the two of you can work together.

If your guy is like most men, his wank sessions are speedy little affairs. Squeezing off a quick one just to relieve sexual tension is a good thing in some instances. But years of this same behavior will habituate a guy’s body to having a very short fuse, if ya know what I mean. If his body is sensitized to cumin’ quickly like when he’s jerkin’-off just relieve tension, then that’s how it’ll respond later, when he’s with you. No big mystery there.

I suggest that he begin his effort to last longer by fundamentally changing his self-pleasuring activity. Most, if not all, of his masturbation from now on should be dedicated to full body masturbation. The purpose of this kind of masturbation is to play with and move around the sexual energy that builds up as he pulls his pud. The object here is to delay, for as long as he can, having an orgasm.

What the hell is full-body masturbation, you ask? Well it’s pretty simple really. He’s gonna be moving the sexual energy from his stiff cock all over the rest of his body. Since this is a sexual enhancement exercise, and not just a means of getting off, he’s gonna have to dedicate some time to this effort. I instruct the men I see in my private practice to allot 30 minutes a day three times a week for these exercises. If your guy can’t see his way to spend that kind of time to overcome his premature ejaculation concerns, he’s not really all that motivated to change. And if that’s the case, you’ll just need to move on.

squeeze03.jpgHere’s what I want him to do. I want him to touch and pleasure his whole body while he’s stroking his cock. He is to make the pleasure last as long as he can. He may even want to incorporate a vibrating toy into this exercise. As he reaches the point where he feels an ejaculation is near, he is to stop stroking his dick and play with some other part of his body, tits, asshole, feet, etc. When the urge to cum subsides, he can start to stroke again. I want him to do this over and over till he can last the full 30 minutes.

Remember, the object here, I mean besides the joy of touching and pleasuring his whole body, is to retrain his sexual response cycle. If he practices this method conscientiously it will increase his sexual stamina. He will also have learned a swell way to extend your partnered sex play too.

Check it out! When you guys are having sex, I want the two of you to do the same thing as when he’s masturbating. Spread that sexual energy around. Don’t just focus on his dick. Concentrate on building up his sexual tension, playing with that tension and stalling his orgasm. If you’re fucking and he’s getting close to shooting, have him pull out of penetration, turn his attention elsewhere — like your clit — till he regains control, then he can reinsert.

This is known as the “start and stop” method of lasting longer. Only my way of doing it insures that he will know more about his sexual response cycle from his own full body masturbation. His building sexual tension will not take him by surprise. He’ll also know what to do when he feels himself getting close. He’ll stop thrusting, but he won’t have to stop the sex all together. Rather he’ll seamlessly turn his attention to other pleasurable activities before he resumes the actual fuck.

After 30 minutes a day, three times a week for 2-6 weeks of the stop and start method he’ll notice a marked improvement in his sexual stamina. In time he’ll not even need to concentrate on his own sexual response cycle to keep up with you; it will be second nature to him. Kinda like learning to ride a bike.

Let’s review another technique, a couple-friendly method, called the squeezesqueeze1.jpg technique. I’ve introduced many a couple to this approach of prolonging pleasure with great success. The beauty part of this technique is that its success is dependent on good communication between the partners. And nothing serves good sex better than good communication.

Again, since this is a sexual enhancement exercise, and not just a clever new way of getting off, you and your partner will have to dedicate some time to mastering this method. Like the stop and start technique exercise above, allot at least 30 minutes a day three times a week. You can’t commit that kind of time to solving your problems? Okey dokey! Just don’t cum bellyachin’ to me.

Here’s what you’re gonna do. Your guy is going to be the passive recipient while you pleasure him. Like the previous exercise it’s all about gaining control over his sexual response cycle. Start by massaging his dick with a wet hand. Some nice lotion or lube works fine. You’ll want to spread his sexual energy around, not merely concentrating on his cock and balls. He’ll have to keep you posted on how close he is to cumming. When he feels he’s about to shoot, stop stroking his dick and squeeze his cock by wrapping your thumb and index finger around his unit at its base. Apply firm pressure, focusing on the urethra, the tube running along the underside of his johnson. Then let go, and wait for about 30 seconds before you resume. This applied pressure short-circuits the building tension and postpones the ejaculatory response. Simple!

Because it’s essential that you apply pressure a few strokes before he’s about to shoot, he’s gotta talk you through it the first few times. Soon you’ll begin to notice the signs of an impending ejaculation on your own and take the appropriate measures.

Most couples see a dramatic lessening of premature ejaculation in as little as two to six weeks of practice.

Name: DJ
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: TN
Is there life for a gay bottom after anal fissures? There is literally NO helpful advice on the internet for this issue. I had a rough boweldirtyjobs23.jpg movement a few years ago and now everytime I have another or practice in anal sex, it rips right back open and bleeds. This is gay hell!!

You’re clearly not giving your love cave a long enough time to heal before you go back to plunging whatever in there, thus reinjuring yourself. Stop doing that, why don’t cha?

If you think a little down time (even several weeks) from an anal fissure is agony, you don’t know what gay hell is, darlin’. Imagine if you keep this up and you develop an abscess — a very likely scenario — and you need surgery or worse, a colostomy. Then dear boy, you will really know a gay bottom’s hell.

Name: Paul
Gender:
Age: 34
Location: UK
I’ve had several bouts of cock and anal warts which have now cleared but have read my chances of cancer have increased? Is this true??

Ahhh, your genital warts have cleared up? On their own?? I seriously doubt that. And what about this “several bouts” thing? What’s up with that? Either you’re not having this condition properly taken care of, or you are being really reckless about your sexual partners.

If you’re not having a physician attend to your warts, you’re not being treated properly. Sometimes the warts themselves — they look like small, flesh-colored bumps or have a cauliflower-like appearance — will seem to disappear on their own, but they’re not really gone. The virus that causes them remains and without proper medical treatment there will be another outbreak.

The virus that causes genital warts — the human papillomavirus (HPV) — is associated with cervical cancer, for sure. There may also be a link to other types of genital cancers, such as cancer of the penis. But do you really want to fool around with this till you become a statistic?

There are more than 100 different types of HPV, but only a few can cause genital warts. These strains of the virus are highly contagious and spread through sexual contact with an infected person. About two-thirds of people who have sexual contact with someone who has genital warts develop the condition — usually within three months of contact, but in some cases not for years.

One of the most effective treatments is freezing the warts with liquid nitrogen (cryotherapy).

Name: calvin14jamesd5-18-03soft.jpg
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: california
My foreskin is too tight for me to pull it back. Is it a major problem? What can I do?

It’s not a major problem. And you’re in luck, darlin’! Check it out: Too Much of One Thing and Not Enough of Another! You’ll see that I’ve already answered this question.

Good luck ya’ll!

JIZZ, SPOOGE & SPUNK

Hey kids!

This month I have a bunch of correspondence to share with you that concerns one of my favorite topic, JIZZ. How sweet is that?

I just love it when ya’ll take the time to write me to tell me about your spunk. I like it for two reasons. First, it reassures me that ya’ll are paying attention to your sexual response cycle and that you continue to be fascinated with how your body works. These are really good things.

Second, well hell, I just get a kick outta hearin’ about your joy juice discoveries. Gosh, It warms the cockles of my poor old heart.

So keep it up, so to speak, and keep the good doctor informed. Who knows one day I may hear something I’ve never heard before.

Dear Dr. Dick,
I hope you don’t think I’m a freak or nothin, but here’s the deal. Oh shit man I never told nobody about this. I know you’re gonna freak. All right here goes…I eat my own ya know cum. Is this gonna make me sick? Is this like the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard? Don’t use my real name man just say seed-sucker ok.


Dude, I mean, seed-sucker,

bate27.jpgWhat the fuck? Are you tryin’ to make me sick? Are you some kind of pervert? Jeez, man, I just had lunch!

Sorry, SS, I just couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help pilin’ on to the big old pile you’ve already piled on yourself.

Listen my friend, relax. It’s just one of your own bodily fluids. There ain’t nothin’ to get all freaked out about. Eatin’ your spooge will not make you sick. If you get off suckin’ up your own seed, knock yourself out. Have a ball! Oh wait, you already are! Whoops, there I go again.

Just think about it for a minute, there couldn’t possibly be anything in your cum that could harm big old you, cuz that would mean it would also be harmful to your cute little defenseless sperm. But it’s not, so there.

Technically speaking, your joy juice, semen to be more precise, is mostly water. There’s also a simple sugar to keep you’re hard workin’ sperm alive and well. And, the rest is pure protein. So look at it this way, your eating habits, so to speak, will require you to eat a little less tofu than the rest of us.

And, darlin’, this doesn’t even come close to being the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. You’d have to come up with something a tad bit more twisted then gobblin’ up your own goop.

Good luck,

Hey doc,
I have a major problem that I hope I could get some advice from you about. It’s about my sexual issue. Whenever I’m having sex, I couldn’t control my nerves. It means I couldn’t relax. And I come too fast and rapidly. I couldn’t have foreplay or enjoy sex. Do you know any medications or anything that would help me to prevent it? I guess my problem is what people called premature ejaculation. I can ejaculate rapidly, at first I thought it was really good. But later I figured out that wasn’t good. And that it’s a sickness. Please help me. Hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks,
Short Fuse

Dear Short Fuse,
Your concern is a familiar one. I hear it all the time, but it’s not a sickness. Lasting longer is a relatively easy thing to accomplish if that’s really what you want.
Let’s start with how you jack-off. If I had to guess these sessions are speedy affairs,ecstasy.jpg right? A quick wank just to relieve sexual tension is a good thing, but it can also interfere with your partnered pleasure later. Look at it this way, if you body is sensitized to cumin’ quickly like while jerkin’-off just relieve tension, then that’s how it will respond later, when you’re with a partner.
I suggest t that you reevaluate your self-pleasuring activity. Most, if not all, of you masturbation should be dedicated to full body masturbation. The object in this kind of masturbation is to play with the sex tension that develops in self-pleasuring. The object is decidedly not to have an orgasm.
Move the sexual energy all over your body. Touch and pleasure your whole body while stroking your cock. Make the pleasure last as long as you can. As you approach the point of ejaculation, stop stroking your dick and play with some other part of your body, tits, asshole, feet, etc. When the urge to cum subsides, you can start to stroke your dick again. Do this over and over till you can last 30 minutes.
The object here, I mean besides the joy of gettin’ off on your whole body, is to teach your body a different way to respond to cock stimulation. If you practice this method conscientiously it will increase your sexual stamina when you’re with a partner too.
When you’re having sex with your partner do the same thing as when you’re masturbating. Spread the sexual energy around. Don’t just be focused on your dick. Concentrate on stalling your orgasm. If you’re getting close to cumin’, pull out of penetration till you regain control, then reinsert.
This is going to take some practice, but I think it’s worth the effort. Once you mastered this there are other more advanced techniques that I can tell you about.

Good luck,

Doctor. My name is Juan. Please help me make my seamen taste better.


I love it, Juan.
spunk36.jpg You’re eating sailors?
Sheesh! God knows that the good doctor has have more than his share of seafood, if ya catch my drift, but he’s never complained about the taste. No, wait a minute, that’s not true; there was that one guy from Annapolis. Ahh, but I digress.
All joshing aside, Juan; is it safe to assume that you meant SEMEN and not SEAMEN?
Lucky for you, Juan, I do know a little something about making your spooge…spunkalicious.
Most of our ejaculate is produced in our prostate gland, not in our testicles, as most folks think. Only our sperm is produced in our testes. Our prostate gland is influenced by what we consume; eat, drink, smoke, things like that. So if you want to have sweet tasting jizz, for yourself and for others, watch what you consume. Oh, and drink lots of water too.
Here are some timely tips from folks in the know. I hear tell that eating celery and/or parsley can have an almost immediate effect on the taste of your cum. Some report that the effect can be as swift as 30 minutes. I am told that not only do celery and parsley freshen your breath, but they freshen your spunk as well. Hey, it’s like having two mints in one.
If your diet is heavy with meats and fish your joy juice will most likely have a bitter taste. A high concentration of dairy products creates a foul taste…so does all that coffee and nicotine. Lots of fruits and vegetables in your diet (except for asparagus that is) will produce a slightly sugary taste. And if you like your cocktails (the kind you drink, silly), it’s best to stick with high-quality, naturally fermented beers or liquor. The cheap stuff, the rotgut, will not only give you a wicked hangover, but will cause your spooge to have an extremely acidic taste.

Good luck

Holier Than Thou

Name: Jean
Gender:
Age: 36
Location: New Haven, CT
I’ve been with the same man for 14 years. We both decided to become Christians about a year ago. Now he’s not interested in sharing the same bed and not interested in having sex with me. It tried to overlook this hoping it was some kind of phase, but it goes on and on and he still doesn’t want sex. He’s the only man that could ever satisfy me sexually. I dated a few guys, four to be exact, before we met. I still love this guy but he won’t acknowledge my feelings. I feel like I’m losing everything, my best friend, my partner, my lover …and my sanity. I’m happy we’re still together, but I’m frustrated to the point of exhaustion without my sex life. Any ideas what I could do to turn this around?

What an unhappy tale of woe you have you have to tell, Jean. The Christian conversion thing didn’t quite work out like ya thought, huh? Well maybe it has less to do with Christianity per se, and more to do with the Joe who converted with you.

I’ve heard similar complaints from other people whose partners have decided, unilaterally, to make a radical life-change for themselves. Often these new zealots fail to appreciate how their life altering decisions impact on the wellbeing of those around them. And because they are so damn single-minded about their new passion — as every zealot is, there is rarely any talking to them.holier-than-thou

Two former clients come to mind. First, there was George, a gay man in a 10-year relationship with this other really sweet guy, Robert. Eight years into the relationship Robert had a heart attack. Despite a full recovery and living a much healthier lifestyle after the hear attack, Robert got it in his head that if he were to have sex again, it would kill him. There was no reasoning with him. No sex ever again, period. This otherwise blessed relationship ended painfully. Pity that!

Another client, Melissa, discovered long-distance running two years into her marriage to Allen. She became like a woman possessed. Running consumed her. Her career, her friends and family, her social life all suffered. But no one took the brunt of her newfound craze more than her husband. At first sex was out of the question because there was no time. Then all that body-punishing running radically changed her entire metabolism. She even stopped menstruating. Her libido virtually expired. Even the imminent demise of her relationship didn’t alter her running routine. So basically Melissa just ran away from her marriage. Simple as all that!

In your case, Jean, your partner appears to have bought into the some of the worst sex-negative messages of Christianity. I suspect that there’s no turning this around and, unless you wish to continue to sacrifice your sexuality on this unworthy altar, I’d suggest you make peace with the fact that life will never return to how it once was.

And what’s all this about he being the only man who could satisfy you? You’ve had only 4 other partners, for christ sake! And most if not all were crummy lovers, right? Are you the kind of gal that quits shopping for shoes after trying on only 5 pair? I think not!

There is a whole world of men out there that would be happily give you what you aren’t getting at home and some of them may even be good lovers. If no accommodation can be made with your husband about fulfilling your needs than I suggest you beat a hasty exit.

The longer you stay in this unhealthy environment the greater the chance will be that you will become more and more embittered. God gave us the gift of sexuality for a purpose. It was meant to give us pleasure and enhance life. Your sexuality is in danger of becoming just the opposite of what nature intended. Do yourself a favor and choose life and happiness. You’ll be glad you did…so will God.

Good luck

Intimate Workout

Hello sex fans,

And now for something completely different… It’s Product Review Friday all right, but we’ve seen nothing like this before. Today I, Dr Dick, will do the honors and tell you about a unique product for men. It’s a brand new product that will, I believe, change your life for the better. And in the process we welcome another new manufacturer to our review effort, Adult Fitness Concepts.

The Private Gym —— Basic $59.99  Advanced $99.99

Dr Dick
There are a handful of things that I have been very passionate about throughout my long career as a sexologist. Each of my passions revolve around two simple principles: the importance of knowing and owning who we are as sexual beings and an knowing about how our body works. These are the basic building blocks of sexual health and wellbeing.

Sexual wellbeing means a whole lot more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others. But being unfamiliar with the basics of how our body works will surely short-circuit even our ability to perform.

My aim has always been to provide information, guidance, and resources that will help people approach their unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner. That’s what Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews are all about. So when a representative of Adult Fitness Concepts contacted me via email to tell me about their new product (actually, it’s more of a program than a product), the first FDA registered Kegel exercise program for men, my interest was piqued. I was told that the Private Gym was created after 3 years in development with several leading urologists, physiotherapists, and sexual health experts.

I have been an avid proponent of pelvic floor musculature toning for both women and men for my entire career in sexology. I write and speak about this topic so often that sometimes I feel like a broken record. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself. Use the search function in the sidebar of either of my sites, Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews, type in pelvic muscles, and BANG!home_hero_image

Women tend to know more about Kegel exercises, the exercises that tone and strengthen one’s pelvic floor musculature because doctors encourage them to do their Kegels during pregnancy. But here’s a tip for all you guys out there who are reading this and rolling your eyes and getting ready to turn the page because you think this is some kinda Oprah — vagina moment. Listen up you monkeys; kegel exercises aren’t just for the ladies. Us men folk have pelvic muscles too. So pay attention, you’re gonna want to know about Kegels too.

What are Kegels, you may be asking. They’re muscle contraction and relaxation exercises designed help restore, tone, and strengthen the muscles that surround the opening of the urethra (see guys, we have one of those), vagina (ok, we don’t have one of those, but we do have a penis and we get erections), and anus (we sure as hell have one of those). Since this includes the muscle that you use to stop and start the flow of urine, you can check if you’ve identified the right muscle by testing your kegel technique while peeing — if you can stop the flow of urine when tightening, then you know that you’re contracting the correct muscle group. BTW, the main muscle is call the pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle for short.

There are several “toys” on the market that are designed to help women tighten and tone their pelvic floor muscles, Ben Wa balls, and all their modern incarnations, for example.  Now, thanks to the Private Gym us men folk have our own exercise program. A program that promises stronger, more rigid erections, a reduction in premature ejaculation, heightened orgasms, improvement in urinary control all while supporting prostate health.

I know what you’re thinking, if I can do Kegels on my own, why do I need a program? Good question. The best answer I can come up with is it will help you stray on track and achieve your goals. I mean, isn’t that the reason we go to a gym? Surely we can workout on our own, but the support and encouragement we get from being part of and involved in a program makes the effort more rewarding. It’s all about psychology, right?

PG-TrainingKitOnly-PromoThe Private Gym is the first interactive, follow-along exercise program that helps men strengthen the muscles that support and control our cock. As men approach age 30, the muscles that support erectile function begin to weaken. By age 40, more than 50% of men experience some form of erectile dysfunction and this number increases to more then 66% as men approach 60 years of age. And for all you bottoms out there, you know how important it is to keep anal muscles in tip-top, pardon the pun, shape.

There are two parts to the Private Gym program — 1) the Basic Training Program (available on DVD or through digital download) and 2) the Complete Training Program, which involves resistance training.

As we all know, resistance training is key to building strong muscles. Imagine doing bicep curls or a bench press without weights. The Private Gym Complete Training Program resistance equipment is basically a weighted high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone cuff for your dick. How amazing is that? You slip this puppy around your stiffy and do your Kegels. The cuff is also waterproof, so it cleans us easily with mild soap and warm water.

Just like all weight training, muscle contractions increase blood flow and increased blood flow to your johnson will…wait for it…produce harder, larger, and longer-lasting erections. Your pelvic musculature is also responsible for the strength of your ejaculation. Do you dribble instead of shoot? Well, my friend, you have some important exercisin’ to do.

While the Private Gym is a practical tool for any guy at any age, I have a few extra words for those men—friends, clients, and correspondents—who are living with and through prostate cancer. I get how difficult things can be after an invasive and life altering surgery. I also know that, for the most part, oncologists are not inclined to walk each of their patients through the emotional and physical minefield that is life after these often devastating medical interventions. But that doesn’t mean you have to sink to the lowest common denominator and shut down as a sexual being.

I believe that the Private Gym Basic Training Program can be helpful in regaining a sense of your sexual self after surgery and radiation. I’m currently working with two clients and we are using the Basic Training Program to rehabilitate their traumatized pelvic musculature. While it is too early to tell what kind of success rate we will have, I can say for certain that the effort involved in this program, as well as both of them knowing that someone really cares about their sexual performance issues, is making a huge psychological difference in terms of outlook and confidence. And that is huge!

My own experience with the program has been very positive. I’m 65 years old and I’ve been dealing with prostate issues, bladder control issues, and erection issues for some time now. I’ve also been doing Kegel exercises for decades, so I conclude that I am as functional as I am because of my efforts to keep my pelvic musculature toned and strong. The Private Gym is helping me be more conscientious about my workouts. And that is a real good thing.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Tricks Of The Trade – Part 2

Today I continue the series I started on Monday.  You will remember from Monday that a friend of mine, who is writing a book about male sexuality for women, asked me if I could be her go-to-guy for a bunch of questions she had about pleasuring a man which she wants to include in her book. I think it is only fair that you, my loyal audience, should get this information before anyone else does.

PORN SECRETS

What are some porn industry secrets to keeping men harder longer while shooting a film? I assume they use editing tricks (like repeating the same shots over and over), Viagra (or other ED drugs). Do they still use fluffers? What else?

Yes, editing, lots and lots of editing!

But nowadays, it’s “better living though chemistry!” No, fluffers are no longer necessary. Pity!

Loads of guys use CAVERJECT.  This will give a guy 8 hours of wood, regardless what he is doing. He could watch his mother get hit by a train and he would still have a boner. As you can imagine, this has nothing to do with being aroused, it’s simply a matter of circulatory mechanics. It’s just one more thing that’s faked in the industry.

For the rest of us mere mortals, I always suggest the use of a cockring. Be sure to check out my tutorial: Cockring Crash Course HERE!

SEX GUILT

I will be discussing sex guilt and its repercussions. As a former Catholic priest, we’re sure you’ve dealt with your fair share of sex guilt either in yourself, your penitents, or your current sex therapy clients.

Yep, in all three!guilt-and-shame

What are some reasons behind sex guilt?

The truth is, there is very little sex related guilt without the accompanying shame. In my opinion, the shame comes first. Someone or some institution instills the sense of shame for the behavior; the individual experiences guilt when he/she engages in the shamed behavior. And, mind you, this stigmatized behavior could be anything from masturbation or eating pork.

How does sex guilt manifest itself?

In many different ways. It’s such a personal experience. For most people guilt reinforces and internalizes the shame that was engendered by someone or some institution outside of the person. (See my comment above.) A common response to sex guilt is hiding, suppressing thoughts and feelings, denying thoughts and feelings, avoiding triggers, or just shutting down. Others punish themselves, which can engender a vicious cycle self-hatred.

However, the most pernicious form of guilt actually reinforces the behavior. Here’s how that works. I do something I’m ashamed of; I feel a deep sense of guilt; then I punish myself for my transgression. This in turn makes the behavior all that more seductively attractive to me, which makes me do the behavior again, all so that I can punish myself again. And, as you can see, the punishment, not the pleasure, becomes the reward. It’s all really very insidious.

How can one overcome their guilt about sex acts?

One starts by unraveling the system that instilled the shame in the first place. One goes back to the source of the shame — church, parents, etc. He/she tries to understand the reason why the shaming was done — protect the sanctity of the body, a means of controlling human urges, etc. Then one demythologizes the shaming. Without shame there’s little to no guilt.

Have you heard these statements and how would you respond to someone who is dealing with these specific issues:
1. A women who go down on a guy is a whore.

I would help the individual see that statements like this are made by people who don’t believe that women should enjoy sex; they shouldn’t be active participants. Sex is for procreation, not pleasure. There’s only one way to have sex—particularly for women—they should be unengaged and passive receptacles, nothing more.cordially invited

2. Men who go down on women are unmanly.

I would help the individual see that this kind of statement is made by people who are trapped in a perverse sex-role stereotype. I mean, who gets to determine what is manly and what isn’t? The one who makes this determination wins the debate, right? Each individual ought to get to decide what is manly, womanly. There is no artificial norm.

3. Anal sex (between straight people) is wrong/dirty/gay.

I would help the individual try to take apart that statement. Wrong? Does that mean there’s a right way? Who gets to determine that? Dirty? Are some parts of the body more wholesome than others? Whose prejudices are at work here? Gay? Why must we demonize this particular class of people? Where do the phobic reactions to same sex behaviors come from? Are they legitimate things to be feared, or are they culturally induced? If they are culturally induced, what was the original motivation? See my response to your question: How can one overcome their guilt about sex acts?

4. The lady/whore complex that straight men may entertain.

Someone set up this dichotomy long before any particular modern straight man bought into it. Who set it up? And why did they set it up? At who’s expense? Who’s sexuality do they fear? Does preserving the male privilege have anything to do with it?

5. Pornography is evil/degrading/terrifying/wrong.

Again, why evil? That’s a throwback to an outmoded cosmology, right? And even if someone decided there is dirty magazinessuch a thing as evil, who gets to decide what evil is? What was evil 100 years ago, or in a different culture, may not be considered evil today, or in another culture. This suggests to me that “evil” is not a universal, but culturally determined. Again, who gets to determine that? And whose prejudices are at work when the determinations are being made? Degrading? Sure, porn can be degrading, but so can working at Walmart! If it is consensual and free of coercion, can it be degrading? And if porn is degrading why is it that we are not as concerned about all the other things that degrade human kind? Terrifying? I think comb-overs are terrifying. Wrong? (See evil above.)

ANAL SEX

Some people argue that the anus can suffer damage and begin to leak with too much anal penetration. Is there any biological basis behind this? Or is it just another “myth”?

Sure, one can injure him/herself with irresponsible penetrations of any orifice. But what is “too much” penetration, anyhow?

Any butt pirate, from the rank amateur to the power bottom, knows the importance of keeping their pelvic musculature in tiptop, no pun intended, shape. This is where Kegel exercises come in handy. Strong and toned PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscle) will allow you to enjoy ass fucking for a lifetime without the heartbreak of springing a leak.

PART 1 of this series HERE!

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