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YOUNG and OLD

Hey sex fans,

More Q&A today with the bonus links to my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page?) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.  (Click on the images below for viewing information.)

Name: Ramish
Gender:  Male
Age: 19
Location: UK
I’m nervous about having sex?  I have been masturbating since I was 11, but I can’t work up the courage to try it with anyone else.  I don’t even know if I’m gay or straight.  How do I get over being so nervous?

Holy cow, that is nervous.  I suggest that you begin by taking stock of yourself — physically, emotionally and sexually.  I’m gonna ask you some questions and you can take all the time you need to ponder your answers.  Here’s a tip, write these down; and if you have difficulty answering any of them ask a buddy for his or her input.

What’s your best physical asset?  Do you think of yourself as attractive in a sexual sort of a122116_xlfway?  If not, what could you do to spruce things up a little?  Listen, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more confident you’ll be in connecting with other for sex and relationships.  If you know yourself well enough to know your best assets, you’ll be able to put your best stuff forward, right?

What do you find sexually attractive about others — both women and men?  Chances are that if you haven’t already discovered if you are straight or gay, you might be bi.

When you masturbate, what goes through your head?  What are your sexual fantasies?  Do you fantasize about sexual situations with others?  Anything in particular?  Anyone in particular?

When you say you are nervous about sex; does that have to do with possible rejection?  Or is it more to do with performance — ya know, not knowing what to do once the situation arises, so to speak?  Is there anyone you feel safe enough with, a pal perhaps, you could talk this through with?  If you feel emotionally safe, or safe from potential shame and humiliation with this person, it might be easier to open up him or her.  Just remember, everyone’s been were you are at one point in his or her life.

Are you comfortable with being nude, at least by yourself?  Lots of people aren’t.  Are you able to admire yourself in the mirror without comparing yourself to the unrealistic expectations about the human body that comes to us from the popular culture? If you are not comfortable with being naked, think about the reasons why you’re not.  Again, if it’s body image issues, maybe you need to get in better shape, or just let go of your idealized notions about physical attractiveness.

a93626_xlfDo you know about contraception and sexually transmitted infections? If you don’t, you’re not ready to have sex with anyone else.  Do your homework.  Know what you need to ask a prospective partner in terms of contraception and STIs before an encounter.

OK, so you’re familiar with pleasuring yourself.  That’s a good start.  Would you know how to pleasure a partner?  If you’re not sure, I suggest that you do some research.  There are all kinds of instructional videos out there.  In fact, you’ll find just about everything you are looking for at DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

One thing to remember, the best sex is a mutually satisfying experience. You and your potential partners are different people, with different desires, interests, personality and fantasies. Despite everything you might learn from an instructional video, there is no substitute for asking your partner what he/she likes. You’ll need to be able to respond in kind too.  Being able to communicate your needs and desires is absolutely essential for a happy, fun-filled fuck.

Are you a good kisser?  Do you know how to touch someone else without it being an invitation to sex?  Do you know how to be affectionate, to be close and playful with someone simply for joy of it?  I always suggest to my young clients that they learn how to give a good back rub or foot massage.  Nonseductive touching is as important as knowing how to touch someone sexually.  It’s also how some of the best sex play begins.

Are you making yourself available for a sexual connection?  Nowadays the opportunities for connecting with others for companionship and/or sex abound.  You don’t have to be aggressive in your pursuit, but it ain’t gonna fall in your lap either.

What would it take for you to feel comfortable initiating sex?  This is, of course, the follow-up step to putting yourself out there.  I realize this can be a bit intimidating, but you’re gonna have to push through this, pup. Think about why initiating sex or accepting an invitation to be sexual is difficult for you.

Are you able to be a good friend?  The best sex is more than bumping parts.  It’s a full human-to-human connection.  If you know how to be a good friend, you’re more than half way there to being a good lover.  There are all kinds of sexual expression — romantic to the passionate even spiritual. Sex can be a cuddly and romantic, or it can be hot monkey love.a122404_xlf It can be tender as well as intense.  You ought to have the ability direct the flow, or at least go with it.

Do you have an adventuresome side to you?  Do you like a challenge?  Are you comfortable experimenting with one thing or another?  If you are, you will find these are all valuable assets in making sex happen for you.  There are still a whole lot of sex-negative messages out there in our society.  You’ll need to be strong enough to stand against these repressive currents and pursue your heart’s desire.

In the end, a good sex life takes effort.  It takes knowledge, practice and relationship skills.  A degree of personal openness and a sense of fun and adventure are also very helpful. Learning more about yourself and what makes you tick, will give you an advantage when the time is ready for you to partner up for sex.

Name: Walter
Gender:  Male
Age: 67
Location: Padre Island
I’m a recent widower, I haven’t dated in over 40 years.  I’m still very interested in sex, but things don’t work like they used to down there.  I had a comfortable life with my wife and performance was never an issue. Now that I’m on my own now, I’m afraid I will disappoint, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do know what you mean.  Getting back into the swing of things after so many years on the shelf a daunting task.  If you layer on sexual performance issues…well the task becomes even harder, no pun intended.

a74931_xlfI know I don’t have to tell you this, but our bodies change as we age.  Our sexual response cycle changes too.  You are familiar with the four stages of the sexual response cycle, right?  In case you are not, they are — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.  Despite the changes that aging brings, there’s no good reason why you shouldn’t be able to enjoy a happy, healthy sex life.  Of course, having a healthy mind-set about sex will also help.

A rich and full sex life, possibly even like the one you shared with your recently departed wife, will involve some patience and understanding and possibly some reprogramming of old ways of looking at sex.  For example, performance issues are only a problem if you are expecting something of your body that it cannot deliver.  And if you date within your age group, you’ll find that all your peers will be just as familiar as you with dwindling physical capacities.

So ok, it’s gonna take considerably longer to get a hardon at your age — that’s a given.  This just means you need to take your time, increase and focus the stimulation and while your cock is taking its sweet time to point skyward, enjoy all the sensual pleasures coming your way in the meantime.  That last part is really difficult for us aging men folk.  Sometimes we concentrate so fiercely on gettin our dick hard that we miss all the great pleasuring stuff that is happening all around us.

Once you get your boner goin, I suggest that you add a little stiffy insurance.  Wear a cockring. If you don’t know what that is, check out my Sex Toy Review Site. Use the search function; type in “cockring” and presto!  You’ll find all kinds of information on these helpful little buggers.

I know a number of older men, particularly those with high blood pressure, who are unable to take erection-enhancing meds like Viagra, who are turning to penis pumps to get their wood started.  Not sure what a penis pump is or does.  Well, time to do more online research at my Sex Toy Review Site.  Again, use the search function; type in “penis pump” and presto!  Loads of information about these helpful tools will appear.

I’m hoping that when you say that you and your wife “had a comfortable life” together, where performance was never an issue that you’re telling me that your sex life wasn’t all about getting it up and getting it off.  Sexual pleasure can come through all kinds of sex play — touching, talking, and being physically close, oral sex as well as full on fucking.  I’d be willing to guess that your future partners will appreciate you being a fully sensual lover, not just a sexual performer.

Remember the proverbial cum shot is not the same thing as an orgasm. Lots of seasoned older men are able to be orgasmic without a full erection or an ejaculation.  You may even find that you are capable of several very satisfying mini orgasms instead of the one BIG-O of years past.  I encourage you not to fall into the trap of equating sexual functioning with manliness; that’s a dead end.

a113017_xlfThis challenging new phase in your life, daunting as it might be, can also be an exciting adventure of self-discovery.  You basically have permission to re-imagine and redefine what type of sexual expression suits you best at this stage in your life.  One good way of testing the waters, so to speak is to start with self-pleasuring.  This is the perfect opportunity to experiment with sexual performance enhancing toys like a cockring, vibrator or a penis pump.  If you haven’t done so already, why not discover the pleasures of your ass.  Happily, you don’t need an erection to enjoy some good old-fashioned butt play; your prostate will do all the work.

You may discover you have new or yet unexplored interests in other sexual expressions like role-playing, kink, or maybe even same-sex partners.  Just because your earlier life may have been pretty straight and vanilla, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.  The more you know about your body and what turns you on, the more information you’ll be able to share with your partners.

Unabashedly sharing your newfound sexual experiences and interests with others will be the basis for your future partnered sexual expression. Know that other women and men of your age group are also rediscovering and reawakening their sexuality.  What a great joy it would be to explore the territory together.

I invite you to rekindle your natural curiosity about the wide range of human sexual expression. Take it slow. Learn to communicate effectively: share what makes you feel good with your partners and be sure to ask them what turns them on.  Don’t take yourself too seriously, and keep it playful.  And most of all, keep an open mind about all of this, will ya?

Good luck ya’ll

DDSTR

Diddlin’ With Dai-Dö

Hey sex fans,

When they hand out the awards for outstanding design in adult products, and if the Dai-Dö No 6 isn’t at the top of the list, I will want to know why.

This puppy is nothing short of revolutionary.  And get this, Dai-Dö No 6 is just one of the amazing new designs from the good people at Big Tease Toys.

I now turn this over to the couple that knows their Big Tease Toys, Gina & Kevin.

Dai-Dö No 6 —— $58.99

Gina & Kevin

Gina: “Dr Dick is right, Kevin and I are familiar with Big Teaze Toys. We’ve already reviewed I Rub My Duckie and I Rub My Wormie.”
Kevin: “We still play with our Big Teaze Toys in the bath. They never grow old.”
Gina: “Our previous reviews were of the playful side of Big Teaze Toys. Today we bring you their sophisticated side. Have you ever seen anything like this before? I hadn’t. But I’m sure glad we lucked out and scored this review.”
Kevin: “We’ve come to expect the unexpected from Big Teaze Toys. Like the bath toys that are fun, functional and yet real conversation pieces, Dai-Dö No 6 is all that and more. It has a distinctive teardrop shape that is stunningly elegant. We have the ruby red one. It’s fashioned from a superior grade aluminum alloy and stainless steel for a lifetime of pleasure. This also means that Dai-Dö No 6 can be both chilled and warmed to suit your mood and add to the sensations.”
Gina: “And pleasure you will have! You see it weighs in at nearly 12oz, which is the secret to its hands-free pleasuring capacity. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The bulb-shaped handle is ringed with black silicone that allows you to grip it easily, even with lubed fingers. We used water-based lube so as not to damage the silicone band.”
Kevin: “Dai-Dö No 6 is all about G-spot and P-spot pleasuring! Once the teardrop end is inserted in either pussy or butt-hole the weighted handle does it’s magic. Because of its unique shape you can even use Dai-Dö No 6 as either a butt plug or a pussy plug.”
Gina: “And here’s the kicker; this is the most perfect implement I’ve ever used for doing Kegel exercises. You simply can’t beat it!”
Kevin: “Gina is right! I can flex and tone my ass muscles as well as do my Kegels.” It’s like weight training for my asshole…literally!”
Gina: “The same is true for my vaginal muscles; it’s brilliant. Don’t get us wrong; like I said a bit ago, this is a potent pleasure tool. I elevate my pelvis on some pillows, insert Dai-Dö No 6, manually position it to make love to my G-spot, then rapidly flex my vaginal muscles to make Dai-Dö No 6 bounce. My hands were free to roam my body from nipples to clit.”
Kevin: “I did the same thing only through the backdoor. I can’t get over how great the heft feels. Just contracting my sphincter make the Dai-Dö No 6 dance.”
Gina: “It’s the ideal toy for solo play, but it’s just as functional in couple play.”
Kevin: “And because Dai-Dö No 6 is made of a nonporous material, it’s easily sterilized for sharing. Mild soap and water to clean; a 10% bleach solution, boiling or the dishwasher to disinfect. Obviously it’s waterproof, but you’ve already figured that out, huh?”

Full Review HERE!

Finger Food

We’re back with Part 2 of Jada’s show and tell of the Emotional Bliss massagers from the UK.

Did you some how miss last week’s presentation?  Not to worry!  Look for it HERE!

Chandra $49.95

Jada

This little lovely is the Chandra by Emotional Bliss.   Where last week’s offering, Femblossom, was a powerful, multi-speed handful; Chandra is a cute, discreet, single-speed vibe that you wear on your finger.  It’s so adorable and petite; at first I thought it was some kind of novelty item.  I soon discovered that the Chandra is decidedly not that.  This is a fully functional personal massager that has been shrunk down to the size of your thumb (2.75 X .75 in).  It is designed to direct stimulation directly to those yummy places on your body, like nipples, clit and labia.Chandra-Emotional-Bliss-558733---Emotional-Bliss-558733-MEDIUM_IMAGE

When I masturbate, I use my fingers; as I assume most women do.  I’m not one for vaginal insertions when I pleasure myself.  But rather I concentrate on my clitoris.  The Chandra is absolutely perfect for this purpose.  You simply attach the massager to one of the three finger clips (each clip is a different size), and that’s it.  Since it’s rechargeable, there are no cords to fuss with.  I absolutely love it.

I can direct as much stimulation I like to the precise area I want.  The Chandra certainly can be used in conjunction with a dildo if that’s what you’re into, but it’s perfect on its own.

My husband loves the Chandra, not only what it does for me but what it does for him.  To be perfectly frank, I’m only orgasmic with clitoral stimulation.  So even in intercourse, I must stimulate myself.  Sometimes this can get tiring.  Introducing a regular sized vibe can be intrusive to the intimate moment.  But there’s nothing invasive with the Chandra.  You see, wherever my finger goes, so goes my Chandra.  I can easily move from my clit to my nipples, to my husband’s nipples and then to his scrotum, then back to my clit.  My orgasms are amazingly strong, yet effortless.  It’s like I now have a bionic finger.

Chandra

The Chandra is surprisingly quiet for as powerful as it is.  You can immediately tell this is a quality vibe.  Like it’s big sister, the Femblossom, the Chandra is made of non-porous medical grade TPE plastic.  It also has the same antibacterial agent incorporated in it during the manufacturing process.

The Chandra come with:

  • 3 Finger Clips
  • AC Adapter
  • Water-based lube sample
  • Silicone-based lube sample
  • Instruction Booklet


Full Review HERE!

The Erotic Mind of Ashley Lister — Podcast #136 — 07/06/09

Hey sex fans,

I have an outstanding show in store for you today. We return to our roots in this series of podcasts called The Erotic Mind. After mining a very rich vein of visual artists over the past several arlbandwswingersfullcolourweeks, we come back to the realm of the written word and how this series got started.

Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to an extremely talented and prolific author from the UK, Ashley Lister. He has a wicked sense of humor and a big fat uncut…erotic mind worthy of our serious investigation, don’t cha know.

Devoted fans of written erotica will, no doubt, be familiar with my guest; his work is freakin’ everywhere. He writes fiction, nonfiction and poetry. He’s a teacher, columnist, reviewer and contributor at The Erotic Readers & Writers Association. In fact, Ashley has an unparalleled pedigree for this series; and we’re so grateful that he’s decided to “slum it” with us.

For more of Ashley, be sure to visit his site HERE!

Ashley and I discuss:

  • His prolific output.
  • Writing under his own name.
  • Building sexual tension in his fiction.
  • What sparks the images in his erotica.
  • Skillfully writing in different voices.
  • The differences between romance literature and erotica.

As a special treat, Ashley shares with us two mouth-watering pieces of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. The first is humorous erotic verse. The second will be of particular interest to the many swingers in my audience. Don’t miss this people!

swing2 swingers

(click on the thumbnails to get more information about these volumes)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe.  I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

SATISFIED!

We’ve got some goodies for ya, sex fans, two blissful massagers from the UK.  Emotional Bliss is a new company with exceptional credentials.  Their approach to product development is simple; maximize pleasure.  And in the process they’ve come up with revolutionary designs, which has form following function.

These products are specifically designed with a woman’s body in mind.  However, that doesn’t mean that a man can’t enjoy them, on the contrary.  But let’s let Jada of the Dr Dick Review Crew take over from here.

Femblossom $99.95

Jada

Form does indeed follow function in the two vibes I have before me.  (Each will have its own posting)  First up is Femblossom.

I had to giggle at the name.  Femblossom, what kind of name is Femblossom?  Perhaps it’s a British term, I don’t femblossom1know.  All I can say for sure is, I immediately rechristened it SATISFY.  And you want to know why?  Because, in my book, name should also follow function.

Femblossom is unique, no question about it.  It is a hand-held massager, but it’s unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.   It is constructed of a hard plastic with non-slip surfaces on the control pad and on its underside.  I really liked the non-slip feature on the control pad.  The same on the underside of the vibe, however, made gliding it along delicate skin difficult without the use of lube.  Luckily, the package included samples of water-based lube and silicon-based lube.  Both can be used on this toy.  By the way, that’s a very thoughtful addition, Emotional Bliss; thank you and good marketing!

The stylized shell shape of this vibe is a perfect fit to lie astride my vaginal mound.  The pointed tip easily slips between my vaginal lips to nuzzle my clit.  The vibe is powerful enough to create intense stimulation throughout my whole pelvic area.  I hate a wimpy vibe!

I discovered that if I prop myself up against some pillows, place Femblossom on my vulva, and close my thighs on the vibe, I’m able to send amazing sensations all over my genitals.  The harder I squeeze my thighs together the more intense the sensations.  I can even do kegel exercises this way.  And what could be  better for sexual health and wellbeing?  I found that I don’t really need to use my hands at all, except to reposition the vibe from time to time. It’s brilliant!

The Femblossom also warms up with use; not so much so that you’ll feel uncomfortable or have a sense that the unit is over heating.  I was trying to concentrate on the warming sensation, but I couldn’t really discern if the warmth of the Femblossom was due to the heating element or my own body temperature.  What can I say; I’m hot blooded!  But then again, I wasn’t using the vibe on high speed.

After using Femblossom on my own several times and liking it a whole lot, I thought it would be nice to introduce it to partner play.  My husband took to it right away.  He’s not one for vibes that look like a penis.  I don’t suppose I can fault him for that.  And, I’m not one of those gals that get off on vibe penetration.  That’s why we like the Femblossom so much.

My husband liked how the massager fit in his hand.  The controls are very easy to manipulate, even with lubed up femblossom2fingers.  Femblossom has nine distinct massage modes.  I think that’s the greatest variety of pulsation I’ve ever seen in a vibe.

During our play together, my husband also used the vibe on himself.  He placed the Femblossom tip on his perineum and cupped his testicles in the shell form.  The handle reached up and touched the root of his penis.  He was surprised by the intensity of the sensations and he really liked the warming sensations. He was running it on high speed.  This thing has a very powerful motor.  And the hard plastic material seems to conduct the vibrations more effectively than do my silicone vibes.

Full Review HERE!