I like oral sex, but my new BF doesn’t know what he’s doing down there. He’s really sweet and I like him a lot. Unfortunately, he thinks he’s like this really great lover when actually he sucks…and not in a good way. I know he reads your column, he was the one that turned me on to your site, so could you give him some pointers on how to orally pleasure a woman. He doesn’t listen to me.
Alrighty then, Carol! Instead of me, who has no pussy, pontificating on the joys of muff diving, I turned to my #1 friend of the lesbian persuasion, Joy. Not only does she have her very own pussy, she sure as shootin’ knows her way around other pussies as well. I shared your letter with her and asked her for her advice. I figure, if you wanna learn how to do something right, ya talk to a pro. Simply put, no one sucks cock as good as a homo; no one gobbles clam like a dyke. Enough said!
Joy’s first comment was…and I quote; “What’s this chick doin’ with a dude? If she wants good head, he should bed a dyke. Once you go lezzie, you never go back.” Ahhh, Joy is such a…joy!
Ok, so giving a chick some head is about the most perfect sexual thing you can do for a woman. It makes her feel special. What woman doesn’t groove on knowin’ her partner finds her finger-lickin’ good? And maybe that’s a real good place to start this tutorial. If you don’t like the taste or smell of pussy juice, give up on the idea that you’ll be a fabulous lover. However, if you want to give this whole eating out at the Y thing a try, but you don’t know if you can handle your partner smell, or she’s unsure about you bein’ down there, thinking she might smell, you guys could start off by showering or bathing together.
Many women prefer oral to intercourse, because it has the potential to give her an exceptional orgasm. And for all those gals out there who need loads direct clitoral work to get off, mouth-to-clit stimulation is one of the easiest, most enjoyable ways to get make that happen.
Joy says that the biggest mistake a guy can make with a pussy is divin’ in without knowing his way around. And like I always say, ladies, it is absolutely up to you to introduce your partner to your particular beaver. Remember, just because he might have been with other women, don’t make him an expert on your parts. Get it? Got it? GOOD!
The novice cunt lapper will do well to approach this amazing piece of human anatomy very gently…at first. If the woman you’re eatin’ wants it more vigorous, she will ask for it. So relax and enjoy! If all this licking and sucking isn’t a turn on for you, it won’t be much of a pleasure for her, either. So, if you’re heart is not in it; don’t bother.
Don’t make the mistake that Carol’s boyfriend makes. Listen to the feedback you’re gettin on the job you’re doin’. If you’re not gettin feedback, ask for it. Just don’t talk with your mouth full. Once you hit on something that works with the gal you’re with, stick with it for a while. Unless of course you’re trying to drive her wild with some tongue teasing.
Joy insists that a soft tongue and a relaxed jaw works best. And holy cow, she knows of what she speaks. She always starts out licking her pal from vaginal entrance up to her clit. She follows the outer edges of her pal’s pussy along both sides —s lowly at first, then more rapidly. Sometimes she’ll even throw in a little raspberries. You know, the vibrating sound you make when you force breath through lightly closed lips. Joy stands by this technique, don’t cha know! Sounds like so much fun I kinda wish I had me a cooch.
Don’t be caught with idle hands while you’re eating out at the Y. Gently press the two outer vaginal lips together then run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time. Try poking your tongue into her vagina. The extent of the nerve endings for the typical woman’s vagina are around the opening and within the first couple of inches inside. Target them with a darting tongue motion. Insert a hardened tongue into her hole. Try moving your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening.
Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clit. Feel free to roam around in there, but keep coming back to her clit, because it’s the most sensitive area…just like your dick head, you dickhead! Some women find the direct approach too intense. If this is the case with your woman, blow a stream of warm breath over and around the clit. This lighter breathy touch might just do the trick. Again, be sure to ask for feedback and then do precisely what she says.
Once your partner is good and hot and juicy wet, Joy suggests you kick things up a notch. Spread her lips, expose her clit and give it a quick little suck. If this hits the spot, you might want to lightly pull back her clitoral hood and repeat the quick sucking motion. Joy assures me that this feels incredible, and it’s just the thing to do if you feel like tormenting your partner. Now take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This combined with fingering her vag, will usually produce an intense orgasm.
Keep your tongue and hands busy flicking and massaging, poking and prodding lapping and kneading. In other words, find out what she likes and how she likes it and let her have it just that way.
Finally, Joy suggests you surprise the little woman by having a mint or an ice chip in your mouth while you eat her out. These can create a very intense tingling sensation and will enhance your performance immeasurably.
Could you talk a little about postnatal sex? I’m a new mother and, while I love my husband and I know he’s got blue balls from lack of sex, I just don’t feel like it.
Hey, congratulations on the arrival of your baby. It’s cause for celebration, right? But you should know that experts pinpoint this event as the one that places the most strain on a relationship. When you think about it, there should be no surprise. The new mother is exhausted. She’s developing mothering skills she may have only read about before. First babies are a challenge – they can be colicky and demanding. If she’s going back to work, then organizing childcare is a big hurdle. With all this going on, what if her partner expects the sort of sex life that led to the pregnancy in the first place? She may feel like there’s just one more person to service, one more person with needs and demands that are keeping her from much-needed sleep.
New mothers can find sex unappealing for reasons both physical and emotional. If you’re breastfeeding, your breasts are sore, heavy and leaky. Your body just doesn’t feel sexy, with its stretch marks, cellulite, dark nipples and dark line down the abdomen, not to mention the weight gain and varicose veins. Then there is lochia, the discharge after the birth, which lasts for 3 to 4 weeks and does not smell very good. If you had an episiotomy, the stitches are very uncomfortable and you may worry about infection. Your hormones may still be in a state of flux, so you feel moody or depressed. And you may not have a good method of birth control, so sex is the last thing on your mind!
Couples aren’t warned about all this, you’re totally unprepared. If you can’t talk about it, there may be trouble ahead. Many males firmly believe that once the baby is born, their sex life will go right back to how it was pre-pregnancy. This is unrealistic, and it puts pressure on both partners.
New fathers can help their partner move beyond those feelings of sexual disinterest by being a very involved parent and helping around the house.
Many new mothers are quite happy to perform a hand job and or a blow job until they are feeling sexual again. And many males will be quite happy masturbating until their partner is ready to resume sexual intercourse. (Here’s a fun sex toy that has gotten other couples through the postnatal sexual dilemma.)
Touching, hugging, kissing and snuggling are important for both, but remember, there should be no expectation that it will inevitably end up in sex.
It takes time, patience and understanding to return to a normal, intimate, loving partnership after your first baby is born.
PS: For more information on this topic look HERE!
How is sensory deprivation used in BDSM?
Sensory deprivation is a commonly used practice in BDSM (and sensual sexytime, too) that makes us focus on our other senses by depriving us of one or more senses. For example, blindfolds are commonly used to deny us sight, but that forces us to rely on touch, smell, hearing, and taste to guess what is coming next. This is a fun way to make us focus in an unnatural way due to our reliance on all five senses. If we have a blindfold on, our sense of touch feels more intense, we have greater depth in our ability to hear, our sense of smell is more keen, and we can taste things to greater degree.
The sense of sight is the most common form of sensory deprivation because sight is the one sense we rely on more than any other. We have already mentioned blindfolds, the number one go to device in sensory deprivation. There are also ways to limit vision by getting rid of peripheral vision, like a horse with side blinders. Using a mask narrows the scope of our vision to what is in front of us. Hoods are also a common theme in BDSM. They are great for limiting both sight and hearing.
The sense of taste can’t really be taken away, but we can overwhelm it using foods with an intense flavor. Onions, bitters, sour candies, or mouth wash is a great way to mask the next taste detected in your mouth. Taste and smell go hand in hand. So, if you plug the nose, taste is slightly hampered. For extra fun, learn what parts of the tongue detect what flavor and sadistically overload it. Extreme sour candies placed near the center on the sides of the tongue can overwhelm someone to he point of tears if left long enough.
The sense of smell can be blocked simply by plugging the nose. As mentioned before, this also affects taste to a minor degree. Using a hood that blocks sight and sound in conjunction with a clothespin on the nose will force your lover to focus all their attention to what they feel on their skin. This intensifies both the good and the bad.
Hoods, earplugs, and headphones with noise cancelling or loud music are all great ways to limit hearing. To really use hearing to its best effect, pick the same music to use time and again while delving in kinky fun. This does two things. It blocks the sound via loud music. It also trains the mind and body to crave sex or kink when that music comes on. Discordant electronic music has the added benefit of causing mental confusion to the loss of hearing. This is particularly useful during interrogation scenes when you want the submissive to be a bit confused and focus their attention to the other senses.
Depriving someone of their sense of touch is a bit different compared to the other senses. Skin is the largest organ in the human body. The only way to effectively decrease the sense of touch is to either create a barrier (liquid latex, plastic wrap) or through a topical anesthetic that will numb the skin. Both of these have potential risks you should watch for (low blood pressure, latex allergies, seizure disorders, etc.) before utilizing.
Try playing with one or more of these forms of deprivation and then start with some great sensory play to tantalize the senses that are not dulled. Having a blindfold then tickling someone with a feather might just be a little more adventurous than you thought! Have fun and have great sex!
Complete Article HERE!