Hey sex fans,
More Q&A today with the bonus links to my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page?) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.
Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand. I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource. (Click on the images below for viewing information.)
I’m nervous about having sex? I have been masturbating since I was 11, but I can’t work up the courage to try it with anyone else. I don’t even know if I’m gay or straight. How do I get over being so nervous?
Holy cow, that is nervous. I suggest that you begin by taking stock of yourself — physically, emotionally and sexually. I’m gonna ask you some questions and you can take all the time you need to ponder your answers. Here’s a tip, write these down; and if you have difficulty answering any of them ask a buddy for his or her input.
What’s your best physical asset? Do you think of yourself as attractive in a sexual sort of way? If not, what could you do to spruce things up a little? Listen, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more confident you’ll be in connecting with other for sex and relationships. If you know yourself well enough to know your best assets, you’ll be able to put your best stuff forward, right?
What do you find sexually attractive about others — both women and men? Chances are that if you haven’t already discovered if you are straight or gay, you might be bi.
When you masturbate, what goes through your head? What are your sexual fantasies? Do you fantasize about sexual situations with others? Anything in particular? Anyone in particular?
When you say you are nervous about sex; does that have to do with possible rejection? Or is it more to do with performance — ya know, not knowing what to do once the situation arises, so to speak? Is there anyone you feel safe enough with, a pal perhaps, you could talk this through with? If you feel emotionally safe, or safe from potential shame and humiliation with this person, it might be easier to open up him or her. Just remember, everyone’s been were you are at one point in his or her life.
Are you comfortable with being nude, at least by yourself? Lots of people aren’t. Are you able to admire yourself in the mirror without comparing yourself to the unrealistic expectations about the human body that comes to us from the popular culture? If you are not comfortable with being naked, think about the reasons why you’re not. Again, if it’s body image issues, maybe you need to get in better shape, or just let go of your idealized notions about physical attractiveness.
Do you know about contraception and sexually transmitted infections? If you don’t, you’re not ready to have sex with anyone else. Do your homework. Know what you need to ask a prospective partner in terms of contraception and STIs before an encounter.
OK, so you’re familiar with pleasuring yourself. That’s a good start. Would you know how to pleasure a partner? If you’re not sure, I suggest that you do some research. There are all kinds of instructional videos out there. In fact, you’ll find just about everything you are looking for at DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.
One thing to remember, the best sex is a mutually satisfying experience. You and your potential partners are different people, with different desires, interests, personality and fantasies. Despite everything you might learn from an instructional video, there is no substitute for asking your partner what he/she likes. You’ll need to be able to respond in kind too. Being able to communicate your needs and desires is absolutely essential for a happy, fun-filled fuck.
Are you a good kisser? Do you know how to touch someone else without it being an invitation to sex? Do you know how to be affectionate, to be close and playful with someone simply for joy of it? I always suggest to my young clients that they learn how to give a good back rub or foot massage. Nonseductive touching is as important as knowing how to touch someone sexually. It’s also how some of the best sex play begins.
Are you making yourself available for a sexual connection? Nowadays the opportunities for connecting with others for companionship and/or sex abound. You don’t have to be aggressive in your pursuit, but it ain’t gonna fall in your lap either.
What would it take for you to feel comfortable initiating sex? This is, of course, the follow-up step to putting yourself out there. I realize this can be a bit intimidating, but you’re gonna have to push through this, pup. Think about why initiating sex or accepting an invitation to be sexual is difficult for you.
Are you able to be a good friend? The best sex is more than bumping parts. It’s a full human-to-human connection. If you know how to be a good friend, you’re more than half way there to being a good lover. There are all kinds of sexual expression — romantic to the passionate even spiritual. Sex can be a cuddly and romantic, or it can be hot monkey love. It can be tender as well as intense. You ought to have the ability direct the flow, or at least go with it.
Do you have an adventuresome side to you? Do you like a challenge? Are you comfortable experimenting with one thing or another? If you are, you will find these are all valuable assets in making sex happen for you. There are still a whole lot of sex-negative messages out there in our society. You’ll need to be strong enough to stand against these repressive currents and pursue your heart’s desire.
In the end, a good sex life takes effort. It takes knowledge, practice and relationship skills. A degree of personal openness and a sense of fun and adventure are also very helpful. Learning more about yourself and what makes you tick, will give you an advantage when the time is ready for you to partner up for sex.
Location: Padre Island
I’m a recent widower, I haven’t dated in over 40 years. I’m still very interested in sex, but things don’t work like they used to down there. I had a comfortable life with my wife and performance was never an issue. Now that I’m on my own now, I’m afraid I will disappoint, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I think I do know what you mean. Getting back into the swing of things after so many years on the shelf a daunting task. If you layer on sexual performance issues…well the task becomes even harder, no pun intended.
I know I don’t have to tell you this, but our bodies change as we age. Our sexual response cycle changes too. You are familiar with the four stages of the sexual response cycle, right? In case you are not, they are — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Despite the changes that aging brings, there’s no good reason why you shouldn’t be able to enjoy a happy, healthy sex life. Of course, having a healthy mind-set about sex will also help.
A rich and full sex life, possibly even like the one you shared with your recently departed wife, will involve some patience and understanding and possibly some reprogramming of old ways of looking at sex. For example, performance issues are only a problem if you are expecting something of your body that it cannot deliver. And if you date within your age group, you’ll find that all your peers will be just as familiar as you with dwindling physical capacities.
So ok, it’s gonna take considerably longer to get a hardon at your age — that’s a given. This just means you need to take your time, increase and focus the stimulation and while your cock is taking its sweet time to point skyward, enjoy all the sensual pleasures coming your way in the meantime. That last part is really difficult for us aging men folk. Sometimes we concentrate so fiercely on gettin our dick hard that we miss all the great pleasuring stuff that is happening all around us.
Once you get your boner goin, I suggest that you add a little stiffy insurance. Wear a cockring. If you don’t know what that is, check out my Sex Toy Review Site. Use the search function; type in “cockring” and presto! You’ll find all kinds of information on these helpful little buggers.
I know a number of older men, particularly those with high blood pressure, who are unable to take erection-enhancing meds like Viagra, who are turning to penis pumps to get their wood started. Not sure what a penis pump is or does. Well, time to do more online research at my Sex Toy Review Site. Again, use the search function; type in “penis pump” and presto! Loads of information about these helpful tools will appear.
I’m hoping that when you say that you and your wife “had a comfortable life” together, where performance was never an issue that you’re telling me that your sex life wasn’t all about getting it up and getting it off. Sexual pleasure can come through all kinds of sex play — touching, talking, and being physically close, oral sex as well as full on fucking. I’d be willing to guess that your future partners will appreciate you being a fully sensual lover, not just a sexual performer.
Remember the proverbial cum shot is not the same thing as an orgasm. Lots of seasoned older men are able to be orgasmic without a full erection or an ejaculation. You may even find that you are capable of several very satisfying mini orgasms instead of the one BIG-O of years past. I encourage you not to fall into the trap of equating sexual functioning with manliness; that’s a dead end.
This challenging new phase in your life, daunting as it might be, can also be an exciting adventure of self-discovery. You basically have permission to re-imagine and redefine what type of sexual expression suits you best at this stage in your life. One good way of testing the waters, so to speak is to start with self-pleasuring. This is the perfect opportunity to experiment with sexual performance enhancing toys like a cockring, vibrator or a penis pump. If you haven’t done so already, why not discover the pleasures of your ass. Happily, you don’t need an erection to enjoy some good old-fashioned butt play; your prostate will do all the work.
You may discover you have new or yet unexplored interests in other sexual expressions like role-playing, kink, or maybe even same-sex partners. Just because your earlier life may have been pretty straight and vanilla, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. The more you know about your body and what turns you on, the more information you’ll be able to share with your partners.
Unabashedly sharing your newfound sexual experiences and interests with others will be the basis for your future partnered sexual expression. Know that other women and men of your age group are also rediscovering and reawakening their sexuality. What a great joy it would be to explore the territory together.
I invite you to rekindle your natural curiosity about the wide range of human sexual expression. Take it slow. Learn to communicate effectively: share what makes you feel good with your partners and be sure to ask them what turns them on. Don’t take yourself too seriously, and keep it playful. And most of all, keep an open mind about all of this, will ya?
Good luck ya’ll