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INTERSECTIONS / Sex Positive Culture

Hey sex fans!

Join me, and an amazing panel of other guest speakers, for this special event here in Seattle.  I’ll be signing copies of my latest book, The Gospel of Kink after the event.

 
 

[When] Tuesday, August 20, 2013           [Time] 7:00pm until 9:00pm

[Where] Neighbours Nightclub      1509 Broadway      Seattle, Washington 98122

 

intersections

Seattle is a national leader in supporting all areas of sexuality. In fact, Seattle has a robust and active sex positive community to prove it. With annual events such as the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, community centers like the Center for Sex Positive Culture, and more, it is plain to see that the city is home to many people that believe the appropriate uses of sex extend beyond reproduction.

This community discussion, like all SOSes events, is open to the LGBTQ and Allied Communities. It does not matter what sexual orientation you identify as, gender you express, or if you are gender nonconforming. ALL are welcome.

According to the Center for Sex Positive Culture officials, the appropriate use of sex includes “creating personal pleasure, bonding intimate relationships, promoting spiritual growth, and enhancing emotional and physical health. In a sex positive world, everyone has the freedom and resources to pursue a fulfilling and empowering sex life.”

In August, Social Outreach Seattle’s INTERSECTIONS program will focus its community conversation on this culture. A panel of guest speakers will be on-hand to educate, answer questions, and some might even perform demonstrations for the Sex Positive Culture – Sex Without Shame discussion. Guest speakers will be representative of the sex positive culture and guests are reminded that this is an 18 + event, due to the content. As more information is made available, we will post to this page and you can always check for updates at www.socialoutreachseattle.com.

There is a $5 suggested donation at the door.

See the Facebook page HERE!

Never too old

Hey sex fans!

Before we get to today’s Q&A, I have two announcements. First, allow me to introduce you to my new Tumblr site: SEx AdViCe wITH An EDGe. It’s deliciously smutty, don’t cha know. Second, podcasts will resume this coming Monday with a remarkable guest, erotic filmmaker, Kyle Henry.

Alrighty, now to my correspondent.

Name: Macwinhar
Gender: Male (I’m gonna guess)
Age:
Location:
DR. DICK, We have been together almost 25 years. I feel like we need to spice it up. He has had some health issues with knee replacements. He feels he is not a good top any longer. But for me is, that is not the issue. It is not about the topping as is about the intimacy. I am not sure what to do? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sexual boredom often sets in to long-term relationships. And the health issues that accompany the aging process can also throw a wrench in the sexual works, so to speak. These challenges can either be an opportunity for some creative problem solving or they can completely extinguish sexual interest all together.andropause3

I’m disappointed in you, sir! You suggest in your message that butt fuckin’ is the only sexual expression open to you fellas. Surely, you can be a bit more resourceful than that. Have you taken the time to check in with your partner lately to inquire about his sexual needs and desires? If not, I suggest you begin the rehabilitation of your sexual mojo there.

Let me ask you a few pointed questions. Could you guys invite a third party to join you as a periodic sexual playmate? Ya know what they say; “Twosies beat onesies, but nothing be threes.”

How about a little role-playing, a new sex toy, or something kinky, maybe some BDSM perhaps. It’s easy to lose interest in sex when the play is boring, repetitive and ho-hum.

Here’s what I want you guys to do, and I do mean both of you. I want you to mozie on over to my online sex emporium and pick out something new and interesting. Look for the MY STOCKROOM banner in the sidebar for access to this great resource. I want you to pick something for him and I want him to pick something for you.

sexy daddiesI’ve put together a dazzling array of products that will liven up even the most humdrum sex life. Pay particular attention to the COUPLES section of My Stockroom. You’ll find loads of interesting things for couples of every stripe.

Still not sure what to buy? Take a look at my ever so popular adult product review site, Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

There are several sex manuals available in MY STOCKROOM, and even more elsewhere online. You could consult one of them for ideas if you can’t tap into your own god-given queer creativity.

Just in case this hasn’t crossed your mind, us men folk go through physiological and hormonal changes in midlife, just like women do. There’s even a name for it — andropause — the male menopause as it were. http://www.drdicksextoyreviews.com/ As we age, both women and men need more time and stimulation to get aroused. So keep that in mind as you shop for your new sexual accessories. Look for things that will enhance and extend the arousal phase of sex play.sexy daddies 02

Increased focus on sensuality, intimacy, and communication will help a sexual relationship stay rich and rewarding even well into one’s senior years. If you’re not talking to you partner about the issues as they arise; you are missing an opportunity to course-correct at the most beneficial time, while the issue is front and center. Need some help communicating? Why not connect with a sex-positive therapist in your area for a little refresher course.

If your old man is avoiding butt fucking because of his knees, you guys might consider trying a new position, one that won’t involve him being on his knees. Look for my tutorial on sex positions: Basic Sexual Positions For One And All! And if that don’t solve your problem, there are still many ways of expressing his ardor that don’t involve his knees. How about some sensual massage, erotic bondage, or some good old-fashioned mutual masturbation with a swell new sex toy like the Fleshlight?

Remember sex oughta be an adventure even for an old “married” couple like you guys. If you don’t take all the opportunities to make things adventurous as they present themselves, you will find that these opportunities will simply vanish. And you’ll be shit out of luck then, darlin’.

Good Luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Nicely Naughty

Name: Seth
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Las Vegas
My girlfriend has told me that her last boyfriend was very naughty in bed and very good as well, just wondering if you had any advice on how to follow up such an intense sexual relationship? Naughty or intimate, or whatever Thanks SDG,

Let me introduce you to the DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY and show you around this marvelous resource. First you’re gonna have to mozie on over to the Video Library tab at the top of this page. Once you click on that link you’re immediately taken to the video library itself.comma sutra

If you don’t know how a pay-for-view set up works, just click on the “HELP” tab and read all about it. If you already are familiar with this sort of video on demand thingy then you are ready to go.

Here’s what you do. Using the TITLE search field type in key words like: Sexual Secrets. Sex Skills, Women’s Sexual Satisfaction, Best Sexual Positions, Sexual Massage, What Women Really Want…things like that. Each of those searches will take you to a specific video title. Once on a particular title’s page you can read more about that particular vid. You can choose to watch by the minute. You can rent the entire video for an extended period of time. Or even download-to-own the blasted thing. Isn’t that amazing?

Further down the page you’ll see all the scenes from the video you’ve chosen. Here you have the option of watching only the scenes that appeal to you and nothing more.

You can search by Studio and/or by Director. I have a couple of recommendations for this kind of search too. If you are searching by studio look for: Access Instructional Media or anything with Nina Hartley or Tristan Taormino, You can search by Category too. Use the pull-down CATEGORY menu and look for “Instructional”.

Just look at the wealth of information available to you for virtually pennies.

 

And that, my friend, is just the beginning. At the bottom of each page there is a whole selection of other similar types of movies. Why, you could spend hours and hours educating, enriching and entertaining yourself.

And here’s a tip, Seth, why not check out some of these titles with your GF. Don’t be afraid to ask her for a little direction on finding precisely the sorts of things that interest her. If, as you say, she is more sexually experienced then you; then, by all means, allow her to take the lead. This in no way insinuates that you are less a man for doing this. Rather it will mark you as an open minded, sexually progressive fellow who wants to learn. No woman will be able to resist that.

Finally, I encourage you to keep things playful…even as you learn.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Awakening Your Sensual Self Post Cancer

Name: Doug
Gender: Male
Age: 58
Location: San Diego
HI: I need some help. I had my prostate removed due to prostate cancer. I feel I have lost my man-hood. I don’t experience hard-ons anymore. My penis is dead. Can you recommend something to help me?

It’s truly uncanny; in the past week alone I’ve received similar email from four different people. Each had a very different presenting problem, but all were experiencing very similar sexual issues. Get this, I heard from a woman in Japan who is recovering from a radical mastectomy. I heard from a guy in San Francisco who is recovering from a serious meth addiction. A young wife and mother in North Carolina whose husband, and father of her two kids, has returned from Iraq a basket case…and now you, Doug.prostatecancer_600x450

Its astonishing that, despite the dramatic differences in each of your life stories, all of you report pretty much same thing — you feel less than whole, disconnected from your sexuality and devoid of any real intimacy or meaningful sexual outlet. It is so amazing how, despite our unique individual difficulties, there are often a universal response to life’s troubling complexities.

Regaining a sense of your sexual-self after prostate surgery, or any of the other problems I mentioned above, is an arduous, but rewarding task. With your self-confidence in the toilet and zero libido to boot, I suggest that you begin your rehabilitation by connecting with others similarly challenged as you. In your case, it will probably be other cancer survivors. More likely than not, they will be a whole lot more sympathetic to your issues and attuned to your predicament. Sometimes, people who have yet to experience a life threatening disease or a disfiguring surgery don’t have a clue about how to interact with those that have. It’s not their fault, it’s just the way things are.

I suggest looking into a support group, if you haven’t done so already. Once you make that connection, you will find, that you are not alone. Other people similarly challenged as you are experiencing many of very same things you are. And to my mind, it’s way much easier to face and handle life’s difficulties when surrounded and supported by others.

AGDD_front coverOne word of caution; my experience is that many disease-based programs and support groups shy away from intimacy concerns. This is a real tragedy, because this is the one aspect of healing that consistently remains unaddressed by the medical profession. That is way I included an entire chapter about the intimacy and sexual needs of chronically ill, elder and dying people in my book — The Amateur’s Guide To Death and Dying; Enhancing the End of Life. I encourage you to check out the book; it’s loaded with amazing sex-positive information.

Next I suggest that you first try connecting with people on a sensual level as opposed to a sexual level. I firmly believe in massage as the best say to accomplish this. Think about it. Imagine the good you’ll be able to do for others, as well as yourself with therapeutic touch. And, to my mind, therapeutic touch also includes sensual touch. It will soothe so much more than the jangled nerves and disrupted muscle tissue caused by radical invasive surgery. It gives the one doing the touch a renewed sense of him/herself a pleasure giver, which is totally important to us all. And when you receive the touch, it will begin to reawaken sensory perceptions you thought were lost for good. And your libido as well as your erection will bloom again. I promise. Here’s a tip: to keep that stiffy goin, I encourage you to use a cockring.

Now if you feel your massage skills aren’t up to par, why not take a class or workshop in massage. You might want to look to something like the Body Electric School Of Massage. They have load of training options. And learning is a hands-on experience. What could be more liberating than that?

If a class is a bit too intimidating at first, you might consider purchasing a book on massage. A great primer is: Male Erotic Massage by Ray Stubbs, Ph.D.  This is a holistic approach to bodywork, including the sexual and the spiritual aspects of Male Erotic Massage. There are over 200 photographs in this volume that reveal both massage techniques and the beauty of the male body embracing the male body. The strength, the joy, the gentleness, the ardor, the tenderness, the equanimity, the pleasure — they are all included.

Another title is: Erotic Massage, The Touch of Love also by Ray Stubbs, Ph.D.  This is a more inclusive volume of erotic massage. It describes long, flowing strokes for the whole body, including female and male genitals. By the way, this was the very first massage book to explicitly illustrate genital massage. The techniques described are simple and easy to perform. It’s superbly illustrated, and the text is both tender and playful.Massage

Finally, your gift of massage is the ideal way to connect with another human, be it a friend, a family member, lover, or even a stranger. Your touch can be either seductive or non-seductive, or maybe a little of both. You can count on this purposefully touching to open new doors. You’ll discover new pleasures, both subtle and profound, as you give as well as receive touch.

I encourage you to push beyond the isolation I know you are feeling, Doug. Purposeful touching, like massage, will change your perceptions about sex, sensuality, and intimacy. And like I said, it will also resurrect your boner. I know this can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Doug, now it’s your turn to make it happen!

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

All In A Day’s Work

There are so many interesting people out there on the web.  And many of them are doing their damnedest to make a difference in the lives of others. For example, the other day a young woman who has her own relationship advice website asked me if she could interview me for her site. I was very happy to oblige.

Her site is very different from mine in both style and presentation. One of the first questions she asked me is. “Why do you put such sexually explicit images on your site? It sometimes looks like a porn site. Doesn’t that take away from the advice you give?” Without coming right out and saying so, I believe she thought I should have a more formal presentation, a presentation that was befitting a professional of my stature. sexually explicit images

I told her, I add the images to be provocative. Most people who visit my site are already familiar with seeing sexually explicit images online. What they don’t get at those other sites is good, unambiguous, sex-positive information about human sexuality. I’ll be honest, I went on to say, I use the images to entice my audience to read the words around the images. It’s a psychological thing, ya see. Images, even those that may, at first glance, be off-putting can and do rivet one’s attention to the message I’m trying to communicate. Also the images make my site stand out from all the other professional oriented sites that offer similar sex advice. Besides, I like the way the site looks with all the images. I find it edgier as well as more interesting. After all, this is Sex Advice With An Edge!

Of course there is a downside to this. I’m approached on a regular basis by online advertisers; folks who would love to give me money in exchange for ad space on my very popular sites. And I’m all in favor of taking their money, don’t cha know. But more frequently than not, there are strings to this money. “Dr Dick, we would love to support you and your site, but we have to ask you to first rid your site of any sexually explicit image.” Well, fuck yourself very much! Is my retort. Of course, I try to say it in a real nice sorta way. I explain to my would be sponsors; ya see, this is how sexual repression begins. If I took your money and allowed you to dictate the kinds of images I could use on my site, in short order you would also be asking me to change my written and/or spoken content. And that, sex fans, I will never do, not even for some much needed financial support.

That’s when I hit upon the idea of having my audience help support the site. I added a DONATE button right there in the sidebar to your right, which you may or may not have noticed.  Ya see, infrastructure and administration for a free site like this is very costly. And instead of selling out to advertisers who want to censor my content, I invite all of you who enjoy DrDickSexAdvice.com and DrDickSexToyReviews.com to make a modest, once a year donation. Think of if as a holiday present to all you fellow sex fans. Your donation not only goes to supporting what you consume, but it underscores your social conscience. Your sponsorship helps disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages throughout the whole world. Hint, hint…I could use your support! I even have swell gifts to send to those who contribute as a certain level. Now doesn’t that sound just like your public television station?

jillin-off500Next my young interviewer asked, “If I could give one single piece of advice to her audience about sex, what would that be?” I love it when people ask questions like this. “Say Dr Dick, let’s sum up your life’s work in a sentence or two.” I tried to be gracious and come up with a pithy response that wouldn’t sound trite. I thought for a moment and said, “masturbation!” “Ahhh, what about masturbation exactly?” she inquired. I said, “everything.” She sounded perplexed. I suppose I was being a wee bit too pithy with my one-word answers.

So I went on to elaborate. Ya see masturbation is the key to a successful sex life. It is the most basic building block of all sexual expression. If we take the time to learn everything that masturbation has to teach us about ourselves, both in terms of physical and mental responses, we will be well on our way to being a really great lover. And the best thing about masturbation is that nature supplies all the motivation, because masturbation is it’s own reward. It’s pleasurable, informative, particularly if you pay the slightest attention, and you don’t need a thing other than what has already been supplied by nature.

Just about every sexual dysfunction I can think of has at its root a lack of understanding and appreciation for simple self-pleasuring. Some people never learn how to masturbate. Most of these folks are women, who then are set up for a lifetime of sexual frustration and disappointment. Some people learn to masturbate early in life. Most of these folks are men. But just because they can pull their pud with relative ease, doesn’t make them a student of self-pleasuring. In fact, a lifetime of mindless jerkin’ off can be counterproductive. Years and years of quick wanking just to relieve sexual tension, or just because one is bored, is the major contributing factor of premature ejaculation.

If we spent at least some of our masturbation time acquainting ourselves with our body and our sexual response cycle, we’d not only be male_masturbationpleasuring ourselves, but we’d be learning what makes us tick. And that, my friends, is essential information we’ll want to pass on to our partners.

One of the biggest problems with partnered sex is that most women and a whole lot of men think that their partner should know exactly how to pleasure them, right from the get-go. This is incredibly naive if you stop to think about it. Just because each of us has a relatively similar configuration of parts down there, as does every one else, that doesn’t mean we all function the same way. Each of us is unique, not just in terms of our physical attributes and how we’re hot-wired, but more importantly what turns our crank in our biggest sex organ, our mind.

My interviewer than came up with a humdinger, “since so many people have difficulty expressing themselves sexually, why do you suppose they bother?” I suppose they bother because they are driven to bother. For starters, we’re animals and sex is part of the biological imperative of all animate things. Lots of people muddle through the complexities of sexual coupling just so they can replicate. Once that’s done they don’t bother further. For those who aren’t particularly successful in finding a mate for this purpose they can always burn off excess sexual tension on their own…which gets me back to my masturbation comments. You see how all this sex stuff tends to make a big circle, right?

As our forebears evolved and advanced farther from their mere biological urges to something that more closely resembles modern human motivation, their rapidly developing brains began to play a larger the role in dictating their sexual expression. Pleasure soon began to compete with procreation as the dominant reason for exercising our sexuality. Of course, we often run into problems when seeking out another to satisfy our pleasure, which gets me back to my earlier point, but we do nonetheless.

As humans began to develop societies along with culture came religion. Inevitably sexuality became intertwined with that too…not always for the better. On the upside, the earliest religions and gods welcomed and celebrated sexuality and an integral part of human nature. There were sacred prostitutes and sexual orgies were part of religious expression. Unfortunately, these religions and gods didn’t fair well in their upcoming struggle with more militaristic and male dominated religions and gods. Basically the old religions and gods were outlawed and persecuted. A new era of sexual repression was upon us. But even today, one can hear the echo of this ancient tradition. There are some among us who firmly believe that sexuality is the best means to communing with the divine.

Erotic Fresco Painting From Pompeii

As human societies became more complex, the role of sexuality also changed. In a male dominated culture sex was more about aggression and ownership than anything else. The pleasure principle, at least the concept of mutual pleasure disappeared. Women were on the receiving end of this assault, of course. And as a consequence a man never had to bother himself with the niceties giving to get. He just took. Centuries upon centuries of culturally sponsored behavior like this has created a sexual male that is unversed at best and resistant at worst to the idea of mutuality with his partners. The “get it up, get it on and get it off” mentality leaves little room for female sexual expression.

lesbian_tickle.jpgOnly recently, with the rise of the women’s movement, have things begun to change. Happily, some of us men folk are getting the message that that pleasuring one’s mate will actually result in an abundance of more pleasure for them. A novel concept for most of us, don’t cha know. Alas, this still leaves us with the pressing problem that began this discussion. Most men, particularly young men, are unfamiliar with the workings of their own bodies and sexual response cycle. They are absolutely clueless about the great mysteries of the female anatomy and how all those blasted things works.

So we fall upon one another in this hit and miss manner, missing more often than we hit, sadly. And yet we persevere. All I’m saying is if we all took a little more time before for the event to introduce our partner to the peculiarities of our own bodies, there would be more hits than misses. Of course, that’s dependent on having a much better sense of ourselves than most of us do.

Nowadays, it’s très chic to fuck for a myriad of more interpersonal reasons. These include — self-expression, creativity, self-esteem and emotional satisfaction. With motivations like these, physical desirability of the potential partner often plays a much larger role than ever before. This gives rise to the innumerable industries out there that prey upon our natural insecurities. Think of all the ways in which we measure ourselves and one another. And who among us does not find ourselves wanting in one aspect or another? Either our cock isn’t big enough, our tits are too small. We’re too short or too tall, too fat or too thin, too young or too old, too much hair or not enough. We’re the wrong color, or ethnicity, too rich or too poor. Didn’t go to the right school or live in the wrong neighborhood. And the list goes on and on. With all this worry and anxiety it is, as my young interview suggested, a wonder that we ever connect at all.kissing.jpg

Then there’s the “L” word — LOVE. This is the most complicated, irrational and inexplicable of all motivations for connecting with another human on any level, least of all sexually. While love may go a long way to blind us to the inescapable insecurities that plague us all — you know how they say that love is blind — it isn’t always enough to overcome sexual dysfunction. And here is where the sex advice industry, of which I am a proud practitioner, enters the picture.

Good Luck