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If it’s not one thing, it’s another…

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Name: Malcolm
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Johannesburg
I’m in love with this guy who is as sweet as the day is long. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. What makes him so charming is he’s only recently come out as gay. Before this he was married. He is not jaded like so many other guys I meet. But there’s a problem. He’s real vanilla. I guess that’s the down side of coming out of a heterosexual marriage at the age of 35. He’s happy as a clam fucking me a couple times a week. He thinks anal sex is really adventurous and sexually daring. I on the other hand, am suffocating in the boredom. I know, now I sound really jaded, but I can’t help it. It’s just that there’s so much more to sex than what we are doing. I want to introduce him to some kinky shit, but I’m afraid that I will scare him off. What the fuck should I do?

I absolutely adore messages that start out: “I’m so in love. He/she is everything I ever wanted, blah, blah, blah!” Because I know that only a few words later the other shoe is gonna drop, and drop hard. “But there’s a problem, blah, blah, blah!”

Of course there’s a problem. There is always a problem…even with Mr. or Ms. Perfect, or maybe because your honey is so freakin perfect. Take it from me, sexual dissatisfaction will upset even the most tranquil and rosy apple cart and send everyone into a tizzy. Allow me to share with you something I wrote about this very issue about ten years ago. I think you will find the advice as fresh as the day it was written.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting depraved creature you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar don’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah’s always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with — lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

Good luck

The Erotic Mind of Michael Henry — Podcast #316 — 01/16/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

It’s the first podcast interview for the new year and I have a twofer in store for ya. How fun is that? We break open the 2012 editions of both The Erotic Mind and the Sex EDGE-U-cation series with one fell swoop as I welcome photographer, Michael Henry, to the show. He is an up and coming talent who is also kinky as all get out. So I thought who better to inaugurate the new year than this fine fellow.

I also have a bit of a hidden agenda. You see, I often hear from avid listeners to my show; they tell me they love the interviews, but they claim that some of the artists I feature are very intimidating. These listeners, some who are aspiring artists, of one stripe or another, themselves feel as though they could never achieve what some of my guests have achieved and so they are disheartened. This bums me out; because I want this series to inspire the creativity in my audience, not stifle it. So Michael is here to reassure us that even relative newcomers have something wonderful to contribute to the art form.

Michael and I discuss:

  • The full spectrum of his talent;
  • The Sinsiterbrain moniker;
  • Words of encouragement for the aspiring artist;
  • Rigging some of the scenes he shoots;
  • The sensations and feel of the rope;
  • Making his photographic images believable;
  • Failure, a necessary part of the creative process;
  • David Lawrence & Marlen Boro
  • Talking people out of their cloths;
  • Cultural implications of bondage;
  • Gender and submission.

For more of Michael and his amazing work visit his website HERE! Find him on Facebook HERE! On Fetlife HERE! Also Twitter HERE.

(Michael has prepared this marvelous gallery of some of his work for us to enjoy.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

 

Guess What, Honey? I’m A Kinky Old Perv!

And now, by popular demand, a reprint of an old favorite.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big-time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the lowly little bitch that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic—you know, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked til your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toejam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear—Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread.

Dear Dr. Dick,
Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink can be a little tricky; the whole love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go, either. Why not just stand tall like the filthy pervert you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to Little Miss Mary Sunshine? After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life walks with a pronounced limp (or perhaps is suffering from a case of the gout). Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows—s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Case in point. Here’s part of an exchange I had with a young man from Omaha.

Dear Doc,
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah, Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still just a teensy-weensy little pervert—but well on your way to Big Fat Perverthood (note: Big Fat Perverthood is not a clinical term; just something we toss around the office for fun), just like your girlfriend. And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it IS perverted, IS nasty and IS forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right, Jake? I absolutely love it!

Okay, back to telling your partner about your kink. Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar to her/him doesn’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah is always going on about.

This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with—lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, pee, role-playing—whatever your hearts desire.

Decide on a safe-word, an out-of-context word your partner can use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built-up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work, Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play. Because, as we all know, the key to fantastic sex is all about communicating – and if you can’t be honest about what you want, then it won’t be long until you’re looking around, wondering how the hell you got to a sex life full of furtive, 2 minute, missionary position encounters. And life is way too short for that crap.

Seattle Erotic Art Festival, 2011

Big news, sex fans!

The ninth annual Seattle Erotic Art Festival, to be held May 20-22, 2011 at Fremont Studios is now now accepting art submissions.  (Click on the banner below for further information.)

  • The Call for Visual Art is open January 1-31, 2011. The Festival sells more art than any other erotic art festival, has low submission fees, and competitive commission rates. Artists may submit up to five works of erotic art of any medium. Sculptors, multimedia artists and painters are particularly encouraged to apply. The 2011 jury consists of art historian Gene Burt; artist and collector Steve Jensen; sex-positive activist and deputy director of Gay City, Peter Jabin; and the last jurors are in the process of being confirmed.
  • The Call for Short Film/Video is open January 1 – February 28, 2011. No other major erotic art festival has a film component, and this year film will be a main attraction, presented at Fremont Studios in a modern 50-seat movie theater. Filmmakers are encouraged to submit up to three works, each up to 30 minutes in length. The Erotic Short Film Exhibition is curated by Three Dollar Bill Cinema (producer of the Seattle Gay & Lesbian Film Festival and the Seattle Transgender Film Festival). The jury will consist of a Three Dollar Bill Cinema review panel and the Seattle Erotic Art Festival Director.
  • The Call for Installation Art is open January 1 – February 15, 2011. Installation art is extremely popular at the Festival, and artists enjoy significant notoriety as a result of media and audience reviews. Additionally, the Festival is continuing to offer its grant for interactive visual artists; selected artists will be granted up to $750 to create works of art that feature a participatory element and encourage the audience to become part of the art. Installations are selected by a Festival Curatorial Team. There is no fee for installation submissions.
  • The Call for Literary Art is open January 1 – February 15, 2011. This is the third year of the Literary Art Exhibition, featuring work from poets, playwrights and authors from across the country. Selected works are exhibited through live readings and on the printed page. Artists may submit 5 pieces. The jury consists of Lydia Swartz, who generates one of the most extensive spoken word calendars for the Seattle area; Dobbie Reese Norris, who is the originator and host of and contributor to one of the longest running reading series in Seattle: Third Tuesdays Poets and Writers; Eileen Fix, a Tacoma Distinguished Writers selection and founder of the Little Red Studio Poetry Posse; and Victor David Sandiego, prize-winning poet and former editor of the Washington Poets Association.

DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY TO JOIN ARTISTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FOR THIS WORLD CLASS EVENT!

Heidi Champa Returns — Podcast #203 — 05/03/10

Hey sex fans,

We’re back today with The Erotic Mind of a true original, the charming and smutty Heidi Champa. This is Part 2 of our chat and we pick up precisely where we left off last week.

And here’s fantastic news! Part 1 of my chat with Heidi, which appeared last week at this time, is officially the most popular interview podcast to date. It broke all download records for a podcast in a single week. So yay for that!

If you somehow missed last week’s show, don’t worry. You can find it and all my podcasts in my Podcast Archive. Look for the search function in the sidebar to your right, type in Podcast #202 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you search.

Heidi will read another provocative selection from the fruit of her Erotic Mind. And here’s a tip, if you have a shoe fetish or a spanking fetish; this reading will make you wet.

Heidi and I discuss:

  • Writing for different audiences.
  • Responding to calls for submission.
  • Writing gay themed fiction.
  • Her writing rituals and routines.
  • How she gets warmed up to write.
  • Is erotica empowering?
  • The therapeutic role of erotica.
  • Her inspirations and her sexual heroes.
  • Advice for novice writers.

Heidi invites you to visit her on her website HERE! Or find her on Facebook HERE!

Click on the cover art below to purchase books.


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

I wanna take a moment to remind you to check out another great website in the Dr Dick family of sites. It’s my new PRODUCT REVIEW site — drdicksextoyreviews.com

That’s right, sex fans, now it’s so easy to see what hot and what’s not in the world of adult products. I review of all kinds of adult related goodies — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, herbal products, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE!

Look for the drdicksextoyreviews.com. You’ll be so glad you did.


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