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meat substitutes or give me the beef

Name: Carol
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
I’ve got an odd question. You know how there seems to be no end to the methods and devices available to bolster a man’s equipment. Everything from cock rings to Viagra. I know guys are all ego involved with their stuff and everything, but it seems to me that instead of all this gadgetry and pharmaceuticals why don’t they just strap one on? Most women I know wouldn’t much care if was the “real thing” and a dildo. I mean, is the “real thing” all that superior? I don’t think so, because a woman could choose the girth, length and texture of her “object of desire” or change it depending on her mood. The guy would not have to worry about being “worn out,” “premature” or not being able to “get it up” at all. Best of all, both could enjoy sex for longer periods. I’m quite serious. Let’s face it; the male refractory period is really a drag. It seems to me that strap-on sex would be a great way to put off ejaculation, extend the time we have for lovemaking and “keep the fire burning” for as long as the woman wants and needs.

OUCH, Carol! For a chick who says she understands that us guys are all ego involved with our stuff, you sure are rough as hell on us penis owning people. Holy cow!

You’ll get no argument from me — most us men folk are way to obsessed with our cocks. If only we spent a fraction of the time we fritter way worrying about the size and shape of our poor willies on something worthwhile, something that would actually make us more interesting; the world would be a much better place. But let’s face it, that ain’t gonna happen. And when all the boys out there get a load of your message, which suggests that most women would actually choose a strap on over the real thing, well…you know for sure the anxiety level is gonna go through the roof.

Frankly, I don’t believe that most women would choose a dildo over the real thing, even though the “real thing”, as you so generously point out, has its deficiencies like the pesky male refractory period.  And if I had to guess, and it would indeed be a guess, most women would prefer the animate thing, with all its shortcomings, no pun intended to the inanimate things with all their variety. I guess this because most of the women I know think that there is more to sex and intimacy than penetration sex, even though penetration sex is all fine and dandy. I’ve also had my share of women tell me they’re not overly disturbed when the hubby or BF can’t get it up, because that means less barkin’ at their front door, or (god forbid) back door…if you catch my drift.

I also get loads of letters from women who complain that the dudes in her life don’t know squat about how to use the dick nature gave them. It’s hard for me to imagine how awkward and clumsy penis/vagina sex would be if the guy pluggin’ the chick couldn’t feel the thing he was pluggin’ her with. I’d be willing to wager that there’d be a whole lot more bruised pussies out there if men were strappin’ their tool on, instead of using the one that came “standard issue” with their birthday suit.

But let’s just say you’re right; let’s say that most women would prefer to have fake as opposed to real, how would these women break the news to their benighted men? I mean, would she just come right out and say, “hey mister, tonight we’re gonna have you strap on old junior here.” As she pulls out some big vibrating monster wang and a harness. How do you suppose that would affect the guy’s ego? I suggest, not very well. Like I said at the beginning, us guys are already nervous about our adequacy. How are we supposed to compete with something that never loses its boner and can vibrate all at the same time?

No darlin’, I don’t think that’s gonna fly. Imagine for a moment if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak. And men started to bring home blow up dolls to compensate for all the times their women were too tired, or too headachy, or too pregnant or too turned off to the idea of giving their man some well-deserved head. Imagine the female consternation if their male partners asked them to move over in bed to make way for Missy Blow-up…you know the one with the eveready mouth, pussy and asshole, the one that never complains and has those really perky tits, albeit made of plastic.

You see where I’m going with this, don’t ‘cha? Most of the women I know can’t even bear the idea their man might be jerkin’ off to porn let alone having to share their bed with an inanimate object that is there simply for the sexual gratification of their male partner.

Now that I’ve debunked the idea of real verses fake, I do believe that most couples I know — straight, bi, gay, what have you — would benefit from adding a sex toy…or six to their love making. I mean that’s why I hawk all those fabulous “marital aids” in the Dr Dick’s Stockroom for my kinkier friends  and my other, more vanilla toy emporium HERE.  I’m a big advocate of spicing up things with all this stuff, but never at the ego expense of one or the other partner.

So by all means Carol, if you’re bedding a man that has the ego strength to hear you suggest he strap one on when his peters out…so to speak…good for you! Knock yourself out! But then you’d have to be as agreeable to his toy suggestions too, right? I mean turn about is fair play, right darling?

I am of the mind that most people, both women and men are still too skittish about the whole notion of toys, at least as part of partnered fun. And that’s really too bad. For the most part, us Americans, particularly straight Americans, are not particularly adventurous when it comes to sex in general, and partnered sex with toys in particular. And those who are including toy play in their sex play generally use toys that are no threat to the ego of their partner. They tend to save their dildos and masturbation sleeves for when they are alone, again, too bad about that. I think that more people would have more enjoyable sex — together, if they were more comfortable jerkin’ off and jillin’ off WITH their partner and their toys. As it is now, most masturbation is still a furtive, solitary affair, again, too bad about that.

In the end, the answer to your query might reside with the kind of guy you fuck, Carol. Hopefully he, or they are open minded and fun loving sex freaks who are dying to try new things. If he, or they are, you’re in luck. All you’ll have to do is come up with a politic way of introducing “old junior” and his harness to your man. If by chance, the guy or guys you fuck aren’t quite so enlightened, maybe you’ll have to introduce the idea of toys first by getting him one. Imagine his surprise if you showed up in bed one day with a vibrating masturbation sleeve, one that looks like a real live pussy. Then you could tell your man to have a ball and bust a nut while you watch with joy. After he’s spent himself on the inanimate pussy, you could whip out the strap-on and tell him to go to town on your real thing.

Good luck!

Bye Bi Love

Name: Dan
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: Alberta
I am a bisexual that is happily married with children. My wife and I have a great sex life. Every few months I get an urge to have sex with other men. I have acted out on this several times and always practice safe sex. She has caught me surfing gay/bi porn a few times and I think she knows that I have bisexual thoughts. She is interested in anal play with me and has used a dildo on me a few times. Should I come clean with her and risk divorce, which I don’t want, or continue on the way I am going?

I am of the mind that being on the up and up with one’s primary partner is a real good thing, regardless the issue. Practicing a deception, like you’re doing Dan, will take a toll on the quality of life you share. It sounds to me like you’re trying to have your cake and eat it too, or to make a pun…your Kate and Eddie too. Can’t rightly say I think too highly of this.

Most of the bisexual men I know wouldn’t approve of your arrangement either. Because most of the bisexual men I know are not living dual lives. Most are “out of the closet” bisexuals. They’re happier and healthier then their closeted counterparts. They also are less likely to seek anonymous connections with other partners just to relieve their horniness, as you apparently do. In fact when a good friend of mine, a bisexual himself, read your message he was totally put off. He said you’re the kind of bisexual that gives bisexuals a bad name. OUCH!

I may not go that far, but skulking around looking for cock, like you do, while keeping the little woman at home in the dark is a huge problem for me. This sort of behavior also militates against you forming any deeper connection with a guy than a quick furtive tryst might allow. How can years of this sort of thing be satisfying?

Also by siphoning off all your sexual energy like this you blunt the need to channel some of that energy into finding a creative solution to your sexual needs and desires with your wife. You say you have a good sex life together. She sounds pretty understanding and open minded. Most wives would freak for sure if they found their man chokin’ the chicken to gay porn. Are you sure she’d fall apart if she knew you are bi? I’ll bet not as much as she would freak if she comes to learn of your other life from someone other than you. Right? You’re skating on some mighty thin ice, my friend. Besides, most wives have this sixth sense when it comes to this kinda thing. She may already know more about you than you give her credit for. Maybe she’s just waiting to see how long it takes you to let her in on your little secret.

And about the anal sex thing. I suggest you incorporate more of that into your love making with your wife? Hell, get her a nice strap as a gift for being so understanding. You can find a nice selection HERE! I’d also suggest that you introduce your wife to your interest to “bi” porn. Check out some of the Recommended Titles HERE! Who knows where this could lead? It could open a whole new world to you both. It’s not inconceivable that one day you could find yourselves in a three way or some group play. Stranger things have happened don’t cha know.

So Dan, why not give the old honest, straightforward approach a try for a change. Jettison the duplicity. It’s only gonna wind up biting you in the ass one fine day…and not in a good way.

Good luck

SEX WISDOM With Carol Queen — Podcast #266 — 03/02/11

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Holy cow, I’m giddy with excitement today, because I have an extraordinary show in store for you. We have an audience with the Queen. …ahh, no not that one, you silly geese. I’m talking about my colleague, Carol Queen, the sexologist, writer, speaker, educator, activist and I’m gonna add to that list — national treasure.

But wait; that’s not all! This show is a twofer, don’t cha know. My guest, our conversation and the themes discussed in this podcast easily fall into both the SEX WISDOM series and the Play With It series.

Carol is, of course, one of the movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality; who is making news and helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves. She’s also a prominent figure in the adult products marketplace; helping reshape that industry as well.

Carol and I discuss:

  • Being a sexological over-achiever;
  • Founding one of the first gay/lesbian youth groups in the nation;
  • Sexual orientation, affectional choices and gender;
  • Bisexuality – the space between the binaries;
  • The altering effect of strap-on sex;
  • Removing the stigma of sex;
  • Orgasm Inc.;
  • Being one of the staff sexologists at Good Vibrations;
  • Sex toy health concerns;
  • The impact of sexologists in the adult products marketplace;
  • Truth in advertising.

Carol invites you to visit her on her site HERE!  She has a monthly column in the Good Vibrations Magazine HERE!  She’s on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

(For a little icing on this already marvelous cake, enjoy some videos featuring Carol.)


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

And they’re off!

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday once again and today we have two very delightful toys to tell you about. Because the two toys come from different retailers, I will be introducing each in turn.

First up is a fun new product for a couple to enjoy. It comes to us from our new friends at The Adult Toy Shoppe.

Dr Dick Review Crew member, Angie, does the honors.

Erotic Enhancer Bunny —— $21.99

Angie
I am so delighted to find a toy that both my husband and I can enjoy while we are enjoying one each other. I think that even though the is a plethora of vibrating toys on the market, few are actually designed to be enjoyed by a couple during intercourse. Dildos, particularly the ones that have the shape of a penis are wonderful for solo play, but they can get in the way, both literally and figuratively, when a couple plays together. This is the case with my husband. He, like most men, is put off by sex toys that have a realistic shape. I suppose I don’t blame him. I’m sure that if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak, I wouldn’t welcome a sex toy that realistically looks like a woman’s parts in our play together.

At the same time, I need clitoral stimulation if I am going to be orgasmic. This is particularly true during intercourse. So the problem has always been, how do I get the clitoral stimulation I need during intercourse without the use of a traditional clunky, intrusive and noisy vibrator?

Allow me to introduce you to the Erotic Enhancer Bunny. It’s a bunny-shaped cockring that vibrates. How fun and creative!

The Erotic Enhancer Bunny is made of TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber). It’s a phthalate free material that is both soft and stretchy but also durable. I see nothing on the package that says it’s latex free, so those with a latex allergy should beware.

There is a multispeed bullet vibe in the head of the bunny that is powered by 3 mini batteries, you know the flat kind. The manufacturer thoughtfully included the first set in the package. Thank you very much! You adjust the speed and turn the vibe on and off by using the dial on the vibrator. The bullet is easily removed making the bunny-shaped cockring a breeze to clean. More about that in a moment.

I love the fact that the Erotic Enhancer Bunny is waterproof. And that it transforms my husband’s beautiful penis into a rabbit vibe. I couldn’t be happier.

The whole thing is pretty discreet. It measures 1.75 inches across and 3.25 inches tall. My husband says that the ring is mighty snug on him. He found it uncomfortable after 20 minutes. That was long enough for me, but he specifically asked me to tell you that the Erotic Enhancer Bunny is designed for use by a man with a small to medium endowment. Ok, I defer to him on this. I suppose that’s a problem with a one size fits all concept.
Full Review HERE!

Next we hear from Review Crew members, Mick & Chuck. They are going to introduce you to kinky little setup from the newest retailer to join our review family. Join with me in welcoming TheirToys.com a nice place to shop for Adult Toys.

Cockring and Leash Set —— $29.95

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “The Cockring and Leash Set came to us just in time for Halloween. And we put it to very good use.”
Chuck: “Yeah, but it’s not just a Halloween gimmick now, is it?”
Mick: “Right! You can use the Cockring and Leash Set Set any day of the year — Christmas, New Years Eve, Valentines Day, Arbor Day, the 4th of July, your pervy boyfriend’s birthday, whatever.”
Chuck: “Ok, I see you’ve decided to be a little wacky today.”
Mick: “The Cockring and Leash Set is such a fun and kinky setup; I think a little wacky is in order, don’t you?”
Chuck: “I guess you’re right. So let’s get on with telling our audience what the Cockring and Leash Set is, ok?”
Mick: “Sure! It’s pretty simple actually. There are two parts. First, there’s an adjustable black leather cockring, or strap, if you prefer. There is a D-ring on the strap to which you hook on the fine metal leash. The metal leash has a black leather loop grip.”
Chuck: “The Cockring and Leash Set is a KinkLab product, so you know it’s gonna be good.”
Mick: “Oh yeah! Listen, if you’re interested in buying a kinky product like this, even if you are new to kink; spare yourself the disappointment of buying any of the crap that is floating around out there. We’ve see more than our share of that shit here at the Review Crew. If you want quality, look for a quality brand, like KinkLab.”
Chuck: “Right on! So I was saying that we had a ball with this Cockring and Leash Set for Halloween, right? Well, here’s how it went down. We were invited to a totally tripped out party that we knew would surely turn into an orgy before the night was through.”
Mick: “And we were not disappointed. Chuck dared me to wear the cock strap under this flimsy rawhide loincloth, which was pretty much the totality of my costume.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Nights In Black Leather

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and we’re all a buzz because today we welcome a very special new manufacturer to this review effort. Allow me to introduce you to Fetish Home Factory. And what a terrific company this is too.

Allow me to add a brief editorial comment before I turn the floor over to today’s reviewers. Fetish Home Factory is unique. Not only did they invite me to pick the items to review, from among their vast array of handmade fetish clothing and BDSM gear. But once I made my choice, they took a week or so to assemble the kit before they sent it to me. And that was astonishing to me. In a world of mass-produced products that have little or no individuality, it is so refreshing to find a true artisan who still makes his products by hand in his own factory.

Ok, without further ado, here are Dr Dick Review Crew members — Gina & Kevin

Leather Bondage Set — $ 49.88

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We really scored with this Leather Bondage Set.”
Kevin: “Totally! But when Dr Dick sent us an email offering this kit to us for review, both Gina and I rolled our eyes. We thought for sure it would be more crap marketed to the novice kinkster. The Review Crew has already reviewed a bunch of that stuff and all of it was junk.”
Gina: “Yep, that’s what we thought alright. Neither one of us even wanted to make a special trip to Dr Dick’s house to pick up the Leather Bondage Set. That is until he told us we would be pleasantly surprised.”
Kevin: “He was right! This is the real deal. The set is handmade!  Can you believe that?  And it’s made of real leather. How cool to find a manufacturer that doesn’t treat his customers like they were children.”
Gina: “It’s true! And if you don’t believe us just check the Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews site and search for ‘fetish’. You’ll see what we mean about packaging fake fetish stuff to the unsuspecting customer.”
Kevin: “So we finally got some good stuff and I am happy to sing it praises. Oh, and by the way, the photo to the right doesn’t do the kit justice; just sayin’.”
Gina: “The Leather Bondage Set is actually four pieces of handmade leather fetish gear — a whip, a collar, a wrist cuff and a mask. Each one is decoratively adorned with metal studs. Very cool!”
Kevin: “And it’s a unisex set. It looks as good on me as it does on Gina.”
Gina: “We’ve already been to two Halloween parties this year and we both had a chance to wear the Leather Bondage Set as part of our costume. Kevin looked totally hot last week in just a black jockstrap and boots, the cuff, collar and mask, with the whip hanging from the waistband of his jock.”
Kevin: “It’s not a big whip, just about 22” from the hilt to the tips of its 8 leather stands, but it has this very nice detailing, including a finger or belt loop. And you should also know that this diminutive flogger will deliver a stinging beating if put to the test. I invited Gina to apply it to my back before we went to our first costume party and I had some very nice stripes to show off at the gathering.”
Gina: “At that party I was the dominatrix and Kevin was my submissive. There was this other woman there who thought Kevin’s stripes were makeup. She blanched when she discovered my little whip made those marks. We both loved her reaction. I’m like turning into this slutty little exhibitionist and the Leather Bondage Set only eggs me on.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

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