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How many times do women need to explain that penetration isn’t everything before everyone gets it?

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This week, sex therapist Dr Janet Hall advised MamaMia of a catchy new term for sex that doesn’t just involve placing a penis inside a vagina and wriggling it about.

‘Introducing outercourse’, said MamaMia, explaining that ‘outercourse’ counts ‘kissing, massaging, using vibrators, touching erogenous zones, clitoral stimulation, oral sex or toe-sucking. Basically, everything else that might come with sex, but isn’t penetration.’

They go on to note that outercourse shouldn’t be thought of as foreplay, as it’s not an add-on to sex, but something that’s absolutely essential to female pleasure.

Which is all true, and incredibly important to point out.

The issue is that ‘outercourse’ has been picked up and spread around the internet as a catchy new sex trend, as if it’s an easy ‘trick’ to get women off.

Which is a bit irritating really, because women have been saying over and over that we need more than just a poke with a penis to enjoy sex.

So why is the world still not getting it? Why is the revelation that the penis isn’t a magic orgasm stick still being treated as truly shocking news?

The ‘penetration is everything’ idea has been f***ing over women who have sex with men for ages. Women are being left unsatisfied or putting up with painful sex, because we’re taught that foreplay is just build-up to the main event – and the main event is all about the man getting off.

There’s an orgasm gender gap as a result (straight women have been shown to have the fewest orgasms out of everyone else having sex), and an oral sex gender gap, proving that the importance of non-penetrative sex is huge.

There’s a load of reasons men and women expect that five minutes of foreplay is enough before popping a penis into a vagina.

Think of sex scenes in films, which go from ripping each others’ clothes off to the woman gasping as she’s penetrated in a matter of seconds.

Think of sex education, which mentions that the penis becomes erect before penetrating vagina, but rarely makes any reference to the process the vagina needs to go through before being penetration-ready – because our sex education focuses more on sex for the purposes of reproduction (for which a female orgasm isn’t essential) rather than sexual pleasure.

Think of porn, which will more often show bow jobs than a man going down on a woman, which shows fingering as sharp-nailed fingers sliding in and out as the woman writhes around in ecstasy, which shows women reaching orgasm within seconds of a dildo or dick entering her.

We’re taught about foreplay as an afterthought, as a ‘nice to have’ instead of a ‘need to have’.

And it’s women who are missing out as a result.

A recent study from OMGyes found that just 18% of women can orgasm from penetration alone (again, this isn’t surprising or new. Countless other studies have found similar results), and that 36% of women need clitoral stimulation to have a chance of climaxing.

Rushing through the non-intercourse bits of sex is leaving women unsatisfied and pressured into faking orgasms – because they’ve been taught that they’re supposed to be able to come from a few quick pumps of a penis, and feel like they’re failing, or there’s something wrong with them, if they don’t.

None of this should be news. We’ve known for decades that the clitoris is hugely important, and women have reported for decades that they feel more pleasure through oral or manual stimulation than penetrative sex.

And yet, penetration is still held up as the be all and end all. We still place value on the idea of losing ones virginity as having penetrative sex, ignoring that for many women who have sex with women, this definition would make them virgins after multiple sexual partners.

Sex is not just penis in vagina. Foreplay is not an optional add-on. Sex is oral, and touching, and sucking, and all the other stuff that gives us pleasure.

If you’re bothered about women’s pleasure, sex needs to involve things other than penetration for much, much longer than a half-hearted five minutes. Foreplay shouldn’t just be a chunk before the good stuff – for many women, it is the good stuff, the bit where they’re actually likely to have an orgasm.

Touching the clitoris orally or with your fingers, kissing, caressing. It’s incredibly difficult for a woman to even get wet without that stuff, let alone have any chance of achieving orgasm.

We need to stop viewing an erection as the start of sex and ejaculation as the end. If a woman is not aroused, if she’s not experienced genuine pleasure, sex isn’t done – and the only way to get that done is the stuff that isn’t penetration, because your penis, shockingly enough, is not uniquely gifted to give orgasms.

Basically, if you’re not doing the stuff that isn’t penetration, you’re not doing sex.

Listen to women. Value our pleasure. Stop viewing our bodies as mysterious, otherworldly things that can’t be understood when we keep shouting exactly what we want (decent oral, clitoral stimulation, more of the stuff that isn’t penetration).

If you’re confused, ask women what they want. Then give it to them for an adequate chunk of time – not as a starter for sex, but as an essential part of the entire experience.

Complete Article HERE!

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The Real Reason Men Lose Their Erection When Using A Condom

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by Raffaello Manacorda

Men Lose Their Erection When Using A Condom

That Awkward Moment When…

If you’re a man, you’ve probably experienced this. Everything is perfect, the foreplay is going great, and the stage is set for a throbbing, mind-blowing, heart-shattering lovemaking. Your erection is strong and powerful, and feeling it turns you on even more.

And then, that moment comes. Your lover looks at you sweetly but squarely in the eyes, and with a soft but firm voice says, “We need to use a condom.”

This makes perfect sense. The risk of STIs and/or pregnancy is real. So you’ve got to wear that condom.

But our genitals don’t understand logic. And, sometimes, it only takes a few seconds of this pause for your penis to soften. Her being sweet and comprehensive only makes things worse: something inside you tells you that you won’t be able to do it if you wear a condom.

I’ve gone through the same process. I used to consistently lose my erection whenever a woman asked me to wear a condom. It wasn’t pretty. I hate to admit it, but a couple of times I even lied to a partner, telling her that there were no condoms in the house, while I actually had plenty. I just was too scared of sexual failure. Boy, am I grateful that no one got an STI or got pregnant because of that dirty little lie of mine.

So why on Earth does this happen? Why do we men lose our erection because of condoms?

The Real Reason Condoms Turn Men Off…

You might try to fool yourself and others with explanations such as:

  • That you don’t feel enough pleasure with a condom.
  • That a condom squeezes your penis too much.
  • That the pause “takes the romance away”…

But deep in your heart, you know that those are not the real reasons.

As for sensitivity and comfort, you know well that your penis is not all that sensitive. In fact, the harder it is, the less sensitive it is. And as for the non-romanticism of the 2-minutes pause, you have fantasized or have been in way less romantic situations, where your erection stood strong and implacable.

So WHAT is the real reason why you lose your erection? And what can you do about it?

To answer this question, the first thing you need to understand is that your main sexual organ sits in between your ears or, if you prefer, inside your chest. It is your head and your heart that turn you on (or off).

So, the reason why we men lose our erection when a woman asks us to wear a condom is that some deeply uncomfortable thought and/or emotion arises in us in response to that request. And what might that thought or feeling be?

Although every man is different, that uncomfortable thought is virtually always a variation on the same theme: she asking you to wear a condom carries the message that she does not accept you inside her body. And this can be truly devastating for a man.

Some Truths About Male Sexuality

Men love to feel invited, welcomed, by a trusting lover that opens up to their force and thrust. When the body of a woman is welcoming, wet, inviting, this is a huge turn-on for a man. When the body and soul of a woman tense, close up, tighten – this is a turn-off.

Men deeply crave to feel accepted, welcomed, and trusted.

The request to wear a condom challenges that. It can seem to convey the following messages:

  • If you don’t wear it, I won’t let you inside me (you’re unwelcome)
  • I don’t trust you to be healthy, or to control your ejaculation (you’re not trusted)

This is the subterranean thought that runs into most men’s mind, and makes them lose their erection.

Understanding it is the first step towards liberating your sexuality from this blockage.

As a man, you need to realize that, even if you wear a condom, you are welcome and accepted. That she wants you just as badly. In fact, she wants you so badly that she wants to be fully trusting and surrendered. And in order for that to happen, she needs to feel safe. This conviction will take some time to build, but once it’s there, it will never leave you. Condoms won’t be an issue anymore.

In order to get there, the best thing to do is start practicing, both by yourself and with a partner.

Practicing By Yourself

Get familiar and friendly with condoms. Buy a pack of condoms and start experimenting. Wear a condom and play with yourself.

Now, I know that the condom instructions say that you should wear it only when you are fully erect. The reason they say this is that if your penis is not fully erect, then a condom can potentially slip away, which is not cool. But for now, you can forget about this. You are alone, and you can wear a condom even if your penis is completely flaccid. In fact, you should practice this skill. Wear a condom on your soft penis, and then stimulate your penis so that it becomes hard.

Familiarize yourself with the condom, and lose your aversion to it. This will be really useful once you practice with a partner.

Practicing With a Partner

This is potentially going to be scary, so you’ll need to set a firm intention: you won’t back off. You will wear a condom no matter what, whether you end up having intercourse or not.

Next time you have the opportunity, do not wait for your partner to propose using a condom. Once you have enjoyed your foreplay long enough, go ahead and say the magic phrase: “I’ll put on a condom now, just in case.”

That means that, whether you are going to penetrate your partner or not, you can wear a condom anyway and then continue with whatever you were doing. At some point you may even forget that you have a condom on.

Your partner also has a role in this. You can ask her to support you in a very simple way: by doing with your penis exactly what she would do with it if there were no condoms. Touching it, sucking it, teasing it—just as if that condom did not exist.

And now, if the moment is ripe for both of you, still wearing your condom, penetrate her. Don’t worry if your erection isn’t that strong. In that case, just make sure to hold the bottom of your condom with your fingers to make sure it doesn’t slip away. But do get yourself to the point where you can penetrate her while still wearing a condom.

This moment is a threshold, and after that, the rest will be much easier. The more you feel that things are going well, the more natural it will become to continue making love with a condom. You will notice that it isn’t all that different from not using it, and that wearing a condom will give both of you more confidence and a feeling of safety. Since you are practicing here, refrain from ejaculating inside your partner, even if you are wearing a condom. The purpose now is to gain confidence with condoms—not necessarily to have the hottest lovemaking of your life.

Every man on this planet should be able to make love with a condom, if necessary. We owe it to ourselves, and we owe it to our partners, men or women. Asking a partner not to use condoms just to protect our sexual pride is not an option. If two lovers decide to not use condoms, let that be a conscious decision, rather than a slippery workaround of a sexual blockage.

Have fun!

Complete Article HERE!

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15 Women Give Constructive Criticism On How To Actually Make Them Orgasm (And Not Just Fake It)

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By Nicole Tarkoff

Constructive Criticism

1. “When you’re giving me oral, just because you’re moving your tongue really fast, doesn’t mean you’re moving it in a way that feels good. It’s a beautiful combination between sucking and licking that you have to practice, not just flicking your tongue around mindlessly.” —Cara, 25

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2. “Don’t just stick it in, warm me up first. Rub my body, kiss my body, make me feel something before you put your dick inside me and cum in 3 minutes.” —Tiffany, 26

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3. “Let me take control once in a while. I understand you’re a man, and you don’t have to tie me up to prove it. Some women get off from control alone, so if I tell you you can’t touch me until I say so, don’t.” —Vanessa, 25

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4. “Oral works so much better when you use your mouth AND your fingers.” —Meghan, 26

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5. “When I’m rubbing my clit while you’re inside me, don’t take it as an insult, just accept it as some extra assistance, a helping hand.” —Alanna, 26

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6. “When you kiss me, don’t dig any deeper than necessary. Your tongue should not be down my esophagus.” —Molly, 24

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7. “You stare at my boobs all day, so don’t ignore them when we finally decide to have sex, that’s just negligent.” —Emily, 25

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8. “Not all girls want you to ‘make love’ to them. Occasionally we like to be fucked.” —Chloe, 24

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9. “If you’re wondering about something, just ask. Literally the best way to have the best sex is to talk about what’s going to make it THE BEST. Pretty self-explanatory.” —Arianna, 25

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ıo. “Not all women are vocal, just because I’m not screaming at the top of my lungs, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself.” —Morgan, 27

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11. “Foreplay is key. Don’t rush it.” —Victoria, 26

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12. “Let me help you with my bra. I understand it can be confusing at times, but it will be 100% less awkward if you just let me help you take it off rather than both of us waiting 5 minutes for you to figure out it clips in the front, not the back.” —Zoe, 24

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13. “Stamina. Try to last. Please.” —Hailey, 25

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14. “Openly communicate what you like or don’t like. You won’t know that I like you biting my nipples unless I tell you so, just like I won’t know whether or not you’d like me to suck your balls. It’s amazing what improvements we each can make if we just talk about it.” —Adrienne, 26

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15. “Stop asking for anal. Ain’t gonna happen.” —Casey, 28 TC mark

Complete Article HERE!

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Proud, Perky, (Pervy), Penguin

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. And, like the last two weeks, you can see them HERE and HERE, we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort. This week it’s a German company, Satisfyer.  There is something about the European aesthetic that both excites and delights. But don’t take my word for it.

Here’s one of our favorite veteran reviewers, Jada, who will introduce us to today’s product.

Satisfyer Pro Penguin (Next Generation) —— $33.99

Jada
When I heard that Dr Dick was reviving the Dr Dick Review Crew I wanted back in. It’s been nearly three years since I wrote my last review. http://www.drdicksextoyreviews.com/2014/11/14/seed-by-zini/ Lots of things have changed in my life since then. When I joined the Review Crew way back in 2008 I was 46 years old, married (23 years), the mother of two teenage kids and I was working a very stressful job at a nonprofit organization. Now I am 55 years old, a widow, (my husband died two years ago), my kids are no longer teenagers (both are married), but I’m still working at that nonprofit. So even though many things change, others stay the same.

I really missed this reviewing effort; I was sorry when it ended. I missed discovering all the products that came my way. Not all of them were wonderful, not by a long shot, but each and every one taught me a little more about my body and my sexuality. I was also instrumental in introducing some of my friends to the world of adult products. So many women are clueless about the joys and pleasures to be had through adult products.

Today I have something really amazing to tell you about. What we have here is the award-winning Satisfyer Pro Penguin (Next Generation) by Satisfyer. Isn’t he adorable?

The first thing that piqued my interest was the Next Generation part of its name. Since it suggested that this marvel has been a work in progress, I wanted to find out more. I searched the web for Satisfyer Pro and discovered I was right. Some while ago the first generation of this product, a red, pink, and white version, appeared on the market. There are plenty of reviews of that are still available on the web. Most reviewers like the first generation, but had issues with some of the toy’s attributes. I’ll have more to say about this below.

For the uninitiated, Satisfyer Pro Penguin (Next Generation) is a clitoral stimulator, but it’s not a vibrator. Actually, it simulates oral sex with a delightful sucking motion.

Let’s start with the packaging, shall we? Satisfyer Pro Penguin (Next Generation) comes in is pleasant little cardboard container that features the adorable penguin. There’s a plastic insert, which holds the toy and it’s USB recharger, which connects to the Penguin by magnets. There’s also a very helpful user’s manual. The packaging is very nice, but simple and understated. Some manufactures package their products in such elaborate packaging, one has to wonder, how much more does all that packaging add to the retail price of the product? And, does that pricing place the product outside the grasp of less affluent women?

This generation of the toy not only resembles the shape of a penguin, but its whole color scheme changed from read, pink, and white to black and white, just like an actual penguin. He even sports a swanky little bow tie, which is removable. His belly houses the one dual-purpose, on/off and intensity, button. His oval beak is the business end of the toy. It envelops your clit and provides the sucking action. Delightful!

Pro Penguin fits easily and comfortably in my hand. There is nothing unwieldy here, thank you very much. I know that as I have gotten older my manual dexterity is less than it used to be. I am so glad that Satisfyer is being conscious of us older folks and our needs. As I mentioned above, the smallish oval beak offers pinpoint stimulation. The Satisfier logo is on the back of Pro Penguin, and there are two small metal charging pins are on its base.

Pro Penguin is covered is covered in a velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And because it is waterproof and made of silicone it’s a breeze to clean. I simply submerge it into the sink with mild soap and warm water and rub it down a bit. Then let it air dry. The white “beak” is detachable for detailed cleaning with a cotton swab, if you’d like. Or you can just wipe the down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize it for sharing. And because Pro Penguin is also 100% waterproof, it’s the ideal toy for bath or shower, more about this in a bit.

Pro Penguin is remarkably quiet, even when it’s not pleasuring your body. This is one of the improvements Satisfyer made over the first generation. The reviewers I mentioned at the beginning of this review all commented on how loud the first generation was.

There are 11 stimulation patterns you can cycle through till you find the one that best suits you and your current mood. Very Nice! The buttons are intuitive and easy to use. The control system of Pro Penguin also offers a + and – feature, which allows me full control of the strength of the suction. This is really important for a clitoral stimulator. Let me explain.

If you are unfamiliar with suction-based toys, as I was when I began playing with Pro Penguin, there are some things you should know. Suction type stimulation is very different from the stimulation you get with a vibrator. First off, Pro Penguin doesn’t vibrate! I find the pressure wave sensations more intense than vibration so I have to start slowly. Pro Penguin’s “beak” is small, so the pleasure is incredibly pinpoint. I find that sometimes I need to take a more indirect approach, at least at the beginning of my play, than direct clitoral contact. And this toy can feel very different from one setting too another.

My favorite place to use pleasure products is in the bath. This is where Pro Penguin shines. I can experience waves and waves of pleasure while being engulfed in womb-like warm water. In fact, my first orgasm ever was in a bath so this watery environment is like pleasure-home to me.

Dr Dick asked me to specifically address the issue of how Pro Penguin might appeal to senior and elder women. All I can say is if you like pinpoint clitoral stimulation, as some women do, this is the toy for you. It’s small, easy to handle, fits comfortably in one’s hand, controls are easy to manipulate, and it’s very quiet. I think senior and elder women will appreciate all of these features.

When you also consider that Pro Penguin is waterproof, rechargeable and covered in body-friendly silicone; well, that’s nearly perfection. And please, consider the price point. This amazing pleasure product is under $40. That is an amazing bargain.

Oh, one last thing. Not all seniors and elders have computers. And since Pro Penguin utilizes a USB-type recharger, that might be an issue. But even that concern is easily solved. One can purchase a very inexpensive USB wall charger at just about any variety store, drug store, or hardware store. These chargers plug directly into any wall socket. See, you don’t even need a computer.

Full Review HERE!

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Butt Stuff, Part One

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A sexual-health professional reminds us that, however open-minded and experienced we think we are, there’s always something to learn about anuses and rectums.

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As a sexual-health professional, I find that people have many questions about putting things in their butt — and about butts in general. I can’t possibly cover everything ass-related in a single column, so we will break it in two. Speaking in my capacity as the Director of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the GSA Network and someone who holds a Ph.D. in health promotion, I give you Butt Stuff, Part One.

Let’s start with some basics. When I refer to the “ass” or “butt,” I’m referring to the whole thing: the gluteus maximus muscle, the anus, and the rectum. Our butts serve a number of purposes, from sitting, standing, and walking to pooping and farting. The rectum and the anus contain a great deal of nerve endings, including ones that generate a pleasurable feeling when stimulated — think about that sensation of feeling full you get when you need to poop, and how good it feels when you take a big dump — making it part of an erogenous zone (an area on the body it feels pleasurable to touch and stimulate).

Many people — those assigned male at birth, typically — also have a prostate gland, which is responsible for producing the white, milky fluid that we associate with semen and which serves as a suspension and protective fluid for sperm. In other words, it helps get sperm out of the body from the testicles and, in procreative sex, into the uterus and fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg.

The prostate is located approximately between the rectum and the bladder, and it can feel quite pleasurable when stimulated by a finger, sex toy, penis, or anything else inserted into the rectum. Some people really, really like it when the area around the anus or between the anus and genitalia — the taint — the rectum, and/or the prostate are stimulated. Other people don’t really care one way or the other, and some just plain don’t like it. All of that is great! It takes all types of people to make butt-play and butt-sex fun.

Also, the older you get, the easier it is to be ashamed of slang terms you hear but don’t know the meaning of. Don’t just laugh along and hope no one exposes your naivete; let a professional help you out! Sure, you know what tops and bottoms are, but versatile people enjoy getting things inserted in their ass and inserting things in other people’s asses. (If they’re lucky and there are enough people or toys, a versatile person can be a top and bottom at the same time!) Rimming or tossing salad means licking, sucking, and lightly biting the asshole and the area around it. Fingering and fisting are pretty self-explanatory, but pegging is when someone puts a dildo, usually a strap-on, or a dick in another person’s ass.

I was around 12 or 13 when I discovered the joy of sticking things up my rear end. I used to keep a stash of Hustler magazines hidden under the folded towels in the bathroom for jerking off every chance I got. (Hustler was the only one I had access to that had pictures of hard cocks in it!) In that same cabinet under the sink, there was always a jar of Vaseline and a toilet plunger. During one of my multiple-times-a-day jack-off sessions, I decided to rub some Vaseline on the handle of the plunger and stick it up my ass. The world ended, stars collided, and I’m still trying to get other people to put things in my butt to this day.

Just as with most sexual things, there is a great deal of stigma, shame, and guilt about engaging in ass play, mostly around being worried that people will think you are gay — who cares?! — or that it is unsanitary and unhealthy. We will tackle that thoroughly in a future column, but if you want to experiment, here are a few simple pointers: Wash your ass, thoroughly, with soap and water. Use a lot of lube — the more, the better. Relax and don’t force anything. Start small: a finger, a small butt-plug, or a dildo. (Go to a sex-toy store and ask. The staff will be delighted to help out a newbie!) Lastly, if at first you don’t succeed, try again — and if you don’t like it, that’s cool. Maybe try being a top.

Next time, I’ll go a little deeper — wink, wink — laying down the real shit about shit for you about whether or not you should douche, and why straight guys have to call it pegging. Until then, go play with yourself, or help out a friend.

Complete Article HERE!

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