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Sex EDGE-U-cation with bootbrush — Podcast #328 — 04/18/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

We’re back from spring break with a bang! I have an extra special twofer show in store for ya today. My very edgy guest is here as part of both The Erotic Mind and the Sex EDGE-U-cation series. That means that this program will take a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative lifestyles. And because today’s guest is also an author of some deliciously perverted erotica, I will be picking his brain about what makes erotic artists tick, so to speak.

I have the pleasure of welcoming a man with a remarkably unique erotic voice. He goes by the moniker, bootbrush. His brand-spankin’ new book — Assimilation; Tales of Transformation and Surrender, was just published days ago. So we will be among the very first people to hear about it. And if that weren’t thrilling enough, bootbrush will read from his work. I pretty much can guarantee you that this will knock your socks off, sex fans.

bootbrush and I discuss:

  • His moniker and how he got it;
  • His new book — Assimilation; Tales of Transformation and Surrender;
  • The power and passion of rubber;
  • Transformation, becoming a puppy;
  • The growing puppy play scene;
  • The book’s dedication;
  • The men in his life — his lover and his Master/Handler;
  • His sense of play and its importance;
  • How he hit upon rubber as his fetish object.

For more of bootbrush visit his website HERE! Find him on Fetlife HERE! And follow him on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the book cover below to buy bootbrush’s new book.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

If it’s not one thing, it’s another…

Name: Malcolm
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Johannesburg
I’m in love with this guy who is as sweet as the day is long. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. What makes him so charming is he’s only recently come out as gay. Before this he was married. He is not jaded like so many other guys I meet. But there’s a problem. He’s real vanilla. I guess that’s the down side of coming out of a heterosexual marriage at the age of 35. He’s happy as a clam fucking me a couple times a week. He thinks anal sex is really adventurous and sexually daring. I on the other hand, am suffocating in the boredom. I know, now I sound really jaded, but I can’t help it. It’s just that there’s so much more to sex than what we are doing. I want to introduce him to some kinky shit, but I’m afraid that I will scare him off. What the fuck should I do?

I absolutely adore messages that start out: “I’m so in love. He/she is everything I ever wanted, blah, blah, blah!” Because I know that only a few words later the other shoe is gonna drop, and drop hard. “But there’s a problem, blah, blah, blah!”

Of course there’s a problem. There is always a problem…even with Mr. or Ms. Perfect, or maybe because your honey is so freakin perfect. Take it from me, sexual dissatisfaction will upset even the most tranquil and rosy apple cart and send everyone into a tizzy. Allow me to share with you something I wrote about this very issue about ten years ago. I think you will find the advice as fresh as the day it was written.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting depraved creature you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar don’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah’s always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with — lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

Good luck

More SEX WISDOM With Mac McGregor — Podcast #314 — 12/21/11


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Happy Solstice everyone! Here we are at yet another change in the seasons. Depending on where you live, the winter or summer solstice is upon us. And regardless the relentless march of time; there’s something about the changing of the seasons that I find very comforting. Just think, before ya know it we will be welcoming the equinox. I love the predictability of it all

This show also marks the end of the 2011 edition of my podcasts. We’ll all be on holiday for the next couple of weeks, don’t cha know. Podcasts will resume on Monday, January 9th, 2012 with a brand spankin’ new Q&A show.

To see us to the door, today so to speak, I’m delighted to welcome back my friend, Mac McGregor. He is a transman, author, activist, gender and sex educator, world-class martial artist and Seattle City Commissioner. He returns for Part 2 of his appearance on this the SEX WISDOM series.

But wait; you didn’t miss Part 1 of our conversation, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you will find it and all of my shows in the podcast archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the site’s search function in the header, type in podcast #313 and PRESTO! But don’t forget to use the #sign when you do your search.

Mac and I discuss:

  • The binary myth;
  • Surprising sexual awakenings;
  • The new term “gender queer”;
  • The gender specificity of language;
  • The shift from transsexual to transgender;
  • A question of vanity;
  • The Ingersoll Gender Center;
  • Sex work in the trans community;
  • Activism and sex education;
  • The search for kink positive and sex positive healing and helping professionals.

Mac invites you to visit him on his site HERE! Find him on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

Guess What, Honey? I’m A Kinky Old Perv!

And now, by popular demand, a reprint of an old favorite.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big-time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the lowly little bitch that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic—you know, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked til your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toejam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear—Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread.

Dear Dr. Dick,
Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink can be a little tricky; the whole love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go, either. Why not just stand tall like the filthy pervert you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to Little Miss Mary Sunshine? After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life walks with a pronounced limp (or perhaps is suffering from a case of the gout). Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows—s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Case in point. Here’s part of an exchange I had with a young man from Omaha.

Dear Doc,
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah, Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still just a teensy-weensy little pervert—but well on your way to Big Fat Perverthood (note: Big Fat Perverthood is not a clinical term; just something we toss around the office for fun), just like your girlfriend. And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it IS perverted, IS nasty and IS forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right, Jake? I absolutely love it!

Okay, back to telling your partner about your kink. Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar to her/him doesn’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah is always going on about.

This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with—lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, pee, role-playing—whatever your hearts desire.

Decide on a safe-word, an out-of-context word your partner can use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built-up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work, Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play. Because, as we all know, the key to fantastic sex is all about communicating – and if you can’t be honest about what you want, then it won’t be long until you’re looking around, wondering how the hell you got to a sex life full of furtive, 2 minute, missionary position encounters. And life is way too short for that crap.

the indomitable human spirit…follow up

I have something extraordinary to share with you.  Here is an email I received in response to Tuesday’s posting:  the indomitable human spirit

Dear Dr. Dick,

About your post today…thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate your words and I love that Roman and his girlfriend are having a good time and are willing to explore options.

I am disabled. I had polio as a 13 month old baby in 1955 and use forearm crutches for very short distances and a manual wheelchair for everything else. Basically, my shoulders serve the same function as hips do for others. Due to polio, multiple surgeries and post polio muscular atrophy, I also have some reduced sensation from the hips down and a lack of control with both legs.

I am also a very sensual and sexual person. I love the physical feeling of being touched and kissed, and absolutely relish having orgasms. I love the emotional rush of planning, organizing and getting ready for a sexy time with my guy, and I love the psychological boost of knowing I am desirable.

I have found the world of BDSM to be extremely helpful to me. I have a leather bustier and thong with flames; we have a restraint system under the mattress, a flogger, blindfolds, Hitachi Wand, assorted dildos and other fun toys. While I think people may come from the womb wired for a mindset that jives with BDSM, for someone disabled in the way that I am there are definite perks. The extra levels of touch and physical stimulation in BDSM play help me build toward an orgasm. The building of mood with language throughout the day, calling my guy Master, his comments about spanking my butt after supper, laying out the clothes, choosing the toys from our toy box, lighting the candles for wax play and burning my favorite incense…all work together to get me in the mood, physically and mentally.

BDSM is so much about the focus, the connection and the attention – either using all the senses, or purposely withholding one sense or another, that many people in the BDSM world already make adaptations for personal differences in play and are acutely aware when someone responds more sensually to a quiet whisper rather than a normal tone of voice, or to the sensations of one type of clamp rather than another. In that world, individual differences are considered normal, so my differences seem to make less difference to them. I know of several couples where one or both are disabled and choose to attend BDSM functions…and frequently it is the woman or man in the wheelchair who is the Dom in the relationship.

Vaginal intercourse is difficult for me. I don’t have the muscle tone to provide adequate stimulation for my guy to reach orgasm. The adaptation for that is oral or anal intercourse. I went to my gynecologist for a frank talk about any special concerns about anal intercourse for someone in my physical situation. I also called and talked with the Dom of a BDSM dungeon to ask the same questions. He gave me some great advice and ideas, probably more specific and useful information than the doctor.

I have found the Liberator pillows to be extremely helpful for positioning and, combined with the under the mattress restraint system, there is much less problem with losing control of my legs and accidentally kicking someone. Regular bed pillows and other positioning cushions that I have tried over the years would just scoot out from under me and were usually more frustrating than helpful. With any restraint system attention has to be paid to circulation and the restrained person never left alone, but that is true whether the people involved are disabled or not.

All that being said, a sense of dedication and a sense of humor are absolute necessities! Our attitude is one of discovering how to make things work rather than questioning whether they are possible. And humor simply must be part of the process. At one point I decided satin sheets and a matching sexy gown would be a great surprise to put my guy over the moon. A friend came over and put the satin sheets on the bed for me and when my guy arrived home I was waiting in the silky nightie on those expensive satin sheets. My beloved was quite excited and reached out to gently push me over just a bit so he could join me on the bed. Odd how slick those sheets were. I went sailing across the sheets and off the other side of the bed onto the floor. We laughed until we cried.

Thanks again for helping get the word out that disability does not equate to celibacy.

Hugs,
Donna

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