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We’ve Only Just Begun…

Name: Donna
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: Salt Lake City.
I’m turning to you for help, because I don’t have anyone else to ask. My boyfriend, who is 19, and I are very much in love. We plan to marry next year. But we both want to start having sex now. We are both virgins and we think we need help overcoming the natural obstacles, if you know what I mean.

Gee, I’m not sure I know what you mean by natural obstacles. Are you talking about physical things? Emotional things? Maybe you just need a little tutorial on how to get started. I’ll try to at least touch upon all these things, but first I want to thank you for entrusting me with your concerns. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t have others in your community to approach. I guess that says a lot about the family values and community standards where you live.

teen_sexuality.jpgI have lots to say about beginning a sexual life with another person. Curiously enough the information I am about to share is applicable to both women and men and it applies to any and all sexual orientations. That’s the beautiful part of human sexuality. There is so much common ground. In fact, there is way more that we have in common than what separates us.

Ok, so here goes. Be yourselves. Let your natural feeling of affection for one another lead you. Always use a condom (This applies to penis/vagina and/or anal sex.) Be gentle; be curious; seek your partner’s pleasure before your own; and most importantly, have a sense of humor about the whole damned thing.

Just about everyone who is sexually inexperienced will also lack sexual confidence. It can be nerve-wracking not being sure what to do to satisfy your partner. Sometimes this nervousness is contagious. Your anxiety can make your partner anxious. The surefire way to get around this is to not pretend you know what the fuck you’re doing, if ya don’t. The best way to find out what to do is to ask your partner what he/she likes and how she/he likes it. If they don’t know or can’t tell you, then you can find out together with some sex play. And I do mean play, not work.1sexual_response_cycle_male

This is where our natural sexual curiosity comes in. And we all have that to one degree or another. Sexual confidence comes from knowing. Curiosity will bring you knowledge.

There will be no room for curiosity if the only thing on your mind is the old in an out. That’s why I suggest you put off full-on fucking till you get the lay of the land, so to speak. Besides, there are lots and lots of ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve intercourse.

Like I said, sexual confidence comes with understanding the mysteries of our sexual response cycle. Each one of us is different and the differences are most pronounced between the sexes. If you haven’t discovered at least the fundamentals of your own response cycle through masturbation; then you’re really not really ready to gift yourself to another person just yet.

female sexual response cycleYa see, the more you know about your body; how it works; where your pleasure centers are; the kind of stimulation you need and want to come to full arousal; the more information you’ll have to pass on to your partner. Even if your partner is more experienced than you, he/she will still need to get to know the intricacies of your individual response cycle.

Sexual confidence stems from being able to please your partner. When you know what you are doing you project an air of self-assurance. This is not the same thing as cockiness, mind you, although that might be a very fun attribute to have too.

The best lovers look to pleasure their partners before they expect to be pleasured. Delaying your own pleasure, particularly if you’re a guy, so that you can provide multiple orgasms to your partner will reap great pleasurable rewards for you when it’s your turn. Besides, giving pleasure is often as pleasurable as being pleasured.

Sexual confidence translates into sexual assertiveness. Each partner should take equal responsibility for initiating sex. Trust me, this is not merely a man’s role. And sexual assertiveness translates into sexual creativity. If you’re timid about trying new things, you’re gonna short-circuit a whole lot of pleasure.black teens

Learn to ask for what you want and how you want it. Communication is key to a healthy and vibrant sex life. Never underestimate the your partner’s ability to develop and grow sexually. Check in with your partner on a regular basis. Don’t assume you know what turns him/her on today, just because it turned her/his crank the other day.

Feelings of sexual inadequacy, discomfort with your body, anxiety about your skills will destroy your sex life. If you are plagued with any of these things get help with them before your bring them to a sexual partnership.

sexual confidenceSexual confidence comes down to knowing yourself and being able to communicate your likes and wants to your partner. If you’re simply gonna be passive about your pleasure, you’ll wind up getting only what is dished out to you. And for many women, that is woefully insufficient. Don’t expect your partner to know any more about pleasuring you than you do, even if she/he has had more partners then you.

Allow yourselves the time or space you need to feed your intimacy needs. If you expect to discover sexuality with your partner in the backseat of a car, you’re gonna cum up short. Passion and spontaneity is great, but what I’m talking about is different from that. Think of it as learning to walk before you run.

Being a terrific lover is dependent on know-how. Skill comes through practice. So practice, practice, practice! Keep it fun. When it stops being play and starts being work, put it aside for another day.

Good luck

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More of The Erotic Mind of Kathleen Warnock — Podcast #412 — 03/24/14


Hey sex fans, welcome back.kathleen2

The outstanding author, editor, playwright, and literary curator, Kathleen Warnock is back with us today for Part 2 of her turn on this The Erotic Mind show. Kathleen and I had such a good time together last week and I had so much more to discuss with her, so I asked her to come back today and she agreed. I’m sure she will also read for us again this week because she’s really sweet that way.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our chat, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #411 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Kathleen and I discuss:

  • Reading erotica e-publications and hard copies;
  • What’s up with her Facebook page and Twitter feed;
  • When she started writing and when the erotic stuff began to show up;
  • Being a writer herself makes her more sympathetic towards other writers;
  • Her plays — lesbian characters and lots of kissing;
  • The differences and similarities between writing fiction and playwriting;
  • The growing popularity of the fetish and BDSM subgenre of erotica;
  • The burgeoning transgender subgenre of erotica and the push back from traditionalists;
  • What she looks for in the erotic art and erotica of others;
  • Her inspirations and her sexual heroes;
  • Advice for the novice writer of erotica.

Kathleen reads from the Forward of The Best Lesbian Erotica 2014.

Kathleen invites you to visit her on her beautiful site HERE! Her Facebook page is HERE! And her Twitter feed is HERE!

(Click on the cover art below to discover volumes featuring Kathleen’s work.)

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BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Backdoor Basics – Tutorial for a Bottom

The Last Of My Winter Workshops!

(Let’s pretend it’s not happening two weeks into spring.)

When: 04/03/14 — 7PM to 9PM
Where: Foundation For Sex Positive Culture — 1608 15th Ave W. Seattle, WA 98119 — The Annex
Who: Anyone 18+ with ID
Cost at the Door: $25 Advance prices: $20 for Individuals, $35 for Couples and $50 for Triads.

Purchase your tickets HERE!

***Space is Limited So Get Your Tickets NOW!***
This workshop is open to all regardless of gender, orientation, or relationship status.

Learn the ins and outs of anal pleasure in this tutorial primarily directed toward the bottom. But don’t be butt_fuck5.jpgsurprised to discover lots of tips for the novice top too. Anal play is a source of curiosity for many, but it’s often surrounded by fear that it’s gonna be painful, or worse-messy. This class will address those issues and put them to rest.

We’ll cover a wide variety of topics, including:

  • Anal anatomy
  • Preparation and hygiene
  • Lubes, toys, and condom use
  • Beginner booty play
  • All-important warm-up techniques
  • Anal sex myths and misconceptions
  • And so much more!

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Remember, everyone has a butt; why not learn how to relax and enjoy yours!

There will be lots of adult product to giveaway too.

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EQUINOX

spring

Spank me, daddy!

Name: Karla
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: Quebec
I think I want to try spanking. I never tried it, but it gets me hot thinking about it. I think my partner might be up for it, but I have yet to ask him. I thought I’d ask you first. What are your thoughts about spanking?

If you’ve been a bad girl, Karla, then I think you definitely need a spanking. Have you been naughty, Karla? Precisely how naughty have you been, Karla? Everyone here at Dr Dick Sex Advice wants to know!spank

Spanking is a very popular fetish, one that can be enjoyed with or without sex. At the same time, spanking might be a little risky if you entrust the task to someone who doesn’t know what she or he is doing. Of course, it’s not particularly difficult to learn the basics. So just for you, wayward Karla, I’m gonna offer a brief sexual enrichment tutorial on erotic spanking. YEAH!

Usually a hand or a paddle of some sort is used for spanking. This is different from whipping and flogging, which are much more advanced techniques than your garden-variety spanking. We’ll leave these techniques for another time.

There are two musts in this kind of power play:

  1. The spanker must always inquire about the health of the spankee before the play begins.
  2. Both participants must always agree on a safeword before the play begins. A safeword is a code word that the spankee will use as she is reaching a physical, emotional or moral boundary, or for when she wants the spanker to stop the play.

The safeword will be a word that spankee would not ordinarily use during the play, like “pickles.” This extraordinary word allows the spankee to scream “no, stop”, “Please, don’t!” etc. as much as she/he wants without really meaning it, and still have a way to stop the play when necessary.

435_girlshyspanking.jpgIf you actually get around to enticing your partner to join you for a little spanking entertainment, make sure the first adventure is fun for all. I suggest that the spanking be part of a role-play scenario that you and your BF develop together. Your partner may need lots of positive reinforcement, particularly if he reluctant to join you in your kink. Keep telling him how much fun you’ll both have in the role-play. For example, you could be the naughty schoolgirl and your partner could be the stern headmaster. Really get into your roles; you’ll both need to dress the part, of course. You—sexy short pleated Catholic schoolgirl skirt, anklets and trashy high-heels. Him—the domineering teacher in a drab, no-nonsense grey suit. Get the picture?

The headmaster calls you into his office for a corrective interview. He needs to teach you a lesson. He puts you over his knee. He’ll do lots of bottom rubbing first, as he’s lecturing you on your bad behavior. As he gets into it, he’ll be getting turned on too. “It will be a shame to spank this beautiful bottom of yours,” he’ll coo. “This is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you!”…that sort of thing. He’ll finger your pretty panties, but won’t remove them. He’ll start spanking very gently at first. Light taps on the fleshy part of your ass cheeks. If you want more, start wiggling into the spanking. Remember to stay in character. “No, Mr. Hardwood, that hurts, please don’t touch me there! Grind into his lap. Your body language will communicate your desire for him to continue and possibly intensify the spanking.

To insure the comfort of your partner, set some ground rules for your first play session. Don’t’ do bare-bottom spanking until he readily indicates his willingness to do so. If your partner is a feminist, this whole spanking thing may go against the grain for him. So remind him this is fantasy role playing; not real life.

The more you get into your roles, the more likely he’ll get into his roles — Catholic schoolgirl/Father Flanagan, slutty patient/naughty doctor — you get the idea. The more you please him, the better he’ll please you.

You’ll want to reward your partner for his participation. After the first session take him to dinner. Ask him for his reactions. What could you have done to make the scenario more pleasurable for him? Talk about your reactions. Tell him how much you appreciated his participation. Talk about the scenario and how well he did. Tell him what you liked most about the spanking itself. If you sense that he’s content with events thus far, you could plan for more.

Xcite six spanking stories cover spanked.jpeg bottoms up spanking good erotica guide to spanking     Schoolgirls Spanking

Set aside a couple of role-play evenings in the coming weeks. If he continues to be open and receptive, you can add more and more spanking, different implements, a ruler, a hairbrush, a paddle. If you want spankings on other parts of your body, tits, pussy, and the like introduce those slowly. The intensity of the spanking needs to be adjusted to more sensitive parts of the anatomy. Make sure there’s lots of feedback happening before and after each play session.

Spanking is a full-fledged fetish with loads of spanking associated erotica. It goes from mild to wild. Do some exploring together your BF. Check out some short stories, magazines or videos. You might want to include some of the hot girl-on-girl stuff for his benefit. Always talk about spanking in a positive way as something that is fun and enjoyable for both of you. Remember to also attend to your partner’s fantasies and the things that turn him on too. Who knows, there may be a time when the roles reverse and you could take your turn as the top and he the bottom. How fun would that be?

Like I said at the beginning, spanking is a stand-alone fetish, it may be a part of full-on sex, or it may be just a bonding thing between you and your partner.

In the end, introducing your partner to your kink is one of those — “Give To Get” things. Be attentive to him. Make sure he knows he’s the most special person in your life. The more satisfied he is; the more he’ll be open to pleasing you.

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