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Looking for Mr Right

Name: Eric
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: New Jersey
I’m 25, openly gay, and have never been in a relationship. I consider myself intellectual & attractive, with a great sense of humor–many people that I meet are amazed that I’m not taken. I tend to be hyper-analytic and super-honest, neither of which has gotten me very far in my dating life. I’m very self-aware and work hard at self-improvement and reinvention. I just can’t seem to find quality men! I don’t care for the gay scene, and I hate the depersonalizing nature of many gay online dating sites. All too often, I feel frustrated with being single, and I end up having a random hookup just to be close to a guy. Do you have any advice? I seem to be stuck in cycle of dating, disappointment, and reinvention. What can I do to meet Mr. Right?

I do have some advice, pup. I hope you will take it to heart. My first suggestion is that you jettison the whole Mr. Right concept. My experience tells me that most folks who are stymied in their search for a partner have too precise a mental picture of his/her ideal mate. This “knight in shinning armor” concept rarely translates very well into the real world. No one is perfect; all humans have flaws that those who love them learn to overlook. Some people, both women and men, gay and straight, have such a specific script of the person they are looking to nest with that they dismiss out of hand loads of plausible potential prospects, which is a huge mistake.

For example, I had a client in San Francisco, a straight guy. He wasn’t particularly handsome, in fact he was kinda dumpy, but he was a genuinely sweet man with lots to offer a mate. He desperately wanted to find the woman of his dreams. Unfortunately, he scripted himself right out of the market. His ideal mate had to be a redhead…a real redhead, if you know what I mean. He also insisted that the woman have a big set of knockers. I take it that he developed this script after years and years of consuming big titty porn. But wherever it came from it was his undoing.

At any rate, my client would dismiss out of hand, any woman who didn’t fit this very specific profile. And his dating life was a disaster. I had to help him understand that he narrowed the pool of potential candidates till it virtually evaporated. I asked him, “How many natural redheads do you suppose there are out there in the Bay Area? Of these, how many are single? Of these, how many have a monster rack on ‘em? Of these, how many would fall for a guy like you?” It was bitter medicine, but it was the dose of reality he desperately needed.

You, Eric, may be suffering from a similar condition. I can’t really say for sure from what you write. What I can say with some confidence is that you’re not particularly accommodating when it comes to the foibles of others. Look how you describe yourself — “hyper-analytic and super-honest”. Is that just a easy way of saying you are really overly critical and downright bitchy? Maybe, just maybe that’s how others perceive you. And that ain’t gonna land you a man no how!

You say you can’t find quality men. Again, that’s more of a comment about you than the number of quality men out there. Maybe all the quality men find you way too prickly to get close to. Your frustration may even make you edgier. And sometimes frustration morphs into desperation and there’s nothing more unattractive than that. You may be inadvertently hanging a big sign around your neck that reads: “Steer Clear, Trouble Ahead!”

Relationships are curious things. They almost never happen to someone who is desperate for one. Or if the desperate person actually finds a relationship, inevitably it’ll be a disaster. And here’s a tip: casual hook ups for sex are fine and dandy for what they are. They relieve sexual tension and not a great deal more. I advise you not to expect them to magically transform into a long-term relationship. That only happens in fairytales.

OK then, what might you do? I suggest that you simply cease the pursuit of a mate and let him find you. That’s right, just let it go. Instead of investing all that energy in pursuing that illusive relationship, focus your attention on bettering yourself and the world around you. You apparently already know how to do this since you say you work hard at self-improvement and reinvention. Wonderful! But how do you go about this self-improvement and reinvention? Is yours a solitary endeavor, or might you join others while making this happen? Do you take classes? Enjoy the arts? Do you read? Cook? Are you an outdoorsy kinda lad? Are you of service to others? Do you volunteer? Do you like pets, gardening or crafts? Are you political? Are you athletic? Do you travel?

If you do any of these things you will automatically find yourself surrounded by like-minded humans of every stripe. Listen darlin’, just because you’re queer that doesn’t mean you are restricted to the gay scene. There’s no need for a ghetto mentality in this day and age. Instead of slumming on those tiresome gay online dating sites. Look elsewhere for your fulfillment. You are more likely to encounter people who share your values if you spend your time on online at sites that reflect your interests and there’s a zillion of them. Look for websites and forums that feature your interests and concerns. And unless it’s the American Nazi Party or the KKK, you’ll no doubt find other homos who will broaden your social network. And the larger your social network, the more likely you will encounter a soul mate.

Finally, if you don’t find precisely what you are looking for online, then it’s up to you to make it happen on your own. I suggest that turn to a site like craigslist and post there. Start a club, or a discussion group. Initiate a gathering of like-minded people for an outing or an endeavor. Whatever you do direct your energies outward. Stop with the navel gazing already. You are in the prime of your life, and the world is your oyster. But first you’re gonna have to get of your pity pot.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

More of The Erotic Mind of Shanna Germain & Kay Jaybee — Podcast #355 — 11/19/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Today’s show for The Erotic Mind series brings back Kay Jaybee and Shanna Germain.  These two marvelous authors are here again this week to continue the discussion we began last week, about edgy BDSM erotica, and why the good stuff is better for you than schlock.  And to prove it, Kay will treat us to a steamy reading from her work, Not Her Type. You won’t want to miss this, sex fans.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #354 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

KayShanna and I discuss:

  • The history of erotica;
  • A splash, like the 50 Shades Of Grey phenomenon, has happened before;
  • A predictable formula — female submissive with a male Dom;
  • The cultural and gender aspects of power play;
  • The divide between kink and BDSM;
  • The dangers inherent in labeling sexual behaviors;
  • Marketing kink and BDSM;
  • An author’s responsibility to get things right;
  • The emotional truth vis-à-vis the literal truth;
  • Does an author need to be a practitioner;
  • The availability issue;
  • Advice for the novice writer.

For more of Kay Jaybee visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

For more of Shanna Germain visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the book covers below for more information about these wonderful books.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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The Erotic Mind of Shanna Germain and Kay Jaybee — Podcast #354 — 11/12/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Holy cow; do I have an exciting show in store for you today! I have not one, but two remarkably talented guests with me as we crank up yet another edition of The Erotic Mind series.

Why two guest instead of just one? Good question! It all started last summer. Shanna Germain wrote to me suggesting we do a show all about the 50 Shades Of Grey phenomenon. She suggested that we provide ya’ll with the antidote to this unfortunate publishing spectacle. Meanwhile, Kay Jaybee and I were having a similar email exchange. So I came up with the bright idea to have them both on the show at once.

So here we all are, ready to treat you to marvelous discussion of edgy BDSM erotica and why the good stuff is better for you than schlock. And Shanna will read from her work, Fool’s Gold, which will pretty much knock your socks off.

ShannaKay and I discuss:

  • What they’ve been up to since they were last on this show;
  • What we know about 50 Shades Of Grey, it’s author and publisher;
  • Why this thing was a run-away hit;
  • It’s impact on the popular culture in general and erotica writing in particular;
  • Being on the receiving end of bad reviews;
  • Behind the media’s role in stoking the phenomenon.

For more of Kay Jaybee visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

For more of Shanna Germain visit her website HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the book covers below for more information about these wonderful books.)

         

         

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: The Perfect Fit Brand!

Tunnel Of Love

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and this week we have a review of yet another innovative product from the creative folks at Perfect Fit Brand.

This is our 3rd Perfect Fit Brand review and there are plenty more to come. To keep track of all our PFB reviews use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in Perfect Fit Brand, and PRESTO!

Alrighty then, lets check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Mick & Chuck, to see what they’ve been up to.

Tunnel Plug — $44.95

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “’Wait a minute! Are you telling me someone’s gone and fiddled with one of the most basic sex toys ever? I hope to god they didn’t fuck it up.’ That was me on the telephone with Dr Dick when he asked if Chuck and I would be up for reviewing the revolutionary Tunnel Plug.”
Chuck: “I was like totally down with at least taking a look at it. But I was simply going on the other Perfect Fit Brand reviews posted here and I figured, how bad could it be? Besides, there are loads of different kinds of plugs out there.”
Mick: “Yeah, there is! But a plug’s a plug, right? And my thoughts were, well if it works why fix it? As fate would have it, all my worry was for nothing, because even though the Tunnel Plug is revolutionary, it still is very much a plug. It has all the features of the traditional design — the insertable part is a tapered cone or bulb shape, designed for easy insertion and giving you that all-filled-up feeling while it’s in place. The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.”
Chuck: “Ok, so let’s tell everyone how the Tunnel Plug is different from every other butt plug we’ve ever see. Most of the butt plugs I’m familiar with are made of a solid material — glass, metal, wood, rubber, etc. You can’t have something really squishy, because you could never get it in your ass. The Tunnel Plug is firm, but flexible. It’s even got a little stretch to it. It’s made of a proprietary material called PFBlend. It stretches like TPR (Thermo Plastic Rubber), but it is safe and durable like silicone.”
Mick: “The next obvious difference between this plug and all the rest is the center is hallow. I know, why didn’t someone think of this sooner? It is the perfect convenience. Instead of just plugging your hole, you can open it too. The tunnel hole goes right through the core of the Tunnel Plug. So once I had the Tunnel Plug in my ass, I inserted a slim vibrating dildo in the center of the plug and I was happy as a pig in shit!”
Chuck: “It’s also ideal for keeping your hole open for a quick douche. The hose or nozzle fits right in the hollow center. And think of all the enema play fun you can have. You can insert a finger too. And if you have a little penlight flashlight you can shine a light in the very place where the sun don’t shine. I did this while the Tunnel Plug was in Mick’s ass. I mean, I had never seen the inside of a guy’s hole before. It’s kinda breath-taking actually.”
Mick: “Not to be undone by Chuck’s creativity, I decided to make the Tunnel Plug part of my Halloween costume this year. I found this faux-fur foxtail (Try saying that three times fast.) at a costume store here in town. I fastened it to a wooden dowel from the hardware store and inserted the dowel into the hallow center of the Tunnel Plug. It looked fantastic, if I have to say so myself.”
Chuck: “We need to submit that costume suggestion to the DIY site!”
Mick: “The point is, the Tunnel Plug allows you to be creative in your anal play. I decided that some sensation play might be nice. A trickle of chilled (not ice cold) water through the hallow center was both startling and amazing. What a unique feeling. The fact that the plug gives you this filled up sensation while allowing you to add another sensation is like WOW!”
Chuck: “The Tunnel Plug comes in two sizes — (Small/Medium): 3″ total length, 2.75″ insertable length, 2″ in width, and 6.25″ in circumference and (Medium/Large): 3.5″ total length, 3″ insertable length, 2.5″ in width, and 8″ in circumference.”
Mick: “You can use any type of lube you want wit the Tunnel Plug. And clean up is a snap. Because the PFBlend material is nonporous, everyday cleanup with a mild soap and hot water is fine. However, if you’re gonna share your toys sanitizing is highly recommended. You can drop the Tunnel Plug in a pot of boiling water for a couple minutes, then let it air dry. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

More Sex EDGE-U-cation with bendyogagirl — Podcast #353 — 11/07/12


Hey, hey sex fans. Welcome back.

The marvelous educator, practitioner and activist, bendyogagirl, is back with us today. She’s here to dispense even more of her signature Sex EDGE-U-cation, don’t cha know. This is Part 2 of our conversation, which, I can assure you, will be filled with the same no-nonsense look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative lifestyles that you enjoyed so much last week.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #352 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

bendyogagirl and I discuss:

  • Becoming Bendy and why the moniker;
  • Her passion for teaching;
  • Processing pain;
  • Energy play;
  • Bondage from the bottom;
  • Her polyamorous life;
  • The meaning of never and always;
  • Uni-polar sub
  • Kinksters and healing and helping professionals.

For more of bendyogagirl visit her website HERE! Her blog HERE! Find her on Fetlife HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg