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meat substitutes or give me the beef

Name: Carol
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
I’ve got an odd question. You know how there seems to be no end to the methods and devices available to bolster a man’s equipment. Everything from cock rings to Viagra. I know guys are all ego involved with their stuff and everything, but it seems to me that instead of all this gadgetry and pharmaceuticals why don’t they just strap one on? Most women I know wouldn’t much care if was the “real thing” and a dildo. I mean, is the “real thing” all that superior? I don’t think so, because a woman could choose the girth, length and texture of her “object of desire” or change it depending on her mood. The guy would not have to worry about being “worn out,” “premature” or not being able to “get it up” at all. Best of all, both could enjoy sex for longer periods. I’m quite serious. Let’s face it; the male refractory period is really a drag. It seems to me that strap-on sex would be a great way to put off ejaculation, extend the time we have for lovemaking and “keep the fire burning” for as long as the woman wants and needs.

OUCH, Carol! For a chick who says she understands that us guys are all ego involved with our stuff, you sure are rough as hell on us penis owning people. Holy cow!

You’ll get no argument from me — most us men folk are way to obsessed with our cocks. If only we spent a fraction of the time we fritter way worrying about the size and shape of our poor willies on something worthwhile, something that would actually make us more interesting; the world would be a much better place. But let’s face it, that ain’t gonna happen. And when all the boys out there get a load of your message, which suggests that most women would actually choose a strap on over the real thing, well…you know for sure the anxiety level is gonna go through the roof.

Frankly, I don’t believe that most women would choose a dildo over the real thing, even though the “real thing”, as you so generously point out, has its deficiencies like the pesky male refractory period.  And if I had to guess, and it would indeed be a guess, most women would prefer the animate thing, with all its shortcomings, no pun intended to the inanimate things with all their variety. I guess this because most of the women I know think that there is more to sex and intimacy than penetration sex, even though penetration sex is all fine and dandy. I’ve also had my share of women tell me they’re not overly disturbed when the hubby or BF can’t get it up, because that means less barkin’ at their front door, or (god forbid) back door…if you catch my drift.

I also get loads of letters from women who complain that the dudes in her life don’t know squat about how to use the dick nature gave them. It’s hard for me to imagine how awkward and clumsy penis/vagina sex would be if the guy pluggin’ the chick couldn’t feel the thing he was pluggin’ her with. I’d be willing to wager that there’d be a whole lot more bruised pussies out there if men were strappin’ their tool on, instead of using the one that came “standard issue” with their birthday suit.

But let’s just say you’re right; let’s say that most women would prefer to have fake as opposed to real, how would these women break the news to their benighted men? I mean, would she just come right out and say, “hey mister, tonight we’re gonna have you strap on old junior here.” As she pulls out some big vibrating monster wang and a harness. How do you suppose that would affect the guy’s ego? I suggest, not very well. Like I said at the beginning, us guys are already nervous about our adequacy. How are we supposed to compete with something that never loses its boner and can vibrate all at the same time?

No darlin’, I don’t think that’s gonna fly. Imagine for a moment if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak. And men started to bring home blow up dolls to compensate for all the times their women were too tired, or too headachy, or too pregnant or too turned off to the idea of giving their man some well-deserved head. Imagine the female consternation if their male partners asked them to move over in bed to make way for Missy Blow-up…you know the one with the eveready mouth, pussy and asshole, the one that never complains and has those really perky tits, albeit made of plastic.

You see where I’m going with this, don’t ‘cha? Most of the women I know can’t even bear the idea their man might be jerkin’ off to porn let alone having to share their bed with an inanimate object that is there simply for the sexual gratification of their male partner.

Now that I’ve debunked the idea of real verses fake, I do believe that most couples I know — straight, bi, gay, what have you — would benefit from adding a sex toy…or six to their love making. I mean that’s why I hawk all those fabulous “marital aids” in the Dr Dick’s Stockroom for my kinkier friends  and my other, more vanilla toy emporium HERE.  I’m a big advocate of spicing up things with all this stuff, but never at the ego expense of one or the other partner.

So by all means Carol, if you’re bedding a man that has the ego strength to hear you suggest he strap one on when his peters out…so to speak…good for you! Knock yourself out! But then you’d have to be as agreeable to his toy suggestions too, right? I mean turn about is fair play, right darling?

I am of the mind that most people, both women and men are still too skittish about the whole notion of toys, at least as part of partnered fun. And that’s really too bad. For the most part, us Americans, particularly straight Americans, are not particularly adventurous when it comes to sex in general, and partnered sex with toys in particular. And those who are including toy play in their sex play generally use toys that are no threat to the ego of their partner. They tend to save their dildos and masturbation sleeves for when they are alone, again, too bad about that. I think that more people would have more enjoyable sex — together, if they were more comfortable jerkin’ off and jillin’ off WITH their partner and their toys. As it is now, most masturbation is still a furtive, solitary affair, again, too bad about that.

In the end, the answer to your query might reside with the kind of guy you fuck, Carol. Hopefully he, or they are open minded and fun loving sex freaks who are dying to try new things. If he, or they are, you’re in luck. All you’ll have to do is come up with a politic way of introducing “old junior” and his harness to your man. If by chance, the guy or guys you fuck aren’t quite so enlightened, maybe you’ll have to introduce the idea of toys first by getting him one. Imagine his surprise if you showed up in bed one day with a vibrating masturbation sleeve, one that looks like a real live pussy. Then you could tell your man to have a ball and bust a nut while you watch with joy. After he’s spent himself on the inanimate pussy, you could whip out the strap-on and tell him to go to town on your real thing.

Good luck!

Make that move right now, baby!

Weeee’re back! We all had a terrific Spring Break and now The Dr Dick Review Crew is ready to dazzle you once again with a new load of sex toys.

We welcome yet another swell online retailer, the amazing SexToy.com.  The Review Crew has been invited to join them in reviewing the vast array of adult products they carry. So over the coming months we will be sharing with you tons of new products. Welcome aboard SexToy.com.

This week we bring you an interesting selection from the SexToy.com catalogue. Review Crew Members — Jack & Karen, Ken & Denise and Glenn & Hank do the honors

3” Aluminum Butt Plug —— $36.30

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Those who follow our reviews know that both Jack and I are relative new-cumers to anal. Sometimes it takes us a while to warm up to a full on ass-ult. We both really get into it once we’re loosened up a bit. Originally, I offered up my butt to please him. I didn’t think there’d be much in it for me, but I was willing to give it a try for him. Boy, was I ever mistaken. I swear, I’m getting the lion’s share of the pleasure when Jack fucks me back there.”
Jack: “I love her for trying anal, just for me. And because she did it just to please me, I figured it was high time for me to do the same.”
Karen: “I love the control and sense of power I have when I strap one on.”
Jack: “Like Karen said; we both still need a warm up when it’s our turn to bottom. And we discovered just the right thing for us both. It’s the 3” Aluminum Butt Plug from California Exotics.”
Karen: “Neither one of us has ever used a butt plug before, so this was virgin territory for us both. This beauty is polished, seamless aluminum, gently weighted at the head for heavenly internal stimulation. It has a very gentle teardrop shape that makes insertion deliciously easy. And there’s no chance that it will slip all the way in, because the base prevents that.”
Jack: “Because it’s nonporous it is easily cleaned and sterilized so that we can share the toy. Only problem now is we’re fighting over who gets to use it first.”
Karen: “The 3” Aluminum Butt Plug is very comfortable to wear too. I can easily wear it for an hour or two. I had been wondered how I could work on loosening myself up before the big event with Jack. So here’s what I’ve come up with. In anticipation of some hot backdoor action with Jack, I simply insert the plug in advance of our play together. Wearing this thing for even 30 minutes makes my ass hungry for more.”
Jack: “She’s like totally primed for my dick when play time begins. And you can warm or chill aluminum for an added sensation.”
Full Review HERE

Fetish Fantasy Ultra Position Master —— $54.45

Ken & Denise
Denise: “I’m all about being comfortable when having sex.”
Ken: “Yeah, unless the object is to be decidedly uncomfortable, right honey?”
Denise: “That’s right, dear. So we jumped at the opportunity to try out this Ultra Position Master. It’s basically an oversized inflatable cushion that has a kind of wedge shape to it. It’s supposed to make just about any sex position more comfortable.”
Ken: “It also has four EZ-Grip handles, two on each side, for the fucker and fuckee to hang on to. Very clever idea! It’s a vinyl blow-up kinda thing covered in this black-flocked material. This keeps it from skidding on the carpet or bed when the action gets hot and heavy. Which is another terrific selling point, to my mind.”
Denise: “The package says that the air seal valve makes inflating the wedge a snap. Well, that’s only partially true. Blowing up this thing, without some kind of pump, is a fuckin chore. It’s true that when you blow into the cushion the valve keeps it from deflating between breaths. But damn, blowing it up knocked the wind out of us both…literally. The manufacturer really needs to include some kind of pump with this thing.
Ken: “I totally agree. By the time we got it fully inflated, and fully inflated is the key; we didn’t much want to bother with the fuckfest. But we did press on, good Review Crew Members that we are.”
Denise: “The package also touts the fact that the Ultra Position Master can support up to 300 pounds. Again, I have to disagree. Ken and I started out mimicking the positions we saw on the package. You have to assume that the two models using the cushion in the promotional photos are together about 300 lbs if not more. But you don’t see the cushion straining to accommodate them. They are clearly not using the same product that we have. Or these photos have been altered. Either way, this is deceptive advertising and it really pisses me off.”
Ken: “Denise and I are not all that different in size for the models on the package, but the Ultra Position Master only supported one of us at a time. When we both but our full weight on it, it felt like it was gonna burst. There was even a creaking sound under us.”
Denise: “I certainly didn’t want it to burst, so we played it safe. The positions that allow for only one person on the cushion at a time are the only ones we tried. And frankly the Ultra Position Master worked fine for that. Like Ken mentioned earlier, the EZ-Grip handles are a very nice feature.”
Ken: “After our first go around with this thing we left it inflated so that our second event wouldn’t start out with us being breathless.”
Denise: “Two days later we went to collect our Ultra Position Master only to find that it had deflated quite a bit on its own in the interim. I was fit to be tied.”
Full Review HERE

Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master —— $21.87

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “First off; Hank and I are Titan Media’s biggest fans.  You don’t know Titan Media? Get with it, fuckers! They’re about the best gay porn producers out there. Check it out. And a big shout out to our favorite Titan star, Tony Buff.”
Hank: “The reason Glenn said what he did about Titan Media is because today we have one of their signature toys to review. It’s called the Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master. We’ve seen these online for months now and have been itchin’ to get our paws on some of these.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master is so hot lookin. It big; it’s bold; it’s ribbed and it’s my favorite color — black.”
Hank: “If I know Glenn, and I think I do, his rosebud was twitchin’ in anticipation of this billy club of a vibe landin’ where the sun don’t shine.”
Glenn: “Oh man; I could hardly wait to get it out of the package.”
Hank: “It’s waterproof, bendable and truly man-sized. It’s powered by 2 AA batteries, which are not included in the package.”
Glenn: “So I rip through the package to get hold of this monster and low and behold the thing smells totally funky. It has this strong odor of off gas that tells me this thing is not made of quality materials. Don’t know what off gas is; look it up! You’ll be just as freaked out as me.
This really sucks, in my humble opinion. The package says that it’s made of Silagel. Never heard of it. But it is supposed to be anti-bacterial, non-toxic and latex free. If it’s non-toxic; what’s causing the smell?”
Hank: “We’ve been doing these reviews long enough to know that when a toy smells funny, like this one does, we know not to use it on, or in our bodies. Our noses are our first line of defense against harmful materials. Your nose should be too.”
Glenn: “So I scrubbed the blasted thing down with soap and hot water before using it. There was still a faint smell after its bath, so I decided to slip a condom over it before I had Hank shoved it in my ass.”
Hank: “The condom, while a wise precaution, really took away from the kick-ass look of the toy. And that’s really too bad. I wonder why Titan didn’t insist on silicone for their signature line. Everything else they do is first class, why not their toys? Most of us don’t mind paying a bit more for a quality toy. Know what I mean?”
Glenn: “So anyhow, with new batteries in place I tested out the vibration. It’s pretty wimpy in terms of vibration, even at the highest speed.”
Hank: “And the rheostat kinda speed adjustment thingy on the toy’s base is pathetically second rate.”
Full Review HERE

ENJOY!

3 Hits and A Miss

We’re back with a slew of new reviews.  The intrepid Dr Dick’s Review Crew tackles a mixed bag of treats.

Today we will hear from Review Crew Members: Jada, Ken & Denise, Kevin and Jack & Karen.  So without further ado…

We begin with a couple of new offerings from that gargantuan adult toy company, Doc Johnson.  Here’s Jada to tell us about the first one.

Doc Johnson i-Vibe Rabbit Vibrator —— $36.30

Jada
The very first vibe I ever owned was a rabbit vibrator. I got off on it in record time, every time. But it was such a wild looking contraption I never really warmed up to it.

Aesthetically speaking, there’s something about the “rabbit” doohickey that juts out from the vibe’s shaft that I find disturbing. Don’t get me wrong; I understand the reason it is there. For most women, clitoral stimulation is what gets us off. I’m guessing that the 350__1_ivibe-rabbit-vibrator-grape.jpginsertable shaft, which is, strangely enough, usually penis shaped, is a way we tip our hat to the male member, even though most of our vibrator use is by ourselves. Frankly, I’ve never really understood that. I just don’t know too many women who need a penis reminder when we’re masturbating.

This suggests to me that these designs originate in the male mind. I wish there was a way I could substantiate this.

Ok, so from the aesthetics point of view the i-Vibe Rabbit Vibrator doesn’t do a thing for me. But I won’t detract points on that account either. I review the toy on its merits.

Speaking of aesthetics; what I do like about this toy is its packaging. It’s a plastic clamshell that slips inside a frosted oval plastic sheath. It’s a very nice presentation that I find very attractive.

The i-Vibe Rabbit uses 4-AA batteries and they are not included in the package. DISAPPOINTED! The battery compartment is easy to use and it seals shut making the toy waterproof. That’s a big plus in my book.

The keypad controls are pretty intuitive, although I think they should be in the reverse position. Like I said, most women use a vibrator on themselves. Looking down on the keypad, while using it on myself I see the controls upside down.

There are two main utilities — clitoral tickler (the rabbit) and shaft vibration (which doesn’t really vibrate, rather it rotates the beads in the shaft as well as the penis shaped head). There are different speeds and three functions. Frankly, I think all this is overkill.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Next, Kevin introduces us to the other Doc Johnson product.

Doc Johnson Harmony Divine Yin —— $49.99

Kevin
I’m happy to report that I had better luck with my toy then Jada did.

This here is the Harmony Divine Yin (black), which is exactly like the Yang (white), except for the color. It is a multi-speed (3), waterproof vibe with a very stylish shape. Despite having an interesting shape, there is nothing about it that suggests craftsmanship. You can tell immediately that it is mass-produced. There is also a disposable quality about it, which is too bad. Because with a little more though behind this, the Harmony Divine Yin could have been something quite remarkable.Sex_Toys_DJ091511

It is made of hard plastic. I didn’t think I was going to take to the hardness, but I wound up liking it very much. So I have no quarrel with the material used.

The batteries (2-AAA) are easy to install. No batteries are included in the package, which sucks. And the battery compartment is easily closed to create what they claim is a watertight fit. I use it in the shower, but I won’t use it in the bath. I’d just as soon not ruin this by tempting the fates, if ya know what I mean.

Harmony Divine Yin is not very powerful, but I won’t kick it out of bed. The nipple-like button turns it on and cycles through the three speeds. The hard plastic conducts the vibration better than say a jelly toy would; so there’s that. It’s pretty quiet too.

The serious end of Harmony Divine Yin is sort of plug-shaped and is nearly 2 inches in diameter at its widest part. In terms of this being used as a butt plug or a prostate stimulator, it isn’t for the novice butt pirate. However, it’s a nice external stimulator for your taint (perineum) and balls. Because it’s hard plastic, you can sit on it with the pointy end on your rosebud while you whack off. It gives you a nice little buzz. If you’re gonna use it internally; lube is a necessity. Again, because it’s hard plastic, you can use whatever kind of lube you want. This will make the tapered end easier to insert. Not that it’s particularly difficult for those of us who know what we’re doing.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Jack & Karen tell us about a new Tristan Taormino video.

The Expert Guide to Anal Sex ——  $29.95

Jack & Karen
Jack:  “So ya’ll know I’m real new at the whole butt sex thing, right?  I’m still discovering the pleasures that lie within.”
Karen:  “I’ve been dying to strap on one and give this boy a pegging he will not forget.”
Jack:  “It’s talk like that that give me pause.”
Karen:  “Sorry, honey, I was just making a little joke.”DVDVIVID1277
Jack:  “What my foray into anal sex has done for me is give me a greater sensitivity toward women and the invasive sex they have all the time.  I mean, if someone were to fuck me in the ass like I have fucked some women in the pussy, without even so much as a warm-up, I’d fuckin kill them.”
Karen:  “That is an awakening that I wish all men would come to sooner rather than later.”
Jack:  “Anyhow, not to veer too far off topic; I was glad we got this DVD to review.  It really opened my eyes to the pleasures to be had in butt fucking.”
Karen:  “This is a terrific resource for the novice as well as the proficient alan sex practitioners.  International sex expert, Tristan Taormino, talks to a group of (straight) couples about anal anatomy, as well as delvers tips, and techniques of anal pleasure. Her co-hosts, Lorelei and Ariel, demonstrate various techniques as Tristan narrates what they are doing.  There’s even a Q&A period.”
Jack:  “It is both super arousing and very informative.  This is a co-production with one of porn’s biggest companies, Vivid.  So you know it’s gonna be hot.  Unfortunately, and this is a huge disappointment for me; it’s only about women receiving anal.  What, they couldn’t have included some men on the receiving end?  Bummer.”
Karen:  “That is so true!  But that doesn’t diminish the information imparted.  For example, Tristan talks about lubes and desensitizing agents; and that’s applicable to both women and men.”
Jack:  “You get comments from Tristan as well as pop-up tips about the action throughout the feature.  I also liked the way the performers talked about anal sex and why they like it.  This goes a long way in helping demystify what is often a taboo subject for most couples.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally, let’s have a little fun with Ken & Denise and their parlor game.  (This is a Good Vibrations Brand Ambassador review.)

Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion ——  $16.95

Ken & Denise
Denise:  “I love games, all kinds of games.  I guess I’m just a party girl at heart.”
Ken:  “I, on the other hand, think most games, especially parlor games are boring.”
Denise:  “Yeah, but this one is different, because it’s like a sex game.”
Ken:  “So we had two of our favorite couples over for dinner last week.  We were all sufficiently socially lubricated, if ya catch my drift.  We plunked ourselves down in front of the fire for a little postprandial toke, when little Mary sunshine over here hauls out the Truth or Dare game!”
Denise:  “What a better time for a little fun?”NAUGHTY_MTL_Truth_Or_Dare2
Ken:  “I’m thinkin’ ‘oh god, do we have to?’  But our friends who are green with envy over our gig on Dr Dick’s Review Crew were like, ‘cool, let’s do this!’”
Denise:  “Luckily, considering the condition we were all in, the game is super simple.  There’s one die that you roll and two stacks of cards — one marked Truth, the other marked Dare.”
Ken:  “The die has Truth or Dare on six of the eight sides.  The other two sides have the word ‘Wild’ on it.  If you roll that, you get to choose either a Truth or Dare card.  Then you can either do the thing yourself or order your partner to perform the task, or you can pass.”
Denise:  “We all got increasingly silly as the game wore on.  If you choose a Truth card, it may read, ‘If you could watch an intimate moment from your partner’s life before your met, what would that be?’ ‘Would you ever buy a private lap dance for your partner?’  ‘What authority figure possesses the most erotic possibilities for you?’  ‘What sensual characteristic or ability do you envy in the opposite sex?’”
Ken:  “The Dare” cards are equally innocuous; however, they often involve props — computers, whipped cream, makeup, etc.  ‘You are the subject of an impromptu erotic photo shoot.  You partner will be the photographer…’  ‘Perform a seductive and enticing striptease to the music of your choice.’ ‘Create a bondage costume using nothing but plastic wrap!’  You get the idea.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

On a need to know basis.

Name: Jackye
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: London.
Do you have a suggestion regarding sexual positions for easier anal sex?

I sure do, doll!  Try it doggy style.  It’s the most popular position for gettin’ it in the bum.  It’s a very basic sex position, where the bottom bends over a bed, a couch, a chair, the whatnot shelf, and the top nails him or her in ass from behind. For obvious reasons, this position is also called as the rear entry position.  And just so you know that we ain’t completely uncultured slobs here at Dr Dick’s Sex Advice, the Latin name for doggy style is coitus ferarum, which literally means ‘fucking in the manner of the beasts’.

doggy_sex_positionDoggie style is a preferred position for most people of the female persuasion, because it allows the top to directly stimulate the chick’s G spot for that really yummy feeling.  This position also allows for a hands-free fuck. The top can busy his/her hands fondling the bottom’s tits and all his/her junk in the trunk.  Similarly, the bottom’s hands are also free to diddle him or herself and or grab somethin of the top’s, like his nuts or her taint.

There is no major exertion of limb muscles, just as long as the top bends his/her bottom over something high enough so that he/she won’t have to strain his/her knees while gettin that hot monkey love.

Politically correct folks think this sexual position is too submissive for a woman in straight sex. She being pretty much locked position, and under the control of the male top.  But I say, fuck political correctness.  If you like this position, use it.  Better yet, once you get nailed, strap one on and give as good as you get.

Like everything in life, the doggie position has some drawbacks. An inexperienced bottom may encounter discomfort, because the top can penetrate very deep in this position.  For the romantics among us, they’ll be unable to maintain eye contact or kiss during the fuck.  And of course, there is also no frontal visual stimulation, unless you’re bumping in front of a mirror.  Which is never a bad idea.

I suggest you try  “the woman-on-top” — cowgirl position too.  See the photo below.  This position will provide you more control over the depth and speed of your partner’s thrusts.cowgirl

Another swell position is the spoon position. Here the top lies on his/her side with knees bent slightly forward. The bottom lies in front, facing the other way and positions him/herself in such a way so that his/her butt lines up with the top’s dick or strap-on.  This allows for a pretty much effortless fuck for both top and bottom.  Folks have been known to fall asleep mid fuck in this position.  Don’t let this happen to you. Hey, and it’s real easy for the couple to switch sides too.

The advantages of the spoon position are pretty clear, huh?  Both the top and bottom are reclining.  There is little to no exertion and it’s an ideal position for us older folk, or the truly jumbo among us.  After the fuck is finished the couple can remain in this position for a very long time extending the afterglow.

The bottom can do the old reach around and grab somethin’ of the top’s to play with.  The top can also reach around for easy access to tits and pussy or tits and cock.  (Do you see how I’m going out of my way to be inclusive with instructions?  I hope so.)  And the lucky bottom gets the joy of being plugged and cuddled all at the same time. This might be a better option than doggie style for the inexperienced bottom, because he/she will have some control over the depth of the penetration.

While some folks think this position is downright boring, because it doesn’t involve much activity on the part of either top or bottom.  The spoon position does get the politically correct seal of approval.  It’s one of those egalitarian sexual positions, don’t cha know.  Neither the top nor the bottom is in a superior position.  Isn’t that special?

Name: Chad
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Alaska
My new girlfriend is 5 years older than me and she is a total freak.  She has purple hair, 5 tattoos and a 7 piercings, including her labia.  She wants me to get my dick pierced.  I said I’d think about it, but she says I’m a pussy for putting it off.  I know lots of guys have piercings, but is it safe?

I firmly believe in the right of every adult to augment, adorn and embellish, or in any other way customize his or her body.  However, I draw the line at someone goading or harassing another person to do so.   And it sounds to me like your freaky-deaky GF is badgering you to do just that.  So if I were you, I’d tell her to back off till you can sanely make up your mind.  It’s a good thing you’re being so thoughtful about this, because even though a piercing is not permanent, like a tattoo, there still are risks involved…more even than getting inked.

As body piercing becomes trendier in the popular culture, many people try to outdo each pa_0other with unusual piercings. However, all the most common piercings have their roots in the traditions of tribal peoples throughout the world.

The first thing you should know is that body piercing is an art form.  It is best practiced by well-trained, highly qualified and seasoned professionals.  If you entrust your body to an amateur you’re asking for trouble.  Do your homework.  As piercing establishments proliferate, some will be better than others. In most jurisdictions piercers and their salons are required to be registered and licensed. You might want to check your local health department for a information and recommendations.

Before you decide to proceed, visit the piercer in his/her shop. Ask questions. Ask them how they sterilize their instruments and jewelry (autoclaving is the only safe method). Nowadays, all needles should be single use instruments.  They should be opened just prior to the piercing, and then disposed of immediately thereafter. If the shop offers other adornments, like tattooing, make sure the piercing is done in a separate room (for privacy as well as hygiene).

Most people are initially concerned with the pain involved in getting pierced.  Depending on what you’re getting pierced, there will be moderate to a whole lot of pain.  And that’s just the beginning.  Once the jewelry is in place there will be at least 2-3 days when the piercing area is very sensitive to the touch.  Because some areas of the body have more blood vessels than others, like your dick for example, expect some blood loss and a lot of swelling post-piercing.  Trust me, gettin’ a boner afterwards will be your worst nightmare.

That being said, you will be amazed at how resilient your body’s is.  It has a phenomenal ability to heal itself.   Of course, the practitioner should provide you with detailed aftercare instructions.  These will outline all the procedures and aftercare products you’ll need to attend to yourself while you heal.  A word of caution, if your general health is compromised in anyway; if you are sick, run- down or over-worked, or immune-compromised in any way, your body’s ability to heal will be decreased and there will be an increase in the risk of infection.

As you heal, any pressure on a piercing has the potential to aggravate and inflame the site.  You’d best refrain from contact sports, manual labor, or anything else that irritate your new piercing. Most piercings take a minimum of 6 weeks to heal. Wearing tight clothes, touching the piercing with dirty hands, contact with bodily fluids, rough treatment, and using inappropriate cleaning agents will diminish your body’s ability to heal and increase the risk of infection.  Hey, and don’t skimp on the quality of jewelry you choose either.  Poor grade jewelry can fuck up the piercing big time.

Given all the pain and risks, you might ask, why do people bother getting pierced at all?  Well, that’s pretty easy to answer.  Piercings aficionados agree; a piercing enhances sex by providing a greater degree of stimulation to one’s self and one’s partner.

The most popular cock piercings is the Prince Albert. It has the fastest healing time and is considered the most sexually appealing of cock piercings. It enters the urethra and exits immediately behind the glans on the underside of the cock.  There is a variation called the reverse Prince Albert, which enters the urethra and exits on the top of the dick head. This piercing requires less cleaning than most since urine aids in the healing process.  However afterwards, most men find that they have to sit down to pee or they dribble all over themselves.  You’ll need to allow one week of sexual abstinence post piercing and 2-4 months for it to heal completely.  In the interim always use a condom until you’re fully healed.

Good luck ya’ll

Don’t forget the Seattle Fetish & Fantasy Festival!

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Lookin’ for a little somethin’ that will perk up that ho-hum sex life of yours?  I thought so.  Well then, here’s your opportunity to learn a few new tricks.  (Along with a slew of other sex-positive adults of every persuasion.)

I’ll be there, so you know it’s gonna be good.  Hell, if you’re lucky, and register early, you can even take one of my workshops.  YOU CAN REGISTER ONLINE!

April 10-11, 2009
2 Days of Classes,
Music & Food

Be there or be square!

Merrily We Roll Along!

Hey sex fans,

I hope ya’ll survived the holidays. I did! Although I can’t tell you how glad I am that all that nonsense is over.

Before we begin, I just want to remind you that my podcasts will resume next Monday, January 07. I have a slew of interesting questions that have been piling up over the past couple of weeks. So I can guarantee you it will be a juicy podcast. Don’t miss it!

Name: Fay
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: LA
I met this guy on the Internet and he seemed nice and all, but I wasn’t that turned on to him. All I remember is he was pretty nerdy and had really sweaty palms. We went out a couple of time, nothing serious. He just wasn’t my type. So I stopped responding to his calls. Last week I was out at this club with some friends and I saw Mr. Nerdy with this other chic. And I was like, wait a minute, that skank’s hornin’ in on my stuff! I know I wasn’t returning his calls, but still, I saw him first. It was like totally freaky, how they were all kissy-kissy right there in everyone’s face. What should I do?

Seriously? What should you do? How about getting a life. you vacuous twit? And Iwoman_screaming.jpg mean that in the nicest sort of way.

If you could just pull your head out of your ass long enough for you to listen to yourself; your misguided notions about dating and your fundamental lack of respect for the feelings of others would surly grate on you as much as it does me. Your mindless chatter is like fingernails on a blackboard. I mean REALLY!

Think about what you are suggesting here. You’re gettin’ all territorial about some guy you could barely bring yourself to give the time of day to and then blew off like he was excess baggage. You didn’t bother to take the time to look beyond his nerdy-ness and his sweaty palms like this other woman have done. Had you done so, you might have discovered what this other “skank,” as you so lovingly refer to her, has found. But ya didn’t!

Like most nerds, this guy probably developed other means of making himself attractive and interesting to compensate for his nerdy-ness. Maybe he’s got a big ol’ dick, or he’s great in the sack. Maybe he got a big bank account or maybe he simply has a handle on the basic social graces, something that you, dear Fay, have yet to grasp.

Your jealousy is neither cute nor charming. It does, however, mark you as self-centered and childish. For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of a person’s lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Here’s a tip: try and develop a healthier sense of self, so that you’ll mature into someone who can interact with others in a respectful manner that is befitting another human being.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Toronto
I’m 25, 5-foot-7 and weigh 105 pounds. I take care of my body by eating right and exercising regularly. My problem is that I hate the way I look. I am actually repulsed by my body. I take very brief showers and avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m not a prude. Others being nude is fine with me. But my body image issues are hindering my sexual encounters. I always want to wear a shirt or have the lights off.

My current boyfriend says that if I trust him enough to sleep with him I should trust him enough to let him see me naked. He also has told me that we can’t continue seeing each other if this doesn’t improve. But I let him see every part of my nude body — just not all at once. So he knows I’m not hiding some monstrous deformity or anything. I guess I thought my boyfriend would be more sensitive to my fear and let me stay covered up. Do I owe him nudity?

Hold on there, girlfriend, you think your BF is being insensitive because he wants to enjoy your body in the buff…with the lights on? You think that he’s sticking around just to needle you about your phobia? Honey, get over yourself!

Do you honestly think that your body-positive BF oughta facilitate and participatecrystal_pussy.jpg in your pathology? Yeah, like why don’t we all just sink to the lowest common denominator? And here’s a tip, doll: you do have a monstrous deformity. Perhaps it’s not a physical deformity, but it sure enough is a psychological one.

I concur with your boyfriend; your relationship is on the line here. You need to get a handle on your hang-ups, darlin’, or you can just say good-bye to whatever sex and intimacy you may currently be enjoying.

Listen, I have a thing about sex and intimacy being a gift one gives another. So I ask you, how can you give yourself as a gift to anyone if you are disgusted with the gift you’re giving? And you’ll never convince me that your body issues aren’t seeping into and sabotaging the sex you may be having with your long-suffering BF. I’ll betcha you don’t let him get too close to the body parts you begrudgingly expose to him…when the lights are out.

Joanne, like I suggest above, being repulsed by your own body is a sign of a deep psychological problem. I’d suggest you get to the bottom of this with a sex-positive therapist right away.

When I encounter this sort of thing in my practice, inevitably my client and I discover a past body related trauma to be at root of his or her current disgust. Left untreated, this aversion could easily morph into a desire to do yourself harm. It’s a common enough phenomenon; so don’t let that happen.

And to your closing question about do you “owe” him nudity; what the fuck is that? Is your sexuality and the intimacy you share with your BF something to be bid and bargained for, like beads in a bazaar? Sex and intimacy is either a gift freely given or it’s coerced.

If you’re feeling coerced about being naked with the man who loves you, you’d better set him free and get thee to a nunnery.

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

Without further ado, here’s dr dick’s long awaited seminar on being a great ass fuckin’ top. This is a companion piece to an earlier tutorial for you novice bottoms out there — Liberating the BOB Within (That’s Big Old Bottom).

closeup1.jpgThis tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top in butt fucking sex, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime or a beef substitute — like a strap-on dildo, these words of wisdom are for you.

Some people are not open to experimentation when it comes to their precious asshole. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse…the mere idea grosses them out. First off, you don’t want to try toppin’ one of these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force, or worse belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud if he/she is not inclined to do so. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in gettin’ the unwilling bottom to relent and the attempted fuck confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful and/or gross; you will have won the skirmish, but you will have lost the war.

Second, before a top commences a fuck of any kind he or she oughta considerfemale_buttfuck.jpg whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck-fest. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. If a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring his/her ass, that top needs to resign him or herself to concentrating on the bottom’s pleasure first and foremost.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand and massage the outside of his or her hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When her sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s butt with a lubricated finger tip. After a few minutes of just hangin’ out down there with your finger in his poop chute, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. When you’re fingerin’ someone for the first time, be sure to take your time. Allow his or her muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

fingering.jpgWhen a top fingers a bottom like this, he or she ought consider the width of his dick or her strap-on while doing so. For example, once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort he or she is ready to take a modest sized cock or dildo inside. If you’re very well endowed or you plan to strap on a dildo that resembles a floor lamp, you’d better adjust this finger formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment.

A clean asshole is a happy and fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms need to anally douche beforehand. And tops, once your cock or your strapped on dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else (mouth, pussy, whatever) until you’ve washed it with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department is just inviting a very serious infection.

Tops, be sure to use a good lube and make sure you have your favorite condoms near to hand. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider —

  • your preference
  • the bottom’s preference
  • your cock and/or dildo size
  • your body type, and the bottom’s body type.

femalebutthole.jpgYou may find that a pillow or two will help support and prop up the bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is definitely not a sign from god that ass fucking itself is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few predictable reasons: the bottom is too tense and is tightening up. The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard. There may not be enough lubricant. Or the cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously. both top and bottom should be comfortable and feel at least some pleasure in the fuck. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on who’s pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and then listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant…and a lot of it. Water-based lubes are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, then resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked does not insure pleasurable cornhole-ing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender his or her ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and smutty.
  6. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions, men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

inthehay.jpgOh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them.

The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight (no pun intended). After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking than others.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will win the day.

Good luck ya’ll

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