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Dr Dick’s Sex Positive Doctrine

No podcast today; instead there’s this…

Have you ever wondered about the term, sex positive? If you’re like me you see it all over the place, especially on sex-related sites. I confess I use it way more often than I should. It’s become one of those industry buzzwords that has, over time, become so fuzzy around the edges that it’s now virtually meaningless. In fact, if the truth be known, I believe the term sex positive has been taken over by the sex Taliban who have made it a cover for their strict code of political correctness. Oddly enough, this is the very antithesis of its original meaning.

If you want to shame someone in the sex field—be it a sex worker, blogger or adult product manufacturer—you label that person as sex-negative. You may not know anything about that person other than you were offended by something they did, said or made. But still, you hurl the epithet as if you were exorcising a heretic. This is a very powerful tool for keeping people in my industry in line. But I’ve begun to wonder, who is setting themselves up as the arbiter of what is and what is not sex positive? I have to ask: What is the agenda? I mean, could compulsory ideological purity of some artificial standards of thought or behavior be “positive” anything? I say, no!

Like all good ideas that have gone bad due to overuse—or worse, sloppy use—the sex positive concept once had meaning that was life-affirming and enriching. Sex positive has been in the lexicon at least since the mid-1950s. It frequently appears in journals and research papers to describe a movement that examines and advocates for all the other beneficial aspects of sex beyond reproduction.

I’ve been using the term since 1981 when I opened my practice in Clinical Sexology and Sexual Health Care. The opening words of my mission statement read: “I affirm the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond.” Way back then, I was flush with my quixotic pursuit to stand steadfast against all the cultural pressures to negate or denigrate sexuality and pleasure. I dedicated myself to spreading the gospel that healthy attitudes toward sex not only affect a person’s sex life, but his/her ability to relate well with others.

This came relatively easy for me, because I’d learned something very important about evangelization in my life as a Catholic priest. (Another quixotic pursuit, but we’ll have to save the details of that misadventure for another time.) One of the first things one learns in seminary is how to proselytize, to sow the seeds of a creed, and then nurture them taking root by endless repetition of the articles of faith. Of course there is a downside to this, too. Repetition fosters mindlessness, stifles creative thought, and worse makes things boring.

But the creed statements of the world’s three great monotheistic religions are masterful works of theological art.

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha’olam!
Allaahu Akbar!
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and the of the Holy Spirit!

Each contains the most profound kernel of religious truth the believer needs to know, but all are easy enough for a child to learn. And like I said, the secret is in the repetition. For the true devotee, these creedal statements are uttered dozens of times a day and to great effect.

Early on in my career as a sexologist, I decided to put the principles I learned in the Church into disseminating my new belief system. First, keep the message simple! I settled on: “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” This has been my mantra for decades. It contains everything you need to know about being sex positive, but it’s easy enough for a child to learn. Even now, I close each of my podcasts with this same article of faith. To this day it soothes me to hear myself say these words. And it comforts me in the same way blessing myself did in my priestly days.

Despite my apprehensions, I continue to be an apostle of the sex positive doctrine. I know that even though my industry has corrupted the concept, others have yet to hear the good news. And there’s something almost spiritual about seeing someone grasp the idea for the first time. Let me tell you about one such instance. Some while ago I was asked to offer a workshop for a group of doctors on the topic: Health Care Concerns Of Sexually Diverse Populations. Unfortunately, just a handful of doctors attended the workshop—which was pretty disconcerting, considering all the work I’d put into the presentation. I guess that’s why kinksters and pervs, as well as your run-of-the-mill queer folk, are often frustrated in their search for sensitive and lifestyle-attuned healing and helping professionals.

Since the group of doctors attending was so small, I decided to ask them to pull their chairs in a circle so that our time together could be a bit more informal and intimate. Frankly, I’ve never found it easy talking to doctors about sex; and discussing kinky sex was surely going to be very tricky. So, I decided to start off as gently as I could. My opening remarks included the phrases “sex positive” and “kink positive.”

Sitting as close to my audience as I was, I could see at once that these fundamental concepts weren’t registering with them. I was astonished. Here was a group of physicians, each with a large urban practice. Could they really be this out of touch? I quickly checked in with them to see if my perception was correct. I was right! None of them had heard the term, sex positive. The two who hazarded a guess at its meaning thought it had something to do with being HIV+. I had my work cut out for me.

I decided to share my creed with them. “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” I asked them repeat it with me as if I were teaching a catechism to children. Surprisingly, they did so without resistance. After we repeated the mantra a couple more times, I exposed them to the sex positive doctrine unencumbered by political correctness.

  • Sex Is Good! Sex is a positive force in human development; the pursuit of pleasure, including sexual pleasure, is at the very foundation of a harmonious society.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The individual makes that determination. For example, what I decide is good sex for me, may be boring sex to someone else. And their good sex may be hair-raising to me. In other words, consensual sexual expression is a basic human right regardless of the form that expression takes. And it’s not appropriate for me, or anyone else, to call into question someone else’s consensual affectional choices.
  • Sex Is Good! Everyone has a right to clear, unambiguous sexual health information. It must be presented in a nonjudgmental way, particularly from his or her health care providers. And sexual health encompasses a lot more then just disease prevention, and contraception.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The focus is on the affirmative aspects of sexuality, like sexual pleasure. Sexual wellbeing is more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others.
  • Sex Is Good! Each person is unique and that must be respected. Our aim as healing and helping professionals is to provide information and guidance that will help the individual approach his/her unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner. This will foster his/her independent growth, personal integrity, as well as provide a more joyful experience of living.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! Between the extremes of total sexual repression and relentless sexual pursuit, a person can find that unique place, where he/she is free to live a life of self-respect, enjoyment and love.

Finally I told them they ought to think creatively how they could adapt this concept to their own practice. It was up to each of them to make this creed their own. As it turned out, this primer was just the thing to open my planned discussion of health of kinksters.

In a way this experience was a bit of a spiritual reawakening for me, too. Despite my misgivings about the contamination of the sex positive doctrine by malicious people bent on using it as a weapon against those they disagree with. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to watch these sex positive novices hear, and then embrace, the message for the first time. It was nothing short of a religious experience.

HOT Pink Party!

Hey sex fans!

My pal, the ever-scrumptious Jesse Belle-Jones, wants to remind us all that the fabulous HOT Pink Dance Party —The only BurlyCon event open to the public — is just around the corner.

Join BurlyCon attendees to relax, mingle, and dance the night away at the Cirque Event Center nightclub.

Partygoers are encouraged to wear and decorate themselves in pink!

Special guest DJs
– Ramiro (Uniting Souls)
– Kevin “the Nark” Kauer
– Michael Holden (from Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Tryst)

21+ only
Party begins Saturday, October 16 @ 9pm
Location: Cirque Events Center
Address: 131 Taylor Avenue Seattle, WA

Ticket information HERE!

More of Sophia Sky – Podcast #227 – 08/18/10

Hey sex fans,

My friend, the exceptional educator, Sophia Sky, returns today with more of her excellent SEX WISDOM. I love talking to Sophia; she is so accessible and down to earth.  Yet her knowledge and perceptions on a wide range of topics are so insightful you can tell that they are the result of a life thoughtfully lived.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our conversation that appeared here last week at this time, did you? Well don’t worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive, right here on my site. Look for the site’s search function in the sidebar to your right, type in Podcast #225 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Sophia and I discuss:

  • Processing pain — other applications;
  • Her connection with erotic art —
  • …Modeling;
  • …Performing;
  • The Little Red Studio;
  • The Seattle Erotic Art Festival;
  • Erotic art and porn;
  • Female oriented pornography;
  • Kink, BDSM, mind games and power play;
  • Preorgasmia and masturbation;
  • Her sexual heroes.

Sophia invites you into her world HERE!  Look for her on Twitter, Facebook, and FetLife too.

I’m taking a brief hiatus from podcasting while I work on the remodel of my websites. The next podcast will appear Monday, September 6th.

See another slideshow of Sophia at work and play.

Click on the thumbnails below.

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BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: : Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

Meat Substitutes

Hey sex fans!

And now for something completely different! It’s Product Review Friday and instead of reviewing a sex toy sent to us from a manufacturer or retailer we’re gonna make our own sex toy. That’s right; thanks to our friends at Empire Labs we’re gonna make some vibrating dildos.

Dr Dick Review Crew members Glenn & Hank and Ken & Denise will show you around the two kits we got.

Clone-A-Willy Kit Original —— $39.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “What’s more fun than buying yourself a sex toy? Making your own, that’s what.”
Hank: “Glenn nearly wet himself when he caught sight of the Clone-A-Willy Kit. He can’t help it; he fancies himself a regular Martha Stewart. I swear this man can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
Glenn: “Awww, see how you are? Isn’t he sweet? It’s true though, I got an instant hardon thinking about cloning Hank’s willie.”
Hank: “At first I thought, damn, my hog ain’t gonna fit in that tube. But it did and the rest is history.”
Glenn: “Hold on there, big fella! We didn’t even tell them what happened.”
Hank: “Yeah, sorry, I got a little ahead of myself.”
Glenn: “If you don’t mind me quoting from the Empire Labs promotional materials. The Clone-A-Willy’s medically tested molding gel process captures incredible, life-like detail, making this the most personalized vibrating sex toy you will ever own. Each kit contains everything you need to create an exact replica of any penis in the comfort of your own home.”
Hank: “There are several things you ought to know from the get-go. First, you must follow the directions exactly as presented. Second, it’s essential that you have everything near-to-hand before you start to mix any of the ingredients. Third, if it’s your cock that’s getting molded, you will have to maintain an erection under some stressful conditions; like ‘hurry up and wait!’”
Glenn: “All very good points! I will add that the process can get a little messy. If you’re anal retentive like me you will want to use disposable plastic containers to do your mixing. And be sure to cover your countertop and floor with some plastic sheeting. I used some leftover plastic painting tarp that I draped over the counter and on to the floor.”
Hank: “While Glenn was busy in the kitchen I put on some porn and stretched out on the couch. I slipped on a snug cock ring and started to pull my pud using a little water-based lube. I wanted to make sure that I was at full-mast for my big close-up.”
Glenn: “Once I had everything set up I called for Hank to join me. He had this sheepish look on his face, but he also had a raging hardon. I think he was afraid that he would lose his wood before the mold was set. I assured him we’d work fast. Well actually, that’s precisely what you have to do…work fast. We trimmed the plastic tube to the right size. I mixed the molding powder in water and filled the tube. Hank plunged in his dick and we held it there till the mold set.”
Hank: “The anticipation was the worst part. But it’s over almost as fast as it began. I think it only took a minute for the mold to set. I pealed off the excess molding material, twisted the plastic tube a bit and out popped my cock; no worse for the wear.”
Full Review HERE

Clone-A-Willy Kit Glow in the Dark —— $44.95

Ken & Denise
Ken: “We didn’t exactly know what we were getting into with this Clone-A-Willy Kit. It promises a lifelike replica of my dick that would Glow in the Dark. I was game, at least initially.”
Denise: “Yeah, we thought it would be a fun little project full of laughs. Well that’s how it started out anyway.”
Ken: “Since I was the one being ‘molded’, the pressure was on me to maintain an erection under less than erotic circumstances. I tell you, it’s not as easy as it sounds. I have a renewed appreciation for all the male porn stars out there, who seem to have a perpetual bone.”
Denise: “I don’t suppose I helped the situation all that much, because I became increasingly anxious about following the directions for preparing the molding goop. You actually have to have the water you mix with the powder at the precise temperature. And I read a lot of comments online posted by couples who screwed up the process and I sort of lost my nerve.”
Ken: “I suggested that we put the kit away till we were in a better mindset and I wasn’t worried about my boner.”
Denise: “We checked in with Dr Dick about our apprehensions and he told us to approach it alike a game, not a project. That helped some, because Ken and I were beginning to freak out about messing things up.”
Ken: “Dr Dick also suggested that I wear a cockring to help with maintaining my stiffy. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that. I also decided I’d slip in a little butt plug, because that always gets me going.”
Denise: “I decided to have a glass of wine…ok, it was a big glass of wine. And that helped too; it really took the edge off.”
Ken: “Denise was too busy organizing everything and mixing stuff to help me with my wood. Generally all she has to do is go down on me and I’m as hard as a rock.”
Denise: “Actually he did fine on his own. He’s such a trooper. All I can say is that I’m happy it wasn’t me that had to get turned on under these conditions.”
Ken: “Once the molding goop is ready it all has to be done very quickly. Luckily, I was ready. I sunk my junk into the goop and prayed that I’d hold the erection for the minute or so it takes for the mold to set up. A minute never lasted so long. We like totally recommend that you have something on the floor and the countertop to prevent spill messes.”
Full Review HERE

ENJOY

WET and Wonderful

Hey sex fans!

Today’s Product Review Friday brings you the balance of our reviews of the WET products we received earlier in the year.  As you recall, we reviewed a whole bunch of their products back in May. You can see the Dr Dick Review Crew comments HERE!

I’m delighted to have the honor of introducing you to the remaining three WET products, two of which are not personal lubes.  I love it that they are branching out.

WET Gellee —— $8.74

Dr Dick
Water-based personal lubes are notorious for drying out too quickly, at least as they compare to silicone-based lubes. And when a lube dries out during use, it tend to become sticky. I hate when that happens! Problem is if you’re using a condom and/or playing with a fine silicone toy; ya can’t use a silicone-based lube.

Water-based personal lubes are also less viscous then their silicone-based cousins. Less viscosity means the lube will be runny and less likely to stay in place. This can be frustrating, messy and wasteful.

But wait! Our friends at WET have come up with a very nice solution to these nagging problems. They call their product — WET Gellee. This is a new product for WET. They’ve successfully made a hypoallergenic gel-type water-based lube that is silky smooth; more long-lasting; doesn’t get sticky; way more viscous than the traditional runny liquid formula so it stays put longer; and there’s less of a mess when using it. WET Gellee isn’t as likely to drip all over your bedding, furniture, carpet or car upholstery. Wait, car upholstery? Come on; let’s face it, not all fucking happens in the bedroom. And WET Gellee is non-staining, which makes it perfect for all those non-traditional sex situations…the dining room table, pool side, Aunt Millie’s powder room?

I was happy to receive the non-scented original formula of WET Gellee. They also have a Kiwi Strawberry flavor, which would have been way over the top for me. I prefer my lube to be flavorless, thank you very much. However, there is a hint of sweetness, even with this non-scented original formula. But these formulas are completely sugar-free, which means most people can use them internally without reservation. But, if you are allergic to sucralose, you’ll want to look elsewhere for your lube.
Full Review HERE

Inttimo Tranquility Aromatherapy —— $12.17

Dr Dick
I’ve been an avid practitioner of massage and bodywork for ages. I guess you could say I know my way around a massage table. However, finding just the right massage oil or lotion is not nearly as easy as kneading out the knots in someone’s body.

I’ve tried dozens and dozens of different products over the years and while I’m particularly fond of the Vitamin E and Aloe Vera-based massage lotion that I whip up in my own kitchen, I am always on the lookout for an exceptionally fine massage oil as a compliment to the lotion I use.

I am happy to announce that, thanks to my friends at WET, I now have what I’ve been searching for — Inttimo Tranquility Aromatherapy.  It is the ideal massage oil to use along side of my special recipe massage lotion. So yay for that!

Inttimo Tranquility is another new product from the masterminds at WET. It’s a very light, pleasantly fragranced massage oil that can also be used as a bath oil. I am so glad to see them branch out from their more familiar line of personal lubricants.

Inttimo Tranquility is long-lasting, but never greasy. It has a nice, but not overpowering scent. This one contains bergamot and ginger; aromas to balance, instill composure and relax the body. But there are three other aromas to choose from. And a little goes a long way. It feels beautifully on my hands and on my client’s skin.

It comes in a nicely shaped plastic bottle. I got the 4oz size for review, but it also comes in an 8oz size. Despite the attractive bottle I wound up transferring the contents to an empty pump bottle I had on hand. The screw top of the original container is not convenient. It’s a bother to have to open and close it with each application, but you’d be foolish not to. The bottle could easily tip and spill and that would make a huge mess. If I had one suggestion to make to the manufacturer it would be consider adding a pump to the packaging.

Again, I loved the consistency of Inttimo Tranquility; not too thin, not so thick, it’s just right. It distributes on the body very evenly and it easily absorbs into the skin. There’s no residue to stain either my massage linens or my client’s clothing.

Inttimo Tranquility contains almond oil, aloe vera juice, vitamin E and A, hemp seed oil, avocado oil, kukul nut oil, and sunflower oil. It’s very good for your skin. It’s great for erotic massage too. But it’s not recommended for use with a condom.
Full Review HERE

Inttimo Shave Cream —— $9.99

Dr Dick
I have the pleasure of introducing you to my new product of choice in the shaving department. Say hello to Inttimo Shave Cream, another innovative product from the good folks at WET. I mean it just figures that a company known for their premium personal lubes would bring to market a superior shaving cream. All I gotta say is; what took you so long?

If you’re prone to razor burn, ingrown hairs and/or shaving bumps Inttimo Shave Cream is the ideal product for you. Now I know that WET created this formula to enhance and safeguard intimate shaves, like bikini shaves, legs, underarms and manscaping, but is it’s as practical, if not more so, for every day facial shaving.

It’s enhanced with aloe vera, vitamin E and jojoba oil; it doesn’t contain parabens, but there is glycerin. I have pretty sensitive skin, but I didn’t experience any irritation when using Inttimo Shave Cream and my skin fells fantastic after each use. A small amount covers a large area and coats the skin nicely. I really like it because it’s not dense like shaving foam. This is a good thing because my razor just glides along, it didn’t clog my razor and it rinses off my razor easily.

I’m happy I got the unscented formula for review, but for those who want/need some fragrance they also have a Forbidden Fruit formula. (I wonder, what fruit is forbidden these days?)

I really like the plastic squeeze tube container. It has a flip-up top that is very convenient and you don’t have to worry about rust stains that so frequently accompany traditional metal shaving cream cans.
Full Review HERE

ENJOY

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